Berner Phone - Berner Phone #73: How Did I Not Know This?

Episode Date: January 11, 2025

We are learning, growing, and realizing things today because we asked the dialers to tell us "I was today years old when...". Some of these facts might change your life, but don't count on it.

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Use code burner 30, B-E-R-N-R-30 for 30% off. Trust me, it's time for some well-deserved me time. Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. What's up, my little Daedlers? Mommy and Daddy are back.

Wait, what did that sound? Mommy and Daddy. That sounded like a weird. Daddy just woke up from a nap. Daddy woke up from a nap. And mommy is in Baltimore. Don't be jealous. Don't be jealous.

I'm supposed to be in Charlotte, but I got I got snowed out by an inch, 1.5 inches of snow. It's funny. My friend's in Charlotte, and they were like, we got one inch of snow. Everything's canceled. I feel guilty. I had to post, I had to post about canceling the show. And I was like, this, there's so much horrible. shit going on in the world. Yeah. And I have to post about my one-inch snow cancellation.

Yeah. Yeah. It's, you know, it is the day after tomorrow. An apocalypse is happening. But we're going to have a little silly fun to try to forget about... We're going to have some fun here today. All the horrible things happening in the world. But since we're talking about unimportant things in the midst of tragedy, I am in Minneapolis next day. Next Friday. I do also have shows in Alabama coming up that I need to sell some more tickets for. Oh, you do? Okay. No, but yeah, it's hard being on the other side of the world. But you know what?

At this time, I think comedy is really important. Keep people smiling. And you actually came up with the prompt this week. A dialer did. Oh, a dialer message you because it's like a TikTok friend, right? This came in through the prompt hotline of my DMs. Again, I should have remembered the name. but thank you, Diler, for this suggestion.

It's, uh, I was today years old when I learned, you know, and, you know, it's, it's kind of, there's always moments in your adult life where you're shocked that you didn't know something. Yeah, you're like, I've been living my whole life for this long thinking a type of way. It's so funny, because whenever we do these prompts, we love getting everyone else's prompts and then we start the pod and we're like, oh shit, we don't have our own answer. I have my own. You do. I don't know anything.

So, like, I was today years old when I learned literally anything. Oh, well, come on. But I did do some research right before. But I specifically was, like, what are things some people have said? And this is just really niche and random. But did you know that owls have, like, really long legs under their feathers? No. Like, you know, you just see their feet?

It's like they have, like, page length legs. Really? Did you fact check this? Little torso, long legs. Did you fact check it? Supermodel, strut. I don't know. Of course I didn't fact check it. That's not the world we live in right now. Well, come on. Let's fact check that.

Facebook doesn't do fact checking anymore, does. That's a really good one. That's like, that will be, because there's been a lot that came in that I didn't know. Yeah. Well, I'm, yeah, owls have long. Yes, owls have long legs. Almost half as long as their body. It's really cute. Oh my God, it literally looks, oh my God, it looks like when you look at the picture,

it looks like they're like lifting up a robe. Oh my God, it's a, there's a really funny picture online from New York Magazine too. It literally looks like the arrow is saying, don't show them, my cock. I didn't know you'd be so passionate about that one. I also, since you're like in the animal ones, I also, I was today years old when I learned that like turtles, they don't like fill up their shell. Like the shell's not like full of like turtle muscle. It's literally the turtle is the shell and it's like empty inside.

Right. Somebody did message that in but I didn't quite understand what they meant. Yeah, neither do I. But it's a visual. Just if you're bored on the toilet, it's worth a Google. The one that actually I was quite old when I discovered this. But then my buddy Nikki, who I mentioned last week as well, Literally, the last time I was in Ireland, I pointed out to him that when you're going to fill up a car, you know, fill up gas in the car, there's an arrow on the little, on the little gas pump logo that's on your gas gauge, there's an arrow on the side where the gas tank is, the right or the, you know, the driver's side or the passenger side.

And I did not know that for a long time And I would always rent cars And I would always like When I get to the gas station I'd like stop before the pump And get out and look which side Yeah it's 50-50 Yeah but it's it's there on the

Every car has it And I gotta think Nikki didn't know He's 48 years old when he found out So I gotta think there's some people listening right now That didn't know this Speaking of arrows I was like a couple years ago

I realized that the FedEx logo has an arrow in it that's like hidden that came up yeah that came up yeah that's like a thing that was going around the internet I think for a while people were like oh my god I know well speak logo wise and I think I've mentioned this on the pod

before logo wise my whole life I did not realize that the baseball glove of the Milwaukee Brewers logo is an M and a B together and I don't know I never noticed it and then I noticed it

Oh, this one, this one I found from researching today. So do you know that most ceiling fans, I'm looking at one right now? Most ceiling fans have a switch on them. Did you know that? Like you pull it down. No, there's like a, there's like an actual switch, like a like a light switch type thing. But it's up like on the on the top of the ceiling fan above the fan or below the fan. Like it's not convenient, but it's there if there's an emergency.

No. So here's the thing. You switch it in the winter. It can extract cold air up. It changes the direction of the fan. Oh. Okay. That's some, that's some like scientific shit. No, it's not scientific. It's just that in the in the summer. I'm not going to learn physics right now. Yeah, it changes the direction. Okay, I saw one other one that's good. You know, with like a pasta, this is very Italian, but you know a pasta, like a plastic pasta spoon, that it has like a hole in it, like one hole and like claws. The whole is actually what a serving size is of spaghetti. So like the amount of spaghetti you could fit into that hole is a serving size apparently. Really? Did you fact check that?

No. But it was on boardpanda.com. So I think it was pretty fucking accurate. I'm not going to question Mr. Panda. We need Chris for this. Let's get into what the dialers. Hold on. I got a few more here.

Hold on. I can't fact check you. I didn't realize you can't come to mess around today. You came to play. Because you can't do an episode of I was today years old when and then give people misinformation because, by the way, I was. on TikTok, I went on TikTok to look at I was today years old when. And a lot of them are misinformation. A lot of them are. Yes. But that one that you said is 100% true. Do you know

what the YMCA stands for? Youth ministry, Catholic animals. There's elements of what you said that aren't far from the truth. It's the Young Men Christians Association. Wow. I was really close. So it's the same thing. Well, when I looked it up, I saw a lot of people were like, I was today years old when I found out what YMCA stands for. I didn't know YMCA was like religiously affiliated. I thought it was just like a local place to work out. I thought it was just a dance song. Hannah, I mean, it's, it's fun to stay at the YMCA.

It's, you know, it's about the YMCA. And the YMCA often had facilities, but also had places to stay. You knew that, right? That you could stay at a YMCA. Yeah, it's the hottest club in town. Get a table at the Y. Here's my last boring one. I only learned, like, you know, when somebody's name is like Fredrickson or Simonson,

like all those Scandinavian names, I didn't realize that it does directly come from son of, you know, son of Frederick, son of Eric, son of whoever, you know, Sorensen. Like, I just never made the connection. But that in the Viking times, you know, your name always changed depending on who your father was. Yeah, I didn't realize Dick was for Richard. Oh, you didn't know that? Yeah, why would I? Who? What? Like, why?

I know. It's one of those weird. It's one of those weird ones. Or like Bill is short for William. It's like, why not just Will? Yeah. Well, there's also that. That is also an option. I am working on a new bit about how I don't trust guys named Alec. Because if you can't commit to a full name, how are you going to commit to us? Yes, and you said that to me.

And I was wondering, are you suggesting that it's short for Alexander? Yeah. Yeah, but Alex, Alex is short for Alexander. No, but Alec is a name, but it sounds like it's just like he didn't commit to the full name. That's the joke. Also, speak of guys, Dave, when we're on stage, making fun of men on Giggly Squad Live, sometimes guys would be like, my name's Brian, and I'll be like with a Y or an eye, and he goes, I, and then I'm like, okay, narcissist.

Oh, nice. They don't deserve it. It's so mean. Well, in Ireland, it's, that gets political when you do that. Because some people would say, no, that's the Protestant way. Oh, don't want to get into that today. It's just a funny, stupid thing, you know, like, they'd be like with a wire and I. And they're like, no, that's the Protestant way.

By the way, speaking of names and like where names come from, do you know why Irish and Scottish names of like McDonald or Mac, you know, Maxweeney? No. Do you actually know that? Is it like? Oh, because... Farmers? No, Mac in Gaelic means son.

Oh, got it. And then O is like from. So like O'Connor is like from Connor. Yeah. Is that like... And then like how they were like carpenter. It's like because you're a carpenter. It's like, so back in the day our names would be like,

sad clown. Well, I'm really getting you today. What's that? Getting you giggling. today. Yeah, you're like, you're like pretend ignorance is hilarious. Like Hannah pretending she's dumb for laughs. Wait, you just call me smart.

You're clearly smart. Can you stop giving me so many compliments? Let's get into it. Okay. By the way, there's so many. Let's go, because these are so good for like conversational topics and stuff. I think the dialers, like this is an enrichment educational episode. All right, this came up a lot.

Hi, Hannah. Hi, Des. Love you guys so much. Okay, so I was not today years old, but very recently years old. And I'm 23. And I just learned that when they measure TVs, they measure them diagonally. So if it's a 32-inch TV, it's 32 inches from the top right corner to the bottom left corner. Apparently, that's something that everybody knows.

and that's kind of common knowledge. But, yeah, that was something that came across my desk just recently. And I was a little bit shocked by that. Love you guys. Bye. Had no idea. Had no idea. Did you?

Well, I remember finding that out, not that, like, within the last five to six years, but had completely forgotten in the meantime until this message today that I saw, so much so that last week when we replaced the TV in the bedroom, I measured the the thing we were you know the bureau that we were going to put the TV on and I measured it without ever factoring in that it's actually diagonal

and not the wide way that's how much I forgot I never even thought I didn't even know what I thought it meant but then also when I see a number like 37 inches I'm like I have no fucking like after two feet I don't know what that means you know like mentally I'm just like if I don't have a ruler I can't tell you

I can't imagine that So I was today years old when I was reminded of that, but I definitely was in my deep adulthood when I learned that for the first time. And I guarantee you there are a lot of people right now that are only learning that. Oh, hell yeah. I remember when we got our first flat screen TV and it was like it was like felt like the Jeffersons, just the future was here. I remember being in Brown Thomas and Cork, fancy department store in Ireland. There was, like, LED screens, and it was like $5,000 euro. And people were like, that's what TVs are going to be like.

I was like, wow. And then I remember years later, somebody was like, they're getting cheap now. They're giving him away. I remember I went to school by Columbus Circle. So after school, we'd have to, like, hang out somewhere. And if it was cold, we would just go into, like, the Columbus Circle. It wasn't really a mall, but like the shopping center. Oh, yeah.

And they had, like, a TV store. and we would like just sit and watch what was ever on the TV Oh that's a great idea I never thought of that In the store like we'd be like walking around but we'd like stop and chill And like we'd sit on the couches that are in the TV store That was just a crazy memory that I Haven't thought of in a while In that mall where we went to Luan de Lesseps

Yeah Party I used to live at that mall after school And then there was a whole foods In the basement of it and like if you wanted to spend been $32 on lunch, you could go there. But we would just like hang because it was too expensive. So we just like sit in the whole foods. That's how you became a liberal.

Okay, here's here's here's here's a fun one. So it's actually manila folder, not vanilla folder. It made me laugh That's something me and Paige would say on Gagley Squad and just like let it be the truth, vanilla folder. I think I definitely was quite young

when I found that up but I do think when I was a kid I thought it was vanilla folder. I knew it was a folder but like what is it? Why do you need it? It's just a folder. Why do we have to?

What is a manila? Like what makes it manila? Well, don't, Hannah, today is a fact-checking episode. So don't throw that out there. and not expect a fact check. I mean, it's like the tan ones, right? But like, why was someone was like, make sure that these are Manila?

Okay, well, get ready for some info. This is an interesting app. You know, this is my kind of episode, right? I know. And then other people, like, if they're high, we'll enjoy this. Manila folders are named after Manila hemp, which comes from the Philippines

and was the primary material used to make them. There you go. Interesting. Because, yeah, I knew Manila was a place in the Philippines, actually. Not to brag. The United States imported a large amount of hemp from the Philippines during the American colonial period. Wow.

So they're not made from that anymore, though. But the name comes from the original material. You know, I have a phobia of knowing too much, like, random information that I'll forget, like, important information. So, like, I actually... That's not true. I, for some reason, I feel like it's like, If I remember that, I'll forget my social security number.

Yeah. I mean, it is true that when I learned Irish, when I started getting good at Chinese, my Irish disimprove. But I don't think it's the case that your brain doesn't have space for other. If that was the case, Hannah, I wouldn't remember all those dumb landlines. On stage last night, like, I'm working a new bit. And I was like, you know, my husband's smarter than me. And some girl was like, no, he's not. and I was like he speaks three languages

and I choke on my own saliva and everyone was just quiet they were like she should be as a good point no what they should have said was no he's not he just doesn't play dumb for laughs since that's becoming a running theme throughout the episode no page sent me

a TikTok today about how like this girl being like you actually have to be smart to be funny and I was like page tell yourself whatever you want to need to tell yourself No, Paige is actually But it's actually true, by the way. Yeah.

So I think it's... Understanding humor requires intellect. Yeah. This one I didn't know. And I can't wait to try it. Hi, Hannah and Des. For the sake of this prompt, I was today's years old

when I learned you could eat the skin of a kiwi. And I actually learned this probably in high school and I've been doing it for several years. And my brother just mentioned recently, like the people that eat a whole kiwi are crazy like that's so gross and I do it often it's just a little bit of extra texture and added fiber it's good for you and I would highly recommend wow I 100% didn't know that I didn't know that like an apple like she bites into like an apple like a kiwi I know but I'm saying like she's just chomping into it I guess so yeah it's funny because it is hairy yeah yeah It's kind of like being married to you, eating a kiwi. You're like, it tastes good, but there's something in my tooth. It's sweet, but bad aftertaste.

No, no. It's just the hairy. It's just the texture. It's not about flavor. This is about texture. Wait, I need to lose. I'm like a kiwi. I'm sweet.

but a little too hairy. Yeah, it's like, well, honestly, I'm one to eat everything. Like, I'll eat a shrimp tail. I eat the bones when I'm eating chicken wings. So you eat the shrimp tail? Yeah. When it's like fried, I'll eat.

You eat the chicken bones? Yep, I eat the chicken bones. Because I ended up getting like a fear that somebody was like, oh, fish bones can like perforate your esophagus. Yeah, I mean, you make sure you should. Chew it. Make sure you chew it. But I'm not making sure it's not like a stick

going out. Like I like make sure I chew it all. Yeah, because people always had that great fear of giving chicken bones to dogs. I then myself was like very cautious about chicken bones. I also eat artichoke. Like when they're like, oh, just eat the tip of it. Like I'll eat the whole thing. Interesting. I'm fucking wild.

But now I almost want to try the kiwi thing. Because sometimes you eat a kiwi and it's so good, but it feels like there's not enough meat. Not enough. So maybe it gives you more of a full on experience. The only thing more frustrating than eating a kiwi is eating a pomegranate. Have you ever ate a pomegranate? I don't think so. I like discovered them in like high school and I thought was the coolest thing and I would like buy it after school and go home and there's pits in every single one. So it's like you're like I don't

it's just like it's a journey. It's a journey. And then sometimes you're like fuck it and you just eat the pits. When I'm eating cherries in the summer, I often swallow the pits. Oh, that's unsafe. Then you get a cherry tree in your stomach. Yeah, and which, which is like, you can look that one up. It's not true. You just shit them out. All right, well, that was, that was fun.

That was really fun. We're crazy. We're being crazy right now. Okay. Here we go. Hi, Hannah. Hi, hi, Dez. Hannah, long time giggler here.

I went to Club Giggly in Chicago and had an absolute time. Love you and Paige so much. But I was today years old when I learned that the phrase, but naked is actually buck naked and I don't know what a buck is so I'm obviously not going to retrain my brain to say that instead of butt naked and butt naked just makes so much more sense you know so oh well love you guys I wasn't expecting that well I have to tell you I don't know what this episode is going to do to my algorithm but I then looked up the the etymology of buck naked versus butt naked, and it turns out that they're both acceptable, actually.

Yeah, that's what I thought, because butt naked is a thing, but buck naked, like, let's get buck in here. That was like a rap song. I didn't know what meant getting naked, but. Well, the thing is that they don't really know the etymology of buck naked. They only know that buck naked was around, like the evidence of buck naked is around earlier than butt naked, but that they both kind of, they're both acceptable. That's funny.

Like someone said buck and then someone was like, I'd rather say but. And they're like, you say buck, I say butt. Well, one of the theories is that it comes from buck skin, apparently. Like, let's buck it. No, buck skin. Yeah, but I'm saying maybe they were like when you skin a buck. Yeah, I guess. But anyway, it doesn't matter.

What I wanted to say to this dialer, though, is that you're now, today years old, finding out that actually it's not one of the other that both are acceptable. And I can't, I now can't remember which one I said, but I do think that I was somebody that would say buck naked. I think I said I say butt. You say butt naked? Yeah, I think buck is also like in the south, like they say it in country

songs or like, yeah, or like southern rappers. Well, because like Buck Wild, let's get Buck Wilde. Yes, Buck Wild that's what I was thinking about. And I would, yeah, I loved yelling Buck Wilde. Let's get book in here. But I do have to say, with language, I'm always about, it doesn't matter if it's right. Did people understand what you were trying to say? Because that's the only point.

That's the point here. And language evolves. Language evolves. I'm glad now you're just going to have naked people all over your algorithm. Well, I am so happy that we found hero bread. Hannah will tell you I'm a bread guy. You know, love toast, love bagels. Could honestly, I could live the rest of my life just have.

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Hi, Hannah-N-Daz. So this is actually such a good prompt because I recently learned that guys have just been signing up for the draft when they turn 18 like I knew that that was a thing but like no one ever talks about it so I just didn't really realize that everyone was like physically signing up for the draft and like how are they doing that like art is there like a Google form like who is who is how are they signing up like why does no one talk about that like you would think that would come up in conversation more, but I guess not. Okay, well, love you guys, bye.

So this came up for us recently, but first and foremost, it's the law. You have to sign up for selective service. In Ireland, my mother had to, she had to, like, sign a form saying that I wasn't in the country. But it is the law, or it certainly was, unless it's changed recently, men when you're 18 it's your it's obligatory to sign for selective service and when do you age out

well that we're going to look that up now Hannah because I'm I better be aged out because I can't even fucking walk they're like we need Advil and 45 year olds come on and I also wonder if women women don't have to

I guess no women do not have to in the United States men between the age of 18 and 25 are required to register for a selective service system. Okay, so basically men whose brains aren't fully formed yet. Well, I mean, that's for voting. There's a lot of, there's a lot of stuff that, but yeah, young men.

U.S. citizens, including those born in the USA, dual citizens and naturalized citizens, legal permanent residents, undocumented immigrants, refugees and asylum seekers, transgender people who are assigned male at birth and people with disabilities are required by law to register for selective service. So there's something that, uh, and I, so obviously, I thought that was more well known, but this dialer has shown that it isn't so much so that recently we encountered a situation where you, when you were preparing for the roast, um, you were, you were going to do some jokes on, uh, you know, the abortion rights being taken away.

and somebody had suggested a joke they actually just said the statement selective cervix which I thought was hilarious as a pun on selective service and you were like I don't get it

and then I tried on stage that night because you explained it to me we tried we then constructed a joke around the pun and I was so excited about it and it didn't get any reaction yeah but also what is selective service

mean that like if they need you they could select you yeah so basically Vietnam being you know about what happened in Vietnam right a war yeah but they instituted the draft and loads of people had no choice but to go and fight in Vietnam with they haven't they haven't used the draft since but like if you're between the age 18 and 25 and like we suddenly end up in war war three and it's not a nuclear holocaust then you just have no You're just, your number gets called and you have to go to war. So that was the depth of the joke, which was basically like men are making decisions and we don't have a choice. So the joke that we wrote was like, I don't think that men should be forced to go to war if they don't want to.

So don't force me to have a baby if I don't want to. This isn't selective cervix. Yeah. That was the, it didn't get a laugh. It didn't get a laugh. I'm also bad at pun jokes. Like, as I'm saying it, I'm like, this is going to, I don't know about this. But no, it's very clever.

It's very clever. But I think, just on a serious note, I think one of the reasons why it doesn't get talked about so much anymore is because it's just been so long. Yeah, it hasn't been a thing. That most people consider, like, registering for selective service is just like a, you know, like applying for your social security number. like just as something that you do, but it doesn't matter. But when I was a kid, because like I was born the year that the last helicopter left from Saigon, but in the 80s, I'm sure you remember, there was tons of Vietnam movies.

And there was just really like an awareness of all these people being sent to war against, you know, that didn't want to go, including my uncle who then was sent home for a medical reason. But do you know that my mother, like their family, they had like a going away party for my uncle Kevin? Oh, my God. Like going to fucking Vietnam, you know? And then like a week later, he was back home because he had some medical issue that exempted him. Wow.

Anyway, so I think that's why, which is a good thing that people don't know anymore because they're just not aware of like men being forced to go to war. Let's keep going. I was today years old when I learned that in the song, I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. They're talking about the sun seeing the mom and dad downstairs kissing.

and the dad is dressed as Santa Claus. I used to think that the mom was cheating on the dad with Santa Claus. I used to think that too. When I was younger, I used to think that. I used to be like, oh shit, the mother is getting down with Santa Claus. Mrs. Claus is going to be mad. Yeah. That's so funny.

I'm not trying to be suddenly smarter than you, but I was like, oh, that's the point of the song. Yeah. But it's also like, let's be honest. our mom and dad that horny that when he's dressed up as Santa they got to get down like who no guys ever put on a Santa outfit

and a girl been like oh I've never been more attracted to you yeah I do I do remember I was young but I remember being aware like oh shit of course but you must have heard that song when you were like still believing in Santa actually you're right you're right

but I do have to say I got over Santa pretty early in my atheist you guys That's what happens when you grow up in Park Slope When you grow up with like A lot of different religions I feel like it slips real quick That like

Because they're always like Some people believe in Santa Some people don't So that was like always a thing It's like they believe in Kwanza They don't even celebrate Christmas And I was just like When am I getting my presents? I don't care who is from

Santa whatever you want to call like give me my fucking presence mom yes that that's that's what happens with that that's the problem with it's too it's too cool over there in park slope you know i know and cool is not always as fun what's that cool is not always as fun it's it's not as fun it's not it's not all right here we go so i'm mexican raised in the states but both my parents are Mexican. So while I do know English, I did not really grow up hearing the different phrases, like pulling the trigger, which I thought meant you were ending something. Like, oh, we're not going to do that anymore. Let's pull the trigger. Apparently, it means that you're initiating

something. So I've been using it wrong this whole time. And by this whole time, I mean, I really just started using that phrase like two years ago when I entered the workplace. So, yes, now I understand the difference between pulling the trigger and what's the other one? Pulling the plug. Oh. Yeah, I think those two mean different things. I mean, that makes complete sense. But pulling the trigger is funny.

It's like, yeah, shoot it down. Yeah, shoot it down. But it's funny because in a work. imagine someone tells her something and she's trying to say don't do it and but they take it as like going fully that's so funny but that's there's so much humor you know raffi bastos great brazilian comic who's now doing most of his comedy in english he just has so much great humor about uh you know just misunderstandings like that and why things mean what they mean you know when you're coming at it from a second language learner.

But that is just, that's just a classic example of, like when you're raised by non-English speakers, how your English is just slightly different. And people, you say pull the trigger and people won't question it because it's like you're saying the right kind of thing. It's not like you're off the mark. It'll always be in somewhat the right context, right?

Yes. If you're making a decision, will we do that or not? So you just happen to be saying the exact, opposite of what you're trying to say, but it's not outlandish. Yes. Yes. That's so funny. It's also one of those buzzwords, too. Let's pull the trigger on that. Yeah. I mean, I don't think it would be a good ep because it would just be like too much info. But there must be just a whole world of like people that just don't understand some, you know, why we say certain things or just like things that people have been saying wrong forever.

Obviously they've come up a little bit in this There's definitely things in English that I'm like There's no reason why it makes sense And if I was in a native speaker I would never catch on Oh this was a good one Hey Hannah and Des, I love you guys so much So this is embarrassing I was today years old when I learned what Y2 came in

I don't just refer to the cool kid aesthetic No, it actually means something It means year 2K as in 1,000 Who would have known and I just want to know if I'm the only one I probably am I actually never like thought or cared what Y2K

actually stood for but you knew I knew that it was like that time period I mean you're old enough to remember like the Y2K fear right yes yeah but I was like I was yeah because there was this great fear that like all the world's computer systems were going to shut down

because they hadn't factored in you know it changing to 2000 that's so funny Yeah, that definitely is part of my anxiety. There was something about like the world ending in year 2000. Yeah, literally. I mean, I was in Ireland at the time. I distinctly remember Y2K, exactly where I was, celebrating Y2K.

But there was this sense that on January 1st, 2000, we were still waiting to see like, oh shit, is this bad stuff going to happen? Yeah. I mean, it really was a big. Wasn't there like anthrax also? The anthrax came after 9-11? It was during that... a couple years, I feel like. I was stressed out during that time.

It was stressful. It wasn't a high point in my career. But I could be wrong. They could have also been an anthrax scare around Y2K. But what's Y2K now? Oh, so the Y2K aesthetic is basically like a thing, but it's a thing because they're saying this is how people dressed in the year 2000.

But she was saying she didn't know it was a reference to that's how people dressed in the year 2000. I mean, I can't believe it was 25 years ago. That's one thing for sure. That's like hard to believe. No, I know. So what is, what is the Y2K aesthetic? It's, it's very like, um, like when NSYNC was around, like Britney Spears, how she dressed. Um, it's, I actually love the Y2K aesthetic. Like I, when you look at me and you're like, you're just so like, sometimes like late 90s, that's like Y2K ish. Right. So like baggy, baggy pants. Yes, yes. T-shirts. Throwing a bandana.

Yeah. I don't want no scrubs. Nelly. Yes, that's Y2K. So that's all coming back. Oh yeah, I was just going to say that millennials joke that everyone still thinks 1980 was 20 years ago. But it's so true. It's so true, man.

I'm like 1980 was 20 years ago, but 2000 was also 20 years ago. and that's just math. That's just, oh my God, amen. But that's so true. 1980 was 45 fucking years ago, man. Like, I just can't believe it. Like, all the, do you get those TikToks where they're like, they compare the distance of time

that like the distance from 1980 to now was the distance of, you know, World War II to 1980? Which is not even true. It's actually less. I'm also seeing, like, celebrities who I didn't even know how to, kids, their kids are like on TikTok now and they're like 17 and that shit makes you feel

old. Oh my God. I mean, I feel like that with my own fucking, I feel like that my friends. No, yeah, you're like that celebrity is 30 years old. My nephew's 16. How did this happen? And then they have these jokes where they used to be like, if you, you know, wear this, you used to wear this, you know, kind of sandal, you should use a moisturizer. And then now they're they're referencing, like, things that, like, even younger people use that need a moisturizer. So I'm like, oh, am I past the moisturizer face? Yeah, man. I get, like, that's such a good observation that 2000 is the same as 1980. I just can't believe it. Like, I see, you know, like, like, the grunge era obviously was like

the early. Yeah, the early to mid-90s. And it just, I can't believe that. But everyone is trying to recreate it like I'm and a lot of the my gen z counterparts are obsessed with the grunge 19 the y2k 90s off model looks like that's how I want to dress forever but it's funny because in the 90s I remember thinking like wow no one has any style like the 80s and 70s were so distinct and then and I was like the 90s and 2000s like you just remember your dad wearing like jorts and like a bad hat, but now it's like iconic. Yeah, I went to see Pearl Jam Live twice.

Anyway, I saw the Pearl Jam live in Prague, 1999. A man of culture. Let's keep going before we get too nostalgic. I'm getting sad. Getting like upset about how much time has passed. Buffalo! Everyone's favorite slot game is live

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So, guys, I got a quip 360 electric toothbrush, and I have to tell you that it's blown my mind. now I have to admit that I have not been an electric toothbrush user and well yeah I'm late to the party Hannah does and she's changed to the quip along with me

and she can't believe how much better her quip is than her previous toothbrush and most importantly for me quip is the coolest looking toothbrush I've ever seen in my life it's literally like a fashion accessory in your bathroom you get like every bit of plaque

remove from your mouth and you don't have to like move the toothbrush the oscillating the insane amount of oscillating insane being a positive word that is going on you just move that bad boy slowly around your mouth and in the two minutes which has a little sensor let you know when the time is up it just cleans my teeth like i've never i literally feel like i'm out of a dentist cleaning every time i clean my teeth it doesn't sound like the landscapers are outside blonde leaves. It's nice and quiet. It's not like annoying when Hannah's brushing her teeth and I'm not in there. The American Dental Association says that it is scientifically proven to remove up to 11 times more plaque between teeth compared to a manual toothbrush and provide up to two times more whitening on day one. If you don't absolutely love your quip 360, return it for free within 30 days. If you do love it, brush easy knowing you get a free lifetime warranty for purchasing on get quip.com and the opportunity to subscribe to read

fill heads by mail every three months so you never have to go to the store with quip perks quip puts their money where their mouth is when you subscribe to autoship you will be enrolled in quip perks to earn credit back over time so just for listeners of burn a phone you get 20% off site wide in a free travel case and countertop stand at get quip.com slash burner free your mouth today and save 20% site wide plus a free travel case and countertop stand at getcip.com slash burner. Get quip.com. Quip is Quip. Get quip.com slash burner. Well, speaking of logo, since we did FedEx, let me play this. Okay. Hi, guys. Love you both. I was a day years old when I, this was literally the other day.

I learned that on the mail truck, it's an eagle that is inside of the logo. I thought it was a paper airplane. my friend pointed this out to me I had no idea I think it still looks like a paper airplane I still really don't see an eagle but I guess it's supposed to be an eagle it's funny when I when I read this I was like

what is the USPS logo and then I looked it up and I was like oh no I definitely always thought that was an eagle you're like no we all saw it can you visualize it I just thought it was UPS Like brown. No, USPS.

Oh, USPS is what she's talking about? Oh, USPS. Well, first of all, she said mail. She actually said mail. She said mail truck. Yeah, fuck USPS first of all. Okay, Trump. No, because that's when I went.

They made me cry because I didn't know how to follow directions. Yeah, it looks like an ego, but it's not great. It's not that well done. There was this like TikTok trend where graphic designers would be like, this is how I would upgrade this logo and they would do like something different and sometimes it would be cool sometimes it wasn't. Then this fucking

this girl, I don't know if she's still she probably is still creating but I haven't seen her on my algorithm was so fucking funny and she would be like really serious and she'd be like this is how I'd redesign the logo and then she would redesign it like the most amateur thing and be like that's how

cool it could have been and she was just so funny like you have to see it but like she would do like stick figures and be like This is so much better. That must have been a moment on TikTok because I remember I used to get TikToks of being like, this is why this logo is so iconic. Yeah. And then

people were really mad about the Jaguar logo, the new Jaguar logo. Oh, the change, yes. The change. Very mad. Yes. Very mad. But, you know, style changes are, but they don't always get them right. They don't get them right, but then sometimes we judge wrongly, and they've done all these, like, studies

that we don't know about for what they're trying to change but like for example like then something like berberies like burberry yeah now it's selling so like vintage people love when they see the original logo um but it's been like updated so much that sometimes i feel like just go full circle and go back to the OG one because it's so iconic to the OG exactly retro now this is controversial because it comes up a lot and then even when i went to do research on some you know that we would talk about ourselves this came up again And I'm going to tell you why it's controversial. I was today years old when I learned that the numbers on the toaster is minutes and not degree of toastiness.

So a lot of people messaged in to say that the numbers on the toaster are minutes and not degree of like how brown your toast is. And then I went on TikTok and there's a lot of people saying that too. And it is not true. That is not true. some toasters happen to have numbers that correspond to approximately the amount of time that it's taking but it is not a consistent system well yeah I was going to say I feel like every toaster is slightly different

yeah so it is actually the amount of brownness essentially all I know is I just wait until I'm like too hungry to wait anymore and then I bring it up I never wait till anything ends and I never waits till that microwave does the actual time but then she doesn't change cancer So she doesn't reset the microwave. So you know that Hannah, you'll always know that Hannah has used.

If Hannah can never be a serial killer, because she'll become, she'll become the time left on the microwave killer. They're like, she, she hit, she heated up a chicken soup and left three seconds left. Hannah, Hannah was here. The, the microwave timer with killer was here. Well, babe, can I tell you something?

Every time you leave the seat up, I leave the microphone of time on. Oh, oh. Just funny the patriarchy, one microwave at a time. Nice. All right, let's do. Okay, you'll like this one before we wrap it up. I was 19 when I discovered that pickles are just cucumbers.

Yeah. Wow, it's orgasmic. Oh, God. I can't remember how old I was, but I was definitely in adulthood when I found out that... I remember being a little disappointing. Pickles were basically pickled cucumbers.

Yeah, I remember being disappointed because I felt like it was like pickles are cooler than cucumbers, so I was like, oh, it's just the same thing. Yeah, and also, I guess I was disappointed to find out that pickling is actually more is the process rather than the thing.

Oh, my God. Shoot, I can't remember where I saw it. It was on TikTok. or it was a stand-of-comic. I forget who. But someone was talking about apricots. Did you see that? And they were like, I found out recently that dried apricots,

they dry the entire apricot. So I'm like, did I just eat 15 apricots? You say apricot? What do you say? Apricot. You're free. Another one of these little moments. No.

I don't know if that's actually true but I think they cut it in half or something but still it's eating a lot of apricots I you know what's annoying about this is prompt is that like throughout my life there's just been so many times where I've been surprised about finding something out like do you know what I didn't find

today like how many times I was like oh shit that's their kid or that's you know that was somebody's father I didn't know that you know and I couldn't think of any of them today You can't think of any of those, can you? Like a Nepo Baby? You didn't know it was a nepo baby?

Yeah, but I mean, calling people nepo baby, that's a recent phenomenon. But just people's connections that I didn't know. Yeah. You know that Jason Schwartzman is related to Francis Ford Coppola, right? And Nicholas Cage. I knew there was something, but I didn't know exactly that. Yeah, Nicholas Cage is Francis Ford Coppola's nephew. He changed his name so that people wouldn't think he was a nepo baby.

Oh, wow. Getting ahead of it. Yeah. And did you know that Talia Shire, I think, you know, Rocky's wife and she played, you know, she plays one of the Corleone's. I think she's Francis Ford Copp's sister. Oh, this, okay, this is really funny. I was only in college when I realized that Snooki and J-Wow are not actually Italian. They're Irish and Spanish. Get out. Is that true? And Ronnie's Puerto Rican. Or Ronnie's part, part,

Puerto Rican, part Italian. But yeah, Snooki and J-Wau are not Italian. No way. Snooki's Chilean, but was adopted as an infant to Italian-American parents, and J-WO-Bow is Irish and Spanish descent. But she was raised Italian culturally. Yeah.

Well, J-Wow's from... Where's J-W-W-F-W-W-B-W-B-W-B-W-B. Which is pretty... I can't wrap my head around it. Jay-Wall is one of those... Okay, so their kids are now, like, friends. Jay Wow, and she took these kids are friends. That made me feel really fucking old. She was born in East Greenbush, New York.

Where is that? Greenbush. Albany. Oh, wow. Right there you go. Okay, not only is Talia Shire Francis Ford Coppola's sister, but she's actually Jason Schwartzman's mother,

which I literally gave those two facts, not realizing they were directly connected. Anyway, big family in the industry. Adrian. So let's, will we do one more to polish it all? Yeah. And I'm going to have Chris play out a ton of these because they're all really interesting.

And we have so many. This is a cute one, actually. Hey, Hannah and Des. Something that actually spun me out into an existential crisis recently was I very recently learned that the word hamster doesn't have a pee in it and it is not hamster.

It is hamster. And I was talking to a guy and I spelled hamster. and he made fun of me and I was like oh my god I am 27 years old and for the entirety of my 27 year of life I thought it was hamster and no one thought to correct me and then I started spiraling about all the other things that I probably have been saying wrong or have been thinking wrong or don't know how to spell um so yeah I was this year's old when I realized that hamster doesn't have a pee in it amazing wait but she probably also got confused with hamper

that does have a pee Oh, I have a good ending story Okay So I actually was I believe Nine years old When I did a speech In elementary school Because I was running for class

Vice President or something And I was saying something about Like this is so park slope I was saying like how we needed Like almond milk or something For people who were lactose and tolerance And in my speech, I said, lack toast and tolerance. That's what I thought it was.

For people who lack toast and tolerance. Wow, that is literally describing me when we run out of bread. What a fun, jokey little episode. Well, you just reminded me a one that came up, but I won't play it. but somebody said that for most of their life, they said for all intensive purposes, not realizing that it was for all intense and purposes. Yeah, I actually could do a trillion of those words you say wrong

or like songs that you've been singing wrong, all that stuff. But the person that sent that in, I just want to let you know that you're not alone because I definitely, for a lot of my life, said for all intensive purposes. Yeah. I definitely don't know when I realized it was intense and purposes, I never had a conversation that's serious that I had to use that word.

For all intents and purposes. Well, you hate all the old school stuff. Like, so often you're like, what? I'm like, what, that's just the way people talk? He's like, when the guinea pigs stop the, like he says it was insane idiots. I can't, I can't think of them because they're just like the normal way to talk. When the hot water hits the sky and you're like, oh no, no, I remember. I remember one.

Just the other day I said, as the crow flies. I said as the crow flies and you were like, what? As I, sometimes I think, sometimes I think you think I'm like a relic from another time, but sometimes I think like the teaspoon, you know, tablespoon thing is that like there's some things that you just for some reason don't know. I don't think as the crow flies is some like ancient way of speaking. Maybe because I'm not like an avid reader of like, of books for From the 1910s? No, excuse me. I think it's because you don't drive

and you don't do directions. Valid. Listen, guys, message us. Settle this debate. I love it. We use murder phone to settle all our fights. No, no, but, no, because this is not a fight. I just, you had a very strong reaction to what I said,

as the crow flies. And I was just like, I don't think that's, you know, like me saying zounds. It's never come across my desk. yeah so guys message us as the crow flies does that sound like some sort of like ancient language to you or is that just the way that you describe how to get there if you could go in a straight line and not have to you know worry about structures and fields and rights and lefts we'll stay for more things you're going to learn oh yeah because we learned a lot and go to my website i actually added another irvine show at the end of july um And Alabama. And if Chris plays the one where they talk about cold as hail or hard as, like hard as hail,

I fact check that. And that's not true. It's not cold as hail. It's cold as hell. And people are trying to say it's not cold as hell because hell is hot. But it's just as hell as like, you know, something to accentuate something. But he might play that and you can fact check it yourself and get back to it. us. Thank you, babe, for that. Thank you, everybody. We love you. Thanks for calling in. And we'll talk to you next week. Bye for mom and dad.

Bye. That's wrong. Hell is hot. Hale is cold. So it's actually cold as hail. So someone with a southern accent was saying that and somebody interpreted it as cold as hell. First of all, I'll be saying cold as balls from now on for reference, but I think those are warm too. Does please confirm? Yeah, really weird. It also reminds me of rotten hail. I feel like everybody else news besides me but I was today years old when I found out that the saying like I couldn't care less like you can't say I could care less because that means like you could care less what you're talking about you know you're saying like it's like the rock bottom of what you could care about

I don't know I feel like a massive idiot when somebody corrected me on that but hopefully I'm not the only one out there love you guys last year or anything like a year and a half ago my then boyfriend now he's my husband taught me how to wipe my ass the right way before i was just bunching up all the toilet paper oh that's my puppy i was bunching up all the toilet paper and i would be on the toilet forever with the cleanup. But he was like, why are you doing that? And I was like, what are you talking about?

How do you do it? And he told me how to fold it delicately, and it really works better. And I spend half of the time on the toilet now. So thank you to that, man. I was today years old when I found out that my 73-year-old father is not circumcised. Luckily, it was not a visual cue. My mother told me that my dad was having surgery, and I asked for what, and she told me it was for famosis, and it's when the foreskin gets adhered down, and it happens a lot to old uncircumcised men. So I'm 43 years old, and that was a fun text message and visual to think about.

So, yeah, thanks. Hi Hannah Hi Des I was today years old when I found out that Arizona doesn't do daylight savings time Like what the fuck 30 years old I was today years old when I found out that

You could actually use a currency converter Through the calculator app on your iPhone So yeah you don't just have to go into Google And Google the conversion rates It's actually in your calculator on your phone Thank you.