Berner Phone - Berner Phone #82: Notes App Revealed

Episode Date: March 15, 2025

Hannah is back and is passionate about this week's topic. Your notes app is about as personal as it gets, but the dialers are opening up to share the funniest thing in their notes. 

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. You guys, I'm back on Burner Phone. You thought you lost me, but you didn't. And it's a real Hannah Epp because I've just woken up from a four-hour nap. So over to you, Hannah. I told you the topic too

And you were like, I don't really get it And I was like, the girls will get it I didn't say I didn't really get it I just said, is that like enough of a thing? Yeah, it's a thing It's a thing, don't worry Also, I want to say thank you For holding down the house

Not the physical house, not at all More the metaphorical house A Burner phone Because you haven't been home you're in Ireland that's the difference for me and you though because I really

mentally was holding down the fort but you know me with my old expressions no I think holding down the fort is what did I say the house

yeah I was just wrong it's definitely fort I'm actually known for making up expressions so thank goodness you're here to correct us

but the gigglers were listening in and checking me on you. Well, the gigglers were listening. The little dialers, of course, are listening. Some of them asked if you were okay. That was just, that was after one of the particular episodes. I heard you were speaking about death a lot. Well, we, I, baby, there's no episode, I always mention death.

It's just the way it is. So, but, I did have a couple. So you didn't, you weren't here last week. We went through Best TV series of, all time. And I forgot a couple. Actually, of all the episodes we've ever done, and it's not to say that it was the best episode, I would never, but people have a lot of opinions. And after the fact, I have had like a lot of people messaging me with like stuff they would have said or things they agreed or disagreed with. But the thing that got me is I forgot a couple of my favorites,

because I didn't mention Gomorrah, the great Italian series, and I didn't mention season one of True Detective as one of the great seasons. But do you have one before we crack on? What's your immediate thought? Girls. Best TV series. Girls.

Wow. And you know, it didn't get one mention. Not one. Oh, my God. It's funny because I feel like after I watch a TV series, honestly, I just forget it. Like, it never happened. I do have to say, I'm currently obsessed with

Detroiters. I watched both seasons in two days. They are 20-minute episodes, but like, and I never watch comedy TV shows that often. I like murder documentaries. Detroiters is so good. I also am really enjoying hacks. Yeah, hacks came up. Hacks. We covered, we covered hacks. But I just remember girls like changing me as a person, like being like, holy shit, this is incredible. And it made the career of Adam Driver Yes, and a lot of Gen Zs are now watching it for the first time And being like, oh, it's so good And like, I'm sorry just more and more to realize that

The Gen Zs have to be a little nicer to millennials Eliza Slezinger has a special out Where she talks about Just like how we're not the ones you should be mad at It's your fucking parents We're not your parents We're just trying to survive And we had a really bad economy coming out of college

so just let us be oh poor millennials but um yeah hannah horvath that was her name maybe you should watch girls i watched a bit of girls it's it's very it's very funny and smart and silly and crazy the characters are so good i think what makes a good show is ultimately just the characters like it's it's never really like the plot or like a twist at the end like that's fun for a movie but like these TV shows, you have to feel like when you turn it on with your comfort people, whether you like them or not. Yeah, I 100% agree. Did you start brainstorming in your head about great characters there or something?

No, I just realized I was talking too long, so I was giving you a moment. No, Hannah, as I said, this is your episode. Take it away. Hannah Burner. You've got four weeks of effort to make up for it here. Oh, I didn't realize we were keeping track. I didn't know we were keeping score. the dialers are keeping track.

You know, there was, there was some comments of disdain towards so many weeks without Hannah, so take it away. I do have to say these last two months, I've never traveled more.

And then with Des being gone, he really held up the slack. But the Gigli tour officially ended. Held up the snack is not the word, right? I know, right. What is the saying? I don't know.

Picked up the slack. Picked up the slack. Wait, it's just like a skill of mine. It's like, because I think you were molding two together there, but I don't know what the helled. I think you got,

you were about to go back to hell down the fort and realize I said that already. So then you said, no, let me use another one. The fort is slacked and we're so excited to be back together. mom and dad are here for you and we have a great episode i'm so excited because i've been wanting to do this so what what was the prompt? The prompt is what's the funniest thing in your notes app because you know nowadays with technology we're less likely unless you're like an old school comedian

like des to have a notebook with you we have our notes app on our phone where we write a lot of things and there's been a lot of trends of people showing like just the craziness of specifically a girls notes app where like one note is um the recipe for like a chicken soup and the next one is like a whole paragraph of like something you want to say to your ex-boyfriend but you're writing it there so you don't text it to him yeah I mean but what's with that because we had like 10 of those it's because it's what girls do and it also is a form of journaling and like and then it'll be like a list of all your baby names and then it'll be like your darkest thoughts after like the worst night of your life of how miserable you are and how you don't want to live anymore.

And then it'll be like, my favorite cupcake recipe. And as comics, I was actually, I'm, I'm, I'm distracted. Well, yeah, but I mean, mine are just like, because we're standups, right? So it's just like an idea. Like one is Billy Joel and Biggie. It's like, what is that mean? But I know what it means. It means, you know, like, I'm from the generation where like I, I, I liked Billy

Joel and I loved Biggie equally, you know, which is kind of like a, you know, like a paradox, gentrified tattoos, another joke that never went anywhere. Uh-huh. Just, and then there's so many jokes that you write down that you're like, what the fuck did I mean by that? Did you have one? Yeah, it's funny because I'm looking. Also, I have a lot of notes of like before I go on stage and I'm peeing, I'll write in

my notes app the order of jokes I want to do. What are you laughing about? I just, I have a note that says, Venmo my vagina. That's funny. Yeah, like, but I, but the problem is sometimes I write the note when I have the idea. And I'm like, I'm like, oh, that's, I, you know, and then I can't fucking remember what I'm trying to remind myself about. Exactly. I just Googled jokes.

And the first thing that come up is, Leafs are so dramatic. It's cold. I'm going to kill myself. You had that in your notes? Yeah. Leaves? Leaves, you know, leaves turn brown and crack. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, leaves. Leaves. Leaves. I wrote Nana at Christmas stroke. Like, that was a story. Oh, God.

Not her having a stroke. She was telling a story about a stroke. I wrote the only... It says, men are like ways. They're going to let you down sometimes. You've been hanging out with me too much. Yeah. Talking out Hannah too much. Or maybe I was writing that for you. Sometimes I wrote, you know, I'm funny because my man is hotter than me. Oh, that's just a good observation.

Then I said the only reason I like being outside is because I can fart. Oh, wow. I have pension pussy as a note. And that did make it into my, that did make it into my say. Anyway, we won't keep going. I wanted to do a whole rant about. people judging groups of people

that like raisins in potato salad and that never made it anywhere. Anyway, for another day. We've lost the plot here. Okay, now we're just saying I mean, honestly,

we could do 80 episodes of the shit written on our phone of bad jokes. But also I'm looking. I have my to-do list. I have random vintage shops that I walked by that I want to go into

one day that I never will. I have Giggly Squad merch ideas, just something that says Montana illegal. Like what did I even mean by that and then like interview questions yeah but i definitely have i have baby names i have baby names oh yeah that that comes up a lot my my brothers bank codes why do i have that my anyway okay you're you're doing the whole list i was just picking up

the interesting ones i know but it's the width that's funny it's the width that's funny let's let's get it let's get into some because you're you're actually you're clearly the same demographic and gender as the dialers because you're already after saying like four that actually came in. So let's let's start. Let's start.

Let's get into it. Hey Hannah-Daz. I am huge fans. So the funniest thing I have in my notes app that would make me look like a psycho is I have this note that I've titled Rance and for the past

two and a half years anytime I think about my ex-boyfriend and things I want to say to him, I will write in it instead of sending it to him. And some of them are like paragraphs long. Some of them are just a few sentences. But it's really funny reading them and say like one day when I'm like really pissed at him, other days when I'm sad and just all the change that happens. but I'm scared if my now boyfriend ever finds that on my notes app and thinks that maybe one day I will have one for him. I don't know.

That's so funny. It's like, but on your deathbed, you're like, someone delete my notes app, please. I think that's actually so healthy of her. And I think everyone should do it. when you get riled up about something and you want to like text something to someone or post something on social media

stop and just write it out in your notes app and it gives you like a different perspective on it and it also like helps you just release that energy a little bit. Yes. Yeah. I was laughing there because you're like obviously we're both quite messy

but like you just like left like you're very person. journal out at one stage. No, it's still out. I was just like tidying or something. And yeah, and like I opened it for a sec. And then I was like, oh my God, this is like her super personal stuff. And I could see that there was a section about me.

And I like read half a sentence and then I was like, I had to shut it. I was like, not for your eyes. But like something that personal, you need to keep private. Okay, so my mom would buy me tons of journals. tons of journals and I love journals but I never write in them I think I'm traumatized because as a kid I had a journal and I would write in all my tennis tournaments and then I got robbed and they took a whole bag that had my journal since I was a kid so it like I was like fuck journals but anyway I was going through a dark time and it was my therapist was like do you

have a paper and I was like yes and she's like can you write down how you feel so all it was was like me with my therapist and she made me write down like two pages of like the rawest feelings like raw shit and then the next page so I found that like last week it's still there like anyway

it's the first page like you just open it up that should be like locked in a treasure chest but what's crazy as I read it and I remember that time and I was like oh my God it actually was so cool to read because I was like I've grown so much since then I wish I could like

hug that girl to show her like it was going to be okay um and then also the next page i had i didn't put the date on it which sucks but i was manifesting and i wrote three things did i tell you that i think you did recently it said like it said i like for career it said i want a netflix special a million followers on tictock and a late night show debut wow and i've since done all those things so it's fucking crazy anyway enough Enough about me and my journals. But anyway, it's healthy to unload in the notes app first. And they say for manifesting, writing is really important.

And it's funny because I also have a random thought when I was going to sleep last night that I wrote down. That has to do with this. You know what? I'm going to tell you. Because I was thinking about writing a book. Like if I were to write a book that was more biographical. and how I'd start it and stuff.

And I wrote, I think I like writing because when I put all my thoughts down on paper, I'm an author. But when I keep them all in my head, I'm insane. Hannah was doing quotation marks there for those that couldn't see. So she was quote, unquote, author, and then quote, unquote, insane.

When you write your thoughts down, people are like, she's a poet. But when you're just thinking them, people are like, you need to go on Prozac. But that's actually a good thing. opening line to a stand-up show, too. Yeah. Well, yeah, when you, I think that's why we are stand-ups, too, because when you say it on stage, people are like, they're so brave and funny when really you're just like, I'm insane,

and I just somehow found a way to say it. What's her special called Mentally Sound on Paper? Oh, God. Yeah, like, anyway, so anyway, I highly recommend you guys journal and Notes app can be a form of that. What's next, Desi, DJ Desi? By the way, just very quickly, in my single days, and I'm sure you had this too. Have you ever, like, particularly like back in the days

where you would like go to the movie theater and watch something that was like emotional or like romantic, have you ever like walked out of the movie and where you're still like in movie zone? You think that like somebody that you're thinking about that you need to contact them and that maybe you can all work out. It's like, there should be a rule.

Like, no texting anyone for 15 minutes after walking out of the movie theater. I've definitely had like, oh my God. I'll tell you one of my deep, dark thoughts. I was watching a really sad movie in a theater about like someone dying. I love one died. Oh, oh, Hannah brings up dying.

That's all right. Hannah doesn't get shame for bringing up death Well look I'm gonna tell you guys Death's not compatible for a reason It was about Love One Dying and during it I was thinking about How I don't talk to my ex-boyfriends

And how that's equivalent to them dying I like have this like really deep talk about Like he's alive but I treat him like he's dead And I got like all emotional And it wasn't even like that emotional of a movie And I was like, all upset. So anyway, you're so right. You can get really, weirdly philosophical in movie theaters when it's, just give it a second before you.

That's why they talk about you're grieving the loss of your partner when you break up. Talk about it. People say that. No, people say that. I know. All right, let's go to the next one. Oh, yeah. this is kind of on this vein but i think it's also good hi hannah does back again hannah

so happy you're back um my notes app i think the funniest thing on there is i keep a cry log so i like to keep track of how often i cry just for data purposes um so i'll usually like write the date down and sometimes i'll write the reason down and i go back and I look and I'm like, I cried on October 15th. Like, let me think back to October 15th. I'm like, okay, like, I was PMSing or like November 8th. Like, oh, I got on a fight with my mom and like, I cried. Yeah, I think it's just like really good to see backed by data how emotionally unstable I am.

That's the funniest thing I keep in my notes app. I love to track how often I cry. Thank you. Bye-bye. That made me laugh. so hard that is so cute and funny but also so valuable to kind of track like oh march was not a good month for me yes and also just like you know great data research of like how many of my tears are hormonal how many of them are situational how many of them are because of my family

and i'm not the problem um i do think this she's clearly a woman in stem and And a lot of doctors will tell you, like, if you're having trouble with like your stomach, like, track what you're eating. Like, tracking something is such a good way to see things on a bigger scale. Because when you're just dealing with, letting days hit you over and over again. But if you look back at your life and you see how the year went, it's very interesting. And of course, you can also track the long periods with no cries and then say, well, what was what was going on there? But then obviously you can debate whether it's healthy or not healthy

I was going to say Maybe you could say You know when you're due for a cry If you go too long It's like ejaculating for your eyes Where you're like I need some release Or I'm gonna you know You're gonna have a wet dream

I need to have a wet dream for my eyes Oh my God I just remembered Morgan Riddle Who's Taylor Fritz's girlfriend And an amazing content creator Tennis Wag she posts a lot of her funny notes apps

and one of them is she tracks whenever she has deja vu she's like obsessed with deja vu and she'll be like Tokyo July 4th 11 p.m. while in an elevator and you'll see like her whole list of every time she has deja vu I think she's like trying

to figure out some kind of like time lapse thing so anyway I think it's unfortunate for her but she was a CIA agent in her past life so she just keeps getting deja vu and all these international cities. Why do I feel like I was here in 1937? But it is cool to look at your year when you're tracking something specific.

Sometimes I actually know with like, well, when I famously once got a concussion in college, which no tennis player at the University of Concent has ever gotten because you can't really get concussions in tennis. No, football players get every day. I jumped into a wall in a hotel room, accidentally and knocked myself out. So I had to track.

So you jumped into a wall. Do you not know the story? No. You said famously, but I don't. I think I, so we were like in Ohio or something for a huge tournament, my sophomore year, it was like the beginning of preseason. And we got in, we drove all day and we got in at 8 p.m. And we had a late night hit.

The match was the next day. So I was like chugging Gatorade. And I was with Elena, Shadda Halena Turgevich, my double. partner we went to sleep like any normal night and i woke up because i had to pee so i go pee and as i'm going back like an idiot instead of just like going back to bed i decided to like jump into bed but i the you know how like it's just it was dark and i didn't know how the hotel room was and i jumped into the edge of a wall oh my god when i tell you there was a line across my face from like blood from my chin to my forehead and I'm lying there groaning and I get up and I I'm

looking for ice but I'm like concussed and I there's no ice machine on the floor so I go back and I'm lying I'm groaning and I wake up and it looks like Elena beat the shit out of me that so I text my coach and I'm like Elena hit me and he's like what happened and I was like I I'm not okay and then I wasn't able to play in the tournament I had to stay in the van for five days because I couldn't be around light so while everyone played and that honestly was one of my worst injuries and then they never they know how to track if I had a concussion or not because they never did a before test because no tennis players get concussions so I had to keep tracking just like my emotions each day and they were like are you stressed are you tired um are you cranky and I

was like that's how I always am that's every day so we kept joking that I'm like I don't know how to tell I don't know what's going on so they couldn't tell when I got better so they just assumed after like a month I could compete again so wow so anyway tracking your emotions um is a thing they do that with like when you're depressed too to see like if something's triggering it and to find patterns in your life because patterns are a real thing wonderful guys you know I love Zoc Doc I've used it so many times trying to navigate the complicated nature of the American healthcare system. For the ladies that are listening, which is the majority of you, how many times have you gone into the group chat or like ask some friends who's a good OGBYN only to discover

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I am so excited for this prompt. I have so many pointless things written in my notes app. But one thing that's not so pointless, I've had baby names written in my notes app since probably 2018. I have no plans to have kids anytime soon. But I'm going to share them with you just in case you want to use them in the future, maybe. So for girls, I have Haven, Esther, Eden, Amaretta, and Aed.

and for boys I have Nash, Cade, Jet, and Landon. Another note I have is a note that is a reminder for me to not get this certain strand of weed because it makes me scared. So yeah, and then I just have a lot of pointless things that sometimes I look at them and I don't even know what I wrote them down for. But okay, thanks, love you guys. well if that weed makes her scared she needs to refine those numbers immediately and okay our drinking game when does talks about death drink when he references severance drink

when hannah says the saying wrong drink when does says a saying no one's ever heard before drink when panna brings up tennis this this is what i'm realizing why it's so good because when you're like me and you have ADHD and anxiety if I don't write things down I will forget it and I'm like I have so many notes like every call I'm on I just write stuff down like I don't trust that my brain will retain any information

which is why my notes are fucking insane and I love that she wrote the strain of weed because it's the kind of thing that like you're like I know I'll forget this and I need to have this written down I wonder what it is The boy names she chose were hilarious though They all sounded like they gave a girl HPV I was just gonna say that I think they're the whitest names I've ever heard

It's an incredible collection They definitely sounded like a high school bully trout Trop Troop I never liked a troop A troop like a troop of bullies Yes Yes

Like a Boy Scout troop Oh no There's a bully troop I generally they I think they say a group of bullies I think But sorry I can't say anything right No not true sorry Not true

No I was just trying to think of what you would say for But a troop of bullies is absolutely fine It's quite militant Do you have a list of baby names on your phone I certainly do not have a list of baby names on my phone and you have rejected you have rejected all my Irish names you're not having it

okay now you're trying to turn all of Ireland against me it's just that no if we want to call our daughter Neve then you can just spell it N-E-E-E-E-E-E-B-E-E-B-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E, she lived her whole life with her name. But anyway, I don't want Neve for the record.

I was, I was working on a bit about... It was Fionn. It was Fionn that you rejected. Fionn. Do you like calling me out? No, no, what I like is having a fun conversation. Okay, can you explain how to spell Fionn?

Fion. Fion. Fion. Fion. Fion. I get it. I'm trying to work on a joke, but I haven't been able to make it work yet just about like when you're dating, just to make sure that like it's not names that you might one day want to be your baby name. Oh, yes. Like, yeah, just that like.

I thought you've done that bit. Not really. Maybe like on the, on Gigli's why I talked about it. But like I feel like there was so many guys that I dated that had like good fucking names that like now I just, they've soured the name. for me and I wanted to make a joke like yeah you don't want your kid's name to remind you of a guy who tells his grandma to shut up and like punch his walls when he um they would breed's orders late so like I'm working on that but it is fucking true like or maybe I've just had bad luck

yeah I mean yeah you what's your fit what's your go-to name that you want to use I don't know yet okay you don't you don't I guess you're not going to name any names that you blew, that you, you fucked up. I didn't, look, I never fucked anything up. Nobody got away. Oh, yeah, nobody, I was just going to say that yet there's not, you don't have any names that you would like to name your kids that you actually did date. Is that what you're saying?

I did date people with names that I would have named my children. Well, and for a comedy joke, pick a name that you haven't dated, that you could pretend, that you did date and why you didn't want to pick that name. What would your favorite name be? Oh, of an imaginary guy. What's a good name? Josh. What's your good?

Josh? I don't know. You want to name? You want to, if we had a kid, you would put Josh in the mix? No, James. James. James is very like, are you going to your list of baby names now? I also don't hate Shane.

The lighting on Hannah's face changed. I was like, uh-oh, she's going for the names. I don't hate Shane, but I also don't want to, like, feel like I'm calling him Shane Gillis every time I talk to him. All right, yeah, Shane. See, I don't think of Shane Gillis when I think of Shane, because it's a common name in our own. Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right.

But anyway, Shane. Or like Dylan. Dylan. Dylan. Dylan. Dylan G. From Severance. Wait, should we name our kids?

Mark Scout Helena Hellie I actually love the name I bet you there will be some Helena's born this year And the nickname will be Hellen Also guys When I was in L.A.

We're not having any Irvings Just so you know Even though low key I kind of love the name Irving But like has there ever been a baby name Irving I've only seen adults Only adults that's funny that's funny too that could be part of the joke like has there ever been a baby named

whatever yeah that's funny i also just wanted like name drop that there was i was in an after party in l.A and heli r walked by me and i she had warm energy so i just she made eye contact with me and i just said hey you're killing it and she said oh my god thank you um for a thousand dollars what is her real name oh i don't know but she also was in a really good series from 2017 called what's her name her name is brit lauer oh i actually knew that oh damn it was a thousand dollars was on the table and if you guys wanted um a new series to watch i highly recommend man-seeking woman, which she was in and was amazing in. Wow.

Yeah. I liked the way you went into your, you went into like a different voice there. That was my, for your recommendation. That was my recommendation voice. Or maybe it was my iny. Oh, that's how your any talks. Are you turned on right now? No.

Your Audi. your Audi likes the name Shane. Also, people, someone said that you, you, one of your episodes was very NPR voice. Oh, I had one episode where my voice was a little different for some reason. I can't remember why. I can't remember why. You're like, I was taking.

You're talking to yourself. You're talking to yourself for over an hour. You were trying on new identities. Yeah. You're talking to yourself for over an hour. So you know, like, I was taken over by a spirit. I also heard you were doing an hour and a half episodes. I didn't hear that.

I think I told you that. That wasn't controversial. That was... Don't turn this into Joe Rogan, okay? I mean, because it's just very... You know, what happens is for the first 15 minutes, you just feel so awkward. Yeah.

And then you go into this. like zone of just like talking you're just aware of like nobody's there and uh you just talk and talk and talk but i'm going to be so honest when you guys go see des live he'll do way over an hour for you um he will give you so for all those people who like the full salami as they say he'll give you the full salami for all these people who like value for money go see des he's in potstown Pennsylvania next Saturday, Saturday the 22nd, Pottstown, Pennsylvania suburb of Philadelphia near Lancaster, Pennsylvania. See, can I get some Amish at my show? This is a good I am with the Amish.

This is a great time to promote. I have a couple tickets left, Albany next weekend, and then I'm going to New Haven, Connecticut, Providence, Rhode Island, Brooks, California, Highland, California, Ridgefield, Connecticut, Red Bank, New Jersey, and West Hampton, Beach in the summer let's go and this is all my new hour I'm in Indianapolis Oh wonderful I'm in Indianapolis and St. Louis

since we're plugging gigs which I only added very recently and I don't think we've sold a single ticket yet so at the risk of maybe not doing those shows Indianapolis and St. Louis

just so you know Indianapolis is nowhere near where Daniel and Jeannie live Do you know that Indianapolis is the reason why I probably never got my sense of smell back properly because you went to Indianapolis and came back with the Delta variant I was telling page about how you still don't have your sense of smell

because I'll still like, you know, fart and you never react how you used to, it's not the same but she wants to know do you think it's affected your taste at all well i mean you know the sense of smell definitely affects your taste so i would think it probably has as i said the smell of mint changed forever and the smell of my own body odor so this is uh this is a symptom of long covid apparently is your body odor better or worse it's it's it's it's it's it's less like body odor but it's do you really want to know this yeah it's more onion-y.

You asked, I warned you, it's more onion-y. So it's worse. But I believe it's still the same to you because there was the time when my sense of smell was almost completely gone that you were like, you stink. And I was like, nose in my armpit. I'm like, no, I don't. And you were like, no, you do. And I was like, oh, I guess I haven't got my sense of smell bag.

I can remember where we were. We were in Bally-Maloo House in East Cork. which is the second time that's been mentioned by me this week because I talked about it with John Bishop. But anyway, let's crack on. We're getting bad Des habits here. We're over talking on subjects. Let's, oh, this is a good, this is a fun one.

This is almost like a bit. Hi, Hannah, I, it is. I'm a little under the weather, so I apologize for my voice. But the weirdest thing in my notes app is my friends and I, have a shared note called Meeting of the Minds and just like any random thought that we have throughout the week we'll put in there like for example um why um are all the berries called their color like blueberries um and black berries but strawberries are called strawberries but not red berries so stuff like that like random thoughts and we could discuss in our notes app because

shared. So, yeah, just a little random note. Yeah, I think because there's a lot of different red berries. That's why, because there's radberries, strawberries. I love how you came up with an answer to the question. But why is a driveway called a driveway and a parkway called a parkway? I mean, there's a lot of those. Why is the sidewalk? Called a sidewalk? I think as you walk on. the side.

What is British people call it, though? The pavement. Footpath. Oh, footpath. So the British people were like, why do are Americans so obvious with it all? Like, sidewalk. Like, it's too basic. Yeah, but footpath is just as obvious. But yes, I remember in my early comedy days, there was a lot of the, the chit-chat about the

different ways. Americans being too obvious. Yes. Oversimplified. I can't think of other examples. Well, I love what she does. First of all, I wonder how high they are. Second of all, I think it's a good piece of social advice

is that not all people you hang out with are going to have the same sense of humor or interests. It's kind of like when you're like, oh, sorry, like inside joke, you had to be there kind of thing. If you have all these annoying, not annoying, but like random thoughts that you don't know where to put, this is a great way to be like, oh, these are my people who are going to appreciate this

and I'm not going to bring it up at an inappropriate time like at dinner with my mother-in-law type thing. I have a question. Is a cherry a berry? Any idea? Because I don't know. Should we Google that? Is a grape a berry?

I think it is. Okay, so a true berry is a simple fruit derived from a single ovary of a flower. typically with multiple seeds and fleshy, juicy, juicy pulp. Cherries are classified as droops, which I've never heard that word of in my life. A stone fruit. They cannot be classified as berries. Cherries have pits in the middle that cannot be eaten, so they cannot be classified as berries,

but instead as stone fruits. I'm getting droops. It's called droops, D-R-U-P-E-S, along with peaches, plums, and olives that have a single seed enclosed in a hard stony end. Carp, also known as the pit. While the term berry is commonly used in everyday language to describe small, juicy fruits botanically, it has a more specific meaning. So you can call it a berry, but technically it's not.

But do you- What about a seedless grape? I don't, I don't care. Sorry. Wait, babe, what is a banana? Well, it's a fucking berry because I saw the, the, Reddit thread that you probably saw also. But I'm double checking it because

sometimes the Reddit's, yes, a banana is a berry. My mind is a berry. What the fuck? My life's been a lie. I'm 49. I'm 49. Why are they doing this to us? How did I never know

what a banana was classified as? Why would they have it classified like that? A pumpkin is a berry. oh no and an apple and a pear is not it's a palm oh god i can't believe i've lived my life not knowing what a banana was oh no wow wowsers because what people love to do is talk about how a tomato's a fruit and also a tomato's a berry if we're going to be more specific is a tomato a berry that's what i'm getting from my

Google, which is always correct. Yeah, it's amazing. All these, what is a berry? It's incredible. Why is a banana a berry? So is a cucumber. Is a grape a berry? Now I feel like...

Graves are true berries. Think about it. Anyway, we don't have time. Yeah, now I'm like questioning everything. I know. I really am. I actually am questioning. our entire existence right now.

Is pizza food? Officially pizza is a snack. A snack can be classified. Is a taco a sandwich? Yeah, well, listen, is a pizza an open sandwich? Is a hot dog a sandwich? Yeah, well, these are big questions. You guys, we're sober right now, just letting you know.

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Yeah. He's looming. Looming. Hi, Han, and does. Love the pod. Thanks for always making me laugh. So I just looked through my notes app to see what all was in there. And of course there's, you know, the typical things, your grocery list and places you want to visit, songs you like, things you want to remember, whatever.

But I would have to say that the funniest thing in my notes app is a template, breakup slash ending the situation ship text that my friends and I kind of crafted together. And I use it whenever I feel the need to like end whatever the current situation is. to be fair I've never used it to end like a long-term relationship but I have used it to end flings and just those more complicated dynamics but there's basically now a couple different drafts depending on how I feel or depending on what the situation was and I just kind of tweak it and edit it and send it to the guy and that is that should be an e-book like I feel like people would buy that because the hardest thing about dating is, which is what dating is about, is meeting new people and then moving on to the next one

once you feel like something's not right, but then no one teaches you the appropriate way to get out of it. And the next thing you know, you're with him for four years and your CDs are in his car and you can't break up. Yeah. And I think that like you should have, if it's an ebook, there should be a list of like, um, just after two dates, not into it anymore. And then the three-month situation ship, uh, the six-month sort of relationship and just all the different breakup texts. You know, but obviously you'll get into the debate of how long, how long before a text is inappropriate. True. True. And I think she's definitely talking about all those ones where like, this is also instead of ghosting. I do think like, yeah.

ghosting is appropriate if it's like one date or like it's also like a couple yeah the thing with ghosting i mean i'm clearly a little pro ghosting because if i don't respond to you twice like it's not a big deal like let it go you that's my i'm not ghosting you i'm telling you through my non-action how i feel if you keep fucking texting me after that like that's crazy behavior it's one thing to go someone like where they're like hey I'm at the date where are you and you don't respond like that's rude as fuck

but like if you say how's your day the next day after the date and I don't respond like you're good I don't need to give you a speech about why are you smiling I'm listening to you I go why the fuck are you smiling stop listening actively I thought something was

How can you jump at me for my non-verbal communication on your rant about non-verbal communication? Sorry, watching you listen to me talking smiling is just weird for me. Oh, please. Trying to make me look like the bad guy. No, but yeah, I do think once you find a really like respectful, quick, to the point way of just being like, thank you, but no, thank you. um i also i remember at first i used to lie a lot like i'd be like oh i'm talking to someone that i was like i gave a whole thing because i didn't know what to say and i didn't want them to feel bad i'm like oh i just like she forgot i was married i don't know i was like instead of just

being like hey i don't feel the vibes yeah i would have liked her to give an example of her i know actually if you're listening next episode send us in we'd love you can DM us just DM it you don't to send, because I won't find it if you send it in on the telby. We'd love to know one of the examples that work well for the rest of the community. Because the little dialers always need to know how to break up with people.

I can think of a bit like a bullshit excuse I gave once. What? That I felt a little guilty about it afterwards. I was in Ireland for a while. But like not, you know, I was just, I was back here for a while and then I was back in the States and I said, oh, I said, I actually, I got back with my ex when I was in Ireland. But it was

a lie. But I feel like that's like a nice lie because I've done a lot of the like, hey, like I'm talking to someone. I had a good time, but I started to talk to someone else. So it's, it's like I'm not saying I'm dating anyone, but like I am, but I probably am talking to someone else. I like better, even if I haven't met them yet. Yeah, it's just part of the human condition. Because I don't, I don't want to tell someone that they weren't, they weren't right. in any capacity, even if it's like it doesn't matter because it's just your compatibility. Yeah, and that's just, yeah, that's just life.

It hurts their feelings. I like to be like, oh my God, I'm studying abroad at 30 years old. I think you're going to have some opinions on this one. Uh-oh. Hi, Hannah. Hi, hi, Taz. Love Burnerphone.

Love Giggly's Claude. Look forward to it every week. The funniest thing I think is in my notes app is my list of songs I refused to hear at my wedding. It includes the YMCA, happy by Ferala Williams, can't stop the feeling, just like really overplayed 2000 songs that I just cannot stand in. I do not want to hear on what should be the happy stay of my life. Anyway, love you guys. Bye. Did she say overplayed 2000s songs? I think she meant 2020. 10s, right?

Either way, the YMCA is Oh, well, YMCA is before that. No, but like the Farrell song, that song makes, like, torturous. I love this. I love this so much. Did she say, I can't Stop the feeling.

Dance, dance, dance. That song is. Oh, that one, yeah, I know it, yeah. Nails on a chalkboard. No, she's so right. Yes, I was the one with the wedding. I was like, I gave a, vibe. And then I said, I like this kind of music. And then all these songs, I do not want to

give me your, give me your, your, your, you had, I had no, I had no songs that you couldn't play, but you, you, you had a list. Shout. Do you, Rich, do you want to talk about that? You want to talk about that? You want to talk about that. You're quite drunk. So anyway, Hannah, you're sure about that? Hannah had this very strict rule. You can't play shout at the wedding. What's funny is I have no connection to that song. I don't even care. I just was like that. I don't like what that song represents. Now wait a minute. Okay. You don't even know. You're so not connected to that song. You don't even know that. I don't know anything about this song. I just know that I don't want it. That's what I just said is in it. I also don't like.

No, no, listen. Wait, I, I haven't finished my point. So Hannah was like no shout at the wedding. Like adamantly against it. You make me sound like addictive. Tater. No, no, but I was like, fine. You know, it's like shout. You know, actually, it's really cheesy, but it gets the crowd going in a dumb, silly way. And weddings are like a time where that's okay. But I don't care that we don't play shout. So anyway, we had the after party at John Scots where we were not in control of the music. And lo and behold, shout comes on. And Hannah was on the bar, on the bar singing shout. The place was pumping. And I would literally looked at you and I was like, you literally said we can't have this at our wedding

and you are having the time of your life to shout right now. Wait, did that actually happen? No, that act, you blocked it out. I was blackout. That's why. It was like one of the rare occasions that you were drunk. Like you and Bella were literally on the bar. I actually got, dancing on the bar. Okay, you don't have to yell. We can hear you. I was so, I got so drunk at the end of my wedding and we were dancing and I remember jaw rule came on and all my girls like who were on the bachelorette we saw jaw rule in miami so me and sierra we're going nuts and i think what happened is i was on the bar and shout came on and i was like i can't get off the bar i'm already on the bar so then i just got stuck and then like i was just

being polite at that point oh right right yeah that's definitely what happened right you were just being you were having the time of your life just to be polite well yes because everyone else you know was having a good time but no fuck that song why It's just, I don't want to feel like I'm at. Well, YMCA, YMCA is dead to me. I don't, yeah, it is. And then I don't want to feel like I'm at AI wedding. You know what I mean?

Like, I, there's just some, no, there's some songs that I'm like, it's just been. See, for me, I have, I have, I have, I have, they're overplayed for a reason because they work, but like, yeah, they work. Well, shout works, you know, and one time, do you know, one time, I'm not going to say who, but a comedian. who does some music sometimes and has as comedians come up and sing a song like that they want to sing. And I said, oh, I could do Jump Around. And he was like, oh, that wouldn't work for my crowd.

And luckily, Seifah Sounds, who we will shout out, great Seifor Sounds DJ. Shout out Seif. Hot 97. Hot 97. He said that Jump Around is a universal guarantee to get the crowd going. So you're wrong.

And this guy wouldn't let it go. I was like, you know what? you're wrong. But he just didn't want to admit that he didn't want me doing the show. He was doing a fake excuse. I do, yeah, the song Jump as a Wisconsin alumni, it's jump is the most insane hump-up song. But I do have to say, me saying these certain things don't work is kind of like me having a kind of a hacky joke and someone being like, that would never make people laugh and me being

like, I know it sounds stupid, but it's gotten a laugh every time I've gotten on stage. that's probably how DJs feel at weddings when someone's like, don't play YMCA and they're like, okay, well, it was going to murder. It was going to murder. Actually, I did have one for our wedding. I just remember. It was rocked the boat.

But what about Alia's rock the boat? Rock the boat, rock the boat. Work the middle, work the middle. Change positions. Change positions, change positions. Work it for me. Work it for me. Nice.

I was getting into it. I was talking about rock the boat, rock the boat, baby, rock the boat, don't tip the boat over. Just because in Ireland, but I don't know if in America, but in Ireland, people all sit together in a line and they start rocking the boat. I said don't, don't kick the boat over. Oh, listen, we all, we all have little words that we get wrong in songs, you know. Oh, God. Have you ever gone to a silent? Have you ever gone to a silent disco?

I once went to a child's museum with Lois, and they had us put on the headphones and all these little kids were just jumping around with headphones. It was pretty fucking cute. Yeah. Actually, silent discos are great fun. But that's just unfortunately one of those things where the trend kind of fades. But I've had a couple of...

Not to self-promote my music, but I think I will. I've cultivated some incredible, incredible, incredible, well, very well-tested playlists. We have the pre-show Angry Woman playlist, which is what I play to anyone who goes to a Giggly Squad show. It's on Spotify. Then we write at Dawn, which is a little more like hardcore and there's men in it, which is very like pre-gamey for like a, or like the party, actually, the party as we write at Dawn.

So those are two, two good ones. So you have publicly available Spotify playlist? Yeah, I mean, not to toot my own horn, but one of my proudest achievements is the pre-show Angry Women Playlist, I think, has like thousands of followers. Wow. Look at you. DJ Hannah. Yeah, I'm a DJ. All right, here's a cute one.

Hi, Hannah. Hi, hi, Des. I missed you, Hannah. I'm glad you're finally back. So the funniest thing in my notes app is from a few years ago. know the context, but the note just says bring mooning back. And that's it. Bye guys. When I read that, I just had like such euphoric recall of how fun mooning was when you're a kid. Wait, it got like a little too trendy. Like talk about a trend. Like everyone, you pants people,

he mooned you. Like it could have, you know, like it was a trend for some guys to like put their fingers in a certain way or like whatever this the whole mooning trend was crazy i think i think i don't know if there was a mooning trend i think it's just like a phase that like you get to a certain age where you become aware that like mooning is a thing and then you you moon for a while you realize that you have you have full free will to moon at any time and then you kind of get over it it's such a strange thing i don't know where there's sort of whatever the insult or whatever Do you think the kids are still mooning? I don't know.

I'm assuming that the back of a school bus somewhere, there's some kid who thinks he's hilarious mooning the car behind. I would think. I've been working on a new bit about how in high school, like early high school, is really trendy for like doing the like fingers in front of your tongue. Oh yeah, with the tongue. Like you're eating someone out. But when I was I was the oldest child of my family,

so like I didn't know all these sexual things. so I later didn't know what it meant I thought everyone was just like hungry I was like if I kid a Pee and J it's not even the right like direction where the fingers are like that's not even how you also these men have never gone down

to a girl and they never will it's not why they're doing it was guys doing it I thought it was mostly women doing that no guys would be like oh really yeah yeah that definitely was not a thing throughout any of my youth huge in high school like everyone would do it all the time yeah it was crazy

crazy. All right. Let's wrap it up with one more. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Des. Giggler here. I have on my notes app a bunch of things that I would, executive orders that I would give if I were the president. Number one, semester base. Why the hell are some schools a quarter? Why are some semester quarter? Quarter's too short. Too much admin for a couple of months. Let's make everyone be semester base. Number two, unpaid internships. What does that even mean? That's free labor. That should be illegal. And I don't care if you're giving college credit. Illegal, you have to pay people. Not around here, partner. Number three, organized religion should have to pay taxes and all the tax money should go to programs that help the community. That's enough set there. Bright lights should be

illegal. Why the hell are those still allowed? They blind me and they blind everyone. I'm done. They're illegal. No more. Regulate electric scooters. If we can't regulate guns, which we should, but if we can't, we can start with electric scooters. They're a danger to society. love you I'm obsessed with her I love how she saw this prompt and she goes Gigler here

let's get into it she saw this prompt and she said hold my what's the word beer Hannah's lost all her confidence on expressions

hold my drink hold my ginger ale no she was fucking like this is my time to shine and she nailed it. I'm obsessed.

It did remind me of when I, oh, hi fry, a little puppy just jumped in. It reminds me of when I was running for a class president and I was promising crazy things. And then I also, like, had a thing for people who were lactose intolerant, but I wrote lactose and tolerance in my speech. No one corrected me.

But that's such a Parksville Brooklyn thing to have anything about lack. lactose intolerance in your speech as a fifth grader. Honestly, you really described a lot of the mornings in my life. There have been many times in my life where I have lacked toast and tolerance, certainly before a cup of coffee. Honestly, people have to talk about lactose intolerance more often. Did you ever run to be class president?

No, but I was on the Students' Council in St. Peters, and I took part in two national youth parliaments in Ireland, these like get-togethers of students. But hey, I just want to say that this was a great dial-in. And there's not one thing you said that I don't agree with, except I don't have the same passion for like semesters or quarters. But I do not understand why religions get tax-free status, particularly certain, like, questionable religions.

Yeah, well, it gets abused. Like, in L.A., everything is a made-up church. You should see it. It's crazy. also but not only did you have a great suggestion of religions should pay tax but you also said that that tax specifically like taxes religion pay should go directly towards that community which really does make sense I mean that is what state and local taxes are supposed to be but obviously you know the system doesn't work perfectly um what was oh scooters should be regulated yeah I mean I do there's a lot of bad drunk scooting accidents and stuff. Yeah, and just e-bikes in general. I'm very pro-cycling,

but there's just certain things that just come into this life unregulated and just cause loads of problems. And it's interesting because a lot of the traditional stuff is heavily regulated. And then not only can it not compete with the disruptor, but the disruptor has this insane advantage. Yes.

Yes, 100%. It's like jewelling. Yes. But I, yeah, Jeweling is... I like to what you said that, but it's not illegal. No, but for way too long, it was able to be fucking out here in these streets.

Yeah, acting like it's healthy. Yes, exactly. Or healthier. Exactly. I can't remember your other ones now, but I'm with you 100%. I just liked her confidence and her tone. And the passion.

I love the passion. She just seemed like she knew what the fuck was going on. And that's the little dialers for you. just the best in the biz. They're the best. So, well, it's great to have you back on the podcast, Hannah. Thank you. I missed you.

I feel like that was such a fun episode. We did talk every day. Just how did I have not not spoken for a month? We're contractually obligated to stay in this marriage for this podcast. So it's a weekly meeting that we're forced to have.

And thank you guys for being a part of it. Thank you for calling in and we love you. Talk soon. Yeah. And thanks for keeping the pod alive that time because it was really all about the dialers. It wasn't really about me. So we'll see you guys. We'll talk to you guys next week. Bye. this is considered funny. It might just be weird, and I don't know if anybody else does this, but I have a note in my phone that has my husband and my three kids' social security numbers, but I don't have it just written out. I have, like, my own encryption of spelling the numbers out

using letters instead of numbers for some and going like every other spelling it out for, you know, know, doctor's appointments, paperwork, whatever, because who can memorize four different social security numbers plus my own? Not me. Too much admin. All right. Thanks, you guys. Sorry, how to do this again. Whoops. Anyways, there's three things in my notes app that I think are funny. One being a family game that we play. It's called our dead list, and it's a list of people that we think will die during the year. It's not like family members. It's celebrities or local celebrities, and there's a point system,

and those least likely to die are ranked higher than those most likely to die. Sorry, Dick Van Dyke. And then we have between my husband and I, a hall pass list that we have as a shared note, and that gets updated regularly. but you can have no more than five people on the list. So we keep that going. That changes weekly, probably. And then the last thing would be I have two people's funeral plans.

Okay, this isn't like the, well, I mean, it's not weird, but I think it's kind of iconic. things. One, me and my friend have a door like the one in One Tree Hill. So we have the door with the guys that we each have reserved for ourselves in my note tab. But then I think this is kind of normal. I think most people do this. Maybe they don't. I have a ranking of every single French onion soup I've ever had. Yeah. And number one is the Pink Pony. on Maconaut Island in Michigan. So, yeah, I love French onion soup.

Okay, hi, so in my notes app, I have a list of cat and dog names for, you know, potential cats and or dogs that I may get in the future. As of right now, I have zero. So I don't know what that says about me, but without further ado, I will give you some names that I have. Some of these are, I will say, brain. specific but breed specific so just keep that in mind so cheddar bob mr biscuits kiwi kiki noodle periwinkle pickle pringle slinky tortellini tricks casso ziti herbie potato

poncho stitch tank and wally as you can tell i'm usually hungry when i'm making this list anyways love you both hope you enjoy bye hi hi hannah and does So the best or funniest thing in my notepad is probably the angry texts that I type and want to send to people, but don't. Like if I'm fighting with my husband or my brother or somebody or my dad, and I don't want to be mean to them and say what's really on my mind, but I need to get it out through an angry thumb rant, then I'll open my notepad and just type out everything I want to say to them because it makes me feel better to do, like I said, that little angry thumb rant that we all love. And then I'll never send it to them. I'll never hurt their feelings, but I've felt better. It's actually, I think it's a great strategy.

So that's probably the funniest thing in my notepad. Aside from, like, baby names, to-do lists that I never get to, grocery lists. My notepad's full of craziness, but the angry never sent texts for sure takes.