Berner Phone - Berner Phone #26: Things We Hate

Episode Date: February 2, 2024

The little dialers have some hot takes this week. They're coming for dogs, Hannah's love for Italian food, and Taylor Swift.  Free delivery with code BERN at Squeezed.com RocketMoney.com/BERNERPHONE

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Oh, my God, you guys. Welcome back to Burner Phone. Oh, goodness, gracious. You might as well get into it. They don't know why your goodness gracious thing.

So we've been planning this, like, crazy trip on the West Coast for a while. I went to L.A. I did 400 podcasts. Definitely listened to them. Not to me about me, but did Whitney Cummings, Brooke and Connor. Too hot takes. Anyway, then we met in Reno and did a really fun Reno show at a casino. It was lit.

Then we went to Lake Tahoe for the first time for two days, and we appreciated the lake. I went ice skating. Strangely warm weather. Very warm Beautiful trip And then Shout out Edgewood Tahoe

Hell yeah Beautiful Then we went to Aspen I've never been to Aspen I'm so excited to go to Aspen But I've retired from skiing Show last night We had two shows last night

That were spectacular I'm obsessed with Aspen I love it And we finally have two days of vacation Before my Denver shows I slept in until 11 As I do And Des

When did you get to the mountain this morning? Oh, I was at the mountain early and I hiked up to the top of the Highland Bowl, which is over 12,000 feet above sea level. As one does. It went great, but I was very tired. And, I mean, like, we'll have to just say it. Well, he texted me at around 12. 11.30. I was like, hey, let's meet for lunch at 1 o'clock.

Let's get lunch at 1. I'm like, oh, shit, I got to get out bed. He's going to, I need to get my shit together. And then I didn't hear from him for like an hour. And then he tried calling me, but it wasn't working. and then he just texted me and said, I'm going to the hospital. Yeah, so I had a really bad fall.

I fell 1,400 feet from the top of the Highland Bowl, just couldn't stop myself. One of my skis didn't pop off, twisted my knee. So it turns out I broke my fibula, and I've probably torn my ACL. So we're lying in bed, recording this podcast, and I'm wearing like a leg brace, and I mean...

And a hospital gown. I'm in a hospital gown. My wee-wee's hanging out. I don't even have, they had given me those horrible hospital underwears, but now it's just me and Hannah, but this is, we're so dedicated to the little dialers that we're still recording the pod. The thing is, we had a different day in mind. We were like, going to get dinner, I mean, at lunch, and then, you know, go shopping maybe,

and then head back, do some recording. But the day went awry. But, you know. I mean, I'm very depressed. We're keeping our spirits up. We're keeping our spirits up. This is literally, this is my nightmare. I think this podcast is the only thing keeping us up right now.

Oh, yeah. I mean. Because I was about to have a depression nap. I would have been fine with you having your depression nap. But, you know, it's great that we're getting this done, you know? Yeah. I mean, listen, five hours ago, I was in a neck brace. They were concerned that I had, like, fractured my spine.

I hadn't. I hadn't. But anyway, that's been established. But the funniest part about it is that the last time I went skiing, we were in Whistler and we ended up in the hospital because I crushed my hand. Yes. And the turntables have turned, as Michael Scott would say. But I also was on stage last night doing my schick where I'm basically just,

this girl came to my show last night and broke both her arms. Oh, really? Yeah. She was in the front. And I was like, I was like, you broke both your arms and you still came to the show. Like, that's amazing. But then I'm like, this other girl had a wrist brace on. And I was like, is that from skiing?

And she's like, yes. And I'm like, what are we doing here? What? Why are we sacrificing our bodies? For what? Like, is it really worth it? Just because we all got boyfriends that are skiers and we're trying to impress them. Like, is the dick that good?

I mean, I just want to point out that I've been skiing since my early 20s. And this is my first real injury. So it happens. I also want to point out. that you know this hike was way too tough i shouldn't have done it i got to the top and i was getting ready to go and then this blonde girl was like oh my god are you hannah berner's boyfriend at the top of the mountain she was at the top of the mountain yeah good for her my god uh anyway she actually was the one that gave me the the line to take and the fall was nothing but anyway

the whole mountain was freaking out because i i was like you fell five football fields five football fields I kept getting pace, like just tumble, oh, just disastrous fall. Like, I just couldn't, like, I was so, it just would not stop. You know, I was just like, oh, my God, like, is this ever going to stop? I know me laugh, but you know when someone's, like, slipping on ice and they just keep slipping. Oh, I mean, I just kept coming. This is like that times a thousand. She was one of the people that got my skis.

They actually gathered up all my stuff. Like, I don't even know how that happened. Thank God I was wearing a helmet. And she's a nurse at the hospital. She was on her day off. Emergency room nurse. Her name is Kinsey. and she actually checked

she checked like my neck and like did like a overall body check and then and then the rescue guys came when the rescue guys came they said four different people called us because I didn't call them I didn't call them four different people called us

and I got stretched it off the mountain but like that's a traumatizing fall like how many times so it was such a long fall that you were like conscious during it like you're like halfway down and like I wasn't stopping and I was just very conscious of just breathing

because I kept getting the wind knocked out of me and I was just like breathe, bro. Oh, it was a nightmare. Do they teach you like what you're supposed to do when that happens? No, but like, just every now and then I would flip, you know, that was the only annoying thing. Like sliding on my back, I was fine,

but then every now and then I was flip. You were fully like snowballed down the mountain. Oh, I mean, I was avalanche myself. I mean, it was so bad. And then like, even at the end, like when I was slowing down, like it was like it still wouldn't stop you know and I could see like a little bit of soft snow I was like this is gonna fucking stop did you almost hit anyone when you were falling no it was not busy and this is not like a this is extreme expert and I can what I fell on was not that bad I just

I literally just kind of like lost my balance like like like a like a slide like a nothing fall you know and uh but I just couldn't stop myself and my fucking ski wouldn't pop off I guess my bindings were too time. Anyway, there's nothing but the first guy that got to me. Of course, you know what I said to him? What do you think the first thing I said to the guy when he came up? My wife told me this was going to happen. I said, I'm so embarrassed. That's what I said. That was my overwhelming feeling at the time. Your ego took over. Because I was, it was an ego death. Well, because you also knew that it was about to be like a whole long haul of the embarrassment. The fall is the least embarrassing part. It's the getting you into a toboggan. Yeah, but honestly, at that,

time i i really didn't think i like i hadn't like thought that maybe like i wouldn't be able to get on my skis or like it wasn't clear i had so much adrenaline that like i had no pain i stood up see like when i got hit by a car i immediately couldn't feel my legs and i was like we're done really yeah yeah so i was just because because she had just recognized me up top and we had this like there was like a group moment where like everybody was involved in this conversation and there was this guy with a red beard that looked like just a turner and he googled who just the turner was that baseball player. So you were entertaining people.

And so they were all aware. And then I saw them all later. You were like, they all came down. This is the TikTok moment where you go, hey, how y'all do? Also, I then get a call and he's like, meet me at the hospital. And I'm like, I literally haven't even seen the town of Aspen yet barely. And I was like, okay. So I get in a shuttle.

And I'm like joking with the guy. And I'm like, my husband, he loves attention. He pulled some stunt at the, on the ski. and then the hardest part is that you documented all of this up until the point you literally like guys I'll tell you how it goes and there was a blackout and I'm like I think we have to tell people my mom my mom was word sick and this is you know a perfect segue to this podcast because we picked what's something people love people love that you hate mine is skiing I hate skiing I hate it never felt it more profoundly than right now I hate it so much I don't understand it I don't understand it I don't

understand the high of it. I don't understand the risk of it. I don't, I don't think it's worth it. I'm not a fan. And Des last night, you almost convinced me to get back on. You were like, you were like, Hannah, like, we went too intense in the beginning. Like, we could do greens. This is a much better, you know, climate for, like, you were getting in my head and I was like, the man has some points. And then today I said, the ski gods, I actually just wrote on Instagram. I said, the ski gods got us again. How many bodies do they have to sacrifice before they, leave us alone and like tomorrow we have to go to denver but like maybe i'll experience a little bit of aspen we had to cancel this is so you know anyway we don't need to get into the admin but i just

we had to move our flights we had to cancel our dinner resists and but you know what as long as i'm with you yeah we're together as long as we're together baby by the way we had a complaint once that we took too long to get into the messages i i'm conscious of that i'm conscious of that now. But then we had people messaging saying they loved us talking before. I think this was a this was like a false alarm. No, not a, this is an alarm alarm. This was a, what's it called when there's like a news alert? I think it's called a news alert. This is a breaking news. What are they when they call a like a, like someone gets an injury and they call a PR conference? Oh, what?

I don't know what you're trying to say. I'm sorry. Emergency PR, whatever. Honestly, we've had a day. We've had a day. Let's get into it. Let's get into it. And I already like...

Can I just say before we play the messages that you did a wonderful job today. You were asked to step up and I was very comforted by your presence and the way that you looked after everything. So I appreciate it. That's so nice because I couldn't tell if I was making it worse or not because I was trying to like pat you on. on the shoulder and then no no that part was fine no the only time was when you knocked your body off of my leg that was no i didn't do that you did actually do that yeah okay that was a bad one i also have to say when you text me come to the hospital i thought immediately okay well this is going to be four hours and i haven't eaten so i went and got us burritos which took like 40 minutes it was fine so i didn't

rush to the hospital your timing was great i kind of knew the timing of a hospital and i said i'm to get there with some burritos and that's how italians show love i mean i had a cat scan today I had a CT scan on my neck. I didn't see that coming today. I do have to say when I walked in and you were in a neck brace, it was pretty dramatic. It was dramatic. I mean, I'm glad I got a picture of it because it turned out I didn't need it. All right, let's go.

Okay. I'm a hypocrite. I said, let's get on with it. I think I might like this one. Go for it. Hi, Hannah and does. Love the podcast. This is Brianna from Rhode Island.

But something that I personally hate that everybody around me seems to love anyway, camping. why the fuck are we sleeping outside for fun don't get me wrong like i'm not a girly girl you know consider myself one of the boys at most days but like if i have a perfectly good house with electricity and you know i'm assuming it's summer because it's new england but air conditioning you know i can charge my phone i can use the toilet i can take a shower why the fuck would i wanted to be outside. Don't hear me wrong. Like, you guys have your fun, but catch me inside. How about that? Catch me outside. How about that? She's pregnant, by the way. Oh, how do you know? Catch me outside. Bad baby's pregnant. Oh, I think you're

about Briel from Long Island. I was like, did you impregnate her? How do you know that? Look, I mean, you're preaching to the choir. And it's funny because I consider myself, like, I love sports. I'll play a ton of sports. But when it comes to some outdoorsy activities, Maybe because I'm a Brooklyn, New York City rat. I don't understand it. My friend Becca took me camping once. And it was like, if you're going to go camping, this is the way to do it. It was in Arkansas.

We went to this lake. There were like 20 people, and they were like professionals. They had all their beers and their little coosies that were floating around the lake. And then we made a fire. And all I remember is I fell asleep with a rock lodged in my cheek. And then I had to poop. And it was like, it wasn't good. No, I'm with you.

I'm not a camping guy. I've never sleep well. If it's an absolute only option for something really interesting, I'll do it. But if there's any other option, I will take it. You know what I have to say? I would love everyone to, like, tell me what their real favorite hobbies are if you couldn't drink. Because I feel like a lot of things people love because they're hammered. Like, if I loved getting hammered, I think camping could be fun.

Yeah. If I loved getting hammered, clubs would be fun. If I loved getting hammered, skiing could arguably be fun. Like, I could possibly, but like when you're sober doing all of these activities, it's just not it. Yeah, like, even a music festival in Ireland, the one time that I was, like, I didn't have a hotel, but I was doing the show, I slept in my car. I was like, not sleeping in a tent. I just, no interest in sleeping in tents. Yeah, the bug stuff.

The only thing that I'd be down for is, like, if we went. to see, like, a wildlife reserve. Yeah. And there were, like, animals. I might, but then, like, you have to get all these shots. It's so much admin to, like, go see wildlife. I'm not into the camping. Maybe just get a house camp.

I mean, I, I, I, maybe, like, some, you know, trek that's like, you know, a bucket list trek. I'll do a day trek. And the only way, the only way to do it is to, like, camp overnight. Maybe, but, like, not. I think it's, and so my weird competitive side. where I understand people are like oh I hiked this mountain but I'd still it's not that impressive to me I'm like okay well a lot of people did it it's not like I want to do something creative or like something like I I want it something that's I don't like I can't

mentally get my head around it and also I do understand though if you were raised by it like if growing up you always went camping it reminds you of friends family like I understand that but we don't have any like back channel to connect us in a positive way I was never into even the Boy Scouts days, I just wasn't into it. I'll do a cabin in the woods, but I don't need to be camping. Wait, I'm really excited about this one because it's very relevant. Hey, Hannah, he does. The one thing that I hate, I don't know if anyone else likes this

or if we're all just too scared to say that we don't like this, but I'm going to go with the massage chairs at the nail salon. I feel assaulted by those massage chairs. and the ladies doing my nails always turns it on and then I get so relieved when it turns off and she'll go oh did it turn off let me click the button again and I'm too scared because I'm a millennial and I don't like speaking to adults to tell her I don't want the massage chair on and I go home and I need a chiropractor appointment immediately 35 of my muscles are in the wrong place and I feel like I just got hit by a Mack truck. So, yes, the massage chair at nail salons need to go. First of all, that is so real that, is it true that, like, millennials specifically don't like talking to adults?

Because I can't talk to adults. Yeah, but you're in denial. You're an adult. No, but I can't talk to them. I'm not saying I'm not an adult. I'm just saying I can't talk. Like, I don't want to call to get an appointment, like a reservation. It's so awkward.

I don't know what it is, but I feel like Gen Z's are, like, they can handle it. Yeah, I don't really know. But, you know, but I understand why she's too, you know, she's too polite to, like, say something. She doesn't want to rectify it. She doesn't want to insult them. Yeah. Do you want to tell them about our massage chair search in Reno? Well, you know, when I got into Reno that day, I noticed there was a load of massage chair.

So we were leaving the next day or whatever, three days later. I was like, hey, there's massage chairs. We had a little time before our flight. And I had already seen this message. So I was like doubly aware of massage. chairs when we actually went into the massage chair but I have to say I like the massage chairs I think they give a decent massage I do have to say for five dollars for 20 minutes it blew my mind yeah we could have paid $250 each yeah in Lake Tahoe instead five bucks but I do have to say

sometimes these chairs if you're not sitting the right way it'll just start hitting the bone and you're like okay ow and then I don't like when it's like like I want like kneading I don't like the like pound it because then your whole body's vibrating she's messing up your feet but I would have never done the massage chair if you weren't there because again

it looks like a video game at like one of those yeah like the old school video game but you sit in and like drive the car and you have to like put stuff and I got intimidated but then I realize you literally just swipe your card 20 minutes goes on it's super easy honestly highly recommend

because when I'm traveling like my feet get bloated I'm sore in weird places I fall asleep always with like the weirdest neck position and like I always have to cross my legs on a flight and sleep which is definitely not ideal yeah I mean that that massage chair was good can we just quickly mention that I have this with the barbershop and with the nail salon when I'm getting a pedicure like if there's anything that I don't like I don't speak up yeah I don't like you've you've gotten a couple of like disastrous yeah I went to Dublin got the bad manicure went across the street

to a different nail salon. Rather than deal with the confrontation of like, what did you do to my nails? And they took it off. So I'd spend double and it took like four hours. But this last one, everyone's mad about my own brain nails. When that lady looked me in the eye and said,

you should do French. And I said, but I want to do umbrella. And I took a risk and it didn't work. But I laugh at it now. But I would never tell her to do it again. Yeah, I know. Yeah.

But I'm that way too. Or like sometimes when you're doing the pedicure and they're like shaving your feet and they're like overshave. and like you're in pain but you don't say anything no page and i always joke like once a woman literally ripped like a whole section of skin off my pinky and i was like thank you thank you i've never once like it was my fault she was like how did that happen and i'm like i don't know you're holding pliers maybe you yanked it off me never once at the barbershop did i ever say

when they shit when they like do the back of my hair i've never been like oh yeah that's not great you know i've once been a couple times actually i've been like can you actually make the face framing layers a little higher by the jawline and then a lot of times like you're out you're wrong like you because it's creative so you're like oh maybe try this because i don't like how it looks and then it looks worse all right yeah or i'll do that the nail salon too i'll be like let's fuck it let's do something crazy and then they're like are you sure and then it's everyone's to blame sometimes you just have to look in the mirror and say am i just ugly no hannah no let's take another one okay let's do something dirty hi hannah and des the one thing that i hate that

most people love is getting eaten out i just find it very uncomfortable it's hot sweaty there's zero temperature control down there and i just generally don't enjoy it um wish i was one of the girlies who did but yeah probably unpopular opinion since i just feel like There's no one I know that agrees with me. So we'd love for you to talk about it on the pod because I think us girlies who don't enjoy it would like to be represented if there's anyone out there. Thanks. Love you.

Bye. This is why it's so hard being a woman because women are so different where some women, like the only way they can orgasm is getting eaten out. Some of them the only way they could do it is when they're like riding the guy. Some ways the only way they can do it is when they're alone. like but then when people talk about it you really feel crazy like some girls straight up or like well all I used to do is eat me out yeah I'm gonna eat me out yeah I mean I've definitely met some women that don't like being eaten out I don't think she you're not on your own no you are

not on your own I mean it's not my number one that's for sure I do think there's mental stuff with it too there's so many variables like a guy could kind of do it wrong and it's so intimate that you're like let's not do that again like especially early in hooking up you're kind of like that's like really intimate yeah and you know you're always like have paranoia about odors down there and stuff like that toilet paper yeah farting the toilet paper also sometimes like when it's taking too long as a woman like as a people pleaser you're like I don't you're working really hard and like I'm in my own head that you're like trying so hard and in my own head that like it doesn't feel like any time of the near future

I'm going to be close to coming so then you get even more in your head yeah then you're like are like are you okay down there you know yeah you can you get yeah and then you're just not in the moment then you tell them something you're like oh can you go to the right a little bit and it still doesn't work and you're like well I use my one you know call a friend I can't give him another one because then it's like he's fucking up so then you're kind of like who wants to be an orgasmine air but 50 50 because yeah once you give everyone's like just tell them what you want if you tell them like seven different times something at that point it's like it gets a little awkward yeah if you're not comfortable with them yeah but then sometimes they could be doing it fine but your head's not in

the game and like that's not you and then it's hard right so what's what's the females tacked on like it's not the worst thing i'm kind of enjoying it but like it's not going to get to like our destination so like let's let's move on what what's your you say put it in me oh okay that's the line yeah or you go like my turn and you like yeah whatever um you don't go like enough of that no you don't go stop because then it's it's you go you go you know what would even be better that kind of thing but also some guys are like obsessed with it like they love it and they're like I'm going to do it and then like you're like is he will he is he liking it even though I'm not liking it and you kind of have this weird like people pleasing moment where you just

don't know what's going on yes I mean again communication is key but you know I think I think it's fine that she's not into it but I also feel like let's not to be too graphic sorry mom but sometimes like the tongue isn't enough pressure right and I feel like some people everyone has different size and sensitivities of their clits and like sometimes I feel like you're like okay I get it but is that what you need and I also think the girls who like it are so outspoken about it I think because it's cool like it's cool to be like yeah he went down on me like for 12 hours where like that could be someone's nightmare being like okay I don't want to awkwardly have a guy like I love what she said it's hot down there

because yeah he's breathing into it also like he's kind of drooling and then it could drool like down your butt and then it's like in your butt crack and I don't love that. Hannah needs the tongue pressure of a massage chair. I need the abrasiveness of a intense massage chair. All right. Well, that was well established. Oh, God.

Also, those massage chairs are so old. There's been a lot of people sitting on them, yeah. Okay. Yeah, they haven't, they certainly haven't updated. Wait, I love all these opinions. They're so good. Okay, I'm clicking this one because it's something I love. Hi, Hannah and Dez. I just left a message, but I'm calling again because like I said, I'm a huge

hater, so this prompt was great for me. As we're coming off of Dry January, everybody is talking about getting together for mocktails. I think that mocktails are fucking stupid. I love it in theory, but like it's just juice. Just drink water, lemonade, soda, like whatever you want to get, that's fine not drinking great but there's so much hype over mocktails it just really pisses me off like i get that it's fun to have something cute to hold in your hand but like i said just like get a can of soda pour your lemonade in a glass whatever you want to do mocktails i just don't think need to be a thing and the amount of people i've had this month telling me like oh let's go get mocktails we're both doing dry january i don't want to do that i don't want to spend like 20 dollars

on a glass of juice i could have poured at my house let's just hang out we don't need a replacement we need to give this girl her whole episode a whole episode that's a full pod i do have to say mocktails are the biggest rip-off of the century because they will like muddle a little basil with just like pineapple juice and be like 24 dollars in new york city i mean they're always too sweet yes they're never nicer than like any of the drinks that are available for non-drinkers Like, give me a Diet Coke. No, of course, I've done the mocktail. They look cool in the glass.

You're trying to fit in. But nine times out of ten, it's not a better drink than a drink that already exists. I do have to say, it's not even the fitting in for me. You almost feel like I'd rather fit in with just like a soda drink because a moktail you're also getting ripped off. But I do have to say, I'm a hypocrite because this bitch loves a moktail. I love a fun, juicy little drink. I hate that the only juice is available. It's like iced tea or lemonade.

And I don't want, like, peach nectar. I want apple juice. I want cranberry and orange juice mixed together. I love different flavors. I love a moktail. But they are too sweet. So what I do, which is so trashy of me, I get my glass of water. I get my macktail.

I sip, it's too sweet, and then I replace it with water. And then I continue sipping, and then I replace it with water. So I'm constantly pouring water into my other drink, and people can probably see me do it. But this moktail will last for the full $24. dollars it will last for three hours because i'm drinking i have a whole process i love a moktail but i do always feel scammed i will say i like a virgin pinocotta because it's basically a smoothie yeah i fuck with a virgin pinoclet so when we go away to like the caribbean and stuff yeah i'll hit up on a virgin pinacolada every time i like a nohito just because it's like a good name yes it's a cool name

so give me a nohito nohito that's cool i do think saying the word mocktail is kind of chuggy it's a little millennial um you can just be like let's go to the bar and we don't have to drink and if you happen to order a mocktail that's fine but don't be like yay mocktails it's i mean that was a hater of me that was really as a mocktail drinker i don't call it a mocktail i'll be like they always give it the weirdest names like can i have you know the sex on in the salon please they were like can i have the elephant flu purple hat thank you that's what they named them and the craziest shit. Can I have the sunrides chlamydia?

Thank you. There is, you know, when you don't drink, people always have these pressure to, like, get you a drink. Like, not an alcoholic drink, but like, a drink. Yeah. And it's like, I've had two glasses of water. Like, I'm good. I don't, you know, don't feel uncomfortable

because I don't have a glass in my hand. They do put, like, soda water in it now, which I don't love. And then it's like, how much soda water is in this? And then they pick the, honestly, the fancier, the mocktail, the worst. they'll be like lavender and bee pollen and hibiscus and then it starts tasting like the floor of a spa yes and i don't i don't love that yeah and it's like drinking a facial literally and it's tart it's not good and you can't ask for sugar that's fucking weird so sometimes it's just better to go safe i personally my favorite drink is like cranberry juice with orange juice and water together but you can't order that

You can. You can, but that's annoying. That's annoying. That's like me trying to tell this person at the salon to change the color. Okay, wait, I hate this, and I'm going to press on it. I absolutely despise Labradoodles, or really any type of doodles for that matter. Yeah, and I know that's controversial, but that's my heart take. I don't even care.

I absolutely despise them. This is not a Labradoodle household. We're not Labradoodle people, Dan. I joke that, you know, guys in the South are named, like, Labradoodles, you know, they name them Tucker and, you know. Yeah, they're the frat boys of dogs. Oh, my God. Yeah, they're the boys that tell their moms to shut up and they're spoiled and they have their dad's credit card. Yeah, and like people think because they're hyper, they're not hyperalogenic number one, but like, because they have this hyperalogenic reputation and they don't really shed that much, then people automatically think that they're like better behaved.

I've seen some pretty badly behaved doodles. Yeah, and they're like the ones that have the cute names and they have cute parents and aesthetically they're cute. But let's be honest, they're not that good looking. And they're from puppy farms. Like, you know, they've become the most popular dogs now. It's trendy. They're from puppy farms in Pennsylvania.

You know, I do like some little Labradoodle mix says I'm not a monster. But you know like the big Labradoodles? Someone made a joke that it looks like a human just in like a suit, a Labradoodle suit. I can't unsee it because it has like those long arms and legs and then like a long I just I can't unsee it and then I like to see dogs faces like I want to see their little nose I want to see their forehead so when it's just kind of I don't know it's quiffed it's quaffed it's yeah I'm not there's just something there's the shelters are full of dogs number one right so there's

just there's no need for this this doodle revolution I do have to say we just we've been fostering abbey from South Animal's Shelter. South Hampton Animal Shelter, shout out. And Dez's brother has been taking care of Abby in West Hampton because we've been traveling. And we're at this point where like we actually, we need to find someone to like permanently adopt Abby. Yes. So if you are looking for a pocket pit mix who is the sweetest, most cut, like honestly the best dog we've ever fostered, we're in love with her. We could cry talking about it.

But I don't want to lie. She's not great with other dogs. So I highly recommend if you don't have another dog in the home, go for Abby. But if you're walking Abby and you see a doodle, just let her off leash. No. Actually, so Abby doesn't like other dogs, but she does like big male dogs. And that's where me and her are like. Yeah, exactly.

You love a big man. Put us in our place. But anyway, the Labradoodles, I appreciate it. They're cute Labradoos. And if you're a doodle owner, you know, we're kind of, this is hyperbole. It's hyperbole. We're overdoing it. I did say on Gigoo Squad once that French Bulldogs look like they got hit in the face with a frying pan and people got very mad.

Really? Well, French Bulldogs are very trendy these days. So trendy. But I do have to say I like an ugly, cute dog like that. I do like it. My dog of choice, a hairy chihuahua. So I shouldn't even be talking. Yeah.

That is the most hated dog in the world. That's the dog that I love. But Labradoodles, I get it. It's just sometimes dogs, I don't think people realize how, like, much of a commitment they are like it's like having a child and sometimes someone will be like you know me fun i'm like depressed this month let's get a labradoodle puppy he's so fucking cute and then like three months in they're like holy shit this is really difficult i know a lot of girls in the city who did that so this is just a warning um but again i i i we love animals of all kinds

i have to go to the bathroom desman has to go the bathroom sorry all right does had to do a quick P break. Yeah, it's a kick 20 minute P break. It's a bit of an operation. Okay, guys, this is very important for saving money. Do you find that you have subscriptions you forgot about or you paid twice for or you didn't realize it? Things are just automatically charging your card, but you get overwhelmed by the admin of what

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Okay, I'm excited for this one. something that really bothers me that doesn't seem to bother anyone else is this need to play a group game or do an activity in any kind of social setting. Why is it that when I'm at Jessica's house for a dinner party, somebody has to say, y'all, let's play a game. I don't want to play a game. This is the activity. The activity is that I left my house. I drove over here to drink and eat cheese. I can't sit here and watch y'all all learn how to play a game looking dumb. Nobody can figure it out.

Nobody knows what's going on. We're not really playing the game. We're just really sitting here talking. So why can't we just sit here and talk? Like a normal set of adults, why do we have to play a game? I don't want to play a game. I cannot wrap my head around it. And God forbid, you're the one who doesn't want to play the game and you become public enemy number one.

Oh, my God. Other people, southern girls are so funny. It is true. Because you instantly get in a bad mood and then everyone looks at you like you're the Grinch. Who's gotten more than halfway in a game of Monopoly and I've been like, why are we playing this? Like, what are we doing? Well, this is the thing with games that I would argue. Like 10% of the time, it's like the most fun you've ever had.

You're like, this game is amazing and you don't want to stop and you feel like a kid again. But 90% of the times, it's boring. The rules just are too complicated. You get too competitive and you actually start getting upset. Someone's cheating and then you start having beef with someone. You are like a couple's start fighting. Someone flips a table or it's just like someone's changing the rules. Like this is the thing.

Games I have had a lot of fun with. I have, but it's a small chance. If you're going to recommend a game, make sure it's a game that has been testing. and proven at multiple parties before you become that person. Yeah, I mean, listen, charades, no more than 20 minutes, fun. Fun for 20 minutes, then it goes on too long, okay? Trivia Pursuit would have been a great game if they made it like 30% of the duration that it is. Because it takes too long, and let's face it, the questions were often too hard.

Monopoly, insane, way too long. Risk, that would take weeks. I understand if it's like you're doing something It also has to be a certain time of the party Like the energy has to be kind of getting to a lull It can't be like everyone's a little nervous In the beginning or everyone's having fun And then you like ruin the energy

By doing your game It has to be like things are calm There's a lull Hey, what do we think about this And also if there's drinking involved That's great I have had fun playing BS before But it has to be like four or five people

It can't be like too many people Yeah I've had fun playing boggle Boggle, yeah. Boggle, I enjoy. You know what's fun, Djanga. Jenga's great. Because that's easy. It's easy.

It's, you don't get too upset. Yes. And like failure is just as fun as success. Failure is funny. When it goes. You know what one of the sad things about the end of childhood is? The realization that Tick Taktow will always be a draw for the rest of your life. Tick Tecttoe used to be fun, man.

Like, it's a sad day. Connect 4 and Tick Tick Taktow. connect all or like two games that you get too old and then it's just you know what game is kind of weird looking back at it twister yeah we didn't play a lot of twister but it is kind of a it's a little bit problematic it's a sexual yes definitely but it was cropy i we had a twister and i remember having great times at twister but i was young but can i just say about twister like the the commercial on tv and the picture on the board nobody gets in those positions no it was always very basic it could be fun when you're like 14 and everyone's horny and you're just like let's play twister and then it's like oops oops spin the bottle then

twister yeah i mean you know what's the worst game those ever invented popham sockets oh i don't know that game it's basically like these balloon things you put on your hands and you just punch each other oh yeah yeah there were so many games a lot of games that led to fights yeah shoots and ladders was a dumb game like you know as you get old do you realize like some games have no skilled i i i hate those games. Yeah, there was... Although, I will say this. What?

Recently, Derek Gaines showed up at the comedy seller with Uno. And actually, I enjoyed playing Uno. But I didn't realize how much controversy there isn't Uno. A lot of people have their own rules. That's the thing. And then you'll be like, it's my house, it's my rules.

And then you start feeling crazy. There was a game, oh, shoot, there was one game. I like card games. Okay. I like card games. There's a thing, it's not Fanta. It's called like Fantan. I don't know.

That was a game. We used to play as a family, quite fun. Yeah, and Scrabble's fun. Scrabble is very fun. My Nana kicks my butt. But you got to be in the mood. You got to be in the mood. Yes, and you have to be in it for the long haul.

Shnade Gibney knows all the, like, the cue, the cue words. My nana is wild. My nana is a villain when it comes to Scrabble. Okay, I have a question. When you play Scrabble, if you challenge and it turns out the word is real, do you lose your turn? Is that how you play it? We don't play with any challenges. Really?

Well, like, you can't keep, you have to, like, if it's a word, then you miss your turn if it was wrong. Oh, yeah, but what about the challenger? Oh, I haven't done that. Yeah, because Chenade gives me very much, if you challenge and it is a word, you lose your turn. I like that. Put the fist down, Shanade. I like that. Yeah, a lot of people play that way.

I do think it's also, like, if some people don't want to play, people are like, you have to play, and then they're not enjoying while playing. and you're enjoying it. You know what people love, that game with the phone where you have to... Oh yeah, that's a fun game. Put it on your forehead. But no game is fun when it goes on too long.

Exactly. That's the trick. Exactly. You got to end on a high. Everyone has a turn. Everyone's peaked. And yeah, it depends on the personalities. And I used to enjoy Pictionary,

but I feel like Pictionary went out for some reason. You know it is. I think it's more... Every now and then there's a douche who thinks he has the game that everyone's going to love and then he's trying to explain the game to you and you're like three, four locoes deep

and you don't know what's going on and you don't care and the next thing you know you're thrown into it and you're playing bad and then you're like I was so much happier 10 minutes ago great call okay this is an interesting one okay something that everybody loves

but I think is absolutely disgusting is pie Okay, the texture of, like, cooked fruit, I love fruit, but when it's hot and mushy, it's disgusting. And it sucks, like, on holidays and stuff because pie is the dessert, right, for Thanksgiving, apple pie, can't name anything worse. The only kind of acceptable pie is ice cream pie. Wow. Oh, I've never had ice cream pie.

Well, ice cream cake. Oh, that's ice cream. I think ice cream pie. Oh, yeah, I don't know. Sorry, I assume that's what she meant. Yeah, I don't know. I could be wrong. You're a pie lover.

No, I love a pie, but I do appreciate a lot of sort of fruits when they're cooked. Like, the texture is weird, but not in a pie for me for some reason. For me, I fucking love cooked fruit. A cooked apple, mm. Really? A cooked peach, a cooked pear, when it's hot, put some cinnamon on it, mm. Wow. But I don't like a pie.

You don't like a pie? I don't like a pie. I don't like a pie. because that's like separate like I either want it like all cakey or all fruity I don't need it mixed you don't like a briarmier farms Riverhead pie I love briarmer I support small businesses not a fan of pies wow I'm not gonna if if it's the only thing I have I'm not going to be like but you'll never see me choosing a pie a briarmere cherry pie yes see my thing is I'd rather the cherries with ice cream and whipped cream I don't need that like pastry the pastry I want with

chocolate or vanilla right i don't want it with fruit okay i'm fine with that but i do like a cookie with fruit you like a cookie with like you know those cookies with like a raspberry in the middle oh yeah yeah i like that i'll fuck with that i do so i'll have to talk to someone about that um do you want to click the skiing one i guess we have to i guess we have to let's see what they say hi hannah hey does um hannah i know this one's not going to be lost on you at all but something i hate that everyone else loves is skiing, snowboarding, anything winter sport-esque. I moved to Colorado in my 20s and I live in Denver and it's like a free requisite that you're able to do those things if you want to have friends, especially come wintertime here. So I begrudgingly had to get into it as a

tall, linky bitch and figure out how I'm going to get from the top of a mountain to the bottom of a mountain, but only after I accumulated thousands of dollars of gear that I didn't even want to get, but I had to get. And then you spend so much money to get a lift ticket. You sit in a parking lot of a freeway to get up to the mountains every weekend to fight against all the crazy people who want to be there. And then you're freezing and miserable. And it's just a thing that rich people invented to torture the rest of us. And I just don't understand why so many people love it. You know what? I realized if we were younger and had a group of like 10 people rent a house and we're going skiing and I go with a bunch of girls who like they're at a similar level to me or guys and we ski for a little bit, I could see myself being like, yeah, skiing. It's fun. But like we were doing intense crazy skiing. I ski for six hours a day for a week. Yeah, I mean, it's okay, you know, obviously I'm not going to be a real pro skier today.

But I, it's annoying. You got to, like, you got to get the bug for it at the right time in your life. Yeah. And then, honestly, the better you get, the less annoying all that stuff is. I mean, barring today, like, none of it is annoying to me. But I 100% appreciate if you get into it later in your life like this woman has and, like, the driving and the, it's all very annoying. If you're not like, if you don't have a love for it, it's really not worth doing. I guess it's true.

If he wants to do, he will. And if he wants to ski, he'll figure it out or she will figure it out. I do remember when I first started, it wasn't just a hand to try and the mountain. It had to be like, we had to get all these things. And I was getting a little nervous because I'm like, this is expensive. And these are a lot of accessories. But, yeah, rich people are wild. They'll do anything to try to feel something because they're so numb from the generational trauma.

Indeed. You finally sleep? No, I have. This is the first podcast I've done lying down. Okay. This one is very popular, surprisingly. Hey, Hannah and Des. You guys are funny and cool.

Anyways, something that everyone loves and I fucking hate. Ceylantro. Why does everyone expect everyone to like it? I know everyone says, okay, it tastes like soap. I don't really think it tastes like soap. I don't think it tastes like herbs. that are not fully developed yet. And Kudoba and Chipotle just like automatically mixed it in their rice.

And the second I walk into Chipotle, and I have to ask for white rice, no cilantro, I get so nervous that they're going to judge me immediately because they always fucking do. And they lie and say that they don't have plain right rice. Yes, you do have plain right rice. You just are fucking lazy and don't want to give it to me. Anyways, disgusting. I do fucking love two things plain white rice and bread and butter

and that needs to be normalized more yesterday we were out and I ordered a salad because I was trying to be healthy and then I was like still hungry after and I was like can I just have bread with butter and they kind of looks at me crazy but I was like that's what I that's a real meal Ajax Tavern and Aspen

one of the most exclusive ski resorts in the world and there's Hannah with her bread and butter just shoving it in my face like half a salad not eating because salads I cannot get through but I'll eat a whole fucking chicken barmajohn second. I think you like the idea of ordering a salad, but I don't think you like the idea of eating one. I can't get through it. It's rabbit food. The texture. Why are you ordering it?

Because it tastes good the first like two bites. And I ate the whole salmon. Like whatever protein I get I eat. And then I'm just like nibbling like a like a horse. But this is the thing with cilantro. I believe it's a genetic thing where it can taste like soap for people. My best friend Haley Shari said that and I believed her because I believe all women. Yeah, I think it is one of those things like cucumber but this person said that they don't i actually agree with her i don't i don't love it i don't need it but i love that they do judge you if you're like can i have the rice without cilantro because like you never asked for cilantro rice but someone decided that it was worth it but sometimes is it a little mental if it's just like a little cilantro like my friend

corey used to just say like no green stuff in anything and i'm like you can't even taste it that that's ridiculous you can't even taste it that much i'm not even that familiar with the cilantro flavor. Yeah, it's, it's in guacamole a lot. Yeah. But guacamole is such a fun mix of like lime and stuff. I like it in guacamole, but I don't eat it. It is specific, and I would say it's an acquired taste like olives or Dijon mustard.

Indeed. And it's part of adulting to come around to it. To come around to it, maybe. But that girl sounds like the kind of girl who will tell the nail salon person to turn off the massage chair. She's got the strength. She goes, actually, if you don't have white rice, can you pick out all the pieces of cilantro, please?

And I'll watch it. Can you rinse it and strain it? I love that. This might be a little upsetting for me, but I'm going to click it. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Dez. I guess I'll just get right into it, but I cannot stand lasagna.

I did not know if it's just the texture of the ricotta cheese or what, but it is a hard pass from me. My mom tries to get me to try it every single time that she makes it. And I refuse like a little toddler and throw a fit. I guess it's just a good thing that I'm not Italian, but I'm admitting it to you guys. So I don't know how far that's going to get me. All right. Love you guys. Bye.

So I respect an honest queen. And I do have to say, even though lasagna is the Gigli Squad food, representative it is overrated wow that's a big call like i don't i'm not out here like choosing lasagna that's what it's like a family party food yes but i love it as a family party you make a tray i also i don't mind the green one where and i'm not talking about some weird like instagram video you saw i'm talking about like they do the bechamel or like the white sauce like alfredo with spinach and um zucchini like there's good ways they could do a veggie one and then there's the one, you know, with like a bolognese,

and then there's, you can do a vodka one. There's so many ways you could do it. But it is, A, it's very filling. But I always feel like one piece of lasagna is not enough, but two is like insane. Yeah. So I never know what to do. You speak about this overrated lasagna with such love.

Well, because I love all Italian food. But of the Italian food, lasagna is not, it's very heavy. I know, but it's one of my preferred comfort foods. Oh, I mean, a good lasagna is everything. I'm more of an eggplant parmesan, chicken parmesan, girl. The problem with lasagna is there's always too much of it. You always overeat. And it's very hard not to overeat lasagna.

It's also very hard to get the pasta, the right, like, it's always a little too soft because you're like cooking it in a different way. Do you like crispy on the outside? Yes. Yeah. Do you like the corner or the middle? I'm a corner guy. You're fucking freaky. I'm a corner guy all day.

You're freaky. And I like the end of the meat, too, like the end of like a roast beef. I want that end piece, man. Yeah. Well, maybe I'll make you a lasagna one day. Yeah, make a lasagna. I think we have time for one more. Hey, Hannah and Des.

Des, I need to give a quick shout out to your special. I don't know who produced that thing, but it was fantastic. No, I'm kidding. It was so good. I liked. I commented. I was laughing. He did such an incredible job.

Listeners, if you haven't seen it yet, you have to go check it out. something everybody loves that I hate, Taylor fucking Swift. Someone please explain to me the chokehold she has on the American public. I was at my parents' house, you know, eating dinner. The news came on. Every single segment talked about, will Taylor Swift make it back in time from her show in Tokyo for the Super Bowl? Who cares? Who cares? When did the Super Bowl? When did football become about Taylor Swift dating Travis Kelsey? Why do I have to see her freaking face every time I open my social media? I'm over it. I'm so over it. Please, public, move on. It is not that interesting. Interesting. Obviously, I don't have a strong opinion on this, but we had a lot of this

message, a lot. Well, this is what happens with extreme fame. I mean, this is a level of fame that I I don't think humans can fully comprehend. She probably can't even comprehend it. And when you have that much exposure, overexposure becomes a thing. But she's not the one telling outlets to post her. It's because people keep clicking.

And then it becomes, and then we're on our phones and every single place you follow is talking about it. And next thing you know, you feel like it's her doing it. But she's not doing it. She's, I mean, she does like want the press. She'll decide when she wants to be out there.

But, yeah, we're peek. We're at Peak Taylor right now, and it's understandable. It's understandable that some people are going to be in their bonnet about it. You know, and the reason we don't like complaining about Taylor Swift, but she has very passionate fans. And I'm not complaining about Taylor Swift now, but I did think it was only fair because of the amount of messages that we got in about it, that it needed to be represented.

I do have to say, as a documentarianist, I think, I highly recommend to watch Miss Americana. it's her documentary and you just you see a cool side of an artist talking about her eyes and I love seeing like who people really are besides just like their name that keeps flashing on the screen

but she actually the interesting thing about her is she had such a public like downfall where like Taylor Swift is over party like the internet hated her so much that she disappeared for over a year and was like living in London with her boyfriend like no one saw her

and then she had this like come back with her music reputation and now she has the karma and so it's kind of just this very fascinating person who we all feel we know a lot about her life so it becomes more interesting so these people are kind of living vicariously through her and i think that if you have so much power in modern day america that one side of the political divide is actually concerned about the power you might yield in the election that it that is an insane thing that is an insane thing amount of power for a pop artist it's crazy and at the end of the day if a woman's winning a woman's winning and that's great it's great for women in the arts but I do have to say

it's hard for the media to manage like it's like how they were talking about the Kardashians for like nonstop it's like pick your poison but it's a perfect storm because not only she start dating Travis Kelsey but then they do still make it to the Super Bowl so it's just like

relentless exposure you know i personally was upset because i had the chiefs in fantasy and they went through a lull of winning and then after i got fourth place suddenly started winning again i'm a huge patrick mahomes fan um but you know what things come in waves and this is this time of her life is so crazy i wonder how she's emotionally handling it um but i just hope she's okay i hope everyone watching her is okay and i hope i'm going to be okay i hope des is going to be okay i hope des is going to be Okay. And we had on a lot of different hate. We love all you haters. You guys are amazing. And, you know, open my eyes to some things. And I don't know if I'll ever see cilantro the same again. Don't forget to tell people to go to Saginaw. Oh, yeah. I have a show coming up in Saginaw and Gary, Indiana, and Atlantic City. And Des is not going to be going anywhere for a while. But if you want to make him feel better, go watch his special that has been getting. beautifully glorious reviews

and multiple clips have gone insanely viral and I'm very proud of you babe and obviously there's a lot of comments about the executive production well I mean it's obvious that it was like very well done on the executive production side but thank you all so much

don't forget to tell people about Burner Phone oh yeah and leave it does a review on Burner Phone to make him feel better for his leg are we guilt-tripping people I know I just yeah Like, more importantly, though, like, tell your friends, oh, listen to Burn a phone. You know, we got a nice rhythm going now.

A lot of boyfriends are starting to listen in. Oh, yeah, we like that. Get your boyfriend, your ex, your situation. Guys, if you're listening, you got a message in. Yeah, boys. Got a message in. You have to take up space too. But yeah, does is just going to be scrolling his phone sad for the next, who knows how long.

So leave him a nice message, send him a DM. And we love you guys so much. Thanks for calling in. Thank you. Bye.