Berner Phone - Berner Phone #38: Useless Talents

Episode Date: April 26, 2024

This week useless talents are becoming useful. We cover everything from heckling babies to weird toe talents.  25% off at Seed.com/BERN with code 25BERN 15% off at BEISTRAVEL.com/BERN 40% off at Hungryroot.com/BERNER 15% off at LumeDeodorant.com with code BERN

Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. What's up, my little dialers? Hello. I'm excited for the topic today. What is the topic today, Anna?

It's tell us a weird, random skill. that is not particularly useful, but special. Yes, your special, useless skill. And we got a lot of them. Because I do have to say, obviously a lot of people get kudos like Caitlin Clark and, you know, LeBron James and Patrick Mahomes for being extremely talented at sports. But talents come in all shapes and sizes, and there's champions in the places that you least expect them. There's greatness everywhere.

Yes. And what would you say is your useless skill? I actually didn't think of it. Yeah, I didn't think of one either. That's why I asked you first. You got me. No, my use of skills, I can remember everybody's phone number before in 1996. And then I only recently learned your phone number because I don't have a CVS card.

And eventually it just kind of stuck from using your number because my mom died, so I had to stop using my mother's CVS card. I do have kind of a unique, useless skill where I have like a little muscle on my lip that I could, like, move. Wow. You can move your lip. I can move like one little part of my lip. That one specific part of your lip. Oh, it's good. It's very cool. It looks like a twitch. It looks like I just. You could freak somebody out.

You could freak someone out. My brother and my dad could always wiggle their ears. Yeah. And I couldn't. And they would bake fun of me to be like, try to wiggle your ears. And I would like make all these faces and they would laugh at me. And I'm like, no one fucking cares that you could wiggle your ears. You're not better than me. Yeah. I used to be able to fart on demand. I kind of lost that skill. But I was always a good farter in school. I wonder if that's a thing. Honestly, I think it's because I don't eat as much bread as I used to, honestly. You know, I used to-

Dietary changes. I used to not have a gag reflex and then I got married. Whoa. Hannah, drop. I mean, I guess that's a good one for me. I guess that makes me look more impressive than I am, I guess. But you could take that in many ways, either because you're so big, I just can't handle it, or because I'm just disgusted by men now.

I do have to say, though, there are some things that change as you get older, like, you know, you become allergic to things or, You know, you lose certain things. Or you gain. Or you gain things. You gain certain skills. I can, like, cross my eyes pretty well. Like, I can cross them and just move one, like.

It came in. I don't know if it's one of the ones that we picked, but for the record, crossing your eyes does not do anything bad to your eyes. Well, yeah, everyone said, stop, your face is going to stay like that. Yeah, and that was one of the many, like, well, they used to call them old wives tales, which I don't even know if that's. It's the second one, we're crossing one eye? Yeah. You want to play it? Yeah, play it.

Why not? Since we're talking about it. Hi, Des, hi Hannah. Love You Both and the Pod. One of my random useless talents, I would say, is crossing one eye, and I can switch it back and forth between each eye, one at a time. I can do them both. And I was so proud of this in high school. One of my friends who was in your book asked if I knew anyone who had a secret talent. And I was like, hello me. you didn't know I can cross one eye and I showed her in class and she laughed at me but I'm so proud of it

to this day so I'm proud to share it with you guys and she's not on her own because you without even knowing that that was a prompt that's also one of yours

She's like I've been waiting my whole life for this moment Yeah she has that It's my time to shine But yeah parents hate it If you do it they're like I'm like show me one person Who's face stayed that way

Well I googled it actually And the only thing that can happen From crossing your eyes is you can get muscle fatigue in your eyes, but that fades. Well, it definitely, like, kind of hurts when you do it. That's it. That's all it is, but that fades. It has no long-lasting effect.

You probably strengthen the muscle even. I can't forget it, because we keep mentioning it when stuff like this comes up, that we want to do an amp about old wives tales that aren't true, and we keep forgetting. You got to write it down in the list. I know. It always comes up when we're recording. I also can raise one eyebrow, but I can't raise the other one. Oh, right.

Can you raise one, like the rock? I don't think I can, but I can flare my nose on demand. You know, yeah, you can do it too. Yeah. Well, you can't raise one eyebrow. I don't think I can, no. I don't think I... I've never had to express that much doubt in a situation. I highly doubt that. I just remember, I was like, figure out that the rock does it, and I'm like, I literally can do that.

I'm five years old. I mean, I guess I could beat box. Yeah, that's fucking cool. I was one of the early Queens white kids that could beat box in the early 1980s, you know? So I could beat box. Hannah's dancing as if I'm beat box. boxing right now, but I'm not going to beatbox. My beatboxing...

He doesn't beatbox if you ask him to beatbox. That's his special skill. He only beatbox when he feels like the energy. You got to be feeling it. Well, no, here's the thing. Here's the problem. I was obsessed with beatboxing in the 80s. And then I moved to Ireland where I think I was the only beatboxer in Ireland from

1990 until 1990. See with the coolest person in Ireland. Well, because everybody, all the Irish guys, do the beat, do the beat. Go on, do the beat. But the problem was that I had no. competition, so I never had to develop my skills any further. So whatever my beatboxing skills were in 1990, they kind of remain that way. Oh, so you think people are going to judge you that they're not like updated beatboxing? I just, I might, listen, I know that my beatbox is 90 standard. The beatbox game has evolved so much since the time where regardless, go on these YouTube, these, these, these YouTube

beatboxes are like incredible. I know, but wait, even without, um, loop pedals. Can you do the drop? No, that's a skill that came up. No. There is, I went to Beacon high school, which there's a lot of like random talented kids that came out of it and one of the kids I was looking at a list of like famous ticotkers and I'm like wait that kid went to beacon with me I'm like what's he famous for and he's one of these like huge beatboxers insane beatboxes and they have like a hype house like content beatboxing house that like he has like 20 million followers and he does yeah like he'll do like movie themes and oh yeah no insane insane stuff but I never got to that level man I think you're great I was obsessed with Razelle who used to play with the with the roots and

That was kind of the end of my beatbox obsession. You beatboxed, is that how you say? I beatboxed, yeah. You beatboxed to Lois, and she loved it. She was dancing. Kids of a certain age love beatbox. They love 90s beatboxing. Kids of a certain age, like, how was that music coming out of his face?

That's how I am when someone beatboxes. I'm like, that's freaking awesome. What skill do you have to have to beatbox? Like, do you think I could beatbox? Honestly, the skill you have to have to beatbox is extreme insecurity as a child, where you will obsessively try to get good at stuff, to hide from your own feelings of inadequacy. That's the skill that you need.

If you have a good childhood, you will not be a good beatboxer. Mike drop. As my father always said, because my father was a good pool player, if somebody said, oh, you're good a pool, he says, sign of a misspent youth.

There you go. But like, do you have to have particular, like, tongue skill set? No, man. You just have to be into hip-hop and you just have to know how to tighten and loosen your lips and make other noises with your tongue and your breath. You know, have a good enough breathing

technique where you can kind of hum and make these noises at the same time. So, but this is not a beatboxing tutorial. I can't believe we spent this much time on it. I'm pretty good at fake orgasming. I'm not going to do it on the pot, but I'm pretty good. Historically. At least, honestly, I don't think anyone needs to be that good. Like, guys aren't really, like, judging your performance,

unless if you're, like, over the top too much or completely quiet, just, like, make a little sound, and they're like, yes. And speaking of fake orgasms, You took your family to Katz's Deli and sat there the whole time not knowing that the reason why Katz's Deli got famous originally was because it's the famous fake orgasm scene from when Harry met Sally. I did not. That's such just dumb New Yorker that I didn't know what restaurant that was at. I'll have what she's having. So anyway, will we get into some prompts?

My useless talent is that I have the world's longest toes and they have like a knuckle, like a finger. so like they're finger toes and I can pick things up with them and when I'm mad at people which I don't do this to like strangers because that would be weird and they'd probably not talk to me anymore but like when I'm mad at like my husband I can like pinch him with my fingertips like really hard so that's my useless secret talent I also love giggly squad and saw you guys are going on tour but you're not coming to Kansas City and I would be really sad to not see you Yes, we just dropped the Giggly Squad tour for the fall called Club Giggly. It's going to be lit.

We are going to be adding more shows. So if you don't see your state, keep an eye out. I may be coming. You're not exactly saying where, because you accidentally in Detroit said, I'll be back with the Giggly Squad. And then Detroit wasn't on the list. So you're not saying specifically that Kansas, you're not promising Kansas City. I am trying, I'm pushing on my end for all these places, and we just have to see if the venues are available. Okay, so two very important things about this prompt.

One, a lot of people have a special skill of picking things up with their feet. I wonder if it's like a double-jointed thing or like... Well, she has long toes, she said. Yeah, but it's more than just long toes. Like, she has another joint to like bend it and twist it. Also, I was thinking about if she could pinch you, like imagine in bed. Like, you know how like you touch toes in bed and you're like, uh? She could literally like hold your foot with her toes, like hold hands.

I think she could, no, we always make only fans jokes, but like... People have foot fetishes. I can't imagine the foot fetishes they have for feet that have hand skills. Well, Michael Blouse seems like obsessed with, like, getting jerked off with feet. Yeah, so she could... She'd wrap it all the way around. She'd be incredible at that. Yeah.

Secondly, the other reason why I left this in is because she talked about having a baby and not being able to go to the show. And there was a big controversy in the international comedy world this week because Arge Barker, a great American comic that's based in Australia, quite successful in Australia had a situation where a woman brought her baby to over 15 show on the ticket,

brought a newborn baby, and distracted the show, he joked about it, but then upon second distraction, Arge asked her to leave, as it turns out at that time, she was breastfeeding. But the international media

picked up the story because they were like, comedian kicks out breastfeeding woman from show. And it went very viral and got very controversial. And he was... Well, that headlines harsh.

Yes. But what are, What are the, you can join in on this, Chris. What is the, oh, yeah, I was waiting for a breastfeeding topic. Chris has a lot of opinions on the breastfeeding. So, just so that we don't get caught up on the breastfeeding part. So the breastfeeding part is kind of not important because he could not see that she was breastfeeding.

That had nothing to do with it. But that's how the international, because obviously, we all know things go viral. Basically, the baby was crying throughout the show and finally she was asked to leave. And as she was leaving, she was breastfeeding. But he couldn't see it. But she then was like, he kicked me out because I was breastfeeding. Yes. But it got a lot of traction.

Because it's annoying, right? You're a comedy fan, you have kids, and suddenly you can't go to shows. But then at the same time, you've got a thousand people in a venue waiting to see a show, and there's one baby, and probably loads of people who had babies, who had to deal with all that.

I do have to say, if there was not an age limit, then it's like, okay, then you guys should have put an age limit if you don't want babies there. But it sounds like there was an age limit. I mean, in America, it's a lot of 21 and up, or 18 and up. you don't even let teenagers come in. And I've actually tried to sneak in my friend's kids

because they'll be like, I want to come, but I can't bring my kids. And I'm like, just leave them in the green room. Like, I want you guys to come. So, like, I've tried. Hannah's parenting skills are so good. It's like, just we'll lock the green room door. There's snacks.

There's snacks in the green room. You know what, actually? There must be, you know, the way they have all the baby monitors, right? But now with all the technology, surely there's a baby monitor where you can just like have it in your AirPods. So the baby's in the green room, you're in the venue.

If the air parts kick off, you just excuse yourself. Well, I know a lot of comics will travel with, like, not a lot, but some will have, like, a dog or, like, a little dog or puppy. And then when they go on stage, they leave the dog with, like, the openers in the green room. And it sometimes goes well and sometimes doesn't. Yes. Because depending on the dog's mood, it's been a problem in Brooklyn for many, a couple decades now, where should babies be allowed in bars?

Oh, yeah. It's a big controversy. I think that it should be clear which spaces are good and bad and I think the issue for the pro baby part of me says there should be more spaces where it's acceptable

to bring your infant and whatever way they're behaving. You should still be able to live your life. And I have done shows where it's okay like afternoon new material shows where it's like hey you bring your kid no problem. But I do think at a nighttime theater show there's just certain theatrical etiquette like I just don't think that like

if a baby was crying at a movie, right? Say you went to see Civil War right now, right? So I think it's a whatever rating it is. Say you went to Civil War and you think, my kid's going to nap through the movie, I'll take my kid in, then the kid starts crying. I think you're going to just naturally get up, right?

But I guess because stand-up comedy is kind of the audience is kind of loud. I guess there's a feeling like maybe this is okay, but I mean, it really isn't. I do have to say people, I'm not saying this woman in particular, but people do disrespect stand-up comedy like compared to other art forms

where like if someone has a broken, Broadway show. Like, everyone leaves them alone for, like, the hour before. They have an hour to decompress after. Like, they never do two shows in one night. It would be a matinee. Like, where stand-up comedy, it's just you performing for an hour and a half. And before shows, people are, like, trying to hang in the green.

Like, they don't treat it the same, with the same, like, elevation as other things. And I think maybe that's why that she's like, yeah, this guy's talking shit on stage. But I do have to say, they don't even let hecklers, because jokes are about timing. Yeah. And jokes are actually really important, like, you. hearing every sound of every word. Yeah, it's a new one's to it. Listen, if a baby starts crying,

everyone's going, why is this baby crying? If I was hurt, I mean, I understand if my baby, I'm like, I know my baby's quiet, I'm going to sneak her in. But if I know that my baby's going to possibly be crying, I'd be embarrassed. Yeah, anyway, he asked her to leave when she was leaving.

She said she was getting some abuse from the crowd. So the whole thing ended up being, like, kind of controversial. Ars was very upset. He's made numerous messages. But it was amazing how much of a topic it became. But I think the general consensus in fairness is there's no anger really towards the woman,

but in general, people are met at the venue because it's like, it's an over 15 show. Yeah. And like, you just, it's a situation that shouldn't have... It put them both in an awkward situation.

Yeah, exactly. The venue should have put their foot down and said, I'm sorry, this is 15 and over. And then there should be more fun places for people to bring babies without just being like a baby place. I'm a fan of comedy nights

that say, comedy nights or comedy afternoons that say, this is a place where you can bring your kid, and if your kid is crying, it's not a big deal. But at least you can, could book a couple of comics, and then that's like a vibe. Yes.

But it's, you know, it's also a vibe? People wanting to be away from kids. Like, people pay money. Oh, Hannah, that's strong. That's a strong and valid take. People pay money, a lot of money for kids, kid-free hotels, kid-free cruises, kid-free shows. So there's a reason.

Over-15 stand-up comedy show is definitely a place where people expect to be kid-free. I mean, I will literally go to shows. Like, if your kid's first word is like pussy, then you know that you brought the comedy. kid to too much comedy. It's about being depressed. You know they've been too many stand-up comedy shows. But I do think a lot of the time, like a stand-up comedy shows, I'll joke, like,

who's happy, like, to leave their kids at home tonight? And it's a lot of the moms are just going nuts, having fun. So I don't think anyone did anything fucked up. I don't, and I think what happened is people started to get, like, cancellation-type hate where I think this was a miscommunication by the venue and mishandled. And also, our dialer who dialed in, you know, she's expressing her frustration with the fact that she's had a kid, and it does get in the way of doing the things that she likes.

But at the end of the day, if she ever went to a show and the baby was crying, I think she could just reach over with her foot, grab the baby, and throw the baby out of the venue with her finger feet. You didn't get that straight. I was like, Hannah, hello, react. That was very funny. You were thinking about, you know what I was, I was thinking about all the people who have to get babysitters for shows. Yes.

And, like, how, or they have to get a hotel and a babysitter. When we have kids and we have kids and we have. have more sympathy with the, sorry, if it ever happens, we have more sympathy with the situation. We are definitely going to put on afternoon you can bring your kid shows so that we can have our kid on the stage. We should do like some competition where like you have to keep doing bits until a baby cries and then you have to leave. And you see who gets the most jokes in before a baby cries. Yeah, like an infant gong show. Who can make the baby cry first, but through their bad jokes. Imagine you get a babysitter though and then you go to a show and there's a crying baby at the

show. Oh yeah. Well, that, but you can be sure. Sure, because ours is very big in Australia. Also, in Australia, I'm not trying to assume, but I'm pretty sure people must have been drunk, so, like, they weren't on their best behavior in terms of, like, dealing with the baby heckler. I get frustrated when I'm having my morning coffee and a baby's being too loud.

And there's no problem with bringing your baby, but I do get frustrated. Do you know what really frustrates me? I didn't want to turn this to the full episode. I hate the performing parent. Do you know who I'm talking about? The parent, you're in the coffee shop. It's a quiet enough coffee shop.

And then the parents are like, no we don't do that Johnny and then it's like oh you know it's like hey you want to read the boy went to the store it's like okay fine if you're louder than the kid that's on you yeah your parent of the fucking year or they've just

brought the kid from some like you know like young people's Broadway show and they're like and what did you think of blobby blobby blobby's performance like I didn't go to a fucking show till I was 18 modern parenting is annoying you're asking the kid to spell out everything they see in the store I'm like I get it he's fucking a little gifted.

He's going to have issues when he's older because he's going to think he has to be the best at everything, but I'm not going to get into that right now. Yeah, your kid's not that special. Anyway. But the thing is, like, you know, when you hear a crying baby behind you on an airplane that you want to sleep,

you get annoyed for a second, and then you realize there was no other option. They have to fly. But in something like a comedy show, you're like, literally this was not an option. You guys aren't supposed to be here. Yeah. But I do love that they could have changed

the whole perspective of the headline to be like, baby heckles, comic so bad has to get kicked down. Life's about perspective. That's good. Let's go to another. My random useless talent is that I can memorize the lyrics to pretty much any song after listening to it like two or three times.

I've got all the words. It translates a little bit into being able to memorize like speeches and other things that I need to remember, but mostly it's just songs. And so now I have the lyrics to like eight million different songs memorized. I can not have heard a song in 15 years and it'll play and I can remember all the words. So it's kind of fun. It's a good bar trick.

That's a really cool. You know when you don't know a song and someone starts singing all the words, it seems so cool to me. I'm always like, oh, they like know stuff. Do you know when you think you know a song and then you realize that you've only ever sung it while the words are being sung? But without the support of the words,

you really having a clue what you're singing. Yeah, imagine if somebody just put a beat on and they sing this song. There were a lot of big Sean Kingston songs. Like, you're way too beautiful, go. You know when you're doing dirt. I actually don't know with that part. Like, it was pretty simple, but, like,

you couldn't understand it because he had that accent, and we all would just be singing random stuff. And then recently, some singers, they're all about noises and not, like, actually saying the words. Like, Taylor Swift is very, like, these are the words I'm singing. Where, like, Tate McCray is, like, And I'll sing what my song? Like, that's literally the song,

and everyone's like, what is she saying? So I tried to Google it, and then sometimes it ruins a song for you because you're like, oh, I thought we were talking about something else. Yeah, I mean, there's so many songs. Like, I always sing Jump Around. And to this day, even though I've Googled it a hundred times, I always forget exactly what they're saying when, because it goes, pack it up, pack it in, let me begin. I came to win better me.

That's the saying, I won't this bit. I always just say, I won't tear a sock up, punk you better backup. But it's actually not that. And every time I Google it, I go, oh, yeah, of course. That's what it is. And then I forget. I do have to say there are some songs. that I, I think all of us from like 10, 15 years ago,

will remember, like, when Usher played the Super Bowl and Ludacris came out to sing his, what is it, his, what do they call it? What? His verse. Thank you, Chris. Thank you, Chris. I didn't need an attitude about, what?

Like, it was the craziest thing. How many times do you have to describe it? It's not attitude. I'm just from Queens. He's a move, bitch. Get out of the way. That's not ludicrous. No, so he goes,

So Ludacris' verse Immediately Like they jokes like all the millennials Including the moms Just like started rapping it And all the kids were like Mom what are you doing But you don't forget those

Also like D12 my band I know every single word But I literally can't remember What I have for breakfast yesterday But that's my own stuff I have to do with There's a few famous songs that I sang Well not just me

But a lot of people sang incorrectly An 80s one You know like Blinded by the Lane I always thought it was Wake up like a goose. Reb up like a douche. I always thought it was a douche.

Rebbed up like a douche. And then I found out what a douche was. And I was like, why is he saying rubbed up like a douche? Why is he saying rubbed up like a douche? You know you're rolling in the night. So anyway, it's revved up like a deuce, which I believe is a car. Oh, that's really funny. But I always thought it was douche.

But there's like, I think there's a couple of comics that do bits about a song. Can you think of any off the top of your head that... Wait, I just pulled up from a Hollywood. reporter, the most commonly misheard lyrics and popular songs. Okay, let's go. Let's hear him. Well, in sync, it's going to be May. We all know it's me, but they say, it's gonna, but ain't May.

So I think they're saying May, but they're not. Dancing queens, people think they say, feel the beat on the tangerine, but it's feel the beat on the tambourine. I knew that. Oh, yeah, I knew that one. We built this city. Yeah, on rock and roll. What do they think is the song?

Oh my God, this is stupid. They said people think they saying we built the city on sausage rules no one ever thought that no one ever thought that yeah this is stupid are there any real ones

do you have any of that come to mind not off the top of it oh really because I definitely had a couple other ones I just can't think of them right now I can't think of them right now but doesn't matter we'll come back with a review

on the episode of famously mispronounced lines here's one the little Nazek song I don't know who thought this though the lyric is take my horse to the Old Town Road but people thought that they were saying apparently

take my horse to the hotel room, which is pretty on brand for a little bit. I thought it was horse. No, it's horse, but take my horse to the Old Town Road, not take my horse to the hotel room. Yeah. Take my horse to the hotel room. Oh, that's good.

Ride till I can't know. That's good. That's good. By the way, for example, the Metallica song that came up on the podcast, enter Sandman. There was some people... We put that up as a clip

and some people had the audacity of saying, this guy doesn't know Enter Sandman. And then people were like, I don't think you know Enter Samman because I was singing the chorus. But I didn't know the words, though. I was just like, Ma-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

But I had Metallica fans being like, it's a pretty good impersonation, minus the words. Where some people, some people only hear the beginning, you know, boom, boom-bum-bram-bram. So anyway, I got these idiots that only watch Virginia Tech videos

trying to accuse. It's got triggered, man. Yeah, he's trying to accuse me. The two things that trigger me in the internet now are people saying that I didn't know the Metallica song and that people think I'm ripping off Bill Burr. These are my two big triggers at the moment. I don't know why these people get that

idea. Anyway, go ahead. Go to the next thing. It's brutal. It's brutal. I need to hear this one. Wait, can we put me rapping Liljohn verse at the end of the episode? What? Let's go. Let's keep it simple. Yeah, yeah. You know it, right? Hi, Hannah. He does.

my secret talent it's pretty useful actually is that I have a sixth sense of when random couples that I don't even speak to in real life I can sense when they have broken up and then the Instagram deep dive commences

and I'm usually always right wait I know you'd love that one that is so good that is so I feel like there's definitely those kinds of people like some of my friends I'll say something like oh you saw so-and-so's been acting weird and they have no like they never have

they're just not looking for that kind of stuff then some friends who were like have you noticed that so-and-so used to be wearing these kind of shoes and now they wear this kind of shoes they're just like different kinds of priorities that you're focusing on but people do have like patterns like you joke when someone starts posting like quotes that they're going through something when a girl posts a bikini pick she's single yeah when a guy starts posting out with his friends Or when a guy starts doing the like, I'm intermittent and fasting. When a guy starts intermittent fasting. Yeah, yeah, suddenly it's like I'm trying to get in shape again.

Or when a guy announces which city he's in, when he's like, oh, yeah, I'm in, I'm just in Texas today. But that's more like a stand-up comedy musician. Yeah, but stand-up comedians do that all the time because they're like trying to sell tickets. Yeah, but sometimes they do it because they're looking for DMs. They're looking for something. I mean, I wouldn't know. That's not a female comedian. What are you doing when you're posting, hey, I'm in Kansas City?

I never say it. You do sometimes. I just will be, like, on stage. But, like, guys will, like, put a little, like, message on their Instagram, like, hanging out in Ohio tonight, what's going on, like, that kind of stuff. Oh, yes. But, you know, it's the only thing that's lacking from this message is, like, famous times that she was correct. I want the tea on, I want the tea on why she thought it and also who.

Well, she should work for. for like page six or one of these. Yeah, exactly. Because it's a lot of like if something gets unfollowed, but a lot of the time people think that when someone, if someone is posting someone a lot and then they stop, that's pretty obvious.

Yes. What about a, that's like the ESPN, you know, these sports guys be like, oh, we're reviewing, these were my top 10 picks. Which ones did I get right? She can have that. Like, I had the top 10 breakup picks for the year. I was 7 out of 10 this year.

That is funny. That is funny. I mean, or I thought she was going to say I know when couples are. going to break up. I think that's what she was saying. No, she's saying she can tell when they've broken up but haven't told anyone. Oh, right. Oh, I took it as maybe both actually, but either way. She probably is skilled at that too. You do have that friend that's good at that and you're like, I'm not going to ask them about my relationship because I know what it is. I don't pay any attention.

I actually, I'm just not a huge fan of your relationship, like overly published on social media anyway? I feel like we got over that hump because at first because we weren't posting people were really like they're not together. Yes. Well we famously had a doom-moa post saying that we had been broken up because we hadn't been posting.

It was my favorite because Hannah was at the Verizon store. We got home from a ski trip. We got home from a ski trip and I had so like I had to go to a Verizon store I guess when we got back and I'm waiting in line and my phone starts blowing up like did you and Des break up? And I'm

I'm like, did he just break up? I posted a blind to Dumois to break up with her. But it's true. I had Irish people going like, do you know what a fucking Dumois is talking about you, man? The Irish gossip girls are very excited that I was in Dumas. Oh, God. But no, it is if you have like a certain way that you display your relationship.

Like we literally could have a podcast and they're like, they're broken on. I wonder if there's like a, if there's like a, you know, like some chart of like how much you post about your wedding versus how much, how guaranteed it will be that you'll be divorced within two years? Well, it is proven. And Paige and I have said this since day one. Many times. The longer the caption, the short of the relationship. But some people go hard on the wedding pictures where it just feels to me that the pictures were more important than the wedding. Yeah, well, I feel like people, depending on their parents and their family stuff, like they put more emphasis on it. But no one's really talked about what the right way to go about. Like some people, the whole rest of their

life, they post their wedding photos. Yeah. And, like, I wish I loved something that much. No, no. I'm not talking about him. I just mean the concept. The concept of the wedding. Yeah, like, that day would so spectacular. Like, I'm, next day, I was stressed about something else.

Well, especially in the modern day where, like, everybody's getting divorced. It's like, why are we, you know, it's not as sacred as it once was. Not that we're diminishing. Also, let's be honest, you didn't save yourself for him. Oh, oh, okay. You didn't save yourself for him. You got very Italian Catholic very quickly. Your father didn't give you dowry to him.

Yeah, exactly. Let's all calm down. But some people, it's like they look fucking amazing. They look gorgeous. They paid a lot of money for all these photos. Go off. I do like the... I mean, the two cows that you followed gave me have been great.

They've come in great. Daisy and Dot. Yep. I do think that there is something nice of like you're following someone and then randomly they'll be like, hey, like, you know, four years ago, I married this. guy and here's a photo and you're like oh my god like how cute they wear oh i like her like that's fun um but people definitely go overboard a modern brooklyn dowry would be like this is a male and female uh french bulldog that you can that you can breed you get 4,000

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for details let's let's shake it on we've put we put extra pressure on Chris I told them to just pick it based on the headlines Chris is the DJ in tonight let's go DJ Chris no pressure right now DJ K-H-R-I-S

boom boom hello I love you guys my special useless talent is that I can play a really good trumpet noise out of my mouth. I'll do it for you, obviously, now. Anyway, obviously, it's not that useless.

But it's pretty special, and I guess I haven't gotten to use it that many times, except for right now, hopefully getting it onto a massive podcast. I love you. I love what she goes, actually, it's not that useless. Especially if like somebody like slips and falls in front of you, you can like, blah, braw-d-da-na-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- whenever anyone enters the place. Yeah, exactly. Wait.

I love that she laughed after because she was like, that was actually pretty fucking good. Yeah, not to mention, she's like, I can't believe I'm doing this to fucking strangers on my phone. I wonder how she realized, A, she could do that. B, who needs trumpets? You know, I played the trumpet when I was in fourth and fifth grade. Wow. Did you know that about me? I didn't.

I used to, let's make it about myself, but you had this little trumpet case to go to school in, and it's like Brooklyn, so it was like crowded. So I kept hitting people in the shin with this like big trumpet box because I was short. And my dad would be like, how many knees did you take out this morning? And then I'd get there and, oh, it was,

I thought it was easier because it was only three keys. Like I chose it because I was lazy. And I wasn't a musician. I was playing sports. And I was like, give me the one with three keys. It's one of the hardest ones, though. Turns out it's the hardest one. Because it's so hard to even make a noise.

First of all, everyone else is just blow in theirs. I mean, the flute was obviously really hard, but the trumpet. You literally have to spit everywhere. But you have to do that and then you get... And then you have to unleash the spit. Oh my God, it would get so disgusted. Like, I could taste it right now. It was like your own spit.

It was cold and brassy. Oh, yeah, it was only three keys to play like 400 different noises. So you had to be like a quarter down with this knuckle and that... It was, I never got good at it. good at it. Well, you know, you could have just been able to do it in your mouth. It would have made life so much easier. Yes. Also, I remember when I first started learning, I'll go to my grandpas, and I'd show off to play, and the dog would run up, and then the dog would get so scared when I'd play it. Poor meatball. He didn't deserve that. Rest in peace, meatball. I played the saxophone

for a while, but I... You are such a saxophone player. I didn't keep it up. The only problem, I love the saxophone. All the outgoing boys picked the saxophone. I played the saxophone. All the guys with swag picked the saxophone. My problem was that I just didn't have the focus but also I hated the reed. The reed always gave me the feeling of chalkboard nails on the chalkboard

because it was like dry and it would like rub off your teeth. Was this pre or post Bill Clinton? What? Oh mine was pre. It was before because obviously Bill Clinton's a good saxophone. I thought he was going to say dinosaurs. It was before Bill Clinton. I wasn't inspired by Bill Clinton.

Were you inspired by Bill Clinton? Yeah, my number. I met him. Oh, cool. Yeah. And you were like... First day of, like, a... First day of a job at a hotel.

Internship convention? Nah, that was a valet bellman job. Oh, nice. Oh, wow. Everybody that meets him says he's very charismatic. Yeah. He does work as a... As a what?

As a bellman, right? Oh, no, I worked as a porter in a hotel. A doorman in an apartment building. Is that what you mean? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's in Chelsea. There wasn't much...

There was no valeting. All right, we got another orifice. instrument coming up. Oh. I've been waiting like 15 years for someone to ask me this exact question in an anonymous format. So first off, thank you. Second, I can queef on command. And to be honest, I don't even know if that's impressive. Um, but whenever I've told anyone that they look at me funny. And I think it can't be because that's an overshare. It must just be because they're so impressed. Right. She say queef. She can queef on command. And by the way, I have to tell you that this came in a lot. There was a lot of quiff on demand people.

Cuee on command. I feel like... I don't know how much demand comes, but definitely quiff on command. It probably is demand. I'm feeling inadequate right now. Because I'm pretty good with... I mean, I can't burp, but I'm pretty good with air. Yeah, but I can fake burp, like the breathing in, fake burp.

But quefeing... She must have to maneuver her body a little bit, because you've got to get air in. Yeah. I don't know the mechanism of queefing on command. I can't speak on quiffing. I really needed, I really needed you here. I'm lacking all the essential ingredients for a good queef. Okay, I'll say it.

Basically, with our anatomy, you can fart, but then if you're sitting down, you could like let it come up, and then it makes a sound because it comes up through the top. So it goes up through your pussy, the fart. Where with the dig, it blocks it. Oh. So ours can go all the up. So you're saying that you're like a fucking pipe organ? Is that what you're saying that you're getting extra acoustics?

Yeah, so we could, like, go through the lips upward if you block it down. Like, I could be sitting right now and fart, and I could make it kind of go up. And where does it go then? It comes up through the pussy. So it's doing, like, a U-turn. Is that what I'm... Okay, all right. Does it change the sound?

Because it can't come out through the down, because I'm sitting on a chair, so it'll come up and you'll feel the air, go through your vagina and up through it. It's kind of interesting. And where does it go, then? Where does it go? Does it come out? Yeah, it comes out. But it's weird because you feel the air.

air through your vagina. And is this... My mom. Is this toxic air good or bad for your regime? There's no effect. No effect. Interesting. But it's just... You guys have a block it.

You're a pipe organ. Men are trumpets and women are pipe organs. Or, you know, okay, this is what could happen. It can come up, but then be kind of sitting, and then you kind of move, and then it just releases through... So you can store it. You can store it until you're close to an enemy. That's great.

It's just physics. You're like a propane cylinder. You can compress the gas and then release it when necessary. That's pretty amazing. I hope someone's listening be like, yeah, we could do that. Or we just found my new talent. Or we're going to get numerous people who specialize in anatomy being like, Hannah is talking total nonsense.

I have a quiff bit in my special that she's kind of proving wrong. Which is you can't quiff on demand. Because I say, like, you can't queef alone and that it's the men's fault. Right. So I have to go back to a drawing board. Honestly, that definitely has to be debunked because so many people have messaged in

to say they can queef on demand. A lot of people. Does it have anything to do with, you know, like in Thailand with the ping pong balls? I don't know. As I said, I can't speak with any expertise on the queef. It's different because with the ping pong balls, you could push it out.

It's like a kegel. But with queefing, that's, yeah, that's, well, I need to do some. research because I'm feeling like I'm missing out on something. Okay. But maybe the world didn't want me to have that skill because I would be too powerful. Yeah. And I would probably do it at inappropriate times. Yeah. Well, they gave you the other skill, which is the most horrific farts ever created by man. I farted so bad yesterday. You didn't react at all. It's a long COVID, bro. He has long COVID. He can't, it saved our

relationship. Like I, one came out where I was like, I don't think he's ever going to look at me the same and you just sat there eating your ice cream it's going in your mouth it's going in your mouth and i just go jesus god whoever's looking down on me thank you butter literally was like coughing blood okay let's go hey hannah and does love the pod my secret or not so secret talent is that i know every single word to wop so it doesn't matter where we are the second that song drops I am dropping my wap. Shit is getting wild. And yeah, I have no idea what I ate for breakfast, but you bet I know every single word to that song.

Love you guys. You did just say that. I also want to say that I gave Chris control of picking and they're constantly having to do with vagina, Chris. It's two in a row. It's two in a row. I love Wap 1 because I made me and Paige learn the Wop dance because I was like going around that COVID summer. Oh, that's right. And we got in trouble because it was like,

10 p.m. And we were practicing the dance in the like summer house and we got yelled at because you have to like jump on the floor and your knees are like some people are like what the fuck are you guys doing

we're trying to sleep we're like we're doing the wop dance so we like I mean we were not good at it at all and I'm not flexible enough for it but also I will make you go on stage to the wop song. Yeah we mentioned that only a couple of weeks ago

yeah so that's why it has a very special when WAP came out I really thought it was incredible Like when she says, swipe your nose like a credit card. I thought it was incredible line. That dangling thing back in the back of my throat. I mean, come on. Make it scream.

Make it. Make it sing. I thought that was just really good. Cook, I don't clean, but I can tell you how I got this ring. That's me. Swallow me, follow me, drip down the side of me. What is it? Back door, a Mac truck right up in this little garage.

Yeah. Yeah, come on. He's a great line. I mean, we butchered all of it, but yes. You know, I mean. No, that was so. And also the fact that two, like, female rappers came together. Oh, because they always tried to pin them against each other.

That was money, money, money, money. I mean, it's a classic song. Also, like, wet-ass pussy. Like, it's basically saying, like, big hard cock. And we never had an equivalent. Yes. And we were kind of like, yeah, this is my powerful pussy. Yes, and it makes people uncomfortable.

I have a routine about that. I love that. About talking about wetness. But anyway, let's not get too into it. You know, we've gone from queefing to wetness. It's a lot. It's a lot to take in. Don't put your Catholic guilt onto me.

Macaro. in a pot. Macaroni in a pot. That's some wit. That's some wit. Hannah's been dying to wrap this whole episode. I've been trying to do the ludicrous wrap. So, uh, anyway.

Hi, Hannah and Des. My useless fact or talent, whatever the prompt was, is that I am so good at pogo sticking. I've never had to use it in the real world. But it's a fun party trick if there's a pogo stick. See, that's what I mean when I said there's greatness everywhere. I love when someone's specifically good. Like, when someone's good at yo-yoing, I'm like, I have so much respect for you.

Yeah. Do you know the guy got on the elevator the other day in our building? And like, he was, I don't know, 18, 19. Got on. I had to actually hold it. It was closing. I held it. He got on.

And I don't think he said thank you, but he immediately was yo-yoing in the elevator next to me. It would come back in style. And he was too old. He was too old to. Not say sorry. No, he was too old for me to be like, this isn't a little.

little weird that you're yo-yoing next to me without, you know, like, acknowledging me. It was- Was he doing, was he showing off a little? He was pretty good at it. Yeah. He was a good yo-yo-wer. Yeah. He was just trash. But as I said, I'm not a bad beatboxing, but I wouldn't stop beat-boxing at him. Yeah, you guys could have like a moment. You could have a fucking skill off. Yo-yoing is a good skill. I do love when people have a specific skill because I'm like, oh, there's so many things I don't know about you. And like, you've, it's like someone's learned something on their own time that's unique. Can we go back to the Pogo Stick?

Yeah. Does it still exist? Do you know what a Pogo Stick is? Yeah, I know what it is. I do you probably get it on Amazon. I was never good. Well, this is the thing about Pogo Sticking. What are you doing with it?

What's the goal? Yeah, like, are you, oh, I'm going to Pogo stick to work? Are you just, like, is it a workout? Like, there was never a real, like, purpose. Yeah, I guess you really should have been counting. I guess counting would have been the best. Like, the same way, what's the point of Kadima? You know?

Well, Kadee. That's fun on the beach, chilling. You can pogo on the beach. No, but you can pogo on your own in the playground. We live in a cement jungle. You can pogo-s-so-well. You're going to walk all the way over with this big pogo-stick? No, no. The goal is how many pogo, how many jumps can I do before I fall off?

I know, but I'm saying it's just not ideal the process of pogoing. Like, you have to walk around with this huge pogo stick to go pogo a couple times? I don't think there's a lot of, like, traveling with your pogo stick. Well, that's why I'm saying. I think that's why it didn't catch on. It's not. It's not easy. We're agreeing, babe.

No, but, no, but I think it did. Is Pogo stick not one of the- I was never good at it? It doesn't exist anymore, and it was never-all-a-thing. I asked the question. We never got established. I thought you were asking a hypothetical question. No, because I was asking for the health and safety part,

because I feel like a lot of those unsafe toys that we had when we were kids are not in existence anymore. Yeah, because they're not. But Chris was looking it up. This is the best argument you guys have had, by the way. The Pogo-Sing argument is the best. a rhetorical question when he goes, do people still use Pogo Stakes?

So I started explaining it. I didn't know you were so confident that Pogo Sticking is not a popular thing. You can be sure that there's some fucking vintage shop in Brooklyn that's selling Pogo Sticks by the dozen. It's vintage! Oh my God, the Pogo Society of America

is going to attack us, man. And this talk has a sponsor by Pogo's. I was terrible at Pogo Stick when I was a kid. I just could not, I couldn't get more than like three. I respect all skills. except for Ultimate Frisbee. Did you Pogo Stick when you were a kid?

No. Like you didn't Pogo Stick outside your house? I mean, I probably tried it. It was like, you know why you never Pogo Stick? Because in your mind for some reason, you had it that I have to travel with this thing first. Too much admin. Well, so what's the word? All that I see here is that there is a website called All Pogo,

and it's just like press releases of any time somebody mentions a Pogo stick. Okay, well, wait, I know where we're getting to mention. I don't just say they have to hire Pickaball PR because there's not a lot going on when you search it. Well, because we don't have kids, you know, so I'm not like, so all I know is that like you get all these Gen X memes about like things that we used, we were kids. And it's always the, it's always the merry-go-round that you could spin yourself that was like you could make go extremely fast. But then kids would be like, you know, whipping off. Yeah. Like, did you have those when they were?

Oh, they were already gone by the time you were a kid. No, I've seen them. The ones with the full speed. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they were dangerous. The thing with Pogo sticks is I remember them not being made very well where they were like squeaking. squeaky and medley. And I remember being like, it didn't make a nice sound.

And I just remember being like, not that fun. And then you'd have to practice. And I was like, I read it on like the smell and like the vibes and like the energy it's giving. I did recently look up a bunch of toys that like have been banned. And I don't know if they're like permanently banned. But like there were so many, like even the easy bake oven. Like kids were just starting fires. Like who thought you should give an easy bake oven to a kid?

That's child labor, like making the kids cook at like four years old. Lawn darts was the big controversy. Oh, yeah. My youth, because whether it was true or an urban myth, that somebody got killed. No, it's metal points. Yeah. Like, and then there was this thing called this Barbie fairy that you put on and you pull this string and it, like, flies. But it's like a pretty big, hard plastic thing.

So it would just hit things in the house and it was violent. Yeah. I remember Tickle Me Elmo was a problem. Was Tickle Me Elmo a problem? Google it. Tickle Me Elmo. Elmo, I think like, catching fire or something. Because they were like, they talk or something, and I think someone's hair got stuck in the pull.

In the pull string? I know, I think like in the mouth or something. There's real problems with tickle me Elmo. Wow. Tickle me Elmo and pogo sticks. Who knew it could be so controversial? Also, one note about Ultimate Frisbee. I made a side comment earlier. I do really respect Frisbee because I can't do it.

I'm very bad at Frisbee. But the whole idea of making it into a sport got a little weird. Yeah. Have you played Ultimate Frisbee? No, but I had a lot of friends who played it in high school, and it was like, it's pretty funny. because you can't like touch anyone so you're just like standing there like let me throw the frisbee man you know it's actually it's actually more fun than you think it probably is fun i didn't play a lot but when i played i was like actually it's a fun it's a fun sport i just thought it would be funny to make a joke

it's like netball you know netball's like the australian basketball and like when you have the ball you can't move chris what are you finding they're saying that that was a myth and it wasn't recalled but there were also things that were like it was really popular so there was like a craze over tickle me More misinformation about toys from Hanna-Burner. We're going to, the Tickle Me Elmo Club and the Pogo Club are coming for Hannah at the end of this. Someone said Elmo made death threats to toddler. Of course, Elmo's threat was he'd cut anyone who crossed him with a knife and he would eat their organs. Wait, I don't know what that's coming from.

No, that's definitely not real. That was from a bit or something. Strike that from the record. Strike that from the record. We get sued by Toys R Us. Elmo defamation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, let's take a few more.

We're on a roll here. Hi, Hanandez. Love the show. My secret useless talent, I discovered while working as a camp counselor, obviously you spend a lot of time in the lake. and let's just say that I have some personal flotation devices. Two of them, to be exact, strapped to the front of my body. Basically, I have big tits.

So if I go as straight as a plank in the lake or the pool or whatever body of water, I am just buoyant and I just float. yeah, I don't need to worry about drowning. Maybe I do, but it's not at the forefront of my mind because I got, you know, tiggled bitties. Okay, bye. Chris, why do you keep picking the ones about girls? It didn't say tigg old bitties.

It's a natural floater. It's funny because when she said it, I first envisioned her face down in the water, and I was like, is that helpful? If you're in a co-ed camp, your fear shouldn't be drowning. it should be if you're floating in the water with your titty's floating in the water, you need to worry about men.

You need to remember about horrible, horny boys. By the way, just a fun fact about life, which a lot of people, I'm surprised, don't know this, but like, if you breathe in, when you're breathing in, you're more buoyant than when you breathe out. A lot of people don't know that, but... And it was a thing where a lot of people were like, I can float, I can float, I can float. Yeah, you can. First of all, you just have to relax, and then, like, when you breathe out, you should breathe in as fast as possible, you will remain more buoyant.

A lot of people don't know that. but also because she's talking about a lake at a camp, you should know that lakes are less buoyant than salt water. How do you know all this stuff? Water safety, man. I was a Boy Scout. I got a water safety badge. But also, I just like swimming.

So what do you want me to do? You know? Did you just say you have a badge? I had a merit badge. I was a Boy Scout. I was the age of like, we don't. You weren't a Girl Scout. No.

Yeah, but if you were a Girl Scout, you would have had merit badges. Do you think less of me because I don't have a merit badge? No, I think I never judge people on whether they were in the Girl Scouts or not. Where is your merit badge now? I don't know where my merit badges are. Disrespectful to the Boy Scout community. This is great. My useless secret talent is that in high school I was a wrestler.

So, and I actually qualified provincially, I'm from Canada. And it was really fun because I would like have fun and start wrestling with. boys on dates and then I would be like oh what you can't get out of this half Nelson oh sorry did I pin you when you can't get up and I'm like a hundred pounds soaking wet so that's my secret talent that shocks people I love how she said sorry I always think it's like a bit when they're doing it yeah it's not real but they also will say sorry like for no reason they'll be like hello sorry they're so nice and get must be pretty freaky though if you're a boy like thinking that you're just like joking around rough housing and then suddenly you can't

get out of this, like, wrestling hold. I'm obsessed with that for her. Yeah. I'm obsessed with that for her. Yeah, there was a weird time where guys, like, didn't really know what to, how to flirt or, like, what to do in bed, and they'd, like, start wrestling with you

because, like, that's what they did with their brothers, and you'd be like, do you want to kiss me? Or, like, what's that thing? Well, she had the skill. I knew you'd like that. I knew you'd appreciate her emasculating skills. Well, I do think what I've learned, like, because my brother did M.M.A. or whatever,

there's a lot of, sometimes they, want you to get into a certain move that you think is an advantage and then they get you. So it's kind of like chess. So I've learned to appreciate the art of fighting in a different way. It's not just, you know, violence. Let's take a couple more. Hi, Hannah. Hi, hi, Des. Big fan on the pod and giggler. My useless talent, which I think Hannah can relate to is I can do the worm. I know she loves to pull us out on stage and I love to pull it out about seven drinks deep at a wedding in a dress. So yeah

Love y'all The best thing about doing the worm is when you are in a dress When you're wearing heels When you're in a place where people would not assume you do the worm People lose their minds Yes If the floor is sticky It's a mistake

It's pretty gross The rest of your night you have like gums stuck on your tit I do have to say I don't actually do the worm correctly I do it backwards Because no one ever taught me I think one day I just like did it drunk and everyone, like, freaked out, so I just kept doing it.

But I don't actually do it with the right technique, so. So officially, yeah, officially, apparently, to do the worm correctly, you have to move forwards. Yeah, but, like, what, I'm doing something. Yeah, I think it's the... I'm doing a backwards worm. Yeah, and you're not going into any breakdancing competitions. I mean... It's not a big deal.

What if I want to do? Yeah, but it is, you know, it's for... We've talked about it before, but at weddings, you know, at weddings or at events, for some reason, people always create the circle. Well, I'd rather... We spoke ill of the circle. But in the circle, doing the worm. I'd rather do the worm than like awkwardly do some like movement for like a minute.

Like I don't have any like really good dance moves besides shaking my ass. When I was younger, I fancied my dance moves. At a circle that was about serious dancing, I would, I would hit the middle of the circle with some moves. Wow. But these days... When did you first get confident enough to do that? Didn't we talk about this recently? We had teenage disco.

You know, you break danced? No, I was never a great breakdancer. Why? I don't know. I wasn't good at breakdancing. Your childhood wasn't difficult enough? I just, I wasn't a good break dancer. What didn't we do?

And I was, when breakdancing became a thing, I was old enough to think breakdance was cool. And of course, I tried. So what moves did you do? Oh, I was, the late 80s, early 90s, I was good with the kid and play moves. You know, rock bass and DJ. easy rock. It's that thing to make the thing yeah, exactly.

That era, I was good at like the running man and hip-hop dancing of that time. Oh, the running man. Great at the running man. See, my age, that was a joke. Yeah, by the time it got to yours,

it was a joke. Is that funny? The running man was, but I was peak running, kid and play, really. I think kid and play brought the running man to the masses. Is that a song you're saying,

kit and play? Kid and play were incredible hip-hop band of the late 80s who don't get enough credit for how good their music was. You know? Ola, Ola E, Ola, Ola E. Ro, roll, roll, we're kidding playing out.

I mean, look that song up, such a great beat. You love talking about the 80s. No, but the beat was so good. Kid and Play was so good. And then they had House Party, the movie House Party, which was a huge hit. But now one of them is a Christian rapper and one of them is a comedian,

but he doesn't do comedy that much. Yeah, one of them is a Christian rapper. I give my praise to the Lord, you know, that type of stuff. Well, read out a couple that we didn't do. We'll pick a final one. Can we do stub? Actually, you know what we should? And this is actually like, this has like a deeper meaning.

Go for it. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Des. My useless secret talent is that I was born without my right hand and forearm and I can open up beer bottles with my stub. It is quite the party trick. I just love, I just love, I love the fact that she embraces her disability. And, you know, she's having fun with it.

And I thought that was really cool, actually. No, that's amazing, and I wonder, like... I hope she's not offended that I titled it stuff. No, but I think it's like... I think she calls it stuff, yeah, she does. She has a great sense of humor about it's not ideal. Wait, she's probably so popular. Yeah.

She's like at all the parties. She's at every party. She's like, everyone gets in line. You start charging people. But, I mean, you'd be surprised how great that is. I mean, anatomy-wise, I still, I don't quite get. I do have to say when people... How she can open a bottle.

When people don't have certain limbs, like, The way the human body and the human mind will, like, compensate is always, like, fascinating. I mean, there's a guy on TikTok that I've been following for a while who's amazing who really doesn't, he doesn't have arms or legs, and he does his makeup every video. And it's, like, amazing. Really? And it's, that's his, that's how he does it, how he does it. Yeah.

But he's selfish doing makeup where she's opening, she's, she's helping people. She's giving back. She's keeping the party going, man. And she's saving furniture, because if she wasn't opening bottles, somebody would be like knocking it off the dining room table or breaking their teeth. You know, she should be getting a grant from the American Dental Association for all the teeth that she's saving. Wow.

Yeah, I like that she sent that in. That's amazing. I mean, it's pretty good episode. That was amazing. It's good to have Chris back. We're back, baby. Well, the dialers are incredibly talented. And you know what?

They're not useless because we were used, we used them for this podcast. David brought me water mid-pod just so you know. about it. I heard you guys are trying to replace me. He's like, Chris, watch out. And we got here today and there wasn't even any water. There was only one frozen bottle which has been slowly defrosting next to me. So, you know,

energy-wise, Chris, you brought it, but service wise, David is definitely preferable. Well, we just dropped Gigli Squad shows. So check that out in my bio. I have a couple stand-up shows left Jacksonville, Dublin, Bethlehem, and

London, town. Hannah's added Dublin show has some tickets left and then go on my website for all my shows, Chicago, Nashville, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Point Pleasant, New Jersey, Sacramento, San Francisco, although those links aren't up yet, Seattle Link isn't up yet, and Toronto, Toronto, the link is up. Oh, yeah, and I'm at the Kilkenny Catlas Comedy Festival in Ireland, the weekend after Hannah does her shows,

but I don't actually know what tickets are left for that. Anyway, anything to plug, Chris? all these wonderful shows that I worked on. Yeah. Well, thanks for calling in. We'll talk to you later. Little Dylers, we love you.