Berner Phone - Berner Phone #86: More Couples Fights

Episode Date: April 14, 2025

It's a new week, but couples are still fighting. Hannah and Des are back trying to save some relationships with advice on how to move past menial arguments. 

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hi, my little dialers. It's mom and dad. We love you. We hope you're doing well. And we're back with another episode about shit people argue about when you're in relationship. That's stupid. because the last one was a hit. But honestly, the hit rate of messages that came in

is without doubt the highest percentage of usable messages. And by the way, sorry, I shouldn't say highest percentage of usable messages because that seems to suggest that loads of people send messages in that aren't usable. I just mean that like so many came in that were just like a plus.

Really funny. Yeah, and I have an opinion. on every one. So we still have so many. Honestly, you could literally do a... This could literally be a pod. Like a full-time pod subject. You do three or four of these a week and it could keep it going.

And I'm sure you're going to be saving your exciting week for Giggly Squad, but you haven't recorded Giggly Squad since you and your Giggly Squad partner are on the Tonight Show, which is pretty exciting. Yes, very exciting. But in classic Since I know you're going to talk about it on Gigi Squad Let's talk about in classic Hannah fashion What you did

You did the tonight show And then came home to rest Because you immediately had to go to California And just been doing shows And you didn't even have a chance To really savor the moment No, I know Well actually right after Fallon

I was immediately by like 7 p.m. Because it gets pre-recorded earlier in the day I was just on the couch Enjoying some What did we order? Chinese food you ordered some Chinese food which you weren't happy with and then I had I had five spots that night

and at my first show at New York, second show actually at New York Comedy Club in East Village I somehow you came up like when I was doing a bit about being married and some people shouted out Hannah and then somebody was like where's Hannah and then somebody else shouted out she's on the tonight show

so you know what I actually said no actually she's not they already pre-recorded it and she's sitting at home like a slug after picking out on Chinese food oh thanks for calling me out I love that they're having full conversations in the crowd yeah I mean that was

actually the joke you want to know the actual joke I made I made a joke I said I said yeah I said she was on the tonight show with John Hamm and Patrick Schwarzenegger and instead of like partying with A-less celebrities, she came home and ate Chinese food and I was like, you should be out partying.

But I have to be honest, I'm glad she didn't spend some time with John Hamm because he famously has a huge cock. And, you know, I just didn't need her hanging out with that energy for too long. Very funny, very self-deprecating. Yes. No, yeah, it was so much fun.

and are you embarrassed that your wife has become a worm comedian? Oh, we can I talk about the worm, Hannah? You did the worm? You got to, I have no opinion on the worm. The worm is the worm, man. I've nothing to end on the worm. Can you do the worm?

I can't even do basic dancing. And by the way, The word wasn't my idea. Producers brought it up, and then I jumped at it. Yeah, well, it worked out. Six million views on Instagram or something. I know, the video's doing well. But we had, oh my God, we had so much fun.

It was... Well, save it for Giga Squad. I'm not trying to... I'm not trying to step. I don't... We don't save anything. We're just chatting. We're just chatting.

No, I know, but you know, you guys are going to... You guys did it together. It's your thing. We will get an... in-depth moment-by-moment analysis on Giggly Squad for sure. But, yeah, that was very fun. The worm is not one of our, one of our arguable things. Even though we almost just did.

We almost just did. I think it's fine that you do the word. Yeah, the next day I was on a flight. And I, because I- The next day, was at a chiropractor because I put my back out again doing the worm. No, I did, I was in Sacramento last night. and then tonight I'm in Highland, California. So I didn't realize my casino gigs in California

are the weekend of Coachella. Yes. And I would try to promote it. And I was just like, this is for girls who want to sit down the whole time. It's Coachella for girls who are like kind of ate too much and just want to sit and be bloated. So I think the show should be really fun tonight. Coachella is, I've never felt.

I felt older looking at Coachella. I have to say when I was your age, I very rarely say that to you, but when I was your age, I was actually going to a lot of festivals. I used to go to the electric picnic in Ireland a lot. I'm not a festival person. I'm not a concert person.

I don't, oh my God, I get so much, I don't like crowds. The whole concept of being like left in the desert somewhere, oh, it makes me, I need to know, where's the food? Where's the water? where is the gatorade where can I use the restroom where can I lie down where's the quiet where can I call my mom and those are all things that you can't do no there's a map for that there's actually a map that can answer well guess what I'm worse at anything reading a map reading a map I need a handler at all times I have no sense of direction I'd be lost you never see

me I'm that friend that's like hey I forgot something and then you never see me again and I'm lost the whole time. Yeah, but you have the time of your life. I've had that. I've just wandered. I also don't do... I'm not good at drugs so that...

It's just a reminder that I'm bad at drugs when I see people at Coachella having fun. I'm like, no one's having a panic attack? I've never been at a festival on drugs. I've only been sober, clean and sober at festivals. Well, you should be studied. But hey, that's the difference to me and you. You should be studied.

Because I'm not going to festivals. I just had to be in my late 40s to not go to festivals. You just never wanted to go. Perfect. You're not going to festivals, you're not going hiking, you're not doing marathons, it's perfect. Yes, I got all that out of my system before I made. Those were all of big, big red flags, huge, huge red flags.

All right, come on, let's get into, we get so many more needs to go. Let's go, let's get into it. Oh, yeah, I got it. We're back on our old system. Last week, by the way, I apologize, there was some sound stuff because we recorded in a different way to normal because we had some issues. and there was some anyway let's there was some

there was some complaints about various different things related to how many complaints were there there was a few but it's fine it was a good it was a good

it was a great episode but there was some you know we had to record a little different to the way was it echoing because we were in the same room no we weren't in the same room we were on Riverside

oh that's right Oh, and they didn't like it. Okay, this is an interesting one. I'm curious of your opinion on this. So the one thing my boyfriend and I will always get in an argument over is the fact that after I crack an egg, I will put the shells back in the egg carton. And then once all the eggs are gone, I'll throw the carton then versus he wants me to throw the eggs, shells. shells as I go through the carton, which I think is a waste of my time and energy when I could

just put it back in the shells. What is your opinion on that, actually? So as someone who actually does make eggs every now and then when I want to feel like a chef, it depends how your layout is in your kitchen, but if you do the egg and then decide, okay, now I'm going to walk to the garbage to throw this individual egg out, I always 100% of the time, we'll get egg yolk on the floor. So she's avoiding that mess, and I appreciate that. Do I love, like, opening eggs and seeing, like, all these, like, old egg shells in it?

No, but I don't think it's make or break. No pun intended. So I'll tell you what I think. What do you do? What do you do? I don't like seeing the empty shells in the cart. No. However, when I make eggs, I do put.

the newly broken egg into the carton until I'm done and then on the cleanup, I actually throw them out. But I do use that as like the temporary storing station for the shells. Because, you know, honestly, sometimes even when I'm making scrambled eggs, I just crack them straight into the pan and then scramble it up in a pan. So I don't have time to throw to, I'll be making a sunny side up if I don't get scrambling straight away when they go in. so I got to drop it in the thing and then afterwards I throw them out. You know, I actually like your way a lot, babe.

I like your way a lot. So that's a compromise for this woman. But I was also, honestly, the reason why I wanted to play that one was because there was a time where, not me, but I noticed some people like I lived with in different things, they would leave the shells in the thing and I was like, that's kind of weird.

But then I was doing it for a while, but I've come to my own conclusion that I don't like seeing them in there after the fact but I do use it as a temporary storing station. Yeah, I wonder, like, if you leave the eggs in there with the, like, old yolk hanging around. I don't love that vibe. I don't like that aesthetic.

Obviously, sometimes you get a little bit of a drip, but, you know, it doesn't... I'm not grossed out, but when I open the carton and there's a couple of, like, stains in empty... I don't really care what's going on in the empty holders. So, you know, that's our simple compromise on that. We've saved a relationship. And people say this pod doesn't do anything for the world.

Now, I saved this one so long ago that I can't remember what it is. But the headline is awesome banana rant. So let's find out. Okay, so something my husband and I always fight over is bananas. Okay, now hear me out. I find bananas repulsive. They disgust me on so many levels. They, like, smell while they're still in their little shell, okay?

And he buys them, and then they, like, touch my other fruit. They go in the fruit bowl, but, like, they need their own fucking bowl. Am I allowed to say bad words? I don't know. But they need their own bowl, okay? Basically, I don't want my bananas touching my other fruit, right? And they just sit there and they get all brown. and nasty, and then he eats them, and he thinks it's, like, funny,

and then they sit, like, the little wrapper, whatever, sits in the trash, the peel, and it's just like, oh, literally makes me gag. Anyway, fucking hate bananas. I don't know her name, but this little Tyler likes apples, but doesn't like bananas. He's referencing love on the spectrum. If you haven't watched it, it's the greatest show on television. season three was iconic go watch it after you finish this podcast of course um i totally

be prepared to cry i totally understand bananas are definitely it's like eggs actually where you get a weird bite and you're like suddenly the banana has is a little too much banana for me not to tell them to buy things because i don't want capitalism to continue winning all the time but do you know you could get one of those banana holders like that they hang on it like a shirt hangar. Oh, yeah. Maybe they got one of those. So he has his like hanging bananas in one part of the kitchen and she gets her fruit bowl. Or you can be messy like us and just have a banana on the counter. That's what we do. The bananas are on the counter. I, here's a thing. Call me controversial. I don't think bananas need to be in a bowl. I know. Yeah. I don't think that we're even

being outlandish to have the bananas on the counter. Bananas don't need to be in a bowl. They already have their own bowl. They're in a bowl. They're in their own, as she calls it, a shell. You know, it's interesting. Why don't they put bananas in the fridge? I mean, it's a banana skin or a banana peel. Isn't that what we're... It's literally like you're slipping

on a banana peel. It's like a slapstick comedy. Yeah. You know? They're not even that slippery, actually, banana peels. You've tried to slip on them? No, it's just like, that's one of the one of the comedy tropes that's based on misinformation. Yeah, poor bananas. They call their PR.

They're like, what's with this whole, like, I caused accidents and send people to the hospital? And why are you guys using me to say that you're losing, you're going crazy? You know? Banana PR is like, hey, guys, we need to stop all this association with people going nuts. You know?

And hey, and nuts are like, hey, leave us out of this. Meanwhile, an apple, they say if you have one, you don't need a doctor at all. I'm like, apples are thriving. Apples are thriving. And bananas are great. Banana's a great for, you know, if you're cramping, they have, what is it, they have potassium. You know, I don't, I don't know where this anti-banana propaganda is coming out.

And you know what? Growing up, whenever my bananas would go bad, my mom would always make banana bread, which was kind of fucking cute. And honestly, it's kind of cool that something could go bad and then be reused for something good. It's kind of like an ex-boyfriend. I made myself laugh. I have to I love bananas Big banana guy I just wish

that they weren't such a such a small window of perfection fruit you know because it's like they're they're not ripe and then they're too ripe in such a short space of time you could like have a conversation with somebody

and it was like how the fuck did the banana go black you know it just doesn't have enough of a ripe period yeah and then but at least it's less expensive than an avocado like you can like you won't pay your rent if you are trying to eat avocados yeah well we'll see what happens now with the tariffs wait you never answered my question I said why don't they put bananas in the fridge oh I didn't hear that sorry when did you when did you ask that I just I asked it and then you started talking about something else oh I just didn't hear you I'm sorry Chris can you rewind and play me

when I asked, and then him saying, oh, I love this. This is how we should always be, so we could rewind. Roll the tape, Chris. Let's see who's right. Yeah, roll the tape, Chris. That's interesting.

Why don't they put bananas in the fridge? I mean, it's a banana skin or a banana peel. Isn't that what we're... It's literally like you're slipping on a banana peel. It's like a slapstick comedy. If Chris was here, that'd be great. Well, I did record you snoring once. So this will be your...

Anyway, I don't think you're meant to put bananas in the fridge is the answer to that question, but I don't have the signs behind that. Yeah, I wonder why. Oh, but people do like frozen bananas with chocolate or yogurt on them. Oh, yes. And frozen grapes are.

Similar to an apple, once a banana gets bad, and it has that bad texture, it can really turn you off it. But it does have a certain smell once it goes bad, like the whole hell, house or smell of funky bananas. Yes. And so I can understand that.

But I do have to say as I, when I was younger, I preferred a much riper banana. But as I've gotten older, actually my window of when I like a banana has really shrunk. However, in a bowl of cereal or like with yogurt, I don't mind when the banana is slightly overripe. But when eating the banana on its own, it needs, it's a short window.

So as you've gotten older, your banana's less hard is what you're saying. saying. No, it's actually harder, is what I'm saying. It was actually softer when I was younger. I do like this topic, though, because this kind of thing that you could be so in love with someone, but unless you live with them, you'll never know that they have an issue with bananas and it could cause unrest in the household. And I have to say, I'm not judging you for having an issue with bananas, but I will say that in this situation, you're not

you don't have as much of a majority of support I think I feel like this is I'm not saying it's an only you thing and I'm sure there's some people listening that have issues with bananas but I but I do think that you're in slightly in the minority so you have to have a bit of bend now I understand your partner will be supportive of you

and we'll say okay you have an issue with bananas let's let's give you some issue with banana care but at the same time it's not that normal to be this passion about bananas not touching other fruit. You are right. Like if she said, hey, I hate cilantro and my husband puts cilantro and everything,

you'd be like, look, half the world hates cilantro. You know, you got to compromise. This, you know, we're going to take her side because we believe in women. But we understand his point in that bananas are probably one the most popular fruits there are. Yeah, and it's not hard to separate them.

So you guys are going to be able to get through this. We think you're going to make it. We think you guys are going to make it. are going to make it. Wait, you know those Instagram reels that'll be like, this doctor can tell if this couple is going to get a divorce by watching them talk for five seconds

based on their body language. That's what this podcast is. We hear their problem and we tell them if they're going to get a divorce or not. Right. That never comes up on my algorithm. That's one of our algorithmic differences. Oh, well, basically what they say is when you see

a couple talking, if one of the couple grimaces they're going to get a divorce because it means they're like ashamed or something and they were like that emotion is very hard to overcome. That's ridiculous. Every like every marriage that lasts gets to the grimacing phase. If you're not at the phase of your marriage

where you're like, oh, will you ever stop talking? Then it's not a successful marriage. Is he talking again? Oh, he's doing that story again. times you're going to tell that story. Do you have to have an opinion on everything? The waitress doesn't think you're funny. Stop with that joke.

That's where we want to get to. That's my, that's a life goal for me. It's a bucket list. That's relationship goals. Hashtag relationship goals. We have to spend more time in the same place. Is she doing the worm again? How many, how many major networks does she need to do the worm?

mom. Is it because the last one was a streamer? She had to do it on a traditional network. Oh, no. Don't get her started again. Oh, geez. Don't get her started. Oh, okay.

So next thing. What is she going to have to do it on a podcast next? It's also like not even that good of a worm. What, is she going to do it on the view? Is her and whoopee going to do it or do the worm? I'm trying to manifest you getting on the view. all right um make make sure you let me know if we did any of these because my mind isn't what it used to be but um this this one is uh he sounded just like my nana there oh i can't hear

any johnny what did what did they say i can't hear them uh this is this this this one's going to be close to your heart if we haven't played it before i don't know i feel like i played before only because this comes up a lot in our life Hey, Hannah and Des. I'm calling in from Los Angeles, big fan. One thing that my husband and I always argue about, and I love him to death, I just have to preface this by saying that, we always argue about planning trips. I love planning trips. It's my way of rewarding myself after working hard. It's a way that I refresh and get inspiration. For him, planning trips, it's like a chore. It's a thing he kind of dreads. He loves the actual vacation when he's at the but anything involving like picking the dates and thinking of the airplane and choosing the seats and going to the airport all of that stuff brings him a lot of discomfort and anxiety so i always have to like market the trip to him and sell it to him in a way that like dodges the eggshells or i guess i'm not dodging the eggshells i'm kind of walking on eggshells but i'm like getting what i want

and giving him something great even though right now he doesn't think it's great all right That's it. Thanks. I think this is extremely smart because she knows what triggers him. So she's basically saying, I know that the reason he doesn't want to go on the trip is because all the administrative work it entails. Doesn't want the admin. So then she takes charge of it. And I love that. I think that's actually a highly functioning relationship.

You know each other's weaknesses and you work around it. You work around it. Yeah. And I do, I feel like this is one of those things where I love going away. But as life has gone on, because of the internet, you actually have to plan more than you used to. And you can plan more than you used to, which kind of annoys me a little bit. Well, you don't have to, but you're saying it's at your fingertips to be able to plan every single second and know the right thing to do. no but also because like things now a lot of like things that you want to do actually do require reservations

because that's possible crowd control and then like you know the good rest sorry the good restaurants you know like they get booked out or the or even just the fact that you can research means that you then want to book those things and then i don't know it's just like it just seems like i just miss the days where the things you had to research were how to get there and then a lot of times you didn't even book like where you were going to stay you just like went to these hostels or shit anyway i guess i'm just annoyed by getting older well you remember a specific time where you were able to travel where you yeah you find a hotel then you'd be like let's explore which well you know we we used to have the lonely planet what's that we used to have a book called the

lonely planet guide and it was like everyone lived and died by the lonely planet but the thing about the lonely planet was it was really for the budget traveler you know and well the main market was the budget travel they always had high-end stuff in it but like really mostly it was budget travels so the cool thing about the lonely planet was it was kind of like you ended up staying where other budget travelers were staying and then you like learned a lot of information from other people so like the lonely planet kind of like gave you enough to get you going but then word a mouth would just kind of oh yes and it was a bit more organic you know word of mouth is still the best form of marketing but also the problem is there's a lot of false advertising too I feel like

some places are so good at marketing that it makes like the hotel look fucking incredible or like the restaurant look cool or sick and then you get there and you're like wait this sucks or Like, wait, the rooms are so dark or like, wait, this food is, they have one TikTok famous meal and everything else sucks. So you kind of can get confused online too. But it's funny, no one teaches you how to go on a good vacation. No one teaches you how to even vacation. And I don't know, I didn't go on a lot of vacations growing up because whenever there was free time, we would have a tennis tournament. But like, I wish in school they taught you like how to book flights, like how to book hotel rooms, how to check it.

Like just some life stuff. But I think that I've made mistakes while traveling and it's made me realize like it's okay. It's not the end of the world. If you get a wrong room or a bad location, you can always change. Yeah. The other thing, by the way,

just about the lonely planet was that like it was written by people who would go to these places. So obviously you're not getting as many recommendations, but they were there. Yeah. Whereas now I feel like so many of these places they've figured out the algorithm. They know how to like flood the zone with positive reviews.

And I feel like it's not really about the best places a lot of the time. It's just about the people that are best at the marketing. Yeah. You know? But I do also want to point out that I probably also miss the wonder of not having Google Maps. Like you used to just have to figure shit out more. And as you know, it's a difference between me and you. I get a kick out of the figure.

out. And a lot of the figuring out is now gone. Which kind of, I miss. The puzzle of it all. Yeah, and just, you know, you have to figure out where you are. You got to, like, figure out how to get places. You know, like, you couldn't,

for example, like, you couldn't book an Uber. Now, the great thing is that, like, Uber in a lot of cities, it's so much safe. Like, it's just a safer system than before. Like, even, like, even, honestly, even going to Rome. Like, the first time I went, like I think

1999 was the first time that I went to Italy on my own like solo traveler and I remember like being told like oh be careful like the taxis will rip you off you know and you're just flagging like regular taxis and hoping that you're not getting ripped off whereas now like

with Uber it's kind of like a lot of that's taken out now trust me I'm not missing the getting ripped off part but I what I do mean is that everything is just so much easier and I get it pros and cons, but I do miss a little bit of the mystery. Yeah, and I wonder if because of the internet and the virality of places and algorithms,

places are more crowded, or is it just a different form? Like back then, everyone knew this was the place you go. Oh, no, places are more crowded because people are traveling more, because traveling is getting increasingly more affordable. And it's also increasingly, I think honestly, because people can't fucking buy houses. they end up because houses

are out of people's price zone so they're like let's have fun and travel I think because we didn't put down a huge down payment Yeah because you can't do it

But you know Des and I We've wanted to do some big trips But we haven't We canceled We were going to go to Thailand You guys remember

We're going to go to Japan and Thailand Yeah But that was just because we were too busy Yeah we were too busy Also the flight scare me Like the length of the flight, even though, let's be honest, just at that time, the second of flight, the second a flight gets in the air, I'm asleep. I'm literally an infant in a moving vehicle. The second something starts

moving, I'm like, I'll sleep 24 hours, I think. I want to go to Australia. There's so many places I want to go. But they do say when you're in a relationship, you don't really know them until you've traveled with them. Yes, but we traveled a lot pretty early. Me and you, well, me and you are very compatible travelers because you're the adult and I'm yes and no and I'm the toddler behind you just following you and I yes and you have sent me a couple of those funny Instagrams about like the the man is like okay gate 64 let's go and then and it's like in the head of the man it's like gate 64 we have 15 minutes we'll get there we want to yeah and then the girl is just like I wonder where I'll get my nails done you know if I get a Starbucks right

now, a cold macchiato. But what I will say is we're compatible and not compatible, and I'll tell you why, is because if we weren't 100% compatible, we would kind of like head off in the morning and do stuff together, whereas I end up having like a morning on my own, and then the second part of my day starts when you wake up, which is not a problem most of the time, but sometimes it's a problem because there's just like certain things that require like a full day that can be hard to motivate you to do

the good news is I've done a lot of those things earlier in my like traveling life with who you know the getting up and boat trips friends and I've traveled on my own a lot Hannah classic by the way people go back and burn a phone and find out all the times Hannah makes jokes about previous women in my life but anyway

Wait, but I have to deal with 9 p.m. You're fading, and I'm starting the night, want to have fun. Yeah, oh yeah, so now when you say want to have fun, what do you want to do? Watch Dexter, watch Dexter. Yeah, exactly. It's not like you want to go to the club, and I'm like, I just want to go to bed. It's just like, you just want to have somebody next to you while you're lying in bed watching a show. No, we were really bad.

We went to, was it, where did we go? We went to Turks and Kekos. And we got hooked on Dexter at Turks and Kekos and we'd go to dinner like early, like old people. And then by 6 o'clock, you'd be like, I want to go back to the room, watch Dexter? And I was like, yes, please. And then we just watched Dexter for half the day.

The hotel room was so nice at Turks and Kikos. That was our replacement trip for Japan and Thailand. Yeah, but we literally could have just watched that at home, saved some money. But that was so nice, man. Oh, it was very nice. this beautiful place. And then we weren't go to bed at seven. We were having dinner at like seven. Back in the three eight lying in the most comfortable bed ever and putting on Dexter on the

team. That was bliss. Some people do have different vacationing styles. Like some people are really like if I'm on vacation, I'm lying on the beach with a book and a pinocalada and no one fucking bother me. And then there's some people who get really antsy and they're like, I need to go sightseeing. I need to go see stuff. We need to try this. So I could see how that could be annoying. However, I think sometimes that could be fun to do like a group because then some people can go off, other people stay. I used to be much more proactive with doing things. I've really might, I still like going to cool exotic places, but now it's not as much to be a total tourist. It's more to just absorb the atmosphere of a place, kind of passively enjoy the architecture

without like going to too many museums or churches and then mostly just like enjoying the nice restaurants and most importantly people watching outside of coffee shop yeah and me and you we that's what my main thing we do enjoy the same like kind of like culture like the cities and being in it and trying not to do that's the one thing i need things yeah i like the beach but i'm not big on just sitting on the beach all day but i do want to always be near the water actually that brings This is up our biggest fight. This is our biggest fight. You love the ocean.

I love the pool. It's a problem. It's not really. How many times is that? Big problem. Huge. They're usually right next to each other. They're usually right next to each other.

It's really not an issue. We end up, most of the time, we end up sitting by the pool, and then I walk to the beach, and then you go in the water once or twice. and most of the time you're sitting in the pool all day and I go, hey, I'm going to go and do something and when I come back, you're still in the pool looking at your phone. And it's really not an issue.

You know what I mean? Yeah, but you have to do the whole, I don't like the pool. I know you like the pool. I'm not doing the pool. Yeah, I'll sit at the pool. No, I don't like it. I'm not doing the pool.

I'll watch you in the pool. You can sit at the pool. I'll be back. You sit at the pool. That was my impression of us on vacation. The one thing I need, I need, though, I need like, at least one main street.

I need like a street that I can wander on. You know, I can't. Do you remember when I just, I know my parents are listening, but do you remember one, we tried to walk to some pharmacy because you probably need like some painkiller for something. And we ended up like on a highway

and then we were like in quicksand. Turks and Caicos. Same place. So does like to explore sometimes. No, I wanted to get, earwax softener you guys they get sexy on vacation with us it does no earwax softener because because that's the only problem but swimming is I have narrow ear canals it's genetic so to my brothers and my ears are blocked and I needed to get some earwax

softener and it's it was not that far but it just turned out to like not be the most walking friendly track but it was great though right we we felt like We were in Turks and Kekos for real. Yeah, we just, we thought there was an easier walking area. Yeah, it was my bed. It was a guess that didn't work out. But I hate just being like, I hate just being stuck in like, you know, you can't do shit on your own. You know what I mean?

But it turns out that it was like a game of chicken or literally a game of freeway trying to get across the street. We nearly died trying to soften my earway. But I also want to point out to everybody that it really wasn't that dangerous except that I couldn't run. So we really needed quite the gap. My knee was so fucked up. So it was really more to do with the fact that I was very slow crossing the street,

you know? And all these like Turks and K.Kos locals were probably thinking, like, what are these fucking tourists doing on this highway? Anyway, we've talked about this for a very long time. I think, I don't know, maybe hopefully you guys are listening to this way, you're going to sleep. it's spring everybody and spring is all about fresh starts so let's talk about rosetta stone what better time to start learning a new language than springtime with rosetta stone you can make real progress in a way that feels natural and engaging now as you know i love learning a new language mandarin and gaelic in my situation has been such an addition to my life but starting it can be one of the hardest things so

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All right. This is a big question. Hey, y'all, love you and all that. One thing my partner and I can never agree on is whether you're supposed to use a towel once or multiple times before you wash it. Because he uses his towel for, like, I swear, a fucking week before he gets rid of it whereas I use my towel once and then I never touch it again so yeah we can't get over that and sorry for the panting I just got off the treadmill because this was important interesting

I love how she was like I'm going to stop this workout because this is important um one I mean this is a good question one thing I found out about page is she has seven towels and she uses one towel per day but does she use that towel twice in the day or it's just like the one shower you know not to call her out but she doesn't shower that much oh it's known it's known she hair cycles a lot what is hair cycling hair cycling is this thing where you don't wash your hair

because you... Yeah, but that's healthy. Yeah, it's a... But you can still shower. Yeah, I don't know if... I don't know. But anyway, she's diligent. She likes to feel like her home

is like a hotel, which is incredible. Me and you... That's why we love hotels so much because the difference between the hotel and our life is immense. That's literally one of my favorite jokes you do. What?

You keep trying to... You keep bringing up the damn hotel joke that I never do. This is the second time. Do you love how I set you up and I go, I go, I love that joke. The last time, yeah, this joke that I never do. But anyway, we're not doing that again. It wasn't that long ago that came up.

I love being no tell and they didn't clean your towel and you go, I can't live like this. And then at home, we've never changed our towels. Yeah. So I actually think that it's better in general for the environment. It's totally fine to reuse the towel. Is that our excuse? Is that our excuse? No, no.

I, listen, everybody's going to have their own opinion, but, like, I think it's kind of wasteful to not use your towel at least twice. Like, there's no problem hanging a towel up and then using it the next time you have a shower. This is my thing. But I guess it's also, but here's the thing about Hannah. If we just used one towel every wash,

like, Hannah would be stuck every fifth or six day being like, all the towels are gone. Like, you know that they get washed hen around. They don't just magically appear. This is... So you have to reuse. This is the thing. I don't mind my own juices.

When it comes to bedding, when it comes to shower, it's all me, you know? Yeah, there's some old makeup. Yeah, there's some toothpaste on it. But you know what? The devil that you know is better than the devil that you don't know. So you're talking about changing sheets, too? Yeah. I mean, let's be honest.

We're not diligent. We are not. Some people need to like change their sheets so often. So one of the, another joke that I used to have about hotels and stuff, which I've never recorded and I need to, I need to find a way to get this into my next special, actually. But I always felt it got a bigger laugh in Ireland than over here. It was never get in the way of an Irish woman. and a freshly made bed

because like women seem to prefer way more the feeling of like fresh sheets, fresh sheets on their skin. Well, when you shave your legs and then you go into a nice fresh sheets, it's an orgasmic

out of body experience that is truly girlhood. You don't have that much hair in your legs though, so maybe you experience it too. Yeah, I know. Oh, so I remember the joke Now, the joke was, because I used to do that joke about hotel rooms just make you want to have sex, you know, because you're like, we're not changing this sheets. Let's wreck this place.

I was like, as opposed to at home where it's like, hey, honey, come on, let's go upstairs. It's like, I just made the bed. I just changed the sheets, you know? Because I say you'll never get in the way of an Irish woman in a freshly made bed. She's like, it'll be three or four days before we do anything in that bed. I'm not ruining fucking freshly made sheets. But I feel like in Ireland, that gets so much of a bigger laugh than over here. I don't.

Yeah, it's cultural. You know what it is? I think Americans just, they have a greater expectation of a freshly made sheets. So it's not as much of a thing of like, oh yeah, fresh sheets. I don't know why, but there's definitely a difference.

I also just, anyone who consistently like every week changes their bed sheets, like they should run for president because the admin of making your bed that often, it's like for someone with ADHD, that's like a torture chamber to me. I know. I find, of all the, of all the tasks, I find putting on the fitted sheet to be one

of those just things that like, I know when I do it, it's not a big deal, but before I do it, it's like harder than going to the gym. To me, it's kind of like cooking where like I can do it, but it's always better when someone else does it. Like, you know, like when my mom makes the bed. They need like Uber bed making. you know it's just like i don't need a full cleaning lady right now you know but what i do need is somebody come in and just like make my bed wait that is so good like target should just have like bed makers it's like hey we have the sheets so you know we have these like microfiber sheets that are pretty cheap so hey uh uber uber target uber and target uh collab right and they just come with

the new sheets and they make your bed but add like it to task grab it where you're like trying to make some money and you're just walking down the street and you get an alert like hey someone in this apartment building needs their bed made for 20 bucks can you do it and you're like sure and you go and do it yeah but you know I think we're giving away too much we always we always allude to how unorganized we are but I think we're giving away too much information they're like you're like this isn't relatable anymore this is these people this is mental this people like these people need to get it together no but this is our problem like I, if you were like, Hannah, make your bed or edit 20 comedy videos, I'd be like, I would love to edit 20 comedy videos right now.

So it's just like my issue. I'll tell you the difference you and me. If somebody said, make your bed and that I would make, I would edit 20 comedy videos. But if I had to edit 20 comedy videos, I would make my bed. You know, like, it's always like the thing that. I'm supposed to do seems harder than the other thing. True. True. You know? True. But also we haven't been in the same place like consistently enough to even have a routine of like oh Sunday it's cleaning day let's clean together. Oh yeah. No. Like it's been chaos. Okay. This is uh this is this is

this is actually an attack on me and and I'm not being paranoid. She she literally says it. Hey, Hannah and Dez, I'm very excited for this prompt. I originally was just going to call this son to make Dez really angry. But now I actually have a reason to make him angry. So one thing that I do that really annoys my partner is I take the whole stick of butter and I rub it on the nice, warm piece of toast, and they let the butter stick just melt on there. You get the perfect amount of butter, you get full covered,

you don't have to deal with an annoying knife. And there's just a couple little breadcrumbs on your butter, which adding breadcrumbs to things is kind of gourmet. So, yeah, anyway, let me know if I'm a psychopath or not. And if you agree or if you're going to try it. Bye, I love you. We love you. Des's face is so nauseous right now. You look like you're about to air gag.

No, honestly, it's not a fucking chapstick. It's a stick of a book. You don't. You don't, you're not rubbing it on your fucking toast like you're rubbing it on your lips, right? Other people, you know, your chapstick's just for you, but the stick of butter is not just for you. This is a communal, it's a communal condiment. That's why I live. Is butter a condiment?

I believe so. I believe so. A communal condiment. I do think it's, this is when you live alone, you could do this freaky shit. And I, I support this freaky shit. Honestly, when she was explaining it, I was like, yeah, rub it's slower. Yeah, I like that. the way to compromise

do what you do and then afterwards cut off a thin amount with the breadcrums and just cut it off and use it as extra butter honestly

I think I just I actually think I just came up with an idea you know the way like you always have the fancier lip balm which is like in like a mini tube

with like an angled an angled applicator with like a small hole why can't we have like a thicker almost like almost like you know remember when you were a kid with glue like why can't we have like an applicator where you can just squeeze a tiny bit of butter out but that it also has a way to smudge the butter

but it's just yours. I know exactly what it should be. You know like a push pop? Get like a push pop that has a thin opening so when you push it it comes out as a thin layer. We need to quit the pod and do that ASAP. Put all our money into it. We're going on shock.

We're going on shock tank with butter. It's called Bishop Butter. Yeah. Keep your breadcrumbs to yourself. Yeah. Breadcrums are bust. You know, and... Why am I yelling?

So anyway, you know, I... You know, I got to admit, I hate the breadcrumbs on the butter, but I never in my life thought about rubbing the stick of butter. Well, first of all, it's very American because America has those kind of like square sticks of butter, whereas that's not a thing, really, in Europe, actually. What do they use? That's like a very... A tub?

Larger blocks of butter, like the Kerrygold block. Oh, like a square. Well, you know, like, a lot of the American sticks of butter are, like, like four sticks or two sticks, you know, so, but with the American stick of butter, which you can just pull back a little bit of the, you know, it usually comes wrapped in some sort of wax paper. It is possible to do what you're doing. So in a way, despite my absolute, I detest the breadcrumbs. And if I was living with you, I would have to, I would, I would, I would slice away your breadcrums before applying more butter myself. However, I do appreciate the

ingenuity of creating a stick, literally a stick of butter that you can apply the way that you do. But also, because there's... Full marks for creativity. Because there's multiple sticks in the butter, maybe she could be like, hey, this is my stick.

And let me do what I'm freaky shit with my stick. And you can have the other sticks, but my stick, I'm going to fuck up. You know, one bit of butter in the butter tray, one bit of butter in the shelf next door. You know whose butter is which. Yes. Yes.

But your name and your butter. Yeah. Like your underwear when you go to fucking camp. You know, as simple as that. Like you're at work, and it's like, no one eat the tuna fish. It's mine. Yes, it's like we're not going to eat. Well, how about this?

We won't eat your tuna fish if you don't eat the tuna fish anywhere around us. All right. Deal. Done. Do you realize every single one has been about food? Oh, really? It's been banana. We did one about butter.

We did one travel. Yeah, we did. And we also did changing the towels. All right. Well, I guess we can't do a food. one now. All right, this is, oh, well, here's one that will mean nothing to you. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Des. One thing my husband and I will never agree upon is when you should empty the lint trap in the dryer. I refuse to do his laundry. He's a grown-ass man, so he does

his own, and he thinks that you should do it before you start your laundry, which is inconvenient for me because I think the correct way to do it is when you are done doing your laundry, empty the lintrap for the next person doing their laundry. That's the nice thing to do. But no, he believes that it should be done before you start it. So I have to check both before and after I do it because I'm a nice person and I leave it empty for him. Now, Hannah, first, we need to let you know what the lint trap is. I go, first of all, this has never come across my desk.

I don't know what she's talking about. this is above my pay grade when I heard this I was like Hannah will not even know what she's talking about because if you don't change the lint trap fire start right now I have to be honest

I was late to the party on the lintraff and I can actually remember shout out to my cousin Kevin who was visiting me out in West Hampton and he was like you know you gotta change that you gotta take this shit out because he literally like pulled out like a sweater.

You know, it was like a full fleece of fucking lint. I don't know why. I think lint is so cute. Well, when it builds up in the lintrap in the dryer, it's pretty impressive. It's like a little kitten. But I have to say that this is an odd one because you're both aware of the lint trap needing to be clean. But you've also decided that you're going to do your laundry separately. This is very interesting dynamic going on.

Right? Because I can understand in a situation where you're like, I'm not always going to do your laundry. But I feel like in a normal situation, not like our situation where you just seem to not know how to do laundry. So eventually you just have to be like, yo, you're... I've been doing laundry my whole life. I just stopped when I met you.

Yeah, what did you think I did in college? And when I lived in New York City. for a decade I don't know since I've really never seen you do laundry I assumed you found some other scam I think

I think my life is scam no no you just no but anyway but in a situation where like you both do laundry I don't get why you would just decide like we're going to do our own separate laundry but then

have an issue with the lint trap because like the lint trap it's like it's not a it's not a big deal why don't you guys just you guys got to figure out like sometimes I'll do it sometimes you do it's not like the end of it's not like the end

but it sounds like between him doing it in the beginning and her doing it at the end the lint trap sounds taken care of yeah the lint trap seems pretty fucking empty like here's anything right so she's saying that he wants to do it before and she wants to do it after but here's the thing

you know, two goes at the dryer is not going to block the lint trap. So why don't you do it every one and a half times and then your problem is solved? Sometimes he does it, you know, before or sometimes you do it after. Is it that they love doing it? Because when she does it after, then he can't do it before because it's been done. Exactly. So leave it for him every now and then. It's not the end of the world.

Let him have his kicks. I promise you. I promise you. I think my fucking dryer in West Hampton Beach went, I'd say five years. I mean, I don't know. Obviously, somebody cleaned it every now and then, but like, you'd be shocked how much a lint trap can survive.

So every one and a half, every 1.5 times, sometimes it's you, sometimes it's him. It's not the end of the world. Longs are sure, you guys are overachieving. Yeah, this is honestly, unless you guys are going to try to be in like the cleanest lintrap competition I think you're going to be okay

but I would argue and listen I'm joking okay this is kind of a joke but I think that the kind of like you do your laundry and I'll do mine is kind of odd

I can understand if like the other person just never does laundry and eventually you're like listen I'm not doing your laundry because you don't fucking do laundry but if you're both doing laundry that I don't know why like it sounds like because they're so good at the lint stuff they probably are also good at like she probably has like certain shirts or are cardigans or dresses or silk tops that she has to do a certain way and maybe she doesn't trust him to do it the right way

like they sound like they're like next level with laundry do you know what's funny I have no problem doing your laundry for example but I hate folding it that's where I'm kind of like that's the moment where I go why doesn't this person ever do laundry you know but the actual doing if it doesn't bother me yeah

but you know we're not going to push that any further but we'll fight about that after the pod yeah we can fight about that yeah listen we've been married nearly three years I'm recording my special on our anniversary by the way

wow are you dedicating it to me yeah yeah it It's going to be called laundryless. It's going to be called year old sheets. It's going to be called ketchup on your plate. Cute, baby. Cute.

Do you want to do one more? We've time for one more. Also, the guys from Stiff Sox, great podcast name, they did a man the street video with me. and they were like, if a guy doesn't wait this long to change his sheets, is it an ick? And I was like, I can't speak on this topic next. You don't want to out yourself.

They were like, how long is too long before they change your sheets? And Paige was like, one week. And I was like, I can't hear you. I can't hear you. I can't hear you of the sound of my skin rubbing loudly off my stiff sheets. Anyway, their podcast is called stiff socks.

There you go. Which is amazing that the podcast name is so, like, kind of disgusting, but it's funny how, like, you almost don't think of it. You get so used to the name that you forget that it's what it's based on. It's very cute. It's key out. We got to finish strong here. Oh, so this is interesting because I, oh, God, it's hard to pick when you get to the last one.

It's hard. Let's go with this. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Des. My husband and I have been waging a battle for the right side of the bed for the past, I guess, 12 years. We both want it. It's the better side of the bed. So I currently have it. I've had it for like the last, I think, six-ish months. But every time I leave the house, I'm like I'm scared for my life you know I'm going to come home and he's going to have it I don't know

it is an ongoing stress in my life and I'll never have peace wait so she's saying like if he goes to bed first he takes it no I think I think she's saying that if he goes if she goes away for like an extended period that he usurps it while she's gone oh

that's what it seemed like to me it's funny because I didn't know Which is interesting because, no, I always thought that the side of the bed had to do with the door that people want that. I didn't know, she wants the right side of the bed. But maybe. As in like left or right. Yeah, but maybe in their place, the right side is the one farther away from the door. But they say the man should be closer to the door, right?

All the, all the feminism goes out the window. Or is it that the woman's close to the door because she can escape? What is the... No, I think the man should, because it means, he'll get shot first. Yeah, I don't care. Well, we have a weird thing where in New York, I'm on the right side, but then in West Hampton,

I'm on the left side, and that just happened. But if you think about it, I'm the far. It's not true, though. You're on the right side in West Hampton. You're on the left side in New York. I was doing it looking at the bed. You were doing it from laying on your back. All right, which is interesting.

So then it's like, I don't even know what side she's talking. talking about. Are we, do you, is the, is the side of the bed this, when you're laying down or looking at it? That is so funny. Oh my God. These are the things you don't think about. Oh my God.

I love how our brains went completely different ways, but both of them are me farthest from the door. However, I know that I have, I guess sometimes when I'm alone, like right now, I'm, I'm sleeping closest to the door. But, oh, yeah, I guess when there's a man involved, I'm like, you go close to the door. Sacrifice yourself. Sacrifice yourself. She's going to sacrifice the king. I don't care. Yeah.

Like, in the situation of this apartment, you were moving into a side of the bed that I was kind of already on. Because, you know, when I'm in a larger bed, I don't sleep in the middle. I still sleep on a side. People who sleep in the middle are crazy. Yeah. Like, yeah. Is that a thing? I think maybe I also am weird though because I sleep on my stomach so I like my head actually kind of off the bed so I could breathe a little so I'm on the edge and then we have to have room for butter because butter does sleep with us yeah I I always sleep on the side but I different hotels I but actually now that I think of it when I'm in hotels no matter what bed you know because there's you two beds no matter what bed I pick I do

tend to sleep on the left side of the bed if I was lying on it which is the opposite of here anyway no but it is a feng shui thing it's like imagine meeting your soulmate and they want to sleep on your side of the bed that you feel comfortable on can we make it work

yeah that's like imagine you're so comfortable and then they're like oh I sleep on this side it's immediately there's tension well there's tension because i don't think humans are made to sleep in the same bed like just because you're in love or like married it's not always easy to have a good night's sleep when you have a hot heavy breather with you i understand we've discussed this many times yeah these so but i i say we're we're relatively successful at sleeping in the same bed i would say with this one it sounds like it keeps the relationship spicy. I know she says she's fighting for her life, but I think it's kind of fun,

like, what's going to happen? I think you got to put a flag down. I think you need to, you need to sign an accord. This, this requires the United Nations. Honestly, this is like, you can't, honestly, you can't change bedsides. I know, but this is something, this needs to be solved in your relationship. Like, by the way, like, how, So you're saying that like when you go out, you're afraid when you come back. I guess you're right that she's afraid when she comes back. He's going to have taken her side of the bed. What does he swap the pillows?

Yeah, I don't know what that is. I'm like, then swap it back. What? But Paige had told me that there's something going around about like one side of the bed is your feminine side and one's your masculine side. And if you're single, you should sleep on the feminine side because you get in line with your feminine energy. Yeah, sleep on the fucking night easily manipulated by nonsense side of the bed. silly silly silly but hey I'm such a cynic what can I do what can you do well we fought less in this episode than last one so that was good yeah well I guess they get less

and less contentious over time this were really this episode was really more about like the burning questions you know like you know and look we're always gonna change a towel we're always gonna side with our dialers okay so whatever you you call in, you're right and your partner's wrong, okay? Yeah, but these are just big questions that need to be answered. And that's what we're here for. If this gets out, if this gets out by Sunday afternoon, I'm in Miami. Oh, great.

Miami tonight, if it's Sunday. And then I'm in New Brunswick, New Jersey. I haven't been, I've been forgetting to push that, the stress factory, New Brunswick, New Jersey, the weekend after next. and Mohegan's son come and play some blackjack and come watch me the first weekend of June

or the last weekend of May and anyway and by the time this is out our book is going to be out in like two days so pre-order it right now how to giggle you're going to love it and I added another show in Connecticut

coming up in May oh wonderful okay everybody well great great to see you next week we'll have a new we'll have a new prompt next week so keep an eye out for that and thanks for calling in bye so my partner always wants to close things whereas I want to leave them open. So like the door to our bedroom, I always want to leave it open and he wants to close it,

even if there's no one around. When we're making breakfast, he will pour out the cereal and the granola and the nuts into his bowl, and then it's my turn. And I go to get them and he has already sealed all the bags. and that pisses me off because it feels like oh you were closing it even though you knew I wanted to use it but to him he's like oh I just close things when I'm done with them

and I'm like oh I'll just leave them open because I might want more later he always turns off the light in every room even if I'm still in the room that's crazy okay hi Hannah and does I fucking love you guys

I'm going to try to be quick because I never am. One little thing that my fiance and I constantly fight about and it literally turns into like three days we're not speaking. I will always say, yeah, let's start a movie. Let's start a show like I'm super down. I'm completely awake. It's only 7 o'clock. And then without fail every time I'm falling asleep.

And he's the type of person who like when he watches a movie, he watches a movie and I'm the type of person who I'll put a movie on and do like eight other things but specifically the falling to sleep part is a real issue because he will wait to rewatch parts of a show or a movie with me and I'll be like yeah let's do it and then I will fall asleep so he's essentially rewatching that movie or show for the second or even sometimes the third time it's become a huge issue with us and I'm really trying to not commit to movies or shows before. Hey Anna does

So my husband Will always use the newest of whatever I buy So if there's a half a gallon of milk in there And I buy a new one in case we run out He will open the new of anything Peanut butter, milk, cereal It doesn't matter what it is He'll use the newest of the first

Which is so annoying because first in, first out one thing that I will never agree on with my long-term boyfriend is the cushion level of pillows to have I literally need to sleep on like a paper-thin pillow and like on my arm every night and it needs to be so thin and needs to be very cool and just like nothing like I don't want my neck to be cranked at all and my boyfriend insists on having literal pillow stack of two huge freaking my pillows. And he literally sees with his neck at a 90 degree angle. And I'm like, first of all, see a chiropractor, second of all, that's insane. All right.

So one small thing that might not be that small for a lot of people. it isn't for me, is when we get home and my husband just has the habit of putting the luggage on our bed to unpack. To pack, it's okay if we clean it before, but I just don't understand the habit of putting something so dirty on our bed. So that's one thing that we just don't even agree to disagree. We just always butt heads about it. Hello, Bishop Burner, Associates, this is great for me because my husband and I don't fight often, but when we do, it's really only about this one thing, and that is if water gets on the floor, whether or not it should be wiped up or not. So, I believe that water should be wiped of immediately so you don't step on it with a sock on. But my husband thinks the opposite, and that if water gets on the floor, it's just water.

It'll dry. Have you ever stepped on water with a sock on? It's literally one of the worst things. So that's really all we fight about. Everything else is great. Thanks. Bye. Yellow and orange starbursts are better than pink and red.

But when I buy a bag of starbursts, they're always gone because we can share a whole bag. And no one fights over them because I like the yellow and orange. and he likes the red and pink. My boyfriend thinks that sweatshirts are called sweaters. Like anything that you wear on top of a t-shirt, he thinks it's called a sweater. But I had to explain to him that there's different ones

like sweatshirts, sweaters, fleeces, zip-ups, pullovers. We cannot agree, though. And we get, we argue every single time. Hey, guys. Love the pod. My husband and I have the cutest English Bringer Spaniel, Lucy. and every night we look at each other and we say are you going to take the dog out it is our biggest fight taking that dog out at 9.20 p.m. down three flights of stairs after working 12 hours as a nurse should be the last thing I have to do but here we are every night we look at each other and we say you're going to take the dog out right biggest fight can't love my husband but can he just take a dog out bye. I don't live with my significant other or have a boyfriend, but I feel like this is relevant for even having a roommate. So I feel like me and my roommate are never going to agree on whether

the toilet paper is supposed to go like over or under. Like I feel like I, my family never cared about that stuff. My mom doesn't care. I never cared. And then like once we started living together, which has been like for years, she's always like, it has to go over. And I'm like, why the fuck doesn't matter. So like, I don't know. Is that like a thing that people care about? And I guess like maybe it's like girls care about it more than guys. So I'm curious. Like I guess I don't know this because I don't, again, as we know, I'm single. I don't live with a significant other. But like, do people care about that? Like, I feel like guys definitely don't care about that. But I'm really curious on like if that's a hot take that having the toilet paper like you pull it from like having it being pulled from like over it or under it is a thing. this is my first time calling in, but one thing that my fiancé and I always fight over is who was the last one to put water in our curic? My fiance seems to think that every time he goes to make his coffee in the morning, I should have put it in, but I tell him no, because the blue light didn't come on when I made my coffee. So how is I supposed to know that I had to put more

more water to the curig. So that's just something stupid that we always fight about. And it's been a running joke. But overall, it's not my fault. That's the bottom line. All right, love you guys.