Berner Phone - Berner Phone #21: Unique New Year's Resolutions

Episode Date: December 29, 2023

The dialers are hoping for some big changes in 2024 - new personalities, breaking bad habits, and changing the way they date.  HelloFresh.com/bernfree for free breakfast! Squeezed.com free shipping with code BERN

Hi, it's Hannah Burner And Des Bishop Thanks for calling the burner phone If you leave a message after the tone We may have to make it into a podcast Oh my gosh, hi, my little dialers Oh wow It's the new year

No, it's not the new year Happy New Year It's the last episode of 2020 Yes, but it's definitely our New Year's episode It's our New Year's episode because we love a theme Yeah, I mean, every episode has a theme. The one thing we do that's consistent,

it's give you guys a theme and we stick to it. I mean, I would go so far as to say this is a themed podcast. I think I'm a themed girlie. Yeah. We're in our theme era. Yeah. I do have to say,

just to reflect a little on the last year, I was thinking about the little dialers this morning, as I do often. Yes, you're so concerned. I realize that there's such a unique group of people in my life because they're a combination of former, um burning in hell listeners the little devils who have been in my life for a long time now somehow are still not sick of me which is a miracle on 34th street and then we have gigglers

who have crossed over and and you know so some overlap and then we have new people that have just discovered burner phone and they're just OG little dialers yeah and people that came from maybe your your appearance on Chelsea handler perhaps possibly welcome people who used to listen Desbishop podcast. Welcome, welcome to the newbies. People who just found us on the algorithm. Yeah, just, you know, we're up there and number three in stand-up podcasts. They just took a punt. You know, burning in hell, I'd been doing it for so long, and I got to this point when I'm on this, you know, crazy road schedule with stand-up, which I'm very grateful for, where I was like, I can't get all these interviews together to keep up burning in hell the way I want to.

And in that moment, we had a choice. I could have stopped burning in hell. I could have just done kind of virtually half-assed and the fact that we decided to do this and actually executed it and made it happen, I'm very happy that we did this. Yeah, so we'd like to say that this podcast has been brought to you by laziness. We just got sick of the admin,

so we decided to do something together because we're together. Well, I was getting to a point where I had to make a decision and I looked up in my own house and I realized there was a stand-up comedian there. with you know idle time to talk shit with me correct who I actually liked to talk to so but we were like wait a minute all we do all day is talk we need

somebody to help us find something to talk about call on the little dialers the little dialers so this year is the year of the little dialer you guys are all awesome and your contributions are we're very grateful for them it doesn't go unnoticed the effort that you guys put in so we really appreciate it for sure every week we pitil ourselves I was excited to see what kind of creative things you guys are put in on call. And if you had asked me at the beginning of this burner phone journey, what level of contributions from the dialers would you get?

I would have said, you know, I'd probably say it'll be like a five or a six because at the end of the day, it's not an easy task to just call on your phone and think of something interesting to say. But it's definitely been nine slash ten. Yeah. And you guys are busy. You're probably at work in the bathroom. You're driving your kids to school.

you know, you're in a fight with your significant other and you're like, hold on, I have to submit something to burn her phone. So you guys are taking times out of your day to make this podcast what it is. Yeah, and you're sharing your secrets, not always asking to disguise your voice. I mean, some people here are taking real risks. You know what I mean?

Putting it on the line for content, and that's what we're all about. Yeah. I mean, we appreciate the contribution and we hope that we can then convert that contribution into real entertainment and insight. Yeah, but also your sense of humor, all of your guys' sense of humor

is just top tier and, you know, I'm biased but I'm like, wow, the people who listen in our pot are pretty fucking funny. So here's the 2024 and your continuing contributions. And I feel like as we come to the end of the year, we have really figured it out, you know? I mean, at the end of the day,

it was a new enterprise, but I feel like we've got a good momentum now. We've hit our stride. And can we also say thanks to Chris, our producer who's sitting here with us today? I love being with you guys. Like you were having me. Who do you like more? Us or Gigli Squad? Oh, that's... You have to say Giggly Squad.

That's fucked up. Yeah, but Chris... You guys in your own time. In your own time. Chris, I will say that I've had numerous friends of mine that listened to the podcast and have all said that the episodes where you're around are the better episodes.

So we appreciate that. So we're also thankful for Chris. Why am I turning this into a Thanksgiving episode? It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Producer. Thank you, Chris. Thank you, Chris. So today is the New Year's Resolution episode.

And at first I was like, is it corny? Is it corny on the cob for us to do a New Year's Resolution episode? Absolutely not. Because I like talking about New Year's resolutions because I think they're hilarious. Right. Because I like that time is made up. Time is a construction. And people are like, tomorrow I'm going to be a different person.

I think it's good. Everyone's posting like this next year like out like, you know, rotting in bed and like watching toxic TV. And Anne is like, yoga, let's be honest, you're not going to fucking change tomorrow. And once you can accept that, that's where real growth comes. One thing I've learned, because I am, I do love change. But I learned that if you tried to change drastically in one day, you're setting yourself up for failure. So it's more about the little tiny things that you do. If you change 1% a day, after three months, if you do the girl math, that's 30%.

Yeah, and that would be a, that would be a decent hole over a year. Yes. Now, I gave up alcohol at the age of 19, so I feel like I feel like I've kind of like, I have this universal resolution every year. To not drink. Well, yeah, just like, that's like a biggie. Yeah. I don't know if you need to make another resolution after that. Yeah, it's kind of going overboard if you're like, I'm going to do something else also.

But this year, 100% I'm going to focus on my hip mobility. That's my resolution for 2024, man. You know, to just keep doing all these new exercises that keep popping up on my Instagram. Des has not agreed to do hip-hop yoga with me yet. I feel like our relationship would get even stronger if we did it together, but I feel like you don't support women in the arts. No, I mean, it's fine. You like hip-hop yoga is your thing.

I continue to go to the gym and do my hip-strengthening exercises and fire up my glutes, engage my core, you know? I like that you brought up sobriety, though, because people are very into dry January, and going back to what I was saying about how it's hard to do drastic things, people are saying it's now easier to do just, like, kind of dry January. Like, if you try to dry January, why is that so hard to say dry January? And you mess up, like, four days in, you're more likely to be like, fuck it, I'm not doing it.

But if you say, I'm doing loosely dry January, and you have a couple, you know, and it's not even a slip up, it's not a mistake, but like, you know, I have a cocktail here or whatever. But overall in the month, you go drier. Like, that's a win is a win. Yeah, it's a moderation. It's moderation is key. Well, you can just live your whole life that way. Yeah.

I would make it even better. I, like, haven't been drinking at all. Honestly, I get a kick out of these giant-January. People are like, it's been two weeks. I'm like, wow, oh, my God, the sacrifice that you're making. Maybe you can't judge other people's journeys. I understand, but they really do exaggerate it, you know? Yeah. Well, I think after, like, Christmas, some people, you know,

they're dealing with family and the holidays, like, and they're just, you know, they're blackout for most of it. And I get it. Can I just say that the dialers, they must be big drinkers because. I mean, we had, what, a hundred resolutions that came through on the Talby? Not one person said, no alcohol. I mean, I'm not joking. I'm only realizing it now. Not one, no alcohol on the Talby.

Really? They're all drinking. They're all just fucking. Because they need drinking for all the, all the, dealing with all the resolutions they're talking about. Because some of them, as always, are heavy and dirty. I hope that one of the New Year's resolutions is for their mom to go to therapy. Oh, yeah. So will we crack into it?

Hello, my New Year's resolution is to get the guy that I'm seeing to take me out in public. We've been hanging out for like six months, and every time we get together, we do the same thing. I go to his house, we have sex, we eat food, we chat for a bit, and then I go home and rinse repeat. I've tried asking him to go out for dinner or drinks with friends a couple of times, and each time. He is either working or has some reason that he's busy. And I've kind of given up. I don't really know what to do. And I'm a bit of a shy bitch.

So I'll just have to try and figure that out in 2024. What's funny is I feel like when your relationship inevitably is going really well, it turns into that where you're just like, let's stay home, let's eat, let's have sex, let's talk. but I do think how do I say this I think he has a second family he's literally I was literally like he's cheating on his girlfriend

he's he's hiding you you're the woman in the attic oh my god I'm over him yeah I mean I'm over him for yeah I'm just over him I'm over if you feel like you have to convince

someone of anything like and maybe this happens as you get in your like 30s, 40s, 40s to get older, you just, you don't have the effort to put it in to convince people things. It's hard, though, because she's probably having a good time, like, when you're with him, but then something just feels a little off always, and you deserve to have someone that wants to show you off. Yeah, I mean, I just think if somebody is, like, hiding you, then that's never a good sign, you know? Like, why would he not want to, like, be in public with you? That's never healthy.

Honestly, being in public with someone is, like, hot. Like, especially when you spend a lot of time with them alone. Then when you're in public with them, it's like you get to see a new side of them. You see them through other people's eyes. You see how they interact with people. And that is important. Like, if you spend too much time with a guy alone, you actually don't fully grasp who he is, who he is with his friends, who he is and who his friends are.

I'm judging that. Yeah, there's just more to life than just being. I mean, we all love that. We all love being in bed. and Netflix and chilling, but there has to be more than that. Yeah, so I'm, I'm kind of over him. I'm over him. Yeah, I think the resolution is that you just need to take action

on what you already know yourself. Yeah, and ask him who he's married to. Yeah, and like, you know, what part of his life is, honestly, if you have the means, I would suggest hiring a private investigator. You know, you need to find out what's going on with this guy. Or just like take selfies in bed. and keep posting them on your story.

I mean, maybe he has... Does anyone know this man? Actually, there is a Facebook group saying about where girls post photos of men being like, is anyone with him? Have you heard of that? Yeah, I've been in. I've been in it?

You've been in it? Chris! A girl told me about it. That someone posted you? No, I think she was like, oh, there's this group. How do you feel about that? There's a group for...

It's a New York City thing? Yeah. Yeah, girls post a guy. I'd be like, is anyone else talking to him? Oh, wow. There's like at least like 20,000 girls and that. Wow, because I feel like that came out of that. Remember that big scandal about the guy that kind of just... Oh, yeah. What was that again? The guy turned out loads of... He will or something.

Yeah, he'd been with a load of women. The Tinder Swindler? Is that? No, not the Tindler Swind. This was like a viral. This was like a... This wasn't like a Netflix thing. Yeah. It was just like, I'm with Will and someone's like, I'm with Will. And I was like, watch out for Will. Yeah, like, and then Will was like demonized. Yeah. And now he's gone. Whoever, I can't even remember his name. He now lives in the Cayman Islands with Army Hammer. Yeah. Yeah. He basically was like, just dating hundreds of women and everyone had like a weird story yeah and they all had like the same story

the thing in New York is you can go on multiple dates and I mean what we do with stand-up people can do with dating I can have multiple spots tonight do my thing and it's a numbers game dating so part of me is like I don't judge but this is a different situation yeah this guy this guy you need the guy that this girl is talking about she needs to get his picture up

I guarantee you she's not the only one going back to his bedroom that's why he can't go out in public yeah you know it's like occasionally you'll see those performances or like Knicks games where it cuts to a random couple and the guy suddenly pretends he's not like sitting next to the girl he's with and the girl looks confused and I'm

it's very funny but um I mean it is I've actually been a little fascinated with mistresses lately because I learned that mistress mansions are a thing yes like Vanessa Hudgens lives in some famous person's mistress mansion and I'm I'm fascinated and some mistresses are living the life

like they don't have to have kids they just have their own mansion, they wait for the guy to come around, and then meanwhile, they just like, fuck around in the pool, get their nails dead. Yeah, I mean, I guess some people would say it's an empty life, but if all you're looking for is the luxuries of life and a sort of an intermittent intimacy with a wealthy man who has another family, then I guess it's not a bad life. In China, they call the mistress woman the Shao Sir, the small third. Oh my God, it has a name.

Small third, that's very funny. Well, that's the translation, but yeah, Shao Sir. Yeah. That's a Beijing accent, but that's the way that I learned. it. Yeah. So that's like a, it's like more of a, like a, like there's more cultural awareness about the small third in China than there would be about the mistress here. Yeah. It's very common. We don't know much about this girl and what she's looking for, but if you're having fun, fine, but if you were looking to like date this guy, there needs to be changes. There

needs to be some honest conversations or you need to like ignore him and start dating and see if there's a change in behavior. Yeah. I mean, if it turns out he has ferocious anxiety, then at least then you can acknowledge that and get closer. Get closer. Get closer. and get him to get help. Like, what's his anxiety? Walking around with a hot girl? Just being out in general. Oh, being outside.

That's actually such a good, if you're trying to hide your cheating. You're just like, I have a gorophobia. Yeah. I can't go outside. Krissa, we'll take another one from the collection. I'm afraid of taking photos. My New Year's resolution is to stop scrolling on TikTok. I can literally spend hours on there just scrolling.

I feel like it's not bad, but it's also not great. maybe I should go outside more read a book probably will not read a book but maybe you can go on to more walks oh my god I feel this girl so much because during the holidays you really get this time where you're just you don't have to be anywhere

or do anything and I start to grow on my phone the holiday content to me too is like it's either people like showing off how much they love their family or all the gifts they got or people just kind of like hating on it I don't love the holiday content I think it's kind of hacked what would I look like in the 70s

I'm getting that a lot. And I've been scrolling TikTok and I, if you scroll long enough on your phone, you eventually see something that pisses you off, makes you feel a weird energy. The next thing you know, you're sitting in your own home, feeling a type of way when you didn't do anything.

You didn't ask for anything. And then honestly, like TikTok has too much shop right now. You know TikTok's my favorite thing ever. You agree, Chris? Yes, for sure. Because I, look, my content is popping on TikTok. Follow my TikTok. I love TikTok, but the scrolling on TikTok has not been the same experience recently.

Well, here's the reality. You're a victim. When you're on TikTok, you are a victim of a huge effort to keep you scrolling. So the key is to not be on it if you're looking to take a break. I'm not saying being on TikTok's a problem. But if you don't want to scroll, you cannot start looking at TikTok because it's designed to keep you there once you start looking. What I've been doing, and I wish I could pull up my Google searches, but I've been, I like to go into like really random wormholes. I like those BuzzFeed articles, like actors who had a role and then disappeared. Disappeared. Are actors that said no to certain roles. So I like reading that kind of stuff.

I also, someone who doesn't would like to read books but doesn't, does it count when you're watching a movie with captions as reading a book? I don't believe that's considered reading Because I did the girl math And I was like I think I read three novels yesterday But I think listening to an audio book Is considered, you know, reading a book We're very cultured, you know

And we watched a Scando noir We watched a Scandinavian black mystery Called the Bridge Bruin, Bruin And you, it's all in Swedish and Danish Yes And we can't tell a difference Between the two of them

But they're speaking it And if you look down for a second You miss what happened This is the thing about subtitles. You can't eat. Can't eat while you're watching. You got to stay focused. Can't scroll. But I do think do not have FOMO from not scrolling. And when you are in your phone, try to be diligent with like why, because I'm fully addicted to like, if I'm not doing anything, the phone's coming out and I'm rotating the same 10 apps over and over again. Ten? I'm rotating three of basically. I'll tell you guys the apps that I'm rotating. And this isn't good. I mean, I'm just rotating Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. That's what I'm rotating.

Oh, and I have the odd check on WhatsApp. Instagram. For my Euro friends. YouTube. Oh, YouTube. Yeah, I very rarely go on YouTube. TikTok. I'm not really watching YouTube.

I'm just like checking my YouTube. Checking my Facebook sometimes. Not Facebook feed. I'm checking my Facebook. Come on. That's where my people are. Shout out to the Gen X's, man. Checking my email.

Holding Facebook down. Represent, babe. Email is wild. lately like I get so many emails. All right. I'm checking my email. My text. Sometimes just looking at my screenshots.

You know, I don't consider the legacy things to be apps, but I guess they are. I'm in Uber Eats more often than I should be. Oh yeah. Definitely checking Uber Eats. We're very into New York Times games right now. Oh, yeah, that's right, yeah. Actually, I would, this is a thing, let's be honest. You're still going to be on your phone.

Let's replace it. I would like to replace TikTok with playing New York Times word games so that I become smarter. And hey, New York Times. Times, what's so bad about putting in a Wordle history? Like, why can't I play a wordle from two weeks ago? What, what, like, why? Shots fired. Shots fired. New York Times, you know, I know you got a, I know you get a lot of a lot of crap from the, from the hard right, but here's something coming from a game player, all right? Why can't we check last week's world? Why can't I play last week's Wurdle? We want to archive of Wurdle. Yeah. If you care about America.

And I know that there's other places that are doing Wordle archives, but why can't you do it? It doesn't make any sense to me. You can archive the crossword. Yeah. You can archive the crossword. Why is there a crossword bias in the New York Times? Yeah. And we've also discovered a game yesterday.

By the way, this is what happens. For the people that are going to stop scrolling, this is what happens. Yeah. You're going to become a nerd like us. It's called Letterboxed in New York Times game. We highly recommend. We highly recommend. Yeah, letterbox is a fun game. You've got to try to get, you've got to try to connect all the letters. Anyway, you'll have to look it up. This is already way too boring. This is really like, sometimes people are like, Hanand Des, couple goals, but I can tell you right now, that's going to diminish.

Hannes playing word games all day. Represent. Oh, my God. Can we, can we move on to the next thing? Hey, Hannah and Des, love the pod. My New Year's resolution is to experience an orgasm for the first time. Yes. For reference, I'm 30 years old and I have never had an orgasm given to me by a partner. I didn't even know they were a thing until I turned 26 and a girlfriend bought me a vibrator. And ever since then, I've been approaching the topic with my sexual partners and it has really been met with disinterest and sometimes animosity. These men are internalizing me asking them to give me an orgasm and turning it into something that they feel inadequate to do so they don't even try. I love sex. I love giving in sex.

and for some reason, I haven't really met anybody who is willing to take the time to try to make sexual experiences enjoyable for me as well. So in 2024, I would love to meet a man who would like to take the time to give me an orgasm. Chris? Bye. I got you.

I am a notorious giver. Ew! What do you mean? What do you mean? You set me up. You set me up for. Excuse me. You can't make this way.

You can't fucking knew him. This woman literally just said, that, you know, men take it personally. And then he comes forward and says, I'm a giver, and you're like, ew. Because Chris is my child. No, Hannah. Come on.

Because is my child. Also, the two of you, if you two turn on me one more time, I'll fire you both. That's the first time. And you guys are stepping over a line. I'll fire you fucking both right now. Can't be.

In a sex positive section of the New Year's resolution, you can't then shame Chris. You've got somebody to come take us away right now. Yeah, here it comes. Here comes. There's the police. There's the police. We're in the East Village.

They respond quickly around here. Did two men speak over a woman? Get him out here. Yeah, that shit might fly on giggly squaw. But you're out of number here. You're out of number here. You guys find you on your moment? Come on, man.

He's a giver. That's a positive. I find it surprising and fucked up because I feel like guys love a challenge. Like, you should lie to men and be like, you know, I've never, no man's ever been able to give me an orgasm. watch him try. Who are these men that think that she's like it's impossible? Well you know

on a serious note just because this came up a lot when we were doing the shift a lot of men get uncomfortable with the sense of sexual failure so when put in a situation where they're almost like if she doesn't come it's perceived as failure they

kind of go into themselves especially when they're dealing with their own sort of inadequacies about themselves also I think orgasm, your relationship to your orgasm is the same as your relationship with your life. If you try to force it, nothing happens. Yeah. Because it is

so mental on both partners' ends and also you, if your result oriented in anything in life, if you're like, to bring up tennis, when I would go in being like, I need to win this match, I couldn't win because I was so focused on the result, I was skipping all the things that had to happen in order to win.

And you get kind of blinded by the anxiety of if I don't win, And this is a failure. So it's very, like, it's a very mental thing. You have to be comfortable. And if two people are like, is she going to come yet? Is she going to come yet? No one's going to come.

No one's going to come with that kind of pressure. Yes. It's going to be when you, like, least expect it and forgot that you were trying to come. It's almost going into it being like, hey, I'm not going to come. Let's have a good time and see what happens. But also these dudes, I'm over them. I'm over them. She's been very unlucky, I have to say.

I think she has been unlucky. She's been unlucky with the guys that she's been with. I feel like if you could if you could find a guy that's very sexually comfortable I would suggest saying to them would you be okay with me making myself like can we can we come together yeah but I can't like you won't be able to do it to me at the beginning so can I use my vibrator and we can come together at least then she'll get comfortable having an orgasm around somebody I love that I love the idea of first she does it herself with him like with her

like buy her supporting her and then next thing you know you mend it yeah and and first of all that odds on will be a turn on for him if he's comfortable I mean when we did horrible decisions there was a lot of messages

because we talked about the fact that we're comfortable like you know masturbating around each other oh like you looking after yourself and there was a lot of messages being like wow I can't believe he's comfortable with that and I was like wow that's like a thing But it turns out, like, men are very funny about that. Like, as if, like, again, it makes them feel like they're inadequate.

Well, there's also, there's so many different ways to orgasm. And there's so many different ways that people can orgasm. Like, girls, there's a lot of ways we can't and then ways we can. And it's very different. And also to the girl listening and girls listening who aren't her, this is not, like, insane. This is actually quite common. Very normal. And I'm proud that she's even done it alone, because that was a difficult task.

to do. Yeah. And I, in my stand-up, have a lot about all the things that need to be in perfect alignment for me to come. And just in case anyone hasn't listened to Hannah before about this topic, her legs need to be straight. Babe, my mom listens to this. Are you kidding me? Are you actually kidding me? Actually, lately, I've been practicing trying to not be straight. Really? Last night I know With Ali Colbert? Last night I wasn't straight. So Hannah had a slight knee bend. Hanna had a slight knee bend.

My nearest resolution is my knee mobility while orgasm. Yeah, yeah. Hannah had a slight knee bend last night. But anyway, most importantly. But I'm excited for this journey for her. She needs, you've been very unlucky. I mean, I know that we said last week that we were going to try to find a hot air balloon situation for that woman,

but I wish in a way we could find somebody for her because it's insane how unlucky you've been. I also have to say I've known men who have trouble orgasming because it's mental and it goes both ways. I just want to normalize it a little bit. And I do think sometimes people have like slumps.

Like they just kind of get in their head with it and they have a little trouble and then you get out of it. But also I think with the right partner and the right patience and know that it is not a physical problem. It's not a problem. It's just like a mental

thing that you're going to work on. And, you know, if it turns out that that's just something that's never going to happen for you, that's okay, too. It's very common, you know? And don't be afraid to Google that. There's a lot of stuff out there about your situation. You're very not alone. And I do think there are a lot of girls that can only

come with, like, a certain person that they really trust or they feel like they love, that kind of shit, too. But I just hope your bad luck streak ends. It's really unfortunate the guys that you've been with. You need a very sexually open, sex-positive guy. Yeah. so thank you for your contribution and you know what don't be hard and try not to be hard in yourself yeah but hopefully he anyway hopefully he's hard as you guys know i love hello fresh so much

because it helped me trick des into thinking that i was a full-on michelin star chef during covid i ordered it every day and now that i'm back from touring i want to cook more i want to be healthy. I cannot deal with eating takeout late at night coming home from my shows all the time. I want to be a normal human being that makes healthy food. And obviously, Hello Fresh has my favorite recipes. They have a panay with beef and zucchini ragu, creamy garden herb chicken, and they have tons of tacos, which I love. And pork chops. I really like pork chops, too. So they have something for my every mood. Everything is pre-measured. Everything is pre-measured. which I love because I'm not wasting anything.

I hate buying stuff at the grocery store and never using it. It all goes bad. And this is way more financially savvy as well. So go to hellofresh.com slash burn free and use code burn free B-E-R-N-F-R-N-F-R-E for free breakfast for life. Wait, that's amazing. One breakfast item per box while subscription is active. That's free breakfast for life at hellofresh.com slash burn-free with code burn free. I'm obsessed with that because I love breakfast. It's my favorite meal. And it's America's

number one meal kit for a reason. As you guys know, I think water is boring and I don't like to eat salads. But I do love a juice cleanse. This is my new favorite juice company and it's called squeezed. I get in some bad habits, you know, late at night. I can be ordering takeout coming back from a stand-up club or feeling gross after traveling all the time. And that's why I love a squeezed juice cleanse. It's so fresh. It's so good. And it also feels like I really am detoxing my body.

Whenever I feel like I'm about to get sick, I really like to drink the one with pineapple turmeric and ghost pepper in it. It really just gets the sinuses going. I also don't love eating a lot of vegetables, but you can trick me. They have a drink with dandelion, watermelon, spinach, lemon, and apple. That is so good. I also am dehydrated all time, so a juice cleanse from squeezed really helps me get some liquid into my body. It helps with bloat, clearer skin, increased energy, better sleep, and breaking some bad habits.

And the best part is they have same-day local delivery or free fast delivery nationwide with code B.E. so check out squeezed.com for juice cleanse delivered it's so good hi hannah hi does my goal for twenty 24 is probably not so unique but it's a goal anyways and it's to stop trauma dumping on everybody that I know everybody that I meet you know the guy on hinge that I just started talking to probably doesn't need to know that my dad died a couple years ago within the first five days of us talking, nor do my coworkers probably need to know all of the family drama that's happening in my life right now. But I seem to just tell anybody who will listen, everything traumatic that's happening in my

life these days. And I don't think they really need to hear that. So my goal for 2024 is to try and possibly not talk so much. So we'll see if we can make that work. Love listening to you guys. Thanks. This is the thing. She sounds like she's fun.

She's the person at the party that everyone wants to talk. to. She's very, you know, she's interesting. She always has the good gossip. She's, she's bringing it, you know? And I relate, I'm a, I think in the past, I've been a trauma dumper where, like, I get nervous in small talk and I'm like, I'm going to give them something good in this conversation or I'm honest. I'm just an honest person. I tell everyone exactly what's going on in my head that day. Um, I blurt out every single thought that comes into my head. And I do think I've recently realized that people can still like you if you don't tell them literally everything going on at all times. And you also can protect some things. And it doesn't

mean that you're lying to people. You're just kind of waiting to give that information to like the right vessels. Yeah. I mean, there's a time and a place. Uh, and I don't think you should 100% hold back on, you know, talking about the real things in life. I also think trauma dumping is a new word that it's like kind of good because I realize like, oh shit, I do that to people. But also it's, it's not always trauma dumping. I find that sometimes I love having one-on-one conversations and if someone reveals something about themselves that's like vulnerable, I like to feel

safe to be like, oh, like I've experienced something like that too. And those are some of the most beautiful moments in life. So I do like, but I think trauma dumping is when it's like you can tell that you're kind of putting your negative energy onto them and like

you're kind of sucking all the energy out of the room. Yeah, so let's just go on the record and say she's actually not trauma dumping. Yeah, I don't think she's trauma dumping. She's not a trauma dumper. However, I do think that like maybe early on in the dating process, you could hold off on some of those issues on some people, only because some people are more comfortable talking about their dead parents than others, you know? And so, you know, maybe you can be a little safer with your conversation choices on a date, but I certainly don't think you're trauma dumping. As someone who

represents the president of the dead parent club, you addressed it within the first like three minutes with me. So I like honesty and upfrontness. And it's like a guy can't handle real shit in the beginning. Like it's probably, it's not a bad thing. You're just like whatever. Yeah, obviously you don't want to like, you don't want to take over the conversation with like too much like conversations about trauma. Yeah. But I think trauma dumping is probably too strong a word for what's going on for you. Because at the end of the day, you're talking about family issues with your friends. That's hilarious. You're bringing the drama. Yeah. But like I want to sit and worry about someone else's like aunt and uncle's marriage than like my own boring shit yeah like when i get

together with my cousins like if i don't start talking about family shit within 10 minutes they're like what's going on yeah i do think that i am trying to get better at if something's bothering me and i'm like out i will talk to every single person about that same thing and get everyone's opinion and like i think that's a little annoying because if they ever talk to each other they'd be like oh yeah i had to talk to them with me too oh yeah you got to be careful with that i become a little with it where I see someone new and I'm like I have to tell them what's going on in my head right now but it's a little like social society type stuff yeah but I do think with this girl maybe every now and then you get out of a session I call it where you're you've said something vulnerable and

afterwards you actually don't feel better you almost feel like gross and I think it's just navigating situations to know you don't have to be interesting to be a fun time good point and I'm trying this new thing. Actually, I'm not really trying it, but listening is an option. Yeah. I've never done it, but. Yeah, you just like sort of save a piece of yourself, you know, because sometimes you can actually give away a little bit too much of yourself. It's not, it's not good for you. Yeah, and I think with the right people, they are able to handle all that energy and they treat it with respect and they love it. But I've definitely tried to, you know, show myself to people and then you just don't feel appreciated, which is fine. Yeah, we talked

about that a lot in the early days of recovery, that, like, there's just some people that it's really not 100% safe to be overly vulnerable, and that's okay. Yeah. And that's why she's probably right to maybe just be a touch more discerning with who she shares those more personal aspects of her life with. But I do think it's true. Sometimes you get in your own head too much, and maturing is kind of really seeing, like,

what is the vibe that this person wants is in the mood for in this moment? And you don't have to force people to listen to like whatever's going on in your stressing head at that point. Because it makes socializing easier to get out of your own head and worry about other people's stuff. Yes, but I also think that, you know, you never know where you're going to meet a guy, bring up your dead dad, and then they're going to be like,

oh, I lost my father too, and you're going to bond over that and spend the rest of your lives together. But I've definitely, like, trauma dump before, and then afterwards just felt like, did I, like, ruin that person's night? Because you don't even feel better afterwards either. You just feel exposed.

Yeah, but then you've given them something to talk about. They're calling their friends straight away and be like, oh, my God, you want to Hanibur. me saying. So let's go to another one. And by the way, you're not alone. I do it too. Hey guys. So one of my New Year's resolutions a couple of years ago was to stop saying sorry just to say sorry. I'm only going to say sorry when I mean it. In theory, it was like an incredible idea. But I am way too much of a people pleaser to say that I achieved this in any way. I still absolutely say sorry when someone runs into me. And if something is not my fault,

I will apologize. So maybe you should try this and see if you can achieve it better than I can. Love you guys. This is like literally so me. Like someone will literally like shove me in the subway and I'll be like, I'm so sorry. I've actually had embarrassing worse. I was walking by someone and they knocked something over and I said sorry to the point that they looked at me like, are you fucking stupid? but I

this goes back to what I was saying earlier it's hard to go from being a people pleaser to suddenly not saying sorry all the time because it's almost like too big of a shift but I can identify with the saying sorry when you don't need to say sorry I find it way too easy to say sorry

but I don't need to say sorry it's actually saying sorry when I need to that's the hard part that's the bit that can be really difficult so I'd say maybe some people need to focus on the I need to say sorry when I actually Oh, an apology.

At the appropriate time. Well, yeah, I mean, I can say sorry two days later, no problem. But in the heat of the moment, I find sorry very difficult. I think if I was in corporate America, I would just lean in because they always say women say, sorry too much in the exclamation marks. I would end every email saying sorry, comma, Hannah Burner. Oh, instead of sincerely yours? Yeah, I just say sorry.

That's a bit. That's who I love that. I love that. Like, just lean in so much that they're like, this is just a joke. Yeah. And if anyone gets mad, I'm like, I said, sorry. Yeah. I mean...

Hey, can you make sure that you get the report to me by the end of the week? Sorry, Hannah-Berner. Sorry, Hannah-Berner. Sorry, Hannah-Berner. Yeah. I mean, I can feel bad when I, you know, you need to be, like, direct about needing something. But it's funny, I hate when people say sorry to me for no reason. Like, every now and then someone will be like, sorry, like, I'll get this to you tomorrow.

And I'll be like, no rush, don't you dare apologize when, like, I would have done the same thing. Well, by the way, in Ireland, uh, over the... use of sorry, like it's out of control. Canada is apparently the worst. Sorry, sorry. It's crazy. They say sorry, like how they say good morning. Sorry, good morning.

It's a great comedian, Emma Doran. Look her up, Irish comedian. And she has a great sketch. You'll find it on her Instagram about saying sorry in situations. I'm not going to do it justice. So just go check out Emma Doran on Instagram. It's a funny sketch. But that's a good resolution, I feel.

I do like that. And so I think maybe starting subtle things. Like, yeah, less LOLs, less exclamation mark. and trying to say sorry. What's a word she can use instead of sorry that's just softer and people take her more seriously in the room? Well, if you don't need to say sorry,

then there's no word. But it becomes this like gaping hole of space of awkwardness when you're... Someone said if you're late, don't say... Sorry I'm late? Don't say, sorry I'm late. Say thank you for waiting.

Oh, interesting. So you're like shifting. I have no problem for apologizing. for being late. That's like a power move, though. It's a power move. I think I read too many of these girl boss things. And then you put your hands together like a triangle

and you say thank you for waiting. Say thank you for waiting. In other words, I'm worth the wait. Thank you for being my little bitch. And people really get into that. Like Succession, great series. They're always like, they love to exaggerate these like power moves.

I just love throwing around sorries because people are always going to be mad at you and if you're just throwing around sorries all the time, it'll cover at least a couple people being like, At least she says sorry. By the way, you know, I really think about these power moves that like the people that feel the need to make these power moves, I actually consider it like, to me it shows weakness. Because it's like, why would you care? Sometimes I feel like the most powerful people are the ones who are like so nice and they're not trying to show their dominance over you.

Those are people that are really like, it's like Adam Sandler being so rich and wearing gym pants and like a button up. Yeah, he doesn't care. He doesn't care. That's wealth and success right there. Yeah, it's very, it's interesting The power moves I just feel like Be earnest and don't stress too much

That would be, I think that'll be a good episode For 2024 What's your power move? What's your power move? What's your power move? Coming on 2024 on Burnifone Power moves They definitely are TikTok algorithms

Will be like What's your hack To like make people fall in love with you Or like they love those articles Like what's your hack to make sure That you get respect in the room Yeah, dating game stuff I'm writing down power moves

So we don't forget All right, well, let's go with, let's go with another. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Des. I'm sorry, I'm a little bit sick, but my resolution is to have my husband eat me out more. He likes doing it. It's not like a problem or something. I just get really shy and like nervous about him doing it. I know it's going to take a while and I start getting in my head being like, oh, I'm taking too long even though like he doesn't care. But like my New Year's resolution is literally just to let him eat.

Yeah, four. And yeah. I love you guys. Yeah, so she threw an apology down right after the apology episode. She basically said, sorry, I need to let my husband eat me out. I would argue, look, do it. But like, if that's not your thing, you don't have to. If he's obsessed with it and he loves it, then like, yeah, but like you, there's so many

fucking things to do in bed. No, but I mean, I think if she wants a desire to get more comfortable with it, she, she, I think she's basically saying, like, I need to just like let go on that. a little bit more. Yeah. You know, and I think that's good. Yeah. I mean, it's not, it's not like she's trying to put herself into like extremely uncomfortable situations. But a lot of girls have trouble coming when men are going down on them. And sometimes, I guess it is mental, but sometimes it's like, okay, do you want to like fight this mental barrier for a year or just like do what you normally do? Yeah, well, I think, I think it's worth a shot. That's what I would say. I think she's

expressed, you know, a desire to like let it happen more. So I think it's definitely worth a shot. It definitely could connect you more. I mean, at the end of the day, if she comes out the other side and gets more comfortable with it, the upside is pretty high, like, in terms of, like, that's a positive for her. Yeah. I do think it bonds people. It's a bonding experience. But there are a lot of, there are a lot of women that, like, really enjoy men going down on them, and perhaps she wants to just try to break through areas of discomfort to see if she can get that upside. Yeah. I do think, though, sometimes girls are like, oh, I love getting here now. And some people do, but sometimes people are like,

oh, I want what they have when people like different things. Yeah. It's like some girls like love riding guys. Like, that's their thing. Like, I love to ride them. I love to ride them. And some girls are like, I'd rather not.

It doesn't mean you have to start trying to ride them. Yeah, I agree. But I do think that the vibe I'm getting from her is that... She wants to overcome something. She wants to overcome like just like some hang-ups, you know? And if the hang-ups don't disappear and she remains uncomfortable, comfortable, then let it go. But I think she would like those hangups to disappear. Let him go down on you and then say sorry.

Yeah. And I'm like, sorry, I'm just not into it. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. It's not you. It's not your tongue. It's not your technique. Could be like you guys working together to find out maybe what would make it better for you. Because like there's so many things he could do down there to make it a very different experience. Like I feel like different things people do when they're going down on you makes it a completely different experience. You can do so way different things. So it's like, try them all out. Yeah. Communicate while he's down there. He won't be able to respond, but you can, you can do all the talking. He might be tongue-tied. Wait, I have a question. Okay. When you're going down on someone. On someone?

I know we're married. As a man. And you're going down someone, do you like the girl to do anything with her hand? Like, do you like if she touches your head or like, do you like if she like hold your hand? Like, what is, sometimes I feel like as the girl. You're like, What are you supposed to do? Because girls, honestly, there's so much... Give me a high five. Give me a high five. Do you want to, like, touch your back? No, I just...

I want you to do whatever's natural to you in that situation. What's natural to me is be like, if he does look up, do I have a double chin? Well, yeah, I have a routine, which is going to be on my special coming out in two and a half weeks about going down. but I do make... That's the first time you've announced it, babe. Oh, have I? I do make the joke about that you shouldn't look up because then she'll look down and she'll be worried about you

and you don't want her worried about you. You want her upstairs thinking about Zach Effron. So you want her not getting distracted from whatever she was, you know, imagining to help her come... Talk about a jawline. Yeah, well, he's altered it. He says it was a... He tripped down something.

Yeah. But anyway, not to get... Not to digress. I think that you should do whatever's natural to you in terms of but obviously it's good to be it's good to be vocal in some way to let somebody know that they're enjoying it

because it can be a lonely place when you're down there doing all your stuff and you're just like I have no idea if she's into this and because you can't see them you start like obsessing about like them being up there being like what the fuck is going on down there? You finally are like I'm going to look up and she's texting

yeah she's you know she's googling she's googling how to get my husband to go down on me better. And it's hard because with girls, like, we've, some girls have, but a lot of straight girls that are strictly straight have never gone down on a girl. So, like, we have no idea what to do.

Like fingering, we're like, this is what you do. But the time, you don't know. So it's... It's trial in that way. It could be blindly the blind. Yeah. Anyway, give it a shot. Give us a report.

Let us know. Yeah, you guys, we need some updates too. Let us know after three months and you found yourself. I think we should do an update episode where we just go submit all the updates of ones that you've asked this about and how it's going. I agree. In fact, I would think there would be a good episode for next week. Updates. So people that have been featured on the show, give us an update on a situation that would be great to let us know how it went.

Look at us. You guys are seeing the process. The process is happening right here. my new year's resolution is to be more public about my processes your process please chris we'll take another see's hi hannah and does this is kegan really big fan of both of you and hannah my husband and i have front row tickets to see you in charles in march so we'll see you soon girl miss virginia i've never been my new year's resolution is actually the same one i have last year so it's kind of cheating but once a month we have decided to do no phone days and my husband and i were

trying to think, what was the last time we felt truly alive and happy, and we realized it was when we didn't have these little computers in our pockets. So once every month, we set aside one full day to not make any plans and to not look at our cell phones. It is very nice and cleansing for the soul, but it's all funning games until you're in the grocery store and you have a paper list and no way to Amazon price match anything. Overall, though, highly recommend. I hope you guys try it out. Love you. Bye. Besides me getting lost everywhere I go, I do agree with her I watch a lot of documentaries obviously

and whenever it's like the 90s they're just like showing New York I'm like oh my God no one's looking at their phone that's fucking crazy and you forgot that that was very recent very recent I will definitely on vacation which I rarely do but when I do I'll just

leave the phone in the hotel room because I've nowhere to be we're just like walking around the resort I definitely will have times that I'm like leave my phone in my bedroom but like I'm watching TV what's your opinion on this that's someone who lived a lot of their life without a cell phone yeah well I mean it's obviously very healthy to do this

you know people should do it more I mean I don't have a lot to say on it other than yeah great idea yeah you know and like there's just there's certain things that just naturally happen more when you don't have your phone you have better conversation you take in life more I always get excited when I'm like out working or something and I haven't been on my phone

in like four hours and I come I'm home, then I'm like, oh, my phone's going to have so much stuff on it because I haven't been on it. Well, you know, I have a routine in the special that's coming out about like life before phones, you know, like, you know, when you waited for somebody, you waited, you know. And like, so people always say, I'm going to not have my phone when I'm with somebody, right? So a lot of times when people say we're leaving our phones so we can talk to each other more. But actually, another good exercise is to not have your phone when you're on your own. Because actually, you get more comfortable being on your own.

I think people in general are less. comfortable being on their own now. The problem is... Because they think they're more comfortable, but they're not on their own. They're on their phone. You're right. And you aren't actually happier on the phone. It's just distracting, but other things can arise that have bad energy.

My problem is I've gaslit myself to saying... Not gaslight, but I've lied to myself, saying that, like, I'm researching. Like, this is my job. My job is posting on social media, creating content, researching pop culture. So I'm like, good job. You just did work for three hours. Yeah, but you never, but that's the thing, is that you're never off. Yeah.

You know, and that's the issue. And a healthy work-life balance is important. Yes. And if you're gaslighting yourself to say it's your job, then you're in denial about how little time you take off. But if you love your job, it's never work. I understand, but if you love yourself, if you love yourself, you have to give yourself time. I need to get off my phone because at the end of the day, you're not missing anything.

No one's having that much. on. Yeah. I mean, I think it would be, it's just healthy in general for people. By the way, I'm, I'm guilty of it myself. You know, I used to spend a lot more time with myself. That was healthy. You know, that used to be like a big thing. Early recovery, it was always like, be with yourself, meditate, just be with your feelings. And now you have to make a much more consciousness to do that. Should we start meditating together? No, we just meditate. Just meditate. We don't have to do it together. Can we do that thing? It's not really like, it's not a, it's not an activity that requires doing

it with somebody else. No, I want to do that Instagram couple thing where you sit like... Crish-cross apple sauce? Cross-a-sauce. And then I sit on your legs facing you. Okay, Benet from the pandemic season of The Bachelor. And then our noses touch and we keep

our eyes open. And then we breathe in synchronicity and become one soul taking on the world together. What was that poor woman that got eaten alive on the internet? Was it a love a love explosion or something? Oh, yeah, the love surge. The love surge.

Do you want to have a love search meditation? So anyway, I'll keep you guys posting how our meditation couples work goes, our breath work together. But anyway, great advice, you know. I don't think we need to add anything else to it. Hi, Hannah. So the first thing is the New Year's resolution

to just stop talking to men. That's my New Year's resolution. Everybody, I'm 23 and everybody wants to have sex, but nobody wants to date. So I will be in my house until further notice. So if my husband seems to find me there, that would be awesome. But, yeah, up until then, I've made my New Year's resolution to stop swiping and to stop talking to men. Like, if a man is to approach me out, I'm going to act death. Like, I don't, I don't, we don't, we're not.

We're not doing this, sir. Chris found his soul mate. Anywho, happy New Year's. Please come back to Maine. We love you. I love Maine. And yeah, keep giggling, ho. He, he.

Oh my God, I love her. Chris. She's cool. Chris, it's a pity. Yeah, but the problem is that you're going to... You got to break into someone's house. Yeah, you're going against her wish. She doesn't want to talk to you, Chris.

This is the problem, though. Like, when you're 23, you want a date. but you also, like, there's, you're not dating to marry, and then guys are still learning, like, how to fuck. Yeah, you're just dealing with it. It's a mess. So it honestly is just chaos, and I think it's more, like, learning who you are, what you want, and if that is alone, like, bless up.

Yeah, I mean, good for it. Give it a try. I think. We got a few boy sober. Yeah. We got a few boy sober ones. I do think in my early 20s, I definitely was, boy obsessed where like I would let stuff ruin my day or I would like not be present with my friends because I'm like texting someone or like planning something and I think if I like

embraced more like okay what are my hobbies what these did the decentering process really enjoying the girl time like it really does make you a more interesting person than just like seeking where's the next male attention coming from to validate my ego yeah and the problem is she's probably getting these like LLB main guys coming at her. So it's, you know, maybe she needs to do a little travel. Maybe she'd take a break from talking to men.

And then when she gets back to talking to men, she should travel to somewhere. I do think dating for men and women in general, dating breaks are healthy, especially after getting out of a relationship or getting out of like a weird situation. It's nice to just, I remember having a New Year's resolution of being like,

let's not be talking to someone. Because I always was talking to someone. I always liked that dopamine. hit of even if they sucked I would make it in my head like this one is a fun one but I like distracting myself with a crush but I think it's fun crushes are fun

but at some point it gets delusional when like he's in jail have you have you had any jail pen pals Hannah not yet all right let's go for another one let's get through a few before we finish hi Hannah

does much love all the way from Texas I just wanted you come in to say my New Year's resolution is to keep positive people around me, people who have good energy, people who uplift you and support you, and to maybe recognize people who are in that same time space, and know that that's okay to slowly but politely kind of like distance yourself or cut them off or do what's healthy for you, whether it be a school worker or a family member or a friend who just kind of has that little gray cloud around them all the time. You cannot change the gray cloud and make you go away and make it happy and sunny. So just be positive and supportive for those who are positive and supportive for you. And let the world do good things for you. Love you guys. She's in a convertible.

Oh, and there's also a delay on the F train. No, she's in a convertible. It was like blinking. I heard the car. I'm just kidding. But I am very interested in this. I learned recently from a TikTok that, that cutting all the toxic people out of your life is great, obviously,

and there's, as you get older, you will have fewer friends for that reason because you actually, like, care to protect your space. But that true healing is not avoiding all toxic situations, but being able to, like, sometimes be surrounded by toxic situations and not letting it affect you and not letting it, like, become you. So it's like those three steps is, like, cut the toxic people out, do that work on yourself, and then you, won't be as triggered in the future if you happen to be put in a situation because you can't

avoid it forever. But I think it's good advice to try to be around positive people more. I definitely think in your 20s, and especially with like followers and like likes, there's this concept of like, the more friends you have, the better you're doing in life, the more likable of a person you are. And I definitely wanted that, like, oh, I want everyone to be my friend. And then when I realized that that doesn't matter and you just like having a couple of good friends is like fine like life got easier yeah you can shrink your circle a small circle is nice yeah you need to up the positivity like if you find that every follow that you everybody you follow on Instagram and everywhere else says snark at the end of it then you should probably need to up

the positivity in your life there were a lot of things on Instagram saying like stop following gossip blogs. I think it became trendy and a lot of girls. It's fun to be in other people's drama, but I think they're starting to realize that it starts affecting their thought process and everything becomes negative because the truth is the couple of people around you and the content you consume are all the voices in your head. And sometimes your brain gets confused which voice is which and you could confuse yourself. But also that creates your experience of the world as the content and the conversations around you. So, like, your life can change drastically

by changing the content that you consume and the conversations you're having. That's why I like to, someone said, like, surround yourself with five people who, like, are aspirational in a way. Like, you look up to them in a way and try to surround yourself with people who are smarter than you.

Interesting. And that's what I try to do. I know we're thinking about Paige right now. She's quite smart when it comes to putting together outfits. I wasn't digging about it. And she's very smart in a lot of things. Writing, reading, not her strong suit. Everything else, honestly, incredible.

Let's go. How many more do we have, Chris? There's three more on numbers. Hey, Hannah, Des. So my 2024 New Year's Resolution is to smile more. So I have really bad resting bitch face. Hannah, I'm also born and raised in Brooklyn, currently in New York. and I just can't stop giving people dirty looks

but maybe I should stop looking at people really meanly at the bar if I want guys to come up to me have a really bad rest of the face and well sometimes it's my favorite thing about myself I think smiling might get me further in life so yeah love you guys happy new year okay can I talk on this first of all shout out where Brooklyn at

I definitely put on actively have to put on a stank face I call it which like when I'm walking past like construction workers or just like men I just put on a face that looks like something smells bad

I'll do it on the subway and that's just like protecting yourself I have a resting kind face so people come up to me for directions they just want to tell me other problems like so that brings another issue I wish I had more

resting bitch face in like a normal scenario but I do think I saw this thing on TikTok in the New York Times that men never get called resting bitch face really? Because I feel like Aiden talks about his resting bitch face

all the time. I never heard him oh really yeah the people say he has resting bitch face yeah I definitely a resting bitch face you do but you're a Scorpio no but people people are always like what's the matter I'm like what do you mean what's well you because you get like you're going to kill somebody I'm like

oh no sorry I was just I was just thinking about Yeah, you're expressive with your thoughts. I'm like that with text. Like, I'll be texting someone making all these faces. But yeah, you'll get into a, like, imaginary fight in your head of, like, something that happened in 1972. And you'll, like... But that is, that is something that I've noticed with the video clips is, like, I become more aware of, like, oh, yeah, you need to look a little happier when you're delivering that joke. Yeah.

I'm a big... I give... I'm an easy laugher, an easy smiler, and I do think overall it helps soften a lot of social interactions, and it's fun. I enjoy it. So this is a good resolution. Yeah, I think with her, like, if you consciously are trying to laugh more, it's healthy for you. And I think it's okay to have a wrestling bitch face, but don't be afraid to throw in some smiles. But now I feel like, what's the next one?

Yeah, I think this one's going to be uphand of that. Here we go. My New Year's resolution is to stop being so damn nice. I am way too nice to everyone, even when they don't serve it. And this is the year that I do what I want, and I get what I want because I deserve it. And I'm still a nice person, but I don't need to let people step all over me. So that's my resolution. It's to stop being so nice.

There you go. You see? Definitely don't let people step all over you, but I find, like, the biggest power, superpower, is being nice. And sometimes in your head you'd be like, can't wait till, like, one day, like, stand up to them or say something or be like, fuck you, but then when you actually are just continue being nice it's like the sweetest thing ever. Yeah, but

I think it's not a bit, if you feel like people are taking advantage of you, I feel like it's okay to get into, you know, being a little stronger. Honestly, sometimes people like you more when you stand up to them, which I don't know if that's like healthy if they're the kind of people you're around or surround yourself with, but I've definitely been situations

where like I finally stood up to someone and then they treated me differently. I like the way these last two are like, as if People are, like, changing the frequency on the sound system. Like, hey, just, can I add a little bitch on this? No, I need to take... Can you just, sorry, can I just take a little bitch off of that? Their face tuning their personality.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're going into the bitch sections, a little less, a little more. By the way, I say bitch in a fun way. I don't believe in the misogynistic use of the word bitch. We're talking about sort of resting bitch face here. Yes, yes. Just in case anybody gets jammed up. And obviously, classic New Year's resolution coming

up to take us home? Hi, Hannah and Des, my New Year's resolution is to stop picking my nose. I do it as a comfort thing, I guess, or like an anxiety thing. Like, I pick my nose every day as soon as I get into my car, no matter what time of day it is. I pick my nose when I get out of the shower. I pick it when I wake up. And I just feel like that's a bad habit that as a fully grown adult, I should probably stop because I'm sure it makes me look childish to anybody that's driving around me while I'm picking my nose. Anyway, happy New Year.

Listen, I'm a big nose picker. There's nothing better. There's nothing better. A crusty one when you peel the crusty one and it comes out like long and you're like, that was in my fucking nose and you roll it up, you roll it up in your finger and toss it and flick it.

Listen, as far as my nose goes, my nose has huge pick-me energy. My nose has big pick-me energy and I don't want my nose to change. My dad would always go, pick me a winner whenever. I was, I don't know, that was like a basketball coach thing. Pick your fucking nose.

Like when you get in there and it's like obviously like a huge surface area of your nose covered in hard and snot and the way it feels when it comes off. I mean, this is like one of the great satisfactions of life. We've just heard about so many women having trouble enjoying orgasms. Give yourself some pleasure in this life as a woman and orgasm through your nose. There's nothing better. I like a bit of earwax out of my ear too. Oh, yeah, you love a little ear scratch.

Chris, how do you feel about a nose pick? Oh, when she said the in-traffic thing, I was like, this is my me time. I'm never going to see these people, you know, fuck them. Yeah. You know what's funny? It's funny. Sometimes I'll see somebody picking the nose and then they'll see me looking and they'll like drop their hand.

I want to be like, hey, roll that in your window. Pick away, bro. We all pick. It's funny is I will pick my nose and if someone looks, I just say, sorry, I got something in my nose. I'm getting it out. We all pick our nose, man. This is, I don't understand.

I don't promise. Sometimes I'll get too, like, adventurous, and then, like, there'll be, like, a booger just, like, stuck on the top of my nose, because I was, like, having way too much fun. I love a hard-to-reach booger. To me, you know, that's like, that's like a dog game, you know? I love a heart to reach book, and you know it's there. You ever lose one? Like, it just gets too far up, you know? It just gets too far. It's like, gruel. That motherfucker got away from me, man. It's like the game operation. Yeah. My mom is very into nasal rinses. She says it's really helped her over the winter, and I got to say, that shit feels good. Yeah, you're a good nasal rinser. A little sinus rins. You're actually, to me honest, you're disappointingly comfortable with a nasal rinse. You recently nasal rinsed, and you didn't do any of the, like,

you didn't make any of the drama that's normally associated with a nasal rinse. Yeah, because I'm not a little bitch. Yeah, but this is the problem, man. You need to up the drama on a nasal rinse. This is the thing. Life is full of a couple beautiful little moments, and picking out a hard bugger is one of them. and I say, go off, sis.

Yeah, that's actually, I'm going to Arizona and Las Vegas in the new year. And one of the great things about being in a dry climate is you get awesome nose picks, man. Do you know what I fucking hate? When I'm like, I'm not going to pick my nose, I'm going to blow it. And I blow it, and it's like, and people are like, excuse you. I'm like, what did you want me to do? Just keep it in my nose? They blow, they blow, they nose, like, people get mad when I blow my nose, like, too aggressively or intense.

It's a lot, like, whoa, that was a lot. It's like, sorry? Yeah, listen. I am actually, I don't talk about it a lot, but I snout rocket. What, you snot rocket? You know what snout rocket is? What, you cover one nostril and just blow it out? Yeah, because during tennis, when you're playing, if that happens, you don't have tissues.

You just go to the back of the court. Oh, I just did it. Yeah, Hannah just snotrocketed all over the mic. But every now and then you can mess up the snout rocket and it, like, gets on your shirt. You can book Melrose podcast studio for your podcast. Clean microphones here. Well, thank you guys so much for listening to us this year. Long episode, but worth it.

So much fun. We're definitely in a groove with the little dialers. And keep an eye on Mondays on our Instagram for the next prompt. And we can't wait for you to call in. Oh, yeah. We'll have time to do together next week. Then we have a few weeks where we're apart. Come see me in Chicago on New Year's Eve.

Tickets left. and then Tempe, Arizona, January 4th to 6th. Or if you're in Las Vegas, I'll be there the week after. And I'll give you guys a quick show update. I have a couple tickets left in Charlotte, Raleigh, Raleigh. I have tickets in Reno, Aspen. We're there January 31st. We're there together.

Des and I will be on the show together. It's a ski trip. We added another show at the Paramount in Denver, February 3rd. Oh, nice. We're doing two there? Yeah, we're doing two. And then we have limited tickets left in high. Huntington, but I'm going to be in Atlantic, Ridgefield, Connecticut, Saginaw, Michigan,

Gary, Indiana. I added a second show in Cincinnati, Pittsburgh, Charlestown, West Virginia, Montclair, San Jose, Rochester. Hannah took a phone out for this one. Normally, she can't remember. You know, she's scrolling.

And I hope to see all of you guys there. Hannah Burner.com. That shows. Love you guys. Thank you. Bye. Call you later. Thank you.