Berner Phone - Berner Phone #77: What We Google

Episode Date: February 10, 2025

Search history is personal, but the dialers are letting us in on their most recent Google searches. You can usually find Hannah searching tennis players, celebrities, and the latest documentaries, while Des is on WebMD and looking up ACL exercises.

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hello, my tiny, cute, adorable little dialers. Oh, did you miss me? Oh, yeah. Des wasn't here last week. You were replaced by my mom.

Yes. And by the way, just tough scheduling at the moment with the time difference and both of us touring. So, anyway, we got it together this week, even though I have to, I have to record this. I have to record this and immediately go to limerick. So it's very exciting. Limerick, it's, it sounds, it doesn't sound like a place. Well, I think that's because a type of a poem is. named after Limerick? Oh, that's why. That's why. Babe, there were multiple times last week.

Well, I was making fun of you, but then I would be at a point where I'd be like, oh, this is when Des would say one of his Desisms. What do you mean you were making fun of me? Well, I was like, I didn't listen to it. Were you naughty? I wasn't that naughty. What did you say? What did you say? I said enough that I don't remember. No, you're pleading the fifth now. It was sprinkled in lightly throughout, but then at one point I was like, do we miss him? Do we miss his presence? Disappointing.

The minute you're set free, you go back into your making fun of boyfriends mode. Yeah, my boyfriend. I actually do call you my boyfriend sometimes, page laughs. So, well, you, you. came up with this is a great prompt. Oh, yeah. Actually, someone inspired me with a DM. And it's something I've asked on hand on the street before, which I think is really funny.

But I want to know what's something funny you guys have Googled. Like, what's the last thing you Googled? But you said the last thing you Googled. Yeah, because I do like when it's random. But I also threw in funny because I wanted to laugh. But I Google crazy shit. Do you ever Google something and then laugh, thinking that if people saw it, they'd be like, go to sleep. It's 2 a.m.

One of the most frightening experiences I ever had was Chenade, my cousin, used to work in Google in Ireland, you know. Google's European headquarters are here in Ireland. And I walked into the waiting room to meet her. She was taking me for lunch in the insane Google canteen. And they were like flashing people's searches like on the screen. It was like their welcome screen. and I was like, holy shit, somebody in here knows. Somebody in here can see what I'm Googling.

And it was like, suddenly I was like, of course the data exists. I had like a data nightmare at that moment. Just off the top of my head, I do Google Celebrity Heights. I do a lot of like, where is this celebrity? Like, you know, you'll think of something. You're just like, what are they even up to? and it's like, oh, they're living a nice peaceful life on a farm in Wyoming. Good for

them. Yeah. Where is Kirk Cameron? Actually, I don't recommend Googling where is Kirk Cameron now? That'll be one of the great let towns of modern time. Who's that? Growing pains. Growing panes, huge sitcom in the 80s, like one of the big sitcoms that, like, young people would watch, but also

like families would watch. But he's now... I don't want to say what he is, but he's very disappointing. Very disappointing. Okay. So, you... So you've been personally attacked. Well, you know.

Well, we have a lot to get through. What are you looking up now? Oh, I actually just found some Google searches from my computer. I googled Simone Hallop. Oh, yeah. Is she coming back? She retired. Oh, she retired?

She announced her retirement yesterday. Oh, dear. Yep. There's a new documentary called Look Into My Eyes by Lana Wilson, who's a family friend who did the tale. Swift documentary and the Brooks Shields documentary and it's about psychics in New York. It's not in New York. It looks like the Lower East Side. So it was very interesting. I got, I had fall asleep, I fell asleep, but I have half of it left. I also googled where is Patrick Mahomes

from? Turns out he's from Texas. Yes, but his father played for the Mets. Oh. Yes. So that's exciting. Interesting. He grew up, he was, you can see pictures of him like in the dugout as a little kid and he still gets asked about the Mets at like press conferences. Oh, I saw that. I'm like, why are they asking about the Mets? Yeah, his father was very connected to the Mets. Alonzo. Also,

I do feel like with girls, it's a lot of like why is this coming out of my vagina right now? Yes. Or like, should it smell like a nickel or a dollar bill? Well, I mean, we know why it smells like a nickel, like a dollar bill. I'm just kidding. No, but they describe the way

vagina smells like in like very weird terms. Yeah. Like it's always hard to like describe a pain or a sensation. Like why? Well, the time that I discovered that I had anxiety was I put in, why are my legs buzzing? Why are my legs buzzing? And that's that's when the anxiety stuff came up. But it can be very hard to, sometimes you think, this doesn't make any sense, and then a million things come up for the way you describe something. Why do I have a hot feeling in my anus? Love pinky. Why is my ass burning? You know it's fucked up when you end up on Quora. Well, yeah, I don't trust Quora, man. I mean, listen, for me, it's always, it's either cancer or hemorrhoids. Yeah. That's what I say. Yeah, either or. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I was thinking about our generation, we had, you know, WebMD. We're like, if something's going on, you search WebMD, and then you think you're going to die. But like how Gen Z's nowadays, like, you don't search. TikTok tells you what ailment they think you have. They're like, you're autistic. And you're like, I just wanted to be entertained. At least back then we had to search to hurt her own feelings, where TikTok will just tell you. You open up TikTok and you're healthy.

By the time you leave TikTok, you've got numerous, you've got ADHD, you're on the spectrum, and you're depressed. Well, girls, it's like, is your face round? Well, then that means you have lymphatic buildup, and you have to do drainage, and you have to do this every morning, and you have to start taking NAD supplements, and then you have to go on this thing that shakes your body because it helps with the detox. Whenever detox is thrown in, I'm buying it. By the way, suddenly TikTok the last two days thinks I want to see footage of people like near the summit of Everest, which I do not. Like I think I watch the most different algorithm.

One video and now I'm like bombarded with Everest stuff. It's funny. I feel like sometimes I watch a video that I'm like, oh, I hope this gets into my algorithm. Like this was very funny or this was interesting. And then it's always the random thing that you weren't interested in that it shows 10 more videos of it. But you know what TikTok knows I'm into? Do do do do do do do do... Severance?

Yes. I don't get any severance. Wow. I get a lot of severance. I've seen every nerdy TV. Here's the thing. You know what I've discovered? What?

I'm a fucking nerd. I'm a nerd. Maybe I know. I've been calling you a nerd for a long time. I'm a nerd, man. Like, I couldn't be more nerdy about severance. I've never been as nerdy about a TV show in my life. I do have to say.

Like, I'm going to have to, like, join a Discord. That's how nerdy I am. Yeah, you're about to start your own, like... I'm about to start my own Severance Discord. I love how I couldn't even think of what nerds start. Like, you, I joke on, I'm, like, working on new bits about how you're smarter than me. And once the room was like, no, but then they haven't since then. And I'm like, oh, I thought you guys were going to be like, no, but no one has said anything.

Oh, dear. But then I'm like, people would be like, are you sure? And I'm like, yeah, he speaks three languages. And one of them is a language that no one speaks anymore. He just did it for fun. And it's called Gaelic. Yeah, which drives the Irish crazy because it's Guelica, but it's really, it's not, it's not as clear cut as people. But anyway, let's not get too distracted.

We have all these Googles to get through. and I have to drive to Limerick, so I can't indulge. Can I say one more thing about you? You love after a documentary or after watching a movie going on and like seeing what people are saying about the movie, if it's true, if things, like, you love the aftermath where like I'll barely finish the movie and just be like, I had my experience emotionally and I'm moving on where you'll be like, did you know that character was actually supposed to be cast at this person?

And that isn't really what happened in the true story. you also like to send me like some some health tic-tok like and then it's just total bullshit like yesterday where you sent me one that said aspartame is illegal in europe which it isn't uh which is the sweet i was just i was raising awareness for misinformation but i think you thought you were sending me like this like oh shit like you have to stop drinking you have to stop drinking you have to stop drinking Red Bull because you're going to have a heart attack. Okay, it was Clickbaitie. It said if you drink too many of these, you will get a heart attack.

And I'm like, oh my God, Des drinks a lot of Red Bull. I hope he's, I hope he doesn't have a heart attack. I'm saving his life. And you respond to, you're like, this is all made up. Well, because I Googled it. Because I actually did my own research. This is why I love, this is why I love you because I send you things that I haven't watched and you still watch them fully.

Yeah, I'm the fact checker, man. My Shay loves. I'm the fact checker we haven't gone meta in our relationship yet we still have fact checkers do you see on your TikTok my Shayla oh no my Shayla actually I had a crazy one the other day what I'm not going to say who I was with but as you may or may not know I had sort of a I had Amanda Knox came into my orbit let's just say without getting into too much detail so obviously we watched that documentary that time and we are now of the opinion that she was hard done by but I mentioned it to my friends and one of them was just like immediately like

how could you talk to that murderer and I was like when was the last time you delved into the Amanda Knox story, which of course she hadn't since the original stuff. And I was like, wow, it's just amazing. Like a story just lands and then that's it. So I said, listen, you're going to have a fun time just Googling like the journey since then. There's multiple documentaries. I watched multiple ones of them. So anyway, we won't get into that rabbit hole. I'm sure some people now are triggered because they still think that about Amanda Knox. But just fun fact, Amanda Knox does stand-up comedy now, which is you can Google that. That's true. She does stand-up comedy. Killers wouldn't do stand-of-comedy. Oh, I don't know about that. So, um, so let's get into some of

these great Googles because, uh, we have a lot to get through. Um, let's just start with this, because I feel like this is like a giggly squad topic, but, uh, it came up a few times. This one is so hana-coded. I googled, where is Bianca's vagina at the Grammys? Because my friends and I were in a group chat trying to decide why they didn't blur it out. And we were wondering if it was her actual vagina or if there was like some kind of cover on it. And my friends were like, where's her labia? And we're like, is it real?

Is it not? So I took them for the team and Googled it. and it was in fact her vagina oh my god I actually thought that I thought that was Kim Kardashian I was like why did Kim Kardashian go to the Grammys naked with Kanye West

so the whole thing is that Kanye found a girl who looks exactly like Kim Kardashian but wasn't his famous that was not his famous and I mean arguably he did control a lot that Kim did fashion-wise but yeah now there's this whole argument online where it's like did she want to take her jacket off or did he make her

oh yeah of course and people are like she's you know trapped and then people are like stop infantilizing women like maybe she wanted to and why are we assuming she didn't it's all over the place but Kanye was promoting his yay it's the same thing yeah he was it was promoting something but her body's amazing

Yeah, she looks great. I don't know how natural it is, but it absolutely holds up underneath her panty hose. It was like her breasts, it was like her breasts were robbing a bank. Her vagina was robbing a bank. It's like, nobody move. And everyone got scared. Everyone was like, what's about to happen? That is so funny.

Yeah, that would be a, oh my God, that would be great. If I was good at animation, that'd be a great animation. her vagina being like like nobody move i'm stealing everybody's attention this is an attention robbery okay well there was there was that we got a joke out of it well done i do it does get annoying though when something goes viral and then the video gets taken down or something and then everyone just gets confused and starts saying what they saw and all this stuff let's let's crack on here this is actually i feel like we've all been in this situation Hi, mom and dad, for this prompt, I think something needs to be said about the monthly pregnancy symptom, Google searches.

I know that's something that affects a lot of women. Definitely, I've gone through that. And it ends up being pretty funny, usually, because you get your period literally the next day. But they're pretty unfortunate while it's happening. So, yeah. Now, I haven't been pregnant yet, but obviously. Obviously, like... How many times have you thought...

How many... Have you had pregnancy scares? Yeah, or you're... It's honestly, it becomes an intrusive thought where, like, you don't have me supposed to have your period yet, but like something will happen. Like, your boob will be kind of sore, and you're like, this is it. But of course, it's the great... It's the great... I need to drop out of college.

I need to drop out. Nature's sense of humor that essentially they kind of mix PMS with early pregnancy symptoms so right around the time where you would be like where the fuck is my period you're likely to be feeling like

oh shit I could be pregnant it is funny though like every now and then I'll be like am I nauseous oh my God am I pregnant and it's like no you had tuna fish from 7-11

like you literally ate for 24 hours straight stuffing your face that's why you're nauseous yeah whenever you feel nauseous you're like and it's like yeah you drank

bottle of tequila you're not pregnant um but and that i'm it's also the STD symptoms too oh listen the amount of times i've had chlamydia versus the one time i actually had it do you admit that you had chlamydia once or is that a secret i've like told every news outlet oh yeah no just i i thought so but i just wasn't sure i had it once and i guess the guys don't have symptoms um yeah well they can they can have a little bit of like they can but yeah the doctor was so chill they were like oh yeah like take this once this one thing cool and i was like wait yeah what is a moxie cellar like a moxie cellar has everyone has everyone been doing this and i just didn't know about it but jesus christ the amount of times i've had fucking herpes gonorrhea oh scares

yeah like in my mind i mean you know actually when i was little there's there's like a bone in my foot and I like it's kind of like on the side and like it's kind of a bump sometimes and I like fully thought that I had like a webbed foot like I went into like a full spiral and I was like oh my god I'm crazy my foot and I'm I walked into my parents room and I was like I think my foot is weird I think I have an extra bone in my foot and they're like no you that's just your foot you're good Have you ever gotten so bad with the STD fear that you're looking at like the pictures? Have you ever gone that?

Oh, God. I hate when that has to happen. Yeah. You've been there? Yeah, I have. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like vagina's almost worse. I know we don't have a lot of guy listeners, but I actually, it took me a long time in my life to discover that.

And this is a little bit of an uncircumcised thing. This is really a lot of detail. but I can get like eczema like essentially I can get like dry skin down there and it really can mimic STD symptoms so I for essentially my a lot of my sexually active life I had scares based on the fact that I had this like kind of like dry skin and I thought I had thrush for I thought I was like prone to thrush for a long time. But anyway, just keep that in mind, lads. I do have to say the annoying thing about STDs is, like, I was being, like, really

moral with it, because I, I hadn't, I've never had it before, and I happened to get it while I was, like, I was, like, in between relationships, like, I was, like, ending something and starting something new. And I remember being, like, oh, fuck, I have to call the guy that I don't want to talk to anymore. And I also have to call the guy that I'm like very newly into. Yes. And it was like the worst. And I felt like a

I had to do a press conference. I was like okay guys. I met him and have committee. I'm sorry. How big is the press room? How many people are in the conference? No, it was literally two guys. It was two guys. But I didn't

know if I got it from the earlier one or the new one and it was a little bit chaotic and also like you don't want to talk to that one dude because you're like I literally have been ghosting you and now I'm like hey I have to talk about my pussy

isn't it amazing how like if I had athletes foot like I had athlete's foot when I was a kid when I was swimming all the time I never had shame about it I would like scratch my athlete's foot in front of people but like rub it on people but like thrush

which is essentially just a different type of fungal infection. You know, if I had penile thrush, it would just be like, nobody in the world can know about this. I do feel like one good thing about girlhood is like we love talking about UTIs. Like girls are like, I have a UTI and everyone like goes around her in like a coven and we like hold her and we kiss her

and we say it's going to be okay. I know men can get UTIs too. Also yeast infections, girls will talk. talk about it. Yeah, well, they're more common in women? Because it's, it's common and it's so, I think it's, it's uncomfortable. I just remember UTI,

it was just this like urge to pee but you didn't have to pee, but you felt like you needed to pee or you were going to die. It was very upsetting. So whenever a girl's a UTI, I'm like, go take a vacation, go to Europe, figure it out like you're perfect. Guys, I love my new

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That's O'S-E-A-Malibu.com. Let's crack on. Oh, this is funny. Hi, Hannah. Hi, hi, Dez. Love you guys. Love the pod and obviously love Higley Squad in page 2. This is actually a perfect prompt for me right now because I recently Googled something about you guys.

I'm like, I like to visualize people when I hear them talking and I realized I never actually knew what Des looked like other than the one photo. That's the burner phone, like cover photo. So I searched up Des Bishop obviously to see what he looks like so I could visualize it. And I found that I really don't, Des is obviously a handsome man and I don't think that. the photo on burner phone does him justice. Like his, in all other videos and pictures that I found upon my research, he looks a lot younger and a lot more like naturally happy than in the cover photo. So I don't know.

This is something weird and recent that I actually just Googled and I thought it's funny. But anyways, love you both. You're both beautiful. Keep checking those photos from 2015, baby. No. Babe, I think she's requesting a reshoot. Well, you know, like, I'm going to have to look now at the burn of phone because, like, I actually remember being quite happy with that picture.

I remember, though, we had like a ton of pictures to choose from and we were making different faces and all of them. Yeah, because we're supposed to be, like, reacting to the... Here's the thing. Now, I'm looking at the burn of phone picture, right? Here's the thing. Yeah. You literally look like you're a model doing a mobile phone commercial.

from the early 2000s, and I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, which is like reacting to what the people are saying, whereas you look like you're like, hi, look, I'm a beautiful woman using a Nokia, using a Motorola flip phone. You literally look like a model from the 2000s. Well, obviously, I picked the one that I looked the hottest in. But, you know, I'm happy enough. And I was doing a photo shoot and then called you over. I was like, hey, let's take some quick picks for a burner phone. Babe, we could do a reshoot though, because like you're having a glow up.

You're in your glow up moment. Yeah, well, we'll see. You got your hair cut. She's got my hair freshly cut. All right, that was just a quick, funny one. People do have a lot of opinions about the biggest opinion I get at people tell me about this is they always go, when they meet you in person, they go, oh, my God, I didn't realize you were so tall.

People, and that's the same with me that when I meet people in real life, they always say, oh, my God, you're much taller than I expected. And the other thing I get with your fans is Hannah makes you sound like an ancient man. and her Netflix special, you're actually, you're not old. I'm like, yeah, I know. None of that fucking stupid heart attack story is true, but, uh, I take that back. It's not, sorry, none of it is not, that is incorrect, but there, there was some, there was some poetic license with that, uh, routine, but anyway, we won't get into that,

but, but there are some people that, uh, definitely go, oh, you're not an old man. How often do you Google yourself? I actually Google myself quite often, but that's just to sort of stay on top of professionally. I often actually, I sometimes actually remember shit that I'm supposed to do that I'd forgotten about when I Google myself. Do you know I basically like haven't Googled myself for like four years?

Well, that's, you know, that's smart. And definitely four years ago it was the right time not to Google yourself. I've been in positions where people are like, oh, like, can you send me like where I'd have to search my name for something? And I was like, can you search it? Because I really don't want to, I don't want to get into that. You occupied my Google searches, though. It's literally like you're like the Chinese government and my Google is Tibet because I used to be, I used to be an independent individual. Whereas now my Google searches always are connected to Hannah.

I'm sorry, babe. I'm sorry. I will ever know and then Google Desbishop and the first thing is like How did Hannah Burrne and Desbishop meat? Where is Hannah Butter and Desbishop now and they still married?

Your Audi values discretion. So let's crack on here. This woman went off. So she's going to give us a lot to talk about. Okay. Okay. First of all, love you guys. Hannah, come to Kentucky. I'm Megan.

Second, whoever thought of this prompt needs a kiss on the mouth because as a Google, a Google girly, like every thought that comes to my head, I just have to Google it because why would you not? Like, whatever, anyway. So I'm just going to do a little speed round, just read off a list of stuff. Can cats have yogurt? Impending Doom, feeling, how tall is Captain Glenn from below deck? What exactly is a sister wife? How to make mariner sauce.

Can cats have cinnamon? The cast of Over the Hedge. Where are white people indigenous to? How many winning tickets are there in a scratchoff role? Is Bushwick safe? Who plays Uncle Kelbo and was there's a viably place? What is imitation crab? And how many cat ears is five human years?

That's just a quick from the last week. But I used to work at a library and all I had was time to Google everything. So yeah, thank you. Hope you enjoy. That was iconic. put it in the Louvre Where are white people indigenous to? I mean, it has to be Europe

but I don't know the history of how they ended up in Europe and how they ended up white. That reminds me of when we went skiing and I was the only American and I met this white British girl and I looked at her and I didn't know what to say

and I just was like so where's your family from? What? Because like in America you're like where's your family from and someone would be like oh like we're from Spain and Germany and German

and she was like lunch England. And I'm like, no, but like, where'd they come from? And she was like, England. And I was like, oh, sorry. Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry. Oh, wait. Remember when you lost the war to us? Anyway, my favorite is, what is imitation crab? Yeah, what is that? Imitation crab is basically fake crab. And like, they use imitation crab in like a lot of things. Can cats eat yogurt? The cat stuff is so real. Every three seconds, can cats eat too? cinnamon. Can cats have grapes? Can cats eat chocolate? Can cats have eggs? I mean, I've

definitely... Also just being like, how old is my cat? How do I keep my cat alive longer? Ways to freeze your cat? I mean, I've done a lot of Googling with cats because, you know, I like to check different behaviors since I met you. But, uh, no, that's my favorite. But honestly, though, can really freak you out because like, like, we had, when we were kids, we had dogs and like, the amount of shit I know now that's bad for dogs that we didn't give a fuck about and all those dogs were fine. Like it really is amazing how much like pet fear there is for the shit that you give pets. True. I like I do have, I'm on veterinarian TikTok every now and then where they're just like five things I would never feed my animal or whatever. And they'll have like, it's true. Some

things people are really dramatic about and it's like, yeah, if they have, you know, if they have one thing they're fine um oh no but yeah so des and aden are not cat people and they got cats and i try to explain the language of cats and it's actually quite interesting because i'll be like okay now they've taken their paw and they put their paw under their chest that means they're happy that means they're comfortable and say okay now their pupils are big they want to fight they want to chase something they want to play oh now that like so there's so many things so i would like send it to aden all the time and be like, when Seamus does this, that means he's content. That'd be a funny character, condescending cat lady.

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Go to hero.co and use code burner at checkout. That's burner at hero, hero, dot CO. Hey, just since we're on the topic, I might as well play this one. Hi, yes. So the last funny thing I Googled would have probably been, can I feed breast milk to my dog? I've just had a baby and I'm in and out of this Dulhu period. And that one kind of made me laugh.

You can't feed breast milk to a dog. It's actually really bad for them. I've learned from Google. But as someone who hates waste, it seemed like very criminal to pour it down the drain if I didn't have a bag or it'd been in the fridge for too long or on the table. So, yeah, I'm that bitch that's trying to always feed my partner brown avocados and off milk. And he hates it. Bye. Look, she's trying to make use.

Yeah, you spend all that energy expressing milk. you don't want to waste it. You're good breast milk nutrients. It is funny though when people ask things and it's like, let's Google first. Let's Google first before we bring it across people's desks. Before we bring it to the meeting, let's Google. I like to ask you everything, though. But, you know, I guess I would have Googled, is breast milk okay for the dog?

But I would have preferred if she said, turns out it is. because the dog was puking all over the place. Yeah, I would have, I do ask Des, like a lot of random facts that I should Google, but it's so much more fun for me to be like, Des, what was the war of 1812, instead of Alexa or Google? And he's like, so these guys went over here. They were mad at these guys, and then they came, I want the color. Let's face it.

You only get that answer 50% of the time. What's the answer the other 50% of the time? why you asking me Google it Google it Wait can you do a meditation app Oh I know we've talked about this before The Australian guy

The Australian guy who's like Okay today Is it Australian? I'm so happy I think he's Australian The guy that I used to listen to on the Calm app or one of those British

Yeah he was like from Newcastle Oh yeah he's British He's like welcome To another series Of headspace We'll begin in the usual way headspace that was the headspace guy yes yeah so we'll be getting to be like it's been a fucking long day and we're not going to let the voices in our heads tell us what the fuck is up

yeah well we like listen stop fucking stop feeling sorry for yourself and fucking get back in the game now let's breathe uh five four three stop breathing all right here's one we all want to know this The last funny thing that I Googled was, do astronauts have sex in space? We were curious. Curiosity got the best of us. And the answer is, no, they don't have sex in space, which sounds fucking boring if you ask me. Thanks. Bye.

I don't believe that. I don't believe that. Oh, really? I don't believe that for a second. I think it's hard with the weightlessness. Oh, like he can't get hard? No, I wasn't thinking he can't get hard. I think he would probably find it hard to thrust.

You could figure it out, hold on to something. I can't speak. Human life ship is trying to prevail. Wait, are people still astronauting? They are. There's people in space as we speak. They don't care to go to the moon anymore. I think the moon has, it's the importance of moon travel has,

faded a bit, I believe. It's like not, it's not the place to go to anymore. Yeah. Well, you know, because Elon Musk is trying to get to Mars. That's his current. Well, actually, he should go. Yeah. Now's the time.

Save our data from fucking 25-year-old fucking former hackers that he has fucking getting into the payment system. But hey, it's not a political podcast. Not a political podcast. Not a political podcast. Oh, this is a great one. This morning, I googled if my baby hates me for taking her to daycare because she's been going to daycare since Tuesday now, so for three days. And whenever I drop her off, she absolutely loses her mind.

But whenever I pick her up, she doesn't even smile when she sees me. I mean, I get it. But, like, I was just at home with you for six months. So Google said she doesn't hate me But honestly The attitude is insane for a six-month-old That reminds me of Jeannie

My sister-in-law was so nervous for Lois's Like going to school She's two And then she texted us And she's like She literally didn't even turn back to look at us When she went Sinaire motherfucker

Freedom She's like, I think she flipped me the bird But you know it's so great It's babies are severed Because like they don't remember any of this And I'm sure that some psychologists will say That you know In your subconscious this does affect you psychologically

But they're a severed employee So everything that happens before You know essentially they're four Let's say three and a half to be safe it's just irrelevant because they're not going to remember they do say though the first seven years of your life writes the book of what's going to happen for the rest of your life yeah that's what they say but no i do think it's just like a subconscious thing but it is like a cat like you know if you like accidentally step in your cat's paw and they run away and you're like oh my god i i'm i you start

crying you're like i'm a horrible mother how could i do this sir she's never going to trust me again And then in two minutes she walks up, like, what's up? Yeah. She has no idea what happened. But then there's all this conflicting stuff about like dog memories and stuff. And like, oh, they don't remember. But then it's like, they don't remember their behavior. Because like when you're training a dog, you have to, you have to teach them.

You have to have the command like immediately after the action. Otherwise, they won't make the assumption, the association. But when they've done something wrong and you come home, they're clearly guilty. they're clearly guilty I mean am I is that fake news because like they clearly are maybe that because they're reminded

because they could like see they can see that you're mad or no they could see like the garbage all over the floor that they went through or like yeah I do yeah someone said something funny because I'm always comparing cats and dogs

has someone said people want dogs to be humans and then people with cats just want to be cats. Oh, they want to be cats. Yes. Well, it's like man's best friend, but cats, you're like, what is this life? And can you let me join you?

Yeah, because you want to just lie around all day. And cuddle and purr and judge people. Yeah. And gossip. And grove my eyes and tell men they can't touch me. So I think you're fine. I don't think your daughter is judging you. But, you know, it is amazing different kids.

Some kids just, like, thrive in those situations and other kids are just, like, get me back. But it's funny, you do want to protect them, I guess, and I'm not a mom, so I don't really know, but how to, you don't want them to have traumatizing things happen to them. But then there's things like, yeah, when they have to go to school where you want them to deal with some adversity and you want them to be able to self-soothe. And you want them to be like, oh, I got upset, but everything was okay. Yeah, I figured it out. You want to socialize them like a puppy. Yeah. Yes.

Look, we're all about that 80s parenting. Plus, you need them, you need them to go and start getting diseases. You know, you need them outside and let them find their way back home. You need them to start building up that immunity. Put them in a tub of peanut butter. What? Oh, so they don't get peanut onions? I didn't know what you were talking about for a second.

I'm literally referencing one of your jokes. Oh, yeah. All right, we'll do one more because I don't like to rush the pod, but. I'm under pressure. But we're going to play out some extras so people don't feel cheated. Okay, so I was recently in a conversation with a friend and she used the term chuckle fucker and I was too embarrassed to tell her I didn't know what she was talking about. So I just was like kind of smiling and nodding like I knew what she meant.

And then later that day I googled what is a chuckle fucker and I am appalled. I am stunned. It is literally exactly what the words are. And I thought you guys probably knew what it meant. So

yeah. Yeah. I knew what it meant. I had never heard that it's more of, that's more an American comedy term. For those that don't know, it's like a woman that wants to fuck a comedian. Chuckle fucker though, like it's funny because

It's such, it's weird. Like, it's not, doesn't sound fun. Chuggle fucker. Yeah, I think. Who came up with that? I don't know. That reminds me of, yeah, when I'm in college, there were all these names. Like, the girls who, like, loved hooking up with hockey players were puck sluts.

Right. And then I think the girls who dated mascots, they called them furry chasers, but I could have made that up. Oh, yeah. made I made that up because you're you're really that's just a big part of your personality mascot fucking. They like everyone in their group I wonder what they call

do they call guys who want to fuck female comedians chuckle fuckers too? I was just trying to think of that as she was speaking I was trying to come up with a funny one for men that want to fuck women but I you know not to bring it up but it is funny how like

I joke about how male comics like you don't have to be that good looking to be considered really good looking and then it's like the more girls that want to fuck them the hotter they are and then like these crazy stories of them on the road and they're just fucking every girl everywhere after the show and then you know as a female comic like even if you are hot and like guys come to your show because they think you're hot they don't want to know that you're fucking everyone in the crowd let's face it it's a it's the terrible sexism of modern society. Terrible double standard.

Being a comedian, it makes you less, it makes you less hot to the majority of men who are like insecure about their masculinity. It makes you less attractive. If you're in the crowd and you hear like, oh, this hot comic, like he fucks like a lot of fans, like girls would get excited and be like, okay, how do I fuck it? But if you're in the crowd and you're like, oh yeah, this female comic, she fucks all her fans, they'd be like, ew. Dangerous.

Dangerous. yeah that's the double standard no but i think it doesn't happen as a female comic for a lot of reasons yeah but one of them is like because you don't want to be with a strange random man every night like that's literally dangerous yeah but the problem is that like an in cell can become a comedian and suddenly get late whereas a female comic uh doesn't become a comedian and suddenly want to fuck incels you know so it's just the way it's just the way it happens No, you're right. You're right. The different lives of chuckle-fuckers depending on your gender.

It's one of the great inequalities of mankind that chuckle-fuckers really only go one way. You know, despite the fact that, I guess, I'm a male chuckle-fucker, but... You are. Oh, look at us. And Steve Mullen literally knocks on the door. oh well so i have to go i'm going to limerick and my irish tour continues everybody so come and check it out there's not too many dates that have tickets left but there i added a dublin show so you can get tickets to that one i hope you guys had a ton of chuckles today i did add a weekend in albany oh you did to the funny bone nice all right well that's great and we'll be back we'll be back next week

and thank you for your contributions. Oh, don't forget that the Bishop Exchange exists now too. We're going political this week, so we're going to put out a prompt. We don't do a lot of them, but we usually do a couple. We're going to put out a prompt. What do people think about Trump so far? So we're going political. Not afraid to get political in the Bishop Exchange.

So if you want to come over to the political side of the chat, go over to the Bishop Exchange. And by the way, thanks to the Burnaphone listeners, because I'm pretty sure that 90% of the people that have called into us are from Bernifron. They're killing it. Yeah, they're from Bernifone because they're comfortable with the... Look, the little dialers, they have stuff to say and they always deliver. Yeah. So thanks, everybody. Thanks, guys. Talk soon.

Bye. Hey Hannah does. My boyfriend and I are fairly new podcast listeners, but we do love it. And the last thing, that funny thing that I Googled was actually because we were listening to y'all's podcast. And we basically looked up how many baby mamas Nick Cannon has versus how many baby mama's Tyreek Hill has. And then we, after that, we looked up how many kids each of them have. And what was weird is basically, Basically, it said that Nick Cannon definitely has more baby mamas, but they're unsure of how many kids Tyreek Hill has. So something says that he has eight. Something say that he has like 156 kids. And so basically nobody knows. The last thing I googled was, what does an owl look like without its feathers? You'll be shook.

Hey, mom and dad. So the last thing that I had Googled was a Japanese A5 Wagu steak because I wanted to know how much it costs retail because I went to steak in Vegas with my friend and her boyfriend paid for the entire bill and said, get anything that you want. So I ordered the Japanese A5 Wagyu steak and it said $70. I was like, cool, that's a good price. but not knowing that it was $70 an ounce minimum was three ounces so at the end of the night

or the next day my friend's like hey did you know that your steak was like $200 I didn't realize it so I had to Google it to make sure like that was real but I felt bad but anyways best steak I've ever had melt in your mouth no regrets