Berner Phone - Berner Phone #89: Gifting Mistakes

Episode Date: May 5, 2025

Gifts can make or break a holiday, birthday, or even a relationship. The dialers are sharing the best and worst gifts they've given or received. 

Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hi, little dialers. It's mom and dad. Oh, God, we're actually, we're embracing that now? I just think I've done the last four episodes. I love it.

Okay. I'm fine with it. It's Mama and Papa. And we are giving you a gift today. And that is the gift of this podcast, but also a clue as to our prompt this week. Which we will say straight away. Which we never do. Last week, it took us ages to actually say it. And somebody left a comment on Spotify saying,

I made it all the way to work before it does actually set the prompt. You know, it's 50-50. Some people like our little band. that has nothing to do anything in the beginning. And some people are like, we're here for the prompt. Give it to me. Actually, I haven't seen that for a very long time. Any concerned about it.

But so the prompt, well, actually, it came in from a dialer because they were looking for help for finding a present for their partner. But somehow, between the time that I sent that to you and you posted it, you posted it as what's the best or worst gift you ever got from your significant other. And since there is, I think, kind of a negativity bias in modern society, the internet kind of thrives on negativity. It was 80% the worst gifts that people ever got. Well, I figured that worst is funnier.

Yeah, worse is funnier. I think we did that once before, actually. Oh. I'm almost sure, but it's fine. Well, mom and dad are getting older and we're losing some of our memory. I honestly I don't know what was going on yesterday because when you posted it I saw that you posted and I was like great I'll go through the prompts in the morning and I never I never read it actually so when I started looking at the prompts this morning

it was all terrible gifts and I was like let me check what she wrote I know I consciously added yeah which is I don't want people being like he got me a nice bracelet I'm like cool story bro okay see you're you're you're you're you're you're literally the manifestation of what drives the internet. The internet thrives on negativity. Drama. So hey, before we...

The worst thing ever. Before we start, I want to touch base on a couple of things. First of all, related to last week, the Rumba got a lot of, a lot of defenders in the Spotify comments. Like a lot. Like I'd say 50% of the Spotify comments were like, I will not hear this Roomba slander.

So basically, a lot of people swear by the Roomba, and they actually, at least three different people on the comments said that it was user error. If you don't like the Roomba, you're doing it wrong. You're setting it wrong. And there's a number of Roomba-like thing, it's the robot, some other type of robot vacuum. And it basically learns over time,

it gets better. It gets to know your, it gets to know your house. So I would say that maybe the Rumba isn't the worst thing that's ever been purchased. And the Spotify comments influenced me. It was a de-influencing episode, but it influenced me to actually consider. I was thinking about it. I was thinking about it. Also, funny comment. Funny comment was somebody was like, the irony of the ads on this episode. We were like, don't buy anything. And I want to let you guys know about my favorite new product. No, we love all our advertisers.

We handpick all of them. We say no, actually, to a decent amount that we do not like. Des is very picky. Oh, I like, I'm getting the blame. No, I'm saying that it's good. You're like, I don't like that product, and I'm like, hell yeah. Okay, so can I give a shout out to a funny, real-life, Burnaphone moment that I had? Yeah.

So I'm here in Arizona. I'm in Phoenix right now, and I won't say the hotel, but it's near the venue, Desert Ridge Improv. And the girl that works at reception yesterday, she was like, oh, my God, I'm a huge fan. I love your wife, but I love you too. and I listen to Burnaphone every week. I even, I listen to Burn a phone here when I'm at work. And she said, I didn't want to bother you yesterday when you were checking in, but I wanted to shout at you.

Be careful. There's ketchup packets over there. You don't want to be over there. She made me laugh so hard. People should throw ketchup packets at you on stage. Whoa, Hannah, that's going to become a thing now. You don't understand your fans. They're like, like somebody heckled me with my second family.

yesterday. Don't, don't encourage, don't encourage your fans. The funniest thing about the second family bit is that it's only funny to us and to everyone else, it's like a big problem. Yeah, well, they don't get it. Well, because it's not a casual accusation. Yeah. No, because somebody said it last night. Like, it was, it was in kind of context. It wasn't like they just randomly shouted it out. But I said, oh, you know what I said? So I have a joke about my godchild, right? So I quickly make a joke and I say I have five godchildren I have a god family and then somebody shouts out you have a second family I know all these kids that are supposedly your god children I'm when I need to look that up my oldest godchild is like in his mid 20s now and my

my youngest godchild is like eight it's so funny that that you have so many godchildren I guess you're that friend I'm the heathen I'm guiding them all to a godless life but the last one who is actually my best friend's kid he actually listens to this he listens to Burn a phone

he's my best friend kid I've known him since I'm two years old his father obviously and when he asked I said listen I said I have four God kids already and I'm not going to say no to you but I will totally accept if you want to reconsider because your child is the fifth you know

Like most people struggle to love their third child, their actual child. Like when you have that many kids, it's like the last couple, it's like, whatever, you know. It's like, oh, I forgot about that one. But so my fifth God child, I did give him the option to pull out, but he wanted me to be the godfather. And he's a great God kid, actually, very, very well-behaved and included a joke about him in me and mama. But can I just say that I'm talking a lot? Sometimes people complain when I talk too much, so I don't want to over talk. Are you going to let a woman speak?

Yeah. Are you going to leave space for women today? So there's one other bit of, there's one other bit of pre-prompted business that I want to discuss, but have you got anything to say? No, I like that you've come with the ammo. Well, you were, you did yawn about 10 times before we actually started recording. I felt that you, after a very busy week of L.A. to Colorado to just an, like a very last minute addition to the Tina Faye, Amy Polar, Red Rock show. So you flew to Colorado, did that show and then flew back. So I was giving you the grace of, you know, just taking it easy today. Thank you. No, I actually didn't have that much to do, but it was more like the travel of it all because I was in L.A.

And I talked on Giggly Squad how I couldn't memorize five pages in a day for an audition. So I freaked out. But I wasn't able to say the truth, which was I was also nervous about opening for Tina and Amy. And it all became too much in my head. It just became too much. It became too heavy on my soul. Excuse me. You can't be a New York Times bestseller, a book festival talker, an Amy Polar, Tina Faye.

A Lula Lemon Ambassador. A Lululemon Ambassador. and do a fucking shitty audition for something you're probably not going to get anyway. Like, it's just one too many things, man. It's one too many things. Well, it was like this amazing day where I was like, we got New Times besteller.

I was announcing Lulu and I was stuck in bed trying to like put sentences together and then like negative self-talking myself like, you stupid bitch, you can't fucking remember this lawn, you stupid dumbo. So I also, I haven't cold open. for someone in a long time like I can't remember it sucks I hate opening I I almost thought it was a mistake I was like am I supposed to go on now right now

you got to go on you got to go out cold people are still walking in so this this was the deal and there's a video of it 15 minutes before I'm supposed to go up and like you know adrenaline starts hitting but you're like you're positive self-talk you're like getting pumped up you're like I'm on a this crowd's gonna fucking lose it. I'm so excited. We look outside. It starts pouring rain. Yeah. And I look around, I was like, is that, is that going to be a problem? They're like, oh, it happens all the time. And people are showing up in ponchos. Yeah. And sunglasses, very Colorado. They're not happy. Woodstock, 1969. I mean, they're very excited to see T and Amy, but it's, and it's a slow,

slowly people are coming in. Now, there was a lot of people there, but when you're filling in 8,000 seats. Yeah, and it's outdoors. looking pretty, and it's out there. Also, they just hiked up like two mountains to get to, anyway, it was a journey, but it's spectacular. And there's no air. It's a mile high. No air.

I got tired walking just up to the stage. I was dying, but I'm like, I'm so excited. I'm with my agent. He's like, you're going to do great. And I'm like, are we looking at the same stage right now? So there's a video of me walking up and there's like, like, everyone's still standing up, like, finding their seats and it's pouring rain. And I'm like, hey guys.

It's like, I'm not worth it. Go to the concession stand and get dry. I go, look, I need to take up 15 minutes right now. We all can decide how you want this to go. But when I walked on, there actually was a big excitement sound. I heard some gigglers in the crowd. And I kind of dug in. And I had like a really good time.

And the rain stopped by the end of it. And I was like, you're welcome. The rain has stopped. I'm a comedy witch it was funny someone message they were like everyone looks like condoms like you're just staring at all these people in plastic at you

you can't even see their faces and I'm not getting rained on but they are so there's something funny about that too but honestly like this is what the this is what the gods do is like oh you think you're great you did Radio City twice

you have a New York Times bestseller you're hot tomah but here's an audition that you can't even do and here and now you're just a fucking opener for people more accomplished than you I love getting humbled every day and if I'm not getting humbled there's a problem and I will be a problem you're not one to rest on your laurels I love getting humbled and I love when people are surprised like Hannah why were you a basement of a restaurant doing comedy don't you have more important things to do no I want to get humbled today. And that's what keeps me young.

Yes. So anyway, Tina and Amy were spectacular. And also I highly recommend seeing their show. It was incredible. They do improv. They do weekend update. They do like all these eras. I joked it was like the eras tour for them. So yeah. That's awesome. That's a bridge of the divide of generations because they're older than me, right? Well, they are a little older than you, but they were like, it's a lot of millennial women. And they were like a little unsure why it was so many

millennial women and I was like guys mean girls raised us it's our Bible it's I quote it every four days and a different one I rotate the quotes and one more thing about them now that I'm gushing but I always say like if they just did S&L I'd be like these women are beyond iconic trailblazers but then you forget they also did all the golden globes they also did parks and wreck 30 rock I mean, how many iconic things can a single person do both best-selling authors? So it was cool.

And after going on tour with me and Paige and then seeing them on tour, it was really cute because I was like, oh my God, me and Paige. We could do this forever. Yeah. So the other thing I want to talk about, just very quickly, because it ties into last week's episode, we had a funny Reddit conversation

or was that two weeks ago? No, it was it was two, that was two weeks ago, the app one, right? Yeah, so the Reddit, remember we had the jokes about Reddit and somebody said that they love Reddit because they have a Boston Terrier. And we did talk about the light and the dark of Reddit, but coincidentally enough, yesterday or the day before, reading the New York Times,

an insane article about a snark page of the influencer, Sidney Towles, who had become quite popular on TikTok. I wasn't familiar with her, but she became popular on TikTok, said she got cancer, and I'm only saying this way deliberately, said she got cancer,

was posting about her chemo, posting about her cancer journey. Obviously, I didn't even know what this article was about, so I sort of perked up because I was curious, it's like, do we have another Australian influencer situation here? Bell Gibson, right?

So I'm like, oh my God, like, when am I going to find out that this woman doesn't have cancer? so it's an article all about the snark page of this snark page Sidney Tau's snark that says there's no way that she has cancer starts she starts get the actual Sydney starts getting abuse and accusations that she doesn't have cancer and the New York Times investigates and she has cancer

she has serious cancer in fact in real term stage four but there is hope for her but it's spread to her liver it's a very severe cancer it's come back she's now in her second round of fighting against this cancer. And now, of course, the snark page is gone. They all fucking ran scared. But the reason why I bring it up

is because we sort of joked about the positive side of Reddit. But one of these days, people need to legislate against some of these snark pages because, like, that is disgusting. So for all our praising of Reddit, be aware that there is a dark side.

There is a dark side. But anyway, this is a fun, lighthearted episode. so let's get into it. Let's get into it. Now, Des, do you think I'm good at giving gifts? Oh, I mean, you're pretty good. Early on, you were particularly good, you know, when we were, like, making an effort. I think early in relationships, people are better at giving gifts and giving, like, orgasms.

I think you're on the, you're on your best behavior early on. You know, you put it out, you put it. I also think it's easy to give the best. gifts in the beginning because you're like, oh, he would love this. And then you get the gift and then you're like, what else do I get him? How many Mets paraphernalia can I get this guy? It's not, well, in a way, I'm an easy gift giver. I'm not an easy gift gift. It's not easy to give me gifts if you're somebody who loves to be creative with gift giving. Which honestly I do and I've gotten a couple of vetoes from you, which I respect. If you don't like the gift, be like, no, no,

thank you. Yeah, but what I will say is that I'm very practical. I will always appreciate just getting more of something that I always use. Yes. My mom is good at giving you gifts. Like my mom knows you love granola. She'll bring you homemade granola every time and you always get excited. Yeah, I like granola.

Like you get me fancy coffee. Yeah, get me fancy coffee. I did when we were starting out. This was during COVID and I did a cute scavenger. hunt for you. His men like to hunt. I was going to save that story only because somebody actually it'll come up when it comes up, but somebody had actually done something like that, which I thought was cute because I had had the memory. But can we start with some bad gifts? Yes, our best and worst gifts you guys have gotten. Yes. Let's go. Let's go with a funny one to start. All right,

to give you a little backstory of the history, me and my boyfriend at the time had been dating like a year and a half almost two years. So it's my birthday. And I'm like, oh, what's he going to get me? Jewelry. I don't know. Very excited. I go to open his gift and it is a Jeffrey Dahmer cutting board. On the cutting board, it states, if you can't beat him eat them I don't know the boy logic behind this at the time I did like true crime

but he missed the mark okay this nailed boy logic to a tea and I don't get any red flags from this man I think he saw this is a thing they're like

she likes true crime that's true crime She likes puns. Women like being in the kitchen. Because I once got annoyed at this guy I was seeing who got me, it was my first birthday, and he got me an iPhone case with cats on it and then a yoga mat with a Brooklyn Bridge on it. And I was like, did you Google me? And then like, did you AI generate what you think I would like?

And like, looking back, I actually was like, okay, he thought about it and he tried his best. But for me, I was like, this is so painfully obvious and like generic almost. Like, yeah, I like cats. I am from Brooklyn and I was doing yoga at the time. I mean, the cat's phone case, I can allow that. I think it's not the worst. But the Brooklyn Yoga mat is, you know? But like, looking back, I actually am like, okay, I get it.

That was boy logic and he really did try. Do people actually, do people have logoed yoga mats? I guess. I get like it, honestly, I feel like I really harsh on him at the time. Expressing their personality much through their yoga mat. Yeah, yeah, but like, no, I was at the time, I later was like, he, he literally doesn't even know me. But my thing is I love, I love giving gifts. It's more the time.

like I don't prepare enough so I'll be like oh shit it's so-and-so's birthday tomorrow oh yeah and then and I'd rather be I'd rather be like can you give me a week and I'll get you an amazing gift but it's like no I have to prepare beforehand for these things and that's my own problems yeah I mean throughout the year there's just too many gift giving opportunities too many I do like the joke like I like that it was funny that's why I think I didn't know that's why I left it in because I thought it was funny if you can't beat him, eat him, you know?

But the thing is that like, that's like, that's like a one-off joke. No, I know. But a cutting board is for life, you know? Yeah. You're not going to look at that. You like pit bulls and I got you like a pip, the dog father shirt. The dog father t-shirt. That was a good one.

It's like nuance. There's, I, but I love the humor. And I don't like when someone drops like a lot of money on something and it sucks. I'm like, it gives me like anxiety. I'm like, you have to return this. Yeah. But we've had, I've tried a couple of times with you, but we return them because it's kind of like, give it a shot. And if it works, great. And if not, return. To be honest, you and I are very similar because, like, you've actually, you always throw me onto the

bus for me. No, I've, I've told you to return multiple gifts. You've been just as resistant to, like, my efforts at being creative. So we're quite similar in that way. We like what we like. We don't like what we don't like. The first, like, nice gift I ever wanted to give you was I decided, We talked about that before. We took, we talked about that. We did. Yes. The watch. Wait, but did you know that?

No, sorry. I thought you were talking about the Burberry wallet. No, that was a big mistake. I mean, it was a big mistake, but you didn't like it. But you didn't give me the watch. Yeah, because there's a reason. Yeah. Butterfly effect, if you will, which is trending on TikTok.

Do you know what a butterfly effect is? Well, it's like you do a small thing and then it affects like a lot of other thing. Yeah, but people are doing it wrong. They'll be like, who knew I did this. thing. It's like one video. It's like, and then I'm a TikTok star. Oh, yeah. Or like, who knew I would study these lines? And then I would become an actress. And I'm like, yeah, that's just cause and effect. Yes.

No, the butterfly effect is, who knew I would learn these lines to become an actress? And then my part would inspire far right groups to go and destroy the universe. That's the butterfly effect. No, the butterfly, yeah. Well, have you heard of the burnt toast theory? No, what's the burnt toast theory? It's like similar, but it's like when you get mad about something, like when your toast gets burned and you're like, shit, I have to like make new toast and my days just sucks. Yes.

But how it's actually the universe for whatever reason needed you to not be on the timeline that you were at. Oh. Whether it was like you were going to get hit by a car or like that kind of stuff. So how when something bad happens, which honestly does me humbling myself every day. I forget something. I trip on something. the elevator breaks and how instead of getting angrier you go thank you universe for aligning me with my timeline correctly

well it's funny because people love to believe in just incredible amounts of bullshit about the world and the universe signs I love a sign but the funny thing is that really what the burnt toast theory is is the evidence of the truth which is that life is fucking random it's so random so random so just embrace it's it is so random because you could think back and be like... It's as random as Jemay. But you think like, oh, if I didn't burn my toast,

I could have got hit by this car, but it's like, yeah, also if you like put on your sock wrong and did it the wrong way, that would also... Like, everything is a bazillion things. Life is random. But it is fun to think about, like, if this one thing didn't happen, like I wouldn't have met you or I wouldn't have met Paige.

I mean... Yeah, if you didn't get booked for fucking Aspen, I fucking have two normal knees. True. You know, Paige wasn't originally on Summerhouse. Really? Like, we were getting cast together and they were like, she walked in and I was like, did you hear back? And she was like, no.

Oh, yeah, no, because I read about, I read that in the book, actually. Awkward. I didn't know that story until I read the book. Yeah, so me and Jordan got in and then she was told she wasn't. And I was like, I remember literally looking at her and being like, shit, like she's not going to come with us. Like, that's, I wonder why.

And then two weeks later, they were like, pages in. because the showrunner, like, they needed one more person and went through and was like, I like that girl. Wow. Crazy. And the Giggly Squad story is born. That's the butterfly effect. There's a load of, there's a load of Gen Z women with confidence

because Paige slipped through the cracks on Summerhouse. That's the butterfly effect. And if I didn't get fired from Summerhouse, anyway, so the rest is history. I wouldn't have been opening for Tina Fey and Amy, Amy Poehler. Even though you nearly said Amy Schumer, just admit it. I almost said Amy Schumer. Sorry, there's just so many Amies that I love.

It's so random. So, um, but my watch story. Why did you bring up? Yeah. So it's the first birthday of yours that I was like, I want to spoil my man's. Like he passed all the tests. He deserves it. What do I give him that's like, I'm obsessed with you?

you and I love you. He passed all the tests. I mean, I think we were engaged. Yeah. Possibly already married. Possibly. So I was like, you get a guy a nice watch, but obviously I'm not going to pay full price for a watch. So then I was like, I'm going to go, I think it was like to the real real or one of these and get a vintage watch. So it's like expensive, but not as expensive as it would be. And you get to be like, this is from. Okay, you're ruining the store. But anyway, go I thought it was about how you spent a lot of money on watch. Now you're just talking about how you're trying to get a bargain on a watch.

And you could go 200 meters below the ocean in this watch. I'm like, okay. So I get the watch. I literally go to the store, pick up the watch, because you order it online, pick it up. Get to the front and decide, oh, I'm just going to open it and like see how it looks. As I open it, there's no watch in it. There was no watch, like someone had taken it. So if I hadn't checked it, I would have left

and they would have been like, there's no watch in here and they would have been like, okay, you stole the watch. So they go, oh, sorry, we don't have it right now. So I, like, couldn't get the watch. And then I think I told you, I'm going to get you a watch and you were like, I don't wear watches, I hate watches, get me anything besides a watch. And then I was like, oh, okay, it's meant to be.

I don't actually hate watches. I just, I don't get it. Like, I don't think they look particularly, cool. I think that people's I don't understand people's love of watches, you know, listen I get it. People probably don't understand how obsessed I am with the New York Mets

or Severance, but like I find it just the strangest thing to be so into watches. One thing that's similar, one thing about similar about me and you is we don't fully understand like status with like designer stuff, like what you own.

Keeping up with the Jones's stuff. We both aren't good with that. And I think a watch is like what a guy wants to do to show like that he makes money I guess where there's so many fucking fake watches out there also like I don't know what watches are I've never seen a guy's watch and been like oh that's $100,000 pk or whatever picket pequat I don't even know I'm not up in at all and then I love when these guys are like it's an investment it's an investment I'm like buy fucking apple stock it's fucking investment Yep. Put it in a house.

It's a status symbol. Although I have to say, I have to say, have, did I show you Modi's joke about the Apple Watch? Oh, no, about the, what is it, whoop? Is there a whoop? Oh, yeah, whoop. Yeah, like tracks your everything. Yeah, so Modi has a great joke about, he's like, my, I think he said my boyfriend had a whoop or somebody was like, had a whoop.

And he was like, why do I want to whoop? And he goes, he goes, oh, because it tells you how you're doing, you know? Like, it tells you all your stats. It tells you how you're doing. And Modi goes, I have a Rolex. It tells me I'm doing really well. Which I thought it was a nice joke, even though it goes against our status of watch people. So I never got you a watch.

No, because I've had watches. Like, after my 100th show, my 100th show, in Vickers Street, they got me a tag cure Monaco, which according to the watch people, is a very fancy watch. And I kind of, you know, I, like Carlos Mendoza actually wears a tag here at Monaco. And like, I wore it, and people always reacted to my Monaco.

And like, I liked it. It wasn't that I didn't like it, but eventually the strap broke and I never fixed it. And I have no idea where that tag here is now. Yeah, you lost it. Yeah, like, and I, you know, I just like, that's gonna happen to any watch, you know? Yeah, I do think it's cute though if it's like, oh, this my dad,

my dad's from the war. Well, Aiden has my dad's watch, you know. I got my dad's wedding ring, which I lost in the, if I can put the Indian or the Pacific Ocean in Sydney. And Aiden got my dad's watch and he does wear it. I did get an Instagram post because my algorithm is on point saying people who lose things all the time are very creative and smart. Yes, which we knew already.

But that two creative, smart people should not get married because their life will be chaos, abject chaos, as they both love to just be like, how could you, what? What did you do? It's like, you did it last week. Shut the fuck up. So anyway, this comes from your lesbian, the lesbian team. And it's so funny because when I read this, I was like, finally a man has messaged in. But anyway, you'll see what I mean.

It's my lesbian correspondence. Hi. A few years ago, I gave my wife for Christmas a backpack leaf blower. It literally looks like a jetpack that she's going to go fly around the yard with. I will say my yard always looks immaculate now. So it's also a gift for myself. And really just being a lesbian is awesome. Actually, we had two lesbian messages.

The other one, the other one says, this is from one of your lesbian correspondence. Wait, that's a great gift because one, it does make everyone's life better. Two, it's cool. And yeah. I just think it's amazing because when I read it, I only see the transcript. And I was like, wow. I got my wife a leaf blower. I was like, this guy must be in serious.

fucking hot water. But then when it's lesbians, I was like, wow, what a great gift. Like immediately my perception changed because I was like, lesbian. Didn't you buy a leaf, didn't you buy a leaf blower for yourself or someone gifted it to you? No, and it was a great gift from Mark Hankin. Mark Hankin, shout up Mark. As a house warming, he got a leaf blower. And it was a great gift. And was insistent. How many times have you used it? I've used it twice. But we only got it towards the end of last summer. And actually, I forgot that I had that because I did actually need that recently.

So, but we, that was a great gift, actually. Yeah. But it wasn't like the high-powered one that this one had. And I'm sure there's probably a little, go ahead. Oh, yeah, getting something that has like a hobby attached to it or an experience is nice too. I mean, I don't think leaf blowing is like a hobby. It's like a, it's practical.

Like you have to blow leaves. obviously have a backyard or a driveway situation. Yeah, but I guess they have fun. Also, like, just shout out to lesbians, like, who have a home together. The home must be so tight, so organized, so well kept. Everything's fixed. Also, like, my best friend, Becca had a kid, and she's like, it's basically just, like, two moms taking care of this kid, like, it's easy.

Not easy, but she was like, it's pretty dope. So shout out to the lesbians for doing it right. Um, so maybe like a fetish too. She's like looking out at her wife with a fucking leaf blower or fucking backpack. It's like very funny. I like I should call her jetpack. Yeah, like her jetpack leafblower.

But anyway, that was also just entertaining to me because of the gender perceptions. Straight away, everything changed once I found out that it was a lesbian writing it and not, uh, and a husband. Summer is just around the corner and the folks at Mint Mobile have a hot take. getting a summer bod is out and getting your savings bod is in this spring and summer we want skimpy wireless bills and fat wallets and with premium wireless plans for just 15 bucks a month you can have both without breaking a sweat or the bank say bye to your overpriced wireless plans jaw dropping monthly bills and unexpected overages unexpected overages mint mobile is here to rescue you

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That's burner at hero.com. Dot CO. I just want to play this one just because of his name. Hi there, this is Giovanni from Brussels. Some time ago, because my dad was passionate about airplanes and he served in the Italian Air Force. We offered him as a gift tickets to see an air show in Belgium, but with the VIP package,

which meant that instead of getting there by bus or by train, We actually went to the military airport in the outskirts of the city. And there we took a plane with the military and it landed in the middle of the air show site. And then we were escorted to the seats that were assigned to us. So it was really amazing. Even though it was less than a half an hour flight, we loved the idea that we would live from a military airport and land in the middle of the show. Have a great day.

Bye. Honestly, I was just showing off that we have somebody called Giovanni that listens to us from Belgium and he's Italian. We are cultured and we are worldly. But also, again, that's such a great gift because I feel like so many gifts

you give someone and they're like, thank you. And then they just put it somewhere and never touch it. We're like, this is an experience. It's an experience. Exactly. I want to know how the fuck Giovanni even found out about the prompt,

but that's great. Yeah, I was immediately, I was like, is it your follower? Is it my follower? What's the Giovanni thing? Is that? Is Giovanni? Is he single?

Is that a lesbian? Is that a Luann song? What's the Giovanni? I feel like there's like... Oh, Giovanni. Feeling Jovani. Wait, Haley's going to Luan's cabaret show tonight. And she invited me and I was like, sorry I'm in Connecticut.

Guys, Sunday. Come see me in Connecticut. If it's Sunday, there's a couple tickets left at a show. Ridgefield. Ridgefield Playhouse. Bridgefield's playhouse. All right, so anyway, that was Giovanni. That was Giovanni.

We had another guy message in, but it was like it wasn't good enough. But Giovanni, just for the international flavor, I had to go for it. All right, let's go for a couple of bad ones. Okay. We had a couple of first anniversary ones, which I thought was great, because we both didn't know that the first anniversary was the paper anniversary. So here we go. So for my husband and I's first anniversary,

for our first wedding anniversary, which paper is the first-year-winning anniversary gift, I got one, just one, $10 scratch-off ticket for our first anniversary. I was real happy about that. Wait, what is this paper thing? Don't you remember? Who knew? I didn't know until we got married and it was coming up to the one-year anniversary,

and it's a paper anniversary. That's what it is. You're supposed to get a small gift like that's like on paper or like related to paper. Do you not remember what I got you for the paper anniversary? I didn't even know we did a paper anniversary. We did. It was plane tickets to fucking Paris. Did I get you something?

I don't know and I don't care. We are so bad with the gifts. I mean, essentially that was our gift for each other. We went to the French Open. This reminds me of there's like a schick where people. do the coupon thing? Would there be like coupon, one massage

for 30 minutes? Oh yes, yes. Use in the next year which is great because you don't actually have to do anything and then you could be like oh, it's expired

did you see the fine print? Yeah, I've never had a problem with getting massage presents. I'm always fine with like oh yeah, I got you I got you a massage at this nice day. Yeah, exactly. Totally fine with that present always.

You know? Yes. Because it's kind of one of those things where, yeah, sure. I could go, get a massage for myself, but a lot of times you just don't because you're just like life gets in the way. But then you get a gift and it forces you to go. And like, even a bad massage is like still a nice experience. So I'm a fan. Didn't you get me training sessions? That was a bad one. That wasn't a bad. That was when you were out in the Hampton's trying to get fit.

So I hired a personal trainer to come to the house. And the only reason you didn't do it is too unorganized. And you ended up using them all. Well, I ended up using them because you never, I kept trying to get you to organize it and you never would. Um, because she comes to the house. But, but you eventually, you did eventually go with her and it was great. And I, I wish I did it before because she was great. Um, okay, this one is fucking bonkers. Um, and of course, it's very Descoded. Hey, Des, hey Hannah. Love the pod. So technically it was a gift to my mother that my husband made and does i am also an adult orphan so i understand this but my husband made my mother's urn out of maple wood but when he did the measurements he only had the measurements for the

outside and so her ashes didn't fit in the box and when my brother went to go do that they got all over him so yeah that was the gift that's such a crazy thing By the way, you never need to worry about my urn. My urn is not important. Where is your urn? No, we don't have an urn, Hannah. We haven't got to that phase of our relationship. You spread the ashes.

Yeah, but you put them in an urn. Of your parents. Yeah. Yeah. You put them in an urn originally. Yes. Yeah. Again, thoughtful.

The thought was there. Yeah. Just make sure you get the size right. Yeah. But by the way, like, you got to pay attention when you're dumping the ashes. It's like, hey, it's getting full here. Let's be careful. Our mother was ashier than we thought.

Oh, God. That's so des coded. We don't need, you know, my brother still has, like, my mom's ashes in a closet. We never did anything with them. But for me, I think that I keep my mother alive by using her Walgreens number when I'm at Walgreens. And then every time when I use

our childhood number which is my mother's Walgreens account and then every now and then when they go you have $5 on that account do you want to use it? I feel like my mom is still with us as I use my... Beautiful, Dave. Yeah, my mom's discount.

She gave you yeah, an allowance of $5 that week. I love that. Yes, and I represent my current life, because you are my CVS. I use your phone number for CVS. Oh, so you know my number. That's my joke that I have.

But it's true, which is I now actually know your number, but not for romantic reasons because I don't have a CVS card. But that's actually, that's 100% true. That's how I ended up learning your number. There actually was a lot of earn humor in season two of the White Lotus. Really? Which I haven't watched. Oh, it was season one? Yeah, season one, sorry, season one was more the earn.

Yeah, I've only watched season three. All right, you might understand what this is about. Hey, Hannah and Des, this is like the third time I'm recording this, so hopefully this goes well. So the best gift I ever received was from an X, and so I used to be obsessed with the movie Silver Linings Playbook. I just love Jennifer Lawrence. And it was filmed near where we live. So what my ex did was he went and found where every single scene was filmed. And then he took me on like a little road trip to go to every single scene.

And then I was able to take pictures. And then we did like little side by side photos from the film. And then the pictures I took. And it was just like a really cute and thoughtful gift. Yeah, it was a good one. Okay. Love you guys. Bye.

I never saw Silver Linings Playbook, did you? It's the best movie. I recently saw it and told you you have to watch it. Oh, because I... It's on the plane a lot. Check out the plane, because I watched it on a plane recently. You've become a real plain movie watcher, I've noticed. I know.

I love it because I'm like, oops, guess I have to watch another movie. I guess I have to watch Wicked again for the eighth time. It's perfect. It's two and a half hour. It's two hours, 40 minutes. That was a... That was a cute present, I thought. That's a thoughtful present.

No, that was so thoughtful. Because not only is it like, here's a gift, but I also want to experience it with you and I, oh my God, that guy's great. I mean, I wonder what he did, because he's an ex now, but. Oh, did she say he's an ex now? Yeah, so maybe give us a DM.

Maybe he had a secret family, and he was overcompensating. Yes. See, if the gifts are too good, he's cheating. That's something I like to put out. Oh, my God. Do you remember? I posted something. Jennifer Lopez posted like an insane amount of flowers that Alex Rodriguez sent her. And this was like back of the day when I was a little more wild on social media. And I wrote like, if a guy gets you this many flowers for Valentine's Day, he's cheating on you. And like a week later it came out that he was cheating on her. With Madison, right? Yeah. With a blonde on reality TV

Who would have thunk? All right, here's another bad one And oddly enough, this gift came up twice, not just once Hey Hannah and Des, I'm a huge fan Hannah, I saw your comedy special in Florida And I went to gickly squad twice Because the first time I blacked out It was the 10 p.m. show.

But my worst gift was my high school boyfriend got me a literal trash can. He gave it to me in front of all my friends and family at a birthday party. It was one of those small silver trash cans that you put in your bathroom. And he said, oh, it reminded me of you. And then when I opened it up,

all that was inside was Twizzlers, not even my favorite candy. So I broke up with him and now my friends and family still refer to him as trash can Dan. Thanks, bye. And I came up twice. Somebody else message said

their boyfriend got them a trash can. I love a good friend. nickname. I love a good nickname. What I tend to do, because look, I actually like a present, like, let's say you made a comment, like, oh, I want a nicer trash can. That's to, like, add on to the gift. Like, get the gift and then be like, and I also got you a trash can. You can't just get the trash can. Also, Twizzlers, it's like, is that your favorite? I hate one's like, that's your favorite candy, bro. That's not mine. Why are you getting that for me? Because I have to say a Brabantia, you know, silver trash can, which is the main.

brand of those types high quality they're not cheap that was so adult of you to know the brand of a garbage can well you know you're in your 40s when since since i'm the one that largely has to deal with the garbage how dare you um i think the worst since you're so averse to either putting things in the trash can or when it's insanely full continue to put things in the trash can one or the other I'm not taking the bait on this I'm not I'm not I it's funny because I was thinking how like the worst thing I could do

is like not have a gift ready for you like forget but then I'm the one I don't forget it's more like when someone people's birthday is like I don't I'm just about you're just about to incriminate yourself yes I think I think you suddenly had your lawyer like tapping you on the leg being like enough.

She's not answering this question. Have you seen the Bill Belichick interview? Oh my God. So that was such a funny moment because they're like, so how did you guys meet? And he's about to. We're not answering that question. Which means she literally answered it at that moment. And I'm going to answer it right now.

Seekingarrangements.com, which is why they didn't want it answered allegedly. But, like, did she think Bill was just going to, like, answer it? No, well, I mean, it doesn't matter. I mean, she would have been better just letting Bill be diplomatic. Like, Bill is media trained. He knows how to not answer awkward questions. But she's like, that's enough. It's like, okay, it was seeking arrangements.com.

Like, we all know anyway. I love her passion, though. Get involved in his business. I like that. Yeah. Well, it's become a big story. Everyone's up in their business now. Well, they're afraid of elder abuse that she's.

she's, like, using his credit card and, like, signing things off with it. I shouldn't laugh. I shouldn't laugh, but I was a, look, I was a Giants fan, so. Oh, so you think, yeah. Well, you know, some guys think he's winning. Some guys think it's elder abuse. Who knows? Yeah, it's literally either or.

All right, let's. As Zarno Garg would say, she's looking for an older man who's a billionaire with heart disease. Yes, and that seems. to be what's happening. You want to go? Can you handle something kind of moving? I found this quite, I found this quite emotional. So the best gift that I have ever given to a significant other would be a gift that I

ended up giving to my husband. My husband had two kids when he was super young and they never got to meet their great granddad. And their great granddad was a huge part of my husband's life. And it was really devastating. when he passed. So I reached out to my cousin and I was able to get her to commission a custom watercolor painting for us to be able to have in our house. And on the watercolor painting, we took one of my favorite pictures of my husband's granddad and then a picture of my

husband and a picture of my two bonus babies. And she was able to do a watercolor painting with all of them together so that even though they didn't get to meet their great granddad, it still showed that he was there in spirit and he bawled like a... She ran out of time, but... He bawled like a... He was crying. Wait, that is so moving. Very moving.

I think I got a little choked up when I read it the first time. No, I'm choked up. I don't know if I could actually handle it emotionally, like seeing it in the house every day. Oh, but it's nice, though. It's nice. It does kind of remind me like. Uh-oh. Here she goes.

Here it comes. You're thinking about your grandfather? Yeah. Oh, my God. You guys, this is our biggest issue. It's not a big issue. Over my grandpa passing. And Des is like you have both your parents and still two pairs, a pair of grandparents left.

And you're so hung up on this grandpa. No, I don't. I know. We're joking. But like when my brother had, my brother was very close to my grandpa too. When he had kids, he would show them a photo of him and grandpa and be like, who's that? And they'd be like grandpa and trying to let them know, like, keep him alive in that way. But yeah, the photos could be emotional. But that's such a beautiful, beautiful thing for her to do.

Yeah, I love that one. I don't have anything to add, but I thought it was quite thoughtful. But, you know, it's very me-coded. You know, I love a bit of. that type of stuff. Do you have any other death-related ones you want to bring for people to start their week? Well, when we have kids, I'll be doing that with my parents.

It won't be their great-grandparents. It'll be their grandparents. Okay, let's, I'm trying to balance it out. Find a fun one. Okay, here we go. So this definitely falls under the worst, gift category um i love style fashion as all giggler girlsies do um but i try to be budget friendly because you can get a lot of great stuff from just like the amazon stuff as you know

but anyways i had a particular pair of boots that i asked for for christmas and um when i opened the box or what i thought was the box of the new boots that i wanted instead it was a suitcase with all the boots I already had and a note that said you don't need any more boots and I did not get any presents at all. And anyways, that was from my soon-to-be ex-husband. Had nothing to do with the boots, but, you know, definitely the worst gift I've ever received.

So she got like a scold? That was a fight. That was violence being chosen. Yeah, she got like a scolding. and I love how she's like it wasn't about the boots no it wasn't about the boots there's some some deeper shit going on there thank God that's ex-husband now

I would have taken that boot and kicked his ass with that boot I would have put him in a suitcase in pieces you would have and then got him a Jeffrey Dahmer yeah I got a Jeffrey Dahmer cutting board I could tell you can't beat him we love a full circle bit if you can't be nice if you can't be nice slice well that was gratifying

that was gratifying so shout out to all the gift givers out there it's hard but can i ask you can i ask you a question we're moving on does sorry come on i know you hate puns but you know i hate a pun my dad i forgot but my dad once gave his sister when he was really little he found like a rubber lizard in the backyard and he dug it up and he gave it to her and she's never let him live it down. Really? She brings that up all the time. She's like, he's so bad at giving gifts.

Remember when you give me a rubber lizard? He was like, I was four. Yeah. So is that it? We're leaving it there? Yeah, but now I feel motivation for us to step up our gift game a little. Really? Just to be able to tell some more fun gift stories.

You never know on burner phone. Do it for the content. All right. We'll start taking more risks with our, with our gift giving. Yeah. You know? Honestly, practical gifts

because actually the dialer that messaged with the suggestion of the prompt was looking for suggestions for gifts and like I do like I like subscriptions. Like we talked about that recently that you got your grandmother

New York Times subscription but like certain subscriptions that you would probably never get except that somebody gets it for you like I do find that those are those are good gifts, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

Like, people don't need, but it's exciting, and it makes it fun. Yeah, like, I remember a couple of times, like, I bought one or two of those masterclasses for people, which they got something out of. And my brother loves steak, and I bought him, like, one of these specialty, like, steak places where they deliver. Well, your brother's into whiskey, so I bought him a bottle of Middleton whiskey, which isn't just one of the, isn't just one of the premium Irish whiskeys, but it's also where my father grew up. So it was a, it was a double meaning thing. I also would I like, hot take. Like, when you're doing stuff and you see something that reminds you of a person, just get them a gift. Get them a gift and they'll remember that over their birthday present that you probably forgot.

One of the really good gifts that you got me was you got me a coffee subscription and once a month I would get a delivery of beans from a different part of the world. Oh, that was a good gift. And a coffee grinder and that was a fun time. I did enjoy the different flavors of that coffee. So that's a good, for anyone that's into coffee, that's a very good suggestion, particularly for woman to man or whatever, man to man or, you know, maybe to your brother or something.

Somebody that's into coffee, like one of those coffee subscriptions is very good. Women like coffee too. No, I know, but I don't know if a woman would, I meant that more of just like, it's the type of present that a man would appreciate. Maybe a woman would too, so I take it back on that front. It is so funny, though, when you Google, like,

what to get my boyfriend whoever and it's like barbecue a barbecue accessory yeah that is a good yeah that is a good gift though because that shit

the good ones of those are fucking expensive man you know like a good barbecue a good barbecue tongs they fucking they try to charge you like 60 bucks

but it is hard though for girls like getting the main thing fashion even jewelry is really hard because everything's so like style specific so yes never get me jewelry

that that's not like jewelry I just don't need it you know I went through my Guido phase and after that that was the end of my jewelry days Did you have your earpiece? Did I tell you this before that I used to go through the consumers catalog

and like pick out like chains that I wanted to get and I bought a black So queens right now I bought a black onyx ring because that was the Guido era you know you had to have Wait, did you have your ear pierced or no?

I never had an earring in my ear, but I pierced my own ear like on three different occasions just for like personal entertainment. I was just like, could you do that, you know? First of all, you're sick. Second of all, my dad did that. He pierced his ear. Showed up at a basketball game that my grandpa. My grandpa was coaching.

My grandpa was like, get that out of your ear. Really? And yeah. Yeah. No, I never pierced my ear. So anyway, there's a few... Well, we're just given a few gift suggestions, you know? Yep.

And I think certain men, I'm just, you know, speaking for men, they will always appreciate, like, tickets to, like, a really important sporting event or, like, a really good show that they want to see. Like, you know, stuff like that. I think for girls, anything with the spa is nice. Yes. And also, I do think when it's a relationship thing,

Like, an experience you guys do together is nice to be like, oh, we want to do this. Like, yeah, like, we went somewhere traveling. But a lot of people messaged in that, like, they were expecting jewelry and they got something shitty. So obviously, a lot of women want jewelry. A lot of girls do want jewelry. I think for the idea that, like, you put some cash down. Just make sure you get a receipt in case she doesn't like what you chose. Yeah, that's the issue.

But you're very picky with jewelry. Yeah. But you're also not a big jewelry person. No. My thing is also I like wear a necklace and I wear that necklace forever. So then if someone gets me another necklace, I'm like, but I already have a necklace. Yeah, what am I going to do with this? What I'm going to do with this?

But I do think diamond earrings like every girl would appreciate a diamond earring. I don't think I've had a change. I don't think I've had a chain around my neck. Oh, actually, I had a choker on in my first special that I bought in Thailand. I bought the choker It wasn't like diamonds or like silver No sorry, no like a like a rope With a thing on it

You were like a surfer dude That was the last time I ever wore anything Around my neck other than a tie Okay Walter Goggins Walton Goggins The whole time we watched White Lotus You were like, that's you That's you

You know Until he like threatened to murder somebody but the anyway all right let's go oh by the way um my denver show sold out but the the my next show is may 13th the late show of my special taping there's still a few bookings left and then i'm at the mohegan sun uh the weekend after memorial day and then i'm in stanford connecticut the weekend after that so exciting so new yorkers go to his special taping also i added a second West Hampton Beach Performing Arts Show. Oh, did you?

Check that out. Yes. Check it out. Keeping it local. And some of the proceeds are going to the Southampton Animal Shelter, am I correct? Southampton Animal Shelter. Also, Dana Barrett. It's going to her charity.

And also some Shelter Island Historical Society. We're kind of doing a charity. A local charity summer series. Yes. All right, wonderful. All right, well, check that out. Well, thank you very much, guys. We love the spot-upy comments.

You guys are our gift. What? I said, the little dialers are our gift. Yes, thank you so much, little dialers. We love you. Thank you, little dialers. Bye. Bye.

Hi, Hannah and Des. So the best gift I've gotten from a significant other was my furbrough dog camera, which I love because I can watch him sleeping and throw treats at him and talk to him. But honestly, I like to use it even more for what my sister has friends over and they are like having like choosy conversations. And I like to eaves up a little bit and then just like carry on. Pretend like I didn't know. I don't know anything. but yeah love you guys

hi Hannah hi does long time giggler a newfound dialer we love to see it best present I ever got from a significant other is for my current husband we look to see marriage

we celebrate the traditional marriage presence so like one year is paper year two is cotton yada yada the whole rigmarole so for our first wedding anniversary this means got me a Kindle paper white, and when I tell you, I have not stopped reading since he

bought it for me. It's the best present I ever got. Worst present I ever got was probably my ex who invited all of his friends over to watch the movie Pop Star. So that wasn't very fun for me. None of my friends were invited. So yeah, love you guys. Bye. My boyfriend put plan B in a big box and wrapped it for me. I had an ex give me a soda stream for Christmas, and I don't know about you, but nothing says holiday romance like seltzer. Needless to say, it was our last Christmas. Okay, for this to work, it has to be done perfectly.

because I've gotten this gift from a couple different men, and it's only worked once. I had an ex one time, write me a song, which I know can be really cringy. But he did it so well because he was such an excellent musician, and he didn't perform it at me, which is a big thing. He, like, sent me a recording from a distance away, which was nice. But I have had it done by a different ex, and it was the worst gift ever. He sang it at me and it wasn't that good and I had to just like smile the whole time. But the one that was good was extremely meaningful and very personal and made me feel really special. Hey, Hannah. Hey, Dez. A long time giggler here and Dez, I also love you too.

I also wanted to say that it's very funny that you guys keep each other in check during the podcast. You two are hilarious. And I'd have to say that the worst gift I've ever given is, um, windshield wipers. I'd like to say that I'm a very good gift giver, but I kind of hated my ex at the time. Well, I definitely hated my ex at the time. So I guess instead of breaking up with him, I decided to gift him windshield wipers, which is really fucking funny. Should have seen his face. And then I guess the best gift I've ever received, kind of sounds corny, but from my current boyfriend, I received a new cat tower for my cats at his house and a bunch of

toys for them and I love them more than myself so Hannah I think that you can relate I love butter I love Daphne so those are our babies all right see you later thank you guys bye