Berner Phone - Berner Phone #6: Your Guiltiest Pleasures

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

This week the little dialers get some of the guiltiest pleasures off their chest. From chef boyardee to situationships and anal itching, we’re here to make you feel a little less guilty.  honeylove....com/BERN Recover properly with @waterboy and get 15% off with promo code BERN at waterboy.com/BERN! #waterboypartner

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. The hotline is open and it's time for Burner Phone. I feel like people have embraced the little dialers. I think little dialers is cute. Yeah, I notice some people have already started saying, and now I'm a lot of people say
Starting point is 00:00:31 I'm a giggler and now I'm a dialer and we love all the gigglers that have come over to call us on burner phone and the non-gigglers if there are any such as the boyfriends that are starting to trickle in. Yeah, do you see a few people saying that which is great? I mean it's it's a what's the word
Starting point is 00:00:47 it's a safe space. It's a bit it's a sad indictment on male uncomfortability with female humor that they feel like they can't bring themselves to listen to giggly squad. But on the flip side, it's nice that we've sucked them in here. So you're saying more men should support women in the arts. Yeah, I mean, this is a running theme. Yes. This is a running theme.
Starting point is 00:01:08 Does this such a feminist icon right now? Clearly, in this early stage of the podcast, where it's basically all of your fans, very safe space for me to say that. Later on, when we get the Rogan audience. Oh, no. No, no, no. Maybe I won't be so glaringly feminist, but And anyway... Isn't it funny how dudes are less likely to listen to a pod if there's one woman on it? Oh, I don't know that. Is that some sort of stat that you have? I think I made that up.
Starting point is 00:01:35 I definitely made that up. So, hey, before we start, let's do the admin. Have you got anything to plug? You know, anything fresh to plug? I want butt plugs. I want... I'm just kidding. You used to get all that stuff.
Starting point is 00:01:48 I feel like the free sex toy phase of your influencing has faded a little bit. Well, I think I started as an influence. Just doing butt plugs and dildos, and then I've been doing just a wider array now, but I'm always open to promoting sex toys and sexual wellness for everyone. Can I say that I am definitely doing work in progress shows in Ireland? The main one is I'm in the Viking Theater in Clontarf from the 16th of October for one week. Beautiful. Yeah, so just to get that out there, since we're doing plugs.
Starting point is 00:02:20 We added a Tempe show in two weeks that you're going to be on. Oh, that's right. I'm going down for the Arizona leg of your tour. And there's some Tucson tickets left. And, yeah, more stuff. Yeah, so we're going to be in Tucson and Tempe together. And we're going to the VMAs tomorrow. Oh, that's, is that? Oh, that's right. That, of course, will have happened. That will have happened.
Starting point is 00:02:41 But I got to let them know before we go. And you can talk about the VMAs on Giggly Squad, but you can talk about going to the VMAs right here. Yeah. Which is exciting. I'm excited. You're, me and you rarely go anywhere. so this is going to be a fun night out for the for the Burner Bishop clan. Except that it's in Newark.
Starting point is 00:02:59 Except that it's New Jersey. For the rest of the world, they won't care. But for New Yorkers, it's like, oh, really? Like, I was joking with you saying, like, imagine, like, you know, I got nominated for, like, an award. And they were like, hey, you're nominated. So it's in Newark. It's like, yeah, I'm good.
Starting point is 00:03:14 I'm not going to make it. See, I'm pumped up that Lil Wayne's going to be there, but because it's New Jersey, we might not make it. No, I'm not saying anything negative about New Jersey. This is just about the inconvenience of the travel. Yes. I mean, Taylor Swift was in Newark, I believe. I think they're all going.
Starting point is 00:03:30 All the biggies are going. So that's very exciting. Let's see if the messages bring it this week, I feel like they're going to. And guilty pleasure was you, you know, it's funny about, you know, remember we made a joke about how don't you hate when you tell somebody to watch something
Starting point is 00:03:42 that you really like, but then you feel this pressure? Yeah. Well, I feel like we have double pressure because this week's topic is your topic, right? You picked it, but I picked the choices. So I'm feeling pressure, and you're probably feeling pressure. So let's go to the videotape, Haley. I'm feeling gas.
Starting point is 00:03:59 Mother Hannah and Daddy Dez, I'm calling to let you guys know my favorite guilty pleasure. And this is short and sweet. Beefaroni, you heard me, baby, Chef Boyardee, Beefaroni. I do not care that I'm a 32-year-old who's supposed to be health conscious. When I crack open a sweet can of Chef Boyardee, all of my. troubles melt away. I only let myself have it a few times a year, but boy, are those some blissful times. Love you guys. Love the pod. Love the rebrand. My favorite couple, my favorite comedy couple. Blessings, blessings, blessings. Bye. Oh, by the way, this is Chloe from
Starting point is 00:04:42 Pittsburgh. Oh, my God. I'm obsessed with Chloe from Pittsburgh. Chloe from Pittsburgh. Maybe she's our first, you know, like the, what was Stearns? Hey, it's Chloe from Pittsburgh. No, what was Stern's people called the something pack, the whack pack? The whack pack. Yeah, so maybe Chloe from Pittsburgh is our first member of whatever we called them. I mean, the little dialers are so fucking funny and hilarious. Bifaroni, as an Italian, I'm telling you, it is okay. Yeah, lean in. There was so much I loved about this message. The only thing I will say, one criticism, nothing short and sweet about it. Well, I kept wanting it to keep going.
Starting point is 00:05:21 No, because she was so great. That's when they're like, long story short, and then it's like... Yeah, she was like, short and sweet, chef boy R.D., hang up to phone. That's short and sweet. It was enough to get me going. She gaslit us. No, she was funny, bro. So funny.
Starting point is 00:05:32 You know, some of these people call in. I feel like they should be like on the show. Yeah, they're hilarious. But what I loved about it was and why I thought me and you would bond over is that like, we're bad eater sometimes, but we're like, Well, I'm about speed. When I'm hungry, I want to eat. I don't even sometimes boil the water. I throw the pasta in the unboiled water and then boil it, think it's going to move faster. The fact that you can just crack open the beefaroni, I don't even know how you eat it. You throw it in the microwave, I guess. You microwave it. Or you can put in the saucepan. That's the shit that I like. That's like three minutes from can to mouth. Let's go. Yo, and I get it. It's not good food. But I'm telling you right now, I love it. Like, I love all those, like, you know those like, uh, those beef stew in a can.
Starting point is 00:06:17 You get them in CVS. Because you love mushy food. During the pandemic, you know, the beginning of the pandemic, I'm like, on my own in the house, nobody, no foster dog,
Starting point is 00:06:25 nothing. It's just like isolation out in West Hampton. And, you know, I would go to 7-Eleven as like a thing to do. Yeah. You know?
Starting point is 00:06:34 Yeah. And then they would have those horrible cans of like beef stew. Yes. And I love that. I would get like the cream of chicken. I love all that stuff.
Starting point is 00:06:43 If I see something that's quick, I'm going to buy. it. Like mushy chef boyardee, like noodles. And I get it. I know that some people are horrified and I know this goes against all modern nutritional advice eating that much processed food, but I can eat it and I can eat, you know, a cup of noodles, you know, like all the fancy Asian kinds. Like none of it's good for you, but it's all awesome and simple. I found it fascinating when I found out you love mushy food. Yeah, I love mushy food. Because I actually need a mix of textures. I like mush, like that
Starting point is 00:07:16 I need bread and butter with. I need a crisp sourdough bread. Yeah, but I'm a fan of Irish brown bread with that with an Irish stew. So I get that part. Stu. I thought you said Jew. No, stew. But Irish people say, if we have a kid, they're going to be an Irish Jew.
Starting point is 00:07:33 Yeah, they're going to be a 16th. They're going to be a, no, an 8th. I'm a quarter Jewish, if anyone was wondering. They're going to be an 8th. They're going to be an 8th Jewish. Oh, here's, this, I don't want to talk about it now, but I want to put it out to the listeners. Okay. On a survey, which we will gather up the information.
Starting point is 00:07:53 Will we circumcise our male child or not? Don't even discuss it. It's getting put out there. So you're saying we're having kids? No, listen, I'm just, it's a hypothetical. I thought you were going to say, let's ask them if we should have kids. No. But you skipped.
Starting point is 00:08:08 Well, because we're talking about, should we, now that you know that our kid might be a little Jewish, should we have kids? That's not what I mean you think we should have kids. No. The circumcision part. But anyway, let's not digress. How did we get from rice errone to? I mean, I know the sodium is out of control.
Starting point is 00:08:29 Yeah. What were we talking about just before that, though, that brought the Jewish. Oh, texture, mushy food, yeah. So, but no, I don't just like mushy food, but I'm a huge fan of like. A stew. Sloppy Joe. obviously shepherd's pie a casserole
Starting point is 00:08:46 your mother makes a nice cassero I love a casserole I love a casserole I love like you know three day old lasagna that's gotten like sagier oh yeah yeah what do they call it the pasta with the meat sauce
Starting point is 00:09:00 bolognese bolognese always better the next day better as a leftover yes and I do think with life and I'm not this isn't a you know health eating podcast but And if you never let yourself eat that good stuff, you'll go crazy. Just like ice cream, just like Chef Boyardee.
Starting point is 00:09:18 Yeah. And I get it. A lot of people don't think Chef Boyardee is that good stuff. But I'm with her guilty pleasure. It's fun. I love Chef Boyardy. Also, Chef Boyardy, great name. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:28 And Rice and Roney, too, the San Francisco treat. I'm down with that too. Yeah. Let's go to the videotape. This is sponsored by Chef Boiardee. We're getting some new sponsors. Imagine I'm sponsored by Chef Boiardee and dildos. Okay, this is going to make me sound like a psychopath, but my guilty pleasure is popping my boyfriend's pimples.
Starting point is 00:09:47 Whether it's a black head, a white head, or an ingrown hair, let me get it. Let me take care of it. It is therapeutic for me. I cannot have my man's walking around town with a bunch of pimples that need popped. Thankfully, my boyfriend, he's the best. He lets me just take care of it for him, and he's like, cool, great thanks. I've had exes in the past that won't let me pop their pimples. They're like, no, get away from me.
Starting point is 00:10:13 Don't touch me. That's so gross that you want to do that. What is gross, sir, is that you are walking around town with these blackheads and you're not letting me pop them. I am a woman in STEM. Let me extract your blackheads. And it'll just be better for both of us. Help me, help you. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:10:31 Everything about it. Everything about that was perfect. I was like, literally this woman listens to Hannah so much. So either that or you guys are like born the same day. We all have the same dialect. That was Hannah dialect all day. This reminds me of a meme that is like some girls, like, having fun with their boyfriend. It's like them sitting on his lap, like about to make out with him.
Starting point is 00:10:53 And other girls, they're sitting on his lap, but like going through his back knee. And Paige actually is very obsessed with this stuff. She wants to pop every pimple. You would never let me, I feel like. Well, I don't like you popping my pimples. I will pop my pimple. Like, I'll be like, hey, I've known you've won on your nose that I want to get. And you've told me no before.
Starting point is 00:11:17 Yeah, but I will pop it myself. I just don't particularly want you to pop it. But I'm a big fan of popping, and TikTok figured that out. For a while, I was getting a lot of pimple popping, but also, like, I was getting other types of pop. Other types of, like, ingrown toenail stuff. See, that stuff? Really?
Starting point is 00:11:36 I can't with any of that stuff. But you can pimple pop? You can pop. somebody else's pimple, but you can't. No, it's because I care for them, because I don't want them walking around, but I don't get off on it, like Page does. Page is literally like obsessed with it. Yeah, because I like looking at it. Yeah, your page level, would you want to pop mine? No, I've never had the desire to pop somebody else's pimple. I have the desire to crack your knuckles. That is fucking weird. Okay, so, so this woman is a hero that just,
Starting point is 00:12:05 this woman who says she wants to pop her boyfriend's blackheads. No, Desmond, like, try to crack my toes and stuff. I, I, I, I, I, because I, I run out of cracks. And I don't, when I'm out of cracks. My cracks are my cracks, and I don't want to crack it. Yeah, but I'm a crack addict. And eventually, I run out of cracks, and then I got to go find more cracks. I have a question, when you were little and you had acne, would your mom pop your
Starting point is 00:12:28 pimples for you? Uh, I mean, my mother did, my mother was obsessed with my acne. Yeah. I told you this story, that, because my mother was very vain. And, you know, I went to Ireland when I was 14 to go to boarding school. my own. I've never been away from home for that long. And when I returned Christmas of 1990, I hadn't seen my mother in three and a half months. I wasn't born yet. Three and a half months. I got off the plane. I was so homesick. I was so excited to see my family. And the first
Starting point is 00:12:55 thing my mother said was, oh my God, Desmond, look at your face. Because I had had Ireland's damp weather had given me the biggest breakout of all time. Were you aware of it? Well, I can tell you right now, I was on Acutane within a few weeks. It was like, my mother rushed me to the dermatologist. Did it go away? Vanity. Did it go away fast? No, well, Accutane's tough, man.
Starting point is 00:13:18 Yeah, you could have like babies with three arms. Yeah, all that. But this was before they realized that maybe, maybe, allegedly, some people were having struggles with their mental health as a result of taking an acutane. But it did work for me, but it's torture. How's your mental health? My adolescence wasn't great.
Starting point is 00:13:35 I'd love to blame Accutane. Since I'm like the third generation of lunatics in my family, I don't think I can blame Accetain. Since there's not a single successful drinker in our family, I don't think I can blame Acetan. But anyway, not to get off the pimple popping, there was like minimum 10 voice notes about pimple pop. People really get off on it.
Starting point is 00:13:56 There's a whole thing, Dr. Pimple Popper, there's like a TV show. I personally, I don't like any of that's... No, can I just say, Dr. Schro, God, I wish I could remember his name, but we had a Jewish dermatologist. I was going to say Dr. Schwartz, but that was actually my mother's hospice doctor. Racist. So, but anyway, doctor in Bayside Queens, he was awesome.
Starting point is 00:14:14 But he was my dermatologist. And I used to love when he popped him with that needle thing. You know, the syringy thing? Yeah. His pops were the best. Yeah. You would love a facial, babe. I've had facials.
Starting point is 00:14:27 I've had facials. I remember distinctly, my mom would pop my pimples, right? And once she was popping it, and it popped in his. hit her in the face, and she, like, yelled, and it was the funniest thing of her. I'd, like, hit her in the eye. I don't know if I ever popped with that much, with that much projectile. But I remember my eye would be like, ow, ow. My mom would tweez my eyebrows, too, and I'd be like, ow.
Starting point is 00:14:51 Like, I just wanted to run around and be dirty, and she was like, can we just handle your face for a second? Yeah, it's funny. I remember now that I actually, sometimes when my mother's nails were long, I didn't like when she would, she would pop them. Well, there's an art to popping, though. I also told you that my mother, if I went to bed and my mother knew that I didn't wash my face, I would wake up at like 11 p.m.
Starting point is 00:15:11 Like out of the blue, my mother would be washing my face. Well, you were a child model. Yeah, but she would be washing my face. I would always get acne, like, dead center of my face. Like, it was never, now that I'm older, I get hormonal ones on the chin, which is great. You cover it up. It's easy. My brother once called me, um, and everything bagel.
Starting point is 00:15:31 It was terrible at the time. Really hurtful. Very hurtful at the time. Yes. Funny in hindsight. Yes. Funny in hindsight. Honestly, a great New York reference.
Starting point is 00:15:38 Yeah. Great. Great new. And your favorite thing. My favorite thing to eat. Do we have anything to add on the pimple pop? No. I think that a lot of people have it as a guilty pleasure.
Starting point is 00:15:49 And Paige is like clapping in the background somewhere. A fine guilty pleasure. We'll take another. Hey, guys. Des, I feel like you'd appreciate this one. My guilty pleasure is ice cream. Love it. much, especially in the summer. I'm always trying to find new ice cream places. The other day,
Starting point is 00:16:09 I drove 30 minutes to an ice cream shop. It was closed for the season. Like, come on. So then I drove another 25 minutes to another place. It was closed. Had a raging migraine, but still drove another 20 minutes to another ice cream spot. It's to the point where I had to drop off my partner's cat at the vet, who we might be putting down, unfortunately. and I saw that there was an ice cream shop next door and I had to go in so my partner's in the waiting room crying and I had to go quickly get ice cream sorry I just love it so much but it's giving heroin addict I literally was about to say like this is like the script this is like the script of Requiem for a dream.
Starting point is 00:17:00 There's just a, it's a heroin movie. This is just a lot of, this is a lot of commitment to ice cream. And listen, ice cream is my thing, even she knew, you know? She knew. And we don't have to talk about it that much, but we got a lot of ice cream.
Starting point is 00:17:16 Obviously, that came in. Oh, really? I didn't know it was like that kind of thing. Because it's just so, the texture, the flavor, everything about it. Do you like softs? What I love is that, She, we have been in that situation where we're like,
Starting point is 00:17:30 well, we get some ice cream and then the place is closed and it's bad. I'm like very much a savory girl. I want fries. I want chicken nuggets. I want McDonald's. I want cheeseburgers. You love ice cream to the point that we can't have it in the house because he will finish it all. Yeah, I literally say don't.
Starting point is 00:17:52 She's like, but we get some ice cream. I'm like, no, don't get ice cream. And I know that you're saying, let's get ice cream because every time we finish dinner, I'm like, oh, I'd love some. ice cream. But the fact that it's not there means that I don't eat it. I know, but that's a problem. There's a lack of self-control going on. No, it's
Starting point is 00:18:06 called being smart because if it's there, you will eat it. I grew up with a family where we always had ice cream, so it's like it wasn't a big deal, and every night we'd have like a scoop or two, and it was just always around. We never ran out. Yeah, we always had ice cream too. But you'd eat it all? Well, we ate it all, but it kept
Starting point is 00:18:22 coming, because I had a dealer. I had a dealer back then. She was called Mom. and mom was always brought the goods. The difference was back then I didn't have a problem because I was young and I burned all those calories. True. Whereas I can't burn them now. So I can't.
Starting point is 00:18:37 Because I'm older and I can't burn the calories. Okay. Do you want to wrap this up at all? Oh yeah. We can just go to, we can just go to the next one. Okay. What's next? Hi.
Starting point is 00:18:49 Hi, Hannah. Andez. My guilty pleasure is I like to have. have a little tiny bowl of cereal after I've had dinner. Cute. And I put the cereal in the smallest bowl I possibly have. And then I have about 10 bowls of those tiny bowls of cereal. And then I don't feel guilty about it.
Starting point is 00:19:13 And I go to sleep like a little tiny baby. And when I wake up, my farts are as picky as fuck because milk does not so well with my family. Again, is that me? So definitely feel guilty. but it brings me it's just me submitting every single. Yeah, well, that's both, to be honest, that's both of it. Like, the cereal thing was both of us. Actually, I meant to preface the one before that the next two are food ones.
Starting point is 00:19:38 We had, obviously, we had tons of food ones and actually quite a lot of fart ones. Oh, they like the smell of their own farts. Yeah, that came up a lot. Noddy. But not that I didn't include it was a good message, but you know what I mean? Some of them encapsulate all that. But I brought up because cereal is one of my. all the guilty pleasures. Yes. In college, I thought that cereal was healthy. Like, I don't
Starting point is 00:20:00 know why. I was like, it's cereal. Like, this would you have for breakfast. So I got all these Captain Crunch. I was obsessed with the Captain Crunch. Oh, yeah, except the roof of your mouth didn't love Captain Crunch. True. That could slice you apart. You end up with stalagmites and stalactites and stalactites after a bowl of, that's what I always felt like, after a bowl of Captain Crunch, it was like cave deposition coming down. I'm like, did I eat a thornbush? What just happened to me? Like, seriously. It's very, very harsh, but it's such a great sensation. Especially the first, the first four or five bites before it mushed up.
Starting point is 00:20:32 And the one with berries, the Cabin Crunch berries. Yeah, I never loved the berries. I always found the berries to be a bit bitter. But it gave a little, uh, um, um, listen, we don't have to, we don't have to agree. We don't have to agree on everything. We agree on the Captain Crunch, not the Captain Crunch accessories. Chef Bordy and Cabin Crunch, who would win in a fight?
Starting point is 00:20:50 Captain Crunch was not, is not my, my number one choice by any means. No, well, in college, we'd watch The Bachelorette or The Bachelor, and it would take, like, three-hour episodes, and I would have, like, three bowls on movies, because they're eating popcorn, I'm eating Captain Crunch. I thought it was healthy, and one day someone was like, that's straight-up dessert. But it obviously depends what cereal.
Starting point is 00:21:10 What I loved- It's very controversial, because, you know, cereal's had a lot of negative publicity over the last. Yes, the PR team is struggling. Yeah, the cereal has had a lot of negative. They need to get the pickleball PR team onto cereal. It's funny, because a famous Irish nutritionist that I knew had once written in a book, I'm not going to name him, but he had once written in a book
Starting point is 00:21:26 that fortified breakfast cereal was the greatest advancement in human nutrition because it stopped our society being malnourished. Now, unfortunately, our society is over-nourished, but there was a time where the bigger issue was actually access to calories. Now there's too much calories. Okay, men and stem.
Starting point is 00:21:42 But anyway, but that aside, I understand that the sugar content of cereal has become very controversial. Well, it didn't always have, like, Weidabix, straight up, no sugar. Yeah, but Weidabix, is very much a British serial and obviously popular in Ireland. I'm surprised that Americans know about Wheatabix.
Starting point is 00:21:58 I think I just know about it because I ate it once in Italy. Yeah, Weidabix. Now, Weidabix is very controversial because some people want it when it's crunchy and some people want it when it's mushy. True. I was a raisin brand kid growing up. True, but again, once this girl was like taking out all the raisins of her raisin brand, I was like, why are you doing that's the best part?
Starting point is 00:22:16 And she was like, because it's bad for you? Yeah, but little did she know that there's a cereal called Brand Flakes where they do it for you? So you don't have to do any admin. I was a big Raisin Brand kid, but what my mother, or my parents, failed to tell me was that the fiber rate in Raisin Brand. He's insane.
Starting point is 00:22:35 I ran home from school. Because in school, it was like, if you use the bathroom in school, you get the cooties. You know, so nobody wanted to take a dump in the school, which is like, you know, kids are so stupid. So, like, in my mind, I was like, you can't poop in school, you know? So every day I would be running home. Of course, I never knew that this torture was because,
Starting point is 00:22:53 of my breakfast choice. We would have kashi. You know, like, Kashi was like the park slope, like, granola shit. It didn't taste that good, but it was, like, healthy. Oh, I lived for that kashi in the morning. One thing that I loved what she said was how she'd get a little bowl and have, like, 10 of them. It reminds me. She's in denial.
Starting point is 00:23:12 It reminds me of a tweet where it's like, if I'm going to have a snack, I want to have, like, chips or rice because you get to have, like, tons of them. Because, like, rice is, like, millions of little pieces of rice. So it feels like you're eating more. I'll do that all the time. I mean, I'll go through a whole box. Like Crunchy nut corn flakes, which is not popular here, but it's big in Ireland. Crunchy nut cornflict, I'll come home from a show, and I'll be like, I'll have a bowl of crunching nut corn flakes.
Starting point is 00:23:35 Yeah. I'll buy it on the way home, and then it will be gone. Yes. I can't stop. I'm definitely guilty of putting some into a bowl and being like, this is a nice, cute little bowl, and then go, you know, it'll be better than this bowl if I refilled that bowl. Yeah, 100%. But you know what that is? The fresh.
Starting point is 00:23:50 Having a bunch of little bowls of cereal instead of. The whole cereal box is just girl math. Do you know what girl math is? I guess I'm about to find out. Girl math is what it makes sense in a girl's brain. And that's the only definition. Oh, yeah. This just keeps happening.
Starting point is 00:24:08 I keep accepting something more profound. Why does this keep happening? So, well, just to polish off the cereal, I love golden grams and still to this day I like golden grams in Ireland I love shreddies especially when they get mushy and shout out to Lucky Charms which is really probably a negative Irish stereotype but who knows but Lucky Charms is good however in my adulthood I don't enjoy the texture of the marshmallows whereas when I was a kid I did but in adulthood I find the texture of the marshmallow to be almost like nails on a chalkboard there's something about the way that the marshmallow squishes in your teeth that can be a little gray to me, but that developed in my adulthood. Yeah, that developed through years of trauma. Oh, and oh, please, also, you know, since we're giving out to all my cereals out there,
Starting point is 00:24:59 yo, shout out to Coco Pop's. But Coco Pop, Irish Cocoa Pop, which is Cocoa Krispies in America, but Cocoa Krispies can't come near Cocoa Pops. Honestly, America went like a little too hard with the cereal at one point. They had like the chocolate chip cereal. Yeah, cookie Krisp. That's insane. Well, that doesn't exist anymore?
Starting point is 00:25:18 No, I think it still does. That was like every now and then my mother would get cooking, That was crazy shit. She's like, let the kids take heroin again. Is there anything you would like to add on cereal before we move on? No. We're done with cereal? Yes.
Starting point is 00:25:30 Okay, let's go. Okay, so I'm obsessed with female entrepreneurs, and this one woman I've been following on Instagram is the founder of Julie, and I'm obsessed with Julie. Basically, if you've ever had unprotected sex, don't act like you haven't. It happens to the best of us. Forgot your birth control. I forget it every day. Or had a condom break. Or you're just not sure and getting anxiety.
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Starting point is 00:30:17 com. Waterboy has got you covered. Hi, Hannah. Love you so much. And hello, Des. My cutest pleasure will be keep getting back with my situation. Whenever I swear to God
Starting point is 00:30:36 that will never have sex with him again, but whenever he text me, I will still ask him to come over I need help I almost felt like this wasn't a guilty pleasure but it's such a great topic
Starting point is 00:30:56 it's such a good topic yeah and I love the term situation shit because it's like you're in something you just can't define it yeah and I've been in them I've been in them and I've been in those situations where both of you decide at different stages
Starting point is 00:31:11 that like that's it you know and then one or the other has a has a moment yeah it's a lot of mind games um but it's the kind of thing that if you stick around your situation ship too long then you're closing doors for potential open doors you know yeah and also you got to be honest is the dick that good like it can't be that good the way i always feel with these things is like you have to be honest with yourself about you know how you feel yeah and if you once you get to the stage where you're like i need more than the randomness of this yeah then you can't pretend that it's any different when you meet up again for another random encounter yeah and my thing is you you do it when
Starting point is 00:31:57 you like want attention from someone but at some point his attention has to get kind of like you know what's going to happen like it gets kind of boring and i really do feel with life if you want to find someone you have to like i love cold turkey i love cutting people off i mean it tends to be obvious i mean i let's can we throw down what i would think would be a sweeping generalization that's true is that it tends to be that the that the male is uh being less emotionally available than the woman right are we are we assuming that this is the case yeah because if the woman's not into it she probably won't even i feel like if i'm not emotionally into a guy I don't want his attention at all.
Starting point is 00:32:39 Yeah, so this whole booty call, whatever, you know, situation ship is the new term, but really it's like a booty call relationship, right? And so I feel like it's not fair, though, that it kind of gets put onto the woman to be like, enough, I need more. Yeah. But it does end up being that, though, right? But situationships can also be kind of emotional where, like you said before, like maybe the guy finally is over his axe and now he's hitting you up, but you already are so burnt out
Starting point is 00:33:06 by his bullshit the last year that you're like, I don't like this anymore. So situation ship just means it's messy and no one's putting clear lines in the sand. No one's putting the clear lines down. And someone does always get hurt.
Starting point is 00:33:16 But then, in saying it, yes, but in saying that, which is what happens, which is probably what's happening to our friend here, is that sometimes, I guess, you're just so super horny and you're like,
Starting point is 00:33:28 okay, well, this isn't ideal, but I'm not going to go to a bar and fuck some random dude. That's when you swipe up to my vibrator that I've been trying, I do have to say it's safe. And also you don't know who he's messing with. I know, like, I'm also being approved right now.
Starting point is 00:33:42 Well, I was going to say for men, like, for men who are thinking with their dick, you know, sometimes you might do something stupid, where you might rekindle something that was clearly over and you're being a dick by connecting with them, or you're hurting yourself. You know, we're not saying all guys can't be, like, emotionally connected and the woman is only using them. But, like, anyway, need this to say, anytime you think that you just want to do something with your dick
Starting point is 00:34:05 with another real person. Jerk off first. I guarantee you, you will save yourself in Uber. You will, like, everything will change. I'll let it back and forth. You'll go from Uber to Uber Eats. Like, that's really funny. That's funny. Write that down.
Starting point is 00:34:21 That's a really funny button. Drop a load and just, there's a clarity. That reminds me of Jared Fried, very funny comedian, who was trying to get on my podcast and he kept DMing me. I'm like, this guy has my number, and I didn't see his DMs. I finally see. I'm like, why didn't you just text me? And he goes, because the way your name was saved,
Starting point is 00:34:38 I couldn't tell if it was you or, like, a girl I was having the situation with, and I couldn't risk texting her and starting over the, like, conversation again and then, like, all that stuff. So this girl obviously isn't asking for advice, but the fact that she knows that it's a guilty pleasure and feels guilty doing it means she, you know that you don't want to do it anymore. It's like when a girl raised her hand during, like, crowdwork the other week, I did this college, and she goes, I break up with my boyfriend and I always say yes and everyone's like oh my god I'm like
Starting point is 00:35:08 because she knows the answer you don't ask if you should break up unless you know you want to break 19 years old also yet you will not find love for a long time 19 year old breakups if they're meant to be you get back together in the future true true go train okay what's next so I'm going to preface this with I have ADHD and I'm a huge introvert extrovert and totally overexent myself all the time but anyways so I I, my biggest guilty of pleasure is that I will, um, take a day on a Saturday or Sunday or something where I totally made plans and just lock myself in my room. I will not get out of bed in the morning and I will just start a new series on one of the 12th streaming services and I just
Starting point is 00:35:55 completely flake on every single plan that I had. Um, but of course I am reading everything and using my phone because I'm obviously getting Uber Eats and ordering 7-Eleven but I just can't fathom actually saying no I'm not going to be there or hey sorry I'm sleeping because I did oh that was it oh he ran out of time this is me I am her she is I yeah that's why I left it in I know you kept pointing to me the whole time you know because now I'm conscious
Starting point is 00:36:26 of the video so now I get to blame ADHD and being introvert extrovert for this but I like need a day but it's so you're not going to tell people, like, I need a mental health day. When I say Dez, I have a mental health day. He goes, it's called a Saturday when I was growing up. No, I say it's called a day off. A day off. But it's hard to be able to tell someone, like, I'm having a day off.
Starting point is 00:36:46 I don't want to see you. But, like, I need, I can't go from, like, social event to social event to social event. I need that, like, time where it's just me sitting there alone. And I love a dark room. I love under the covers. I love my cat. And I'll do that. And my body, you can lie to yourself.
Starting point is 00:37:03 Your body knows. Like, you can only go so much. Like, I'll sleep for three days if I've gone too long without days alone. Yeah, but that's you. You have one of those, you have like those intermittent fasting lives. Your life is like intermittent fasting. It's like insanity and then nothing. People, I think, will see me and be like, your life's so crazy.
Starting point is 00:37:21 And I'm like, this is me on. And when I'm off, I'm fucking off. Hannah is an intermittent interactor. This is a new way of living. We're coining a new, we're coining a new phrase, intermittent interacting. I love that, babe. According a new phrase. I also want to say that there was like a meme saying how a good relationship is to people who like to leave social interactions at the same time.
Starting point is 00:37:44 And I would argue even though you're less on and off than me, you still love a good, like, not socializing moment. Yes, 100%. But the all day in bed, I have to have the delta variant of COVID. Yeah. I can't do the all day in bed unless I'm very sick. Yeah. But that's just, that's a slight variation between me and you. He'll be like, you have to go for a walk.
Starting point is 00:38:11 And I'm like, no. Well, that's just, you know, honestly, I was inspired by the Pete Davidson, you know, I spoke very openly about his mental health. And I thought he gave very practical advice, which is I have to go for that walk in the morning. Like, even though I don't want to, I have no choice. My mental health requires me to go for this walk. You know, as a bare minimum. for him so that that that kind of honestly not that i'm dropping pete davison quotes for any other reason
Starting point is 00:38:37 then that did inspire me because i know he does so you were trying to help me i was trying to help you you didn't care that i wanted to finish the eighth murder series i was watching that day you needed to watch like another woman getting beheaded yeah another woman getting murdered by her husband um so uh i guess we're going to go to the next one hi hannah and zez everyone always just says hi hannah but does is us equal important so justice for does um my guilty as pleasure is when you're scratching when your asshole is itchy and you're scratching around it and like itching it like I don't even know if this is what you meant when you were saying guilty as pleasure or asking for it but I just feel like
Starting point is 00:39:19 there's this weird like satisfying not even like pleasure but just like a satisfying feeling that you get when you're like scratching your asshole and near it after it's like super itching um hopefully that's just not just me that coming at all. You know why I left it in? Because itchy asshole, obviously, it's a very controversial in the comedy world because Louis C.K. accused Dane Cook of robbing his itchy asshole bit. Oh.
Starting point is 00:39:42 But I'm not coming at this from a comedy perspective. I'm coming at this as like, itchy assholes a real thing. And Aiden and I speak a lot about itchy assholes. And I was surprised to hear this woman talking about it because I thought that it was more of a male thing with itchy assholes, but it's a real thing. I do know as someone who has had an itchy assholes. but before, I wouldn't say it was like a, it was like a moment where I wanted to itch my asshole. No, but have you ever had a moment where like you literally like think that it would be better
Starting point is 00:40:12 to die than to deal with the itchiness of your asshole? Maybe like once. Or like not able to sleep because your asshole is on fire? No, that never happened. But the feeling of I need to it itch my butt and then you itch it's next level. It's next level. I highly recommend five stars. So the reason I left this in is because, and I'm not.
Starting point is 00:40:32 I'm not a doctor, but went to a doctor about his chronic itchy asshole. Are you, does he want you telling people this? No, because this is great advice. And the doctor basically was just like, listen, you just have a rash. Because he thought that he had like hemorrhoids. He thought there was so much more going on. And the doctor was like, it's just a rash because moisture builds up in there for everybody. And whatever he was doing at that time, obviously he had built up too much.
Starting point is 00:40:59 And the rash had built up too much. And he was like, you can. not use toilet paper. For the rest of your life, you cannot use toilet paper. At most, you can use a baby wipe, however, to get rid of the chronic stage of the rash. He was actually using a portable, like, bidet. And, like, his rash completely left. And also, it has to stay dry.
Starting point is 00:41:24 So the trick was that after you clean your butt, without using toilet paper, because the abrasion is terrible for the rash. So you have to use wipes. Yes, but then you can, when it's dry, you can use vaseline in the chronic stage because it maintains the dry state. And no moisture can get through the vasin. But you use a wet wipe and then you have to wait for it to dry.
Starting point is 00:41:47 Yeah, you have a... Do you take like a blow dryer? I actually think that I did blow dry's butt, but don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on that. But what I would like to say is that you can not flush baby wipes down
Starting point is 00:42:02 the toilet. Even flushable baby wipes. This is such a dad moment. You're like, turn off the lights and don't flush the wet wipes. There's no such thing as a flushable wet wipe. There's no such thing. And it's clogging up plumbing systems
Starting point is 00:42:18 all over the world. All of the world. So wipe your butt with a wet wipe, but do not put it down the toilet. You have to have a bin. I know that seems weird in America. But in a lot of parts of the world, they do not even put basic toilet paper down the toilet. So treat your butt to wet wipe, but don't treat your toilet to the wet wipe. Are you a wet wipe influencer?
Starting point is 00:42:41 I mean, if we don't get a wet wipe sponsorship after this. And by the way, if you have a rash, I recommend nonsented. Non-scented wet wipes is the way to go. You are so passionate about this question. Well, I mean, I hope somebody's getting help. But I do think this opens people up to ask play more, hopefully, because, if you like your butt being itched, when there isn't a rash, a little lick could be fun. Yeah, I mean, you got, you got yourself a, you got yourself a rashless ass,
Starting point is 00:43:11 and you got yourself an ass ready to plate. You know what I'm saying? Okay, chef boy or D. Okay, chef boy or D. In that donk. Anyway. Oh, God. So, I guess, I guess, I guess we'll go for more.
Starting point is 00:43:29 Yeah. Well, I don't know. I don't know. No, we'll keep going. Hi, Hannah. I'm responding to the guilty pleasure's prompt, and my guilty pleasure is looking at celebrities before and after surgeries. Maybe it's a bit vain, but as someone who could never, would never, honestly can't afford the changes that some celebrities have had, I love analyzing to see a brow lift. you know shadowed eyelid a nose job everyone has one it's just it's such a fun thing to spot and be like oh my god they had worked in before and after picks i don't know maybe it makes
Starting point is 00:44:13 me vain but i'm obsessed with it yeah i mean it's i follow at least 15 like celebrity faces type accounts where it just shows you like they're editing the photos like it shows the getty image and then the real one oh yeah editing i love that but this is more like plastic surgery And then the plastic surgery ones are the ones where it shows them like six years ago. And then the comments. I love the comments because everyone's fighting because sometimes the person will comment and be like, I gained weight or like I hadn't gone through puberty and then everyone's fighting. No, you're not used to.
Starting point is 00:44:42 But the celebrities are famous for like blatantly lying about it. Yes. Like Kylie Jenner lied about her lips for a long time, then admitted it. Bella Hadid recently admitted it, but they'll admit only parts of it. Kim Kardashian to this day has not acknowledged her, that her, she has. She hasn't acknowledged her a fake butt. She literally had an episode of keeping up with the Kardashian where they like, she got a doctor to tell people she didn't get her butt done.
Starting point is 00:45:08 That's like Trump getting a doctor to tell people he's healthy. Oh my God. This is, I can't believe that she, that is not that funny. You're overreacting. I know. You've had, that, that's a cosmetically enhanced laugh. That is not that funny. Are you telling me I'm fake orgasming on this pod?
Starting point is 00:45:25 Yeah, I just, I feel like people are going to say that that laugh was added in afterwards. I just, I didn't, the, I thought the Trump comparison was very funny. I just think some people are going to think, that laugh can't be real, like Kim Kardashian's ex. But I can't believe she, like who, there's no human is shaped that way. I have never seen a human. Because people were saying she got a butt implant. So I think what she did was she had a BBL. She had a BBL.
Starting point is 00:45:48 So that she had them, like, take a thing and be like, see, there's no implant in it. Like, they did some tests when really she just got the fat taken out of other things. Is she also trying to say that she never got liposuction? Yeah, they don't. They say it's just working out and stuff. But look, we love Kim here. This is a Kim Stan Pod. Although I have a friend that's a plastic surgeon.
Starting point is 00:46:05 I'm not going to name him. I'm not going to get into any drama. But he has pointed out all the time that people that have had it that don't have it. There's just no way that certain humans can look that way. And you know what? She said she's looking at it. By the way, I'm not judging them.
Starting point is 00:46:21 I have no problem with the doing of it. A lot of people are very sort of puritan and moralistic about doing it. I'm not one of those guys. However, I don't like when people don't admit it, especially when it's, it's, especially when they have a shape that is like not humanly possible. And therefore, people try to create it without doing surgery. And it's impossible and they end up miserable about it. I understand subtle things, not saying anything.
Starting point is 00:46:46 Like, you know, you did a little bit here, a little there. But if you're walking around with a boncadonka donk that is like alien-esque and everyone's like, or Kylie Jenner has like the most beautiful big lips and she's selling a whole thing. But what did she say? How did her lips get that big? She said she overlines them. But now she admits it now. She admits it now, which is. But this woman who gave such a great message said it's because of vanity.
Starting point is 00:47:14 I don't know if it's vanity. Oh, she's saying why she looks at it. Yeah, like. No, I think it's not vanity. I think it's curiosity. I think it's the understanding, like, our culture and the normalizing of like we, we see these people. that are just genetic freaks and we wonder what it would be like to be them,
Starting point is 00:47:31 then you realize you were cuter than Bella Hadid. You're just poor. That's a great point. I also think that, like, I get a kick out of it because often I'm kind of surprised. I get a kick out of male jaws. I'm not naming any. Male jaws.
Starting point is 00:47:47 But there's a lot of enhanced male male jaws. Michael be Jordan. Hey, I'm not naming anybody. I'm raising awareness. And I love, Michael B. Jordan. I have to say, I'm, I'm disappointed that in my youth, I wasn't more aware of the simplicity of these procedures. I might have enhanced myself. Yeah, it does love plastic surgery. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I like the concept of it. I have never had any. Yes. Now you're going to say, oh, okay, Kim Kardashian, but I have never actually had any. You know, had I, there are certain people that have done very well as a result of the work that they've had.
Starting point is 00:48:24 True. And sometimes I feel like, damn. If I wasn't in Ireland, and if I had been in Hollywood where they were like, hey, listen, you know, do this to your face and you'll make an extra $3 million in your business, I might have done it. But sometimes I guess it could hurt your career if you go too much. Yeah, well, you can screw up your face. And by the way, I also want to point out that I'm sort of, I'm semi-joking here in that I don't want anyone to be encouraged to jump out and do it. No, we talk about this a lot. But I'm basically saying that there are some people that are doing well in comedy right now that probably have enhanced their face. But then some people will argue it's hard to do well in comedy if you're too good-looking.
Starting point is 00:49:01 Which is why I do so well. Because I'm very relatable. And why Paige will never disstand them. But honestly, you know, sometimes, because there's two ways, there's two fascinating things that you see when you see before and afters, right? There are the people that screwed up their face. True. But then there are the people that you go, wow. That is an amazing improvement.
Starting point is 00:49:23 Margot Robbie is an example of someone who is. gorgeous and then became like next level gorgeous with a very tiny tweaks to her face for is that is that official it's known yes it's not alleged no but it's like she did like the eyelet eyelid thing whatever i mean the card the Kardashians are a great example too like people like oh kendall's the natural one kendall has so much work done on her face but this is just when you get that level of fame you become a product and your only job is like well you make more one money when you're more beautiful when you're in the modeling and like that world but it's a thin line because like if you just look in the mirror every day and say how can I change myself to be more
Starting point is 00:50:08 stereotypically better looking it's not healthy and maybe you should look inside first but then there's also those people like for example umma thurman is so gorgeous and beautiful and so herself looking and like connecting to your heritage whether you have like a a Greek nose or like you know a a strong, Scottish jaw, I don't know, I'm making a thing. Yeah, and you were just picking all the non-controversial. Like, all the ones that won't get you in trouble. I noticed, I noticed a Greek nose, the Greeks aren't going to be like, hey, enough with the Greek nose.
Starting point is 00:50:42 And the Scots aren't going to be like, oh, good. But it is something about like you loving yourself and people loving that you love yourself, but it's like, we all can't look like the same sex robot. or we can in a couple years. Sorry, you had a pause there. I thought, like, that was period. That was period. I didn't know it was my time to come in.
Starting point is 00:51:06 Okay, well, I mean, I don't think there's anything I can, I don't think there's anything that I can add to that. Hannah's on a roll. We have a lot of these to get through. Let's go. So, for the record, this is happening on the spot because my girlfriend shoved the phone in my face and said, tell me what your guilty pleasure is.
Starting point is 00:51:22 It's a non-consensual message. My guilty pleasure would be I don't typically react, you know, by being sad to like really sad things. I just kind of do something else. A lot of times I like laugh at it. It's kind of a coping way I deal with it. So when I feel the need to feel sad or when I really need to cry, I will go on to YouTube and look up what I consider to be sad scenes from cartoons and nerd shit that I saw when I was a kid. and it'll just make me cry for like a solid 30 minutes like tears down my face sobbing and then I go back to normal but it's very cathartic it's like a lot like um if you can
Starting point is 00:52:01 imagine athletes watching pump up videos to get excited for playing a sport uh I do kind of the same thing it's just with cartoons to I thought that was a great message okay this man is a serial killer no I don't you just cry when something sad happens instead of, like, letting it build up and then watching a cartoon and crying a daffy duck. I think you're shaming him? This is why men find it hard to express emotion because this man has opened up and he immediately gets shamed by a woman for his way of dealing with his emotional pain. That was crazy.
Starting point is 00:52:35 It was hilarious. It was hilarious. It was funny that the end was like, I'm like a professional athlete, but it felt it was a professional cry. Yeah, he's going for an emotionally enhancing video. Yeah, I mean. It's hilarious. It's hilarious, but like cry when you're supposed to cry.
Starting point is 00:52:51 I understand, but he struggles with that. He's openly admitting that. Oh, I didn't hear the struggling part. Yeah, I mean, he might not be saying overtly that he's struggling with it, but he does struggle with that in real time, which is, which is common for men. It is good that he's at least saying I need to let out emotions. So I thought it was great that this guy at least has found. a way to find the sadness. Now, I also, I also want to add that I am a big fan of videos that
Starting point is 00:53:27 make me cry. The videos that kill me are military men coming back to their kid when they don't know. And I'm not even like a big, my patriotism is very gentle. I'm not like, you know, like a mega, like, but. When they're like, that's not the mailman, that's your dad. Or like, like the kid, I don't know if you saw the one, the kid was like in correct. or judo or something and the dad has like a mask on yeah and then he speaks and then he goes dad or when they're like dog hasn't seen its owner for 14 years yeah yeah this this dog was lost you know during the Vietnam War I but like and then then then the or when it's like this random monkey was raised by this woman for eight years and then they put him in the jungle and now he's
Starting point is 00:54:10 seeing her over the first time kills me no I'm not crying no but but that kills me that absolutely kills me that one. I mean, there's so many, you know, that do me in. I honestly, any time Venus of Serena Williams won a major and made a speech, I would cry. I cried when Cocoa Gough hugged her father. You cried. You cried. I was bawling. I was bawling. I do have to say that, not a dry eye, that when you, I was, we were watching love on the spectrum. For the record, I wouldn't point out. I think I'm, I cry more than you. You cry way more than me. Well, it depends what I'm going through, but like in terms of non-life events, just like watching TV, you cry all the time. I never cry.
Starting point is 00:54:50 But we're watching Love on the Spectrum, and my head was on your chest, and it was like going up and down. I'm like, I'm trying to fucking relax, and I turn over, and your eyes are just swelled up, and it was the sweetest thing. But then you're like, are you crying? It's like, let me just cry. Can I just cry? Why do we have to talk about it? You do cry. The more of it is like, are you not?
Starting point is 00:55:09 Because you, are you not? Because this is a cry moment. So you're the weirdo, you know? But because I'm a man, you need to point it out. No, because it was adorable. It actually made me like you more. No, listen, love on the spectrum. I cried 50% of the time on love on the spectrum.
Starting point is 00:55:30 So I sobbed during Toy Story 3 because of the nostalgia of, like, referencing the first toy story story because you were a kid when that first came out, and it was like craziness. You're just like, I remember when I was a little kid. And then I sob during La La Land because I was like touching a little close to my life in some capacity. I'm not going to get into it. But that was great. You know, I'm not going to turn into a movie podcast, but something quite, there was very deep and meaningful about just like looking at what your life. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:56:04 Like it was, that was, it was wild. Maybe underrated that movie. I mean, did it win? I don't know, but that was a great, I really appreciated that. I really appreciated that. Up, he's talking about cartoons, the first whatever minutes of Up. Did you see that? At the house and the old man?
Starting point is 00:56:23 I actually didn't see Up, but I need to. Oh my God, that's the, that was, I was in the cinema, in the movie theater, I was bawling at the beginning of Up. I just envisioned this guy watching SpongeBob Square fans crying. It's so weird. Yeah, he wasn't talking about that. He's talking about sad cartoons. So anyway, let's go.
Starting point is 00:56:41 Hello, Hannah and Des, I adore you both. My guilty pleasure is very shameful. Only a handful of people in my life even know that I do this. Uh-oh. I am an absolute pasta addict, but when I'm home alone in the privacy of my four apartment walls, I will put Hidden Valley Ranch on my pasta. And I don't do this around people. I make sure that it's hidden and no one knows.
Starting point is 00:57:11 about it, but it makes it a little creamy. You get the seasoning from the ranch, has to be hidden valley, and yeah, I'm not proud of it. It's dark, and it's a dirty secret, but this is my truth. So this girl is either the most disturbed person I've ever heard, or a genius. A genius. How have we not thought of this? Well, it's interesting because initial reading, it's like this girl's out of her mind. And then you go, but what the fuck is macaroni salad?
Starting point is 00:57:45 What the fuck is macaroni salad? Only fucking pasta with fucking salad dressing on it. Meenies. I mean, I don't know why I have to become Bill Burr to say it, but it was an accident. I didn't even mean to. I actually, I didn't meet me. I know. I was like, okay.
Starting point is 00:58:02 Mr. Burr. I didn't. Well, if you think about it, a lot of people like putting ranch on pizza, which is tomato sauce and bread and ranch. so tomatoes I mean I would mix tomato sauce with a little ranch in it because people put cream cheese in it because I love a penny ale vodka I might have to try this
Starting point is 00:58:20 but I'm almost it's almost like why I don't smoke cigarettes I'm scared if I try it I'm going to like it and then we have a bigger problem which is obviously as you know one of my favorite topics is a lot around food shame what I don't understand is if somebody likes something
Starting point is 00:58:35 why is it wrong you know so like if this woman likes putting this dressing on pasta, and people like, you can't do that. It's like, why? She clearly likes it. You know, there was probably a time where somebody was like, you know what I think would go great with peanut butter? Jelly, and people were like, you're out of your mind.
Starting point is 00:58:53 You can't put jelly with that. You understand? It doesn't make any sense that you, like, if this woman likes Hidden Valley Ranch on her pasta, she may be before her time is what you're saying. In 10 years, it's going to be all the rage. But I also think some people will get really, mad if you put ketchup on pasta because ketchup is just like a cheaper, grosser version of tomato
Starting point is 00:59:14 sauce, which is valid, I get. If it's all you have, okay, but like, uh, Hidden Valley Ranch, this might be the smartest thing I've ever heard. Could be. I don't, what is ranch? Oh, I, I don't have any answers for what ranch is. I couldn't tell you. A million dollars. It's a flavor. I couldn't tell you what Ranch is. Literally no idea. It's like Russian, it's like patriotic Russian dressing. It was like, it was like Russian dressing during 80s where it wasn't cool to like Russian shit you know it was like it was like Ronald Reagan's Russian dressing they called it ranch sorry another bloody 80 another reference nobody's gonna get that's incredible but like I get obviously I'm not going to get into the pineapple
Starting point is 00:59:52 and pizza thing but it just bothers me in general about the way people just decide something is not right like I'll give an example um Mateo Lane loves food obviously he's a foodie right very Italian loves Carbonara thinks it's totally wrong to have peas in the Carbonara See, I love peas in the carbonara for the texture. Yeah, but he's like, no, that's wrong. Mm-hmm. That's wrong. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 01:00:16 You're wrong. Well, in a traditional sense, he might be like, this is... But this is a shout-out to Mateo. This is a love Mateo. For your podcast. But he's very rigid on the peas. But depending where you're from, different things are popular. Like, in Sicily, they put raisins in, like, all these savory foods.
Starting point is 01:00:31 Yeah, but I'm down. I put raisins in everything. Yeah. Cresens? I'm Cray for the cray. Like, all day, I'm cray for crais. You know, like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, Sweet and savory all day.
Starting point is 01:00:41 But I also have to say you go to these fancy restaurants, and all they do is mix flavors you think shouldn't be together, and then they charge you $400. Yeah, we went to Davy Tutant in Paris, and this guy was like mixing, like the crazy shit, you put it down, it's like, there's no way that celery and cucumber and fucking squid ink, you know, like, he was, but everything was amazing.
Starting point is 01:01:03 My most delusional thought, which I told Paige on Gingley Squad, was that I think that I can make those insane dishes, because you just have to, like, be drunk, go home, take out stuff and mix it up, and you're like, I'm a genius. Yeah. But if you do it 100 times, maybe one out of 100 times, you, like, land it. Yeah, look, you got something acidic, something sweet, smear it together. The rest of the time it's just like...
Starting point is 01:01:24 Walla. But yeah, I just, listen, we're on the same page. People like to shame people. Don't yuck someone's yum. If I want to eat pasta with ranch by scratching my butthole and scrolling Instagram problematic fame and plastic surgery accounts, let me do it. And some people like pasta with butter. Leave them alone.
Starting point is 01:01:43 We did it. That was really good. The little dialers are getting better every week. And we love you guys so much. Messages are awesome. Now, this is an experiment for this week. Okay. But there was just so many good submissions that after we sign off, just enjoy five or six messages that we didn't talk about.
Starting point is 01:02:03 But I think are worthy of listening. Honorary mentions. Well, yeah, but I don't even want people to be listened to these thinking these like, didn't make the cut, they're just ones that are just like great but didn't require further discussion, you know what I mean? Just like, just like solid, period, solid guilty pleasures coming at the end. We'll be back, we'll be back next week, recording from Arizona. Oh, yeah. And keep an eye out on my into stories. I do random posts because you guys like, when do you post it? I randomly will be like, here's the question, submit. So just keep an eye out,
Starting point is 01:02:34 follow us. We both share it. Follow us on Instagram too. By the way, if you have any suggestions, we'll also, on Instagram, in the comments or DMs, any suggestions for topics? Oh, hell yeah. Obviously, people have already suggested, like, Ix and other things that I've seen in the comments. So, don't be afraid to share. And nothing is too... Riskey. Or, yeah, nothing is stupid.
Starting point is 01:02:58 You know, the worst thing that can happen is you leave a suggestion and we don't use it. You just sound like a college professor. No question, stupid, guys. We're here for you. Ask us anything. Everyone listens is so funny, so smart. The only stupid question is to not ask a question at all. At all.
Starting point is 01:03:15 Shoo. Hannes in denial that she's married to somebody who's not lived in America for most of his life. You're so exotic, babe. You guys leave a review. It helps us so much. We love reading them and tell your boyfriend to listen. Yeah, at Des Bishop, at Hannibal. You all know her stuff.
Starting point is 01:03:32 Follow me, though. Yeah, give us a follow. Give me a follow, which is great. Support Zaddy's in the. arts. Thank you. Bye. Bye.

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