Berner Phone - Berner Phone #58: Best Gripes

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

Gripes come in many forms and, in our book, they are all completely valid. The dialers are sharing the things that grind their gears and Hannah gives some advice to the big booty girlies. 20% off shapewear at honeylove.com/BERN quince.com/BERN for free shipping and returns  15% off all products at lumedeodorant.com with code BERN 20% off at liquid-iv.com with code BERN 20% off at prettylitter.com/BERN with code BERN    

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An ASMR car episodes. If there's a little buzzing, you know, let that put you to sleep. And if it's the beginning of your day and you're trying to work or do something productive, we are sorry. But actually, this episode's going to get hot because it's about gripes. Yeah. Actually, there's a little bit of like behind the scenes

going on with the fact that one, we're recording while driving. And it might be more ASMR than normal because actually we're using like a special mic. Not because we're trying to get more technical, but actually we forgot to bring our equipment out to West Hampton. You know, I brought, it was my mistake.

I brought one of the mics on Gigli Squad tour. Things are going crazy. But we give you all the behind the scenes here at Burner Film. And there's a lot of people on the team, me and Des, so it's hard to manage us. Why do you sound like you're reporting on like breaking news? Because I have, because I'm holding this weird microphone, so I feel different. Reporting live from West Hampton. Live from the Gripes episode of Burner Phone.

Could you have seen me in another life being a sports, broadcaster or news reporter. Well, of course I could because that's your sort of like, when people always ask you what you see yourself doing if you hadn't become a comedian, I feel like your job is that. No, it was to be a fucking professional tennis player, you asshole.

All right, well, sorry, you're third. No, but I want to be a sports supporter. Trying. You know, like doing in college, you were doing interviews. I wasn't trying. I was killing. Sorry. I was serving.

Beginning, yeah, the beginning of the journey. But I do remember, like, feeling a little bored. Anyway, the thing with gripes is, you know it's actually Paige's favorite word? Really? Gripes? Because that's interesting because one of the gripes, I actually recorded it if you want to play it. Or I can just say what it was, because it's a one-liner. What is it? It is.

I'll just play it, actually. What's it called? What did you title it? It's called How to Look It Up. It's about two-thirds of the way down there. How to Look it Up? Had to. Oh, how to look up?

gripe got it yeah hey hannah and des my current gripe is that i had to look up what the word gripe meant bye so we i'm surprised to say that it's page's favorite words because you're saying page doesn't know a lot of words no i'm i'm surprised that what i would assume to be was a giggler it didn't know what it meant oh well you know what we do have some listeners that are strictly dickly yeah so gripe is gripe is page's favorite word and what is because this is a, like, she likes having gripes? Not to always be talking about my best friend, but Paige, people think she's not athletic. She's actually freaky athletic, like, so good at beer pong and kickball.

Then, like, she's not, like, the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to, like, schoolwork, I guess, she said. But then she will know random-ass words, but, like, she only knows, like, four of them. And gripes is one of them. She'll be like, I have grape. I don't, first of all, when did gripe become, like, like, a random, like a, a, like a, not used word. Gripe is a pretty well-used word. I've never used the word gripe in my life. Really? I thought you were saying grape at first. So, so what would you, what, what, what's a different word for gripe? Let's get the, the sosaurus out. Things that piss you off. Things that really grind your gears. Yeah, a peeve. I mean, it's, it's really just another peeve episode. But we got the grieve. Well, no, because I wanted it to be like your current gripe. Like, I wanted it to kind of be like, what's, what's grinding your gears currently?

I feel like gripes. Like I feel like a pet peeve is like for life. You know, that's like something that bugs you consistently. I wanted like a sort of a sense of time. A gripe could be a recent thing, yeah. Yeah. But you know what?

Also, I think having similar gripes helps with people's compatibility. Like I think me and you have similar gripes in life. Like when I get griped about something, that sounded weird. When I gripe something, when I get grip, when I, when I consider something a gripe. I feel like you'll agree with me. Or it's so unheard of to you that you don't think it's a gripe.

And then we let, like, you get really griped with traffic where I don't even know how to drive. So I'll be like, I don't care. So then we're like compatible in that way. Erked would be the word that. It'll be our next episode. What's irking you? Yeah, what's irking? Well, the New York Times Crossword loves the word irk.

Yes. And they like the word air for making a mistake. Do you have a, yes, E-R-R. Do you have a current gripe? Oh, God. I actually don't really have a current gripe. You know, I... We discussed one right before we...

Yeah, we were just watching the Emmys, and there was some drama because last year, the Bear won everything, and this year the Bear was nominated for, like, 472 awards. That's the thing with the Emmys, unlike... But that's not the gripe. I'll get into it. The Oscars, I feel like they'll have won,

like, occasionally they'll be, like, lower the rings or whatever that wins in a lot of movies. but like TV shows sometimes for like 10 years they'll win every year in that music gets boring. But there was some drama because people started saying the bear is not a comedy and the bear is winning all these comedy things. Like they even were on the red carpet asking people like, do you think the bear is a comedy? And then in the opening monologue, Levy, father and son, said, I know some of you might be expecting us to make a joke about whether the bear is really a comedy. But in the true spirit of the bear, will we not be making any jokes? Which is really funny.

But it's people's grape right now that the bear is winning all these awards for comedy. And I think it's funny for me to talk about this so much, considering I've never watched the bear. Yeah, neither of us. I tried to watch the bear. But it was too stressful. It gave me anxiety. It gave me anxiety.

But it definitely wasn't, I didn't take it as a comedy. Listen, let's say what the real gripe is with this. They're kind of like, there's like a snobbery in Hollywood, despite the fact that comedy is a huge part of the. industry this kind of a snobbery for just like silly silly in your faith things that are like funny for the sake of being funny yes yes and it's funny because some people were like well comedy is a big thing you know it could be dark it could be whatever and it's like is it making people laugh is it making people laugh and i've never seen it so i can't make a decision on that

listen was better call saul ever in the comedy category because better call sol is from what i only watch a small amount of the bear so i'll admit my ignorance around the bear But what I watched in the bear, there was just nothing about it that said comedy. This is like my gripe with challengers for like a year. And everywhere I went, people asked me about challengers. And I continued to give the hottest takes. Without seeing challenges. And I've never seen challenges before.

And then I saw it. And I had more of a gripe than I started with. Because not only was the tennis bad, but the actual script, the characters, all of it was bad. Like, at least, like, okay, they suck a tennis. Fine. I can get over that. If it's a fun movie, they didn't even have a threesome. Like, I was ovulating and I wasn't even fucking burned on.

I can't believe you brought it back to the challenger. You knew I was going to do that. I was doing this whole episode. But anyway, Better Call Saul was funnier than the bear. Was it ever in the comedy category? I don't know. We don't know. Like, breaking bed, from what I could see, was funnier than the bear.

So I don't know why. Break is breaking back. Just because something has comedic moments does not make it a comedy. Was baby reindeer in any comedy categories? It's in the comedy category. Oh, it is? I think But actually I don't know

Oh you don't know I don't know I was We're really giving Too many strong opinions About stuff that were only vaguely aware of I wasn't paying attention

I was very vocal about my gripe With Stanley water bottles On my special And I do have to say I got one And it was so heavy I like almost

Like left it on a corner When I was on my walk And then You dropped my Stanley one day And I thought we were under attack I thought a box I thought a bomb had hit the house. Actually, you, you knocked your Stanley over yesterday?

It wasn't even me. No, this is like a couple weeks ago and I'm still shook by it. Oh, I don't recall. I don't remember that, the dropping. Okay, let's pull up some grapes. I love looking at, oh, okay, fat-ass shorts. What is this? Hi, Des, hi, Hannah.

Hannah, I'm sure you can identify with this gripe. I am so annoyed that they do not make very nice. shorts for those of us ladies with a bigger ass. Geez, I started weightlifting this year and all of my shorts used to fit me but now the waist is huge on them and my ass is hanging out the bottom.

I do not understand the logic with this. Like, yes, we want to show a little bit of like, but can't we just add a couple inches just to the bottom of the butt cheeks? Just help a girl out, you know? It's 2024. Geez. Anyway, love you guys. I'm 100% agree with her

I love how she said geez I need to say that more geez I mean I feel like this went in because I knew you would you're a kindred spirit and the big butt issue department shorts are hard for me to pull off and I just thought it was my

it was me but now I realize no it's the system it's a bigger system here she is right a lot of jean shorts when you have thighs like the chafeage is insane and then a lot of the time if it's like if you have a butt that god forbid you also have a waist so then like it's just you're hanging out and then it's either like golf shorts where you look like a jv you know

basketball coach where it's really long or it's so short your labia's hanging out and there's not like an in between um also like jorts are in but like when i wear jorts and i have muscular legs it looks crazy where like a tiny girl wears it and it's like ironic what are jorts are jorts checking those no like what no because what's the jay jean shorts oh jean shorts jorts or jean shorts so when I wear like long jean shorts I wore it on collar daddy

it was oh long jean shorts it's long jean shorts but they call them jorts what were you talking about jean shorts oh okay sorry that's where my confusion was you know it is hard we started talking about jean shorts that was valid um this is just for the big booty girl out there um fashion nova and this stuff is like 25 dollars and no you're like henna are you sure i'm sure they if you have a small waist and a big butt and big thighs this is it's gonna get you it's gonna tighten you up i also heard good american is good okay so i have a question yes

about booties well the butt cleavage oh like so she's kind of complaining that she's getting like butt cleavage because she's got a big ass for her waist size, right? Yeah. So it's interesting that nobody seems to be that concerned with boob cleavage, but butt cleavage is like, oh, that's

a big statement. I think because with butt cleavage, you get vage cleavage. Right, but do you actually get, because I don't, I don't ever recall in my life. If you can see my butt from the back, you can see my badge in the front.

Sorry, mom and dad. But that's just not true. Like, there have been numerous times where I've seen people with very short, shorts, and I'm like, oh, that's like I can see like a little bit of tushy there. But I've never been like, oh, and there's her vagina. Well, like, I think it's the thought that, like, right next to it is the vagina. So we're boobs. But again, it is similar for the big boob girls where certain shirts that are fashionable,

they can't wear because when they wear it, they look like Xenoward. a princess where if a girl with no boobs wears it she's just like cool but isn't it interesting how like just suddenly we're into the curvature of your butt and now that's too much versus just a little bit lower on your thigh like it's just very interesting the way humanity has decided like this is the line oh you're saying girls should be able to show their booty well i'm not saying should be able i'm just saying like it's just because we're complaining that we actually don't really want to show our booties all the time but that but that's I get that.

Because it's very uncomfortable, and as someone who can't even wear a thong, I don't want to wear a jean thong. But there was a recently, I think it was because of Coachella. I'm going to make that up and say that. These like ripped, short, ripped jeans got popular. And girls without a butt can wear them and just be like, oh, I'm my little jean shorts. But when you have a butt and you wear them, it looks like you're wearing a jean diaper. And it's like more exposing than you want. Right.

but yeah i guess it's really just up to uh somebody to come up with that extra intro to that she's looking for who can invent you know because i was also thinking like we were watching the mtv music awards the other night yeah and like obviously there was a theme of showing as much breast as possible without showing a nipple and like it's fine it's a style choice but it's also kind of like society goes this is okay or it isn't and it well if you ever see ice Spice. They do show butt. Oh, Ice Spice, a big butt fan, right? Yeah, they're showing. She's shown butt. And you'll see a lot of like

butts, but like covered but tight. I do think also boobs are quite motherly. They're quite, they're reassuring to you? They're reassuring. They're safe. Ooh, something about Insta DMs. I'm always into this drama. Hi, Hannah and Des, love you guys. My gripe is with the fact that you cannot delete Instagram DMs to famous people and because of that the things that I said to Noah Centeno

off of three glasses of wine are burned in the fabric of Instagram so that is super good okay I do have to say drunk DMing is a problem because when someone's drunk in person with you and they say something crazy or like my friend was drunk like he was drunk

she was drunk they didn't mean it they were drunk when you get a DM from someone you can't see that they're drunk and you're just like this person's fucking crazy pants yes we have to look at the time that the DM was sent that's always a an indicator there's a lot of pre-game and going on babe there's a lot of footballs saturday sundays yes um a little early runch that can get crazy the amount of I've gotten some crazy DMs from people and then like the next day they'll be like sorry I was drunk on the last one and I'm like it could have never like they're spelling everything right?

Yeah, I mean, I've definitely gotten some... Honestly, for me, other than like crazy, obvious, like, you know, unsolicited kind of dirty stuff where I know that they're either drunk or spam. I have gotten some drunken rants after somebody like saw a show or something,

but I can tell that they're drunk. And there's often, very often, no follow-up. I'd say 99% of the time. I kind of love that like when she gets drunk she just like DMs hot celebrities. I wonder what you told him. I think there's nothing

to be ashamed of there. I think our next episode we do most embarrassing DMs you sent. Oh yeah, that's actually a great idea. Let's not forget that. We always forget. The good news is that most likely who is that guy by the way? Noah Cinteneo so he he's like one of the

he was like the Jacob Allorty four years ago and he's kind of disappeared. Give me another one. Jacob O'Rourty was in Saltburn. He's like the tall Australian one. So he was like the hot young guy. Okay. But like he's kind of disappeared. Most likely he's not seen it because you're one of probably thousands of drunken.

Yeah, but I think what she's saying is what if she wants to be able to get the chance to rescind? Yeah, what if she sees him one day? But I think you should always live life like you're you could potentially actually date everyone. Yeah, you shot you shot your shot. and that if it's okay there's there's other hot guys on instagram or you find a way to you know circle back circle back and and make fun of yourself i'm not going to click on fancy football yet because i'm just started my fancy football league i only put it in for you i know how do you cook your eggs just interesting you know really grinds my geese so what is it with these uh cooking your

your eggs do you cook them in bacon grease you poke them in uh with pam or you cook them with butter Come on, let me know what do you think. What accent was that? I don't know. Who changed it like four times. You got to understand. I just read them. I didn't even know it was a guy.

That was a guy. He also started Australian, ended like Southern. I think he was trying to do like New York, I think. I think he, or was he, ooh, he was trying to be disguised. He's like, I don't want anyone to know that I'm joking about eggs. That I have a huge grape about eggs. I only like it because this is like, I feel like a lot of people don't think about it. But it's very important.

You always cook eggs and butter. This is like a life hack. This is important because whenever anyone else makes my eggs, it tastes so good. And then when I make it, it's shit. Yeah, but I've seen you sprays, ma'am. Yeah, because I didn't know every, like, how much butter are you putting in it? Like, listen, the trick is butter. How much?

So it's better to err on the side of too much than too little, in my opinion. But this is my thing, like, when someone else makes it, put all the butter you want. When I make it, I'll feel like... I'll feel like, okay, I'm starting the day with lard and like it's super unhealthy. I'm eating eggs because I want to be healthy. So when I put a ton of butter, it's like

unhealthy. No, I love butter. I put it on everything. But that's where the flavor is. I mean, butter is the trick to so many dishes. A croissant. Do you know that a croissant is basically just butter? Yeah, that's why I love it. Exactly. Okay, hot take, is

cooking that hard? Like, you know when you're watching the Food Network and stuff and everyone's tasting the stuff. I'm like, just put a shat ton of butter in it. Everyone will like it. Exactly. My opinion is with eggs always butter. You want to be healthier? Fine. Cook it in olive oil. Spray the pan. You know, that's fine. But for me, you know, butter all day. I know you're right. But early on, someone told me when you're making scrambled eggs, like to put some like whole milk in it or put some milk in it. It makes it fluffier. But I don't know if that worked. Yeah, well, my mother always put milk in it. I don't anymore.

Hot take, best eggs with cottage cheese on the side. Yeah, Hannah's a big cottage cheese with the eggs. Make little omelet with some cottage cheese, ooh, and then some ketchup, ooh! Anyway, I had no idea that was a guy. And it disappoints me that our very rare man had sort of like put on an accent.

You know? Oh, by the way, can I point out, not a gripe, but an observation that your father had about the pod? What do you say? Listen. Yeah, they love it. And I've had this, we've heard this numerous times, he was like, is every message the same person because everybody sounds the same? And I said, no, that's just kind of like the giggler cadence.

No, I think that's just coming from men and every girl sounds the same to them because they don't listen. No, okay, that's a fine joke. But there is kind of like a bit of a Gen Z slash millennial sort of way that women speak. That is like, it's an evolution of speech that has happened. I think it's from TikTok, but it's also like, it's funny. Like, it's a funny cadence that we like to, we're talking to the girls. I have no problem with it, but there is an element of, at times, people do sound set, but there's just numerous people have pointed it out. There is also, like, we're the first generation of influencer talk where they're like, hi, how's everyone doing today? I'm so excited to tell you guys.

Oh, that's interesting. You know what it is. I know what it is. What is it? It's the 2024 version of, like, DJ voice. Oh, DJ voice? You know the way, like, nobody talks like DJs used to in the day. It's like, hey, it's the top 40.

It's like, people don't talk that way. But the minute you get on the... Today is so beautiful. I went to Zara and their fall line is so cute. Okay, I'm doing corporate America because I love pitching about corporate America. It's my favorite thing. Okay, so my current gripe is a corporate America girlie.

Why can't I just clock in to my 9 to 5 and do my job and go home? And then live my fucking life. Why am I constantly being asked by my boss? What do we want to learn next? What projects do we want to take on? You know they're not going to pay you more for, like, taking on more shit. So why fucking bother? Leave me the fuck alone.

Let me clock in. Let me do my job and let me go home. And they also make us do our own annual, like yearly performance reviews. They make us write them all ourselves. Just like, no, is that what you pay a supervisor to do? Like, stop expecting so goddamn much of me. And just let me do my job. I do it very well and let me go home.

Like, please, anyone else, anyone else feel this way. Anyways, I love you both. Bye. We love you. I wonder what job she has. Yeah, I mean, it's very hard for me to speak on corporate America because I was never in there. I was I did corporate America this is the problem that you're always like have a there's they have a carrot to be like you don't want to get fired you want to raise um but so like you can go above and beyond but like you're not necessarily going to get a raise and you still could get fired and people around you could still be getting paid more than you and it's all based on someone like there's such it's almost like a multi-level marketing scheme where like someone's making a shit

of money and then it's like a huge fall off and they don't give a fuck about you and I'm speaking very generally because there are places that are great to work and you grow um it wasn't it wasn't great for me but I think if you can really get that right attitude of like I just want to do my job and leave and not worry about it like lean into that because I would be crazy and be like working on the weekends and want to do the best and and go above and beyond and take no vacation days and then like they still pay you like

shit and you won't get it promoted and you could get fired I do think that there are just some companies that have like this particular corporate culture that can be quite annoying because basically if you don't buy into it then you're not a good employee. Yeah and you

also could be a great employee but your boss isn't seeing it or there's the politics of like The boss sucks. The boss, and a lot of the time, the people become managers are, like, egotistical assholes or, like, they're not, I had a manager once, and it was the sales job, and, like, he didn't know how to sell the product, but he was in charge of all of us, and he knew nothing about the product, but just would, like, give generic speeches to us, and we were working really

hard, and then he was the one that would, like, criticize us when, like, he couldn't, he didn't even know what was going on. Yeah. So you feel kind of just like, it just sometimes. Some managers are like power trips, like bad cops. Yes. Oh my God. They love the power chip.

Yeah. And they're not, they don't even know what's actually happening. I've had bosses who, yeah, like they think someone on the team is doing all the work because that person's telling them, but you're the one doing the work or it can get like bad communication. So like the new boss and slow horses, we're not giving no spoilers, but. Oh, so the horse is so good. There's a bit of an incompetence, but I, but we're unsure if it's genuine. But yeah, there is a lot of like, it's kind of like a group, there's a lot of group

activities. And if you ever done like a group project in college, I feel like there's always one person doing all the work. Yes. And like three that are like fine, the one person who really is not helping. And I feel like that's every job. Yeah, but if you don't have the one person that's not doing their job, then you don't have anything to bitch about, like on lunch.

And that's fine, except when you find out that person is getting paid. more than you. No, that's upsetting. Because it's crazy out on these streets. But this is my thing with corporate America is I feel like you know in the 80s, I didn't know about the 80s, but I heard that like you get in a company

you stay, you put your blood, sweat, and tears in it you eventually work your way up the ladder and hopefully if you fit all the guidelines or the people like you around or Boys Club, whatever, you make it to the top. That's a long time to get there. I mean, the 80s was the end of that.

Nowadays in corporate America, every time you leave a job, you get paid more than the previous job. So it's chaos, but like if you leave every year to another job, you just keep getting a raise. I mean, I don't know if that's... And it's not that simple or easy, but like, whenever you leave a job, you can get a raise. Because once you start at a job, they give you like a certain percentage raise a lot of the time. like you're really kind of stuck, like if you start it. So if you want to get a jump, but you got to be, you got to be desired enough, though. You got to be in a field where there's like...

It's so much of corporate America is smoke and mirrors. It's like, oh, I worked here for six years and she worked here for five years. Who should we choose for the job? And then, like, they do interviews and you all, like, pretend to be fake. I don't know. Maybe I'm... Like I said, this is not my area of expertise. It can become soul crushing at times.

But I say there's two types of people. There's people who live to work. and people who work to live. This girl's a great example, I think, of someone who works to live. She's like, let me do my 9 to 5 and I'll do a good job and then let me live my fucking life, you know? Then there's some people who are like, my job is my everything. But I also think that it can also just be a healthy work life separation.

100%. And I do think there's a lot of unhealthy stuff where, like, you have your managers texting you at like 8 p.m. something happened. And it's like you're not necessarily getting paid for that. but you don't want to lose your job or like they tell you to take on an extra responsibility and you're not going to be like every time you have to add a new thing be like well am i going to get paid more because you don't want to be annoying so there's all these like things that happen next you know you can be really taking advantage of so yeah corporate America's fucking hard I like when we become HR yeah and then then you're in your company you find your HR person is related to your boss sorry that was a That was just from personal experience. So Des' his favorite sweater I got from Quince. It's navy.

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Like, she's the prize. Why are you not chasing this? Do you not love her? Like, what's the problem? More power to the female. Good for her. You get yours, man. Go after what you want.

Like, absolutely no shade to her. But some shade to the man. Anyways, that's just my gripe. Bye. Great gripe. I have so many thoughts. Loaded with societal expectations. Go ahead.

Are you sure? Yeah, you have so many thoughts. I don't, okay, I have a lot. Buckle up. Go. So I went through a lot of emotions during this gripe, and then I realized it's bigger picture. The whole act of proposing is such a, like, fake thing.

Because at first I was like, yeah, like the man should. And then I was thinking about it. Most normal couples, it gets brought up organically. or like the girl sometimes brings it up the guy sometimes brings it up and it's like do we want to like spend the rest of our life together this is just what i think and then you kind of like mutually are like yeah i like i think this this is a relationship that i want to be forever and then with that kind of mutual thought agreement then he performs that but it's not like i don't i wouldn't like a guy to randomly propose out of nowhere that's It's crazy. And also, I think for a girl to randomly propose out of nowhere is crazy.

I think that's crazy. We didn't do that. Well, no, but like, just because we didn't do it, first of all, doesn't make it crazy. But we didn't really discuss it that much. We didn't discuss it, but I guess we just kind of knew. Yeah, but listen, the whole thing is that her gripe kind of comes from this thing of like, she knows that she wants the societal construct to be bullshit. But actually, she can't let it go.

Yeah. Because she still thinks that the only reason this woman had to propose was because the guy wouldn't do it. Because in her mind, it should be the guy. And I kind of agree with her. Which is fine. With my thought of like, once you guys both realize, like, you're in a good place, then it's like if that's the respectful thing to do,

which is if this girl's going to raise your children and grow a family and fucking, you know, all this shit. Is all your feminism just, like, leaking out through this point? Because, like, that's the whole point is, like, why are we assuming that it's the respectful thing to do? What if she's going? Fuck all the rules. I'm going to do it. Why am I going to have this guy do it?

I'm just as powerful as him. I'll do it. Yeah. What's wrong with that? But I'm saying that, like, look, Barbara Corcoran did it. I would fucking do it. What would you do if I propose to you? I have no issue with it.

All the stuff that men and women are supposed to do are more than happy for all of it to be challenged. Oh, 1,000% I agree with you. I'm trying to understand why she feels this way. No, she just, it's, because it's a... And I think a lot of girls feel this way. Basically, she feels this way that the assumption is that the reason this woman proposed

is because the guy didn't do it in time. but that's not but that in itself is a kind of like in my opinion and I love the griper this is not on the griper right but even the assumption that he that she was waiting for him

to do it is steeped in a historical concept of the man proposes and yeah I don't like the concept that like no man actually wants to get married so you have to wait for him to finally decide that he wants to settle down and every girl is just waiting

for a man to propose. I hate that shit. However, the concept is giving like men paying on a first date. Like, I like when a man pays for the first date. I like when a man proposes. Chenade proposed. Shout out.

That's fucking awesome. And I don't judge her at all. But I feel like it is empowering for a girl to propose, but contextually, if it's something where like it's been 10 years and, like, he cheated on you.

But that you need it, but that you're just giving tons of, that's what I'm saying is like that is the assumption. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And by the way, I do think that assumption is probably more often correct. Yeah, so what I'm saying. But I do think is that when a woman proposes, if it annoys, if your automatic assumption is that the man didn't do it deliberately,

you know, that if that's your feeling, that unfortunately is steeped in a little bit of tradition. Yeah, for 100%. And I think the whole like paying on a first date is steeped in tradition. And as a feminist, I'm like, why do I still feel that way? But I think it's the wage gap. Yeah. I bring up the way.

There's reasons why you're like, look, I could be raped and murdered. I'm sitting here on this date. You are afraid of embarrassing yourself. You, I had to pay a lot of money to look pretty societally to be here. You can pay for the date out of respect, this first date. And I kind of feel that way. But the whole, what I was saying from the beginning is the whole proposal thing is kind of hoopla bullshit. because like the and some men do it some men randomly pick out a ring like me and you let's be

honest i was telling you which ring i wanted i kept changing my mind it was funny we didn't i wanted to be surprised but like it was a it was a mutual consensual thing and it was it was nice that way i guess some people surprise i would be so mad if a boyfriend just randomly proposed to me i'd be really you think so yeah because what if i didn't want to marry him well then you say no that's the whole point i know but that's fucking stupid like he put himself in that position yeah but that's you know no i feel bad imagine someone says yes just because of the moment and then you're stuck in a loveless marriage but i mean that that would require it to be like a like a completely diluted proposal i mean people do crazy things yeah but like what if you

okay it's a hypothetical right we're married but what if you were like quite madly in love with a guy but, like, I hadn't really thought about marriage yet, and he proposed. Then it's, it's not like as stupid as the scenario. But you'll never know, because it's a hypothetical. I just feel like the person you spend the rest of your life with is the biggest decision. I don't think it's the... Yeah, but it's not as big a decision anymore. Because you divorce?

Yeah, because it's just not as permanent as it once was anyway. I do have to say, getting married is literally like, it should not be like one of your top accomplishments. However, there have been studies that I looked at on TikTok that told me that the secret to happiness is not money or fame or success, it's the relationships with the people around you. And it doesn't mean like, oh, a lot of men want to fuck me. It's like what high quality relationships do you have with your friends or your parents or your husband, your husband, your secret family. Like, how strong are those relationships? So I do. So longs are you short. You broaden that out really.

Long story short, I just think that, like, a little bigger picture, the whole proposal thing is not what it actually is. And I think realistically, tell me if I'm wrong, most couples have a moment where they're like, I could see myself spying the rest of my life with you. Yes, and most couples do. And I think that's what the reality of it is, and it's quite balanced. And then the proposal thing is just a formative word thing. If a woman says, you know what, I'm going to propose. At the end of the day, it's a fucking.

It's a balsy move. I feel like you're forgetting about the ring. I think the ring is a big... It's about him showing, like... Yeah, but the ring is just total bullshit, too. It's old school. It's so bullshit, but it's like... The whole thing is bullshit.

So that's why when a woman proposed it, it's like cut through all the bullshit. Even though I was more than happy to go through... I'm doubt with the ring. Honestly, the ring. I loved all that stuff. I loved it better than the wedding. I can't stay when couples put themselves under financial pressure over the ring. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I think it's insane. And these ring sales, There's a famous line, a guy when my dad was buying a ring for my mom, there's like a, there's one more expensive ring. And the guy looked at him and said, well, you don't believe in yourself? Yeah, that was a great one. Like, that's a crazy sales line. But yeah, it's, and then the women who are comparing the rings and it gets, and the big

dicky that goes on. That's just capitalism women and again, honey's. However, the wedding traditions, actual like having a wedding and all that shit, was, very annoying to me with the like traditions of gender rules where proposing I thought was just like it was like a nice it was cute I thought was fun all right let's grape up spend a good bit of time on that that was intense wow we've been this is just a typical car ride with Hannah and des group email stuff this sounds fun hi guys love you both okay so my current gripe is, is I work at a law firm. My thing is, why do we not CC everybody? Okay? I'm tired of getting

just email sent to me. Like, why do we not? I have two other people that technically work with me. Why do we not just send it to everybody? Then it will be more efficient. Communication is wonderful instead of me receiving all the emails and getting frustrated and then yelling because I'm tired of it and I'm tired of sitting in my little cubicle and being frustrated that somebody is not on the email threads and then I end up having to forward it anyways

it takes you two seconds, two seconds and we have told you over and over again I don't understand. I feel like she's speaking to one person that does some of the time. Do you know what she's referring to? I don't. I think she's saying

like someone's telling her like can you tell someone this and she's like just put them on the email. But, like, emails, I remember my dad telling me stories about, like, emails first beginning. Like, people went one day from not having email to the next day, having the internet email. Like, what did they do? Send mail to each other. Anyway, fax.

Well, we called each other. Facts and call, whatever. Who knows? Sent letters. Sent letters. Pigeons. Talk to each other in the office. Smokes.

Smoke signals. No, but, you know, like you were in the office, you know. So they, so the emails, people were pressing reply all and, like, just, like, getting fired. I hate group emails. I'm the opposite of this I hate group emails I never really know who's on them

and then I hate when they're not really to do with me and then I'm still stuck in the damn chain well so we're getting in some gripe controversy right now which has never happened in the history of burner phone and I do there's definitely points to both sides sometimes I feel like people are less productive

when you send an email to like three people and be like hey can we get this done because they're not like in the room together so they assume the other person's getting it done Also, if you're on every email chain, your email inbox is so fucking full of all these chains. Some people, I think it's a personal preference because I've had bosses be like, put me on every single email. I want to keep a track. And then people who are like, I don't do whatever you want to do.

But this sounds like a specific thing she's talking about. Like someone is telling her to tell people things. All I know is I've been attacked by Hannah for not replying all. Well, that's crazy behavior. Well, because if we're all in a chat together and they ask for something for us and he replies just to them, then I don't see it. So then I'm replying to them also. I know, but the amount of nightmares I've had with replyalls, I'm very anti-reply all. You need that is so funny.

Yeah, you hated, ooh, we're going by Amntyville. You hated reply all, but they would ask us to fill out a form. He would reply, filling out the form, then I would do it because I didn't. see a reply and we would do this over and over again and we almost you know i almost through my computer um but i have to say that there's also at some stage apple just decided to do this weird thing with emails where you're right you're right grape grape grape they don't like it doesn't come up as like a new email it's so fucking i'm gonna say right now gmail sucks gmail sucks gmail sucks dick. Do you know what I'm talking about? We're in a situation where like, where someone

replies to something and then you can't even find it in the chain. Yes. And the chain has gone awry. It's not chronological. The train is, yeah, it's insane. And then you go to the bottom because you're like, the bottom will have it. No, it's not at the bottom. The most recent thing is not at the bottom. Or how about the one where there's like a back and forth for like eight emails? Yeah. And on the last one, somebody's like, I attached on the most recent email to you, which is the last of the, say, oh, attached is the form that you need to fill out or whatever, you know, PDF that you need. But for some reason, the fucking attachment goes all the way, you got to scroll all the way

through everything to get to the fucking attachment. Yeah, something's off. And like, I don't know if Outlook was better or AOL. Actually, I think AOL was better. But I don't know. That was a long time ago. Well, AOL just got spam to oblivion. Oh, God, you're so right.

The spam just destroyed AOL. You're so right. My mother died with an AOL email. And every time I would go to her mail, I was like, oh, my God. What was your AOL email? I didn't, I actually don't think I had an AOL email. I had an IOL, Ireland Online. Oh.

It was my first, I think it was my first email. DesB.I.O.L.I.E., I think it was. A good old days. I told you that I didn't have an email until after I finished college, right? That is wild. Yeah, my first email. I was, yeah. It was like 1999.

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After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Say yes to every adventure with Honey Love. I have to click on this grape, food masquerading as other food. Hi, Hanandez. First time leaving a voicemail. My current gripe is food masquerading as other food. If you say Tiramitsu, I'm expecting coffee,

cocoa amaretto muscarpone the works recently got tiramisu nuts which were literally white and milk chocolate coated nuts don't market to my gluttonous hankerings with lies and she's a poet beautiful she said that was beautiful you know at first I thought she was talking about like vegan stuff like when she like oh you thought she was talking about like impossible burgers yeah or like once I went to a restaurant in Austin and we sat down and we started eating the brunch and I'm like these eggs taste weird

And, like, nowhere did they say it was a vegan restaurant. And we had to, like, figure it out because they used, like, weird words in the menu. And I was like, that was, that seemed, I feel tricked. I feel bamboozled and led astray. I said to stray twice this pod. But I feel like a lot of the time with flavors, like, when you buy, like, yeah, taramisu chocolate or something, or fruit and stuff, like, it's never the actual flavor. Like, they'll say something's almond, but they use, like, melon to make it taste like almond. Like, it's just all fake.

Yeah, I mean, I like the concept of this, but actually, racking my brain, I can't think of other good examples, but I know they exist. You know, other, honestly, though, a lot of the, like, okay, low calorie ice cream, halo and all that. Like, it's not bad, but there's something not right about it. Have you eaten it? Yes, it's definitely not creamy. Yeah, there's something not right. Or like, you get these. This person was really mad about tiramisu something.

Yeah. Specifically, she clearly wanted the proper tiramisu experience. You know, Tiramisu-flavored stuff comes up a lot, actually, strangely enough. There's like tiramisu ice cream. You know, I really love tiramisu, and I feel like you don't. That's incorrect. That's like, I like tiramisu. But, like, we're not going to order it at a restaurant, I don't feel like.

Like, you'll order ice cream over it. Well, just because I love ice cream, but I have no problem with Tirmissue. I mean, Tirmusu has booze in it, right? Maybe slightly somewhere. Yeah, I mean, so, you know, there was a time where I was a little more paranoid about desserts that had booze in it. But no, I'll eat a Tirmusu. But anyway, you also get those protein drinks. Yeah.

And like, they, there's something not right sometimes. There's just a lot of food. that just like isn't right. My favorite is fast food places where they're like this year, the meat is real. And you're like, what was it last year? Yeah. Also, dark chocolate is overrated. I'm going to throw that down there.

And there's a lot more of it these days. I do have to say. Obviously, there's just been some like, there's been some very, the dark chocolate lobby has had a very good couple of years. I like like normal dark chocolate when I'm in the certain mood. What's normal dark chocolate? Like not the crazy one that's like zero percent like whatever like 100%

cacao or like whatever. You know like I don't want it to taste like soap. I want it to have some sweetness to it. Like I like sweet dark chocolate, you know? Yeah because like basically like real like dark chocolate it just I find it like a chore.

It should be not part of the chocolate family anymore. Yeah, like, why is it getting called chocolate? Yeah. I mean, you know. By the way, a little bit of dark chocolate, no problem. The problem is that dark chocolate, it's become too popular now.

Oh. You're saying over milk chocolate. Yeah. Over normal chocolate. Milk chocolate. I believe that's what they're calling. Since we're off topic, I want to bring up a grape. what are we off topic about

we started talking about the difference between milk chocolate dark chocolate you know I do this is totally off topic dark chocolate is masquerading as chocolate yes you just like saying masquerading but I just

I have a specific gripe about phone companies oh why does every phone company advertise and say they have the largest 5G network how is it possible

that Verizon Hey, I'm just going to throw a gripe down right now. I know that I am... Interrupting. But we're on fucking Waze. It says Blue. And it did not tell us to get off. And we are clearly in some insane traffic.

And it says Blue. Well, those things suggest traffic, but... And I know we've been making a podcast and maybe it did and I didn't say it, but... Waze has let us down. You know, it's crazy. We have one. I work about an hour and 10 minutes away from where I live, and every day when I go to go to work, I GPS it and make sure that I'm taking the fastest route possible.

And it always tells me I'll be there at like 15 minutes early, and that's great. Halfway through, however, it updates and says, now I'm going to be 20 minutes late. What the fuck, you know traffic patterns are going to be the same, the same time every freaking day. Can't you just build that into what you tell me and stop giving me? Yeah. The traffic gods were like, you're done. Yeah, but the thing is that Ways didn't update and say, oh, updating. It's, you know, so Ways let us down.

You're so, you've been lied to. You are, job of, what did I say when we got in the car? What did I say? We're going to fly. No, I said, I'm going to put on Ways, you know, just in case there's any construction. Why is it still not showing that it's traffic? It's very, I mean, anyway. One thing about Des, and we started it, talk about this.

The man hates traffic. Well, I hate traffic, but I particularly hate when, like, weighs. Because it's late Sunday night. The summer's over. Like, driving on a Sunday night back into the city at this time of the year, you're not really thinking about traffic that much. So, like... I feel like there was an accident.

No, this is construction. You know, like it's going down to one lane We're literally about to go down to one lane How does Ways not put this in? Sorry, I know that this gripe might not... This is very specific and I don't think a lot of people care Well, there was a Waze gripe It was a natural way's gripe.

What is Ways' job? This is literally the main job of Ways Is to not, you know, have you avoid situations like this. This is particularly frustrating because there's, like, I guess it's for construction, but they're blocking off two of the three lanes for construction, and the lanes are just wide open. Oh, well, well, okay, if you really want to get into a gripe that people are going to identify with, like, how, when there's, like, construction on the highway, I understand for safety,

you need to give them space, that I get, but like, they start the, they start the line so much further back. So unnecessary. So unnecessary. Anyway, I understand that roads need to be worked on. I just would have liked ways to let me know that this was a bad idea Okay, last one

Sorry, I interrupted Do you want to talk about the phone companies The largest 5G network I thought it was funny But I feel like the moment is over Oh no Because I'm gonna get I'm gonna get accused in the comments

Of interrupting you But it was actually The Long Island Expressway that interrupted us Okay time for the last one Okay, this is not a very original one, but my current gripe is how quickly everyone is getting into the fall, okay? Why are people already selling pumpkin spice lattes? You know, it's September. It's not even technically fall, seasonally wise, you know? And the other day, I saw people with Halloween decorations in front of their lawn. It's September 15th. It's not even

October yet. This is ridiculous. I don't want an iced pumpkin spice latte. That's bull bullshit. I'm tired of it. Enjoy summer. Why are we running through the seasons? Okay? It'll be Christmas all of a sudden and winter and snow and we're going to miss the summer. And you know why we're going to miss it? Because we were too busy drinking fucking pumpkin spice lattes in September. Well, the millennial girls have had enough. That's the energy I was hoping for throughout the whole episode. The thing is capitalism wins again, and this is literally just marketing companies being like, okay, when are we, when can we get pumpkin spice down?

Because we get a kick in sales, and they go, okay, I think September 1st. So it's literally just people marking stuff. Like, it's just all capitalism. And I really feel like after summer, the capitalism shit is crazy. It just becomes like, spend your money on this and then spend your money on this. And then by presents for everyone and then return them and then this and then that. And the next you know, you've no money. I'm the opposite, man.

I hold on to the summer as long as possible. Yeah. Like Labor Day always makes me go, oh, I can't believe the summer's over. And then I go, wait a minute, it's not. And I honestly, I don't let go a summer until the third week of October. You know, every year. I love that you have that date on your calendar. Because every year, mark my words, okay?

Every year, there's an odd phenomenon where in and around the third week of October, they'll be like this mid-70s weather. After you've already gotten autumnal in your mind, there will be this time where you'd be like, wow, it's warm. You say autumnal? Autumnal, yeah, of the autumn. And after that little, what they used to call Indians on, which I feel is an unacceptable term these days,

but I may be wrong about that. But anyway, this sort of like little sort of like summer, sort of when the summer repeats on you, like a fucking hot dog, you appreciate that weather I always go for swim in the ocean and then I go that's it and usually by Halloween you can feel the frost

I have a hot take summer sometimes is like overwhelming for me and I feel like every day you have so much pressure to like do activities and have fun and enjoy the summer there's like a peacefulness to being like okay it's fall where you can just kind of like lower the expectations of having to be happy

and you could just like work and be sad. Yeah. Like I always... I always feel like Halloween decorations when it's still warm. It's like no. Yeah, that's weird. Just like no.

Well, it's also, we live in a place that has seasons. Like, it must be really fucking weird in like L.A. To be like, okay, it's Christmas time. It's like, it could literally be any month right now. Yeah. I mean, there were times where I did feel like a little weird while I was in a hot place during that time. But on the pumpkin spice latte thing, I love the frustration that she has, love the energy, 100% agree with the sentiment. My only thing about that is that I would have no problem if there was pumpkin spice lattes for the whole year.

Because I would never drink them, but it is just another one of these dumb flavors that people put in coffee. And for people that like flavored coffee, why not have the pumpkin spice 24-7? It's a marketing strategy to make it like a limited amount so that when it is available, everyone goes for it. And it makes it special. If it was always available, I don't know if it would have the popularity it has. And by the way, eggnog never needs to exist. Speaking of seasonal drinks. Well, okay, first of all.

You like eggnog? Eggnog is the greatest thing ever. Oh, my God. It has alcohol in it so you don't drink it. No, it doesn't, you put alcohol in it. Yes, you can. but eggnog tastes like whipped cream. It's so good.

Eggnog, to me. I love eggnog. That's amazing. We finally found now it's not just ketchup. It's also eggnog. I love eggnog. Oh my, I would fucking, I want to drown in it. God, you like the weirdest.

But you know what the thing is? I like creamy stuff. But you also like flavored coffee. Yes. And you know what? You like putting French vanilla. Yes. In your coffee.

I like creamy, girly shit. Yeah, so I get it. And I don't order pumpkin spice lattes, but I feel like I've had it before and been like, oh, that's good. Yeah. And I'm just, I'm honest on this pod. You guys know I'll always keep a real with you. And that was the most vulnerable I've ever been.

You guys, thank you. By the way, in Ireland, sorry, the last thing I'll say, in Ireland, the summer actually ends like in August. So like in Ireland, they don't believe. like September 21st is the end of summer. They don't go by the equinox. And now you know. And one final thing is you decided to not go

for the health insurance one. Yeah, because it's going to stress me out. Okay, but I just want to throw down my current gripe. I finally, about four or five weeks ago, I finally got the bill from the hospital in Aspen. And it was a lot of money.

Which surprised me because it seemed like you know, they had, you know, gone to my insurance and different things. That's what insurance is supposed to do, right? So the bill was huge. You give them your insurance. Okay, the bill was huge.

And as I've learned in the United States, which if you don't know this, you will get ripped off, is you have to call and query the bill. And I thought I was going to have a big fight with them, but I called the hospital to query the bill. And she was like, wait a minute. Like, ask, you know, ask, is this correct? And they, she was like, wait a minute.

And then she was like, no, this doesn't end up. And I was like, yeah, like, it should have gotten your insurance. She was like, no, it's not even about it going to the insurance. It's just like, these, these don't add up. It doesn't add right. And I was like, oh, because I just have the one number. I said, I don't have a breakdown. And she goes, no, let me get back to you.

And then she calls me back a half an hour later. And she goes, no. And the number was 70% less. And that was just on a call. Well, this is the problem. And here's my question is, if I had just paid that, they never would have been like, oh, by the way, you're overpaid. Like, for example, I know we've mentioned it before, but I'm going to mention it again because people need to know. When Hannah got her appendix out, she got the bill, which was for a lot of money.

And actually, at that time, I didn't understand it as much as I do now because I haven't lived in America that much. But I just assumed, oh, that's because your deductible was 8G or whatever. You know, like that, but as it turns out, they just didn't put it through your insurance. It required you to call them and be like, what's up with this humongous bill? And then they would have been like, oh, well, you don't have insurance. Like, yes, I gave my insurance. Oh, it didn't go through insurance. Then they put it through insurance and this whole process would start again.

And you would have had to pay probably 10% of what you paid. But neither of us knew at the time. And you paid all that money for no reason. That's insane that that could happen. Do you think we can go back? I actually just thinking about that now is like, How come we never went back? I feel like we should.

Yeah, it might be too long gone, but, because that was, um, that was autumn of 2020. I feel like we forgot we were podcasting. I just, I just think that's good for people to know that they always have to, you always have to query. We're ending with a PSA. You always have to question hospital bills. We're ending with a PSA.

Um, you guys, we're all griped out. We've, we've hit every corner. We're ripe with gripes. We're ripe with grapes. That was so good. We love you guys so much. Thank you for sending in all your voicemails always for calling in the Burnaphone hotline. Great subscribe review.

Go see Des in New York. September 28th. Seam in Wisconsin. Yes, big next week. See page nine in Atlantic City. Oh, San Diego, very important. Oh, my God, San Diego. Very soon. First week of October.

Oh, my God. It's going to be so beautiful. L.A. sold out, but I think I'm going to add a date. Amazing. And we love you guys. Talk soon. Bye. And on does, I'm going to keep this one short and sweet.

My current gripe is that I just found out that even after you pay off your entire mortgage with your blood, sweat, and tears, you owe property taxes for the rest of time. What the fuck is that shit? Love you, bye. Okay. A real dang gripe that I think a lot of people can get down with is the fact that dating apps allow people to post pictures that are from decades ago. Okay, a little dramatic, maybe not decades ago. But seriously, like four or five, you know, plus years ago. And then when you meet them in person, you're just whiplashed, like, whoa. You know, I didn't know that Johnny 26 was really Johnny 36, all right? I think that is just messed up.

And I've wasted too much time on first dates with guys that I didn't know, you know, fast forward into the future real quick. That's my gripe.