Berner Phone - Berner Phone #76: Karma You Deserve

Episode Date: February 3, 2025

Hannah's mom joins the episode to explain why we have to protect our energy and let karma do its job. The dialers share stories of when karma came back to bite.

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hello, my little dialers. Welcome to a solo episode plus my mom. So it's not solo. So I just started this episode with a lie of burner phone. And it's going to be a very fun topic today.

arguably one of my favorite topics Karma Let that sit in for a second Welcome to the Karmic episode of Burner Phone Desert's karma is going to hit him I don't know what's going to happen

We'll see But he Unfortunately was too busy In Ireland He had a show Or he was with the secret family Who knows And he was not able to record

And I was like you know what I want to record a solo app I feel like I haven't done it in forever And then my mom was here and she's like, I want to do it too. But we have one microphone. So she's only going to speak when spoken to. Mom, do you have anything to say to the little dialers? I'm happy to be on burner phone.

I'm a big fan. And I like the topic of karma too. Yes, my mom is Sicilian. She believes in karma. We believe in karma. Also, yes, my mom listens to every single episode, even when Des says, please don't listen to this episode. I know, I know she, oh, you listen to him?

I listen to him. She listens to him. She didn't listen to the sex one, she said. Because she wants to have a happy Thanksgiving. Okay, when it comes to karma, one of the most annoying parts about karma is when people fuck with you, something horrible happens, you feel wronged, you feel like something happened that you didn't deserve, you feel like the universe is against you, and you feel like you want to retaliate and that's when I say stop wait I'm feeling so bernay brown isn't

mel Robbins who's going around doing the let it go theory or whatever let them theory mill Robbins I think I just combined like a bunch of inspirational people's names yeah everyone's talking about it but long story short I'll be your inspirational coach today. I'll be your JV volleyball coach today about karma. So this is the thing about karma. No matter what you try to do on your own, the universe is going to laugh because the universe has so much more creative ways of getting people back than you can ever imagine or do on your own. Yeah, Mo Robbins, I was right. I was right. You guys just saw a classic example of not believing in yourself wait i'm going full cult leader on this episode i'm leaning in and we are the

cult of karma yeah the thing with karma is it actually does have to do with the let them theory who which i didn't read about or watch an episode about but i'm assuming it means if someone wants to do something let them if someone wants to disrespect you let them if someone doesn't want to believe you let them if someone doesn't want to date you let them yes if they want think a certain way you let them you don't force anyone to do anything which honestly so peaceful that kind of you ever talk to someone and they're like it's exactly where you're exactly where you're supposed to be and i'm like really because i'm not happy where i am sometimes and then you look back and you're like they were right i do hate though when something bad happens and people are like don't worry karma will take care of it

all and then immediately you're looking you're like okay what why are why do they still seem happy social media, these people who did horrible things or whatever. Lines are short, a lot of the time karma's happening, you don't even realize. Like, behind the scenes, people are living horrible lives because they're horrible people, and whatever they did to you, they feel even worse about themselves. And that's just on God, okay? That's just period, slay, as the Gen Zs say. That's just facts, on facts, on facts.

Um, I don't think the Gen Zs say that anymore, but I said it because they are my community. Shout out Gen Z. Yeah, I've learned that the universe is so much more creative than your own self-induced type of like, I'm going to get them back ever is. Also, something better than karma that I like to say because it has to do with food is the saying the cream will rise to the top. I don't know if that's cheese or whipped cream. I don't know what cream we're referring to but the cream will rise to the top is kind of the concept of like sometimes people will get you in little ways sometimes they'll win a little battle but they're not going to win the war um there's little things that'll you'll feel are a big deal but they're actually

not and in the big scheme of things you're good they're not know what i mean at the end of the day if you feel like people lied or tricked people or deceived deception is not going to forever. People get away with stuff, but only for so long. Any thoughts, Mom? Anytime I have felt wronged, you know, my gut instinct is not to fight back or do something to that person. Like, you know, once I catch my breath, I think I, my, my instinct is to just like weight it out. You know, like, in the back of your mind, you're like, they'll get theirs. How do you find the patience? You know, just go back to focusing on yourself and what you're doing and you know just put all your energy into that because if you spend any amount of energy like wishing them bad or or trying to like make

something you know bad happen to them then that's just like taking away from your own growth your own like whatever you're trying to accomplish yourself like well yeah your energy is important and if you start putting your energy towards negative things or towards those people in general, they win. I always say, like, if you, once they're in your head and you have anger and stuff, like, that is poison. That doesn't help anything. You really have to, like, dissociate from it and then just, like, move on.

But, like, you joke about us being Sicilian, that I can do that. Like, I've trained myself to be able to do that, but I haven't yet changed myself on how to, like, really forgive and forget. Like, I can't forget. And, yeah, that's... Well, as we say on Giggly Squad, we're never forgetting. We don't forget. We've never forgotten anything that's ever happened to us.

I do have to say I'm biased, but all the people who listen to this podcast are like hot, smart, funny, brave, did I mention hot, and intelligent? If something bad happens to you, inflicted by someone else, it normally means they're jealous of you. And not to be like, oh, like, I'm your mom. everyone's jealous of you that bad things happen to, but it means that you're shining in some kind of way that someone tried to dim your light. No one tries to bring you down unless you're above them. So it goes back to like the cream will rise. Like yeah, people will be pulling on your leg and people are pulling on your leg because you're doing something cool or you have something that they want, which is their own problem. So like honestly, I've never heard. It's kind of like

why you see all these like really successful people have these like horror stories of like rejection or people trying to take them down or like and how they survived it and it's not a coincidence that's always really cool people so it's like if no one's coming for you like maybe you're not chasing your dream hard enough maybe you're not shining as bright as you should be because you are bright and if someone's dimming your light that means you're doing something right is that wild to say i also always think like like i could never be that person like actually trying to take someone down and I always think like if I was that kind of person like I'd be afraid like like I'm going to get like struck down by the devil or something

I don't know like not not to make this religious in any way but just like I would be so scared like that karma's going to get me you know like if you had a plan to take someone down in some way and then you got away with it how do you walk around like literally where's the piano gonna hit it's because but i do think that some people don't believe that there's like like i think some shitty people really think like i could just do shitty things and i don't give a fuck where i i'm not that woo-woo like to explore into woo-woo culture but i'm not like crazy crazy spiritual but if you think of it scientifically it's like those studies where they say like when you're talking to two plants and one plant you're cursing out

and the other one you're being nice to how like one plant actually grows better. That's what they say and that's literally just like energy. So I think of that with yourself. If you're staying positive and you're doing your thing and you're not wishing bad on other people that's what karma is. Keep the positivity around you and I know it's fucking hard.

But that's why sometimes like you're going to lose some friends who are negative. You're going to lose some relationships that are negative. You keep trying to stay positive and everything kind of starts to fall into place once you are kind of in your aura. Agreed. Okay, now that we had a 10-minute intro of me ranting

because Des wasn't here, and so I got to talk shit in the beginning. No, we miss you, Des, we love you. And I do, we will get his take next episode on karma because I know he has a hot one. Let's get in to our calls. and Des actually organized it for us. Thank you. Let's start with drunk pee story. Okay. Hi guys. Love the Pot. I'm re-recording this. Please disguise my voice. My karma story, bad karma,

is that in high school I was dating this guy. We were at a New Year's party and I got really drunk. And during sex, I peed everywhere and got on this bed and all over his clothes. And I thought, he thought, But he thought that I was just having a really good time. Like, he did not know that I paid. Fast forward to call. We hooked up. He went to sleep. I hear him in the middle of the night, standing next to my desk, peeing on my laptop,

which was on my chair. So he peed all of my laptop, my desk, and my chair. So that was my karma. Thanks. Okay, I'm glad you guys are hydrated. I'm glad that there's hydration going on. I also love that you were like, I squirted. that's hysterical.

That's every girl should learn from that. But also, he took it too far with the laptop. Why do you have to come for my one thing that's important in my room? The only thing of value. What do you think, Mom? I think that's insane. I think, like,

I think definitely alcohol is involved in this. It's so funny. Imagine if alcohol wasn't. She's just like, I drink so much Gatorade, the Pediolite was so good. No, I'm glad you guys are hydrated. But no, peeing, it's so funny. I said I didn't miss Des, and now look at me missing Des because Des loves talking about peeing because when he was younger, he used to pee a lot when he'd drink.

But now I'm thinking, like, does this guy just hook up with her again so he can get back at her and pee on something? No, I think she means that was her karma because, like, she got away with it. Like, she peed all over. But, like, long story. short, this is less a story about karma and more a story about love. This is a story about love and finding your soulmate. And I do think in a relationship, if someone does something, like, embarrassing, and then

you do it back, that's how you bond. You know, like, you know when someone has horrible, like, food poison, you feel so bad. You're not truly bonded until the other person also gets it. and then you both have been through a war together. So I like this for you guys. I wonder, I don't think you're still together based on just the tone. I also, please message me. I'd love to know the aftermath of when you woke up and you were like, really my laptop,

like of all the places, why my laptop. But mom, being in college, that's just, that's just a Tuesday. That's just a Tuesday for these wild kids out here. Okay, I'm going to do knee brace Disneyland, which is already, again, reminded me of does. Hi. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Des.

Okay, so one time I went to Disneyland, I was in college, and I didn't want to wait in all those stupid lines. So my friend and I went to Walgreens right down the street, and I bought a knee brace. And then I got to be a handicapped person at Disneyland, which meant I get to skip to the front of every single line. I went on Space Mountain like five times in a row. It was awesome. Anyway, later that night, we went to a party, and I obviously took a hit out of a stranger's bong who I had no idea who they were, and it was probably laced with something that I don't know.

Anyway, that shit went straight to my head, and I completely, like, freaked out, lost my mind, ran outside, fell off of a 10-foot curb that it seemed like it was 10 feet tall, and then I actually needed to use the knee brace I bought because I, like, totally sprained my knee. So, yeah, don't cheat on Disneyland. They will get you. Wait, but this was all. She knew she deserved it. Also, first of all, genius, evil genius. Criminal mind. Criminal mind.

Honestly, would love you to work for the FBI or something. Let's use that for good. I love also that the universe, again, is so creative. They're like, we're not going to just do. something bad we're going to do something like just so you know that it was exactly the karma we're going to do it that night and we're also going to do it on this knee that you pretended that you were injured with it is kind of that bad luck where people are like don't touch crutches because then you're going to like hurt yourself or something but um that no that is devious and but overall one thing

I'd like to ask you was it worth it at the end of day because you did get to go on space mountain and yeah you you risked a limb but you did skip a lot of lines. I want to ask her, is she the kind of person that like speeds in the lane next to the slow lane that's waiting patiently to like get off an exit and then like sneak in like right when you have to like cut in front of everyone?

I hate to say this though. Like what she did was not that bad. Just because, no, because with Disney there's so many ways of getting around the lines and I don't I've only been there once but I heard like people they buy these like crazy passes and and sometimes maybe she felt like look I can't like I can't buy this pass or I don't have these points that these people whatever and she's like fuck because these lines it's insane it's not like she's getting first in line to like you know she's taking money from like sick children

like she's just going on a yeah but there's also little children like five-year-olds or I think you have to be it's at least seven waiting suffering okay you're right she is taking joy from children okay that was i don't know i honestly don't know how to beat that one um oh let's just click bullying i don't necessarily know if this is karma or the truth coming out but when i was a sophomore in college one of my roommates like had it out for me in every way shape and form and i was pretty delulu so i didn't notice that at first but towards the third month of the second semester, she had turned all of our roommates against me, which were three other people. And it was traumatizing to the point where they would leave like little sticky notes in my room

telling me to, you know, unalive. It was really, it was a scary, scary time. So I left. I studied abroad. I left the following semester because I could not handle living with them anymore. And when I came back, the three girls, dead ass, like, apologized. They realized that the other one was bat shit crazy um and an awful friend clearly and she has no friends to this day so it's kind of kind of nice that she has no one but I don't know um first of all beautiful story I do think like I do think this kind of bullying happens way more often and I think especially with women like just because you weren't beat up, like, people are like, oh, she had a bullying incident. I know a lot of my friends who, like, high school, college, have had horrible bullying

incidents that, like, it's not illegal, but it's like, it's not great. It's scary. And the concept of people, getting people to turn on you, it happens so often. Like, there's a lot of situations. You'll be like, okay, well, why? In a friend, okay, backtrack, I recently saw a clip on this. Friend groups in general are like impossible. Like they say it's like most healthy to have like one or two close friends.

And that friend groups in general is just going to be drama. And that some people enjoy that. They thrive in the ups and downs, the hierarchies of the group, who's getting, who's turning on who. And it's so easy in a group to see like, oh, all these people hate this person. And people bond over hate. You literally get a dopamine hit from multiple people hating the same thing. So anyway, that's clearly what happened here. and I love that she got out of it

and went and did her thing and it's true when you remove yourself because at first it's like everyone could say you're the problem but when you remove yourself and there's still problems let's be honest you're not the problem

also this is clearly a thing that this girl does and when she has negativity around her it's going to come back to bite her in the butt all three calls so far have been college stories are we at our worst in college I mean college is scary

college makes no sense college is yeah it's when everyone's like unleashed for the first time and their parents aren't around to be like hey shut up um no college is so scary and you're drunk so and your brain's not fully formed oh let's do a coworker one i am sharing this for all the young who are inevitably thinking about making this mistake in my youth i did in fact fall for the and slept with my co-workers on various occasions, and that shit always turned out awful. Always had to work with them for months and months and sometimes years after that, and it's always awkward because it never ends well. You never end up marrying them.

You just think it's fun because they're right there. Messes with your work just makes a whole office uncomfortable because your coworkers know. They know what you're doing, so it sucks. don't do it learn from my mistakes love yeah okay this is difficult because i feel like so many people do meet their love of their life at work but i think what she's saying is like don't just sleep with people because they're at the office party and they're good looking or you're attracted them or even not even attracted them you're like this will be fun they're the closest thing like office work crushes are real sometimes where you're like i'm so fucking bored

and you make up an entire storyline in your head about a guy just because he has like a decent haircut in the office and there's nothing else for you to look at. I definitely, I have, have I dated, have I had a job? I have had office crushes, but it never went anywhere, so I actually can't speak on it, right? Yeah, I've definitely hated men I've worked with. That's easier, honestly, to have beef with money you work with.

Um, I, I do agree with her. Don't just sleep with them. It's, it doesn't just like, chill, disappear. It becomes like the number one thing people will talk about in the office. Is it fun for the other people? Yes. Because then there's more stuff to gossip about at the water cooler conversations. Um, I also think there's jobs where like you're more likely to, to hook up. Like, there are some jobs, like, where I think it's not, it's really not good. Or it's just like all women or like all gays or like all guys but then there's some very fraternizing places like just big companies with a lot of like people in their 20s and 30s where I actually think it's like the best place to date because you so I think it's more like yeah you can go to dinner with people

meet them play art to get and like kind of be dating in your head but don't before you you let anything as patty stinger used to say if you let it in the mouth or the butt or the Vijay, then it gets a little crazy. Mom, anything to say? I don't understand what the karma situation was here. I think she's saying because she kind of like let herself have the joy of like sleeping with people, it never worked out. And she's like, bad situations happen.

Because it is true, you are kind of like being naughty. That's why a lot of workplaces are like, please don't be romantic in the workplace because then everyone is in a fight or being awkward in every. meeting, which I get, but then, like, I do crowdwork all the time, and everyone's, like, we met at work, like, all, everyone. It's where you spend most of your day, so I guess you just have to be smart about it. I guess because, like, we're living this life where you spend all your day at work, and then you have to do additional work to try to date people.

It's like, if you, I'm sorry, if you hit it off with someone at the job and you're like, this love my life, 100% go for it, but she's right. There will be consequences if it doesn't work out. Yeah, and especially, like, if you've gone through two or three. three or four people in the office. Like, that's a lot. What I'm trying to say is just go for the boss. So if it doesn't work out, at least the risk was worth it

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That's Quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash burn, B-E-R-N, to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash burn. smack, ass smack, karma? What is this? Yeah. Hey guys, love the pod. So I was a burista at a coffee hut in town, and there was a thing called 50-50 Fridays for the shops around town for the radio station. So we're, like, getting ready to go on air, and there was this guy that rode past on his bicycle and snatched my ass and instant, like, went to get away after, like, smacking my butt, and got hit by a car.

so it was kind of like instant karma the police ended up showing up to make sure he was okay and they found a bunch of stolen goods in his backpack and they later asked me if I went on to press charges for him smacking my butt and I was like the dude literally just got him by a car I think was suffice anyways love you guys bye I would have sued him I would have been like take him for all he's worth no that's hope that's sexual assault you don't smack someone one's ass after he stole stuff from the store double it up double it that was a two for one that's crazy behavior wait that's actually like a dream like that's a dream obviously i don't want to get slapped in the ass by a stranger that's so actually like so fucked up but then to watch him get hit by a car

oh my god but again let me just say something this man was being cocky he thought he got away with stealing something then he doubled down and slapped a girl on the ass and he's thought he could also you're riding a bike you're fucking loser what grown man steal something and then goes on a razor scooter and skates down the street and then it's like i'm gonna smack a girl's ass there's so many problems with this i love how she's like i'm not gonna get him when he's down i mean probably what are you going to take from him he has nothing he's stealing from a grocery store um but wow well also how did he even do that wall biking and holding stolen goods but as you can say as you can see someone will do something bad to you you have like a bad interaction this is very

new york city like a bad interaction with someone on the street where you're like that was an insane interaction then you realize they live their whole life like that just having those kind of like that was one part of your day with them but like that's their life they just have you know when people are like in a bad mood and they're just snapping and everyone i'm like are you just doing this to every person you've crossed crossed past with today like what kind of insane like volatile anger storm are you yeah and then you almost don't want to like get involved with someone like that she's probably like i don't want to even like have anything to do with that person that is so terrifying yeah she's probably like i really want to pretend that that never happened goodbye thank you

i'm glad that i thought she was going to say he got like hit hit but you know what don't do the wrong thing because karma will get you and we can't control what karma does because the universe is so creative and that's on period okay let's do mistress car on fire pretty sure this is going to be a good one i have a feeling hi a big fan so this is dark um so my ex-husband um so my ex-husband um we got divorced because he cheated on me because he's trash anyway um the girl he cheated on me with like probably like, God, six months after he cheated on me with her, fell asleep in her car in her driveway and her car started on fire. I mean, she was fine, which is why it's like not as bad, but I think I'm a witch. And that's what you get. So thank you so much. Well, that's really

funny because, yeah, I would have taken full credit. I'd be like, that's crazy. I did imagine it in my head. I just didn't know I had that kind of power. And I can't control. that power so like just keep an eye open when you sleep at night that's so funny i mean because someone died it's funny when you hear things like that you think like you know yes is it karma or like you know do bad you know people who do bad things or just get into really messy situations like is it just a matter of time like they stumble into like situations because they their their brain is working differently i've definitely heard stories about people like they'll say something crazy that happened to them that I'm like what did a what did you do in a past life or what did you do

in this life like because yes life is random horrible things happen to everyone but what you see people who have insane stories I'm like you had to deserve it from something but also like why is she falling asleep in her car on the driveway and then how does it catch by her like what there's more to that yeah there's that that is she's a witch she's a witch and that's what happens don't fuck with a witch I do think yeah it is

there's something also about fire that makes it so mystical you're like and now your life is going to be lit up into flames it's giving Salem witch trials I do

I do think the whole affair thing is very carmic like so many affairs the whole it's like okay so you were naughty and you guys had an affair and let's say you run off together the karma is the entire time in the back of that person's head is this person is capable of cheating on me

and then a lot of the times you'll lose them how you got them and that is one of the most that is the most classic comic story in the book in the book that I never read but we do have a gigglesweb book coming out which we're very excited about um ooh severance advice I'm assuming This isn't about the show Severance, but shout out, Des and I are obsessed with Severance. Is it a Friday? The new episode's coming out, came out today. We'll watch it. Hi, Hannah and Des.

I'm calling for a little tip that I have for you. I was actually just listening to Hannah on Gigley Squad, and her and Paige were talking about severance and how you didn't know what the heck was going on. You have to rewatch the first season. Well, let me tell you, there is a man on YouTube called, well, man of recaps. And he basically goes through every season of basically any show and tells you with a fine-tooth comb, every character, plotline, everything that you need to know to catch up on the show that you want to watch. We did it with Game of Thrones because there's like a million and a half names to remember. but yeah and any show you want severance breaking bad you name it wait okay so des added this in

because he thought it was hilarious because i had no idea what was going on when the second season of severance started um so that's great to know that this guy does this also i could just watch something without looking down at my phone for one second but some people are not capable of that like myself um also I think because I am a visual person, like, if I, once I forget what happened, like, I need to see it, like, written out, like, the names of people, what they did. Also, maybe I'm just dumb. But also, can I just say something? Des is listening to a podcast about Severance.

Like, he's been listening to it, and I think he forgets that I haven't been listening to the podcast about Severance, and he's like, how do you not remember that? I'm like, you don't remember it either, but just listen on a podcast. He's going to listen to this episode and have thoughts next episode. So if you want to hear Dez try to redeem himself next episode, you know where to find us. Okay, what is next? Good karma for her because she shared some good information.

Yes, that was karmic points for her. One comma point for you, severance lady. Okay, teacher karma. And as you guys know, my mom was a former principal, assistant principal, and teacher. and the teacher of my life. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Des. So I'm a first grade teacher, and I feel like I see karma in all the time,

but instead of karma, we call it like natural consequences. For example, you can only imagine the amount of times I've had to tell kids to sit on their seat the correct way, and they just won't listen to me. and then I'll be like working with another kid and then you'll just hear like a bang and you'll look over and that kid fell off their chair and they just kind of give you the look of oh you're right

not that they necessarily learn from that because let me tell you if it still happens but that's kind of my form of karma that I see literally every single day and I could probably apply it to a million different things but definitely falling off a chair that's so cute because like in her world like that's the kind of stuff she sees every day and that's her first thought is just hilarious to me like little first graders falling on

sit in your chair and then they're just like falling all over and then they get a boo-boo wait but i love that though because they say kids are you know the purest form of energy so like that's their first learning about like what's naughty so adult karma is literally that same thing you know you shouldn't you know that bad things can happen if you do something, but you do it anyway, thinking that you're above the law or something, but the law will find you, the law of karma. Yeah, a first grade teacher, by the way, is so cool.

I love first grade teachers, because you know they come in, she's tired, she's hungover, she's whatever, she's like, Jeremy, Jeremy, you know what? Oh, fine, whatever you want. I feel like first grade also is when you first start to like, you really start to get a personality as a kid. So then like, it's also the heart is great.

You have to teach them how to read. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, you're like, okay, I know you guys have been playing with blocks. Time to actually learn English. I love it. It's like, thanks, kindergarten. You haven't done shit for us. You just had to show up.

Well, now it's going to get military today. Oh, my God. I do love, though, just all the kids kind of, some of them will learn. Some do learn. And it sets an example for other kids to be like, oh, the teacher was right. She didn't just say it to be annoying. She said it because she knows natural consequences. I'm going to start saying that.

If something bad happens, I'm just going to go, natural consequences. When does does something on the pod, and I say natural consequences. Now we have an inside joke, you guys. We have an inside joke. I want to tell you about Hungry Root, because I'm on a serious diet right now. I've actually lost a lot of weight since the new year. But part of the diet is you've got to eat healthy. You've got to get that good, healthy food.

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Get 20% off plus free shipping with the code burn at manscape.com. That's 20% off and free shipping with the code burn, B-E-R-N, manscaped.com. Okay, let's do cheating on self-checkout. Ooh, drama, drama, drama, drama. Who thinks of these things? Okay. For a little bit of backstory, I was a broke grad student, just trying to eat healthy. And I was complaining about produce being so expensive. And my friend said, we'll just find the cheapest fruit there is and ring that up in self-checkout. So I was getting my bougie, honey crisp apples and ringing them up for a cheap apple price. So basically stealing, low-key. And the next day, I went for a run, and I got hit by a car on my run. And I have always run up from then on the true fruit that I'm buying. I love that she got hit by a car and she was like,

it was the 76 cents of that honey crisp apple. They got me at Trader Joe's. She has a guilty conscience. Yeah, that was, there was actually zero connection. I feel like that also, okay, yes, self-checkout is very weird, but you do feel there's this weird power where you're like, I have a little too much power and then you're like, is everyone else? Like, I feel like there is a lot of stealing that goes on.

But then it's also, like, if you did get caught stealing, that's so embarrassing and crazy and not worth it. But then also you're like, or am I being an idiot and everyone else is stealing but me? Have you done self-checkout? I do self-check out all the time, everywhere, from supermarkets to Costco. And, you know, when you do it, you just have to, like, be a robot. Like, just don't think about anything. Just take the thing, scan it, listen to the thing, you know. write it on the counter or whatever it yells at you if you don't do anything right just don't think

i feel like kids and malls stealing was like a real thing for a bit because they either couldn't afford it or they were like trying to be cool but there would be like alarms and beeps and stuff but self-checkout they do have video and they do have people that are like watching but like i feel like the people who are watching don't care at all um but it's all yeah it's something that like let's say you did get away with it, it looms over you. Like, it's like it's kind of like cheating on a test how like you're cheating, which

Paige and I fully support, if you have to, whatever gets you get that bad girl, like whatever you need to get that degree, street smart. But like you have this looming fear of like something bad's going to happen. I believe like I cheated because I literally didn't have

time to study. Like I was in child labor. But like there is the guilt of like oh I could have studied but instead last night like I went to the movies or I partied that's but I feel like I was able to be like oh I'm just doing the best I can I would have been so mad at you if I knew about this

I mean no it's it's kind of like there's like a stealing tax like everyone you need to cheat a little sometimes and I wasn't cheating to get straight a is I was cheating to graduate like I wasn't like oh I deserve 110 like I was like I haven't I've been on the road crying playing tennis anyway enough about me and cheating in college but there is that sense of like you know you did something naughty and then when anything bad happens you're like it's because of that

um yeah that's just a guilty conscience i do have to say my therapist would tell me that i used to kind of try to get ahead of karma oh this was an interesting thing i did where like when i wanted something good to happen which i knew i had no control over like winning a tennis match or something everything during that week i would like if anyone asked me to do something something, I had to do it. If there were things I didn't want to do, I did it. If it was like someone dropped garbage on the ground, I like had to run and pick it up. It was kind of an OCD thing that I was like, if I do all these things, then I will win my tennis match. And I thought it was just like me having fun with karma. And then my therapist was like, that's OCD and that's

also like just like horrific anxiety because you're basically, anxiety is trying to control the future and you can't control the future. And you're not Mel Gibbonsing it. Mel Gibbons. Robbins. Mel Robbinsing it, which is let them. Just like this kind of let things go a little bit and you don't have control of the future and you not picking up someone else's trash across the street is like not going to break your grandma's back kind of thing. Every single glass, cocktail glass, pint glass, wine glass, whatever that I stole from a bar in my early 20s broke immediately. As soon as I brought it home. You know, you'd be washing it. It would just, you know, spontaneously combust, fall off a table, whatever. Basically taking any kind of barware without paying for it is just as

chaotic as walking out front of the bar and just smashing it in the street from my perspective. That is funny that that becomes some people's thing. Like, she had a friend. I mean, look, she definitely had some issues. She was battling some demons. But she loved taking like, salt shakers when it's like there's no logical reason or like we don't need salt like we have a salt shaker but it was like her thing to do or she thought it was funny and i do think like i get it like when you go to the u.s. open you get a cup but you get to keep the cup like you bought the cup and then you have a u.s open cup um i guess this person like she liked the it was funny to like get drunk and then like steal a glass which no one's getting hurt however if it breaks and you step

on it bitch you're getting hurt so that's scary um I actually dropped a glass recently, and I was scared. Were you guys scared? I was scared. I think the moral of the story is that these bars that she goes to have really cheap glassware. She's, mom's like, go to a better bar. Go to a better bar. Go to a better bar.

I got a martini glassware. It's just cheap glassware. What, does glass not break? No, but like really cheap glasses, which I think bars do typically just buy, like, very basic stuff. like it's not good quality it doesn't hold up like you just tap it it's going to break i do have to say i've definitely like put a glass in the in the sink and then it like falls over and it immediately just breaks into a 20 pieces um she's like i have a shard of glass um stuck in my body because i of karma i did have one friend that did something funny though where when someone else would get drunk

and she was also drunk but she would take like a fork and knife and put it in their purse. So in the morning they'd wake up with a fork and knife in their purse and be like, what the fuck happened last night? So it is funny because, like, no one gets hurt. That person is confused as fuck. Like, what did I, like, become a cannibal last night?

Like, what did I do? So it was just kind of her silly little tricks. And, I mean, if you do it too much at the same place, they're like, we have no forks left and we don't know how. But that was, like, people do funny stuff when they're drunk. I don't think this girl's so really taking glasses. But yes, I do have some friends who are like totally normal and then go full clepto once they have like one tequila,

which that should be studied somewhere. It's funny that what I'm learning from these is like people are, when these things happen to them, it's making them think about their actions. It's making them like really ponder like, wow, you know, I did this and it was wrong. And so this is happening to me and like, is it changing their behavior? Yeah. And I do think that, what do they say, hindsight is 20-20.

And if Des was here, he'd say something about a crow or something. But hindsight is 2020. And it's easy when something wrong happens to be like, what could I have done differently? Or like, oh, it's because of that. So it's a combination of actual karma and then you just like connecting dots to try to make sense of this world that has no meaning. We have time for one more. Oh, this is a good one. I don't know how I didn't see this one.

ex-boyfriend dumped by a lesbian. So I dated a guy for a few years, and he was a chronic cheater, and he was a CrossFit guy, so that says all you need to know about him. But anyway, he ended up falling into one of his CrossFit teammates, and they had a cute little relationship. But the Carmic Retribution came when I found out about five months later that he ended up starting to date this girl more seriously, and she broke up with him. because she shared that he couldn't fulfill her sexually.

And then she's a lesbian. So, yeah, he cheated on me with someone who told him that basically his dick wasn't doing it. And, you know, facts. And that's beautiful and amazing. So, yay. So if you were wondering if someone can be turned gay, we learned today that you can be turned gay if you date a CrossFit guy with a bad penis. if you guys are not into men that is the pipeline

to lesbianism that's how my friends became lesbians that's how I might one day become a lesbian mom if you ever want to be a lesbian that's what you do no I love this also it is funny sometimes like when you're so in deep with a relationship and you've like convinced yourself

that you guys are perfect or whatever and then you see him with someone else and how that person is like through their lens and they're like he's gross and then you're like oh my God I've literally, like, tricked myself to think of this guy is something he's not, and that girl sees it clearly. It is kind of like, honestly, when you get out of relationship

and your friend's, like, nothing you said about him made sense. And, like, I'm glad you saw it, but no one else saw it. So it does help you kind of come together. But a lot of the time, too, people think the grass is greener in relationships. Actually, does, does have a good quote about this. it's something about fire and you're leaving the pan to go to the fire or something he has a like a crazy

yeah now we need him now we need him but you don't need a man but we need him now but it is basically like you think something's bad it could be worse and I think sometimes people will do that with a relationship so we're like it's not working and then they think they'll find it somewhere else and it's like this girl literally was like you are disgusting um I wonder if he's doing

if he's doing better now or if his thing is just, you know, the pipeline to girls not becoming gay, not turning gay, knowing deep down their heart, I'm 100% gay and thank you for just clarifying that for me. I literally don't want to look at a man ever again. And for all the men listening, I want this to motivate you. I want this to motivate you to fulfill women's dreams in the bedroom. We believe in you for the couple of men listening and being like, wise does not on this episode. Des is working in Ireland. If you're in Ireland, go see him.

He has a ton of shows the next couple weeks. I also announce a show in Indiana. No, I don't have a show in Indiana. I meant to say, Alabama. Why do you say Indiana? It's because I miss my little babies. My brother and his wife. Shout out Jeannie.

I'm going to be in Alabama. I'm going to be in Connecticut, Rhode Island. and yeah and giggly squad we're going to nashville and like all over florida and new orleans so check that out you know providence rhode island and new even connecticut and california we love you guys so much thank you for calling in and it'll be back next episode thank you mom oh thanks it was fun bye dialers Hey,