Berner Phone - Berner Phone #27: Wildest Meet Cutes

Episode Date: February 9, 2024

We asked the little dialers the craziest ways they have met a romantic partner and they did not disappoint. Apparently love is real and can happen when you least expect it.  Free juice cleanse delivery at Squeezed.com with code BERN

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. What's up? My little dialers. We're back. We're back in our apartment in New York after a stressful. exit from aspen not my fault not your fault there was there was there was no insinuation of of a fault there usually it is my fault this time not my fault i do have to say i said to you yesterday and i i i stand by it literally yesterday the day before i was thinking it was fucking insane that we got

that episode recorded yeah because i've never broken my leg in my life and whatever by the fact that i've also ruptured my acl which we now know for sure like i would have have always thought that a leg break would be traumatic enough that you wouldn't record a podcast that evening but look we're professionals okay the show must go on but i also do think that it was therapeutic like we were so depressed that we were like let's listen to some funny messages from the little dialers and it was actually really fun it was actually my favorite memory from that day yeah it was it was definitely a positive i definitely went to bed feeling like i accomplished something Anyway, we got some messages of people being like, we have to do something for Valentine's.

We have to do something for the Valentine's episode. And I'm like, okay, how do we make it funny? How do we make it interesting? What's something you want to know from people that you don't know? And I was thinking that we should ask people the wildest, craziest ways that they met someone. Because if you're single right now, I always tell people it takes one moment, one crazy moment in your life. for you to meet someone that you're like wow that's my person whether it's a friend or anything and they're always like oh you'll find you'll find the right person when you're not looking

I want to hear what actually happens when you find your person how did it happen and then if you're in a relationship I think it's really fun to listen to these stories to just be like wow look at all the different ways I mean honestly some of these are literally like a rom-com pitch I'm shocked this this honestly it's very cute you know I think maybe we thought we were going to get like funny ones but there's an earnestness in this week's episode I have to say because they're very romantic this is this is a true Valentine's episode and if you're like oh I don't want to listen to a romantic thing because like I'm single this is actually manifestation at its best you're hearing crazy stories this is inspirational

yeah this is inspirational because honestly the thing that you're going to take from this I don't want to give away too much spoiler alert but the thing you're going to take from this episode is you really never know it can happen in any situation even a gas station bathroom uh i don't we didn't get any gas station bathrooms but we did get gas stations oh i'm not saying i picked one but there was definitely people who were like there was definitely one which was like i made out with this guy when i was 18 and then we lost touch and then 10 years later i was out of gas station and he pulled up in a cop car and i was like oh my god it's you and now we're married and he's He was like, why are you doing heroin at the gas station and arrested me?

Does, do you believe you find that person when you're not looking? I believe that you can find the person in any scenario. I don't believe in any specific avenue. The one thing I'm taking from this week's episode is that just like life, love is random. I don't even believe in your person, but I believe that you find the right person at the right time because you just have to go. with it. It's random. Yeah, you just have to trust your gut. Life is literally leaves in the wind. You just never know, man, you know. And so let's get into it. There's no need for us to

pontificate about things that we haven't listened to yet. Now, this is the most, this is like as random as it gets. Okay. This is, this is proof that life is random, okay? Well, some people will say the opposite actually, but either way, you'll see what I mean. Oh my God. Hannah, I feel like I have been waiting for this moment for my entire relationship. So finally, it's all been worth it. I met my husband because I mistyped an email address. Swear. And we're now married.

I meant to type it to a student that shares the same first name in the beginning of the same last name. And I was doing like what you're not supposed to do. and I was driving and sending an email and Google just like finished it for me and finished it wrong and now we're married

shut up it's like it's hard to believe I mean I have follow up questions for her like how what did she say in the email how did it get back and forth how did they start flirting from a email that was supposed to be to a child

yeah I mean it's just one of those funny scenarios he probably said back a funny message being like is this for me yeah and then like they they they probably they just found some just like little little spark in the banter have you never like i feel like over the years like particularly back in the wrong number days yeah a couple of times where i would like end up having funny conversations with actually at wisconsin one of my teammates thought it would be funny to put my phone number on the back of a chair in one of these huge halls being like if you want a fun time

call me so every like that this was towards the end like when I was a junior I would get text all the time being like what's up haughty and then like depending on my mood I'd respond and like they're all college kids so I'd be like come to the KK tonight and then like I had nothing ever came of it because I'd always get like creeped out yeah but it was like for a fun time call this number and I was like responding yeah just like banter's fun and clear but that's crazy first of all that shows typos are good but this does remind me of my recent nile rogers story if you listen to um i met this guy nile rogers on the plane i wasn't supposed to sit in that seat it was like the wrong seat and i end up having like this incredible chat with this guy yeah um so sometimes

one of the greats of the music mistakes are actually like right sometimes it just works out it's not black and white that's incredible that is fucking i'm married because of auto correct that's crazy i met my husband on a cruise from boston to bermuda in the buffet line and he tried to take some food off of my plate the nerve and basically hung out with him that whole week kept in touch started dating in college doing long distance and dated for 10 years and now we've been married for a year just because he wanted to take the chicken nuggets off my plate I was like where's the chicken nuggets because I remember the chicken nuggets I was like where the fucking the chicken nuggets um okay that's crazy one because my mom and dad met on a blind date

did you know that I think I did they were a blind date um and the people that introduced them are married and have kids and I'm friends with their kids so it's the whole thing but anyway On the first date, my mom was, like, eating a fruit salad, and the fruit kept falling out, and my dad kept eating it. And my mom was, like, what is this guy doing? But, like, he immediately had this, like, comfortability with her that's crazy. But cruises are wild. Cruises are wild. Have you ever been on a cruise?

I've never been on a cruise. But you're stuck, right? Well, I have a funny story from a cruise when I was younger. And I think I was, like, 14. Like, you know, it's a crazy time. No, I was, like, 16. and you get on the cruise and you're with your parents and you're there for a week and you're bored

and you're like looking around and I remember I saw this guy who seemed very handsome like gorgeous and I decided the whole trip I was like I have to find this man so like five days go by and I can't and we're trying to find this guy and my dad's joking

he's like you guys are creepy like this is creepy if I was this guy I would call the police but it's a huge cruise so my mom and I are like maybe he's here like we're just trying we're bored finally like the last two nights there are two nights left we are we go to one of these shows like a magician show and he sits right in front of me and I'm like mom it's him it's him and my mom's like you have to say something so we're getting up and I say something to him and then we end up hanging out that whole night and it turns out he's so weird like he's such a strange guy

we might have kissed or something but then he starts stalking me and the last day we're avoiding him the whole time it's a great journey so long as they're sure you can fall in love with anyone in your head i was really bored and then i ended with having a stalker how the time turntables have turned now how do you feel about the his move of just taking a chicken nugget how do you feel about this as a move i fall in love with the guy yeah it's cute i'm in love i'm in love it's bold it's a bold move exactly but that's the thing it wouldn't work on some people Some people would be like, what the fuck? But clearly, when you're yourself, I mean, that's honestly, that's the most attractive thing I've ever heard.

Yeah, because, you know, at the end of the day, it's like, you might as well take the risk because if she's into it, it's a major win. And if she's not into it, you know immediately you don't fuck with this person. Yeah, she's not your person. No, because, like, I love the poking fun type of banter in the beginning. So, yeah, if we were standing in line and you took some of my food, no, I'm in love. But let's face it, if we were standing in line, you're the person. person that would be more inclined to do the food take that would be more of a you move that is fully me also let's be honest if the person's ugly you're like what the fuck was that if you're not

attracted to the person it depends your reaction is your reaction is totally conditional to what you see when you look up from your tray when you look up for your tray you're like wait it okay you know what it is it's a very dad move and maybe because I have daddy issues I could also see like an older man would do that to me in line and like think it's funny and then be like, by the way, when I was younger, I was very good looking. And you're like, okay, thank you. Thank you. There was one that I didn't put in, which was a dad went up to a girl and said, would you go to this dance with my son? And they did go and they dated for a bit. It didn't work out. But what would you think about that? Like if a dad was trying to set you up at their kid. I have a lot of weird feelings because I'm that weird age, you know, where I'm 32. So I'm attracted to men who were like 50. Yeah, but it's not about you. It's just like, what do you feel about the dad, you know, setting? No, grow up. It did work.

They did have some dates. I mean, it didn't work out long term. I think it's cute when the mom sets it up. Yes. The mom's like, I mean, you had every dentist and there's hygienist, and she's like, my son is single. He went to NYU, and he's a very nice guy. Can I give him your number? By the way, this was cute in that the dad said to the girl, oh, will you go to this thing with my son?

Yeah. And then the dad said to the son, oh, this girl was asking me to set you up with her. So he lied. This dad is fucking manipulative. They lied to the son to make it seem like he didn't say to the girl, will you go out with my son? But again,

it's not hot that the guy didn't have the balls to just ask her and he needed his fucking dad to get involved. No, but I think it was random. It was like random. Oh, like the dad just saw this girl to supermarket. It was in her hairdressers, but it was in like a bar. Is it creepy that the dad was like this girl's cute? Well, that's the thing.

I think he was getting, I think he was getting his kick. He was getting his own. kicks out of it. Yeah, he's living vicariously through his son. All right, here we go. Actually, this is a throwback to a memory that I never did, but I know it had its, it had its moment in time. Here we go. Hi, Hannah and Des. My name is Jessica, and I'm actually so glad you asked this question because I met a previous partner when I was living in China during COVID. And I was home alone and I was bored, and I logged on to a little old website called Chat Roulette. If you know, you know.

And I flipped through a lot of guys, like, holding your dicks of masturbating. I wasn't interested in that, but this guy happened to be playing the banjo. And I love the banjo. And, yeah, I, like, definitely fell in love with him. And we chatted for several months. And then came back to the U.S. we met we dated um and it was really beautiful until it was not and then um that quickly dissolved but yeah chat roulette for the win slash loss thanks what the fuck bring back chat roulette

wait you never chat roulette i never went on chat roulette but uh somebody who i'm close to uh told me that she went through a chat roulette phase and she was getting a kick out of it but She was also like sometimes partaking in the dark side of chat roulette in that like she would see a guy who wanted to jerk off and she would also get involved herself because she was getting a kick out of it. Wow. See, I was chat roulette was like when I was like 12, 13, maybe 10. I don't know. It was that age where like you were scared and feeling very naughty going on chat roulette. Oh, right.

And it was just you'd go through and it would just be like a bunch of teenagers look at each other and then you go, and you go the next one and then you see a dick and you go and you go the next one like I would just speed click it and you'd be with your friends you'd be like yelling like it was crazy and then I knew there were chat rooms

where like oh my god I just saw a comic making fun of it where some they'd go in and they'd be like a guy being like I'm a lesbian looking to talk to another lesbian oh yeah there's a lot of that and then the next day at school your friends like dude I talked to a hot lesbian all night

yeah so I never got involved in the chat roulette thing but i think it's cool that wait this is crazy but i got to think that the chat roulette romance percentage is very low yeah yeah but it is kind of like hilarious i think it's like you can't take dating so seriously like what's the difference in chat roulette in a dating app like it's just random people yeah it's just random people but it's just like cock in hand cock in hand cock in hand banjo in hand, okay. Also, so random that she's like, I love banjo.

She loves banjos. See, men playing the guitar is my, I get hives. I really don't like it. And banjo seems arguably worse. Yeah, except if you like banjos. But what kind of dude is like, I'm going to play banjos for people on chat roulette? That sounds intolerable. Except that he knows that when it hits, it's going to hit hard.

Because it's so niche. It's so niche, you know? He's got, I'm going to find fucking some, some Dolly Parton loving another one of them. Some banjo groupie. Yeah, somebody who loves bluegrass, you know, some bluegrass girl. I wonder, like, how long did you have to listen to him playing? Like, did he stop?

Like, I don't know what to do. I'm always like, what do I do with my hands? How long was he twanging away? How long was the twang happening? And she's like, I love your twanging, the tone. You want to go to another one? Yeah. You want a complicated one?

Yeah. This one's dramatic. Oh. Hi, Hannah and Des, so the wildest, most craziest way I've ever met a partner is how I met my current partner. I slid into her DMs after my friends and cousins and I scoured the Internet and FBI investigated her to find her because she was actually the ex-partner, soon-to-be fiancé, of my husband of 15 years' mistress. So I pulled a full-on-on-Shania Twain. basically she was the

ex or she is the ex of my ex-husband's mistress and now it's a year so now it's a year I feel like she's saying now it's a year and a half or something yeah okay so if that's complicated yeah so basically this girl's husband cheated on her with a woman who was with a woman

and that woman the mistress is now with her husband and that woman's ex this girl reached out to another together So I have a theory about this kind of stuff. Okay. I don't think it's insane for, like, your exes to be attracted to each other. Because if you think about it, it's like, well, you liked her, and I liked you, and I like him, she would like him. Yeah, so it makes sense.

It all kind of makes sense. It all kind of makes sense. Everyone has some similar tastes. I mean, obviously, if things were bad, not so much. But, like, people have patterns with dating, and it's like, okay, you've kind of dated this person before. But I have questions because I need to know. I mean, yeah, I have questions, too. Was there a knowledge that there was also a lesbian affair on the other side?

Or certainly was there, was there, how did she know that there was somebody in the mix of this kind of quadruple group of people that also liked women? Well, yeah, there is that sexuality aspect to it that makes it quite interesting. this is also like why straight people get scared of dating someone who's bi because they're like do you have to be jealous of like every or like a lesbian being afraid of being so with who's by like oh are you gonna leave me for like that guy friend you hang out with all the time you don't even know who to be jealous of who's friends and then it's confusing for them too because they're like who wants to be friends with me who doesn't um this is some spicy shit yeah I mean it worked out they're still together but I do have to say that's a hard

DM slide like hey by the way Two degrees of separation. Or it's easy because you're like, yo, let's get coffee because like we have to gossip. But it's fucked up because her now partner was going out with a woman that had an affair with her ex-husband. Yeah.

It's like there's a lot of dynamics. And I wonder if she knew that the girl was having an affair. Like I guess everyone was having affairs. And is there a vengeance aspect? Well, that's what I'm, that's what I was going to say. Is that part of the attraction? You have to make sure that it's not.

not a weird like trauma vengeance bond that like you're getting off on like the idea of it rather than like do you actually enjoy this person or part of that vengeance trauma bond is part of your healing and like you should date them for a couple of years just for the fun of it all but it is pretty funny because now her ex-husband and but see i i'm assuming that maybe his mistress they're not still together so that they might be well they might be they might so It is, if they're still together, then it is the weird double thing. Because Shania Twain. Both of them are looking, oh, yeah.

So what is the Shania Twain? Shanaia Twain, like, put out this song, like, you're still the one I loved. Like, this whole love song of this guy she's married to. Turns out he leaves her for her best friend. And then Shania Twain gets with her best friend's ex-husband. Oh, I didn't get that reference, actually. Which I think, like, happens more often than not. Because people will be like, oh, you want to find someone you have similar.

similarities with if hating your exes and wanting revenge over them is that hobby that hobby might work for a bit amen good good uh good fine from her yeah um let now this is what this is one for the people who uh this is one for the people who um don't think that uh drunk uh stuff can lead to something good oh hannah and does do i have a story for you. So let me start off by prefaceing that I am now sober, and I was not when this happened. This was the story of how I met my now husband. We had matched on Tinder, and it was my 21st birthday. I had not invited him to my birthday party. And as the night proceeded, I was looking for a booty call. He didn't want to come because he thought he knew I had been drinking

and everything, and I called him a fucking little pussy and told him to come on over. It was meant to be a one-night stand. We've been together for seven years and married for a year and a half. I love you guys. Hope this makes a podcast. You think that that's a one-way ticket

to an unsuccessful long-term relationship, but... I mean, me and you... The booty call turned into... The booty call turned into life. I definitely don't... I know. so many people who like hooked up the first night and are married I really do know a lot of them

yeah but this is a this is a straight of booty call yeah no it was like a booty call this wasn't even a date no I know this was like are you up mm-hmm this is literally you up obviously we know people you up podcast but you know this is a you up but you know it ended up with us up on the on the altar it's like chat roulette like clearly you're attracted to the guy and you're just like come over and let's go and if it's meant to be it's meant to be there's nothing you can do to fuck it up i really believe that ooh that's like my thing that like you can try your hardest and do everything right by the rule book that someone made up in the fucking 60s of how you should act on a date and what you should say and what you should do

and you'll trap his ass sometimes it can work but like when two people are meant to be together with their energies you could literally cry every single night do all the things wrong and still be Let me play one more, because this is also listed in the drunk category, and I just want to make sure, I want to see how much they coincide with each other. Okay, funniest way I ever met a romantic partner. I was hanging out with my cousins one night, and we got extremely wine drunk, and I was scrolling on Instagram and found a profile of guy, and I was like, this guy is really, really hot, and they were like, please don't slide into his DMs because you're drunk and you're going to regret it in the morning. Um, so long story short, I did exactly what they told me not to do. I slid into his DMs and, um, five years later, I am now married to that man and we're expecting our first baby at the end of this month. So, um, moral of the story is if you want to go for it,

just go for it. Shoot your shot, girl. This is what I'm saying. This is also, this is so good for all the girls who are listening and they've been told like, don't make the first move, like all these stupid rules. If you see something you want, say it. And if it's meant to happen, it'll happen. Yeah. Also, who are these friends telling her not? Imagine?

Who are these friends? Come on. You got to admit, that would seem to be the more prudent advice. Like, don't slide into some random dudes. I'm not that friend. I'm always like, do it. I'm always like, I'm bored.

Do it. I will never tell a friend not to do something like daring. I have to say, though, like I will always advise women to slide into a guy's DMs because the truth of the matter is that like guys usually have to make the move and like if you're if you're a person who believes in you like you think that you got what it takes to get with this guy slide into ddm it's going to cut through so much of the nonsense oh my guys love a dm slide okay come down no but i'm just saying guys love it come on guys love a dm slide there's a serious double standard when it comes to talking about one-way traffic but anyway

slid into my dms yeah but guys love a dm slide i would have slid into your dms no but yeah but You didn't. But I don't want to make it about us. I'm just saying that you should definitely not be too concerned about the perception of how you look sliding. Also, as a girl, like you don't have to profess your love to him in the DM slide. Say something funny.

Like, for example, like if a guy has a ton of workout photos, just like message him and be like, do you work out? Like, there's little funny things that you can say that are just like start a conversation. Like it's like a Facebook poke. You're just like, hey.

And like literally with a guy, you don't even have to think about it because the guy is not going to care what you say. No. He's immediately going to your profile. Yeah. So don't even worry. Just basically go, I exist.

Check me out. Yeah. That's all you need to do. Like literally give him a compliment. Like, I like your shoes. Like, that's great. Sometimes girls, I think, will try to be like kind of funny and mean. But it's like, these men, like, they're soft.

Just give them a nice little compliment. That's kind of funny. They're going to go into your profile and they're going to decide whether they want to talk to or not. It's that simple. It's shallow. but it's a fact. I do say I think Instagram is one of the more successful dating apps

because the algorithm is showing you people that they think you know based on people you know. So it's like all kind of in a, especially like if you're in a city. And it's easy to like do a couple likes. And my thing, not to think about me, but I thought you were in Ireland. I understand, yeah, I know. That's why you didn't slide. I would have probably maybe, I don't know.

The timing wasn't right anyway. So it's just as well. Desloves timing. As you guys know, I think water is so boring. I hate water. I think it's overrated. I think water's PR team is really good. They're probably Pickawalls' PR team.

But I want to drink juices. Also, I don't eat vegetables. So that's why juice cleanses are really good for me. And my new favorite juice company is called squeeze.com. I get in some bad eating habits when I'm on the road or when I'm just at home, rotting in bed, eating takeout. I need to get my veggies. Also, sometimes my sinuses are really. bad and I really feel like a juice cleanse.

Detoxes my body and it allows me to get a little bit hydrated because, God forbid, I drink water. Squeeze.com juice cleanse is way more fun. When I feel like I'm about to get sick, I like to do it, it helps with bloat, it clears your skin, increases your energy, it helps with sleep, and it breaks bad eating habits. The best part is they have same day local delivery or free fast delivery nationwide with code burn, B-E-R-N. So check out Squeeze.com for a delicious juice cleanse delivered. to you. Here we go. Let's change it up a bit. So I met my husband at a recurrent flight attendant

training. Every year flight attendants have to get recertified to make sure they still know how to evacuate an airplane, give CPR, all that jazz. He was the instructor. We started the whole time, but in that industry, I never went to assume anyone's sexual preferences. However, he started to talk about his son, and by that point, I was like 75% sure I was hitting on a straight man. I left after those eight hours, only knowing his first name and the year he was hired and went through our entire company's employee lists from that year and compare names with online profiles. I found him. I messaged him. I considered joining the FBI. And then two months later, he responded back. And we've been married for a year since last October. Oh, my God. I just think it's so sweet

because if you're a straight flight attendant, it's got to be the easiest thing in the world to meet women. So this is a real catch for her because this guy had a lot of options. Yeah. Also, what we've learned is women are clearly incredible at research. From a male perspective, do you think men will ever meet someone and go to that length to find them? Yeah, I don't know the answer to that question. But I think yes, some of them will. I feel like girls have a, they're really good at it.

I feel that too. Like she literally goes, I knew his hair color and the name of his son. And I found him. Yeah, it's kind of freaky, actually. It's very CSI. Yeah. I love to the undercurrent of, you know, most of these guys are gay. Well, I recently did this hit on the street video about do men think they could land planes

because Craig talks about how he can land a plane all the time, or Paige tells us all the time. And this one guy was gay and he was like talking, Nikki Parr is so funny. And I was like, why are they all gay? And he was like, they love the outfits, they love the traveling. Like, it's a fabulous life. Yeah. And I feel safer with the gay. attendant.

I don't want straight men attending. They'll forget, they're not going to remember your drink order. I mean, they're going to be fine, but there's probably some gay pilots, by the way. I hope so.

They just, they hide their, they hide their gay voice on the episode. Hello, welcome to Newark. We got in 40 minutes early. Yeah, it's like, yeah, we're now about to start our initial descent. Then he turns to his co-pilot when the mic's off,

and it's like, let's land this bitch. Slay. Let's slide this motherfucker home. Period. Okay. This is an Irish one. It's kind of cute. Hey, Hannah. Hey, does. Love the pod. So the wildest way I've met a partner is back when I was 18, I was sitting in this boy's house, you know, getting for a ski on the couch. When his mother fucking waltzes in, holding a photo of him in kindergarten in a class photo.

And I was like, oh my God, he's so cute, yana, yana. And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But look who he's sitting beside. Who is he sitting beside? Me. So, turns out, we went to the same kindergarten. We fucked with each other back when we were three. Lost contact for 15 years.

Rekindled at 18. Fast forward five years to now. We've been in a five-year relationship. The little fucker asked me out on Valentine's Day. So I get one present for our fucking anniversary. Valentine's Day, Cheatsky, anyway. So, yeah, that's kind of the wildest way. The photo of the two of us is, it actually is super cute.

We always wondered if we, like, play it together, you know. But I have no recollection of him, and neither. He's none of me. It's kind of cute. That is so freaking cute. It's hilarious that the mother came in while they were fooling around. And that the mom knew. Yeah.

So I guess she walked in, and the guy was like, this is so-and-so, and the mom was like, oh, my God, I think I, you know, because she probably knew the parents or something. Yeah. Wait, that is hilarious. It's kind of weird though, right? It's like, oh my God, we, we, it's weird when you've interacted with somebody in your life, but have no awareness of it. Yeah. I always like to, as New Yorkers, I feel like lives, we live so many lives.

I'd love to see like me traveling around the city and you traveling around the city over the last like 20 years. And if we've ever been on the same block or like in the same restaurant, like you just never are like on the same subway. But in the future, I feel like in the future people will be able to. do that. Yeah. You know, like, I mean, I'm sure if you had the money and the means, you could pay somebody to go back on all your cell phone data over the last two decades and see how many times we crisscrossed.

Yeah, you've been in close proximity. I mean, there had to be a time where we were like both in midtown. That'd be a cool, like, that'd be a cool service. You know, the way, like, all these movies, like, Minority Report about, like, data, we know you're going to commit a crime, but, like, imagine there was, like, a dating company that was able to input all your location data and interests and then plug it all in and then find all these like you guys clearly want to hang out you go to the same restaurant four times a week find these hot spots and go these are the 10 people that you are most likely to have the most in common with

yeah i joke about they should do like your spotify playlist your uber eats orders not that necessarily that means you're most compatible but you'll definitely have some fun um i also think your crushes when you're like three four or five years old like i feel like you're like you're you never forget them like your first awareness of like having a crush on someone yes my first crush was an irish guy i'm irish-american guy yeah i can't you know i i i remember some early crushes from st kevans but i remember the first like tv person that i was obsessed with was the blonde girl from land of the lost and it's funny because i land of the loss is literally lost like nobody talks about land of the loss it was just this tv show that used to be on it was this cute blonde

girl and i just thought she was the prettiest thing and i'm going to have to go Google it after the show because I haven't even looked up Land of the Lost for like 30 years. But some of our Gen X listeners will be like, oh my God, land at a loss. But that was my first, whatever, I can't remember her name, but she was my first crush. That was the worst thing you could have said. Oh my God, Hannah. Because she's blonde. I understand.

I just, like, we're going to have to go back in the pod and find out all the people that you talked about and I was fine with it. I literally said the first guy ever had a question was Irish American because I knew I was going to love an Irish man. You go, yeah, I liked a blonde chick. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but you weren't, you weren't born just for the record, just for the record, you didn't exist. I don't even think your parents were married, but anyway, so, all right, let's keep it Irish. Hey, Hannah, hey, Des, love your podcast.

I met my husband 10 years ago when he showed up to the front door of my parents' house. They were vacationing in the States at the time, and I was at home in their house, house sitting their bed and breakfast. He rang up on the phone to book in for a night and I said, no, thank you. I'm not going to be around. But he was very convincing and I thought to myself, you know what, this guy sounds chill. He sounds like he's my age. He might even be cute. Who knows? He could be my future husband. So fast forward 10 years and we live in Ireland with our two kids, one of whom is trying to elbow her way into this recording, I think. So there it is. Love really can't show up at your front door. Thanks so much for this.

the prompt love you guys literally like right out of like a celia her novel yeah this is dangerous because there's a lot of girls out here rotting on the couch getting uber eats being like actually this is how i am going to find my husband every time the door knocks there was an uber eats driver one but it was like my friend yeah but this is so cute this is literally a rom-com yeah the guest house isn't that the holiday is that is that what it is well the holiday they swap guest houses and then like the drunk brother comes over and he's like who are you and she's like i'm staying and your sister's house and Jude law and Cameron Diaz and they fall in love so this is cute because like this guy calls up she's like looking after the B&B she's no interest in business but she gives in and now

literally the child of this moment is making noises into our message how amazing is that wow life is so crazy that's so random I feel like not to get too dark but you get depressed when you think very black and white about life and you're like I need to meet someone I need this I I need that. When you have no fucking clue what the universe has in store for you and all the creative ways that you can find joy. All right. This is a fun one because it's, it's, well, it's close to our heart because it has to do it

a takeaway food. But anyway, here we go. I met my husband because I was living with my ex-boyfriend at the time and we got a Ruby Tuesday coupon in the mail. He ordered these freaking little mini sandwiches and would not go in there and get him himself so I went and got them for him and while I was in there they asked me if I wanted a job and I said well I have two jobs but I hate one of them so what do you have in mind they were looking for a hostess and I said yes so I met my husband like a day later and it turns out that he was actually

in the back in the kitchen and saw me when I was walking in and prompted his manager to see if I wanted a job so i guess uh that's pretty wild but if i was single this does make me want to leave the house like it makes me feel like every restaurant i walk into some guy might be like that's my wife well it's it's pretty like i mean i i guess the guy was like in the kitchen not able to get out it was just like i got i got to act now i have to act now yeah wait is she had a boyfriend So she was literally there Picking up the food Because her boyfriend was lazy

A boyfriend was lazy Right so literally his decision To not go in and pick up the food Probably I get it He was probably driving Yeah And he was probably thinking like You know he probably pulled up

And like There were reasons You know the disabled spot or something Right so anyway She walks in And he goes oh shit It's like just I guess he was just thinking quick

Like just offer her job Just anything to just like Make a connection And lo and behold She took the job And it changed her life forever I actually got chills. Yeah, chase her life forever.

It's crazy. She didn't even know she was being hit on. No, she just thought they could tell I'm a really good hostess by my tone of voice. And just like a series of events, the fact that her boyfriend was lazy, that they got a Ruby Tuesday's coupon. And most importantly that she hated one of her two jobs. So many things had to work together. Exactly. For that randomness to happen.

It's like the most complicated parlay hit for that guy that day. I mean, that that is a fucking parley moment. moment right there man oh my god it really like life is magical all right let's this one is like this one is like when you were talking about like you chase this guy and then you know he turned out to be a weirdo like sometimes the the instinct or the feeling is not what you think so this is a little different to what we've been dealing with the most random way i met a guy was during frosh week in university. It was random because we went to high school together and he had actually asked me to go to prom with him. I originally said yes, but ultimately had to cancel on him because I got my

tonsils out like around that time. So I was feeling like kind of bad about it, but I was also like whatever who cares, it's just high school. And then so a couple months later, like after the prom, you know it's first week of uni and then i realized that like we're in the same frosh group together like out of all the unis and all the frosh groups i was like whoa like what a coincidence like maybe i should give this guy a chance like maybe i just kind of like wrote him off he was kind of nerdy i was like okay like you know you're clearly obsessed with me so like let's go out on a date and then um i texted him and then he never texted me back so you know that's what you get for thinking that he was obsessed with me anyway love you guys bye

Wait, I was talking about this with Paige yesterday, how, like, the guys who you think are obsessed with you are the ones that will, like, throw you a curveball. Like, we joke, it's always, like, an ugly guy named Matt that'll, like, ruin your fucking life. It's just so great because she's like, oh, my God, it's fate. Let me give me another chance. He was like, fuck you, bitch.

Tonsils. Yeah, but I also love the fact that she had the confidence to send it in because it was nice. It kind of counteracted a lot of the stuff that was coming in, which is, it's good to get a reality check because this is all very romantic and it's beautiful and I'm not cynical about anything that's... We're just trying to say every time you walk into Ruby Tuesdays, you're not going to meet your husband.

Yeah, you know, and every time you say yes to a job, your whole future doesn't rely on it. But I do also like these stories because I think sometimes you get into a point in where you don't have like a large friend group or you're single and you see all these other people who have been friends for so long or they like know all these guys from high school and you're like how am i ever going to develop a strong relationship when like it literally takes one second for someone to be like no you're my future my everything i don't care that i've known these people for 14 years like you're you're i feel like i've known you in another universe type shit yeah well i mean in our situation it took one a global pandemic so there was one major event and then the small event was two that you happen to pop up in my story and then three the essential ingredient for me messaging you which was you had already been following me which I did not realize but you but but you're missing parts well no but I'm saying those are the the thing that had to happen is I had to decide to go out to lunch with Luan and take a photo during COVID because it was an outdoor lunch which I almost didn't go to because we were so terrified

of COVID and tag someone and the only reason she did that was because her assistant was a giggler because Paige and I were doing giggly squad and she told lewin you got to meet hannah because the assistant wanted to meet me louin didn't even know i was right and then i tagged shelter island but then also you had to take none of this would have happened if you hadn't tagged shelter island exactly because you had no idea where i was also if i wasn't in comedy you have never even known who i was if i wasn't comedy but but just in relation to what you were just saying about like a moment can change everything it was literally because i had seen your i had been seeing your stories and i saw you you know dancing to the weekend with your parents i had seen your i had seen your your stories throughout the pandemic

and you liked that story just yeah i was just aware you know what like you were actually you admitted that i was in your algorithm but you were popping up in your algorithm but you were popping up in mind. So I didn't know that you were following me. I was just like, I would see your stuff and I thought it was funny. And then, but that moment, the shelter island, it was like, oh, and then I saw you follow me. So then I slid. So that was, that was actually, and that's a life changer. That's a life changer right there. We wouldn't have burner phone. How cute? How cute is this one? Hi, Hannah. Hi, this website that I'm recording on totally feels like it's going to steal my identity. But, yeah, there's not much to steal anyway so honestly take it all um so meeting my now husband we were

literal infants um child bride i met him when i was 15 i walked into a house party a day party of underage drinking um psa do not underage drink but um i walked in and found him in the backyard of the walkout basement like face down his little blonde the locks like flowing in the wind and he was just totally inebriated and everyone was underage so nobody really understood how to take care of him so i went up to him and started scratching his head and got him some toast and tried to nurse him back to health and he didn't talk to me for two weeks but then texted me and said hey thanks and now we're married so is that cute Why?

Because she looked after him. She's like, look at this dude who's a black the fuck out. I'm going to nurse him back like an injured bird. Yeah, but then two weeks later, he's like, oh my God, that was like so sweet of her. Now they're married. Actually, it is cute. They're married. It's so cute.

He found his prince. She saved him. She saved him. You know what I mean? He's like, you know, you're a teenager. You know what you're fucking doing. Yeah. You like puke it in the back.

Yeah. And then now they're married. Come on. It's cute. And the fact that she found it. attractive that he was i don't think she found it attractive i think she was she's a carer she's a nurturer i don't know how that feels like but i love that for her i love that she immediately was like oh i would have been like ill and they're still together that's why it's so cute no that is

very cute um but i would use it against him all the time i'll be like remember when you almost died and no one cared if you lived or died and then i came out of nowhere you wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for me so no you're not going out with your boy's night um all right uh this is It's just kind of crazy, but cute. Okay. When I saw this prompt, I said, yes, finally something I can contribute to. So here I go. After I graduated college, I was living in New York for three months, and I was on a run

at six in the morning, and I saw this beautiful man, and he was like, hey, are you from around here? I said, no. And he said, all right. Anyway, bye. I said, damn it. And then a month later, I ran into him again. And he was like, hey, I was hoping you to run into you.

Like, would you want to go out? And I was like, fuck yeah. So then I dated him for the rest of the summer. And then I had to leave. I was only there for the summer. But then a year later, the next summer, I was visiting some friends I had made in the city. And I ran into him again. I was like, no fucking way.

So I run to him. He's like, hey, that's so crazy. Good to see you. Let's like go out. So then I went out with him a year later, hooked up with him. I was like, this is fantastic. Shout out that guy. If you listen to this podcast, I'll actually combust.

That'd be so embarrassing. But yeah, thanks. Love the pod. 60 seconds is so short. Bye. That's so cute. I also love what she's whispering, like, in a closet. I know. It was very ASMR. She's like, I don't want him to hear me tell this embarrassing story of how he was obsessed

with me. Wait, that's, first of all, his cardio got so good. Yeah, right? Like, his obsession led to him, like, he's run four marathons. I always have to stand in the middle of the, I have to stand there with a glass of water halfway through. But also, like, I love how the girl's, like, I didn't, I just thought, wow, this guy gets really thirsty at the same time. time every day but like I wonder where he saw her first like was she like walking outside or

mowing the lawn and he's like I like that girl this is some this is not New York City shit no it's not New York City shit and I would assume that like I don't it's not there but I got to assume that he knew she lived there and that they yeah it probably knew each other a bit I don't I don't think it was random yeah I think he was like hey can you get me a glass I think he knew her a bit yeah but then obviously like got connected and then thought I'm going to keep doing this and then he like kissed her one of the times that's some like that's rom-com shit yeah that's it's like hey check out my sweaty lips how are we doing for time love we we're at 50 all right let's um all right this is some dumois shit right so like i'm never going to be able to figure it out but there's some there's some like

celebrity element to this that's like implied hi hannah and does love you both um can't imagine anybody calls in and is like i hate you but the question was good um anyway So I met my recent or my current boyfriend on an app called Field, which is a kink dating app, I guess you could say. It's filled with ethically non-monogamous Brooklynites, but that's not me. I was just tired of Hinge and I was horny. So I was like, let's get something going. Anyway, I matched with my boyfriend who is on tour currently and he was coming through New York and we went to drinks here in Manhattan and I went back to his hotel

and we just really hit it off and I thought I would never hear from him again and the next thing I know we're in a relationship for the last five months and we're traveling all around Europe I'm meeting up with him at his shows and whatnot so I guess you'll never know where it's going to happen. Wow.

I actually heard of the field app when sex with Emily came on my podcast and it's basically like if you're into kinkier stuff And but it's, I love what she said, kinky Brooklynites. Yeah. But I love us. She's like, I'm not even into that stuff, but I was my, I was open-minded to see. She was bored.

She was bored and horny. Honestly, being bored and horny, crazy shit can happen. I mean, we're never going to be able to figure out who it is, but. I mean, knowing the little dialers, I think they can figure anything out. Yeah. Can we have his hair color? We didn't get enough information. They're touring in Europe right now.

I know. No, they could figure it out. You'd be so surprised. We need it narrowed down. We need it narrowed down. But I do think there are a lot of, yeah, there's so many bands. But this is so fascinating. But I also think, like, let's utilize the technology.

That's why people get married on Tinder from Tinder all the time. Yeah, it's all random. All right, here we go. Let's keep to the performance energy. I went to a music festival with friends and noticed that the guitar. on stage was really cute and later that night he was walking by me and my friend and my friend pushed me into him and forced me to talk to him and we were inseparable the entire night and later that night he invited me up on stage and by that point in the night I was so drunk I fell off the stage

ripped my pants busted my knee and it was bloody and he stuck around and helped me cleaned it off in the bathroom it was literally like a movie and we have been dating for two and a half years now. So, yeah, pretty crazy and cute, neat, cute story. Another nurture one. Yeah, you have to fake your death and see if they come to save you. That's the whole nurse, you know, like the caretaking thing. There's a lot of that in there.

That's very interesting because I'm like, don't listen to rules, but there is something about showing your vulnerability early on and seeing if they care to kind of be in the trenches with you. but also I feel like everyone goes to watch a band and there's like a hot guitarist and then in your head you imagine meeting them they fall in love with you that night and then you date them but like it doesn't happen so the fact that afterwards it all happened and she ripped her pants that's iconic but she was on stage so she's with another musician another another one but they'll never figure that one out we'll never figure that one maybe all right let's finish with uh I faith in them let's finish with a with a meant to be one okay here we go Hannah, so my husband and I actually met in eighth grade, and we are now 27, but it all started because he would stare at me in math class all the time, and then finally his friend asked if I wanted to date him, and I said yes, and here we are now years later, with two kids, another baby on the way and yeah i remember telling all my friends in eighth grade that i was going to marry him

and have his babies and take his last name and i never thought that would be true but here we are and yeah my mom oh does this crying no i'm not crying it come on talk about manifestation that's beautiful she's like i'm gonna take your last name and have your baby's bitch that's old school though you know it's like that's like you know like some childhood crush turns into your forever yeah i mean yeah i think everyone thinks that too like when you're in middle school and you see a guy you're like nope there's my husband um that's beautiful and so cute like in eighth grade like in eighth grade i i remember having like deep crushes i mean you're that's the age it begins like that's where it begins it's intense yeah then you see them like holding hands

with someone else and you're like my life is over yeah he's an asshole you just like him because he deals weed. Most people aren't dealing weed in eighth grade. Well, you know, but you're an eighth grade girl. You go out with a guy that's two years old. My eighth grade was AIM, the aim, the drama of like you get home from school and then you see everyone get on AIM and you're like, will he message me? It was so stressful.

And then he starts messaging you and you're like, oh my God, what do I do? And then you tell your friends what he's saying and then you copy and paste what he's saying and you accidentally copy and paste back to him what he said. and then you go, my computer broke, and then you get off it and you get upset. That was my childhood. Your parents, like, why is the computer in the garbage? Like, we need a new computer.

Why did you like the computer on fire? Well, in eighth grade, I didn't have that kind of stress. In eighth grade, my stress was like, fuck, a busy signal. Or, Aiden, get off the phone. Get off the phone. I have to make a phone. Oh, my God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Well, that was actually so beautiful. And I feel like whether you're single, whether you're not, we're in the mood for Valentine's Day. Yeah, it's very romantic. Very romantic. And it kills, it really sort of takes a chip out of any sort of cynicism you might have. Yeah, I have hope.

I have hope for happiness. It's beautiful. For everyone. Well, oh, we did get. You have a lot of playouts. So stick around. When we leave, you know, there was so many cute stories. So many good ones.

So there'll be a lot of cute stories just playing out here after if you're in the mood to keep listening. Also, I saw a message. Some people were like, we don't know where. you submit messages. Every Monday on our Instagrams, we will leave a story of a new prompt. New prompt. And we can't keep it on all week because we'd get too many. So it's literally just Mondays.

And don't tell us we didn't tell you because I just told you. We haven't discussed this, so I'm dropping this on you. But I feel like eventually, when we're with Chris, we're going to figure out the technology to have one episode of live dialers. That would be cool. I just want to try it once, like an old. school talk radio show one time so then we can have the questions i have a lot of follow-ups always always yeah obviously there's some admin that we'll figure out but eventually not in the not that

distant future post-surgery uh and everything we will figure out a live dial-in session we love you guys so much leave a review if you're enjoying burner phone it helps a lot also watch does a special oh that's right don't forget about that on youtube that's been blowing up. It's been fucking awesome. And then I have shows coming up in Gary, Indiana and Saginaw, Michigan. Oh, also, I just announced the show in, well, I haven't put it on my website yet, but I'm doing, I think the first weekend of May, I'm in Zanis, what's it called? What's the, what's the suburb? Oh, Rosemont. Zanis, Rosemont. And then one show on the Sunday in Zanis Old Town. So I'm doing like four or five shows in Chicago, the

first weekend of May and it'll be it will be a new show because I actually was just in Chicago for New Year's. So I have between now and then to have ACL knee reconstruction surgery and write a whole new show. You stress me out. Try town represent. We love you.

We love you little dialers, big dialers, medium dialers. Talk later. Bye. Hi. Hey guys, this is the prompt I have been waiting for. So 15 years ago I was flying from New York to D.C. on a plane. It was a super stormy night, thunder, lightning, all that I am like a super anxious flyer and my flight gets canceled and I get put kind of in a new seat

and a new plane and it's really towards the back and I'm getting in my head freaked out so I wait in line for the lady at the counter and I'm like hey is there any chance there's a flight you know a seat closer to the front I'm super nervous so she puts me in the bulkhead in the middle seat and I pop a Xanax because that's like my only way to come down on a plane sometimes and even though I'm not into that stuff I'm like this is the time so I sit down makes me a little groggy we're starting to like pull back in the gate I pass out then all of a sudden I'm I come to, as we're taking off, and I look to my left, and I realized, wow, the guy next to me's, like, really cute. And he's ordering a scotch on the rocks from the drink cart.

Well, it's a 45-minute flight, and I think, wow, that's a really strong drink on such a short flight. And then I realized that I've said that out loud, because Xanax makes you loopy. Long story, short, we talk for the whole plane. We exchange numbers. We're married. We have two kids. He's a love in my life. Bye.

Hi, Hannah and Des. So, in seventh grade, I was a new student at this school, and I got partnered with this boy in gym class to show me how to use all the machines. He was really sweet and so kind to me, and we actually found out our parents were like best friends in high school in a completely other town, which was crazy. So we hung out and I was his first kiss. It was cute, but then I ended up having to move away again. Well, a couple years later, I was singing the national anthem at a hockey game, and he was there swearing into the Marines, like on ice in this random ceremony. So that was so crazy to see him again. And then a couple years later, after still not talking to him through that time, my dad passed away, which his dad ended up letting him know because they were friends. And he reached out to me on good old Facebook and we were talking again.

And one thing led to another and we got married and it's been 10 years now. So yeah, that's our little love story. Okay, he's not a partner. It was just a one night stand. but because of the incident with Des and his broken leg, I just have to share because I think you guys will have a laugh on a ski lift. And was that so risky because he had a helmet on and I couldn't even see his face. But the vibes were good and we skied down together a couple of runs.

And then finally he took his helmet off and was so cute. And we had like the best date ever. He actually did also fall and wipe out. But it was a great perfect excuse to be like, come back to my hotel and let's sit in the hot tub and hang out. It was a 10 out of 10 one-night stand. We're actually still friends. I just live in different cities.

Yeah, so just thought you'd get a laugh. Hi, Hannah and Des. I am calling in about how I met my husband, and I wouldn't call it cute or romantic in the beginning. We used to go to a house to party all the time when we were in our 20s, young 20s, and we never really knew who the owner was, but it was fine, and it didn't matter, really. So we'd go anyway. Well, a few years after that, a mutual friend was murdered, and when the trial date came around,

everyone was planning on riding together since it was out of town. So I offered to drive some people, and then it ended up just being me and this cute guy in my car, and we got to know each other on the way and found out he was the owner of the house that we used to party at. So I now live in the house that I used to party at when I was younger with my husband and our kids. Not a great situation to start off, but life has its ways of figuring it out. I met my boyfriend at a Halloween party dressed up as Jay Wow from the Jersey Shore with I Suck Cock written on my chest. Hey Hannah, hey Des. This prompt is for me. Um, my first boyfriend and I, when we were both teenagers, we met on Omega, which if people

don't remember, that was that website where you can just go on and randomly connect with someone in the world. And sometimes there'd be some like sketchy things on there. But, um, he wasn't. He was normal. Thank goodness. Um, but that was not a great relationship. We did the whole long distance thing. I was in the U.S. He was in England. Um, we love him. with an accent but that was a little extreme especially for being a teenager so we like I guess dated for a little bit did the whole like long distance thing and then he was just like super controlling whatever um I'm running out of time so to wrap it up we broke up years later I look him up I find out that he starred as a guy who murdered his girlfriend in a docu series all right thanks bye

You know, hey, Hey, hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey.