Berner Phone - Berner Phone #78: Life Advice From Des

Episode Date: February 16, 2025

The dialers are putting Des to the test and he's giving advice on life, love, travel, and becoming a yoga instructor. 

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the Burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hello, my little dialers and welcome back to Burner Phone. I know it's disappointing, it's only me today, but it just cannot be helped because, Well, Hannah and I are both in very different parts of the world. We're both touring and it just ended up this week making more sense for me to do an episode on my own. Hannah has had an insanely busy week.

We're not making excuses here because none of us are happy that we're not here together. Of course, I would much prefer to be having the crack with my wife on the Burn Phone hotline. however it just takes a little pressure off Hannah this week she it's Saturday morning here in Ireland and she has woken up in New Orleans after a Giggly Squad show tomorrow or this afternoon I should say she'll be heading to somewhere I think in central Florida to do another Giggly Squad show and if you pay attention to her Instagram she has been doing all sorts of stuff this week and even though I actually went back to New York for a couple of days to see Hannah this week we didn't get time to do an episode together in person

and now I am sitting in the Clayton Hotel in Galway at 11 a.m. on Saturday, the day after Thanksgiving, here talking to you guys. And I'm happy to be talking to you guys. As sad as I am to be on my own at this moment, I'm very happy to be talking to you guys. We had a similar situation a few weeks ago because of the time difference. Hanna ended up doing an episode on our own. It just made more sense. And I missed you guys.

I really did. And I'm sure that was fun to have Hannah all to yourselves. But I did miss you guys. But, you know, the thing is that the Irish comedy touring and the American comedy touring have one difference, which is a lot of driving in Irish comedy. So it just ends up with Hannah being five hours behind and her inability to really kind of wake up before 10 o'clock in the morning.

Usually by the time she wakes up, I'm on the road already heading to some Irish location and then by the time I get home you know back home like around midnight she's getting ready to do a show or whatever so it's just for a few more weeks that I'm here and she's there so we apologize the good news is that we were able to do I guess a specific advice episode

where for most of you knew that for this episode you were asking me specifically for advice, perhaps get a sort of a mail point of view. And you sent in some great questions. So I'm looking forward to getting into them. Oh, I like this one. This is very interesting. Hi, Des. Well, perfect timing for this prompt, because I'm looking for an unbiased third party to give advice on the subject matter.

So for context, I've always been a little bit materialistic. I've loved shopping my whole life. It's just a part of me. I can't apologize for it at this point, but I also love yoga. I love being Zen. Part of me wants to move to Costa Rica and be off the grid and eat fruit and just do that forever. And I kind of want to become a yoga instructor. I know Hannah says that means I'm at Rock Bottom, but I've wanted to do this since I was in high school.

Ask anyone. Like, I feel like I'm the exception to the rule, but will I fail miserably because my personality sort of doesn't align with what a yogi or yoga instructor is? Like, I feel like sometimes I wish I could just have an ego death and erase the materialistic side of me, but I don't think I ever will. So, yeah, what do you think? Well, first of all, not that I would ever like to contradict Hannah in any way, but you know that a lot of Hannah's takes are sweeping generalizations.

And she's not actually putting it down as a statement of fact that becoming a yoga teacher or a real estate agent, which I think is her joke, means that you've hit rock bottom. Because one, I don't, you can't agree with that statement completely. In fact, there's very little truth in it. But it is very funny. And I think even yoga teachers probably laugh at it

because a lot of them did find their way to yoga, probably through difficult times in their lives. But it is without doubt that a lot of people find solace in yoga, healing in yoga. And if the yoga brings them out of darkness, then you can't say that it's, you know, kind of a rock bottom thing. You can say only more that it's a rebirth. So I don't think you should take on the shame of what is a very lighthearted joke of what Hannah is saying. And it's very funny because obviously there are elements of true.

truth in it and there's a bit of hyperbole, which makes it funny, right? But actually, it's, it's 100% a noble thing to get into. Hannah still does yoga, by the way. She's very appreciative of all the yoga teachers that guide her through, particularly her hip-hop yoga, the yoga for the ADHD generation, the yoga for the generation that feels like their yoga also needs to be a workout. So, I think you should 100% be totally fine with wanting to be a yoga instructor, the fact that there are elements of this, I guess, spiritual journey of yoga instruction, there's a conflict between your materialism and your desire to be a yoga instructor, which is, you know, partially true. So in relation to the very specific part of your question,

you know, of just going to Costa Rica and sort of going off grid, I think that nobody in this life, with the ability to do this, by the way, and obviously there's a privilege to having the ability to even ponder this, but this privilege should not be dismissed, because why would you waste privilege? If you have the privilege to even consider this, then I would say without a doubt that for at least a period of time in your life, you should explore it. Because I think, which I always say, travel is very mind-opening. It's a great educator. You meet incredible people. I never did the full time away other than my time in China, which was a very specific project. So I know. never did the like young backpacking just disappear off grid for too long in a way that felt

off grid but I did do small bits of traveling where I did sort of touch base with the you know in my 20s like I went to Thailand for like a short period of time but I didn't I I holidayed as if I was like a backpacker with a lot of people that were like off for a year like a year before after college, and I kind of lived that life. And I made incredible friends, like such amazing people. You know, I met different people, people who had different opinions to me. And it was very eye-opening, you know, just to experience all that. Plus, it was incredibly fun and the freedom to just be away from life stresses. Because you have to understand, I can't remember what age you said you were, but, you know, life is.

quite structured throughout your youth, you know, grammar school, primary school, high school, what college will I go to? Then you go to college. And it's all this sort of like this very structured journey that always has a pressure associated with it, which is I need to do as best as I can to give myself the best chance at life. And I don't think it affects your chance at a good life negatively to step away from that for a period of time, particularly in your 20s, because sometimes just having the space will help you to understand who you really are. And by the way, there is nothing wrong with being materialistic in the sense that if that brings you joy, then I don't think it's a problem. I think it's only a problem when it comes

before everything else. Like, in other words, that you choose your friendships or particularly your relationships. Like, I always feel like it's a bad idea to to choose a relationship based on the financial wealth of the person that you're pursuing. It's a bonus if the person that you end up with ends up being financially well off because obviously there's huge advantages to wealth, right? But I always think it's a bad idea because I feel like in the end it's empty, it's hollow, and it's not the love that will sustain a relationship. but I also don't think that being materialistic in itself is necessarily a negative thing.

But I think for somebody who obviously is self-aware about maybe this materialism at times is like too much of a driving force in your identity, I think you cannot be harmed by at least temporarily doing the Costa Rica thing and living amongst people. Honestly, you'll be with a lot of people like yourself who are trying to figure out who they are. a lot of like-minded people. You never know. You might find love. You might find friends for life. You might find some solitude that'll help you just find some, some inner meaning, you know, not to get too Buddhist, but you might just end up in a situation where you're able to

just really calm the brain down enough to get some clarity about who you are. I always mentioned the great silly story about a mind is like a glass of muddy water. Because I, I have a Actually, so I originally heard the mind as like a glass of muddy water when I was exploring Buddhism and I was reading the Tibetan book of Living and Dying, written by Sogiel Rimpichet, who later on had some scandals, but the book itself was a sort of a modern interpretation of some ancient Buddhist teaching. But that was the first time I saw the parable of the mind being like a glass of muddy water. But some of you may be laughing because it's also in Kung Fu Panda, the same The same parable of the mind being a glass of muddy water is in Kung Fu Panda,

but the wisdom is the same, right? And it's very basic, right? The mind is like a glass of muddy. If you keep stirring it, it will remain cloudy. But if you let it settle, the debris will drop to the bottom and the water will become clear. So this may be a bit of muddy water that you're dealing with, the clash between these two parts of who you are, the materialism and the desire for a spiritual journey, or perhaps to be a teacher, instructor,

to help other people to find peace through yoga. So go to Costa Rica would be my advice. Let the muddy water settle. And within that beautiful, clear glass, you will see who you really are. That is my advice to you. And I hope that that is good advice. I'm sorry, because I'm on my own,

I just end up like not sounding like myself. And I just apologize. It's the curse of the radio DJ. It's like, we know you don't talk this way, but let's get on to the next prompt. I apologize for that. Let's go to another one, but thank you. That was awesome. There's one or two serious ones, but I'll save them for a little bit later.

Okay, let's do a weird friend dynamic. We love a female friendship dilemma. So here we go. Does what do I do when a friend has taken me off or find my friends. which I feel like is the worst thing you could do in a female friendship. And every single time we go out, she hits on the guys that I tell her that I think are cute, which is just rude because, one, it's breaking girl code in a way, but also, like, she doesn't like to kiss people. And I do.

And she doesn't like to go on dates or have sex, and I do. So what do I do? It's weird. It's just getting weirder and weirder by the day. so thank you for your advice oh dear dear dear well this i feel like this this this friend dynamic is kind of common that kind of frenemy slash jealousy friend dynamic and it's interesting because when i when i read this uh you know these these prompts that you guys send we get a you know we get the the words typed out but they're not great the transcription uh so when it transcribed it said

on the guys that I say are cute. But I realize now you said hits on the guys. So this is definitely a break of girl code. This is 100% a fact. Men always say cock blocking. But, you know, this is, I see this a lot. The jealous friend. The insecure friend.

The fact that she's taking you off to find my friends, I guess there's two ways that you can, you can perceive that one it's like a slight to you or two it's evidence that the jealousy is so strong in her that she's taking you off to find my friends because like when she sees that you're somewhere interesting she gets triggered again and so these friend dynamics are very difficult you know and I guess you have to ask yourself what are you getting out of the friendship you know um and it's so tough because obviously we're only getting one side of the story but the jealousy stuff

is difficult and I feel it's definitely I feel it's more common in women but that could just be some sort of sexist sort of misogynist take on my behalf but it does seem like there's a there's a bit more of that amongst women or perhaps maybe women are more loyal and they stay in what are clearly toxic friendships for longer but I never like to say oh, you need to tell your friend to fuck off because perhaps it's something that requires a conversation. But, I mean, I always feel like,

this seems pretty toxic to me if she's always hitting on the guys that you say are cute. You know, that's like, you know, every now and then it's no big deal because at the end of the day, just because you say somebody's cute doesn't mean that she didn't find the guy cute,

you know, and it's not like it's your boyfriend. So, you know, if it happens every now and then, it's not a big deal because at the end of the day, one cute, you know, a cute guy for both of you, she has every right. you know you don't have the right to put your flag in but if it's consistent behavior which it sounds like you're saying then i think it's just that classic sort of she just can't handle you know you having joy it's a weird thing it's a i'm not a psychologist but it's in some people

you know and this isn't the same thing but have you ever had the cheap friend you know the the friend that's a good person normally but when it comes to money they immediately get really weird. Like, the Irish example people always give is if you're doing rounds, Irish people love doing rounds. So four people go for pints or five people go for pints. Everyone does a round, but there's always the cheap person that seems to like disappear when it's there round or the person who like, if you go for dinner, you get the, you get the check.

But like they never get it back. Like it's always like they always want to split it. But when you get it, they never reciprocate, which is fine every now and then. if that doesn't happen, but if you see that it's always the case with this person, you go, oh, they have the cheap disease, you know? And I always have sympathy for those people because I know that there's something deep within them, some wound or some genetic malfunction that the money going out kills them. But the money coming in really gives them joy.

But the problem is that, like, if you're somebody that always treats your friend and they never treat you. By the way, if you're on an equal financial footing, right? The hypothetically sort of equal financial footing, if you're somebody who always treats the friend, but they never treat you back, not only are they sort of like taking advantage of you, but it's like they get the joy from you paying for them, but they actually get pain when they feel like the money's going out the other way. But I have sympathy for them, actually, because I would hate to to be so consumed by, you know, the, the obsession with money going out that, like, it kind of hurts you.

And listen, I play golf with some great guys, but I'm a member of a golf club in West Hampton where there's a lot of wealthy dudes, a lot of really wealthy guys. But I can see that some of them, despite what in some cases is close to a billion, that they fucking struggle with the degenerative. and it's weird, you know? And I don't, I don't judge them. I just feel bad for them because I just think like, oh my God, all your money and it still hurts you. I just would hate to have that affliction. So anyway, my point is that I feel like your friend has that in the sort of human transaction zone of it kills her to watch you getting something that she can't have. So she

needs to get it for herself. And I don't think that that's a good friendship to have. And I certainly don't think it's a good friendship to have. If you can't say, maybe I'm just paranoid, but it seems like every time I tell you a guy is hot, you hit on them. And you're doing other stuff like taking me off to find my friends. That makes me think that maybe you don't value our friendship, or maybe somehow, you know, there's something about me that bothers you, but like, can we have it out? Because if the friendship's worth saving then that's going to be okay and if if that blows up the friendship then that was meant to be but also uh you know if if it helps the friendship then that's great but i would think that at some stage it has to come to a head because you can't it's very tough to be in a

friendship where you're constantly feeling like wrong footed or unequal or essentially like, they just make you feel like shit. Like, if that's consistent, then that is not good. And of course, there's every chance that you're, one, misreading the situation. Two, you could be like overly sensitive or perhaps just looking at from your point of view. And by the way, I'm not saying this. I'm just saying that there's every chance that when, if you talk to your friend, that they can also bring to you some stuff that you can take on.

And that's healthy for both of you, right? And I don't know what would come back to you from the other side. But all I'm saying is that I think it's worth pointing out to the person, if the friendship's worth saving, just pointing out your concerns. I know it's awkward. And it's like, it's so easy to say from the solitude of my hotel room to just be like, hey, it's time for conversation. But as we used to say in early recovery, when the pain of not doing something

is worse than doing something, then you absolutely know that you have to act. So I would say whenever the urge to finally deal with the situation in a serious way is there, act on it. But a great question. Let's go for something lighthearted here because this is very Irish, but it's such an interesting thing. Hi Desmond Hannah My question is about the GA catfish In the two Johnny's podcast

Dez I want to know what your advice is for all the lads in Ireland and what they can do to avoid further catfishes if you haven't listened I would highly recommend for the entertainment purposes love the podcast Oh that was nice to get one in from somewhere in the northern part of Ireland

not exactly sure where. But anyway, so for the majority of the listeners here, you may not be aware of the GACatfish. I think I may have quickly mentioned it on a recent episode with Hannah, but I highly recommend listening to it. Now, I have to point out that I haven't listened to it in its entirety, but in Ireland,

it's become a huge story, so it's hard not to be quite familiar with it, and I'm somewhat familiar. So what I'm going to do is I'm not going to give you the breakdown of it because... So the two Johnny's is a podcast in Ireland. Hannah actually did their radio show. So Hannah is actually familiar with who these guys are.

They're two great guys. They were very early podcasters in Ireland. And I would say now that they're, I think they're the most popular podcast in Ireland. That would be them guys. And my therapist goes to me with Joanne, who is guested on this pod, Joanne McNally and Vogue Williams. And so anyway, the two Johnny's mostly just do very lighthearted, kind of like Irish humor. But they did a series of two and then a very recent added episode about what they called the GAA Catfish.

and it's all about a catfish who successfully duped quite a lot of well-known Irish sports stars and Irish personalities, including one of the two Johnny's. So, some stage in the next week, have a listen. You have to go back, they're on Spotify. They're not on Apple Podcasts. So you have to go back and find GACatfish episode one and two, and then the recent episode three about,

the fact that the GA catfish, despite being essentially outed, did not stop her ways. And it's fascinating to have a listen. So I have to tell you that I have been not like fully successfully catfish, but I have definitely talked to people over the last 15 years on the internet that ended up being catfishes. And it's quite incredible how good they can be at it. obviously as a result of, you know, sort of being half-duped in the past, I'm much better, well, not, I'm obviously incredibly way more wary, but also, I'm also a bit better at spotting it now. So I, and I even, I recently, I was talking to somebody and they showed me like, like a hot girl

in their DMs messaging them. And I was like, that's a catfish, you know? And they were like, no, no, and showed me the account, and I was like, no, I know, it looks so fucking real, but it's a catfish. And so I would say that for any guys out there, this goes for anybody. So this isn't specifically about the GA catfish. But if you watch the GA, if you listen to the GA catfish, it is insane how good this person was. And it ends up getting quite dark. Like, it really should be like a Netflix documentary. But anyway, but for the guys out there, and I guess the women. I don't know how common it is on the women's side. I know it's common from the sort of financial crime side, but this catfishing, I think, is, it's much more about just a strange

entertainment that the catfish gets from duping these guys. But anyway, for all the guys out there, if a very hot woman DMs you out of the blue, and you don't know them at all, just assume they're a catfish. Just assume. And if anybody, especially somebody who's trying to kind of like escalate it to, you know, sexual talk or even just like making it seem like they're super into you, get them on FaceTime. That's what I say. Get them on FaceTime with evidence, you know? Or like say something like, okay, can you send me a picture of you doing something very distinct so that you know that they're real? because there's a lot of catfishing going on out there.

More advice, particularly to the younger men that might listen. And to the ladies, don't send nudes. Just don't send nudes. Simple as that. Never send nudes. I know it's very exciting and titillating. But the internet is forever. So just don't send nudes.

That's simple. It's just safer that way. You don't need your cock or your breasts out there on the internet forever. So pay attention, you know. And the hotter of the girl is that's in your DMs, the higher the chance that it's a catfish. You know, I think there was a round of somebody that was going after like Irish comedians back in the day, like loads of fake accounts.

So just be careful out there, guys. There's always people trying to do fucked up shit. another great, very insane catfish story with Sweet Bobby, which I'm sure a lot of you watch because there was a Netflix documentary, but I had originally listened to the podcast, which was pretty fascinating. So keep an eye out there for the catfishing. Very dangerous. All right.

This is kind of funny. This is not advice, but I was actually like, wow, that's actually really interesting. Okay, not necessarily advice, but I need to know what you guys think about this because me and my family constantly. have debates about it. So do you guys think that dogs and cats have arms and legs? Like, do you think that the front two arms are arms and the back two are legs? Or do you think that they have all four legs? And if so, where do you think that they should wear pants? If they were to wear a pair of pants, are they going on the front two towards obviously the front of their body or are they going

on the back, because I personally think that dogs have two arms in the front and two legs in the back. So I just need to know what you guys think. And this goes for cats as well. Well, I think we consider them to have four legs in that we say hind legs, you know? So I think they're just legs. And I think pants-wise, which is always very odd, when people are dressing. their pets a lot more. But, you know, generally their genitalias sort of at the back.

So obviously their genitalia needs to be free, but I still think the hind legs would have the pants and the front legs get the sweater. Because, you know, when you put a sweater on a dog, the front legs are getting the sweater arms because their genitals need to be uncovered, you know. So a dog's sweater goes over the front legs, which are arms to you, and the pants, which are not really a thing. they go on the back. I mean, I have seen dog nappy or dog diapers, and they're going on the back too, so

I think most people accept them as legs, but I think it's totally fine for you to perceive them as arms, and as you know, if you've read Animal Farm, eventually they will be standing four legs, good, two legs better, but just a fun, just a fun, just a fun thing that

made me laugh when I was going through the prompts. So, guys, let's talk about rocket money. you know you sign up for something you forget about it after the trial period ends i literally just did it again i literally just did it again after using rocket money i did it again because it doesn't matter but my brother wanted to watch something on tv i said we'll just do the trial and of course i forgot and now i'm paying for that right then you're charged month after month the subscriptions are there but you're not using them right 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused each month Thanks to Rocket Money, I can see all my subscriptions in one place and cancel the ones I'm not using anymore.

And now I'm saving more money, even though I idiotically made the same mistake again. So I've got to go back to Rocket Money and tidy up the mess, even though right now I only have one mess, thanks to Rocket Money. Now I've got to go back to my mentor, Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in cancel subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goes faster with RocketMoney.com. Slash Burnerphone today.

That's rocketmoney.com slash burnerphone. Rocketmoney.com slash burner phone. So since the majority of the people that listen to this podcast are women, And I think this is really important for you guys to know about Alara health. One in three women have a hormonal health condition like PCOS, endometriosis, hypothyroidism, or Hashimoto's. Yet many struggle to feel heard or receive ongoing care to manage it. And, you know, I had a friend had Hashimoto's, and it took a long time for people to even take her seriously. Alara is on a mission to revitalize women's health care by providing expert, science, back, and non-judgmental care that had a dream.

the root causes of your conditions so that you can finally feel supported and in control. They offer virtual personalized ongoing medical care to address hormonal conditions, like the ones I mentioned above, PCOS endometriosis, perimenopause, Hashimoto's, hyperthyroidism, and more. Whether you have a diagnosis or need answers for symptoms like fatigue, irregular periods, fertility challenges, pelvic pain, acne, weight gain, or unwanted body hair, Allera provides care for women's health experts that uncover the root cause. It's trusted by over 15,000 women. Alara provides compassionate, effective care you can count on all in one place.

Nine and ten patients rated their first visit five stars. Through comprehensive hormone testing, ongoing expert medical care, nutrition support, and tailored treatment plans, including medications when needed, Alara helps you feel your best and manage your symptoms and condition. with transparent pricing and major insurance accepted, getting started is simple. So take control of your hormonal health with Alara Health and get 25% off your first month of personalized expert care by visiting Alarahealth.com slash burn, B-E-R-N, today. Alara is redefining women's health with expert care for your unique journey. Get started with Alara Health's compassion first, expert care today with 25% off your first month when you go to AlaraHealth.com slash

Burn. That's A-L-L-A-R-A-H-E-A-L-T-H-E-A-L-T-H-H-E-A-L-T-H-H-E-A-L-H-E-A-L-H-E-L-H-E-L-H-E-L-E-H-E-R-E-E-R-E-E-R-N. New players can play five bucks to get a spin on the mystery wheel for a shot-up up to 2,000 in casino credits. Download the app and sign up with Code Burn, B-E-R-R-N. Join the Stampede with Buffalo on Draft Kings Casino now. The crown is yours. Very important. Gambling problem. Call 1-800 gambler.

In Connecticut, help is available for problem gamming. Call 888-7-7-77, or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. 21 plus physically present in Connecticut, Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply one per new customer. Play $5 and spin wheel to receive between 10 and 2,000. $1,000 non-withdrawable casino credits for select games that expire in 168 hours.

Terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promos. Ends February 16th, 2025 at 11.59 p.m. Eastern Time. Gamble responsibly. Just to lighten it up for a sec, because you know I love the serious stuff. All right. Let's go with the... Ooh, this is a tough relationship one here, guys. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Dez. Love your podcast. So my question for Desz is, how do I bring up to my boyfriend

for a few years that I'm still not satisfied with our sex life? So a little background. We've been together for a couple of years. I love him very much. He's honestly a sweetheart. He's the best person I've ever been with and I couldn't picture my life without him. The only not so amazing thing is our sex life. And I know it could get better. It's just that he kind of rushes through things. And I'm not getting to finish. So most of the time, sometimes, but very rarely. And I've had this conversation with him and it didn't go very well. And now it's to the point where I'm not initiating things because if I'm not going to, you know, if I'm not going to get to have fun, then why would I initiate it? So I'm afraid to bring it up again. But it's,

it's not getting better. So what do I do? Ooh, that's, that's a, that's a real dilemma because, I mean, it's got to be a two-way street, right? And the fact that he wasn't comfortable the first time in the conversation, it's a toughie. Now, I'm assuming, just, I'll put on my guy hat, I'm assuming that he was probably, well, lightheartedly, we could say he was in. embarrassed, but obviously, listen, men and women have their strengths and their weaknesses, but a lot of men, you know, they don't like to perceive in any way, shape, or form that they're inadequate, you know?

They don't like the embarrassing or anything that they perceive as humiliating. So the fact that you were sort of trying to sort of let him know what you want, he was probably perceiving it as you're not good at this, which, by the way, I'm not excusing his behavior. I'm just saying, like, where the negativity might have been coming from. Now, personally, I think he needs to get over that, you know, because if you want to be a king in the bedroom, then you got to know that essentially, I always think, of course, I'll be called a cuck for this, right? Which is just the most, you ever notice that the men that say that call other people cucks are the most cucky, fucking in-cell type guys.

Like, the least confident men are the ones that call confident men cucks. It's actually very funny. But anyway, this is not based on any kind of like, you know, you know, I'm a dom, I'm a sub. This is based on science, all right? It's easier for men to come. It's a fact. as I always I used to joke in my show

men have like a 99.5% ejaculation rate during sexual activity something basically has to go wrong for a man not to come a female orgasm is a more complicated thing you know a male orgasm is like a high school diploma a female orgasm is a PhD okay it takes more time to understand

and it's it's a multiple it's a multiple science field because no woman is the same. So you've got to learn the woman that you're with, you know? I mean, I have jokes about it, but on a serious note, it's like if you're not willing to figure out what's going to get her to where she needs to get to, then it's going to be one-way street love and eventually one-way street love gets stale just like this and eventually they're probably going to leave you or hate you so you can't be having that the problem is that now I'm speaking to a guy who's not listening to this and I need to advise the woman on how to get her man to realize that good sex is when both of you are loving it because here's the truth

I love it when she's loving it that's actually what gets me off like that like not in the sense of oh i need her pleasure at my expense not like that it's not in some submissive way it's actually more like i i actually love the the power of knowing that i'm doing that that i can do that because i'm a performer right so to me the female orgasm is like a pause to me the female orgasms like a standing ovation it's like look what i did you know i want the audience to be happy. Okay? Now, this is a metaphor. It's just in case people are like, this is some sick shit. But you know what I mean? It's literally, you know, like, gratification for me to be like, I can do that. I'm good at that, you know? Actually,

almost like an ego thing of, I'm a good lover. I know what makes women tick. And I've also figured out that in different relationships, different things are going to make women tick. And it's not weak to find out what they like. That's not weakness. And I think some men, they like to think, I know what I'm doing, you know? They like to think that, or some men, I think some men have this like basic thing of like, this should be working. Me, you know, fucking you, this way should be working because I know what I'm doing, you know? That's why men never ask for directions. You know, but the problem is you get lost, you know? And the reality is that you're not getting to your destination.

And you have to find some way to say, you have to find a way to get him to know. Yeah, I used to do a joke about how like, guys, you want some advice? Just make her come first somehow. It doesn't have to be through intercourse, but just make her come first. Because I always think like, make her come first and the pressures off you. You don't have to, fucking, you don't have to last a half hour now.

She's fucking come. Now you got a free pass. It's a whole pass, you know? Take the W and you can fucking, you could be done in two minutes. You know? I don't, I don't need marathon sessions. I think marathon sessions are overrated, you know, a lot of the time. It's just, it's just unnecessary friction.

It's like, we don't need this much friction for this long. Let's get you where you need to go first. Right? And then I'll be there. I'll be there in two seconds. And obviously, listen, the best thing is when you can get there together at the same time. But like, to get there together at the same time, that definitely, that requires harmony, that requires conversation, you know? This is an orchestra. This isn't a solo job. You know, you're not doing a solo on the sax. It's not a solo on the drums. This is an orchestra, okay? Yeah, you need to get together. There's no conductor, so the conductor has to be your collaboration. Make fucking music

together. Don't just play her a tune. Make it together. Now, how do you say that to him? Des says we need to make music together. I think you have to have the conversation again. I know it didn't go well the last time, but you can't be in a situation where sex is this unsatisfying. And listen, sex is not always great, but, you know, I don't like to say too much personally about Hannah and I sex life. But like, you know, we're comfortable, how do we say this without being too personal? Okay, let me say, let me give you like a direct attempt at something. Okay, so this is not about me and Hannah. And this is just some experience from my life.

Okay, so I'm going to speak generally. But just as an experiment before having the conversation, which didn't go well the last time. Maybe ask him just out of curiosity. Maybe this will work. Maybe I'm way off base, okay? So completely discard if this is off base. But ask him if you can get yourself off in front of him or something to that effect where he, without any pressure on his behalf

or without any fear of failure that can come from him, he can just watch you or something. or at least just do that while you're doing it together so that you can get there while you're together. Now, this could, I could be wrong, okay? I'm no Esther Perel. So, so this could be shit advice. But you would just love to, you know, have him

just get back into the arena of, let's both have pleasure, you know. But again, I'm, I'm, I'm, like, biased because I get off on female pleasure. So I'm, I'm biased on that, you know, whatever. I don't know what's going on for him. I can't speak for him. You know, it's never been my jam. So, I wish you the best.

I hope at least you got entertained. It was certainly a great question. And thank you. Thank you for sharing. Guys, I love telling you about Zach. Doc, because I love telling you about things that are super handy to use, especially for somebody like me who has always struggled to navigate the American health care system after being spoiled with a much simpler health care system in another country, Zock-Doc takes all the

complications out of the complicated health care system. Because, example, very recently, I changed insurance, right? So I immediately went to Zock, put in my insurance to find a new primary care provider, right? Which is, you know, super important. Having a PCP because your insurance needs you to have a CPCP, well, SOC doc will find it for you. Plus, by the way, last year, I had this like insane pain in my neck that was raiding down my arm. And I found a doctor that took my insurance. Last year, different insurance, found a doctor that took my insurance out in Long Island. And I went there and had a very successful trip. I got an injection in my spine, which really helped me, gave me loads of relief throughout the summer, so anyway, that's probably too much

information. But the point is that Zock Doc has been a real help in my life. If you don't know, Zoc Doc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors and every speciality, from mental health to dental health, primary care, to urgent care, and more. You can filter who takes your insurance, who's nearby, a good fit for any medical need you have. There's hundreds of verification. patient reviews, go and check them out. You can find whatever care you need, find the right doctor with actual appointment openings

and choose a slot that works for you. Appointments made through Zacht Dock also happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking, and you can even score same-day appointments. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zock-D-O-C-D-C-com slash burner to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash burner. Zocdoc.com slash burner. Well, you know I love pushing Rosetta Stone because you know I love language learning.

Language acquisition is not easy. And one of the hardest things is to start. So I highly recommend getting a subscription to Rosetta Stone because once you're in the door, that could be the beginning of a beautiful language learning journey. You can learn naturally, speak confidently. Rosetta Stone helps you absorb a language. the way that you learned your first through real word context and conversation. No memorization, just practical skills you can use right away.

Classroom any time of the day. That's the whole thing is sometimes you just, you have a spare half hour. Boom, you're back to learn in the language. Rosetta Stone is a trusted language expert. With 30 years of experience, millions of users, and 25 languages offered. Rosetta Stone is the go-to language learning solution. Languages include Spanish, French, Italian, German, Korean, Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Dutch, and more.

Learn faster, retain longer. It immerses you in your new language naturally, helping you to think and communicate with confidence. Also, you can perfect your pronunciation, which you know if you learn Mandarin like I did, is super important. They have a built-in true accent, T-R-U accent, speech recognition technology,

provides real-time feedback, helping you to sound more natural. Learn anytime, anywhere. It's totally flexible. It fits in with your busy, life, don't wait, unlock your language learning potential now. Burnaphone listeners can grab Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off. That's unlimited access to 25 language courses for life.

Visit rosettastone.com slash burn to get started and claim your 50% off today. Don't miss out. Go to www. rosettastone.com slash burn and start learning today. All right, here's a, here's a serious one. Desmond, thank you so much for taking time to answer questions. And Hannah, I love you so much, always and forever. So I, my most recent ex just got engaged to the girl that he started dating, like, immediately after me. And I, he's an icky, icky person.

Like, that's all that I can say. So I'm not, like, I'm not, like, jealous of her. But I just, like, hate the fact that he's engaged when, I'm single right now. And so any advice on how to kind of like get my, get this like out of my head and kind of put me in a better head space would be appreciated. I am consulting my therapist, but any and all advice would be wonderful. Thank you so much. Love you guys. Bye. Oh, well, this is toughy, right? Because you're, you're, you have all these conflicting emotions. And it's absolutely normal to, to feel everything that you're feeling. So, you know,

I don't think you need to give yourself a hard time. And, you know, I, you know, and I know you want it to stop, which is fair enough. I mean, it's still a process, right? Breaking up, getting over somebody. And then you have the added thing of knowing about their life. And it's always a pinch. Anyone who tries to say that it's not a pinch when you're ex, even if it ends badly, it's a pinch when they fall in love with somebody else.

And that's okay. Totally normal human emotion. Now, here's the problem. You also have this weird thing where you're almost, like, it almost feels like competitive. It's probably the wrong word, but, you know, great advice I always give us to compare us to compete, you know, when you're sort of comparing your lives, you know,

and this sense of, oh, he's moved on and I haven't, even though he's the asshole. How is he having a better outcome than me? But first of all, and I know that's an assumption on my behalf of what's going on for you, but like he's not really having a better outcome. it's not better or worse that he's met somebody it's just his life is now happening without you and it's hard to let that go but also the fact that you haven't met somebody is not bad it doesn't mean that your life is progressing slower or you're less over it it's just that

you haven't met somebody you know and that's fine too so i think the most important thing is you have to just kind of try to ignore his life because the hard hardest thing is to just, the hardest thing is just letting go of the fact that they're, they have nothing to do with you anymore. But it, fuck it, it's a killer. It's impossible. That, that doesn't happen overnight, you know? But I guess, obviously, the practical stuff is, try not to see information about them, you know, block them, tell your friends, or, or certainly mute them, tell your friends not to tell you about what's going on in their lives. You know, like, because it's so much easier to deal with this shit when you don't know, you know.

G.I. Joe, they always used to say, and knowing is half the battle. And now you know, and knowing is half the battle. But not knowing is fucking awesome. Ignorance is bliss. So in an ideal world, it would be better just to like not be finding out shit about this guy. But in absence of the ability to do that, I think that you have to try to just really say to yourself, whatever is going on in his life has nothing to do with me. And whether I'm jealous or competitive or whatever is going on or whether I'm even in denial

about what I'm feeling, whatever conflicting emotions you're dealing with, most importantly, I don't have to focus on anything to do with him anymore. The relationship is over. I still hurt and that's okay. but fuck what's going on in this guy's life and who knows what's going to happen you don't even have to wish a bad outcome for him you just have to let him go and i know that's hard and i and i don't think that anything you're feeling is bad it's pretty human actually so feel it and try to let it go that's the hard part you know i remember in my my early buddhism days that that that

That is the great thing about practicing meditation is that they really tell you to not be afraid of your thoughts. So obviously you're trying, you know, these mindfulness meditations, you're trying to not hold onto your thoughts. But you're not trying not to think. You're just trying to not hold on to them. Attach your, attach the next thought to it. Because obviously, once your mind starts running with that thought, then your thoughts influence your emotions. and then your emotions influence your thinking and you're back in that cycle of,

well, in recovery we always called it stinking thinking, but you're just back in that place where your thoughts and your emotions are influencing each other. And that brings less peace and harmony. And it's always harder in times of turmoil in your life, like a breakup like this, or like finding out that your ex is fucking engaged, right?

So I guess it's in a way to try to practice that some way life of yes, of course I'm fucking annoyed that he's now engaged to somebody else, but that's all right and then just try to let it pass and not give it the next thought. That's the whole thing. The first thought is like uncontrollable. You really don't have control over just shit popping into your head, but you absolutely have control on continuing to focus on that thing. And by the way, this is what I'm saying in theory is a great practice. I am not by any stretch of the imagination good at doing this. But there have been times in my life

where it's so bad, you know, extreme anxiety, extreme emotion around loss, around stress, around my job, around breakups like you're talking about. There have been times. where I have had to be more vigilant with this practice just for my own sanity. So, again, think about it in that way. This might not work, but this is just like a little practice of like, okay, of course I'm pissed off. But now let's just try to not continually think about that. And part of that, by the way, is not indulging your friends in the conversation

are like, fuck this guy. Because all that stuff's really fun and temporarily it gives you relief. But what it actually does is it just keeps the fucking mind focused on that. you know so sacrifice the entertainment of gossiping about this asshole uh for the sake of being free of this asshole in your quiet moments because at the end of the day it's really about the quiet times when the mind starts racing and the next thing like for me it's always like when i let my mind raise next thing i'm like talking to myself or i'm like saying shit out loud like well fuck that motherfucker you know something like that and then how to be like what i'm like uh

sorry argument from 10 years ago that i was reliving you know so try just try great great uh great question this is funny actually that somebody shared this this is not a this is not advice but i'm going to share it just for the entertainment value and then we'll get to a serious one this is not for the prompt but i have to share that my boyfriend told me the other day that he had a a sex dream about a threesome with hannah and then he was like yeah and then doctor house from like house the TV show walked in and was pissed and he said it was really hot so I felt like I needed to let you know wow that's that's amazing you know it's funny Hannah's always asking me about my dreams I never remember them I didn't know that Hannah was in

other people's dreams it's a fucking inception um I mean fair play to you I mean you know Hannah's pretty hot so I get it I get it man The fact that the dude from house walked in is kind of funny. But it's probably a sign that you're watching too much TV or you're scrolling on TikTok too much. But fair play to this woman for not getting intimidated by a random woman joining their relationship in sleep. You know?

But that's what happens, the severed mind. Other people can join in. But was it Hannah Berner or Hannah B? Which version of Hannah entered your mind? By the way, guys, We haven't talked about it, but I couldn't be more obsessed with a TV show than I am obsessed with Severance. I'm not going to talk about it, no spoilers, but Hannah and I are watching it, but I can honestly admit that I am way more obsessed with it than Hannah. Like, literally, speaking of threesomes, severance has become like the other woman in our relationship because I am fucking obsessed.

I watch every episode twice. I listen all the podcasts. I find all the little Easter eggs and I examine them and I watch all the fame. theories, I look at the Reddit threads, and I, severance has turned me into a nerd, you know, and I love it. I've never been so. I haven't been this entertained by a television show in a long time. I really can't remember being this obsessed with a TV show, because it's so satisfying on so many levels, because it's not just a great story, but it's just so intellectually satisfying, like a fucking crossword.

So anyway, that's a bit of unsolicited advice from Des. if you're looking for a TV show to watch severance on Apple TV, you've probably heard about it lately because it's getting a lot of publicity this season. It was kind of under the radar, season one, but now it is in the zeitgeist. So get there and find out what your Audi likes. So let's do one lighthearted and one serious one to finish.

Oh yeah, this is one that. I can give good advice on because this is something that I don't know and I deal with a lot. What's up? Hi, Burner phone. Um, advice from Des. Well, I mean, I would actually love this advice from both of y'all, but the prompt said, Des. So, Des, what advice do you have for a relationship that involves spending good bits of time, not in the same location? Uh, not a long distance relationship, but yeah, one that involves time apart like that. It seems like you and Hannah have found ways of doing that that work. So what's the advice? Oh yeah. So, you know, it's tough, right? And everybody's different. So what's the advice? Well, the advice I always gave

back in the day, but it's a little hypocritical because Hannah and I have been a bit lazy with this. I'm just going to rat myself out, but like some sort of, you know, phone sex type stuff I think always helps, you know. But, you know, I get it. I must admit that we've probably been a bit lazier with that in more recent times, but we've also gotten quite used to being apart. You know, you get into a bit of a routine with it. And it's easier when, it's easier when both of you are apart for reasons that have to do it yourselves, you know. I think it's tougher when it's you're a part because one person is away all the time. But when you both have careers that mean you have to travel,

then you just, you just kind of respect that you're both giving each other license to pursue other things in your life, you know? Which is awesome, you know? But, you know, without a doubt, it can cause a strain sometimes, the not being together. I would think the main thing, above all the sort of, little bits of practical advice I can give you.

The main thing is you have to not give into the frustration because you will be together again but if you allow the frustration to build, if you allow yourself to really focus on the negatives of being a part,

that can then infiltrate your together time. And then it can be corrosive and you don't want that because there's really nothing wrong with being a part, and there can be positives. I mean, it sounds cold, but there can be positives to being apart. You get to, you know, you get to do things without having to worry about the other person.

And listen, every relationship should, each person should be able to have their own lives as well as their lives together. I don't mean that in like a polyamorous way. I mean that in just the freedom to explore things in your life, right? Especially before you have kids. Obviously, this is all. advice pre-kid. This is pre-kid advice. It's a whole other dynamic when there's kids. And if Hannah and I ever have kids, we can discuss it then. But this is pre-kids in the time in your

relationship where, you know, you don't have as many responsibilities that are expected that you both do, right? So I think you try to embrace the positives of the independence when you're apart. You try to minimize the frustration, even though it's real. And then you try to not let any of the negatives that build up when you're apart become overwhelming when you're together. Because you want that together time to be joyful and fun. And essentially, you want to be able to lean into the absence makes the heart grow fonder and not allow the we're apart so much that we're drifting further apart.

You don't want that energy to become the overriding energy. But on the practical front, and this is different for everybody, but I think phone sex is good. I think that you have to try to get the phone calls in. Ignore the phone sex part for a sec. But you have to get the phone calls in, because I'll tell you the only time, and this is all throughout my life, not just with Hannah.

Anytime, because I live my whole life this way. Okay, so I literally am like, I'm a wounded victim of a of a life of living away from my loved one so I'm also you're getting the advice of somebody who is overly good at living like this because I've lived like this as I'm 14 years old okay so I'm I'm putting my hand up and saying that at some stage I very much learned how to be severed I literally am severed when it comes to being away and being together because I can compartmentalize that was the joke with Hannah you know she was like I miss you I was like compartmentalize, but I was joking, but I can compartmentalize.

And I'm not saying that's healthy, but it definitely makes it easier for me, okay? So I can go into this zone of when I'm not with my loved ones, I can just be okay, talk to them on the phone, and then when I see them, it's great. And I've been doing that since I was 14 because I left my family when I was 14 years old and talk to them on the phone. And there's no comparison to those early years because I talked to my, mother once a week. Then I would have like quick conversation with my brothers and my dad, but I would have like a half hour conversation with my mother once a week for essentially

70% of every year from 14 to 22, give or take, sometimes where I went back a little longer. But, you know, that's the way that I lived my life. Whereas now you can FaceTime, you can talk on the phone. So it's actually easier now, you know? So anyway, I digress there. I think that the only time in my life when I've been in these sort of not long distance relationships, but times where you're apart a lot, is if either of you let the business of why you're away getting the way of communicating on the phone, which is the bare minimum, right? The phone is the bare minimum. You have to show up for the bare minimum at least. There has to be at least one good phone call to catch up, connect, talk about what's going on. Sometimes they

is not even great conversation, but it's just like you're, you're together. And even if it's just like, yeah, that's, nothing else is going on, but you're just kind of honing and humming, you know, on the phone. That's okay too, because it's your together time. That has to be the bare minimum, has to be prioritized, you know? And then I think texting throughout the day helps and sharing moments that are happening. Like if Hannah, you know, if Hannah is like doing something fun with page or like something funny happening, she'll send me a picture. Or if I've like met up with some friends that she met

that were over for the wedding, I'll send a picture or if something's funny is happening, like one of my friends' kids is doing something funny, I'll FaceTime her and show her to think. You know, so you got to feel like you're part of the, even though you're a part, you have to feel

a part of it. Right? The self-help books love little sort of funny play on words like that. So that's going to be my self-help sentence for the day. even though you're apart you need to feel a part of what is going on by my new book together oh no by my new book away but together coming out on penguin books in twenty six des bishop explores life a lifetime away from his loved ones with a subtext of pain that he never dealt with pre-order now apart

but together so anyway that's my little bit of comedy there um and then I'm going to finish on a series I know you know listen when Han is here I avoid the heavy shit

but since it's since it's the DES hour and the further this has gone on the more comfortable I've gotten talking to myself um I want to I'm going to do a grief one

forgive me a grief one is coming up um here we go what up does so we know you're the king of death or something like that and i feel like i've been processing okay but advice on processing the death of a friend that does and did mean so much to you while growing up in college and a whole different way of life than I could have ever imagined for myself. And it still just feels like she's just on another planet in another city. And just anything you have to say about processing, you're not your best friend, not your right or die, but someone that still meant a lot to you and you love and cherish.

And how to deal with that. Well, this is not easy. And I appreciate giving me the title of King of Death, which is obviously, it's a joke and it's funny because I've done two stand-up shows about, well, I did one about my father having a fatal illness and then I did a full stand-up show about my mother dying. You know, because I was young enough.

Like, you know, my parents died relatively young, 74 and 78, and I was young enough when my parents died. So, you know, I'm still at a time in my life where I'm speaking publicly about my life. so I've talked a lot about grief, but actually the reason why I left this in is I had this experience, except that this guy was one of my best friends. So when I was 16, my best friend from my childhood, my neighborhood friend, Nick, died suddenly from an undiagnosed heart condition at 18. I was 16. He was 18. And he was one of my closest friends all throughout my childhood life.

and it was a shock because I was in Ireland then already and I came back it was 1992 and I remember I got off the plane so you know getting off the plane was always like such a momentous occasion because my parents were always there waiting for me and it was just that moment of months away and you come back and there they are right so when I got to to the airport, my mother said that Nick had died. Now, it had happened almost four weeks before, but they didn't tell me because I had exams and they didn't want me to be alone over there dealing with this grief, which I'm kind of, I guess I'm like, I do think that that was a wise decision, but it, oh God, it killed me. I can still to this day, remember,

being on the escalator at JFK, having just heard this information, and like putting my head down on the moving handrail, which you can't do because the handrail moves faster than the steps. But I just needed to fucking put my head down and just ball my eyes out. It was devastating. You just don't expect that. When you're a teenager to lose your friend, certainly not that way.

Maybe somebody has leukemia or something, but just like suddenly like, what? I was in shock. And it was tough. And, you know, it's, you make a great, you put a great image on it. You still think they're on another planet or that there's somewhere else.

It takes a long time for the permanence of it to settle in. And I wish I could give better advice because the reality is that it's such a cliche, but when it comes to grief, time is a great healer. There's other stuff that you can do and everyone's got their grief advice and the stages of grief is bullshit. But the one thing that is 100% true

is that over time, it gets easier. But the presence of who they are is permanent, but the fact that you think of it less and less over time is just almost like a pain killer. You're not healed that just doesn't pop up in your mind as much over time. And then you feel guilty about that because you feel like that's not fair.

It's not fair that we get on with our lives and they fade from our memories and the moments that you remember become less and less frequent, you know? But that is just the harsh reality of life. But it's also great to get that relief, you know? But you have the memories, which always you have to cherish. And it always sucks when you forget.

And that happens a lot in the early times of loss. Is when you fucking forget they're gone. You think about calling them or you just have that split second when you're like, I need to tell this person. And then you just remember, they're not there. And you get just like a fucking quick injection of pain of like, oh, fuck. They're not there.

Like it sucks. That's just life though. and it does fade. That's the only thing I can say. And the permanence of it becomes more real, which sounds harsh, but actually it makes it easier because it actually kind of hurts the more you think of them on like another planet.

You know, like, and listen, I can't speak for everybody. Some people find solace in the sort of the thought of their presence existing somewhere else. I never have, you know. I think of it more as just like they're a part of me. This is more to do with my parents. I think of it more of like, not that they're up there looking down on me, but more like they're a part of me genetically, life lesson wise and who I am,

positive and negative. I think of them in my good moods and my bad moods or my intolerance or my my inability to let go of certain situations. I feel their presence. But I like to think of it more as just the memories and the life experience and the molding of who you are is, it keeps them on in your eternity, which of course is another thing that isn't true.

So anyway, we're not getting too deep. I would say the sudden death of a friend at a young age is very difficult because it just feels incredibly unfair. there's an injustice to it and it will pass you know and I still think about Nick sometimes

you know and I'm still friends with his brother and it's just tough but you will be fine that is one thing's for sure and you know I'll just tell a little story about Nick you know friends and why they matter well I was too young to start drinking and Nick was part of the crew of guys that I started drinking with

but I was the youngest guy in the group of our neighborhood friends and but I was the funnest I was the funnest of the friends I liked making jokes and I made all those guys laugh and making all those older you know girls and guys laugh in our little crew that we had was awesome for me but I was too young I started drinking at 12 and I remember I think I was 13 years old

and there was there was like booze in my friend's basement and I just for a joke like showing off you know the the showing off guy I filled like a coffee mug of Bacardi at Bacardi rum and I just downed it like down in one right and nobody else by the way was drinking I was just like this will be funny and Nick said to me he said that's not cool and it's not normal like you don't have to do that like he was trying to let me know that like this is not good

and you know it's funny another thing I only just remember now because Nick was older than me he was like a like a guardian angel there was like a weird time in the late 80s in queen like we lived in like a you know upper working class lower middle class neighborhood you know cops and firemen's kids and you know construction guys but like it was you know by international terms it was quite affluent but you know the class wise the essence was kind of like you know tough guys with money and uh so there was a phase where there was a lot of robbed cars a lot of kids were robbing cars and there was all these like gangs teenagers starting gangs

and we all wanted to be part of one of these gangs you know and uh so one of the these gangs had like robbed a car and they brought it to peck park the park that we hung out in and this kid that i knew who was not like a guy that would rob cars basically one of the car robbers was like yo you want to take it for a fucking joyride so he was like come with me let's go and i was going to get in this car because i was like yeah cool let's fucking joyride his fucking car and nick was like no grab me i was like no no you are not doing that and stop me because Nick was like wise beyond his years, and I was impressionable, wanted to fit in, desperate for attention. I had all the hallmarks of a kid that could get in trouble, and Nick stopped me.

He was like, no. And I, like, thank God. Like, God knows what could have happened. Like, whatever about that robbed car, even to just get that one step further into the mayhem that early would have been bad for me. You know, because there were some bad kids, and I would have loved more than anything to be accepted into that chaos. but luckily I had enough people that kept pulling me back out of the chaos just about long enough to stop me 100% destroying my life I mean it did take going to another country

and I still did a good job of trying to fuck it up before I was 19 but anyway that's that's my little old to Nick inspired by your very honest question so all I'll say is you'll get over it and just like now when I was sharing those happy memories they will be there forever and there's no pain, even though you did bring a pang of grief to me, thinking about my good old buddy, Nick, and I appreciate that.

It's always nice to remember them. So thanks, everybody. This is the end of our solo episode, which I always say to myself, oh, they'll be shorter, and then I end up talking longer, which I'm sorry about, but hopefully you enjoy it.

Listen, I got a new podcast with John Bishop, called the Bishop Exchange. If you're looking for two older men talking like this, we've basically robbed the format of Burnaphone, so we do that. and if you're in Ireland I have a Dublin show I added a show Thursday

February 27th and I'm in Nuri too if anybody's up there have some tickets left for that the rest of them are sold out basically but those two shows have tickets left and we'll see you on Instagram thanks for the feedback

never be afraid to message back on the Telby with any feedback from anything you heard today or previous episodes been really enjoyed the feedback in the DMs about things that you thought about the episode. Hannah will be back next week.

Not sure what the prompt will be, but you'll know when she posts or I post. But just for the record on the Bishop Exchange this week, which I will be recording with John on Monday or Tuesday, we're doing a full prompt episode. And the prompt is something that we did on Burnaphone, I think about a year ago. What is the best modern invention for you in your life other than the smartphone? because obviously the smartphone has changed all our lives, but what is another modern invention that has been like awesome for your life,

like an air fryer or anything? It's up to you. But the Telby for that is on my Instagram. So you click on the link in my Instagram and you'll find the Telby for the Bishop Exchange, not Burn a phone, the Bishop Exchange. So do a message in on that. And thanks, guys.

See you soon. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.