Berner Phone - Berner Phone #83: Are You the A-hole?

Episode Date: March 22, 2025

The last episode of are you the a-hole was a hit, so we're bringing it back. Based on the popular Reddit thread "Am I the a-hole?" we're deciding if the dialers are in the wrong this week. Get Huel today with this exclusive offer for New Customers of 15% OFF + a FREE Gift at https://huel.com/BERN

Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. What's up, my little dialers? Mom and Dad are back together again. I feel like little dialers are like kids who are unsure if their parents are okay. Yeah, they call us mom and dad.

I'm like mom and dad are getting along today and we are going to be talking to you in the same room I mean it's clear as day that people give us a lot more credit for how together we are than we deserve you know when they call us mom and dad yeah you know if you are our children you're being neglected call child services

no but Des is officially back in New York City oh that's right that's right that's right This is the first episode in months. Yes. And we're physically together. We're physically on the couch. On the couch.

Yeah. Hannah's not even dressed. We're giving you guys some crazy details of our relationship. Hannah's just had the Uber Eats. You know, she's been up for like not even an hour. I've been up for five hours. I would say jet lag, but that's just how he is. My afternoon, Hannah's morning.

We're ahead of the game too. it's only third it's thursday just to give you guys a sneak peek into the logistics of burn a phone yeah saturday quote is officially our day uh but we're recording on thursday here we're pulling behind back the curtain before hana goes to albany i'm going to albany shout out albany five sold out shows let's go oh nice new material but really honestly you've been doing new material for a while so the albany crowd are getting essentially not new to get in a new material that's really tried and tested, so that's kind of sweet. And this is my last club weekend

before I go to do some theaters. Oh, yeah. You're not announcing yet, right? But there will be a tour, so we're not giving up a secret. But I'm doing a spattering of theaters. A spattering. Also, you said on Instagram that you're going to film a special soon. Oh, that's right. May 13th, New York Comedy Cellar,

but I haven't announced it properly because it's not on, you know, the way they do their sales. Yeah. It's not on sale yet. But, yeah, May 13th, I'll be recording another special at the comedy seller. Mm-hmm. You know, so... Very exciting.

Yes, another recordable hour of boomer humor. I have a question. Okay. Am I going to be allowed to attend? Oh, come on, Hannah. I mean, if you want to attend, you can executive produce again. I'm going to executive produce, but I don't think I need to physically be there. No, you don't...

That's up to you. It's up to you. I don't... I mean, maybe I'll say I'm not coming, but then I'll be hiding in the back. I feel like my coach used to do that to me like he'd be like hiding behind a tree so I wouldn't see him and get nervous and then afterwards he'd be like

what was that? I mean I like you know I just in a situation I'm just you're different to me I like nobody being there because I know I'm not the best version of myself leading up to a situation where I'm like stressed about recording

I wouldn't deal with beforehand I wouldn't even talk to you you know it just listen it's fine it's already already i can tell that you shouldn't be there no i i was i was surprised you were even considering me being there because last time i wasn't there i was only considering because we're recording this well last time this is not the time i didn't show up but sierra showed up a bunch of our west hampton friends showed up and my parents showed up yeah but in fairness to sierra she that was i had nothing to do with it yeah she yeah she She just was like, oh.

No, Sierra, like, booked it herself and very appreciative of the support. And, you know, your parents were there and all that. But, like, yeah, fine. Yeah. You don't like seeing people in the crowd that you know, especially during an important taping. Yeah, especially in the front row. But anyway, listen, am I the asshole?

Are you the asshole for telling people who are close to you that they can't see your comedy performance? I don't think you are. I don't think you are. but I do have to say, which is, okay, now I'm aware of it, I say, but I do have to say a hundred times an episode. Oh, but we all, you know, everybody has their things that I always say, listen. I feel like there's worse things that I could have a habit of saying.

Yeah, everyone, everyone has their thing that they say all the time. I'm going to try to say it less, but anyway. I do have to say, you say it a lot. I do have to say, I say it a lot. I do have to say, I forgot what I was going to say. Yeah, we should do a burtophone where everyone points out our like vocal bad habits. Or they say what their vocal bad habits are.

What? Oh no, I forgot what I was going to say. Yeah, because your brain is malfunctioned because normally you would say I do have to say that. Yeah, and then I flow. And then you're not able to function. Don't. We're going to have to call it a day on this episode.

We all have, we all have things that get the. mind going. We're flowing, we're freeing, we're non-judgmental. It's not a big deal if you say I do have to say. And if somebody starts to focus on that, they're just going to have to deal with it. Thank you for loving me for me. We do have the, um, an episode called Am I the Asshole. Well, we did one not that long ago, but I loved it. I just loved like that you introduced me to this concept and I had a look on the Reddit and just like, it's really fascinating. It kind of reminds me of Curbed because we watched Curbed recently, But I feel like Larry David's whole show is, am I the asshole?

Yeah, but he is always the asshole. But it's him trying to show that he's not the asshole. But here's what's great about Curved, is that what we learn from Curb is we're all the assholes. Well, that's why I see some things that happen to him, and I'm like, oh, he's not wrong, but then he takes it too far. He takes it too far. That's the entertainment of it.

And now I'm kind of obsessed with those moments. I mean, I've spent all my life knowing that like I've been the asshole. are you the asshole if because this happened to us kind of yesterday us yeah okay we're at the restaurant new restaurant and you know what you're going to order but you're like should i ask the waiter what they recommend yes knowing that you're just hoping they say one of the things you're going to order anyway right if they don't say one of those things you're not suddenly going to like something you don't like yes so are you the asshole for one wasting their time for two when they say

oh you have to get the scallops and then you go no thank you and you still order your own thing are you the asshole for putting these people through that when you know what you're going to order anyway well if you knew what you were going to order there's no there's no reason to ask really but I have to say you have a

habit of asking I know well I I'm interested I like asking I like to be like what do you recommend but they always say something that I don't like and then I realize that it's to each his own I mean, it's one thing if they're like, people travel far and wide to get these noodles, then I'd be like, yeah, throw them in.

I mean, she basically did say that. She did. She said the speciality was the noodles. Yeah, the rice noodles. We were like, why don't you go fuck yourself? Yeah. We're not getting the noodles. I was like, I lived in China.

I know it's good. We go, that's adorable. Do you think noodles? Actually, it was good that place. We want to give them a shout out? Yeah, give him a shout out. Tolo. Tolo.

Dime Square, which is the end of Canal Street. Lower side, Tolo, so cute, small. It's really Chinatown. It's really Chinatown. and it's a kind of a young hip Chinese restaurant but it is I think it's owned by somebody that grew up in China town I like that it was a small menu

because I get very overwhelmed with big menus and I always make the wrong decisions so I like that it was narrowed down for me I also as someone who has worked in the service industry there are those things that are like fucking annoying and I feel like if you're a waiter let us know it's annoying when people are like what do you recommend

but maybe some people like it also depends on the waiter some waiters love to give a speech you know like they're waiting for their moment I have to say I haven't loved the way that sort of like server language has evolved over the years where they say things like

and what are we what are we having or when they say like they come over you know when they check you used to be like how's everybody doing now it's like how's everybody enjoying it's like don't make an assumption don't make an assumption on whether I'm enjoying or not you know

there's just certain bits of language change that have annoyed me that's funny that you've seen it change over the years oh it's absolutely changed all I'm aware of is the high well you know when I was younger sensitivities oh well the allergy okay fine

like everyone's all anti-algae until somebody fucking nearly dies from anaphylactic shock I was joking about like it's fine asking once but when they get really serious like are there any allergies at this table? I'm like, yeah, how many people have died in this restaurant? Yeah. That you're so scared.

Obviously, what I want to say is I was born in 1975. We don't do that. But I'm actually aware that, you know, people have serious. So it's like it's all well and good joking around. But what I will say is that, like the introducing, you know, like, hi on Bob, I'll be your server or whatever. Like all that stuff evolved over. And it's fine, you know. But just, I don't know.

there's just, there's something like on, like, not genuine. I prefer somebody to come over like crack a joke. Like, anyway, it doesn't matter. Let's not get into this. I have one more. Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole for refusing to put my purse

into my backpack when I'm supposed to just have two items? But I feel like it's sexist because as a girl you have a purse. So I put my purse my shoulder and then put my backpack over my purse and that's how i i exposed myself just now but am i the asshole for doing that no because obviously you know you have this this running theme do you

think i'm above the law no i think that's a dumb rule and some of these airlines love you know they love doing that but it's funny some people don't give a shit like who work there they don't care and then some people are like whoa whoa whoa whoa this this is illegal and you're like okay well yesterday it wasn't so well listen Ryanair man I'm fucking I'm naming and shaming them so they recently they recently brought out a rule which is they will no longer accept printed boarding passes oh that's fucked up but here's the crazy thing is that for years you had to print it and if you got to the airport without a boarding pass and you went to the fucking desk, they charged you for printing your boarding pass.

And always having a printer is like, like loads of people don't have printers. Yeah, also, it's the same pass that you paid for, whether it's digital or not. Well, that's, it was such bullshit. So then, right, one time I was flying Ryanair like about a decade ago. And it was right at the beginning of like iPhones having the QR code. So I couldn't get clarity on whether you could just scan the code, right? so I said look I'll get to the airport and I'll see what the crack is so I went I didn't go to the Ryan air desk but I went to like the entry point of you know like the first and I scan it and it opens right so now I'm

through so I get all the way to the gate with my fucking my scan boarding pass and when I get to the gate they're like no it has to be printed so it's the opposite of what it is today had to be printed I said you know if I put this thing because they're scanning they're still scanning the print They're scanning the barcode. I said, you know, if I put this thing, it's going to go green, right? And they're like, no, sorry, we can't. We don't accept those. That's insane.

So he said, oh, back at whatever gate, something, you can print your boarding pass. And by the time I got to print it, it was too late. See, I would have burned the airport down at that point. I've never flown Ryanair since, just for the record. I would have burned it down. But also. Let's burn this place to the crowd. But also, what about all the sweet old people who just, that's what they do?

They print out their boarding pass. They show up at the airport that is fucked up and agest. So that's just one of these things. So anyway, let's get to the dialers. Let's get to the dialers. There's a couple of airport ones, but I won't start with one. Let's start with this one. Hi, Hannah.

Hi, Dez. Love you both. So I was just on spring break and I was staying with my family. And we were sitting on the beach one day and mind you, it was like low tide. Like there was a bunch of like open space. It really wasn't crowded. Anywho, there was this dad and little boy playing soccer, and the ball just, like, kept rolling into our stuff.

Like, I'm not joking, like, every single time. And it wasn't even the little boy's fault. Like, the dad just couldn't stop the ball. Like, this man, I'm not joking, could not stop a single one of them. So after, like, maybe 25 times in a row of it rolling into our stuff, we had kindly asked them if they could just simply move a couple feet down so that they wouldn't keep hitting our stuff. And then they just kind of like rolled their eyes and like continued to play.

So I don't know. Were we the assholes in that situation? Because I felt like it would just be so easy for them to move over. Anyway, love you guys. Clearly they're not the asshole. This is why people need to stop talking shit about New Yorkers. And I do have to say after traveling all over the world, especially all over America, some stuff

you just need one New Yorker to take that fucking ball and chuck it into the water and then there's no more fucking problem and yeah New Yorkers are assholes yeah but no one fucks with us well I mean like the fact that they kept rolling the ball in

is just like unacceptable I it's a public space man I also realize these situations happen all the time and it's like it's not anyone's real fault but there's like certain tone that I haven't mastered because I'm too nice and I

do the giggles and then you don't want to be too mean but there's like a middle firm ground where you let people know like this is not cool but then it doesn't make the rest of the day awkward where like I think especially women it's hard to get that right balance because you could

if she sounds so fucking nice she probably was like could you guys not? Yeah like enough yeah you need to be like hey yeah either move or learn how to fucking stop the pass. Stop giving your child the false impression that they're good. Like, you know, none of these are goals. You know?

But it's also like some people with kids, I think sometimes they think they're the only people that are having a beach day and they have to be aware of the people around them. Granted, you can't control a lot of things with kids. You can't control of your kids crying, throwing up, running around. those things are fine

but if you're the one missing the soccer ball that's on you bro no this is you know this is not a thing you know this is you're not the asshole they were being dicks and it's like in a shared public space like if you keep hitting somebody

you gotta move simple as that yeah I do think I definitely have a pet peeve when you're in a public space and there's space and people like sit right next to you oh my god it's happened in theaters we're like it's a full open theater

Or the Long Island Railroad. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, bro. I get it if the train's packed. Yeah. But, like, we're all trying to be as far away from each other as possible until it gets busy enough that you have to start filling in the gaps. Yeah.

You know, it's weird. Anyway, let's keep it moving here. Am I the asshole for asking somebody what their name is after a year of talking to them at the dog park? Or is it just awkward? because I know this guy's dog, his dog's name is Kepler, and I talk to him probably like four to five times a week, and I know a lot about him. Like, I know his hometown. I know what he does for work. I know I've never, I never really got his name down, and I don't know, now it's been too long, but I just have to know it.

Would I be the asshole if I asked him, just said, sorry, dude, what is your name? after a year, a whole year? This is so funny and honestly so relatable. I've had this so many times in my life. Okay, so the first thing that came to mind is something that works maybe 20% of the time. But it's a risk, but it can work. You got to bring a friend.

That's way better than what I'm about to say. Oh, okay, what are you going to say? You just go, how do you spell your name? Oh, hi now. Why, you're going to send him a thank you card for being a friend? But you hope. Thank you for being a friend.

You hope that it's a name that's like, like, if he's like S-E-A-N and you're like, oh, yeah, I was just wondering if you spelled it S-H, you know? You just have to, or like Hannah, how do you spell your name? Oh, I was wondering if who's the H at the end or not. So you have to hope it's one of those names. But if it's like Jake or something, then he's like, are you dumb? Yeah. So that's a risk.

I think, yeah, I think that's a weird. I think you need to have a situation where you're going to write that. Like, that always happened. You ever have a situation where you know somebody for a while? And then they're like, do you have my number? And you're like, no. And then they're like standing over the phone as you're like putting in their fucking, oh my God. I also do feel there's this thing with pressure where sometimes your mind blanks.

We're like, you know this person's name. Yeah. And sometimes people just, you just have a weird situation where it's gone too long. And also like you've known and it just for some reason it won't stick. And it's nothing to do with the person. When you, when she first met this person, she didn't know who in time she was going to see them. She never processed their name. Yeah, then it just goes too far.

She's not hearing other people. No, because it's all about the dogs. Does he know your... Kepler's dad? Maybe he might not know your name. Well, obviously, the simplest thing is to just be there on a day where Kepler's not there. And you say to somebody, hey, you know the dog, Kepler, what's the dad's name? That's like the hope is that you can, somebody knows Kepler's dad's name.

Okay, what to do. You go put it in your Instagram What? You go put it in your Instagram You give the phone Put in your Instagram That's a way But then that sounds like you're hitting on them

Maybe you are Well yeah So obviously I think that This is one of these situations Where we all get so upset About asking Because it's gone too long

That then it just gets worse And I think as a society We need to normalize That like it's okay To have just accidentally gone too long without making sure somebody's name. So I think it should be...

I understand. But I... So I think that it wouldn't be the end of the world if you were like, this is like fucking embarrassing. But we've been talking so long that actually I kind of never got your name. And I've...

It's gone so long that I've been embarrassed to ask. Or you can just do what I think is the smartest thing, which is on a day that he's not around, ask somebody if they know his name. Or bring a friend. to the park and then just do the friend does the aggressive intro

of like oh hey I'm Sam and then you'll get the name which because I've been in that situation so many times like you're walking down the street like me and you particularly like when we're in Ireland because he's just fucking Ireland like I've just known so many people of these and sometimes I fucking see oh fuck man I know this person too like I can't remember the fucking name

you got to do the cut off oh hey I'm I'll be like this is Hannah and then you put out your hand and then they say their name I get in trouble with work sometimes because there'll be like people who do stuff and entertainment that I think I should know their names and I'm talking with a group of people

and then someone comes and then I have to introduce them and I'm like I know their names but I'm like not to the point where I could be like boom boom boom boom this is who and then you kind of have that awkward like hi this is but I've had some bad ones I mean I can't think of specific examples but like I've had ones where like I've known there's people for over a decade and I realized like What the fuck?

Well, my famous... Particularly like friends' wives and shit sometimes? Or like husbands for that, you know? My famous fuck-up was... Guadice? No, that was just... That was funny. I mispronounced Teresa's name in front of her.

But that was... There's debates on that of the Italian pronunciation in America. Also, I didn't watch Real House of New Jersey. And I, like, who knows? That was dumb. I also mispronounced Luanne's name. I said Delessips. And she was like, it's de la Ceps.

Oh. And then the whole rest of the episode, I felt horrible. Oh. But now we're fast friends. Shout out, Lou, love you. My biggest mistake was when you're, like, friends with a lot of comedians and this one girl, she didn't have her name as her, like, handle. Like, I love her.

And she's open, I've known her for a couple years around the comedy scene. And she messages me, hey, my whole family lives in. San Francisco. I'm doing the Masonic. Like, it's one of the biggest theaters. And she was like, it would be my dream to open for you at the Masonic. And I was like, of course, like, you're amazing. Let's do it. And there was

all these openers. I was really nervous. I get to the front to do the announcement and I just blank on her name. And she's looking at me and I pause and she thinks I need credits and she's saying her podcast. And I'm like, and you know when you know it's not going to come? Then I just go, what is your name? It was the most embarrassing thing that's what happened in my life.

That's torture. It was the most embarrassing thing that ever happened in my life. She goes on stage and she's like, Mom, Hannah, I forgot my name. Oh, my God. And then her family came back. Oh, my God. The whole, Andrew Collin was with me.

The whole thing was nightmarish. Like, I just kept repeating. Like, it was horrible. That's a bad one. Horrible. It was the most embarrassing that's ever happened to me, except the one time when I asked a girl if she was pregnant when she wasn't.

Oh, we've all done that. I've done that. You know, that's like a mistake you make once in your life. Yes, but I did it in front of 400 people. Oh, So did I. But I'm actually working on a bit right now about it because she was wearing a baby doll dress. She had come from a baby shower.

She was like, I basically was like, look, she was asking for it. She was dressed like that. And she was glowing. Her skin looked amazing. But the funny thing with pregnant women is that then I have the friends who get pregnant and they look at you and they want you to guess it. And I'm like, no. because when you are pregnant

they'll be like does something look different about me and I'm like I don't care if a baby's hand is coming out of your pussy I'm not saying anything but I've gotten friendly with people on Instagram like people that you you know like there was one or two like different like staff at the comedy seller and stuff and then you like they leave the comedy cellar but you

remain friends like on Instagram but like you realize like I just know their fucking Instagram handle I don't know the fucking name yes yes you know and then like after why you're like holy shit I actually don't know this person's name and you can't like refer to them as their fucking Instagram handle. It just happens.

What all happened to me is some of your friends, distant friends start having babies, but you love keeping touch about it. And the next thing you're talking to them and you realize I've no fucking clue what their baby's name is. So then you're just like... I've had that numerous times with my closest friends. No, I know.

So you're just like, how's baby? How's the second one? How's the second one? Yeah, that's good. How's your youngest doing? I literally was just talking to my friend who had her second baby and I wanted to ask how the first baby was handling it but like it was at the point where I should know

but like I never see this baby I don't remember so I've had that many many times I just had to wait for her to say the baby's name which took a long time then I was your youngest yeah that's what I always say yeah that's what you have to say because you always remember the oldest name because they're like

they're the one that matters the second one comes around you're like whatever dude you know even parents forget the fucking even parents forget the later kids names I'm so going to be that person though that calls, you ever have that, like, mom or grandma that will call you every name she's ever heard before she gets to your name? Oh, yeah.

Sometimes I call Paige Butter. I know, I call Butter Page. I don't know. I mess it up sometimes. You reminded me of something there, so I'm going to play it. Okay, I'll make this quick. I have two best friends. I have been best friends with both of these girls for about 18 years now.

They don't talk to each other. One was having a baby shower the same weekend that the other one was flying in from a different state to celebrate her 30th birthday, both big milestones. And I had to decide. Baby shower was an hour and a half away. Brunch was about 25 minutes away. And I had to pick which one to go to because they were at the same time. I decided to go to the brunch. Hindsight, I should have picked better.

Being a mother, Trump's turning 30, it's a bigger. It's a bigger milestone. And now I am the asshole because my best friend who became a new mother doesn't talk to me. So now I don't get to see her blossom as a new mom and be an auntie to her baby. What would you have done in my situation? Bye. Amazing. I need to watch this TV show, this movie, because I want to know what happened with the friends that they don't talk.

Yeah. because that complicates it. I would have liked to see her pull a two a day and try to hit both, but that would have been crazy. I mean, I have a lot of thoughts. Yeah. First and foremost, let me start with the thing that's not as supportive of her first,

which is, you need to be honest with yourself. Was it the driving? Was it the 30th? is more important, or was it, I don't want to drive? But now... She definitely was factoring the driving in. Yeah, which is a new... I'm assuming New Yorker here.

And I think, you know, my mother's favorite thing to say was, oh, my God, that's been the traffic. The traffic. Like the anxiety that comes from the thought of a journey. Now, that's the only... I feel like if she was in the suburb, she'd been like, everything's an hour and a half away. That's the only critical thing I'm going to say,

which is just a funny thought. of like, let's face it, you didn't want to do the drive. But now I'm going to say that, you know, baby showers are not an international thing. They don't really do that in Ireland, for example. And I have never understood the baby shower thing. So I'm going to tell you right now that I think, one, baby showers are bullshit, and two, they don't trump a fucking 30th birthday party. You know, it's funny, I disagree.

Oh. Personally, I don't think I'm going to have a baby shower I don't know, maybe I will I have to be great if you didn't I mean I would probably have a small one and it would hurt if one of my best friends wasn't going to be there people have birthdays all the time

I also think take her out for dinner for her birthday. The 30th Hannah take her out for dinner you don't have to go to the... She looked, she wanted to do the boozy brunch she wanted to do the boozy brunch and I respect that but I do think it's interesting yo you say

people have birthdays all the time you're going to be fucking looking after the kid isn't even alive yet you're going to be fucking like buying shit for this kid for the kid like it doesn't I don't even get a baby shower I do have to say in America there are

like I didn't have a bridal shower but there are certain life events as a woman like I can never miss Paige's baby shower like that's insane for me to miss. I think it's insane that she would have one. But that's just cultural difference.

Yes. But I... I don't get it. I do think it's one of those things that when you're younger, you're like, one day I'm going to have a kid. Like back in the day, I get it. But now it's like, let me order something that'll be delivered right to their fucking house

that they're going to get on Amazon. Now you have a baby shower and all this shit's going to get brought and it's a pain in the ass. 100%. But this is also a great example of that time in a woman's life in your 30,

which I'm at, I know you guys thought that was 24, but there's where you have two types of friends, the ones who are still blacking out at brunch. Yes. And the ones who are on their third child. And it's like this weird in between

that you're caught in. And it's, this woman did nothing wrong. She was put in a predicament. First of all, our friend is not talking to her now, which is insane. That's all, I was going to say, that's insane. That's also insane. I'm not one to cut people off.

You didn't even fall out with people. People, we had one or two people who didn't show up to the wedding and they never actually said they weren't coming. And we didn't fall out with them. We're just like, whatever. Yeah, we're still talk to them every day. Yeah, like shit happens, man. I also, but also, I will cut people off if I've been waiting for an excuse to cut them off.

You know what I mean? Like, you already were over them and they finally do something. But that hasn't really happened to me. But I would never cut a friend off who I enjoy. Baby showers are like, oh, man. I would say, like, hey, I would. hurt i really wish you were there i mean taylor strecker wasn't able to go to my wedding because she had stasi schroeder's wedding yeah and she was also the freaking like the celebrant yes so what was

i supposed to tell her the officiator to not officiate stasi's wedding no and i didn't take it personally i said i totally understand that because if i was in that position i'd have to also and we had an amazing july fourth celebration together um so i would argue that also these friends if your whole friendship is based on like if she attends this one thing

if it all can decimate after that so I'm trying to use a big word then maybe the friendship was I don't know I don't know it's upsetting to me I'm upset I think it's unfortunate

that she doesn't talk but obviously there's some like there's some Pessio in your guy's friendships because the other two don't talk to each other. Yeah, there's some weird tension that we don't know. So, in the words of Batista, from Dexter, too much passion.

You need to, you guys need to, like, you guys need to lower the temperature. I do think, because I've had situations, you know, with friends where two friends don't talk, but they're close to the same person. And you could go a pretty long time without having to cross paths. But then with these life events,

things are going to happen, and that person's going to have to make decisions on who to prioritize. I mean, listen, I'm sure I'm going to have some, listen, go in the Spotify comments. See, I say, listen to a lot. Go in the Spotify comments. I've been really enjoying the Spotify comments,

which I know is an indulgence that goes against everything I say. But the Spotify comments, you know. On Burnerphone? Oh, yeah, all pause. Because I've only learned recently that they exist. What are they like? Well, on the TV episode, there was a lot of activity. Oh, so people just giving, like, they're really into the episode.

Yeah, but it's cool because I'll tell you why I like. because they're responding specifically to the app. Yes. I don't read the reviews because, you know, like, obviously people just start responding about, like, something that piss them off on your fucking Instagram or something. And they're, like, they're leaving their... But the Spotify is very specific to, like...

People who are engaged in actually this way. Yeah, so, you know, you feel like, oh, this is cool. The only problem is that you can't respond. Because, like, you... It gives you, like, direct feedback to, like, people of... So, anyway, this is a strong take, but I think baby showers are bullshit and in the modern day are completely unnecessary.

Because at the end of the day Like all the gifts can be delivered to your house I do think it's What like what is what do you feel What is the when you're If you had a baby shower or when you're going to a baby shower What are we doing? It's about community

It's about having that moment With your girlfriends to be like Guys I'm about to be a mom Let's have a little celebration Is that what it is That's what I think it is But what was it traditionally Traditionally it was help

I need stuff for the baby Right And can you guys help me? Okay. It's like a housewarming party for your pussy. Yeah, because it's not really a thing. It's very American. I think it's something that I would want to have.

I'd have like a cute lunch or something and I'd have the girls and it's, it's, we're all there for each other in different milestones in our life. But I also, I didn't have a bachelor party. Like, I just, I'm not a, there's a lot of traditions that it's just like buck the trend. Yeah. I also. I mean, it's certainly, I tell you what. Yeah.

There's no way that a baby shower is important enough to, to lose a friendship. A hundred, a hundred percent. I do think, too. I hate social obligations, though. Me too. And I have a lot of friendships that, like, they understand that my travel schedule is crazy,

and I work a lot of nights. So, like, there's a lot of things I've had to miss. And if my friendship was based on the events I've been able to go to, I would have no friends right now. And, like, Paige and I always joke. Like, our whole friendship is based off of, like, understanding we want to cancel, we can't make things, but that doesn't have any effect

on how much we love each other. Yeah, I never. I don't expect anybody to be at anything. I also like, people didn't come to my parents' funeral. Like, I don't give a fuck. People don't want to be friends with me because I'm good at attending things. By the way, I like when people come to things.

Like, obviously I will register when somebody comes, but it's a positive if you arrive, but it's definitely not a negative if you don't. I guess I feel like I would always be understanding of someone. I do think, though, if I have beef with another friend, and my best friend chooses them over me in girl world that's the problem

that's fucked that's basically we haven't factored in the beef part the beef part it's the beef part that I think is happening because it's basically like make a decision between us you chose the wrong side and that's personal pain and that comes back to too much passion too much resentment man

and also I would argue that it's very hard and it's amazing that she's gotten up to this point having two best friends who don't talk to each other. I wonder what happened because I would urge people to not even get to that position and try to work stuff out between the friends.

But you know what? Send us a DM, send us a follow-up. What happened with these friends? I would love to know because I love local gossip. We love it. Thank you so much for your contribution. Great message.

Hey, guys. Have you tried Hero Bread yet? I love telling people about it because it's been a great addition to particularly my breakfast life. I've been on a health kick since the beginning of the year. I've actually lost quite a lot of weight. And, you know, I'm a bread guy.

But, you know, over the years, you know, you feel like, oh, bread, you're giving me quite a lot of space in my belly, and you're not really giving me anything in the nutrition department. Well, Hero Bread conquers that problem because it has ultra-low net carbs, zero grams of sugar, and is high in fiber. So this morning for breakfast, I had two eggs on a hero bagel. Now, two eggs on a hero bagel? What's that giving me? Well, their classic plain blagle has 4G net carbs, zero sugar, and 19 grams of protein.

19 grams of protein. I'm eating the eggs for protein. Then my bagel is doubling down. Come on. It's like a cheat code in this life. So I highly recommend trying it out. I'm also a big fan of their tortilla. And I love their toast.

Because, you know, you don't put toast in the healthy category normally, but with Hero Bread, you're getting everything that I've been talking about and you're still able for me to enjoy butter and jam on toast I'm a simple guy and I love it so Hero Bread is offering 10% off your order go to hero.co

Hero.coe and use code burner at checkout. That's burner, B-E-R-N-E-R-A-R-O dot C-O. I don't know about you guys but I like keeping my money where I can see it and I'm talking about Mint Mobile here and how

that's going to help you. Unfortunately traditional big wireless carriers also seemed to like keeping my money, too. After years of overpaying for wireless, wireless, proper New York accent, I finally got fed up with crazy high wireless bills, bogus fees and free perks that actually cost more in the long run. So that's why you should switch to Mint Mobile.

Say buy to your overpriced wireless plans, jaw-dropping monthly bills, and unexpected overages. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans, starting at 15 bucks a month all plans come with high speed data unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network use your own phone with any MintMobile plan

and bring your mobile number along with all your existing contacts ditch overpriced wireless get three months of premium wireless service for MintMobile for 15 bucks a month if you like your money MintMobile is for you shop plans at mintmobile.com slash burner

that's mintmobile.com slash burner. Up front payment of $45 for three months, a five-gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 a month. New customer offer for first three months only, then full-price plan options available. Tax and fees extra, see MintMobile for details. The Great Rewards Hunt is on. So join the adventure with Draft Kings Casino for fun seekers.

Follow the trail to huge jackpots, weekly bonuses, and exclusive games. But the excitement is only getting started because new players can get 500 casino spins on a featured game. Just sign up with code burn, B-E-R-N, and wager a minimum of $5 to receive 500 casino spins on a featured game. Only on the most rewarding place to play, Draft King's Casino. The crown is yours. Gambling Problem, call 1-800 Gambler. In Connecticut, help is available for Problem Gambling.

Call 887-897-77 or visit CCPG.org. Please play responsibly. 21 plus physically present in Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Connecticut and Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. New customers only, non-withdrawable, casino spins, valid for featured game only and expire in 168 hours. See terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promos. It ends on April 27th, 2025 at 1159 p.m. Eastern. let's let's keep it going well all right let's get uh there was quite a lot of airline stuff i've been avoiding it because we started hot on the airline let's go hey hannah and des love the pod also the giggler also seeing you on friday hannah can't wait so i was definitely the asshole in

this situation so there is this family at the spokane airport i was visiting my sister and I have Boston Logan mentality. So there was this family that basically, like, tried to cut me in line in the TSA. And it was like 5 a.m. This TSA line wrapped around this whole small-ass airport. And they were like, oh, like, I hope you don't mind. And I was like, no, like, I actually do because I might miss my flight. And they looked at me, though, like, that's really rude.

This is going to be our kids' first time going to Florida. Like, okay, I actually don't. care and they had like the wagon and stuff and they kind of like gave me like the eyes and I was like you know what like I actually don't care and I was like okay and I refused to like let them and I felt like I was really mean but I wasn't backing down so yeah that's my I I don't understand why she thinks she's the asshole here like like why why would they be allowed to to skip her on the line I do say whenever I see a full family with all the chachis first I send a blessing their way at an airport because traveling is insane.

Yeah. But then I go, I'm not going even in that line. I'm not going near that situation. Well, in this situation, I have no choice. So why would they want to skip her? That's what I don't understand. If anything, I'd be like, go ahead of us. We're going to take a minute.

Yeah, but so what I don't understand is like what level of, what level of skipping her, you know? Maybe they were like kind of separated and she was in the middle of it all and they wanted to like get all the way ahead or something. No, I, yeah. But anyway, listen, I'm not a fan of anybody chanced in their arm, like getting ahead on any of these lines. Yeah.

Well, there's also the, like, when the family's like, oh, can our kids trade places with you to sit there? Well, that was a big controversy. I talked about that with John Bishop on the Bishop Exchange. Yeah. You know, there was an incident. What happened? This woman had a window seat,

and this woman's baby was crying to get the window seat. seat. How old is this baby? Will you change? How old is this baby that the baby knows what a window seat is? She was like,

will you change? And she was like, no, I paid for the seat. But somebody, another passenger was filming it and posted the video like, look at this horrible woman won't change for this crying baby.

But anyway, she's suing the guy who filmed them and suing the airline for not protecting her for like reputational damage. But anyway, the internet was largely on the side of the woman who had the window seat

that's like, you paid for the seat. you know fucking it's it's so anyway we won't get into that yeah but people are very like i'm very particular i i go out of my way to make sure i get the window seat because i love sleeping on flights and for me to sleep i need to have my head against the window that's what i do that's how i have a that can change my day getting those two or three hours of sleep on that flight can change the trajectory of my week sometimes um and i don't like to trade window seats with anyone.

Yes. But again, if the baby's crying next to me, I'm not going to be able to sleep. It kind of, I guess it can also depend on the person's mood. I just think these things are going to happen with flights, because these are all just random people. And it's fine to chance. You could chance, you could ask,

but you can't get mad if someone says no. Yeah. So with the, so what, okay, let me give you this scenario, which I feel like we've talked about in the past, how do you feel about the person that's like, sorry, I'm so late for my flight, can I just, you know, scoot through the line? When you're all getting off? No.

Oh, yeah. So, you know, it happens, right? We've all been there, like, I feel like you're allowed to do it once. But anyway, you know what I'm talking about. It's like somebody's like, sorry, I'm so late. My flight's about to close and they're like skipping through. I don't mind because it's like if you're going to, it's embarrassing and if you're going to put yourself out there like that to get in the front, you earned it.

Get out of here. Yeah. The only thing is that you can't know if this. This is somebody that knows that they could just pull this caper every time. Yeah. But if they do that, it's like, again, like you're putting in this effort. I've had before where you're on the plane and you're all waiting in line and you're all stifled. And someone back's like, I need my connecting flight, my connecting flight.

And everyone's like, where do we go? Yeah, where are we going to go? Where do we go? I recently have been dealing with this thing where, because I'm on the window. Yeah. And everyone stands up. Everyone's ready to leave, right? And then my person who's in the aisle is standing or whatever and gets their bag.

Yes. And then so then I'm moving in. But as I'm moving in, the people are trying to get ahead of me. Oh, uh-uh. And they look at me as in like, you're the asshole. And you just let me get ahead right now because you still have to go out and get your bag. But it's like if I let you, then I have to let the next person. And there was a moment because this has been a thing.

Because I also, I'm not running to stand. Like I'm waiting my turn. Yeah. So people look at me like I'm taking all this time. I'm like, I've been sitting down because everyone's been standing up, you know? Well, also, if I have the window seat, which I never want, I can't stand up. You can't. I physically can't.

And I don't need to move and scooch over into their seat. And I'm going as fast as I can, but these people... No, it's unacceptable. They're not Catholics. I tell you right now, they're not Catholics. Because when you're Catholic, you learn that the first pew goes, then the second pew, and that's how the system works. People are breathing down my throat, and I'm going as fast as possible. Also, sometimes they're just watching me then fight with my bag.

Put an arm out. Put an arm out when someone has an insanely heavy bag and they're struggling. Not acceptable. But these people try to... No, because they're animals. Because they've been standing. They think that they should be ahead of me when I've been stuck in the window. Get some fucking Delta status and get up the front of the plane if you're in such a rush to get off.

It's the system. I hate people that... And you know what I'll do? They disrespect the system. I get out and then I turn to pull my bag, but they're breathing down my neck. So when I start to pull my luggage down, I could hit them. Oh, I know. With my bag.

Well, sometimes they require it. Sometimes you require it. If you're going to be down my fucking nip. If you get a little nip by my luggage, maybe you should have just stepped back. You should just, but when I'm... Oh, I had it one time years ago, right? So everyone stands up, right? Yeah.

And some guy has stood up in the aisle, right? right and I've stood up and I'm getting my bag and he's like you know we're we're not going anywhere you know and I was like bro you're fucking standing up too what the fuck are you talking about like you're fucking standing there with your bag but he didn't like that you were like getting ahead no he didn't like that like I guess like I was like to get my bag I was sort of like leaning you know I had to like get out of the way of the bag yeah

You know, he was getting annoyed. Yeah. And it's like, just because you've already done it. Yeah. You know, and it's like, well, you know, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. So I, Paige will see this happen to me a lot. And I do like a laugh kind of thing. Like, oops, sorry, excuse me, sorry.

But I would love to be like, it's by row, motherfucker. That's what I wish I could do, but I don't have the balls. By the way, this is totally unrelated. But do you know the way where people kind of like accuse you of something? Like, like as if it's like, like, oh, look at you guys, and they're like doing the exact same thing. So years ago, me and Jason Byrne, we're on the beach at St. Kilda in Melbourne, right? It's like a beautiful, like autumn Melbourne day, which is like a summer's day.

And we're on the beach in St. Kilda, just chilling in the afternoon because we have shows at night. And these two Irish guys recognize us on the beach. And they come up and they go, Jesus, Jesus Bishop and Jason Byrne, it's well for some. Well, for some, is a real Irish expression. Like, oh, don't you guys have the life? I was like, bro, you're on the fucking beach, too. What the fuck are you? Like, what are you talking about?

You're literally two Irish guys on the fucking beach, and we are two Irish guys on the fucking beat. What are you talking? You're like, what are you talking about? It's well for you, too. That is so funny. Anyway. That is so funny.

Who's the assall? All right. I do love, though, when someone does skip me. then I make it my purpose to then when I get off to get ahead of them when we're walking

and I go excuse me oh my God sorry so I do a lot of sorry I go oh my God sorry very passive aggressive oh God so I'm like I'm glad you

you've fucked me over and got in front of me just for me to now be in front of you again was it worth it I told you that I told you the term I learned about you know when like the plane's not boarding yet and then all these people who are like clearly not going to be the first groups kind of crowd the gate

so then like we've talked about it before but you're like not sure like sorry are you yeah are you zone one yeah or are you just like hanging around yeah so do you know what the term is for them what the people that just like stand yeah gate lice gate lice that is so funny so that's like the industry term for like the people that like crowd the gate lice it's so that is so funny because it's such a thing By the way, I know we're being assholes now. Are we the assholes? Where are we being assholes? Look, we have a lot of status on Delta and, you know, we're flying zone one.

We're flying a lot. Listen, so zone one, yeah, do I be like assume that all these people standing here are zone one, even though mathematically I know there's not that many people in zone one and I stand behind them, or I have to look at them and I and say, are you zone one? And then they look at me and they're like, no. and then I have to kind of like rudely go in front of them. Well then you got to sing the classic

the timeless hit. Move, bitch. Get out the way. Get out the way. People also, I will stand there because I know I'm zone one and some of these businessmen

don't think I'm zone one and just walk and stand in front of me and I'm like, so you just fucking skipped me, bro. So that happens a lot to me, which is very bad. I don't have a nat. What would you do?

if a businessman stood in front of you. I'm like, are you all right? You've seen me do that. Like, I like doing it. Are you all right? That's my line. I actually never seen you do that. Are you all right?

It happened to me recently. What did they say? I was like, are you right? I mean, they don't always get out of the way, but I'm going to let them know, like, I'm aware of what you did, you know? Are you all right? That is so funny.

It's going to be all right. That's so funny. But again, a lot of the times, I'll just be polite and stand behind the people and then do an awkward when they call zone one. Excuse me, pardon me, but then I'm already last in my zone because everyone else

had one in front of them. We could talk about this for hours. I mean, come on. There's a whole other episode. Great sheets make a big difference. Have you tried Olin Brands 100% organic cotton sheets? I go on about beds a lot on this podcast but you know that feeling when you

get into, you just feel that texture of good, high-quality sheets against your skin, especially if you're getting into bed, Nicket, you're getting into bed, basking, and you just feel it against you. Such a nice sensation. You know, Hannah's a big,

before going to bed shower person. I'm like a morning shower. Well, I'm not even a morning shower guy. I'm an afternoon shower guy. You know, Hannah likes to have a shower. Then she gets into our lovely Bowling Branch Sheets bed. Oh my gosh, she's in heaven when she does. does it. We have the signature hem sheet set. It's got loads of great colors and designs for every

bedroom style and mattress size. These are all season sheets. They have a breathable unmatched softness to start and get softer with every single wash. They're the perfect foundation for Bowlen branches, airy bed blankets, cloud-like duvets, and so much more. You can try bowl and branch sheets for an entire month. Seriously, you can wash, style, and feel the difference for yourself, risk-free. and if they don't change the way you sleep, you can send them back for a full refund. So now's your chance to change the way you sleep with Boland Branch. Get 15% off plus free shipping on your first set of sheets

at bolandbranch.com slash burn. That's Boland Branch, B-O-L-L-L-A-N-D-Branch.com slash burn to save 15% exclusions apply. Seaside for details. Guys, I need to tell you about Hewle. It's spelled H-U-E-L. This is very important. and I have been drinking a lot of them lately.

Here's something I haven't told people. I've lost 32 pounds since January. By the way, I'm not saying it's because I drank Hewle, but I am telling you that it's been a great assistance for me throughout my health kick. I've been drinking a lot of Hewels as a great sort of nutritional assistance throughout my Irish tour, particularly with Stephen Mullen. Both of us on the road were drinking Hewle.

it's so much nutrition in one drink. It has all the nutrients you need to thrive and has 27 vitamins and minerals. Plus, it's got a good bit of fiber to keep the motion in the ocean going and protein, especially, especially, especially the Hewell Black Edition. The Hewel Black Edition has 35 grams of protein.

whopping 35 grams of protein plus 27 vitamins and minerals all in one handy bottle some days I have it for breakfast when me and Steve are on tour a lot of times we would just have that as our our nutrition getting from Dublin to wherever we were going personally for me I have like a hule like shaker like drink shaker I don't even know how to describe it but I love putting in a vanilla hule. I've been a chocolate guy all my life, but with huel, I love vanilla. You put in a vanilla hule, load that bad boy up with ice, and then shake it vigorously, and it comes out super cold, and it's a great sensation. And it is a healthy meal at any time of the day. So I highly recommend you give it a shout. Join the community of hooligans. I was a huligan

before I even know what a huligan was. Join the huligans and get an exclusive offer for new customers of 15% plus a free gift using our exclusive code, burn, B-E-R-N at Hewell.com, that's H-U-E-L.com, 15% plus a free gift for new customers using code burn at Hewil.com, H-U-E-L.com. Please see our description for terms and conditions, unlock a healthier, easier way to eat with Hewell. Nutritionally complete meals in minutes so you can focus on what really matters. We got to crack.

We have a non-airport one? Yeah, well, this is, this is an issue. Okay, hi. Recently, I was in CVS, and they have, like, everything locked up now, and I was looking at the allergy medicine, and so was this other lady, and I knew she hadn't pressed the button yet to have someone come unlock it, and so I pressed the button, and then when the guy came over, I was like, oh, hi, and then she was like, I was here first, and I was like, oh, I pressed the button, and she was like, excuse me, that's not how the world works.

I was here first. And I was like, okay, go ahead. But like, she didn't press the button. So I'm not the asshole here, right? And of course, she had 500 questions for the man, but he was smart enough to balance his both at the same time. What do you think? She's a problem.

The other woman's a problem. Yeah, she's a problem. It's like, listen, you hadn't pressed the button because you hadn't made up your mind. For all I know, you were just perusing the aisles. Yeah, whereas I knew I needed a fucking Benadryl, extra. I fucking press the button. Yeah.

Listen, the button presser has priority. Some of these people, some of these people, this is a new thing, so I'm glad she brought it up. But some of these people, you think, am I crazy? But then you watch them continue their interactions and you're like, oh, this is just how they go through life, just like pissing everyone off, asking a bazillion questions. The other problem with the locking is that like sometimes you're getting something like awkward.

you know you'd be like um press the button so what can i get it's like uh just just just the lubrication just the extra small condoms please the extra tight condoms the miniature condoms please i but also sometimes i want to be able to like pick it up look at it read it like i don't know especially these like random like vitamins or whatever i'm like i want to see it um but i also yeah i don't like looking someone in the eye while they can tell that I'm having like a UTI, you know? Yeah, the last time I had to do a locked one was, um, somebody in Ireland wanted, you can't, you know, you can't get these like melatonin, chewy gummies in, in Ireland. So somebody had said, can you bring me back like a tub of the melatonin once? You know, they're like, they're like just

regular, but they're locked away in the CVS. But I wanted one for myself too, because I know you can't buy them in Ireland? So I was like, can I get two tubs of the melatonin? I was like, I was like, They were like, oh, this guy's got a melatonin problem. Anyways. Well, I actually, two weeks ago, I was on this, like, crazy, like, seven-day, seven-state tour, and I felt a really bad cough coming on. And I couldn't fall asleep one night because I had this, like, horrible, annoying, dry cough. And I wake up in the morning, and I feel like shit.

I'm just sick in bed. And I go, I'm going to Instacart a little cough medication and then some lozenges and, like, a drink. And I'm like, this is going to be great. And it's, like, a nice whole thing. I was staying at. I'm like, they're going to bring it right to my room. So I get a call, hey, the Instacart guy, like, he can't just drop it off in the lobby because it's a cough medication. You have to give him your ID. Yes. And I was like, okay, can he bring it? He's messaging me. He's like, they're not letting me up. And I was like, please come up. I'm really sick

right now. I don't want to go down to meet you. So it's a five-star hotel. So I call them and I go, hey can you let the Instacart guy up because I'm sick and I want to give him my ID but I don't have to go all the way downstairs and they were like okay we'll deal with it then he's messaging me they're still not letting me go up so instead of just going down and getting it it was like a 15 minute debacle to try to get this Instacart guy up and at the end I kind of realized I'm the asshole I did give him a good tip but like I just sometimes like when I stay at nicer hotels I'm like I just

want them to bring it up I recently you know you're getting so unrelatable no I recently I called this hotel I ordered to get relatable again I ordered Wendy's which was another debacle that we happened on Giggly Squad but then the Wendy's comes and they just dropped it off they didn't bring it up to my room and I just got out of the shower I'm a wet rat and I call and I said can you guys bring the Wendy's up and they go for five dollars we can what I've never this isn't

You got shook down? You got, and I literally at that moment, I was like, what? Like, it's never happened to me in my life. And I was like, sure. You honestly, they could have said 50. And I would have argued with that moment. But have you ever had that? You got shook down?

I got shook down by a Mormon. Wow. Five dollars. I can't believe that. It's more than my Wendy's order. More than the food order. Wow. And in that moment, it felt fishy.

It felt weird. I don't even know where she got the money from. I just said, okay. So I guess they took it from my room. Wow. I didn't even know that was a thing. That's crazy. But part of me is, I don't know.

Do you think it should be a thing? I mean, I can't, I'm sorry. I got, I, it's just like, I just, this, just two incredible stories of laziness from you. It's just like, I can't concentrate. No, but there is a thing about being a girl at a hotel. You're not wearing a bra. your hair's wet

you don't have shoes on and you have to like go down and be seen in public by all these people in the lobby to get your food there's something nice about Yeah I mean listen Instaccar all that stuff is so awesome

You know so like if it's an extra It's really an insane It's insane how accessible The fact that that kind of shit can be delivered So I think they were chancing their arm Honestly It's because it was Sizerp

But I'm glad that CVS is trying To crack down on their pilferage but I do think that it's really annoying the locking thing. Theodorant is locked up. Yeah, like it's annoying, you know? Especially when you're just like extra strength. You know who probably is fucking annoyed? The employees who probably aren't getting paid more for the constant.

Yeah, and they have to open up the stain. Opening up and people go, actually, never mind. It probably happens all the time. All day they're running around chasing the alarm. I can understand why they want to lock up the mock three blades, which apparently for a long time. time in Ireland were the number one shoplifted item, the Gillette mock threes, and, you know, like now Gillette Fusion Blades, because they're very expensive. That was the number one shoplifted

item. Are people using them to, like, hurt people? They're just very expensive. So they were, they were so shoplifted that they ended up having to lock them away. So I can understand, but I just don't, I feel like people aren't robbing melatonin gummies, but maybe they are. Yeah. You know? Anyway. Also, one more thing. I am lazy, but I also have social anxiety sometimes, and I don't like to go outside sometimes. Okay. It's a mental health argument. So actually you're kind of attacking my mental health right now.

Oh my God, here we go. And I'm feeling triggered. I'm feeling druggered. So anyway, let's go for one more. Okay, so I have a situation where I kind of feel like I might have been the asshole, but I also feel kind of justified in it. I was married and my ex had an affair, which cost us to separate, but we were kind of trying to work it out, but kind of not.

I found out he was getting pretty serious with this girl. And he sent me, you know, maybe a month after that, an email of like 20 bullet points of what I had to do to file divorce. I was busy at work and I was also like in counseling because he cheated on me. And I said, I just don't have the bandwidth for this. Well, come to find out a week later, a mutual friend tells me they got engaged. And I think she thought we weren't married. So the morning after the engagement, I sent her an Instagram message.

And I was like, hey, polygamy's not cool. Maybe now you can get him to bash track or divorce within hours. He had filed for divorce. So it kind of felt like an asshole to her, but kind of not. I don't think you're being an asshole. So he had told her these are the steps that you have to do for you to file. divorce. Like, you basically wanted her to do it. I guess.

But either way, he was dragging his feet and sort of putting it on to her. But more importantly, he's fucking engaged. Yeah. If you want to get engaged, bro, you can, if you want to do

that admin, do the other admin too. No, but also just like, don't get engaged before you're divorced. You know? What's the rush? What's the rush? What's the rush? But she was assuming or she had the inside scoop

that this woman didn't know that he wasn't divorced yet. Yeah. Thank God this guy's out of your life, babe. Yeah. I think fair play to you. Yes. Put the pressure on.

Clearly also you were so nice to have not told this girl anything in the past and now that your husband is engaged to her, you're like, just won't let you know on paper, that's my husband. Yeah, so I think you haven't done anything.

And also, by the way, like, hey, it's nothing wrong with being a little petty in a situation where you've been wronged. So give yourself the permission to be petty. You were wronged, however, he's her problem now. Yeah. Okay, so this was a blessing that he got engaged to someone else, so now you could get out of this marriage. It worked. And move it a lot faster. So a blessing in disguise.

Yeah. Put it down to experience. So no, you're not the asshole. You're not the asshole. And you know what? At the end of the day, none of the Lodilis are assholes that I've met. Okay, let's do one quick one because this is important and I should have concentrated. We lost track of it.

But this is important. This is almost like a PSA. Hey guys. Love the pod. So this is more of like a general thing, but it happens a lot to me. But I always, a lot of people view, like say you're out. to dinner with like a group of friends, family, whatever, and like you're sharing like appetizers or even like dinner, whatever. And there's like, say, like one mozzarella stick left

or like one baked clam or something. I have no problem taking that last one. But so many people that I've talked to say that's like an asshole move. Listen, if you wanted it, take it. But if no one's taking it, I'm going to help myself. So I just want to know what you guys think. Is that like an asshole move? I don't know. Okay, love you guys. First of all, I love how Italian she is. Yeah. She's like, you have a mozzarella steak left over. A fake clam. A riceball. Um, I feel like you were going to say something. You had a hot take. No, I didn't have a hot take. Oh, I do. Yeah, go. I think, I don't think she's an asshole. I just think it's a family. cultural thing. I was

raised where like it's totally fine to go for it but you have that you just go does anyone else want this last thing? You just say that and if someone wants to fight you on it split it great but most the time they go no no no you have it

but you just say it to pretend like you're considering other people so you go does anyone else want the last mozzarella stick anyone going to take the last mozzarella stick that's all you say but the reality is that you know you're feeling like you're being an asshole. But you know what happens half the time? Everybody thinks, oh, shit, I, you know, I don't want to be an asshole. I'm not going to take the last one. And no one has it. Yeah. And then the waiter comes.

It's like, is anyone going to eat that? You know, and then somebody has to like rush it down their god because they're about to take the plate. Yeah. So, listen, if the last one's, if the last one has been sitting there for any period of time longer than like 90 seconds to two minutes, it's open season. Also, if you hadn't gotten it, you don't have to ask. Like, if ever, Everyone's had a mozzarella stick, and you have it, and there's one left. That's fucking yours. Oh, no, come on. Well, that's different. That's yours.

That's different. I'm also one of those where, for some reason, when people put down the plate of food, especially when people are sharing, people don't like to be the first to grab it. I'm grabbing it. Grab it. I'm getting in. Stretch or starve. That was what a family I used to stay with in Ireland would say.

Stretcher starve. Stretch or starve. I also, she probably, I'm guessing, comes from a family of a lot of kids, and she had to, you know, fight for her right. You know, so I think you're fine. If this is nagging you, though, you can throw in, anyone want the last Mitzerelle's sick. Yeah, and if somebody else keeps taking the last one,

keep an eye, keep an eye on the chronic offender. You know? No, I think it's fine, man. You know, once it's been sitting there for a while, it's like, just take it. Yeah. You know what? I was acting holier than thou in the beginning of this, I realized.

I've definitely been like, yeah, I'm fucking taking that. and I've took it. No, it's all you. Most people just go, it's all you. Yeah. But whoever asks, desires. Yes. This is the truth.

Yes. Whoever smelt it dealt it. You know, whoever, be true to yourself. Be true to yourself. But also, you should not be shamed for taking the last thing if that's what you want, because other people could have also. However, what I will say is if you're in a table of four people and an appetizer comes out and there's eight of it,

it's clearly two each. Yes. And if somebody has decided not to eat their two and you're like, oh, is anyone going to have that? Then that's fine. But if you eat three, while people haven't had a chance to get their constitutional right

to their 25% of the appetizer, then you are the asshole. Also, if you're in a big table of like eight people and everyone's passing stuff around, take the last thing. However, sometimes if it's like an orzo or some salad or something, I'll always leave a little bit.

you know like like if there's not that much left I'll leave a tiny bit yeah just so I'm not the one that finished it off by the way I'm also not afraid to be like how many of you had you know I'm not afraid to check has everyone been honest about the amount that they've had it's like I've only had two it's like well somebody had more than two because we have a fucking odd number here we're not leaving this table

we're not leaving this table to find out who's the fucking pig that took more than their allotment of these mozzarella sticks, you know? Why is there not enough sauce? At the start of this, there was clearly enough dipping sauce for the who's been greedy with the sauce? And this is why Des and I don't do double dates. Well, we just, we don't double date with any of your fucking pig friends.

We go on to double date with the finicky ones. I love Hannah's finicky friends No, I'm just kidding Anyway, let's call it a day Let's call it a day But Hanna's going to Albany Does any dates you want to promote

Oh well I'm in Pots Town Oh, a few corrections Actually a couple of corrections that I have not said Weeks ago I made a statement that was unhealthy Actually cherry pits can be toxic So don't swallow cherry pits My apologies.

Secondly, Pots Town is not as close to Lancaster, Pennsylvania as I thought. It's about 50 miles. But I was joking about Amish people coming to my show, but I am now aware of the distance between Pots Town and Lancaster, Pennsylvania. You're now aware that you need Amish people to come to the show for tickets sales? So I'm in Potsdown on Saturday. And then actually, I'm pretty much sold out the following weekend in Providence and Levittown, Long Island. but then definitely Miami and Denver and Chicago

I got a full weekend in Chicago and Royal Oak Michigan was a suburb of Detroit so anyway loads of dates on my website desbishop.net and so and do scroll down because initially it will just show dates that are near you but if you're thinking of like going to Miami or something scroll down you'll see dates from other parts of the United States are you going to Miami? Yeah I'm in Miami in the middle of April

Great. I actually added a bunch of dates. I have New Haven, Connecticut, Providence, Rhode Island, Brooks, California, Highland, California, Ridgefield, Connecticut, Red Bank, New Jersey. Hampton, New Hampshire. Hampton, New Hampshire. Okay. And then West Hampton Beach. We're adding a second show, so just keep an eye out for that. The West Hampton Beach Performing Arts Center. Yep, shout out. Yeah, I'm actually, I'm in Connecticut twice. Two weekends in a row, once in Stanford and once in Stanford and once. in Mohegan's son in Unkisville, Connecticut. She'll come and check that out. Aiden, my brother will be performing with me. Actually, Aden will be with me in Pottstown, too. Soul Joles.

So it'll be a family. See you guys there. It'll be a family affair. So anyway, loads of dates. Check them out. I've got those other ones, Phoenix. I've got actually a ton of shows. I'm just not remembering them all right now.

I'm looking forward to Denver, though, because I was supposed to perform in Denver on February 2nd. 2024, but unfortunately on February 1st, 2024, I fell down a mountain. So this will be my triumphant return to Colorado, limping, but not limp. So come and check me out. Peace. Thanks, guys. Hi, Desmond Hannah. Love you guys. Love the Pod. I'm a giggler too. And I'm here to tell you about my sister's ex-husband, who was best friends with my husband for many, many, many years. They've now been divorced for 12 years, and he and my husband have kind of tried to keep a relationship. They golf, they text, but it's kind of weird.

They've been divorced. I already say that for 12 years. He recently got remarried and he invited my family. He is also my children's godfather to the after party of his new wedding. And we went. And it did not go over well with my sister. I learned my lesson. I'll never do it again. But was I the asshole? I've asked a lot of divorced friends and they say it's been 12 years, get over it. That's what I thought. But maybe I'm the asshole. Love you guys. I really hope I get picked for this one because I've been really struggling with this. But am I an asshole for canceling a trip because I feel like my friend was using me to go hook up with a guy? We were supposed to go on a trip literally a month ago and like we just weren't agreeing on anything. And like it was a big mess. And I clued in that she really wanted to stay in the city because there was a guy she was talking to that lives there. So I called her out for it. And I ended up canceling the trip because I was just like so mad.

like nothing was going my way, which is kind of selfish. But I mean, I wanted to go on a trip. I don't get to go on trips often. And it just wasn't going the way I wanted it to go. And I realized that she only wanted to go on it so she could hook up with a guy. And I wanted it to just be a fun girl's trip. And obviously she didn't own up to it. And she's like really mad at me for counseling. And she's upset that I like thought she only wanted to go to hook up with a guy. But it's true. Like honestly, it's true. So am I the asshole? So my husband's parents are divorced, and when we had first started planning our wedding a few years ago, the first step was to find his baptism certificate so that we could get married in church. And we found out on the baptism certificate that he has a completely different biological father who he never knew about and that his parents never intended on telling him that he had a different biological father. At 32 years old, he found this out by asshole for wanting some accountability and some kind of explanation as to why they did this to my husband and why it became part of our lives. And, you know, it's my responsibility, his responsibility, our responsibility to work him through

this part of his life with no support with his parents. Just am I the asshole for wanting some? accountability? I don't know. Okay, so one time I was going to Hong Kong for work and I always sit in an aisle seat because I get really claustrophobic and literally have to pee every 20 minutes and Hong Kong is a 13 hour flight. I had a bit too much to drink in the United lounge and I I'm walking to my seat and I see that there's a man sitting in my seat and he points to he like he doesn't speak any English he's indicating that he's sitting next to his wife and they're also like probably 70 years old and he points to a middle seat and I look at him and I'm like absolutely

not and I made him move back to his middle seat away from his wife Hey guys so I'm a little bit sick so bear with me but the last flight I was on we were landing in Colorado I had a baby in front of me the entire time with her mom

the baby was crying the whole flight so already annoyed obviously I may have been the asshole for that but as we're landing touching down this baby drops her binkie Her mom looks back and asks me to grab the binkie while we're landing. I told her, well, for one, no, I'm not touching your baby's journey.

Binky, no, thank you. For two, she has been screaming the whole flight. So, no, I'm not doing anything for her. So I may have been the asshole, but I feel like I had good reasons. Dude, so back in the day, I was dating this guy who was great, But for some reason, he really loved Ed Sheeran. And at the time, I just was not that sensitive of a person. Ed Sheeran's great, talented man.

But listening to his songs, like, kind of annoy me. Just a personal preference. And he, my boyfriend asked, like, hey, do you want to go to an Ed Shearan concert? And I was like, honestly, not really. Like, I wouldn't have a good time. And it would be, like, a waste of $100 for you to pay for my ticket. Like, you should take someone else. which I didn't think was a big deal.

Like, he had a ton of friends. So I was like, oh, just like, I'll sit out on this one. But I guess it kind of was a big deal because, like, he ended up inviting, like, his parents and, like, his cousin and, like, basically just this whole family, like, rallied around him. And I was like, fuck, am I, like, the bitch that just, like, didn't want to go with him to this Ed Shearing concert? We're not together anymore.