Berner Phone - Berner Phone #7: Dialer's Dilemmas

Episode Date: September 20, 2023

This week we’re listening to your biggest dilemmas. Someone’s boyfriend is a secret submissive, we share our opinions on losing weight for a wedding, and contemplate dating as a stripper. Hannah has standup shows coming up in Tempe, Bensalem, Sacramento, San Francisco, Seattle, Portland, Baltimore, and more! Tickets here! dave.com/berninginhell  Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeodorant and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code BERN at lumepodcast.com! #lumepod

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Welcome to Burner Phone. Thank you guys so much. You've been so supportive of mom and dad on our new endeavor, and you don't have to be. And we appreciate that, whether it's the gigglers coming in, the OG real-ass little devils, and the new little dialers.

Yeah. We did get a, we got a review that suggested that if we wanted to get more male listeners that perhaps will need a male version

of the little dialers that perhaps men won't embrace a little dialer as much. I feel like it sounds like a rapper like Lil Wayne. Little dialer. I haven't thought of one, but needless to say

if there's any guys out there. The big, strong, manly dialers. Yes. Yeah, I don't have a, I don't have a suggestion. We are, I want to set the scene for a second for Burner Phone. We are calling in from Tucson, Arizona. And I love Arizona because I love cactus.

I think cacti are the fuck boy of plants. They're very phallic. They're tall, they're large, and they have little things that will hurt you. Yeah, once you get close to them. Once you get too close to them, they have intimacy issues for sure. I got one today, by the way, just so you know. You got hit by one? I got, I was playing golf this morning and I got, I suddenly had like a large point, you know,

like a round pointy thing stuck in me. It was quite hard to get it, get it out. Oh. Yeah, it was sore. Wow, you're so strong. Yeah. There's, there, I, that's a good, uh, it's a good metaphor. Thank you.

Is it, was it? Yeah, that was it. No, it's good. It's a very good metaphor. Anyway, we have-shout to Arizona. Shout out to Arizona. Shout out to Arizona. One hour from the Mexican border.

This pod is sponsored by Arizona. Des came up with a very good prompt for this week. Is it my prompt about the dilemmas? You came up with that. I know, but we, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was basically advice, right? But we, we wanted to, we wanted to word it, right. But I don't feel like, I feel like this is our topic. The topic was, what's your biggest dilemma right now?

Yes. Do you say dilemma? Wow. That's our biggest dilemma. Once you think about it, then I don't know. I say dilemma. Okay. I say dilemma, too.

Yeah. So that's not a dilemma. Not a dilemma. Not a dilemma. Do you have any dilemmas going on? I don't know. I wasn't even, geez, I wasn't even thinking about my own dilemmas. You're so selfless.

So let's get right into it. Can we make a, what's the word? Disclamer. A little disclaimer. This is essentially a comedy podcast and there was, there was some pretty serious dilemmas that came in. Now, I didn't choose any of the most serious ones, but I appreciate you sharing. A problem shared is a problem halved.

So for anyone who doesn't hear their dilemma, I love that. You haven't heard that before? Does that mean that I can vent to you more about my problems? More? Like, you've shared many problems. No, a problem, you know. So anyway, long story short, obviously, we couldn't pick all the dilemm. There was actually a lot of dilemmas.

We're going to do another episode of dilemmas, I think. We're definitely going to do another episode of dilemmas. Because you guys had so many good ones. But also, I do want to say that there were some that I would think would require like a professional response. But there are still, there are still some dilemmas that I would consider to be somewhat serious. So when we give our opinion, we don't want anyone to be like overly judgmental of our thoughts. This is more for a conversation starter or to help you to think about your situation

if you're the person who commented in or if you're somebody who's listening. It's just to have your own, you're allowed to have your own faults about said dilemma. So we don't want anyone to. The longest disclaimer ever. Well, you know, you know the way it is. Some people are sharing some very, you know, real.

Well, we appreciate all that because this is a safe space, right, babe? This is a safe space. But let's start. I feel safe. Let's start out with, actually, let's go crazy. Let's start out with something very light and kind of hilarious. Here we go.

Howdy Zaddy and Hannah. This is for Burnerphone. I think what my big dilemma is right now is that I am a massive submissive. I believe women's rule the world. I don't know how to get my girlfriend of four years to whip me. and dominate me, and I don't know how to bring it up. Any advice would be much appreciate. I love how it sounds like he was at work and went into the bathroom and was like,

I need to tell Hannah and does this. Thank you so much. This is an incredible dilemma. I mean, this was of all the dilemmas that came in, if you had given me one million guesses, I never would have guessed that we would get the submissive dilemma. And when I first hear it, it's like that's the kind of guy that I want listening to my pods. I bet he's like, let's listen to Hannah just trash talk me the whole entire time.

I know, but the problem is that I feel like this guy, well, obviously, the dilemma is he wants to talk about his girlfriend, but I feel like this part of him that would like you right now to be like, you're a piece of shit. You're a piece of shit. How dare you fucking message you? Don't ever fucking message me again with that kind of lack of, um, without more excitement and in a, I don't know how he means. Yeah, I feel like he would need you to be a little more confident in your abuse you're a little bitch you're a little bitch um you stupid bitch i don't know well anyway so now that he's masturbated in you and your finances are not up to par for where you should be in your life and your dad is disappointed you and your mom oh i i i don't think they're

looking for emotional pain you never know you never fucking know that's funny like you're trying to like dominate this submissive and then like it's all going great and he's never you know he's so hard And then it's like, and your father is like, don't talk about my father. And you're like, ah. Ooh, I love this. Well, I, yeah, okay. You do your thing and then I'll give it to my serious. No, you had, you go.

Well, first of all, I've never identified with the submissive. So I'm very, I'm really grateful for you to share this because I think it's so great that there's such a wide variety of things that people are into. And I am definitely not yucking your yum. And yucking your yum has a lot to do with what I'm about to say. But I feel like you were about to say something. No. Yeah.

So I think that you have to be honest with your girlfriend and say that this is what I'm into. But I understand, I'm assuming, since you're messaging in, unless you just wanted to message in with a submissive dilemma, I'm assuming that there's an element of you that thinks she's going to judge you. Mm-hmm. Right? but I think to have your needs truly met you need to be honest about that because I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of and what?

There's no evidence behind this but you also can be like, look, obviously I'm very masculine and strong and some of the strongest men like to feel the tables turn in the bedroom and get dominated. I know like there's apparently tons of like finance bros, lawyers, politicians who love getting their dick

like stepped on. I don't know why I took it there But I do think like And like you said He's kind of normalizing it I think a lot of really powerful men And a lot of powerful women feel this way A lot of CEOs apparently

And I might be making this up But they like to in the bedroom Then lose control And feel completely out of control Also I feel like If you want this person to love you They have to love all of you It's you that's asking

It's not a random guy being like Can I be submissive? if you're saying you love me and I would actually like to experiment with this and what if but she might be so into it what if she's so into it maybe she's been like dying to whip you

I mean he's asked specifically for whipping I think at this stage of his relationship he needs to be open about it and listen what's the worst case scenario the worst case scenario is she says either I'm not into that or two like I think I would feel stupid doing that and they can either try to work it out together

or it's just a part of him that he'll then later on have to decide if, you know, sexually he feels like he's missing out on something. But I would think that in the give and take of a sexual relationship, there'll be elements of her having to step up every now and then to do what he likes. But there'll also be elements of him having to understand that, you know, that might be difficult for her to do. And also, like, he's not asking her to do anal. Like, it's something where he's asking her to do something to him.

I feel like she could definitely try it without being too scared in the beginning. And also I feel like a lot of guys, if they don't do this, they're going to end up like hooking up with people on the side to get off on it where it's like communicating with her and trying to, like this can make you guys closer than ever.

Yeah, I mean, she might, I mean, I definitely think that if you don't bring it up, then it's going to be a problem in the future for your sex life because this may be like the next phase sexually. If you guys, like it could really charge, up your sex life. And I'm excited to see how it goes. But I really recommend that you introduce this into your relationship ASAP because it's not something that you need to be ashamed of or to keep a secret. Yes. I get turned on when my partner's turned on. If it turns you on, she might be like,

look, I'm not like, can't wait to whip someone, but whipping you and seeing how you get off on it could really bring her some enjoyment. Yeah, like it's wippy Wednesdays. You know, you have to It's Whippy Wednesday, you know, it's so exciting, you know, submissive Sunday. Thorne to my ass Thursday. Okay. Hannah keeps going to dark, Hannah might be a little bit of a dom. This is, she's twice as sort of brought up like the, the darkest of, of dominating behavior. I feel like I haven't really hit, like, figured out.

I knew a guy who liked to be choked. I've never choked a guy. have I wanted to for non-sexual reasons? Yes. Yeah, that's different. Let's do it, because there's a lot of relationships slash sexual ones. Let's do a non-relationship slash sexual one. Here we go.

Hey, Hannah and Des. My current dilemma is when the hell do I start losing weight for my wedding? I don't have a date plan, just kind of engaged, but home girl needs to drop some LBs. And I'm not just saying, like, you know, take a lot of. and go to the bathroom for a day. I'm talking like 30, 40 pounds. Um, and obviously I know I don't have to lose weight, but I want to. I want to feel my best. All that good shit. But I also love Chick-fil-A and cheese is my drug. So when do I start before wedding dress shopping during? It's a long time. It's like having a baby. Like you can't drink for that long. Can I not eat Chick-fil-A for

nine months before my wedding? What's the point? Any advice would help thank you love you guys bye okay first of all she sounds like someone i'd like to get brunch with it would be lit so as someone who has been married i had a lot of like internal dialogue throughout this first i was like i'm mad that you know women feel like they have to be look their best on their wedding day which equates to looking your smallest and taking up the least amount of space and it's all for just like those photos that you'll see um also i the question with the dress is a great question because you pick a dress and then you basically have to be a certain size and decide on that size because they can't make it bigger, they can't make it smaller. It's actually like

being a professional wrestler and like weighing in all the time. I remember I was traumatized because on my like three weeks before my wedding day, we tried on the dress and it was tight. Like as in I couldn't move my legs. And I remember it was this like angry Russian seamstress and she was like, why do you need to move your legs? And I was like to dance. And she was like, if you lose three pounds, you will be perfect. And I remember, what was that accent? It reminded me of Yvon Drago and Rocky Four. Yeah, that's where.

If he dies, he dies. I will break your dress. I will break you. But she basically is like, we can't add anything. So either like this or lose weight. So this is the thing. If you lose weight drastically, you gain it back. I don't like this pressure that women feel to be thin for their wedding day.

And I've been to numerous weddings. where I have looked at the woman that I know coming down the aisle, not my own wedding, by the way, you look great. I've been to numerous weddings where the, it just looks like too much, you know? And then they get super tan, they have a ton of makeup on, their hair is in this like twisty bun thing. They've never worn it before.

And on your wedding day, you want to feel like yourself, and that will shine through in the photos. I think if you are not happy with your body right now, 100% try to be healthier, but I'm telling you, being miserable for six months is just six months of your life, you're never going to get back. Yes, and you're only going to, you know, if you crash diet to be super thin on your wedding day, you are definitely going to put it back on. But number two, it's just unhealthy.

I think your desire to lose weight is absolutely fine, but I think this pressure to lose weight because of your wedding day coming up is too much. So what I would say is that you should set yourself a goal of getting to a healthier weight leaning towards your wedding. In terms of the practicality of when to go dress shopping, I'm out of my league there. Oh, yeah. So you technically like go whenever, honestly, the earlier the better so they know to order it and then go for a large size and then they will just go down. And then it's really the month of the wedding that you don't want to fluctuate. It's really a whole thing.

And also, can I point out that this guy's marrying you. I was about to say the same thing. You can take it then. This man loves you for you. Yeah. I understand if you're like, I have no confidence in myself. No one wants to be with me. I hate my body and you want to make some changes.

Yeah, he's going to be like, hey, let's go to Chick-fil-A. And you're going to be like, no, I can't. I'm losing way for the wedding. Yeah. No, I like the woman that goes to Chick-fil-I'm marrying the woman that likes Chick-fil-A. I do have to say, cheese. I told Des, like, I actually got a trainer like a year before you. the wedding i was like i need to start working out and the trainer was like we're not shedding for

the wedding that's toxic it's bullshit shedding for the wedding she said do not shed for the wedding and her saying you don't have to do it gave me this freedom but then also i remember des saw me working out and stuff and you out of nowhere we're just like don't lose your ass whatever you do don't lose your ass and it made me feel better and i was like oh yeah i'm fine in the body i am i'm in and i'm fine if If I was a little bigger or smaller. So all I want to say is I'm giving you the freedom that you don't have to be the smallest, little, tiniest thing for your wedding. And that doesn't equate to you actually being more beautiful or happier. All right.

Let's go back to a sex one. Hi, Hannah. Hi, hi, does. Love the podcast. Obsessed. Okay, let me get into it. So basically, I want to start dating, but I am a stripper. And I will not stop being a spicy dancer for a man.

I am a woman who is paying for her own education and her own bills. I'm very independent. But my dilemma is do I tell a man right away if I am a spicy dancer? Or do I casually wait a couple weeks or a couple months for telling them? Because sometimes it scares men off and they get a little intimidated. But I got to do what I got to do. And I will not stop for a man. So do I kind of like make them really like me before I tell them or is that manipulative?

I don't know. I don't know. Help. Please help. This is a major dilemma for me. I've been trying to maneuver it for a couple years now. Thanks. She sounds so hot and confident.

And I feel like if he's going to be intimidated, it'll be first date, fifth date. He's going to be intimidated regardless. I was more like, I don't want guys to use you because you're a stripper to just like, be like, oh, she's probably so good and bad. well listen i mean this is a great dilemma because this is this is a controversial job whether it should be or not it's not important she knows it's controversial that's why she's messaging us about her dilemma um but she's also you know asking whether she should like wait for the guy to like her enough and then drop it it's a hard call i mean see my problem is that for me i wouldn't have any judgment about it you know if i if i if i met her and you know you know

we were getting along well and very early on she was like just so you know i'm a stripper i would be fine with it it really does take just one guy who's like i really don't care and i think you want to find him earlier than later i would how do you feel about you know she tells them you know i'm in school which isn't a lie enjoy the date and then towards the end of the date you tell him i mean i don't think it has to be a first date thing i really don't you know i i think it's unfortunate that yeah i think it's unfortunate that it's one of those jobs where people feel like to like come out. Yeah, you have to come out as a strip. You know, like, that's kind of unfortunate.

At the end of the day, it's just, it's just performance. Yeah. I understand there's an intimacy to it, you know. That's like, it's just a beautiful art form. Women of the arts. No, but, you know, I understand her dilemma. But I do think that, I do think because she uses the word manipulate, right? I'm pretty sure she actually uses the word manipulate, but whether or not she's kind

of saying, should I be with him long enough that he falls in love with me, then drop it. I don't think. you should because at the end of the day, you don't want to be, you don't want to be in love with the guy yourself and then be disappointed that he judges you. So I think in a way, you might think that you're tricking him, but you're setting yourself up for disappointment because you don't want, you don't want a guy, you don't want to trick a guy into something and then it ends up being a problem. I also, I'm very about like, it's easy to pretend you're perfect. I like to first dates, just let it out. This is what's going on. This is the lay of the

It's like, listen, I fart a lot. 50% of the time I have diarrhea. Who are you talking about? You. I was you. I think instead of you kind of hoping he falls in love with you by pretending or something or not, lean into who you are and someone will love you more for who you are.

Also, you should definitely start an only fans. I feel like they're making a lot of money on only fans. Yeah. Which is that's a whole other thing. How would you feel if your girlfriend did OnlyFat? I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm somebody that's very non-judgmental about this type of stuff. So I don't know if I'm the best guy to give advice,

except that what I think is you want to hit him early enough because you want to know if he cares or not. Whether or not he's right or wrong to judge you, some guys are going to judge you for that job. It's just a fact. So better to get it out early and give the relationship a real chance. Because I don't think, I think, for most guys, I think not disclosing that for long enough

that your relationship has gotten to a point and then it's like now you're telling me that? I think that no matter what judgment they have about your job, they will think that that was like a little bit sneaky. I think they will think that that's sneaky. Yeah, I'm trying to really put myself in her shoes and I do also think that you get that fear

that this influencer Tinks had this thing about like the box theory that a guy immediately puts you in a box in his head so that if she first date says I'm a stripper, immediately the box in his head is going to be she's not serious, she's not going to want to like settle down, I don't want to settle down. So then he'll never put you in that like serious relationship box. Do you agree with that theory? I do think in the sad world that we live in in relation to judgments about sex that there will be a large percentage of guys that will have an issue with that job. And I don't think you should mention it

on the first date, but I think once you know that you want to give it an effort with a guy, which I'm assuming she's in that situation where she likes a guy, right? Once you know, I think you should disclose. If you go too long, he will feel like he can't trust you, I feel like. Plus, you want a guy that's cool with it. You've changed my mind, though. I don't, first date, you're right. I don't think first day he doesn't deserve it.

Also, you don't have to go through the trauma of, like, bearing this, like, thing every time you go on a first date. That's fucking exhausting. But I do, I hope, and I'm like kind of romantic like this, I hope you're just going to meet someone that's just going to fucking get you and love everything you do. But I'm also very selfish with time and relationships. Do not string people along too much because it's a waste of both your time. And you don't want to waste like three months of your life with a guy who's going to literally ghost you when he finds that out. Good dilemma.

It's a good dilemma. And I hope that you're making that fucking money, girl. All right. Let's go for a fun one. Hi, Hanan Des. My current dilemma is I've been with my current boyfriend for about two years. And I feel like we have a very satisfying sex life. I'm very happy with it. But, you know, when you're with someone for a very long time, you're like, what should we try? You know, we're comfortable with each other. You know, what do we do that's new? And then you have that experience where you're like, oh my God, if they changed sex, is it different? Is it new? Are we boring? And then we land in the the same spot of like well we're having a good time so do we change anything i know i'm not the only person that's ever thought this um maybe other people think this too thanks guys so i just thought this was good because it's so it's so good it's so real so real so real so open and so common

the one thing can you clarify something for me because i couldn't exactly figure out was was she saying that like what if you try stuff and you find out like you're not into it and you are just boring is that is that what she meant i think she kind of meant that it meant like what if we just discover that actually we're vanilla quote unquote uh and and that that's okay it's also like why if it's not broke don't fix it because i the thing with couples is you know how to make each other come hopefully to an extent and once you know how to do it you're like let's do it yes i think that there are two sides to this I think that

it's good that you figure out those things but I definitely think it's good to like try new stuff even just for the giddiness of it yeah I mean the fact that she's even like being self-aware to be like hmm where can we

you know enhance things I think you make this a very fun like team effort where you sit down it could be over dinner one night or just like on the couch and be like why don't we try something new tonight? Is there any, I'm saying what I might ask, and you could change, if disagree,

be like, is there any kink that you've ever wanted to try? Is there something that turns you on that I don't know about? Is there something that you want me to do more that I don't do enough? And then you hope that their response isn't, I can't tell you. Go listen to Burner Phone.

You don't want to know. Wait, what if this girl is the girlfriend of the guy in the beginning and she's having boring sex and he's scared to tell her that he wants to get slapped? Well, I think, I think you have to try. I think the good news is that she seems to be willing. And I think, but you also do not need to fear that it might just turn out that you guys are just happy with the run of the mill shit. In fact, to be honest, if you're just happy with the run of the mill shit, which you're just happy with the run of the mill shit, which is a judgment which is bullshit if you're just happy with that then that's kind of like a blessing right yeah you know but i also the only way it could come is for you to like suck his pinky

toe and like call him mommy all this like weird shit you know sorry nothing's weird no no there's nothing weird but but i do think that it's very good particularly like the longer you get in the relationship i think it's good to try new shit out and i think it's also good for your own life of your own head, I think it's also good every now and then to just talk to other people and just, you know, maybe open your mind up to exploring other things. When I say talk to the people, I mean, talk to your friends or like what? You listen to a sex podcast or something where you might hear things that you didn't even know about.

Did guys do that? Do you guys talk to each other about that? I mean, I think guys aren't great. Or they just talk about the Roman Empire. That's why I suggested listen to a podcast for people that wouldn't be comfortable talking about. say watching porn together could be fun to be like let's reenact this but i also want to raise awareness about people be like oh yeah let's try something new it's not that fucking easy trying something new means like whatever you're trying you have to feel comfortable with it you're both

doing it at the same time you also have to not laugh you also have to focus enough to come it's so sex is difficult like when you're trying new things that you're not used to and then you'd You, it's easy to get embarrassed if you, like, queef. Yeah, I mean, you love talking about queef. Cueefing, by the way, just doesn't bother me in the slightest. Yeah, because you're quefeing us. No, but I just, I, I, I, I, I, I think looking at porn, like, good, you know, the right porn as a couple is good.

No, because, you know, like, there's a lot of, yeah, porn can be controversial to some people. Yes, yes. I like to watch solo girl porn because it's safe she's not getting reeled by like some like man that I don't know if she knows or wants to and then I they call it like you basically put yourself

in her shoes where like you feel like you're watching yourself and you're like doing it with her but then if you watch it with me then we're watching another girl and that feels like you're cheating on me and that's why we don't watch porn this is why we don't watch porn together

We're all like, oh, let's watch how hot this girl is where, like, me and her were having our own moment. Yeah. Well, that's fine. So, so, but I also think that it's totally fine to not watch porn together as a couple. Like, I've, I've never felt like us needing to watch porn together is like, and it's, it's, it's not like an issue, you know? So if, if you're, if you like watching just one woman on her own, while you're on your own, I think that's great. You know, I think that's fine. but I do think that for some couples watching porn can add to it

and I think that would be a way for a person in this situation wants to find something new. I do think I can find porn with a guy and a girl. It's just harder. I just have to find a guy that I find attractive. And I don't find a lot of the guys attractive in porn because I can tell they're dumb. Why do you think that there's a need to find girl on guy porn?

Because I'd rather in my head not just know that you're just watching this girl. It's like we're having a threesome. Wow. That is, that's a lot more jealousy than one would expect. No, but it's like, oh, let's have sex. But you're not concerned about me being jealous of you watching the girl.

Very interesting. I know. Because you're not. No, but I'm just. Because it's more normalized, like girl on girls like hot where I just feel like it's like, okay, we're not going to hook up. But if we add this other girl,

then we're both turned on. Yeah. Okay, so let's just have threesomes is what we're trying to. Listen, this is not a discussion that we're going to have in the pot. Hi, grandma, hi mom. Hi, dad. I only wanted to bring that up just as an example of like, you know, the situations that

that you might be in. But anyway, needless to say, I think she already has a handle on it, but I did think it was a good topic, you know? But like, you know, what is it? What are you going to add? You can't even say what you're going to add because you don't know what they're doing already, you know? True.

And then if he comes in one day with like a whole new skill, you're like, who did you learn that from? Yeah. No, I've talked about it pretty openly on Gigli School. that I'm, I told Paige, I'm like, I think I'm too jealous to watch porn with him. And then she explained that something that helped me is she's like, guys literally just see a vagina. Like, there's no emotional attachment. We're like, I'll see a guy in porn. I'm like, oh, hey, he's my new boyfriend. Like, what's going to happen? Like, where are we going to

go? Like, because girls are more like emotionally attached to things. Oh, yeah. I've never, I've never had any desire to fall in love with anybody I've seen in porn. why not it doesn't matter Anna just anyway I forgot what her question what?

I forgot what her dilemma was oh yeah the spicing things oh yeah I think it's great I think it's great I think even just having that discussion as a couple

like these guys I think that's good I think you should try role play of something that you both consent to that's not going to make you laugh

which is difficult yeah by the way I've never been a role play guy, but I think if that's something that you guys want to try, you should try it. I think sometimes it just starts with role play and then you get into yourself normally, but

it adds some like nuance of difference. Like even be at the bar and be like, my name is Christina. And he's like, I'm from England. My name is Warren Buffett. no it was good at one time or another we all need a little financial help and that's why dave is great

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I love deodorant wipes just like midday when you just need to freshen up. A special offer for listeners, new customers get $5 off a Lummi starter pack with code burn, B-E-R-N at loomiedi-dodorant.com. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack when you visit loomidioderant.com and use code B-E-R-N. All right, we had a dirty one, so let's get out of the, let's go in a serious one. Hi, guys, love the pod.

So my dilemma is this. I worked really, really hard to get to my job to this point in my life. I work as an attorney. I don't really love my job. I definitely would leave it at some point and do something else. But in the meantime, this is what I do. My husband is an engineer, and he has a dream job.

So he has this opportunity to go to Japan for two years to learn a trade where the company will pay for his training and life out there and cover a mortgage. So I have this opportunity to go to Japan, but I've also worked really, really hard to get to this point. And I'm not really sure what to do. It's really hard. I don't think I can find my kind of job in Japan. I have looked, it's really difficult, and it's difficult to do my current job remote. So, yeah, I mean, I should go, right?

I should go to Japan, but also, like... Oh, yeah, she ran out. Is that her husband, she said? Her husband, yeah. Here's what I think. She expresses a slight dissatisfaction with her own job. However, she expresses quite a lot of satisfaction with the success that she's had in her job. But she's kind of like more, it feels like to me she's more satisfied with the success than the actual job.

And I know that feeling of if you do something crazy, like go to Japan, are you sort of, you know, wasting all that effort? But what I will say is that living in Asia for two years will be something that she will definitely not regret. I'm not going to make the decision on whether you should leave her job or not. I'm just going to speak independently about the living in Asia experience. You will 100% not regret living in Asia because it's so cool. It's culturally so different. It's so eye-opening. It'll be so there will be so much that will enrich your life.

Like you will be a more evolved person by living in Japan for two years. This will definitely be a sacrifice from her. Without a shadow of a doubt, there's an element of sacrifice on her behalf. But I think that there's a lot of positive to come from her sacrifice. And also, I always think that people assume the worst in terms of the one step back. They can never guarantee. It's not a guarantee that you'll get the two steps forward, but it's way more of a possibility than you really think

that if you stepped away from the success of your job right now that you wouldn't end up being in a more successful situation in the future. I was just going to say that's extremely wise advice coming from someone who has lived in Asia for multiple years. And I also got this little sports metaphor in my head of like when you throw something, you kind of have to pull it back before you throw it forward. Even in my life, I remember you being like you're going to have to

take a step back to get those steps forward. And I am similar to her where I love success. It's the only time I feel loved. And I will sacrifice anything, my happiness to get that. But what you're saying is actually really smart that one, if you don't really love the actual job, it doesn't mean that you're you don't have a scarcity mindset that you're losing out the opportunity. You're not going to make partner in this or you're not when you're actually gonna get a different kind of life and richness and who knows what kind of new passion you can have i say you go girl and i think she sent this you know people are like should i break up with him that's how she asked where you know the answer you know you want to go it's scary because it sounds like you're a type a girlie like myself

who's lived her life done everything right to be where she's supposed to be and this was not in the plan now obviously it got cut off i think she was going to give her she was going to give her like why I shouldn't go and we didn't hear it. And I do understand that, because she did say that she's researched and she will definitely not be able to do the job that she's doing right now while she's in Japan. So part of the sacrifice for her clearly is that she's probably going to have to take some sort of remote job more likely or just not work at all, right? So I do understand that part of a yoga teacher.

Yeah, but I do understand that part of the dilemma. Like even when I went to China It wasn't like a good career move for me It was like it was bad money And it was like a lot of time for us Like I gave a lot of time For a very small actual work result And you know like it was like

It was actually a career step back In terms of like in the end It was like two years of my life It was only meant to be a year Ended up being two years of my life Because I love living there so much But I would never in a million years like turn my, like I would hate

if I didn't have that experience in me because it's just been so profound for me. Now I know that's personal. You're looking back at it like as a 47 year old you're like those two years were such a small part of my life that enhanced it so much where when you're living in it you're like two years

that's so much in terms of like my career. Yeah, but I was in my late 30s also I want to point out. This wasn't like something I did when I was young and adventurous. You know, it was at a time where I was very settled and set in my ways and I didn't have to do that.

I think ultimately the reason why you should go is because you are making a sacrifice for him so you can use it against him for the rest of his life. And by the way, you will have two years of the best toilets you've ever sat on in your life. Oh my God. The best sushi you've ever eat.

You like come when you poop. Just they're heated and they wash your ass. And you're taint. Yeah, they like literally. And they, you know, they, you know, and you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you're If you ski, you'll be near some of the best snow you've ever seen. Like, there's just so much cool shit in Japan.

I'm laughing. It's so nice. I'm laughing so hard because I'm envisioning this all being the same person. I'm like, your sex life will be so much better if you go to Japan, sit on the toilets. Yeah, you know. Tell of you a stripper, though. Can't handle the callbacks today. Okay, what are we going to go for?

Okay, this is a big dilemma. Oh, gosh. This is a real dilemma. Okay. So don't freak out when it's like not lighthearted. Hi, Hannah and Des. I love you guys so much. I also have an older husband that always gives me really good advice, but I never use it.

So I've come here for your advice. So my husband has a friend that he's known for over 10 years. And over that time, I've now gotten to know his wife. So anyway, his friend has a gambling problem. And it's kind of gotten better, gotten worse at times, and now he's asked us for money a couple of times. And he's asked us again. And it's gotten bad. He's paid us back. But then it's always happening again. And the worst part is that his wife has absolutely no idea. And I don't know, should I say something? I don't want to say anything to her. I've considered getting a burner phone and just texting her randomly to give her this information. But I feel so bad that all of this is happening. And she has no idea how her life is being funded. What do I do? Wow.

That's a real dilemma. So much so that I called 1-800 gambler. When I heard the message, I called 100 gambler, and they couldn't give me any direct advice because they said that 1-800 gamblers for people that call up to say, I have a problem with gambling. However, they did give me the number of another New York State resource that also didn't give me any direct advice in relation to this dilemma, but I told them that I didn't

want to give out bad advice because this is a very serious thing. So I think that you need to contact gambling organizations and find out the best way to deal with it. Because in my quick research, you need to find for yourself, because I don't want to advise you to do anything that's dangerous, right? Because you're dealing with other people. people's lives. You need to reach out to as many resources as possible about gambling addiction to find out what's the best thing that you can do for her and also for your friend. I would think that it's your husband's responsibility to, it's actually very easy. Look up online. It's very easy to look up my friend or my spouse has a gambling problem. How do I talk to them about it? So first I

would advise your husband to look up, how do I talk to my friend about his gambling problem? Because it's directly affected you. He's been borrowing money. And even though he's been paying it back, compulsive gambling, in my opinion, one of the worst of the addictions obviously tends to be progressive. The other thing I will say is that it's important for you to find out the best thing to do with letting his wife know. Because the one thing I will say is that when you Google gambling addiction, when you look into it, there's a lot of information about what a spouse should do. Now, obviously, that's up for her. That's up. She's somebody that needs to start looking at information about what a spouse should do because one of the number one bits of

advice they give to a spouse who has a husband or a wife with a gambling addiction is that you need to protect your assets, right? Now, so I'm not saying that you need to say directly to this woman, her husband has a gambling problem but you need to find out for yourself you need to talk to the right professionals to find out what you should do because when she finds out she will need to find resources to help her because it's not just about him it affects her because they're a married couple so i would motivate you to get as much information as possible and and find out what action or no action that you should take but i think it's great that you reached out and express this dilemma because that is a that is a like a like a 100% a real dilemma well because

of your experience with addiction in the past you know that there's certain ways to deal with like addict behavior as in like she could tell her friend and the friend like confronts him and then he says she's lying and like lies about it there's any number of there's any number of issues around intervention yes which is both of those both of those hotlines that I called told me that they don't give advice about intervention. But she had been telling me that actually the second phone call was it was for people directly affected by the gambling, right? So the second phone call was was for people whose lives have been directly affected by

gambling addiction, like as in spouses and stuff like that. So the fact that the wife has no idea, it was quite a unique dilemma for them actually. so they had a lot of sympathy with not knowing what they had a lot of sympathy with not really knowing the correct thing to say so they both the second phone call particularly I talked to her for quite a while she agreed with me that the best thing to do would be to motivate our caller to reach out to as many resources as possible to try to find out the best thing to do in terms of knowing the wife because the issue is friendships can break down people can get angry it can affect the friendship between her husband and her friend so there's a lot going on but

that's not to say that no action needs to be taken i i think she is it's the first port of call was reaching out to us which is i guess in a way it's kind of nice right because it's a light heart it's a comedy podcast you reach out about something quite serious so it feels you know it feels safe right but it's good because in that safe space is a cry for help and so the help that's coming back of me is your right to call out for help now try to find people that are more qualified to give advice but but but what i will say is that you should you are 100% right to be reaching out to somebody that's what i would say i do think also the husband is clearly being a great friend giving money to his friend but i think she's already sensing that long run this could end very

badly and it's like do you cut off the source that's enabling this guy well i have no problem given that advice you should not loan money to people with gambling addictions yeah i have been i want to point out that i have been in that situation okay i did not loan money to somebody close to me who i knew had a problem with gambling and i and it was even the claim at the time was that you know it was to it was to clear debts that he'd stopped gambling and that he was just trying to get himself back together, but I did not loan him money because I did not trust him at that point. So absolutely they should stop loaning him money. I mean, that's an absolute fact because the money won't always come back, right? Neither borrow a neurolender be, all that stuff.

You know, and loaning money between friends is always a, there's always an area that's, that can end up being problematic. And I think that's, that's enough, right? You know, I don't want to, you know, it's one of those ones where you can see. say too much. All right, here we go. Dirty. Hey, I am loving burner phone so far and I would love both of your opinion on something. So for some context, I'm in a little bit of a hoe phase right now. I am out of a relationship. I'm not looking for a relationship. Just looking to have fun. If something else happens, whatever. But really, I'm just looking for casual. I am being safe. I'm not worried about SDVs or any of that.

but I'm wondering, at what point am I obligated to tell someone that I'm sleeping with other people? Am I obligated to tell them? Do I just wait unless they, and like just tell them if they ask me? I don't know what their rules are for this. I understand if you're dating somebody with the intention to have a relationship, that obviously makes more sense to be more open and make sure you're on the same page about being exclusive or not. but if it's just casual, what are the rules? I mean, what, like, that is a podcast episode. That is, I don't know the rules either. Well, the first thing I thought of is if you're being safe,

like you're using condoms, then it's not as important. I think it's if you're hooking up with a guy and you're not using a condom, you need to know if he's fucking other people. This is a great question because you're not exclusive, so you're allowed to. But if someone's asking, it means they are probably a little interested

in becoming exclusive. And I think that's where you get very honest and you say, babe, you're on my roster. If you want to be hiring the roster, we could talk about it, but you're on the roster. You're batting fifth.

I think, it's funny, I was really thrown by this because I don't know what the rules are. I mean, I'm not going to judge you. The rules is no one's exclusive until you have that conversation.

But sometimes... No, no, no. Yeah, but that part I understand, but it's the disclosure part. You know, do you have to disclose that you're being active sexual with somebody else? Well, this is New York City dating. Everyone assumes you're hooking up with other people. And then if you guys start hanging out a lot, he'll eventually say, are you talking to other people?

And that is basically saying, what's going on? am I like is there a competition here is it just me and that's when you either say yeah I am talking other people and you say talking that's what we say in New York are you talking are you talking to someone else I'll hear someone are you guys together we're talking that means they're fucking okay so he'll wait for him to ask you and then you say yeah I am talking other people and if he wants more and you want more than your relationship and if he wants more and you don't then be like sorry I want to see other people too what are you doing Kansas oh in Kansas You got very New York specific.

Well, I was just speaking from my own experience. But I also find with relationships, if he's or you're not that into the other person, you'll hook up a couple times and then it goes away and you'll get the occasional text. I feel like. But she's in her, she's openly. I know. But she also, you are in your whole phase and you own it and you don't owe anyone anything. But I feel like in your whole phase, like she said, if something happens, which means you end up starting to hang out with someone every day. and then you eventually inevitably will want to know, like, why aren't you free tomorrow?

I think it's pretty obvious. In terms of like when you need to sort of like disclose, I think that will be an obvious moment, you know, but I don't think in the early phases you need to feel guilty in any way about enjoying your promiscuous era, you know, whole phase. I mean, obviously we're having fun with it, but, you know, guys don't worry about being in their whole phase. No. Which, that is very funny.

You've never got a message like this from guys being like, who can applaud girls? When do I have to tell them I'm hooking up with other girls? Yeah, I haven't had an SGD test in five years. You know, like, so I think, I think that, I think that you're doing everything fine, and I think that you'll know when you need to disclose it. You don't owe anyone.

But you obviously definitely need to be 100% honest with yourself of how safe that you're being, just from a sexual health point of view, you know? But I think that she is being quite safe. But I think that you should definitely, you know. But let's be honest, you're going to keep riding that dick until you find a dick you really like and then you're going to want to ride it more.

So it's like you're having a whole phase, but ultimately I feel like it's research with, and you also don't want emotions, which is like super, oh my God, relaxing, empowering. And if a guy asks you about body count, if he asks you about are you sleeping with other guys like second date, be like, first of all, yes. Second of all, why do you care?

And third of all, yes, I'm using protection. Next question. Yeah. Also, you're getting annoying. If any guy asks you about body count, you just get away. Like, anybody asking about body count, first of all, it's kind of immature, I feel. Yeah. I feel like there's an, but I know, I know that hasn't come up.

You have a body count in college when you're like just started having sex and you're like, oh my God, I had sex with two guys. I think you've got it nailed. You're being safe. And I think you should honestly, like the fact that you even call it your whole phase, Like women should, for a woman that's comfortable, because I don't like this thing. You know what I hate when people try to throw this thing out,

that if a woman is being promiscuous, that somehow that's like a sense that she's unsat, she's not happy with herself or that that behavior. She sounds very comfortable. Yeah, you know, that somehow that a promiscuity is a behavior that suggests that a woman doesn't respect herself or something. So like I think that, you know, if you're in a phase where you're just enjoying having casual sex

and you feel like you're being safe, then that should be fine. And there will be a moment where somebody may decide that they're looking for something a bit more committed. And then you can decide that you want to do that or not. And I do think that if you feel awkward saying like, yeah, I'm hooking up with other people, that's when you literally just say, you're on my roster and laugh. And if he keeps pushing, that means he's obsessed with you. And either you then date him or take him off your fucking roster.

Yeah. And then some guys won't like the fact that you have a roster, even though they probably have a roster, but they have that double standard. And fuck them too. You know what I'm saying? So normally I don't say this is our final one because sometimes I move them around,

but this is definitely going to be our final one. My name is Dave. I'm 48 from Dublin. I have a question in relation to the use of the word Zaddy. My long-term partner, 15 years, is a huge fan, has today told me that she's going to refer to me as a Zaddy because you have called Des

a Zaddy. Now I've heard Andy Cohn being called this on occasion, and I'm sure it's quite normal for American men to be complimented by other people, but as an Irish man of 48, fairly okay Nick and Desal know what that means.

I'm not used to being complimented, and I'm now wondering, is it a compliment or is it just that I'm getting older, and she has to find these labels for me? I'd be very interested to find out should I take this as a compliment or should I be worried and then have to do some extra exercise

or in my case some exercise in which to deflect away from this and you ran out of time this is so cute it's a great message I mean it's not it's it's it's almost like a stand-up bit

but I love it what's an old Nick no that he's in good Nick meaning that like he's in good shape you know it's just it's just a way of sense well I do have to say 48, you are definitely a Zaddy.

I can tell you're a Zaddy. The definition of a Zaddy is an older man who has some swagger about him, who has some spice. I mean, it's absolutely a compliment. Your wife calling you a Zaddy is like, it's a compliment. But I love how the Irish guy is like, should I feel upset that it makes me, that she's being mean or that she's complimenting me because that's a different kind of uncomfortableness. Yeah, either way, I'm not comfortable.

compliment or abuse Zaddi's basically saying like even though you're older you now have that older kind of hotness it's like a way to describe an older hot man so I mean she's she's ready to spank you yeah I think you have to embrace the Zaddy

you know I don't know the actual evolution of Zaddy I feel like it was I feel like gay guys started to say Zaddy yeah Zaddy because it's you call like an older hot guy daddy but then daddy was too literal so it became Zaddi

And then it's like Zaddy Yeah so I think I think you have to embrace Every guy should aspire to be a Zaddy And Zaddy's a mindset not an age Zaddy's a mindset Yeah

Wow this sounds like like a life coach ad Yeah Zaddy dot com Would Zaddy do that? What would Zaddy do? Zaddy's a mindset WWZ WD

So great message WD 40 Yeah, embrace the Zaddy. And I think women can be Zadis too. I'm a Zaddy. Well, we got to find, we got to find like a, we got, you know, like. Anyone can identify as a Zaddy. So, um, anyway, that's it.

A lot of advice. There's so many good dilemmas. We're definitely going to do a second episode or more of this. You guys crushed it. You guys, I mean, this is you. You are sending in the best stuff. Thank you for listening. Thank you for your great reviews.

By the way, we'll point out, we're going to do more. If you sent in a dilemma, we have more dilemmas coming. It'll be in two weeks time, though. Yes. Just to say it'll be two weeks time. We won't be doing two dilemma apps in a row. Oh, I have a plug. Hannah and I, obviously, are in Tempe this weekend.

But now actually, I'm going to be returning to Tempe on my own headlining a show the first weekend in January, the first weekend after New Year's, January, 24. Tickets aren't up yet, but they will be up soon. Oh, yeah, tickets aren't up yet. But just to get that in your minds. Also, I'm trying to sell this big thing. theater in Hanover, Maryland. And if you guys know anyone near there, I think Baltimore, I don't know, I need to sell

some tickets there. And I also just announced Reno and the Comedy Zone in North Carolina. I forget where in North Carolina. Wow. So a lot of big shows. Come and check out Hannah at a casino in Maryland. And thank you for your comments. By the way, tell everybody you know that Burnaphone's a great podcast and subscribe.

Thanks for supporting Zadis in the art. Thanks for supporting Zadis in the arts.