Berner Phone #77: What We Google
00:00Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop.Thanks for calling the burner phone.If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast.Hello, my tiny, cute, adorable little dialers.Oh, did you miss me?Oh, yeah.Des wasn't here last week.You were replaced by my mom.
00:28Yes.And by the way, just tough scheduling at the moment with the time difference and both of us touring.So, anyway, we got it together this week, even though I have to, I have to record this.I have to record this and immediately go to limerick.So it's very exciting.Limerick, it's, it sounds, it doesn't sound like a place.Well, I think that's because a type of a poem is.named after Limerick? Oh, that's why. That's why. Babe, there were multiple times last week.
01:05Well, I was making fun of you, but then I would be at a point where I'd be like, oh, this is whenDes would say one of his Desisms. What do you mean you were making fun of me? Well, I was like,I didn't listen to it. Were you naughty?I wasn't that naughty. What did you say? What did you say? I said enough that I don't remember.No, you're pleading the fifth now.It was sprinkled in lightly throughout, but then at one point I was like, do we miss him?Do we miss his presence?Disappointing.
01:40The minute you're set free, you go back into your making fun of boyfriends mode.Yeah, my boyfriend.I actually do call you my boyfriend sometimes, page laughs.So, well, you, you.came up with this is a great prompt.Oh, yeah.Actually, someone inspired me with a DM.And it's something I've asked on hand on the street before, which I think is really funny.
02:10But I want to know what's something funny you guys have Googled.Like, what's the last thing you Googled?But you said the last thing you Googled.Yeah, because I do like when it's random.But I also threw in funny because I wanted to laugh.But I Google crazy shit.Do you ever Google something and then laugh, thinking that if people saw it, they'd be like, go to sleep.It's 2 a.m.
02:33One of the most frightening experiences I ever had was Chenade, my cousin, used to work in Google in Ireland, you know.Google's European headquarters are here in Ireland.And I walked into the waiting room to meet her.She was taking me for lunch in the insane Google canteen.And they were like flashing people's searches like on the screen.It was like their welcome screen.and I was like, holy shit, somebody in here knows.Somebody in here can see what I'm Googling.
03:08And it was like, suddenly I was like, of course the data exists.I had like a data nightmare at that moment.Just off the top of my head, I do Google Celebrity Heights.I do a lot of like, where is this celebrity?Like, you know, you'll think of something.You're just like, what are they even up to?and it's like, oh, they're living a nicepeaceful life on a farm in Wyoming. Good for
03:30them. Yeah. Where is Kirk Cameron?Actually, I don't recommendGoogling where is Kirk Cameron now? That'll beone of the great let towns of modern time.Who's that? Growing pains.Growing panes, huge sitcom in the 80s,like one of the big sitcomsthat, like, young people would watch, but also
03:46like families would watch.But he's now...I don't want to say what he is, buthe's very disappointing.Very disappointing.Okay. So, you...So you've been personally attacked.Well, you know.
03:59Well, we have a lot to get through.What are you looking up now?Oh, I actually just found some Google searches from my computer.I googled Simone Hallop.Oh, yeah.Is she coming back?She retired.Oh, she retired?
04:15She announced her retirement yesterday.Oh, dear.Yep.There's a new documentary called Look Into My Eyes by Lana Wilson,who's a family friend who did the tale.Swift documentary and the Brooks Shields documentary and it's about psychics in New York. It's notin New York. It looks like the Lower East Side. So it was very interesting. I got, I hadfall asleep, I fell asleep, but I have half of it left. I also googled where is Patrick Mahomes
04:43from? Turns out he's from Texas. Yes, but his father played for the Mets.Oh. Yes. So that's exciting. Interesting. He grew up, he was, you can see pictures of him likein the dugout as a little kidand he still gets asked about the Metsat like press conferences. Oh, I sawthat. I'm like, why are they asking about the Mets? Yeah, his fatherwas very connected to the Mets. Alonzo.Also,
05:07I do feel likewith girls, it's a lot of likewhyis this coming out of my vagina right now?Yes. Or like, should itsmell like a nickel or a dollarbill? Well, I mean, we knowwhy it smells like a nickel, like a dollar bill. I'm just kidding. No, but they describe the way
05:30vagina smells like in like very weird terms. Yeah. Like it's always hard to like describe a pain or asensation. Like why? Well, the time that I discovered that I had anxiety was I put in, why are mylegs buzzing? Why are my legs buzzing? And that's that's when the anxiety stuff came up. But it can bevery hard to, sometimes you think, this doesn't make any sense, and then a million thingscome up for the way you describe something. Why do I have a hot feeling in my anus?Love pinky. Why is my ass burning? You know it's fucked up when you end up on Quora.Well, yeah, I don't trust Quora, man. I mean, listen, for me, it's always, it's either canceror hemorrhoids. Yeah. That's what I say. Yeah, either or. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,
06:24I was thinking about our generation, we had, you know, WebMD.We're like, if something's going on, you search WebMD, and then you think you're going to die.But like how Gen Z's nowadays, like, you don't search.TikTok tells you what ailment they think you have.They're like, you're autistic.And you're like, I just wanted to be entertained.At least back then we had to search to hurt her own feelings, where TikTok will just tell you.You open up TikTok and you're healthy.
06:54By the time you leave TikTok, you've got numerous, you've got ADHD, you're on the spectrum, and you're depressed.Well, girls, it's like, is your face round?Well, then that means you have lymphatic buildup, and you have to do drainage,and you have to do this every morning, and you have to start taking NAD supplements,and then you have to go on this thing that shakes your body because it helps with the detox.Whenever detox is thrown in, I'm buying it.By the way, suddenly TikTok the last two days thinks I want to see footage of people like near the summit of Everest, which I do not.Like I think I watch the most different algorithm.
07:34One video and now I'm like bombarded with Everest stuff.It's funny.I feel like sometimes I watch a video that I'm like, oh, I hope this gets into my algorithm.Like this was very funny or this was interesting.And then it's always the random thing that you weren't interested in that it shows 10 more videos of it.But you know what TikTok knows I'm into?Do do do do do do do do...Severance?
08:00Yes.I don't get any severance.Wow.I get a lot of severance.I've seen every nerdy TV.Here's the thing.You know what I've discovered?What?
08:12I'm a fucking nerd.I'm a nerd.Maybe I know.I've been calling you a nerd for a long time.I'm a nerd, man.Like, I couldn't be more nerdy about severance.I've never been as nerdy about a TV show in my life.I do have to say.
08:31Like, I'm going to have to, like, join a Discord.That's how nerdy I am.Yeah, you're about to start your own, like...I'm about to start my own Severance Discord.I love how I couldn't even think of what nerds start.Like, you, I joke on, I'm, like, working on new bits about how you're smarter than me.And once the room was like, no, but then they haven't since then.And I'm like, oh, I thought you guys were going to be like, no, but no one has said anything.
08:56Oh, dear.But then I'm like, people would be like, are you sure?And I'm like, yeah, he speaks three languages.And one of them is a language that no one speaks anymore.He just did it for fun.And it's called Gaelic.Yeah, which drives the Irish crazy because it's Guelica, but it's really, it's not, it's not as clear cut as people.But anyway, let's not get too distracted.
09:15We have all these Googles to get through.and I have to drive to Limerick, so I can't indulge.Can I say one more thing about you?You love after a documentary or after watching a movie going onand like seeing what people are saying about the movie, if it's true, if things, like,you love the aftermath where like I'll barely finish the movie and just be like,I had my experience emotionally and I'm moving on where you'll be like,did you know that character was actually supposed to be cast at this person?
09:42And that isn't really what happened in the true story.you also like to send me like some some health tic-tok like and then it's just total bullshit like yesterdaywhere you sent me one that said aspartame is illegal in europe which it isn't uh which is the sweeti was just i was raising awareness for misinformation but i think you thought you were sending melike this like oh shit like you have to stop drinking you have to stop drinking you have to stop drinkingRed Bull because you're going to have a heart attack.Okay, it was Clickbaitie.It said if you drink too many of these, you will get a heart attack.
10:22And I'm like, oh my God, Des drinks a lot of Red Bull.I hope he's, I hope he doesn't have a heart attack.I'm saving his life.And you respond to, you're like, this is all made up.Well, because I Googled it.Because I actually did my own research.This is why I love, this is why I love you because I send you things that I haven't watchedand you still watch them fully.
10:42Yeah, I'm the fact checker, man.My Shay loves.I'm the fact checker we haven't gone meta in our relationship yet we still have fact checkersdo you see on your TikTok my Shayla oh no my Shayla actually I had a crazy one the other daywhat I'm not going to say who I was with but as you may or may not know I had sort of aI had Amanda Knox came into my orbit let's just say without getting into too much detailso obviously we watched that documentary that time and we are now of the opinion that she washard done by but I mentioned it to my friends and one of them was just like immediately like
11:33how could you talk to that murderer and I was like when was the last time you delved into the AmandaKnox story, which of course she hadn't since the original stuff. And I was like, wow, it's justamazing. Like a story just lands and then that's it. So I said, listen, you're going to have afun time just Googling like the journey since then. There's multiple documentaries. I watchedmultiple ones of them. So anyway, we won't get into that rabbit hole. I'm sure some people now aretriggered because they still think that about Amanda Knox. But just fun fact, Amanda Knox doesstand-up comedy now, which is you can Google that. That's true. She does stand-up comedy.Killers wouldn't do stand-of-comedy. Oh, I don't know about that. So, um, so let's get into some of
12:27these great Googles because, uh, we have a lot to get through. Um, let's just start with this,because I feel like this is like a giggly squad topic, but, uh, it came up a few times.This one is so hana-coded.I googled, where is Bianca's vagina at the Grammys?Because my friends and I were in a group chat trying to decide why they didn't blur it out.And we were wondering if it was her actual vagina or if there was like some kind of cover on it.And my friends were like, where's her labia?And we're like, is it real?
13:06Is it not?So I took them for the team and Googled it.and it was in fact her vaginaoh my godI actually thought thatI thought that was Kim KardashianI was like why did Kim Kardashiango to the Grammys naked with Kanye West
13:24so the whole thing is that Kanye found a girlwho looks exactly like Kim Kardashianbut wasn't his famousthat was not his famousand I mean arguably he did control a lotthat Kim did fashion-wisebut yeah now there's this whole argument online where it's likedid she want to take her jacket off or did he make her
13:44oh yeah of courseand people are like she's you know trappedand then people are like stop infantilizing womenlike maybe she wanted to and why are we assuming she didn'tit's all over the place but Kanye was promotinghis yay it's the same thingyeah he was it was promoting somethingbut her body's amazing
14:07Yeah, she looks great.I don't know how natural it is, but it absolutely holds up underneath her panty hose.It was like her breasts, it was like her breasts were robbing a bank.Her vagina was robbing a bank.It's like, nobody move.And everyone got scared.Everyone was like, what's about to happen?That is so funny.
14:32Yeah, that would be a, oh my God, that would be great.If I was good at animation, that'd be a great animation.her vagina being like like nobody move i'm stealing everybody's attentionthis is an attention robbery okay well there was there was that we got a joke out of it well donei do it does get annoying though when something goes viral and then the video gets taken downor something and then everyone just gets confused and starts saying what they saw and all this stufflet's let's crack on here this is actually i feel like we've all been in this situationHi, mom and dad, for this prompt, I think something needs to be said about the monthly pregnancy symptom, Google searches.
15:14I know that's something that affects a lot of women.Definitely, I've gone through that.And it ends up being pretty funny, usually, because you get your period literally the next day.But they're pretty unfortunate while it's happening.So, yeah.Now, I haven't been pregnant yet, but obviously.Obviously, like...How many times have you thought...
15:38How many... Have you had pregnancy scares?Yeah, or you're...It's honestly, it becomes an intrusive thoughtwhere, like, you don't have me supposed to have your period yet,but like something will happen. Like, your boob will bekind of sore, and you're like, this is it.But of course, it's the great... It's the great...I need to drop out of college.
15:57I need to drop out.Nature's sense of humor that essentiallythey kind of mix PMSwith early pregnancy symptomsso right around the timewhere you would be likewhere the fuck is my periodyou're likely to be feeling like
16:11oh shit I could be pregnantit is funny thoughlike every now and thenI'll be likeam I nauseousoh my God am I pregnantand it's like noyou had tuna fish from 7-11
16:21like you literally atefor 24 hours straightstuffing your facethat's why you're nauseousyeah whenever you feel nauseousyou're likeand it's like yeahyou drank
16:32bottle of tequila you're not pregnant um but and that i'm it's also the STD symptoms too oh listenthe amount of times i've had chlamydia versus the one time i actually had itdo you admit that you had chlamydia once or is that a secret i've like told every news outletoh yeah no just i i thought so but i just wasn't sure i had it once and i guess the guys don'thave symptoms um yeah well they can they can have a little bit of like they can but yeah the doctorwas so chill they were like oh yeah like take this once this one thing cool and i was like waityeah what is a moxie cellar like a moxie cellar has everyone has everyone been doing this and i just didn'tknow about it but jesus christ the amount of times i've had fucking herpes gonorrhea oh scares
17:26yeah like in my mind i mean you know actually when i was little there'sthere's like a bone in my foot and I like it's kind of like on the side and like it's kind of a bumpsometimes and I like fully thought that I had like a webbed foot like I went into like a fullspiral and I was like oh my god I'm crazy my foot and I'm I walked into my parents room and I waslike I think my foot is weird I think I have an extra bone in my foot and they're like no youthat's just your foot you're goodHave you ever gotten so bad with the STD fear that you're looking at like the pictures?Have you ever gone that?
18:09Oh, God.I hate when that has to happen.Yeah.You've been there?Yeah, I have.Yeah.Yeah, I feel like vagina's almost worse.I know we don't have a lot of guy listeners, but I actually, it took me a long time in my life to discover that.
18:26And this is a little bit of an uncircumcised thing.This is really a lot of detail.but I can get like eczema like essentially I can get like dry skin down there and it really can mimicSTD symptoms so I for essentially my a lot of my sexually active life I had scares based on thefact that I had this like kind of like dry skin and I thought I had thrush for I thought I was likeprone to thrush for a long time.But anyway, just keep that in mind, lads.I do have to say the annoying thing about STDs is, like, I was being, like, really
19:07moral with it, because I, I hadn't, I've never had it before, and I happened to getit while I was, like, I was, like, in between relationships, like, I was, like, ending somethingand starting something new.And I remember being, like, oh, fuck, I have to call the guy that I don't want to talk toanymore. And I also have to call the guythat I'm like very newly into.Yes. And it was like the worst.And I felt like a
19:34I had to do a press conference. I was likeokay guys.I met him and have committee.I'm sorry.How big is the press room?How many people are in the conference?No, it was literally two guys.It was two guys. But I didn't
19:54know if I got it fromthe earlier one or the new oneand it was a little bit chaoticand also like you don't want to talkto that one dude because you're likeI literally have been ghosting youand now I'm like heyI have to talk about my pussy
20:09isn't it amazing how likeif I had athletes footlike I had athlete's foot when I was a kidwhen I was swimming all the timeI never had shame about itI would like scratch my athlete's footin front of people but likerub it on people but like thrush
20:25which is essentially just a different type of fungal infection.You know, if I had penile thrush,it would just be like,nobody in the world can know about this.I do feel like one good thing about girlhoodis like we love talking about UTIs.Like girls are like, I have a UTI and everyone like goes around herin like a coven and we like hold her and we kiss her
20:49and we say it's going to be okay.I know men can get UTIs too.Also yeast infections, girls will talk.talk about it. Yeah, well, they're more commonin women? Because it's, it's commonand it's so, Ithink it's, it's uncomfortable.I just remember UTI,
21:05it was just this like urge to peebut you didn't have to pee, but you feltlike you needed to pee or you were going to die.It was very upsetting.So whenever a girl's a UTI, I'm like,go take a vacation, go to Europe,figure it out like you're perfect.Guys, I love my new
21:21Quip 360 oscillatingtoothbrush. Honestly,Number one, it's like the coolest looking electric toothbrush I've ever seen, or any toothbrush, for that matter.It is like having a massage for my teeth.My teeth, I've never felt cleaner.I never felt cooler.Literally, I've had electric toothbrushes in the past, and I kind of use them a couple of times, and then I just, I move on, I forget about them.They're like in the way, you know, whereas the quip, I'm using it all the time.
21:54time now looks so cool in my bathroom and it's ultra quiet for super clean without being superannoying. I'm accepted by the American Dental Association. Quip 360 is scientifically proven toremove up to 11 times more plaque between teeth compared to a manual toothbrush and provide up totwo times more whitening on day one. If you don't absolutely love your Quip 360, you can returnit for free within 30 days. If you do love it, brush easy knowing you get a free lifetime warrantyfor purchasing on get quipp.com and the opportunity to subscribe and refill heads by mail every three monthsso you never have to go to the store. So just for listeners of Burnaphone, get 20% off sitewide and a freetravel case and countertop stand at getquip.com slash burner. That's get quip, quip.com slash burner.
22:44Free your mouth today and save 20% site wide plus a free travel case and countertop stand at get quip.com.QUIP.com slash burner.Get quipqquip.com slash burner.Winter is so hard on my skin.And I do get like a ton of moisturizers,but I never know like which one's good,which one's working.And I kind of feel overwhelmed.
23:06I just want one good moisturizerto keep my body smooth and supple.And that's why I love Osea's Andaria algae body butter.Honestly, anything with butter in it I'm going to want.it has an amazing citrus scent it feels like you're at a very very fancy spa that like when you walk inthey have all kinds of fancy waters that's the vibe i want when i'm in my dirty new york cityapartment putting on the osia undaria algae body butter it has a blend of like grapefruit limecypress mango mandarin it's just so amazing and this body butter is made with ingredients
23:44that are normally reserved for your face like undaria seaweed and seramides and it transformeddry skin to smooth and soft.Treat yourself to clean, clinically testedskin care from Osea.And right now, we have a special discountjust for our listeners, get 10% offyour first order sitewide with codeB-E-R-N at Oseaamalibu.com.
24:04That's O'S-E-A-Malibu.com.Let's crack on.Oh, this is funny.Hi, Hannah. Hi, hi, Dez.Love you guys.Love the pod and obviously love Higley Squadin page 2.This is actually a perfect prompt for me right now because I recently Googled something about you guys.
24:24I'm like, I like to visualize people when I hear them talking and I realized I never actually knew what Des looked like other than the one photo.That's the burner phone, like cover photo.So I searched up Des Bishop obviously to see what he looks like so I could visualize it.And I found that I really don't, Des is obviously a handsome man and I don't think that.the photo on burner phone does him justice.Like his, in all other videos and pictures that I found upon my research, he looks a lotyounger and a lot more like naturally happy than in the cover photo.So I don't know.
25:03This is something weird and recent that I actually just Googled and I thought it's funny.But anyways, love you both.You're both beautiful.Keep checking those photos from 2015, baby.No.Babe, I think she's requesting a reshoot.Well, you know, like, I'm going to have to look now at the burn of phonebecause, like, I actually remember being quite happy with that picture.
25:27I remember, though, we had like a ton of pictures to choose fromand we were making different faces and all of them.Yeah, because we're supposed to be, like, reacting to the...Here's the thing.Now, I'm looking at the burn of phone picture, right?Here's the thing.Yeah.You literally look like you're a model doing a mobile phone commercial.
25:44from the early 2000s, and I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, which is like reactingto what the people are saying, whereas you look like you're like, hi, look, I'm a beautifulwoman using a Nokia, using a Motorola flip phone. You literally look like a model from the 2000s.Well, obviously, I picked the one that I looked the hottest in.But, you know, I'm happy enough.And I was doing a photo shoot and then called you over.I was like, hey, let's take some quick picks for a burner phone.Babe, we could do a reshoot though, because like you're having a glow up.
26:13You're in your glow up moment.Yeah, well, we'll see.You got your hair cut.She's got my hair freshly cut.All right, that was just a quick, funny one.People do have a lot of opinions about the biggest opinion I get at people tell me aboutthis is they always go, when they meet you in person, they go, oh, my God, I didn't realizeyou were so tall.
26:34People, and that's the same with me that when I meet people in real life, they always say,oh, my God, you're much taller than I expected.And the other thing I get with your fans is Hannah makes you sound like an ancient man.and her Netflix special, you're actually, you're not old.I'm like, yeah, I know.None of that fucking stupid heart attack story is true, but, uh, I take that back.It's not, sorry, none of it is not, that is incorrect, but there, there was some,there was some poetic license with that, uh, routine, but anyway, we won't get into that,
27:07but, but there are some people that, uh, definitely go, oh, you're not an old man.How often do you Google yourself?I actually Google myself quite often,but that's just to sort of stay on top of professionally.I often actually,I sometimes actually remember shit that I'm supposed to dothat I'd forgotten about when I Google myself.Do you know I basically like haven't Googled myself for like four years?
27:38Well, that's, you know, that's smart.And definitely four years ago it was the right time not to Google yourself.I've been in positions where people are like, oh, like, can you send me like where I'd have to search my name for something?And I was like, can you search it?Because I really don't want to, I don't want to get into that.You occupied my Google searches, though.It's literally like you're like the Chinese government and my Google is Tibet because I used to be, I used to be an independent individual.Whereas now my Google searches always are connected to Hannah.
28:10I'm sorry, babe.I'm sorry.I will ever knowand then Google Desbishopand the first thing is likeHow did Hannah Burrne and Desbishop meat?Where is Hannah Butter and Desbishop nowand they still married?
28:26Your Audi values discretion.So let's crack on here.This woman went off.So she's going to give us a lot to talk about.Okay.Okay. First of all, love you guys.Hannah, come to Kentucky.I'm Megan.
28:43Second, whoever thought of this prompt needs a kiss on the mouth because as a Google, a Google girly,like every thought that comes to my head, I just have to Google it because why would you not?Like, whatever, anyway.So I'm just going to do a little speed round, just read off a list of stuff.Can cats have yogurt?Impending Doom, feeling, how tall is Captain Glenn from below deck?What exactly is a sister wife?How to make mariner sauce.
29:11Can cats have cinnamon?The cast of Over the Hedge.Where are white people indigenous to?How many winning tickets are there in a scratchoff role?Is Bushwick safe?Who plays Uncle Kelbo and was there's a viably place?What is imitation crab?And how many cat ears is five human years?
29:30That's just a quick from the last week.But I used to work at a library and all I had was time to Google everything.So yeah, thank you.Hope you enjoy.That was iconic.put it in the LouvreWhere are white people indigenous to?I mean, it has to be Europe
29:48but I don't know the historyof how they ended up in Europeand how they ended up white.That reminds me of when we went skiingand I was the only Americanand I met this white British girland I looked at herand I didn't know what to say
29:58and I just was likeso where's your family from?What?Because like in Americayou're like where's your family fromand someone would be likeoh like we're from Spainand Germany and German
30:09and she was likelunchEngland. And I'm like, no, but like, where'd they come from? And she was like, England.And I was like, oh, sorry. Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry. Oh, wait. Remember when you lost the war to us?Anyway, my favorite is, what is imitation crab? Yeah, what is that?Imitation crab is basically fake crab. And like, they use imitation crab in like a lot of things.Can cats eat yogurt? The cat stuff is so real. Every three seconds, can cats eat too?cinnamon. Can cats have grapes? Can cats eat chocolate? Can cats have eggs? I mean, I've
30:46definitely... Also just being like, how old is my cat? How do I keep my cat alive longer? Ways tofreeze your cat? I mean, I've done a lot of Googling with cats because, you know, I like to checkdifferent behaviors since I met you. But, uh, no, that's my favorite. But honestly, though,can really freak you out because like, like, we had, when we were kids, we had dogs and like,the amount of shit I know now that's bad for dogs that we didn't give a fuck about and all thosedogs were fine. Like it really is amazing how much like pet fear there is for the shit that you givepets. True. I like I do have, I'm on veterinarian TikTok every now and then where they're just likefive things I would never feed my animal or whatever. And they'll have like, it's true. Some
31:36things people are really dramatic about and it's like, yeah, if they have, you know, if they have onething they're fine um oh no but yeah so des and aden are not cat people and they got cats and i try toexplain the language of cats and it's actually quite interesting because i'll be like okay now they'vetaken their paw and they put their paw under their chest that means they're happy that meansthey're comfortable and say okay now their pupils are big they want to fight they want to chase somethingthey want to play oh now that like so there's so many things so i would like send it to aden all thetime and be like, when Seamus does this, that means he's content.That'd be a funny character, condescending cat lady.
32:15So guys, if you're like me, you like keeping your money where you can see it.Unfortunately, traditional big wireless carriers always seem to like keeping my money too.After years of overpaying for wireless, I finally got fed up from crazy high wireless bills,bogus fees, and free, quotation mark, perks.that actually costs more in the long run.So I switched to Mint Mobile.Say bye-bye to your overpriced wireless plans.Draw dropping monthly bills and unexpected overages.
32:46Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plansstarting at $15 a month.All plans come with high-speed dataand unlimited talk and textto live it on the nation's largest 5G network.Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile planand bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts.Ditch overpriced wireless
33:04and get three months of premiumwireless service from MintMobile for $15 a month.If you like your money, MintMobile is for you.Shop plans at mintmobile.com slash burner.That's mintmobile.com slash earner.Upfront payment of $45 for three months,five gigabyte plan required, equivalent to $15 a month.New customer offer for first three months only,
33:28then full price plan options available.Taxes and fees extra.See MintMobile for details.Guys, I've been loving hero bread.because I've been on some serious weight loss goals for 2025.And I've actually lost quite a bit of weight,but I do love bread.And of course, you know, a lot of people don't associate bread
33:50eating healthy.But the great thing about hero bread is you can focus on your health goalsand still indulge in the soft, fluffy experience you love guilt-free.Get a nutritious breakfast wrap, make your avocado toast,grilled cheese with a cozy soupbecause Hero Bread is delicious and flavorfulbut has ultra low net carbs,zero grams of sugar,
34:13and it's high in fiber.I love their bagels.I'm a toaster.I toast a bagel.And it comes out so nice.I also like to use their wrapwith the, you know, the life hack aboutyou can make an egg burrito
34:32in the air fry.Looked that up.Their wraps are great for that.Their bagel, by the way, is only 4G net carbs.You'd never know it's low carb and high fiber from the texture.Forgot to mention the fiber, right?Very important to keep the motion in the ocean.So Hero Bread is offering $10 off your order.
34:55Go to hero.co and use code burner at checkout.That's burner at hero, hero, dot CO.Hey, just since we're on the topic, I might as well play this one.Hi, yes.So the last funny thing I Googled would have probably been,can I feed breast milk to my dog?I've just had a baby and I'm in and out of this Dulhu period.And that one kind of made me laugh.
35:26You can't feed breast milk to a dog.It's actually really bad for them.I've learned from Google.But as someone who hates waste, it seemed like very criminal to pour it down the drain if I didn't have a bag or it'd been in the fridge for too long or on the table.So, yeah, I'm that bitch that's trying to always feed my partner brown avocados and off milk.And he hates it.Bye.Look, she's trying to make use.
36:00Yeah, you spend all that energy expressing milk.you don't want to waste it.You're good breast milk nutrients.It is funny though when people ask things and it's like, let's Google first.Let's Google first before we bring it across people's desks.Before we bring it to the meeting, let's Google.I like to ask you everything, though.But, you know, I guess I would have Googled, is breast milk okay for the dog?
36:30But I would have preferred if she said, turns out it is.because the dog was puking all over the place.Yeah, I would have, I do ask Des, like a lot of random factsthat I should Google, but it's so much more fun for me to be like,Des, what was the war of 1812, instead of Alexa or Google?And he's like, so these guys went over here.They were mad at these guys, and then they came, I want the color.Let's face it.
36:57You only get that answer 50% of the time.What's the answer the other 50% of the time?why you asking meGoogle itGoogle itWait can you do a meditation appOh I know we've talked about this beforeThe Australian guy
37:12The Australian guy who's likeOkay todayIs it Australian?I'm so happyI think he's AustralianThe guy that I used to listen to on theCalm app or one of thoseBritish
37:24Yeah he was like from NewcastleOh yeah he's BritishHe's like welcomeTo another seriesOf headspaceWe'll begin in the usualway headspace that was the headspace guy yes yeah so we'll be getting to be like it's been afucking long day and we're not going to let the voices in our heads tell us what the fuck is up
37:43yeah well we like listen stop fucking stop feeling sorry for yourself and fucking get back in the gamenow let's breathe uh five four three stop breathing all right here's one we all want to know thisThe last funny thing that I Googled was, do astronauts have sex in space?We were curious.Curiosity got the best of us.And the answer is, no, they don't have sex in space, which sounds fucking boring if you ask me.Thanks.Bye.
38:24I don't believe that.I don't believe that.Oh, really?I don't believe that for a second.I think it's hard with the weightlessness.Oh, like he can't get hard?No, I wasn't thinking he can't get hard.I think he would probably find it hard to thrust.
38:42You could figure it out, hold on to something.I can't speak.Human life ship is trying to prevail.Wait, are people still astronauting?They are.There's people in space as we speak.They don't care to go to the moon anymore.I think the moon has, it's the importance of moon travel has,
39:03faded a bit, I believe.It's like not, it's not the place to go to anymore.Yeah.Well, you know, because Elon Musk is trying to get to Mars.That's his current.Well, actually, he should go.Yeah.Now's the time.
39:18Save our data from fucking 25-year-old fucking former hackers that he hasfucking getting into the payment system.But hey, it's not a political podcast.Not a political podcast.Not a political podcast.Oh, this is a great one.This morning, I googled if my baby hates me for taking her to daycare because she's been going to daycare since Tuesday now, so for three days.And whenever I drop her off, she absolutely loses her mind.
39:50But whenever I pick her up, she doesn't even smile when she sees me.I mean, I get it.But, like, I was just at home with you for six months.So Google said she doesn't hate meBut honestlyThe attitude is insane for a six-month-oldThat reminds me ofJeannie
40:15My sister-in-law was so nervous for Lois'sLike going to schoolShe's twoAnd then she texted usAnd she's likeShe literally didn't even turn back to look at usWhen she wentSinaire motherfucker
40:28FreedomShe's like, I think she flipped me the birdBut you know it's so greatIt's babies are severedBecause like they don't remember any of thisAnd I'm sure that some psychologists will sayThat you knowIn your subconscious this does affect you psychologically
40:48But they're a severed employeeSo everything that happens beforeYou know essentially they're fourLet's say three and a half to be safeit's just irrelevant because they're not going to remember they do say though the first seven years of your lifewrites the book of what's going to happen for the rest of your life yeah that's what they saybut no i do think it's just like a subconscious thing but it is like a cat like you know if you likeaccidentally step in your cat's paw and they run away and you're like oh my god i i'm i you start
41:22crying you're like i'm a horrible mother how could i do this sir she's never going to trust me againAnd then in two minutes she walks up, like, what's up?Yeah.She has no idea what happened.But then there's all this conflicting stuff about like dog memories and stuff.And like, oh, they don't remember.But then it's like, they don't remember their behavior.Because like when you're training a dog, you have to, you have to teach them.
41:44You have to have the command like immediately after the action.Otherwise, they won't make the assumption, the association.But when they've done something wrong and you come home, they're clearly guilty.they're clearly guiltyI mean am Iis that fake news because likethey clearly aremaybe that because they're reminded
42:07because they could like seethey can see that you're mador no they could see likethe garbage all over the floor that they went throughor like yeahI doyeah someone said something funny because I'm alwayscomparing cats and dogs
42:20has someone saidpeople want dogs to be humansand then people with catsjust want to be cats.Oh, they want to be cats.Yes.Well, it's like man's best friend, but cats, you're like, what is this life?And can you let me join you?
42:38Yeah, because you want to just lie around all day.And cuddle and purr and judge people.Yeah.And gossip.And grove my eyes and tell men they can't touch me.So I think you're fine.I don't think your daughter is judging you.But, you know, it is amazing different kids.
42:59Some kids just, like, thrive in those situations and other kids are just, like, get me back.But it's funny, you do want to protect them, I guess, and I'm not a mom, so I don't really know, but how to, you don't want them to have traumatizing things happen to them.But then there's things like, yeah, when they have to go to school where you want them to deal with some adversity and you want them to be able to self-soothe.And you want them to be like, oh, I got upset, but everything was okay.Yeah, I figured it out.You want to socialize them like a puppy.Yeah.Yes.
43:27Look, we're all about that 80s parenting.Plus, you need them, you need them to go and start getting diseases.You know, you need them outside and let them find their way back home.You need them to start building up that immunity.Put them in a tub of peanut butter.What?Oh, so they don't get peanut onions?I didn't know what you were talking about for a second.
43:48I'm literally referencing one of your jokes.Oh, yeah.All right, we'll do one more because I don't like to rush the pod, but.I'm under pressure.But we're going to play out some extras so people don't feel cheated.Okay, so I was recently in a conversation with a friend and she used the termchuckle fucker and I was too embarrassed to tell her I didn't know what she was talking about.So I just was like kind of smiling and nodding like I knew what she meant.
44:20And then later that day I googled what is a chuckle fucker and I amappalled. I amstunned. It is literallyexactly whatthe words are. AndI thoughtyou guys probably knewwhat it meant. So
44:39yeah.Yeah.I knew what it meant.I had never heard thatit's more of, that's more an American comedy term.For those that don't know, it's like a woman that wants to fucka comedian.Chuckle fucker though, like it's funny because
44:56It's such, it's weird.Like, it's not, doesn't sound fun.Chuggle fucker.Yeah, I think.Who came up with that?I don't know.That reminds me of, yeah, when I'm in college, there were all these names.Like, the girls who, like, loved hooking up with hockey players were puck sluts.
45:18Right.And then I think the girls who dated mascots, they called them furry chasers, but I could have made that up.Oh, yeah.made I made that up because you're you're reallythat's just a big part of your personalitymascot fucking.They like everyone in their groupI wonder what they call
45:37do they call guys who want to fuck female comedianschuckle fuckers too? I was just tryingto think of that as she was speakingI was trying to come up with a funny onefor men that want to fuckwomen butI you knownot to bring it up but it is funny how like
45:53I joke about how male comicslike you don't have to be that good looking to be considered really good looking and then it's likethe more girls that want to fuck them the hotter they are and then like these crazy stories of themon the road and they're just fucking every girl everywhere after the show and then you know as a femalecomic like even if you are hot and like guys come to your show because they think you're hotthey don't want to know that you're fucking everyone in the crowd let's face it it's a it's the terriblesexism of modern society.Terrible double standard.
46:28Being a comedian, it makes you less, it makes you less hot to the majority of men who arelike insecure about their masculinity.It makes you less attractive.If you're in the crowd and you hear like, oh, this hot comic, like he fucks like a lot of fans,like girls would get excited and be like, okay, how do I fuck it?But if you're in the crowd and you're like, oh yeah, this female comic, she fucks all herfans, they'd be like, ew.Dangerous.
46:55Dangerous.yeah that's the double standard no but i think it doesn't happen as a female comic for a lot ofreasons yeah but one of them is like because you don't want to be with a strange random man everynight like that's literally dangerous yeah but the problem is that like an in cell can becomea comedian and suddenly get late whereas a female comic uh doesn't become a comedian and suddenlywant to fuck incels you know so it's just the way it's just the way it happensNo, you're right. You're right.The different lives of chuckle-fuckers depending on your gender.
47:32It's one of the great inequalities of mankind that chuckle-fuckers really only go one way.You know, despite the fact that, I guess, I'm a male chuckle-fucker, but...You are. Oh, look at us.And Steve Mullen literally knocks on the door.oh well so i have to go i'm going to limerick and my irish tour continues everybody so come and check it outthere's not too many dates that have tickets left but there i added a dublin show so you can get ticketsto that one i hope you guys had a ton of chuckles today i did add a weekend in albany oh you didto the funny bone nice all right well that's great and we'll be back we'll be back next week
48:21and thank you for your contributions.Oh, don't forget that the Bishop Exchange exists now too.We're going political this week, so we're going to put out a prompt.We don't do a lot of them, but we usually do a couple.We're going to put out a prompt.What do people think about Trump so far?So we're going political.Not afraid to get political in the Bishop Exchange.
48:42So if you want to come over to the political side of the chat, go over to the Bishop Exchange.And by the way, thanks to the Burnaphone listeners, because I'm pretty sure that 90%of the people that have called into us are from Bernifron.They're killing it.Yeah, they're from Bernifone because they're comfortable with the...Look, the little dialers, they have stuff to say and they always deliver.Yeah. So thanks, everybody.Thanks, guys. Talk soon.
49:07Bye.Hey Hannah does. My boyfriend and I are fairly new podcast listeners, but we do love it. And the last thing, that funny thing that I Googled was actually because we were listening to y'all's podcast. And we basically looked up how many baby mamas Nick Cannon has versus how many baby mama's Tyreek Hill has. And then we, after that, we looked up how many kids each of them have. And what was weird is basically,Basically, it said that Nick Cannon definitely has more baby mamas, but they're unsure of how many kids Tyreek Hill has.So something says that he has eight.Something say that he has like 156 kids.And so basically nobody knows.The last thing I googled was, what does an owl look like without its feathers?You'll be shook.
50:21Hey, mom and dad. So the last thing that I had Googled was a Japanese A5 Wagu steak becauseI wanted to know how much it costs retail because I went to steak in Vegas with my friendand her boyfriend paid for the entire bill and said, get anything that you want. So I orderedthe Japanese A5 Wagyu steak and it said $70. I was like, cool, that's a good price.but not knowing that it was$70 an ounceminimum was three ouncesso at the end of the night
50:54or the next day my friend's likehey did you know that your steak was like $200I didn't realize itso I had to Google it to make surelike that was real but I felt badbut anyways best steak I've ever hadmelt in your mouthno regrets
There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click any sentence in the transcript to leave one.