Berner Phone - Berner Phone #60: Best Life Advice

Episode Date: October 10, 2024

Des is joined by the hilarious Joanne McNally this week. They're giving advice on dating a comedian, in-law issues, how to woo an Irish man, and correct emoji usage.  Free shipping at quince.com/bern 25% off Daily Synbiotic at seed.com/bern with code 25BERN Save $15 on skincare at Apostrophe.com/PHONE $200 off your order at tonal.com with code BERN  

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we may have to make it into a podcast. Welcome back to Burner Phone. It's very exciting for me. We have a special guest host, Joanne McNally. How are you? I'm good, Jasmine. How are you? There's a familiarity, I feel.

I know. We haven't done this since Lock. I know. And that's when I just met Hannah. And now you're already, you're already replacing her. I don't know. It took me three years. Four, four years. Is that, are you still using the same mic? It's probably the same mic. But anyway, thank you so much. So Hannah's literally just, she's just like taking a, taking like a little sabbatical from Burnaphone to save herself from from losing her mind because she's doing too much stuff.

Is she up to her tits? I'd say she has after the special. After every, you know, just everything. And she's a little bit of a little bit of a workaholic. So it's good for her to take a break nut. And of course, the Burnaphone listeners, we know that Hannah is the main attraction. But that's why I pick high end replacements for Burnifone.

Yeah. No riffroff. Yeah, so Joanne and I were doing the podcast during the pandemic Now before we start, okay? Yeah.

You're in America doing shows. Yes, I'm in Denver. Right now. Right now, Colorado. You had a pause there like you were saying that you being in Denver was the craziest thing in the world.

For me, it is. I'm like, how the fuck did I end up in Denver? So, and I, because I I don't pay attention to anything and I'm not good on forward planning in any way. I'm very much in the now. Not on purpose, not through any spiritual decision. Just that's all I can handle.

I honestly thought it'd be snowing. I thought Denver, Colorado. I thought skiing. I honestly thought I was going to be like kind of in an Alpin ad and it's fucking boiling. So I'm back to just profusely sweating. Yeah. gorgeous, though.

It's kind of nice, right? Oh my God, completely. So I went, I was in Portland first, then Seattle. And Seattle was unbelievable. And the only reason I said I go to Seattle was because I love Frasier. I didn't realize that there was so many Irish there. And people had come down from Canada, I didn't realize it was close to the border. Yes, close to Vancouver, yeah.

I'm really learning, as I'm really, look at me wearing a Michigan State Tech T-shirt. You're a Yank. I'm a Yank. So I wanted to ask you, well, first of all, before we plug your show, What shows? What shows do you have next week? There's a lot of crossover, I have to tell you, between the, the Burnaphone listeners and my therapist ghosted me. Well, remember I went to see Hannah and Page live in Montreal, but they whipped you out at the end. Remember? Oh, that's right. Yeah. And I was looking at it and I was like, this has got, this is seriously. I can totally see it. I was like, this is ghosted vibes. Yeah. It's the same. It's two women who get on, who are friends. Page is kind of the vogue. I'm more the Hannah, I would say. Yeah. Insane. Me and Hannah, me and Hannah, mentally unstable. Yeah, I was gonna, I was gonna say rough and ready, but yeah, mentally, mentally ill.

Yeah, let's call it what it is. And then page and bog are that slightly more groomed, controlled, less chaotic ones. And so the dynamic is quite similar. Okay, so I never talk about Gickley Squad, but since we're having like, do you know what the advantage is to be in a page or a vogue, people don't expect you to be funny? I know. And they're both very funny. Very witty women.

Very witty, very quick, very smart. Yeah. But I feel like that's an advantage, you know. It's just like, oh, I didn't know that the put together one could be witty and sarcastic and slick. I know. Sometimes I'm like, that's not fair. That's not fair.

You can't be hot and funny. You have to choose a fucking lane. Choose a lane. All right. So give us the rest of your shows there. Vogue is coming over. We're doing, my therapist goes to me live in Boston on October 10th. then we're in New York on October 11th

and then we're in Toronto, October 12th. And then I come back and I'm in Washington, D.C. on October 15th. And then, Des, I'm in your... You're staying in our gaffe. I'm in your gaff then until the end of the end of October. Yeah. So before we get into advice,

I did want to ask very quickly because you're now gigging in the States. Yeah. What are your very quick observations about working in America? What's the quick things that are coming to your mind? The mental people here are like real mental.

Like it's like, you know, like sitting in prams talking to themselves. Is that what you mean? Or what are you asking me? Just in general. Just, for example, when you're going on stage, like what are the quick things that you're bringing up about what you're seeing?

Oh, well, it's actually, so it's not, do you know what? The late show last night in Denver was the first show where there was fuck all Irish people in it. That's the first time that's happened. So I've obviously run out of Irish in Denver, which is good, because the reason I'm over here.

You've run out the irony. I did the early show. They all came to that, then the secretary. Because it's good, because I'm here to kind of challenge myself, but not the Irish people don't challenge me, but obviously there's some goodwill there from the Irish where it was the Americans. They're like, dance bitch. Who, who are?

Yeah, exactly. But what if I, what if I, what if I, they're actually quite, they're a more conservative audience than I thought they would be. They're quite like, they, there's a more like, there's more, ooh. Right. to stuff, then there would be in Ireland or the UK. Well, you have been on a, you have been in

locations that would be considered maybe a little bit more uptight. We'll revisit, we'll revisit this after a couple of more locations. Yes, they seemed a little easier, a little easier, shocked, I would say. Wow. Because you're kind of doing

like all the self-flagellation stuff that at home, everyone's like, ah yeah. Whereas here, They're like, ooh, ooh, a bit more of that. Because in Ireland, it's the norm to just, like, hate yourself. Whereas in America, they're like, you're not allowed to do that. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like they want you to have self-esteem. So I'm going to have to work on that, I think. You're going to have to work on your self-esteem if you're going to make it in America. If I'm going to make it here, yeah. Otherwise, it's just a really sad TED talk, to be honest. All right, so we got great. And they clap loads here.

If you say something in any way, they give a great gravitas even though it has no gravitas at all, they clap a lot. Yeah, but that's encouraging though. Oh, I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very panto vibes over here.

There's a lot of noise coming from the audience, which I like. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, there's ewing and aing and clapping. Well, soon, I feel like you're ready for an American takeover. So we got some great advice that came in. Most people did not know you were going to be on,

which is, you know, it's exciting. but the first one I wanted to do was to ease you into it is one that's specifically for you, really. Okay. Hi, Hannah and Des and Joanne. First of all, I'm a huge fan of Aigley Squad and Burnerphone and my therapist ghosted me, so this is like a dream come true. So my question is mostly for Des and Joanne.

I'm currently single and swiping on the dating. and I've been talking to a guy who just moved here from Ireland. And I'm wondering if there is anything that I should know about Irish culture, Irish men, and I should know going into a date with this guy, any advice on how to woo an Irish man would be greatly appreciated. I love you guys. Thank you. That's so cute. Yeah.

Woo an Irish man. He should be wooing you. I know. But, you know. There's a lot of crossover with American women and Irish men, a lot. I've met them at shows. A lot of American women who maybe came across, ghosted via their Irish husband or whatever. American women, they really do.

They like the Irish lads. And the Irish lads clearly like the American women. The Irish accent is a real winner. And let's face it, man. and the Irish, you know, Killian, what's his face, Brad. Murphy. Killing, but no. Barry Keoggan.

Barry Keoggan. They're all very hot, right? Like, Irish men are hot. We're having a moment. And I'm including myself in that because I can be quite masculine in times. So my advice is, my advice to wooing an Irish man is you got to, even though this goes against my normal advice, with Irish guys, you got to play. it a little cool.

They think they're cooler than they are, so you got to cool it off. What are you doing? Is that specific to Irish lads though? No, Irish lads in America. This is very specific to this situation. Because American girls are very forward. Are they?

Yeah. Irish men are used to a little bit more cryptic, a little bit more. Let's say, wouldn't you say that Irish women in general will largely take the tact of making fun of a guy. A hundred percent. We invented nagging

before nagging was even a thing. Yes. We've been nagging all our lives. We've been nagging since day dot. And now nagging is a very, it's known to be a very successful, fratious strategy. We've been doing it all our lives

just comes naturally to us. We just slide the shit out of each other. Yeah. And then we ride each other and then start slagging each other again. And whatever you do, don't talk about emotions. The Irish aren't great

with emotions up front. So you've got to you've got to play it very on the surface. Do you know what I find interesting? So I was seeing this English lad for a while and he was saying to me, he's like, cause I slag him a lot because that's my love language.

Yes. To tear him down emotionally and then try and rebuild him in my own vision. Basically. And he was like, I don't know how to take you because it's like talking to one of the lads and then, you know what I mean?

Suddenly then you're trying to, How do you kind of slip into your feminine energy then when you've been ripping the piss out of them? It's a real strange one. I don't think it's necessarily a good thing. But anyway, sorry, back to this situation. You've got to make them laugh. Oh, that's true.

Although, Des, this is actually a good question for you. Because I know women are big into funny. Women love funny. Women love funny. Men, I think, more prioritise hot over funny. Would that be fair? That is absolutely fair assessment. Yeah, yeah.

And a great comedian, Catherine Dunbar, Kathleen Dunbar, sorry, she lives in Vegas. I worked with her in Vegas. And we were talking about the thing of like how male comics find it easier to meet women and female comics don't get the same thing of the guys trying to bang them after shows. And she said, the thing is that women love a guy with a sense of humor. And men say they want a woman with a sense of humor. But really, they just want a woman that will laugh at their jokes.

That's what they say. And I believe us. like I've been I've been dating lads before where I was like I'm definitely a personality hire do you know what I mean like this is a this is a personality hire because I then because obviously I'm a creep a nosy bitch and I have a lot of spare time so then I'll go in and look at the photos that they're interacting with on Instagram and they're very very sexy women in bikinis and I don't I don't I don't I don't really operate at all so so then I'm I feel it's like oh so that's visually what you're you're looking for but you've decided

that maybe you'll give me a spin. Yeah, you don't want to, you don't want to, you don't want to be, you don't want to be the experiment. That's what I, exactly, do you know what I mean? I don't want to be the personality hired that you're like, well, I, I can, you know, she'll, we can have a bit of crack over dinner, but obviously I'll go home and wank over Michelle, who I met in Mickenas, do you know what I mean? That's, yeah.

But the only thing is that if you get lucky, if you get lucky enough to meet a guy at a time where he realizes that all that stuff hasn't worked out for him, then you can really get him at the right time. Yeah, but isn't he still always going to revert to form? Like, isn't he always going to... I think men will always go for

the hottest woman they can possibly get. I do, I think so. I think, and maybe I'm being really cynical, but I really do. I think you can't... Just because I know that I've been the personality hired a couple of times, and it made me to feel very... you probably say this all the time on your podcast

but I think this is hilarious definitely and like that's not me saying that I have an amazing personality I just know that the kind of women they usually go for might be as casual as I am or obviously you know maybe a little more serious or something so they've decided to take a pivot

in their romantic journey it's challenging for a guy to meet a woman that can go toe to toe with them, if not even dominate them, like, conversation-wise. You know, so that is challenging for a guy. But a guy that's up for that, that's a good, that's a win. Yeah, it is. It is.

But I always remember the saying, my friend Nora told it to me years ago, and I've never forgotten. She said, men are like rivers. They will take the path of least resistance. If you're too, if you're too, if you're too much of a challenge, they'll just ripple off somewhere else. they'll flow somewhere else. They'll flow somewhere else.

Right. But what can you do? We are who we are, you know. Don't create a tributary. So anyway, in terms of the Irish guys, honestly, that's good advice. Make sure you make them laugh. And, you know, there's not that much to it really. Just be good crack.

Honestly, Irish people really value crack. And when we say crack, we mean just be good fun. Yes. And we're not big into, we're not, well, things have probably changed. But I think Irish, lad, they do. joy just having a good laugh with someone like who doesn't well fall has arrived winter is coming and i like nothing more than either lounging around in my beautiful quince sweaters and sweatpants or wearing them on stage because they're so cool looking fashionable i have this uh quince hoodie

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Yeah. You know, like a real one. Hi. So I'm going to get right into it because this has honestly taken up seven years from. my life. My fiance and I met in college and we are still together and now we have two under two. But the issue is that I have never liked his parents and his parents have never liked me. I wish it was just that, but there's more. The dad has straight up made up stories and lied and to a apologize for those lies. He's made up other lies and excuses. And the mom just

brushes over them and acts like that's not a big deal. So the question is, am I crazy for not wanting my kids around that environment or do I allow them to have a relationship even though everything internal is telling me these people are toxic do I still let my children have grandparents it just seems like a crucial role for your children to have in their lives but I don't know. I just can you adopt new-in-laws? So sorry, that's a real, that's a proper dilemma. Ush, e-ish.

It's a hard one, you know? But I mean, my immediate, my immediate real advice is that I think the more important thing is for her to protect herself in her relationship with them. I think she needs to have a boundary for herself with the grandparents, but I don't think she should escalate that to the children not having a relationship with the grandparents. Yeah, I think that's pretty good advice.

And I think also because it's kind of practical, right? Like, even though they're really annoying and they suck, I still think that sometimes it'll be nice to have them to be able to look after the kids. That's a really good suggestion. I always feel like you're very lucky if you get out. Like, I've gone out with lads

whose parents I know didn't like me. And it was always very, very, tense and strange. Now, I never, obviously, went, I never married these men, so it didn't really matter. But parents can be funny about their kids' partners. They can be jealous or they can be territorial or all these strange things, especially mothers and sons and fathers and daughters and stuff. I wonder, is there anything to be said? And maybe I sound very naive for like having it out with them in a very diplomatic way. Just be like, look, there's, you know, a bit of tension here. There's been some issues in the past. Is there anything we can do to iron them out?

that's honestly what I would do just put it out in the table because and then it's up to them because you're kind of being the mature when you're like opening up the channel of communication and either they accept that or they deny it and pretend there's nothing wrong and then your side of the streets clean

you've made an effort but I agree with you about you can roll your eyes and think they're really annoying but I don't know about we don't know how bad it is obviously we've only heard that voice note but I only think

it'll feed it into their narrative that you're the issue if you keep the grandkids away from them. Also, it's going to create loads of shit with your partner. She didn't say what he thinks about the whole thing, but it's a lot to take your, it's a lot to stop your partner's parents seeing

your kids. That's a huge move. I wouldn't do that likely. Yeah. And that's good advice too to have it out. I mean, I get the impression that maybe there's been times where there's been a little bit of having it out, but maybe she needs to have it out to the point where it's like, listen, I know

that you make stuff up about me and I know we've had a tough relationship but at some stage I just can't keep putting myself in this situation so yeah let's either we resolve this or perhaps in the future it's going to be harder for you to have a relationship with your grandchildren because I don't deserve this and you know that's kind of strong but maybe

very good well maybe if there's been that level of maybe if they've already had a couple of like having it out and it hasn't succeeded that maybe she's needs to at least articulate that at some stage she's going to have to protect herself and not be in their orbit at all even with the kids because this is crazy. Plus they're not married

yet, which is weird. I wonder what her fellow thinks about it. We always have follow-ups. With questions. Again, this is an extreme, well actually, it's not really an extreme move. Would you consider therapy with them? I think I've

been in America for four days. What about therapy? would you think of some family therapy, you know? I mean, it would be amazing because honestly, that would be the safest and like probably the way that you would get the best results to have somebody that understands

this level of conflict. Yeah, and I don't know what their finances are like, it mightn't be achievable, but I always say Vogue, who I do the pod with, I'm like, if there's a big fallout, we are going to couples therapy because everyone always thinks that they're in the right. I guarantee those parents think that they are in the right.

Everyone is so biased about their own actions and what they've done and what's been done to them. I guarantee those parents. Oh yeah, they're sitting around every night at dinner talking about how she's the problem. Yeah.

No one ever knows they're the problem. So that's why I think a mediator or some professional help would be really useful in this situation. Yeah. Well, by the way, that's pretty much an answer for almost all of these bits of advice

that come in. But obviously, we understand. I always, I forgot to give a disclaimer that, like, we're just giving our opinion on, because this one's quite serious, but at the same time, like, I think some people just, they get something out of just voicing it. You know, the fact that they're voicing it to us is, you know, neither here nor there. Yeah. But anyway, that's it.

And I'm sure there's people listening that have had similar difficulties with the in-laws. Nobody thinks or knows that they're toxic. And also, I think there's always conversations to be had, you know. no one wakes up every day. No one wakes up and chooses toxicity. No one wakes up and chooses toxicity. They're just defending what they think is their right to defend, whatever situation they're in.

This is all about communication. Yeah, ideal. Obviously, we'd love to know what the... And by the way, I do want to point out that I was very lucky with my in-laws. They're perfect. And they listen to this podcast. Well, I was lucky with mine because I don't have any, which is catch-it-all.

Very smooth. You don't have any just yet. Hannah doesn't have any either, by the way, but for different reasons. Oh, Dad. Oh, come on. We joke about that all the time. Don't worry about it. Fine.

You're like Annie. Oh, this one's kind of funny. This is light, but it's kind of funny, and I think a lot of people will identify with this. Hi, Dez. Hi, Hannah. Here I am. Another person that sounds like everyone else calling in. So I have this friend who lives on the other side of the country.

And there are three of us, and we're in a group chat together. And the friend that lives on the other side of the country just sends nonstop memes and videos all day long. And I can't keep up. And I wanted to stop, but I don't want to hurt their feelings. So what can I do? Thank you in advance. Love you both.

Oh, no. Oh, no. So the friend has moved to the other side. side of the country, is that what she said? Well, they have a group chat because they all live in different places. So, like, it's a very important part of their friendship is the group chat. That's her way of communicating. So it's, because it's a nice way of communicating because there's no real, you don't really

have to do or say anything. You can just have a really lovely little quick blast of contact with someone by sending a meme and they say, ha, ha, ha, lo, and then you've had that little connection for the day. Do you know what I mean? So this person's maybe a bit lonely or something. They're just banging out the memes all day. Listen, I have friends like this who are heavy on the memes, and I just don't reply. I just ignore the memes.

You know what I mean? And then the memes will slow down and, you know, like, you like some of them, ha ha, la, and then. Yeah, but there is, so there is a sense, though, that like, after why, you're like, I, you know, I feel bad about not reacting to the meme. Yeah. And also just, like, we have other ways of communicating other than these memes. And sometimes, honestly, it's kind of off-putting because, like, a lot of the memes, you know, suck. So then you don't want to like fall out with your friend

but you're also like, I kind of like, I'm disappointed. You get disappointed in people. I have a good quality of meme coming my way. I have to say my friend, they have a good sense of humor. There's no shit memes coming to me. So these memes, she's getting low quality memes. This is what's happened. She's obviously getting loud quality memes. I have one or two people

that send me memes a lot. And it also does annoy me. because they're not super funny people. So the memes that they find funny are like not funny to me. So I do actually also get annoyed. But again, they're not really important friends to me. So I just ignore the memes and it's fine.

But I do feel bad every time I ignore the meme. I do actually feel bad. Would you not just tap it and give it a harsh? That's what I do sometimes. But then you're just encouraging the behavior. It's like giving a dog a treat. they're getting a positive reinforcement. What you could do is start using the thumbs up,

which is I feel a very passive-aggressive reaction to anything. And that would put me off contacting that person again. Thumbs up is like, it's kind of a go-fuck yourself, really, isn't it? It's the digital go-fuck-yourself. But it's like, I'm not going to say, go-f, it's real like, right, right, yeah, go-on, gas, ha-ha, not. So I think it comes up. A thumbs-up might be a good reaction.

If someone gave me a thumbs up, I would, like, die inside. Really? But I, my, my, my fucking Gen X, fucking buddies in Ireland, particularly on the WhatsApp, if it's like, I'll see you at 9 o'clock tomorrow, they give me a thumbs up. Yeah, yeah, that's a very kind of, I think it's bad communication. It's very... Interesting. Middle-aged man stuff.

Yeah, not interesting. Yeah, but the thing is that for me, it's just like, yeah, it's sorted. Like, okay. Yeah, yeah, but it's not. Things have moved on. The thumbs up is no longer acceptable. I have to say it with my brother regularly. I'm like, Connor, you can't keep sending me that thumb.

Like, it makes, it triggers me. I'm going to say it now. It sounds sarcastic. It's so interesting because you're getting PTSD. You're one of the only people in my life that has ever like called me out on like short responses and texts. You're very response conscious. Yeah. I am.

I am. because I would just give you like a yeah I'd be like I probably have gotten a bit better at that now because now I'm probably a bit busier than when we yeah too much time you know what I mean

so now I don't have as much free time so now I'm banging out the yes as well but at the time I probably want like a letter from you in response dear what you want I've taken on board what you've said yeah all the best sincerely Desmond I'm shocked I never

a thumbs up has never once given me any impression other than like okay yeah but you are and like i don't know if you you are i would we say i'm not spectrum is an intense you're i'm not going to say spectrum we cut that but you're a certain type of person though you're very functional you're very literal except in comedy like you there's no frills with you you're just in you're out what do you what you want yeah oh yeah oh yeah hello direct communicator direct communicator yeah yeah right so a thumbs up to you is, okay, that's good. Go fuck yourself. Well, I'm looking forward to the messages

in the DMs about what people feel about the thumbs up. I'm sure they agree with you, by the way, because I'm very, I'm a very tech savvy guy, but I'm very behind on where we're at with emoji communication. Yeah, well, if I'm very behind. Put it this way. If someone let me down and they sent me a very long text

about why they had let me down in that way, the way that I would get back at them, my only bit of revenge would be, the thumbs up emoji back. Which that's... In that situation, I would think

that was passive aggressive. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. It's all in the eye of the palader, you know? But that's me now.

Maybe yes. So maybe give your friend a couple of thumbs up. Although if they're sending shit memes, they're probably fine with a thumbs up. They probably just want... They just need a bit of validation.

Do you know what Hannah gets very annoyed at me about? If she sends me a video or something that I've seen I'll just say back like, oh yeah, I've seen that. She hates, she doesn't like that. Yeah, I know. She wants you to just, lull. Or like even if I know, it's like, yeah, it's a good, it's a good mood.

Yeah, I know, yeah, yeah, I know. I need to work, I need to work on that. You see, I would give it to both. I would say, yes, I've seen that, and it's a good meme. I would go, I would go double. Yeah, we have good taste, yes. All right, let's find, let's go, let's go, let's get another. Let's get another hard, another tough one.

Oh, actually, can I bring up one? This is actually, so we had some tech problems today. So for a while, I didn't think I was going to be able to find any of these because the site that we used was down. So I went back to old advice ones and I was going to find ones that we didn't use. But actually, I found one that we did use, but I want to play it for you because I feel like this is literally your area of expertise is in the name. of your podcast. So I'm going to play this for you. And this is just for your, this is just for your

quick opinion. Okay. Hey, Hannah and Des. Um, just want to get this out of the way. Roll badge. Bucky is hot. I agree with you. Ignore that. Um, we'll be seeing you in Madison and October. Anyways, okay, something I need advice on is how do you say no to a therapist? Like, okay, there are some weeks where like, I just don't need her. Like, I've dished out everything I need to say to my best friend and there's I feel great I have said everything I need to say and I just want to be like hey I feel like it feels like I'm breaking up with her every time I have to be like hey can we skip this week actually is it okay um it's like yeah I don't know therapists I feel like they have like a very big like control over you saying no and so I don't know just say fuck it and just spend the

funny. Okay, anyways, love you both. Bye. So me and Hannah had a lot to say about this. I'm just curious on your quick take. Well, my quick take would be, so therapy is supposed to be a short-term thing. It's not supposed to be a lifelong thing, really. Like, you're supposed to go in when you need them, and then they help you work through your shit, and then you move on. Like, I've had that where I've had very awkward sessions and therapy sessions where I've ended up, they were on Zoom, I've ended up saying, oh, I'll have to take a call, I have to go to work, because I've just run out of shit to say. and then you end up telling them all sorts of shit

that like, you know, doesn't need to be discussed as such just to fill the silence. Yeah, but I guess they would argue that sometimes that's where you find some gold. Oh, I know, well, like, not everything needs to be disgusted. But I would just cut your one down to once a month.

Cut her down to once a month, then gather all your shit and trauma and go in and dump it on her once a month. And then she knows then she can take the other three weeks and fill it with some other person, you know? That's what you do. But when that came up, When that came up, I, I, I, we, we mentioned you because of, you know, the fact that your therapist actually ghosted me.

I know, yeah. He did you? I know. When I eventually got through to him and he told me, I was like, are you still working in mental health? Because he stopped, he stopped, replying to me. And he said, I am and here's who I'd recommend for you and send me the link to someone else. I'll never understand it. I was mad about him.

Imagine, imagine you had that with a boyfriend. It's like, hey, why did you ghost me and then you meet him like a year later? He's like, yeah, sorry, man. but actually I have a great other guy. Yeah, I have another recommendation for you. Here's my friend, Danny. You're like, oh, sound, thanks. All right, here we go.

Oh, go ahead. No, go ahead. I was just going to say, I know that feeling where you're on the bus on your way into your therapist. You're like, I have nothing to say here. Like, I really don't. And it's awkward. So, yeah, cut her down.

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slash phone and click get started. Then use our code phone at sign up and you get your first visit for only $5. Thank you, Aposophy, for sponsoring this app. So this is a wonderful one for, you'll see. And, oh, wait, Canada might not be here. Hey, Des and esteemed guest. So my question is,

I just moved into a neighborhood that most of my neighbors are considerably older than me and my boyfriend. And we just met a few of them at the farmer's market that's on our street every weekend. And basically my question is, like, I would love to actually form some friendships with these people. But, like, there's obviously some generational differences and, like, some, you know, just like, how do I, befriend them. Do I bring a baked good to their door? Like, what would your approach be? Thanks. Love you. It's so cute. It's so sweet. I think they'd be only delighted. I was reading an article the other day and they were talking about how they befriended one of their older neighbors and that they're now like really close and I think there's something so, something so lovely about

cross-generational friendships that we don't get a lot of because you're not, you're not around them. you're very much in your own little age cohort a lot of the time and you don't get to be friends people a lot younger or a lot older. We kind of do in comedy

I think because you're on the road with people who are in a different age bracket to you a lot. But I think this is so nice. Yeah. There must be like a neighborhood WhatsApp group or something.

She should put on an event. Yeah. I mean, I think it's great. Like obviously you play golf, I play golf so I have friends with a lot of older people. And like personally for me, I love it.

I think there's a lot of real benefits because obviously they've they've lived a lot of life obviously there's going to be some areas where you can't connect right there's just some stuff is just real generation gap stuff but there's other areas where one you can learn from them two you just have these points of similarities that are just great and I think a lot older to particularly if they're elderly right she's saying they're older but if they're elderly they're going to appreciate it actually yeah you know what's a really good at this I'm going to go around for this bridge one of my friends is mad for Bridge

and she plays Bridge but she says the Bridge Club that she's in like she's on she's 41 and she says the Bridge Club she's in they're much older people and she has a ball they're all like really good friends of hers now if you've just if you've just got a horn to have older friends bridge is a great shout yeah that's so funny because

Hannah's grandfather sadly passed since I met her he was big into Bridge bridge was one of his things there you go yeah Bridge is not easy, by the way. No, it's not. You have to take my mom tried to do it and she quit. She was like, I have to tap out. It's too hard. Everyone was just whizzing cards

around her and she was like completely lost. They're very particular. Like you don't want to. Very particular. We don't know if her crew or if that crowd are into bridge. I think some quick advice on things that old people like to talk about. You should create like a group chat

about like today's wordal, today's crossword. they usually like puzzles, word games and stuff like that. So find out those types of things that you have in common. Then you can always talk about that. Yeah, they like to keep their mind sharp. They like to keep their mind sharp. Words of friends.

Avoid politics at all costs. A very good chance of conflict there. And I definitely drop something. Also, what a great way is, it's just going, like, depending on how old they might find this quite insulting. But if you knock on the door, you're like, do you need, Anthony? I'm going to the shops, is there anything like a do for you?

And that's your in then. Obviously, they might think you're trying to burgle them. But like, that's your in. If you're offering acts of service to these people, you're probably delighted. Yeah. I mean, I think dropping something off is not a bad suggestion, which was her own suggestion. Nobody really, nobody minds that, you know. But you got to be careful too because it can be, there's a fine line between like, you know,

knowing your neighbors and then it's just becoming like too much. So, you know, just be cautious to know. And you don't know insult them. Yeah, then if you make an effort and then it doesn't work out, then it's like, you know, it's awkward. But I do think that it's definitely worth an effort in some regard. But I don't know exactly what the activity is. I'd love a grandparent now. I'd really, I'd love a granny or a granddad.

They're all dead, sadly. I think there's something lovely about just sit and drinking tea with an older person listening to them talk about their past and you talking about your future. That's probably about me and but, you know, it's juicy. 100%. I had the lovely experience of not my, not my grandmother at all, my mother's first cousin, who's like my Irish mother, she's at a bad year, she lost her husband. And tonight, she went to the John Bishop show and got to hang out with John Bishop. So that was a nice thing. No way. Yes. Very exciting for the family. Where is John playing in Dublin? The three arena in Dublin. Oh yeah. We did that with him. Do you remember?

I hung out backstage? Oh, we did the three arena with him, yeah, right before. That's when it was like, this comedian nobody's heard of Joanne McNally. Now you could sell it out yourself numerous times. It was the last gig before lockdown. That's right, the world shut down.

Yeah. All right, let's go with one I think you're definitely going to have a strong opinion about. Okay. Hi, So I have a quick question for you guys. I'm looking for some advice because I'm currently dating a stand-up comedian. I'm myself am not a comedian.

And I'm asking advice on how to feel slash communicate with your partner when they are including you in their material and a mayor may not be 100% faction. And how that plays a role in your dating life. Thanks, guys. Juicy baby. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, so there's always a bit of poetic license, I think. And depending on how he speaks, depending on the tone of it, like I will take a nugget of truth and then turn it into something that very, there might be, it's barely recognisable from what happened because for comedic value, like that's what you're doing. But if I was the, if I was the person they're talking about, I would be maybe let me put out. I had that when I started my mother was like, why are you always slagging me off? You never say anything nice about me on stage.

I'm like, no one gives a shit that you fucking put me through school, you know, or paid for my education. It's not funny. So you always kind of, you know what I mean? Or like, if I do chat shows, she's like, why didn't you tell them you got an A in geography and you're leaving search? I'm like, no one gives a shit. So it is, it took her a while to get her head around it as well.

Now she knows. She's like, oh, it's nonsense. None of it makes any sense. So it does take a little adjustment. Yeah, it is a bit of an adjustment. Even I have an adjustment because I've always been person talking about somebody, but like, you know, Hannah, I actually, I actually don't, I try not to include Hannah too much in my routines because, like, in America, especially, like,

that I feel like people kind of like, they know that Hannah is my wife. And then it's like, you really are talking about somebody that like people know, but, you know, Hannah doesn't have the same, Hannah doesn't have the same boundaries. So she's, you know, she's on a Netflix special telling people I had a fucking panic attack, which I didn't. I had a fucking panic attack. Which I didn't. I had a fucking stomach virus, you know, she has this bit about me thinking I was having a heart effect. That part was true. Yeah. And then she always makes these jokes about like,

you know, like men not wanting to go to therapy and like, like, in bits about me. And I'm always like, I've done so much more therapy than Hannah. But it doesn't matter. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Shake it off. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Like I have a joke about my, my ex-boyfriend sheeting on me, but it was, it was a boyfriend, maybe three boyfriends back. But because the last boyfriend I had, people knew I was going out with them. So girls are coming up after the show

be like, oh, he fucking cheated. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, that's not him. It's just material about an older relationship, but I just haven't bothered explaining it was a three boyfriend back thing. So. Yeah, there's a, there, the lines can get blurred at times. It's but yeah, you know. So I think

once he's not, once he's not being mean about you, once he's not like, fucking completely punching down and slagging you to bits in it, once he's not saying you're shit in the sack or anything you know, then Grant. Yeah, and also, I think if it's a new relationship, which I think it is. I think it's actually a red flag if a comic that you've just met is like already turning your experiences into jokes. I don't know. I think everything's copied, like every single situation or every relationship or it's all copy at the end

of the day. Yeah, I would highly recommend if you're looking for advice, I would recommend like not watching his shows, you know? Yeah. Because at the end of the day, it's, it's a different thing, right? It's a performance. It's not reality. And even though some of it's, like, based on a true story, you know the truth, so it's going to annoy you.

Yeah, exactly. It's definitely going to annoy you. So it's better to not watch, you know? I can't watch. I can't watch Hannah. I can't watch my brother. Like, and that's more just like, not because I'm like, oh, what's you're going to say about me?

I just, I get so uptight because I have like an emotional connection with the person. So I can't enjoy it. I'm like the, you know, I'm like the sports dad with, with Hannah and with my brother. I can't watch it. Yeah, yeah. You're like, oh my God, I hope this goes okay. Yeah, but I have two, I have two emotions like, because obviously I've been doing comedy for a long time. So one emotion is like I hope it's okay, right? I have like anxiety about it. And the second emotion then is like, oh, you know, I wouldn't have, you know, I wouldn't I wouldn't have stayed with that crowdwork as long as you did there.

I would have moved on. It was time to move on. And I don't want that either. I don't want to bring any of my negative vibes to it so I don't watch. I disconnect. I had a boyfriend who was coming to shows when I was talking about,

the show was already written. I was talking about a previous boyfriend. And the new boyfriend was like, cut it, cut that bit. Really? Yeah, he's like, I don't want to hear you talking about going to down and that, like blah, blah. And I was like, no, I can't.

Like, don't come, don't come. Just don't. This isn't a letter to you. It's a stand-up show. This is nothing to do with you. So, yeah, it is, I, yeah, I can see how it would be very strange to date a comic when they're talking about you on stage or talking about going down on someone else who, before you were around, all that stuff.

But don't go. That's great advice. Do not go. Second bit of advice. Ignore his career completely. Second bit of advice I have for you about dating a comic. if you're somebody who's like very paranoid about infidelity and are like a jealous person who doesn't like being aware of like other women like giving your man attention dump them because it's not a safe space dating a comic you know there's just there's a lot of people giving them energy and if you're somebody that's insecure about that then get out but if you're somebody who is securing yourself and knows that that's just part of the job, then you'll have a great time

because it is very fun to be in the comedy world. I would agree. I would avoid attractive male comics at all costs. And I would avoid mediocre looking comics and ugly comics. Avoid them all advice. Yeah, let's go spade, spade. Yeah, I'd avoid all of them because like that, like, what do they call the women? That's what they call them over here, yeah. I used to say gag hacks, but they say chuffle fuckles here. that the power that a male comic seems to have over women is appalling, frankly. You know, some of the fucking pig male comics. I mean, because to see a man conducting a room like that, it's attractive.

Like, it's sexy, it's hot. And male comics do do well with women. Women like male comics. I mean, obviously, we're all aware. But it's exciting, though. So you're dating this guy, and I hope it works out. and we're just giving you the... I hope it doesn't for your own...

For your own mental health. I hope it doesn't. Get out. Get out. Yeah, get out. Get out. Get out marketing or something. Yeah, but that's the thing.

You know, it's hard... You know, it's hard to match the excitement versus your own, you know, sense of stability, you know? Yeah. All right. Hi, Hannah and Dads. Love you guys. So my current dilemma is if I want kids.

I've always loved kids. I've always seen myself as a mom, but I've been a nanny for many years now, and kids are becoming bigger assholes. They will straight-up tell you no when you tell them to do something, something I didn't even know was an option as a child out of fear of getting an ass weapon. But kids today will threaten to call their parents on their iPads or whatever if you even piss them off in the slightest. So I don't know why kids today are so soft.

I can only imagine they will get worse by the time I'm ready to have kids. So I don't know. Anyways, love you guys. That's hilarious. I love the way she's, it's kind of like trying it on for you wear them and she's like, this doesn't suit me.

Fuck this. I'm not getting involved. I wonder is she just around very privileged, rich, spoiled kids. Well, there's that. You know, there's that. I think being a nanny often is not a great advertisement

for having kids. Yeah, because you're, although sometimes the nanny's become, like one of the girls, saying, her son is now speaking with a Filipino accent because she's working, she's working all the time. Her nannies from the Philippines and the son is obsessed with the nanny and my friend has to kind of remind him that he, she's his mother. Because I was going to say, I can, I can see why kids would say no to nannies, but then that's not always true either because

I think, no, 100%. Become kind of like the mother, yeah. Yeah. Well, I think I, first of all, I 100% agree with you that like when you when you see kids like because obviously I'm in my 40s and I say it a lot but I've seen my friends having kids and when you see it like it's very hard it does appear to suck like a lot of the time kids are fucking annoying they take over your life so I understand why you're feeling that but Steve Mullen great friend of ours comedian gave me the advice and he said listen kids are like farts you love your own ones but everybody else's stink. So like when you when you have kids from this is by the way advice advice that was given to me I'm not speaking from experience you it won't feel that way.

It won't feel the way that you feel about these kids. Yeah. And also in terms of like modern kids sucking yes obviously every generation looks at the way that kids are but it's not a guarantee that the kids are going to get worse because I actually I have a funny feeling that a lot of of the evidence is now coming out that some of the changes we made over the last 20 years haven't worked. So I actually think that we may enter into an error where people realize that actually like a little bit more rigidity might suit children better. And you could teach, if she has her own kids, she can teach them resilience. Yeah, you can raise them like a kid in the 80s. Just don't hit them. Yeah. Yeah. Just they'll be

chain smoking and driving by the age of four. Yeah, exactly. No seat belts. Yeah. yeah yeah perfect so yeah I mean but I get it you know I I also think not having not having kids is a fine option you know before I met Hannah I very much thought that I would probably not have kids and I was fine with it uh now probably gonna fucking have them because Hannah wants to happen but you know I think I think whatever you decide will be fine but I don't think you should base it on the fact that like kids suck you get you know as well I think people can overthink it I think sometimes it's best to just fucking get knocked up and get it done. Get it done. And then

you handle it when I just handle it then rather than, because you could, like if you watch, if I spoke to all my friends who have kids, I wouldn't have kids. Very few of them have very good stuff to say because they come to me to rant about the hard stuff. They're not coming to me

to talk about the positive stuff. They're coming when they're tired and they're frustrated and they're pissed off and they'll be like, oh, I wish I could travel and just at the trap for hat and like I'm stuck with the kids. So it all sounds really negative and it would turn you off having them because I don't know what it's like to love a child because, like, I don't have any kids.

I don't know what it's like to love my own child. But I'm assuming that when I have my own flesh and blood, if I do have it, that I will be obsessed with it. Yeah, and I think your friends aren't calling you and they're like, you know, I just wanted to call you because my daughter's here and we're watching TV and she's playing with my hair and telling me that she loves me and it's the most amazing thing ever.

They're not calling you then because they know you don't want to hear that either. No, it's the same with like their boyfriends and husbands. So I'm just like I hate your husband. She's like, I know, but it's not, he's not that bad. It's just I always come with the bad stuff when something has gone wrong. Same with kids. Kids are great.

Have kids. Don't worry about that. Just have to say, in hindsight, if I could do it again, I would have had a fucking kid in my 20s. That's the one thing. Because I really think that the Gen X, I think when there's a review of what the Gen Xers did, I think they will say that, like,

they were the generation that was like, wait as long as you can to have kids. And that probably a lot of them regret that. I think you're better off having the energy. I agree. And I think I've always said it, get it done, get it out of the way. Like, because the longer it goes on, like, so I'm 41 now. So I'm like, oh, shit, okay, calculating it, perimenopausal.

How many years do I have left? And, like, you know, raising the kid. I'm thinking about it too much. I should just, I should have just knocked one out at fucking 20. Would you, this is a personal question. You can deflect it straight away, but. Would you ever just go, I'm just going to have a kid and get a donor? Yeah.

Oh, you would do that? Yeah. I totally do that. Well, then now's the time. I know, yeah. Because you can make a special about it. You could post an Instagram photo. I'm three months pregnant.

Of course. Yeah. Think of the content. Think of the content. Yeah. But yeah, if I could do it all again, I would have had a kid when I was much younger. So anyway, that's our, that's the good and the bad of it. Well, thank you so much, Joanne, for joining us on Burnifone.

Thank you so much. I've really enjoyed my time here. We'll probably get you again when you're staying in the, not that there's a fee for staying in our apartment, but the fee will probably be another episode. And now you know the format. So maybe we'll actually get you to post that you're going to be on. So we'll get some Irish ones.

And don't forget all the shows that Joanne was talking about at the beginning. She's at Joanne McNally comedy, right? Juan McNally. It's Juan McNally on Insta. I got rid of the comedy. And it's Joanne McNally. com for tickets. And my therapist goes to me.

com for tickets. Ticket, ticket, ticket, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. We're in Toronto at the same time. Oh, yeah, well, perhaps we might have time to have a hang, but you're very busy then. Do you know that I've never met Vogue? Ah, well, then you'll have to say hi in Toronto. Yeah, I've never met Vogue, so.

But I don't know. We'll have to change that. How old is her husband? He's younger than her. She's 37, I think, 38. I think he's like 36, maybe, 35. Yeah, because, like, I've been watching him, and it, It just makes me sick how fit he is.

I know. Well, he did run like 30 marathons in 12 days or something. But I'm glad to know that he's over 10 years younger than me because I was going like, Jesus Christ,

I need to step up my game. So that's good to know. They're a super fit couple. Yeah. It's their, it's their, a lot of abs. There's like,

they live in, oh, 18 fucking, there's 18 abs. And like, that's a case. Yeah. The kids have abs.

Anyway, go on. Get ready for your show. Thank you so much. We'll talk. you soon. Have a good show and I'll see you in New York. See you in New York. Bye.