Berner Phone #63: Halloween Faux Pas
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00:36And I get peace of mind knowing I earn more selling with The Real Real than anywhere else.Exactly. This? That's the sound of your closet working for you. The Real Real. Earn more,save time, sell fast. And right now, you can get an extra $100 site credit when you sell for the first time.Go to therealreel.com to get your extra $100. Thereelreel.com. That's thereelreel.com.Hi, it's Hannah Burner.And Des Bishop.Thanks for calling the burner phone.If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast.
01:15All right.Hey, everybody, welcome back to Burn a phone podcast from a stressed out, a stressed out Dublin here.Tell me what's going on.So, well, first of all, I'm in a car.And the reason I'm in a car...No, but I'm in a car outside the house where I still have the Wi-Fi.And the reason I'm actually in the car is because normally, when fireworks go off,because in Ireland, Halloween is fireworks time, when fireworks go off, the dog starts barking
01:55like a lunatic.And so I wouldn't be able to record.I'm in the car for peace, but actuallyFrye the dogthat I'm talking aboutI opened the door and the dog bolted outand she hasn't come backso I actually
02:09I'm dogless and distractedbut I'm outside keeping an eyeand I'm assuming that she's going to come homeshe did this to me once beforeso anywaydogs with fireworksit's like their worst enemyit's really a nightmare
02:27like I feel terriblebut there's nothing like right now there's nothing I can dobecause like there's no point in run around you and likeI'm never going to find. She's going ona little adventure maybe she's just hidingand we'll get her back butwe got her going for her phonewell no it's not it's not that
02:42I don't mean like I'm not beinglike irresponsible it's just like there's nothingI can do I'd rather sit out here in the carand like the minute I see her come homeI'll let her in in the houseso anyway how are you my lovewe're separated againI know Des and I haven't seen each other and he is
02:58and I'm about to go to Seattle, San Francisco, and Arizona the next three days.And Paige and I were just discussing we're dressing up for our Halloween show, but just the Halloween show, not the other ones.I'm famously not a Halloween girl.Like some people go so hard to, they love dressing up.I don't know what it is.Maybe because I like always end up half-assing it or I'm not prepared so I don't go hard.But for the Gigli Squad shows, I can't find one really quality outfit.So I'm doing quantity over quality, and I have three outfits.
03:38And I want to do like three outfit changes during the show.But then Paige was like, you can't leave me on stage.And I'm like, well, then you're going to have to come off with me.So, sorry, so wait a minute.You're going to do three outfits for the Gigli Squad show?Yeah.Because I was going to say, the reason why I'm not into costumes is because it's just like a lot of admin and preparation.That's the thing.
03:57I never prep correctly.I've been post-malone.Why are you giving yourself three?Because it's not one that I'm proud of,so I feel like people will be excitedif there's three shitty onesrather than one shitty one.So quantity over quality?
04:14Exactly, but I was post-Malone for a long timein my 20s because you could buy a tattoo kiton Amazon of his exact tattoos.So you put it on, and then my hair was long and brown,so it was like his.And then I'd wear like a,collared shirt and jeans and everyone was like this is great and it's just the lowest effortHalloween costume but the lowest effort ones are the best I know I know but like then
04:38you're seeing some people put on prosthetics and shit like I mean I commend them I do I commendthem but Halloween um I don't know I I love staying home you know what it is I'm triggeredbecause once I had a $400 Uber from Harlem to downtown on Halloween dayHalloween night. Wow. You're triggered. A bad Uber memory. I'll never get that money back.I mean, we probably all split it, but still, I was like, this is insane. I think we miss the partybecause the traffic. All I can say is that in America, they make a much bigger deal aboutthe Halloween going out. I was quite shocked. Anytime I was around in New York on Halloween,I was like, oh my God, this is mayhem. Definitely the city. Growing up in Park Slope with Brown
05:27stones it was so beautiful like going up everyone's stoop and getting your candy um i think if wehave kids one day Halloween will be cute i want to make i think it's i think it's great for kids andand i and i have no problem with adults uh getting into Halloween but i've never been a big gettingdressed up guy that's and and and i was happy that i had a lot of kindred spirits in the messagesso yeah we we put out a prompt i use the wordfaux pa which I thinkI spelled right and I said what's your biggestHalloween faux pa and then Des message me
06:03and he was like what does that even mean and I waslike no no no no I didn't sayyeah like in other words like why did you writefaux pa because faux pa is very much likea kind of like ait's open to interpretationokay okay I can speak Frenchneither can most of the gigglers
06:21I mean little dialerswill we give the exact definitionof a faux pabecause like it's to me faux pa without looking up to definition is very much kind of likesort of almost like a cultural mistake or sort of like a socially a socially unacceptablean embarrassment or tactless act or remarkso hard how different this is than giggly squad page and i've never looked up a word we makeup what it means and then we continue yeah well we don't know yeah i mean i i like i would
06:55very much consider it like like a mistake you know like but uh but it's kind of like embarrassing you knowbut anyway that's fine that we did get a lot of messages from people saying i don't know what a fauxpa is so that was my faux pa using the word faux pa i apologize um i don't know what was getting into mei thought i was being cute um but it was pretty it was broad it was broad we got some ghost storiesWell, also, this is also the thing.We originally wanted to do ghost stories.A little dialer submitted it.And Des was like, I don't fucking believe in ghosts, first of all.
07:33Second of all, they can't tell it in one minute.And I was like, valid points.Valid points.But I said if anyone does have a ghost story, you could throw it in.Well, we got some.So there'll be a fine mix.So let's get into spooky season and get everyone in the mood.It's quite the challenge to do a one-minute ghost story.
07:52All right, here we go.Hey y'all love the pod long time fan um no i'm just kidding um so this was a couple years ago i work at arestaurant at a little sports bar and it was like hallow weekend and i had been dressing up the last few daysbut this night this particular night i did it i was just in like a t-shirt and like somebiker shorts and some like sneakers okay and for background i had short shoulder-length blonde hairokay that's important um so i walk in and one of the kitchen guys is like hey i want to guess likei know who you are and i was like all right let's see who it is davidand um on further reflection um i did look like him as a side by side if you want to see it but um
08:45yeah that was like uh that helped me up on chemistry a bit that really um form to be as a personbut let me wait that is hysterical please please DM us the side by sidea hundred percent also that is just like it's such it's so funny mean that it's funnyand you just have to respect it at that point and then i would have just gotten drunk and toldeveryone i was david the whole night she she didn't dress up as a guy right no i don't knowwhat she was dressing up as but she just but she had short blonde hair and he said davidDavid Spade.Didn't you meet David Spade?
09:26I did.I met him at the Netflix's joke festival.There was this golf charity event.And he walks in and I was just doing interviews and he was very nice to me.And then we were like hanging out during the tournament talking shit.And David Spade's my boy now.I actually haven't spoken him in a while though.Maybe he forgot about me.
09:45Well, you absolutely better DM us.That's actually, because that's a real fope.Like I feel like what he did.What he said is actually a faux pa because it's like, no, I wasn't even dressed up as a guy.People don't talk about enough, though.Like, when you go out on Halloween, I don't know what 90% of people are.Like, I feel like it's either super obvious or they're like, oh, I'm that actor in that Quentin Tornitino movie.And you're like, okay, I feel like the point of Halloween is if people can't get your costume, you better look hot.
10:18So what's the most, what's the kind of cringiest, like, couple?costume because there's a lot of that couple costume is when you like take yourselftoo seriously and just pick like two really hot people and you're like yeah we're toohot people it's always funny when a girl like changes their hair color so when girlswere doing pamela and tony lee like that was fine because it's like funny for girls to goblonde but to just be like I'm we're a hot couple like Brad and AngelinaYeah, like, that's an insane move.When everyone was doing Justin Bieber, Haley Bieber, that was really funny because
10:59Justin was dressed in the sweatpants outfit and the crocs.So, like, there needs to be a little tongue in cheek, I think.I think either be lazy and just dress hot.But my thing is Halloween in the East Coast, it gets cold.So it's hard to be super slutty on Halloween.I've never been slutty on Halloween because it's uncomfortable.and I just think about how I have to befreaking wearing it all night.
11:24Like if a corset's a little too tight, I'm like,I'm done. Check please.Yeah. I mean,like, slutty is theactually, since we're getting into this,there was somebody that was like really just likecomplaining.I love those.
11:40It was just kind of like, it was just kind oflike, no, I'm not doing this.Oh yeah, this is it.So just in relation to thequote unquote, sluttycostumes. This is kind of a bit of a rant.Hi, Hannah andez.So I'm really excited that you guys posted this prompt because I've been patiently waiting
11:59for a burner phone prompt that I felt passionate enough to answer.And I definitely have a Halloween faux pa or as Paige likes to say, gripe.My gripe with Halloween costumes are the fucking girls in their 20s and like collegethat will just wear an all black slutty outfit.a mini skirt and like a little tank topand throw on a pair ofcat ears or devil earslike why are you doing that
12:28you look stupid and dumband it's so basicif you're not going to really dress upwhat is even the point of throwing on the earsyou just look stupidand I am said girl in my 20sthat's thiswell I love it that came full circle
12:46to just a rant of self-hateI love that so muchI do anyone, I empathize with anyone who doesn't have an outfit and they're like, fuck it,someone gave me cat ears and they look cute.I respect it.I remember once.Yeah, and you just put like a couple of whiskers on your face.Yeah.
13:03Beck and I once Googled like easy outfits and we got two white shirts.And I put alt and she put delete and like we were the key on the keyboard.And everyone's like, what are you guys?and we're like, we're alldelete because we lost our controland everyone was like, that's so stupid.Oh, come on, that's a good, that's a pun.We thought it was, I know, which you know
13:28I hate, but like, all night we were like,we lost our control.And we thought it was so funny.That is funny.It's funny, but it's like not when you're in a crowdedroom and then like you lose Beccaand people are like, what are you?And I'm like,
13:42I told you my worst memory, which I've talkedabout before, but we dressed up asgingers, which like, looking back, I don't know.That's a faux pa.That's a faux pa.We literally put all these freckles on our faces, which girls do now because it'slike in style.And then we got ginger wigs and I hated how I looked, which is ironic because now I
14:01love my red hair.And I was like crying.I was like, I'm so ugly.I'm being joking.I'm being like, I'm so ugly.And I took off the wig and my friends were like, you can't take off the wig.This is our outfit.And I was like, I don't want to wear it anymore.
14:15By the way, speaking of faux pa's and jas,and gingers,Prince Harry once, like, dressed upas Hitler at a party.And that was a foe, that's a foe pa.That's...Because a gripe is not a foe pa.They're two very different things.
14:30So Prince Harry dressing up as Hitler,when you're representing the royal family,that's a faux pa.I feel like that's more than a faux pa.Well, it was a huge fucking...That's a foe pa on stairs.You can never get off the internet.Yeah.
14:43That's crazy.I'm trying to think of any...other outfits.Oh, then for a while, I waslazy and I wasjust like a bear where I'd wearbrown sweatpants, a brown sweatshirtand bear ears. So girls would be like,
14:59I'm a teddy bear. And I was like, I'm a bear.I just remember being embarrassed as a kidbecause I dressed up a Shazam.But I had to wear likeunderwear over my tights.Because, you know, to get the...outfit. Yeah, yeah. And I was, people like, are those underwear? So that was, that was, as a kid,that was kind of embarrassing. I do have to say there's something, if you, you can deal with it two
15:29ways, you'd be either like lean in or you say, I don't want to do this. And I feel like for the peoplewho lean in, I do think a lot of people find love on Halloween, because you feel this like,there's a liberation, a liberation where you just will talk to anyone and you don't even feel,like, you don't even know who you are that night. You're just like a spirit.And I know a lot of stories of people who met on HalloweenAnd they're like, he was HerculesAnd she was pretty womanAnd they hit it off
15:56And then they kept textingSo there is somethingThere is something liberating about the maskNo inhibitionYesI remember when I did the Rocky Horror pictureWell the Rocky Horror showIn 1997
16:11Princess Diana died while I was on stageBut anywayI rememberafter they all dress up for thatyou know it's like a cult thingand I remember afterwards like when you would meetsome of the crazy fans that would be thereit was pretty wild like people dressed up
16:27that definitely is almost like the Rocky Horror show itselfa sort of a sexual liberation that happensbut also I don't like the mask thinglike if a guy comes up with me with a mask I'm like noyou're a serial killer no thank youwell that's because of what they did with maskson horror moviesyeah but it's also like I want to see
16:46who you are in case you murder meI mean nowadays it's scary to just be anormal frat guyyeaha guy comes up with likea finance bro with CTEyou're like okay I'm scaredlet's go for another one here
17:02hi Hannah hi doesmy biggest Halloween fopawoccurred in the fourth gradethere was aGirl Scout Halloweenpartyso all of the troops in the area got together at a local school and we dressed up and there was a Halloween costume contest and I went as an Emmy award.I was a very creative child. I liked to make all my costumes. My mom was like full send, let's do it. I was dressed in gold. I had a gold face. I had that gold ball. I was holding it around all night up in the air.
17:45like the Emmy Award.It got time for the costume contest winners.And they fucking give the award to a store-bought M&M costume.I was like, fuck that.And like no one...Oh, she ran out.Honestly, I'm with her because I feel like the costumes where people make a real effort should supersede.that was definitely some
18:16Nepo baby stuff. Someone wasrelated to the judge.Yeah, because you can't, likeyou go to party, whatever those stores are.I got no problem with a ball costume.You know what I mean? Like, costumes are annoying.You want to go and get the easy option, fine.But you can't go ahead of somebody
18:32that, like, covers himself a gold andgoes as the Emmy Award.Yeah. Yeah, I would joke that there'sthe two types of girls, the ones who like barelytry, and then the ones that are like, I carvethis with a knife.for the last three months to make this jewelry for Cleopatra.And you're like, oh, my God.
18:50Maybe she was the wrong Emmy.Maybe it was for like special effects instead of like best actor.I can't believe she kept her hands up the whole time as child labor.Yeah.But that's impressive, you know.I'm impressed by that.And I feel like her gripe is correct.Again, not a faux pa.
19:10A lot of contests, though, they're so biased with creativity.And I really hope that she continued on her creative journey and didn't let that hurt her spirit.There are some things in life that are okay to be a total crapshoot like trying a new type of milk in your coffee,cashew nut milk anybody, or a cheap Instagram ad impulse buy, or mixing it up with a new takeout spot.Some of these ratings, not really enough ratings to be a fair reflection of their ability.But finding the right doctor shouldn't be a total crapshoot.And with Zoc Doc, it's not because you've got more options than you know.Zoc Doc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network
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20:51Okay, let's talk about good gifts for your man.Because men, they want to feel and look good.And I found the perfect sweet spot between comfort and style with Mac Weldon.Whether you're looking for light as air underwear, anti- odor teas, or sweaters withlightweight warmth, you can find the perfect gifts for him all in one place at macwelden.comslash gifting. I really feel like Des will not wear anything if it's uncomfortable and neither willI. So if I'm going to get someone a gift, I want to make sure it's super soft and makes them feelconfident and relaxed in it. I love their air knit boxer brief to give his underwear drawer a
21:27little bit of an upgrade because let's be honest, a lot of men, I don't know when they've gotten newboxers. And I love their ace sweatpants. If you're a girl, my favorite thing is Des in a graysweat pant and a warm-knit flannel for fall and it has thermolite technology to keep himtoasty warm but not sweaty and also you need to get him the ace half-zip it's the perfect layerwithout sacrificing comfort so get the perfect gifts for him from mac weldin go to mac weldindot com slash gifting and get 25% off your first order of $125 or more that's m-a-c-w-e-l-d-on-comslash gifting and get all the gifts for your boyfriend, your dad, your brother, macwellden.comslash gifting.
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23:35Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan.Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply.See Mint Mobile for details.Okay, so let's go for a ghost story since you wanted one.Yeah.Okay, so I have a ghost story.In high school, there was a girl kind of known as the dramatic fabricating gal,always doing things for attention for a dramatic effect.
23:58So she would always say that her house was haunted.Um, we were pretty good friends. So I slept over one night and I woke up in the middle of thenight and in the doorframe of her bedroom, I see the figure of a very tall man in a broadshoulder suit and a top hat standing there. But I didn't get scared. It was like, uh, okay, I'm seeinga ghost right now. All good. I put the covers over my head. Uh, kind of managed to fall backasleep and then I woke back upand he was sitting at the edge of the bedwatching us and the next
24:32morning I was telling my friend and her momoverheard me telling the story and was likeoh are you talking about the man in the top hat?Yeah like he's been here for ages likeI'll be watching TV and he'll pophis head out from around the corner so yeahdefinitely saw a ghostthere you go Hannah
24:48you're aghastoh my godyou're aghastthe guy from Monopoly is hauntingthat house.He's like, it's your move.Make the move.It's like, sorry, sorry, I thought you were a shoe.
25:06We recently went to the psychic witch in Halem, in Salem, and she told me that I have a lotof ghosts around me, not all of them that I, like, know.Like, they're not all, like, protective ghosts.They're just, like, there's like, I have a gang around me of, like.They're just curious.Yeah, but I have, like, a certain ghosts that's protecting me.But, like, I always said, you ever, like, in a room and it smells like a fart and you didn't fart?I mean, I'm in a room a lot when it smells like a fart, and I know who did it.
25:37I know who did it.Whoever smelled it, dealt it.Hannah surrounded by ghosts.It's like, what's going on?It's like, I don't know.We just love drama.Hannah surrounded by ghosts also know my farts.Yeah, we just know this is a good bet for drama right here.
25:54There's going to be tea.Yeah. Okay, well, that's a ghost story.That's a ghost story for sure.I love how the mom was just like, oh, yeah, that's Jared.Oh, yeah. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's Mr. Daddy Warbucks.All right, let's go for another, uh, let's go for another rant on, because since we're not like big Halloween people, even though we, we love a Halloween episode, uh, this is a complaint.But we love a rant more.Hey, hey guys. So my biggest Halloween.
26:26Fobah is themed Halloween parties. I don't get it. The theme of a Halloween party is Halloween. You getto dress up as what you want to. That's the whole point. But I feel like every year I see more andmore themed Halloween parties. Like, I don't know, like, um, like Mean Girl themes or Shrek themes.so you have to dress up as a Shrek character.Like, what's the point of that?The whole point is dressing up as what you want to.If I already have a costume, I don't want to go now find, like, a Shrek-themed costume.So, yeah, I don't know.
27:07Maybe that's just me.Maybe I'm a hater, but I think the theme of Halloween party should just be Halloween.Okay, bye.One thing I'm with it.One thing I dislike more than Halloween is a theme party, so a Halloween theme party is,It does feel like they're controlling you.Like, you can't express yourself the way you want.You have to walk in like a fucking, like, fairy or you can't come in.
27:30Yeah, plus, if you live in a small town, there's only one party plaza place.So if you have a theme party, like, it's only the people that get in there firstthat are actually going to get the Shrek shit.True.So you're going to run out of Shrek shit.Well, I mean, nowadays we do have Amazon, but that's true.I'll tell you one thing.There won't be any more white parties.
27:50White parties are gone as a theme.We'll never see them again.I wonder if anyone's going to dress up as baby oil.So anyway, I feel like I'm not a big fan of dressing up.But I feel like theme parties are not for Halloween.Theme parties are for like when you want to do something silly, but it's not Halloween.That's what I, you know, I like, like, like, like, bikini parties or.bikini why is not a theme party
28:21bikini party just means we're going in the poola theme party would be likepirate partyyes and I do you know whatit's giving it's giving cult that's why I don'tlike it I think you do it so you feel likeconnected to everyone but it'scontrolling and it's
28:37I don't need to be part of a group like thatI'm good at whatwhat's a call it's a theme partythe the met galayesexcept you can you use it asinspiration and people can interpret it however they want but it is like the ultimate highbrowtheme party and people some people literally ignore the theme they just show up and whatever the
28:59fuck they want and then everyone's like why do we even do themes um i'm a big fan of black tie as a themebecause i was just like okay now i know what i need to wear easy i think everyone likes toga partiesum does that still i feel like that's like from the 80s yeah well toga i think in collegethey'll always like tongue and cheek have a toga party but again it's like it's like almost likeI I don't know if it's my own insecurities but I don't like looking like I tried that hardfor a party like I prepared to fit in with all these like drunk frat guys and I like to puteffort into it yeah I mean I feel like at least at least toga's an easy theme yes yeah umalthough honestly I don't want I don't want to waste a sheet
29:47worried about losing the sheep. It's true. It's all just that like some people are really goodat preparation and going above and beyond. And I think it gives us anxiety to like prepare forsomething that it's like giving you citizen homework Halloween. Citizen homework. Is that likea thing? Is that a thing that you guys have? Yeah. That's what I started calling mail. Citizen homework.And I talked to Giggly Squad today about how I throw away all your mail. Oh, you said that?Well, that's a fact.Like literally.Well, everything I say is a fact, babe.
30:24Okay, let's, will we go for another ghost story?Mm-hmm.Okay, here we go.Hi, my king and queen, love you so much.So my ghost story is a real life haunted house story.Basically, my childhood home that I grew up in, my family built before my brother and I were even born.We lived with my grandparents.We all lived there as a family anyways.
30:45So my parents had a really ugly divorce, and my grandfather actually died in this home.And after the divorce, my grandmother had to be put in her own home, obviously, and we didn't live there anymore.The people that bought our house could not get water.They could not get power.They had so many issues.Like, it was crazy.Like, they literally couldn't connect to the city water.Like, they had so many issues.
31:10So my mom goes to this new hairdresser, and she's like, hey, I'm a medium.Do you mind if I tell you something?because someone is coming through right now.And my grandfather's name was Reno.And she's like, who's Reno?Because he's pissed off.He wants you to get that house back.And he said he's going to make sure the other people can't live there until you do.
31:27Well, long story short, we didn't get the house back.But yeah.Wow.Wait, I'm obsessed with a hairdresser being like, hey,I'm getting a message from the other side.And someone's mad at you.Yeah.Someone doesn't like the new people in the house.
31:43I mean, could you imagineCould you imagine like calling the water companyAnd be like, I found out what the problem isRenoReno is not happyI wonder if Reno was a plumber or somethingYeah, it turns out RenoReno just didn't look after the place actually
32:03Reno didn't change the pipes when he was supposed toYeahIt's funny because I mean I don't know what to do with these thingsThat's just my problemIt's like I don'tI don't believe itGod forgive me I don't believe itI mean you don't want to talk to God
32:19Ghosts don't care about GodGhosts are going to get you regardlessI was going to say that I grew upIn a very old houseAnd it had like a lot of noisesBut it just was likefamiliar noises of like an old houseBut like there were a lot of creeks
32:35That had noReal explanationYeah I mean our house was noisyWhen I was a kid, I was very afraid of ghosts.Oh, so you're projecting.We didn't have a bathroom downstairs.And, like, at night, we would all be watching TV.Like, we used to watch TV in, like, the front room.
32:54It was, like, a fucking porch.I don't know why my mother was, like,we have this huge house, but we can only live in this tiny room.And the huge living room is only for, like, special occasions.Which you would never use, yeah.Yeah, but which meant that, like, everybody was miles away from the stairs.So then you had to go up to the bathroom.You felt like you were so far away.
33:10And the minute I got to the stairs, I was like, oh, I'm scared.So I wouldn't go upstairs to go to the bathroom unless I had the dog with me.So I wouldn't go upstairs without Scruffy.And now Scruffy haunts my passwords.Oh, good one.We joke that, like, cats are very connected to spirits.So, you know, whenever a cat kind of notices something, but there's been no noise,and you're like, what's that?
33:36What's going on?It's the cat who noticed a spirit from another run.Oh, another realm spirit.Cats are very connected to realms.By the way, speaking of other realms,I know you're a big fan of recommending TV shows.I just plowed through Dark Matter on Apple TV.I had never heard of it.
33:55Got a recommendation the other day.It's very good.I mean, they're always a little disappointing at the end.But I have to say, I haven't enjoyed a series as much in a long time.Really?Dark matter.Can you give us a brief log line?well it's it's uh it's sort of based in in the physics of schrodinger's cat and superposition
34:17which i didn't really know about until watching the show and then i looked it up but basicallyit's about multiverses it's basically about alternative versions of your life had you madedifferent decisions and there's a cat involved no but schrodinger's cat is like a physics experimentthat i i it sounds like i'm smarter than i am i had heard about it before but i looked it upI looked it up because of the show.But you don't need to know any of that.Basically, it was just a lot better than I thought.Jennifer Connolly and Joel Edgerton, and very good.
34:51Very good.And fun fact, my brother Mike, when we were modeling,worked with Jennifer Connolly once.Fun fact.Wow.All right, so we go for one more before we wrap it up,because we have to wrap it up early for numerous reasons today.But I think the main reason we have to wrap it up
35:08It's because next year, if we do a Halloween episode,it's going to be like, what's the worst thing that ever happened to you on Halloween?It's like, I lost a terrier.No, don't say that.She'll come back.Sweater weather pairs perfectly with savory fall foods.But, you know, you got a busy schedule.Sometimes it's hard to eat the way you'd like to.
35:25And anyone who listens to this podcast knows that Hannah and I are not on top of eating wellwithout the help of awesome company.like Factor.Their chefs do the shopping and the chopping to bring you fresh, never frozen, fullycooked meals right to your doorstep.All you have to do is heat and eat.I mean, this is music to the ears of Hannah and I.All of their meals are dietitian approved so you know you're getting the nutrition
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36:21Factor has over 60 plus add-ons and can keep you fueled and focused 24-7.And with a plethora of flavors, you'll never get bored.And you know that Hannah loves a plethora.So I head to FactorMeals.com slash burn.Use code burn 50 to get 50% off your first box and 20% off your next month.That's code burn 50 at factormails.com slash burn 50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month.You work hard, so treat your body right with factor.I have to tell you about Sundays for dogs.
37:01You know, Abby finally got adopted, our most recent foster dog.And I feel kind of guilty because she was eating Sundays for dogs before she left.And she was eating it up.She was pretty picky dog too, you know.And she just couldn't get enough of Sundays.Absolutely spoiled her.If you don't know about Sundays, it's healthy dog food that's easy to store and serve.Most foods are one or the other.
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37:53and more energy after switching to Sundays.Unlike other fresh dog fruit,Sundays does not require refrigeration or preparationbecause of their air drying process.Just pour and serve.When you start a Sunday,subscription, you'll automatically get 20% off and free shipping on every reorder.Cancel or pause your subscription anytime with our 100% satisfaction guarantee.
38:18Every order ships right to your door, so you'll never worry about running out of dog food again.So get 40% off your first order of Sundays.Go to Sundaysforogs.com slash burn.That's Sundaysforogs.com slash B-E-R-N or use code burn atCheck out. For fall and winter, if you're looking for high quality sweaters, jackets, cardigans, soft denim, I highly recommend quince. The cool part about quince is that it's priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices, and of course, premium fabrics and finishes for that luxury feel in every piece. It's giving old money and it's so high quality andjust rich looking. I've gotten my mom cardigans. I got Des a cardigan that he wears on stageall the time. Their men's section is really good. And I got myself a cotton pop-lintiered maxi dressbecause I like to bloat while still looking classy. Get cozy and Quince's high-quality wardrobe
39:23essentials. Go to quince.com slash burn for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.That's Q-U-I-N-C-com slash burn to get free shipping and 365-day returns.com slash burn this one we have to do for the for the couple of weeks that's been in it hey hannah anddoes love you guys um so my worst Halloween story is I was in seventh grade and I had this huge crushon this boy in my science class and um he was a Mets fan so I decided that maybe he would fall in lovewith me if I was also a Mets fan so I decided to be a little Mets player for Halloween so one day inscience class. I was sitting there in my little Mets outfit. And another boy in my class said,just so you know, he knows that you have a crush on him and he doesn't like you back in front of
40:15him. And it was humiliating. So moral of the story, never do anything for a boy. And also, I mean,he's fan now. So it is. She's like, I can't watch a Mets game ever again. Well, yeah, I mean, here'sthe truth. I mean, she really was a Mets fan because being a Mets fan is all about disappointment.so she should have stuck with the Mets becausethat's part of being a Mets fan is suffering.Are men that simple?Do you think if you were youngand a girl dressed up as a Mets player and you love the Mets,
40:44you'd be like, wow, suddenly I see her in a different light?No, I'm from flushing queens.You'd think there was a lot of other options?They were all Mets.It's like, of course she dressed up as a Mets fan.I actually just got a crazy memory in high school.this girl, one of myone of my good friends was talking to this guy
41:05and she was like, he loves the Yankeesand I was like telling her about baseballand she was like, I'm going to memorizeevery player on the Yankees.Did guys do that shit?Oh yeah, I'm going to memorize everybody on theNew York Liberty.Hey, hey, hey,
41:25WMBA's doing great right now.It's doing great. I'm just, you know,I guess if a guylike, I'm gonna, I'm gonna learnall the real housewives of New York.I, you know, I don't really, I don't know thecomparison. I, I pretendedto like skiing.
41:41Yeah, yeah, well.For you, I mean, you didn't pretend to,like, you liked it for a short while, and then youjust didn't master it in five seconds andgot frustrated.And then curse, and then cursed me,and cursed me. Yes, becauseI'm a witch.
41:59All right, so let's do one more.We're not going to finish on the Metfan.Does what do you think about some relationships are from, like, in a past life, my husbandburned me at the stake, and now we're reincarnated so I can make your life miserable?Hannah, why are you asking about something you know I have no opinion on?Why are you doing this?Like, you know?And honestly, in a past life, I'd say you actually, you actually, you.
42:31drove me insane and that's why like five generations of my family have had mental health issuesoh blame me blame me um okay uh actually i want to do this one because it's kind of wild andkind of funny that's embarrassing i'm not sure what happened but anyways hi burner phoneuh this is chelsea stationed in madison wisconsin i saw you both this october and i justwant to say you both made my entire year amazing shows. I go to show solo and you both made me feelvery warm and welcome and comfortable. Anyways, so in high school, I went trick-or-treating with a boyI liked when trick-or-treating wasn't like scary, so it was at nighttime. Anyways, we were bothkind of playing the fool and running through people's yard.
43:29and my date got clotheslined, literally clotheslined, and he was actually kind of seriouslyinjured. I was also dressed as a Boy Scout, but I had no way to help him. Anyways, love you,bye. Like literally clothesline.Oh, my God. Well, that's true. Like when you're living out, I guess in the burbs,running around in people's bikeyards is likea high when you're a kidyes but I likeI like the humorous finish that
44:04because you know when you're a Boy Scout it's like be preparedyeahshe was like I have no skillsI'm sorry I'm all a costumeI know I know I'm dressed but I can't do anyknots and I don't know how to give you first aidbut you know what sometimes somethinglike that gives you a beautiful trauma bond to someone
44:21you're like remember when youfucked up your neckbut you know it's so funny it's likeI completely forgot that, like, why we say clotheslines is literally for that reason.Yeah.He literally clotheslined.Wow.Learning about language all the time.
44:36Isn't it wonderful?I did also have a memory of when I was living with Corey and Dave, like, the morning after, like, we were all single at the time.And I go to the bathroom and there's just, like, purple feathers everywhere.Like, one of the guys was messing with a girl in the bathroom who was dressed up as something.thing with purple feathers. And then Corey comes out of, of his bedroom, and his pants are allred. Like it looks like he like peed blood. And he's like, what the fuck happened last night? And we'reall just like, we have no idea. And he's like, oh shit, this girl was grinding on me. And she waswearing a red outfit. That's the problem with Halloween. It gets crazy. That's the problem with
45:24Halloween, man. A lot of staining. A lot ofstaining. A lot of, you know,glue andfake hair and glitter. It getsfucking crazy, but I doappreciate the grativity.We hope everybody has an amazingHalloween. Be safe. In
45:40Ireland, in Ireland, don't usetoo many fireworks.If you're looking for something to do onNovember 5th, I'm in London.Very limited tickets left for myLondon show. And thenDrahada is the last show in Ireland that has ticketsleft for this little tour so come and check that out all my dates are on disbishop.net
45:58slash tour dates i actually have some working out shows coming up in timonia maryland irvinecalifornia birmingham alabama and brooks and highland california so don't miss out on daysnice and let's play out some more ghost stories and some more faux pause for Halloweenwe're gonna we're gonna we're gonna play it out we're gonna hope you guys have a good time i amstressed. I got to be honest, like I'm very, I don't know what to do, but because like peoplealways go looking for the dog, but you never find the dogs. I really don't know what to do.Oh, by the way, it's not my dog. Yes, I know. I would get some food and like tap it and go aroundthe neighborhood. I'm sorry I can't be with you to help, babe. That's okay. Dogs have never been
46:43your, actually losing dogs has been your skill, but finding them hasn't been your skill.We found every dog that has ever ran away. We found all of them.All right, so pray for Fry and we'll talk to you guys next week.Okay, happy Halloween, guys. Bye.Happy Halloween.was when I was10. I was trick-or-treatingand someone said to me,
47:29aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating?And I was like, I'm10. I feel like that's a good age to be trick-or-treating.Hi, Hannah. Hi, Dez.Currently recording live from my toilettaking a shit because hot girls have tummy troubles.And my most embarrassing Halloween storyhappened when I was flying to Vegas
47:49when I was 21 to spend Halloween in Vegas.And I had this wild thoughtthat everybody at the airport would be dressed up.So, of course, I went all out, got my costume completely set up and done and my makeup,and I get to the airport thoroughly mortified that.I am literally the only person dressed up, and I have to go through TSA and have themlegit feel up my costume because I was dressed up as a crocodile with a stuffed tail,my actual nightmare, while all these business people are looking at me,
48:20or at least that's what I thought when I was 21.and moral of the story, do not dress up at the airport.Blend the fuck in if you have social anxiety.Okay, thanks.Bye.Love you.Absolute most cringe Halloween story ever was at one of my still to this daybest friends houses with a huge group of our girlfriends.
48:44I never want to inconvenience anyone because I'm a people pleaser.So I wasn't using the bathroom, but we were just about to go out,trick-or-treating. And so I was like, okay, I'll go after we take this group photo. Well, that wasa shitty idea because somebody said something hysterical as we're taking this group photo. And Ifall to the ground, trying to hold my pee-in. But instead, my incredibly full bladder emptiesall over my friend's kitchen floor. It was not like a dribble that could be hidden. It was a full-scalelagoon and I was mortified and never lived that one down still best friends with that group ofgirls though to god they let that one go hey doesn't hannah love the podcast and giggly squad i have a
49:35quick Halloween story back in fourth grade i switched to a new school and just assumed they let usdress up for Halloween like my old school did so i showed up in this handmade poodle skirt my grandma madefeeling pretty cute until i realized i was the only one dressed up i ran tothe office calling my parents what had happened. They were dying laughing on the phone. My teacheralso saw me in the office trying so hard not to laugh. I was so embarrassed. Thanks for letting meshare my Halloween disaster with you. So my Halloween faux pa was that in my sophomore year ofcollege, I asked my situation ship to do a matching costume with me. It was at the time, I guess,in my demented mind, I thought it was a good idea. I wanted to be.
50:20be Regina George, and I thought he could be Aaron Samuels. As you could guess, he then immediatelyghosted me. We didn't speak, I think, for two months after that. It was really awkward.Yeah. I still laugh about it to this day. Now that my frontal lobe is formed, I know better.
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