Berner Phone - Berner Phone #84: Service Industry Annoyances

Episode Date: March 30, 2025

Customer service is a b**** and the dialers told us all their most annoying interactions. From standing up to get a waiter to shaking drinks at a bar, Hannah and Des figure out if they were ever guilty of being bad customers.

Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. What's up, my little dialers? We have a very fun episode today about the service industry. Yes, indeed. Well, this comes from the Spotify comments.

You love the Spotify comments. I do, because they respond to. to the episode. We're all customers, but we probably are not aware of some of the things we do that are annoying to members of the service industry. And by the way, we don't always have to agree with the people that messaged in on whether these things are annoying or are they being just irritable. Is the customer always right? I think that is one of the great bullshit things in modern society. Because it's clear from this prompt that more often than not, the customer is an asshole.

And I speak from the point of view of being a customer. People say everyone should have a job in the service industry and it helps you kind of like understand the world better and it helps you like respect people better and it helps you just like understand things better. Do you agree? I mean, I definitely think that dealing with the public is something that is growth, you know, there's growth in it, you know?

But unfortunately it can show you the dark side of humanity also. True. So what did you learn? Well, my first job in the service industry, I mean, I was always teaching tennis, but being a hostess at a Korean restaurant when I was a teenager. Yes. Is it a hostess? I think, I don't know. I guess some people would say there's no need to say hostess or host, but also, you know, that a host is non-gendered.

Yes. Yes. The host I. Yeah. I feel like now I walk in... Did you think you were a hostess or a host? You know, that was back then, so I was a hostess. That was before the world changed. I do think I took my job way too seriously

and I was trying to do the best at it. But because I know how it works, you know when people are like being lazy. So, you know, when you go to a restaurant and you're like, how long's the time? And they're like, I don't really know it's going to be a while. But if you're... So you're actually, you're being critical right now.

Yeah. Wow. you're you're really going against the vibe of this problem you're basically you're a customer and you think you're always right but you no no no not that I'm I'm not saying I'm right I just because I've done the job I know when you are not doing the job well right because you know typically how long it takes especially if it's like not a really fancy restaurant how long it takes for people to leave and you know the turnover and if you're tracking it especially when you have technology like I didn't even have technology back then you kind of could tell

But, you know, you have no leeway here for, like, people that end up staying longer or, like, pay the bill, but then decide to, like, have another half hour chat. No, for sure. Or, you know, are they going to have dessert or not? For sure. No, it is a hard gig. Did you have to tell people, I need the table back by a certain time? Yeah, I would do. Yeah, you can sit here, but you need to leave by 645 or you guys. Which is always very difficult.

Or I can, both, the thing is, I also was at. There's a lot of pressure. I like you know when you say yeah that'll be fine but it's like it does require you guys to have prompt service so it's like I'll cover my end yes I'll cover my end I'll eat fast I won't over talk but I need you guys to cover your end that the food doesn't take ages to come out you know what you're right I take back everything I said what what do you mean being a host is really fucking hard you know what it is you go up you're starving I just don't tolerate, like, if they're like, it's, like, do you wait ever when they're like, oh, it's going to be 30 minutes? Like, in New York City. It depends on the situation. Like, if I'm with four people and they say, it's going to be about a 30 minute wait.

Yeah. I'll check with everybody. And they're like, yeah, we'll wait. Yeah. But obviously, these days it's a lot better than it used to be because now you get a text. Yes. You know? Do you remember the, I feel like some places still do buzzers, like in Florida.

Oh, yeah. There's definitely places that still do buzzers. The buzzers is also a good system. I mean, the joy of a buzzer going off? Going off. is there anything better okay look at me like now

just trying to criticize but one thing I hate is when servers try to be heroes and they don't so this and they don't write down this is meant to be

we're kind of championing the service industry and you've been coming for the service industry since you're starting as someone who's worked for the service industry once

no I also worked in retail. I also worked. I've done a bunch of jobs. So when are they trying to be heroes? When they don't, when they memorize the order and then get it wrong. Oh,

that gives me anxiety. I'm like, listen, I know you think you can memorize it all, you know, but it's not a game of concentration. Because you know the way when you, did you play concentration? Did you call a concentration? Concentration, 65.

No repeats or hesitation. No, the card game where all the cards are down and then you have to match them and the person with the most matches at the end wins. Maybe vaguely. You know, when you're a kid. Yeah. So you flip two and then you're supposed to try to remember

where the cards are. We call the concentration. I think that's one of these games that has different names depending on where you play in the world. But you know the way in your mind, you're like so fucking confident. They flip a three, you know?

And you're like, fuck it doesn't match. And you're like, here we go. And then boom. You're like, fuck, I thought that was the three. Like, I feel like that they're confident that they're going to remember Or maybe like they're bored So that's the game they like to play

They like to live on the edge But they always come back They always end up coming back being like sorry What was it that you wanted again? Yeah, but you know what? Me repeating Diet Coke three times It's not the end of the world It's not the end of me repeating

That I wanted over easy Not the end of the world So are you saying That you're also going to take back I take it back You were saying that as if I was the one that brought up the complaint I take it back I also was thinking about like

when you're in L.A., the waiters, they're all actors. So a lot of the time they assume everyone else is in the industry, which they are. So I think they're performing a lot. Yes. Or they naturally have very charismatic personality.

So it's like an open mic. when you go to a restaurant in L.A. Like, you're getting speeches. They're showing you their memorization technique. Eye contact, I contact. My biggest pet peeve for people who are ordering is when, like, someone's, they're saying their speech of the specials

and people are being like talking over it. I'm like, let's listen. Let's hear the specials. Let's hear the specials. I want to hear the specials always. I hate when people. But I do hate when. the specials they're obviously the instruction for management in that restaurant is that you're

supposed to know the specials or let them read it yeah let them read it yeah oh my god let them let them as mel robins would say let them yeah they you don't need to learn lines like new lines every day we did have a funny experience once when I was younger at like a fancy restaurant when I was playing at some tennis tournament and the guy gave the longest speech about this like swordfish special and he's like we shipped it from the Atlantic and it came and we prepared it and then we massage it and he went on for

like so long and my dad was like you know what okay yeah I'll have it and he goes oh sorry we're out of it I guess he forgot they were out of it but he was just like doing that all night I guess one of the hardest things of the service industry is when you have to be the bearer of bad news

when you come to the table and you're like I'll have the nukki and they're like Sorry, actually, that's the only thing we don't have. And then you say one more thing and they go, we actually don't have that either. And it's not their fault. It's not their fault. I love yelling 86.

What does that mean? 86 means like, off the menu. 86 it. Oh, yeah, 86. Sorry, yes. I never watched the bear, but I'm assuming they yelled. Yeah, I don't watch the bear. But ultimately, I feel like I...

I love eating at restaurants and I love servers and what they do because I have a real theory that if you're rude to a server, they will spit in your meal. And that's why I've never, ever had even a tone with a waiter. Yeah, I'm generally nice. That's how COVID started. A waiter spit in someone's food who was rude to them and deserved it. Do you think that's how COVID started?

Yeah. In China. trust me the people in China the etiquette towards servers is not great in China isn't it interesting how it's so cultural the tipping all of it is just

in China to get your waiter because like it'll come up but like you know obviously sometimes people can be quite rude calling over their waiter but in China it's totally acceptable to shout for you are well in Beijing particularly because that's a Beijing accent but like

for you are like fucking shout at them to come over and that's acceptable though it's not rude It's funny how... In a way, I almost prefer. Social norms, it's not offensive to them. It's not offensive. They're getting stuff done. All right.

Let's get into it here because we've got a lot to get through. Hannah does. I'm so glad you guys asked. I've worked in the service industry for 10 years, so I feel qualified to answer. The most annoying thing customers do is they come in after close. All the chairs are flipped upside down on the table. They walk in. They look around.

around and they go, are you open? It actually blows my mind. And then we'll say no. And they'll go, not even just for a coffee. And I'm like, we're a coffee shop. We only do coffee. We are especially closed just for a coffee. Anyways, thank you. I feel like the thing to do there always, because of course you don't know if they're just doing like a cleaning, right? I think the universal symbol for are you open is standing outside the door and moving your hands from a praying position to an open handed position. Are you open? You know, like, are you open? And then they just give you the, I've never done that in my life. What, but it works. Because then you do the, like, are you open a book? Are you open? That's crazy. Is that? No, I've never seen anyone do that hand motion.

It works for me. I've never. And they're just like, they give me the, they give me the hands across the neck. Yeah. I guess I mouth it. I just go open. Yeah. But it's funny to, I think, that's why you have to like lock the door because people will just bust in if the door's open they're like feed me feed me but you know the thing is that the a lot of the things that bugs servers like it will be a consistent theme throughout this episode is when you're in one particular job people will keep coming to you with the same shit yeah but it's a one-off experience for this person yes but for you it's like the 20th time today you've been asked this thing. So it's like you have to balance between what's irritating to me because I get

this shit all the time. Yeah. But what's also acceptable for a person to ask because they could not be aware of how irritating it is. It's like when a celebrity gets big for something. And they're like irritated because it's 20th time somebody's asked him for a selfie. But it's that one time that they've been an asshole to that person. They're like, I asked him for a selfie. And he told me he was fucking busy. Well, you think of a celebrity and like what they're known for. like let's say a quote um like Jennifer Coolidge the gays are trying to kill me and you see Jennifer Coolidge and as you're walking by you go the gays are trying to kill me to you you're like this is hilarious to her that's the 80th time this week someone said it to her and she starts to get a

little bit like yeah so you're like what the fuck that was rude yeah that never happened I'm just saying hypothetically but they're living their experience you're living your experience so or Dave Chappelle getting I'm Rick James yeah I know I know yeah or yeah musician that people are like can you sing this song and in your head you're like it's such a great song and in their head they're like if I have to sing this song again I'm going to jump off a cliff but it's a good reminder that when someone's rude to you or annoying to you they're living their own they're projecting their own shit onto you and it's not personal to you as I get older because I'm I'm a little sensitive Sally if someone um is rude to me when I like

ask a question when they're working somewhere I get like upset like I'm thinking that was he mean like that was me why was she saying like that and i was just asking directions but she's had a fucking day yes and she's had 40 people asking the same question i get really annoyed when it's obviously like the system that's a problem like you know if these people show up for work and the bathroom isn't working and they haven't fixed it but they're the ones that have to take the heat by saying sorry the bathroom isn't working when it's management that should have fixed it. Yes. And, but they're dealing with customers being like, how is the bathroom not working? And you're just like, I'm just the middleman. I'm just the messenger. You know, I know,

but that's, you know, it's so hard because sometimes like, this would be more like a healthcare situation or sometimes like something a bit more serious or like not serious, like dealing with your cable TV company or something. Right. And like, you know that you're dealing with somebody who is not responsible for your problem. So I do, I have been very irritated. And I always say, I know that there's nothing you can do, but I think you can understand how fucking infuriating this is. Well, that's what customer service is an art. Yes.

And some people are fucking amazing at it. And part of customer service, depending on it, is like you want the person to feel like they're heard. And it's really an art form to make them feel better to the point that you're like, I'm on your team. I'm trying my best. Instead of the whole like, sorry,

it's not going to work type thing. But there's a special place in hell for a coffee shop that allows seating that doesn't have a fucking bathroom. Yeah. And because drinking coffee makes you want to take a shit. It's a laxative. Yeah. And if you have given good coffee and said, you can sit here and relax and enjoy that coffee,

but then you say, no, sorry, you know, cost no bathroom for, it's like, well, where are your staff taking a shit? Yeah. You know? But also, because I know there's a bathroom in here. They're not the ones, like they've been told by someone higher up to say. say no. Yeah.

That's when I, you got to give him a little, maybe like, it's an emergency or like, are you sure? I hate when I do the like, please and they're like, no. And I'm like, okay, I'm clearly not pretty enough. Never having, never having coffee here again. I've turned my back on a couple of places that have pulled some nonsense. I'm now, as every episode happens, I remember things. But I got this job doing marketing for a T-shirt company.

And I thought I was going to be like a marketing guru. Turns out I was just doing customer service all day over email. And customer service had T-shirt company is basically people being like, hey, where's my order? Or, hey, my order says delivered. It's not here. It says X-L, but this is clearly not an X-L. Yeah. So, like, it's just like us fucking up the whole time.

So it's me being like, we fucked up. I'm sorry. I'm sending this out to you right now. But then there's the people, I wasn't allowed for someone to just be like, hey, it didn't arrive. I had to be like, I couldn't just send out a free t-shirt at first. Like, I had, there was like protocol. Like, I had to be like, have you checked your neighbors? Which obviously, like, I can't make them check their neighbors.

Also, USPS fucks up a lot too. But then towards the end, I started getting willy-nilly. And I was just sending out T-shirts to people because I was like, you can't find it here. I'll send it to you. Oh, really? Did you get in trouble? No, my job was to make sure people were happy, you know? So you just like giving people free shit?

Well, when they were upset, I was like, Hannah, Hannah's rating is really going up. I hated when people were upset. And if they couldn't find it, I just was like, yeah, they would rate you and stuff. So I was just like, I'm so sorry here. I feel like you have to have a certain person. I like, I don't have a, I say yes to everything. Rent a car companies have to hire somebody who just loves inflicting pain.

So that when you come back, you're like, this scratch wasn't here. Well, you think about, I really do think that people should be required to take like personality tests to see what career they should go into. because I was even thinking about, like, people who work at hospitals, like, surgeons and stuff, depending on the kind, like, you have to be able to deal with, like, seeing trauma every day and then going back to your family and being, like, normal. Yes. And then, like, customer service, you have to deal with getting yelled at sometimes all day long

and being able to handle that. And some people can, and that's why they're, like, great at it. And then some people should not go near it. And then some people have, if you have a short fuse, you cannot be. customer service. Oh, I can't be. I can never be in customer service. You'd be so bad at customer service. No, I'd be great at it until the day that I wasn't. Yeah. Not a chance. Yeah. I mean, I had it a couple times when I worked, I worked in Aiman Doran's in Dublin, who was my godfather, but he was dead. But anyway, there's always, what is that? It was a bar. Sorry, and once or twice, like, oh,

you know what it was? I remember, I lost the head one day. So this guy was trying to say that he got a bad pint, you know, that the pint was bad. And I was like, oh, you know, okay, like, what do you want me to do? And he was like, taste it. And I was like, no, I'll just get you a new pint. He's like, no, taste it. And I was like, no, I'll just get you a new one. And he's like, no, taste it. So then I lost it. I was like, I don't fucking drink asshole. They need to destroy my fucking life with alcohol. So get your fucking pint out of my face. And I fucking, I lost it. Like, I really got angry. It's like, don't fucking force me to fucking drink something. I don't want to drink. I'll just give you a new one.

You know? But it was also very loud. There's also the other side of customer service where when people are too nice like when they want to talk to you. Oh, that. Yeah. And I think like they're bored at their job. Yes. But you're like, I'm just

trying to get in and out here. Yeah. I keep turning it to them. You keep ripping on the service industry. No, they're fucking perfect. I'm just trying to find relatable things to talk about. This is just relevant to what we've already discussed, which is how, like, this is very annoying because people hear it all the time.

Yeah. Okay. So, I work in a hospital. And the most annoying thing that happens is people have the same jokes. So I'll ask if people want something to drink. And it's always, oh, a martini. Oh, a margarita on the rocks, please. And I'm like, okay, well, this is a hospital.

and also steak and lobster and so it's always the same joke so I always give them the same response I'm like oh we're all out thanks that is so funny it's just the dads let's be honest it's the dads

you know you see a middle-aged man walking towards you and you're like I know what he's going to say that is so funny so we got a few of these also for restaurants what's the restaurant one Just, just, I want to guess, I want to see if you can get it. When you're a waiter?

When you're, what's the restaurant one from the dad? Oh yeah. Well, you go, um, how's the food? And he's like finished and he goes, we hated it. That, that came up. Yeah. I hated it. This is the question.

Do you fake laugh or not? Well, so here's the thing, right? I get it. You've heard the joke a thousand times. Yeah. But like, this guy has not told the joke a thousand times. Yeah. So it's like, I totally get how fucking annoying that is.

But you know what? Of all the horrible things customers do, which is a lot, let's be honest, they're fucking assholes. I'd prefer some bad jokes. To throw down a fake laugh six times a day? I'll throw it on a fake. I already do it every day, you know? That's just me experiencing life.

I love a little mercy laugh. Get us through the day. Yeah, you got to get it through the day. Yeah, I'd rather that than every three seconds you're getting yelled at for no reason by someone. It is funny because obviously celebrities can be divas or whatever, but the amount of normal people that are insane divas in like a denies is crazy. And I see, you see it all the time. Divas at Denny's? That should be like a series. Divas at Denny's. That's the new real housewives. Divas at Denny's. I don't think I've ever been in a Denny's.

Oh, it's great. I don't think I've ever been in one. You know, it's because I lived in the Midwest, we'd go to Denny's. Some of these, IHop, these honestly, great morning food. I'll never have a, I'll never have a bad word spoken about IHOP. Oh, my God. But it's what I realize now that I've like met famous people and then I know non-famous people, everyone's the same. It's just some famous people are assholes, some normal people are assholes and some people

aren't. Oh, yeah. And when you have the money, it just enables your behavior so you actually can be like rude. So what's a diva at Denny's moment? Because I don't know Denny's moment is like, they're like, okay, here's your seat. And you go, I don't like this seat. Oh, right. And they're like, well, there's no other seats available.

And it's like, well, I'm not sitting here. Get me another table. I want to be in a booth. Why did they get a booth? Also, we were there the same time as them. Why are they in it? Like, there's a bazillion things you could be diva Denny's about. Yeah.

Just Denny's have like a rewards program. It's like, I'm an elite Denny's eater. Or like, I don't want to sit next to the kids. I feel like they finish the food and they're like my home fries I said well done and they weren't well done can you give me free food some would say that stuff

that's like a scam there's scammy shit yeah all right let's this is this one name's a famous person but we will we will beep out the name ooh tea we'll beep out the name okay du moi yeah this is a do moi moment

des moi so many that come to mind but the one that we're going to talk about today is when we got an online order. I own a smoothie king with my husband, and this was 2021. We were understaffed. I was working almost every shift at smoothie king and working my own job. And Miss, you can believe her name out from Virginia, she ordered a smoothie, added spinach. I handed it to her when she walked in.

She handed it back to me, was yelling. unhappy because there was a piece of spinach the size of like your pinky nail, like tiny, that was not blended properly. It was not blended all the way in. It was just at the top. And so she started shushing me and yelled at me and demanded that I remake her smoothie. Of course I did. But when I handed it back, I told her that she was no longer welcome in our staff.

I'm really hoping she learned her lesson. Actually, maybe it's not a famous person. It's just a name. I think she just put up a person on blessed. she never forgot. Her worst customer. She has boundaries. She has a wall of people

that aren't allowed in the smoothie king. Also shout to smoothie king, I love you. Love smoothie king. And I feel like, you know, if there's a bit that's not branded properly, to me that's like evidence that there's real ingredients. Yes.

There's real ingredients in there. Also. What's the difference? Also, yeah, you have a whole, the smoothies are unnecessarily big at smoothie king. One leaf is not changing the meal. Like, you can swallow a fucking massive vitamin with water.

You think this spinach is going to get stuck in your throat? That's, again, like, that woman's, like, getting a divorce or something and, like, projecting her relationship on her. People, also, there's something about food that really can trigger people, like, and they use food to get really angry. Like, it's, like, disrespect or something. What do you feel about orange juice with pulp? You know, I think I grew up in a Sump pulp family. A Sump pulp. That was an evolution.

One of my grandparents liked a little pulp and one didn't. And I remember going to their houses. I don't mind a little pulp. The Sump pulp was an evolution. In my younger years. It was just Pope. Polp or no pulp. I noticed as time went on, I guess to solve a lot of arguments in the family, it's like,

well, we're going to have to compromise. We're going for Sump Pulp. Some pulp was invented to help family stay together. Yes. Yes. The divorce rate would be 4% higher if it wasn't for some pulp. It is funny, though, where they're like, do you want normal orange juice or do you want halfway done orange juice? Do you want someone who quit during the squeezing process of orange juice? Somebody who didn't want to use a sieve? I wonder who drank orange juice and was like, I want chunks in it. Well, when I was a kid, I hated pulp. But then in adulthood, I was like,

actually, pulp is, I kind of got into pulp. Yeah. And when I was a kid, I hated chunky peanut butter. But then in adulthood I was like You know what? I don't mind Oh I love a chunky peanut butter Like with the bits Yeah I didn't realize as a child How much peanut burn jelly

Was relevant in my life And how little it is now I never have PB&JS Peanut peanut Peanut butter Jelly time Jelly jelly Peanut butter jelly

Does that mean anything And a baseball bat What's that? I don't know But did you When I say peanut Peanut butter jelly Does that resonate with you

Somewhere in a in a severed place in my brain. Yeah, yeah. No, I was just wondering. I think it's from Sesame Street. Maybe. I think it's from like 80s Sesame Street. Maybe.

But here's the thing. And I think we've discussed this before, but when I was a kid, peanut butter and jelly was basically like how children weren't malnourished. Healthy. Well, it wasn't so much that it was healthy. It was just like a very accepted lunch. Yeah, caloric. For young people.

And then, I don't know, peanut butter went through like a kind of like a, bread phase where peanut butter was considered like unhealthy. And I think it had nearly two decades where you didn't hear about peanut butter. And then it has made... They really pushed cauliflower on us. Really incredible comeback in the last sort of 10 to 15 years. Yeah. I mean, almond butter, they really tried to make it work. They really tried. They put a whole marketing budget behind it, but it didn't hit. Listen, let me tell you, almond butter can suck my dick. How about that? I didn't want to say it. Because you know why? It's so weirdly clumpy. and it doesn't have the same

It doesn't hit the same It's not the same And anyone who says it does It's because you haven't had peanut butter in a minute Having peanut butter after almond butter Feels like meth And I gotta tell you something else Jiff and Skippy is better

Than a lot of this bullshit That these fancy cafes are popping out Well because there's tons of sugar In the Jiff and Skippy Yeah well Which we love Which I get and listen I'm not a scientist

And I understand that there's a war on sugar But I do want to point out that I ate sugar cereals every morning in my childhood and I had peanut butter and jelly with more sugar than humans were ever able to ingest and we were never fat and I don't know what the science is behind that

but I'm just saying it's more complicated than just thinking it's just sugar because I was knee deep in fucking peanut butter and lucky charms and I never got fat what was the question here? Oh yeah, smoothie king I got smoothie king. Oh my god with smoothies though it's also so

particular because they just if you order a smoothie they just list a bunch of ingredients you don't know like it could have spinach and it comes out and it's like really green or it's like you barely taste the spinach they probably get so many random complaints of people who had a vision for what they thought the smoothie would be or like this smoothie's too sweet you know and that happens all the time you're a smoothie and it's so sweet you could really drink it and you're just like that was my day that's my day today like that's what happened it's fine but these people who order something they ordered it and then they don't like like it, take the L. Like, are you just going to argue your life for every minor inconvenience

that happens? Yeah. How wrong does something have to be to be worthy of complaint? I think I talked about it on this pod, but the funniest story was when my brother and I, and parents, went to this Italian restaurant, expensive. My brother orders the Asabuco, and he's eating it, and bites down on something, pulls out a shard of glass. glass. A shard of glass. A shard of glass puts it down. Continues eating. Pulls out another shard of glass. And we start dying laughing because we're so, we don't know what to do. We're not that family to send anything back. Yeah. So we're like, we're feeling awkward. So then we start joking that he's like five stars besides the shard of glass, five stars is a akabuco spectacular.

So then I think someone, one of us finally was like, by the way, there was a shard of glass in this. And then I think they gave us like a free teremisu. Just a free tirmissue. I know. I think other people would have been like, he could have gone to the hospital. I would have called health and safety. You got to speak up because how many other people in the restaurant are about to bite into a shard of glass that can go and tear up their stomach lining. But we've joked to this day that we wouldn't say anything about shards of glass.

So yeah, it takes a lot. Like this woman's complaining about a piece of spinach not being blended. Like your brother could have died. Your brother could have, like, his esophagus could have been ripped apart. We haven't eaten at that many fancy steak restaurants, but, like, when you order steak, I just assume that it's, like, 50, 50, it's going to come out, right? Right. I do think if you're, like, you don't want it really rare and it's rare, you could be like,

hey, can they put it in a little longer? But if it's overdone, it's just, like, whatever. Unless if it's, like, a $70 steak at, like, the fanciest restaurant, and it's not cooked, it's cooked overdone would you send it back oh 70 dollar steak and you ask for medium rare and it's well done

and it's like a wagyu Wagyu beef wow I don't think I'd send it back I feel like it would still taste fine well yeah I know people who the second it sits down I'm a medium rare guy sometimes a rare guy but also

you know sometimes if I was really deeply honest with myself I'm ordering that because they say that's the way that you should eat it that in actual fact medium would be fine for me you know that I'm influenced by

I don't even know who I just married I don't know who I'm married I'm a food connoisseur you know like when I'm in Italy for example I will never have a cappuccino after 12 o'clock even though I clearly am somebody that likes a milky coffee after 12 o'clock

I will not go against their culture when I'm in Italy. Even though in the back of my mind, I'm like, what's wrong with you people? You're respectful. My thing is, whatever, first of all, I'm always starving. The worst is when you're at a group dinner

and you realize like, okay, this is fucked up. I could send it back. Every now and then, they'll like forget a side dish. So I'll always be like, hey, don't forget that. They've definitely got it wrong before,

like completely wrong, where like you ask for sausage and they gave you bacon, fine with that. Give me the sausage. But someone, they fuck someone else. They probably like switched it, you know? So sometimes it's good that you speak up because then they're able to just swap.

Have you ever got the wrong order? And started eating it. Kept it because you were like, actually I kind of think I would have preferred this. But I also won't send it back because you don't want to be the one person at the group dinner sitting there. Yeah, waiting for you.

That's the worst. That's one of the great injustices of life. Give me the worst food ever than me sitting there. Oh. And everyone's like, do you want to have a bite of mine? Yeah. But then some people, I think, get off on that. You come a charity case at the table.

It's like there's a hungry person at our table. But I do think some, I know some couples who get off on the drama of when they go to a restaurant. It's almost like people that go to a comedy show to be like, you're not going to make me laugh. Yeah. It's that personality. And then you have to like try to make them laugh. the whole time. They don't want to laugh, but they go to a comedy show. There's some people who go to restaurants to be like, let me see if you could make me like this dish. I'm not naming any

golf clubs that I'm a member of or any of my friends that are said members of this golf club, but you know who you are. There's a lot of them at my golf club. They love, and every conversation, we sit down at the table at the golf club and every conversation is like a pre-complaint about watch how long this takes to come out. I mean, how long does it take to make a bowl of Coleslaw. How long does it take? Although, like, we'll be playing golf. I'm like, you know, I came yesterday,

they never even brought out the coastal. Hot take? They love it. I hate when the food comes too fast. Yeah, I don't believe it. When the food comes too fast, I'm like, that was someone else's plate that they sent back that you just gave me.

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need to i need answered hi guys um i've been working in the service industry for about 15 16 years honestly there's just so much i could tell you guys stories the most annoying things customers do but just like in general just being aware like some people will come into like a busy ass restaurant and just think that like they're the only customers and we'll have you there literally every five seconds waving at you, snapping at you. Oh, that's the worst. And just like, yeah, be aware that there's other people out that are here before you, too. And everyone's food's going to come out when it comes out.

I will get to you and we get to you. It's not always about you. Be aware. Oh, basically this just leads me to the question. What is the acceptable way to get the server's attention? I do a little wave, but I also like wait for them to naturally glance over because it means they're kind of like checking on me. Yes.

And I give the like whenever you have a second. Also, if it's, if they're really busy, it's like telling a bus boy like, hey, can I have some ketchup? Yes. you know but what she's describing is what I was saying before which is some people lack self-awareness and social skills and they're going to be like that and everything they do but it's funny the second they walk in you know you're like oh no one of these one of these where it's yeah they don't give a fuck about anyone around them they think that your whole life is just serving them when you have 40 other tables so there's to me there's like a formula there's

like a balance between when you're allowed to get slightly irritated at the amount of time that something is taken. But most of the time in the perfect symbiosis of customer and server, there is just like the right amount of time that the right amounts of time that they check on you at the right time where you may need them or even just they make enough eye contact. But there is also the situation where the restaurant is too busy. Yes. Right?

Which is they're understaffed. It's not the service fault, but it's definitely not the customer's fault either. And if they're understaffed, it's not their fault. Yeah, it's too busy. And then you can't get their attention. Yes. And then there comes a time where you're like, what is the acceptable way? Because normally it would just be like eye contact or like a gentle like, oh, hey, like put the finger up.

Like, I have a question. Then they come over. No problem. But then there's a time where you can't get their attention and then eventually you need to make yourself more obvious. What is the non-abnoxious way to sort of take it to level two?

What is the non? Yeah, like they're not making eye contact, what do you do? Like, is it okay? So I'll tell you what I do because I'm trying not to be an asshole. But it's been the amount of time where like everybody up. Well, everyone at the table's getting like a little scutchy.

Yeah. You know? Is it okay to get up and go find them? and just be like, sorry, actually, we need a thing. Is that okay? Because that's like not snapping the fingers and it's just like accepting, yes, it's a little busy

but it's also like I haven't been able to get your attention for a period of time. I think it's okay. It's about the energy you put out. Like if you go up to them and you're like, hey, my table's been fucking away. You're like, because she's dealing with so many things. It's about like approaching her calmly and nicely

and just being like, by the way, when you have a second, we love the check. Thank you. Yeah, because then it does get to the stage where, like, I'm pretty patient at a restaurant, but there'll always be a moment where you're at the table and suddenly you're like, it's taken ages, right? Like, suddenly everybody comes aware. Yeah, I also think as a customer,

you have a certain number of times that you can, like, you do the initial order, you do the checkup, and maybe if you want one other thing, but, like, that's how much you get. You know what I mean? like I've definitely been in a place where like I've I've bothered them like oh can I have a side of guacamole and then I realize I want something else and I'm like I've taken enough for this person's time so it's like that in between where you have the amount of times that you're owed for them to stop by which is just a

couple and then over that it's too much but then it's funny it's like organize your brain it makes me think a tipping culture too because these people are are working their butts off and then you're expected to tip the same at a coffee shop with an iPad which with a Ruizu hates you. But they're putting love and light into your morning with your coffee. But you're like, am I giving 20% to this person versus the girl who's managing 80 tables and listening to my dad's bad jokes? Yeah.

Shout out. No, dad. You have very good jokes. Since the pandemic, I've gotten the habit of always tipping at the coffee shops. But yeah. If someone's behind me, I am tipping. Because they can see. That's the great debate.

Yeah, that's a whole other episode. Are they checking? Are they checking? So like, obviously. Can they see on their end? Yeah, can they see? They flipped over the iPad to you. Yeah.

You know, you hit 20%. Yeah. Honestly, if it's one coffee, I hit 20%. But you know, the problem is if you, you know, if you order like, if you order like a lot of shit at a coffee shop and then 20%, but like you're still, you know, you're not, they're not, they're not serving to the same extent, right? No. So obviously, it's, I think this is a reasonable. Yeah. It's a reasonable question.

But also, some of these places get sneaky and they do like a, the options. are like 20, 22, 25. Starting at 20 is obnoxious. They'll do that with sometimes, like with cabs. When you do a cab, they'll also have that. So then you have to put in a custom tip and then you panic because you can't do the math in your head of what 18% is or 20%

because they only put 25 as an option. Oh, if you start at 25, that's obnoxious. Listen, I'm a generous tipper, but starting at 25 is obnoxious. But it's the amount of people that just click it and be like fine. Yeah, fine. But it depends.

like if you if you have a humongous taxi like one of those crazy days yeah where like you know it takes ages to get the JFK and your bill is humongous 25% that's big I know I do think to in terms of all the customer service stuff a lot is about tone when you're a customer like having a nice tone it's you because you have to be assertive at sometimes we've realized like sometimes you have to do uncomfortable things and be like by the way you forgot this or whatever and it's the tone that you do it it's like we all all are living a difficult life, can you just have a little positivity in it? I hear this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, I can't stand when

people say they're ready to order and then you go over there and they just proceed to talk amongst themselves asking each other what they want and they can't actually decide and they're not actually ready. Okay, I just got so scared, because there's always one person when you're going around who doesn't know. No, and that person goes, you guys go, I'll figure it out in the meantime. It's like, why are you putting yourself under this pressure? No, because that's my way I order. I need pressure.

I need a deadline. Pressure makes diamonds. You're a deadline. I've been looking out for 10 minutes and I can't make a decision. I need the pressure. When it's just two people, you go first, I'm still deciding. And then it's like, oh, Jesus, what if I order too quick that I got to delay my order? This is where I'm actually annoying at a restaurant.

Oh. I have this horrible habit because I love food. I'm a foodie, a horrible habit of being that person that goes, what do you love here? What's really good here? And for some reason, I don't know if it's just the universe. They always name like the one thing that I would never order or like don't like. Like I'm not like a huge shrimp fan and I'll be at a restaurant. There's like, you know, 30 dishes and they'll be like, you got to get the prawns.

Oh yeah. Well, that's actually, but that's what that's where this prompt comes from because you said that last week. Yes, yes. That's why we're talking about this. Okay, yeah, that makes sense. I go, I thought we talked about it. No, but then I had to look them in the eye and be like, fuck you in your opinion.

Yes. And I don't respect it. I'm getting the cheeseburger. And they're like, well, you just wasted my time. It's back and forth. No, but she's not talking about that. She's talking about like, we're ready. We're ready.

But then they come over and they're still fucking dilly dally down. Or they're like, what are you getting? Oh, you're going to get that? I don't want to get the same thing that you're getting. It's like. The, the funny. There are a bunch of really funny reels or TikToks or going around where it's about when you're in an intense, it's always the most intense conversation. And when you're like, and that's when I realized it was an abusive relay.

Hi. Oh my God. Yes. I would love to order. Like, because the waitress is like, you guys have to order. But you know those people, that's me and my friends. You haven't seen him for a while you're sitting. And she's like, and then when I sat on his dick, I've never felt that big of a.

Oh my God. Hi. I'm ready to order. Yes. So they always come in at like the wrong time. There has to be said to be said with people who are like chatting and you, there's nowhere to come in. Like you just have to be like, can you guys order? I wonder if servers find it annoying when like some people are just like clearly just, they keep saying that they're going to look at the menu.

But then they keep getting lost in their conversation. Yeah. And the server comes over three times. Like, are you ready? And it's like, oh my God. I'm that person. We keep forgetting to look. Yeah, that's me.

That's me. Really? Well, because it depends. When you meet up with a friend, you're there to gab. So you're yapping, yapping, yapping. especially when it's someone you're even like not that comfortable with like you're doing like a work thing because when you're just with me and you like we sit down we look at the order yeah we're gonna look at the menu but when you're with someone you're like okay or is this conversation going well am i asking

when do we disengage yeah when do i tell them to shut up so i could look at the menu and then you're also like okay i'm not being myself right now what would the hannah order that i'm pretending i am in this meeting and i'm like oh i eat i eat clean now oh yeah and i order something that's completely out of character. When you can't be yourself. When you're like a little nervous, you're not really hungry. You can't be yourself. It's like dates, that's fucking awkward.

Oh, my God. I feel like if I was a waiter, I'd either love first dates or be like, oh, my God. I can't deal with this energy, this awkward energy right now. I feel like, though, that it's just a fun thing to talk about, like, when you have a second or you're on like a cigarette break and you're like table three, like clearly a first date, not going well. Not going well. I heard him talking about crypto, you know, or whatever.

she's brought up her ex four times but what do you feel what what is what is this weird obsession that we all have with you can't order the same thing oh yeah especially i have that i'm like oh you're gonna get that well then i have then i have to get something else and me and you are not really a sherry couple yeah we're not i mean listen i'll take a bite but like i mean i would share more often but you're very like, I ordered what I wanted. Why would I eat something I didn't want to eat? When we're in a fan, when we're in Chinese, you know, when we're in a situation where it can be like family style or tapas

or whatever, then that's fine. But, you know, there's certain, I just feel like certain types of meals are just not very sherry. Yeah. You know? Sometimes I do. Like, I don't want, like, I don't want you cutting a piece off. That's my thing. Yeah. I mean, you, you're not Italian.

It's not, it's not, no, because Italian to do family style. Well, also, a No, I don't mind. When the food's in the middle of the table and we're all taken, I'm fine with that. I don't want the sharing to be like, okay, let's divvy out our different parts of our plates. Well, some people, your meal is my meal. You know, that's the energy we're giving. Like, you ordered that great and I'm eating fries as you're eating it. But, you know, sometimes it's just like you're assuming that there's an equal amount of desire to have what you had. But you don't. This is also does a thing. If I wanted what you, you know. This is, Dez does not like condiments to mix or touch things. Certain ones. Certain ones.

So like if I have ketchup and my ketchup touches something. Oh, yeah. Well, that's the whole thing. It's like, you're putting fucking ketchup all over the plate. And then you're like, do you want to try my thing? And it's like, it's contaminated. We've talked about that in the pot. Yes.

I don't like cross-contamination. Yes, we've run out of. No, no, but I'm just saying that that has come up before. Yes. Yes. Like to me, one of the most disgusting things in the world is the empty plate with ketchup smear on it. Yeah. A ketchup smeared plate to me, or even worse, like in Ireland specifically, where you get like fish and chips or just like chips in general, so fries in like wrapping paper. Like they wrap it and then you see the wrapping, like the after you've eaten ketchup smear on the paper.

that's so funny because I feel joy when I think of that Oh my God I'd celebrate it Oh my I actually I can't even concentrate

I love ketchup I put it on everything I'll mix it in everything I can only put it on a burger Oh I put on everything The only thing I want And if I'm eating a burger And I put too much ketchup on

And it leaks onto the plate I keep an eye on that section of the plate For the entire time Sometimes I even wipe the ketchup off with a napkin. We're so different. See, I have ketchup everywhere. I'll give an example, right?

So say, I don't love lettuce and tomato on my burger, right? But I don't mind having the lettuce and tomato on the plate because sometimes I might like to have the tomato particularly, the lettuce maybe, but generally the tomato. But if like a drip of ketchup comes off my burger onto the tomato, I cannot eat it. It's inedible. It's the same thing. It's inedible. It's two tomatoes in different forms.

No, but I'm just telling you that it's not edible, okay? You sound like the spinach smoothie lady. I don't put, I don't put fucking chicken fat on the chicken. What if you get served something that is like mixed a little accidentally? Well, who serves the ketchup on? But, like, you know, that doesn't happen, does it? I don't know. I'm not going to get into it. I don't want you to upset you. Like, there's just nothing. Oh, God. And like, you know, like empty ketchup packets?

Like, on the side. It's a nice store of my life. Like, that's my life. An empty ketchup packet. That's like leaking. Well, because you like putting. I put ketchup on everything. No, but you like putting unused ketchup packets into our silverware drawer. I don't like it. Into our utensil drawer. I don't like it. It's called being normal. okay dialers on the spotify comments in the spotify comments when you have extra condiments like helmans mayonnaise strips domino sugar ketchup packets soy sauce packets from chinese restaurants where do you leave the extra ones because hannah stuffs them in the same drawer as are knives and forks and spoons so you're open to get a knives and fork and there's a fucking condiment tray in the fucking but like in no order just like smushed in there do is that normal because i hate it and we'll let them decide they can they can decide but don't let your

your loyalty to hannah or me cloud your judgment one day one day one day i was like oh i need ketchup or I need soy sauce or something and I opened the drawer and there was nothing in it because Dez threw it all away like I hadn't been collecting it for months to have this beautiful collection. Yeah and it was it was over overtaking our utensil drawer and all these like packets were just

like everywhere. It was disgusting. I'm glad that you cared about what was inside one of our drawers and not the state of our entire apartment. I understand that but I don't like cross-contamination and just the risk is just growing every day. What do you think about waiters that like pressure you to get dessert and like

fight you on it when you're like, no, thank you. Like, are you sure? You know, it's like, oh, do I need to? Or they're like, really? You're not going to have dessert, really? You are, are you guys? Come on. Come on. Yeah. Did you not notice the Diet Coke order asshole fucking back off. They pull out a gun. They pull out a gun. They're like order dessert. Eat the fuck dessert. Get the canole. Can I interest you guys in dessert? Oh, I guess it must annoy waiters when servers when you're like well we'll have a look we'll see if we can be tempted

and then you're like these desserts suck then you pick the cheap as dessert and share but they suck a lot of the time that's the problem you know it's like do you want dessert and then they you know they're trying to be over creative with dessert and then you're like listen man could it just been ice cream I do think sometimes they see me and you sit down

and they're like oh they're going to be drinking wine cocktails they get excited I do see servers no booze No dessert. They get upset that we don't drink. They get upset when we don't drink. We eat fast. Yeah.

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Head over to Rula.com slash burn to get started today. After you sign up, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them that our show sent you go to RR. urula.com slash burn and take the first steps towards better mental health today you deserve quality care from someone who cares let's get into this bad boy right here hi one time i well i bartended for like eight years at this bar downtown where i live and it was a rooftop bar super cool and we didn't have onion rings on the menu and one time a customer asked me for onion rings after he looked at the menu for like 10 minutes and i was like sorry sir we don't have onion rings

and he said, huh, do you have onions? And I said, yes. And he said, do you have flour? And I said, I do. And he said, and do you have like a friar? And I said, sure do. And he said, so you have onion rings. And I said, no, I don't have onion rings.

And he told me he'd call the chef personally. And I said, go ahead because it was Sunday and all the chefs were off because that was their day off. And so he never got an answer. And he never got his damn onion rings. And then he didn't tip me. And he shook his beer at me when he needed an extra one. love you bye

well she mentioned like shaking the beer yeah that came up numerous times shaking the ice in your glass to say you need another drink it's like a cowbell yeah like like who do you think you are ringing the bell like like

we're in a fucking you know old school situation you know fuck you no yeah again tones just little just like a little bit of kindness goes a long way No, but let's discuss how fucking annoying it is when you're like, no, we don't have onion rings.

And then they make it seem like, like, oh, but you know you can just make it because I want onion rings. You can add a thing to the menu because, yeah, they're not that hard to make. That's crazy. That's what he was doing. That's crazy. And it's like you do realize that like that's the same situation for like so many things, you know? Like everywhere you go, it's like, hey, do. you guys have smoothies?

I'm like, no, we don't do smoothies. And it's like, do you have fruit? And do you have ice? You know, do you have a blender? You can make a smoothie. It's like, yeah, but we don't fucking do smoothies. This is another thing of people just thinking about themselves. Yes, in that guy's head, he thinks, just do this for me.

That would mean that anyone can come up and just say something they like. And that's how they run their restaurant where they have to figure out how to make everything on a whim. That's like when people, you have to respect when a restaurant is like, we don't do custom stuff because it's like, this isn't, this isn't your mom's house where you go and you're saying, mom, can you make this for me? I don't like ends on the bread. I don't like the crushed on the bread. And I do have to say I empathize with picky eaters and I'm not a picky eater so I don't really know the experience. But you're always with that, this is kind of like, you know you meet someone and then you look at their social media profile and you're like

ooh i didn't realize they were insane that's like when you go with someone to a restaurant and you're like i love this person and then they sit down and they're like um can you actually can you actually um don't fry the chicken in this and then change this and then make sure the bread is like this and can you switch that and they're like saying it like seriously like they're not aware that this is insane. Yeah. And they think like, yeah, do this for me. How are it to do this for me?

That means they'd have to do it for everyone. Yeah. It's like, no, dude, these are the things we're doing today. It's been prepped that way. Yes. We're not fucking like, we're not changing the whole system for you. Yeah. You know?

And, but some people, you know, they're specific with their orders, but it's like, okay, then don't eat, don't eat that part of it. Yeah, it's like, we don't do poached eggs. They're like, oh, do you, can you boil water? I was like, listen, we don't do fucking poached eggs, bro. Scrambled, sunny side up. Fucking, let's go. Make a decision.

The only thing that pisses me off is when there's always something on a menu that they can't do. Because there's some restaurants you go to and like for me, I like cottage cheese. And places always say they have cottage cheese but then you order it and they don't have it. Yeah, there seems to be,

me and you have a similar problem. Yours is cottage cheese and mine is baloney. Yeah. These basically things from another time that we still like. They probably just didn't update the menu. Because cottage cheese was like in the 80s to me. Yeah.

That was like people that were trying to be healthy had cottage cheese. Yeah. Whereas we realize now that's not really like a healthy option. It's cheese. Just cheese in a different form. So, but you're a big cottage cheese person. I do, I do know that I used to get pissed off when I go to bodegas, which again, you should never get pissed off when you're paying $5 for a sandwich. but I hated when it would be like

they would just have breakfast to a certain time and it would be like five minutes after and they'd be like sorry we can't make bacon egg and cheese it's after 11 and you're like but I know you have you just made it five minutes ago

but I guess there's rules with there's some kind of rule they're switching the grill they're switching the grill but then there's always the like you get there just in time but they did it early and they're like no sorry

now you got yourself a little dilemma And now you're in a dilemma. And that's the great scene from falling down with Michael Douglas. You're not at a five-star hotel. It's 11-01. And then on your phone, it's 11 still. This is the thing, you're not a five-star hotel. It's, sorry, just move on.

It's not your fight to fight. This is really a battle between the customer and the service industry in this podcast. Oh, let's do one more. And we'll play out loads. Oh, this is interesting, actually. when they seat themselves at their table like without seeing a host or anyone and then they complain that it's dirty and they don't have menus and no one has greeted them like we have a host stand for a reason yeah that's not okay that's not okay that's not okay not okay as a hostess with the mostess yeah rule number one i do think some places aren't that clear with where the host stand is yes so sometimes Sometimes you walk in, but you wait to make eye contact with someone and then they point to a table for you. You don't just take a table.

This isn't willy-nilly. What about the people that are like, they come in two people and the host takes them to the table and they're like, sorry, can we have that table? And it's a four-top. Well, that's for four. You can't sit at a four-top. Yeah. You can't sit at four-top. As a host, that's the rule.

You cannot set four-top because they lose money. Yes. Because then a four-top comes right after. you can't sit at the two top and they leave and they lost $80. Yes, but some people don't accept that. Well, they've never worked in the service industry before. They get a stink on. No, it's not a free-for-all.

No, you have to stay at the two-top if you're a two-top. Okay, now what about this situation? You're three people and they put you, and I'm thinking about a place we go to quite a bit, but I'm not going to name them, but this is a Manhattan problem. Yeah. You're three people, and they put you at what is clearly a two with an extra table, with an extra stool. And you're like, can we sit there and they're like, well, that's for four.

And you're like, well, you know, this isn't for fucking two. This isn't for three. This is for two. You know, what are you like? It's annoying when you, if you order. A three has no rights. If you order, a three is hard. Because if you order a lot of food, sometimes like they legitimately can't even fit it

on the two top table. And you're like, this isn't a us problem. Yeah. And so here's my issue there. And this isn't a server problem. This is just an industry, the restaurant, what's the word? Policy problem. Yeah. And also you're a large man. You can't just be put on a little chair. There's discrimination against odd numbers. Unless they have a round table that can sit like five or three. There's an odd number discrimination. See, what I would do is I would tell them. This is an even number world. I would say I can squeeze you right now. in this smaller table. Like, give them the option. I can squeeze you right now in this smaller table. Or you have to wait for the foretop. But.

Or I can seat you at the bar. What's the issue? What's the issue as you get older with sitting at the bar? Lower back. And you have to look sideways all the time. And if you have an impingement in your C4C5, it hurts your neck. And every now and then you could sit next to someone chatty or the bartender's chatty. You're the bartender's chatty.

The bartender is bored. I feel like bartenders either want to know your whole life story or they hate you. There's no in between. There's no in between. And honestly, I don't know what's better. Yeah. I feel like when you're a daytime bartender, you have to be really chatty. And when you're a nighttime bartender, you have to be the opposite.

I want to know service industry's opinion of when there's a TV. Because we recently were sitting somewhere and I knew there was good tennis on. I knew there was good sports on, and they had news on. But I was like, I'm not going to say anything. But then towards the end, we kind of looked up, and the news was like horrible. Like it was about like a bunch of shootings or something. And the bartender finally saw it. Yeah, the bartender finally saw it and was like, oh, my God, why are we watching this?

And I was like, an hour ago I would have changed it, but I didn't want to be that annoying person. But then we're just watching people getting shot while trying to eat our omelet. So it's a thin line between what to speak up about and what not to. I think what we've learned is it's about tone and treating people like they're human. Act like a normal human. Treat other people like their normal humans and we'll be better. I know you're wrapping it up there, but can I just throw this one out really quick? Love wins.

Because this is something that has evolved over time and I have an issue with it. Here we go. I would say the most annoying thing is when a large table asks to split their bill multiple ways, especially if they're sharing things like appetizers, pictures of beer or whatever. I work at a college bar, so it's really popular. But when I go out with my friends, it's pretty easy to just Venmo your friend the money that you owe. It's not that hard. It saves a lot of people time, too, instead of your server waiting there with a card machine to go around your table of 12 girls

who all got this same exact meal? I definitely think that unless there's someone that wasn't drinking and everyone else was drinking then be like, hey, charge that person for their chicken dinner and that's it. But I may be wrong, but I think Venmo is the way you have to go. These days especially, now that you have that option,

it's like somebody put it on their card and will Venmo you. Yeah. I mean, it's basically tax. evasion. It's like, hey, I'm going to pay for dinner. You guys give me cash. And then it's like, yeah, it was a business dinner. Yeah. Or you're just like, I need to get the points. Yeah. Well, that's the points. Yeah. That's the point. Yeah. But yeah, that's a nightmare. And then you got to print out all the receipts and then no one has a pen. And then you're looking over,

people are tipping differently. It's a mess. Oh, yeah. That's the whole thing is you're splitting the bill. And then it's like, who's tipping? You got to, you got to consult on what the tip is. I also want to say one last thing. Some of these, some of these, some of these restaurant's a little sneaky where they oh here it comes they add 18% without telling you clearly they put in little little letters and the next thing you know you're double-tipping

oh Hannah doesn't like a double tip I've been burned before I've been burned before I won't be burned again no one could say I'm a bad tipper no you're a great tipper but you don't like to be you don't like to double tip I don't like to be cons and I never trust

I never trust that the servers are actually getting the uh i hope they are and you know what else i've noticed in a lot of hotels like if you get room service and you have to sign for it and you you put the percent some hotels don't give this the server the tip see that's insane but that's why i always ask and i can tell they were told not to be honest but i look them in the eyes yes and i said do you guys actually get it and they go oh um and i'm like they don't get it then who's getting i get i give them cash who's getting it the company man there's some sneakiness that goes on with that so sneaky so you know. So I always try to have, when I order rooms, I always try to have cash tips for the

I also feel bad because let's be honest, most people don't have cash. So the people who used to just be getting fives and tens and twenties all the time. You got to get taps, man. Everybody, they got to like, they got to create somebody in the tech industry has to create for the service industry like those little white tapy things, you know, essentially small credit court machines where you can just tap. But what it should be is like an automatic number. So it's just a simple tap. So whatever the normal tip is, say, at a valet or, you know, like the guy that brings the bags to the room, you know, that like, it's an automatic number tap. If you had an insane amount of bags for the, do they still call them the bell hop? I don't, you know, if you had an

insane amount of bags, just tap twice. And I feel bad because I know I won't have money. And so I'm to be like, can I take your bags? And I'll be like, no. And they're like, please. And I'm like, no. I don't have any money. And they're like, I will, I'm taking your bags. And I'm like, but I won't have money for you. And then I'm like, but I won't have money for you. And then I'm an asshole. And they're like, no, no, it's fine. I just want to help. Gets me through the day.

Makes the day go faster. This is what brings me joy. Yeah. All right. But shout out to all the servers out here on the ground. Be kind and tip your weight staff, especially when you come to all our shows. Yes. We love you guys so much.

Thank you for calling in. Yeah. Come see me next week in Royal Oak, Michigan and Zany, Chicago. And then the following week, Sunday, the following Sunday, I'm in Miami. Florida. And then I'm in Indianapolis and St. Louis. And I got loads of shows on my website. Come and check it out. You guys, I'm in Providence, Rhode Island, like today, Sunday, or whatever day this comes out, but the Sunday this weekend. And then I'm going to be at casinos near San Francisco, Sacramento area, and then near L.A. come through. It's my new show. I'm so excited. I also have

New Haven, Connecticut. No, that's tonight. I have a different Connecticut show and other stuff. So check it out. Oh yeah, and I'm in Mohegan Sun, the weekend after Memorial Day, and that's always an odd one. So if you're anywhere in the general world that could go to Mohegan Sun, great fun place, casino, Comics, Roadhouse Comedy Club, check that out. Anyway, guys, love you. We'll see you next week. Peace. Hi, Des, um, dialer and giggler here. Um, I work in childcare, which I guess is also customer service. My biggest pet peeve is the parents coming and be like, oh, I don't know how you do your job. But also like, isn't it so fun that you just get to sit and play with babies all day?

Like, ma'am, I am stopping your child from whipping toys at another kid's face all day. I'm not just sitting and playing with babies all day. I wish, but I'm not. Hi, Hannah. Okay, so I used to work at a retailer, like a clothing store, and I would work in the fitting room a lot, and my least favorite thing was when people would come out of the fitting room while I was already processing clothes, and they would hand me the clothes that they had tried on that they brought in on hangers, they would hand me the clothes crumpled in a ball

and leave all of the hangers in the fitting room. Like make it make sense. And the best part was when they would do it and my hands were already full of other clothes and hangers. And they would expect me to just be like, oh, let me just drop it and take all of that from you, like a freaking servant. Like it was just the logic in the, when you go in the fitting room, your logic apparently just goes out the window. Hi guys. I just sent one in also, but this just, I just remembered something. Freshly 21 to 20, like, five-year-olds or anyone like under 30 when you ID them are just so offended. Like they can't believe that you're IDing them. And I'm like, well, you look like a fucking fetus.

Just hand over your fucking ID. Okay? Also, noted, the older women who get offended when you don't ID them, and you're like, I clearly know that you're over 50 years old. You really want me to ask all seven of you women for your IDs when I know you're old enough to drink bottles of wine? Come on. Don't look at me and go,

You're not going to ID me. Oh, come on, be real. When people would shake their cups so the ice would rattle when you would walk by, so you would know they need a refill. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Des. I used to work at Starbucks, and we had the most particular clientele you could ever imagine. like these people would come in and be like I need my drink to have exactly 13 cubes of ice or I need my drink to have an inch and one fourth of foam and I will send it back and I think would get

a little ruler, and I promised to God they'd measure it. Bitch what the fuck. And they'd watch you from behind the counter. They'd watch you to make sure that you were doing it. So I have been waitressing for about eight years now. And the restaurant I work at is on the water, but it's open. So you're kind of outside. And people will walk in from outside to get there, and they will ask, oh, what's the weather like out there?

I'm like, you just came from the outside walking to our restaurant. The weather is the same on our deck that is when you were just outside 10 seconds ago. Thank you.