Berner Phone - Berner Phone #48: When Bad Things Are Good

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

Things don't always work out the way we planned but often it turns out for the best. Whether it's crazy ex boyfriends or crushed dreams of winning Wimbledon, life has a way of working out.  Give your gut some support with 25% off at seed.com/bern with code 25BERN  Upgrade your athletic wear at GreatnessWins.com and use code BERN for 25% off Sleep better with 15% off and free shipping at bollandbranch.com/bern Get cash back on every purchase and $5 just for trying Ibotta. Download the app and use code BERN when you register.  

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hi, little dialers. You know who it is. It's your girl, H.B.N. Des. Sultry. I was distracted by your sultry voice. We're both a bit hoarse, actually. We're horrors from literally just having friends. Yeah, we're entertaining all weekend out in West Hampton.

We never have friends. And this weekend we had friends. Sorry, we always have friends. We never have friends out. We never go out with our friends. Yes, we had a big Fourth of July, big Fourth of July weekend. We had the Strecker's over. I just did tell Strecker's pod.

Look out for that. We had Hallie and Dave are day ones. We threw in Jared Fried. Jeffrey, who, by the way, is still out in West. because this is a long weekend, right? Jared Fried has a show tonight, which you're doing. This won't be out in time, so it won't matter.

Yeah, I'm surprising the audience and I'm opening for Jerry. Practicing for your tonight show set. So you guys, no pressure, no big deal, but this is the biggest week of my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're a burning in hell listener, it's all come down to this, really. If I've ever made you laugh or giggle

or made you feel better in a dark time, I really just need one thing for me. This is the night that either makes, me off or does me quite, Iago, Othello. Big moment here in your life. Is that from Hamlet? Shakespearean. No, it's from Othello. Oh, that.

Anyway, everyone's confused. So now I ask of y'all, of youth, of yow. I was trying to speak Shakespeare. I think, well, I guess ask of ye. I ask of ye. Just watch my special all the way through. Put it on repeat all day. go to your mom's dad's grandpa's friend of me's ex-boyfriends boyfriend's house put it on hide their remote

I don't know if there's an automatic replay there's not an automatic replay but just let everyone you know to watch the special comes out on Tuesday and then tell you tell your parents your grandparents your uncles aunts even if they're not into comedy if they're like cleaning the house or they're doing something just put it on and let it play so basically tell everyone you know to watch it and then we're Gucci we're good just watch and leave it on the most important thing is leave it Life goes on as normal. Let Hannah have the greatest retention rate in the history of Netflix specials. And it's fun talking to you guys on this because a lot of you, some are new listeners, but then some have literally been listening to me for seven years. So we've been through a lot together. We've grown together.

I fucking love you guys more than anything. Is Bernie in Hell seven years old? It started in like 2018. Wow. 2017 maybe. So it's been a long, not to age myself, it's been a long time. but I have been doing a lot of press for this Netflix special that's going to come out and I've been getting a lot of questions of like my life and how I got here

and it got me thinking just about all these failures in my life and how without these failures there's no way I would even care to have a Netflix special. Yes. Like it took real, I always say like don't be jealous of any accomplishment from anyone because the only reason I wanted this Netflix special special was from like deep hurt and pain like it's almost like you shouldn't want something this crazy because it means something some crazy shit happened to you but regardless I think this was a little more positive spiritual rather than what you were saying there yes well it's I started thinking negatively like that

but then I started thinking of all these failures that happened to me that led me to this point and I wanted to know from the little dialers what's something that went wrong in your life that Now looking back, you're happy it didn't work out. Yes. And there's like a meme that goes around that's like, what are you so happy, thankful that things didn't go the way you thought you wanted them to go? And I think that's like the most beautiful part of life that we miss a lot. It's always like, did I win?

Did I do this right? And it's like, what if we are just leaves floating in there? And I think that we are. I think that the great thing about this is everyone talks about, everyone sends in their thing where they're like, oh, this thing I thought was bad and then thank God it happened because this other good thing happened, which is true if that didn't happen, this didn't happen, but also

life is totally random. Like anything can happen. Yeah, yeah. So there's two sides to this really. I like the concept is of there's something you think that you wanted or you think you need when in reality life is going to happen regardless and we're going to flow and life is just about

now what happens to you but how you react to it. So what that said, let's go. And just to say that I was 14 I got kicked out of school and the stress of that I thought it was the worst thing ever but I can't imagine my life not being living in Ireland. It literally shaped everything you are today. So you just never know. You don't have one? Where do I even begin? But I mean it all stemmed from the original like I thought I wanted to be a tennis player and it didn't work out and I think there was a lot of moments when I was like why did I play tennis for 12 years and nothing has come

of it. Like there was literally a moment where I'm like this was a waste of my time. And I was like, the blood, sweat, and tears was a fucking waste. I'm an intern trying to sell t-shirts and do cold calling sales after putting my everything into this dream and I'm left with nothing. And I couldn't have been more wrong. And also there's this concept of like listening to your gut that when you listen to your gut, sometimes you might feel like a failure or whatever, but it's okay to go towards just what makes you happy. But I do have to say that there's definitely like a positivity bias with listening to your gut.

gut because people always point out the times they're like my gut told me to do this and I was right they never point out the times their gut was wrong you never hear people like I listened to my gut and it was the biggest mistake I haven't made in my life she's so right nobody knows listening to your gut is literally just because you get there's so many voices in your head how do you know what's your gut versus your anxiety versus like well that's the whole thing about the gut the gut what do we really is listening to we listen to our gut I mean Taylor tomlinson one of her like first jokes in her Netflix special her first Netflix special is like Like, that's the thing with your 20s, you don't have a gut to follow.

When you're older, you start getting a little bit of a gut to listen to you. Or you get older and you go, my gut was fucking stupid. What was I doing? Listen to my gut. It's very hard to decide. But I think it's more like you know when you're uncomfortable. But the problem is in life you get told a lot, you know, become comfortable with the uncomfortable. When it's hard, push through other people.

Yes. So it's hard to decide. is it hard because it's not right for me or is it hard because it's just a challenge and we don't have the answer this is one of our deeper topics man this is one of our deeper topics we don't have the answer you know so let's let's Jared's walking in shout out jtrain javry walking through he knew we were recording and you know he's been a great guest all weekend until right now what what do you want on the podcast Jared you have to sit down next to me because we have to get the audio We've only got two mics.

Jared has been cleaning up. He's holding a lot of garbage from the deck. I'm a bad cleaner, but I'm a good hand sweeper. Like, I can go through. And I tell you guys the same thing I told the comedy works in Denver. You need a garbage can. We do. We do.

You need an outdoor garbage can. Look at, I'm like, I want to do my part. And I'm down there whispering to myself as I'm cleaning up. Put it on TripAdvisor and leave us a little. alone. Tennis cans, tennis ball cans.

I'm like, how do you not have an outdoor garbage? We need a garbage. Actually, you're so right and I put a box

down there the other day, but then I just threw out the full box. As a temporary garbage, because I, you're right. We're not adults. We don't know what we're doing.

Can you guys just give to the Patreon or whatever they have set up because they need a garbage can? They're living in squalor here. Watch my Netflix special so we could get a garbage can. Watch the Netflix special

and play it. to the end so that they can get a garbage can. That is my wish to them as a visitor. Jared, since you're here, on the topic of the podcast before we go it's a deep question. Very quickly, just you. Just you. Because I know I told you earlier what the topic was. What is one

thing you thought was bad that happened in your life that turned out to lead to something good? Or was turned out to be good? I know it's a tough question you're on the spot. Jared Fried. I love how deep. This gets... I'm holding trash in my hands. No. They're like, what in your soul is something that thought was regretful.

He looks like a human garbage. He's also got like plastic cups with remnants of beer in it. He's holding it against his chin. I am hugging trash. I'd say one of your regrets was deciding to clean up garbage today. Well, that was one definitely a regret. I will say, I thought it was bad

to not have a garbage can at the comedy condo and Denver Comedy Works. And now I learned I could impart to you in a nice way that you need a garbage can for outside. Jared, what was your first dream that died?

First dream that died? Yeah. Having abs. Jared Freed, everybody. Jared Freed. Also has a Netflix special that's been out for a number of months. Nothing wrong with going back and watch. Yeah, Jared's literally here getting on our podcast trying to get on that algorithm.

Jared Reed going to get ready for a sold-out show in the West Hampton Beach Performing Arts Center. That was Jared Fried. Joining us live from our West Hampton studio. Now, back to the topic. He's right, though. He is right. Oh, 100% he's right. He just called us out in front of everyone. Anyway, we

apologize to the listeners. We do sometimes get complaints that we talk too much and we don't have enough dialers. So we apologize that for 10 minutes. I feel like that was just a live dialer. He was a dialer. Basically, that's a that's a dialer. That typical

male comedian didn't want to get emotional. No. Hid behind a joke. Yep. All right, let's go. Let's go. Let's begin straight up with, like, the vindictive. Oh, yeah. Hi, Hannah and Des. So I went to a really small college for two years. I had a full-ride scholarship.

In the first year, I met some female friends that I thought were great. And then second year of school, they turned out to be, like, my biggest bullies. They spread so many rumors about me and made my life so miserable to the point where I had to drop out of school, give up my scholarship. And it was, like, devastating. I thought that I was a failure and would never succeed in life. then I ended up working at a summer camp where I met this guy who told me that I was really pretty and told me like he could see me as a model and so then I ended up actually submitting to modeling agencies and now I am signed to one of the top agencies in the world I'm a full-time

model and those mean bitches from college have to see my face every time they walk into a Sephora so I'm on cloud nine now and I feel so good and just so grateful for those girls for bullying me because I would never have the career that I have now. So yay. That's fucking great. It's great. No, it's not exactly I guess the vibe we were going for, but when I listened to it I was like, yeah, bitch. No, but it is

kind of the vibe and it reminded me like sometimes the reason bad things happen to you is the same reason good things will happen to you. Like, let's be honest, she's clearly pretty and the girls hated her and her life was miserable and she just kept being herself and putting herself out there and the

same thing that made them hate her is the reason she became a model it's kind of like I mean I'm dying to go to Sephora now I have to say she probably has no pores not a pore in her face there's a Instagram I love of this little girl I might have referenced this before

but she's like trying to kick a soccer ball and she just whiffs it and it's like clearly she sucks at soccer and then to go to the back of the line of the kids kicking the ball she does back flips and it's like you're not bad you're just doing the wrong thing and I definitely

see that with friends you know when you just am like you're like am I not funny am I lame am I awkward and it's like no you're just with the wrong people and you're seeing yourself through their lens can I just say that in my life I always wanted

to be able to do a backflip and I that's what you took from this I could never even do like a full front flip off a diving board so thank you for I'm triggered I do think doing a backflip is so much cooler than kicking a

soccer ball. I love, I love that we're just like ignoring what each other's talking about. Bullying situations are fascinating to me because... Listen, I'm in Ireland because of a bullish situation. No one gets bullied when you don't have something other people want. I mean, I... Period. I'm in Ireland because the other part of that Irish story that I said at the beginning was that, you know, I was getting bullied, which is partly why I was struggling in school. So, and, you know, I think the guy was into my girlfriend at the time, so you're absolutely right. But then it's like I got bullied because when I was playing basketball um I was a ball hog and like I should

have gotten bullied they were just like past the ball but was that actually were you getting bullied or were you well getting hazed basically I was the new girl at the school and there was like a girl who was the star on the basketball team and I have my dad who's like you know putting you know wants me to be the best so I have a lot pressure on myself to make my dad love me so I come in and you know I'm starting to make baskets and I'm shooting and all her friends like got together and basically started chancing ball hog whenever I had the ball and at the end of the day that's why I don't do team sports yeah and I mean you know this is this is this is complicated right because you know nobody loves a ball hog and honestly I probably was being a ball hog and that's why I was better at tennis

also in small hands I probably wasn't even shooting it in I love that we're ready and hitting this so early in the pod but something bad bad things happen like for a reason It's not always just evil. Yes, but I do want to say that it's very satisfying the vengeance side of it. Yes. But it is also not always the best motivation in that that will always leave you cold in the end. They say revenge is a best serve cold. However, the actual satisfaction from vengeance is very temporary.

But you know what the satisfaction is? The satisfaction I find is you get motivated to do something to prove people wrong. and then if you actually like get invested and fall in love with the thing you're doing you forget why you were mad in the first place and you forget why you even started it because then it's just about you doing your thing and I think that's what they should mean by served cold like you literally forgot what you were pissed about okay so I have a question yeah do you think as a Sicilian that no do you think that part of this is this growth or is this just unnecessary to actually be in this situation

She's a model now, right? Do you actually find yourself grateful for the way that they treated you? Do you actually almost grow to sort of, despite what they did being bad, to sort of love them because they brought you to this place. I think love is a strong word. For grateful is yet. No, you don't have to forgive. I'm not into giving. Why not forgive?

Why would you not forgive? I think thankful and grateful because. Forgiveness is very powerful, Hannah. Because forgiveness alleviates all the power. that they have over you. I just think it's gratefulness because it's like they saw something she didn't see which is that like she didn't fit in

and it's a good thing she didn't fit in with them and like I'm grateful to people in my past who have pushed me out of situations that I thought I should be in. So you haven't forgiven anybody? No. You sure? I forget certain people who have apologized.

So it's conditional. Well, because if they're, this is a thing I'll forgive and not forget. I'm not going to forgive and then like go back to being friends with people if they didn't even know what they did wrong and are doing it to other people too. I'm not going to put myself into the fucking firing zone again. Yeah. I was curious what you would talk because I don't even know myself. You know, I don't even know the right, you know, the right energy. Forgiveness is a complicated thing. I think I'll forgive someone who did something like accidentally. But not someone who had a fucking plan and executed. a plan of bullying I don't forgive that person I can have empathy I empathize for sure

and I am grateful for sure forgiveness eh nah overrated but I do think if you feel like you need to forgive to help you feel lighter that's great

but like it's more it's not forgiveness it's lack of care well it's just because the anger and the hatred can eat you up so then you're cutting off your nose to spite your face

you don't need forgiveness when you have no more anger left and you're just what's the word when it's just like you don't care yeah you're free i mean you anyway let's uh i'll just play this because it's hard hi hannah hi does so j giggler i had to say it does i love you so much and hannah i'm so excited for your special um something in life that i'm so happy that didn't go my way um is dating my ex-boyfriend for longer than i should have because we dated in college went into adulthood and he is now a turned like want to be instagram model um like very much is doing like aesthetically pleasing dumps and is like posting modeling photos for like want to be modeling agencies i don't really

know how to describe at other than it's given me like the biggest ick and i definitely had boyfriend blindness and didn't realize how much he loved himself and now i'm scared i'm scared of him and that's all and one thing is that i know if he was doing that in broad daylight i would not be We're posting that shit, and I would not be letting him clout chase through my followers. So big ass, ick. That's all. I love how she's like, I'm scared, I'm happy. I have so many emotions right now.

This one kind of lacks the second half, which is like how it led to better things. I think she's just happy. She's not with that guy. Yeah, she's not with that guy. I think she's saying like there definitely was a time where she was maybe upset. It didn't work out. Even if you're the one that breaks up with them, you're still like, damn. like am I even when you break up with someone you're like did I create that narrative in my head or like is there more to them that I wasn't seeing so then when they show you aside to them when you don't have any rose color glasses you're like oh I was more than right and I shouldn't have doubted myself it's very hard to not be put off by the Instagram model types I know especially when it's I don't know like it's like not like a natural real modeling yeah when if Instagram would

was down tomorrow they wouldn't be a model anymore it's just weird yeah i i hate the sexism but like instagram model girls go off when you're a guy for some reason it doesn't hit the same yeah but that yeah that's sexism from female to men and it's the same as like men die in their hair and listen the the the the the double standard that goes against the men it's there's less of them yeah you know this this is one maybe it's because girls you know beauty is part of like what society puts on us so we've like we get into you know makeup and influencing and modeling we're a man when they do it it's like it's a nick yeah it's definitely I feel for whatever reason it's like a guy will see like a super hot instant model and be like

whoa yeah that's fucking yeah whereas like a woman sometimes we'll see a super hot guy and just be like why is this guy doing this I know and we're trying to get to the reasoning of it but sometimes Sometimes I think of beautiful girls, like, okay, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to show other women how to be beautiful like me. Buy this dice and hair wrap, try this lip color, even though, like, your lip color is not going to make you look like her, but still that's a thing where hot guys posting, like, who are you posting for? Yeah. Because it's almost like why you don't like guys in porn. You're like, he's a guy in porn. We're girls in porn.

You're like, she's doing her best. She's doing her thing. Go off. But yeah, it's fine. It is funny how the internet, though, will show you sides of people. Like, do you ever meet someone and they don't have an online presence and you're like, I can't accurately judge who this person is until I see how they show themselves online? I mean, I definitely don't think that because I live too long of a life where that wasn't a thing.

But I can understand why, you know, younger people might think that because it's just become so the way that we interact. And some people you'll meet and then online, they're like posting tons of selfies or like going on long rants about politics or something. you're like, oh, I didn't see that for them. And you treat them differently after. Yeah. I don't because I grew up with too many people that have joined the universe of angry rants. And I've just go, oh, there's a lot of that in my generation.

There's just, there's a lot, let's put it this way. There's a lot of people that I grew up with that are angry online. But I've still maintained friendships with them. But they're online. I'm talking more romantic. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know who you are. All right, let's, uh... By the way, if you're a male Instagram influencer, it's fine what you're doing. I hope it's working out.

And by the way, I do also want to add, you said, who's it for? I think they don't begin posting for these people, but I do think a lot of gay men appreciate that. Oh, the gays are perfect. The gays, no, I'm not talking about them. No, no, but I think a lot of gay men also like the straight guys that are hot online. I think they appreciate the visual of it.

Yeah, but they also, they don't like gay baiting, though. No, but these guys aren't gay baiting. Yeah. Well, I don't think they are. But also, I support, I'm fine with a male model, like you're legitimately a model.

It's more like these guys who are just, like, love themselves too much, which is what she said, like think that people just want to see them. And I don't, but again, it is the double standard, which I am acknowledging.

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Greatness Wins, where the demands of sport meet the science of fit check them out now that's greatness wins.com code burn this is kind of insane this next one what's up hannah what's up des a big fan of the pod um something that went wrong in my life that i am so damn happy it didn't go my way now is when i dated someone who was much older than me who made me go to couples counseling and then later after a few sessions broke up up with me in couples counseling and then ended up dating our couples counselor so definitely see that I dodged a bullet now but back then it was pretty traumatizing so it was too good not to share anyways love you guys I can't believe that that is a sitcom yeah but also just like how bad is that

counselor like that's just like a no-no or is she a genius counselor like who should I date with all these people who are not happy in their relationships you or this guy knew she was a counselor and just like started dating some girl so he could bring her to couples counseling so he he could get with the counselor. Also, I feel like as a couples counselor, you should be, like, in a long-term marriage. I was just going to say, if you're not married

and you're getting couples counseling, it's over. It's like, if you've gotten to that state... I was saying also, I feel like the marriage counselor should be married. I want them to be married. Yeah. I don't want a single girl giving me couples advice,

but also I was going to ask you, is it a red flag to go to couples counseling before being married? Well, This is loaded. Yeah. But I think it's weird if it's like within two years of a relationship and you're going to couples counseling. A hundred percent.

Okay. A hundred percent. But just very quickly while it's on my mind, I used to have a joke about because, you know, and officially, you know, you get married in a Catholic church. You're supposed to go to Catholic counseling. Yeah. And the joke is not 100% true because it's not always a priest. But I used to make a joke that like, why would you go to a priest for counseling about marriage? when they've never been in a relationship, you know?

And if they've been in a relationship, it's been a secret. So that can actually only counsel you on how to have an affair. That is really funny. But anyway, I don't want to shame anybody who's gone to couples counseling early on because I'm not negative on couples counseling. However, I am. I do, whoa, Hannah. I just think if it's that early on?

No, early. Yes, but no, but I love marriage couples counseling. I'm just saying if it's within the first year, no. Yes. And, yeah, and this is, this is general. We're not speaking about anybody specifically, but I do find it weird when, when people are in, because it's just like,

I just think there's too many people out there. There's too many people on this planet to be trying to figure out while your dopamine is at such a height, you still are like. If you're in the honeymoon phase and you're in counseling? No. No. Just find another tall man.

Just find another tall man Save your money But him dating the counselor is insane That's insane because like how did that even happen But like the you know listen Obviously we joke about age gap stuff But there's real problematic age gap stuff in this Where this like older man is like

We need to go to count like Yeah, he's a fucking problem Well she didn't even explain like What good stuff has happened since then Like if she you know Well she's just so happy she's fucking out of that Yeah She's just

And then he goes with the counselor Oh, God. That's so bad. Surely that, is there not like an American Medical Association type organization for relationship counseling? There's some HIPAA violation. Yeah, there has to be. Yeah, there has to be.

Okay. He's flirting with her in front of her and you're like, this is why you still want to go to couples counseling? So let's, by the way, I have to tell you that almost all of them were relationships. Yeah. Just so you know. Yeah. So I've done my best to get some variety.

Well, I was in a relationship with tennis. Yeah. No, but there was just a lot of relationship stuff. Hi, Hannah and Des. One thing that I'm really glad did not go my way is I'm so glad that I did not join a sorority. I'm not saying that all sorority girls are like this, but I just think that for me personally, it maybe would have gone the wrong way. It most definitely would have gone to my head.

It would have turned me into a total and complete bitch. Backstory, I was a Girl Scout for like 11, 12 years. I'm very girly, swirly in that way. However, I definitely would have turned into a sorority monster. I would have been president of the sorority, and I would have been such a bitch. So, yeah, thanks. I mean, it's very interesting because I guess if she had not got into a sorority, maybe that would have been like a bad thing.

But I guess she just made the decision. Or maybe she didn't get in one. But I don't get sororities and fraternities. I, you know, I played sports, so that was kind of like my sorority. But it's this insane thing. that basically like you get chosen to be in a click and then you also have to get chosen and have to pay to be in it

so it's like there's so many levels of hierarchy not in the sorority then once you're in it who's in charge in the sorority it's like so many levels of social status to me it's just a very strange sort of gathering of people because it doesn't have any specific thing that says I'm into this

Now, I've heard that people defend it and be like, oh, we do charity, but like, it's literally just I want to be cool. It's basically confirming that you're going to have a friend group. But then even within that friend group, it could be horrible. Like, it's not like everyone joins a sorority and has a perfect time. Yeah. I don't know from experience, but there's drama within a lot of sororities. Because in Irish college and Ireland, we had clubs and societies. There was Clubs and Societies Day.

and socks day and you went around and you went to all these like tables but you were like joining shit that you were interested well that's the thing it actually would be so much better if it was just joining like clubs of similar interests where instead it's like they'll joke that like one of them is like for girls with rich parents and then one of them is for like um you know girls who are kind I like what's the Greek life part like what's the Greek because this is an area of American culture that I'm completely ignorant of Greek all I know about the Greek life part is that it's what it's called yeah but like where does that even come from it oh i have no idea oh right okay god we need chris we need or jared jared fried was part in a sorority oh yeah jared actually when jared

started his whole thing was a frat boy comic he was a frat boy at penn state yeah so but that's the thing i i feel like a lot of people in sororities don't know there's a definitely a history so your brothers and sisters like my mom was in a sorority right so she has sisters are like oh you were in that but the thing is her sorority is very different than that same sorority in a different school it's like the schools create the culture like a cool one in one school could be like the nerdy one in another school long story short they've been they're getting canceled left and right a lot of them my friend who was in a frat that frat no longer exists because some kid got injured jumping off of something yeah that's what's been happening with the sororities and fraternities and there's been a lot of hazing

scandals and the only reason gen z still go on facebook is for facebook groups i feel like that's like that's like a modern fraternity. Go on a Facebook group. You don't need a sorority. Well, there is that whole thing called Bama Rush, which is like all the girls rushing for a sorority is basically like, can I get picked?

Like, am I cool enough? And it's basically like reality TV type drama of like girls trying to fit in. It's me and girls shit. But I think it's a positive to not do a sorority. Yeah, but I think some people get, they get scared that if they don't get in one,

they won't have a friend group. Yes. Which is understandable. Depends on the school. Like Wisconsin, the frats and sororities were a very small part of the school. Like most people were not in one.

Right, okay. Because I joined the Drama Society and I still, to this day, some of those friends are my friends for life. That's beautiful. But I did go to University College Cork not really knowing anybody. Most of the people that I knew

went to other colleges. So it is good that you joined something. So I understand the method behind it. But the whole, like... I just would, I would prefer more purpose to the society. I don't understand the choosing people part. Like, how do you choose people? Yeah, I don't like that.

I auditioned. I tried to get in on merit. Yes. And it wasn't like on my person. I was on it. Do I have the skill or not to act? Like, there's one that like, they call like Visa Visa MasterCard. Like there's certain one.

And like one's like just for like hot brunettes. It's, it has that kind of vibe. But I don't really have authority to speak on it, but I spoke a lot about it. This is for you, Hannah. Oh, geez. Hey Hannah, hey Des. So my story is a little crazy. I was born and raised in a conservative religion, and I loved it. I thought it was great and safe. And that's where I met my husband and we went on to have children. And then about a year ago, we found out that one of the leaders had been doing heinous things to women and children. And then come to find out a whole bunch of leaders were doing horrible illegal things. to women and children, and sometimes men, and our world just imploded. And now, about a year and a half later, we have been out of said group, which turns out, it was a cult.

I was an occult my whole entire life. And we've been out for seven months, and it's been great. It's been both the worst and the best things that have ever happened to me to get out. And there's also a documentary on Hulu that you should watch about it called The Two-by-Tos. Anyway, see ya. Bye. Hello, Tyler. Let's start with that.

DM me your number, please. We will have more questions. Well, now we have to watch two-by-toos on Hulu. Well, congratulations on getting out. It's really fucking difficult to, because getting off a cult is not just trying to get out. You first have to realize, you have to get out of a brain rush

that it even is a cult. And then once you realize it's cool. They were happy. Yeah. She's openly honest about the happiness. That's all she knew. That's all she knew. She was born into it.

She never chose to be in it. It was everything that was her world. Holy shit. But I would love to see how, like, being in that cult and getting out the benefits of like her helping other people maybe or her understanding herself or her empathizing like yeah i also feel like these fucked up stories that are so horrible it's what makes you special it's what makes you interesting it's what gives you personality like you're when you meet someone and they have

no adversity i'm literally like boring i want to know what shit you've overcame But it's pretty, I mean, I'm just going on like tone of voice. But this is a harrowing life change. Insane. There's a lightness to this message that is quite surprising. Which is why I have so many more questions, because this is like a lot. This is a lot to process. But it sounds like her family's still together.

I'd like to hope, and maybe this is a naive of me, I'd like to hope that the shock of everything you believed in being taken away is horrific, but that perhaps for her, largely, she didn't have any negative experiences. That's what I'm hoping. Well, it sounds like she heard other people were, and which is very strong of her to be like, even though it hasn't happened to me, I now know that this isn't what I thought it was. And hopefully she was able to have a community that decided together to get out and hopefully they are like looking out for each other.

But she didn't know. Like that's what's so amazing is. And it's not like people always like, how did they not know? And it's like, first of all, how do you not know that you can't know what it was like for them? I'm a proponent of I 100% would join a cult. Literally. But she didn't join a cult. She was born into one.

I know. And I, and that's not her fault. I'm saying I understand everything because I would be the person that joins a cult because I'm having a difficult time and those people look happy. And I'm really fucking proud of her. Yeah. I mean, I would love to talk to you more. We have. We like to do a live app.

A lot of follow-up questions. I think the dialers have follow-up questions for you, too. But we're going to watch the doc. Yeah. Then we're going to find out who you are in the dock. No, I'm just kidding. But that's pretty awesome. And obviously, I would think something that large in terms of like a negative thing that's

happened that's led to something better. I feel like something that large, you're only at the beginning of finding out how this is going to be a, how it's going to change your life. Yeah. But again, it's a perspective thing. You could be like, oh, no, like, I don't know how anything works. I've been tricked my whole life Life is a farce

Vers being like Okay that was a lifestyle I had And I'm excited to see What else life provides And she's gonna have to be dealing with forgiveness She's gonna have truth Truth trust issues Maybe she can give you a tutorial on forgiveness

Okay I already told you I don't do that stuff All right let's Here's a lighthearted one Hi Jess Hi Hannah love the pods So my answer is not that deep But when I was 19

I wanted to get a quote from Lord of the Rings that was Deep Roots Are Not Reached by Frost and I went to a random tattoo shop and I had a very specific idea of what I wanted it and how I wanted it that was totally doable but the artist that was assigned to me was really condescending and rude

and just overall like not a nice person and I decided to walk away from it and at the time being 19 I was very devastated because I wanted that tattoo so bad because it meant so much to me But now, being 29, I realize that tattoo is kind of a stupid thing to get. Quotes are just kind of a dumb thing to get when you're young and before your frontal lobe is done cooking.

So I'm really happy I didn't get it because it also saved up a lot of space of my arm and I didn't let some random man bully me into getting them. That's it. See you. Great quote, though. Repeat the quote. Deep roots are not reached by frost. Actually, the quote's pretty good.

You know? You don't make any deep. You don't make deep connections. No, this, maybe I'm wrong. I say, you don't make deep connections by being cold. You know, you need to be warm and open. But I could be wrong. I thought she was saying quilt.

Oh, quote from Lord of the Rings. I know, I thought she was saying a quilt from Lord of the Rings. Also, my brother fucking loved Lord. I think he learned how to speak like Elfish or something. My brother was really into that stuff. But yeah, it's so funny how at the time she probably was like, my whole life is, you know, when you're a teenager, I can't get my tattoo and this guy's a little.

asshole and nothing's heartbreaking for me and it's like that wasn't meant for you babe i'm so glad of all the stupid shit i did when i was young i just wasn't into tattoos so my brother got really into mama so naturally he wanted like uh i know taekwondo's Korean so like a korean character like he wanted characters on the back of his neck and my mom was like first of all do we have to do the neck you're 817 and she's like second of all you just started taekwondo don't know if this is a lifelong thing. But I remember my mom had this moment where she was like, she really, when she was talking to me and she's like, I have to do the right move here or like this could go really bad.

And she decided to say, you know what? Yes, you can totally get a tattoo. Let's wait till your 18th birthday. And by 18, he already was like on to the next hobby. If she had said, no, you cannot get it. I think he would have gotten it. So it's this funny like reverse psychology that she played where she was like, yeah, that's a great idea. Let's just wait until you're 18.

just to like you know be sure so that i remember that parenting taekwondo move from my mom and i was like that's legit that's right that was a that was a eastern martial art energy move yeah like do you just want it because it's forbidden yes the soft defense she absorbed this energy because it's hard you're trying to figure out who you are while doing some like permanent possibly permanent things to you while experimenting with your identity when you're younger um and then sometimes if he had gotten it and it went wrong, it would have helped him in another way, you know.

He would have learned from it. Now, but if I had to wear a lot of scarves during interviews. I want to point out to our dialers that did get tattoos that they regret that that's okay too. Yeah, that's what I was saying, but you will kind of figure it, I mean,

some of my friends have the funniest tattoos and it really makes me love them so much. Like what? Give me an example. I mean, it just makes no sense. Like at the like butterflies in weird places And then Becca got kiss lips on her butt Which I thought was actually a great tattoo

People a lot of celebrities get stuff like spelled wrong in it Yes A lot of you know getting your exes and stuff Relationship stuff But it all is part of your story that makes you you Yeah just get if you're gonna get a relationship one Just put in like my love Don't put in the name

Because then it can just you can just keep changing Who's in your mind So you can just keep changing who's in your mind so you guys that listen to the podcast regularly know that hannah and i have a disagreement about the temperature when we're sleeping hannah runs hot so as a result hannah found bowling branch it's here to help you never sleep hot again with sheets that are woven to allow airflow and feel cool and crisp to the touch perfect for sleepers like hannah who run hot especially perfect in a situation where you're married to somebody who doesn't run hot, so you have a bit of a temperature discrepancy.

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I'm on the mend. I'm getting back in the game. game and I'm not going to lie. I was late to the party on my gut health. So I was really happy to start taking seed because there are 38 trillion bacteria that live in and on you, especially your gut. And they're essential to your whole body health. Seeds DS01 daily symbiotic benefits your gut, your skin, and your heart health in just two capsules a day. If you paid attention to Hannah's routine about me thinking I'm having a heart attack, I'm worried about my heart health and seed has been great. You know, I just feel better about my digestion. I feel

better about my skin. Now, I'll admit, I'm getting a little bit too much sun this summer, but it's nice to know that I'm taking care of it at the same time. Just so you know, it's super convenient. You don't need refrigeration for seed. The great thing about taking DS01 is you don't have to worry about refrigeration and you get a free travel vial from the welcome kit that allows you to take DS01 on the go. Just a bit of advice. Probiotics and prebiotics work best when used consistently like other routine health habits, like getting in your daily walk, eating your fruit and veg, you have to stay

consistent to see benefits. Seed subscription service easily builds DSO1 into your routine. So, support your gut this summer with Seeds DSO1 daily symbiotic. Go to seed.com forward slash burn and use code 25 burn to get 25. percent off your first month. That's 25% off your first month of Seeds, DSO1, daily symbiotic at seed.com slash burn. Code 25 burn. Okay, this is for our Bronx listeners. Hi, Hannah, hi does. It's still wild to me that you two are married. Like the amount of admin that that takes, that's fire. Newbie Giggler here from the Bronx, and I was just calling in to say that one thing

that didn't go my way back in the day and I'm glad it didn't a sliding door if you will would be when I was 14 15 I was in love love love love love love with one of the dudes on the block finally got attention from him he was talking to me telling me I was cute murmur mur blah blah blah somehow he ends up being locked up and I feel like maybe I dodged a bullet maybe a literal one because he got locked up for unaliving someone but you know one door closed opens up another and we're happy

we're in our 30s we made it where we made it out alive it's fine still in the Bronx though yeah but the Bronx is on the way up Bronx represent BX baby BX wait that might have been my favorite message is like is this a performance oh my God that is so good also I love when the native New Yorkers chime in

that's crazy shit you know again you don't have to say oh you can say murder on the pot unaliving is really for the internet oh my god but I think like so many people could relate to that we're like we all liked a bad boy

that we like if he had actually it had worked out with him you're like our lives would have been ruined for like so many different ways but from afar you're like oh that's the dude like all the guys respect him he's cool and then it's like he is not for you baby

That's not the man you want raising your children Or having a quiet home with But I even had that with friends when I was a teenager Yeah Like guys from Queens that I thought were cool Because they were doing the crazy shit Like some of them were like I didn't know anybody that was like robbing cars

But I definitely knew guys that like got access to robbed cars And I remember one time I was going to get in this robbed car And my friend was like Yo, you're not getting in that car And I was so wanted to be With those guys Yeah He did stop me that kid

But still I thought those kids And honestly all those kids I'm not going to name them. Yeah. But all those kids that I thought were cool, they all got in trouble. Yeah. And they did not do well. It's funny because I went to a lot of different high schools.

And when I was in middle school, I was friends with these girls. And then I left to play tennis. And then when I came back to this public school, I knew some of them, like, from middle school. And I was like, you guys are going to be my girls. Like, remember me? Like, we were best. He's in middle school. And they were pretty cool.

And they kind of, like, shrugged me off. And I was like, it was crazy. I felt so like, why I went they? be my friend but it's funny they kind of had gotten into drugs at that point and I was not and there was a I know there was a part of our school where like the really cool kids were doing like heavy drugs and I realized like if I had but if they were nice to me and I became friends with them like I could have been doing drugs with them and a lot of it is like what energy you want to be around and they probably sense like I wasn't going to be fun anyway around drugs I cry when I smoke weed

Yeah, so you just thank God Thank God you're not cool Thank God I'm a loser Thank God I'm a prude Yeah man I think about that all the time If I got into like You know like honestly You get lucky or unlucky with crowds that have access to drugs

Yeah You know it's so true And even some people Because I would have taken anything that came my way And luckily I never got in the crowd Because I took as much as I ever got access to but luckily I never got into a crowd that had access to the higher level and luckily I stopped when I was young enough that I didn't find that stuff yeah there's also some friend groups that you also again just like didn't feel good around like I remember I would have more fun with this one crew but then there was a crew that was like more popular but whenever I'd sit with them it just it was like boring or like I'd say something and immediately like question what I said was that okay and all those feelings you have for her reason yes Okay. I want to do two more. One fun, well, not fun, but, and then I want to finish with something quite strong. But we'll sign off and then we'll finish with that. Go DJ. All right. This is, there's just a lot of good stories here.

Hi, Hannah. Hi, hi does. Love the pod. Love this prompt. I have a fucking wild one to tell you. Looking back, there was this guy in grad school that I was obsessed with. We were. the best of friends. He would hook up with me when he was broken up with this girl. Long story short, he ended up marrying that girl and I always wished it would have worked out between us. But now he's being investigated for $30 million with a fraud, which he took people's money and claimed he was investing it into these accounts, but he put it in his own accounts overseas, never invested it. The government can't find the money. It's been an ongoing case for four years he has so far 64 counts of fraud against him um so glad that's not my husband slash baby daddy that's about to go to jail and i'm single and happy and things turned out good on my

end now the only thing i'll say is that if she was the wife she might actually be the one that has the secret account numbers that he's hiding the money in so he's going to do his time but that money is in europe somewhere unfound maybe you know but again pros and comments Do you want to be with someone who's a criminal, you know? Of course, I'm joking. I'm joking. I don't know. I have $30 million and having a criminal husband, who knows?

Yeah. But I do think he clearly was like two timing people, including her, and he just did that at a larger scale. Like, people show you who they are. You just don't always want to believe them. I'm surprised the amount of dialers that ended up dodging criminals. We've had two in a row here. Or I think a lot of guys are criminals, and if you're single, you end up dating them.

We have a lot more of those, I can tell you. Really? Well, not just criminal, just like a lot of, like, I dodged a bad one with a guy. Yeah. A lot. Yeah. I think more, I've had stuff where, like, in my head, I thought he was, like, the coolest thing because he was, like, the hometown rapper. Yeah.

And then I'm like, it's not that anything bad happened to him, but just literally nothing happened to him. All right. Let me play an extra one since this is a running theme. Growing up as a freshman in high school, I had a major crush on this guy who was the quarterback. he was about six feet tall he dyed his hair bleached blonde like Eminem and I just thought he had like so much swag and I thought he was so hot and I used to go to the county fair and like stalk him to like eventually try to hook up with him but basically all we ever did was kiss not even full makeout but fast forward the next couple years and he ended up like fucking every single one of my

friends and I was like devastated about it but fast forward to 2024 and he has not left our hometown he's a bartender at his friend's bar and he is missing like all of his teeth and he has terrible trashy tattoos and now I get to laugh at my friends and be like ha ha you fuck that guy ha ha so did you and I didn't so he's a meth head the boy in so many words I do with us situation where sometimes I feel like I've had like a guy tried to make me jealous before and hook up with my friends and I was really hurt and then you look back and you're like oh because he was he was insecure but you didn't realize that he was like intimidated by your shit you just thought that you weren't good enough for him yeah or he's just a fuck boy and and end and he's a

fuck's boy um I also think relationships are hard because when you're with a guy you when you're in it you want it to work so that's why it's so easy to lie to yourself and be like He did that because he loves me or like he's trying or he's going to get better. But then when you get out, you're like, oh, I don't have to lie to myself anymore. All right. So just before I play the last one, we just wrap it up. You know, because the last one is like very powerful. When I heard it, I was very moved.

So I don't want to tarnish it with our sign off. So do you have anything you want to promote before we finish? Well, after this, please check out my Netflix. It's special on Tuesday. And Giggly Squad, we dropped a book. Oh, yes. How to Giggle. It's a guide to taking life less seriously.

We've been working really hard on this for over a year, so it's available for pre-sale right now on Amazon and Barnes & Noble at the Giggly Squad link. And love you guys. And I'll be in Rochester, July 26 and 27th. I have other dates, but this is the one I'm pushing right now. But I'm also in Madison, Wisconsin. Go badgers. In September.

And loads of dates on my. my website check it out including a ton of irish dates which i'm going to be honest they're not all on my website because i lazily haven't put them all up there yet but but they're all actually on sale uh so if you're in an irish town wondering if i'm going to be there just google my name in your town and if i'm there there will be tickets wait i just thought of one more thing okay before we go to our final thought when i said go badgers because there was a time when i really didn't like my coach and I wanted to transfer and I missed New York City and I wasn't happy in college and I was depressed and I got hit by a car and I was like why did I go here um and then I got invited on

caller daddy and told a story about how I hooked up with the mascot and I'm pretty sure that was a big part of my career you think that was your success fucking the mascot telling this story on caller daddy and then saying go badgers it's become it's who you are and it doesn't matter the layers of complications underneath. You just never know. You never know. I mean, I wanted to go to Trinity College Dublin. We had a lot of college ones, actually.

I wanted to go here. I went somewhere else and thank God, because I have friends for life. But I wanted to go to Trinity College Dublin because that's where I thought I should go. And in the end I got in, but not for the course I wanted because Ireland does it a little differently.

And I had the opportunity to go to Trinity to go to Trinity or to go to York for the course that I wanted to do. And I went for the course on the advice of the late great McGivney, who only died recently, was like my Irish father. And he said, go for the course, not for the college. And cork made me. I don't know who I'd be as a human without cork and the friends that I have.

I don't even know if I'd be a comedian because it was a cork guy got me into comedy. So again, you just never know if that's just random or whatever, but certainly a negative that turned into a positive. But this is a mental health podcast. You know, Burning in Hell used to be you talking about your demons. and you would talk to some people about some heavy shit and this was a very real one that came in and I you know probably like a trigger warning

is self-harm in this and I'm just going to leave this with our are you okay with us just leaving this with listeners yeah because I thought it was very powerful it's powerful hey besties the thing says we're going deep so I'm going to go deep and hopefully this doesn't require a trigger warning but in case it does

here it is My thing that didn't go according to plan, and now looking back I'm grateful, is that I did not die during my suicide attempt. And we're really grateful for that because now I'm graduating therapy and what's better than that. But love you, Hannah and does. I'm coming to Club Giggly in December. Yay. Whatever team Fia is on has a chance to win a championship. I'm Christina Williams, host of the podcast, in case you missed it with Christina Williams.

The WMBA playoffs are here, and I've got the. inside scoop on everything from key matchups and standout players to the behind-the-scenes moments you won't find anywhere else. It's really, really hard to be the champions, but we have to remember how it feels and embrace the new challenge that we have. So listen to, in case you missed it with Christina Williams and IHart Women's Sports Production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment on IHartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.