Berner Phone - Berner Phone #64: Answering Questions About Men

Episode Date: November 7, 2024

Des is in the hot seat this week. He's answering all the things you've ever wondered about men. This is the most dialers we've ever had call in and you don't want to miss this one.  getjackblack.com/BERN with code BERN for 10% off seed.com/BERN with code 25BERN for 25% off 50% off at goodamerican.com with code BERNER carawayhome.com/BERN for 20% off

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the Burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hello, my little dialers. It's Dez. It's a special episode where the dialers message in and ask questions, questions about things they want to know about.

know about men or they vent about men. They're just getting things off their chest. It's basically finding out slash being angry about men episode because Hannah is not here today. We knew that. That's why we picked this topic. I didn't get a guest presenter because we figured, hey, let's make this a dialer episode. So there are so many messages that you're about to hear. I mean, I've never seen as many messages come through. I've never picked. as many messages. Actually, when I went to like sit down right now to do the episode, I actually was shocked. I ended up picking so many that I had to go through them again because just so many were just jumping out at me as interesting. So, uh, don't tune out. It's going to be a fun

episode. Hannah will be back next week. She's just got a lot going on. So we're trying to give, we're trying to ease the burden on Hannah. Two quick things. First of all, Fry is back. A lot of people message me, worried about Fry. She actually had just gone around the corner and a concerned neighbor didn't know whose dog it was. She seemed a bit frazzled by the fireworks. So they took her in. Classic dog fashion. She settled right in, hung out with their dogs, chilled on their couch, and then slept in their bed. So I talked to the guy the next day and he said, he didn't know whose dog it was. He brought the dog to the vet. The vet scanned the chip and the vet gave me the number of the person that found them, found her.

And he was just saying, yeah, she just kind of settled right in, which very much goes with Hannah's analysis of dogs that they're very unloyal and will just be happy anywhere. But anyway, we're very happy Fry's back. So thanks for your concern about that. I kind of left you hanging on that. Sorry about that. And number two, this is recorded before election results.

So if you were expecting a hot take about the election, still don't know what's going to happen there. So sorry about that to everybody who was, oh, let's get the burner phone take on the election. So let's get right into it. There's just a lot to get through. So this is a dialer episode. Let's get into it. I just want to know since Dez is older, if the whole fuckboy phenomenon is a new thing,

or do we all just blame it on Tinder, but really like men have always always. been this way. Cool, thanks. Love you guys. Love the pod. I think everyone wants to know. So let us know. Simple answer.

Fuck boy is not a new thing. Men have been prone to fuck boy behavior for quite a long time. In fact, just to Irish it up for a sec, you know, in Ireland when you're in high school, you have to

well, in my time, you had to study Sean O'Casey plays, which are these great plays that are sort of about the struggles of poor people in Dublin, but they're set around the Irish War of Independence, 1916. And I believe it was Juno and the Peacock, a play set around the Irish Civil War of 1922. And there's a fuckboy in that. And that's 1922. That play was written, I think, maybe just like maybe in the 30s. But I I can't remember what it was, but anyway, there's a fuck boy in that, gets a character pregnant and then fucking leaves, you know, fucks off, doesn't take responsibility. So, no, not a new phenomenon.

The apps did not create the fuckboy. I think the only problem with the apps is that they were a petri dish for the creation of broader fuckboy behavior or certainly empowered the fuck boy to go nuclear. so no not a new phenomenon so sorry about that it's been going on a long time all right here's one close to my heart hey hannah does fellow park slope girlie here what's up anyway um my question for men is why do they complain so much when they're sick while women do literally everything while they're sick Who's to say? Does? What do you think about that? Anyway, I love you guys. So, you know, Man Flu is always one of these funny things that I actually think just came out of nowhere.

It's like, first of all, it's impossible to verify whether this is true or not. Hannah isn't here, but Hannah knows that I actually am, I have like a, like an old school, like my mother's Irish American, but she's like a tough Irish mother. and like we just weren't really allowed to be sick like joke of my generation is always like you know you could be sort of your leg could be hanging off and like blood hanging out of your face and fully concussed and my mother would have been like you're going to school you know you like you had to have like a hundred and eight fever to not go to school um and i i have never called in sick for a show uh other than um like tearing my ACL um I actually went on stage the night that I found out, iotistical cancer. So I have never bought into

the man flu thing. I think it's one of those stereotypes. No, I know you're all going to be like bullshit dance. I can give you examples, but I just think that the people that are with somebody that likes to complain about being sick, then think that all men are like that. But I would say in our relationship, now Hannah's not here to defend herself, but I would say that Hannah is more inclined to talk about being sick. Whereas I just kind of like get quiet and don't, I like don't want people to know that I'm sick because like I don't want to like admit the weakness. So I, you know, here's just a funny story about that. When I was, I don't know, I was in seventh grade, maybe six to seventh grade, I had an incident where my bike jammed and I flew over the handlebars. I was young,

you know, but I flew over the handlebars, and I flipped over, landed flat on my back, slammed my head, and it was pretty painful. So I got home, you know, my head was bleeding, but I had a pain, like, in my back. So I thought I broke a rib, and eventually my mother came home, and she was, like, kind of mad at me for being dramatic. She was like, oh, my God, like, what, you know. So I said, I said, my, like, I really. think we need to go to the emergency room. Like, I think I broke a rib. And she was like, oh, my God, you're being so dramatic, right?

And she didn't want to go to the, she didn't want to go. But eventually, I said, I said, I'm telling you, like, there's something wrong. And like, I also thought I had a concussion, which, by the way, I did. Anyway, we went to the emergency room. And long story short, the last thing they said was, they said, you have a concussion, but you don't have broken ribs. But can you just pee in a cup? we just want to check your urine for blood

I thought they were going to like check my normal color urine and then you know test for blood in it but actually I I was I had my period like I peed pure red

I'll never forget the shock I mean I was young but it was pure red like like totally red and I came out and they like immediately were like lie down and I was in the hospital for a week because I had like

damaged my kidney like I had I had like organ bruising that was bleeding I had organ bleeding internal bleeding and I was in the hospital for a week so I've never been a big man flu guy the only time I ever complain it's usually like you know internal bleeding testicular cancer fractured fibular torn ACL so I get it the man flu thing it's kind of fun but I actually just think one of those things that's like not entirely true like women can't park and then some people try to say that yeah women have less spatial awareness but there's really nothing nothing's getting proven on some of these very harmless stereotypes so I'm all for the fun of the man flu thing

but uh I've never believed in it but I also am happy for you guys to like think that I'm just defending men for something that I don't understand So let's go with men's insecurities. I can't remember what this one was. Oh, my gosh. Yes. Mr. Desmond, Bishop, I would like to know what you think are men's biggest insecurities. And I think that I would like, I mean, it would be incredible if I could get like five, but three and including balding because I know that that's a huge insecurity.

and honestly let they you know damn well men should bald because women have to bleed every month I never thought of male pattern baldness as like the menstrual cycles revenge

but God men's insecurities well I think balding is one and like I have to be honest like I'm glad that I'm nearly 50 and I haven't experienced any great olding you know but obviously I had to deal with going gray early

and I think I did have an insecurity about going great there's something about going gray in a minute that I'll play but I didn't love going gray early I always said that being gray was great but going gray was terrible I felt like it looked a bit like under construction you know um like being gray is like an identity but going gray is just like you're getting older you're getting older So I think obviously men clearly have insecurities about penis size, which, you know, is, there's like varying levels of, you know, the people out there, you know, always going on about cock size.

But actually, when you get down to the breast tax, there's like also a broad spectrum of female desires on cock size that don't always subscribe to the, bigger is better, but I think most men would have a paranoia about their cock size. I definitely have insecurities about weight at times. I know people are like, oh, you're not fat, but I definitely have weight insecurities. Height is a huge one. So, you know, I have a bit in my show about heightism, and women are definitely, there's definitely a lack of, And by the way, I'm not looking for sympathy for men throughout any of this episode, but there's definitely a lack of, what would one say,

compassion for the feelings of shorter men. Women are very openly discriminating against shorter men, you know? In my joke, I always say, you know how we know that you guys discriminated against short men? Because you don't hide it, you know? Like, back in my Tinder days, you would see things like, under six feet, not apply. And, and, and, you know, women aren't hiding. And that's, that's fine.

You know, you want to know the truth. My, my mother, my, my mother, like, her answer to a lot of issues around men, like, I would complain about somebody, and she would just say, it's because he's short. So my mother actually thought that being short was, like, a big motivator for a of like negative male behavior but she was extremely heightest like my you know my mother was like didn't hide any of her very rigid criteria for what people should be but she was definitely heightest and you know listen there's this there's a lot of famously no bad short men in history but there's a lot of bad tall men in history too so i don't buy that like a male insecurity about

shortness brings up a lot of bad behavior. But I've certainly seen examples of guys that, because obviously here's the thing about insecurities, right? Some people's insecurities haunt them more than others, you know? Some people, everybody has insecurities, right? But some people's insecurities take over their lives more than others. And I have definitely seen the insecurity about height driving some men in a negative way, you know, but not all.

But anyway, I think being short is one. You know, now, a lot of people like Amy Schumer, Ashley and B, Irish comic, they both have jokes about men's biggest fear is being embarrassed or humiliated. They both sort of do a punchline of like women's greatest fear is like being murdered. And I'm down with that punchline.

I'm down with that comparison. I mean, obviously, like most jokes, it kind of simplifies things. but I do think that there, I think everybody has insecurities about, you know, being embarrassed, being humiliated. The Chinese have a big thing about losing face, you know, Mien, so that's like a big thing.

So nobody likes to be humiliated, but I do think that, I think that men care, men have a more of like an angry reaction when they think they're being humiliated or demeaned in public. I think, I don't know where that comes from. I think maybe the testosterone, the fight or flight kicks in there on the humiliation.

So there's definitely an insecurity about that. I think maybe women don't experience the same fear of humiliation out of just conditioning of being sort of dismissed or sidelined in male environments for so long. So maybe there's just a learned ability to sort of suck it up on that more, which is unfortunate. But men definitely have an insecurity around. like being humiliated.

I think humiliated is better than being embarrassed. I think humiliation is a big one. And whether you're pro-Trump or anti-Trump, we're not taking a position here. But I think you can see that a lot of Trump's behavior over the years has been motivated by a perception of humiliation and a vengeance against that humiliation. you know like Obama making fun of him for example

you know like he didn't take too kindly to that and I think it was probably his motivation for running originally anyway that's a lot of chat about insecurities I hope that helps I obviously have now developed a bit of an insecurity about the physical limitations of aging I don't love it I always perceived myself to be an active guy and I don't like father time hitting me with three and a half

years of constant injuries. All right, let's keep going. I said it was going to be all messages and I'm talking too much. I'm so sorry. This is a funny one. Sorry, I left you the longest DM and then realized I was going to do a voice recording. So please ask Des, I literally need to know when you text a guy, what are you up to this weekend? And they just list their dumbass plans like, I'm going to help my brother move a count. into his living room. Like, cool, Kyle. And then nothing. They just list the stupid things they plan on doing. Do they know that you're fishing for an invite to hang out? Or, like, they literally just think you're a caring person. Please ask Des, I need a male's opinion. When you say, what are you up to

this weekend? Do they not understand? That is, please ask me for plans. I'm not doing anything. We should hang out. I'm sick of it. Okay. Thanks. I love this because I do think that even though men aren't good at direct communication themselves, I think they respond better to direct communication. Because I think a lot of times when it comes to certainly male to female communication, that men are behind on that, you know, and they're not good at reading cues. They're not good at reading between the lines.

So I think direct communication is definitely better. I am aware that that's disappointing. So I am aware that like that might be off putting to have to do that. But I do think that largely you will get a better response. However, a caveat on this is I think you have to be aware of, by the way, this isn't directly at you, at dialer that messaged in. But just in general, this scenario, there may be times where they may just like be stringing you along in the sense that if you say what are your plans and they don't say, oh, I've got a few things on, but like what are you up to, that they may actually just not wanting to be sort of like saying, I don't want to hang out with you. So I'm saying a lot of times it's just because they haven't read the room, but sometimes especially if it's like a pattern where you feel like you have to sort of chase to make plans,

you need to take that as a little bit of a red flag or certainly like a like a signal that perhaps they're not that into it. Like you don't want to be in a situation where you're chasing them down. But yeah, I think I think despite the fact that you might not appreciate it or you, it might be off-putting or unattractive, sometimes with men, particularly younger men, direct communication is better. But also,

let's also talk about your message directly. If he's like, if you're like, what are your plans? And then he's like telling you all this boring information, maybe he's just like boring. That's also a factor. Of course, if Hannah was here,

she would just be like, don't talk to this guy anymore. Hannah's message to all these things would be like, yeah, men suck. So anyway, I think there's a lot going on there. He may be boring. Let's get into a classic argument. It was expected and it came.

Okay. I'm kind of whispering because my boyfriend is downstairs and we just talked about this. But I feel like the only time men want to discuss equality with household tasks like housework, whatever, only time they want to talk about whether something is fair or not is when it comes to the toilet seat. Because I have heard this argument a million times that I'm the one that has to sit and with it down and he, you know, doesn't have to. So he doesn't feel like he needs to put it back down. Then I have to put it back down because I'm the one that needs it down. But it's like, bro, there's a zero percent chance I will ever need that up. So anytime you put it up, you've got to put it down. But, you know, what do I know? I'm just a beautiful, talented,

glamorous lady. Yeah. So, I mean, you make a very, strong argument there, which is 100% of the time I need it down, so you got to put it down. I mean, I think these days it's, I think it's an accepted courtesy to put it down. The only thing I will say is if you're in a house with kids or like if you're in a house with more than one guy, because you really can't rely on men doing the right thing, there is a time or an argument or a situation to suggest that you're almost better off having men leaving it up if there's more than one man in the house because they'll fucking not lift that thing

and just try to get good aim and end up peeing on the seat. And my great hate in this life is people that pee on a seat. Like in a public toilet, like if I could catch people, if I could catch the perpetrator, of the seat peeing, like, you know, I would have them in prison. Like, to me, that is the epitome of selfish human behavior, the peeing on the seat. Like, I, who? I, like, I just, I can't imagine the mentality of the person, the man, obviously, who just unloads on the seat.

Obviously, alcohol is involved sometimes, but not always, you know? Like, if you don't want to touch the seat, just lift it with your foot. But, you know, you're the epitome of everything that's wrong with humanity, the seat pier. So I'm with you, sister, that 100% of the time you need the seat up. So, you know, in a, in a, you're living with your partner situation, it's just better to put it down. But I do think that sometimes the household might be well, served by leaving it up, especially if you have young boys in the house. There's a lot of seat

peeing from young men. So that's a caveat on that. Can I just quickly throw in, you know, certainly in like certain parts, you know, like in the bro, in the manosphere, in the broverse, the sort of maybe the less confident parts of male online discourse, there's like a whole thing about men sitting down is like sitting down to pee is like cock behavior or something like the insecure like some of the insecurities around men of what's what's what you need to do to be badly makes me fucking laugh you know like it i am more than happy to sit down and pee i'm gonna put that out there right now sitting down to pee i'm totally fine with that. There is a small technical issue with when you sit down to pee as a man is more of an

opportunity for there to be just like an auxiliary touch of liquid. So you need to be like aware of that. But in the knowledge of that, I am very happy to sit down to pee. And I've never once felt, unconfident about my masculinity, being a sit-down peer. So you're not more of a man if you leave the seat up, but you're definitely not less of a man if you sit down. But you are the greatest asshole known to humankind if you pee on the seat. And you know who you are. You know who you are.

Let's keep going. Let's get dirty. Hey, Hannah. Hey, Des. Hey, Chris. um i have a question about the men when it comes to morning sex what is the obsession with morning sex i hate morning sex like i just woke up you know i probably have bad breath probably really have to pee and like you're sitting there trying to cuddle me when i know scientific evidence

behind morning wood or like what the deal is why men always wake up up with boners, but I would just much rather do things at night when I look and I feel okay from the day. Okay, thanks. Love you guys. Bye. Wow, that's interesting. It's 100% somewhat to do with morning wood. That's just a thing. Men wake up with erections. And so I think sometimes they're just like wake up horny and they want to have morning sex. I, you know, I would be, this is one of these ones where I actually have a question right back to women of, is this universally an issue? Because, so here's my thing with morning sex.

I have breath paranoia. I have bad breath paranoia. So I am very much of the opinion that if you're going to have morning sex, well, with Hannah and I, not that we get in any great detail about our sexual lives, but because I wake up, hours before Hannah, morning sex to Hannah would be actually lunchtime sex to me. So we don't really have that issue. So, and because I'm such an early riser throughout my life,

I have always had the opportunity to brush my teeth before instigating anything like that. So I'm with you on the bad breath elements of it. However, there definitely have been times in my life where there's just a certain sort of lazy Sunday morning, you're just sort of in bed, like not really doing anything. And I don't mean like an immediate wake-up, but I do think that there's something nice about the sort of like lazy Sunday morning where all that might go down. But more, I really just have the question back to the dialers of is this universally sort of more coming male to female

the desire for morning sex. And do you agree with this? Because, like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm not a huge morning sex guy, but I have appreciated at times in my life. I think it was a very good dial in. Not to brag, but I'm already done gifting for the holidays for my dad, my brother, and my grandpa. I'm getting them all jack black grooming sets

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and it came up a lot. So this is number one. Men don't talk about things. Okay, so I'm sure you're going to get this one a ton, but I figured I'd shoot my shot because I need to get it off my chest. Why is it that men can spend hours with each other, for example, golfing.

And they come home and I ask, oh, like, how's so-and-so's new puppy? And my husband will be like, what puppy? They got a puppy? Like, what? You just spend hours with them and that didn't come up once? Like, I just want to know what the fuck they talk about. And same thing with kids. It was funny the other day.

My husband went to dinner. I was like, oh, how's so-and-so's kids? And he's like, oh, we actually talked about that. I'm like, yeah, probably because I brought this up to you, this issue. Men need to talk more. It's not all about sports. I don't understand. I hope I'm not alone in this.

Hey, Hannah and Des. Love the show. Love the pod. This is Molly from Chicago. My one complaint about men is how come they leave out the most important details of any story? talking to them about their day is like talking to a brick wall you'll ask oh how was your day

they'll just be like good meanwhile their car broke down their best friend ended up in the ER and they accidentally became an extra in a Hollywood movie like you know a little elaboration would be nice also side note I just was watching antique road shows with my

grandma figured you guys would appreciate that love you guys bye well I put those two together because it's kind of like on the same theme and they covered a lot on the same topic which I liked. Shout out to the antique road show. I actually, I didn't

know that they had that in the States. I still love watching that. But anyway, so this is, this is a big complaint of Hannah's that like men don't like come back with the deets. And I have to say hands up

like I don't quite know because obviously like when I'm hanging out with my boys we're talking about a lot. But, like, perhaps not, like, the same things that, like, Hannah wants to hear. So this one, I basically just have to go, yeah, like, this seems to be a common complaint from women. I mean, I just think it's hilarious. Like, what's going on? I was, like, nothing, and then, like, loads went on.

I think, like, so I don't know. I did, if people saw, oh, God, what was the Irish movie? Jesus Christ. how am I drawing a blank? Of course, it was a Martin Macdonna play. It was kind of like the Lanan trilogy. What, oh my God? Why, I'm thinking of the cripple of Inishment.

What the hell was the name of the Martin Macon? Oh, my, anyway, with Barry Keogun and Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson. And I'm like having a brain fart. Senior moment. Sorry about that. It's so embarrassing that I, at the Benchies of Inishire and Jesus. So anyway, the banshees of Inashirin, there's that very funny scene about like, any news? That's not news, you know? I thought that was very funny. But I do think that women communicate more in the sort of like what's going on with other people than men do. So there is a bit of sort of like clash of interest there. Again, sweeping generalization. But I do think that. comes up. I think sometimes for me, and this is just personal for me, like, sometimes I just

need to, like, warm up to those things, you know? But I definitely don't, like, Hannah always gets annoyed at me if I, like, I come back and I don't have, like, an update on, like, one of my friends' relationship or marriage. You know, she's like, you didn't talk about, like, the relationship, and I'll be like, no, and that will, like, annoy her. But, like, we are talking about plenty of things. Like there's just a lot of things going on in the world. Obviously there was that whole Roman Empire joke but like obviously you know, you know these days talk a lot about politics and you know if I'm hanging out with comedians we're talking a lot about comedy

but yeah we don't I think perhaps maybe men are also a little bit more surface so it's not it's not as fun to come back and just sort of give a review of the surface stuff So with this one, I just think it's very funny. But I just have to throw my hands up and be like, yeah, a fun observation from women, you know. And I think a lot of time men are just probably talking about like shit that they don't want to, you know, go back and tell their wives, like stupid stories from when they were in their 20s and things, you know. And I think women obviously are talking about things when they're together that they're not going to come back to the husband's about, too. This was somebody getting something off their chest.

I have a question for men, a genuine question. Do you ever really think that winking at a stranger is okay? Because 100% of the time, it is not okay. in no scenario is winking does winking make it better i was on my morning walk today seven a m and a man winked at me and i thought to myself sir i know somewhere in the world a toilet seat has been left up because of you and you came out here at seven a m and you thought it was okay to wink at me i don't know we need to we need to really reevaluate winking and hopefully put a stop to it. This is so funny to me. Like for all the things. So, uh, I get it. If you want to sort of put like,

I think there's like a wink that has a proximity to a cat call. Isn't a cat call. It's not as aggressive as a cat call. But I think the proximity to the cat call wink, yeah, I get it maybe is like a bit, you know, you know, just like uncalled for. Unnecessary. but I wouldn't think that all of society wants to ban the wink completely because maybe there is a cohort that is happy with the direct communication of how's it going with the wink. But, you know, I don't think it's essential for society. Now, I also have to say that being in Ireland, it would be very weird to get rid of the wink because Artland still uses the wink.

I had a routine in my early part of my comedy career about how I thought people were like epileptic here or something because they were always like, you know, turning their head to the side. So Irish people winked to say hello in general. So this woman should never visit Ireland because she will be very triggered

because there's a lot of winking, especially in the Irish countryside. So I would say I would say that I've never thought that winking was aggressive or inappropriate. So this may be personal to you, but I am

glad to put my hand up and say that I'm wrong on that. I also think that winking is kind of a dying art anyway. So I was just very entertained by your message. That's really all I have to

add about winking. I've never been a great winker? I feel like my winking is very much telling the message that I'm not a natural winker. So I feel like when people see me wink, they're just like, oh, is he practicing his wink? Is he still in the training, the training section of his winking life? I've just never had a great wink, you know? So you won't see me winking a lot these days. I have to really exaggerate. Essentially, it's a blink. You know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's kind of like a, like, like, like a, like, like a wink. I sort of, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm always totally

closes to, but it stays open enough that I would call it a boink. I'm a boinker. Um, um, I think that I'll call my new show that, um, okay. Oh, let's get it, look, can we have a serious one? Serious one, please. Hey, hey guys, sorry for messing up the first recording I'm not a native English speaker and also a big tech noob so yeah that's that but I really need your help and so I'll try again I've been in a relationship for the past nine years now we are very happy and also serious but I just found out last week that he had been watching porn all of those years which made me very upset I know it's normalized in society and so on and so forth but still it really it really hit me i felt betrayed and cheated on and i feel ugly now

and i feel like all of my insecurities are coming back um and i just need to understand to heal you know i don't want to forbid anything i know i can't i know i shouldn't it's not healthy for a relationship and i really care about him but i also care about my feelings and i'm so hurt right now. I just want to understand why are men doing this in healthy relationship. I mean, this is like, this is a great question. And the feelings are very real. You can feel them coming through the message. I mean, I don't have a professional take on this. But I would say, and I'm again open to correction in the DMs, that the majority of men and a lot of women, I don't think as many women, but definitely the majority of men are watching porn when they're masturbating.

And I would have assumed before hearing this message that it wasn't like a big deal. I have definitely been aware just from watching things, talking to people, you know, I've been aware of men and also women and people in. in relationships that have become aware of porn becoming, like, a problem in their life, in that, like, certain men get quote-unquote addicted. You know, there's a lot of debate around porn addiction, but one thing you could say for sure is that some people seem to get lost in porn. And I would definitely say that that's a problem. And obviously, with this message, we don't know the level of porn watching.

I mean, I think when it feels like porn or is causing a distance, obviously right now you're hurt, so we, that I get and there's nothing wrong with what you're feeling, but I mean, just also in general, when the sort of escape into porn, you know, begins to to mask other problems, other issues he might have or other issues that the, might be existing in the relationship. I think that's obviously a problem, right? I think that's universally accepted as a problem. What you're feeling now, I think, obviously you have to, you know, go through these feelings. But my initial reaction, when I heard your message first, I'm listening to actually to the second,

well, sorry, when I read your, you know, I read them, then I've listened. So this is the first time I've listened to your message. So I'm feeling the emotion more now. but my initial reaction when I read it was like I think that this is quite common behavior and I think that it would probably be healthier for you to certainly at least come to a certain level of acceptance that that might happen but I also don't know if I'm right about that And I also think that, like, everybody has a right to their own boundaries and their own things that they expect.

And so I think that, you know, like, obviously it's complex. Like, I'm getting jammed up now because, you know, this is like a very real thing that's going on for you. And I'm just like a random dude, you know? but I do think that most people listening right now finding this pretty interesting so I'm really grateful that you shared it because I don't I think that some people will probably be identifying with you

I think that some people will probably be questioning their own porn watch you know amount of time they watch porn questioning how that affects their partner personally for me if Hannah was watching porn when she was masturbating for herself. I mean, we don't talk about it that much, but like, in general, I would assume she's not a big porn watcher just from the way she talks about it, but I would

have absolutely no problem. In fact, we've had a few funny moments where we've tried to watch porn together. It's never been a great success, but I actually kind of gave her homework of like, I need you to find out like what kind of porn you're into, you know? So for me, I've, I have never found like the concept of watching porn would be like like a hurtful thing so you've made me think about that which is very you know it's a very great message for you to come through so I mean I just give my own personal thoughts my own thoughts about if if Hannah or you know anybody in the past had been watching porn like it wouldn't affect me but you know I think you know that is It's great that you reached out, but I definitely think, you know, you talk to more people.

You talk to your partner. The one thing I would say is, like, I don't think it should, I think that you guys should find a way to get through it. Because I think that this wouldn't be a great, like, I would hope that you can get through this. I think this is something you can get through. That's what I would say. but I really appreciate the honesty in the in the in the message now I also appreciate like a lot of the problems around porn like I'm a sex positive guy I'm all down with the sex positive movement but I also have a cousin actually Bella's mom who you know she I don't know if she did

women studies in Trinity but certainly part of her studies was about one of her I think it was like her thesis was actually on porn as violence and like it was very eye-opening listening to her about sort of like porn constantly sort of made for the male gaze and just a sort of a through line through porn which is very much about male pleasure not about female pleasure so I have had my eyes open about the bad things around porn and and I and I I'm very always interested in these conversations around how it's affecting young men and trying to get deeper and deeper into, like, you know, real science and data around changes in behavior as a result of too much access to porn,

too much young men watching porn, too much society watching porn. So I think that you're absolutely right to be open about these feelings. And I think society will be better for more people being honest about how they feel or how it makes them feel but as you hear a lot in conversations around sex positive it's also really important to know that this isn't like a

constant like back in the day we had a very rigid morality and I am open to a society that is a bit more open to a range of morality around or comfortability around things like porn and sex and sexuality

and so great message all around I know I over talked about it, but I really appreciate the honesty around it. And I hope it works out. I'd love an update. Okay, one thing about me is I have thick thighs. And it is hard for me to find jeans that fit my body, but when I do find genes that fit my body, it looks amazing. And that's why I'm obsessed with good Americans always fits jeans because they're a total game changer.

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Visit caraway.com slash burn to take advantage of this limited time offer for up to 20% off your next purchase. Again, that's caraway home.com slash burn to get new kitchenware before the holidays. Carroway non-toxic cookware made modern. There's one I want it to do. It's similar enough to what men don't say, but it's from a man. So that's why I want to play it. my question for does and like okay so i'm a gay man but why do straight man hate gossiping or maybe not even hate it but like why don't you want to gossip like you what do you talk about

like why don't you care about the details of other people's lives especially people that you don't like it doesn't get you horny like it gets the girls and gays like i don't know i feel a certain type of way when somebody says, hey girl, I have some tea for you. I perk up. And straight men just have no reaction to that. That's crazy. I just love this message. Like, first of all, it's not 100, well, it's not 100% true. I'll tell you the tea that I love, right? As a guy, like, going to be 49 in like six days. The tea that I love is like, and this is toxic, okay? But the tea that I love is like, oh my god, you know who got so old or oh my god, you know what's his name is so fat now? Like, and this is toxic. Like I'm outing myself here, but like I love talking about

people who look like shit these days. That's terrible. I'm outing myself, okay? That's a bad one from me. I think I inherited it from my parents. They were very vain. So, but I 100% agree that gossip is not the automatic sort of language of the straight man and I think I think this is safe to say that the sort of bitchy gay culture which you're alluding to which I fucking love I love your message you know especially because you said especially people you don't like like I'm down with it but it doesn't drive me as like okay so I'm going to say that like gossip is fun but there are elements of gossip that are negative and I would say sometimes so so here's here's just one like one like small take on it it's like when the gossip is low like when the

tea when there's like a drought when the kettle is just not getting boiled that's when I find that like when you have to dig for gossip that can be like a dangerous time because then you have to reach and the truth levels drop and so sometimes I don't like sometimes I'll be around like some pretty heavy because I got a lot of gay friends and you know when the gays and the gay man and the straight women get together it's like you know it's a brewery you know you're talking about a fucking Chinese tea house there's a lot of fucking tea pouring and uh sometimes I'm just like whoa this is fucking not okay so so I've I've seen it but I'm often entertained by it But sometimes it's like, wow, wow, this is, this is, this is hard.

I'm like, man, what are they saying about me when I'm not around? So, so, but I'm with you. Great message. I think, I think there's, I think straight men are probably, the things they're saying are also gossip, but they're just like gossip about like, he sucks a golf or, or like, his wife is a bitch or, you know, like, like stuff like that. which then they're not going to relay back to their partners

because it's like a little bit negative. So great message. Absolutely great message. The one male voice coming through, even though this topic was for women and gay men. Gay men were welcome. I probably should have said that. So thank you for your message.

Let's go for a few more. Oh, this is a funny one. I love ones like this. Hi, guys. Love the pod. I don't know how to make this one quick because I'm a yapper, but I literally had to get a bit of bed and sneak over to the bathroom to say this. But I just need to know, like, are all men disgusting and lazy?

Or are we women just enabling them? like if we don't replace the soap are they going to just use dish soap and then when they run out just not use soap um if we don't wash the floors or don't you know replenish the cut tips will they just stop cleaning their ears i'm just i just need to know like is it because they get comfortable and then they just get lazy and stop or like is it is it like a gender thing I just need to know things

I just like that had me dying like guilty it's so funny do you know actually like what has made me a better man like I married somebody who's actually less organized than me

because like I never I I am the one that, like, kind of largely has to stay on top of a lot of the stuff, which, like, you know, it makes me, uh, it makes me better, uh, just because, uh, I feel like Hannah is kind of similar, but the thing that made me laugh the most, because this is just like an insanely good observation that, like, I just have to put my hands up. When you said, when the soap runs out and then you'll just use dish soap. And when the dish soap runs out, you'll just stop washing. I was like, oh my God, the amount of times I had to switch to the dish soap in my life. Like, amen. Oh, my God.

Like, so funny. And just like, like other men in my life, I'm not going to call anybody out, but like, putting like empty milk cartons or just like empty things back into the fridge or back into the cabinet. like in Ireland, like an empty thing of tea bags? Like, why'd you put it back into the closet? I'm not as bad with that, but I definitely have been the guy running out. And then like, but then it is very satisfied when I actually, because for me, it's always just like, I forget.

Like, Amazon honestly has helped me with that a bit, because it's like when I notice it, I just order it on Amazon. So actually, I've gotten better because of Amazon. but just coincident enough since I've been back in Dublin there was you know because Bella lives in this house so there was like shampoo and stuff but there was no soap which for the record woman also didn't replace the soap but every time I was having a shower I was like fuck man I got to buy soap

and then I kept forgetting to buy soap because the Amazon is not as good in Ireland you know like I'm not and and I don't have I don't live in a situation where it's to just, like, drop the box outside the house here. So I'm not as quick to order Amazon in Ireland. So I kept forgetting. But then I had to go to the pharmacy for something else anti-inflammatory. And I remember, I was like, oh, great. I fucking, so I bought some body wash.

And I was so happy that I bought the body wash. But coincidentally enough, I have been washing my hands with dish soap in the kitchen. And I still haven't replaced the kitchen hand soap. But I'm only into hand soap because Hannah is a hand soap. person. I never bought hand soap until I got married. You know? Uh, so I, this message is just literally just like, I'm getting called out and I'm, I'm finding it hilarious. Like, I've never been, I've never been so happy to see myself in an observation, which with a lot of these, actually. Uh, let's do a going gray here. I can't remember what this is. Um, hi. Okay. Dez, Zaddy,

who locked on a batty. Um, Um, we have a question for you. How does a guy just go from like color hair to gray? Like are we, are we doing a transition? Are we doing some, some pepper flakes in there? Like, like a little Cascio Pepe action going on. Or are we like, like using that spray, that magic spray, like root cover? Like, what's our deal?

Like, how are we doing it? Because we need more Zadis out there that have the ability to rock, a fucking gray hair. Anyways, love you, Hannah. Love you, Des. Giggle her out. I didn't realize that actually this was just like so pro-gray.

So I quickly alluded to it earlier, but actually what happened with me was so my dad went gray young and then myself and my two brothers all genetically followed my dad. So we all have sort of similar hair to my father. And I started going gray early, like 2008, I was like 32, 2007, I was filming in the name of the Fada, and I was like

already salt and pepper. So, like, I was in my early 30s, salt and pepper. I can even see it like earlier than that. But anyway, my dad, when my dad died in 2011, I was pretty gray by then. And I'm, my mother, you know, she's a widow. She came over to visit us in Ireland. And And we were joking about dyeing my hair, because I really hated going gray. And like, when you're going gray, people just pointed out a lot. I know that's like the beginning of my joke about Just for Men, but like, people do point it out a lot when you're going gray. Not as much when you are gray, but like the going gray, it's just like open season for people like, oh, it's all to pepper, whatever. So, anyway, my mother jokingly said, you know, you.

father died his hair once and he hated it and he said he would never dye his hair and she actually encouraged me to dye my hair and i went to a barbershop in dublin and i dyed my hair and like the first time i died it it looked good and it never actually looked good again it's quite embarrassing you can you can go online you'll see some pretty bad hair dye pictures so i died my hair in 2011 and then i kind of got stuck in a bit of a dying cycle and i actually kind of sort of died it a lot of the time between 2011 and like when I was in China because for continuity purposes I had to keep dyeing my hair. Anyway, long story short, when I finally finished the China documentary, I shaved it, gone, no more hair dye. But over that time, I had gone completely gray. So actually, when I shaved it

all off, I was then totally gray. And then I loved it. So I think never die it. I really regret the dying time? So I have this new part of my Just for Men joke, which is that there's a double standard because people judge women when they let themselves go gray, and men or zaddies, like, your message. But then the flip side of that

is that women dye their hair and they don't get judged, whereas men die their hair and they do get judged. And the new joke that I have is I say, because women can dye their hair like a non-human color and, like, nobody will judge them. But a man can dye his hair like almost exactly the same color as before, and I've only

I'll be like, who does he think he's fooling? So I say, don't die, but just know that the transition period will be kind of annoying. Unless you have black hair. If you have black hair, actually, do you know what? Somebody told me something really funny last night. This friend of mine that came to the show with her husband, and he said he was a photographer and he worked in Iraq. And he would always say, what should I bring over?

And they always said just for men, black just for men. because I think Arab men dye their hair, because I know Chinese men die their hair. So it's very acceptable, but black dyes well. So if you have black-haired diet, the minute you get a gray, die it. So black-haired men, die it. Don't go gray. All right, let's go.

We've got to go, man. We've done so many. Let me see if there's one more I can do. Oh, this is close to my heart, this one. All right, Des. You got to explain this one to me. but what in the actual generational trauma is going on between men that have been raised by Irish mothers. I joke with my husband all the time that he has Stockholm syndrome with his mother

because on one hand, he absolutely loves and adores her and would do anything for her. But at the same time, this woman inflicts so much emotional warfare on him. and I'm like, yo, this is toxic. Pure toxic. Can you explain this to me? What is going on? Okay, so in the 1200s, the Anglo-Normans began to invade. No, I'm just kidding.

But the generational trauma is real. I know people aren't like totally like have the science behind that, but like the generational trauma is real. And I actually talk about it in Mia Mama, the show about my mom. The, I don't think it's just Irish, but I do think that there are some cultures that have, they're unfortunately products of the environment that they came from. And like the alcoholism, the emotional unavailability, the anger, the passive aggression a lot of these things that you might see as

like not guaranteed themes but perhaps higher percentages of appearances in relationships in Irish families I don't think this just goes for the Irish mothers but I think that you see some recurring themes which I think to a degree have to do with the poverty, the incredible power that the Catholic

church had for way too long, the sexual shame, the secrets, the silence, it's a lot. It's easy to be funny about in Ireland, where you're talking to people who like get it. So I have the joke, the joke in my show, I say, you know, because I talk about like difficult relationship with my mom and then I say, I'm not saying my mother didn't love me, she just forgot to let me know. that's all I'm saying and that's just like a joke but Irish people get that you know and then I followed on I say if you make the mistake of asking an Irish mother do you love me

she'd be like do I love you she didn't I sacrifice everything for you I tell you what I love my life before you came along that was deadly so I used to have a bad I can't even say this joke but so it's so annoying that sometimes there's certain jokes that I think now are like inappropriate but they were like they were inappropriate in the right way because they just like in a very simple set-up clenched line format expressed certain things in a very good way. So I'm not going to do the joke that I was just about to do. I'm going to censor myself. But basically, Ireland has been, again, not everyone, but there has just been emotionally like a rough ride for Irish people.

A quite unique Irish emotional journey that has unique Celtic aspects. that is multifaceted, you know, colonialism, the church, poverty, violence, the weather. So there's just a lot going on there, and I do think it gets passed down. And I actually do feel that I am very much a product of intergenerational trauma. And I'm fine with saying that. And I covered pretty well in me and mama in quite a heavy section of the show. because we're not going to get into it now, but I talk a lot about,

I go all the way back to my great-grandfather and just heavy shit that has gone down throughout the generations of my mom's side of the family. But it's heavy, like real heavy. So the joke I say, I don't know if people know the British show Who Do You Think You Are, but it's very popular here. I think there's a version of it in the States, but it's a different name.

So the joke that finishes this very heavy section about my family history, I say, that's why I was never asked to be on who do you think you are because they were like, nah, this is like horrific. Maybe if we do a Halloween special, you can be on because your family history is like a horror movie.

And then I say, that's why Irish people never do Ancestry.com because when you send your spit into ancestry, you get an email back saying, you sure you want to know this shit because it's heavier than you think because there just is a lot of heaviness in the intergenerational trauma in Ireland.

And I don't think it's unique to Ireland, but I think that there's just a higher percentage of... You know, there's also like... There's only one degree of separation between everybody in Ireland. It's actually, like, quite small. It's a small island. And there are island cultural issues with that, you know?

A lot of people are affected by similar things. So you're just dealing with a lot of that. And hence, honestly, hence, movies like the Banshees of Inneshearine and the great Lanan trilogy of Martin Macdonah and some of the great plays of Sean O'Casey, you know, the writings of James Joyce, you know, Brendan B

and like a lot of these Marina Carr, great Irish playwright and actually like a more modern take from Sally Rooney. Like people love normal people, but like normal people really touches on a lot of like the

modern iteration of these things that you're talking about. Like that's why Ireland punches above its weight culturally, artistically, comedically. You know? For the population, Ireland is very well represented in all these areas because a lot of these areas blossom in suffering and a lot of these areas blossom in people trying to make sense

of very complex emotions so all these things tie into what you're talking about so I probably should have done this one earlier because it's clearly something I'm passionate about but great contributions from everybody really sorry Hannah's not here I hope I didn't bore you. I overtalked. It's even a longer episode. Who knew that I would be on my own and actually talk more?

So I apologize for over talking. But I had no choice. But tons of messages. You guys are awesome. We'll even play some more out. So a super long solo app. Hannah will be back next week. Burner phone lives on strong.

Other times when Hannah's not around, I will get somebody to fill in. I got to be honest. I've kind of being like a touch lazy just because like I have. have a lot of traveling myself this week so anyway oh god i haven't done any plugs where am i all my irish shows is sold out but when i'm back in america i got a lot of shows so i have seattle uh i have vancouver vancouver early shows sold out second show on sale seattle i'm in laughs comedy

club tickets left for that show i'm in boston during the christmas period early shows are nearly sold out, but the late shows have plenty of tickets. That's for the week in between Christmas and New Year's. I just put on tons of shows around the U.S. go on my website. The links page takes you now to my Punch Up Live, where all my dates are. Also, you can join my emailing list on Punch Up Live. I'm in Charlotte. I'm in Minneapolis. I'm in so many places. I also added Long Island shows. I was getting loads of messages about Long Island. I'm in Governors in March. also have a full Irish tour from the end of January through to March. Loads of tickets left for those.

I just added another Olympia in Dublin. Tons of shows, loads of shows. Don't forget, Hannah has loads of new material shows that she's putting on sale. They're all on her website. Giggly Squad shows. Still some tickets left in some places, I do believe. So go and check that out. Check out my YouTube special, which is still up if you haven't seen it.

And life moves on. Thanks so much. We love you. See you soon. Bye. Hey, Hannah and does. Okay, so the question that I have is about boyhood, because we hear a lot about girlhood. You hear a lot about like, oh, we were girls to get there.

This is so girlhood. Like, what are some critical things that are boyhood? I've been trying to figure it out just with my guy friends lately, but, like, what are things that are, like, so, like, in the community of boys with other boys? And does that, like, go away when you get older? Like, you know, how girls keep girlhood, like, well into our 20s, 30s forever. So what are things that are boyhood? Thanks so much. Hannah, Des, this is such a good question. I feel like everyone is going to go on and on about their complaints with men. So, get ready, but I have been in a loving relationship for five years with a guy and we're about to move in together for the first time. And I'm excited, but I'm also getting very nervous because men are just so dirty and don't, they're just not organized, they don't care, whatever. But I just know, like, once we live in together, like, I'm going to have to be the one cleaning dishes and

clean the kitchen and doing laundry and cleaning the bathroom. Like, I don't know the last time he cleaned his bathroom. And I don't want to become this housewife. But if I don't, it's going to be disgusting or I'm going to be asking him to do these things. And then you're like mothering him. And it's like, oh, you should just love him for who he already is, not try to make him into anything. Like, no, I had to tell him he needs a brush his teeth twice a day. So I just, any advice?

Hey, Hannah. Hi, does. I was wondering, I've noticed a trend among all. my ex-boyfriends in that their bed is always pushed all the way into the left corner of their room up against the wall. And of course, like, they always have, like, disgusting gray or navy blue sheets that have been washed since their freshman year in college. But I'm wondering why is the location of their bed always in a corner? I don't understand it. I'm wondering if it's a part of just their innate caveman nature or there's a more sinister reason that.

I'm just not seeing. I'd love your insights on this. Love y'all so much. Bye. So my fiancé and I just had a baby a couple months ago, and he is a great dad and a great partner. But one of the things, well, one of the many things I should say, that bothers me about him as a man, is that he doesn't clip his toenails. He'll pick them off on the couch and then leave them on the table. And then I find them. And even though I tell him, it pisses me the fuck off and it grosses me out and it genuinely triggers me, he still does it. Also, I have to tell him to brush his teeth sometimes. Sometimes he does it, but sometimes I have to tell him to brush them. Why? Why are men like that? Why do men do the things that they do? Okay. Hi, Hannah. Hi, does. My question is, why are men so bad at reflecting on where they actually are at and being honest about it? And my question comes from many, many experiences in my dating life of I feel like I can tell when someone's being genuine. And a guy will say to me that he wants a relationship and all these things. And then he later kind of switches up.

And sure, it could be because he decides he doesn't like me, fine. But I think a lot of times these men genuinely are just in the moment thinking they're ready for a relationship and that's what they want. And then they kind of realize they're not. And it feels not that hard to think through before you answer and answer, honestly. So let me know what you think Hey Hannah Hey Des I'm sitting next to my husband

And I'm wondering why men Always leave The kitchen cabinets open No further questions Okay I have another Item to share About men in their bathroom habits Because what I don't understand is

You're going in there to pee you're washing your little hands, you're drying them up, and that's it. All done. Maybe turn the light switch off, whatever. But for some reason, every time someone goes in there after you, everything's wet. The floor is wet, the sink's wet, the mirror's wet. The towel is soaked, like you just took a bath and dried off with a hand towel. And I just, I don't understand. Where is all this water coming from? Are we splashing our face? Are we, you know, playing in the rain here? Like, what is happening? I don't understand it. And it's also very consistent. So men, what's happening in the bathroom, we need to simmer down.