Berner Phone - Berner Phone #20: What's on your bucket list?

Episode Date: December 21, 2023

The little dialers have some wild bucket list items that involve sex, fights, and therapy. 

Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. What's up? What's up? Dylers and Dylies. Yes.

We're here another episode. We're so excited to be here, and we have a fun one. we're doing bucket lists it's the bucket list today and I think one thing we realized is everyone has a different opinion of what a bucket list actually is yeah I mean we won't get into it straight away

but can we just put a message out there that it was a lot dirtier than I expected ooh I'm excited it should be more of the fucket list because there's a lot of there was a lot of dirty ones I mean I felt it like it's not all dirty but it could have been

It's definitely triple X. Yeah, and having you go through the messages was very funny. Yeah, well, I wanted to just check with you. Because I wasn't sure if you, you know, what way you wanted to go. The dirty or the better, put it in. No pun intended. Can I just respond to a message that came in, you know, not in the reviews, not in the comments, but via the tellby, via the voice message.

We got a complaint that she thought the pod was spicier earlier on and it had become less spicy. So... Interesting. I took it on board on the bucket list. I was like, you know what? Maybe the bucket list needs to be spicier, which was coming in anyway, so... Interesting.

So she basically was like, I signed up for some dirty shit and you guys are being so wholesome lately. Yeah, actually, to me I was, it was the first time that I had experienced an oral review, like an oral commentary on... I respect that. Say it to your face. Yeah. So noted, noted.

People start using the call-ins to start fights with us. He was like, listen, this isn't a bucket list. Here's some notes. I respect that. Okay, I'm listening. I mean, I guess I think the kinks episode people really loved, and they were kind of like. Yeah, that was probably false advertising. Or we have to bring it back.

Yeah, I guess. Or we just need to be kinkier. Des is just very aware that my mom and my dad and my nana and my papa all listen to the pod. I clearly haven't cared about that for years now. Yes. Yeah. Well, you know what it is though? If it was my mother, I wouldn't care either.

But it's my mother-in-law. So it's different. Yeah. You know, you can't help but have an awareness. But anyway, neither to say, word to the listener, that there will be some dirty bucket list stuff coming up. And some violent. Actually, I was shocked.

There was sex and violence. I mean, this was like, it was like a pitch for a thing. for a for a thriller oh my god that's so funny so what's your bucket list oh oh what's my bucket list I mean I one of my bucket list things that I had in my life that I that I did was I wanted to see the Beastie Boys live oh wow and I got to see them and then luckily they had a they had a tragedy afterwards so I experienced a bucket list that you would not be able to achieve today wow yeah once you got your bucket list did you feel like life wasn't worth living uh No. A bucket fits more than one thing in the list.

Oh, yeah, it is a list. Well, what we're learning is some people think of bucket list stuff as like, what's your ultimate fantasy? And some people think a bucket list of like stuff I definitely want to do, check off my list. And then some people think of it as like just something that they want and that they know they're going to get kind of thing. I don't know, bucket list.

I'm interested to see the range. I don't really have a, I've never been like, Like, I'm not that adventurous. Like, I don't want to jump off an airplane. I don't want to hike Malcanjaro or whatever it is. Manjaro. Mount Kilimanjaro. Mani-Majaro.

I don't, like, I don't really like doing things. I would like to go to Japan, but I don't feel like that's a bucket list. I feel like that's just I want to travel to Japan. That's a bucket list. Okay. Literally. Now, first of all, the first thing that I want you to play, Chris, will help to calm you down on the seriousness of the term bucket list.

Okay. Because this is perhaps a little known fact that somebody dialed in with. So can you just play number one? I like how the dialers are going rogue in the messages. No, no, this is 100% relevant. Chris, can you play number one, please? Okay, first of all, have you guys heard that the term bucket list was only coined from the movie, the bucket list that came out in like 2000 something?

I thought that was crazy when I heard that. Anyways, something on my bucket list is to experience pregnancy and have a baby because I think that as a woman, I'd be missing out if I didn't. I also feel like I'd kind of be missing out if I've never experienced being in a coma. But that's not necessarily on my bucket list. Yeah, love you guys. Bye. So, first off, not that I want to dismiss the fact that she wants to have a baby,

but I did put this first because she talks about the fact that bucket list is just something that comes from a movie. Yes. And people think that it's like a term that's been around forever, but it's literally made up from that movie. I didn't know about the movie. Is it in the 80s? Yeah, it's with Morgan and Jack Nicholson.

Oh. I believe. And it, it, the guy that wrote the movie took the, term bucket list from, you know, being related to kick the bucket. Oh, so like you're dying and what are things you want to do? Yeah, but the term, it just has nothing, you know, it's not like a historical thing. So like, there's really no reason to think, oh God, like what is a bucket list? Because in actual fact, it's just whatever, because it's not a serious thing. It's capitalism. Things that do before you die.

These do before you die, yeah. I'm trying to think, like, if I had six months, not going to, if I had six months. Um, honestly, it's not about where you are. It's who you're with. I want to be with you. That's your bucket list? Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Well, that's, it's pretty, pretty solid chance you're going to achieve that, you know, and which is great, because if you kick the bucket tomorrow, you will have lived your, the fullness of your life. Isn't that wonderful? It's wonderful to have such, such simple dreams. But in actual fact, you know, you would like to, maybe like star in a movie, perhaps, like, yeah. Yeah, because essentially a bucket list is just a collection of your desires. I would like to be in a movie. A bucket.

of desire. Yeah, I would like to be in a movie. Because it also, it's like goals, but also, it's whatever. But, like, I'm interested to see how people took it dirty and violent. Let's go. Hi, Hannah and Dads. Love the Pod. I'm turning right.

My bucket list is that I want to be gangbanks so badly. I want one in my mouth. I want one in my ass. I want one in my pussy. Fuck it. Just cover me in Cox and Jizz. Just really, really want it. She's driving her kids to school.

A lot of people are doing this while driving. It's crazy. Yeah, she's literally, because like it's, you can't, I mean, I guess she could have just pulled over and she had the indicator on, but I feel like she was turning. I feel like these people are on the highway, for sure. Listen, somebody with a bucket list item like that is probably not so concerned about safety. No, this is my thing. And I'm not, hey, I think it's great. That's like a fantasy.

But this is the thing. Go on Craigs'is tonight and you could get gang banged. Go to a frat house and you can get gang banged. Yeah. I mean... Go anywhere and you can get gang banged. Yeah, but you know, you want to sort of like try to up the... Obviously, she's not that worried about safety if she's like recording while turning.

Yeah. But you'd want to up the safety factor. Yeah, you want it to be, I guess, the ideal gang bang situation. It probably takes a lot of administrative work to get a gang bang organized. But I guess... I'm going to be honest. I haven't really watched. porn gang bangs

because I don't like too many dicks in it like it's aggressive to me however I totally understand wanting attention and that is the ultimate if attention if your attention

measure is dicks the gen Zs would call it a little pick me energy like pick me that's a little pick me but gang bang it's like the star has arrived Everybody line up, get your positions.

I'm here. That's great, you know. I mean, now here's the thing about that, right, in terms of, like, bucket list. It's very achievable. You know, like, I feel like a lot of times with bucket lists, it's like, this is something that I may not be able to achieve. The problem is that she needs to just get the bravery to organize that. Because that is organizational.

I think there's in New York City tons of sex parties happening. Like, at this moment, someone's having an orgy. and there is a crew where it's quite socially acceptable to do. Yeah, and also she can join the lifestyle. If you heard of, you know, about the lifestyle? Is that like swinging? Yeah, swinging. The Utah moms do it.

They call it the lifestyle. Yeah. And she could just like find herself in that, because you don't have to be married. She could just be like, hey, listen. Like, my thing is I want numerous men at the same time. Maybe for someone with ADHD, it's actually kind of good because, like, you get a little bored.

with doggy and then you start, you know, jerking someone off. The next, you know, you got, like, a dick in your nose. And it's just like, it's always exciting. There's something going on everywhere you turn. Yeah. I mean, it's a fetish, really. I would have put that in the fetish episode, but, you know, it's bucketless for her. You know?

She's going to need a bucket. You're going to need a bucket with that many dicks. That's funny. That's funny. Thank you. Yeah, that was funny. Okay, next gang bang. Hi, Hannah and Des.

Something on my bucket list is to punch someone in the, face, which obviously I've been punched in the face before just based on my personality, but I don't want to do it for no reason. If someone were to commit some big injustice or something or insult someone at a bar, I would love to be the hero and punch them. I don't know why. It probably won't ever do it. I'm not pro-violence. It just seems like a life experience worth having. Maybe you shouldn't put this in. Anyway, love the pod. Bye. This crew sounds like the sweetest little ancient. So the fact that she very quickly skipped over the fact that she's obviously been punched in the face before.

I'm a loud, sarcastic person living in New York City. And I've never, knock on what, never once been punched in the face by anyone. Yeah, the fact that she was like, obviously I've been punched in the face. I mean, maybe she's like has an older brother or older sister because of like that happens. Like, I'm the older one, so I didn't get punched. Okay, well, obviously I've been punched. But before we carry on, Chris, I have a question. I don't know if I left it in.

So one of the reasons why I had to put this in, there was a lot of people with punching the face. Did I, at the bottom, do I have a short? There's another one. Okay, let me hear. Okay, this sounds so weird, but I have always wanted to punch something in the face. Like, I'm a quiet person and everything. But like, sometimes, you know, you're out of a bar,

someone pisses you off, you're like, mm, a couple drinks in. I want to punch you in the face. I've never done it. I always wanted to. I feel like it would be so satisfying. So that's two. I love this calm, sweet little girls. But that's two of many.

Yeah. And honestly, every time, because you know how I do these is I read the transcript first. Every time I thought it was going to be a guy. And it was never a guy. Yeah, because men already are out here punching everything. Girls are like maybe once I want to punch something. But I get it.

I get it because it's like... Because you've punched people at bars before. No, I get the fantasy of like, just being like, I'm just going to like knock this person out. I think one person, the fantasy was like, somebody's being an asshole and I come up and I just punch him in the face. You kind of see that in movies.

Yeah, I was about to say it's a fantasy of movies where you just see clock and the person drops down. I actually saw Ansel Horses. It was this amazing scene where these two people are talking and this guy is just like putting together a bowl of eyes. and he puts the bowl of ice down, turns, punches the guy, and then puts his hand in the bowl of ice that he'd been, like, putting together during the chat. And I realized, people don't talk about when you punch something, it fucks up your hand. Like, your hand is bleeding

or broke. I mean, one of my roommates back in the day punched a wall, as men do, and he had to go to the hospital because he broke his fucking hand because he hit, like, he didn't hit the drywall. He hit, like, the metal part. Yes. Anyway, I would like the power to, like, be like someone punch that person, but I don't want my hand to be hurt because my hands, my little hooves, my little nubby fingers, I don't want to hurt them. Yeah, it's very impractical. And in all these fantasies, in all these bucket lists that have come through, none of them have accepted that they will probably end up with somebody wanting to punch them back. So the bucket list is, I want to knock somebody out cold, which is actually

very hard to do. It's very easy to do in the movies, but unfortunately when you punch somebody, more often than not, they're going to, like, punch you back. Or probably worse, you're going to get arrested. Yeah, or you end up in that weird, awkward wrestling thing where you're just, like, kind of falling on each other because you're drunk. Oh, yeah. I do think I'm, I hate, I can't even, like, watch any violence.

So just the idea of, like, me, like, breaking someone's nose or something, like grosses me out. Like, mid-punch, I'd be like, oh, that's disgusting. I don't want to do that. Yeah. But I do think some people definitely would be better people if they were punched in the face before. Like, I'll meet some people, and I'm like, this motherfucker's never been punched in the face.

You sound like every comedian over 50. So I'll tell you the problem with these, Jenzy, they've never been punched. It's obvious to me that they've never been punched, I think. Hi, Hannah and Des. My bucket list item is to throw a full drink on a man in a bar that says something sideways to me. Because how fun and how thrilling would it be to just be out at a bar. wearing your best outfit, your hair looks great, you look great, you've had a couple dirty martinis, some man says something super fucking weird to you, something that just, like, hits you in the right way after a couple dirties.

And you just throw your whole fucking drink on them. And then the rest of the bar, it's whatever he did is so annoying that the rest of the bar is like, clap. Fuck yeah, he deserves that. And then someone immediately buys you a new drink and that man leaves. And he's been shamed. because I don't know what he needs to do in order for me to do that, but how fun would it be to just empty a full drink on an asshole?

I love how in-depth that story went. She knew exactly what she wanted to do. I put them together, actually. I forgot, sorry, I forgot to say that. I put them together deliberately because there's a lot of, like, there's a lot of violence in bars fantasies that came in, like, tons. It's definitely giving, like, movie scene, though, or, like, reality TV moment where it's, like, But the thing is, is throwing a drink, because I've seen it happen, it doesn't hit as hard because it just, like, kind of splatters.

Yeah, and the problem is that, like, three or four other people get wet. Yeah, everyone's wet. It's like awkward. Like, you look like the asshole. You look like the asshole a lot of times. Like, couldn't you just call this guy an asshole and saved me having red wine over the night? Yeah, exactly. And then, like, you lose your drink. It doesn't, it never works out as much as the movie.

Same with a punch. Like, it's never as smooth as how you think it's going to go. I do remember, though, this just brings me back to college. I had a good night at a bar involved with spilling a drink because this guy was very drunk and annoying everyone and he came up to me and he went to hug me and he poured his whole drink down my back and he realized it

and he was like oh my God I'm so sorry like here's my um here's my card like get anything you want or something I was like okay and I bought like all my friends's drinks at the bar it was like three dollar drinks but like everyone was like clapping Bigot stuff because I was like, drinks on Kevin. And he was just like, yeah.

And he was cool with it? Yeah, because he like messed up, but I also think he was blackout. But he like literally gave me his card. He's like, buy whatever you want. I would have ran out of that bar. Went to the ski shop. Would it ran out of the bar, went to the ski shop, knowing that nothing was coming my way.

This thing was skiing. Skiing has so many accessories. I don't even know where to start. Have you ever thrown a drink on somebody? No. I have not. Oh, my bad. What? Chris? Sassy Chris was like, it happened.

He's kind of defensive. I feel like you have. Chris, have you thrown a drink on somebody? I've never thrown a drink on anyone. I've never thrown a drink. I've really never, and I've never had a physical education. Oh, God. I wish I could say that. I've had numerous.

I won't bore the listener. Okay, that's so boring. No, but I've been beaten numerous times. Like, I've got punched numerous times for no reason. I mean, it's just part of being a guy. Wasn't no reason? No, I mean, trust me, I've been punched for reasons. I was giving you, like, I'm not saying the only times I've been punched,

I've been punched for no reason. I'm saying there have been times where I have had violence inflicted on me for no reason. I also have this fantasy that, like, knock on wood, if I was in a fight with a man, that I would get scrappy and figure it out. And I was just like, no, you won't. And I'm like, I'm going to poke him in the eyes and kick him in the balls. Like, I really think that I could do it. But then whenever I fight with my brother, he'll just,

hold, he'll just hold me if I can't get out of him. Yeah, exactly. No, and getting kicked in the nuts hurts. But like, not as, like, it's not as like, end of the fight as is perceived. Do you know what I'll do if I want to beat a guy in a fight? I'll just give him blue balls. Need to say, it's great that you've,

it's great that you've never been, it's great that you've never been punched. Chris, what did you do to get punched? Just bites and stuff. There was one time where I was a girl punched me. Hard, but it was because we were both hammered and blurt. We're, like, very good friends. Yeah, yeah.

And I don't know what happened. We were just talking shit. And I was like, yeah, just fucking punch me. And she's like, don't say that. I will. And I was like, do it. Dude, she fucking rocked me. In the face?

In the face? Right here. Oh, my God. I was like, I felt myself, like, starting to go down. I was like, can't go down. Can't go down. And I did it. But she was a personal trainer, bro.

Oh, yeah. I picked a bad one. Yeah. Never got me down, Ray. Actually, I do remember. There's always that thing with your sibling where you do the, like, fake punch where you just like punch really close to their face and I think every now and then I like actually hit my brother literally be like what the fuck or we'd be like pretend punching close

yes every time myself my brother's pretend fought was basically someone broke an arm no it was guaranteed it was turning into a real thing why why are we pretending that this fake fight isn't becoming real every every pretend fight we ever had was pretending to be pretend because it was always going to be You're like, wouldn't it be crazy if we, like, pretend to be crazy if we actually maintained the pretending until the end? Because it's not going to happen. Like, all our wrestling, you know, we, like, you know, wrestling, every wrestling fight turned into a real fight.

Because someone goes a little too far. Well, we always went too far. We got up on top of my mother's dresser and, like, did a full Jimmy Superfly snooker, broke to bed. My father came down. One time he's like, my back is killing me. Oh, he's like, yeah, there's something wrong. the bed. It's like it turned out we had we had snapped the fucking bed frame completely. Actually my brother

and I were doing that like jumping out of bed and like pushing each other and there was this big wooden um what's it called head headboard thank you and my brother like fell into it and his he literally had a tooth mark in the bed in the in the in the wood and you could like see his little tooth and it was his baby tooth and he had like a black tooth for like a while. But his tooth mark is still in their bed frame. It's so cute. Oh, that's kind of nice.

Normally people have like, Daniel, four foot seven. Instead, it's like, Daniel, fucking idiot. When Daniel was being a fucking fool. Well, I would always do something like, look what I could do. And I do like a cartwheel. And then he was like two years younger.

So then he would just like chuck himself and hurt himself. And I'd be like, grow up, like figure it out. I mean, I, the amount of like, accidentally violent mistakes we had growing up with us. It's insane. One time my brother was like, you know, like holding the door trying to get me to not open it. And of course, I'm like, I bashed her.

And the doorknought hits him like right in the face? It was like, you have to go to the hospital. It is what it is. Just being young. Just being young and stupid. All I'm saying is that if we have kids, we're getting a trampoline for a bed because like... I feel like trampolines is where everyone breaks something.

Yeah, my father broke us back on a trampoline. Oh, Jesus. Anyway. we're done with the violence we're done with the violence over enough of violence hey hannah and does um love the pod something that is on my bucket list is that i want to have sex with somebody on every single continent ideally someone from that continent um i'm so far four for seven i think i'm doing pretty well but any advice for Antarctica would be greatly appreciated. Love you, bye.

But four for seven, not bad. Not bad, not bad. I do like the idea of like hooking up with someone from a different culture in their culture and get that experience, that eat, pray, love type thing. And then I would love her to write a book and compare everyone. Yeah, it's, you know, the reality is that, number one, she's not going to be able to achieve seven for seven in terms of people from that place unless she fucks a penguin.

So Antarctica is, she's not going to find a person there. So, I feel like the Antarctica one is easy to achieve in that she just needs to like book an Antarctic exhibition with somebody who is willing to have sex with her in Antarctica. Yeah. Because like she's not going to go to Antarctica

and like hang out with like climate change researchers and be like, hey. Honestly, maybe they're hot. Yeah. Maybe he's hot. Maybe she can provide a service. Like, have you been? stuck in Antarctica, you know,

trying to measure the level of glacial retreat. Here's someone that can take away some stress. I just imagine, like, her obituary being like, she's fucked someone in every single continent and she lived life to the fullest. Yes. So she's four for seven. She didn't say which

continents. I feel like that's not hard to achieve. To me, that's a real bucket list. That's like a proper bucket list thing. This is what I want to achieve before I die. You know?

It's like your own little Guinness Book of World Records. Yeah, but it's got a goal element to it, which I like, too. You know? It's like a challenge that she's challenged. I wonder if you tell the person you're with. The problem is that she's going to have an issue. She can't get married. Unless, because I feel like if she gets married and then she has sex in those other

continents with her husband, I feel like that's not really, that's not, that won't really fill the bucket. Well, I like thinking that some of these people are the same people. So if she's the gang bang girl, she has a lot of different guys she can go with. Yeah. Had his earring fell off Just in case people I wonder what happened How does earring fell off

And bounced across the table I don't know how that happened I don't know how that happened either But yeah I mean I guess If she was the gang bang girl Then she would like Try to go to the United Nations

To get gang bang putting it on I don't know So Boutrous My fantasy is to be gang bang by Boutris Boutris Galley Let's face it, the holidays are stressful And under our ugly Christmas sweaters

We're full of sweat Because we're cooking We're getting gifts We're trying to tape those gifts together We're stressing about seeing family members Who stress us out And honestly, everything is sweat And also you wear a lot of clothes

Because it's cold outside And the second you go in The heat is just pumping And next thing you know You're a little insecure That you might be a little bit Smelly. Lumi is a game-changing whole-body deodorant designed by an OBGYN to work not only on pits, but also feet, privates, and beyond. No matter where you use it, Lumi is clinically proven to block

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like a mini body wash or deodorant wipes and free shipping. As a special offer to listeners, new customers get $5 off a Loomie starter pack with code burn, B-E-R-N, at Loomiepodcast.com. That's L-U-M-E-Podcast.com. That equates to over 40% of your starter pack when you visit Loomiepodcast.com and use the code, B-E-R-N. Hi, Hannah-Dess, love the pod. this was funny because I was thinking like oh there's so much that I wanted to do

I wouldn't even write it down but at the top of my list right now my bucket list it would be to get my mom to go to therapy because you're just super toxic and you know kind of over it so yeah thanks I'm obsessed with that

I love I love that I love that man. That was close to my heart. That one, I could tell you. I loved it. That is such a funny bucket list. It's not really a bucket list, but it's a great topic. Yeah, it's a great topic. Oh, my God. But I do think there comes some self-awareness where you finally see your parent as a human, someone who's a living life for the first time as well, and you realize that some of their stuff is just their own shit. Yeah.

And it's not you. Some need therapy more than others. True. That's what I would say. True. My bucket list item is for my mom to go. I mean, my mother did quite a bit of work on herself before she died, so I appreciate her desire.

But it's also interesting, it's like she doesn't want materialistic things for her bucket list. She wants the energy around her to be cleansed, which I like. I do like, but I will say that it's not a guarantee that your mother will fulfill your bucket list, desire. So make sure that you know that you can live your life to the full, regardless of whether that happens or not. But that may require you to detach with love, as they say, in the codependency industry. Oh, do you just tell her, cut her mom off? No, I said, detach with love.

That sounds like what Gwyneth Paltrow said when she tried to divorce her husband. Oh, what did they say? They were conscious uncoupling. Conscious uncoupling. We're detaching with love. Yes. I mean, it actually, it comes from, like, detaching with love comes from actually, like, the addiction. you know, when you're like, you need to

free yourself from like somebody's addictive behaviors. But I think toxic parents, you know, adult children of alcoholics and stuff like that, all that toxic stuff, it's a good expression. Not to lower the vibe, you know, because it was a funny bucket

list, but also I think a lot of people will be in that situation. And we are more the generation where like, I even think me growing up still, like hearing someone was in therapy was like, oh, they're like fucked up where like now everyone's like you're not in therapy like it's more like going and I mean maybe it's a little people love to use therapy words a little too much sometimes however our parents

definitely were not like in a situation where everyone was like definitely go to therapy it definitely enhances your life so some parents I do know some parents like I think they see their kids go into therapy and they're like oh I want to try that too yeah could I just say one thing Personal? Mm-hmm. I don't like to compare our parents, but my mother needed therapy more than yours. But she did it in the end. But all I'm saying is...

Did your mom go to therapy in the end? Oh, she did a lot, man. Wow. She did a lot. I talk about that at the end of Myanmar. She did a lot. Very impressive at the end. Wow.

Very impressive at the end. It's never too late. Because, you know, the grief for losing my dad and everything, she really did a lot of work on herself at the end, you know? Probably not enough. her own sense. I don't think she died with the, I don't think she died with the true sense of peace. I don't think she'd 100% come to terms with, with her life, you know, perhaps with regret that she might have had. But certainly she, she did an impressive amount towards the end, you know? And everybody, you know, and the other great thing about that is it gives you a chance

to have compassion and empathy for your parent from the point of view of what they went through. you know so hopefully one day this person this caller this dialer has the same experience that was beautiful so i had to put on my n p r i was about to say that's your npr voice i had to go npr at the end sorry des puts on npr um before he goes to sleep and it really puts me to sleep it really they're so calming their voices i mean god hannah it's the daily by the new york times it's not npr god hannah i have no idea what he's listening to but it's boring as fault Hi, Hannah and Des, love the podcast. And something that's on my bucket list, which is like never going to happen because I'm nowhere near close to doing this, is writing a movie, winning an Oscar, and then giving a speech at the Academy Awards and thanking all my haters.

But also thanking all of my teachers that have brought me so far. Okay You know this makes me worked up Do it Do it Well the writing the movie part do it Well yeah that's the thing If you want to win it

I love doing this And I'm very passionate about it Yeah the dream is to win an Oscar And give that speech and say Fuck all you hate is I love that That's at top What's the next thing you have to do

When Oscar You have to write a great movie What do you have to do Write a great movie And you just literally go back step by step by step until the smallest little thing and you do that today you take that action you take that it's just a bunch of little actions because people see win an Oscar and they get overwhelmed and they don't want to do it

where like 90% of life is people just choosing to go for it I really think that is like the biggest block of people just talking themselves out of it you live one life go write that fucking script bitch yeah I mean that's I think that might be the best advice I've ever heard you give to break it down to the simplest action and then do that action. That's what I do. I'm constantly chasing goals, but I chase very small, day-to-day little goals. And then you look back after a year and you're like, holy shit, I did a lot. But I love, what I love is that her immediate, her goal is really just to make the speech and thank my haters. So I do have to say, I said Cocoa Gough when she was saying it because we're big fans of Coco Gough. She's a tennis player. And she's such

great sportsmanship. She always holds her head high. She's extremely polite. And she finally wins a major. And she basically like out of nowhere is like, thanks for everyone for trying to put, you know, gas, putting gas on my whatever. And she basically was like, because you, no, she goes, no, I almost want it. Can you, can you, can you, can you Google her speech? Because it was so good. Okay, I found it. So those who thought. thought they were really putting water on my fire. You were really adding gas to it. And now I'm really burning so bright right now.

That feels so good. I mean, we joke on Giggly Squad. We like to get motivated based on revenge. We don't care what the chip on your shoulder's from. You use that for yourself. But what I'm working on that I would argue is good for other people too is, yes, you use that stuff to motivate you. But if you're focusing too much on the negative stuff people are saying, it actually will

start to consume you. So, like, you use it as a little bit of a push, but then you, you, at the end of the day, the ultimate win is you, like, not even giving a fuck about your haters. The reality is that the haters, the haters like the hate, and actually, if you thank your haters, it's really just a victory to the haters because then they know that they got to you. Yeah, it's like, if you put your energy towards them, even saying their name or acknowledging them, it empowers them. And all you're doing is moving those haters on to somebody else anyway.

And, like, what I realize a lot in life is, like, a lot of time people are just trying to get reactions out of you. And once you realize you don't have to react, like, that's fucking powerful. But I have to say, Coco, you've been your first major. You 100% have the right to say thank you to my haters. In the moment, it was, like, really beautiful. We loved it. We loved it. We support it. 100%.

Can I just say that if I have, this is for our Aussie listeners. Okay. Which we have some. Yes. I always said that if I won an Oscar or any award like that, The first thing I'd say is this is going straight to the pool room, which only Ozzie's will get if they were obsessed with the castle like I will. I feel like that would be so you to like have that moment and instead choose to do like a very specific inside joke.

Yeah, but it would be, it would be legendary in Australia. It would be legendary. I do have to say, what's your opinion on bucket list or just goals of like winning an award? Because I've... Well, that's the problem is that it's subjective. I think awards are so political and it's so like I don't like you'll see like for example

Taylor Swift did not get any Grammy nominations for her reputation album which looking back was one of her best albums she did it during like the darkest time it was iconic but at the time she was not like that popular she got zero Grammy nominations and then now

she got like a hundred Grammy nominations and everyone's realizing that reputation was like incredible yeah and Martin Scorsesey like helped to transform cinema but wasn't honored with an award for like the longest time you know yeah awards are nonsense however uh there is uh it's it's it's an honor to be awarded yeah i think awards are a good just like side effect of the actual goal you want but you can't make the award yeah i i never really i i never i i only ever thought about like what you know what i would say in my my speech for certain things but

i would say something embarrassing i would like freeze and forgets it. Like, I'd embarrass myself. I'd... You just thank the people you thank. Yeah. I hope I would keep it... You know what? I would keep it short and hopefully get one laugh and then I'm out. Gravity. Brevity is key. We're very passionate about short speeches. But anyway, hopefully

you write a movie. When you win an Oscar, thank us. And when you win an Oscar, you'd be like, you know what? I never thought I could do this and then Haniburdy broke it down for me. And so I just want to say thank you to my hair. And go, go, go, go. Oh yeah, I love that one.

Hi, Hannah. Hi, Dez. So my bucket list item has always been to get fucked in a hot air balloon. Well, it originally was to lose my virginity in a hot air balloon, but then I ended up losing it in the backseat of a car. So then that didn't work out. So now I just really want to have sex in one. I don't know. It's just, I feel like it would just be perfect. Like the breeze hitting your face. and like the scenic views while getting back shots I don't know it just seems like a dream

but then I don't I've never really tried to actually do it because there's so you have to have someone driving the balloon and that would be pretty awkward to yeah I don't know it's always been on my like bucket list

and thought you guys would maybe like that what fuck the balloon driver you gotta yeah you got to have an affair with the You gotta have a, yeah, but you got to be capable because she's got to do the, you know, it's actually really loud. You know, you have to do the gas thing, like, whew, you know.

First I just envisioned her, like, waiting to lose her virginity for a hot air balloon, like having situations and be like, no, like, I want to wait. And they're like, are you waiting for marriage? And they're like, no, I'm waiting for a hot air balloon. And like, what are you trying to set it up? Like, how is, there's a lot of logistics. Also, it's small up there. I don't even know.

never been in it. I've never been in it. Near a hot air balloon. Definitely she's not afraid of heights. The thing with sex is like sex is difficult in bed. So like how is it going to be better in a outdoor flame thrower? Yeah, she's just excited by the vast expanse of the sky and the freedom. But yeah, there's going to be some guy. Okay, if you want the vast expanse of the sky, do it while skydiving. He's like, yeah, he's behind you anyway. Put it a little, do a little anal. I don't have a lot of time. I mean, let's be honest.

That has to be a quickie. He can last two minutes. You get to the, that would be crazy. Imagine he comes when you land. I would want him to be focusing on the landing more than coming, you know? You've never skydove, right? No, and I'm not going to. I'm not going to.

This is a good, this is a good bucket list. That was very fun. This is very achievable, but yeah, you're going to have to do it. You're going to have to tip the guy and be like, listen, you're going to have to not watch us. having sex. Very funny. Did she say back shots too? Back shots.

Did she mean like he came on her back? Did she mean that? I think it was just like getting fucked for me. That's what I took. That's what I took from it as well. Like what are the kids saying these days? What are the kids doing? But there's a lot going on with the gas and everything.

So I don't know how, you know, but it's a great, it's a great bucket list. Honestly, it is quite romantic now that I think about it. Yeah. To be up there floating along. There's no one besides the driver. The whole world. below you?

Just do it. You know what I think we should do? Star and only fans? No. No, I think that we should... Us arguing in bed. This should be our first project. Like, you know, the podcasts always do these things.

Like, we're gonna do this crazy thing. We should organize this girl to have sex in a hot air balloon. But what we need is we need a hot air balloon guy that's like very sexually open you know hi hannah does the one thing on my bucket list at least right now top of the list top of mine is that i just want a threesome so bad my fiance and i are like definitely on the same page about it but have yet to execute most because it feels like a lot of admin but let us know if you have any tips you want to cross this one off our list bye I don't have any tips.

I just had to put it in because we got like 12 or 30. Like, so many threesomes came in. I had to represent it because it was so representative of like what was coming in. Yeah. I mean, I think it's definitely doable. That's so doable. That's literally like something that if that's something you guys want to try, you have to like get that out of the way ASAP.

Maybe I haven't ever organized it, but maybe like a, I do think there's a lot of dating apps for that. Yeah. Where, like, you literally don't have to... You literally have a screening process and people who are, like, looking to be a third. Yeah, and I think it has to be... Her comfort is more important.

Like, he's going to be fine. She needs to find the right person for her, you know? But did she make clear if she wanted another woman or another man? I can't remember. No. Oh, yeah. But she said he's down.

Yeah, he's down. Yeah, but that's still not clear if it's a man or a woman. Yeah, but regardless... Oh, because you're saying if it's a man, should choose? That's weird. No, I didn't say that. No, I was just saying I wasn't sure, you know, what she wanted. No, she should choose regardless.

But yeah, I do think going to dating app, Rue is a safe. But he has to have a say, obviously. If it's a man, he has to have a say on how much interaction he wants on his side from the third party. Yeah. You know, obviously. I mean, we could start a secret sex club of Burnerphone dialers who are clearly very horny.

Yeah. We could just coordinate a Facebook group, get them all together. Yeah. Because they all have the same sense of humor. Call it the fucket list. The fucket list. That's really funny. This is not the bucket list. It's the bucket list. And the punch it list.

Yeah. So, but, but, come on, this is like, this just has to be done. We wait for a progress report. Go online, Google it. Like, how do I find, you know, a safe third person for a threesome in my marriage slash relationship? Yeah, because it's hard in a bar. Yeah. And it's also like, you know, we don't know where people live.

So, like, in New York, it's. super easy because you can go to these like sex parties. But I just know because when we were doing the shift with Katie I interviewed a couple from the lifestyle and like there's just there's these groups in like every city in America. Every city in America has groups of people that are sexually. But maybe they don't want to fully commit into being like part of the lifestyle. But you don't have to. You don't have to

but you can those people will help you to find somebody. Yeah. You know unless you want it to be random. If part of your If part of your fantasy is like just meeting somebody and taking them home, then you just have to, that's a hard one. This is actually very similar to winning an Oscar and that, you know, the goal is the threesome. Let's see all the little steps you have to take to get there. And the hardest thing is that first step. Yeah. Now, do you remember Hannah's not just a life coach?

She's a sex coach. She's a sex therapist as well. Do you remember when you were on the apps? don't you recall seeing times where you could see people requesting that they were in a relationship but they were looking for somebody to yeah on tinder yeah yeah i remember i remember seeing that i've definitely and i've gotten a couple like i matched with a guy and then he'll be like hey i'm actually in a relationship are you interested in joining yes and i said let's make it a happy family hello hannah and des giggler here from melbourne australia

Hannah, I wish you were coming to Oz so bad. Anyway, my bucket list item would have to be going on Antiques Roadshow and being told that my crummy little hammy down or brick and brack from what we call an op shop here, you guys call a thrift shop, is worth of whopping half a million dollars. Oh, not even that, a few thousand pounds, whatever. And it's from, like, Rasputin's private collection or something. That's so much to ask. Sometimes I go around to Nana and Pa's house, and I'm like, what looks pre-war here?

Anyway, bye. I did have a time where I was watching those shows on, like, True TV or whatever it was. Because I wasn't sure how familiar you were with the Antiques Roadshow. Oh, no, it's great because they, like, will just find, like, an old watch. And you could tell, like, it's either going to be worth $12 million or, like, throw it in the trash. And that tension is very good TV. Um, my bucket list... Did they do it in the States?

They had a different, like, white trash one in the States. Oh, they did? Like, it literally was, like... What was it called? I think it was called the same thing, no? Oh, was it? I don't know, but the guys were hilarious because they were just these, like,

they all looked like bodyguards with, like, tattoos. What was it called? Oh, we're good. But I've totally forgot. My bucket list in terms of, like, is Japan and Australia. I'm going to go to Australia so fucking bad, and I almost was able to,

but I didn't do it. But I'm going to. I'm going to go. We're definitely going to go. I'm going to have shows in Melbourne. And I'm afraid when I go, I'm not going to leave. Amen, man. Because also I want to stay long enough that I start getting like a weird Aussie American accent.

Yeah, I mean, every time I've been in Australia, I've been like, I could live here. Oh my God. My parents would get so mad at us. Yeah, it's too far. The issue is it's too far. But you'll have your trips there and you'll have a good time. Don't worry. Maybe we'll retire there.

And we can go and scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef. which came in numerous times. I didn't, I didn't, I don't think I included that one, but, uh, oh, is it? Yeah. Oh, yeah, put it in. Why not? It's been mentioned now. Might as well mention it.

Hi, Hannah and Des. I love the podcast so much. My bucket list item is to go to Australia and scuba dive, the Great Bear Reeve. It has to be, because of Finding Nemo, I am convinced that, you know, I love my family, but I'm convinced that I was taken from like an Australian family and I just need to make my homage back home and it's okay that there's a lot of dangerous animals there because I know I will die happy.

I actually have scuba dive in the Great Parry Reef. How was it? Well, I'm not a, I don't have a paddy. I'm not like a, I'm not allowed to scuba dive officially, but they do these introductory dives that you can do. So, I mean, I was, I was underwater with scuba gear and I saw Nemo and like they the guy had like a like a writing pad or like a you know like a thing that he showed us because obviously you can't talk and he was like Nemo because we did see a clownfish and honestly the not just the scuba diving but putting my face in the water because I was snorkeling originally putting my face in the water off one of those pontoons out in the middle of nowhere in the Great Barrier Reef was like one of the coolest experiences of my life it literally felt like I entered into like a different realm wow and it's said that it's slowly being bleach because it is one of, it is one of the more beautiful things that I've ever seen.

Bleached, you said? Yeah, the Great Barrier Reef is slowly being destroyed by global warming and, you know, chemical, you know, just stuff in the water. So it was, it was incredible. Honestly, incredible. Once I went with my dad on vacation and there were barracudas and they were like, you guys got to get out. And I'm like, this is stressful.

This is supposed to be vacation. There was like a ton of them. We were like, okay, check please. But the thing about Great Barareef is that you had to wear a stinger, a stinger seat, because they have blue bottle jellyfish you kill you out, they sting you. So the blue bottles are very dangerous. Everyone does joke though, like

if Shane Gill is in a special joke like anything bad could happen and it's funny when Australians are doing like, nay, she's like if I die in Australia at least I'll be happy. Like everything is silly. Yes. You can't take anything seriously.

I love the accent. I think it's great. I actually TikTok came up today. I don't know if you saw that because it was a bad flood. somewhere in Australia and there was just like you're not real like

no real Ozzy Blake and he's like up to his waist in water leaning on his fence and like the rescue people come and he's like oh yeah I'm all right mate there's people down there you might want to check on them

he's like yeah yeah we got them they're good they told us to check on you he's like yeah I'm all right man he says yeah nah which is like that's like comedians always if they're gonna do like

an Ozzy accent I was like yeah nah yeah nah but he literally was like yeah nah I'm good mate all right just up to my fucking waste of water. Probably going to get eaten by a crook. I'm all right, mate. Got a fucking

leech gun up my ass right now, but that was on my bucket list. Got a leach up my ass. Anyway, is there any more? Sorry, I... Oh, okay. Wow, I can't believe we got through them all. I numbered them in a way that if we ran at a time, we wouldn't do my shake and bake, baby. Hi, Hannah. Hi, hi Des.

Okay, so my bucket list item is something that I don't think I'm ever going to do. And it's because it's illegal, but I really want to shoplift or dine and dash. I think dining and dashing sounds the most fun. Like, what a freaking thrill. And I would never do it at like a mom and pop's place. Like I would do this at like a Chili's or an Applebee's maybe. I don't know.

Like somewhere that they're not going to miss that money. I will never do it because I'm a second grade. teacher. I am an upstanding citizen. I also have terrible Catholic guilt. And it's just not going to work. But I think it would be really fun. And I like to think about it every single time a waitress hands me a check. Yep. Love you guys. Bye. That's so funny. I feel like I've accidentally left and not paid. And like they ran after me. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm so embarrassed right now. I definitely dine and dashed on taxis because I forgot it wasn't a newber and just like walked down. They're like, excuse me. Well, I did it. When I was a teenager,

I ran on checks and restaurants and I ran on a taxi. And those are things I have guilt about. Because at the time, I just, I didn't factor in like the people, well, like, particularly the taxi one. Like, I didn't factor in like, you know, I'm really taking from somebody who like is not like overflowing with money. But because when you're a teenager, you're a selfish. I just love to shoplift and stuff, but I do think it's a certain high that some people crave and some people don't. Like, the amount of people who are just kleptos with, like, little stupid things, like, I had a friend who, like, really got off on, like, just taking the salt shaker from a restaurant. Like, we'd get home and she'd be like, look what I got. And I'm like, why?

Yeah. Why? But, like, they love it. It'll take, like, a spoon. Family feud years ago, I remember, I was like, what's the number one thing that gets stolen from restaurants? What is it? Steak knives. If I remember correctly, steak knives.

I guess because they're expensive. But honestly, it was exciting, though. I feel guilty now, but when I was a teenager, it was exciting because I always, like, would plan out my route. Like, where would I get dropped off? And then where would I, like, jet to? Yeah. You know?

The only thing I ever have stolen is, like, in buffets where they, like, weigh the food after, I'll be, like, eating throughout the buffet. Oh, yeah. That's a tax. That's a service tax. Or, like, in college, I remember we'd be waiting in line, and I'd have like a thing of hash browns

and I'd just like finish it and be like, if it's not free refills that you like have a you fill it up to the top have a few sips and then fill it some more or yeah

you're putting a little bit of lemonade in the water cup I'm fucking naughty yeah Panera you know get a Panera get the water cup and then fill it up with the coke

naughty naughty bad boy is there is there one more hey Des Hannah firstly just want to say I love you guys and I listen to you religiously. And secondly, I want to say my bucket list item would be swimming with great white sharks. I think it would be so cool, obviously within the confines of a cage.

But they're majestic, they're massive, and I think it would be really awesome. Okay, bye. And they're nearby because she's Aussie too. Was she Ozzy? Yeah, she was Ozzy, yeah. She had like a different Aussie than the other Aussie. She had a different accent, yeah. I don't know where she's from.

I can't... Yeah, I mean... You're very afraid of sharks. Who's not afraid of sharks? Like, I've never really thought about sharks in the Atlantic Ocean. Oh, okay, well, like, we got an alert one day that a 47-year-old man was bit by a shark off the coast of West Hampton,

and my mom was like, is dead okay? And I'm like, I don't know where he is. And he, like, came back from swimming the ocean. I'm like, okay, I was scared for, like, a good three seconds. And then I was like, you know. But I, like, I've swam in Bondi, you know, I do point to points in Bondi. One mile swims across the bay and back where there's like really, I'll look great watch. Yeah.

But. Why are you so cocky? You don't think they're going to bite you. I'm not cocky because, babe, there are people swimming in there every day. There's people doing shit in the ocean every day. He did say he's like, he, the church, like, he just, like, bit a piece of him. Like, he just was a little bite. That was a, that was a shark bite.

It wasn't like. I'd rather not. But a great white, a great white is going to. kill you. Yeah. But I am delusional where like I think that I'd be like, be like, hi, kitty kitty. Do you know what you're supposed to do? A lot of, when people go to Australia, they say you're supposed to punch in the face. Yeah, punch him in the nose, yeah. Which like, seems a lot easier in theory than like when a shark is like going doing circles around you. I think, my bucket list is to be in the water, see a great white. Punch it in the nose. Yeah, let's put it all together.

Oh, come on. But I do think I would see the show. and I'd be like, no, I'm a good one. I don't steal anything. Okay, I did steal the home fries once in the line of the buffet. But then I would be like, it's okay, and I pet it. Like a horse, I'd pet the side of it. And I'd be like, go home to mom. But I have been annoyed by the increase in shark incidents in the waters off the coast of Long Island. But it's kind of a positive in that it means that, like, there's just a lot of extra marine life in the water these days because of conservation. Or is it? Or is it global? warming and they are going in different

places. Well, I think in this instance, because there's been a lot of regulate, God, how to, this is pot is just really getting off track. But I believe because they have been doing conservancy of various fish stocks, that actually, there's

just more food for them now. And now global warming may be a factor, but part of it is also just the increased abundance of food that sharks would like eating. Do you mean Italian Americans off the coast of No, they don't like Italian-American tastes like olive oil

No, it's too hairy. Ew! They like dolphin-like Irish-Americans and Asian-Americans. That's their preference. Dolphin-like. I wonder every now when they bite in, they're like, oh, that was a real good one.

Yeah, they were like, wow, this guy ate some mango today. They definitely have Australian accent sharks. Shacks? Yeah, they definitely do. Oh, yeah, get a part out of this guy. Oh my God, she had a BB out fucking disgusting Oh fuck this one

Another one of these fucking implants I get the rubber stuck in my teeth I gotta stop eating in Brazil I gotta fucking Oh fuck fake tits Ah shit Anyway A shark comes and he goes

My Buccalist is Fighting a girl Anyway I'll stop Anyway I realize I can't do an Australian accent We love you guys Fucking hip replacement I'm going to get out of Florida

Why the fact did I come to Naples, fucking Florida to fucking eat? Another fucking hip replacement? Shit. Sorry. Des does characters now. Thank you, just as a full character. Thank you guys so much for calling in

and let us know if you want to... My bucket list is to make it to 60 without a hip replacement. Sorry. Let me know if you want us to be dirtier. any feedback leave us a review the reviews are really helpful um and we love you guys recommend it to your friends come see me in chicago new year's eve tempi arizona january 4th to 6th i added a lot of shows to hana bernardana bernardt com slash shows check if i'm coming to your city does is going to Vegas and we are going to be in denver together which is going to be lit and and um and aspen

and reno arpin Reno Denver it's going to be fun that's going to be a fun trip yep that's why I need all that's geeky. Happy holidays if we don't talk to you beforehand, and we love you guys. Bye. Bye.