Berner Phone - Berner Phone #63: Halloween Faux Pas

Episode Date: November 1, 2024

We address the pros and cons of Halloween and people's most embarassing costumes.  20% off dog food at sundaysfordogs.com/bern  Free shipping at quince.com/BERN free shipping mackweldon.com/gifting for $25 off menswear

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All right. Hey, everybody, welcome back to Burn a phone podcast from a stressed out, a stressed out Dublin here. Tell me what's going on. So, well, first of all, I'm in a car. And the reason I'm in a car... No, but I'm in a car outside the house where I still have the Wi-Fi. And the reason I'm actually in the car is because normally, when fireworks go off, because in Ireland, Halloween is fireworks time, when fireworks go off, the dog starts barking

like a lunatic. And so I wouldn't be able to record. I'm in the car for peace, but actually Frye the dog that I'm talking about I opened the door and the dog bolted out and she hasn't come back so I actually

I'm dogless and distracted but I'm outside keeping an eye and I'm assuming that she's going to come home she did this to me once before so anyway dogs with fireworks it's like their worst enemy it's really a nightmare

like I feel terrible but there's nothing like right now there's nothing I can do because like there's no point in run around you and like I'm never going to find. She's going on a little adventure maybe she's just hiding and we'll get her back but we got her going for her phone well no it's not it's not that

I don't mean like I'm not being like irresponsible it's just like there's nothing I can do I'd rather sit out here in the car and like the minute I see her come home I'll let her in in the house so anyway how are you my love we're separated again I know Des and I haven't seen each other and he is

and I'm about to go to Seattle, San Francisco, and Arizona the next three days. And Paige and I were just discussing we're dressing up for our Halloween show, but just the Halloween show, not the other ones. I'm famously not a Halloween girl. Like some people go so hard to, they love dressing up. I don't know what it is. Maybe because I like always end up half-assing it or I'm not prepared so I don't go hard. But for the Gigli Squad shows, I can't find one really quality outfit. So I'm doing quantity over quality, and I have three outfits.

And I want to do like three outfit changes during the show. But then Paige was like, you can't leave me on stage. And I'm like, well, then you're going to have to come off with me. So, sorry, so wait a minute. You're going to do three outfits for the Gigli Squad show? Yeah. Because I was going to say, the reason why I'm not into costumes is because it's just like a lot of admin and preparation. That's the thing.

I never prep correctly. I've been post-malone. Why are you giving yourself three? Because it's not one that I'm proud of, so I feel like people will be excited if there's three shitty ones rather than one shitty one. So quantity over quality?

Exactly, but I was post-Malone for a long time in my 20s because you could buy a tattoo kit on Amazon of his exact tattoos. So you put it on, and then my hair was long and brown, so it was like his. And then I'd wear like a, collared shirt and jeans and everyone was like this is great and it's just the lowest effort Halloween costume but the lowest effort ones are the best I know I know but like then

you're seeing some people put on prosthetics and shit like I mean I commend them I do I commend them but Halloween um I don't know I I love staying home you know what it is I'm triggered because once I had a $400 Uber from Harlem to downtown on Halloween day Halloween night. Wow. You're triggered. A bad Uber memory. I'll never get that money back. I mean, we probably all split it, but still, I was like, this is insane. I think we miss the party because the traffic. All I can say is that in America, they make a much bigger deal about the Halloween going out. I was quite shocked. Anytime I was around in New York on Halloween, I was like, oh my God, this is mayhem. Definitely the city. Growing up in Park Slope with Brown

stones it was so beautiful like going up everyone's stoop and getting your candy um i think if we have kids one day Halloween will be cute i want to make i think it's i think it's great for kids and and i and i have no problem with adults uh getting into Halloween but i've never been a big getting dressed up guy that's and and and i was happy that i had a lot of kindred spirits in the messages so yeah we we put out a prompt i use the word faux pa which I think I spelled right and I said what's your biggest Halloween faux pa and then Des message me

and he was like what does that even mean and I was like no no no no I didn't say yeah like in other words like why did you write faux pa because faux pa is very much like a kind of like a it's open to interpretation okay okay I can speak French neither can most of the gigglers

I mean little dialers will we give the exact definition of a faux pa because like it's to me faux pa without looking up to definition is very much kind of like sort of almost like a cultural mistake or sort of like a socially a socially unacceptable an embarrassment or tactless act or remark so hard how different this is than giggly squad page and i've never looked up a word we make up what it means and then we continue yeah well we don't know yeah i mean i i like i would

very much consider it like like a mistake you know like but uh but it's kind of like embarrassing you know but anyway that's fine that we did get a lot of messages from people saying i don't know what a faux pa is so that was my faux pa using the word faux pa i apologize um i don't know what was getting into me i thought i was being cute um but it was pretty it was broad it was broad we got some ghost stories Well, also, this is also the thing. We originally wanted to do ghost stories. A little dialer submitted it. And Des was like, I don't fucking believe in ghosts, first of all.

Second of all, they can't tell it in one minute. And I was like, valid points. Valid points. But I said if anyone does have a ghost story, you could throw it in. Well, we got some. So there'll be a fine mix. So let's get into spooky season and get everyone in the mood. It's quite the challenge to do a one-minute ghost story.

All right, here we go. Hey y'all love the pod long time fan um no i'm just kidding um so this was a couple years ago i work at a restaurant at a little sports bar and it was like hallow weekend and i had been dressing up the last few days but this night this particular night i did it i was just in like a t-shirt and like some biker shorts and some like sneakers okay and for background i had short shoulder-length blonde hair okay that's important um so i walk in and one of the kitchen guys is like hey i want to guess like i know who you are and i was like all right let's see who it is david and um on further reflection um i did look like him as a side by side if you want to see it but um

yeah that was like uh that helped me up on chemistry a bit that really um form to be as a person but let me wait that is hysterical please please DM us the side by side a hundred percent also that is just like it's such it's so funny mean that it's funny and you just have to respect it at that point and then i would have just gotten drunk and told everyone i was david the whole night she she didn't dress up as a guy right no i don't know what she was dressing up as but she just but she had short blonde hair and he said david David Spade. Didn't you meet David Spade?

I did. I met him at the Netflix's joke festival. There was this golf charity event. And he walks in and I was just doing interviews and he was very nice to me. And then we were like hanging out during the tournament talking shit. And David Spade's my boy now. I actually haven't spoken him in a while though. Maybe he forgot about me.

Well, you absolutely better DM us. That's actually, because that's a real fope. Like I feel like what he did. What he said is actually a faux pa because it's like, no, I wasn't even dressed up as a guy. People don't talk about enough, though. Like, when you go out on Halloween, I don't know what 90% of people are. Like, I feel like it's either super obvious or they're like, oh, I'm that actor in that Quentin Tornitino movie. And you're like, okay, I feel like the point of Halloween is if people can't get your costume, you better look hot.

So what's the most, what's the kind of cringiest, like, couple? costume because there's a lot of that couple costume is when you like take yourself too seriously and just pick like two really hot people and you're like yeah we're too hot people it's always funny when a girl like changes their hair color so when girls were doing pamela and tony lee like that was fine because it's like funny for girls to go blonde but to just be like I'm we're a hot couple like Brad and Angelina Yeah, like, that's an insane move. When everyone was doing Justin Bieber, Haley Bieber, that was really funny because

Justin was dressed in the sweatpants outfit and the crocs. So, like, there needs to be a little tongue in cheek, I think. I think either be lazy and just dress hot. But my thing is Halloween in the East Coast, it gets cold. So it's hard to be super slutty on Halloween. I've never been slutty on Halloween because it's uncomfortable. and I just think about how I have to be freaking wearing it all night.

Like if a corset's a little too tight, I'm like, I'm done. Check please. Yeah. I mean, like, slutty is the actually, since we're getting into this, there was somebody that was like really just like complaining. I love those.

It was just kind of like, it was just kind of like, no, I'm not doing this. Oh yeah, this is it. So just in relation to the quote unquote, slutty costumes. This is kind of a bit of a rant. Hi, Hannah andez. So I'm really excited that you guys posted this prompt because I've been patiently waiting

for a burner phone prompt that I felt passionate enough to answer. And I definitely have a Halloween faux pa or as Paige likes to say, gripe. My gripe with Halloween costumes are the fucking girls in their 20s and like college that will just wear an all black slutty outfit. a mini skirt and like a little tank top and throw on a pair of cat ears or devil ears like why are you doing that

you look stupid and dumb and it's so basic if you're not going to really dress up what is even the point of throwing on the ears you just look stupid and I am said girl in my 20s that's this well I love it that came full circle

to just a rant of self-hate I love that so much I do anyone, I empathize with anyone who doesn't have an outfit and they're like, fuck it, someone gave me cat ears and they look cute. I respect it. I remember once. Yeah, and you just put like a couple of whiskers on your face. Yeah.

Beck and I once Googled like easy outfits and we got two white shirts. And I put alt and she put delete and like we were the key on the keyboard. And everyone's like, what are you guys? and we're like, we're all delete because we lost our control and everyone was like, that's so stupid. Oh, come on, that's a good, that's a pun. We thought it was, I know, which you know

I hate, but like, all night we were like, we lost our control. And we thought it was so funny. That is funny. It's funny, but it's like not when you're in a crowded room and then like you lose Becca and people are like, what are you? And I'm like,

I told you my worst memory, which I've talked about before, but we dressed up as gingers, which like, looking back, I don't know. That's a faux pa. That's a faux pa. We literally put all these freckles on our faces, which girls do now because it's like in style. And then we got ginger wigs and I hated how I looked, which is ironic because now I

love my red hair. And I was like crying. I was like, I'm so ugly. I'm being joking. I'm being like, I'm so ugly. And I took off the wig and my friends were like, you can't take off the wig. This is our outfit. And I was like, I don't want to wear it anymore.

By the way, speaking of faux pa's and jas, and gingers, Prince Harry once, like, dressed up as Hitler at a party. And that was a foe, that's a foe pa. That's... Because a gripe is not a foe pa. They're two very different things.

So Prince Harry dressing up as Hitler, when you're representing the royal family, that's a faux pa. I feel like that's more than a faux pa. Well, it was a huge fucking... That's a foe pa on stairs. You can never get off the internet. Yeah.

That's crazy. I'm trying to think of any... other outfits. Oh, then for a while, I was lazy and I was just like a bear where I'd wear brown sweatpants, a brown sweatshirt and bear ears. So girls would be like,

I'm a teddy bear. And I was like, I'm a bear. I just remember being embarrassed as a kid because I dressed up a Shazam. But I had to wear like underwear over my tights. Because, you know, to get the... outfit. Yeah, yeah. And I was, people like, are those underwear? So that was, that was, as a kid, that was kind of embarrassing. I do have to say there's something, if you, you can deal with it two

ways, you'd be either like lean in or you say, I don't want to do this. And I feel like for the people who lean in, I do think a lot of people find love on Halloween, because you feel this like, there's a liberation, a liberation where you just will talk to anyone and you don't even feel, like, you don't even know who you are that night. You're just like a spirit. And I know a lot of stories of people who met on Halloween And they're like, he was Hercules And she was pretty woman And they hit it off

And then they kept texting So there is something There is something liberating about the mask No inhibition Yes I remember when I did the Rocky Horror picture Well the Rocky Horror show In 1997

Princess Diana died while I was on stage But anyway I remember after they all dress up for that you know it's like a cult thing and I remember afterwards like when you would meet some of the crazy fans that would be there it was pretty wild like people dressed up

that definitely is almost like the Rocky Horror show itself a sort of a sexual liberation that happens but also I don't like the mask thing like if a guy comes up with me with a mask I'm like no you're a serial killer no thank you well that's because of what they did with masks on horror movies yeah but it's also like I want to see

who you are in case you murder me I mean nowadays it's scary to just be a normal frat guy yeah a guy comes up with like a finance bro with CTE you're like okay I'm scared let's go for another one here

hi Hannah hi does my biggest Halloween fopaw occurred in the fourth grade there was a Girl Scout Halloween party so all of the troops in the area got together at a local school and we dressed up and there was a Halloween costume contest and I went as an Emmy award. I was a very creative child. I liked to make all my costumes. My mom was like full send, let's do it. I was dressed in gold. I had a gold face. I had that gold ball. I was holding it around all night up in the air.

like the Emmy Award. It got time for the costume contest winners. And they fucking give the award to a store-bought M&M costume. I was like, fuck that. And like no one... Oh, she ran out. Honestly, I'm with her because I feel like the costumes where people make a real effort should supersede. that was definitely some

Nepo baby stuff. Someone was related to the judge. Yeah, because you can't, like you go to party, whatever those stores are. I got no problem with a ball costume. You know what I mean? Like, costumes are annoying. You want to go and get the easy option, fine. But you can't go ahead of somebody

that, like, covers himself a gold and goes as the Emmy Award. Yeah. Yeah, I would joke that there's the two types of girls, the ones who like barely try, and then the ones that are like, I carve this with a knife. for the last three months to make this jewelry for Cleopatra. And you're like, oh, my God.

Maybe she was the wrong Emmy. Maybe it was for like special effects instead of like best actor. I can't believe she kept her hands up the whole time as child labor. Yeah. But that's impressive, you know. I'm impressed by that. And I feel like her gripe is correct. Again, not a faux pa.

A lot of contests, though, they're so biased with creativity. And I really hope that she continued on her creative journey and didn't let that hurt her spirit. There are some things in life that are okay to be a total crapshoot like trying a new type of milk in your coffee, cashew nut milk anybody, or a cheap Instagram ad impulse buy, or mixing it up with a new takeout spot. Some of these ratings, not really enough ratings to be a fair reflection of their ability. But finding the right doctor shouldn't be a total crapshoot. And with Zoc Doc, it's not because you've got more options than you know. Zoc Doc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network

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Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Okay, so let's go for a ghost story since you wanted one. Yeah. Okay, so I have a ghost story. In high school, there was a girl kind of known as the dramatic fabricating gal, always doing things for attention for a dramatic effect.

So she would always say that her house was haunted. Um, we were pretty good friends. So I slept over one night and I woke up in the middle of the night and in the doorframe of her bedroom, I see the figure of a very tall man in a broad shoulder suit and a top hat standing there. But I didn't get scared. It was like, uh, okay, I'm seeing a ghost right now. All good. I put the covers over my head. Uh, kind of managed to fall back asleep and then I woke back up and he was sitting at the edge of the bed watching us and the next

morning I was telling my friend and her mom overheard me telling the story and was like oh are you talking about the man in the top hat? Yeah like he's been here for ages like I'll be watching TV and he'll pop his head out from around the corner so yeah definitely saw a ghost there you go Hannah

you're aghast oh my god you're aghast the guy from Monopoly is haunting that house. He's like, it's your move. Make the move. It's like, sorry, sorry, I thought you were a shoe.

We recently went to the psychic witch in Halem, in Salem, and she told me that I have a lot of ghosts around me, not all of them that I, like, know. Like, they're not all, like, protective ghosts. They're just, like, there's like, I have a gang around me of, like. They're just curious. Yeah, but I have, like, a certain ghosts that's protecting me. But, like, I always said, you ever, like, in a room and it smells like a fart and you didn't fart? I mean, I'm in a room a lot when it smells like a fart, and I know who did it.

I know who did it. Whoever smelled it, dealt it. Hannah surrounded by ghosts. It's like, what's going on? It's like, I don't know. We just love drama. Hannah surrounded by ghosts also know my farts. Yeah, we just know this is a good bet for drama right here.

There's going to be tea. Yeah. Okay, well, that's a ghost story. That's a ghost story for sure. I love how the mom was just like, oh, yeah, that's Jared. Oh, yeah. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's Mr. Daddy Warbucks. All right, let's go for another, uh, let's go for another rant on, because since we're not like big Halloween people, even though we, we love a Halloween episode, uh, this is a complaint. But we love a rant more. Hey, hey guys. So my biggest Halloween.

Fobah is themed Halloween parties. I don't get it. The theme of a Halloween party is Halloween. You get to dress up as what you want to. That's the whole point. But I feel like every year I see more and more themed Halloween parties. Like, I don't know, like, um, like Mean Girl themes or Shrek themes. so you have to dress up as a Shrek character. Like, what's the point of that? The whole point is dressing up as what you want to. If I already have a costume, I don't want to go now find, like, a Shrek-themed costume. So, yeah, I don't know.

Maybe that's just me. Maybe I'm a hater, but I think the theme of Halloween party should just be Halloween. Okay, bye. One thing I'm with it. One thing I dislike more than Halloween is a theme party, so a Halloween theme party is, It does feel like they're controlling you. Like, you can't express yourself the way you want. You have to walk in like a fucking, like, fairy or you can't come in.

Yeah, plus, if you live in a small town, there's only one party plaza place. So if you have a theme party, like, it's only the people that get in there first that are actually going to get the Shrek shit. True. So you're going to run out of Shrek shit. Well, I mean, nowadays we do have Amazon, but that's true. I'll tell you one thing. There won't be any more white parties.

White parties are gone as a theme. We'll never see them again. I wonder if anyone's going to dress up as baby oil. So anyway, I feel like I'm not a big fan of dressing up. But I feel like theme parties are not for Halloween. Theme parties are for like when you want to do something silly, but it's not Halloween. That's what I, you know, I like, like, like, like, bikini parties or. bikini why is not a theme party

bikini party just means we're going in the pool a theme party would be like pirate party yes and I do you know what it's giving it's giving cult that's why I don't like it I think you do it so you feel like connected to everyone but it's controlling and it's

I don't need to be part of a group like that I'm good at what what's a call it's a theme party the the met gala yes except you can you use it as inspiration and people can interpret it however they want but it is like the ultimate highbrow theme party and people some people literally ignore the theme they just show up and whatever the

fuck they want and then everyone's like why do we even do themes um i'm a big fan of black tie as a theme because i was just like okay now i know what i need to wear easy i think everyone likes toga parties um does that still i feel like that's like from the 80s yeah well toga i think in college they'll always like tongue and cheek have a toga party but again it's like it's like almost like I I don't know if it's my own insecurities but I don't like looking like I tried that hard for a party like I prepared to fit in with all these like drunk frat guys and I like to put effort into it yeah I mean I feel like at least at least toga's an easy theme yes yeah um although honestly I don't want I don't want to waste a sheet

worried about losing the sheep. It's true. It's all just that like some people are really good at preparation and going above and beyond. And I think it gives us anxiety to like prepare for something that it's like giving you citizen homework Halloween. Citizen homework. Is that like a thing? Is that a thing that you guys have? Yeah. That's what I started calling mail. Citizen homework. And I talked to Giggly Squad today about how I throw away all your mail. Oh, you said that? Well, that's a fact. Like literally. Well, everything I say is a fact, babe.

Okay, let's, will we go for another ghost story? Mm-hmm. Okay, here we go. Hi, my king and queen, love you so much. So my ghost story is a real life haunted house story. Basically, my childhood home that I grew up in, my family built before my brother and I were even born. We lived with my grandparents. We all lived there as a family anyways.

So my parents had a really ugly divorce, and my grandfather actually died in this home. And after the divorce, my grandmother had to be put in her own home, obviously, and we didn't live there anymore. The people that bought our house could not get water. They could not get power. They had so many issues. Like, it was crazy. Like, they literally couldn't connect to the city water. Like, they had so many issues.

So my mom goes to this new hairdresser, and she's like, hey, I'm a medium. Do you mind if I tell you something? because someone is coming through right now. And my grandfather's name was Reno. And she's like, who's Reno? Because he's pissed off. He wants you to get that house back. And he said he's going to make sure the other people can't live there until you do.

Well, long story short, we didn't get the house back. But yeah. Wow. Wait, I'm obsessed with a hairdresser being like, hey, I'm getting a message from the other side. And someone's mad at you. Yeah. Someone doesn't like the new people in the house.

I mean, could you imagine Could you imagine like calling the water company And be like, I found out what the problem is Reno Reno is not happy I wonder if Reno was a plumber or something Yeah, it turns out Reno Reno just didn't look after the place actually

Reno didn't change the pipes when he was supposed to Yeah It's funny because I mean I don't know what to do with these things That's just my problem It's like I don't I don't believe it God forgive me I don't believe it I mean you don't want to talk to God

Ghosts don't care about God Ghosts are going to get you regardless I was going to say that I grew up In a very old house And it had like a lot of noises But it just was like familiar noises of like an old house But like there were a lot of creeks

That had no Real explanation Yeah I mean our house was noisy When I was a kid, I was very afraid of ghosts. Oh, so you're projecting. We didn't have a bathroom downstairs. And, like, at night, we would all be watching TV. Like, we used to watch TV in, like, the front room.

It was, like, a fucking porch. I don't know why my mother was, like, we have this huge house, but we can only live in this tiny room. And the huge living room is only for, like, special occasions. Which you would never use, yeah. Yeah, but which meant that, like, everybody was miles away from the stairs. So then you had to go up to the bathroom. You felt like you were so far away.

And the minute I got to the stairs, I was like, oh, I'm scared. So I wouldn't go upstairs to go to the bathroom unless I had the dog with me. So I wouldn't go upstairs without Scruffy. And now Scruffy haunts my passwords. Oh, good one. We joke that, like, cats are very connected to spirits. So, you know, whenever a cat kind of notices something, but there's been no noise, and you're like, what's that?

What's going on? It's the cat who noticed a spirit from another run. Oh, another realm spirit. Cats are very connected to realms. By the way, speaking of other realms, I know you're a big fan of recommending TV shows. I just plowed through Dark Matter on Apple TV. I had never heard of it.

Got a recommendation the other day. It's very good. I mean, they're always a little disappointing at the end. But I have to say, I haven't enjoyed a series as much in a long time. Really? Dark matter. Can you give us a brief log line? well it's it's uh it's sort of based in in the physics of schrodinger's cat and superposition

which i didn't really know about until watching the show and then i looked it up but basically it's about multiverses it's basically about alternative versions of your life had you made different decisions and there's a cat involved no but schrodinger's cat is like a physics experiment that i i it sounds like i'm smarter than i am i had heard about it before but i looked it up I looked it up because of the show. But you don't need to know any of that. Basically, it was just a lot better than I thought. Jennifer Connolly and Joel Edgerton, and very good.

Very good. And fun fact, my brother Mike, when we were modeling, worked with Jennifer Connolly once. Fun fact. Wow. All right, so we go for one more before we wrap it up, because we have to wrap it up early for numerous reasons today. But I think the main reason we have to wrap it up

It's because next year, if we do a Halloween episode, it's going to be like, what's the worst thing that ever happened to you on Halloween? It's like, I lost a terrier. No, don't say that. She'll come back. Sweater weather pairs perfectly with savory fall foods. But, you know, you got a busy schedule. Sometimes it's hard to eat the way you'd like to.

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essentials. Go to quince.com slash burn for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-com slash burn to get free shipping and 365-day returns. com slash burn this one we have to do for the for the couple of weeks that's been in it hey hannah and does love you guys um so my worst Halloween story is I was in seventh grade and I had this huge crush on this boy in my science class and um he was a Mets fan so I decided that maybe he would fall in love with me if I was also a Mets fan so I decided to be a little Mets player for Halloween so one day in science class. I was sitting there in my little Mets outfit. And another boy in my class said, just so you know, he knows that you have a crush on him and he doesn't like you back in front of

him. And it was humiliating. So moral of the story, never do anything for a boy. And also, I mean, he's fan now. So it is. She's like, I can't watch a Mets game ever again. Well, yeah, I mean, here's the truth. I mean, she really was a Mets fan because being a Mets fan is all about disappointment. so she should have stuck with the Mets because that's part of being a Mets fan is suffering. Are men that simple? Do you think if you were young and a girl dressed up as a Mets player and you love the Mets,

you'd be like, wow, suddenly I see her in a different light? No, I'm from flushing queens. You'd think there was a lot of other options? They were all Mets. It's like, of course she dressed up as a Mets fan. I actually just got a crazy memory in high school. this girl, one of my one of my good friends was talking to this guy

and she was like, he loves the Yankees and I was like telling her about baseball and she was like, I'm going to memorize every player on the Yankees. Did guys do that shit? Oh yeah, I'm going to memorize everybody on the New York Liberty. Hey, hey, hey,

WMBA's doing great right now. It's doing great. I'm just, you know, I guess if a guy like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna learn all the real housewives of New York. I, you know, I don't really, I don't know the comparison. I, I pretended to like skiing.

Yeah, yeah, well. For you, I mean, you didn't pretend to, like, you liked it for a short while, and then you just didn't master it in five seconds and got frustrated. And then curse, and then cursed me, and cursed me. Yes, because I'm a witch.

All right, so let's do one more. We're not going to finish on the Metfan. Does what do you think about some relationships are from, like, in a past life, my husband burned me at the stake, and now we're reincarnated so I can make your life miserable? Hannah, why are you asking about something you know I have no opinion on? Why are you doing this? Like, you know? And honestly, in a past life, I'd say you actually, you actually, you.

drove me insane and that's why like five generations of my family have had mental health issues oh blame me blame me um okay uh actually i want to do this one because it's kind of wild and kind of funny that's embarrassing i'm not sure what happened but anyways hi burner phone uh this is chelsea stationed in madison wisconsin i saw you both this october and i just want to say you both made my entire year amazing shows. I go to show solo and you both made me feel very warm and welcome and comfortable. Anyways, so in high school, I went trick-or-treating with a boy I liked when trick-or-treating wasn't like scary, so it was at nighttime. Anyways, we were both kind of playing the fool and running through people's yard.

and my date got clotheslined, literally clotheslined, and he was actually kind of seriously injured. I was also dressed as a Boy Scout, but I had no way to help him. Anyways, love you, bye. Like literally clothesline. Oh, my God. Well, that's true. Like when you're living out, I guess in the burbs, running around in people's bikeyards is like a high when you're a kid yes but I like I like the humorous finish that

because you know when you're a Boy Scout it's like be prepared yeah she was like I have no skills I'm sorry I'm all a costume I know I know I'm dressed but I can't do any knots and I don't know how to give you first aid but you know what sometimes something like that gives you a beautiful trauma bond to someone

you're like remember when you fucked up your neck but you know it's so funny it's like I completely forgot that, like, why we say clotheslines is literally for that reason. Yeah. He literally clotheslined. Wow. Learning about language all the time.

Isn't it wonderful? I did also have a memory of when I was living with Corey and Dave, like, the morning after, like, we were all single at the time. And I go to the bathroom and there's just, like, purple feathers everywhere. Like, one of the guys was messing with a girl in the bathroom who was dressed up as something. thing with purple feathers. And then Corey comes out of, of his bedroom, and his pants are all red. Like it looks like he like peed blood. And he's like, what the fuck happened last night? And we're all just like, we have no idea. And he's like, oh shit, this girl was grinding on me. And she was wearing a red outfit. That's the problem with Halloween. It gets crazy. That's the problem with

Halloween, man. A lot of staining. A lot of staining. A lot of, you know, glue and fake hair and glitter. It gets fucking crazy, but I do appreciate the grativity. We hope everybody has an amazing Halloween. Be safe. In

Ireland, in Ireland, don't use too many fireworks. If you're looking for something to do on November 5th, I'm in London. Very limited tickets left for my London show. And then Drahada is the last show in Ireland that has tickets left for this little tour so come and check that out all my dates are on disbishop.net

slash tour dates i actually have some working out shows coming up in timonia maryland irvine california birmingham alabama and brooks and highland california so don't miss out on days nice and let's play out some more ghost stories and some more faux pause for Halloween we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna play it out we're gonna hope you guys have a good time i am stressed. I got to be honest, like I'm very, I don't know what to do, but because like people always go looking for the dog, but you never find the dogs. I really don't know what to do. Oh, by the way, it's not my dog. Yes, I know. I would get some food and like tap it and go around the neighborhood. I'm sorry I can't be with you to help, babe. That's okay. Dogs have never been

your, actually losing dogs has been your skill, but finding them hasn't been your skill. We found every dog that has ever ran away. We found all of them. All right, so pray for Fry and we'll talk to you guys next week. Okay, happy Halloween, guys. Bye. Happy Halloween. was when I was 10. I was trick-or-treating and someone said to me,

aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating? And I was like, I'm 10. I feel like that's a good age to be trick-or-treating. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Dez. Currently recording live from my toilet taking a shit because hot girls have tummy troubles. And my most embarrassing Halloween story happened when I was flying to Vegas

when I was 21 to spend Halloween in Vegas. And I had this wild thought that everybody at the airport would be dressed up. So, of course, I went all out, got my costume completely set up and done and my makeup, and I get to the airport thoroughly mortified that. I am literally the only person dressed up, and I have to go through TSA and have them legit feel up my costume because I was dressed up as a crocodile with a stuffed tail, my actual nightmare, while all these business people are looking at me,

or at least that's what I thought when I was 21. and moral of the story, do not dress up at the airport. Blend the fuck in if you have social anxiety. Okay, thanks. Bye. Love you. Absolute most cringe Halloween story ever was at one of my still to this day best friends houses with a huge group of our girlfriends.

I never want to inconvenience anyone because I'm a people pleaser. So I wasn't using the bathroom, but we were just about to go out, trick-or-treating. And so I was like, okay, I'll go after we take this group photo. Well, that was a shitty idea because somebody said something hysterical as we're taking this group photo. And I fall to the ground, trying to hold my pee-in. But instead, my incredibly full bladder empties all over my friend's kitchen floor. It was not like a dribble that could be hidden. It was a full-scale lagoon and I was mortified and never lived that one down still best friends with that group of girls though to god they let that one go hey doesn't hannah love the podcast and giggly squad i have a

quick Halloween story back in fourth grade i switched to a new school and just assumed they let us dress up for Halloween like my old school did so i showed up in this handmade poodle skirt my grandma made feeling pretty cute until i realized i was the only one dressed up i ran to the office calling my parents what had happened. They were dying laughing on the phone. My teacher also saw me in the office trying so hard not to laugh. I was so embarrassed. Thanks for letting me share my Halloween disaster with you. So my Halloween faux pa was that in my sophomore year of college, I asked my situation ship to do a matching costume with me. It was at the time, I guess, in my demented mind, I thought it was a good idea. I wanted to be.

be Regina George, and I thought he could be Aaron Samuels. As you could guess, he then immediately ghosted me. We didn't speak, I think, for two months after that. It was really awkward. Yeah. I still laugh about it to this day. Now that my frontal lobe is formed, I know better.