Berner Phone - Berner Phone #69: Are you the only one?

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

Everyone has their quirks and odd habits. And this week, the dialers are revealing theirs in hopes that they aren't the one one. You'll either finish this episode feeling understood or questioning why you are the why you are. 

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me time hi it's hannah burner and des bishop thanks for calling the burner phone if you leave a message after the tone we may have to make it into a podcast what's up my little dialers we're back in action and we're literally in action we're in the car on the move on the Long on Expressway. It's one of those episodes. We are co-ing from West Hampton to New York City because our vacation has been canceled. This is time management. You know, when we're on the road, it's like, hey, what's the best use of our time?

You know? And when you're talking in the car anyway, so. Instead of, well, not really talking. Instead of me on my phone and Des being like, can you ask me questions and keep me, you know, having fun on the road. And I'm like, I'm a passenger princess. Yes. That's not my job.

I'm not your babysitter. I'm not your DJ. It's also, by the way, something that I can't do even if I wasn't driving. I can't be in the passenger seat and look at my phone. I get car sick. That's actually my biggest skill is being on the passenger seat. It's incredible that you can do that. Thank you.

I should do like a master class or something. And if I'm in the backseat, like I can't even look at my phone. I can hardly reply to a text if I'm in the back seat. That's why I hate Ubers. Like I'd rather pay like $300 to park my car in JFK than get an Uber back. No, I don't do that. But it's so funny. Ever know, and then I'll get nauseous, but I'll never blame it on me and my phone.

I'll be like, oh, I must have ate something weird. No, yeah. Backseat. Nonstop scrolling TikTok. So. But as I said, we just did an episode on vacation disasters. And Des and I have completely butchered our holiday December vacation plans. Well, we just decided not to go.

It's not a holiday disaster. I mean, a couple months ago, we were like, I've never been to Europe. I mean, sorry, I've been to Europe. I've never been to Asia. Yes. I want to go to Asia. And you were like, if you want to do it, I'll do it. Let's do it.

And we got all done home. I do want to point out that I did flag that the jet lag would be very difficult and you have a very busy life. And are you sure you want to do Asia? And it's a 24 hour trip. And I said, 24 hours of sleeping, sign me the fuck up. And he was like, are you sure? And I was like, yes. And so when you're an entrepreneur, there's no time frame.

So, like, gigs will pop up. And I was like, cancel it. We're going to Thailand. Then reality hit, and we were like, we probably shouldn't go to Thailand. And that was mutual because, well, I had just done a lot of flying. My knee was not loving all the flying anyway. And you also were exhausted after Giggly touring. And you just turned over to me, and you were like, how about?

And I was like, done. Cancel. Cancel it. But we did book a trip then to Turks and Caicos. We were like, let's do a simple trip. Five days. Turks and Caicos never been. Heather McMahon says she loves it. It's going to be great.

Taylor Stricker loves it. We cannot fuck up this vacation. I get an email three days ago. I have to be in L.A. middle of the vacation. You don't have to be. I don't have to be. You want to be. I want to be and it's something that I We're fine with that. It's a worthy thing.

I want to do. And my supportive husband said whatever you need. It's fine. Cancel Turks. So now we're going back in the city to work. You are. You're working too. You have some pods. Oh, yeah, but I'm not...

Taking care of butter. Anyway, so anyway, we're not going on vacation. So we're not going on vacation, but at least we didn't shit ourselves on vacation. That was a reference to the pod last week that a lot of you enjoyed. It was a popular pod. Yes, it went well. And then we got an amazing... We got an amazing suggestion of a prompt via Instagram.

We do listen to your prompt ideas when you DM us because no one knows better than the little dialers of what the best prompts are. And this one went to Des. Had I been more organized, I would have remembered your name, and I apologize, but you DM to say you should do a prompt with, is it weird that I, you know, like,

and you gave some examples, but, you know, I think one of the crazy examples you give, is it weird that I like to lie down in the shower for like an hour but basically I thought it was a good idea like is it weird because everyone has stuff

that they do that they wonder like am I the only one am I the only one and let's be honest at the end of the day podcast comedy we do it so we feel less alone

so we're about to hear some weird shit people do and we will let you know if you're a fucking weirdo or if you're fine and some of them are definitely unique to the individual and some of them are like

no that's normal you need to talk to your friends more Or people need to be more open about their little secrets that we're all doing. It's funny she brought up the laying in the shower thing because I had a friend at a tennis academy who would like take two-hour showers. Yes. And he's like, I would just sit in it and let the water hit me. And I was like, that is the saddest shit I've ever heard.

And then the guy who ran the academy acted like water was like billions of dollars. And it probably was expensive. And he was like, this fucking kid is running me dry. My water bill is astronomical. Well, you know, we did once get in one of our episodes of like, I think it was like a, like life hacks about chilling

was lying in the shower. It's like an anxiety reducer. I wonder what temperature. These things are not, that's a personal preference, I think. That's HIPAA. Yeah. I also, I feel like you go to celebrity rehab and they just put you in a shower

and have a rain shower on you. Yeah. And, you know, at the end of the day, the best showers are high pressure showers. You go to some of these spas and they're like, it's a gentle mist shower. No. No. Water pressure. I want to feel my ovaries getting hit by the shower.

If you've lived in Ireland, you will know that good water pressure is a very special commodity to have in this life because a lot of Irish showers don't have good water pressure. So American water pressure, amen. I do it to say if you're like finding a new apartment to rent, first thing you should do, which you think people rarely do, turn on that fucking shower. and see if that baby's got power, okay? Yeah, I don't care, like, disgusting-looking showers don't bother me if there's good water pressure. Honestly, the more disgusting it is, the more powerful it could be. I just need, I need that, I need that hardcore.

I need, like, a fire hydrant. I need to have the fantasy rain showers. You know, like, when you see people getting tortured in prison, like, I think like First Blood, Rambo First Blood, I think they, like, spray him with like a fire hose. That's what I need. That feels good. That's what I need, man.

Wait, I love that. All right, so, let, let's in control the prompts today. because I'm driving. We have a ton of stuff. Let's get into it. She has to read my headlines. Hello, Mom and Dad. That was my dog sneezing.

Funny because I'm calling in about her. Is it weird that I pick my dog's eye-bookers for her and have to feed them towards a requirement? Is it weird that when I scratch her ears for her because I'm a good mom, that I have to let her sniff my hands like it it must happen it's not it's not optional

it's required am I alone my husband thinks I'm crazy well it's a good one to ask Hannah it's a great one to ask me well first of all is it weird that she gets the eye boogers no I wonder how it got from eye bugger

to that the dog wants to eat it like what was that like discovery of fire, you know, like, how did she first discover the dog wants to eat her eye-bookers? I mean, it's not a far journey from the eye to the mouth. I'm sure very quickly the dog whipped out like a lizard tongue, a frog tongue. Yeah. And let's be honest, what won't dogs eat? Well, hey, let's talk about why I said, this is a good one to ask Hannah.

Okay. Why is that? I have this thing where I, you know, when you put your finger in your ear, to get any extra wax, you know, or you just scratch the inside of your ear. Somehow I realized that butter like to smell my finger after. And then it turned into butter licking my finger. And now every time my finger goes near my ear,

butter is like, snack time. Snack time. So she will, as long as I keep picking my ear, she will keep licking my finger. So butter eats your earwax. So butter loves earwax. I've tried it with other cats. They're not into it.

Maybe it's just because butter is my daughter. and she, I birthed her, that she feels that connection to my, you know, inner wax. But, um... Your inner wax? The dog, the dog with the, when you scratch the ears and they, I think that's just, we're having fun. We're having fun and we're enjoying the taste of life. You're Mr. Miyagi to butter.

Wax on, wax off. Wax on my finger, butter, wax off my finger. DM me if anyone else's cat or dog. is like it's not just that she eats it like she's into it like she lives for it like she's like I've been waiting all day for this moment but dogs

dogs eat their own throw up they eat their own poop like I feel like I think it's very normal what you're doing I mean the whole cleaning out the dog's ear thing like I don't think that's necessary but you've gotten into it the dog likes it and that's fine you know

yeah as long as the dog is liking it go for it I wonder if she's using what she's using It sounds like her finger I think I've heard of other people cleaning out their dog's ears I also wonder what kind of dog it is because that is also an important question

How big of these ears Is your whole fucking arm going into his head She's not fisting the dog's ears But regardless I support an engaged mom You know He could just be on a You could just be looking at him

From a furbo from afar You're in the weeds With your parenting and I support that Yeah, you're one with the dog. Yes. Okay, what's next? Okay, everybody's asleep right now, so you might hear storm breathing. But hi, Hannah, hi Des.

I want to know if other people, when they've, like, cooked a meal and they're serving, like, filling up the dishes for everyone, to other people, like, fill theirs up just a little bit more than everybody else. Like, I don't need a lot more, but I will put, like, one little, like, spoonful difference for my portion to everybody else's portion. And this is kind of, like, a double ask, but, like, do other people do that? And am I an asshole for doing that? Because I kind of always think that I'm an asshole, Loki. But I keep doing it. the fact that she has to whisper

this makes it seem so much more sinister than it is are you putting arsenic in it what are we missing no um look I'm of the opinion

if you fucking cook the meal you take that extra spoonful yeah this is not an opportunity that Hannah gets that often no I've never done it but if I did if I did make a meal

I would do that I mean it's funny because we come from the Italian households or a lot of I think moms and grandmas are like this where they cook, but they're eating throughout so that when they finally serve, they're never hungry enough to eat it.

And, like, my grandma will never even sit when everyone's eating. She's not even sitting. It really, it really, 100%, by the way, 100% the sort of the mom who can't relax because they're so busy serving. But I really think that it depends on who you're serving. So for the people that are very special in my life,

I would be more inclined to give them more than I give myself but like guess that I don't care about as much I will definitely make sure I get like the slightly bigger piece of steak or something or like the good piece. Let's be honest, not all pieces of steak or create it equal. Yeah, like I want the crispy end. Or yeah, you might have a preference with the pizza

what I do like. But that's part of you created the journey and you can control the journey. But I would be worried about getting caught. I would be worried like if I did it with my brother. Yeah. I'd be worried about my brother going, yo, why did you get four roast potatoes and I only got three?

You jokingly do that to me when I would cook for you, because I have cooked for you all of COVID when I was trying to trap you. And you'd be like, you take more, you take more macaroni. Did you take more? Oh, that's a joke. You joke. You joke. There's a really funny trend on TikTok, you know, some of these stupid, like, activities.

And there's like a circle, and you see if you can, like, put the circle directly through the middle, 50-50 and then people are like when you're cutting an apple for you and your sibling and how you want yours to be just slightly more but not enough of the stem So they try to do 50.1, 49.9. It's very funny.

That is funny. No, I don't think you're an asshole. I think it's basically a tax for putting the food together. I think it's different if like someone else cooked and then you're coming in trying to like take it all for yourself and it's like, then you're an asshole. In an ideal world you cook enough where it's like hey, if you want more, there's more in the pot.

Exactly. that's my thing. I'm like, I'm taking what I want. I'll give you guys a starter and you control it from there. I mean, we come from a household where Italians show love through food, so there's just always too much food.

Honestly, there's nothing worse than the anxiety of like feeling like you haven't cooked enough food and then you're divvying it out like World War II rations. So I just say, try to just overcook, man. I know it's, you know, you're wasting food and all that, but it's...

I feel like it's very waspy. to go to someone's house and, like, they're out of appetizers, but there's plenty of, like, expensive wine. That's what I envision wasps do. Really? Yeah, but then, like, all the other cultures, there's just too much food at, like, a family event. So you think wasps don't have enough pasta,

but they have more wine? It's very interesting. Because food, they don't appreciate food like that. Interesting. Wow, these are some serious generalizations just getting thrown out. Who do you think most of the foodies are? Like, this is such an interesting, the wasps are like, divvying out sustenance

you know you know what sorry I'm judging like fancy people parties like I've gone to some fancy parties and they just food was like the last thing they worried about and you're but only the white Anglo-Saxon Protestant ones probably probably I'm going to come for that whole

race and religion interesting okay this one's funny hey Hannah and guys huge fan of giggly squad a weird thing that I do another one Um, is every, it's a little to you know, that every time I wipe, I look at it, I don't know if it's weird or if this is a universal thing, but I would absolutely love to know. It's just like, you know, like when you poop and like you wipe and look at it and like maybe see if your bell is bleeding or something like that.

I mean, I've heard this question come up before. I'm surprised that people don't know that you're supposed to look. Wait, I love her accent. Pope. Is it... Was it Baltimore? It was giving Baltimore or Philly? Yeah. Pope.

We keep guessing these accents. By the way, I didn't put it in, but somebody came in saying, no way was that a South Jersey accent. For the accent that we questioned... What was it? No, we don't know. We think it was a fake South Jersey accent. But anyway, somebody messaging to say, no way was that a South Jersey or a Philly accent. But anyway, this is a...

This comes up a lot. You got to look. What do you do? I don't look at my pee. You don't look at when you're wiping? When I'm peeing, no. No. But she's talking about peep.

Poop for Pope, Pope, Pope, 100% is my favorite thing to do. You got to look. How do you know if you've wiped enough? It is my only hobby. It's sitting down to poop to look. You want to see the texture.

You want to see the vibes. No, but she's looking at the toilet. She's talking about the toilet paper. I know. I'm not looking at the poop. I'm checking it. Oh, yeah. But also, my, the worst thing that can happen is when, like, you're in a rush and you do a quick poop.

And then you realize it's not one of those that just is done. Yes. And you go to wipe it and you're like, am I still pooping? But you're like, you feel like you're done. But then you keep wiping and it's like, just more poop. And you're like, it's the worst. And then people are like, are you ready to go on stage and two? And you're like, yeah.

And you're running. Well, you know, Eddie, Eddie Murphy, raw, delirious. you know he impersonates Richard Pryor and he says Richard Pryor can make anything funny and then he does the whole thing is like you know when you're taking the shit and it cuts off and you're like damn there's more shit but it's not coming out you know like all he does all jokes about that

I guess it's very relatable I'm not really looking for blood if I do see blood you know we're hemorrho no I was going to say I probably got my period oh yeah yeah but no you have to you have to look You have to look and you have to look to know when it's done.

When you're done wiping it off. But hey, I have to tell you, one thing I've learned in my adulthood, in the latter, in my 40s, is that wiping with toilet paper is just not the way to go. Yeah, you're not a proponent of that. Not anymore, man. Too many itchy butts. So what do you do when you're in like a public bathroom stall?

Well, I still have to why. I mean, I'm not, I haven't totally eradicated toilet paper for my life. I'm not like a vegan with toilet paper. but I'll tell you what I have this is a lot of your poor grandparents because I know that they listen and they really don't like to poop talk my nana can't hear

so I've actually what I've discovered is that I've become more of a dabber rather than a wiper so I find that the dabbing method can take away a lot of the abrasion that would come from wiping your butt with

what is essentially like abrasive material in toilet paper. So when I'm in a situation where I have to use toilet paper, first I pray that I get a clean evacuation without getting too detailed. Because like sometimes you don't even feel like you need to wipe, right?

Aren't those the best? Amen. I mean, amen. Amen. You know, it's like why are we so flawed as humans that we're not having 100% of like those types of poops? What I consider it would be like 10 out of 10 poops? When it's not, I'm literally like my enemies are out to get me to death. Why has this happened to me

today. You know, why did my, why did the peristallis, why did I get a reflex reaction that has cut this off too early, right? But if I haven't had that, I find if you dab with toilet paper, you don't get as much irritation. So for all my itchy asshole people out there, all my sensitive butt folk, you got to dab. When you're in a jam, dab, don't wipe. How do you know when you're done dabbing?

Because you can still see, still there. Do you ever feel like you're just pressing it? in? No. That's definitely, I'd say, just at the limit of details that people need to hear. But you jump in the shower. No, if you said, you asked me a specific

question about like when you're somewhere. No, if I can like not, if I can wash rather than wipe, I will use that opportunity. And then my second choice would be a wet wipe but what am I going to say, Hannah? You cannot flush them. You can't

flush wet wipe, even flushable. Wet wipes, you can not flush them. This can't be said enough. There needs to be ads on all podcasts and radio shows and television shows. P-S-A, no flushing wet wipes. I do have to say, with girls, it's a little more complicated because we have two holes that are close to each other with two different things going on.

Whitney Cummings recently told me you're not supposed to wipe pee as a girl. Really? Because it can, you know, it gets to the other one. I didn't ask her why, but that's what I was assuming. She said you're supposed to dab when you pee. Dab? Of course. Dab all day.

Honestly, I'm not a dabber. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a Swifty. I'm like, you know, God bless you and your lack of itchy stuff because, you know, I got the sensitive skin in that department. I do think people don't talk about itchy buttholes enough in the mainstream, and I'm glad that we can be that, you know. They really, you know, it's really more. out there than you think. Not going to like commercials. I mean, Dane Cook and Louis T.K.

literally had a huge falling out over the fact that they both talked about it and one of them accused the other of stealing the bit. That is so funny. One of the great comedy feuds of modern time. Wait, I don't even, I don't even remember that. Oh, that's a real thing. So they fought over an itchy butthole joke?

So Louis TK had a famous itchy butthole joke. Dane Cook did one and Louis C.K. accused Dan Cook of stealing his itchy butthole bit and then Louis actually included it in an episode. of Louie, where they actually confronted each other on the episode. Oh, so they kind of made up. They made up, yeah.

Oh, that's fun. Yeah, so anyway. Dane Cook was my childhood. I know. Wow. Anyway, this next one, I don't think we're going to relate to at all. Okay. You don't have to go in order, by the way.

I've labeled them specifically. I'm not going in order. Babe, if you're going to let me DJ. Let me DJ. All right, you DJ. Hi. First off, Hannah, I love you. anyways, I want to know if this is just a me thing, am I weird, or do other people feel really

weird about hotels? Like when I go, all I can think about is how many germs there are. And I bring my own cleaning supplies to wipe everything down. I bring my own pillowcase, bed sheet, blanket. I wear like socks and slippers and everything has to be like long sleeves so that like nothing touches my skin or else I feel like really gross and weird um and yeah I don't know when this started or what mental illness that is but um yeah I'm just weird about germs and like being in a hotel just kind of exaggerates that so um yeah okay love you bye okay Howard Hughes okay first of all I love you too second of all I have so many thoughts I don't think you're alone but I do think this is like an extreme

but I also support your... Yeah, I definitely don't think you're alone but I think you're into the realm of... Radicalization. I think we've been accused before of like not understanding OCD but this sounds a little OCD. Yeah, I do say like my mom will bring her own pillowcase

for someone like us for some reason hotels give me peace because my home is such a shit show that when I walk into an hotel room I just feel I feel clean I feel simple I feel unmissified and I just lie right in bed I know that there's rumors that certain things they don't clean that much every now and then I sit on like the odd couch and I'm like this probably has been sat on like a subway or like the throw the throw pillow it's like oh god yeah and but at some point I'm like I really don't think

about stuff maybe being ignorant is a virtue in these situations. Ignorance is bliss when it comes to hotel rooms. Ignorance is bliss when it comes to hotel rooms. I remember during COVID being like weird about the more weird about it and weird about the remotes and stuff. Paige has really bad like whenever she's in a hotel room, she thinks someone's going to break in and murder her.

Wow. So she'll like put a chair up against them. She has like all these like tricks. So like if someone tries to break in where I'm like, take me. Just put the chain lock on. We, yeah, I once went to a hotel room and the door was like already opened like a little bit and I was like, oh, fuck it, whatever. I don't care. Yeah, well, I feel like sometimes they're clean.

Yeah, I just, I mean, I've stayed in so many other times. If I had your affliction, this career would be very difficult. Yeah, so we stay in like four or five hotels a week when we're on tour. So this would be difficult. I have been in hotel rooms though that are like nice hotels and you walk in and like there's something in the toilet or like every now like it's humans cleaning so they're not always perfect it's not always perfect something is dirty well if you go on like the trip advisor reviews or you know the yelp reviews of hotels it's always fun it's like i saw a hair on the bed sheet one star yeah i saw a dead body

in the bed there was a small bit of mold in the corner yeah it's like i never pay attention to any of these things the only thing that really i hate is if the room smells like smoke yes which has happened to me recently but i was so tired and i already like laid down that I was like I'm not going down to the lobby yeah I just can't right now I can't but it is fucked up but I feel bad when people break the rules and and then the hotel

like it's not easy to get that smell out I used to have a bit talking about how when you get under the sheets of a hotel you're trapped because they make the bed so tight it's like I can't get out I'm stuck can you tell your joke about hotel rooms with the towels

and stuff. What's the towels? Just how when you... That's a... How you're different when you're at home, first in an hotel room is your standard. That's a hard bit to ramp up here. That's like an energy bit.

I... Can I just try it? No, you do it. No, you do it. I would love you to try it. Do it. No, because you put me on the spot and I'm putting you on the spot.

Okay, well, you're just going to get mad, but I'll do it badly. I'll do it badly. I'll do it in my voice. So... So, you don't talk to anyone. Come on, how to you're speaking. Speaking.

Actually, clearly. Basically, you know, when I'm at home, you know, I'm a fucking mess. But something comes over with me when I get to a hotel room. I come back to the hotel. If I don't have a fresh towel in the morning, I'm like, I can't live like this. That bit. I didn't even know. I thought you were talking about the, like, I don't know what is about a hotel.

And the minute you get an hotel room is like, we got a fucking this, you know. I thought you were talking about that one. No. No, Dave, do you know what's so funny? Like, I think I did that bit like once. It was so funny to me. And that's stuck in your head. I wouldn't have even known

what bit you were talking about. Was there more to the bit? No, I think that was like an improv off of another bit. There's not a fresh towel. I can't live like this. Yeah, like when they insult you and they're like, oh, we care about the environment.

Reuse your towel. I'm like, who the fuck do you think? I don't reuse towels. Whereas at home, I smell every towel before I use it. It's like, no, it doesn't smell like an old face cloth. I'll use this. Actually, I've recently found

out that Paige has seven towels in her house and she uses a different towel every day. My God. And that's where she lost me. Yeah, we're not great with the... We're not great with the towels. We're not great with anything that comes to cleanliness. But listen,

we're okay. We're surviving. We're inviting my mom over. Yeah. We're surviving. It's an open door policy. I've been doing it for 33 years. It's worked up to this point. Yeah, I think the hotel tellroom stuff.

Anything can freak you out about public spaces. And, like, my friend Tracy, my opener, she always carries, like, clean wipes. And she'll wipe down stuff I never even thought could be dirty. And I'm like, oh, it's a slippery slope. But the reality is that we're okay, you know, like, we're very capable of surviving with the germs that you're encountering. So you're not weird. It's good. It's fine to be you.

but it's also unnecessary if you're looking to but these are one of these things that I you can't understand unless you're feeling it so I would never try to be like hey you need to just be okay with it I understand as long as it's not ruining your life but I mean it does sound like there's a lot

you're definitely not having freaky sex in hotel rooms I can tell when you're like if one of a part of my arm shows I'm going to lose my mind do you know what I hate about hotel rooms if we're on the topic I know they're trying to save money on electricity, and that's probably good for the environment or whatever.

They make it impossible to figure out how to turn lights on. Like you press a light and like one tiny light turns on. And you're like, okay, I just... Hotels like that are very annoying. Oh, my God. And then, like, you're trying to go to sleep and you don't know how to turn the lights off because they, like, hide the light switches.

You ever go to one of these rooms that has like a master switch? Yes, the master switch. Then you have to put the key in. Oh, that in Europe, that's big. Yeah. The key in Europe is kind of a given. And then it's funny. Some hotels, they think good service is like constantly cleaning your room.

And if you don't put the privacy on or you're trying to have like a nap, they will knock under your door every five minutes to be like, checking in, is everything okay? Do you need house? Do you need chocolate? Do you need whatever? And I'm like, I need everyone. Five star turn down service. So that's the thing is like part of a five star is that you get turned down service.

So they come in and they prepare your bed for night and they close the curtains. Yes. this is five-star service yes and then then you guys point you're like if no one shuts my own curtains I can't live like this but I actually did have one recent hotel room change where I got kind of a nice hotel room for myself you know like you I felt like I splurged a little and I wanted to rest and it it was like a there was only like three hotel rooms per floor it was like a boutique hotel which is where shit came go wrong these boutique hotels and I was attached to another room that was a full family of like toddlers and it wasn't just toddlers like they were having meltdowns and at first

I was like they're having a meltdown they'll be fine it lasted like four hours of like glass shattering oh my god yeah it sounded like a rock band oh and I first I felt like a shitty bitch like after an hour this is an am i an asshole I literally called and I was like hey there's a really really loud, you know, baby and family next door, and I can't rest right now. And this is a five-star hotel. And they were like, easy, we got you, we'll switch you. Yeah, they'll switch you. Because he can't say to a family, can you shut your children up?

Yeah. But it's fair enough. It's like, hey, listen, I get it. You're struggling with your family, but like, it's not my struggle. And it's funny because I've asked, like, hey, can I get a higher floor? And they've been like, no. But I think they could actually see that I was exacerbated. And I was like, I literally, I can't do this.

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Bolandbranch.com slash burn. That's bolandbranche.com slash burn. B-O-L-L-L-A-N-D-B-R-A-N-C-H-H.com slash burn, B-E-R-N for 25% off. Limited time only, exclusions apply. See C-Syfer details. Okay, this is wild. Hey guys, love the pod. Does anyone else microwave their ice cream? I've been doing it my whole life and everyone I know, including those who love me, are just like, what are you doing? For me, it's like a deep thing and there's like a science behind it. It just tastes so much better because the coldness isn't like numbing your taste buds. So I feel like you get to taste more of it. But everyone in my life thinks I'm crazy. So anyone else do that? Thanks. Love you guys. Bye. Okay, you are the ice cream connoisseur, so I want you to take this initially, but I do have to say I have follow-up questions. How much time the microwave?

What texture are we aiming for? Yes. But anyway, what are your initial thought? Well, it's all about texture, right? Yeah. Because obviously, she's discovered that perhaps you get more flavor out of cream, basically. Like pizza when it's cold. Like flavored cream.

But, like, I love the texture. Like, I'd say more than 50% of what I like about. ice cream is the texture and the difference between like average ice cream and amazing ice cream is texture as well as flavor so i would say like you need to start like a flavored cream business yeah well it's going to say i'm like i prefer like whipped cream to ice cream really yeah have you noticed i don't i don't like ice cream i mean i i get it you're not as big on the ice i like ice cream with like a hot cake like a hot molten lava cake fuck around and find out but um when i get ice cream i wait for it to melt and i eat the edges of it as it melts so you're

like her and i like that texture i've never thought of putting in the microwave um at that point i feel like it would ruin some friendships for me like it would be weird if we're like let's get ice cream and i'm like i'm going to wait until i get home to put it in the microwave oh right yeah but i also support people living like their truth i mean i never thought about my taste buds being numbed. Maybe she had a really bad brain freeze as a child and it's stuck to her. Yeah, brain freeze

is an issue, but I get bigger brain freeze with smoothies actually. But anyway, I think it's totally fine that you've found a way that you like ice cream. I would just I would find it tough to lose the texture. And I've also microwaved like

really cold ice cream that you can't even scoop and kind of fucked up and like over microwaved. Oh, and it gets watery? yeah just like just too much so and then i hate it yeah so then you know oh you poor thing you know so i so i think it's great that you've discovered a way that you enjoy ice cream we've all been kids though and like the ice cream melts and you're like ice cream soup ice cream soup but you're not alone i mean i'm there's people listening right now that are like finally a kindred spirit and that's why you're here that's why people like me who are like holy shit that's genius yes um well you can try that now i want to know

well at that point it's like I would just get like chocolate milk well yeah I mean it basically is like very very very thick I wonder if she like loves milkshakes yes interesting but they're very cold too they are very

interesting this is this is very interesting and textures are a big thing with like sometimes like you know when you like can't eat chicken anymore like the texture starts to hit weird or like the texture of eggs start to hit weird that's definitely a thing and I think it changes throughout your life or like throughout the day i have one okay am i weird that i like to

put water in all my drinks but i don't like plain water so like my like before a show page will give me some like coke and i'll water it down because i think coke tastes better when it's not too sweet i like coke water down i like lemonade i like any juices water down gatorade water down any of the any of the other ones water down i'm totally fine with because i think some of them are too sweet. Orange juice watered down. Totally too sweet. But Coke, if I'm going to water down, Coke. I like Coke watered down. It has to be watered down

with something that's also carbonated. No. Interesting. Because to me, the carbonation is part of the fun of Coke. Even though I would never drink Coke. I'll drink Diet Coke. I go into, I don't love carbonation. It's too aggressive. Really? Yeah, I have a whole thing on my

stand-up, how it tastes like TV static. It tastes like jazz hands. Like, it's just too much. It tastes like TV static. Yeah, I don't. It sounds like, it's like... Do you know that young people will never experience TV static? That's so funny, that reference is, I guess you're right.

My Gen Z's a girl's, they're like, what are you talking about? No, Gen Z is no TV static, I think, but I think like teenagers... Petting your cat after they've been rolling around the rug, that's how it feels on my tongue. Wow. See, I love the sensation. I like this sort of burning. I like, like, like, hypercarbonation, that, like, it's almost unbearable. I love that.

I told you I went to play tennis in Italy, and they gave a sparkling water. Yeah, they love lightly effervescent. I can't do this when I'm playing. I want a gatorade. I want a dumb American gatorade. Well, they had that, what is it, Fedorella, that lightly effervescent, which I love. Wow, you just turned so European there. But it gets flat too quick.

Yeah, I'll put water in coffee. Yeah, I put water in coffee when it's too hot. It was too hot. If we don't have milk? I do love, like, hot coffee that's just been lying around, that's gotten cold. Yeah. Some of the coffee connoisseurs would say you get more flavor in that way. So maybe I am a coffee connoisseur.

Maybe you are. But that is, you know, I feel like with food, I've always been freaker with food than sex. Sorry, Nana Papa. But I am working on this bit about, like, how I'll never do certain things, but I will get, like, cottage cheese from 7-Eleven and, like, not think twice about it. Oh, yeah. I can eat any of this stuff, like, like, like gas station sandwiches and 7-Eleven. And I'm not saying my stomach can handle it better than anything. anyone, it can't. I just, for some reason, that's not my biggest fear and life is too short.

I can eat the best and the worst of food. You're so, exactly. You're so right. What's the, like, one food you would get weird about? One food that I would get weird about. Well, you know, as you know, there's a lot of leftovers. I don't, you know, I'm not, I don't love leftovers. Is that a texture thing? Not always. Nah, that's just in my head. Did you not have it as a kid? No, I just, we didn't have leftovers because there was three boys. Yeah. See, my family was very. about leftovers. We have it for lunch the next day.

It's not, I don't know what really, like, I don't like tripe. You know, I don't like, like, innards. Yeah. You know, and I hate chodof. I hate stinky tofu. And I can't stand durian, you know, the famous Asian fruit that's just like the most disgusting thing. It's fruit?

The durian is the worst thing I ever created, but it doesn't matter. It's created or is a fruit? No, it's a fruit. It's disgusting. No, no, durian is separate. Yeah. Tripe is innards. What tastes bad about durian?

Oh, God, just what are these days? We'll do a video of you eating it. It's like egg? There's just no way to describe it. Durian is, it's actually the way hell tastes. What do they put it in? It would be like French kissing the devil. What do they put it in?

Asian women like it for some reason. Just Asian women? I, like, I can't even talk about durian. Okay, you can't break something up I don't know about it. I understand, but you just, you have an experience that it's impossible to describe. How does one describe one of the most horrible sensations in culinary history. I feel like I'd be weird about like biting into a raw cricket.

I don't like to see... A raw cricket? Or like a cricket where you could see the body. An actual bug? Yeah. Who's eating crickets? Bugs is like a very common thing. Like I feel like they do that.

Yeah, but only like very limited cultures and like Western people only do that as like a dare. Oh. Well, I wouldn't do it. I also don't love eating stuff where I could see the eyes. I have eaten some insects in China, by the way. Was it good? They were fine.

They just, honestly, once they're cooked, they just taste like any crispy kind of thing, you know? Yeah. I don't even know what I ate. Like chips. Yeah. I think it was like cicadas or something. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Yeah.

It is funny because I got weird with like... I've eaten duck esophagus. Did I tell you that before? No. I've eaten malad duck esophagus. I'll get weird with like eating a pigeon, but then it's like, but I'm fine eating a chicken and it's like, figure your shit out. I know. And I hate chicken feet, but more because they're annoying, you know?

Anyway, we really got off track there. Okay, let's see what's next. Okay, I'm like super autistic, so I don't know if this is a me thing or if this isn't everyone thing. I know that my neurodivergent friends do this and I don't think typical people do this. But are we choosing different for different foods? You know, like I have an array of forks in my top cupboard. and if I'm having a pasta I'll choose a fork with like really long like forks if that makes sense like the long spikes if I have like a noodle type dish I'll have like a thin easy fork does everyone have different for different foods please tell me I don't think this is as strange perhaps as she might think well it's funny at food you had mentioned this one to me

and I thought like she literally was organized like I was on the reading yeah like it was like okay meats are these but I actually I do a similar thing where I know what I'm eating and then when I open the drawer I have dabbled like that fork is not right for this moment

you know like that fork is too thick or too long I definitely have done that yeah well there's a small I don't like like the appetizer fork and the main but not even that I'm saying like based on the dinner and whether it's pasta or whatever you kind of will pick a different fork.

Yeah, I don't think it's that odd. Although I have to say that I don't have that many different... We only have two types of forks. Yeah, we don't have different types of forks. But I know that I've definitely grabbed a fork and been like, I don't like this fork. Yes, because sometimes we have the other small forks. You know, so I think there's nothing wrong with that. Honestly, when I'm eating noodles, I prefer to have chopsticks.

But that's just like I just got used to that over time. I definitely think that I could have spent more money on forks because I was like, oh, $5 Amazon, like 400 forks. And they're like so thin when you're holding them that it's like digs into your hand. Like I want a round fork. Yeah. I want a little round, heavy bottom.

Oh, yeah. I don't like a narrow neck to fork. No. Can I, can, since this has come up, um, so you recently bought spoons and we discovered that you don't know the difference between a teaspoon and a tablespoon. Okay. I thought teaspoon and tablespoon

were the measuring things. Which they are measurements. Yes, I didn't know. But they're based on the size of spoons. I didn't know that. So basically, we were having 18 people for Thanksgiving, so we needed more spoons. And Hannah bought like 30 teaspoons.

So we now in our house have like eight tablespoons and like 50 teaspoons. I don't know. Have you noticed how many teaspoons we now have in our drawer? And the bigger ones are called serving spoons. No, those are the really big ones. They're for serving. Yeah.

But we needed tablespoons. I know. I don't call those. I just call them spoons. There's spoons, then there's little spoons, and they're serving spoons. Yeah. Well, in your logic, you ended up buying little spoons. Yeah.

When we needed big spoons. I do think it's a little more European because we don't, tea isn't as big in our culture, so we don't call the little spoons tea spoons. But yet you were when you were buying them, like, you still have to think about the size of spoon that you need. No, for sure. I just assumed that when I bought spoons, they were going to be normal spoons. Like, I get it.

Sometimes. Because you don't know the size. Sometimes I know you like to blame European stuff. Like, for example, last night, I said booths for the plural of booth. And you were like, Booths. And I was like, yeah, Boots, that's how you say it. And then you said Booths. And I was like, no, you don't say boots.

And then we Google it and we found out that Booth is the British slash Irish pronunciation. You went full dad. and ask the waitress, is it booths or booths? And she said, booths. So then we Googled it, and it's the British-Irish pronunciation is Boots and the American is Boots. We do get into it. Right. So sometimes the European excuse makes sense.

But I really don't think you're going to get away with blaming European on teaspoon, tablespoon. I do have to say. And you- I think Americans know the difference between a teaspoon and a tablespoon. I love when we get into a fight over a word where, like, we both know we're right. Because, like, you are right. Like, that is how.

people say it in Europe and like this is how people say it in America but we don't know that there's a difference and we like fight to our death I'm like it's booths I'm have are there any open booths you're not saying booths and you're like yes you are and like that is top tier fighting yeah we weren't really fighting I mean we weren't fighting but you know and like it was fun like I looked at you and I'm like he's so fucking sure he's so fucking smug and sure right now I don't know about smug but that's the thing is that I spent so much time in Ireland that There are some things I know, like leisure, leisure. I will change based...

Frustrated. I will change based on my location. You always say frustrated, though. Yeah. But I don't even know if that's an Irish thing, because I think Irish people make fun of the way I say frustrated also. There's a few words that I have that people... That might just be a neurodivergent thing.

That might just be a DES thing. Like, realize. People make fun of the way I say. I never realize. Realize, real lies. Realize. Denial is a river in Egypt. that man is gay passing st francis prep right now the school i got kicked out of coincidentally enough

talking about ireland if it wasn't for this building that we're passing on my left i would have never had that irish experience and i would have grown up literally in the neighborhood we're driving through right now exit 25 on the l ia passing peckin you would have met me still we just never this is one of the things about life like we'll never know what i've become a comedian i could be a history teacher right now oh you know i could be a history teacher right now trying to get people excited about social history. The funny thing about two people from New York City dating

later in life is like I'd love to see all the places we were in New York City at the same time and if we ever were like on the same block that you want to sense a time and place? We're passing a movie theater on my left. I saw top gun there. The first one? The first one. Wow.

Yeah, so there you go. And I do have to say if people don't know the lore in 2016 I did see does at the comedy seller perform and I thought that man's cute my man's funny and cute too bad he lives in Ireland

I guess I'll never marry that man oh well oh well um okay this one's funny um big giggler here so I please tell me if this is weird but I

tweez my pubs like almost all of that like individually plucky one by one and I definitely do shaves when it gets too much but it's like an obsessive habit and almost a fun game in some ways also my cat is demanding attention that she is fig also sitting in my lap is newton her brother fig Newton and so anywho yeah does anyone else tweez their

pubs and if you do how often how much just curious okay bye that was so me coded

yeah because she got ADHD on the cats she literally was like I know that this is a one minute voicemail

but I need to tell you about my cats I need to talk about Figg and Newton so fucking cute okay so I have a lot of thoughts okay

well first of all I am Italian and Jewish and I have hair everywhere. She would need to hire numerous pluckers. We'd have to have a whole

conga line. But I do think when I suffered actually I don't know because I played tennis and it was a lot of like running and stuff but I suffered from really bad ingrown hairs. So I often

would like have to dig into my thigh to like get these hairs. Oh my God. You could get so many files on TikTok now by doing that. Oh my gosh. god but and it would it's bleed but like it was it was good and sometimes i pull out like two hairs like it was crazy but it was not sustainable and like when i'd wear the bikini on the beach i would have all

these like red bumps on me and like it looked insane and it wasn't until i got laser hair removal which they tell you not to pluck because you're trying to kill the bud or whatever it's called if you the root if you pluck it out a new root just starts so that they're trying to kill the bud or whatever it's called the root. If you pluck it out, a new root just starts. So they want you to shave and then they keep killing that root. So once I start doing laser, which I highly recommend because it's much less painful than anything else, even though this clearly brings you joy and I do not want to hurt your joy. It made my hairs thinner and lighter and then for some reason they did not become ingrones anymore and it solved my problems. I do have to say there is something

called trichotillomania. I might have pronounced that wrong, which like I know about because sometimes it's like a de-stress or like an OCD of you like to pluck your own hair. Some people will like pluck all their eyebrows out, pull on their hair. The pub thing might just be fun for you or it's like where you're channeling maybe releasing some stress. I actually have friends I think who do this but they definitely don't talk about it and they might have like mentioned it in crossing and passing. God, you had so little to say about that. That's amazing. I'm very passionate about people here. I have I've never seen you go off on such an impassioned rant about...

No, because pubic hair really shuts me out for a long time. Listen, man, I think one of the great unfortunate evolutions in modern society is the erratic... Like, the fact that, you know, pubs and, like, basically, we're becoming more and more of a hairless society. I think that's unfortunate, the pressure of, you know, needing to get rid of your pubs. You know, I don't think that's been a good evolution. Mm-hmm. But I do think I wonder

So like whenever one pops up You start getting it I think that's fine It's great And But it could hurt your back If you're always curled over Trying to get your pubies

Plucking Plucking It's gotta hurt a little bit It definitely hurts But sometimes it gets a little bit Of like a high off of it You're like ooh yeah Oh yeah

I pluck my chin all the time But now I've been told I have to shave it But not with like a razor because I was shaving it with a razor. Are you lasering your chin? Yeah, I'm lasering my chin. So now I'm not allowed to pluck.

I have to do a derma plane, and it's actually growing back right now. Don't look at it. Oh, my God. But I'm trying to, I have a very hairy chin. Some people would say hormones. I don't know what it is, but I'm working on lasering it off. Yeah. So my little Billy goat hairs, I'm coming for you, bitches.

My 5 o'clock shadow wife. How does kind of hairier than me? Kind of This man His legs are stunning Like glistening Like a baby dolphin When was the first time

You got hair in your chest Oh god Well one of the eight hairs I can count them right now Do you like make sure They don't fall out You hold on to them? No I just say

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dot com slash gifting get 25% off your first order of 125 bucks or more that's m-a-k-w-E-L-D-O-N dot com slash gifting okay i have two more you pick your faves yeah i feel like you guys are never going to post this on the pod but in hopes that you do do other people smell their vagina before they have sex because listen i want to know what you girl downstairs smell like before I go into a situation with a man that he's going to have his face down there. I mean, he's obviously going to be down there. I don't want to feel self-conscious.

I want to know. I can go into that situation. Legs spread open, being like, mm-hmm, girl, this is her. Let me know. I love how I looked at you to be like, what's your answer? Oh, I mean, listen, I don't even know why she thought like we wouldn't post that. That's like right down our street.

That's prime time. We should have started and opened with this. Pro going to do it. down, number one. First, okay, first of all, yes, you take your fingy, you go down, you smell it. You make sure there's, it's not smelling like a nickel, there's not a word sour smell, it's not smelling like sourdough bread. Yeah, you know, any kind of like, you know, you want to check too if there's any like

residue. What's the word? Discharge? Sometimes discharge is good, though. You know, it means you're just, you're lubricated. You're ovulating. Yeah. When you're ovulating, there's just discharge.

everywhere all the time, but it's nice. It's good stuff. You want to make sure it's not strange stuff. Paige and I had a whole bit where we were like all the stuff they used to describe how your pussy smells and it'll be like, a nickel, whatever. And you're like, okay, calm down. No, yeah, for sure.

You gotta check. If a guy's going down, if you're expecting a guy to go down, you've got to check, there's nothing wrong with that. And listen, as an uncircumcised man, I can tell you right now that I also check to make sure that there's a, you know, a fresh odor. So I think I think all you're doing is being a considerate person.

How do you check? I just do exactly what she did. She fucking touches it and smells. I touch it and I smell my finger. I do it to say you also kind of know like after you shower, you're like, okay, I'm fine. But if you're like I've had a day, I did a podcast, I was sweating during it, it got heated. I then I did yoga, whatever. Like you know when you could kind of double check or I haven't showered in three days.

It's not like your hair. You can't just put dry shampoo on it. I've definitely had a time where I'll like take, uh, and put some soap on it and do a mini wash. But sometimes the apples run right to the core, as Charlie XX will say. Yeah, and also sometimes you got to check if there's like a little bit of tissue left over. Because that, there's very little that grossed me out. And it doesn't totally gross me out.

But like I would prefer to not find a little bit of tissue. I actually didn't realize this is a thing. And I had like a big head. So I was like, that's so embarrassing. Like I can't believe people are dumb enough to do that. And I didn't realize like it does happen to everyone. It's probably happened to me. Especially if right before sex, you're like, oh, I'm just going to wipe it really quick.

Yeah. I know there's a lot of products out there that are like, this will make your pussy smell like strawberries. But a lot of that actually could be bad for you. Like you really want your natural pH to thrive. You just want a natural smelling vagina. It doesn't have to be odorless. Yes. Also, it's allowed to smell like something.

Because also guys love pheromones. They want to smell you. They'll fall in love with you. You don't need to cover up everything with a, like, post. toasted coconut, fucking pomegranate smell. You're good. You're good. I'll do one more.

Okay. Hi, Hannah and Des. My weird thing, oh wait, love the pod. Australian listener over here. Something weird that I do when I go to like a cafe or a restaurant is a look at the bottom of the plate. Find out where the plate's from. Google the plate and then work out the cost and how much I think

the restaurant spent on plates. I don't know that anyone does that but I really enjoy it and I find it really interesting. Yeah. Strange. I guess.

Well, thanks. Bye. That is so funny and harmless. Also, are we huge in Australia? I mean, we had two Australians today. If we do the math, that's I got to be honest, I think we had two neurodivergent ones. Okay, wait, this is so funny. But I do feel that this is a topic that suits the neurodivergent.

Like, they can get out things that they might think are not neurotypical. What's so funny is that you wrote the title was Google Plates at Cafes. So I thought this was, do you Google, like, the food that's at every restaurant? Oh, right. That's what I thought it was. I didn't think she literally was talking about the physical plate. Yeah, so she, like, goes to the bottom. if it's like arc or rock and then she looks up the, you know, that's definitely, I mean,

I'm sure somebody's going to be like, yeah, I do that too. But that's just a, that's a fun, quirky thing that you do. Yeah. And we all have that. Like, I definitely will have, you know, I can't think of one offhand, but there are definitely things that like I need to know that are not that important, but I'm happy to have Googled when it comes up. Yes.

But also, how does she do this like subtly? Well, yeah. You got to either, I guess, depending on the food, sometimes you've got to wait until you're finished eating. One of my favorite things was someone asked Demi Lovato, what's her favorite dish? And she said a mug. And I like went viral as a meme.

Oh, a mug. Also, shout out Demi Lovato. She put out a child star documentary on Hulu with Raven Simone, Drew Barrymore, Christina Ritchie, and it's very interesting. Oh, Raven Simone was in that one. And Raven, shout out Raven. When she came on the Cosby show, I thought she was the cutest thing ever created.

She's the cutest and the funniest, and she's a giggler. I DMM. Wow, really? And that's a Raven, like, made me want to be a comedian. And the funny thing was that because we were models as kids. We don't talk about it much, but we modeled for Ford. And there was a girl that I used to love working with. This girl called Brooke.

She had the coolest hair. Can't remember her last name, but she worked a lot. She was super cute. And she was up for her. that role and Raven got it. So I remember thinking that Raven was the cutest thing, but I also remember thinking oh, I wish Brooke had got it.

And I think Brooke ended up getting like a guest. I think she guessed it on it. God knows, I wonder where Brooke is today. Somebody, maybe somebody out there. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, but she was so cute. Raven's been working since she was like 16 months old. Yeah. And after that rule, it was just nonstop.

Yeah, I mean, she was, God. I mean. Her facial expressions? It was like unbelievable. how cute she was when she came on. Yeah. And, you know, obviously in hindsight, you know, the Cosby Show and all that, it feels more sinister,

but as kids, like, had to watch. Yes. You know, like, had to watch. Now I'm going to start looking up, you know,

skew numbers on plates. Skews. I wonder if, like, you go, like, I also want to know what her opinions are of plates because I could look it up

and maybe it's a cheap plate. Like, does it make you think less of the restaurant? I'm like that with bathrooms. Like, I don't care how fucking nice the restaurant is. When I walk,

into the bathroom and like there's like molten brown or one of these fancy brands of soap yeah I know but like I want to know that like yeah everything's ready you know like if you go into a restaurant and they have no fucking toilet paper I don't care if it's really fancy like we're done

I'm right into trip advisor exactly I can't wait to be on trip advisor being like there was no toilet paper install number two I think the way you care about your bathroom like is how you care about your kitchen like I think it's equivalent the care you put so when I walk into a restaurant that's like kind of fine.

I walk in and they have like a beautiful bathroom and it's like really nicely kept and like it's pretty and cute and designed. I'm like I fucking love this place. I go straight to the bathroom when I go to a restaurant. Do people talk about the fact that Google reviews and Yelp reviews

and TripAdvisor reviews are all five stars and one stars? Same with podcast. Yeah, there's like there's like no in between. It's basically like this was the best experience of my life or this was the worst experience of my life. Yeah, which makes it really difficult when you're trying to make a decision.

Honestly, I don't, I really have. a bias against one-star reviews because it's usually something personal like the waitress was a bitch or the manager didn't pay attention to my complaint it's all the like fears if you run a restaurant of the mistake that could happen happening and people being like yeah they found i i love when they don't take it and they're like a manager's response um we remember you and you were extremely violent i believe you may have not included the bit that we called the police I can't have seen that when these like secondary

And they were like You broke into our hotel and demanded We give you a room for no money sir Obviously we're a vegetarian restaurant And you demanded duck You demanded the head of a pig We're halal and you asked for a bacon So maybe that's why

Oh God Anyway well you guys Thank you so much for gick Oh my God I was going to say giggling For calling in to burn our phone I just announced I have a show coming up in Irvine and I have a show coming up

in Providence, Rhode Island, a really fun show at the Rhode Island Comedy Festival. Oh, nice. I actually had a gig in Providence too sometime, like April or something. Love it. Love Providence. I also have Maryland and Alabama.

How about you, Des? Well, Boston coming up, the weekend in between Christmas and New Year's, the early shows are sold out, so Late Show, some of you youngsters out there. I definitely have an audience that has a bias against late shows.

I think in the comedy world, if there was stats, I have the biggest discrepancy in the amount of time it takes to sell an early show versus a late show, which is fine. I'm showing my audience, as well as me, are showing our age, because I have to tell you also, I'm not a huge fan of when I have to do the late show. But anyway, the good news is that...

You're like, should we just cancel? Yeah, the early shows are sold out, so there's some late shows. And it's not that late. By the way, the whole thing about the late show, it's like, I think it's like 9.45. It's not actually that late. So you'll still be home before midnight.

And it's the weekend in between, it's not a big, you know, there's nothing going on. Boston and then Minneapolis and Charlotte and Greenville, South Carolina. I think I was telling people it was North Carolina. So, and then I go to Ireland. Check the website.

That's where all the actual data is information. Desbishop.net, hennepern.com. And giggly dropped new shows too. So check that out. We're going to Nashville. More parts in Florida. We're going to Salt Lake City. A lot more states.

If we haven't been to you, check it because we're probably coming. We love you so much. Thanks for calling in. Thank you. Hi, Hanandez, love the pod. So one thing I do that is weird is that I count things. I have this autistic obsession with numbers. And it helps me especially when I have to go through a mundane task such as drinking water.

It's boring, tastes like nothing. I hate it. but I have to hydrate, so I will make it more interesting for myself by counting the amount of sips that I take. And it has to be a number that means something for me. Currently, it is 28 because I'm 28 years old. If I am extra thirsty or I have been doing any kind of sports, I will drink 37 because the guy I have a crush on is 37 years old. And he just had birthday. So I'm still in the process of getting used to drinking 37 and not 36 sips of water. And yeah, generally, Every time it's my birthday in September, it takes me a couple of weeks to get used to a new number.

Yeah, that's it. Love you guys. Hi. So I'm not sure if this is weird or I'm just simply disgusting. But whenever I take my dirty socks off, I usually smell them, you know, to feel the juices when I smell my... Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. well but yeah is this really

is disgusting or do what other people also do this yeah let me know I don't know okay bye thanks hi Hannah and Des one thing I wonder if everyone else does like I do is

anytime I have to think about something in alphabetical order for any reason I have to sing the alphabet song in my head with the whole case cadence and everything. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, blah, blah. And even though I'm almost 40, for some reason, I still feel like I have to sing that to myself every time I'm thinking about the order of letters for any reason. So wondering if everyone else still does this too. Love you guys. Bye.

Beautiful Anonymous changes each week. It defies genres and expectations. For example, our most recent episode, I talked to a woman who's survived a murder attempt by her own son. But just the week before that, we just talked the whole time about Star Trek. We've had other recent episodes about sexting in languages that are not your first language or what it's like to get weight loss surgery. It's unpredictable. It's real. It's honest. It's raw. Get Beautiful Anonymous wherever you listen to podcasts.