Berner Phone - Berner Phone #72: Worst Coworkers

Episode Date: January 5, 2025

The holiday season has come to an end and it's time to go back the office. Everyone has a coworker (or two) that they can't stand, so the dialers are sharing their worst work stories. Get Huel today with this exclusive offer for New Customers of 15% OFF + a FREE Gift at https://huel.com/BERN

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Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. What's up, my little dialers? We're back in action. And one thing about us is... Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Holy moly. We like to be thematic, but that doesn't mean we're going with the obvious this week. We're not doing with the New Year Resolution.

Let's be honest. It's a made-up thing that lasts for a couple hours. We're going back to work. Some of us, but most of you are going back to work. Hopefully you got some nice relaxing time. We're going back to the office, and I thought it would be fun to talk about what annoys us most about our coworkers. Yes. And actually, you know what we forgot to put on the prompt on Instagram? What?

To include, like, bad Zoom behavior. Mm. Which we actually didn't get any. I only realizing that just now as we start. I feel like... That'll be a good one. Is there something... No, because I'm not a...

I've never worked in an office my entire life. I can... But you do have coworkers in some capacity. Yes. Like when you go to a comedy club for the weekend, you see, you know, you have the manager. and you see how they all kind of interact. I mean, I feel like office jobs, that's why the office was so popular

because you really have your own, like, TV show. There's, like, the villain in your story. There's the best friend, the sidekick. But, you know, familiarity breeds contempt, and, like, I feel that the weekend at a comedy club doesn't give you the real feeling of office annoyance. But I feel like you can still get annoyed in short periods of time with people.

But I was, we'll do the Zoom thing in the future because like, we, we don't- Biggest Zoom pet peeves. I don't do Zoom. I don't do a lot of like group Zooms. I feel like there's a lot. I feel like there's a lot of humor in the Zoom world. Well, there's also a lot of humor in the email world. A lot of passive aggression.

Yes. Well, we're going to do a passive aggressive episode. I feel like you're kind of like an alien because there's not a lot of people who are your age, who's lived a long life who've never been in. office before. Well, I mean, I've definitely never had any extended period of time where I worked in an office. None really at all. The only other job I had was retailing a little bit of in a restaurant. I started doing comedy when I was in college. Yeah, this last year we got into it because Des kept replying to emails without c-seeing people. And I was like, you got to CC people.

That's rule number one in a formal environment. I do think also, yeah, the office becomes like roommates so it's like having you know you like a friend and then you live with them for a year and you either like love them more or you're like I can never fucking talk to that person again in my life that's some it's like that except there's also like work drama and hierarchies and all this stuff the good news is that basically this is really just about people annoying people yeah and I can identify I do have to say the positives about being at an office is that I've made some of my best friends ever from work like tons of people for my jobs were at my wedding because like I feel like you have this trauma bond and it's so easy to it's like automatic friends sorry we've had a

big moment we're distracted guys we had a big moment just now we have this we have this like cat house that neither cat the cat that the cat that lives with us full time and the cat that aden has that's staying with us at the moment neither of them have gone in and finally Finally, just now, as we are on the pod, Seamus, who's since come out since I started saying this, Seamus was fully in the cat house. He knew you were talking about him. He's like, okay, like, let me have a moment.

He was fully in the cat house. So well done, Seamus. It's very cat behavior if you own a cat. You know that they will sleep on garbage, but not go near the soft, beautiful cat house you bought them. So that was nice. He spent three seconds there. But he was in it, though, properly in it.

I know. It was cute for a second. That was cute. All right. So anyway, we got. So do you have anything to, you want to plug before we start? Oh, plugging. Everything sold out, right?

I have, I have some shows in Alabama, Irvine, and Gigley Squad, we announced a bunch of new shows. Check them out. How about you? It's Irvine, California? Yeah. All right, cool. Yeah, I have Charlotte, North Carolina, Greenville, South Carolina, coming up next weekend. And then I have Minneapolis on the 17th.

Wow. And then I go to Ireland. It's going to be. Irish tour. But I'm in Long Island when I get back. And I really, I need the Long Island shows to be like, where? Governors? Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, I need Governor's Levitown. Let's go. I just, I feel like that's like my strong island. It's my home turf these days. Yeah. Yeah. You know, so. So, uh, but I, I will say that I'm very unlucky with the Charlotte slash Greenville because there's like a like a freeze, like a polar vortex. Oh, no.

So it's going to be cold. Oh, my goodness. Yes, like below freezing. Someone would say you're bringing it. I mean, it's a little unlucky, but we won't bore the listener with that. Back to employees who are annoying. There's so many different kinds of annoying employees, and I can't wait to dig in. I do want to discuss a new word that I heard on TikTok, Arch NEM.

Arch NEM? Arch NEM. That's just a shortening. True. It's just a shortening. It's shortening. But it's cute. It's fun. Arch NEM. I also like saying enemies. My enemies are out to get me. I feel like in an office, the people who like to hear themselves talk just to talk can really get you.

Because the office becomes about counting down. You know, when is this meeting going to be over? When is every meeting going to be over? So that person that keeps talking for no reason. Let's get into it. Hi, Hannah and Des. This is such a good prompt given this is my first day back at work after the holidays um but my co-worker's most annoying habit um so in my job i like sort of work underneath some of my co-workers but they're not my actual manager so it's like my manager them and then me um and basically one of the girls that i sort of work under like any call that i have with her that's on stuff that we work on together or like just our direct one-on-one um and

Even if there's nothing to go over on the agenda, somehow they like to drag it out to the entire length of the call. Like occasionally, this will be like a bridge between two other calls that I have during the day. And I'm like, great, this should be quick. I can get up and get a snack, go to the bathroom, whatever. Nope, I never can. It always lasts the full time. It's so... She lasted the full time.

I'm just kidding. No, this is a safe space for you to vet. I do know how it feels when, because you can't say anything. You can't be like, well, I'm done with this call. Like it has to be like a consensual. Everyone's like, is everyone good with the meeting? Yes.

It's kind of like that kid that raises his hand when they're going on. Yeah, it's like, does anybody have any questions? And somebody who's like, what are you a fucking idiot? We're done. I know. I actually, this reminded me of, this is actually one of my biggest pet peeves ever with working. when people give you notes or tell you something to do just to make them feel like they're doing their job

but it's actually not necessary. Not necessary. And I feel like there's so many examples in so many different environments, but do you ever hear someone tell you to do something or they or like add another step that just makes everyone's life more difficult but it's so they feel.

It's like, especially when you have someone if you're in creative and someone who works above you, them saying they don't like something just to feel like they had their paw in it and to be like they did their job, they reviewed it. It's okay sometimes to just say that was good. I have no notes. Yes.

Let's normalize no notes, which is what on Giggly Squad. Understand. We've been trying to do for a long time. For a long time. It's a whole thing. Can we don't talk a lot about Giggly Squad stuff and I'm digressing here.

And you can stop me if this is not an acceptable conversation. But I noticed a funny sort of Giggly Squad vernacular versus the real world crossover due to the page and Craig breakup, which I thought was very funny. Because obviously I'm down with all the Giggly Squad quotes, including See You in Court. Which is one of our, it's like the Bible. Yeah. It's been around forever. Well, I can't be managed. is the first one.

Oh, is the first one. But then, see you in court, a see you in small claims court. So we're not going to get into any gossip. But obviously, there's been a lot of TikToks about Paige and Craig. And,

you know, some guy was just making shit up. Yeah. Like straight up just making shit up. Yeah. And Paige jokingly says, see you in court. Does,

does that translate to the real world? No. So there's like articles, New York post about like, page threatens leave. action oh god oh my god i i may be stepping on no this is funny though because it's one of those things that like we have our own language in the podcast world but then it doesn't always work especially when see you in court is yeah like that's something people legitimately say and

ticot is its own co-working space but um i'm not in the comments i i try not to look at a lot of the gossip and stuff but I do I do have to say page and I have been trying to normalize like in professional emails like writing a little bit less formal but also we are our own bosses so like no one no one's going to fire us so we could like important people email us and page and I would be like LOL okay thanks with like an X but there's just so much so much humor just doesn't translate in certain situations like that obviously yes didn't translate in people on the comments are like, actually, uh, you have no legal grounds to sue him because he said allegedly. But, uh, but also just like, I don't know, times where like, you know, your normal

banter with your friends, you might pretend you're like annoyed as like a joke. And then, but then in with people that don't get that, they actually think you're being aggressive. It makes me think to a big thing about work. Like yeah, you're working, but a lot of the time you're also not working. You're just having like normal banter throughout the office or like in the beginning of meetings, how you handle that normal banter and sometimes for me I struggle because I'm like doing podcasts where you're saying

kind of the first thing that comes into your mind that's as funny or silly as you can or I'm on stage doing crowd work and I'm just blurting out my thoughts and then I'll get on a Zoom with people and I remember like I've definitely said stuff in the beginning of a Zoom to make people laugh that like you could tell they got a little like oh

you know because they're having mundane meetings Well that's always the risk though you know opening with the joke it's like It can be amazing or it can be bad? Once I got on a Zoom with a guy who, this hilarious gay guy who I partied with back in the day is randomly on this big Zoom for this brand deal. And he makes a joke like we used to be together. And I laughed and he laughed.

And everyone got super weird. And it was like we couldn't go into it deeper and be like, okay, 18 people on this. Clearly, he's not attracted to me. This was a joke. We'd note each other from back then, but instead everyone got weird and I just kind of moved on from it. But sometimes the Zoom calls, yeah,

you don't know when you should speak, when you've overdone it. There's a lot of rules. By the way, my thing, just to circle back to what the theme of this was, you said you were annoyed about people who like, they just can't say no notes.

That's where we got distracted. My one that bugs me is like, I'll obviously, when I'm touring, I have like a schedule of like when I'm going to post about shows. Yeah. Or like some venue from like five, six weeks, we're like, oh, they said, can you post about that? It's like, don't fuck. I know what I'm doing. Don't fucking tell me when to post.

I know when I'm going to post. But anyway, that's just me. That's literally the only email you get from other people. So, so I just want to touch base with this one. Hi, Hannah and Des. I don't work in the corporate work. anymore. I'm a stay-at-home mom. But the thing I don't miss the most is the lingo. I hated when all of the stupid people would be like, oh, I made this deck. Like, it's called a slideshow. I don't know why

deck is all of a sudden. Like, we're not doing a deck of cards. It's slides. I don't understand. and I'll circle back, low-hanging fruit, what even are the other ones? Like, the stupid shit that people say, I hated it, and I don't miss it. So instead of corporate lingo now, I have just a baby screaming at me all day, but honestly, it's better. So that's how it's going. Oh, my God, that's so funny. I can't think of other corporate. I definitely have to like trigger words that if someone says essentially,

essentially. If you're starting a sentence off with essentially, what the fuck are you saying? Like that's just a filler word, but it's like a filler for like something up your ass. Yeah. Because it's like just say like essentially is just, I guess it's because you're trying to think.

Yeah, it's like a think word. But like I take it. But literally doesn't bother you? Literally means like more like this is point. Like, I'm literally, like, for millennial women, that's an important word. Don't fucking touch that word. Hey, I'm not touched so. I'm just saying.

Don't ever come for the L word like that. Essentially. People are just like, essentially. It comes up patronizing. It comes off like essentially. Like, you can't comprehend it, so I'm going to explain how you can comprehend. And I'm like, what the? I just hate that word.

I was thinking more like the essence of, you know. See, sometimes I do like. The essence of it. like the basic core of what we're trying to say here is. But I don't feel like they use it like that. Right, right. It's always like them just adding on more sentences and saying essentially in between.

It's just, you know what, maybe I know certain people that use the word. What are other words? I can't, you know, I'm so annoyed. No, okay, so I actually like when people use these words because these words are used in order to get you out of situations. Okay. Like if you say, let's circle back,

that means a whole bunch of things and it's the formal way of being like let's leave this for now yeah so instead of me being like hey I don't like what we're doing right now we haven't thought it out I haven't talked to my team I actually am questioning everything you just go let's circle back so every now and then I will tell like grace who works with me like how I feel about a situation and it'll be a whole fucking paragraph of all these things and then she'll write a like one sentence email to people using like important words and they're just and it makes my life easier because they they're like oh that sounds official when really i'm like oh i don't want to do it next week and she'll say something like really

important sounding right but you can't think of any other good there's words like i mean you could google it i could we don't have we don't have chris with us but um chris something like it's annoying me that i'm drawing a blank saying synergy Synergy Corporate jargon phrases Corporate jargon Think outside the box I mean you know

Deep dive Yeah that's annoying Oh gotta get our ducks in a row Oh when I was in sales They would always say Bandwidth I don't have the bandwidth Yeah In sales they would always say

I'm gonna give you the Oh shit I forgot Move the needle Yeah move the needle Doesn't really move the needle Bring to the table looping in but you hit you know that

like I'm gonna loop in you know max on this what's it called when you keep it oh yeah not high brow you keep it high am I high right now I remember in sales though like I would hear people use words

and it would just I would just repeat it on calls because and people agree with you because they think they should know what you mean but no one actually knows what anyone means right I'll remember that word like in three weeks

Yeah But that happens sometimes Like oh The word that we couldn't get the other week Limbo It was limbo Yeah One thing about me is I don't do words

I know I have two podcasts And I talk for a living I don't I'm not very good at remembering any words All right well Sorry go ahead No I was thinking there'll be a funny routine

About what she was saying That now she just has her baby screaming at her and I wanted to immediately think of like baby corporate jargon like what the baby would be saying to the mother you know it's like where are we at with the deliverables because I'm thirsty and hungry and I need some tit right now I think the corporate jargon is there so people don't curse each other out

yeah you know yeah and it's it's kind of there's like it creates like a distance like a professional distance true true you know what that's probably why people takes the emotion out people get weird with me on zooms because I'm immediately like talking like friends and they're in like their corporate world. They have their boss listening to them what they're saying. But nowadays with social media, there must be such a, because I know a lot of people are private with their social media, but the last six years when everyone has social media and so many things,

like people see your personal life more than anything nowadays. So that must be interesting. Oh, you mean in a work environment? Yeah. Yes. Like when I was in the office, I didn't have, I mean, had a Facebook on private and Instagram on private. And if I didn't want you know about my life, you wouldn't know. There's a you've never experienced when your boss

follows you for the first time on social media. And then you have to post an Insta story like loving, going to work today. Oh, having so much fun with this project on my job. Can't even enjoy vacation because I'm thinking about work. God, we have so many. All right. I thought this was kind of funny. Hi, Hannah and does. This is Olivia. Big fan of the podcast. Big fan of you guys. I know you did a lot in 2024. Can't wait to see what you do in 2025. But my biggest coworker, annoying habit is we have an office manager. And if you go to the bathroom and if she recognizes your shoes in the bathroom, she will start talking to you and won't stop talking until you acknowledge her. So now that I've worked there for a couple of years, everyone knows

that if you see her go into the bathroom, you need to go on a different floor. Or if you're in there and she comes in, you just have to pray, but she won't start talking and you just have to go as big as because you can and you can get out. So that's my biggest annoying co-worker habit because everyone knows you go to the bathroom at work to get away from your coworkers and not talk to them.

Yes, the bathroom is a sacred space. Do we have an hour? Because I need to talk about this. Okay, go. We've got a lot of thoughts. Of course the bathroom is inspired her. The bathroom is, yeah, it's a sacred space, and it's where you go to cry, to just get away, And Ali Wong in her first special

Had a really funny bit about how everyone's professional at work But if you go to the bathroom And like you hear someone like let out a fart During their poop like you can never take them seriously ever again And it's just such a violation And I know like corporate America is a thing Or any office you're at I remember it wasn't corporate

But I was at a startup with four of us And we're in Soho and you're just sitting the four of us So like whenever you went up to go to the bathroom Everyone knew and like I like going to the bathroom all the fucking time. Like I like to just, I like to get up and sit in the bathroom. Yeah. So I'll like go twice and then it's like, oh, if I go again, everyone knows I went three times.

Where if you're in a big office, you can go to the bathroom whenever you want. But the fact that you feel like you're a kid and people are like counting how many times you got up to go to the restroom. Yeah. Like gives me so much anxiety. Or like sometimes, wait, this is such a crazy. memory I have you'll get on the same bathroom like timing as people like you know like in the morning like you get on their bathroom cycle yeah so you'll you synchronize cycles so you'll both like poop after coffee at 10 30 and then around like one o'clock you realize you and the same two people

are going again oh my god awkward and it's like you just want a second to yourself and it's very hard to get it you know it when I would do crappy jobs including jobs I did for TV shows, you know, like minimum wage jobs that I did for TV shows. The bathroom literally becomes like a way to like say, fuck you to the system for like 10 minutes. Yeah. It's like, I'm done. You quit for 10 minutes.

Yeah, I've finished my business, but now I'm like texting on my phone. Yeah. I'm like hiding in the bathroom. No, that's why when I was in that four person office, you can't just go to the bathroom for 20 minutes or it's like, oh, you either took the craziest shit of your life, all your ovaries fell out, or you clearly were fucking around. That's what I hated about. One thing I hated about China, I loved squatty potties because they're better for the bathroom.

But when I was working that job in the restaurant and I, like, wanted to do my sneaky extra bathroom time because I just was not in the mood to work, you got to squat. Mm-hmm. It's not as relaxing at 10 minutes. True. Squatting. True. You can't lean back. I love to lean back.

Have you ever done that? This might be, this might be too much. But when I'm not. I was working crappy jobs, I used to like choke one out in the bathroom because it was just like really like takes you out of the job for like a short period of time. And it also felt like yeah. I got paid to jerk off. Yeah. Fuck you man. My time. Motherfucker. That's such a dude thing. Like no girl like I guess you can. Well yeah. It's very hard mentally to get there. And also this like stand. It's just it's a whole thing. Yeah. But you know, for me it was,

And it also was just like a bit of a reset, you know? There was just, there's a lot about it. That's great. I'm sure if we have, the male listeners will identify. Or maybe I'm a fucking freak. No, you're not a freak.

I actually know a lot of men that should have gone to the bathroom and just jerked off. And it would have, like, coming out and snapping at someone at the office. Well, you know, I have a bit about that. That a blown load is a better man.

That it's just like science. Yeah, because then you won't blow up a building. Yeah. Literally, I say that. I say that world leaders should have to choke one up before they make major world decisions.

It's really funny. It's like a half hour circle of honesty. I love that. I say like Wonder Woman's Lassow, the half hour after you blow a load. You know? But anyway, that's a bit though for my, from my new show.

I love it. So... Check them out on the road? Check me out on the road, yeah. But yeah, the whole bathroom culture in an office, the second you get in there, you're like eyes on you. All eyes on me.

A lot of people don't poop at the office, which is, I mean, I could never, I don't. Oh, by the way, we haven't, we haven't talked about the main essence of what she's talking about. Oh, the, the chatting. You can't chat to people when they're pooping. No.

Unless you're like, did you ever have a situation, did you ever have a situation where like you and you're a friend are like pooping next to each other like, you know, because you've come into the bathroom together? Yes. And then you start fucking with each other. What are you fucking with each other? You know, just like trying to make each other laugh. making noises, that kind of stuff.

I think it's more of like a boy thing. That's a boy. I've definitely continued talking to someone just being like, sorry I'm pooping. And then she goes, sorry, I'm pooping. And then we're like, we're pooping. So guys, I got to tell you about Hewel, spelled H-U-E-L.

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Well, that should be illegal. The second one at least. Yeah, not headphones on Zoom. That's, well, a lot of people are fans of a speakerphone. Not in the office. When I'm alone. Subtext. Hannah loves a speakerphone conversation.

Yeah, I don't like. holding it to my, I like to keep it on speaker. I don't want to hold it up to my ear. I'm a dainty lady. I know, but you also like to have people on speaker when they don't know they're on speaker. Normally, it's just one other person is around. I know, but then it's like, then you have an audience. Well, sometimes it's like I'm talking to someone that I'm like,

I'm going to have to tell you what they said anyway. So why aren't we all get it in right now? What's the etiquette? I think the etiquette should be you're on speaker. But also, whatever you say, there has to be. Whenever you say that, it sounds weird like you two normally talk shit about the other person. Well, I understand, but like, it's also more to do with just like, let the person who doesn't

know their own speaker know their own speaker. For sure. It's like you, um, you hang, you hanging out with someone and then you go home and you realize you've spinach your teeth. That's how it feels to like go a whole conversation and realize like your boyfriend was in the room the whole time. Yeah. I think that should be like, there should be an amendment to the United States Constitution that it is by law you must let the person know that they're on speaker you know

and then you know part of it is you have to make a joke while you're letting them know yeah so like you like doing that don't say oh you're on speaker

don't say my mom is fat you know you have to do some stupid joke so chewing with your mouth open I feel like I don't know if you'd ever survive corporate America there's a lot of people eating around you, snacking.

I think another amendment that we need to the U.S. Constitution is it needs to be acceptable to say to people, hey, you're chewing with your mouth open. Like, it should be acceptable. Yeah, like when someone sneezes or coughs, you'll be like, can you cover your mouth? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. There's not an equivalent for eating.

Yeah, because there's like, there's all these public health campaigns about like, oh, we don't cough into our hands anymore. we cough into our elbow but nobody's saying like hey by the way keep your mouth shut when you're eating there's an epidemic of misophonia in this country the emancipation mastication we need we need to free people from the pain of other people's mastication i'll vote for you but i don't know what mastication means yeah i think it's just like chewing it's just the basically mixing food with your spit and smushing it into it's basically smushing your food i think you're just overthinking let people chew. Let there be free chewing.

I have no problem. I am not free chew. Excuse me. I am not trying to infringe upon the rights of chewers. What I am trying to do, it's noise pollution. It's noise pollution. It's one thing if you need to, for some reason, chew like that. I don't know why you would. But, oh, I can't. Imagine if we have a kid who's a chews with their mouth open in the beginning you're going to be so strict you're going to be like

no listen I had a friend that and we used to work and it's no longer your friend we used to work in close quarters right quarters writing big open mouth banana chure

oh god and you know he had a lot of food allergies and stuff yeah so he was very limited on what he could eat yeah so he was always eating bananas. Oh. Like, even when you would go to restaurants, he'd be like, oh, no, I just brought my own bananas. So you felt like he was personally attacking you every time he ate?

The mastication, it was out of control, man. So you have a stand-up bit that says after you get married, you start hearing your wife at you. I say, I say, when people say, how's your marriage? I say, it's good, you know, but we're all traveling. We're only together half the time. I say people under 35 say, oh, it's going to be tough. and people over 50 say you guys are going to have a great marriage

and then I say because absence makes the heart grow fonder and togetherness makes you hate the sound of each other's breathing. Yes. How much do you hear me chew now? Not to put you on the spot. You're not actually,

you're not a very loud chewer. I'm going to thank you. Somebody else on the other hand. We don't, we don't talk about any members of the family. I do have to say, I'm not a loud chewer, but you did wake me up

this morning. And you filmed me loudly snoring. I want to know, can you guys message us? Have you ever filmed your partner to show them how loud they snored? I personally thought... I was only filming for the audio. I thought I looked gorgeous. I was like lying with butter. I really like the angle that my hair was at. But I was a freaking truck driver in the bedroom. I mean, I could play it. Do we want to play it? Sure. let's but I do have to say I want to point out that the only reason first of all I recorded because for some reason I couldn't get to sleep last night but also just because

I always tell you to to give me a knock if I'm snoring because I don't want you to suffer give me a knock I'll turn on my side and you know a couple of times lately you've poked him and he always goes what happened would you do this goes he always says something immediately like and how'd you get there you're like what no I like who shot the sheriff I, no, but I, I hate, if I'm keeping somebody up with snoring, I, I'm, I'm riddled with shame. I'm riddled with shame. But a couple of, a couple of times lately, you, you tapped me. Yeah.

So last night I couldn't sleep, and it was very loud. And let me just preface saying, whatever you're about to hear, you're twice as loud. Continue. Okay, but you don't have evidence of that. So if it please the court, excuse me, if it please the court, unless we have evidence of this, This is not going to be able to be submitted to evidence. I know what I'm doing tonight, and it's recording you snore. You know, because, you know, your honor, this is hearsay.

Whereas here we are, Exhibit 1B. You're going to hear the actual snoring of the defendant, Ms. Hanna-Bner on the night of January 2nd into the morning of January 3rd here in West Hampton Beach, Long Island. So I'm going to sing Christophile. It needs to be, that needs to be, that needs to be hurt properly. But hey, listen, we all snore. I was away with Nikki recently when I was in Malika that time. And he like threw something because we were like in the same room.

but like beds were far apart and he like threw something i was like what's the far he's like you're snoring man who's malica malaga malaga i was in i was in the south of spain with uh nicky and the and the kids so uh anyway um can't wait for next episode for me to have a come back oh god now i'm not going to be able to sleep rebuttal and i'll use aiden's if i have to oh oh see see this is this is the issue with the Why we get in trouble. You know, mine was admissible in court because it's clearly you. But you're going to use Aden's.

Unacceptable. I'm going to videotape it so you know it's you. Fake news. Fake news. Wow. We really took a turn on that one. If you want to level up your hair care, skin care game, that's where Proves comes into play. It personalizes everything for you.

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special place in health for people that use a communal microwave and heat up fish. Now, I hate this in my workplace. However, I was at a spin class, and obviously, somebody was having their lunch, kitchen's like where everyone's smoothies get made anyway walked into spin class and just hit with a stench of fish but yeah i think there's a special place in hell for people that like heat up fish in the microwave or eat like smelly fish at their desks um and another pet peeve i really hate it when somebody comes up to me clearly wants to ask me a question but feels the need to just like how's the weather how is your weekend like i don't give a shit just tell me what you want but you know

I've been told that maybe I'm a bit too direct could you ever see me with that accent could I ever see you with that accent yeah I mean she just sounds so put together with that accent yeah it's like I feel like you can't have my personality and that accent

yeah like that's how page speaks to me that to me that accent is somebody from is it posh well I think it's I actually think and maybe I'm wrong and she'll get offended that it's somebody from more north of England but has lived in London for a long time.

Wow, very specific. But I could be wrong. We'll see. We'll see. Well, her accent's gorgeous. I do have to say, though, I'm like 50-50 with what she's saying. And let me explain. Second half, 100% agree. I hate, hate, hate when, like, you have to have the same conversation

with multiple people throughout the day where you're just like, the weather, Tuesdays, that happens. That's annoying. Or when someone comes up to you and they're like, are you busy? And it's like, well, that depends. Or it's like, what are you doing in an hour? Well, that depends. Tell me what we're doing.

It's like when someone text to you, like, what are you up to Tuesday night? Well, that fucking depends. Give me some context. Embarrassingly to the first half, I found this out on TikTok. I am the tuna fish friend. Unfortunately, when I'm in the mood for tuna fish, nothing else will suffice. I will be in a van with my friends when we're getting kidnapped. Just kidding.

When we're like driving to a tournament during college and go to Subway. and I were the tuna fish everyone gets mad at me and so yeah somebody's like who got the tune who had the audacity am I heating up the tuna fish

no but am I being selfish slash do I kind of think it's funny yes I do think in office environments I used to get sushi a lot sushi's that's fine sushi's not an offender

it doesn't smell I'm not heating up salmon because I'm not healthy enough to do that but she's talking about people that she's talking about people that do that first of all I have to say

I like tuna but if I'm a a group, I will actually ask permission. I will check. I will get consent. And that's what I will do in the future because I didn't realize it hurt people's feelings that much because you know

we're very different when it comes to food. I'm very, I'm freaky. I'm messy. I don't care. You, if jelly touches cream cheese, you lose your fucking mind. Especially with smells. Like, if I've finished my... You can't focus if there's a smell.

If I've finished my dinner and I've already had my dessert and then there's like a really strong smell of like savory food. It makes me very uncomfortable. You ever just crave a sesame bagel with tuna and like nothing else will be better? I mean, I like, listen, I like tuna, you know? I think it's a good, it's a sort of a fast food that's kind of healthy. I try to eat it fast.

But I've definitely many times in my life gotten the, are you eating tuna? And I go, you want some? No, they're like, how could you do this to me? How could you do this to me? Listen, the communal microwave, it's an issue. you. The people that like stink out the canteen or the

staff lunchroom, unacceptable. Ooh, I have a comment. Unacceptable. My biggest pet peeve is when I do if it's not like tuna fish, when I get something to eat and people are all up in my shit. Like, what do you eating? What do you get? Oh, that's what you're eating. You know when people get judgy about what you eat?

Interesting. Because I'm very like I'll go and I'll find like a good ramen and then I'll, oh, you got ramen. Or sometimes I'll get hyperfixated on something like I'll get the same like sandwich like four days and so I'll be like oh you got that sandwich again get out of my fucking business I'm eating what I'm eating and I don't need people commenting oh you ate the whole thing I hate that oh I get that a lot you get that a lot you know why you get that a lot wow you always eat the whole thing wow you're already done wow we just said done

you're ready done I get that all that all I want to do is eat in peace and I get a lot of comments about my eating habits what I'm eating how I'm eating it and everyone needs to fuck off. I hate when people get competitive about things like, oh, what'd you have for lunch? Raman. It's like, have you ever been to this ramen place? It's like, no, I just enjoyed the ramen that I had. Or if like you get something kind of naughty,

like you get a cheeseburger or something and they're like, oh, you're eating a cheeseburger. Oh, I wish I could but I care. Like, don't give me, don't put your eating disorder on to me. Oh, okay. Oh. Oh. Just saying, no, people get fucking weird with food, you know?

And I don't like that energy. I want my food and my bathroom to be a safe space. I guess that's why I work from home. So that came up. Can I say one thing, though? Okay. I do like the camaraderie that an office brings. Like I understand why people are doing like in the office and out of the office

because some days, instead of being depressed all day in my own head, going to the office was very helpful to me. Having a rhythm and seeing people and having to put yourself together was helpful. So I do see some of the positives. Yeah, no. The camaraderie is nice. God, we have so many. The camaraderie is nice.

Whenever it was not an asshole. This came up a lot, so I want to play it. Because I feel like a lot of people will identify. Hello. Hope you guys are doing well. Listen to you guys all the time. Love y'all. So the most annoying thing that coworkers do is send me an email.

And then not even a minute after that. that send me a message on team saying, hey, I send you an email. Okay, I probably haven't even looked at it yet because you just click sent. And then next, call me or comes to my desk and say, hey, I send you an email and send you a message. Like, all right, bro. Give me a minute to even look at it. It's only been like, what, 15 seconds? Like, this recording probably taking longer than him sending me an email and a message and then I'm coming over.

Ruh. Anyways, hope y'all are having a good day. Things I got to do with every day. All right. Bye. I thought she was just going to be like, I hate one coworker send me emails. Yeah. This reminds me. This came up a lot. This is one of my biggest pet peeves ever off of this.

When you send someone something for a review or something and they take their sweet-ass time, days, weeks, even months. They send it back to you and they're like, hey, can I have notes back in a day? Oh. Oh. And that happens a lot in my line of work or like you're waiting. I'm ready to work. I have to do something. I'm waiting.

I'm waiting. And they're like, oh, they're figuring it out. And they're like, oh, they're like, you have one business day to do it. And I'm like,

but you've been sitting on this for a month when I could have been prepping. And they assume that you've nothing else to do, but just sit there and wait for them to do it. It's a lot of the like people not understanding your time or they want you to prioritize their thing. over everything. I get that. And that stuff happens

in the office a lot. And yeah. Because like that's not the only email she's receiving. She's receiving a ton of emails with the people all wanting her to have it top priority. So I wanted to play that

because it came up so much. I obviously have nothing to add. Well they have this thing now back in the day they didn't have these teams or like slack. Yes. They say like you're getting hit

on all fucking corners. Yeah. They're just coming at you. And but I'm interested to know and you guys could DM us are you guys, are you guys at 6 p.m. or 5 p.m. whenever you leave the office are you turning off like are you not responding to anything yeah what's the what's the name of that movement there's like a movement of quiet quitting no like that 4B the right to the right to log off yeah well because what happens is it becomes a peer pressure thing like technically you log off but then like you get ahead of your work when you keep working and other people are working so you don't want to seem lazy and then it becomes this whole peer pressure thing that thing that you never have a day off or the classic I think it's illegal now but back in the day

I had unlimited vacation days which basically meant no vacation days because that means whenever you take it it's like you're seriously taking oh you're taking two weeks vacation where if you have days then that you're literally forced to take them yes um which is a lot healthier just you don't feel like you're making a choice we finish off with something lighthearted yeah Hi, Des and Hannah. Love you guys. Love the pod. Shout out Giggly Squad. Um, okay, so my most annoying, like, co-worker habits are when on Fridays you have that one lady that comes in every Friday and goes, happy Friday. And I just want to just like slap her in the face. Or when you come back from work on a Monday and people ask you how your weekend was. Like, my weekend was great. I don't want to discuss with you. I don't want to tell you about my life. We're co-workers. You don't need to know anything about me.

Stop asking me how my weekend was because I don't give a shit about yours. And I'm sure you don't give a shit about mine. Okay. Well, thanks. Love you. Bye. Wait. I just got such.

Okay, Dexter. I got. You guys, we watch four seasons of Dexter in this vacation. It's been amazing. I highly recommend. I just got such PTSD of how is your weekend because you have to think of like what your answer. there is because you can't just say good and then sometimes like I remember being 23 and like my

weekend like I was just like you're either like drunk the whole weekend or like you just stuff you don't want to tell people so then you like going to work innocently trying to do your job and next you know you're fucking lying trying to be like oh I was at the I think I actually used to do this thing where I would joke and I would just be like I was at the library all weekend and like that became a thing like oh how's the library did you go library I went to library but it's it's a lot of corny back and forth just trying to get out of conversation with people. I feel like the office is. I'm actually annoyed. I'm distracted.

Why? Because all week I wanted to discuss one of our messages from last week. I got a lot of feedback on it and then I forgot to open up with it. So the message about the woman that had a drunken makeout session

at the office bar, you know, it was the bar staff party. Nobody really agreed with us. Everybody was like, she's a cheater. She needs to tell him. And it was really, but I actually, I think, I stand by our advice. And I would say we Esther Perel that shit. I think people need to see Esther Perel when it comes to like your quick judgment on that. But what I really want to say is thank you everybody for the feedback. That's the level of intensity. That's the level of engagement.

That's the level engagement I want. Passion, passion, as Angol Batista would say in Dexter. We like the passion. And, you know, don't get me wrong, I wasn't inundated with messages, but I'd say maybe I got 10 messages. And one of them agreed with us. The rest of them were... Well, I think there's deeper issues going on if you're blacking out and you're making out with your ex. but we were not equipped to get into that extent.

Yeah. So we were just speaking based on what we know. Astor Perl that shit. You guys always talk about Brenne Brown, but I think you need to, honestly, you never have guests on Kigley Squad, but Esther Perel be a great guest. Yeah, you love Esther Perel. But if we're bringing it back, if my husband got blackout drunk and made out with a girl that he used to hook up with and didn't tell me, first of all, I'm a girl,

so I would have found out second of all someone would have told me third of all I would have something I would have gotten out to him

um fourth of all I would have found out and then I would honestly be like I don't want to start a marriage with this fucking mess yes

well if your current husband got blackout drunk him making out with a girl would be the least of your worries the absolute least of your worries you know whoop, whoop, that's a sound daughter of police.

Anyway, so, KRS 1, just in case you're wondering. What'd you say? That's KRS 1, great song. KRS 1. KRS 1. That song. So, anyway, I guess we're going to leave it there. You getting arrested?

Hypothetic. Yes. You guys, thank you so much for calling in. We love you so much. Thank you for dialing. Yeah, and happy new year. Keep, keep all the feedback coming. We love it.

We love the community we're building. Yeah, it's adding to the essence. Essentially, it's making the pod better. Yeah, it is a little back and forth. So thank you guys. Thank you. Bye. Hey, Hannah and Des, first time, long time.

Here's one, it's fucking disgusting. Clipping your fingernails at your desk. Like, first of all, the sound, it's fucking drives you insane. Because you hear it and it's like inconsistent. And like the first couple times you hear it, you're like, is that what I think it is? And then you hear like the third or fourth finger and you're like, oh, my fucking God. And also, unless they're doing it. it like directly over a trash can like think there would be some sense of decorum around doing something

like that but there's not it's a fucking jungle out there hi hannah hi des love the pod um Hannah I'm seeing you in Nashville this February I can't wait to giggle all night long um most annoying habit of my co-workers I will say I'm a work from home girly now and the vibes every morning are amazing lots of candles good music good coffee just everything we need um but when I did have to go in the office. The worst thing I had to deal with was fighting for the rights to the radio in the morning. It was basically a battle between the girlies and then the male co-workers who wanted country music, 80s rock, and they were just setting up the office to have the wrong vibes in the morning. No one wants to hear that blasting in their eardrum. I don't want to see men

mouth in country songs. I don't want to see the air guitar when some solo happens. It's just not the energy that I want. So that was a bad time. But we're in a good place now and the vibes are always good at my house. Hi, I'm a big fan of Burnphone and Gagli Swad. So I work as a personal trainer and there's only me in three other male trainers. For example, I'm going to be 24 and all of them are over 30. There's this one trainer who he annoys me for many reasons, but his inability to clean up fitness equipment after his clients irritates me to no end. Even my own clients have made notes of this and, like, had comments to me, and he also steals other people's equipment chronically.

I cannot stand it. It's like you're 30 years old, you're married, have a baby, and you don't know how to pick up up yourself. It is absolutely infuriating. Love both you guys. Bye. So many to choose from. Oh, my gosh. Okay, I think I have to choose the most annoying habit of my co-workers is actually one of my direct reports. She loves to call me kiddo any chance she gets,

which is just so good for my self-esteem as a new manager. So, yeah, I know it's come from a good place. I know she's like doing a maternal kind of term of endearment thing, but God, I frigging it. Yeah. So I don't know how to tell her to stop because I know, like I said, coming from a good place, but I just wish like HR would overhear it and say something newer. I really don't, ugh. But yeah, being called kiddo, that's the best and the worst. Okay, I work at an orthodontist's office. I'm an assistant. And one of the other assistants, for whatever reason, has an amazing memory. And she can remember every patient that we've had. and so she knows who's the difficult ones and who are the chill ones.

So anytime a difficult patient comes in, she will be at a sight so that one of the other assistants will have to take them and work with them. It's actually so annoying. And to make it even worse, when say I take that difficult patient, the assistant will come back to me. And just like in passing will be like, oh, I remember last time they came in, like they threw up with, with, with the impression, or they were so difficult, they flinched at everything. I'm just like, okay, like, why are you telling me this? Like, just to rub it in my face, like, that's not helping at all. Anyways, it irks me so bad, and, like, she thinks she's getting away with it, but everyone knows.

One of my coworkers is notorious for wasting her time and other people's meaning. this girl I will be like actively in the middle of a meeting and she'll walk past my desk see that I'm actively in the middle of a meeting and just because she doesn't want to go back to her desk and do work she'll stand by my desk and talk my ear off but the things that she says are things like oh god I'm so busy I feel like I've got nothing done today I have so much to do but I don't want to do any of it oh my god I'm so busy How's your day? Is yours busy like mine? Oh my god, I'm so busy. And it's like, girl, if you don't go back to your desk and do something, I'm going to lose all of my marbles. Again, I'm actively in the middle of a meeting. And I'm like, hello. How more obvious can I be?