Berner Phone - Berner Phone #56: Spicy Advice Part 2

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

There were some wild and juicy messages this week. We're giving more advice about relationships, trying stand up, and ruining wedding days.  Get cookware for 10% off at hexclad.com/BERN 40% off dog food at sundaysfordogs.com/BERN Get up to 43% off and a free gift at mudwtr.com/BERN  30 day free trial at dipseastories.com/BERN 15% off sheets at bollandbranch.com/BERN

So you've heard us talking about wonderful pistachios. Definitely my favorite snack of the year. I've been eating every single flavor nonstop. So is Hannah. You know, there's a lot of stress. We're talking about the Mets game in this episode. A lot of stress. I'd be stress eating.

Yesterday I was going hard on the smoky barbecue. Because, you know, I was never a pistachio guy because they were a pain. The shells are annoying. Wonderful pistachios, no shells. Just more snacking, less crack. And I'm a huge fan. Hannah's a huge fan. Can't get enough of them.

I've been going through the bags like you wouldn't believe. You've got to try it out. Those are great flavors. Chili roasted, honey roasted, sea salt and vinegar, sea salt and pepper, and their newest addition, and I've got to be honest, my favorite, jalapeno lime. I like a little bit of a kick. I like that Latin flavor. So do make sure you check out wonderful pistachios.

I cannot recommend these enough. Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. What is up, my little dialers? It's time for burner phone.

And we had so many good questions of life advice. that we are not equipped to handle so we decided to do another advice episode and we're on the road and we're on the road right now we like to give you kind of Back to school special

Monday night of Labor Day The summer's over Leaving West Hampton The summer's over But you know what Nothing good lasts forever right That's right So you know there was

There was a lot of topics to cover Our listenership has a lot of A lot of needs I love the titles you put on these because it's just lesbian first date with a guy. Oh, yeah. And sometimes they're not even like, sometimes they're just like away from me to remember because when I did that, I didn't know that you were going to be on the, because I'm driving, by the way.

And by the way, this is safe. There's no, we're not doing anything unsafe, but Hannah is DJing. Also, people don't know this yet, but I don't mind dropping on burner phone. I'm throwing the first pitch at the Mets game on Wednesday Oh yeah, that's right That's one of the reasons why we're heading in So we're heading into the city It's very exciting

Very exciting I practice today You know The thing is if you hold it too tight You don't do a good throw And then if you hold it too loose You don't do a good throw Wow, you're an expert now

Look I'm battling a lot of demons With this throw but overall I'm excited I mean I feel for you Because I would be very nervous But I feel like it would mean a lot more to me than it means to you. Well, Des is a hardcore mess friend, and I have half my family Mets, half Yankees. I grew up in a divided household, which was, you know, traumatic for me.

I mean, really wasn't that traumatic, but we don't talk about it that much publicly, but it is my one sports obsession is the New York Mets. I'm not like a big, like, annoying sports husband, but I am obsessed with the New York Mets. obsessed with the Mets and I wore this meat shirt it says meats on it

but it's the Mets logo and I wore it when I did a bunch of podcasts No you wore it when you did Jimmy Fallon and I wore it when I went to Jimmy Fallon

before I got dressed So your picture with Jimmy Fallon you had the Mets yeah so then I get a DM from the Mets and they were like what's up

and I was like you know I fucking love you guys so um Des is supporting me I'm supporting you even though you really are You're a closet of Yankee fan, which is totally fine.

But the joke amongst my Mets fan friends who are all very excited. In fact, a lot of them are coming to the game because they all think this is very cool. But the joke was that you immediately were like, oh, they're playing the Red Sox in September. And I was like, that is such a Yankee fan game to want to pitch at. Imagine they hear this podcast and Un Invite Me. It's not going to happen. They had the Hock Tour girl. I love the Mets.

and part of like our relationship is watching a lot of long baseball Mets games and the highs and loaves of being a Mets fan. Can we just point out before people go, oh my God, I can't believe Des makes it watch the Mets. The rest of the day we watch tennis. Oh, I love watching the Mets. It's just, you know, it sucks when you put so much passion into a season and then, well, anyway, I'm not getting into it.

You're talking about, man. We're one game out. We're on fire right now. We're four one up as we drive. Severino, a Yankees reject, just pitch sevens and seven innings, but I don't want to out ourselves as, I don't want to out myself as an obsessed Met fan that I'm showing right now. Come on. Look, let's get into the advice.

I love a man that has an interest. Passions. That has a passion. I love that. All right. Can I just defend myself for a moment and say that one of the reasons, one of the reasons why the Mets mean so much so me is, number one, my grandmother was obsessed with them, which is it connects me to my grandmother but number two you know they're for i grew up in flushing

they're a flushing team at all those years in ireland it was the one thing that i held on to that made me still feel connected to home oh so and my grandpa it's and your grandfather of course was a big met fan huge mutts fan um sports bringing people together this is a sports podcast anyway let's get into some advice and this is exciting because you get to pick based on my titles. I know. You have to do the lesbian one now that you mentioned it. Okay, now I have to do the lesbian. By the way, she doesn't even say lesbian. That was, that wasn't a title for public consumption, but that's okay. So you outed someone. No, just, just you'll know what I mean. Okay, let's see. Okay. Hannah does. Thanks for the open-ended question. I have been dating women

primarily all of my adult life. And I am going on a date with a man. Friday. Now, I believe that he knows I have dated women because there is some mutual contact going on there. We have in between. But like, I'm just scared. Like, I feel like, is he going to think that I'm just, like, a fraud? Like, just trying to try men again. I, why am I getting all these stereotypes in my head? I, oh my God. Like, do I just, like, not. Like, do I just, like, not talk about I don't know do you you don't talk about exes on first state it's like what the fuck I don't know being if we come back to my house to bone there's literally like naked women in my picture frames I just want to say straight off the bat none of this is a problem

everything you've said just makes me go the guy is going to be so into it well the first thing I need to remind her because she's clearly been dating women for too long is that men are not going to think anything. You're used to dating girls who are going to analyze something, like, overthink something, strategize about something. Men are just going to be like, she's a girl, either he likes you or he doesn't. And you having naked women in your apartment is going to probably be a plus for him. Yeah, the naked woman is not going to be an issue. And I do think, you know, if you bring up, you know, I was dating women and he has a problem with that, cool. Now you didn't waste a bunch of dates with this guy. So it's almost like a good.

kind of break of the ice because you're not talking about your ex you're talking about yourself you know and your experiences yeah and like any any you know a woman talks about her ex right guys might get a little funny a woman talks about her ex girlfriend and guys are just like tell me more that's just the way it is wait whoa whoa give me the details and i'm not i'm not i'm not saying this is good but i am saying that men are just not going to feel as as threatened by your your ex-girlfriends I'd say it's just, he's just going to be very curious. Yeah. I dated a girl once that was coming back to men.

Mm-hmm. And I know we don't like to talk too much details about exes. It wasn't very serious, but she had just decided that she was no longer into women and she wanted to be with guys. And again, I just found the whole thing very curious. I never in any way thought it was weird and it was fine. But you know, it's kind of messed up. you can't reverse the roles like a guy sitting down and being like I've been dating men

for like years and I want to try women it's it's not going to be accepted as easily I think in society yes and where that comes from is a whole other podcast a much deeper conversation about the double standards around this stuff but we're not going to get into it I will can I say one thing which is kind of funny but it's kind of true yeah I I felt more pressure when I went down. Yes. I felt like... As you should.

Yeah, I felt like I had come up from the minor leagues and I was in the major leagues for the first time. That she had been used to major league Conalingis. And also, she's done it before. So she, you can't act like, oh, it's this thing you wouldn't understand. It's very difficult. It's like down there because she does. But it's funny.

All my friends who have done it have been like, look, it is hard. It is hard. Oh, doing the actual act of... Going down. Yeah, going down. Yeah, so anyway, I think that it's funny that you're worried. And I think it's only natural because you're only just getting back into the D game. Yeah.

But I don't think you have anything to worry about. I hope it works out either way, you know. I was talking to hilarious comedian Sidney Washington who had, you know, I think she called it a relapse. She relapsed back into men. She talks about it in her set very briefly. that's very funny um but i she has like very open conversations with me once like in the green room and i just was like what's like the biggest difference because she's dated both and she was like with women it's just a lot more talking and it's a lot more thinking about stuff and anyway

you being worried what he's going to think of something i think like it's it's going to be much simpler um but i'm excited to see how the date goes DM us yeah Yeah, the only thing I'm kind of curious about, which I wish you had included in your message was what made you think, you know, what has pushed you back to want to try? Yeah. Did you get sick of women or was it more curious? Was it more of a push or a pull factor? Yeah. Well, you know, we'll find out maybe in the future.

Yeah, I think sometimes, like, girls will get hit on and occasionally they'll be like, oh, give this guy a try. But I don't know. Yeah. Anyway, I hope we have, oh, we don't have much advice other than I don't think it's going to be a problem. We think you're going to do great. I just, if this is a relapse, this. A relapse is very fine. I need to see that, Sydney, Washington bit.

So, Hannah, what's your next pick? Okay, there's so many good ones. Oh, yeah, let's say the title. Okay, I'm going dark. Sorry. Sudden breakup that doesn't make sense. Oh, yes. I felt for her in this one.

Hey, Hannah, hate us. Love you guys so much. Um, also something I noticed on this pod is a lot of people that call in kind of. We all kind of sound the same. But anyways, um, so I just got out of an eight month relationship with somebody who I've been friends with for quite some time. I'm 28. He's 40. I think he's going through an undiagnosed bipolar episode and he's acting like he doesn't deserve love. He's saying I did nothing wrong. He just needs time to heal from everything in his past. We just had an amazing lifestyle together. We live together. my daughter was actually involved she's five and we had a great routine involving meal prep working out setting goals he has um ended things and moved out abruptly people have said that he definitely is having an episode i've just been a friend from a distance but i still love him so much and i just want to help him but i know he has to help himself first i don't know what to do guys it's a huge dilemma it's a toughy man well do we know if he's actually diagnosed with something

because I've definitely, you know, you're joking around with your friends and you're like, oh, he's gone, he's, he's having an episode or he's gone crazy when it's like, is he actually sick and he needs, like, he's off his med and he needs help? Or is this a guy not worth fighting for because you shouldn't have to, like, be afraid that a guy is just going to dip out on you any second when you have a full family with him? Well, do they have a family or did, do, there was. living together. He's taking care of her daughter. Oh, that's right. She has a door. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, this is always, I always find this scenario very difficult because when it, when it's out of the blue and doesn't make a lot of sense. Yeah. It can feel like it's worth sort of just hanging on the wings. So I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping an eye on things. But at some stage, you have to say, okay, it truly is over and I need to let go. But I can completely understand when it doesn't quite add up, when it's very irrational.

The fact that you were friends for a while and it sounds like you have great communication, you were living together and he pulls it, it makes you not want to immediately be like, fuck him, fuck that dude, I'm over it. You kind of, you care about him as a human. So I think it's normal to just kind of try to figure. out a little more um but i do have to say this is might not have anything to do with your situation but i was very guilty of um being that kind of breakup person this is different because i wasn't living with yeah i wasn't living with anyone but i was the kind of person where like something

would start to annoy me and then it would fester and then it would fester and i'd be having all these imaginary kind of like thoughts in my arguments in my head and then like one day i'd wake up and be like, I can't do this anymore. And they like had no, we never fought. We never did anything. I just was like, I can't do this. Um, which looking back was probably a little bit, um, random. Yeah, I feel like in this situation, there has to be, there has to be a cutoff point where you just go, okay, I'm no longer hanging on. You know, because is it, because her daughter's probably connected to this guy and because they had like a home life. Yeah. It's understandable that you would want to give yourself maybe just a slight period of purgatory really yeah it's not like a

grace period because it's kind of torture because i'm talking about my early 20s when i was just like you kind of tell things were not right this is someone who's yeah she has a real like lifestyle with him yeah so i i think i think right now you're doing the right thing which is uh begin to accept but you know hold on to perhaps that there's something going on that has nothing to do with you but there will come a time probably soon where you will have to begin the 100% letting go process It's also unfortunate that he's not really engaging with you

It's very difficult when something ends abruptly And doesn't make sense Yeah, I mean there's two sides of it One is like maybe for a while He's felt like he's in too deep He needs to get out, he doesn't know how to get out And the way you do it in like kind of a miscommunication way Is just be like, I can't do this anymore

I'm the problem, I can't do it and just leave. So he kind of like ran away from the problem, which is still you don't need to chase him. It's like he's just he went about it in an abrupt way and he's not the right guy for you. Or if he's having a manic episode, it's like that's even deeper where it's like,

okay, we need to make sure that he's taking his meds and like this isn't going to happen all the time. You're not going to be afraid that one day he's going to wake up and just leave when you need him. Because we don't have all that info other than she said. We don't have all that. She thinks she said manic episode or having an episode? I think she said manic.

I think she did, yeah. But you do also just care about him as a person. So maybe for a second, you try to take the relationship out of it and be like, is this guy okay? I mean, it sounds to me like she hasn't received the right amount of communication, which is kind of difficult. No. You know, so I feel for you on sort of being left high and dry. So I would say just my personal advice, which, you know, this is very much like one of these times where I could be very wrong to say this. but I feel like you have to give yourself a period of a time,

a timeline where you go, okay, I have to let go now. I think that's a really good advice, babe. But I just don't know what that time would be. Yeah. But I also would implore him to communicate just a little more clearly what's going on. So that might help you to be able to know when to completely let go. Yeah. very very interesting but you're going to be okay keep your head up high i just want to say that

i don't know if the dollars need to know this but just a little admin we had planned to stop at wendies but i feel like we're in too much of a flow to stop at wendy's right now okay what do you feel as long we'll be we'll be able to we'll be oh my god are we answering the question will we be able to stop at a place in like in like 30 minutes? Like I, what I'm saying is I think we should continue and finish. I agree, because I'm feeling a vibe right now. Okay, let's go. Let's keep the flow. Let's actually go a little more funny now. It's not time for a big classic. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Des. Love the pod. I'm currently walking to work, so I apologize. It sounds a little crazy out here, but

I need some advice about how to tell your fiancé that you absolutely hate their haircut and facial hair style that they really love. They went to the hairdresser and asked for like the Travis. I do not love the new hairstyle. Thank you. Bye.

I think she was saying the Travis Kelsey maybe. I don't know. It looks like he's trying to, it's kind of cute that he's trying to like have a stylish moment. Yes. And I think you acknowledge, look, there's two ways to go about it. You say you

look like an idiot. Yeah. Put your hair back. Well, the good news with guys is that like it's, it's so much quicker to resolve the issue. So you don't need to, you don't need to have the same trepidation that you might have with like a female friend. Yeah. I do think, though, there's a nicer way to do it where you're kind of like, I actually

really like when your hair is like this. Like, it's giving mean girls your hair looks sexy pushback. And I think, I think. I mean I feel like as a couple like you do care what your partner thinks about things that are easily changed you know it's not like you're telling him you hate his personality

well you need to be honest with yourself are you somebody that doesn't you're not overbearing and you're not like too involved in his life and if this is just like one area where it's like really off putting then you have every right to be like hey you know like you really should think about

this just isn't the right style for you You should think about not doing that. I do have to say she's not alone in this because I do a lot of crowd work with men who have weird hairdos or weird facial stuff and I always go like, sir, this mustache, did she approve of it? And the girl always shakes her head no.

And the guy kind of gets off on like he's being rebellious with his mustache. Has anybody ever approved of a mustache? No. A mustache is just, it's overcompensating for lack of personality. It's a cry for help. Unless you have a very small upper lip that you're trying to hide.

But a lot of these girls will get beard fish Do you know what beard fishing is? Oh, the guy has no jaw? Well, basically, yeah, they'll meet a guy and he's hot because he's a beard. He's a bearded hot guy. And then he shaves his face and you don't like what his face looks like. Oh. Because I have a theory that ugly guys look great with beards where hot guys just like turn into average beard guys if they get a beard.

So it's like you find out you don't like what this guy looks like and he's refusing to grow his beard out. You just got beard fished. So you can either learn to love his, you know, little. Hairless face. Hairless, mole rat face. Or finds another guy with a jawline. Yeah, I'd like to say that our pot isn't as shallow as it's become right now. But I think you have every right to just tell him, like, listen, in future, I don't love this hairstyle, you know.

Because at the end of the day, you're with him. your opinion is the one that matters yeah it's the only one that matters you know but it's good that he tried there's nothing wrong with people trying yeah I do think sometimes these boys you know they talk to their other boys and they're like you know this hair's all cool

and that's not the people they should get advice from they should get it from their girls I like that you let him have his fun I wish we had a picture I wish we had actually can you please see him as a picture I feel like it's a Travis Kelsey where it's like it's kind of faded on the sides

and like too high though like a high fade mate yeah i think a really high fade right yeah yeah that's what Travis does yeah i mean you know it's always one of those things where you know everyone has their personal preference if he's really into it then fine you know girls are out here trying to cut get curly curtain bangs like Sabrina carpenter and it's it's violent out in these streets yeah so everyone makes mistakes um i don't think you need to be that cautious about it don't be cautious if he's overly sensitive about his hair it's a red flag anyway sure i need to know that And it could be funny.

You could make a joke out of it. When in doubt, make a joke. But then sometimes, like, if he feels really confident in it, he might start looking hot with it. I don't know. You might grow to love it. You might go to love it. Okay. I'd say take a risk and let it out.

Let him know. Threaten to shave your own head. That's what I think. Give him an ultimatum. Or do it in the middle of the night. Get some nair. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Took a turn. That was like a thing back in the day, like frat point stuff. Oh, my God. I had the biggest fear of getting hit in the head with an egg of Nair on Halloween. On Halloween, but that was like an urban myth, I feel. I don't know. That's funny that you say that because that is the time that it was like, oh, they put Nair in the fire extinguisher.

Yeah, but it's funny because I've never seen a girl walking around with like a big bald spa. Does anyone use Nair anymore? I feel like Nair is very much like 80s thing. I used it a lot. Really? I used Nair a lot and it definitely was fucked up

like it was like putting just like toxic chemicals and it would shrivel up the hair like the hair would die It was like literally a weed killer on you And it would smell so bad It was sting It was round up for my pussy

Yeah Oh my God I used to use it I forgot about Nair Because it was better than getting a wax Because it wasn't it wasn't painful But then it would grow back pretty fast Yeah I'm surprised it hasn't been like

TikTok's like, I use there in the 90, you know, like I feel like there should be some conspiracy theories about an air. Guys, we are so excited to tell you about hex-clad cookware. I mean, Hannah and I, we've never been big cooking people, but we're trying to be more proactive.

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It's really cool. It's metal utensil safe, dishwasher safe, and oven safe up to 500 degrees. I'm telling you, when you guys use this, you are going to see how good kitchenware can actually make cooking more fun and tastier. So the best news is, for our listeners, you get 10% off if you go to hexclad.com slash burn. Hexclad, H-E-X-C-L-A-D dot com slash burn, B-E-R-N. Check it out. So I got to tell you guys about Sundays. this incredible dog food that Abby, our foster dog, absolutely loves.

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forward-slash burn, B-E-R-N, and grab your starter kit. That's up to 43% off your order at M-D-W-T-R.com forward-slash-B-R-E-N. Ooh, okay, another dating one. Oh, my gosh, so my question for you and Des is that

I am 34 I've done it all in terms of relationships I have the I had the like eight year relationship the eight month

relationship the seven month the one year like all these things the long one was in my 20s because I was a fucking idiot and didn't know anything but now I'm smart now

anyways and now I just like don't give a shit about relationships and like finding someone and you know all that because everyone's fucking stupid um so my question is how do I care again about dating and finding someone because like I am so independent that it it's insane and I want to be independent forever but I also want to find someone wow what was the title on that title is off dating in my 30s.

Oh, right. And it's funny, she asked you. Well, you know, the truth is that I think you should, you're exactly where you're supposed to be, which is you should not give a fuck because it'll just happen when it happens. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with being in the not caring phase. I hate to say it, but I feel like the not caring phase is the most powerful phase where you actually attract like the more right people because you're not for. we're seeing or chasing. It's like we're manifestation. If you have a scarcity mindset,

stuff doesn't happen. But you feel like you have an abundance. You love your life. You love who you are. You don't need a relationship. And that's when only the right people will come into your energies. Right. I mean, that was so Los Angeles. That's the mystical way. Yeah. That's the magical. That's the magical answer. Yeah. But no, I think it's totally fine to be a bit jaded with it. You know, plus, you end up in a field. I feel like you end up always in a transition period from that sort of like there's like there's like the next level of adulthood you hit your 30s and just like your priorities change and and you're fine to just be getting comfortable with that time in your life right now I actually want to know stats of like because

there's all these high divorce rates but I wonder like the couples who meet later in life stay together longer like I wonder what the trends are yeah Esther Perel would know as to Perel shadow have the facts I maybe if Chris was live in the studio. I know Chris. If we weren't driving on exit 66 on the L.A.e. Yeah, Pank. But also, don't beat yourself up for having that long relationship in your 20s.

It is annoying because you feel like, oh, I wasted it. I wasn't with the right person. But like, you were becoming who you are. And you wouldn't have found the right person at that time. You were learning. But it is funny because a lot of your friends are probably like, oh, she's the one in the relationship. She has this great guy.

And now you're single. But I feel like this is your time. for growth. And I think you probably are not going to settle for less because you know what it's like being stuck in something for a long time that wasn't worth it. Yeah. So honestly, just, just what I would say is be 100% comfortable with where you're at, which you kind of said you kind of are. But I think you were just questioning, is it okay to be comfortable way you are? And it is so okay. And the most unhappy people are women in relationships that they don't want to be in period and i'm just making up facts right now but if you get a little horny then your next

dilemma is do you know do you go for the one night stand or not and that's something you'll have to ask yourself have you tried women yeah if we have somebody here who might not who might have a failed relapse might be able to help you out but no i think women who are um in their decentering men part of their life are extremely powerful. Especially when they're married and it's just like a brand thing. You know, I was thinking about how a lot of people are like, oh, I'm so surprised you're married. And I'm like, what do people think married people should look like or how they should act? Well, when your whole brand is decentering men, then it's more based on like what you put out there rather than what you look like.

so like that i think it's more that true you know but that's okay true i mean true wow just got he just read me to filth um okay this is going to make me laugh okay it's called hiking issue oh hey guys this is sarah um i'm living in cologne germany and i thought i would leave this voicemail because i've been listening to you guys for a while and i have some random shit that happened over the weekend that I thought you guys could help and react to. So I went on this hike in the mountains, but my friends didn't call the mountains. And now my knee is fucked. So I need to know what to do for the fact that my knee is backed and how to deal with setting

boundaries on not going hiking. I think I'm just not a mountain person. I'm quite tall. I'm a six-foot-one girlie, and my center of gravity is just not in the same place anymore as it used to me. And I think I just need to come to terms of the fact that mountains are just not for me. What do you guys think? Look, look, I could have told you from day one that hiking was a bad idea. You know, speaking of things on brand for Hannah, very anti-hiking.

My arch nemesis hiking. No, it's, it's tripping up a hill. Like, it's like, let's do walking, but make it so fucking annoying because you have to walk up and then down and we'll put a ton of rocks and things you could trip on. Uneven, yeah.

And I... Hannes, we haven't even talked about the fact that you sprained your ankle walking outside to pick up Uber Eats. Did you talk about that on Giggly Squad? Yeah, it talks about last week. Oh, you did, yeah. So, you know, if you can't walk down the stairs,

then you can't be hiking. I once went hiking with Becca and Arkansas, and the rocks were, like, slippery. Like, it had rained or something. And I was like, we're going to die here. And I was like, this is your idea of fun? Like, I'm fighting for my life. Every rock could loosen up, and that's it. And I'm like, is she going to murder me out here?

Like, it was also, I've watched plenty murder documentaries. They go hiking. Next thing you know, someone slips off the cliff. Oopsie. Look, hiking, no, just don't. So I have to say that. that it's unfortunate that phone sex lines don't exist anymore because I feel like you could have made a lot of money.

It's the most sultry description of a hiking injury I've ever heard in my life. Very sultry. Also, I want to go to Cologne. You know, and nobody talks about center of gravity. They don't talk about that or not. Yeah. It's an issue.

When you're tall... You know, all these people that are just like very in proportion, you know, it's just, it's easier for them to just make the right step every time. When you're factoring in hobbies, you do have to factor these kind of things in. And being tall like that, like volleyball, great hobby. Modeling, great hobby. Getting stuff off of high shelves. Great hobby.

Hiking? I don't think so. Because you're so high. You can't even see like what you're about to trip on or what's going to hurt you. You know what else is not great if you're tall? Pull-ups. You know what else is not great when you have a fat ass? pull-ups.

Yeah, I never knew this, you know, because one time I went to the gym with my buddy, and I was the fitter guy, you know, and like fitness was a much, at that time, especially, a much bigger part of my life. And he was like way better at pull-ups. And like a decade later, I discovered that, you know, when you have longer arms and more weight, you're actually, you're doing like one and a half pull-up to a not as tall person's one pull-up. No, my friend Jojo would do tons of pull-ups and she was short and had strong arms

and like skinny legs and then I'm all ass and thighs couldn't do one pull-up and I was one of the strongest girls on the team and my coach was telling me like how come Jojo's kicking your ass and I'm like this bitch has no weight on her. Yeah, I got a bag of fucking potatoes in my ass

I'm carrying load. You know when you do physical therapy they're like you need to add load to this exercise You added load with your genetics. Also, I'm learning as you get into your 30s, you do have to be like, am I going to hurt myself and ruin the next couple months for me just to... It's like when you're younger and you're like,

should I take this shot? In your 30s, it's like, should I do this unnecessary activity that might really hurt? But, you know, at the end of the day, just exaggerate your knee injury for the future, you know? You don't want to hike. You don't have to hike. You know?

But by the way, I don't mind a hike. It's not like my main thing, but I'll do a hike, you know? But you don't have to hike. I don't like the traditional hikes up mountains. Yeah. Now, we were at like the most beautiful seaside walk in the south of France and Antib. I didn't like that. Yeah, you didn't like that, which was like insane.

Well, because I don't like that you're like on the edge of a cliff. It gives me anxiety. Yeah, that was an exceptional walk. It was beautiful, but I was like, I rather just sick. By the way, I was actually injured. Yeah, you were like wondering around. I was recovered from a torn calf. Oh, gosh.

Anyway, so we support you. But I love walks. Anyway, tell them that we told you you're not allowed if you need to get out of it. Ooh, okay. This one is about stand up. Oh, yeah. I always like to put these in. Hello, Hannah and Des.

It's Katie. I love y'all so much. You guys are freaking awesome. You already know that. I need y'all's help, though, because I signed up for a stand-up comedy class, and I was able to hit by, and I'm still shaking hours later. And the course starts in about three weeks. So if you have any advice for me, let me know. I'm a pretty balsy person. Like, I can send myself off, like, black diamonds and, like, do hard things. But, uh, Wowie, is this going to be all new for me? Yeah.

So any advice would be greatly appreciated. Love y'all. Well, off the bat, I just want to let you know that I can't do a black diamond. And I don't have the balls. And I never told my ACL doing stand-up. But I also have to say, I notice in your voice that you're Southern. You said, y'all. And I have a theory that Southern people are intrinsically hilarious,

especially southern women. They're very, very funny. Did she actually call herself a Southern girlie? Or did I remember that incorrectly? I don't know. I think you might be getting all the messages mixed up together. But she did say y'all multiple times. I'm so excited for her.

I thought she said it when she got off stage, she was shaking. But she said ever since she clicked the button. Well, life is about doing things that scare you. I'm really excited for you. Also know that it's about perspective. Like, I do not want to go down a black diamond, but going on stage and like being a sarcastic bitch I'm like that it's it's not as hard um think about

what you're scared of and then logically talk yourself through it like a lot of people they're so afraid of people not laughing and I'm like first of all like think of all the time with your friends like when things don't hit things laughing doesn't work that's funny that people didn't laugh at something and lean in and be like oh the anal joke made you guys tighten up or like oh sorry like I thought that was funny like just like lean in to the fact it wasn't funny just say what people are thinking be yourself on stage but you don't even have to worry about that because that's like way after day one of the class so if I were you I would think okay great I've signed up for the class and the class is set up for people like me that have never done it

before yeah so just trust the process you're all in it together It's going to be a cute community. I've never done stand-up classes. I probably should have. They didn't exist, but, you know, they've been around since I started. Yeah. And honestly, there's been some great comics that came out of the stand-up class. And there's been way more people that never ended up doing a show other than the show that's organized by the class.

But I guarantee you that the percentage rate of people that were so happy that they tried is very high. Yeah, you're going to have so much fun. I'm really proud of you. Also, what people don't know a lot about stand-up is a lot. is a lot of it is writing. So you're going to have fun kind of finding the funying things and the actual performance

is just a, you know, a part of it. Yeah, I mean, coincidentally, I'm sitting there about no stand-up classes. I actually did a full television series about doing stand-up comedy workshops in, you know, a tough neighborhood in Ireland. Anyway, trying to get voices that weren't, you know, being represented

in Irish stand-up at the time. But the class is really, are just writing workshops. Yeah. And then a couple of tricks of the trade about getting up. Because when anybody ever messages me, and I know I've said this before, because we've had a few stand-up ones over the year of the pod,

anybody ever messaged me, I always say you just got to get up. So actually, if you want to actually do stand-up as a career, you just have to get up. Sometimes you're going to bomb, and that's just part of it. However, the writing workshop part to just get you something to stay when you get up, it's pretty handy to have assistance with that.

And you can't be good straight away Yeah, and there's certain joke structure and stuff But my biggest piece of advice is Try to talk to the crowd like they're your friends And don't say anything that you wouldn't think Would make your friends laugh When you say that though you mean sort of like Not actually talking to the crowd like crowdwork wise

You mean like in your performance Yeah like I don't say anything on stage That I don't think would make page laugh Right Like don't say things that is like in theory should be funny like do you and your friends actually find it funny and believe in it

and have confidence in it and lean in and if it doesn't work you go oh I'm the weirdo I'm the only one here that ever thought of that and like have fun with it and lean into being yourself and also you're from the South you're fucking hilarious and it's such a great like of all the things to do in terms of like

an activity like a yoga class much safer than hiking like it is that's a very active like you're really stepping into to something. Yeah. That's very challenging. And the German girl should do this instead of hiking, I think. Yeah. But one last thing I will say is that it is listed as people's greatest fear, public speaking. Yeah. So this, this will be exhilarating in like a skydiving kind of way. It'll be exhilarating and it will help you. Let's say you go, okay, well, I don't want to

stand up full time. You're going to be so much more confident when you're in a room selling yourself in some way, interview, meeting, phone call. It's going to be. be so helpful for you um but yeah public speaking is people's biggest fear but i feel like it's the kind of thing that when you do force yourself to get on stage you're like oh my god this was in my head yeah you're i mean i just think it's so great when people try you know yeah so good luck just know that people can't tell when you're nervous and people can't tell when you mess up unless you say i messed up and then when you're in the class you know i think it's good to you know just be very like um trying to help other people with their bits as much as possible

and then you'll hopefully get that energy back yeah well it also helps sometimes like you overthink your own stuff but when you hear someone else's joke you're like oh this is funny that's funny and you also can make some good friends i'm i'm so happy for her and by the way don't feel bad if somebody really sucks and you're like well i'm funnier than them that's fine we all have that oh god Guys, I got to tell you about bowl and branch sheets. Hannah and I have been using these sheets, and let's face it, they're a relationship saver for us,

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Oh, yeah. Hi, Hennandez. Okay, I'll make this short and sweet. So I got engaged last year and earlier this year, before picking a place and date for my wedding. I told two of my best friends, we might have it around January through March since we live in Florida. And one of my good friends' response was, don't have it around my birthday. Okay, thanks. And that just really kind of took me back because she's married, has been married, and has gone through maid of honor's shit. And her birthday's on a fucking Tuesday. So I could

get married the weekend before or after your birthday. So tell me know what you guys think about that. Love you guys. Love the pod. I hope to see you guys live and in person. Bye. That's hilarious because I feel like a guy friend would never say that.

Well, first of all, birthdays are bullshit. First of all, that is such bullshit. Birthdays are nonsense. 30, 40, 50. Those birthdays matter. No, but even if it was a 30 birthday. And even if it was. Wait, yeah, this is so.

Trump birthdays. This is so fucked up of your friend. The hierarchy of occasions. She already has a full family. Like, focus on, like, that's your own shit. No one cares about your birthday past 21. And that's insane, especially because she knows how hard it is to get a wedding date at this time in the right venue. I'm upset.

Yeah. You have a right to be annoyed. And I don't know if this is like how she is. And you're like, that's Jenny. That's Jenny. Jenny being selfish again. Making it a better self again. Don't have it on my birthday.

The first thing you'd be say is that's awesome. What the fuck? Like what are you going to be doing? What's so important about your birthday that it's going to go over the wedding? We'll sing happy birthday to you at the fucking reception. Relax. Also, yeah, she'll have a dinner on the Tuesday for her birthday. You'll send her a nice gift.

This is crazy behavior. Because think about it. What if you have you have 12 girlfriends, you have to navigate all their. their birthdays for the bridesmaids. This is the craziest. Actually, this is the crazy message I've ever heard. Really? Yeah, this is insane.

Wow. I've never been so one-sided before and upset. This is real girl drama. I love it. This is fucked up. And then even the way she texted it and said, not my birthday, K things. Was it a text? Yeah.

And it's short and abrupt. It's not like, hey, can you call me? Maybe she was joking. This has to be discussed. You can't let this fester. I hope this can't fester. Part of you thought for a second, maybe she's being sarcastic, like, LOL, not on my birthday. But again, it's one of those jokes where it's like, she means it.

Yeah. You can't let that fester, I feel. So, like, could you imagine when your guy friend's doing this? No, are you kidding me? They don't even know. I'm not even going to talk about one or two of the funny things around the wedding that happened with my friends because I don't want anybody to get annoyed. But there was one or two moments where it was like, dude, I'm not worried about that. It's the fucking wedding.

I'm not worried about your, your tiny inconvenience. Or yeah, they're asking you to help them and it's like 10 minutes before you have to walk on. Oh, yeah, no, I didn't have to deal with that. Well, actually, coincident enough, at our wedding, the venue was awesome, but there was a couple of just like little bits of logistics that weren't clear and I ended up having to sort of like explain that to people.

Yeah. I went into a little bit of organization mode while you were being hidden away in the, in the, what are the, was that the bridal? The bridal suite. Did they call that the bridal suite? yeah the green room you're in the green room

and I was I got I had to do a little bit of admin I was trying to de virginize myself in the bridal suite yes um yeah this is weddings are so fucking stressful you don't need this extra tension from this girl

like it's insanity everybody's worked up now everyone's worked up and this could cause to say it's drama because I see you know you're calling your other friends being like am I crazy for this upsetting me then they're picking size

they're turning on her. Then it gets back to her. You're mad. Next thing you know. So this could be very bad. Or good, because then you only have to invite half the amount of people

to the wedding. You save a lot of money. Or maybe this girl or the other girl listens to this pod and she'll be like, holy shit. Like, I'm in the wrong.

I know. That's the problem. I pissed Han off. That's the issue. You know what it is? It's, I think I'm also not a big birthday person. Like,

this is the kind of girl that's like, it's my birthday month. And everyone cancel your plans. It's my birthday month. Oh, people that like stretch out the birthday thing i just can't handle it honestly i feel like after 21 it's decade birthdays really matter i mean birthdays are beautiful like i love waking up on my

birthday and like it's my birthday and everyone's a happy birthday like it's a really beautiful day not something that you should ruin your friend's wedding about insane absolutely i'm just wondering how the friendship lasted this long well well yeah well let's well let's we'll get an update. I want an update. I want an update. All right. Since we did a wedding one, the Bachelorette drama one that's at the bottom. Is that good? It's, I couldn't really, I only read it. So I'm more curious to like listen to it. Okay, I do have to say Bachelorette drama is normally better than normal wedding drama. Let's get into it. Hi, Hannah and Des. I'm calling in because I need help with a situation. I am the maid of honor of my best friend's wedding.

And her wedding is in September. And her bachelor's party is this next weekend. and I've known her since high school and we were in a group of like three other girls and she didn't make any of the other girls even bridesmaids and they've all decided to opt out of the bachelorette party and now they're talking about not even coming to the wedding so I just wanted to hear what you guys thought about that and how I should handle that because I'm friends with all of them but I want to be supportive so thanks guys love you fine oh okay now i understand you it wasn't translated right confusing because she said she's the only she's the maid of honor the other ones aren't bridesmaids yes and they're upset but they were invited

to the bachelorette right the bachelor's right the bachelor's and the wedding yeah well i would love to talk to the source i would love to be like did something happen well here's the thing I've never quite understood people's desire to be in the wedding party. Like, there's so many. It's like a Myspace Top 8 thing. Yeah, but it's like there's just so many reasons why, you know, people aren't family reasons. And, you know, there's just like, there's just so many different reasons why there might be other priorities in terms of the thing. It's not like a slight.

I wonder if she's stayed friends with this girl longer. Like, there has to be a reason. But clearly these girls care about the girl Because they're so hurt by it Yeah But like how can you care enough to be like We're not going to the bachelorette And we're not going to the wedding

Because we weren't picked in the bridal party That's crazy behavior Not really I think they're hurt Because the whole point of picking your bridesmaids Is picking the people I know but the thing is that like You can't pick them all

I know but she's saying It's weird It's weird of exactly it's weird of the three people or the four girl group you picked and chose but maybe something happened maybe she felt slighted by those girls

in some way maybe she just really fucking loves that one girl way more than the other two you know also like maybe she just has like really important cousins or like you know in-laws from other you know parts of the family there's just so many reasons

why I personally like it's one thing if like you're currently best friends and you've been best friends for a while but like if you're not currently best friends and you were close like it's hard to expect them to put you in the party over family and stuff.

I have to say that a wedding is such a special night and a slight of not being asked into the wedding party even if it's even if it's genuinely like uncool it's more uncool to then inject yourself into like drama that could ruin the wedding. Yeah.

You know, you should still be happy to be there to celebrate your friend's matrimony. It's so easy for me to say I want communication because it's so easy to just be like, fuck those people, move on. But like, I would love the girl or the girls to ask like, hey, we're hurt why we weren't bridesmaids or have the other girls say why she didn't choose them. I guess that's not like required and maybe they don't feel like they should have to explain themselves. I think the maid of honor here needs to say to the rebels that they need to just, you know, in the future, they can have a conversation with her, but right now they can't sour the occasion. Yeah. It's too much of a, it's too much of a huge

move to be like we're not going to the wedding. I wonder if they thought that they should be in the bridal party, that means that they're pretty close. Yeah. You can't make, it's too strong of a reaction. Yeah. And then, then, then vetoing it makes you as the bride not want to fight for them and be like, I'd love you to be there. Like, I'm sorry. You can't do that. You can't because that just, you don't want to, you don't want to like inject yourself into the celebration like that. But also for the girl who called in, she's put in this vulnerable place of like in between where she's the reason for the drama, but she didn't do anything. She just was chosen to pick as the maid of honor. But also, guys, I didn't have bridesmaids for this fucking reason. Yeah, that's the issue. Like, this is

the reason. What happened is all my best friends naturally through a Bachelorette showed up to get ready with me on my wedding day. The people who knew knew, you know, if. you're one of my people. It shouldn't matter. Honestly, I've always felt that that stuff is silly and it does matter in this situation and I understand. But that's the thing. Sometimes people can weaponize it and be like, you're in, you're not and you become a, and I'm not saying this girl did this, but I know it's giving like, you know, bachelorette cult vibes. Yeah, it's tough, man. And it's also even inviting them to the bachelorette, but then they're not bridesmaids is kind of weird like you feel like secondary people when you're like not in the in the bridesmaid group yeah and

then people end up having bridesmaids that they don't even want because they're worried about how they feel like it's just it's not it's okay for it to not be about you you cannot make such a bold move of not going to the way you have to beg them to not do that i think bridesmaids someone's the friendship is over if you do that yeah the friendship's over someone made up bridesmaids just to start friend drama like there's no No reason for bridesmaids. Yeah, there's no reason. Not one reason.

It's the dumbest thing. And, like, I guess the Bachelorette is, again, no reason for it. A wedding doesn't need a cast. Throw a party. But, yeah, you don't need to have your, like, supporting people. No, it's unnecessary. And it sucks and it's annoying, but, like, this could end a friendship. You just need one gay friend to mix it up on the dance floor.

We had that at the wedding and made a huge difference. Got everybody going. incredible okay we have time for one more big pick hannah hey hannah hey does um love the pod um also hannah so excited to see giggly squad club in um raleigh in the next couple weeks anyways um my dilemma and i would love some advice is i moved across the united states um from my husband because he's in the military and so after we got married moved over here um i was so independent had my own life my own out there and then all of a sudden like moved here and there's nothing out here so um do i continue nursing or do i continue with like another career like midlife crisis like going to real estate

like you just said on um ghouly squad or do i like pursue school advanced in my career all the other things that could go on um because they pay crap out here and i just cannot find a job closer than an hour. So yeah, anyways, uh, love you guys. And that's my dilemma. Thanks. Bye. Oh, that's frustrating. And it's hard because you don't know how much he's going to continue to move. So you don't want to make like permanent decisions about this location. Um, well, it's interesting because her life has been, she suddenly has this openness in her life as a result of his move, which is a little excited about pro and a con. Yeah. It's a positive and a negative. I mean, nursing shout out to the nurses it's such an intense incredible career and it is a career you can always

go back to and you can always go back to but i know people have taken breaks from it especially after covid who were like this is a lot um the good news is there's no wrong answer it's your life you can figure it out if you want to take you know a year to have fun with something else and make some money a different way it's okay i mean i always feel in this situation where your life just got thrown up a bit and you've got this freedom to make decision. And you mentioned about going back to school, I feel like if financially you guys have the freedom because his job is good enough that perhaps you could do that. I always feel like that's a good option if it's something that you're curious about what you've said. And if you have the freedom to do it. Because I do feel

that that does like really open a lot of new doors for you. Yeah. I do love change. I feel like when things are kind of a different perspective you can see things a different way i don't always know if depends on the career if school is always like i was always obsessed with like i just want to make money i'm sick of like fake learning um and i'm also not as like into school as you were so i feel like i wasn't into school i just i got into learning after i finished actually yeah but i think for you if you are passionate about real estate or you're you're like oh wait i've always wanted to do this then fucking do it go for it interesting take a stand-up class it's funny because i was immediately like no not the real estate thing i mean i don't know i but that you know hey that's me it just depends

who she is and what she wants and i think a lot of people especially people go into careers like nursing that takes so much schooling to get into and you're doing it for so long you're a little shook up and maybe you want to take a break and that's okay and you know we we have a friend that's a real estate agent that it's her second career and it really has been an addition to her life. So I shouldn't be very negative on the real estate thing. It's more an inside joke, but a lot of people consider real estate because you just get your license and then you could be like an entrepreneur or do your own thing. Yes. Understandable. I like these moments of change to sit down and be like, do I want to continue what I've been doing? Because it's a lot harder. The one thing I will say is I think

you should definitely try something else because you're saying that right now that nursing, it's not ideal, you can't get a job that's closer than an hour. It doesn't pay well. And you just have this ability to make an attempt at something else. I think you should take the risk and try something.

What it is, we can't say, but give it a shot. All advice is subject to being an absolute mistake, by the way. We do not take responsibility for any of the advice we've given to we love you guys so much thanks for calling in any gigs to plug hannah um we have atlantic city coming up for giggly squad and we added a second radio city in new york city for giggily squad um yeah what do you have going on i have that second uh grammercy show september 28th in new york

and my first shows after a bit of a sort of a late summer break uh mid what is it september i think it's like september 25th or 26th i'm in milwaukee and madison to wisconsin shows first time i'll ever be in the state of wisconsin so come and check those out midweek shows and uh and then just go to my website tons of shows in the united states canada and ireland oh i added another toronto show i sold that four shows in toronto small venue though not a boast small venue but i have added an extra show on sunday love in all october and don't forget to rate subscribe review thanks for calling in bye bye Hey,