Berner Phone - Berner Phone #39: Debunking Old Wives' Tales
Episode Date: May 3, 2024We were all told as kids that we wouldn't survive if we went outside with wet hair. This week, we are debunking old wives' tales to find out if everything we've been told by our parents was a lie. z...ocdoc.com/berner asteproallergy.com goodr.com/BERNER for free shipping
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop.
Thanks for calling the burner phone.
If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast.
What's up, my little dialers?
I think your voice is deeper in the evening, Hannah.
Were you planning on saying that?
No, I literally just suddenly...
My voice is not deeper.
No, I just woke up from a nap.
This is the latest that we've ever recorded the pod, I feel.
It's because I woke up from a nap.
By the end of the episode, my voice will be shrieky high and annoying.
You haven't done your vocal warm-ups.
La la la la la, she-seals, yellow leather.
She sells. She sells seashells by the sea-shel.
Great episode.
Great episode.
I'm into old husbands.
You're into old wives.
Well, you know, the old wives' tale, I was concerned that it might be politically incorrect.
But what I do think is that it does, sort of comes from a sex.
time. Yes. But there's also something
I think kind of pro-woman about it
because it's sort of saying
that, you know, back in the day
it was a woman that had the wisdom. However, the way that
it's perceived today is these old
sort of like superstitious
non-scientific things.
So I can understand why some
people don't love the term. I feel like old
wives tale is in general just like
generational whispers of
things that have worked. I think of
like the Italian non-nors who were like
oh, you got to put some garlic
eat some garlic to heal your flu, that kind of stuff.
Yes, and there was a lot.
A lot came in.
Some I remembered, and some actually were like I hadn't thought of in like 30 years.
But also, I do want to say that there is no alternative term.
So I apologize to anybody who was offended.
But really, what other term could you use to-
We're handcuffed?
What, no, what could you use, what would you use to describe it if it wasn't like old wives tale?
Because old wives tale just gives you the thought of what we're talking about.
Yeah, it's like stuff my mom used to tell me.
Also, where are the dads?
Where are the dads?
But this is the thing.
It's like as if dads have never passed on misinformation.
You know?
Like, honestly, I feel like old dad's tales are like crying is a sign of weakness.
Yeah.
But, you know, like everything with men.
Like, is there really no crying in baseball?
seen many baseball, I saw him cry yesterday
during the Mets game. Who said there's no crying? Oh.
That's like a... Oh, right.
But I, honestly, when you think
about old dad's tales, it's all, immediately
just becomes darker.
Old Wives' Tales are like
flat seven up when you're sick or, you know?
But old, old dad's
tales are like, you know, if you're going to go
in for the kill, you cut it as hard.
Actually, that's so perfect. Old Wives' Tales is to heal
and the men are to destroy.
To destroy, to hurt. So manly.
No, but really often to hide, to mask pain, to mask emotional pain.
Anyway, let's not get bog down.
Speaking of masking emotional pain, we have some comedy shows coming on.
Well done.
We had a discussion on the way down.
We've got to plug our shows at the beginning of the episode.
For all our Irish little dialers, I'm going to Dublin.
I have two shows at Vickers Street.
That's right.
Check them out.
I'm also going to London.
Well, let's just say that you had one show in Vicka Street and it sold out so fast that you added one.
Yes. And then the London show, I thought sold out, but I think they were holding tickets.
So there's available for both London shows. I'm coming with my mom.
And then I'm also...
And the Dublin one is very important because she added a Tuesday night, not the busiest night.
And I can't have a situation where my wife doesn't have a full venue.
This isn't just about Hannah.
It's not good for the family optics.
Keeping up appearances here.
Yes.
So Tuesday, what is it, May the 27th or 28th or something?
No idea.
The last Tuesday of June.
Tuesday.
The last Tuesday of June.
And then I'm in Philly, like, ASAP.
Like, I'm Philly tomorrow or tonight.
Probably by the time this is up, it will be Thursday night.
So run to the venue now.
Thursday night.
Thursday night.
My fourth show.
Very limited tickets.
Very limited tickets.
For the fourth show.
Sold out three.
We're keeping up appearances here.
This is, there's no, there's no, how is not begging for people to buy tickets?
And I just announced a new one for Highland Park, California, late August.
I'm going to Calgary.
and then Anaheim's coming up,
and then it's literally just giggly squad shows in the fall.
And we're adding new places.
I'm begging people to come to my show.
No, Des, Des, I'm not concerned.
Des, has been selling quite well.
I've been selling quite well.
I'm in Chicago next weekend.
Well, Rosemont.
The Chicago show is actually sold out,
but the Rosemont shows, there's tickets available.
So that's out in the burbs, out by the airport,
but it's a great venue.
And then I'm in Nashville two weeks later,
the weekend before Hannah shows in Ireland.
I'm in Nashville and then I go to see Hannah in Ireland.
And then Philadelphia, that's actually almost sold out.
So if you get that sold out quick, that's Thursday in July.
Pittsburgh and June, I am, the Low Live Beer Hole, something like that.
But the one that really I'm begging people to go to is comedy at the Carlson in Rochester.
Oh, what a great room.
In August.
What a great room.
Yeah, not peak comedy time.
So if you're in Rochester or nearby, I highly recommend you go to the comedy at the Carlson.
And then my Toronto shows are nearly sold out in October.
So get on that.
Well, that was fun for us.
That was a lot.
The memorization was impressive.
I'm a little better remember the dates.
I'm very bad with the dates.
I don't know where I am till I'm on the stage.
And I'm like, holy shit.
I'm in Canada.
Oh, I added a date Uncle Vinnie's in New Jersey also.
Hell yeah.
Those two are sold out.
Oh, and by the way, it hasn't even got up on sale yet.
But I am actually doing Stanford, Connecticut, June 19th.
Very exciting.
Stanford, Connecticut, June 19th.
Chris loves that.
That just got added, the New York Comedy Club in Stanford, not to get confused.
Yeah.
I really feel like we're morning radio right now.
Yeah, represent, represent.
So, anyway, Stanford, Connecticut.
For all you corporate girlies out there who work in Stanford.
Reverse commuting.
Yeah, exactly.
Diageo is headquartered out there anyway.
Shout out that, no.
Oh, are that?
out there? The insurance company? They certainly are. They certainly are.
Well, can we have some insurance? That'll be great.
Yeah, exactly. Can we get off Obamacare?
Anyway, it doesn't matter how well you do in America, man. There's only, you got to get a job
that gives you health benefits. It's like you can sell out three shows in Philly and
nearly sell out your fourth one a day before the show, but you're still going to have
Obamacare unless you're in SAG. Anyway, do I want to be in SAG?
No, I'm just handy for the benefits. Yeah. You know, but you've got to do a lot of acting.
Do you have any old wives' tales that you...
I mean, the classic one is if you go outside with your hair wet, you're going to die.
Well, ding, ding, ding, ding.
That was the number one.
That was the number one that came family...
Survey says the most people.
I do think also when you have long hair and your kid,
your hair is wet most of the time.
Like, it's never fully dried.
Especially the summer.
I spent my entire childhood worried about going out with wet hair.
I went to University of Wisconsin.
I would shower after.
shower after practice or something and I'd go somewhere. I'd do an ice bath and then go to the
apartment and I remember my hair would freeze off like it would like you could crack it.
Yes, I was going to, I was about to say the same thing. Come out of a swim practice in Bayside
Queens on like a cold Tuesday night, frozen hair. Yeah, it's fun. It was fine. Have a good time.
Everyone chill out. And then the crossing your eyes that they get stuck. Which is what came up last
week, which is why we even thought about this.
But coincident, because people are said, you go outside what went, hey, you get sick.
No, I'll tell you what gets you sick.
Having children and being around children.
So, think about, that's the-
Mic drop.
That's the actual reason.
Every time I hang on my friend's kids, I get sick.
They're just little gremlins.
Little vectors, man.
Well, cracking your knuckles does not give you arthritis.
Oh, really?
Yeah, you want to Google that, Chris?
Because that is your job today.
Chris is the debunker today.
Because part of this was your old wife's tail, and you can do
debunk it, if you like. But we have a debunker.
Chris, who's very tired and he has bad allergies at the moment. So he's, it's really a tough
day for Chris. I'm on my period. So, wow.
Cracking your knuckles may aggravate the people around you, but it is probably won't raise
your risk for arthritis. Yeah. We did it. It doesn't aggravate people around. It doesn't
aggravate me. I like the sound of it, but I don't like doing to myself. Right. I'm a big
cracker. I think it's cool and other people do it. But for me, it gives me, it gives me,
Yeah, but some people really hate it.
I don't like when people hawk loogies.
Yes.
I think that's where I draw the line.
Yeah, but crack in the knuckles was a big one for me growing up
because I was a big knuckle cracker.
Still I am.
Yeah, and so it doesn't give you arthritis.
I feel like there was something about whiskey for a sore throat.
No, whiskey for a toothache.
A toothache, yes.
Cotton whiskey.
And then a sore throat, you put salt in water and then you gurgle it.
Yeah, but I don't know if those are...
Wild water gurgling may actually be.
But again, we could debunk it here, Chris.
You've been put under heavy duty very early.
The cotton, the whiskey thing, I actually, I think what it does is get you a little drunk as a kid,
so you actually do get a bit of pain relief?
So on the gargling with all water, yes, it can help reduce pain and discomfort from a sword throat.
Okay, so there is some use for that.
So, well, listen, before we get going properly, you might as well look up,
is there any pain relief from whiskey on cotton for a toothache?
because I definitely had that when I was a kid.
Wow, we were putting Chris to work.
Yeah, Chris, unfortunately, Chris.
He looks like he's trying to crack a code to a nuclear explosion.
The idea that whiskey were a strong spirial ease toothache is a myth.
While alcohol can ease the mind and dull the senses, it's not an anesthetic.
Whiskey does very little to kill the bacteria.
So some alcoholic was like, guys.
Yeah, my friend came back from, I think, Dublin, and he brought the flu back, which he gave to me.
It was the most sick I've ever been in my life.
And it was syllabus week, which is where everybody goes out and drinks very heavily.
And he had the flu the whole time.
If I just said celibate week, I was like, that's weird.
He had the flu the whole time and was putting a glass of whiskey in a, this was very unsafe also,
a glass of whiskey in a boiling pot of water to make a warm whiskey.
Oh, hot toddy.
Oh, yeah, hot toddy.
That is correct.
That is correct.
So Hot Tadis don't do shit?
Well, they make you warm, they warm you.
Let's find out.
Well, like, find out.
No, I just thought it.
I just thought the, hot toddy has good marketing.
That's for sure.
But a hot toddy, I felt, like, just kind of warms you.
Google basically just said FU.
While there is no scientific evidence that hot toddies can cure cold,
some people find them helpful.
Oh, right.
I never thought it cured a cold.
I just thought the same as a cup of tea.
Like, it just kind of gets the warmth into you.
The tea is good, but they sometimes say the whiskey helps.
I literally go to the bar.
I'd be like, I need a hot toddy.
I'm sick.
Yeah, with clothes.
They put cloves in them.
Yeah.
All right, so let's go to one, Chris.
We got so many.
thank you so much to the dialers very active
sorry I was holding back a burp there
in case anybody was wondering what was gonna
because I'm drinking
you were breathing in as you were talking
which is a inverse
affirmative anyway we talked about that before
let's go
okay so it's not technically
an old wives tale but
Cardi B said that
a hoe never gets cold
and now science
literally is backing her up on that
And in, like, 2021, there was some academic study published in the British Journal of Social Psychology, and they confirmed, and I quote, scantily clad women are less likely to catch a chill than they're covered up counterparts.
So, a ho never gets cold.
Hi, guys.
Oh, sorry, he's gone.
Oh, my God.
See, this is tired, allergy-ridden, Chris.
Not getting me of my best right now.
Technological.
I need a hot toddy.
I can't believe you went with that one.
first, Chris. It was at the top of the list, but I, it spoke to me. It spoke to me. It said,
pay me. Are you a ho? It's not cold out. That's besides the point. I thought she was going to say,
like, the more orgasms you have, the more, you get warmer after orgasms. But it's interesting,
because they always say you can't go out like that, you catch your death. And then, but there is
always this thing about, it's funny that it was a British study, because there's always the thing
about women in Newcastle, Newcastle, Northern England, like, they go out, like,
quote, tart it up, it's a terrible term. But you know what I mean? Like, they got like, short skirts,
cut off tops, a lot of skin,
and they're out in the middle of winter.
No jackets, because you don't want to worry about your jacket
when you're out. And everyone's like, they're a hearty breed.
So they're saying jackets are a myth?
Well, I think what they're saying is that they're less likely to get a chill.
But that's what this woman is saying.
When you say get a chill, does that mean get sick?
You know, like, when you get like the chill in you.
Oh.
You know when you suddenly like feel freezing?
Yeah.
I mean, that's what we did at the bar at Wisconsin.
We would just go out snow in our scantily clad outfits
because I don't want, I'm not bringing a coat all night to all these parties.
You just had to suck it up.
They called it the liquid layer.
Have a shot and go.
The bigger issue here is Cardi B being referred to as an old wife.
But that was a fresh one.
But I don't know, I wouldn't even know how for you to look that up right now.
No, I did.
Well, what I searched was do holes get cold.
And that study that she was talking about literally came out first thing.
Oh, right.
Okay.
Okay.
So anyway, you can look that up.
Maybe she was referring that like hose and,
They're never alone.
They're always cuddling.
But coincident enough, in China, they're obsessed with wrapping up for the weather.
So, like, in the winter, like, you have to be wrapped up.
They wear, like, Long John's.
So it'll be interesting to see if this study proves that the Chinese are overly worried about the layers.
Well, it's funny because, again, at Wisconsin, the second it would hit, like, 33 degrees, Fahrenheit.
People, like, guys would just start wearing basketball shorts.
And it was just these, like, sturdy.
corn-fed Midwest dudes that the second it was like close to 40 degrees they would start wearing
and I was like what that what did they do but it's like they just they were used to the colds
yeah hardy people as long as it wasn't freezing they would wear their shorts and they were it was
kind of a manly thing it was kind of like yeah fuck boys stay warm too yeah fuck boys shut out
boys and hose hit it chris okay this is so stupid um but my husband and I have actually
thought about this a lot um so my mother-in-law for like the first two
two years of my daughter's life would insist that we needed to cut her hair so that it would
get really thick. But it's just the dumbest, like, old wives tale, because how in the hell
does cutting the end of your hair make more hair grow in? Because to get your hair actually
thicker, you actually genuinely need more hair growing out. It makes zero sense. And I got into,
like huge fights with my husband
about this. He was just insisting that his
mom was right. And I was just like
to Google it. This is so dumb.
It's not going to make her hair thicker.
Also, we both have like
thick as fuck hair. Like, why are we
trying to make this child's hair even thicker than
it's already going to be?
Just absurd.
Gonna break a brush.
Yeah, I wasn't, I mean, I guess I was
aware of people saying, oh, if you shave it, it grows back
thicker, but I wasn't aware. I didn't know
that people say, oh, do that for kids
so that they have thick hair. No, I never heard of that.
could see like it looking healthier, but also I feel like that's something where if you get into
that heated of a fight, you're like, let's turn to Google. Yeah, you got to Google that. Another great
example of how lucky you are, Hannah. Another great example. You don't have to deal with the mother
in-law. Yeah. I also do have to say, I have a real phobia of getting my haircut. And one thing I am
weird about is my hair. Like, I, if it's an inch too short, I feel like I'm the ugliest little
teenage boy ever.
So I will get, like, dentist nervous while getting my hair cut.
Really?
Yeah, and I'll fight with the people because they'll be like, I'm like, I want to trim,
but only like one and a half inches, two inches max.
And for some reason that people who cut hair, like, refuse to do that.
Like, they don't, they don't really have a, what, a horse in the fight?
What is it?
Skin in the game?
They really have skin in the game.
What in the fight?
I think it's dog in the fight.
A dog.
A dog.
They don't have a dog in the fight.
Why don't they just, I'm paying you 100.
dollars cut it short
cut it very a little bit
and they always cut like four inches
because it looks the healthiest and then I get
upset oh but I never
say anything obviously I'll never say anything
yeah I don't have a I don't have any
barber anxiety now there wasn't there was a lot
of these hair ones
and this is one that I still think
a lot of people think is true
that if you pull a gray hair
well the person that messaged in
it might even be there but you don't even have to play
it but if you pull the gray hair what is it
What do you think it is?
That the gray hairs, like, grow straight up.
But I think it's that gray hairs in general have a different texture,
so they're always growing like that.
Yeah, well, this woman had said,
if you pull a gray hair, then more grows back in its place.
Oh, that's possible, too.
Yeah, so one day Paige noticed that I was growing some grays from reality TV,
and she, like a monkey, like a monkey mom, started pulling the rays out.
And, like, honestly, it was fun.
I was like, good, like, you can see the grays.
and then my mom was like, oh no, that means they're going to grow straight up.
Yes.
So what are we getting on gray hairs?
I didn't search the straight up thing yet.
I'll search that next, but yeah, it won't grow like more gray hairs around it.
One will replace it.
Yes, and that's it.
So people really do freak out about the pulling gray hair.
You actually, I was going to pull one out of your hair and you were like, no, don't.
It's bad.
Yeah, I was like, don't pull it.
Yeah.
I feel like hairdressers tell me don't pull it.
Yeah, but I think it comes from this.
I don't think it causes more grays.
I think it affects the texture of it.
Yeah.
And so without playing it, you know, since we're so on the shaving thing, did you
have any old wives tales about shaving the upper part of your leg?
So my whole thing was that my mom just never told me to, so I never did to this day.
So Chris, actually, can you see on the list the shaving the upper part of the leg?
I want to see what the actual old wife.
Wives tale was on that.
Hi,
Mother.
Des, nice of you to join us
after coming back
from your family holiday.
Who the hell told us
not to shave above the knee?
Like, why was everyone's mother
so angry with us
when we would shave above the knee?
Like, my mom actually told me
that I was going to become, like,
a gorilla and just have hair
from, like, my chin down
because I shaved above the knee.
And then I saw a TikTok recently
that it was,
like, you know, your pants are going to rub on your thighs and then the hair's going to get
thinner. Like, you're kidding yourself. That's not going to happen. So, um, I've been shaving
above any since I was 12. Just wanted to admit that. Thanks. So I have hairy thighs. And during the
winter, people are like, okay, it's free hair. But like, during the summer, it's blonde. I mean,
it's very light hair throughout the year because I never shaved it. So like, I'm just, I have nice soft
hair on my thighs and then I have hard hair
on my calves. For anyone who was
wondering. Well yeah, I remember
people saying
do we have any information on what actually
is there any reason or not to shave
above your thigh? I should
shave my knees but I don't because
it's like I always cut myself but I
be like, oh your knees are really hairy and I'm like
who cares? Who cares is hair on your
knee? Yeah, I recently had my
knee shaved. One left
knee shaved and I'm so unhaired
that like I didn't even really notice the difference.
I'm speaking from an Italian place, and Des is in an Irish, you know, place.
There's hairy Irish guys, too.
You know that, right?
Not you.
Not me, no.
When was the first time you got a hair on your chest?
Oh, one of these six hairs?
When you met me?
One of the six hairs that's there?
Very late.
Aidan has a hairy chest.
Aidan has a hairy chest.
It kind of seems like it originated in the 40s, and, you know,
Basically, it seemed like they were just trying to sludge it is what it was.
And then they came up with a reason, sort of like, oh, it's going to grow up crazy.
Oh, no, that's, no, it's not true.
That's the whole point of it.
But how come the hair is, like, black on my legs, on my shins, but then my thighs, it's soft.
I actually think that there may just be a textual difference.
For example, like the mustache texture is different to the cheek texture on your face.
Actually, you're right, because I feel like with guys, they're the same.
Like, their calf hair is thicker than they're...
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, you could have been, you know, waxing it or getting it lasered or, you know, you could have been doing that.
And it's something, you know, you can think about it.
It's common.
I might do.
I'm supposed to, but I just can never.
Whenever I have free time, I'm never like, you know how I'd like to use this?
Getting fucking electrifying my pores to get all my hair follicles to die.
I know.
Like, maybe I'd rather take a nap.
It's just so funny because Paige is so into getting her hair lasered.
It's her favorite thing.
And you're, like, resistant to it.
Well, Pete, that's our thing.
We're yin-yang.
That's our bit.
Oh, yeah.
I can't be all laser.
Then it would confuse everyone.
Oh, yeah.
They'd be like, who's who?
Who's who?
Wait a minute.
You're both too smooth.
Paige, from the day I met her, she goes, I'm hairless below my eyebrows.
I want to be like a, what she call it?
A dolphin?
A naked mole rat.
A naked mole rat or like, yeah, baby dolphin.
All right, let's take, let's get off the hair topic.
You have to get christen.
There was such heavy, there was such heavy hair.
stuff. Does you have to get Chris into
bushes. Whoa. You have to get
me into? What is it? You want to
you? Hannah. Break that down?
She basically saying, I need
to get you comfortable with the
pubic hair. Did you just
assume my bush preference?
Yeah. Well, I do
know you grew up in the
porn time where it was all no hair.
Yeah. You're from the smooth
generation. That's fair. They
pop up here and there. Your voice
just cracked.
I don't like talking about vagina
I'm not comfortable
I'm not comfortable
All right
Come on, let's get off their hair
Sorry, got everyone uncomfortable
I don't have to bring it back to Poonan
Okay, an old wife's tale that
I'm pretty sure has been debunked
But maybe somebody else is like
It's working for them
But having oysters
And then apparently getting super horny after
No, I mean, I love an oyster
Happy Hour, but I've never had
it where I'm like, okay, we got to get home immediately because I'm in the mood.
I don't know about you guys. Maybe you have to have more than I'm having. I don't know.
I have like a half dozen, a dozen some days. I don't know. I think that's debunked. I don't,
I don't think it's true. Yeah, there definitely has to be a dosage if they're going to say
like certain things cause things. I always assumed that there was an element of the eroticism
of the way that you have to eat the oyster and perhaps the similarity to anatomy to the sort
of smushy, you know, the way an oyster feels.
Okay.
I think, but Chris is, Chris is already, what are you going to say?
It's always an appetizer, so whatever happened, you still have like a bunch of meals,
and then you're bloated by the end of it.
I've never once ate an oyster and been like, I need to hump the corner of this table.
Yeah, I never understood that oyster.
Also, there's hotter things for people to eat.
I don't think, it doesn't turn, it doesn't turn me on to see a guy eating an oyster.
I don't know, maybe it does.
It's kind of all over the place.
It says there's no scientific evidence that oysters increase that drives in humans,
but then it, like, lists some of the, like, I don't know, ingredients elements.
I'm not a scientist.
It says zinc may increase testosterone levels and help maintain healthy levels of dopamine.
Omega-3 fats may increase blood flow to prevent issues such as erectile dysfunction.
Okay, so it doesn't.
No.
No.
No, but that's a good old wife's tale.
Yes, and also because you're basically saying, yes,
this is hot and sexy, I'm ordering it, it's kind of a statement.
On a first date.
It's like fancy.
Because like, you know, champagne and strawberries, I mean, obviously...
Wait what?
I never heard you say strawberries.
Strawberries.
Strawberries.
Oh, well, champagne and strawberries.
I guess the champagne can loosen the inhibitions a bit.
But like, it's just like sometimes you just decide something is romantic.
What is hotter, me eating a strawberry, a banana, or an oyster?
Oh, I'm going to say strawberry.
I thought you're going to say you chewing regardless is not turning into issue.
Banana chewing is an issue.
Banana chewing is one of the great misophonic offenses.
My brother hated when I ate.
Oh, chewing bananas, man.
Banana.
Yeah, also, this is kind of crazy fact about me, but I'm not a big oyster girl.
Like, I love clams.
I love steamers.
I eat literally everything.
I've, oysters to me, it's never, I think I might have had, like, a big one before,
and it gets kind of lost in your mouth, and then you're like...
I think a lot of people can have had an early bad experience with oysters.
I think I tried it too young venage.
I wasn't able to fully handle it.
Yeah, I was in my 30s before I ever tried an oyster.
And I was shocked how much I liked them.
Yeah.
But I was late to the party.
It's giving a little bit of, like, like a bad kid.
sometimes eating an oyster.
Oh, yeah, like with an inexperienced kisser.
Yeah, like there's just, over-exuberant, sloppy wet.
There's wetness coming in, and they're touching places in your mouth you didn't want to be touched.
I remember my first kiss, I remember thinking, oh, it's like eating a clam.
And I was like, I don't really want to do that again.
Do you know the Chinese think that seahorses give them virility?
Because there was a seahorse farm in Connemar and Ireland, and their big marks.
market was China. They were farming seahorses, like fish farming seahorses, and selling them to
China because then the Chinese make Chinese medicine that's meant to be good for your virility.
I forgot sea horses were real. Yeah, they're real. And Chinese think that gives you a boner,
as it turns out. I haven't even bothered Googling that. And we don't need to. It's not an old
wine stuff. We're not getting into debunking Eastern medicine. That'll get controversial.
have a new sparkling water bubbly burst. Ooh, I'm so excited. You guys know I do not like
drinking plain water. I think it's boring and I don't like it. But bubbly burst is changing
the game for hydration. It comes in six fun flavors and I'm most excited about tropical punch
and peach mango so I could pretend that I'm on a tropical vacation even though I'm just scrolling
my phone in my tiny New York City apartment. It's low calorie, zero sugar and it's fun. I'm
constantly talking so I need a drink that keeps me refreshed.
and ready to annoy everyone around me.
Bubbly burst is my new go-to.
My dad came to my apartment last week, actually drank all of them,
so I need to get more.
Each sip adds a burst of fun to your day.
It's bursting with fruit flavor, no added sugar, and all smiles.
If you're in New York City, or really anywhere else right now,
the pollen is an issue.
Everyone is struggling with allergies.
So that's why I'm so excited about my partnership with Astopro.
It's a first-of-its-kind nasal allergy spray.
It's the fastest 24-hour over-the-counter allergy spray that starts working in 30 minutes while other
allergy sprays take hours. Ooh, this is amazing. Astopro is the first and only 24-hour steroid-free
allergy spray. It delivers full prescription strength, indoor and outdoor allergy relief from nasal
congestion, running an itchy nose, and sneezing. I definitely feel it once allergy season hits,
and it makes me feel sick, it makes me feel groggy, it makes me feel horrible, I feel like I have a headache,
and that's why Astopro is amazing.
Before I get on stage, I'll give myself a little spray, and then I feel like a new woman.
I carry it with me everywhere, and it's been a game changer for this time of year.
Astopro always has my back and my nose.
Get fast-acting nasal allergy symptom relief with Astopro.
Go to Astoproallergy.com for discounts.
You can get Astopro and go today.
A-T-E-P-R-O-Alogy.com.
S-F-X-P-R-D-Spro-D-Spray, mnemonic.
Astopro and go. Use as directed for relief of nasal conjection, runny nose, sneezing, and itchy nose due to allergies.
Have you guys heard of gooder sunglasses? I'm so excited about this because they're stylish sunnies starting at only $25 a pair.
I hate buying expensive sunglasses because I will. I always will 100% of the time. Lose it immediately.
The last time I bought a fancy pair of sunglasses, I went in the ocean that day and a wave hit me and I've never seen them again.
money that I spent. And that's why I love affordable and super stylish glasses. They look the same
as fancy ones. It's no slip, no bounce, all polarized, all fun. So you actually might not lose it.
50,000 plus five-star reviews. It also has a one-year warranty in case you do break it or lose it.
30-day free returns and 100% carbon neutral company. And they have a new frame called the pop
that's pop art for your face but make it fashion it's no slip no bounce all polaroys made for medium
size noggins which i love because sometimes i feel like sunglasses are too big and i look like a mosquito
my favorite one is called approaching cult status they have a really good sense of humor this company
and i feel like in the summer when you're going on the boat and you're partying or you're at the pool
or you're just you know walking to work it's fun to have a cool pair of shades they're always
releasing new colors and collabs you can lay low or get wilds and their names are amazing flamingos on a
booze cruise back nine blackout wait for running cycling working out golfing going on the beach
hiking or just chilling they're lightweight stylish and don't slip off your face if you want to support
the show and try a pair gooder is giving burner film listeners free shipping you can go to gooder dot com
slash burner, B-E-R-N-E-R, and use code burner for free shipping. That's G-O-O-O-D-R.com
slash burner. They offer a 30-day money-back guarantee and 100% satisfaction, so go for it.
That's gooder.com slash burner and use the code burner for free shipping.
I love Zoc Doc so much because when something happens and I need a doctor, I want to know
what insurance they take, what they specialize in, where they're located, if people like them,
what the reviews are. Zoc Doc is my favorite because it's a free app and website where you search and compare
highly rated in network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. I do not
have to call a doctor's office and that is the real win for me here. There are so many different doctors
you need especially now that I'm in my 30s who knows what kind of random pain I'm getting and I find
verified high quality doctors at Zoc Doc because I don't know how anyone else finds doctors to be
honest. You don't have to awkwardly wait on hold with a receptionist. You don't have to go and then
find out they don't take your insurance. It's all digital. It all gets confirmed. The typical wait
time to see a doctor based on Zoc Doc is between 24 to 72 hours. So if you need like a prescription
refilled, it's all really convenient, really quick, really easy. They have all their availability
on Zoc Doc. I'm obsessed with Zoc Doc. I use it and you should to go to Zocdoc.com
slash burner and download the ZockDoc app for free, then find and book a top rated doctor today.
That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash burner, B-E-R-N-E-R, Zocdoc.com slash burner.
Let's take another one, Chris.
I feel like Des never gets the first hello.
So hey, Des, hey, Hannah.
First-time dialer up in here.
So a Wives tale that is totally debunked has actually been mentioned on a previous episode.
But dialers, please stop peeing on your friends that got stung by a jail.
jellyfish, just a little marine biologist over here telling you it does not help use the sting.
That being said, the next time you're at a beach with some beach you don't really like and she gets
stung by a jellyfish, you can be like, oh my God, poor baby, you better have someone pee on that.
And then you go home and spend your evening enjoying the thought that she got pissed on for no reason.
Meanwhile, she thinks you were genuinely trying to help.
It's a win-win, but it's not going to help.
Okay, bye.
I love how she just casually is like, I am a Marie biologist.
I've studied my whole life for this moment.
Yeah, she really got vindictive really fast.
No, I liked it.
I also have fully, I think, I don't know if anyone's ever peed on me,
but that was what they would say.
I would get stung all the time in Shelter Island.
Yeah, I feel like Chris did Google that.
What?
I feel like, how do you not know if somebody's ever peed on you?
I feel like I forgot, but I know it's been said.
Like in that moment where you've been stung by a jellyfish.
Yeah, like if someone pees on you.
but I don't remember
it ever happened
I might have blocked it out
might be so dramatizing
Fair enough
I feel like that was one of the previous times
where I thought this would be a good topic
because I have a vague memory
of you Googling that
Do you remember that?
Yeah, I do.
But my question is,
what do you do when you get stung
by a jellyfish?
Chris.
Because I don't know.
I think,
I believe there's a suggestion
of some many times.
There was a suggestion
of something else
that helps with this thing.
But I've definitely
never been peed on. Well, I've never been peed on. I was going to say never been peed on with the
jellyfish thing, which would suggest that I had been peed on in another scenario. Actually, if you guys
are into this stuff, Andrea Allen, one of my first ever interviews on Burning in Hell, she talks
about how she would pee on a guy. And she would have to... For money? Or?
I don't know if it's for money, but it was his thing. So she would, like, go on the train and
chug pediolite, because you get nervous, so you have to make sure you, like, really have to
pee. And she would do it. All right. There's actually...
a step-by-step list. So you remove
tentacles first. You soak it in
warm but not too hot water.
Apply cream to it, take painkillers, and use
ice. There is a part of this where it says
don't scrape it with a credit card. It says nothing about
like, don't let your friends piss on you, though. I didn't like that.
Oh, but this reminds me, you know, when you get a bug bite
and they say do the cross on it with your fingernail?
Yes. I know it feels good.
Feels good. That's all I know.
I do believe it also debunked, also debunked, but definitely feels good, and I still do it to this day.
But also, what's funny is ice is recommended for a lot of things, and it's not always scientifically proven that ice helps.
Correct. And it's very controversial, the ice game.
Very controversial. Do you want to go down that road?
No.
Because it's very controversial, and people really are passionate about ice.
Well, we were doing a lot of ice baths back in the day, and then people were saying, actually, you need more heat.
and then now people do ice baths for like a somatic response.
It's like a stress anxiety type thing that I haven't really looked into.
There's been a lot of evolution of the ice or no ice.
But my, just not, I hate going on about my ACL,
but recent phenomenon that is relevant to this situation,
my surgeon and physical therapist both said
that the benefit of icing in your situation is pain relief,
but it does not actually decrease inflammation.
so my surgeon recommended icing for pain relief
but didn't say it was important in terms of reducing inflammation
which the amount of people that say to me
oh have you been icing it people still believe in ice
but I don't get into it I'm not going to be that asshole
oh actually just so you know I know you're telling me to ice
but actually has no anti-inflammatory benefit
just so you know I do have to say there has to be more wives tales
for beauty stuff
because right now we're girlies
This is like, we're ready dealing with the wage gap.
We're spending hundreds of dollars a month on serums,
moisturizers, all this stuff.
When I know that there's definitely wives' tails that need to go around,
like, oh, like, just smash a banana and put it on your face.
Oh, to save money.
Yeah.
Or, like, for me, when I visit, I put toothpaste on it,
and it dries it out immediately in, like, the best way, and it's gone.
I don't have to buy these, like, expensive acne things.
But there's so many natural things that we could be doing,
but it's funny, that stuff never goes around
when I feel like it should
because it would save us all a lot of money.
Yeah, or just debunk how full of shit
most of these products are.
Or just look at every man's skin
that he just uses a towel
that he wipes his butt with on his face
and look how it's glowing.
Chris, what's your skincare routine?
Oh my God.
I basically like just use shampoo.
Your skin is beautiful.
He's also young.
Yeah, I don't know.
He's got the youth on his.
He is less trauma.
And I have to tell you, in terms of Zitz, because I did have bad acne when I was a teenager,
but if you want to be comfortable with Zitz, get older.
Because when you get older and you get one, you're like, fuck, yeah, I still get Zits.
It's kind of like exciting.
It's like, I didn't know I still got these.
Would we take another?
Yeah.
Hey, guys.
So I'm Ukrainian.
And something that I always heard was that if you're a woman and you sit on like a cold,
or even if you're, like, walking around barefoot, your ovaries are going to freeze up
and you won't be able to have kids.
And to this day, I don't know if it's true or false.
I mean, I'm guessing it's false, but I still don't do it.
Okay, bye.
That's so funny.
See, that's one of the ones to fear, you know, to put the fear of God into you so that you dress up.
But also, who is that helping?
Oh, for them to dress up.
When your kids, when they want to go outside and you say you have to wrap up,
I would think. It came in a few times.
So I had never heard
this old wife's tale, but actually
numerous people messaged in about it.
There are so many big words in here, so bear
with me. Yes, cold exposure
can affect the reproductive system
including the ovaries. Cold can cause
menstrual disorders,
dysmendoria, and
changes in the ovaries morphology.
I'm going to leave it there.
Does it have to be directly
on the ovary? I don't feel like
your feet being cold is not
going to do anything. So this is like one of these articles where it's like
partially true. Yeah. Yeah. So we're not, we're not
completely debunking. Requires further research. It is funny
because when we have our periods, we do put a heating pad
on your stomach. But that's to get rid of discomfort, right? Yeah, but I'm
saying it's never, they never go to ice route. Interesting. But does it actually
work? It doesn't get into like if it's direct exposure. One of the
studies says that women with lower body temperatures like on
average experience in fertility more.
Whoa. Okay.
So we ended up delving into something
quite serious there. I mean
thanks to Ukraine or to bring the vibe
down.
Anyway,
I'm like it. So
anyway,
so bring a jacket when
you go outside.
But we just learned, what if you're a hoe
does your ovaries
you think the internal
because hos are never colds.
Goes up.
then they always have babies.
I'm just doing math here.
I'm doing real math.
Well, I think basically that
casual lack of wrapping up
does not affect your fertility.
But I think deeper issues around
a person's body temperature.
Casual not wrapping up definitely
affects that in that fertility.
That's a great joke.
How did I give you nothing?
Wait, I wasn't listening.
Oh, that's what happens.
Oh, you mean like condoms?
Yeah, there we go.
oh my gosh sorry i have to listen to when men speak this is this is the modern world just men not being
listened to no i was just i was thinking my next thought and now i forgot it oh right because you made me
listen to chris oh i'm sorry about that oh god okay let's let's let's go to the videotape chris
so when i was a kid my parents would tell me not to shower when there was a thunderstorm
and I did not believe that for a second
that like anything bad can happen
if you were showering in a thunderstorm
I just thought that they like didn't want me to do that or something
it wasn't until like just recently that I googled that
and if it is actually safe
and if your house gets struck by lightning
it can literally travel through the water
and you when you are in the shower and kill you.
So that is true.
Please don't do that.
Wow.
Wow.
I've never heard of this.
I hadn't heard of that one.
But it is one of those things where it's like, it's pretty low risk.
It's like how anxious do we want to be today, you know?
Yeah, I mean, it's super low, I mean, you never know.
I mean, if you have a, if your house is very tall, if you're living in, you know, the fucking highest building in Manhattan, maybe don't take...
Oh, I don't think it's really an issue in Manhattan.
But I think, you know, I think out in the burbs on a hot, on a hot, humid summer's night.
something that you should think about.
Yeah.
Like, you never know.
I had one of those old houses growing up
that when you flush,
if someone's in the shower,
it turns really hot.
I thought that's just everyone's shower.
Like I thought you can't flush
when anyone's in the shower ever.
Then I was like, oh, it's just my old ass home.
Yeah, no, we had that.
And then it was always like,
bro, you're such a fucking asshole.
It was always, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
I didn't mean too sorry.
We would deliberately do it to each other.
And then they shut the light too,
and you're just like, okay.
We only had one bathroom, by the way.
Did you, did you, like, shower and, and poop and all that together?
Downstairs, we had one bedroom.
I'm sorry, one bathroom.
Yeah, but it had two sinks.
No, we had two sinks, but we didn't have any other bathrooms.
So if you were having a shit, like, in the morning.
We had one bathroom upstairs.
Oh, right, you had a second bathroom.
Yeah, we had a second bathroom upstairs.
So, like, you know.
For three boys and mom and dad.
Yep, so, you know, I'd be in the shower.
My mother would be, like, peeing, you know?
my dad was very private in the bathroom
so he didn't like that but like every now
and then you know you just
but he'd be shaving and I'd have to like pee
that's just the way it was
my mom always went to the bathroom
with the door open because she always
had to watch the kids
right so that's why I pee with the door open
if you ever notice like I never shut the door when I pee
oh right interesting I've noticed here
I gotta keep doing that from God to time
I've definitely been part of a conversation
and been like okay I'm just peeing
but I'm in on this stuff
I like to keep an eye on what's going on
Yeah, and then my mother, if she had a dump with light a match and put it in it, and it smelled worse.
Like, the sulfuric smell was worse than the fucking poop.
That was a thing.
That was like, that was a thing back the day, light a match, you know, and put it in there.
Well, it's nice that she tried.
She tried.
Because I'll tell you one thing, I'm not going to try for my family.
Well, you know, we're going to have more than one bathroom.
That's the real bonus.
And do you know what's crazy?
The bathroom that we inherited from the purchasers in 1978 was the bathroom that we gave to the family from Fujiann
Back in 2000, whatever it was, 2015.
What a gift.
We never upgraded the bathroom.
What a beautiful gift.
I know.
Unbelievable.
1970 special.
Let's go for gum.
Can we go for gum?
It's one of my favorites.
Yeah.
I feel like I know where this one's going.
Yeah.
Hey, Hannah and Dez, huge fan.
And an old wives tale that my mother is a huge fan of is that if you swallow your gum,
it'll wrap around your heart and you'll die.
She specifically says it'll wrap around.
13 times for some reason can confirm that I'm still alive and kicking, so it does not.
And every time I swallow my gum, it's not that often. Don't worry. But every time I do,
I like to tell her just to rattle her a little bit, you know. But it's not often, so it's okay.
13 times. What kind of satanic ritual was the mom trying to push?
Now, the old wives tale I had was that it stays in your stomach for seven years.
Yeah. Or it was if you eat like a pit that like a tree will grow in your stomach.
Watermelon pits came up. In fact, I think it's even in there. But the chewing gum for seven years affected me.
And literally until like maybe four or five years ago, max. Because I came up what I was, I was writing a routine. I was doing a routine. I think it was like around, it was a routine around misinformation. And the punchline was, oh, you don't think that you can believe misinformation.
information, like, you don't think it can actually become facts that it's total bullshit.
How many people here swallow gum?
And you know that I have to crowd are like, oh, that's not real.
So to debunk that, I googled it.
I'd never thought of Googling it.
I'd never swallowed gum.
I always was like, what am I going to do with this gum?
It's funny because every now and then, you know, when you accidentally swallow it,
it's a scariest feeling ever.
Like, you feel like something inedible you swallowed once, like, clearly it's safe.
They wouldn't let you chew something that wasn't safe.
You just poop it out with everything else.
Yeah, it just doesn't really digest.
It just passes through.
It doesn't stick in your stomach though.
Yeah, like you poop it out like a marble.
Yeah.
You know?
Like, as if the insides of our stomachs are all like the underside of desks.
All this fucking gum around.
But think how many sidewalks would be prettier and like, you know, desks wouldn't be so disgusting
if people knew that it's not a big deal to just swallow it.
It's like not an issue at all.
Do you think there's like an age when people should stop chewing gum?
Not really
I mean chewing gum is such a weird thing
Like some kids like you're always chewing gum
Like it was fun
I feel like chewing gum is a better oral fixation
I mean it's a fact than like everyone
Jeweling or whatever they're up to
100% my problem is I like chewing gum
But my problem is as I've gotten older
I don't know what happened to the shape of my mouth
But I bite my tongue a lot
I bite my tongue so much
When you're chewing gum
My tongue teeth quills
coordination is off.
And I now bite my tongue about when I chew gum.
And eventually, I'll, like, get back into chewing gum.
You fucking beatbox and you can't chew gum?
I get such a bad. One time it was so bad, like, anyway, I'm just telling you that, you know,
you got to, and I'd love to find out if actually, over time, your mouth shape changes to
the point where you can bite your tongue more.
Your hand-eye, teeth, tongue coordination is off.
Yeah, because I don't chew gum anymore for that reason.
I like to, like, snap the gum.
Like, once I learned how to, like, snap it, I thought it was the most fun thing ever.
and then so I'm like annoying people like can you not snap like it's a funeral can you not
did you have big league chew in your generation yeah yeah but that shit
fucking get locked job yeah but the problem is in the commercial they they take out these big
lumps so then the whole thing was like you put the whole thing in your mouth it was ridiculous
we were obsessed with um like you know you're near at the supermarket and you get the gumballs
but the gumballs tasted good for three seconds literally once the color was from the year out
um yeah like one out of every 20 times my mother would be like okay we'll put a quarter in the
fucking turn thing yeah fucking weird
rip-off. I also, our
generation was like Bubbillicious. That shit was good.
That's multi-generational, bubblelicious.
What about Bazooka Joe?
I know Bazooka Joe. Five cents and a comic.
Hell yeah. Oh, yeah.
What, like a page of
comics? Oh, because it's in the
wrap. It wrapped it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What were you going to say?
Oh, I was going to say I looked up. It's bad for your plumbing.
Gum. Oh, gum? Yeah. So it's not
100% good to swallow it.
No, it'll fuck up your pipes. It can
block you up?
Look, black up your, like, in your home, not your personal pipes.
Oh, but you mean like spitting it out into the...
Yeah, I mean, it comes out and it's full form, so it's the same difference, I think.
Oh, okay.
Also, your mouth shape does change as you get older.
Oh.
By the way, boom, bo, bo, blah, blah, we're killing it right now and smoking it.
I feel like you got past the, like, feeling tired, and now you're like, let's go.
No, I'm absolutely dying, but we got it.
Let's face it, this is an intellectually stimulating episode.
Absolutely.
There's a lot of information.
A lot of science is happening.
Like, dudes love talking about these random facts that have no effect on you.
Oh, are you not enjoying this?
I'm enjoying it, but I'm just saying you guys love this shit.
Okay.
All right.
Like, what a bear or chicken went in a fight?
Pretty easy one.
All right, Chris, let's go for another.
Hi, Hannah.
Hi, hi, Des.
Love you both.
Love the pod.
First of all, I thought it was always old wise tales.
A lot of people said that.
So I just learned that.
But we, my boyfriend and I, we go on the boat a lot in the summer.
We're on the lake all the time.
And he always says, red sky at night, sailors delight, red sky in morning, sailors take warning.
I don't know if it's debunked or if it's real, but he lives by that.
He lives and dies by that.
We've been okay.
So, yeah.
Yes.
In Ireland, they say shepherd's delight.
But what is
What does it mean?
What does it mean?
Red sky at night,
Shepard's Delight,
Red Sky in the Morning
Sailor...
So basically
the red sky in the morning
sales warning is
bad weather
is imminent.
Got it.
But I do believe
that it's not true
but you'll have to
just red sky
it'll come up pretty quick
but I've never Googled it
but I always assumed
it was bullshit.
I never even heard
these quotes before.
Really?
Red sky at night sales delight.
I'm from fucking Brooklyn,
New York.
I don't know about this.
New York City
gets great sunset.
I know, but we're not referencing sailors ever.
All those beautiful summer red skies.
Nobody ever said, oh, red sky at night, sailors delight?
No.
Wow, we live in a fucking harbor.
I know, but it's not, I didn't know any sailors growing up.
Okay, the saying red sky at night, sailors delight, has some scientific basis, and is often true.
A red sky at night can indicate that the setting sun is passing through a high concentration of dust particles, which can mean stable air and high pressure from the west.
This can lead to good weather.
Wow. So actually, there is some truth in it.
That's awesome.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, now the next time you see one of these beautiful...
You know, Instagram lights up when New York City is having, like, one of those awesome sunsets in the summer.
But it doesn't ever look as good on your Instagram as a dozen persons.
Not even close.
Not even close.
What's the point?
What's the point?
It's not even worth it.
And we get some great sunsets out in West Hampton.
It's better than taking pictures of fireworks or concerts, I guess.
Yes, fireworks are always a great...
And the moon.
Oh, yeah.
The moon is the moon is the least.
least photogenic thing on Instagram, seriously, like, the moon needs a makeover.
Like, like, FaceTune or something.
Yeah, like, FaceTune the moon.
Oh, on already.
Like, know your angles.
Yeah, like, the moon had, like, acne or something.
Have you noticed, like, it's, you know?
I mean, definitely, like, filler.
Yeah, the moon has, like, a lot of, like, pockmarks and everything.
It's probably on the Zembek.
That's when it's waning.
Did you just trying to get scientific on us?
No, but the Zemphic was a bit, you know, like, when the moon gets,
smaller. Oh, right, yeah.
Like a half moon.
Ozampic moon. Ozambic.
Ozambic. All right. So the old wives tale that I think is just absolutely ridiculous is the five
second rule. Like, okay, the food's going to fall to the ground and all the germs and mites
and dust and nasty shit. It's just going to be like, oh no, guys, we got to wait five
seconds. One, two, three. Like, no, they're not. That's just life. It hits the ground. You
eat or you don't. Also, I'm eating it. I don't care if it's on the sidewalk. I don't
care like I'll brush some dust off of it get some micro organisms in me I'm a teacher I got to
keep my immune system strong but five second rule kids definitely old wives tail so by five second rule
it's if you pick it up before five seconds it's fine it's still okay yeah yeah that's definitely
what are we looking up um I know that that was a choice in everyone's life when you say hey I'm
still gonna fucking eat it yeah and then you realize you can do whatever you want in this life
it's just you
you create your limits
yeah and you know
people will say you know
you build up an immunity and I guess
I guess there are times where it's not a big deal
and there might be times where it's probably a little risky
but you know I survived it any time
I dropped something I really wanted to eat
I mean it's definitely some people
are more you know
I came from the generation where you kissed it up to God
did you?
What?
You kissed it up to God
and then God made it clean
God disinfects it
St. Anthony
Yeah so it
was like, oh, you'd drop to kiss it up to God and then eat it.
But I guess that was a way for your parents to just distract you into eating it
rather than have you crying or that they have to go and buy you another thing.
So it's like kiss it up to God, you'll be fine, you know?
This is the most contentious one, it seems like,
because it seems like there's some truth to it because it's less exposure, basically,
but also like it, you know, it's not a set time.
Okay.
Wow.
Interesting.
Well, I mean, I remember once I didn't kind of fight with a friend,
but they were getting annoyed because I was eating popcorn.
and obviously we don't eat popcorn one by one.
You take a bunch of them and you throw it towards your mouth
and you just catch whatever you can.
And it falls all over the place.
And then I was obviously like I was obviously picking up and eating it.
I was going to waste half the popcorn.
And they were like, this is disgusting.
This is so disgusting.
But it's like we live in fucking New York City.
In the movie theater?
No.
It was in my apartment.
Oh, in the apartment?
It was my apartment.
Oh, in the apartment?
That's not a big deal.
Oh, yeah.
I wasn't doing the movie theater.
But then you think about people who take their shoes off in their own house.
Yes.
And when you think about it, you're like, I kind of fucking get it.
But then you're like, once you don't, you're like, are we just living, this is how we live?
How much are we going to protect ourselves from these germs?
You know, if COVID's going to hit, COVID's going to hit.
I mean, 100%.
I mean, when I'm walking around, I see like dead rats and shit, and I go, we really should take our shoes off.
But then by the time I'm home, I forget.
It's out of sight, out of mind.
That's why, and then people have dogs.
Yeah.
Where has that dog been?
It's just a fact, man.
But, you know, the reality is if you have a dog and you have kids,
the kids are probably going to be more resistant to things
because they pick up all the crap.
Yeah, I mean...
Apparently there's science behind that.
Oh, because kids touch everything and put in their mouths?
The dogs expose them to a lot of stuff.
I believe.
I mean, we don't have to get deeper and deeper into the Google.
I feel bad.
We're giving Chris so much to do.
By the way, kissing it up to God is the final punchline
of the greatest routine of my childhood
Eddie Murphy's
You dropped your ice cream routine
Oh, I didn't know that
Did you ever watch that?
I don't think so.
You dropped your ice cream
You dropped your ice cream
You don't know that?
That was like probably the routine
that made me want to be a comedian
Do you know that routine?
No, I don't.
Oh my God, that's the
because obviously there's a little generational difference here
That's the Diler's Homework
But I actually don't even know
if that routine holds up in the modern day
But I was pretty young when I watched that
11, 12 max?
I thought it was the funniest thing of all time.
I think Murphy needs to come out with that.
I mean, I kind of spoiler
or, like, gave away the punchline there,
but it is, it, it requires a knowledge
of kissing it up to God as a cultural phenomenon
for it to work as a routine.
I just thought of a random one I used to do with my grandpa,
what is it, the turkey bone?
What's that one?
No, isn't it a wish bone?
A wish bone.
What about it?
About breaking it?
And then the person who gets the bigger end makes a wish.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
But that's like a, is that, that's not a whole tradition.
That's a cute little tradition.
That's a cute little tradition.
Hi, Hannah does.
Longest little dialer here, humungo dialer, if you will, as well as a humungo giggler.
An old wise tale that's debunked that I literally just found out about, I feel so bamboozled, is that carrots actually aren't good for the eyes.
They're not good for the eyes, but they're like, that's a myth that if you get carrots, you'll have better vision or like you should eat your carrots, good for your eyes.
Lies.
Lies.
I was a gum.
I forgot about that one.
It's like an apple a day keeps a doctor.
It does it?
No.
It's mostly water.
Well, because when we were kids, that was how do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
Mm-hmm.
Do you know that one?
How do you know?
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
I don't know.
You don't know that one?
No.
Do you ever see a rabbit wearing glasses?
That was like a kid's joke.
We were kids.
Yeah, but I don't even know if rabbits eat carrots.
I think just bugs bunny and carrots.
I think it just bugs bunny.
Uh, yes, carrots can help with eye health.
Carrots contain beta carotene, which the body converts,
to vitamin A, which is essential for good vision.
Oh, okay, so actually...
But it must be, like, a certain amount
that you need, again.
So actually, she's debunking something incorrectly?
Is this what we're finding it?
Fake news. Fake news, Tyler.
Ooh.
She was trying to confuse us.
But I do think that, again, it's like,
if you have eye problems,
it's not going to cure it with carrots.
Yeah.
But I get, what...
I was looking up the rabbit thing.
They're like, yes.
Rabbits can eat carrots, but don't give them too much because it's high in sugar.
They'll turn them blind.
It could really, like, hurt their digestive system.
But it's not, carrots aren't particularly, like, rabbit food, right?
No, it's, like, leafy greens.
God, they're getting into fucking carrots, rabbits getting too much sugar now, too?
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
What a fucking rabbits are.
Rabbits are, like, there's too much sugar and fruit.
Yeah, like, ultra-processed food is so bad for rabbits.
You guys remember rock candy, though?
That was crazy.
Just straight up, like, crystallized sugar with like some jolly rancher, man.
It was the same color, too.
Do you remember the candy that would, like, pop in your pop candy?
Pop rocks?
Pop rocks.
What kind of, was the worst?
Crazy shit was that.
My sister loved pop rocks.
We would just, like, have explosions in our mouth.
Yeah.
It was an odd concept.
You know what I really got into, my adulthood, was really sour candy.
You know, the ones that what you bite and, like, you literally, you literally,
make a face. They say that helps with panic
attacks. Really? That if you're
having a panic attack or a crazy
moment, put in one of the most
sour candies, and
it makes your senses focus on
that. Yeah, I really got it.
I wasn't into them when I was a kid, and then
in Ireland they have really good ones.
I always loved Sour Patch kids.
And I ate Swedish fish, which was kind
of alt. Swedish fish was
our obsession in our house.
We loved Swedish fish. Every time I went to the movie,
Swedish fish, well, that whole
Are they actually Swedish?
Oh, Jesus.
Poor Chris.
This is a real Chris app.
This app is dedicated to Chris.
Yeah.
And his allergies.
Just the first sentence is, yes.
Swedish fish are actually Swedish.
Oh, they speak Swedish?
Yeah, the chewy fish-shaped candy was developed in Sweden by Malaco, a Swedish candy company in the late 1950s and brought into the U.S. market in 1957.
Wow.
that I still to this day
I can feel it in my mouth as I talk
about it. One Swedish fish
you're going to eat Swedish fish
for like an hour. It's very hard to stop
eating. I love them
but I also love
pull and peel twizzlers
and I feel that there's a little
similar vibe but anyway.
So anyone else want to talk about the candy they like?
Oh God the candy. Don't even start me
so did you guys have like pick and mix
in the movie theater when you were like young?
Because I felt like that came in later. We didn't have that
that.
Pick a mix.
I've never seen a
pick a mic.
I don't even know what that is.
Oh, like,
like a lot of like different types
of candies that you like, you know,
take out with like a...
Maybe like at a candy store,
but at the...
Yeah, so in Ireland,
they started having pick a mix
like in, like later on in life.
At the...
At the movie theater.
Yeah, like next to the...
No, I need a $16
Swedish fish box.
Yeah.
That's what I need.
Yeah, or like the most,
the most expensive
haggendaz on a stick
that you've ever eaten in your life.
Yes, that's what I want.
But in some Irish movie theater
they have Baskin Robbins in the movie theater, which that was a huge development for me.
Yeah, I haven't seen that.
Be able to get a big tub of ice cream, go to the movies?
Also, some people are-
Because popcorn's overrated.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I disagree.
Popcorn's overrated.
And butter on popcorn is the most overrated thing of what you got.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Butter on popcorn is the best way to leave the movie theater feeling like shit.
Well, okay, that's valid.
I'm dropping that right here.
That's valid, but those two things don't have to do with each other.
have to do with each other.
I'm old enough to know that a behavior has a consequence.
You don't feel like shit?
You don't feel like shit after chug raisinette?
I don't chug raisinets either.
This is my thing. I'm a savory girl and I'm getting the popcorn with butter.
And that's my everything. I don't need a Swedish fish.
Yeah, and there's another life hack, okay?
You get popcorn, then you have to drink with it because it's so salty, then you drink too much,
then you have to pee, and you're gonna miss out in a very important part of the movie.
part of the movie. I like popcorn because you get to have like 200 of something.
Yeah, I mean, I get it. I just think it's overrated. I'm not saying I don't eat it,
but I think it's overrated. I don't think it's overrated. It's like, it's like the bread and butter of
snacking. Like bread and butter, I can eat for the rest of my life. This is like these TikToks where
they're like, uh, I'm gonna make a claim. Uh, breaking bad, totally overrated.
You know what are you talking about? But I actually do, but I do think that popcorn is overrated. I do think
that a lot of flavored popcorn is
overrated when they start doing crazy
flavors. The British are into sweet popcorn.
I don't like sweet popcorn. I just want
butter, salt.
Peanut, peanut, butter,
jelly. I just was checking.
That's an age difference.
I just wanted to see. I got it.
It was just alarming.
Yeah, it was just inappropriate.
Did you know what that was?
It's a rap.
It's from Sesame Street, right? I think it's from Sesame Street.
You want me to fact check?
Peanut butter jelly time.
Peanut butter jelly, Tom, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly.
Okay, so I want to check, this is an age check, okay?
Okay, okay.
I want to see if...
We know you're old.
You don't have to...
No, I know.
I want to see if this, if this went to your generation tonight.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, eleven, eleven, 11, 12.
No?
Not at all.
Interesting.
It's just like one of those things where I'm not, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I never know what was just of your childhood and what passed on.
What is that?
Just counting.
Also from Sesame Street.
What is this?
Amanda, man, man, man, man, man, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda.
Amanda, Amanda, Amanda. Manda.
Oh, that's show? Amanda Bond show? Yeah.
Oh, right, yeah. No, I didn't want, that, that was Nickelodeon past my Nickelodeon time.
Yep. I remember the beginning of Nickelodeon. Will we take one more?
Hey, Anna and does, love you both. Also, Chris, love you too. You're doing a good job.
Oh, she knew you needed that.
that I think about now that I am a parent is that opening umbrellas inside causes bad luck.
I haven't thought about this since I was a kid, but now I have a five-year-old who has a little
umbrella that she loves to open up inside.
So I decided to tell her that it's bad luck.
So she would stop because it is so fucking annoying.
And now I'm starting to think that a lot of these old wives' tales are just ways to get kids to stop.
things.
Wow, that is so valid.
So valid.
The perfect one to finish with, because I definitely must be behind a lot of it.
Well, think of, they say don't walk under ladders because it's bad luck.
It was moms being like, bad things are going to happen if you walk under the ladder.
So please don't walk under the ladder.
And in fairness, statistically, bad shit can happen if you walk under a ladder.
There might be paint up there.
Breaking a mirror.
That's dangerous.
You might knock somebody off the ladder.
Yeah, you don't go on the level.
But opening an umbrella inside makes kind of sense in that one, it's like,
kind of dangerous if like somebody's in close proximity too.
If you come in with a wet umbrella, you know, you flick it around all over.
Water getting all over the place.
Water getting all over the place.
Yeah, so, uh, I actually just became 100% unsuperstitious in, in my adulthood.
So I don't care about opening the umbrella.
When did this happen?
I'm not superstitious.
We live on the 13th floor, Hannah.
No, I know.
We got married on Friday of 13th.
We're not superstitious.
But when, when did it happen that you were and then you weren't?
Oh, I don't know.
As I got older and wiser, I just realized that so much of the.
stuff is just absolute nonsense. I feel like with sports I would be very superstitious for some
reason I was like oh no that was bad luck I would do it again and then tell myself I erased it
yeah like when I had a ripper I had a riper I had a riper one time sorry say that again
like I'd say I open an umbrella inside I'd be like oh I have to do it one more time to negate
the last one cancel it out all right interesting so I made my own rules you made your own
like juju your own like yes voodoo kind of cleansing yes yeah in the early part of my
comedy career, I wore this blue hoodie
and I had an absolute
ripper and I wore that
every time. I wore it at every show
until I finally didn't have a good show and then I was like
I guess it wasn't a hoodie. Yeah.
Yeah. So I did have like a lucky hoodie for a period
time. But yeah. I know I think we learned
old wives tales are these moms
that are trying their hardest
to be the best moms ever and their kids are fucking annoying them.
But I think maybe moving forward
we need to establish some sort of
new term like a sort of like a ancient misinformation you know something because i parental gossip
yeah i don't think i don't think it's fair that it's been sort of put on to sort of like old wives
you know the sort of female misinformation i i think it's i think it's there's a sexist
there's a lot of men spreading information yeah there's a there's a sexist element to it all
you know so i think anything to add no i think i just i love the little dialer
so much. They were so good this episode.
Oh my God. We love you guys calling in
so much. It makes our week.
I mean, it's your guys
podcast, too. I mean, you guys are
driving all the conversations.
You know, so thank you so much.
We couldn't be here without you. Thank you, guys.
Isn't it so nice at the end, Chris, that you got to thank you.
That was beautiful. What has been your most
important episode? Literally a co-presenter.
It's beautiful. Thank you for the recognition.
It's appreciated. Oh, that's great.
Okay, awkward. We don't have anything to
promote now. We've done it all. We've done it all.
done it all up top.
Thank you guys for calling in, and we'll talk to you next week.
If you want to know when the next burner phone prompt is, check our Instagrams on Monday night, normally.
And, you know, don't be afraid to make suggestions.
Oh, yeah, DM us.
And don't be afraid to DM with, like, you know, your thoughts about the episode.
Yeah.
You know, stuff like that.
And if it's a, if you really enjoyed the episode, maybe you could put it in a review.
Oh, yeah, you could hit the reviews.
And, I mean, sometimes people do message in on the voice prompt with some follow-up to
previous week. I do notice them sometimes. So don't be afraid to do that. There may be a time
that it goes in. No promises, but that is a way to respond. I was going to say, I definitely
recognize some of the people, like, their voices and stuff. So they should, they should announce
themselves. Yeah, give yourself a nickname. Yeah, that's right. We said that before about getting our
own little whack pack. Yeah. You know, our own little dialer's den. Yeah, if you guys want to say,
hey I'm in some kind of fun nickname
we'll see if it sticks
yeah I'm somebody somebody girl
you know
yeah that's fine
I'm cold ovaries girl
shout out to cold ovaries we love you
I like the way Chris is getting a little stalkery
it's like I know that voice
don't put that on me I don't put stuff like that on you
I remember her baby reindeer
yeah yeah oh this message
I remember this messenger
All right.
Bye.