Berner Phone #83: Are You the A-hole?
00:00Hi, it's Hannah Burner.And Des Bishop.Thanks for calling the burner phone.If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast.What's up, my little dialers?Mom and Dad are back together again.I feel like little dialers are like kids who are unsure if their parents are okay.Yeah, they call us mom and dad.
00:28I'm like mom and dad are getting along todayand we are going to be talking to you in the same roomI mean it's clear as day that peoplegive us a lot more credit for how together we arethan we deserve you know when they call us mom and dadyeah you know if you are our childrenyou're being neglectedcall child services
00:50no butDes is officially back in New York Cityoh that's right that's right that's rightThis is the first episode in months.Yes.And we're physically together.We're physically on the couch.On the couch.
01:07Yeah.Hannah's not even dressed.We're giving you guys some crazy details of our relationship.Hannah's just had the Uber Eats.You know, she's been up for like not even an hour.I've been up for five hours.I would say jet lag, but that's just how he is.My afternoon, Hannah's morning.
01:26We're ahead of the game too.it's only third it's thursday just to give you guys a sneak peek into the logistics of burn a phoneyeah saturday quote is officially our day uh but we're recording on thursday here we're pullingbehind back the curtain before hana goes to albany i'm going to albany shout out albany five soldout shows let's go oh nice new material but really honestly you've been doing new material for a whileso the albany crowd are getting essentially not new to get in a new material that's reallytried and tested, so that's kind of sweet.And this is my last club weekend
02:01before I go to do some theaters.Oh, yeah. You're not announcing yet, right?But there will be a tour, so we're not giving up a secret.But I'm doing a spattering of theaters.A spattering.Also, you said on Instagramthat you're going to film a special soon.Oh, that's right. May 13th, New York Comedy Cellar,
02:22but I haven't announced it properly because it's not on,you know, the way they do their sales.Yeah.It's not on sale yet.But, yeah, May 13th, I'll be recording another special at the comedy seller.Mm-hmm.You know, so...Very exciting.
02:33Yes, another recordable hour of boomer humor.I have a question.Okay.Am I going to be allowed to attend?Oh, come on, Hannah.I mean, if you want to attend, you can executive produce again.I'm going to executive produce, but I don't think I need to physically be there.No, you don't...
02:48That's up to you.It's up to you.I don't...I mean, maybe I'll say I'm not coming, but then I'll be hiding in the back.I feel like my coach used to do that to melike he'd be like hiding behind a treeso I wouldn't see him and get nervousand then afterwards he'd be like
03:05what was that?I mean I likeyou know I just in a situationI'm just you're different to meI like nobody being therebecause I know I'm not the best version of myselfleading up to a situationwhere I'm like stressed about recording
03:23I wouldn't deal with beforehandI wouldn't even talk to youyou know it just listen it's fine it's already already i can tell that you shouldn't be thereno i i was i was surprised you were even considering me being there because last time i wasn'tthere i was only considering because we're recording this well last time this is not the time i didn'tshow up but sierra showed up a bunch of our west hampton friends showed up and my parents showed upyeah but in fairness to sierra she that was i had nothing to do with it yeah she yeah sheShe just was like, oh.
03:57No, Sierra, like, booked it herself and very appreciative of the support.And, you know, your parents were there and all that.But, like, yeah, fine.Yeah.You don't like seeing people in the crowd that you know,especially during an important taping.Yeah, especially in the front row.But anyway, listen, am I the asshole?
04:15Are you the asshole for telling people who are close to youthat they can't see your comedy performance?I don't think you are.I don't think you are.but I do have to say, which is, okay, now I'm aware of it, I say, but I do have to saya hundred times an episode.Oh, but we all, you know, everybody has their things that I always say, listen.I feel like there's worse things that I could have a habit of saying.
04:41Yeah, everyone, everyone has their thing that they say all the time.I'm going to try to say it less, but anyway.I do have to say, you say it a lot.I do have to say, I say it a lot.I do have to say, I forgot what I was going to say.Yeah, we should do a burtophone where everyone points outour like vocal bad habits.Or they say what their vocal bad habits are.
05:06What?Oh no, I forgot what I was going to say.Yeah, because your brain is malfunctioned because normally you would say I do have to saythat.Yeah, and then I flow.And then you're not able to function.Don't.We're going to have to call it a day on this episode.
05:18We all have, we all have things that get the.mind going. We're flowing, we're freeing, we're non-judgmental. It's not a big deal if you say I do haveto say. And if somebody starts to focus on that, they're just going to have to deal with it.Thank you for loving me for me. We do have the, um, an episode called Am I the Asshole.Well, we did one not that long ago, but I loved it. I just loved like that you introduced meto this concept and I had a look on the Reddit and just like, it's really fascinating.It kind of reminds me of Curbed because we watched Curbed recently,But I feel like Larry David's whole show is, am I the asshole?
05:54Yeah, but he is always the asshole.But it's him trying to show that he's not the asshole.But here's what's great about Curved,is that what we learn from Curb is we're all the assholes.Well, that's why I see some things that happen to him,and I'm like, oh, he's not wrong, but then he takes it too far.He takes it too far.That's the entertainment of it.
06:14And now I'm kind of obsessed with those moments.I mean, I've spent all my life knowing that like I've been the asshole.are you the asshole if because this happened to us kind of yesterday us yeah okay we're at therestaurant new restaurant and you know what you're going to order but you're like should i askthe waiter what they recommend yes knowing that you're just hoping they say one of the thingsyou're going to order anyway right if they don't say one of those things you're not suddenlygoing to like something you don't like yes so are you the asshole for one wasting their timefor two when they say
06:53oh you have to get the scallopsand then you go no thank youand you still order your own thingare you the asshole for putting these peoplethrough that when you know what you'regoing to order anyway well if you knew what you were going to orderthere's no there's no reason to ask reallybut I have to say you have a
07:09habit of askingI know well II'm interested I like asking I like to be like what do yourecommend but they always saysomething that I don't like and then I realizethat it's to each his ownI mean, it's one thing if they're like, people travel far and wide to get these noodles,then I'd be like, yeah, throw them in.
07:27I mean, she basically did say that.She did.She said the speciality was the noodles.Yeah, the rice noodles.We were like, why don't you go fuck yourself?Yeah.We're not getting the noodles.I was like, I lived in China.
07:36I know it's good.We go, that's adorable.Do you think noodles?Actually, it was good that place.We want to give them a shout out?Yeah, give him a shout out.Tolo.Tolo.
07:43Dime Square, which is the end of Canal Street.Lower side, Tolo, so cute, small.It's really Chinatown.It's really Chinatown.and it's a kind of a young hip Chinese restaurantbut it is I think it's owned by somebodythat grew up in China townI like that it was a small menu
08:00because I get very overwhelmed with big menusand I always make the wrong decisionsso I like that it was narrowed down for meI also as someone who has worked in the service industrythere are those things that are like fucking annoyingand I feel like if you're a waiter let us knowit's annoying when people are likewhat do you recommend
08:19but maybe some people like italso depends on the waitersome waiters love to give a speechyou know like they're waiting for their momentI have to say I haven't loved the waythat sort of like server languagehas evolved over the yearswhere they say things like
08:36and what are we what are we havingor when they say like they come overyou know when they checkyou used to be like how's everybody doingnow it's like how's everybody enjoyingit's like don't make an assumptiondon't make an assumption on whether I'm enjoying or notyou know
08:54there's just certain bits of language changethat have annoyed methat's funny that you've seen it change over the yearsoh it's absolutely changedall I'm aware of is the highwell you know when I was youngersensitivities oh well the allergyokay fine
09:08like everyone's all anti-algaeuntil somebody fucking nearly dies from anaphylactic shockI was joking about like it's fine asking oncebut when they get really serious likeare there any allergies at this table?I'm like, yeah, how many people have died in this restaurant?Yeah.That you're so scared.
09:24Obviously, what I want to say is I was born in 1975.We don't do that.But I'm actually aware that, you know, people have serious.So it's like it's all well and good joking around.But what I will say is that, like the introducing, you know, like, hi on Bob, I'll be your server or whatever.Like all that stuff evolved over.And it's fine, you know.But just, I don't know.
09:47there's just, there's something likeon, like, not genuine.I prefer somebody to come overlike crack a joke. Like,anyway, it doesn't matter. Let's not get into this.I have one more. Am I the asshole?Am I the asshole forrefusing to put my purse
10:05into my backpackwhen I'm supposed to just havetwo items? But I feel likeit's sexist because as a girlyou have a purse.So I put my pursemy shoulder and then put my backpack over my purse and that's how i i exposed myself just now butam i the asshole for doing that no because obviously you know you have this this running theme do you
10:30think i'm above the law no i think that's a dumb rule and some of these airlines love you knowthey love doing that but it's funny some people don't give a shit like who work there they don'tcare and then some people are like whoa whoa whoa whoa this this is illegal and you're like okaywell yesterday it wasn't so well listen Ryanair man I'm fucking I'm naming and shaming them so theyrecently they recently brought out a rule which is they will no longer accept printedboarding passes oh that's fucked up but here's the crazy thing is that for years you had toprint it and if you got to the airport without a boarding pass and you went to the fuckingdesk, they charged you for printing your boarding pass.
11:15And always having a printer is like, like loads of people don't have printers.Yeah, also, it's the same pass that you paid for, whether it's digital or not.Well, that's, it was such bullshit.So then, right, one time I was flying Ryanair like about a decade ago.And it was right at the beginning of like iPhones having the QR code.So I couldn't get clarity on whether you could just scan the code, right?so I said look I'll get to the airport and I'll see what the crack is so I went I didn't go to the Ryan air deskbut I went to like the entry point of you know like the first and I scan it and it opens right so now I'm
11:53through so I get all the way to the gate with my fucking my scan boarding pass and when I get to thegate they're like no it has to be printed so it's the opposite of what it is today had to be printedI said you know if I put this thing because they're scanning they're still scanning the printThey're scanning the barcode.I said, you know, if I put this thing, it's going to go green, right?And they're like, no, sorry, we can't.We don't accept those.That's insane.
12:18So he said, oh, back at whatever gate, something, you can print your boarding pass.And by the time I got to print it, it was too late.See, I would have burned the airport down at that point.I've never flown Ryanair since, just for the record.I would have burned it down.But also.Let's burn this place to the crowd.But also, what about all the sweet old people who just, that's what they do?
12:40They print out their boarding pass.They show up at the airport that is fucked up and agest.So that's just one of these things.So anyway, let's get to the dialers.Let's get to the dialers.There's a couple of airport ones, but I won't start with one.Let's start with this one.Hi, Hannah.
12:56Hi, Dez.Love you both.So I was just on spring break and I was staying with my family.And we were sitting on the beach one day and mind you, it was like low tide.Like there was a bunch of like open space.It really wasn't crowded.Anywho, there was this dad and little boy playing soccer,and the ball just, like, kept rolling into our stuff.
13:19Like, I'm not joking, like, every single time.And it wasn't even the little boy's fault.Like, the dad just couldn't stop the ball.Like, this man, I'm not joking, could not stop a single one of them.So after, like, maybe 25 times in a row of it rolling into our stuff,we had kindly asked them if they could just simply move a couple feet downso that they wouldn't keep hitting our stuff.And then they just kind of like rolled their eyes and like continued to play.
13:47So I don't know.Were we the assholes in that situation?Because I felt like it would just be so easy for them to move over.Anyway, love you guys.Clearly they're not the asshole.This is why people need to stop talking shit about New Yorkers.And I do have to say after traveling all over the world, especially all over America,some stuff
14:08you just need one New Yorkerto take that fucking balland chuck it into the waterand then there's no more fucking problemand yeah New Yorkers are assholesyeah but no one fucks with uswell I meanlike the fact that they kept rolling the ball in
14:24is just like unacceptableI it's a public space manI also realizethese situations happen all the timeand it's like it's notanyone's real fault but there's likecertain tone that I haven't masteredbecause I'm too nice and I
14:41do the giggles and then you don'twant to be too mean but there's like a middlefirm ground where you let peopleknow like this is not coolbut then it doesn't make the rest of the dayawkward where like I thinkespecially women it's hard to get thatright balance because you could
14:56if she sounds so fucking nice she probably waslike could you guys not? Yeah like enoughyeah you need to be like heyyeah either move or learn how tofucking stop the pass. Stop givingyour child the false impression that they're good.Like, you know, none of these are goals.You know?
15:13But it's also like some people with kids,I think sometimes they think they're the only peoplethat are having a beach dayand they have to be aware of the people around them.Granted, you can't control a lot of things with kids.You can't control of your kids crying, throwing up,running around.those things are fine
15:37but if you're the one missing the soccer ballthat's on you brono this is you knowthis is not a thingyou know this is you're not the assholethey were being dicks and it's likein a shared public spacelike if you keep hitting somebody
15:51you gotta movesimple as thatyeah I do thinkI definitely have a pet peeve when you're in a publicspace and there's spaceand people like sit right next to youoh my god it's happened in theaterswe're like it's a full open theater
16:05Or the Long Island Railroad.Oh, my God.Oh, my God, bro.I get it if the train's packed.Yeah.But, like, we're all trying to be as far away from each other as possibleuntil it gets busy enough that you have to start filling in the gaps.Yeah.
16:18You know, it's weird.Anyway, let's keep it moving here.Am I the asshole for asking somebody what their name is after a year of talking to them at the dog park?Or is it just awkward?because I know this guy's dog, his dog's name is Kepler, and I talk to him probably like four to five times a week, and I know a lot about him.Like, I know his hometown.I know what he does for work.I know I've never, I never really got his name down, and I don't know, now it's been too long, but I just have to know it.
16:58Would I be the asshole if I asked him, just said, sorry, dude, what is your name?after a year, a whole year?This is so funny and honestly so relatable.I've had this so many times in my life.Okay, so the first thing that came to mindis something that works maybe 20% of the time.But it's a risk, but it can work.You got to bring a friend.
17:22That's way better than what I'm about to say.Oh, okay, what are you going to say?You just go, how do you spell your name?Oh, hi now.Why, you're going to send him a thank you cardfor being a friend?But you hope.Thank you for being a friend.
17:33You hope that it's a name that's like, like, if he's like S-E-A-N and you're like,oh, yeah, I was just wondering if you spelled it S-H, you know?You just have to, or like Hannah, how do you spell your name?Oh, I was wondering if who's the H at the end or not.So you have to hope it's one of those names.But if it's like Jake or something, then he's like, are you dumb?Yeah.So that's a risk.
17:56I think, yeah, I think that's a weird.I think you need to have a situation where you're going to write that.Like, that always happened.You ever have a situation where you know somebody for a while?And then they're like, do you have my number?And you're like, no.And then they're like standing over the phone as you're like putting in their fucking, oh my God.I also do feel there's this thing with pressure where sometimes your mind blanks.
18:19We're like, you know this person's name.Yeah.And sometimes people just, you just have a weird situation where it's gone too long.And also like you've known and it just for some reason it won't stick.And it's nothing to do with the person.When you, when she first met this person, she didn't know who in time she was going to see them.She never processed their name.Yeah, then it just goes too far.
18:36She's not hearing other people.No, because it's all about the dogs.Does he know your...Kepler's dad?Maybe he might not know your name.Well, obviously, the simplest thing is to just be there on a day where Kepler's not there.And you say to somebody, hey, you know the dog, Kepler, what's the dad's name?That's like the hope is that you can, somebody knows Kepler's dad's name.
18:58Okay, what to do.You go put it in your InstagramWhat?You go put it in your InstagramYou give the phonePut in your InstagramThat's a wayBut then that sounds like you're hitting on them
19:09Maybe you areWell yeahSo obviouslyI think thatThis is one of these situationsWhere we all get so upsetAbout askingBecause it's gone too long
19:21That then it just gets worseAnd I think as a societyWe need to normalizeThat like it's okayTo have just accidentallygone too long without making suresomebody's name.So I think it should be...
19:34I understand.But I...So I think that it wouldn't be the end of the worldif you were like, this is like fucking embarrassing.But we've been talking so longthat actuallyI kind of never got your name.And I've...
19:47It's gone so long that I've been embarrassed to ask.Or you can just dowhat I think is the smartest thing,which is on a day that he's not around,ask somebody if they know his name.Or bring a friend.to the park and then just dothe friend does the aggressive intro
20:03of like oh hey I'm Samand then you'll get the namewhich because I've been in that situationso many times like you're walking down the street like meand you particularly like when we're in Irelandbecause he's just fucking Ireland like I've just knownso many people of these and sometimes I fucking seeoh fuck man I know this person too like I can't remember the fucking name
20:19you got to do the cut offoh hey I'm I'll be like this is Hannahand then you put out your handand then they say their nameI get in trouble with work sometimesbecause there'll be like people who do stuff and entertainmentthat I think I should know their namesand I'm talking with a group of people
20:36and then someone comes and then I have to introduce themand I'm like I know their names but I'm likenot to the point where I could be like boom boom boom boom this is whoand then you kind of have that awkward like hi this isbut I've had some bad ones I mean I can't think of specific examplesbut like I've had ones where like I've known there's peoplefor over a decade and I realized likeWhat the fuck?
20:59Well, my famous...Particularly like friends' wives and shit sometimes?Or like husbands for that, you know?My famous fuck-up was...Guadice?No, that was just...That was funny.I mispronounced Teresa's name in front of her.
21:14But that was...There's debates on that of the Italian pronunciation in America.Also, I didn't watch Real House of New Jersey.And I, like, who knows?That was dumb.I also mispronounced Luanne's name.I said Delessips.And she was like, it's de la Ceps.
21:31Oh.And then the whole rest of the episode, I felt horrible.Oh.But now we're fast friends.Shout out, Lou, love you.My biggest mistake was when you're, like, friends with a lot of comedians and this one girl,she didn't have her name as her, like, handle.Like, I love her.
21:51And she's open, I've known her for a couple years around the comedy scene.And she messages me, hey, my whole family lives in.San Francisco. I'm doing the Masonic.Like, it's one of the biggest theaters.And she was like, it would be my dreamto open for you at the Masonic. And I waslike, of course, like, you're amazing. Let's doit. And there was
22:11all these openers. I was really nervous. I get to thefront to do the announcement and I justblank on her name. And she's looking at meand I pause and she thinks I needcredits and she's saying her podcast. And I'mlike, and you know when you know it's not going to come?Then I just go, what is your name?It was the most embarrassing thing that's what happened in my life.
22:26That's torture. It was the most embarrassing thingthat ever happened in my life.She goes on stage and she's like,Mom, Hannah, I forgot my name.Oh, my God.And then her family came back.Oh, my God.The whole, Andrew Collin was with me.
22:38The whole thing was nightmarish.Like, I just kept repeating.Like, it was horrible.That's a bad one.Horrible.It was the most embarrassing that's ever happened to me,except the one time when I asked a girlif she was pregnant when she wasn't.
22:50Oh, we've all done that.I've done that.You know, that's like a mistake you make once in your life.Yes, but I did it in front of 400 people.Oh,So did I.But I'm actually working on a bit right now about it because she was wearing a baby doll dress.She had come from a baby shower.
23:07She was like, I basically was like, look, she was asking for it.She was dressed like that.And she was glowing.Her skin looked amazing.But the funny thing with pregnant women is that then I have the friends who get pregnantand they look at you and they want you to guess it.And I'm like, no.because when you are pregnant
23:28they'll be like does something look different about meand I'm like I don't care if a baby's hand is comingout of your pussy I'm not saying anythingbut I've gotten friendly with people on Instagramlike people that youyou know like there was one or two like differentlike staff at the comedy seller and stuffand then you like they leave the comedy cellar but you
23:44remain friends like on Instagrambut like you realize likeI just know their fucking Instagram handle I don't knowthe fucking name yes yes you knowand then like after why you're like holy shitI actually don't know this person's nameand you can't like refer to them as their fucking Instagram handle.It just happens.
24:00What all happened to me is some of your friends,distant friends start having babies,but you love keeping touch about it.And the next thing you're talking to themand you realize I've no fucking clue what their baby's name is.So then you're just like...I've had that numerous times with my closest friends.No, I know.
24:16So you're just like, how's baby?How's the second one?How's the second one?Yeah, that's good.How's your youngest doing?I literally was just talking to my friend who had her second babyand I wanted to ask how the first baby was handling itbut like it was at the point where I should know
24:30but like I never see this baby I don't rememberso I've had that many many timesI just had to wait for her to say the baby's namewhich took a long time then I was your youngestyeah that's what I always sayyeah that's what you have to saybecause you always remember the oldest name becausethey're like
24:42they're the one that mattersthe second one comes around you're like whateverdude you know even parents forget the fuckingeven parents forget the later kids namesI'm so going to be that person thoughthat calls, you ever have that, like, mom or grandma that will call you every name she'sever heard before she gets to your name?Oh, yeah.
25:04Sometimes I call Paige Butter.I know, I call Butter Page.I don't know.I mess it up sometimes.You reminded me of something there, so I'm going to play it.Okay, I'll make this quick.I have two best friends.I have been best friends with both of these girls for about 18 years now.
25:22They don't talk to each other.One was having a baby shower the same weekend that the other one was flying in from a different state to celebrate her 30th birthday, both big milestones.And I had to decide.Baby shower was an hour and a half away.Brunch was about 25 minutes away.And I had to pick which one to go to because they were at the same time.I decided to go to the brunch.Hindsight, I should have picked better.
25:51Being a mother, Trump's turning 30, it's a bigger.It's a bigger milestone.And now I am the asshole because my best friend who became a new mother doesn't talk to me.So now I don't get to see her blossom as a new mom and be an auntie to her baby.What would you have done in my situation?Bye.Amazing.I need to watch this TV show, this movie, because I want to know what happened with the friends that they don't talk.
26:22Yeah.because that complicates it.I would have liked to see her pull a two a dayand try to hit both, but that would have been crazy.I mean, I have a lot of thoughts.Yeah.First and foremost, let me start with the thingthat's not as supportive of her first,
26:42which is, you need to be honest with yourself.Was it the driving?Was it the 30th?is more important, or was it, I don't want to drive?But now...She definitely was factoring the driving in.Yeah, which is a new...I'm assuming New Yorker here.
27:03And I think, you know, my mother's favorite thing to say was,oh, my God, that's been the traffic.The traffic.Like the anxiety that comes from the thought of a journey.Now, that's the only...I feel like if she was in the suburb,she'd been like, everything's an hour and a half away.That's the only critical thing I'm going to say,
27:19which is just a funny thought.of like, let's face it, you didn't want to do the drive.But now I'm going to say that, you know, baby showers are not an international thing.They don't really do that in Ireland, for example.And I have never understood the baby shower thing.So I'm going to tell you right now that I think, one, baby showers are bullshit,and two, they don't trump a fucking 30th birthday party.You know, it's funny, I disagree.
27:49Oh.Personally, I don't think I'm going to have a baby showerI don't know, maybe I willI have to be great if you didn'tI mean I would probably have a small oneand it would hurt if one of my best friendswasn't going to be therepeople have birthdays all the time
28:06I also think take her out for dinnerfor her birthday. The 30th Hannahtake her out for dinneryou don't have to go to the... She looked, she wanted to do the boozy brunchshe wanted to do the boozy brunchand I respect that but I do thinkit's interestingyo you say
28:23people have birthdays all the timeyou're going to be fucking looking afterthe kid isn't even alive yetyou're going to be fuckinglike buying shit for this kidfor the kid like it doesn'tI don't even get a baby showerI do have to say in America there are
28:38like I didn't have a bridal shower but there arecertain life eventsas a woman likeI can never miss Paige'sbaby shower like that's insanefor me to miss.I think it's insane that she would have one.But that's just cultural difference.
28:54Yes.But I...I don't get it.I do think it's one of those things that when you're younger,you're like, one day I'm going to have a kid.Like back in the day, I get it.But now it's like, let me order somethingthat'll be delivered right to their fucking house
29:06that they're going to get on Amazon.Now you have a baby showerand all this shit's going to get broughtand it's a pain in the ass.100%.But this is also a great exampleof that time in a woman'slife in your 30,
29:18which I'm at,I know you guys thought that was 24,but there'swhere you have two types of friends,the ones who are still blacking out at brunch.Yes.And the ones who are on their third child.And it's like this weird in between
29:34that you're caught in.And it's, this woman did nothing wrong.She was put in a predicament.First of all, our friend is not talking to her now,which is insane.That's all, I was going to say,that's insane.That's also insane. I'm not one to cut people off.
29:47You didn't even fall out with people.People, we had one or two people who didn't show up to the weddingand they never actually said they weren't coming.And we didn't fall out with them.We're just like, whatever.Yeah, we're still talk to them every day.Yeah, like shit happens, man.I also, but also, I will cut people off if I've been waiting for an excuse to cut them off.
30:05You know what I mean?Like, you already were over them and they finally do something.But that hasn't really happened to me.But I would never cut a friend off who I enjoy.Baby showers are like, oh, man.I would say, like, hey, I would.hurt i really wish you were there i mean taylor strecker wasn't able to go to my wedding because shehad stasi schroeder's wedding yeah and she was also the freaking like the celebrant yes so what was
30:32i supposed to tell her the officiator to not officiate stasi's wedding no and i didn't take it personallyi said i totally understand that because if i was in that position i'd have to also and we had anamazing july fourth celebration together um so i would arguethat also these friendsif your whole friendshipis based onlike if she attendsthis one thing
30:57if it all candecimate after thatso I'm trying to use a big wordthen maybe the friendship wasI don't knowI don't knowit's upsetting to me I'm upsetI think it's unfortunate
31:11that she doesn't talkbut obviously there's some likethere's some Pessioin your guy's friendshipsbecause the other two don't talk to each other.Yeah, there's some weird tension that we don't know.So, in the words of Batista, from Dexter,too much passion.
31:26You need to, you guys need to, like,you guys need to lower the temperature.I do think, because I've had situations, you know,with friends where two friends don't talk,but they're close to the same person.And you could go a pretty long timewithout having to cross paths.But then with these life events,
31:42things are going to happen,and that person's going to have to make decisionson who to prioritize.I mean, listen, I'm sure I'm going to have some, listen,go in the Spotify comments.See, I say, listen to a lot.Go in the Spotify comments.I've been really enjoying the Spotify comments,
31:57which I know is an indulgence that goes against everything I say.But the Spotify comments, you know.On Burnerphone?Oh, yeah, all pause.Because I've only learned recently that they exist.What are they like?Well, on the TV episode, there was a lot of activity.Oh, so people just giving, like, they're really into the episode.
32:15Yeah, but it's cool because I'll tell you why I like.because they're responding specifically to the app.Yes.I don't read the reviews because, you know, like,obviously people just start responding about, like,something that piss them off on your fucking Instagram or something.And they're, like, they're leaving their...But the Spotify is very specific to, like...
32:31People who are engaged in actually this way.Yeah, so, you know, you feel like, oh, this is cool.The only problem is that you can't respond.Because, like, you...It gives you, like, direct feedback to, like, people of...So, anyway, this is a strong take,but I think baby showers are bullshitand in the modern day are completely unnecessary.
32:46Because at the end of the dayLike all the gifts can be delivered to your houseI do think it'sWhat like what is what do you feelWhat is the when you'reIf you had a baby shower or when you're going to a baby showerWhat are we doing?It's about community
33:00It's about having that momentWith your girlfriends to be likeGuys I'm about to be a momLet's have a little celebrationIs that what it isThat's what I think it isBut what was it traditionallyTraditionally it was help
33:13I need stuff for the babyRightAnd can you guys help me?Okay.It's like a housewarming party for your pussy.Yeah, because it's not really a thing.It's very American.I think it's something that I would want to have.
33:27I'd have like a cute lunch or something and I'd have the girls and it's, it's, we're allthere for each other in different milestones in our life.But I also, I didn't have a bachelor party.Like, I just, I'm not a, there's a lot of traditions that it's just like buck the trend.Yeah.I also.I mean, it's certainly, I tell you what.Yeah.
33:43There's no way that a baby shower is important enough to,to lose a friendship.A hundred, a hundred percent.I do think, too.I hate social obligations, though.Me too.And I have a lot of friendships that, like,they understand that my travel schedule is crazy,
33:57and I work a lot of nights.So, like, there's a lot of things I've had to miss.And if my friendship was based on the events I've been able to go to,I would have no friends right now.And, like, Paige and I always joke.Like, our whole friendship is based off of, like,understanding we want to cancel, we can't make things,but that doesn't have any effect
34:15on how much we love each other.Yeah, I never.I don't expect anybody to be at anything.I also like, people didn't come to my parents' funeral.Like, I don't give a fuck.People don't want to be friends with mebecause I'm good at attending things.By the way, I like when people come to things.
34:30Like, obviously I will register when somebody comes,but it's a positive if you arrive,but it's definitely not a negative if you don't.I guess I feel like I would always be understanding of someone.I do think, though, if I have beef with another friend,and my best friend chooses them over mein girl worldthat's the problem
34:53that's fucked that's basicallywe haven't factored in the beef partthe beef part it's the beef part that I think is happeningbecause it's basically like make a decision between usyou chose the wrong sideand that'spersonal pain and that comes back to too muchpassion too much resentment man
35:11and also I would arguethat it's very hardand it's amazing that she's gotten up to this pointhaving two best friends who don't talk to each other.I wonder what happenedbecause I would urge peopleto not even get to that positionand try to work stuff out between the friends.
35:31But you know what?Send us a DM, send us a follow-up.What happened with these friends?I would love to knowbecause I love local gossip.We love it.Thank you so much for your contribution.Great message.
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40:26this situation so there is this family at the spokane airport i was visiting my sisterand I have Boston Logan mentality.So there was this family that basically, like, tried to cut me in line in the TSA.And it was like 5 a.m.This TSA line wrapped around this whole small-ass airport.And they were like, oh, like, I hope you don't mind.And I was like, no, like, I actually do because I might miss my flight.And they looked at me, though, like, that's really rude.
40:56This is going to be our kids' first time going to Florida.Like, okay, I actually don't.care and they had like the wagon and stuff and they kind of like gave me like the eyes and I was likeyou know what like I actually don't care and I was like okay and I refused to like let them and I feltlike I was really mean but I wasn't backing down so yeah that's my I I don't understand why shethinks she's the asshole here like like why why would they be allowed to to skip her on the lineI do say whenever I see a full family with all the chachis first I send a blessing their wayat an airport because traveling is insane.
41:34Yeah.But then I go, I'm not going even in that line.I'm not going near that situation.Well, in this situation, I have no choice.So why would they want to skip her?That's what I don't understand.If anything, I'd be like, go ahead of us.We're going to take a minute.
41:49Yeah, but so what I don't understand is like what level of,what level of skipping her, you know?Maybe they were like kind of separated and she was in the middle of it alland they wanted to like get all the way ahead or something.No, I, yeah.But anyway, listen, I'm not a fan of anybody chanced in their arm,like getting ahead on any of these lines.Yeah.
42:11Well, there's also the, like, when the family's like,oh, can our kids trade places with you to sit there?Well, that was a big controversy.I talked about that with John Bishop on the Bishop Exchange.Yeah.You know, there was an incident.What happened?This woman had a window seat,
42:28and this woman's baby was crying to get the window seat.seat.How old is this baby?Will you change?How old is this babythat the baby knowswhat a window seat is?She was like,
42:37will you change?And she was like,no, I paid for the seat.But somebody,another passenger was filming itand posted the videolike, look at this horrible womanwon't change for this crying baby.
42:47But anyway,she's suing the guy who filmed themand suing the airlinefor not protecting herfor like reputational damage.But anyway,the internet was largely on the sideof the woman who had the window seat
42:58that's like,you paid for the seat.you know fucking it's it's so anyway we won't get into that yeah but people are very likei'm very particular i i go out of my way to make sure i get the window seat because i lovesleeping on flights and for me to sleep i need to have my head against the window that's whati do that's how i have a that can change my day getting those two or three hours of sleep onthat flight can change the trajectory of my week sometimes um and i don't like to tradewindow seats with anyone.
43:29Yes. But again, if the baby'scrying next to me, I'm not going to be able to sleep.It kind of, I guessit can also depend on the person's mood. I justthink these things are going to happen withflights, because these are all just random people.And it's fine to chance.You could chance, you could ask,
43:46but you can't get mad if someone says no.Yeah. Sowith the, so what, okay, let me give you thisscenario, which I feel like we've talked about in the past,how do you feel about the person that's like,sorry, I'm so late for my flight, can I just, you know, scoot through the line?When you're all getting off?No.
44:05Oh, yeah.So, you know, it happens, right?We've all been there, like, I feel like you're allowed to do it once.But anyway, you know what I'm talking about.It's like somebody's like, sorry, I'm so late.My flight's about to close and they're like skipping through.I don't mind because it's like if you're going to, it's embarrassing and if you'regoing to put yourself out there like that to get in the front, you earned it.
44:23Get out of here.Yeah.The only thing is that you can't know if this.This is somebody that knows that they could just pull this caper every time.Yeah.But if they do that, it's like, again, like you're putting in this effort.I've had before where you're on the plane and you're all waiting in line and you're all stifled.And someone back's like, I need my connecting flight, my connecting flight.
44:43And everyone's like, where do we go?Yeah, where are we going to go?Where do we go?I recently have been dealing with this thing where, because I'm on the window.Yeah.And everyone stands up.Everyone's ready to leave, right?And then my person who's in the aisle is standing or whatever and gets their bag.
44:58Yes.And then so then I'm moving in.But as I'm moving in, the people are trying to get ahead of me.Oh, uh-uh.And they look at me as in like, you're the asshole.And you just let me get ahead right now because you still have to go out and get your bag.But it's like if I let you, then I have to let the next person.And there was a moment because this has been a thing.
45:17Because I also, I'm not running to stand.Like I'm waiting my turn.Yeah.So people look at me like I'm taking all this time.I'm like, I've been sitting down because everyone's been standing up, you know?Well, also, if I have the window seat, which I never want, I can't stand up.You can't.I physically can't.
45:35And I don't need to move and scooch over into their seat.And I'm going as fast as I can, but these people...No, it's unacceptable.They're not Catholics.I tell you right now, they're not Catholics.Because when you're Catholic, you learn that the first pew goes, then the second pew, and that's how the system works.People are breathing down my throat, and I'm going as fast as possible.Also, sometimes they're just watching me then fight with my bag.
45:59Put an arm out.Put an arm out when someone has an insanely heavy bag and they're struggling.Not acceptable.But these people try to...No, because they're animals.Because they've been standing.They think that they should be ahead of me when I've been stuck in the window.Get some fucking Delta status and get up the front of the plane if you're in such a rush to get off.
46:19It's the system.I hate people that...And you know what I'll do?They disrespect the system.I get out and then I turn to pull my bag, but they're breathing down my neck.So when I start to pull my luggage down, I could hit them.Oh, I know.With my bag.
46:32Well, sometimes they require it.Sometimes you require it.If you're going to be down my fucking nip.If you get a little nip by my luggage, maybe you should have just stepped back.You should just, but when I'm...Oh, I had it one time years ago, right?So everyone stands up, right?Yeah.
46:49And some guy has stood up in the aisle, right?right and I've stood up and I'm getting my bagand he's like you know we're we're not going anywhereyou know and I was like bro you're fucking standing up toowhat the fuck are you talking about like you're fucking standing there with your bagbut he didn't like that you were like getting ahead no he didn't like that like I guess likeI was like to get my bag I was sort of like leaning you know I had to like get out of the way ofthe bag yeah
47:21You know, he was getting annoyed.Yeah.And it's like, just because you've already done it.Yeah.You know, and it's like, well, you know, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.So I, Paige will see this happen to me a lot.And I do like a laugh kind of thing.Like, oops, sorry, excuse me, sorry.
47:37But I would love to be like, it's by row, motherfucker.That's what I wish I could do, but I don't have the balls.By the way, this is totally unrelated.But do you know the way where people kind of like accuse you of something?Like, like as if it's like,like, oh, look at you guys, and they're like doing the exact same thing.So years ago, me and Jason Byrne, we're on the beach at St. Kilda in Melbourne, right?It's like a beautiful, like autumn Melbourne day, which is like a summer's day.
48:04And we're on the beach in St. Kilda, just chilling in the afternoon because we have shows at night.And these two Irish guys recognize us on the beach.And they come up and they go, Jesus, Jesus Bishop and Jason Byrne, it's well for some.Well, for some, is a real Irish expression.Like, oh, don't you guys have the life?I was like, bro, you're on the fucking beach, too.What the fuck are you?Like, what are you talking about?
48:33You're literally two Irish guys on the fucking beach,and we are two Irish guys on the fucking beat.What are you talking?You're like, what are you talking about?It's well for you, too.That is so funny.Anyway.That is so funny.
48:46Who's the assall?All right.I do love, though, when someone does skip me.then I make it mypurposeto then when I get offto get ahead of themwhen we're walking
49:00and I go excuse meoh my God sorryso I do a lot of sorryI go oh my Godsorryvery passive aggressiveoh Godso I'm like I'm glad you
49:09you've fucked me overand got in front of mejust for me to now be in front of you againwas it worth itI told you thatI told you the term I learned aboutyou know when like the plane's not boarding yetand then all these people who are like clearly not going to be the first groups kind of crowd the gate
49:26so then like we've talked about it before but you're like not sure like sorry are you yeah are youzone one yeah or are you just like hanging around yeah so do you know what the term is for them whatthe people that just like stand yeah gate lice gate lice that is so funny so that's like the industryterm for like the people that like crowd the gate lice it's so that is so funny because it's such a thingBy the way, I know we're being assholes now.Are we the assholes?Where are we being assholes?Look, we have a lot of status on Delta and, you know, we're flying zone one.
50:01We're flying a lot.Listen, so zone one, yeah, do I be like assume that all these people standing here are zone one,even though mathematically I know there's not that many people in zone one and I stand behind them,or I have to look at them and I and say, are you zone one?And then they look at me and they're like, no.and then I have to kind of likerudely go in front of them.Well then you got to sing the classic
50:23the timeless hit.Move, bitch.Get out the way.Get out the way.People also,I will stand therebecause I know I'm zone oneand some of these businessmen
50:35don't think I'm zone oneand just walk and stand in front of meand I'm like,so you just fucking skipped me, bro.So that happens a lot to me,which is very bad.I don't have a nat.What would you do?
50:48if a businessman stood in front of you.I'm like, are you all right?You've seen me do that.Like, I like doing it.Are you all right?That's my line.I actually never seen you do that.Are you all right?
50:58It happened to me recently.What did they say?I was like, are you right?I mean, they don't always get out of the way,but I'm going to let them know, like,I'm aware of what you did, you know?Are you all right?That is so funny.
51:14It's going to be all right.That's so funny.But again, a lot of the times,I'll just be polite and standbehind the people and thendo an awkward when they call zone one.Excuse me, pardon me, but then I'm alreadylast in my zone because everyone else
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55:38We have a non-airport one?Yeah, well, this is, this is an issue.Okay, hi.Recently, I was in CVS, and they have, like, everything locked up now, and I was looking atthe allergy medicine, and so was this other lady, and I knew she hadn't pressed the buttonyet to have someone come unlock it, and so I pressed the button, and then when the guycame over, I was like, oh, hi, and then she was like, I was here first, and I was like, oh,I pressed the button, and she was like, excuse me, that's not how the world works.
56:09I was here first.And I was like, okay, go ahead.But like, she didn't press the button.So I'm not the asshole here, right?And of course, she had 500 questions for the man,but he was smart enough to balance his both at the same time.What do you think?She's a problem.
56:28The other woman's a problem.Yeah, she's a problem.It's like, listen, you hadn't pressed the buttonbecause you hadn't made up your mind.For all I know, you were just perusing the aisles.Yeah, whereas I knew I needed a fucking Benadryl, extra.I fucking press the button.Yeah.
56:41Listen, the button presser has priority.Some of these people, some of these people,this is a new thing, so I'm glad she brought it up.But some of these people, you think, am I crazy?But then you watch them continue their interactionsand you're like, oh, this is just how they go through life,just like pissing everyone off, asking a bazillion questions.The other problem with the locking is that like sometimes you're getting something like awkward.
57:07you know you'd be like um press the button so what can i get it's like uh just just just the lubricationjust the extra small condoms please the extra tight condoms the miniature condoms please i but alsosometimes i want to be able to like pick it up look at it read it like i don't know especiallythese like random like vitamins or whatever i'm like i want to see it um but i also yeah i don'tlike looking someone in the eye while they can tell that I'm having like a UTI, you know?Yeah, the last time I had to do a locked one was, um, somebody in Ireland wanted, you can't,you know, you can't get these like melatonin, chewy gummies in, in Ireland. So somebody had said,can you bring me back like a tub of the melatonin once? You know, they're like, they're like just
57:58regular, but they're locked away in the CVS. But I wanted one for myself too, because I know you can'tbuy them in Ireland? So I was like, can I get two tubs of the melatonin? I was like, I was like,They were like, oh, this guy's got a melatonin problem.Anyways.Well, I actually, two weeks ago, I was on this, like, crazy, like, seven-day, seven-statetour, and I felt a really bad cough coming on.And I couldn't fall asleep one night because I had this, like, horrible, annoying, dry cough.And I wake up in the morning, and I feel like shit.
58:27I'm just sick in bed.And I go, I'm going to Instacart a little cough medication and then some lozenges and, like, a drink.And I'm like, this is going to be great.And it's, like, a nice whole thing.I was staying at. I'm like, they're going to bring it right to my room. So I get a call,hey, the Instacart guy, like, he can't just drop it off in the lobby because it's a coughmedication. You have to give him your ID. Yes. And I was like, okay, can he bring it? He'smessaging me. He's like, they're not letting me up. And I was like, please come up. I'm really sick
59:01right now. I don't want to go down to meet you. So it's a five-star hotel. So I call them and I go,hey can you let the Instacart guy up because I'm sickand I want to give him my ID but I don't have to go all the way downstairsand they were like okay we'll deal with it then he's messaging methey're still not letting me go up so instead of just going down and getting itit was like a 15 minute debacle to try to get this Instacart guy upand at the end I kind of realized I'm the asshole I did give him a good tipbut like I just sometimes like when I stay at nicer hotels I'm like I just
59:34want them to bring it up I recentlyyou know you're getting so unrelatableno I recently I called this hotel I orderedto get relatable again I ordered Wendy's which was another debaclethat we happened on Giggly Squad but then the Wendy's comesand they just dropped it off they didn't bring it up to my room and I just got out ofthe shower I'm a wet rat and I call and I said can you guys bring the Wendy's upand they go for five dollars we can what I've never this isn't
01:00:06You got shook down?You got, and I literally at that moment, I was like, what?Like, it's never happened to me in my life.And I was like, sure.You honestly, they could have said 50.And I would have argued with that moment.But have you ever had that?You got shook down?
01:00:19I got shook down by a Mormon.Wow.Five dollars.I can't believe that.It's more than my Wendy's order.More than the food order.Wow.And in that moment, it felt fishy.
01:00:32It felt weird.I don't even know where she got the money from.I just said, okay.So I guess they took it from my room.Wow.I didn't even know that was a thing.That's crazy.But part of me is, I don't know.
01:00:44Do you think it should be a thing?I mean, I can't, I'm sorry.I got, I, it's just like, I just, this,just two incredible stories of laziness from you.It's just like, I can't concentrate.No, but there is a thing about being a girl at a hotel.You're not wearing a bra.your hair's wet
01:01:07you don't have shoes onand you have to like go downand be seen in publicby all these people in the lobbyto get your foodthere's something nice aboutYeah I mean listenInstaccar all that stuff is so awesome
01:01:17You know so like if it's an extraIt's really an insaneIt's insane how accessibleThe fact that that kind of shitcan be deliveredSo I think they were chancing their armHonestlyIt's because it was Sizerp
01:01:31But I'm glad that CVS is tryingTo crack down on their pilferagebut I do think that it's really annoying the locking thing.Theodorant is locked up.Yeah, like it's annoying, you know?Especially when you're just like extra strength.You know who probably is fucking annoyed?The employees who probably aren't getting paid more for the constant.
01:01:52Yeah, and they have to open up the stain.Opening up and people go, actually, never mind.It probably happens all the time.All day they're running around chasing the alarm.I can understand why they want to lock up the mock three blades,which apparently for a long time.time in Ireland were the number one shoplifted item, the Gillette mock threes, and, you know,like now Gillette Fusion Blades, because they're very expensive. That was the number one shoplifted
01:02:16item. Are people using them to, like, hurt people? They're just very expensive. So they were,they were so shoplifted that they ended up having to lock them away. So I can understand,but I just don't, I feel like people aren't robbing melatonin gummies, but maybe they are.Yeah. You know? Anyway. Also, one more thing. I am lazy, but I also have social anxiety sometimes,and I don't like to go outside sometimes.Okay.It's a mental health argument.So actually you're kind of attacking my mental health right now.
01:02:46Oh my God, here we go.And I'm feeling triggered.I'm feeling druggered.So anyway, let's go for one more.Okay, so I have a situation where I kind of feel like I might have been the asshole,but I also feel kind of justified in it.I was married and my ex had an affair,which cost us to separate, but we were kind of trying to work it out, but kind of not.
01:03:08I found out he was getting pretty serious with this girl.And he sent me, you know, maybe a month after that, an email of like 20 bullet points ofwhat I had to do to file divorce.I was busy at work and I was also like in counseling because he cheated on me.And I said, I just don't have the bandwidth for this.Well, come to find out a week later, a mutual friend tells me they got engaged.And I think she thought we weren't married.So the morning after the engagement, I sent her an Instagram message.
01:03:40And I was like, hey, polygamy's not cool.Maybe now you can get him to bash track or divorce within hours.He had filed for divorce.So it kind of felt like an asshole to her, but kind of not.I don't think you're being an asshole.So he had told her these are the steps that you have to do for you to file.divorce. Like, you basically wanted her to do it.I guess.
01:04:06But either way, he wasdragging his feet andsort of putting it on to her.But more importantly, he'sfucking engaged.Yeah.If you want to get engaged, bro,you can, if you want to do
01:04:22that admin, do the other admin too.No, but also just like,don't get engaged before you're divorced.You know?What's the rush? What's the rush?What's the rush?But she was assumingor she had the inside scoop
01:04:35that this woman didn't knowthat he wasn't divorced yet.Yeah.Thank God this guy's out of your life, babe.Yeah.I think fair play to you.Yes.Put the pressure on.
01:04:44Clearly also you were so niceto have not told this girlanything in the pastand now that your husbandis engaged to her,you're like, just won't let you knowon paper, that's my husband.Yeah, so I think you haven't done anything.
01:05:00And also, by the way, like, hey, it's nothing wrong with being a little petty in a situation where you've been wronged.So give yourself the permission to be petty.You were wronged, however, he's her problem now.Yeah.Okay, so this was a blessing that he got engaged to someone else, so now you could get out of this marriage.It worked.And move it a lot faster.So a blessing in disguise.
01:05:26Yeah.Put it down to experience.So no, you're not the asshole.You're not the asshole.And you know what?At the end of the day, none of the Lodilis are assholes that I've met.Okay, let's do one quick one because this is important and I should have concentrated.We lost track of it.
01:05:43But this is important.This is almost like a PSA.Hey guys.Love the pod.So this is more of like a general thing, but it happens a lot to me.But I always, a lot of people view, like say you're out.to dinner with like a group of friends, family, whatever, and like you're sharing likeappetizers or even like dinner, whatever. And there's like, say, like one mozzarella stick left
01:06:11or like one baked clam or something. I have no problem taking that last one. But so many peoplethat I've talked to say that's like an asshole move. Listen, if you wanted it, take it. But if noone's taking it, I'm going to help myself. So I just want to know what you guys think. Is that likean asshole move? I don't know. Okay, love you guys. First of all, I love how Italian she is.Yeah. She's like, you have a mozzarella steak left over. A fake clam. A riceball. Um, I feel like youwere going to say something. You had a hot take. No, I didn't have a hot take. Oh, I do. Yeah, go.I think, I don't think she's an asshole. I just think it's a family.cultural thing. I was
01:06:59raised where like it's totallyfine to go for it but you have thatyou just godoes anyone else wantthis last thing? You just saythat and if someone wants to fight youon it split it great but mostthe time they go no no no you have it
01:07:15but you just say it to pretend likeyou're considering other peopleso you go does anyone else want the lastmozzarella stick anyone going to take the last mozzarella stickthat's all you say but the realityis that you know you're feeling like you're being anasshole. But you know what happens half the time? Everybody thinks, oh, shit, I, you know, I don't want to be anasshole. I'm not going to take the last one. And no one has it. Yeah. And then the waiter comes.
01:07:35It's like, is anyone going to eat that? You know, and then somebody has to like rush it down theirgod because they're about to take the plate. Yeah. So, listen, if the last one's, if the last one hasbeen sitting there for any period of time longer than like 90 seconds to two minutes, it's open season.Also, if you hadn't gotten it, you don't have to ask. Like, if ever,Everyone's had a mozzarella stick, and you have it, and there's one left.That's fucking yours.Oh, no, come on. Well, that's different.That's yours.
01:08:02That's different.I'm also one of those where, for some reason, when people put down the plate of food,especially when people are sharing, people don't like to be the first to grab it.I'm grabbing it.Grab it.I'm getting in.Stretch or starve.That was what a family I used to stay with in Ireland would say.
01:08:19Stretcher starve.Stretch or starve.I also, she probably, I'm guessing, comes from a family of a lot of kids,and she had to, you know, fight for her right.You know, so I think you're fine.If this is nagging you, though, you can throw in,anyone want the last Mitzerelle's sick.Yeah, and if somebody else keeps taking the last one,
01:08:39keep an eye, keep an eye on the chronic offender.You know?No, I think it's fine, man.You know, once it's been sitting there for a while,it's like, just take it.Yeah.You know what?I was acting holier than thou in the beginning of this, I realized.
01:08:54I've definitely been like, yeah, I'm fucking taking that.and I've took it.No, it's all you.Most people just go, it's all you.Yeah.But whoever asks, desires.Yes.This is the truth.
01:09:06Yes.Whoever smelt it dealt it.You know, whoever, be true to yourself.Be true to yourself.But also, you should not be shamed for taking the last thing if that's what you want,because other people could have also.However, what I will say is if you're in a table of four people and an appetizer comes outand there's eight of it,
01:09:26it's clearly two each.Yes.And if somebody has decided not to eat their twoand you're like, oh, is anyone going to have that?Then that's fine.But if you eat three,while people haven't had a chanceto get their constitutional right
01:09:40to their 25% of the appetizer,then you are the asshole.Also, if you're in a big table of like eight peopleand everyone's passing stuff around,take the last thing.However, sometimes if it's like an orzoor some salad or something,I'll always leave a little bit.
01:09:56you know like like if there's not that much leftI'll leave a tiny bit yeah just so I'm not the onethat finished it off by the way I'm also not afraid to be likehow many of you had you knowI'm not afraid to check has everyone been honestabout the amount that they've had it's like I've only had twoit's like well somebody had more than two because we have a fuckingodd number here we're not leaving this table
01:10:20we're not leaving this table to find out who's the fucking pigthat took more than their allotment ofthese mozzarella sticks, you know?Why is there not enough sauce?At the start of this, there was clearly enough dipping sauce for thewho's been greedy with the sauce?And this is why Des and I don't do double dates.Well, we just, we don't double date with any of your fucking pig friends.
01:10:51We go on to double date with the finicky ones.I love Hannah's finicky friendsNo, I'm just kiddingAnyway, let's call it a dayLet's call it a dayButHanna's going to AlbanyDoes any dates you want to promote
01:11:06Oh well I'm in Pots TownOh, a few correctionsActually a couple of corrections that I have not saidWeeks agoI made a statement that was unhealthyActually cherry pits can be toxicSo don't swallow cherry pitsMy apologies.
01:11:26Secondly, Pots Town is not as close to Lancaster, Pennsylvania as I thought.It's about 50 miles.But I was joking about Amish people coming to my show,but I am now aware of the distance between Pots Town and Lancaster, Pennsylvania.You're now aware that you need Amish people to come to the show for tickets sales?So I'm in Potsdown on Saturday.And then actually, I'm pretty much sold out the following weekend in Providence and Levittown, Long Island.but then definitely Miami and Denver and Chicago
01:11:57I got a full weekend in Chicagoand Royal Oak Michigan was a suburb of Detroitso anyway loads of dates on my websitedesbishop.net and so and do scroll downbecause initially it will just show dates that are near youbut if you're thinking of like going to Miami or somethingscroll down you'll see dates from other parts of the United Statesare you going to Miami? Yeah I'm in Miami in the middle of April
01:12:21Great. I actually added a bunch of dates. I have New Haven, Connecticut, Providence, Rhode Island, Brooks, California, Highland, California, Ridgefield, Connecticut, Red Bank, New Jersey.Hampton, New Hampshire. Hampton, New Hampshire. Okay. And then West Hampton Beach. We're adding a second show, so just keep an eye out for that. The West Hampton Beach Performing Arts Center. Yep, shout out.Yeah, I'm actually, I'm in Connecticut twice. Two weekends in a row, once in Stanford and once in Stanford and once.in Mohegan's son in Unkisville, Connecticut.She'll come and check that out.Aiden, my brother will be performing with me.Actually, Aden will be with me in Pottstown, too.Soul Joles.
01:13:02So it'll be a family.See you guys there.It'll be a family affair.So anyway, loads of dates.Check them out.I've got those other ones, Phoenix.I've got actually a ton of shows.I'm just not remembering them all right now.
01:13:16I'm looking forward to Denver, though,because I was supposed to perform in Denver on February 2nd.2024, but unfortunately on February 1st, 2024, I fell down a mountain.So this will be my triumphant return to Colorado, limping, but not limp.So come and check me out. Peace. Thanks, guys.Hi, Desmond Hannah. Love you guys. Love the Pod. I'm a giggler too. And I'm here to tell you about my sister's ex-husband,who was best friends with my husband for many, many, many years. They've now been divorced for 12 years,and he and my husband have kind of tried to keep a relationship. They golf, they text, but it's kind of weird.
01:14:19They've been divorced. I already say that for 12 years. He recently got remarried and he invited my family. He is also my children's godfather to the after party of his new wedding. And we went. And it did not go over well with my sister. I learned my lesson. I'll never do it again. But was I the asshole? I've asked a lot of divorced friends and they say it's been 12 years, get over it. That's what I thought. But maybe I'm the asshole. Love you guys.I really hope I get picked for this one because I've been really struggling with this.But am I an asshole for canceling a trip because I feel like my friend was using me to go hook up with a guy?We were supposed to go on a trip literally a month ago and like we just weren't agreeing on anything.And like it was a big mess.And I clued in that she really wanted to stay in the city because there was a guy she was talking to that lives there.So I called her out for it.And I ended up canceling the trip because I was just like so mad.
01:15:19like nothing was going my way, which is kind of selfish. But I mean, I wanted to go on a trip. I don't get to go on trips often. And it just wasn't going the way I wanted it to go. And I realized that she only wanted to go on it so she could hook up with a guy. And I wanted it to just be a fun girl's trip. And obviously she didn't own up to it. And she's like really mad at me for counseling. And she's upset that I like thought she only wanted to go to hook up with a guy. But it's true. Like honestly, it's true. So am I the asshole?So my husband's parents are divorced, and when we had first started planning our wedding a few years ago,the first step was to find his baptism certificate so that we could get married in church.And we found out on the baptism certificate that he has a completely different biological father who he never knew aboutand that his parents never intended on telling him that he had a different biological father.At 32 years old, he found this out by asshole for wanting some accountability and somekind of explanation as to why they did this to my husband and why it became part of our lives.And, you know, it's my responsibility, his responsibility, our responsibility to work him through
01:16:41this part of his life with no support with his parents.Just am I the asshole for wanting some?accountability? I don't know. Okay, so one time I was going to Hong Kong for work and I always sitin an aisle seat because I get really claustrophobic and literally have to pee every 20 minutes andHong Kong is a 13 hour flight. I had a bit too much to drink in the United lounge and II'm walking to my seat and I see that there's a man sitting in my seat and he points to he likehe doesn't speak any English he's indicating that he's sitting next to his wife and they're also likeprobably 70 years old and he points to a middle seat and I look at him and I'm like absolutely
01:17:43not and I made himmove back to his middleseat away from his wifeHey guys so I'm a little bit sick so bear with mebut the last flightI was on we were landing in ColoradoI had a baby in front of methe entire time with her mom
01:17:59the baby was crying the whole flightso already annoyed obviouslyI may have been the assholefor that butas we're landingtouching down this baby drops her binkieHer mom looks back and asks me to grab the binkie while we're landing.I told her, well, for one, no, I'm not touching your baby's journey.
01:18:21Binky, no, thank you.For two, she has been screaming the whole flight.So, no, I'm not doing anything for her.So I may have been the asshole, but I feel like I had good reasons.Dude, so back in the day, I was dating this guy who was great,But for some reason, he really loved Ed Sheeran.And at the time, I just was not that sensitive of a person.Ed Sheeran's great, talented man.
01:18:52But listening to his songs, like, kind of annoy me.Just a personal preference.And he, my boyfriend asked, like, hey, do you want to go to an Ed Shearan concert?And I was like, honestly, not really.Like, I wouldn't have a good time.And it would be, like, a waste of $100 for you to pay for my ticket.Like, you should take someone else.which I didn't think was a big deal.
01:19:13Like, he had a ton of friends.So I was like, oh, just like, I'll sit out on this one.But I guess it kind of was a big deal because, like,he ended up inviting, like, his parents and, like, his cousin and, like,basically just this whole family, like, rallied around him.And I was like, fuck, am I, like, the bitch that just, like,didn't want to go with him to this Ed Shearing concert?We're not together anymore.
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