Berner Phone - Berner Phone #46: Hannah's Next Special

Episode Date: June 23, 2024

Hannah and Des are both in the process of writing a new hour of stand up. The dialers are helping to spark some creativity and inspiration. Are Irish men sexy and what do we think of therapy? And for the first time ever, someone wants Hannah to talk more about tennis. Cut your wireless bill to $15 at mintmobile.com/BERNER FACTORMEALS.com/bern50 for 50% off your first month of meals Murder your thirst at liquiddeath.com/BERN 25% off your first month of Seed’s DS-01® Daily Synbiotic at seed.com/bern with code 25BERN

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. What's up, my little dialers? It is official. We ride at dawn. My debut Netflix special is coming out July 9th. And it's because of you guys.

that it even exists. So now that I'm going to post this hour, I need to come up with a new hour because they consider it burning material once it's on Netflix. I'll play the classic still. Who's they? The comedy gods.

No, yeah, because people want new jokes. It's not a conspiracy. Yeah, they want new jokes. The audience. Yes. The people that pay to see. The people want more, and I will give them more.

And I'm at this place where I'm like about to start writing. And I think creatively, it's an interesting time because sometimes you're like, how, where do I go? What's the next step? And I was like, you know what, my people, I want to hear kind of what throwing some topics around that we can riff off of to get the brain going to see kind of what kind of new bits we could start having fun with.

Yeah, well, I threw it out to you last night about asking the dollars for topics because I didn't want people to think that we're asking the dollars to write material, but we're just thinking, what are some topics you'd like to, You know, hear how to talk about. Now, I had put out the prompt for both of us because we're both writing new material. And I forgot about this.

You put out the prompt for yourself, which is fine. I thought it was about me. It's fine. The majority, you know, listen, the burning in hell crowd, that's your crowd, they've come up with some great suggestions for you. I also think there's some things that I've said in the past that you guys might have connected with that I was like, sometimes you don't know what people are going to really love and connect with. So it's sometimes good to hear that feedback. It's like, you know, we're doing some crowd work here. We're getting some people in the crowd involved.

But it's, you know, at the end of the day, you go through it your day and something comes up and you go, oh, I think there's some material in that. Yeah. And this is basically just, it's just the dialers getting involved. And also, it's a call-in pod. We need to give people stuff to call in about. And I think this is a strong, I think this is a strong topic. Also, like, the times that I come up with my best bits is when I'm just trying to, like, make my friends laugh. so that is kind of the vibe.

And I do want to say that years ago I wanted to do, I was going to do a podcast, which Andrew Schultz kind of tried, but it didn't last, whereas I wanted to get three comics every week. Each of them brought like something they were thinking about as an idea. The three of us workshop it, and then that comic gets to keep it,

and nobody gets dibs on that particular bit. But then each comic selflessly helps the other comic to write material. I was going to call it the writer's room or something like that. So there's an element of the writer's room with this, except the third comic in this situation. The comic that's making a suggestion of what they think is funny is the dialers. And I do love the growth of a joke, like seeing the beginning of where a joke is, and then by the end of it, how much it's evolved and the tags. And when you see some of these incredible jokes, it never started like that.

It started from like a simple premise. So who knows, maybe one of these premises will be on my next special. So, God, there's so many here It's like hard to Let's let's start with that this is an easy one Which I think there might be some material in it for you Or for any comic for that matter If you look at the age gap

Hey Hannah and Des Love you both love the pod And Hannah I am so excited for the Netflix special I am so proud of you I know it's just going to be amazing And I can't wait to see it So what I thought would be a fun fun prompt for new content would be to be like 30 year old you versus 20 year old you like in my 20s

I was a judgmental asshole of people in their 30s I'd be like oh my god they're so single and going to the bar that's embarrassing that's not going to be me I'm going to be married and two and a half kids and white picket fence for the time I'm like 25 and yeah that that did not happen I humbled myself. I am 30, single, live with my cat. So let's discuss the humbling we do to ourselves from 20 to 30. Love you guys. Well, first of all, thank you.

Second of all, that sounds like a fucking peaceful life. Yeah. That sounds amazing. Don't overlap because then it makes it sound like you made a mistake by getting married. No. I did not make a mistake or getting married, but I also can appreciate a life alone with your cat. The good old day is,

No, it's so funny hearing people in their 20s talk about people in their 30s. Like, they really do treat them like you just become geriatric in your 30s when, one, you don't. And two, you just become like a better version of your shitty self and your 20s. Oh, I love my 30s. 30s are a good decade. Yeah. I mean, 30s and early 40s for me were great. So basically, right before you met me.

Well, I just, unfortunately, I've just had to look too many injuries. but that's that's kind of like a that's an anomaly i've been doing voodoo that's an anomaly okay but anyway 20s versus 30s i think is a good area of so it kind of it's kind of like one of those things of looking back where did you think you would be you know and i think there's some good comedy in that yeah well i there is like 22 to 32 what would you think if you can think back to your 22 yourself just leave in college without getting emotional or thinking about anything negative just where your life was at then versus life was at now what are like the funny differences um when i was 22 i i definitely cared more about boys yeah about like a text back

and the strategy behind stuff i i didn't know how to do my makeup i was flailing i was scared i was yeah i mean my 20s like you block out a lot of it i also was like i thought i was a loser because i my career ended and i i i didn't i was trying not to get into it i was trying to avoid that part of i was a fucking i was a fucking intern when i was 22 i was interned yeah but that's normal i know but i just i i went from you know thinking i was the shit to being like i'm a fucking loser with no experience and i don't even know what i want to do But everyone acts like your early 20s is like the most glamorous time. Like you're your hottest and you're like, you're successful.

You're going to be successful. And it's like your brain isn't fully formed yet. Yeah. I mean, what I don't miss about my early 20s was just the incessant need for validation. Mm. You know? And also just, oh, God, just the need to be going out. Yeah.

Staying up late. I'm just not a staying up late guy. Well, yeah. When I finally embrace that that that's not who I. I was. It just made my life so much better. I embraced it pretty early because I used to use sports as an excuse, but like if you say, no, I'm not going out

tonight to your friends in your 20s, they're like, you're missing out on the world. And it's like, I know what's going to happen tonight. Yeah. And also that sense of, you know, being out and feeling like you have to meet somebody, that that's what success of a night out is. I love to go into

a rant of like why I think going out is a scam. A scam. I think going out is a scam. Yeah, right. Because it's, I mean, the real fun of going out is the anticipation of it. They're like getting ready with your friends or like trying to set it up what's going to happen. The actual being out fucking sucks. You can't hear anyone.

You lost the guy. You enjoyed talking to. You have to go to the bathroom, but there's a huge line at the bathroom. Yeah. You lost one of your friends. You're fucking hungry, but you can't leave it. Like, it's everything I'm afraid of in a small place. Yeah, you know, in Ireland years ago, they changed it.

But the licensing laws, if you opened up past 12 o'clock, or maybe it was if you had dancing, you had to provide food. And in the nightclub that I used to go to underage, even though it was an over 18s nightclub, Bogart's nightclub in Wexford. Shut out. When you paid your admission fee,

you got a supper ticket, a little white supper ticket, and then you could get sausages and chips, sausages and French fries, like between like 1230 and 1.30. But then when you leave with a friend's, to get food, it's like, then you got to wait in line for a dollar slice. Yeah, and it's chaos.

And then you're in the Uber with your dollar slice, and then you're getting a bad Uber rating because you spilled the fucking pepperoni on the, without your friend's puking in her purse. Yes. Or you get home and she orders more food, but you both pass out. And then the morning you hate your, it's like, yeah. Yeah, but I mean, I don't know if it's that original to be like partying kind of sucks. But it is funny how in the 30s people at least like acknowledge like, you don't have to do all the time.

Yeah, but the thing is that when you're in your 20s, you don't think partying sucks. This is a hindsight situation, which is, that's where the humor is. Yeah. Because you don't know. You think you know. I mean, I used to, the older comics,

you know, we used to play this soccer game at the Kilkenny, the comedy festival every year in June, and the older comics were really struggling like with their injuries and stuff. And I used to literally think, like, I'm not going to be that guy. Like, and I'm literally recording this

with a knee brace on. Yeah. You know, like, so hindsight is just, is just 20-20. But it's funny to look back on, it's humorous to look at, at the naivety of youth. Yeah. From the benefit of hindsight. And the concept of how like partying ruins lives. What do you mean?

Like how if you go too hard. Oh, and I always had a funny memory of, at my tennis academy, they would tell stories of like kids who were really good and mistakes they made. And my coach when I was 14 was like, you know, this kid was ranked number one. but then he like enjoyed partying too much and I didn't know what that meant and in my head I was like how many birthday parties does this guy get invited to that it affected his career do you want to know what happens when you party too late in your life Justin Timberlake that's what happens all right if I could make it topical Justin Timberlake is what happens when you don't let go you know because you got too much you got too much adult shit going on in your life you can't be drunk and high I'm not saying he was high but he was definitely drunk you know you can't You can't be drunk with your range rover or whatever the fuck you got. Yeah, you can't have adult toys while also... Because when you're fucked up in your 20s, you're just stumbling around.

Your friend throws you into your dirty bedroom and everything's fine. Yeah, but also the weird thing is that the one thing that young people were always wiser about was drunk driving. Like, I feel like the old you get, the more entitled you get to like, I'm fine now. Like as if you're at your aging has made you a better drunk driver. I think when you're younger, it's more talked about. Like if you get in the car, you're going to fucking die immediately. We're like there's some point where you think like, oh, that was a thing of the past. Like no one talks.

That doesn't happen. Even though I do think statistically there's more road deaths for young people drunk driving. So I know this doesn't add up. But basically no one should ever go in a car drunk. Yeah. So that's that's the that's the Justin Timberlake example. But you know, that's what happens when you don't let go. I just did Tom Papa's podcast

and we were talking about like waiting in lines and how like your something happens when you turn 30 where like when you're in your 20s you see a line and you're like oh let's see what that is where your 30s you're like I'm not going near a line. Yeah. Oh like I see a line and I'm like is this Vietnamese

far that much better than the four place down the street because the far place down the street doesn't have a line and I bet you I'm not going to be able to tell a difference okay? Also I know my fa will taste better when I don't have other people breathing down my fucking neck. Yeah, or like feeling stressed because there's like 40 people waiting outside.

Yeah. You know, like is the Katz's Deli fucking Pastrami that much better than the bodega down the street? No, it's good. Don't get me wrong. But it's not a half an hour online good. Was it worth the stress of having to hear another couple's conversation who hates each other behind you the whole time? But, you know, hey, I like going to the places that have lines, but figuring out the time

where there's no line. True, true. And actually, life hack about Katz's Deli. if you happen to live close or you're staying in a hotel close, you can Uber Eats from Katz's Deli. Yep. And save the line. Yep.

Yes. It'll be. Your ride will be a little sagier. And it will be outrageously expensive. It will be insane. But how much is a line, how much is not standing on a line worth? That's the other thing that happens when you get older. You start, there's certain things that just, you are worth the money that seem outlandish when

you're a kid. Whereas when you get older, you're like, I'll pay the extra $20 delivery fee slash whatever all the nonsense goes on Uber Eats, to not stand on the line of Katz's Deli. I also want to talk about, like, as you get older, some people are single, some people are married, but when you're married, how you kind of miss the game playing, like, is he going to text me, is he not? And now it's like, you know, did he put the dishes in the dishwasher or not type stuff? Kind of like, what are the games we play now in our marriage to keep things spicy?

And it's not the traditional stuff, but it's like, did he, I don't know, I have to. think about it. No, that's a good, that's a good premise, though. Yeah. You've already gotten a premise out of it. Yeah. It's a good premise. All right, let's try this. Hi, Hannah and Des, love the pod, love the prompt. So one thing that you could talk about in your stand-up that's universally annoying are the handful of people from your hometown that have just decided that they're going to be gym influencers. And I'm not talking about the people who are positive and lift others up and post-workouts. No, I'm talking about, like, the asshole people from your hometown that just are looking for an excuse to post a picture of themselves flexing so they're going to pretend

that they have like a gym account and they never post anything helpful they're just straight up shitting on you they're like why aren't you addicted to the grind like i am why aren't you lifting weights why aren't you doing this fuck get money like it's so toxic and most of the time it's like men from my hometown that had nothing else going on so they just decided to go all in with this but it's just like hey you have the platform to put positivity out in the world but it's just the picture of you flexing and shitting on me in the captions. So, yeah, I hate that. Thanks.

Two interesting things going on here. She clearly talking about some specific people. And two, she's taking it personally. But, you know, I agree with her. Like, I fucking hate the hustle culture. And I think anyone who talks about hustling is overcompensating for not hustling in some way or they're overcompensating for something else.

It's lacking like, yeah, your muscles look good. but do your kids love you? Yeah, but also, like, what's motivating this? Because, like, there's a certain level of muscular growth that's good. And then beyond that, it's just weird. Yeah, well, that's why I joke, I'm like, unless you're a professional athlete, and I don't need you to have, like, insane, roided up shoulders and stuff like that. But that's another thing.

You know how girls do stuff for girls? Like, you jokes, like, Thigh Gap is for the girls. I was saying to Hannah that at one stage when Bella was 16, I took her out shopping. And she was like, you can't see my thigh gap in these. And I was like, hold on a fucking minute, Bella. The thigh gap, that's not a thing. Yeah. You know, it's like, that's not attractive or unattractive.

It's just fucking bullshit. Girls created it to, I don't know. Some weird competition. There was like a moment in time. Yeah, there was a weird moment in time. With the thigh gap. Ali Wong had an opening bit, yeah, where she's like, then they have a triangle. Girls in their 20s with all their future radiating of potential.

show coming out. But again, the guy with these roided bodies, I'm like, that's for other dudes to be like, bro, that's like, you look good. The size guys. Yeah. I mean, it's body. It's a sizeitis, right?

It is actually a body dysmorphia. But anyway, what I liked about this prompt is, you know, I have real fitness people. I have no problem. But the problem is that anybody can just get an Instagram account, be ripped, and then give off like the most, unscientific, like, nonsensical advice to impressionable people. Yeah.

Right? The other thing that was annoying me recently was, obviously, I googled neck pain. So, by the way, for those that don't know, I got epidural cortisone injection in my spine yesterday because I have a bulged, I have a herniated disc by C5. So anyway, it was causing me tons of problems as I was starting to get active again after, all my ACL crap so anyway um so lately i've obviously been googling neck pain so suddenly my instagram your algorithms absolutely riddled it's over with if you do this once a day for 30 seconds your neck pain will magically disappear and i have no problem with with the exercises i think the

exercise are great my problem is with the promises because the guys that are doing it are always unbelievably ripped yeah they're 25 yeah they're ripped beyond belief and like as i'm watching this guy do his like his arm motion you know up and down around his back and up over his head uh like literally every he's got like 48 muscles muscles i don't have that's literally equivalent to 23 year old girls telling you their skincare routine yeah to have good skin yeah exactly and you're like you're 23 it's called you haven't been in the sun as long as me yeah you've got you've got collagen you haven't aged and you're a little less stressed yeah it's it's also people will take advantage of like it's like life coach situation people who are like I'm injured I'm

freaking out I'm poor I'm freaking out or like I'm depressed I'm freaking out I need a solution so they'll tell you these like quick fixes that are like so scammy and hacky do this once a day and your back pain will magically disappear yeah are you doing are are you doing hip flexion stretches wrong yeah you have to strengthen them that's my that's all my TikTok and I do have there is going back to the previous one like the 20s and 30s my algorithm never showed me like how to open up your hips to release trauma because yeah your 20s release trauma oh that's what I get how to open up your hip to release trauma how to you know lower back pain what stretches to do for lower back pain I get a lot of them but honestly I have no problem

with the stretches I actually don't think a lot of these people are giving misinformation yeah I just think they're giving they're overpromising oh for sure and I also think that it's click baity yeah but I also think that they haven't and that's problematic a lot of the Yeah. You know, it's not going to be that quick. Because there's always people in the comments being like, I tried to do that and I've been in a wheelchair for three weeks. Oh, God.

You know, like, there's always like people like, how did you do that? If I do that, I won't be able to get out of my chair. I do want to do a bit about the whole like releasing trauma in your hips. And I want to also do a bit about how my therapist told me that, um, I have to process my emotions and how I have no idea what that means. Okay.

Well, then let's just do this quick just because you mentioned that. Hey, Hannah and Des. love you both. As a therapist, I personally find it hysterical when you talk about therapy, your experiences or other people's experiences or your outlook on it in general. So we'd love to keep that coming. Can't wait to see you both this fall slash winter in SF. What do you think when your therapist says you need to process that emotion?

Well, I'm literally like, wait, so like, I don't know. literally don't even know where to begin with how to process an emotion. I'm like, why do what, how are you not born knowing how to process an emotion? That sounds like something that I think that you are. I think that what happens is we have, we get, we learn the ability to avoid them. To avoid them. To deny them. Yeah. And that's where the trauma builds up in your hips. It all goes to my hips. But then when I, I feel emotion, then people call me crazy. No, that's when you act out on your emotion. Oh, so you have to, you have to feel it, but don't show other people when you feel it.

No, no, excuse me. Don't do it in public places. No, you, don't do it on TV. You have to feel it and learn how to act. Look at you pretending like you know how to process an emotion. So my therapist was making me laugh. By the way, I do know how to process emotions. There's just certain ones that annoy me.

Yes, yes. There's certain ones that I'm not going to. great at dealing with certain ones you're better at yeah like you know road infractions stuff like that i'm not great at dealing with them like in a rational way oh you mean incidents on the road yeah i i also i was talking my therapist about how like i get tired sometimes i don't want to go to therapy because i've been like talking all day and i don't want to talk more and she's like well why do you feel the need to perform and i was like i mean i just want to make sure it's productive and she was like what would happen if you weren't my my funniest

best stories charismatic client of the day and I was like you just consider and then I was like well that would be fucking boring and I was like that's the only joy I get in life is making people laugh so where do we go from here and we just were kind of looking at each other and I was like well thank you for the compliment yeah I have actually I've been called out numerous therapy sessions and including some group they get mad if you make them laugh well no but i've been called out in group therapy sessions for performing and not just trying to make people laugh but also like being afraid to not be oh yeah vulnerable yeah or perfect that day you know because like sometimes you can get into this place where you're sort of like like to give the

impression that like you're on top of things but then sometimes it's like you're not and you're afraid to like let people know you don't want to like let the guard down and i've been called out before because that is a little bit of the performer's dilemma with the therapy right it's like when do you stop performing yeah because you're also like being yourself page and i joke though we go into therapy and we get nervous if we don't have enough stuff to talk about so we'll come up with problems yeah yeah so we'll be like uh you know actually i am kind of annoyed that my mom did this or whatever yeah you just have to have i guess you have to have a good therapist that like gives you good material to joke about when you're off stage.

Well, also my therapist, if she didn't laugh, I would stop joking. Like, it's like... Oh, it's the therapist's fault? Yeah, it's like a dog. You're projecting. Because if she didn't laugh, I would eventually stop. I think it's like she has to train me like a dog. I got to think back to the years that I was doing therapy more often to like think of...

I mean, I've shared a couple of the crazy stories of like things that therapist have said to me. But I remember what? This is not funny, but I'll just share it anyway. you know because like I'm a recovery guy right so I've been clean and sober for so long but at one stage I mentioned something about the 12 steps and he was like that's the toxic shame-filled language of the 12 steps and I was like oh shit this motherfucker's coming to a-a right here who you know therapists you know therapists can say interesting stuff well this is the thing therapists are biased because they're human so they're still projecting their own experiences onto you that yeah I'll tell you why I can't be a therapist

Because I would basically spend half of every session being like, what did I tell you? What did I tell you last week? Didn't I fucking tell you not to fucking call that guy? What did I tell you? I'll tell you what. This therapy will work a lot better when you fucking listen to me. So that's why I can't be a therapist. I want you to like become that therapist that like all the parents who want their kids who they think are too soft to do some old school.

Oh yeah. I could be, yeah, but that's like sending them to, like, fucking some sort of camp. Yeah. You know? Maybe you could be the camp counselor of the school of hard, hard knocks. No, but like, if their kid is too soft, it's like, well, whose fault is that? Send me the fucking parents. Send me the fucking parents.

Be like, oh, your kid's too soft. Was it, was it a fucking timeout or a slap? Yeah. We know what it was. I'm joking. This is a joke, by the way. This is a comedy podcast. It's a comedy podcast.

No, I've got no problem with timeouts, but, but I, but, but I, but, but, I, but, but, But I do think that, you know, there will be a shift. You know, when we discover that it's not just social media that's led to a lack of resilience in young people, which it is becoming a talking point. And I don't mean this is like a boomer humor way. But I think, you know, throughout every generation tries different things. It's trial and error. Yeah.

Human evolution is trial and error. There is something funny about how, like, nowadays, it's like if you don't have a therapist, you're not doing it. Right. The therapy is so accepted. But people just put this blanket, like, get a therapist. when actually it's very complicated to find the right one you get in these weird situations and like sometimes the therapy could stress you out like I'm like do I need a therapist for

therapy yeah I feel it's I honestly I feel like you need like you need like a therapist and then you need like like a judge or like a like an adjudicator that like calls out either the therapist or the therapy by being like you're you're full of shit you were getting into something there and you've you've walked away from it which is kind of the therapist job but they You might not notice. My therapist is good at that. She'll be like, what were you about to say?

Yeah. And then. But I say V-D. The therapist also, the therapist also needs like an adjudicator to be like, hey, you're just fucking time wasting here. What is that? You're getting paid. What is that word you're saying?

I made it up. Therapy. Like, in other words, the client. Adjudicator. Oh, you know, like, essentially like a referee. An educator? No, an adjudicator. I've never heard that.

Okay. Well, it's a word. It sounds like something you put up your pussy to like. You've never heard the word to adjudicate something? you can adjudicate me whenever you want baby okay so anyway I sometimes the therapist can like not guide you enough to get to the point because I think some of them just like think hey 40 minute session one hour session yeah you know like sometimes the therapist need to be a bit more assertive my therapist told me once she was like we're not going to have like a breakthrough every time it's more about the like overall journey and I was like okay well this is expensive so some journeys are longer than others all right let's turn on let's turn on ways and find the fastest way to get to my spiritual healing okay my favorite spring cleaning takeaway is the post clean clarity you get it's so true like how have i been living like this and it's kind of like

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Doesn't take sides, but it's an issue in America. Okay, so I know you guys probably want to stay out of politics, which is probably a smart move. But I feel like one thing the vast majority of Americans can agree with is no matter whether or not you're a Republican or Democrat is the fact that being 80 years old is just way too old to be president. And we definitely need some laws to ensure that, I don't know, senior citizens who should be playing shuffleboard aren't able to get into the highest office in the country just a general thought but um yeah i feel like there's some great jokes to be made there and i feel like it's kind of hitting on the sentiment of the nation without necessarily getting too deep into politics and you know going more from one side versus the other but yeah now i'm just kind of rambling to fill

the time but love you guys this pod is one of my favorites you guys are crushing the game love you guys I don't know why I just did the kiss I love you guys kiss you back with tongue we love you so much it's funny because I just wrote was writing a bit about the Supreme

Court because like I don't understand the Supreme Court and like how why would anyone want a job their whole life A like that sounds exhausting also like there is something funny about like yeah these people like don't even know how to send a text message but they're like planning the people's

I mean I don't even know what the Supreme Court does well I mean you do know what the Supreme Court. Yeah, but like I'm saying these people, the fact that you can have the job until your deathbed is, they wouldn't even do that for like a Walgreens employee. Yeah, I mean, I agree.

I mean, we were talking about presence, but in relation to the Supreme Court, I do think lifetime. If you don't know how to attach a PDF, you should not be able to veto a law. Yeah, I mean, I think there's elements of ageism here, which is fine, but ageism aside, I think that it's been unfortunate

that my generation, by the way, been completely looked over for the presidency. The older cohort of my generation, Generation X, are heading towards 60 years old and they haven't had a whiff of the presidency. Obama was a late boomer. And Biden is fucking not even a boomer. He's the, whatever they call the generation before boomers.

Why did your generation get skipped? Because we haven't got elected yet. It went from George W. Bush to Obama, late boomer, and then it went to fucking Trump, who's either an early boomer or also not even older than a boomer, and Biden, who's absolutely not a boomer. He's older than a boomer. So we've been stuck in like boomers slash before boomers forever, well, you know, for as long as they've been president and no Gen X, which is, that was the next, you know, evolution of

the presidency should have been Gen X, really. we should just go, Gen Z. Well, they haven't run. I think, isn't there an age limit of 35, though, isn't there? Yeah, there's definitely a minimum. But there's a minimum, but there's no maximum. Now, I understand that there's ageism here, right? But it's clearly not working out in the current situation.

Yeah, it's also, there has to be some kind of comparisons. Like, if you can't drive a car, you shouldn't be able to drive the country. Yeah, and this isn't about ripping on Biden or ripping on Trump. It's not about that. But it's just an unfortunate situation that we don't even have the option. So you can say this is ageism, but actually we don't have the option to vote for anybody under 80 years old. That's insane.

And it's not even ageism. Like it's really just there has to be more qualifications of like your decision making skills at a certain age. You know, as I said in the joke that I posted online, it's crazy that our old 350 or something million people in the United States, the most powerful country in the world, the most influential country in the world, you're going to argue all you want about America being good or bad, but it's the most powerful and most influential. And our two options are this, you know, two aged men who, you know, for various reasons, have to have their issues. It's bonkers to

me. It's absolutely bonkers, especially where social media is one of the most powerful forces in our society technology in general and how can these men can't have as good an understanding or appreciation of how that works as younger generations so it is fucking bonkers to me well is it because of the gatekeepers that get you to that point of presidency also have our old I mean you can get into many many reasons but you know Obama was young when he was elected yeah Obama was you know and Clinton was young when he was elected so it's not like younger guys can't get elected it's just crazy at this time by the way in my in my lifetime this is the most consequential time to be present like things are just a lot less uh calm than they used to be uh so the

fact that these are our options listen man i my politics are pretty obvious the dinosaurs were pretty dramatic that was pretty chaotic yeah that was that was in a government time that was when you were growing up come on so but anyway uh I'm not picking sides here because I think most people probably would get a whiff of my politics if they pay attention to me. But I just think it's unfortunate that I can't, one of the candidates that I would be more inclined towards, I can't watch him at a fear of it going horribly wrong while he's talking. That shouldn't be the case. It's like every time your grandpa starts to make a toast and you're just like, uh-oh.

And that goes for both of them. No, I know. Yeah, I'm saying. any man over 75 right now has no idea how to talk to anyone below 40 yeah that's a lot of the country you know that's a lot of the country but anyway uh whether we i did do one joke on that that that you can look up online about the fact that basically our our our two options are two different versions of gone off milk like that that was my that was my joke but what one is one is one is yeah yeah i'm not going to get into i'm not going to take any state

We're politically atheist on this podcast. But I think it's universally agreed that the options are not ideal at the moment. Even though, even if you love one or the other, it's still like, it's still not ideal, in my opinion. Okay. I want to play this because I think it's kind of funny because there's some funny things about this. I love Giggly Squad, love burner phone. I feel like Hannah needs, the other day she posted her and Des playing tennis together. Well, really, it was just like Dez feeding her balls, not his tennis balls, and her, like, hitting them.

And I just thought it was so funny. Des was always just like, good, nice. It just reminded me of my dad when we would play tennis together. And I know, because I'm a, you know, fellow tennis. Scurley and then Hannah's dad too being like her coach like there's definitely some like daddy issues there and also like does with his like just constantly being hurt like constantly being sick and like Hannah not know how to how to deal with it I really can relate to and also Hannah just like goaded when she married a guy whose mother is dead but I love you guys so much

bye I love how that went off the rails yeah the sick part Where does that come from? I'm not constantly sick. You're the sick one. No, she meant like injured. Yeah, injured, yes. Anyway, the reason why I think this is so funny is because, well, first of all, I was making a joke about the good.

And the idea was that I was waiting for you to make a bad shot so I could contrast it with ridiculously bad. It just, even though we'd been doing it for ages and you were making loads of mistakes, unfortunately, while you were recording that bit, you didn't make any mistakes. So it took ages to get to the punchline of me saying absolutely terrible. Babe, I was not making a ton of mistakes ever. I've never made a mistake of my life. You know what I mean, though.

So actually, when you posted that video, I was like, why did you post that one? It took ages for you to actually make a bad shot that I could say absolutely terrible, which was the joke. To be honest, I actually posted it without hearing the audio. Yeah, so it took a long time to get to the punchline. But anyway, the punchline for me from this prompt is she did not realize that it was a ball machine that was feeding you. I was just sitting there. he literally was just judging i was just i was just sitting there like waiting to brush the court yes so anyway i have said to you numerous times that i think you need to at least attempt

without getting emotional to delve into your tennis life now i know you get you know over the years people in the comments and the reviews me all talks about tennis which of course is an exaggeration it's not true you know people always in the comments with me is people my joke was So people would always be like, is he still doing the whole American living in Ireland thing? It's like, oh, you mean, am I still being myself? Yeah, people are like, I hate that she's like from Brooklyn and talks about that, that she plays tennis and I'm like, that she went to Wisconsin. And I'm like, sorry, that's my life. That's all I have.

That's all I have. That's all I have. That's all I ever did. Yeah. So anyway. And she's have Italian. It's like, we get it. You're you. We get it.

Sorry. Like, how much, you know, yeah, I was literally doing, I don't know, I might have talked about this before, but like, I was literally doing jokes in Mandarin. And I would get comments being like, Is he still going on about the immersion? Is he, you know, like Irish people? Is he still doing fucking Irish jokes? Is he? It's like, bro, I'm in China talking in Mandarin.

It's great. So anyway, but so all that aside, because I know that's what, you know, every comedian has like the troll go-toes. And one of them for you is, is she still talking about tennis, right? So, but that aside, you've never actually spoken about tennis in your stand-up.

No. I did have to start putting this joke where I'm like, you know, I actually was a tennis player. I wanted to win Wimbledon, but things went awry, and now I'm here, and that always gets a laugh. Yes, that's the beginning. And that's literally the open the door, got to walk in. The tip of the iceberg. This is my thing with coming up.

I feel like some comics can make anything funny where, like, they don't care if the audience cares. They'll just talk about their own interests and, like, make it funny. Where I like to show up and be like, I'm going to give a speech talking about things that's going to pump people up. or make them feel connected or change your perspective on things like I'm very aware of like are y'all having fun are you guys in on this with me

so I always got scared that tennis wasn't relatable enough but I think what's relatable about tennis is like wanting to be successful so your parents like you more putting stupid pressure on yourself as a kid because you think your whole life depends on something

yeah but also every situation has funny stories it doesn't funny stories aren't like people have funny stories about things that aren't relatable. The story is just funny. So you just have to allow, you have to allow yourself to go back into the memory bank of funniness about this huge aspect of your life. Yeah, I mean, I did concuss myself in a hotel room in college during a tournament and I was, had to withdraw because I jumped into a wall. You jumped into a wall?

You know this story. I don't. We showed up at like 10 p.m. at Ohio State and we hit some balls like late and I was like chugging gatorade and then elaine and i got our room in the hotel next day we're playing our matches but at four i woke about like three a m having to pee which i never do and i don't know the lay out of these hotels it's pitch black i'm not turning the light on i want to wake her up and i go and i pee and as i'm coming back i decide to jump into bed like i don't know what came over me i'm like i'm going to jump into bed and i jump and just hit the corner of the wall and knock myself out my nose is bleeding i'm apparently walking up and down the halls looking for ice i'm moaning and i wake up in the morning my face i look like got

the like elana elana's an abuser so then i like sent a pull it in my coach and i was like elena and i got a fight and he didn't think it was funny and then they were like we think you're concussed the only funny thing about it was that like football players have concussion tests where they like test them based on what they were before but tennis players never get concussed so they had they just had me do these questionnaires like are you like feeling tired do you feel annoyed are you feeling like anxious and I'm like this is how I feel every fucking day so like we never knew when the concussion really ended or not they just be like do you still feel like shit and I'm like yeah but I've been feeling like shit um how did they test football players for concussions it's like are you

dumber than you were yesterday like how what's what's the bar oh my god i mean i'm the the whole kind of athletes in college how different they were that is funny to me like the track people versus the football yeah that is funny yeah like the track guys were the wrestling guys that was hilarious soccer girls um but yeah i feel like it has to connect to you yeah well you find it you may and you may not but the call has come in for you to for you to try so um and we had new by the way we had a lot of people a lot of messages about i'm going to go through all of them regardless for inspiration yeah highly should talk about tennis more so i went podcasting in l.a and everyone was like holding these beers and i'm like

it's 9 a.m what are we doing they really look like tall boys and then i realized it's called liquid death and I'm like okay what kind of concoction are you guys drinking and then I realized it looks like beer or energy drink but it's not it's actually a healthy beverage brand that makes mountain spring water low sugar sodas and low sugar iced teas too I'm a huge fan of the ice teas and I love cracking open of fresh water and it just looks cool and it feels fun and it's just a vibe and I do like water in a can it just feels like fresh it feels like I'm being naughty. I don't know. I'm obsessed with it. And I love their sense of humor for the brand. They said, because liquid death will brutally murder your taste butts.

They have infinitely recyclable cans that help to bring death to single-use plastic bottles. I respect it. So they look tough, but they're also helping the environment. They donate a portion of profits from every can sold to help kill plastic pollution. So I also love their celebrity collabs. They had one with Travis Barker and Martha Stewart, which is iconic. So you can get free shipping of Liquid Death's mountain water, flavored sparkling, and iced tea eight packs with Amazon Prime, which is so fast and easy. Or grab a can or case at your local 7-11 Target Walmart Whole Foods or Instacart. Go to LiquidDeath.com slash burn, B-E-R-N, to check out all their healthy, infinitely recyclable beverages, and find your closest retailer. That's LiquidDeft.com slash burn.

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With clinical trials and breakthrough research published by top scientific journals, seeds probiotic research and development make DSO-1 a product you can trust, benefiting digestion, immune system, hard health. Probiotics and prebiotics work best when used consistently like our other routine health habits. So I like to do it every morning while I have my matcha or an ice coffee when I'm feeling crazy. So get in your daily walk, eat fruits and veggies, and seed subscription service easily builds DSO-1 into your routine. Support your gut this summer with seeds DSO-1 daily symbiotic. Go to seed.com slash burn, B-E-R-N, and use code 25 burn to get 25% for your first month. That's 25% off your first month of seeds DSO-1 daily symbiotic at C-D-com slash burn, code 25-B-E-R-N. The makers of bubbly have a new sparkling water, Bubly Burst.

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I'm constantly talking so I need a drink. that keeps me refreshed and ready to annoy everyone around me. Bubbly burst is my new go-to. My dad came to my apartment last week, actually, and drank all of them, so I need to get more. Each sip adds a burst of fun to your day. It's bursting with fruit flavor, no added sugar, and all smiles. This one is relevant to you and to me. So thanks to the likes of Paul Meskell, Hosier, and Nile Horan, I think there's a misconception

out there that Irish men are very sexy. Um, I mean, I live in New York and there's loads of American girls and they're all like, I'm ready to meet my Irish woodland husband. Um, but then in reality, most Irish men are just like the J-Wunners, you know, dreadful sunburn, dreadful air cuts, loves crisps, that kind of thing. Like, like chips. Crisper potato chips, yeah. I mean look I fucking love Irish men I've loved Irish men since I was born

my first crush was Irish American Irish but the thing is that like the Paul Meskell thing it's like because he's playing all the he's playing these characters of like this really understanding yes you know so it's giving these

impression that all these Irish guys are like these sweet romantic and like naturally good looking and like just naturally stylish that is not the norm by the way I'm not saying Irish guys aren't sexy Yeah. So this is the, this was one of our first podcast we ever did, which was one of the funniest things was I was watching normal people. Yes. And this is where it started. Yeah, because I was like, well, hosier too. You know, hose is the real thoughtful. Yeah. And I was like, the confusing thing to me was how like she left and he didn't follow her. Like, why didn't he just ask her or something? And you were like, see, the Irish guys were like, that was good communication. Yeah. That was the joke we had. Yeah, but that wasn't on this part. That was on the Desbishop podcast. Yeah. So. Yeah. So. So, but the thing is that he, it is really false advertising.

And that's not to say that Irish guys aren't sexy, but this current trend, because you got Killian, right, you get, Killian, who's like the, the soft-spoken. Yeah, thoughtful. No, but also just like hates celebrity and hates, like, awkward, doesn't suffer fools, you know. So would you argue Barry Keogheng's actually more accurate? Well, Barry Keogun is, is not that he's believing the hype. I don't want to sound negative, but like, he's really bored into the Hollywood. It took. Barry Kjogan is the Colin Farrell.

Colin Farrell went for it. Yeah. But Colin Farrell looked Hollywood, too. Like he had the look. Yeah. Kjogan's got something, obviously. Hogan's got some swag. Yeah, and he's a great actor.

And he's a unique story. He's got a great story. Large penis. You know, but he's got a great story. Yes. Oh, my God. Yeah. But yes, I agree with this guy.

Now, I'd say they got the prompt off my side, right? But I do think that when I go back to Ireland, there may be a thing. thing. For me, this might be good when I go back to Ireland to be like, what the fuck is going on? I've had to start putting on an Irish accent back in the States. They're basically making them like lover boys, like these romantic, like ready to find romance. But here's the problem is all these American girls are going to meet these Irish guys

and think they're getting Paul Meskel. And like they're going to get like bog hoppers that are like so a J1 is the student visa, right? So they're over for the summer. Uh-huh. You know? And like they're going to have fucking salt and onion or cheese and onion potato chip breath you know funny hairdoes you know freckles clothes just like they love wearing this the soccer

pants that are a little too tight that's the o'neill's man but they're they're they're in fashion a paul mescal's they have to make in the o'neill's fashion yeah yeah you know and then the thing about the irish guys is they're very charming but it stops right there i did have a but babe charm goes a long way yeah but hannah every american woman that we have met that said they're with an irish guy all say the same thing. I was like, is he difficult with the communication and the emotion? And I'm like, yeah, is that an Irish thing? Be like, he's great, except the whole loving me part.

Yeah, the first two weeks was amazing. And then, I don't know. It's iced me out. It's a brick walling up, but he's still funny. I had a tweet, like, during COVID, I guess when I was into the whole Palmez Cold Time, where I said how like an Irish accent, an English accent, an Australian accent adds two inches to a guy's height interesting um and some people agreed some people disagreed but i i agreed people generally like the the irish accent i feel yeah so anyway that was a that was a fun one for me um i think

i'm definitely going to be able to get some material about that like i feel that those jokes are really for irish people to because you have to understand the truth yeah you know because like americans don't even know what crisps are americans don't know about tato and monster munch yeah like these fucking, I hate Irish crisps, by the way. I was fucking tormented. I was in boarding. They stink. They smell.

Have you done a bit about it? They're pungent in Ireland, yeah. They're very pungent. But where am I hate? It's like, are you trying to trap cats? Why? That's an issue we're dealing with at the moment. So, in boarding school, we used to have to share the desk.

It was so old school that it was two guys to a bench. And the desks used to open up so you could put your books inside the top of the desk. so very out of like the 1960s boarding school like heaven help us of these movies like if there was a bomb threat you go under the desk yeah but this was two guys together yeah so you'd share the desk and like literally you could feel the vibration of somebody's fart

you wouldn't just hear the fart you could feel the vibrate boarding school was disgusting right to add to the disgustingness of boarding school I won't mention his name but my deskmate fucking loved monster munch and meanies meanies especially Irish people know I'm talking about Americans don't but they fucking stink I mean like absolutely stink right and he was a smoker too

so at the break of study he would go out he'd fucking smoke you know they'd be worried about getting caught so they would like hide the cigarette inside the sleeve of their sweater so they would stink of cigarettes coming back to fucking study I'd be stuck next to him and then he would open up his fucking desk and hidden inside was fucking meanies

right so then he'd fucking eat meanies which would stink and then his fucking fingers would be covered in the fucking oil and fucking salt and crumbs of his fucking meanies and then I could see like the oil stains

on his fucking homework and it was disgusting so that's what you're dealing with you're not getting fucking Paul Mesco anyway I just wanted to give a sense of where this guy might be coming and this is not a criticism

of Irish people are you okay take a breather take a breather is that something I'm not that passionate about it I'm not that of passion with you that's how I get out of a lot of my jokes I don't really

care though that's a recurring punchline i don't really care after i've gotten absolutely mental on stage but yeah it's not a big deal you have a hernia you go but it's not a big deal it's like a i mean i literally have an aneurism actually this is advice that i always give but this woman is kind of coming for my advice hey hannah so i think you should talk about how we need to stop offering up a coffee shop as a first date because I don't want to be clenching my butthole or having to put my pants on a first date. I just left this in because I always think that a coffee shop is a good first date because it's like low pressure.

But the issue is that you're not fucking after it. But that's the whole point. A coffee date means let's get to know each other and get in and get out. You can be like, oh, I have a meeting. I got to go. It's the middle of the day where a night date is more pressure to be like, are we fucking? But the problem is that I get it Because you drink your coffee, then you need to poop

So you don't want to poop on your date Well, yeah, if you ever go, let me go to the bathroom They're like, are you going to have your morning poop? No, but like, yeah, and it's also like if you're gone for more than two minutes Like you're getting paranoid. Oh my God. So I think I have to do more like bathroom etiquette bits Because there's so many things the girls do in the bathroom

Because like girls still in the bathroom Are trying to be girls So like you'll flush if you feel like You're going to have like a noisy poop Or like, there's all these, like, little things that I feel like men wouldn't do in the bathroom. Well, I don't know, man. A quiet bathroom for me is uncomfortable.

Like, if I'm in the stall and somebody walks into the bathroom and I, you know, I rip up, you know, a fart comes out because I'm, you know, that's what you're doing. Like, I actually, I'm like, oh, my God. You say, excuse me? No, but it's just so bad.

You know, I don't want them to hear it. Yeah. Well, yeah, because then you're Mr. fart face for the rest of the day. Yeah, what can you do? You have to wait for them to fucking leave. Yep. But then sometimes they wait.

you know Yeah You know Or sometimes people To make a cup Anyway I don't want to get too Into the bathroom humor of it all But

But I you know I do understand that paranoia But I do want to point out That why One of the reasons why I like this person's message Was because I think it should be illegal

For a coffee shop That you can sit in To not have a bathroom Like how can you provide What kind of torture chamber How can you provide the laxative Without having the you know Yes

The bathroom. And I think laxatives, oh, lactates should be available in more places. Like, even just charge a dollar for a lactate. Yeah, because people always talk about tampon should be free and condoms should be free. They don't talk about lactates. So I think I like this one. Hi, Hannah andaz. So a topic that I think would be funny to make fun of, and that would be great during a special.

It would be the difference between city living and suburban lifestyle. And the reasoning why is because I have a house right now, I'm moving to a city. I've gotten so tired of living in a house because who wants to deal with the shit that comes with homeowning? Something breaks. It's my fault. It's not my landlords. I have to trim hedges.

I have to pull weeds. I need to keep up with appearances. And I don't want that for myself. Like I don't want to be more for the house that I'm living in versus when you're living in a city, you walk outside, you smell the pollution, there's, the world there's just life to be lived i can walk two minutes down to a bodega versus driving 10 minutes to i don't know legman's so think about it let me know what you think love you bye we talk about like car culture versus city culture a lot yeah but i think home ownership is

overrated that's all i can say it's a dream that we all have but once you have it you realize oh fuck man there's really a lot of admin with home ownership well things overrated yeah getting a job overrated yeah but you know homeownership like people are always like oh the maintenance on that apartment is so much it's like add up all the shit in your fucking home ownership life throughout the year won't be that far

off the maintenance payment you know maintenance payment because I've done both I've got a co-op and I've had houses and houses are a pain in the ass yeah you never realize how not handy you are until you have a house and you're just like how did anyone ever

do anything yeah I mean listen the one thing you fucked up on, which is advice that all young women should have, is marry a guy that's handy. The thing is, I didn't have a handy person in my family, so, like, what you were doing was pretty, like, on par with what I was familiar with.

That level. That level, yeah. Yeah. I mean, the good news for me, the good news for me is that- Uncle Robbie would come over and fix everything. Yeah, my Uncle Jack would fix it. You know?

But the handy thing for me is that you're so impressed. with like basic admin that like one time the our bathroom here in this apartment even though we actually have hand him in here our bathroom we I needed to change like the I don't know the stopper thing in the toilet so it so the water wouldn't keep leaking out when you flush I don't even know what's called and I just bought off Amazon for like 10 bucks it's literally like a chain you connected into the thing and uh you were like wow babe Wow, that's amazing. Or like I WD-40ed the fucking door

because it was starting to squeak and you're like, wow, babe. See, because like if a door starts like doing that, I'm like, I think we need a new house. I think we start over. Like fixing anything is very impressive to me. It brings me huge anxiety. But I've gotten a little bit better at certain things.

But like here's the reality. Every IKEA bit of furniture we've built. We've built plenty of it and it's all been fine, but it's never been totally level. Like everything's always just been a touch off. like we had in the house in the hamptons sounds fancy but we had a lounge chair that I put together where the the leg at the bottom of one of them I put on the wrong way and I never changed we just lived with this awkward facing leg because it was fine well I had a bit for a while

where I was saying like first dates shouldn't be just you know at a restaurant first date should be like go to IKEA pick a complicated couch hide a nail see if no one gets hit by a two by four and like that's your man that's because we did that because you moved in pretty quick and then you were trying to do it together we bought a king instead of a queen and uh we did it we did it and actually that bed was built perfectly which gave a false impression of our of everything i think i think it was false advertising i think you were like this is the guy for me you didn't realize that we got lucky even a blind squirrel finds a nut yeah we got lucky because every other thing,

like every pantry thing I bought or that the armoire that I bought, they've all been assembled, but they've all been like slightly off. Even a broken clock gets the time right twice a day. Yes. So anyway, but I have gotten a touch handier only because I married the least handy person on the planet.

But it's still not my strong point. You know? So anyway, home ownership is overrated. That's really what I, The suburban versus city life, you know, I can see the pros and cons of both, but home ownership for everybody out there, I get it, it's a dream, and when you realize it, it'll be great, but just realize that there will be times where you wish you didn't buy the fucking house. Like, there will be certain huge disasters that happen that take a lot of money and a lot of stress and a lot of time to resolve, and you will be like, this fucking sucks. So just keep that in mind. Let's go for one or two more.

Speaking of home ownership, this is kind of funny. Hey, Hannah and Des, I'm a huge fan. I've been a giggler for a while and also listen to Burn a phone. And I also play tennis, which I think Hannah, you and I should play together. But I think one thing that people don't talk about, especially when they're moving by themselves and they don't use movers, is how frustrating it is to pack hangers. I am currently in the process of moving, and there's, so fragile that they'll break so you can't stuff it with any other stuff in your car but you also

need hangers to hang your clothes once you get to your new new place it's just i feel like screaming every time i have to pack these stupid hangars but they're so important anyway just wanted to share that thank you so much love you guys bye hangers is the ultimate adulting moment when she said this I was like, nobody talks about this. And if people haven't had, because when you're young, hangers just exist. Yeah,

they're just there. You didn't realize that your parents provided those hangers. Or like over time, they built up. When someone asked me like, oh, what kind of hangers do you want?

I'm like, there's different kinds of hangar. Like, I didn't know that people made these decisions. Well, Life hack, man, I really like those felt,

those felt words. Yeah, makes you feel fancy. Yeah, but you get them on Amazon and they're very practical. They don't break when you,

when you travel. like she's saying and they're not kind of like you know the way like if you if you if you you know I don't just throw out a lot of closer you're left with like five or six like plastic hangers and they're fucking banging off each other but anyway it is the ultimate adulting moment because you realize oh shit I have to buy the hangers yeah you know so keep that in mind folks yeah as you get older you're the hanger guy yeah but buy the felt ones by the felt ones all right this is for you Hannah. Thank you. This is very much for you. Hi, Hannah and Des. I think that something that needs to be discussed is the conundrum that women face on a daily basis. Of the order of operations,

we have to do things when it comes to beauty, applying products. Like, for example, if I want a fake tan on a Thursday, so I look good for the weekend, and if I don't shave my legs or if I need to shave my legs on Saturday. Well, too bad. Then I'm scraping off all the fake tan that I so meticulously applied. Um, so I think discussing that and all of our trials and tribulations with hair, lashes, everything would be something to dive into. That's really good. It's reminded me of something where I was talking about how like guys say that like we're lying when sometimes when we wear makeup, like we're tricky. them like don't lie like be honest but then they want us to lie and say we don't poop or fart

so it's like pick a pick a side what a lot of guys will be like don't tell me you fart like girls don't fart girls don't poop really yes you sure that's women just don't want men thinking that that's the case babe have you spoken to a man recently yeah i i've never spoken to a man that gets upset about women farting have you not seen any of my man on the street interviews it's literally me being like our girls allowed to fart and they're like girls don't fart well that's because that's the joke right that's the joke i say it's a joke men cry like women fart like you they cry but you don't see it yeah but the there is a thing where men are like girls really will lie and pretend like they don't ever poop or fart around the guy but then the guy's

like but if you were i don't know i'm trying to find something there no i get it but i i i'm curious like do women think that men actually, like, are disgusted by women fart? Yeah. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. So, like, I mean, there's- Clearly, that's not the case for me.

Page literally said- Your own parents were disgusted by you the other day. Okay, we don't have to bring that up. Paige's mom said she's never farted in front of her dad. Really? Like, and there's a lot of relationships like that. Really? Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Maybe I should have put the foot down early. I just wouldn't have worked out. We wouldn't have worked out. We know. This is the rare relationship. relationship where the woman is more flagellant than the man.

Okay, you don't have to expose me to everyone. Hadda, we, you've brought this up so many times. Also, you are very flagellant. You literally said the best thing that happened to our relationship was me getting long COVID because I don't smell your farts. Yeah, because I do have smelly farts, especially when I'm stressed out because I have a lot trauma store to my hips. I understand.

But you don't release your hip trauma with flagellants. No, maybe you do. You need to do 90 and 90s. But is there anything else with the... I mean, listen, women dealing with their hair is ridiculous admit. Yeah, the timing of it all. And then also, some girls, they, like, have a thing with washing their hair and went to put the dry shampoo and went to get the blow out.

And, like, it's like cooking a, like, 10-course meal that it all has to be right by the end of the night to where you have to go. It's very difficult. and I don't really subscribe to a lot of it. Yeah, and the problem is that it's leaking over to men now. Now it's expected of men to be doing all this hair shit. You know, I don't know if that's a positive evolution or if it's like some sort of revenge that has come from women.

But, you know, the drive towards hairlessness to me is a very strange. It's a very strange evolution. I feel like hair should eventually start coming back. Like, we've been hairless for a long time. Yeah. I just, I don't know, man. I'm very anti the eradicated. of hair in general you know so that's it huh yeah i mean we have a lot Hannah has to fly to

LA and she's leaving to fly to LA in an hour in an hour to do press for the Netflix special and now I have a lot of good things to to work on to think about and I'm going to go through more your messages because this was fucking fun and you're going to know you're going to know the pressure the special is going to come out and you're going to be at a show and you're going to do a bit from the Netflix special they're going to be like heard it boom boom Oh, material. Is she still doing the fucking quefe joke? No, the quefe joke is going to stay with me forever.

I love you guys so much. Sometimes people would say, is he still doing the immersion joke? And I'd be like, no, you've been watching the same DVD. It's from 2003. Sorry, the clips. The clip went viral. Keep watching Rocky 1. He's going to lose every time.

He's not going to beat Apollo Creed in Rocky 1. You got to move on to Rocky 2. So, anyway, I'm in Raleigh tomorrow. Hopefully this is, I'm in Raleigh on Thursday night. which is probably when you're hearing this. So I'm in Raleigh tonight, Thursday night. And don't forget, I'm in Rochester in July. And then I just added, I'm just, my Dublin dates go on sale on Friday, Olympia Theatre.

And just go on my website, desbishop.com. com. Forward slash tour dates. Goodbye, everybody. Whatever team Fia's on has a chance to win a championship. I'm Christina Williams, host of the podcast, in case you missed it with Christina Williams. The WMBA playoffs are here and I've got the inside scoop on everything from key matchups and standout players to the behind-the-scenes moments you won't find anywhere else.

It's really, really hard to be the champions, but we have to remember how it feels and embrace the new challenge that we have. So listen to, in case you missed it with. Christina Williams and IHeart women sports production in partnership with deep blue sports and entertainment on IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.