Berner Phone - Berner Phone #80: Best Advice From A Therapist

Episode Date: March 3, 2025

Who needs therapy when you have Berner Phone? This week the dialers are sharing the best advice they've recieved from a therapist. 

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hello, my little Dyers, and welcome back to Burner Phone. It's just me again today here on a Saturday morning in Dublin, Ireland, Dolphins born, Dublin, Ireland, Rialto, for those that know it. and Hannah is in L.A. Her and Paige are over there getting ready to host the Vanity Fair Oscars party, which is very exciting.

They're going to meet a lot of celebrities. But the time difference has been hard to navigate. You know, because in the past, you may remember that there's been times where I've been here and it hasn't affected the ability to get an episode out together. But those times I was actually just recuperating from surgery. I wasn't really doing a lot of shows, whereas I'm quite busy now. And now Hannah's on an eight-hour time difference for the next couple of days. And it really just, you know, the time where we actually have a window to record is just so small

that it's fine. I really appreciate all the support you guys sent last week to say, no, Des, you're fine. So I'm not even going to say, oh, sorry, it's just me. It's okay. We're getting through it, through this period. There's only another two weeks before I head back to the States, and then we shouldn't have any problem. But the good news is that one of the reasons why, I have to be honest with you, I have been, listen, I'm not the instigator for telling Hannah not to worry about Bernaphone, but I've been,

I've encouraged her to not feel too bad about missing episodes because there's just a lot of exciting things going on. I'm not going to be the beginner of gossip, but let's just say that, you know, it's great that Hannah has one less thing to worry about as she navigates the next few weeks because it's all just very exciting, you know? And it's been an exciting few years for Hannah.

So long may she rain is what I say. But needless to say, I'm here on my own. you want to know the truth uh i prefer doing it with hannah but i quite enjoy our little our private chats uh and i hope you do too thanks for all the support and the comments on spotify i'm very very new to even knowing that you could comment on spotify so keep that going that was fun um and thanks for the little bit of support uh with some of the messages that came in through the telby through the burn a phone hotline. So this week's prompt was actually something I thought of myself, which was, what's the best thing

you ever heard from your therapist? And Hannah put it out on her Instagram. Now, I had said to add, but she didn't, which was fine, I had said to add, or if you are a therapist, to message in with what's your kind of like the advice you give up, the most, but it wasn't on, and we didn't get any of those, but that's fine. I was doing an Irish television, like a morning television show during the week, this week, and I met a really cool psychologist that does like a, like a weekly or a monthly segment with that show. And we were having, we were having some great chats about how she should have a podcast, actually, because

she just had really, oh, she was talking about the four different arguments. styles? And I was like, wow, this is fascinating. So maybe actually I might reach out to her and we might do like an advice episode with somebody who's actually qualified to give advice. So stay tuned for that. Maybe I'll even try that next week. Give Hannah one more week off and try something. But anyway, thanks for the support and thanks for keeping the numbers up throughout this difficult period of Hannah and I being 6,000 miles from each other at the moment. this one was the best thing you ever heard from your therapist so let's begin oh this I just love this and I've heard this before but sometimes they're these little gems that are worth repeating

because you can kind of forget them hello okay um hi Hannah and Paige love you gals uh also Hannah your show in Alabama was amazing it was so good love you I was in the very front didn't get roasted by you, but there's always next time. I think the most valuable thing I ever heard in therapy that I think about probably 10 years later, I'm 25, and I heard it when I was 15, is I was one time talking about like how much, this is at 15. It's crazy to be having these thoughts at 15, but how much farther in life everyone is than me? And my therapist literally goes, I'm going to stop you right there, like stop talking. And she scribbles something down on a sticky note and gives it to me. And it. And it,

it said comparison is the thief of joy and i feel like i've heard that saying a lot of times since then but in therapy that is the first time i'd ever heard comparison is the thief of joy and i'm naturally someone who compares a lot to other people so i kept that sticking note with me for the longest during my teenage years and i still need it now in my 20s so that's the i mean that's amazing obviously she thought she was messaging giggly squad which is totally fine uh in fact i've been encouraging Hannah and Page to adopt the burnophone format every now and then, just because I think the giggles would really enjoy it. But, you know, when I read that, you know, because I was going through the messages, I was like, wow, I have heard that before, but it is one of those things

that you probably need to hear, like once every six months, because it's so easy to get back stuck in that rut. I mean, obviously, a simpler version of that is to compare, is to compete. and just various things about sort of paying attention to other people and relating it back to yourself. But in this day and age, that's so essential to hear. In fact, do you know the way on cigarette packets, it's like, oh, smoking may cause cancer and like it got worse over the years. I know in Australia they had like pictures of fucking like people's like destroyed lungs. I mean, there was the most horrific things that used to be on cigarette packets. But I really do feel that all social media should have like a health warrant.

like it should absolutely be that every time you open your social media it should say this could be bad for your mental health but i think as part of that it should say comparison is the thief of joy because you know like if if comparison is a thief then the internet has created a crime spree i mean there is literally it's like um what's that show the purge you know it's like like social media is is is the purge version of of like a crime spree just uh theft comparative theft uh riddled throughout the internet because every day you're watching these people's lives and then what's worse is comparison is not only the thief of joy but on social media you're getting like you're comparing with fake versions of people so you're you're

actually not even competing with reality you know you're you're competing with a with a with a cyclist in the Tour de France that's on more EPO than ever has been taken in the history of the sport, you know, so it's not even fair. You know, if we're going to get into your competing and comparing, let's have a clean sport. So this is never more of an important time in society to focus on the fact that comparison is the thief of joy. But even in the, in the less sort of comparison on steroids version that I'm talking about on social media, even in your own life. Like, I tell you, you know, I don't like to use comedy too much as an example

because obviously sometimes, like, I feel like it's a hard industry to relate to. But comparison, in terms of taking away your happiness, the entertainment industry, and I'm sure a lot of industry. So I do think this is, people can identify with this. Comparison or looking at what other people are doing can really fuck you up. Now, it can motivate you, which obviously there are elements. of competition that are healthy for you, they're motivating. But once the motivating factor gets outshown by just a deep inadequacy that can be brought up in you to the point where it's

actually stifling or having them motivating, that's really worrisome, you know? Not to mention that it can elicit resentment and, you know, just like a lot of emotions that you don't need. Like life is hard enough without sort of suddenly like feeling annoyed. at somebody else's success, you know? So not only is it taking away your joy, not only is the comparison thieving your joy, but actually it can be toxifying you with jealousy and almost like a sense of wrongdoing, like, why is that not happening for me? You know, and I think you can have that in the corporate world. You can even have that amongst your siblings. You know, there's just so many aspects of life when you focus so much on what other people are doing you completely lose sight

of yourself you can even belittle your own achievements and so that's why sometimes like these tiny little sayings are just so poignant because sometimes you just need like just like just like a little reminder like a little pinch a little pinprink on your skin to fucking take you out of yourself take you out of your mind and just like to get a little little perspective. So that's why, that's why I love them. Golf, another great example of life. Golf sometimes, like, I always feel like sometimes like there's just so many little things about golf. But as you go on and you're trying to develop your golf game, you can totally forget like these little basic bits of wisdom that helped you. And then one day somebody will say it and

you're like, oh shit, I totally forgot about that. It'll get into your brain and automatically you start swinging better again. There's just so many little examples. examples in life of just like how sometimes the basics are so essential. Just come back to like the core principles. Obviously, I've just triggered myself because I started thinking about Lumen's core principles, which I think at the end of the episode, if you watch Severance, no spoilers, but if you watch Severance, I think I'm going to spend five minutes talking about severance. At the end, though, I won't bore you because I know that not all of you are watching. But if you're a seventh person, stay tuned at the end.

But anyway, thank you so much for that contribution. It's great. You know, honestly, for me, I just needed to hear that. I just like, I just like coming back to these just like little reminders, you know, of, you know, stepping away from your, your stinking thinking, you know. that's a real early recovery thing about stinking thinking but and i've said it before i know but just like in early you know it's so difficult like in terms of like like addiction right and and so let's let's take it out of addiction and let's just put it in the basic form of like habits right because habits are like just like repetitive behaviors that then become part of who you are right

and it's very hard to break a habit. And I always put it like in the addiction mold. But like at the beginning of trying to break like a repetitive toxic behavior, it's obviously like the vigilance that's required to not fall back into that. It's very difficult because you're so in the habit of going there for whatever reason, you know, for whatever deep psychological reason. But some of it's just like basic science. of like, there will be an amount of time where you will just need to break that habit.

In those early days of me, not drinking and using drugs, one of the things that really helped me was, remember that your mind is lying to you. Now, there's people here, people that understand the neurology of the brain that will be able to say why that is. I can't say why that is. But I know what worked for me in terms of breaking the obsession, as they said, in early recovery. First, there's the obsession and the compulsion. And to break the obsession, you have to constantly step away from your mind trying to take you back there. Because it's basically just going with what it knows. And in those early days, it was very much like your mind is lying to you. Your mind is your enemy. Just remember that you can't trust your thoughts.

and it would just constantly make me go, fuck that guy. That was like my whole mantra in the early days was like, fuck that guy. And then eventually, you know, you can actually get back to a good relationship with your thoughts because they're not so riddled with the toxic nature of the habit, any habit. Right? And it can be quite lighthearted up to something quite like, destructive so anyway thank you you inspired a lot in me my little my little memories um let's go for another this one i found very interesting and i i'm going to play it because i i have to have a think okay this is something i learned in couples counseling where when you say something to your partner

you're like in an intense or heated discussion or sensitive discussion you make them repeat it back to you to make sure that they understood what you said and what you meant by what you said because like my husband and I grew up very differently and so the way we communicate is super different and so that way you're like checking with each other before moving on that you're not like taking implications that weren't actually there or big misunderstandings because the words that I say mean something different to him and vice versa so that has been super helpful in many situations, not just with romantic partners, but just anybody who communicates differently with you, just double-checking to make sure what they think you said is what you meant to say.

Yeah, so I actually think this is really good advice. What kind of made me laugh about it was, in the heat of an argument, how fucking hard would it be to get your partner to repeat back what you said and what they think you said? Without them saying, like, I just immediately thought, like, obviously that has to be done in a way where, like, when you guys are not arguing, arguing, you establish that, like, when we are arguing, I'm going to ask you to make sure you understood what I said, and you're going to ask me to make sure I understood what you said so that we're 100% clear as we're moving forward. Because in the heat of an argument, I feel like if somebody said to me, now, repeat back what I said. and tell me what you think I said. I'd be like, fuck you,

don't condescend me. I fucking know what you said. You know, so like I think, I think it could be hilarious. I actually think this is great advice, by the way, so I'm not in any way

trying to ridicule what you said, but you have actually inspired me for, I feel like that will be a good scene in like a rom-com or just like any comedy. I feel like there would be a good scene of trying to implement this incredibly good advice with people who are not at their most radical. But it does make sense, right? Because so many disagreements stem from, like, the misinterpretation of what's being said, which is obviously multiplied when things are like a little heated, right? So you've got emotion involved. And you may be actually articulating something that really needs to be said, but it might be coming out in a way that appears aggressive or, you know, like maybe comes across as expressing greater dissatisfaction.

and then is actually present, you know? It might just be like a niggling thing that needs to be resolved, but it comes out as, like, very much larger. So you perceive it as like, how the fuck could you be pissed off about that? That's nothing. But they didn't really say, they didn't really mean it was like a lot. It was just like a tiny thing. So I think it's really good advice.

But I do think that it's easier to implement when you've established in advance that, like, that's like a technique that we're going to. that we're going to use. Like, well, especially with texting. I know this isn't what you were talking about, by the way, but like texting is, it can really create that problem where, you know, a perception of a text can come across like really wrong, you know? You know, and so that's why it's always good to be like, what did you mean by that?

You know, just to clarify. But all this goes out the window, I think, sometimes when there's, um, when there's emotion involved. And I really appreciate, I'll tell you what I really appreciate about this message. It's the way she's like, because we have different communication styles.

I mean, I don't know many people that have my communication style because, I mean, I, like, we just grew up in a lot of shouting. So, and I know I've joked about this on the pod before, but like on a serious note, I've spent most of my life with people saying,

why are you shouting? when I don't think that I'm shouting. Like, I, I, I just, our, our family, like, we, we went to 10 very quickly. So, like, five seemed kind of calm, whereas, like, my five, my five is perceived as severe aggression by most people. I have a joke in my show where I say, a lot of times Hannah and I, we have a problem, because she thinks we're arguing, because I just thought we were talking. And the joke I say in the show is that she'll say something and I'll be like,

shut the fuck up. And she'd be like, don't tell me to shut the fuck up. But I'm like, no, I didn't mean it like, shut the fuck up. I meant like, shut the fuck up. And she's like, I can't hear the difference. You literally sound like you want to kill me when you're like, where's the milk? You know, so I, which is a joke, obviously. But there is kind of often like an aggression in my voice, which is, it's not aggression.

It's just the way it wasn't Argaft, Argaaf, sorry, Irish slang, my house growing up, and everything was quite confrontational. So I don't, a certain, there's a certain level of confrontation that I don't perceive as confrontation. I perceive it as communication. So, which is on me, by the way, I'm not, I'm not forcing blame to anybody. I'm not just talking about Hannah, I'm talking about throughout my life. There have been times where I've ended up in confrontation because somebody thought we were already in confrontation where I was just actually communicating but was not aware how it was coming across.

Even on stage sometimes it can happen where like a heckler situation, particularly in the early days, a heckler situation would get out of hand because they would be like, yo, what the fuck? And I'm like, sorry, that's not that case. across like way more like i want to kill you than uh than it did so anyway my point is that uh i think it's great advice too for that where uh your your your partner can either be the calm one or the the quote unquote angry one um so it's it's it's a good so for me i always find the better well not the better advice but the advice that works for me which i've definitely said on the pod before

is, like, I don't think there's any argument that wouldn't do better with a 15-minute break, you know? And I think sometimes whoever says, like, let's take a time out and just, like, go our separate ways for 15 minutes or a half an hour, like, go for a walk or just do something or eat, in my case, because I can definitely get angry. The problem is that whoever suggests that can be perceived as being like passive aggressive. But I think if you can manage to like take the break, you know, if you can manage to like ding, ding, ding, and just sit in your neutral corners, you can actually come back with like a little bit of calmness. And, you know, if you want to look at a perfect example of two different types of communication styles,

just have a look at J.D. Vance and Trump going after Zelensky. Because it can be pretty hard to seem like you're the villain when you've been attacked by another country. But hey, listen, this is not a political podcast. But I'm just using that as an example of when two communication styles clash and suddenly you have a major international diplomatic incident, which may lead to the end of the world. But, you know, they listen. You know, some of these things are small problems, like it may lead to not talking to your wife or your husband for two days, or sometimes they lead to all-out nuclear war. But, hey, guys, I'm not trying to trigger your anxiety, but, you know, just trying to keep it

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And 50% off your custom routine, pros.com slash burner. So this is a PSA for anyone who rents. You need to get built. Okay? You're going to love me for this. You can earn points on rent. It's now a reality when you pay your rent through built. You don't even have to check with your landlord to start earning points that you can use towards flights, hotel stays, fitness classes, and even your next rent payment.

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on rent. My question is, why not? Start earning points on rent. You're already paying by going to joinbilt.com slash burn. That's j-o-in-b-l-t.com slash burn. Make sure to use our URL so they know that we sent you. Joinbuilt.com slash burn. Don't forget, B-I-L-T to start earning points on your rent payments today. Let's keep it moving. Let's keep it moving. I got to keep it light because there was one or two people that were like, hey, you and Hannah need to get back together because when Hannah does it on her own, she's very unfocused. And when you do it on your own, it's very serious. So come on. We got to keep it light. We got to keep it light, baby. This one is for me. Okay. So I've gone to therapy for years and I'm sure my therapists have said many of smart things to me but the only thing I'm

focusing on in therapy is making my therapist laugh I want to be their favorite patient I want to leave the room and feel like I just yeah I just like Hannah Bernard a performance so yeah I don't think I don't think I'm getting as much out of therapy as I should be oh my God amen amen now obviously you're not all performers right We all have different personalities. But I have absolutely throughout my life. And I've been, let me see, how many times, I've gone through stints of therapy, right? And this is excluding, like, loads of other, like, group type therapy that I've done over the years.

But, like, actual therapists, I've had four in my life, right? They all happened after I stopped drinking. So since 1995, I've had four different therapists. and then I've done numerous different types of group therapy and spiritual stuff. I've just done a lot of that sort of soul searching over the years. And in both scenarios, with therapists and with, particularly in group therapy, sometimes I have lost out on growth because I was too concerned about my appearance in therapy. And my biggest problem is actually not trying to make them laugh.

It's more trying to seem like I'm the best patient that they've ever had. Like what an unbelievable pace of growth that you have shown. You know, just, and which was funny because I was always the class clown. I was never academically competitive. I never wanted to be like the star pupil. That is not where my motivations lied. But for some reason, in therapy, I have always wanted to be the best in the class. which is like ridiculous because well I think one of the great things about therapy is that it's a

place where you can truly stop performing and don't get me wrong I've I have not performed in therapy many times I have gotten a lot from therapy and I've had some big breakthroughs and I've cut through the bullshit and I have had therapists that have literally said oh so you decided to make a joke there, but what made you feel the need to make that joke? You know? Um, and I've, and I've gotten past the joke, you know, there's a lot of tears like that are about to come right before that joke. And I have, I have either said the joke and got called out on it and then brought back to what I felt the need to joke about, you know, um, I've, I've had that moment where I've gotten called back, but I've also had moments where I have actually become more aware of it and stopped

myself in advance with the joke and sort of stayed in the moment with my therapist and actually have had like, you know, little breakthroughs. So, but, and even in AA&A meetings over the years, a lot of times I was just fucking performing, you know, and yes, I liked making people laugh, but my bigger problem, always, particularly in the early years and meetings, was wanting to be like the best recovering addict of all time. And that is really, like, gets in the way of growth. Because the whole concept of all those different group therapy things is, hey, this is a safe space to be yourself.

You know, you don't need to hide anymore. Like, you know, that's the point of therapy. It's like, hey, guys, hide and seek is over. You know, let it out. Be yourself. Be comfortable with being yourself. So stop fucking performing. Why are you so afraid of who you are? But the other great thing about therapy was it would help me to also not shame myself around the fact that it's in me performance. You know, it's an inherent part of my personality and I should also just appreciate that that's who I am. So it was like a two-way street

of also being like, but it's okay to be that guy, you know, but there's a time and a place, like everything, you know, there's a time and a place. So anyway, I do think that's actually, it's not the best thing your therapist ever said, but it's actually great advice about therapy in general, or even just like using a friend, like when you're using a friend, like a friend you really trust, it's like, don't be afraid to like, you know, reveal who you really are. Don't feel like you have to perform your way through your struggles. But it's not always easy.

I was trying to think of some funny scenarios. But I can't really, I can't, I can't really, I can't really, I can't really think of one. But like, I know there's been times where I've like been literally dying. inside. And then I'm sitting there talking about, you know, how great I'm doing. And it's like, do yourself a favor, bro. You know, now, listen, if anyone's been in a group therapy setting, it's also like, sometimes there's certain group therapy sessions that are like not that safe, you know, so it's kind of fine. You know, it's kind of like, it's kind of okay to suddenly be like, you know what? I don't trust enough of these people to fucking let her all out. So that's fine,

too. But, you know, as I said, for everything, there's a time and a place. So if you find yourself performing, you know, where you should be opening up, maybe just remember this conversation and say, hey, I'm wasting my money here. You know, let's get real. The benefits of this, I can't speak to, but I have definitely gotten positives out of therapy. Let's keep it rocking here as we head into the second half of the pod. we've had this on the pod before when we did like just like bits of wisdom but again this is another gem that i always think is worth repeating okay so the best thing i ever heard in therapy

um actually this wasn't from my therapist this is something that my best friend said to me so same thing maybe better um but she told me what other people think of you is none of your business It's true. I remind myself of this daily. It's like what's going on in their brain, whatever bullshit about me. It's not my business. I don't care. I got to work email. I got to go, I love you. What other people think of you is none of your business. Vice from my drunk bestie, the best therapist next to you guys. Oh God, we are definitely not good therapists. In fact, I had that conversation. with the psychologist I was talking about that was on the TV show, I was saying that like she really needs to do a podcast because Hannah and I, when, you know, we have people messaging them with advice

and sometimes like these things are fucking serious, you know? And of course, it's okay. We give our opinions, but like sometimes I do feel like, wow, it would be great if like there was somebody who actually properly knew what they were talking about, you know? So we are definitely not a therapist. But that is just great advice, you know? put that on the fucking put that alongside the comparison is the thief of joy

you know on the on the on the internet health warning you know what other people say about you is none of your business that's one of the worst things about the internet you know and this doesn't just go for the fact that Hannah and I are public figures and people are you know people are going to talk shit you know when you're well know right uh but you can't you can't pay any heat to it but of course when you see it It fucking hurts, right? But it's not just public figure stuff. It's just like, particularly with

the internet, sometimes you actually, you accidentally become aware of something somebody else might say about you. Or, for example, you might have like a gossipy friend that thinks it's a good idea to tell you, oh, you know, Samantha, do you know what Samantha said about you? And then, then you know, right? And like, does it matter? Does it matter? that Samantha has an opinion that may or may not change in the future? It doesn't matter. You don't need to know, you know? Like, unless Samantha said something about you that when you hear it, it's going to help you to grow, you know? Or Samantha is so dangerous that you need to know because you need to cut ties with Samantha. Unless there's some actual use to knowing what Samantha said, and by the way,

I've just picked a random name, then what's the point in knowing, right? But then once you know, Right? You're still in control. You can just decide to ignore it because it doesn't fucking matter what Samantha thinks. It only matters what you think. You know? And unless you've heard something Samantha said that you was something you were worried about yourself, about yourself, then it's just best to let it go. But it can be very hard to do that. But when you're in the midst of that obsessive thinking about what other people are saying about you, it can be a great reminder. And by the way, like, part of this that's really good is it helps you to not worry about what other people are saying about you because actually most of the time they're not saying anything and that's probably the more important part of this advice is that why even worry about what other people are saying because one it's irrelevant and two they're probably not and in actual fact more often than not your issues right the shit that's going on for you is putting language in your head And you're using your thoughts about what other people are saying as a conduit for your own

your own shit that you want to say about yourself. Because it's true throughout life that you can really fuck with yourself. You know, these, these, this crazy thinking can really take over your mind. And again, I don't have the, the science behind it. I mean, over the years, I've gotten better at understanding about the effects of cortisol and adrenaline and perhaps some of the like literal, like biological dysfunction that's in my body that to some degree I'm powerless over or to some degree I've just been burdened with as something I have to be aware of, like a diabetic has to be aware of their insulin levels. I need to be aware of the fact that I'm more prone to high levels of cortisol and adrenaline beginning to sort of take over my

well-being, you know, whether it's genetic or whether it's a product of my childhood. It exists. And I have to say that knowing that tiny bit of science has been helpful to me because sometimes I can actually go, oh, listen, I've never had PMS. And I think it's really like a grave sin for a man to use this as a comparison. But like, I sometimes, I actually use women as an inspiration for me. So I think this is a positive. Because like, obviously there have been times where I've been like, oh, okay, this is clearly like there's, it's, it's, it's, there's some premenstrual. motivation for some of the emotion that's going on in this situation. I'm not going to say it. I'm a fucking asshole, right? But I know that there's biological shit going on. And it can be hard for a man to understand that. But I use that as a motivation for, oh shit, some of what I'm feeling is hormonal. It's cortisol. It's adrenaline. It's things that are related to the fucking biological, I don't even want to say dysfunction, but just like some of the things that my body has struggled to control over the years. And some, it doesn't always help me,

by the way, but sometimes it helps me to just know, just like a little bit of fact behind the madness. But it only lasts a few seconds and then I can just go back into the worry, but, but it does help me a little bit. And again, in this situation, uh, one of the things that when I'm kind of, like when I'm racing, right, when the, when the catastrophes and is going on, when the thoughts are just racing out of control and they're affecting my emotions and then my emotions are affecting my thinking is I do get super fucking paranoid about what other people say. Even back to what I was saying before about like being aggressive or, like, I have spent like weeks

obsessing about my perception of how I was perceived my opinion about how I was perceived in a situation particularly in relation to like arguments when playing sports which is just like the dumbest shit ever but like after the fact because obviously you're like pumped up

you're playing sports back when that was a thing for me you're pumped up when you're playing sports and, you know, you have a scenario, which is really no big deal. And you're supposed to let it go after the game. And then I'll spend weeks concerned about what everybody's thinking about fucking was DES being an asshole. And it can really take away my peace of mind, you know?

And of course, I'll check with somebody and they'll be like, what? I literally just, I had it just the other day. This wasn't in relation to sports. But after my show, I was just exhausted. You know, it was a great gig. And I left it all out on the pitch, as I say, on stage. And I did a long show. I did like nearly an hour and a half.

And I got back to the dress room. And some people were there and they came back. And like, I was just wiped. And in my mind, I was just like giving off negative vibes. Because I was fucking had nothing left in a tank. And like, I was worried that night. I was like, oh, God, I think I was being an asshole. I woke up in the morning.

And I actually called something. somebody that was there. And I was like, hey, I hope people didn't think that I was being like rude in the dress room. I just, I was just like wiped. I just, I just had nothing left. And they were like, what? No. In fact, when I was driving home, one of them said to me like, wow, Des is in such great form. So I spent a fucking night and a morning obsessing about something that wasn't even true. Right? Obsessing about what other people were thinking. First of all, none of my business. And secondly, not even true. So, one, it doesn't matter what other people say. And two, odds on, they're not saying anything. And it's in your fucking head.

So that's just, that's just a great reminder. But by the way, it's not always true that other people weren't thinking that. Sometimes people were genuinely thinking I was an asshole. And then, you know, sometimes you have to apologize, but that's a separate issue. That's, back for the next class, you know, but isn't it amazing too sometimes, though, that like you can obsess about a situation where maybe you thought you were being an asshole or maybe you thought you were inconsist, you know, just whatever the scenario was where you're left with like some racing thoughts about your behavior. And isn't it amazing how like you can resist taking action? Just like a simple action, like just checking in. I mean like, hey, I'm sorry.

I think was I being an asshole? You know, I think I was. And I think I was. I'm sorry. And then they'll be like, oh, yeah, it's no big deal. And it's gone. Like just a simple sorry. And it's gone. But you can, you can resist making that call out of embarrassment or even just like, you know, you hate saying sorry. Can be hard to say sorry, you know. But God, it can just clear, like the fucking relief. It's crazy. Like, like, sometimes that, like, just the, the resistance to simple solutions sometimes in me, I'm only speaking for myself, but I assume people can identify, the resistance to simple solutions is mind-boggling, especially when outside of the heat of whatever situation,

outside of the confusion of whatever complication is going on, things just make so much sense. Oh, resolve. just resolve like when you're not in a situation like when you're objectively looking at somebody else's situation resolution seems so easy but isn't it amazing how when you're in the heat when you're in the middle of it yourself it can seem so complicated and it's not always not complicated by the way but so often it's so simple but you can resist the phone call the text the you know whatever is required the gift the flowers the hug the handshake it can be so easy to resist that it's crazy you know and in some situations it's no big deal and in other situations you can childishly look for a thank you

from a man whose country's been invaded for three fucking years you can look for a fucking thank you and try to belittle them in front of the world's media instead of just being like hey like how can we all work together to resolve this situation and create World War III. But anyway, listen, I, you know, I don't, I don't want to keep bringing it up. So the only bras I wear are skims. I've been raving about my skim's bras for a while now. I wear their scoop bra. It has no wires. It's basically like a sports bra if it was cute and lifted and you didn't feel like you were wearing a bra at all. The fits everybody's scoop braulette is incredible. I highly recommend it.

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Here we go, baby. Let's get deep. It's where we're 40 minutes hits the pot or we're going deep. Des has been trying to avoid the heavy ones, but let's go back to the source of the pain. On the let's really get real section of Bertifone. I need music for this, you know? You know, like radio shows have like a segment. This is like, hey, you thought we were getting real, but now it's let's really get real.

This one is titled Repairing Relationship with Mom. Okay, so when I was in therapy, I know that you guys have great relationships with your moms, and I love that for you. It's like so inspirational almost. Like I would love to have that kind of relationship with my mom. And so I've been working on it. And my therapist once was like, I was complaining. Like, I just feel like I'm getting nowhere. I'm hitting a wall. Like I'm trying so hard. And he was like, well, have you ever told your mom that you're looking to repair this relationship with her so that she can play an active role in repairing? And I was like, no why would I do that that sounds so silly and now three years later I'm like oh fuck maybe I should actively tell my mom that I'm working on repairing our relationship so that she can finally play an active role in it so sometimes maybe you should just listen to your therapist okay thanks bye wow I mean that's a wow um and I'm sure there's tons of people listening going like yeah as if with my mom um but I think I think that's great advice. Now, I always think advice like that is like one of those situations where like

don't assume that that's going to go well, but do assume that it's, there will be a time where that is necessary, you know? And I think it's great, you know, because I think, I mean, listen, these relationships are so complicated and so specific to each individual. So like, this can never be like like a broad thing. You know, and obviously for you, the person that dialed in, that was like the best advice. But what I do think is great is that like on these core relationships, like these relationships that really matter, like I think it's good when you take real action on it. Because it's like people have no problem talking about the work that they need to do for their

romantic relationships, for their marriages, you know. people are just very open being like, yeah, we've done a lot of work on our marriage and it's really paid off. But for some reason, it seems harder to say that around our other core relationships, particularly our relationships with our parents. Because those dynamics are actually, I think in a way, somewhat more complicated than romantic relationships in the sense that the transition of the dynamic changes so. much more over a lifetime. So you go from being literally 100% dependent to needing to express your independence, to, you know, looking to establish an adult relationship, to how much that

you want to allow them to be involved in your children's lives, to, you know, financial, financial considerations to literally becoming their caretaker themselves. Like the journey of the different stages of relationship with your parents is immense. You know, it's fucking traveling the world versus traveling across state, I feel, sometimes comparing the romantic relationship to the relationship with the parents. So we really, I think, sometimes should talk a little bit more about like the work that needs to go in to either repairing or evolving our relationship with our parents. And by the way, my mom is dead, as we know. But I, I, you say that Hannah and I have

had great relationships with our moms. And I can tell you, not that we, to compare, comparison is the thief of joy, but Hannah and her mother have a much better relationship than I had with my mom. And that's not to say that I didn't have a good relationship with my mother, but I think when you threw Hannah and I into the having a good relationship with our mom's category, I was like, okay, I think these people, I think the dialers perhaps are not aware of the much more complicated journey I had with my mother. But why I loved this prompt was, Because I 100% had moments where, like, myself and my mother were in the repair part of our relationship. Like, it was a rocky road for myself and my mother.

And like, you know, in hindsight, particularly since her death, I obviously know now that there were times where, you know, I probably like, communicate. like the need to repair it in a way that was probably too harsh but I still don't regret that because even despite that you know there was always a sense of growth and and you know it was difficult it was right to the end you know so I just think in whatever type of relationship you have with your parents, I think that the need to communicate that something needs to change for either of you is like super important. And it's so hard to go through the different scenarios. And I had a very different relationship with my father than I did with my mother. And it was just easier with my dad. But he was also like,

a much more passive participant in my upbringing. My mother was the larger force. So it was just like there was just more to get through with her, if you know what I mean. And everybody out here that's listening with their relationship with their mother or their father, like your journey will be so different. So it's so it's like so hard to advise. So let's get into why I think it's important. right is because those dynamics man they can be so toxic because your parents just have so much bearing on how you feel and who you are and the decisions you make and they also feel like they have a right to be involved and they they do to a degree but at various times in your life the amount of involvement changes and it can be hard to change that dynamic you know and it's not always on the

parents, I think it's so easy to be like, oh, my mom is such an asshole, you know? And I get that. There are times where, like, the overbearing mother or the, or the angry father, or whatever's going on, you know, like, their oversized influence in your life can be a problem that's coming from them. But, you know, they're, oh, God, it's like, I can't even, like, the complications that are running through my mind now, like, I'm like, I'm talking to myself into a wall, you know, because just the more I think about it, the more in my mind just goes, I'll fucking leave it. It's too complicated. But I just think that in all the years of living, my own relationships, people close to me as relationship with their parents, and just like, just even

listening from a distance to like people in recovery and the struggles they've had, like, I found that nobody has been harmed by like having it out. Like, I just think that every now and then you have to have it out and actually sometimes it causes like a breakdown in the relationship but like listen for some people honestly like some parents are fucking toxic man you know like some parents can't let go of their need to control you right and control listen i'll just say it you know control was was the big issue with my mom you know and like someday i'll get into it deeper with you guys but like there comes a time where like that control can really be fucking harmful to you, you know, and it's okay to break that.

And like sometimes it causes the beginning of the next phase of your relationship, which is just so much better, you know, and sometimes it causes the relationship to break down. But if it's that bad that it needs to be brought up, then you're better off, you know? And it seems harsh. you know and i'll go even further i'll get even more honest with you there was a time where i did not talk to my mother for quite a while and it was pretty heavy you know but it was an essential development in our relationship and i'm not saying i was right and i'm not saying she was right i'm just saying that like there was a time where our relationship broke down

and at the other side of that there was a ton of growth right And by the way, when I'm talking earlier about my loudness, right, my mother and I communicated in the same way. And it fucking, when the two of us got together, it ramped up to 10 in a heartbeat, right? So the fact that, you know, we ended up in a situation where we didn't talk for a while, like a long, you know, a good chunk of time. portioning blame for that for me now is completely irrelevant because what happened on the other side of it was amazing you know like a lot of growth for us you know which which mattered because that led us into the last phase of our time together you know like had that not happened like my mom could have died and I would have had so much unresolved shit with my mother

And I'm not saying it was all resolved. But by the end, it was so much better. And it actually, it made it so much easy to be there for my mother at the end. You know, so that's why this shit, I'm not trying to like lump heavy stuff on you guys. But I'm just saying that that's why this stuff matters, right? Because you can't leave shit unresolved and just expect it to be okay with these core relationships. Like, this stuff matters. And you just never know when there'll be no more time.

I know I can get morbid sometimes. But, like, for me, that time where our relationship broke down led us to a point where we had a much better relationship for the last, like, six years of my mother's life. And it actually made, you know, myself and my two brothers, like, we were there for my mother at the end. And we all had our complicated dynamics with my mother. but we were there, and part of how we were able to be there was because we all had our own way of literally doing what this woman is saying, letting our mother know that repair is necessary,

you know, and then you find out if your parent is going to be a willing participant or not in that. And, you know, if it works out, it's better, and if it doesn't work out, well, then what can you do? you know were you gonna like fucking live a lie for the rest of your life and pretend that that shit wasn't there nah fuck that because you can't divorce your parents you know all the work you put into your marriage is like yeah we did a work but it didn't work out we got divorced where your mom is gonna be your mom your dad's gonna be your dad so anyway great advice sorry i got heavy leave it in the comments i got emotional too i stopped myself but uh i was feeling it a bit there but whatever

That's just what happens. When it's just Desonbertophone, we're getting emotional, baby. We are getting emotional, and that's okay. By the way, I'm aware that I'm joking after getting emotional. So we see that the growth has been slow here in Bishopland, because I literally just did what I said I shouldn't do about a half an hour ago. All right, let's get going. Let's go.

Let's get something light before we crack on. It's going to be another long episode because Bishop's over talking again. Oh, this woman I thought was nice. And this might be the one that I was talking about, actually. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Des. Thank you so much for doing this prompt. I feel like it's going to help so many different people.

Two things that I actually learned in therapy that have really helped me is that anxiety is an alarm. And it might be a false alarm at the moment, but it is an alarm. And it is there to protect you. If you think of it, like, biologically and stuff like that. So that really helps me when I'm having a panic attack. And the second thing that I learned is that anxiety is normally masking another emotion. And so that can kind of, that helps me kind of settle into my anxiety when I'm having it and realize that the thing that isn't so scary is my anxiety, but we have to work through a different emotion that is going on underneath of it.

Thank you guys so much. Love you both. Oh, my God. Amen. Like, amen. Is this like, I think this is like, I think I'm getting, is everyone else getting as much out of this as I? Like, I'm getting a lot out of this.

Like that is so, the wisdom in that is, is amazing. You know, anxiety is an alarm. And obviously, it's complicated, right? Because as she said, it may be a false alarm, right? And you may be, your, your brain may be in the habit of fucking pulling the false alarm too often, but there's a pretty good chance is at least an element of, there's something going on in there. Even if, even if it's just an alarm to say that you got a problem regulating your fucking emotions, even that's an alarm. But what I also loved about this was talking about

that anxiety is just masking another emotion, which anger also, I find, is another one that is masking another emotion? Like how many times in your life have you you know got sort of passed a bit of anger or a bit of worry and suddenly realized

what's really going on for you? You know? Because I actually, I, God, anxiety masking another emotion is fucking huge for me. Because like so often it's like, yeah, I'm fucking freaking out because my whole body is trying to fucking defend itself against some fucking feeling I hate, you know, like sadness

or loneliness or, you know, whatever, whatever like fucking thing that, you know, is like just dying to come out, right? And then it comes out and the fucking relief, you know, have you ever gotten relief from just like a good cry? or just like finally admitting something to somebody that you've been holding in and going, what was so hard about, why was I so afraid to just let that out? The fucking relief.

Like I literally feel like it can give you a rash holding that shit in, you know? And I think it can, you know, the stress and anxiety. can literally give you a rash, you know? And it's just so good to be able to identify that and try to get to the other side of it. That's why therapists are great. And it goes back to what I was saying earlier about the jokes.

But like, I think the best therapists are the ones that challenge you to break through that surface emotion, you know? That's why I always love that scene in Goodwill hunting, which I know maybe some people think it's cheesy, but like when I saw Goodwill hunting, I was like really in the middle of like trying to work out a lot of my shit. And Robin Williams challenges Matt Damon's character in that fucking room. And he says it's not your fault. And like literally I know some people are going to be like, oh, fuck off, right? But like, what this person is talking about, I think it's really encapsulated well in that scene. And I think not everyone, I think, now, maybe I'm just

being a fucking egomaniac, but like, I think that people who haven't been in that place, perhaps don't get the gravity of that moment where Robin Williams is trying to keep him there when he says, it's not your fault. And Matt Damon's like, fuck you, bro. Get the fuck out. He's like, it's not your fault. And he keeps pushing him. And he keeps pushing him. And he keeps pushing him. It's not your fault. He's like, fuck it. And then he fucking breaks down.

He fucking breaks down. And then he's a sobbing mess in Robin Williams' arms. Because he's been holding on to this identity that whatever the fuck has been going on for him, he deserves. He deserved it. That's somewhere deep in his core, he was a piece of shit. And he deserved it. and he fucking because his whole being has become so accustomed to believing that that he feels like he can't exist if he doesn't have that core belief that I'm a piece

of shit and I deserve whatever the fuck is happening to me and I deserve to not fucking live to my potential and I deserve to be a fucking janitor in a school rather than a goddamn math genius whatever the fuck the story was about but that that Robin Williams was able to hold him there long enough, that he could at least challenge for a second that core belief that it wasn't his fault, that the shame was actually a fucking toxic learned belief that shouldn't be part of who he is. Woo! He fucking, when he let that go, baby, I felt that, man.

I felt that. Because anyone who struggled with addiction knows that eventually you're going to have to come to terms with the fact that there's some self-hatred in there. and there's definitely a lack of self-love you know and a lot of this stuff a lot of people dismiss it as therapy mumbo jumbo but like in the end it comes down to the cheesy shit you got to learn to love yourself you know especially when you got real trauma man you got to learn to love yourself and that's why i've always loved that scene because so many people have that you know you call it what you want you know sometimes people imposter syndrome maybe that's like a little more lighthearted but

in the end there's some core beliefs that you need to break that come from whatever the fuck happened to you and it's different levels for everybody doesn't make you better or worse of a person but that scene i found so profound and that's why anxiety is an alarm it's such a great thing to remind people that like there's there's probably something going on for you, even if it's just down to the fact that you need to acknowledge that you're prone to anxiety, but sometimes it's something deeper. Sometimes there's a pattern that you can break a belief system, that you can challenge. There's something in there, you know? So listen to the alarm. Now, the other thing I thought about when I heard that prompt was something I forgot

from early recovery that, you know, it used to be like a really big thing in my life that, you know, because of the, because of like the seriousness of like giving up drugs and alcohol and just like this sense of it being life or death, you know, that like if you don't get this right, you could really harm yourself. It was just easier to like have this as part of my everyday life, but it was that people in people I trusted, people that knew the struggles I was going through, when I would come to them and talk about something that I was finding difficult, or basically that I had, you know, become to feel bad about something or that I was really finding life hard, we would go through like my behavior, you know, things that I had been

doing that week um things i wasn't doing that week you know like not journaling or like maybe even something as simple as like calling an ex you know you know just doing something you know and then going back to being like so when when you did that and then what happened and suddenly you realize that like there's a chain of events so rather than staying kind of like vigilant, particularly at that time, all right? The very serious statement that we used to say was eternal vigilance is the price of freedom. It sounds dramatic, but it's like, hey, we're sensitive people, you know? And I think this is good for anxiety, too, or depression. Now, I have never been aware of struggling with depression, so I don't mean this in a shameful way. And I've quoted

Pete Davidson before about how he said that because I struggled so much with depression, I don't have the option to stay in. I know I have to go out and get that son. I know I have to go for a walk because if I don't, I know I'm going to suffer. So I don't mean this in a shameful way because I know that some people struggle with depression and then they can't get out of bed. I understand that. But what I'm saying is that like I used to like the expression,

eternal vigilance is the price of freedom because it's basically like, I need to stay on top of this shit or I'm going to suffer. I'm going to lose that sense of well-being. um if i don't stay on top of it so sometimes it's good to be brought back to that you know the crisis management stuff because some of this stuff is like crisis management skills of like what things did i do this week that led to this sort of feeling of dis-ease that i didn't have the week before and by the way like some of it you can't control i'm not saying but there are some things that perhaps you let go of. Good habits that you let slip, bad habits that you let slip in.

And next thing you know, your mind is racing. Next thing, you know, you don't feel so good. And then as it starts, the cycle begins of the stinking, thinking, of the thinking driving your emotions, the emotions driving your thinking. And next thing, it's just harder to feel okay. you know um so what i loved about this message what it also reminded me of was something really simple because the practical shit is really important let's go back and look at was there any action that i took that was was something that i know makes me feel worse that stops me being the best person that i can be and then of course you have to remind yourself not to shame yourself about fucking up because nobody's perfect.

You have to remind yourself that that's okay, acknowledge it, and move on. And that also can ease a bit of anxiety because you go, okay, that's right. When I do that, I do actually feel worse. And then once I feel worse, other things, you know, can happen and my mind can race. And again, not a perfect solution, but just another one of the many weapons in the arsenal. the many weapons in the arsenal you know so you guys are saving me a therapy session with this honestly somebody messaged in from last week that catfishing should be illegal i was going to play that but like it really should you know and i talked about the ga catfish the other week and like i i wish they

would uh legislate that um well listen it's already been an hour so i'm just gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna play this because it was somebody who was at my show last night Hannah and Des, I've literally never been to therapy because I grew up with Irish Catholic parents, so that was not an option. But I just wanted to say I was at Des's Dublin show last night. Shout out to the under 25 gigglers in the audience. I died. It was so, so good. Hannah and Des, you need to come and do a joint bonaphone tour in Dublin. All I can say is I 100% agree, and I can't wait to do live Burnafone shows. Now, we haven't done them before because at the end of the day, Burnaphone is, you know, Burnifone is like Hannah's second pod, and it's like a fun thing that we do together. But we've never, we've never, you know, been vigilant about, like,

recording the apps for video and posting the clips, you know, because it's like a fun thing for us, and we love that you guys love it. But, like, it's always been, like, Gigli Squad is the, Just, it's, it's the more important podcast, right? So I never pushed Hannah on doing live burniphone shows, but I really do want to do one. And so I thank you for your motivation. I thank you also for coming to the show.

I always ask if there's anybody under 25 because, well, I got a lot of boomy humor in my current show, particularly in Ireland, you know, because I've lived here most of my life and I have very Irish specific jokes that, particularly you need to be Irish number one, but some of them you definitely need to be over 25, so I always check, right? But it's fun, you know, we play off each other.

But last night there was actually a good crowd of gigglers at the show, which was quite good fun. So I also laughed so hard when you said I've never been to there because I'd Irish Catholic parents, which is hilarious because obviously there is a resistance, not as much as there used to be, but honestly, like Irish people used to really. really, like, take the piss out of anybody that went to therapy?

Like, like, honestly, if, like, in the early days of my Irish comedy career, there was, like, loads of comics that would just be, like, fucking therapy, like, American rubbish. And, you know, they'd make fun of Oprah and all the fucking self-help chat. And there used to definitely be a huge resistance to therapy in Ireland, which has definitely gotten better. But, uh, but absolutely, like, the Irish parents, like, don't, uh, they don't love it. And actually, you know, I spent a lot of my life telling my mother that she could do with a bit of therapy. And part of that little heavy section that I told you about before

was that my mother did actually go. After that time where we didn't talk, she went to actually not just grief counseling, but therapy and also some other stuff, some group stuff, and acknowledged like how much anxiety ruled her life. And she was like, she actually did do that in the end. And she was supremo, Irish American Catholic. And, you know, a product of Irish parents and just like all that goes with that. So I had to laugh when you said that, uh, because it is 100% of fact. Um, so, so thanks for coming to the show. And so for ever, listen, we had a lot more than that, but I over talked on everything. And I apologize. Uh, I'll have, I'll have, um, Chris place them out. So by the way, even though, uh,

Chris is not with us because we haven't actually done like in studio pods for quite a long time, Hannah and I. Chris actually edits the pod. So Chris is with us, even though he's not with us. So I'll ask Chris to play out some of your other messages because they were awesome. So that is the end of the Burnaphone section of the podcast. So thanks to everybody for listening. As promised, I am going to talk about severance, but I do. want to point out for anyone who's like des is going on about severance that this is like bonus content for people that watch severance uh i'm going to give a spoiler alert just in case but this is not i'm planning to not actually spoil anything um but if you're worried about spoilers then that's also

fine but i'm not going to spoil anything but just in case you've had a bit of an alert So for those that aren't watching Severance, in my opinion, it's heading towards going down as the best television series ever made. Now, I know that's a huge boast. And you can agree or disagree, which is absolutely fine. But I like puzzle box dramas. I didn't even know. That's what they were called. And I only know that's what it's called now because I have listened to, so now, I watch every episode at least twice, and I listen to at least three podcasts, and I watch numerous TikToks about every episode of Severance. And it's a puzzle box series. It's a puzzle box mystery drama, uh, you know, like lost, which totally got lost and, uh, was a waste of fucking

time. But severance so far appears to not be going down that road, even though there have been times where you're like, oh shit, they're, they're, they're, the puzzle is getting too complicated and they're not going to be able to resolve this puzzle. But after the last episode, and again, no spoilers, it reminds you that they are 100% know what they're doing and that it's worth sticking with. And honestly, after the last episode, man, like if you watched it and you, you're a devotee like I am. Like, it was cinematically beautiful. It was just like one of the most beautiful episodes of television that I think I've ever seen,

you know, just to encapsulate what they did in such a short time, visually, dramatically, you know, the words. It was a fucking masterpiece. So, you know, for those that, you know, don't know what severance is, it's, it's a puzzle box corporate drama about a company called Lumen that severs their employees. This is not a spoiler. It's established in episode one of season one. So essentially, it's the, it's the, the, the furthest way one could consider work-life balance in the, that when you're at work, you're severed. So you have no idea what your normal life is. And when you

leave work, you have no idea what you do at work, like literally completely oblivious. So every day when you arrive at work, it's all you've ever known is just that work life down on the severed floor of Lumen Industries. And when you're back in your normal life, which is the life you've always known. It doesn't affect that. You never, until the day you die, know what the fuck you did down there in the basement of Lumen. So obviously, in this modern world of just the increasing effect of corporate power on our lives, not just because of the broligarchy and just how much tech controls our lives, but just always how much corporations have influenced how we live our lives from just like what we're able to do, but in more recent times, actually how they can

literally control our thinking, algorithmically, how they can take our data and, you know, use it to promote products to us, and possibly to the more conspiratorial-minded, literally influenced society to the point where they may completely shift how society is organized. So to see this little allegory of severance and how corporations can control us, but also the corruption that's involved in allowing them to have so much power over us, you know, the intrigue, the deception, the illegality, perhaps, the ethical boundaries that they are able to push, all these things are dealt with really well in separate. in a way that's so nice because there's nothing direct, you know, there's nothing like

didactic about, oh, this is about modern society. I'll give an example, okay, of how that's the case. I do not like Ben Shapiro. I am not a Ben Shapiro fan. But I found myself agreeing with him once in my life, which was about two weeks ago when a Ben Shapiro TikTok popped up. and it was him talking about how much he likes severance and how he had concerns that it might get too complicated because he's been burned before by lost but that so far he has found it to be one of the great series of all time and I was like amen Ben

but Ben can enjoy this you know allegory of of the mind and corporate influence on life and you know who controls what he can enjoy it in the same way that I can enjoy it. So it's not like he's looking at and going, oh, this is some left-wing liberal agenda about corporate power or censorship or control, you know, we can both enjoy it in our own way, you know? You can interpret it the way that you will, and you can, you can take so many differing meanings from it. It's very satisfying in that way, just the, just the various ways that you could take what they're saying and the Easter eggs, you know, just the amount

of investigation that you can do to try to understand what's going on. I've never experienced anything like it, just how satisfying it is. Literally, like the entertainment, not just from watching the series, but then to just digesting it and then sleuthing it. Like it literally turns out. It literally turn me into a nerd. I don't even like talking about it that much in front of Hannah because I'm afraid she's going to get the ick and fucking leave me because I literally don't know who I am. I didn't think I had this in me to be this geeked out over something, you know, like a fucking, you know, 18 year old into anime. Like I'm just literally like obsessed. The only good news is that so many people that I admire are also obsessed. And it's, it's, it's, it's,

fucking awesome you know um so if you do watch i highly recommend listening to the podcast with adam scott and ben stiller not just because it's about the series but it's really fascinating insight into filmmaking script writing uh the thought that goes into you know the visual representation the thought that goes into the script the thought that goes into the casting the thought that goes into the music. Fucking amazing. Just, just in so many ways, it's worth, it's worth the geek out on it. And there have been times in season two where I've been worried that they would lose

it. And this last season just brought it right back. Fucking amazing. So anyway, that's my, my thoughts on sevens. It's like, I'm so into it that I literally thought, because I still have this. Desmondshire podcast feed that I haven't put an episode on in like two years, but I literally thought about turning the Desbishop podcast into a Severance podcast because like I just have so many thoughts. So many. So many. So do watch Severance, the highest level of recommendation for me.

And let me know in the comments what you think. Let me know in the comments what you thought about today's episode. We'll try to get Hannah back next week, but I'm not promising anything. But she will definitely be back the week after that, because we'll actually be together. So we'll promise you, we'll be back to the lighthearted berniphone vibes, and we won't be delving deep into the human psych every week. But you're stuck with me now, baby. Thank you for coming alone for the ride. We'll be back next week. Wow. Hour 20 minutes. Welcome to hell. Hey, Hannah and Des, love the pod.

I think one of the main things that comes to my head when I think of what should be legal that isn't is catfishing. I got into like a rabbit hole of watching catfishing documentaries. Absolutely insane things. And then they're all just like free. and had no repercussion. Like, imagine emotionally destroying a person's life, insane fraud, stealing money,

but then they're still walking free. Crazy. Should be illegal. I started with my new therapist and had to give them my background, and I went through, you know, all the ins and outs and blah, blah, and at the end of it, she was tearing up, and she said, oh, my God,

I can't believe you're not a drug addict or something horrible. and I was like oh okay well then I guess are we done here so I had never been to therapy before and so I you know was spilling out literally just trauma-dumping about a situation that had just happened relating to my family short long story short I normally say short story long But lock story short, I found out that my dad isn't actually my dad, and I also found out that I'm a totally different race. So fun, so cool, whatever. So I had just, like, you know, spilled out all these deeds. And the therapist then, after I was talking for like 45 minutes straight, because, you know, we love to yap.

The therapist, she was like, oh, wow. So, uh, this is going to take a lot. lot of sessions. Yeah, I didn't go back. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Des. The best thing I ever learned in therapy is that being nice to somebody you don't like isn't lying.

I thought that it was lying and being fake. And my therapist told me that, no, you can just like be nice to people even if you don't like them, and that's not lying or being fake. It's just like being normal. So now I don't have to be mean to everyone I don't like. I can be nice to them and not feel like a liar. You are the narrator to your own story. That is one that has stuck with me for some time because you do write your narrative. Hi, Des. Hi, Hannah. So, best advice I've ever gotten from a therapist, by the way, love you both, very, very much. You make me giggle and, Des, I think you're amazing.

But anyways, best advice I've ever got from a therapist, no one gives a shit about you. Sounds harsh, but it's totally true. Nobody gives the shit about you. Everyone's in their own head, thinking about their own thing. No one is thinking about you. So let it go. No one gives a shit about you. best advice ever love you guys hi hannah hi des the best thing that i ever heard in therapy was that

love and compatibility are not the same thing i was in a toxic relationship for years and i know so many people can relate to that love and trauma bond that you can have with somebody but the fact is that you can love someone so so so much and just not be compatible with them and love is not enough in that situation. You need to have love and you need to have compatibility, whether that be the stage of life that you're in or personality, interests and stuff like that. So yeah, love and compatibility are not the same thing.