Berner Phone - Berner Phone #36: Technology Mishaps

Episode Date: April 11, 2024

Technology might be the great equalizer, but karma is not. The dialer's techonology mishaps involve OnlyFans, nudes, and awkward interactions. On the bright side, there are some great hacks for avoidi...ng these mistakes in the future. Moral of this story: delete snapchat. 25% off at Seed.com/bern with code 25BERN MintMobile.com/BERNER  

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, it's Hannah Berner And Des Bishop Thanks for calling the burner phone If you leave a message after the tone We may have to make it into a podcast We're back in the studio We're in the studio It feels like a progression
Starting point is 00:00:23 We're mixing, we're matching I feel like, you know, they say People always ask me, what's the recovery? It's like, it's like, it's five weeks to back in the studio. We're about to drop a big hit right now. Welcome back, my little dialers. I was really excited about the prompt this week.
Starting point is 00:00:40 Yeah, this was your idea, in fairness. Because, you know, Mercury is in Gatorade, retrograde, whatever you guys call it. And the clips happened. Yes. I didn't know that everyone just had these glasses. No one told me about the glasses. You know, in our building, there was like an event. in the, you know, our courtyard.
Starting point is 00:01:01 Yeah. And when the glass, the glasses person came out with a box, like they got swarmed like a UN food drop in a disaster zone. Taylor Swift. No, no, like, they were just like rushing the box. And they couldn't give out these glasses fast enough. We recorded Giggly Squad and I walked outside and everyone was like looking up with their glasses. And I felt like I didn't, I don't have the accessories.
Starting point is 00:01:27 And then New Yorkers, we love a small talk moment. Then for the next three days, it was, where were you during the eclipse? And I was like, no one gave me a glasses. No, I wasn't doing the eclipse. I wasn't over the earthquake yet, so I wasn't doing the eclipse. That was crazy. I was outside when I was going out to do my rehab exercises because it was such a nice day. And I was like, I was like, why is there like a hundred people?
Starting point is 00:01:49 And then I was like, oh, it's a fucking eclipse. And then suddenly this swarm happened. Then I was like, for a second, I was like, will I just get the glasses? And then I was like, nah, screw that. Plus, I would have got, I would have, like, ruptured my ACL again trying to get glasses. It was such a, it was such a melee. Also, a melee? Mele, I think.
Starting point is 00:02:07 Melea, okay. Malay? I do think I left you also for dead when I was in Florida and the earthquake happened. And we were, like, calling each other back and forth. And I'm like, what the, why can you just answer the phone? And finally he calls me back and he's like, sorry, you're never going to fucking believe this. There was a fucking earthquake. I thought my life was fucking done.
Starting point is 00:02:27 and I'm like, what is going on over there? Well, I mean, I wasn't that aggressive, but I was, I definitely, I was like, she'll never guess in a thousand years. What it was. Did you guys talk to? Yeah, I was on 13th floor. Yeah, it was, oh, that's not like that. But can I just add, right?
Starting point is 00:02:46 I don't know how much you talked about this on Giggly Squad. We didn't. Well, one of the reasons why I was like freaking out a little bit more than I normally would was because like two years ago, oh, yeah. You were up on the 13th floor, and I was, was just arriving home and something exploded in our building and when I walked in the door it was covered in smoke and I literally was like I was like shouting like is everybody okay like
Starting point is 00:03:08 you turned into a queen's fireman yeah I literally it's in my jeans when you're from Queens it's like who can I save you know that's hot but but you were like I there's been an explosion and uh and I started smelling it in the apartment yeah that awkward smell I mean literally like the the the worst smell you can never smell in New York. And so I... And the Miami building had like just gone down a couple months before that. So when the earthquake actually happened,
Starting point is 00:03:34 I was like, oh shit, this is it. So I was actually looking at the wall, like going like, I was kind of like, how long are you aware before you are over? Yeah. Because I was like, of all the times, I can't fucking, I can't run out of here. I just started ACL physical therapy.
Starting point is 00:03:49 Yeah, I'm just getting off crutches. And now I have to survive a building. How many falls are you going to have? Yeah, right? I mean, come on. So, anyway, so that was the eclipse in the earthquake. So we live to do another pod. We're in this very old building, which I'm surprised stayed standing from the earthquake.
Starting point is 00:04:04 So apparently the eclipse apparently has a lot of like... By the way, we never actually said what the prompt was. I know, I'm leading up to it. I have a long lead in. I like to tease. I like to tease. I'm edging. I do think the eclipse, there's a lot of like spiritual things about it.
Starting point is 00:04:22 Like they say if you look at it, it's like bad luck. for a while too. No, no, it destroys your eyes. It's not bad luck. Which is bad luck. Yeah, well you, yeah, no, it's actually, there's a scientific, you know. There's a scientific reason, but also, you know, astrology is about, I'm gonna fuck it up, but like, the moons and how it affects the energy of, like, the vibes and the waters.
Starting point is 00:04:43 It all kind of affects something. Like, there is energies happening. Okay. That affects things. Yes. Okay, good. Um, we can agree. Apparently, like, it's good for also manifestation.
Starting point is 00:04:54 the eclipse yeah did you manifest no i i'm manifesting us getting to the end of this us getting to the end of this intro i knew you were going to say that i knew you're going to say that now i'm like never going to be 59 minutes in well come on let's go so anyway mercury's in retrograde too so there's a lot shit going on and mercury in retrograde apparently things just like go wrong okay so like technology goes wrong miscommunication and you could just blame Mercury and retrograde. I personally am always miscommunicating, so I've never really seen a shift.
Starting point is 00:05:30 It's been pretty consistent for me. But it got me thinking about, like, the amount of mistakes that you make with technology that our parents wouldn't even understand. I remember even from AIM, you'd get on and you'd have, like, all these squares open of different people you're talking to you. And obviously, you don't know how to talk to boys. So you're taking what he's saying to you, sending it to your friend, she's telling you what to say.
Starting point is 00:05:52 We're having a bonding experience. You obviously send him what he just said to you. Then you go, my computer broke, you log off, you sit there, you're freaking out. This is just, girlhood. We got a lot of those. A lot of screenshoting and sending the screenshot to the wrong person. And I'm, I feel like I do stuff way too fast. Like I'm always just like, it's a- You're multitasking.
Starting point is 00:06:15 It's a miracle I've gotten to this point without, and I remember even like my dad when he was in sales and the Reply All stories he would get when email became more popular with guys and girls who didn't know how to use it. So I was like, there must be some crazy fucking miscommunication stories. In the corporate world. In the corporate world. We've got plenty of them.
Starting point is 00:06:35 Reply all is very dangerous. Reply all. Nudes. Plenty of those. It's all coming. So I'm excited and I want to see how people were covered. Now, can I say my... I mean, I've had numerous, but one of the more embarrassing one was in 2010, I was doing the Melbourne...
Starting point is 00:06:51 International Comedy Festival, and I was doing slides. I was using AV, and I guess the night before, on my computer, I had been, you know, looking at Pornhub, didn't shut my computer down, so the battery ran out. So, you know, I didn't think anything of it. So I'd go in the next day to, like, set up the show. So the tech guy's there, my, you know, my Australian promoters there, and like, you know, other, you know, people that work at the festival, and Melbourne's, like, totally, very woke. And so I'm plugging in the computer.
Starting point is 00:07:25 I have everything plugged in by the time I turn on my computer. And when the computer comes on, it's the fucking Pornhub home screen. And it went up on the screen. So everybody that was in the, not the crowd, but everybody that was in there. What did you do? Well, thank all I did was I laughed and thanked the Lord that I wasn't into anything like really bad. Because the most embarrassing thing was, wow, this guy's pretty vanilla with his point dress. The Google said making love.
Starting point is 00:07:57 Yeah, so it was just like, it was just run at the mill, like the porn that you would look at. You wrote girls, woman, man kissing. Man respecting woman. You wrote giving woman multiple orgasms. No, it wasn't a Google search. It was the, I'm like, you know, so it is jarring, right? Because it's just all these like very. And everyone knows what it looks like.
Starting point is 00:08:19 Explicit things. So I was like, oh, and everybody laughed. Well, nowadays, with the screen sharing, people share their screens, but you have, like, all these tabs that aren't always, like, corporate. But it's mostly, like, shopping stuff, but... And a lot of... So, these ones that I mentioned now, they didn't make the cut, like, in that, like, we had so many good ones. So, yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:37 But there was a lot of Zoom, like, oh, I forgot to open my corporate Zoom. So I was on my personal Zoom. And my name, you know, was, like, big titted Jenny or... Because it was like some joke that she had with our friends or something, you know? So there was a lot of stuff like that. I also, with the Googling, I once told you in college, again, bringing up the hockey guy from last week. But I just met him. So I like Googled him to see.
Starting point is 00:09:01 And he actually had some like weird family stuff. Anyway, we went to my computer and it was a Google open and you could see the color that I clicked like eight articles. And I was just, I don't think I recovered from that. Like I think I was just like, do my research. Yeah. Yeah, and that actually came up a lot, too. People, like, getting caught out for, like, researching somebody. Or, yeah, you know, when you, like, look at your phone and you pull it up for someone, and you've been Googling them.
Starting point is 00:09:28 Yes. Or you go on your Instagram and you click the search and their name is the first one on. But that's honestly, I like that. I'm like, good. He's like, he's like, he's like that shit. Yeah, and at the end of the day, it's just normal behavior. Well, what I did realize in my life is when someone likes you, you could do the most creepy shit and they'll think it's hot. and if they don't like you you can creep him out doing anything um one of my scariest moments was early 20s dating i started seeing a guy i liked him a lot and i was talking my roommates
Starting point is 00:09:57 about him and i was like joking about like a name he like a nickname he called me and we were kind of like they were like guys and we were like laughing about it and i looked down and i had voice noted the whole conversation and it had sent to him oh i actually sent it sent it sent and i looked at it and I remember like I went through so many phases because he didn't he was working that night so he didn't respond for like four hours to the point that I ended up I ended up at the bar with these guys drinking being like I'm single like let's go out tonight like I literally was like my relationship with this man is done and like let's move on I fully was over it and then he ended up responding like ha ha ha and then like asked a separate question like it wasn't a thing
Starting point is 00:10:40 but I completely catastrophized it in my head well it's it's it's not nerve-wracking. Somebody had said that they had done that and they realized that the person that they accidentally sent it to was outside and that they had left their phone inside. So they ran and they got the phone. And somebody else that was in the house knew the password. Oh my God. I actually remember in college I was sitting with, this is like just so, this must happen all the time, but I'm sitting with my friend and we're sitting with another friend. And that other friend was being kind of like bitchy. And my friend went to text me, like so and as being a bitch, obviously text it
Starting point is 00:11:16 to that girl. We're all just sitting there in a two-hour lecture together during that, just sitting there. Waiting. And then she's texting me being like, I just texted her that she's a bitch. And I'm like, what? Did you, what? And then, like, that friendship never was the same. And you're just waiting to... Because sometimes when you're talking shit about someone,
Starting point is 00:11:32 you're thinking of them, so you'll put their name in your phone and people... Oh, I have another... Oh, come on! I got 25 to get through! I've one more! So my... Sometimes these things happen for a reason, though. Like, my friend on her work computer you text and apparently her boss saw all the text messages she was sending to the other people who worked for the company about how much she hated this boss and I think she
Starting point is 00:11:58 ended up getting fired but it was like good like you shouldn't have been a job and that guy sucked and you hated it and it was for the best but I remember her like she had like the biggest panic attack because like you just feel like how did this happen this shouldn't be happening That happens a lot. That came in a lot. And one of them I thought was, I didn't leave it in, but this like 14, 15-year-old had like a teenage job working in like IKEA or something like that, accidentally sent her complaining to her mother about her boss, accidentally sent it to the boss. The boss saw it, she was mortified, she called her mother, she was like, I have to leave, I have to quit this job. And the mother said, no, face it and deal with it. And this is a lesson for life that you have to just, sometimes you just have to face the music.
Starting point is 00:12:37 The thing is like, it could happen to anyone. It really can. And, but this is part of technology. I didn't start getting technology until I was like 13, 14, phones, MySpace. But you later in life had to suddenly have all these technology advances. We're not turning this into a generation. Because you were talking, you were, I got 25, I got 25 messages to get through. You were writing letters with feathers and ink, and then suddenly.
Starting point is 00:13:00 Okay, let's get to it. Let's get to it. I'm ready. That's got to it. It was time. It was time. Hi, Hannah and Des. So my biggest technology fail was, I was, I was trying to snap my best friend, show her a video of how engorged my boobs were from breastfeeding my son.
Starting point is 00:13:19 And I was telling her about it, I pulled my shirt down, like, almost free the nip. You could probably see my ariolas. And I accidentally posted it to my story. And I didn't know until my husband messaged me and was like, what is this story about? I realized that I posted my boobs on my story so people got a free little booby shot
Starting point is 00:13:45 it was up there for like a good five, ten minutes so yeah I love the kids in the background Oh my God Chris fired, Chris is fired Chris has a fucking technological mishap on the technological mishap episode It's the gatorade
Starting point is 00:13:59 It's the gatorade oh my god So can I just say that 50% of these messages were Snapchat related? I mean, Snapchat, like, ruins lives. Yeah, like, I, I feel like we should get the opposite of sponsored by Snapchat is like, after doing this, after listening to all these messages, I'm like, wow, Snapchat has ruined lives. But you know what's happened with technology, they've created all these ways to communicate, but not created ways to delete what you said. Like, they recently let you, like, unsend emails. Yeah. But you have to do it within like 10 seconds and then you
Starting point is 00:14:33 lose it, but it's because so many, like, horrible career-ending fuck-ups happened because of reply-alls. I feel like in the early days of Snapchat, there must have been, like, a flaw, that it was just way too easy to send a story when you wanted to just send it to somebody else, because there was so many people that said, I accidentally sent it as a story. Also, I don't know about Snapchat now, and kids, it's very popular still in colleges, but, like, when it first started, all dudes were doing was sending dickpicks. Yeah, I mean, Snapchat, I, like, they were like, wait, it disappears, my
Starting point is 00:15:03 my dick. That's all they wanted to do. Like, you couldn't even go on Snapchat without seeing dicks everywhere. It was great. You guys are laughing too hard. I was not, by the time Snapchat came out, I would have been at a time where I was not, did not want any pictures of my dick floating around. So I wasn't sending any dick pics. So comedian Mike Cannon, I think he might have a YouTube special out. Shout up Mike Cannon. We love you. They just shot it actually. He just shot it. He has previous ones out, but he just shot another one. So I went on his pod with Mike Feeney and he told me a story about how when he's on the road
Starting point is 00:15:38 he wanted to send a photo of like his tan or something to the guys or like his abs or something and he sent it to them but it was a live photo and if you held it down you would see like he was naked and he was like and I had like on the road dick like I'd been masturbating like all day before my shows and he was like it was red it was shriveled up it was like the worst version of my dick
Starting point is 00:16:02 and he sent it to like a group chat of like 14 guys and how you have to watch out these live if you hold it down it was just all his dick and he like has never lived it down but that rebuilds character I wouldn't be surprised if there eventually is like a class action lawsuit on Snapchat just like the amount of anxiety
Starting point is 00:16:20 that must have been caused particularly in those it seems like a lot of them happened around like 2017 but the fact you can't unsend stuff like even text messages if you could unsend text messages out it'd be amazing like even you know you send a risky text and then like they don't respond for like an hour and be like let's unsend let's unsend that would help so many people wasn't there talk for a while about that they were going to have like a breathalyzer on your phone that you had to that you had to breathe in before you sent a
Starting point is 00:16:46 text because like you know drunk texting is really problematic or Facebook was weird because you'd write a Facebook status right but sometimes you'd make your status what you were searching which is normally someone's name so you'd press it and then it would come up as like your status. Like Hannah Burner, you know, John Stevens. Right. And so that would happen all of the time. Or people just like would take a melatonin and then be like on Facebook just like writing crazy shit. Yeah, writing crazy or being drunk and just suddenly to be like, you know, I think it's time or like, you know, the most annoying post of all time are, I'm not going to say who this is about but the person that this is about knows who I'm talking about. And they really need, you know,
Starting point is 00:17:24 and then everyone's like. But a lot of people got fired from, yeah, like posting something that their company doesn't approve of, especially teachers. When you're just having fun one night. So anyway, that's Snapchat. And so they won't all be Snapchat, but they could have all been. Snapchat could have had a full episode. Let's go for number two, Chris. I don't know if this fully answers the prompt, but my biggest technological mistake
Starting point is 00:17:45 was definitely when I was in high school. I did all the audio for our school's football games, and I had a program where each key was a different song that I would play during the games, and they gave me a list of songs to add. So during one of the games, the footballers were coming out and I hit a key and it started playing Mr. Sandman and it went dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum. And everyone started screaming at me and I changed the song and I realized when they told me to add Sandman to my program, they meant enter Sandman and not Mr. Sandman and my 16-year-old self just had no idea what they were talking about when I added it and yeah, so that little cute song, Mr. Samman, Bring Me Your Dreams, started playing
Starting point is 00:18:30 at this testosterone-filled football game and it was super embarrassing and I never lived it down. I mean, for me, because you know, Enter Samman, the, I don't know what Enter Sandman is. Oh, so it's, God, I wish we could get it up now. Yeah, we could play them. It's a very good entry song. Yeah. It'll probably you flagged if I play.
Starting point is 00:18:50 Am I now? I'm going to get my phone. Am I been any word? You know, it's Metallica. There's a lot of famous, there's a lot of college football videos. There's some college that you'll see like the whole, like Wisconsin has jumped around.
Starting point is 00:19:07 You'll see the whole college going crazy to Ante Samman. And then sometimes like the school band plays it. So they're expecting Antisadamian. Wait, this has to happen more often with these like, you know, they bust through like a, a rally sign and it's like
Starting point is 00:19:23 someone has to like prank these teams more often playing I mean I I make Des and when he comes on tour sometimes he'll be like I don't care what music you play so I'll have them play WAP so it's like yeah but I like walking out to WAP I mean it's a it's a sick song but I think it's funny that is so fucking good that was good I wish I had the video of that I love walkout songs it's my fashion I've been sticking to
Starting point is 00:19:47 fucking problems by Aesap Rocky so there's always I go to a theater and there's always like a very old guy that's like what song do you want to walk up to and i'm like fucking problems asap rocky the s is a money sign and then i go by the way you have to start it at 20 seconds because the first 20 seconds are dead so whenever they announced me there's like a 50-50 chance that they don't put it at 20 seconds and then it's just Hannah burner and then just silence and i ref i'm a d i don't walk out i'm not walking out to silence so i wait 20 seconds and then it goes a lot of bad bitches is my fucking problem and then I walk out and then
Starting point is 00:20:21 they all are like oh that's why she said that imagine it was instead of ASAP Rocky they played ASAP Fables some kid's song comes on Baby shark baby shark I just it's such a great visual I would just love to see all these guys all pumped up
Starting point is 00:20:38 and it's you know Give her a fucking Emmy That's awesome There's nothing to add It's just so funny That's incredible And I apologize to a Metallica fan that I don't know the words to enter salmon.
Starting point is 00:20:49 I just have a, I make a lot of, I just really, I've never not made a mistake with technology. I, when I was at University of Wisconsin, I was doing the sports broadcasting videos, and they randomly were like, hey, we want you to do men's hockey, some announcing. Men's ice hockey? Ice hockey before the game.
Starting point is 00:21:06 This is the Coal Center. This is like, I don't know, like 20,000 people, and it's on ice, and you're just live, and you're not reading off a teleprompter. You just have to say, like, a couple things. instead of puck, I said, fuck. Like, I just messed it up, and I was like, and I'm going to give you guys the fuck.
Starting point is 00:21:24 And, like, I literally said fuck in front of everyone. And then I walked off, and I, like, almost fell on the ice, and I was just like, okay, I think I'm fired. Did you get a video of that? No video. It was because it was just live. But I think, like, I just know that I messed up the words and accidentally put the F in front of the P.
Starting point is 00:21:40 In the history of hockey, that mistake has to have been made. Like, all the time. Thousands of times. Yeah. But, um, some people could. have said like they didn't hear it, but I'm pretty sure I walked off and they were like, yeah, you said fuck. It happens.
Starting point is 00:21:51 I feel like it's so easy to say fuck. It just flows off the time. Especially when you're saying puck. Yeah. You should have said, no, it was pH. No, it was French. PH, UK. PHUCK.
Starting point is 00:22:04 Go ahead. I feel like I shouldn't even be telling this story, but here goes. So I'm hiding in my laundry room. I don't know if you can hear that. I hope it's not too distracting. When my husband was on a deployment. him and I would share things with each other, you know, sexy time, videos, photos. And my at the time 12-year-old daughter, and I shared an Apple ID, like I Club account.
Starting point is 00:22:31 And I didn't really think about it until she came to me one day and said that she didn't want to share one anymore. and she said why and I realized she had seen everything um my husband and I wanted to die I waited until he got back from deployment to tell him but that's my biggest technological failure and I don't ever want to top it okay also I love you guys bye okay that's a big one that um talk about how to learn the birds and the bees that's worse than like walking in at your parents fucking like your parents sexting part of me is like I love that there's still sexting. Yeah, but I also don't know why the daughter
Starting point is 00:23:14 didn't say it earlier. The daughter couldn't even bring herself to be like, mom, I think she probably was like, they'll stop eventually. You know what it was? She's so young, like, she's before the age where she was probably like even aware of that sort of stuff. So then she was like, I need to be off the appellation. It's traumatized.
Starting point is 00:23:30 I've seen enough. Also, like, long distance stuff, that's like next level. Yeah, the guys deployed overseas. Yeah, that's like next level horniness. Thank you for your. service I do that's coming up in therapy I'll tell you that yeah I feel like everyone has a story of walking in on their parents not me I honestly I don't think there was a lot of sex happening me either yeah I think once I walked in and they were like I thought they were like fighting or
Starting point is 00:23:58 something they were like we're cuddling hey they're like hi but I didn't see anything I just like I never never walked in on my parents I just know that like I feel like when you're a Why is it always turned into this conversation? But when you're a dude and you're jerking off and your teens, I feel like you must be avoiding people walking in all the time. But I think like when I was... When I was younger, that was always like, that would be the worst thing to get caught jerking off.
Starting point is 00:24:25 I feel like these days it's not as much of a big deal. These days you have a conversation. It wasn't fun still. Or like, did you ever have some walking in? It's just so much easier to hide now. I had to use the television for... I had to like masturbate in public areas like when nobody was around and then sometimes you would have someone walk in and you just have tissues all over you
Starting point is 00:24:43 and you're just sitting there. No, I've never got caught in like a post. My brother caught me once. I don't think my mother actually caught me like 100% masturbating. Is it embarrassing or your brother's like, good job, bro. No, he was young. He was just like, you fucking took it off. Oh my God, you were chook it off. You're still at the age where that's like, you know, don't forget, we were told it was bad. Oh, yeah. You're going to hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, I got caught once or twice, but, like, no, you know, no big deal. But, yeah, you know, there was a lot of, like, I was checking the TV guy. I've seen other comedians do bits about this, but you would get the weekly TV guide in the Sunday newspaper.
Starting point is 00:25:23 I would, like, check all the after midnight stuff on Showtime, like, in advance. I'd be like, oh, Thursday night, that's good. You're, like, schedule it. And then hope, sometimes my daddy would be staying up late. I'd be like, when are you going to bed, you know? I do. Well, did you have a bit about how porn you had to, like, online? had to, like, print out photos.
Starting point is 00:25:41 No. Someone got in trouble because they were printing out photos of, like, boobs. And their parents were like, why are their photos of tits on the print? In the printer, yeah. Yeah, I remember the printing stuff out days. The makers of bubbly have a new sparkling water called Bubbly Burst. I'm so excited about this new product. You know I struggle with drinking off water because I think it's boring.
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Starting point is 00:28:34 it's very confusing the one thing i found des and i were more than happy to combine was our wireless plan with mint mobile for a limited time phone plans from mint mobile are only 15 dollars a month when you purchase a three month plan that's unlimited talk text and data for 15 dollars a month and i love this because it's affordable it's straightforward it's easy it lowers my stress levels say bye bye to your overpriced wireless plans, jaw-dropping monthly bills and unexpected overages. That's definitely happened to me. Des will go to Ireland for a month. And I'm like, did I buy another house? What happened? So Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans for just 15 bucks a month. And they come with unlimited talk and tax, high-speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network.
Starting point is 00:29:18 To get this new customer offer in your three-month unlimited wireless plan just for $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash burner, B-E-R-N-E-R. That's mintmobile.com slash burner. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash burner. $45 up front payment required equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Hit it, Maestro. Hit it. Hey, Hannah. Hey, Des. I love you guys. So freaking much. You have no idea. I always love listening to the podcast. And I never dial in. But today I thought it was the right time. So just some back story. I'm at a big university in the middle of Missouri and I am very, very broke. So I recently decided to make an only fans. And it's kind of obscure. That's all I'm going to say about it. But it's definitely working for me financially. Anyway, a couple weeks ago, I was replying to a discussion post in Canvas or university learning thing. And I went to go paste a link.
Starting point is 00:30:27 as one of my sources for our discussion. And I pasted my OnlyFans link. Oh, no. And there's another layer to this onion because I actually did a video with one of the graduate student teacher assistants that's on my OnlyFans too. So nobody saw it. I don't know if anybody subscribed from there, but I... She ran out.
Starting point is 00:30:49 That's great promo, honestly. It's great promo, but part of me is like she just... Because no one's going to admit it, right? No one's going to be like, oh, we subscribe to that OnlyFan. But also she was trying to be incognito about it. So it's like a noise. She's trying to be a woman in STEM. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:03 Be entrepreneurial. And but these, sometimes you copy the link, but it wasn't highlighted the right way. You ever do that? Oh, that's another thing. You have to be able to unsend. Well, yeah, that you definitely need to be able to unsend.
Starting point is 00:31:17 By the way, we have a lot of people that end up doing like sex work listening. Have you noticed? It's because we have a lot of entrepreneurial, gorgeous queens that listen. Yeah. And we're not, We're definitely not judgmental, but we get them a lot.
Starting point is 00:31:29 No, I think a lot of people are an only fan. I mean, I wanted to do a documentary about, like, because a lot of girls will just be like stressing about work and they go, I should just start a foot only fans. And I wanted to actually start one and see, like, how to actually get momentum in it, like how many guys actually have foot fetishes and how, because I've been told I have a nice arch. Great.
Starting point is 00:31:51 So I was like, I want to know how to do it, so then I could tell girls, like I could do an e-book, like how to get a, a foot only fans to go viral. How to monetize your arch? Yeah. Or like I start a foot community where like I manage all the foot girls and I like promote
Starting point is 00:32:04 and they tell the guys like we got new talent. Foot pimp. Yes. Fimp. Then you're going to have all these guys obsessed with your arch and they're going to become my arch my arch nemesis.
Starting point is 00:32:16 Hey. Oh, Hannah hates those. Hanna hates those, man. She hates them. No, it's fine. It's fine. I just not attracted you anymore. that was funny that was funny so uh so anyway i mean can you imagine right that you see that
Starting point is 00:32:35 and you're like well and then you look and you realize oh my god this woman has only fans so you subscribe and then you see some other guy getting fucked that's that's insane the only fans what's interesting is they do do like cross promotion just like podcasting like you know someone else's podcast is doing well i'm like hey you want to come my pod they literally do that where it's like hey you want to you want to let's fuck around how do you're promoting though if you're trying to stay How do you promote? How do you get followers on your only fans while trying to stay incognito? Because you have like an incognito like Twitter or something where you'll hashtag like only fans hashtag whatever and you post whatever photos.
Starting point is 00:33:09 But are you keeping your face out of it? Yeah. Oh, okay. And then people will be like, oh, I like that. I don't know exactly what she's doing obviously, but there's strategic ways or you do show your face and then you take it down. But she's basically saying like she wasn't trying to promote it. No, there's a technological mishap. It's a pretty good one. Well, especially consider I was like, you know, how do we vary these? And I was like, well, this is pretty, this is pretty unique. My thing with OnlyFans is I always get worried about, like, people screenshoting or putting it on other things. But I guess, it happens. It happens, but I guess OnlyFans is pretty good at, like, keeping it. Yeah, I haven't seen a lot of, I haven't seen a lot of Onlyfans. Because if you do do something with someone.
Starting point is 00:33:43 It's illegal, right? I think they have some legal protection. Oh, okay. Yeah, they should. But it's like, if you're going to do it, that you always know there is a chance that people are going to find out, obviously. If you found out that, like, a very famous celebrity. crush was on OnlyFant. Who would you subscribe to?
Starting point is 00:33:59 If it's just hypothetical. No, I don't know either. I thought it was a good question. Honestly, I'm more interested probably in like a girl who's making like insane money on it. I'd subscribe to be like, what's she actually doing? That's so, that's so wild out here. Mine would be Cardi B. Just not because I'm like, you know, she's like my crush.
Starting point is 00:34:19 Hilarious. Exactly. She's for hilarious. I thought her, I think her only fans would be hilarious. Anyway, wow I actually subscribe to Whitney Cummings Only fans because she dropped her special on it And I don't think I've unsubscribed
Starting point is 00:34:31 Disappointing lack of tits No, she has amazing tits Just, you know, no ariolas for showing Maybe, I don't know Yeah, she put the roast of like Bert Kreischer on it So I subscribe so I'm an OnlyFans. So you have an OnlyFans account? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:43 Interesting, interesting We'll find out who else she subscribes to. Go ahead there, Chris. Hey, Ann and does. Love the Pod. Love you guys. Hopefully I'm the first black male who's ever spoken
Starting point is 00:34:54 in for this. It's not my biggest technological mistake. Probably my most embarrassing one. Classic the OG send 30 girls the same message and accidentally creating a group chat. It's just weird when you see you have two friends
Starting point is 00:35:11 and they say that they got both added in the same group chat. You got the same message but sometimes you've got to do what you got to do. A fellow athlete. I know Hannah can agree that, you know, you miss all the shots you don't take. So thank you. I hope this makes it sit. I love how he was cracking himself up. Him and the girl before, I love a first-time dialer. If you've been listening, this is your sign. He didn't need to sound as sinister as he did. It's like a confession. It's like, is this Louis C.K.?
Starting point is 00:35:46 sounds like you're doing something while you're on the phone. No, it did sound like he was speaking to in a confessional to a priest. Wait, so he basically meant to, did he just... So basically what he was doing was, I think he was sending probably a dick pick, but let's just not... Or let's say he was saying you up to like... Yeah, so it was meant to go to like 30 different, like, see who he hits.
Starting point is 00:36:05 But instead of sending it to 30 different people, he sent it as a group chat. So like suddenly then everybody would be like, what the fuck, and everyone's coming in the same group. Was it on like WhatsApp or something? He didn't say, he didn't say. So basically he probably was drunk and he put everyone's number
Starting point is 00:36:21 into a group chat and said like, what are you doing tonight? He was trying to send it to everybody independently, but he sent it to everybody together. So then they're all, they're all going to be messaging. That's fucking like, are we all looking at the same thing? Talk about having to start your roster from zero again. Because he literally just made everyone aware of each other.
Starting point is 00:36:39 The star, Notre Dame, quarterback, just sent his dick to 30 girls. Because he's like as an athlete. No, my God. But you know what, though? But that's a real, this is incriminating male behavior, which definitely I was too old to get into this by the time this behavior was half. So he just goes, like, cast the net wide. All I need is one hit out of 30.
Starting point is 00:37:00 Well, this is also so good. I mean, talking about the antithesis of romanticism. This is so good for girls to hear, like, the reality of some situations. Like, one of these girls might have a huge crush on him. And she'll be telling your girlfriend's, like, it was so weird. This guy texted me one night. Like, what are you up to? I responded, and then he never responded back.
Starting point is 00:37:16 And I feel like that's a thing. And it's like, yeah, because he texted 80 girls and one of them got back faster or he's like farther along with another girl. Or yeah, or you were third on the list. You were third on the priority list because especially with drunk texting, you'll be like, it was weird. We were talking and then it's just like he fell off. It's like this is the kind of shit going on. My friend, I remember she was an athlete. It's just a bunch of horny athletes all in like a mile proximity of each other.
Starting point is 00:37:40 And she would have this like a ton of nudes, like just a library of nudes. And she would just, like, send one to, like, five guys and see who wanted to come over that night. And it was, like, a game for her. It was pretty fun as a friend to witness. And I'd be like, who's the winner tonight? Yeah, store up the nudes. Store up the nudes.
Starting point is 00:38:00 For all the guys out there that are listening, if you're questioning the nude or certainly the date that the nude was taken, I recommend asking them to do a nude with some sort of symbol or a signal to let it know. A newspaper next to it? Yeah. Like a kidnapping.
Starting point is 00:38:17 Boy, at the day. I used to say it. But you know, also, okay, this is... I used to say, like, you know, give me the finger or two fingers or something. This is fun... In the past. Where did the fingers go?
Starting point is 00:38:29 Yeah, what? No, no. Like a signal. Thank you, Chris. Thank you. Not like that. Also, okay, I don't want to, like, get girls in trouble. But, like, if someone's altered a pick,
Starting point is 00:38:41 like, you can see how it's saved, and sometimes it saves as a FaceTune file. Oh. And sometimes the date is on it. So you could click, like, save their photo they sent you and then click on it. And on the top, it'll say, like, the file of the photo, which is fun. And I do want to point out that the reason why you have to do this
Starting point is 00:38:59 is for catfish prevention. It's very important to be careful that you're not being catfish. Oh, yeah, like they just pulled something from Google. Yeah, because there's a famous episode of an Irish podcast, the two Johnny's podcast, but they did a series, I think it was like three episodes, about their, like, real actually got catfish. by this Irish catfisher
Starting point is 00:39:19 Catfish I was so addicted to that when it first came out like guys who were like convinced they were texting Katie Perry for four years Oh right And then the guy The person's like I'm Katie Perry
Starting point is 00:39:28 And they're like No you're not You're not Katie And they're like I've been texting you I know everything about you And they're like nope I'm talking to Katie Perry And then also nowadays
Starting point is 00:39:38 The 0.5 feature Apparently guys are using that To make their dicks look longer Interesting Because of the angle Yeah Yeah, because I'll do it, girls will do it to make their legs look longer. Like, it makes like a Steve Madden type photo.
Starting point is 00:39:52 And Trevor Wallace told me the boys are out here using .5. Wow. It's like, keep an eye out. I wonder, I wonder a guy's face-tuning their dicks. Yeah. I never knew that. I think there's like a lot going on. You can face-tune your dick.
Starting point is 00:40:04 Yes. Yeah, it's like, why does he have really big blue eyes on his dick? I don't think he knows how to use face-tune. No, you make like a pulsating. like huge muscle on your dick. You make your balls like really small. Yeah, because the dick doesn't come up on the options on FaceTune. Because I've used FaceTune in my life.
Starting point is 00:40:26 And, you know, it's always the eyelashes. There's a head. I lashes, eyebrows. What? The eyelashes are beautiful on the cock. So. Okay, I don't really know if this counts as like a technology mishap or fail. But when I was 16 years old, I worked at McDonald's like most of us do. And I often took orders on the headset through the
Starting point is 00:40:45 drive-thru. And so when a car pulls up, it dings in your ear, and then you turn the mic on with a button on the headset itself. And then usually when the person drives away, it'll just turn the mic off by itself. But if the drive-thru is backed up and the car is still hitting that sensor by the menu, then your mic is still going to be on, even though you're done taking the order. My boyfriend of the time had sent me a rather risque text, and I was all giggling and excited about at being a 16-year-old high school girl. And I read the naughty text aloud to my friend that was taking orders with me. My mic was on.
Starting point is 00:41:24 Customer heard the whole thing. One of the better and more embarrassing moments of my life. And not only that, but half the staff is wearing headsets. So they all heard me. Yeah, that'll do it. That's a good one. Because part of me was like, look, if you did that and you're the only one who knows, you just tell your friend, hey, could you get the next order?
Starting point is 00:41:41 Could you go to the window and get the next order and just have her to do it? But the fact that everyone heard, you're just like, you own it. Yeah, but you know, it's embarrassing when they come around the corner. You know, one of those cars is going to be like, can I get your number? Like, that is, that was pretty funny. You know, plus, I loved learning about the infrastructure of drive-thru. It's so funny, technology will always sometimes not work, and you have to be aware of those little idiosyncrasies.
Starting point is 00:42:10 Oh, now I'm remembering another sex story involving you, actually, that I accidentally texted the group chat of Paige and Argenzi correspondent while I was on the road, a sext to you. And no one responded. And the embarrassing thing was that it was like the most boring sex ever. Like it was like, I can't wait to see you and have sex. I think we're so, I was like, can we see you? We'll go dancing and have sex. And I literally was like so embarrassed by the sex. Like it was so boring. and bad. Yeah, they literally didn't ever,
Starting point is 00:42:46 they were like, that was so lame. They're like, talk dirty, me, for Christ. Paige was like, Jesus Christ, what a letdown. I was like, look, this is marriage, okay? There's a post-marriage sex. It's like, I can't wait. I can't wait to fulfill our 12 p.m. appointment.
Starting point is 00:43:07 Oh, God. According to a very sex therapist, you shouldn't frown, and I'm not saying we do this, but you shouldn't frown upon. making sex appointments being like no matter what on Monday at six o'clock we're having sex that that shouldn't be considered to be a vanilla and actually can be quite healthy for your relationship it's kind of like a workout like you know you enjoy it it's sometimes hard with your schedule and it could be difficult to make time for it but once you do you never regret it
Starting point is 00:43:31 yeah so there's there's nothing wrong with scheduling sex is all we're saying the more you know imagine if we become one of those couples that are giving sex advice oh we will definitely not be there. No, just in that like, you know, I don't... No, because we get like, we're like, ugh. You can't be authentic, you know, you can't be... There are couples up there like, do you want to keep your relationship alive? We fuck all the time.
Starting point is 00:43:54 I'm like, I'm not believing it. I'm not buying it. I'm not buying it. I'm like they hate each other. Yeah, I'm not buying it. You're fighting all the rest of the time. Hit us, Chris. Hit us. So, one time, I was text fighting with the next boyfriend
Starting point is 00:44:09 and I was really upset and my friend came to pick me up and I get in her car and I'm just like blubbering crying to her about him while I'm still texting him and at one point I looked down at my phone and I have somehow sent him a voice recording of me crying to her about him. So I proceeded to send him like 50 text messages in a row, like letters of the alphabet, random words, just because like I knew that there was no fucking way that he was going to go back and read any of that. He was probably just going to delete it at that point. Blocker. So yeah, that's probably the most embarrassing. It's genius.
Starting point is 00:44:56 I thought of it earlier. Like send a huge paragraph that means nothing. There's no way he's going to go through. Block up the line. Block up the line. That's great. What's the word in politics? You know, when they take up time.
Starting point is 00:45:11 She was filibusting him on text. What a genius. That's great. This guy's like, this girl's fucking crazy. I'm like, no, she's a literal genius. This is a practical podcast. This reminds me. I saw a TikTok where this guy, his phone was connected to the car, and she was in the car.
Starting point is 00:45:27 And he was like, let me take this call, goes outside. She's listening to him, talk to a girl. he's cheating on her with comes back in she's like who are you talking to and he's like my boss she's like are you sure and he's like yeah and then she's like who's that and it says like Amanda and he was like she filmed all of it and she he's just like being like Amanda's my boss and so but the whole connection to um Bluetooth Bluetooth will fuck you up oh yeah I know people who like found out people were cheating on them because of their um Alexa like they said like Alexa record him really oh my god
Starting point is 00:46:01 Yeah. Or like if you're talking to somebody you shouldn't be talking to and you end up getting close to your car and then it switches over to the car. Yeah. That's happened to people. Yeah. Play cheating fail. Just because it's relevant to what you were just talking about. And obviously, Hannah wants to hear. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Dez. I love the pod. Okay, so I do have to say first that I do not condone cheating in any way, but as a high schooler, I'm 26 now. But as a high schooler, I had a boyfriend who was completely, toxic and narcissistic and instead of breaking up with him, I chose to cheat on him with someone who I worked with and at that time I worked at Smoothie King and so I changed his name to
Starting point is 00:46:49 another female's name. Well, my narcissistic boyfriend at that time would always come to visit And, yeah, he found out that I did not have a co-worker at smoothie key that was the same name as the name that I put in my phone. So we eventually broke up. And, yeah, that was a fail. So basically, for all you cheaters out there, make sure that you have a name to back it up at work because you're going to get caught. I mean, that guy was doing research. Yeah. I mean, most likely this guy's going to end up being a big problem for somebody long term.
Starting point is 00:47:24 You know, like, that's pretty fucked up. That's crazy behavior. That's crazy behavior. But that's one of the things where it's like, who's more fucked up? You, like, researching into everyone's name at my job or me cheating on you? Like, it's like... Where's the famous Amanda? Where's the famous Amanda?
Starting point is 00:47:41 Where's Amanda? I'm coming here seven days this week. Is Amanda on leave? It's like, oh, her name's Stephanie, but we call our Amanda for short. Hey, Hannah, hey dears. Sam from New Zealand. New Zealand, hi. During lockdown, I joined a lecture online
Starting point is 00:47:59 and didn't realize that my microphone wasn't turned off. My elderly cat jumped on my bed and I was going, oh, you want a little drink? Oh, you're so cute. Oh, you're so cute. Want no drink? You want no food? I could do a snack.
Starting point is 00:48:14 And I didn't realize until I started getting private messages from people saying, hey, your microphone is on and the whole room can hear you. I'm basically a boomer with technology, even though I'm 29. Wait, this is so me, something I would do. It's literally me. First of all, those friends are the real ones for messaging her. It's like when you've spinach your teeth, you're like, someone fucking tell me.
Starting point is 00:48:36 Yes. Two, that is hilarious. Like, that's easy to come back from me. You're like, sorry, I fucking love my cat. My cat's adorable. Not like fucking what's his face on CNN, but I'm jerking off. Jerking off on a work Zoom. Tunin.
Starting point is 00:48:48 Tuven. Yeah, poor Tubin. I mean, he didn't really do anything that bad. He just fucked up. The best part of Zoom. were people's cats just like walking in front on news. Oh, that was my favorite. Or the kid, the kid, the BBC guy doing like a live thing and the kid came in.
Starting point is 00:49:03 That's like a famous one. I do have to say the whole like hot mic concept is a thing, especially with reality TV. And I remember early on realizing like when you talk, all the producers hear you, the, the network could be listening. Like everyone, like it could be 50 people listening to everything you say. And then you go to the bathroom and like everyone can hear you going there. bathroom and then like you're like six weeks in and you're like I don't give a shit anymore and that's how they get you but there was a lot of Zoom hot mics a lot of Zoom like I thought I was muted yeah it's funny because she said dizz and I knew immediately she was from New Zealand then she said I'm from
Starting point is 00:49:39 New Zealand I'm obsessed with that because the flight of the Concord you know I was buddies with them back in the day and they were always like oh dis dis dis all right let's hit another hi Hannah and jazz Hannah I am seeing you Thursday in Rochester I will be the girl with um just the one of the girls there um so this wasn't something that i did personally but when i was in high school i worked at an arcade which is a story in itself we had pretty much no adult supervision and we had a snapchat group chat and one night one of the kids i worked with sent a snapchat of his deck through his gray swap pants like and he circled the bulge and that was the Snapchat and all of our co-workers received that and I don't know how he ever lived that down.
Starting point is 00:50:31 I just honestly what I loved about this was like his his lame fucking because obviously you have the gray sweatpants thing like but the fact that he like circled it like hey if you have to circle it it wasn't that great if you have to say the joke was funny it wasn't that funny it's like magnify here if you have to point to where the head of the dick is it's not that impress him. I wonder how many times you circled it and, like, took, I don't like that circle and, like, took the red and kept, like, that is very funny. It makes you nostalgic, though, for, like, those teenage jobs, you know, like, she's,
Starting point is 00:51:05 like, in an arcade, right? Yeah, and everyone's horny. Just the teen, yeah, and, but also just, like, the boring teenage jobs where, like, it's so much fun. You have to make up drama. Yeah, there's so much fun with coworkers and shit. Like, that really is, when you're in the middle of that as a, as a teenager, you don't appreciate that this is actually, like, one of the funner things in life, just, like,
Starting point is 00:51:22 dumb work. For sure. And everyone's down to talk shit. No one's professional. That's the fun stuff. When you go to like real life and everyone's like, um, in regards to you're like, what the fuck? This is hilarious. Like, did you see what that person just said in the media? I gotta think arcade teenage job is pretty fucking cool. Oh my god. Yeah, that reminds me
Starting point is 00:51:38 like working at like a theme park or something. Like that shit's so funny. And you're just dealing with other kids too. So it's just the blind leading the blind. Exactly. Um, that's so funny. But also I always I call it dick cleavage. Because you know, when guys were a gray sweatpants It's like that tease, like a girl wearing like a shirt where you see a little bit of cleave.
Starting point is 00:51:57 Let's go for a couple more. Hey, Hannah and Des, huge fan. Love you both so much. I first discovered Hannah on the single father era. I've called her daddy. I've been a massive fan ever since. But before that, before single father era, as you know, that podcast was completely unhinged. I mean, it still is in all the great ways that we love it.
Starting point is 00:52:16 But I was heading to the gym to listen to an episode. Conveniently, it was a Gluckuck, 9,000 episode. which starts off outrageously, like, what's a motherfucking daddy game? Let's talk about what I suck some fucking dick. Or, you know, something to that effect. Bluetooth wasn't working. Everyone around me heard it,
Starting point is 00:52:36 including a little old precious lady who goes, Jesus Christ! And I blacked out after that and ran away. I honestly don't know what happened. That's where my memory ends that day. And I should have been using Delta headphones. Live and learn. Thanks.
Starting point is 00:52:50 Bye. I just spoke up. that we cannot trust Bluetooth. And you know what? I stand with what I said. Yeah. I mean, that's an issue, man. I've had that on a plane a couple of times.
Starting point is 00:53:00 Nothing embarrassing. But, like, I'll think that Bluetooth's connected and then it's not. I do have lots of DMs being like, hey, I'm at work. I turned on Giggly Squad. You were talking about your labia. Everyone heard.
Starting point is 00:53:13 But, like, everyone kind of laughs. But it's basically... I think it's funny. I think it's funny. It's character building. There was a lot of Bluetooth mishaps too. Sometimes I think moms will be listening to something around their kids and then it comes out and I'm talking about something insane. Yes. But they laugh and they message
Starting point is 00:53:31 us about what happened. Like what's a multiple orgasm? Honestly I think we're raising these kids by accidentally hearing what's going on. You know what's so great about this episode, especially for me because I was going through the messages is like I didn't realize just how many ways you can have a technological mishap. There's too much technology. When you told me the idea, I thought it was just going to be like, I sent my tits to the wrong person. But actually, there's just a lot of ways. To this day, when I send a risky text, I still have to check it like eight times. Yeah, and even if I don't make a mistake, but I think I do, it's almost just as bad because the anxiety levels go from zero to 100.
Starting point is 00:54:08 All five minutes after sending it, recheck my phone. Yeah. Like, did it go to the right person? Exactly. Yeah. All right, let's go for another, Chris. Hi, guys. Okay, so I am driving.
Starting point is 00:54:18 hopefully I don't wreck my car um long story short my biggest mistake with technology it's not like i wasn't using it but so when i was in high school we had this like all georgia um like right off and it was like right about the best thing technology's ever invented and i'm like oh okay so like sex toys like that's technology and personally i feel like that's the best thing that could ever be I never wrote like something gross about what they were like how they used them I was just like sex toys are good for you because it's good mentally to have an orgasm and also you're not going and sleeping around you're not spreading STDs you're just using them like for yourself it's very empowering but being in the south and you know 10 years ago when I wrote this thing everyone
Starting point is 00:55:08 lost their shit and then made me rewrite it so yeah that was my biggest mistake I mean I kind of I left that in just because I thought it was... Where did she write it? She was 18. It was for like a Georgia high school essay writing competition. Oh, but like everyone saw it? No, the teachers made her write something else. Yeah, you hate that.
Starting point is 00:55:30 That's fucked up. Yeah. But, you know, I just... It wasn't a technological mishap, but it was, you know, embracing technology. But then her fuck-up was that she praised the wrong bit of technology. I do think there are technological... technological, oh, that's hard to say, mishaps, when it comes to sex toys, like, if you can't turn it off. Yeah, we talked about that before, right?
Starting point is 00:55:51 I don't think so. No, because we definitely did because I remember joking about the fact that... No, I think it happened to us. Yes, but I also remember joking about the fact that you're so bad at admin that every time we go to have... We definitely joked about that. I mean, I'll repeat it. I'll repeat it just in case, but Hannah's so bad at admin, every time we go to get kinky with a sex toy, it's never charged. and you can't
Starting point is 00:56:14 like wait six minutes to charge it like the moment's over absolutely or like try to do it while it's charging like a fucking like a fucking wire hanging there's also with the sex toys there's so many different
Starting point is 00:56:26 like to turn it off as hard you have to go through like five different like zz zzzzzz zh zh zh and you're like what the fuck you're doing yeah honestly
Starting point is 00:56:37 is there really five is there really five variations that like people will be like Oh, I really, I really need the... No, it's part of the pitch being like, this has six different settings. And you're like, yeah. Yeah, I'm really into fucking Morse code
Starting point is 00:56:50 when I'm getting fucking. The best is like you're moving on and you're like, can you turn that off? I'm like, I don't fucking know how to turn it off. It says, fuck me in Morse code. Let's go to the next one, Chris. One time I was traveling in Europe with my boyfriend and his father.
Starting point is 00:57:10 and he asked me to book his flight home. And when he showed up at the airport, it was for a month later then he was supposed to go home and he had to buy another $1,500 flight. If that doesn't say I'm bad at admin, I don't know what does. I mean, that's for you, Hannah.
Starting point is 00:57:26 Yeah, that was a complete attack. You did this? I did something similar. Well, no, there was this time. I was very stressed about going back to Ireland. And Hannah was coming with me. But some job came in, so she had to, like, you know, she had to change. You know, she wasn't going to travel.
Starting point is 00:57:46 She was going to stay a couple of extra days in New York, so I was going to go on my own. And it was literally the day of travel. The day of travel. I had travel anxiety and Hannah tried to cancel our fight and canceled both of our flights. And apparently, like, he had to call Delta to get, like, all these certificates. Like, it's a difficult thing to get these flights. Yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't like a straightforward flight. So, and I just, I remember being on my phone and just seeing like, oh, maybe I could just cancel
Starting point is 00:58:08 the mine and I went and I remember it just said like cancel I'm like there's no way me clicking this is going to just cancel everything like there has to be like are you sure you know you click something and goes are you sure you want this and I clicked it and then everything just disappear and I remember being like uh uh yeah and I refreshed it and I was like uh and then he's another room and I was like how do we how do we bring this up because I was like I think I canceled your flight and he was like what did you just say? I was stressed that day So I was definitely more angry than normal. I think that was the most heated argument we've ever got.
Starting point is 00:58:43 But it wasn't an argument. It was just he was like, I don't, like he was so mad. I was like, that was the moment where it was like, I do the admin in this relationship. I book the flights. Let's just say now whenever anything has to be down and go, do you want Cal Delta? You want to do it?
Starting point is 00:59:02 You want to get it? Nope, hit the red button. I just didn't think that you could cancel that easy. In fairness, they make it very complicated to do some things like that. Well, they make it complicated to get it and then so easy to cancel it. Airlines have always made things awkward, particularly around canceling and changing flights. So, you know, in the end, it wasn't really your fault. I mean, it was hilarious, though.
Starting point is 00:59:22 At the time it was, yeah. Not hilarious at the time. Yeah, not hilarious at the time. You know, it was like pandemic. It was like a funny time. Let's do one more. Let's do one more. Hi, Hannah and Des.
Starting point is 00:59:31 I love your show. And this prompt kind of was made for this situation, I guess. I was texting my husband one morning after he had left for work about how much I loved our night before and how our sex was amazing and I loved his sweet kisses. And after I had sent it, I realized I had sent it to my mother-in-law who then replied back and it was the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me. And I still feel uncomfortable around her after five or six years. So, yeah, big mistake. And I always double triple quadruple check when I'm sending some sort of dirty text because heaven forbid I ever send that to my mother-in-law ever again.
Starting point is 01:00:20 All right, love you guys. Bye. Can I just say I've never had that experience because my poor mother-in-law has had to listen to the most detailed descriptions of the things on podcasts and TV shows. My poor mother-in-law has to deal with that shit all the time. I like, though, the mother-in-law is like, good. My son is in a healthy relationship and he's pleasing his wife. And as people always say about my dead mother, she's looking down on you.
Starting point is 01:00:43 So just be aware. She's seen everything we've ever done. Eileen, this is for you. So that was good. From the dialers. The dialers crushed it. This is one of my favorite episodes, I think. The dialers came through.
Starting point is 01:01:00 It was great to be back in the studio. Yes, great to be back in the studio. It's very freeing, Chris, to have you there to play the promp. Chris is very calming presence for us. It's like a thruple we're in. I mean, yeah. Thank you guys for dialing in. We love you so much. Let's plug some shows. Yes, yes.
Starting point is 01:01:14 You're going to Rochester, but I'm in Rochester in August. Oh, nice. Yeah, and I'm about to add Sacramento and San Francisco. That'll be up soon. Pittsburgh, the dates are up. I mean, I said them all, but they go on my website. I'm adding tons of shows. Oh, and by the way, I'm about to add a ton of Irish shows. Oh, that's great. Also, speaking of, I added a second Vicar Street show. Oh, yes.
Starting point is 01:01:33 I need to sell some tickets for that. also added a second London show, going to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, going to Pittsburgh, Anaheim, Philadelphia at a fourth show, Jacksonville, where are you at? And Porchester. Where's Portchester? New York? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:49 Oh, nice. Yeah, so go on both our websites, book some ticks, and let's get that. Both of us actually at the working on new material stage of our comedy development here. Oh, do I have to do that? I haven't started it. This is the stage of Hannah's career
Starting point is 01:02:04 where this is really the first time she's really had to say, I need a new show because she's recorded the special. Should I be starting that now? I told you that. How many times I got to tell? No, no, because this is the ultimate time before the special comes out, you have this interim period where you can still do the stuff you've been doing, so it gives you
Starting point is 01:02:22 protection to start trying out some new bits. Honestly, I was really busy last week. Consider, this is how you consider it. Since this was a dirty episode, consider the material that's soon to be on the Netflix special and not able to be used, you still can use it. So consider that the lube to, you know, sort of...
Starting point is 01:02:39 You're wild today. You are wild. It's the lube to make the transition easier into the next show. So you're lubricating. You're helping it along. So now is actually the ultimate time to be working on new bits. I think there's some inspiration for some new bits out of today's episode. Get some lube on those bits.
Starting point is 01:02:58 Yeah. You need to loop for your new bits. New bits are tough. I was literally just thinking about my mom. I'm listening to this the whole time you were talking. Oh, come on. Oh, that's the moment. That's the moment. Whenever he opens up, I always make him feel bad.
Starting point is 01:03:13 Basically, you know, you're making it easier for the new bits to find their way into it. You can sandwich them in old bits, but I didn't officially know that I should start. I think you have a new walk-on song for your next tour. Do do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-d-d-d-le. Mr. Salmon. Okay, talk to you guys later. Bye. Hey, Hey,
Starting point is 01:03:34 Hey, Hey, Hey,

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