Berner Phone - Berner Phone #95: The Most Inspirational Quotes

Episode Date: June 16, 2025

If you post an inspirational quote on social media your friends might question your mental stability, so we had the dialers share them here instead.  get tickets to Hannah's tour get tickets to see Des live 

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hello, it's Mama and Pop-Up. Oh, my God. Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear. It's Mommy and Poppy. This reminds me of a meme that said,

you ever so depressed that you stop doing your silly British accent? Yes. That was your favorite quote. You told me that the other day. Doesn't I like to end all our phone calls British for some reason? Like as we start to get off of it, I'll be like, okay, well, good chatting with you. Okay, great. Yeah. Well, I just really do my father. Because even though he was in denial, my father had more of a British accent than an Irish accent. You know, he really had a lot of, he had an identity crisis with that stuff. Well, speaking of fathers, I'm going to bring up my father.

Um, he's actually... Alive. Alive. Sorry, death joke. Well, that was a record. That was a record. We're literally 32 seconds in. That was a record.

Very impressive. When I think you can't beat it, you always somehow find a way. First quote of the day, believe in yourself. Um, so what? What was the context of believe in yourself? That you could beat your record of when you talk about death on a podcast. Wow. All right, go.

Believe in me for once. My dad loves quotes. Like, he's a big quote person. Did you know that? I didn't know that. He always had, like, books around of, like, inspirational quotes. And if you haven't predicted it yet, we actually did remember for the first time an idea I mentioned last episode on what the prompt should be and its best favorite quotes. Yes.

Now, yeah, I love quotes Well, because we've been doing a lot of the Marilyn Monroe joke Which people, they're loving it, they go, I know it's stupid But it keeps making me laugh So we'll see how long the Marilyn Monroe bit lasts But Des was afraid he's like, everyone's going to submit And say it was Marilyn Monroe

And I was like, if they do, that's how the cookie crumbles And that's like another quote I do have a Marilyn Monroe quote in here Some of them are really good I mean, that's the whole point of what makes it funny Is that Marilyn Monroe has said a lot of great quotes also so you haven't given a dad quote your father's quote yet oh i don't remember any quotes are you kidding me that whole story was leading up to you not giving a quote no there is a quote happy father's day

happy father's day there is a quote i don't know if it's from him but it like reminds me of him it's even when it's raining the hoop is always there which is a basketball reference that i love because it's like a visual and it it can mean a lot of different things yes there's a depth to it You know, in other words, like, even though things feel terrible now, don't forget that the game is still there to be played, even though you can't play it right now. And even if you can't see it, sometimes you lose hope when it's actually still there.

You just, for some reason, can't feel it or see it, but there is hope. So I love that quote. That's my favorite quote. Wow, what a beautiful, what a great way to start, Hannah. Thank you. By the way, I just want to point out that... Even though you questioned me. This is a very moist, liped Hannah.

Because right when we were about to start, And I was like, oh, no, wait, I have to put on my lip balm. Am I speaking differently because I'm so nourished? I just, never in my life did I think my lips are not moist enough to speak on this microphone. You just wanted to say the word moist to piss everyone off. I didn't, actually. I find it inexplicable that people are uncomfortable with the word moist. And that is not why I'm mentioning it.

Now, look, I rarely bring up my haters, but I do have to say two of the biggest things I've gotten over the years is two things that I am obsessed with, which is one, Hannah looks like she doesn't shower. Yes, I get greasy. Yes, I don't brush my hair all the time, but I'm actually addicted to showering. I shower sometimes twice a day. I shower every, I shower more than anyone you know. And then people say my lips look chapped, but I literally cannot stop putting different lip stuff on. I'm obsessed with revision youthful lip right now. It's so good. It's just my lips, are very pale and they have

creases in them because they're so fluffy. Shout out to a time when Hannah thought it was okay to read the summer house read it. I've never read it.

No, because you were like mentioning like horrible things people say about you. Yeah, that was like, the dry lips and the greasy

hair. Old school comments from when reality TV first started a turn I was like, that's weird. That's why isn't that's weird.

Well, that's weird. I wash my hair today. I was like, I'm in the shower. I'm in the shower. That actually reminds me when we were on Dumois and it said we broke up after we got back from a ski trip. Yeah, highlight of my career. I was in, I was in, everyone was mentioning it.

I was in a Verizon store and I was like, damn, did he really not enjoy the ski trip that much? Like, I know I quit, but like he's going to do it through Dumas. Damn. I know. That was an odd one, too, because it was like, what? Yeah. Yeah.

It's because we weren't posting on Instagram. Yeah. Which was a decision that we made together. Yes. Well, what's your favorite quote, vibe? Oh, God. I mean, there's so many quotes. I'm sure that some will come up.

Great one by Johnny Vegas comedian, but I'm sure he heard it somewhere else. Talking about actually the comedy career. He said, persistence without expectation. Oof. You know, which is... That's amazing. You know?

Because a lot of the time, obviously, you can get bogged down and how other people are doing or how you think you should be doing or something you think you should have got whereas actually the thing that matters is the you know well again it's also what's that there's a quote I think it might come up but just in case it doesn't

there was a quote that I definitely read when I was going through these which was about it's about the process I can't remember the exact quote but it's kind of similar yeah you know it is funny some of the most fun times is when you're like like kind of a beginner at something and you find a passion and you have no expectations for it and you're like really excited like I actually love there's a time my comedy career I never

compared myself to anyone I was just like grateful and thankful and proud of myself for like trying and it was this like time frame that was like really free and beautiful and creative so you're just happy that you were doing it yeah I just was like this is this is so cool but it makes you realize like you're doing the same thing and then suddenly you start thinking you should be doing certain things you should have gotten certain things that's right and

the truth was is before I was enjoying the process without expectation so trying to reframe is really important my you know I remember in my early you know like a couple of early girlfriends if ever I broke up my mother would always say it's better to have loved and lost

than to have never loved at all that's what my mother would always say which is a good quote for a breakup Were you crying after the breakup? Whatever, man. There was early breakups, man. You know, it hurts. Are you crying right now?

No, I'm not crying, but Hannah's getting upset. Hannah's going into her, getting jealous of relationships I had before she was born. So, what was another? Oh, well, I told you that my mother's one, which came from my grandmother, which was, never show up with one hand as long as the other. You know, I told you. It doesn't always bring something to... Yeah.

Yeah. And God, my grandmother had loads of them, but I can't. You know, they'll come. Well, I feel like there's a lot of Irish sayings that are very fun and insightful. Yeah. They'll come to me as we go along. Yeah. And one shout out, I want to defend something like gets a lot of hate is it's kind of like an elder millennial thing, maybe even older.

But like going to someone's house and them having like happiness is where the beach is. Oh, that. And like all those quotes and everyone loves making fun of it. Like imagine meeting your so many. You go to his apartment, and he has a pillow that says, like, preach, pray, love, or something. I don't know. But linking back, I'm like, why are we hate those people for manifesting? Like, having positive imagery and words around you is, affirmations is great.

And I'm going to make it one step further. Something that really helped me when I was in a dark place is I saw, quote. Lexa Pro. Yes. The quote is Lexero by Marilyn Monroe and Fate of Ockers. And I saw a quote that really, you don't know why, but it connects with you. And it was something like specifically to a Leo. Like it was like Leo these times may be hard, but re-through it.

You're going somewhere worth going or something. Or like these changes are worth it. Whatever. I screenshoted it. And for like three years, it was the background of my. phone. Granted, when people saw it on the back of my phone, they would be like, are you okay? Are you going through something? But it was like, what do you look at more than anything else throughout the day, your phone? So, like, I would constantly have these little spurts

of, like, inspiration. And I actually recently changed my phone background. I don't have it here. It's butter, right? It was butter. But honestly, I like the quote. So I changed it to a quote about like something with positivity right so don't be afraid to be a little corny and get something positive because your subconscious is listening are you going to wait to talk about this on giggly squad because i very rarely comment on your giggly squad stuff but sometimes you accuse me of not listening to you or sometimes i accuse you of not listening to me what but there was an incredible moment of you not listening to page uh in honestly what i think is a top five giggly squad of all time, you know, your gay one.

You know, I like, I get it. Maybe some people tried to suggest in some way. But I thought it was hilarious. You talking about how all those guys in the 1700s were gay. And then Paige, what was it again? Well, let me just say. So you guys are riffing back. We were deep in a riff.

Like, we were in a riff where, like, we had crazy momentum. We were like a minute and 15 minutes in. Very funny. Also, let me say, this is, this happens every, episode where it happens to her and to me where we listen and I go I never heard you say that like because you're in your head thinking what to say next you're thinking of your yes and we never listen to each other so she said um and then he his last name is Hancock and that was during a time where you got to pick your last name yeah you that was when you got to pick your own name and I don't

respond at all there's there's I went to the comment straight out I was like please tell me other people noticed yeah there's a there's a there's a There's the other one we did about Paige where she's talking about, she's like, I'm, you know, going to do something with my eggs. And I say scramble. And she, like, doesn't react to it and continues talking. And the comments are all like, nothing for scramble. Yeah. It happens, though.

But, like, it happens all the time. But when I rewatch... But it doesn't matter. When I rewatched it, I was like, how did I miss that? That's so funny. It doesn't matter, though, that you didn't hear it because it's funny to the audience, except the only unfortunate... I wasn't able to riff off of that.

Yes. thinking about all the names. Yeah. Yeah. But then you get into pun territory. And you know I hate that. You know, the Hancock joke's actually a pun joke. You know, I hate that.

That's why it didn't come across my desk. But thank you for loving our clip and supporting. Well, that was a funny one, man. That was like, you know, that was, when you guys get in a good rhythm, it's really good. Thank you. All right. So let's get into it here. Thank you so much to, uh,

to the dialers. I do want to point out that numerous people in the Spotify comments were triggered by the way that I was pronouncing Tupac and I know that it's Tupac

but I have a bad habit of saying Tupac which I think comes from Ireland because I got called out before by a black friend of mine. I was like, are you saying Tupac? And I think it comes from Ireland

honestly. Okay. Because he blew up when I was like in Ireland. Yeah. And I feel like that's like an Irish thing. I love how...

Because nobody in Ireland has ever said you're mispronouncing Tupac. There are a lot of words that you say slightly differently because it's an Irish way of saying it. So shout out to the Spotify people that noticed. Irish two.

They're triggered. Two pack. I love the niche things that people talk about in the Spotify comments. Like you'll never be able to guess what will start being talked about in the Spotify comments. I tell you what I like about the Spotify comments is that. They're the real ones? No, because it's good to know how people are responding specifically to the subject. Yes.

You know what I mean? It just, it kind of actually helps you to understand, like, how people are taking the podcast in, rather than just the overall general vibe. Rather than just giving five stars or one star, which is how everyone reviews podcasts. So, anyway, it's always fun for me. So, um, let's... But by the way, please leave us five-star review. Yeah, we're not, we're not, we're not above that. Because you want to know the truth.

I listen to pods on Apple podcast. I think I'm giving the impression I'm a Spotify guy. I'm only going on Spotify to read comments about myself. I'm not actually going there to listen You know Spotify for me is literally like Reddit Can you respond to it? You can, yeah

I've left some stuff in there Oh Yeah That's me, Des Buffer guys You're wild Yeah, I'm out there bro So this is actually This one

This prompt is only in there Because you went and got lip gloss You got lip balm And I said let me go back in there Because we had six Am I your muse? We had six new ones Since I had gone through them

Wow And so I said, let me have another one. And I found this one. So the first shall be last, and the last shall be first, as they said in the Bible. Another great quote. Of course, Hannah wouldn't know. She doesn't even know which part is a Jewish Bible, which part is a Christian. Okay, here we go.

What's a Bible? Hey, guys, love you. One of my favorite quotes that my sister first told me this, I don't know who the quote is actually by, but she said, if you're the smartest person in the room, then you're in the wrong room. And it's something that I've taken with me through my career, my schooling, all the things. So that's my favorite quote. And honestly, Marilyn Monroe could have said it. She could have said it.

so dash Marilyn Monroe okay love you both thanks mom and dad bye bye yeah

good quote wait where's the lip gloss part no I was saying this only came up because you went oh I thought

it was gonna be a quote about lip gloss no you went to get lip balm and in the time the extra time I went nice look and said if there was any more and this one came up

I love this quote I literally said this quote this week really because i was meeting with some people or no i was at like this party and there were some people who like work at um an agency to like do stuff with talent and one of the guys was like sorry like i'm kind of a nerd and i was like don't apologize you think i want to work with someone who's less smart than me right and it's like you want to surround yourself with people who are smarter than you. You really are the five people you surround yourself with. Like, you become

the median. And you know what's so funny is when I was a kid, I really didn't want to be a nerd. And now I wish I was a nerd back then. And I really... You wish you leaned into it? No, I wish I was a nerd. I honestly, I'm so annoyed that in my youth, I didn't really know who I was. Oh, like you... I love... nerding out now. Yeah, you didn't even know there was that side to you that would fulfill you. That's actually a problem with humanity as we, you know,

Revenge of the Nerds was a big movie when I was a kid. But, you know, really the kind of like the whole thing of like smart, studious, quiet kids deserve to be bullied is one of the great ills of humanity. Bullying in general is the great ill. It reminds me of my mom went to Cornell

and she said like in football, they didn't do well when she was there and that they would do a cheer when they were losing and they'd go that's all right that's okay

we're gonna be your boss someday that's funny that's funny but it turned out the nerds were assholes too I mean look at fucking Elon Musk

and Peter Thiel these guys you know yeah the nerds become dicks too yeah I mean look how Zuckerberg's dressed right now he looks like he's about

to bully someone at the end of the day it's about power yeah it's not about whether you're a nerd or not it's who has the power and the jocks and the extroverts have the power when you're in high school.

Now these nerds have the power. It's the power that corrupts. Yep. Yep, you're so right. But it's true. Sometimes people who are really into books that they're more introverted can socially be like, yeah, a little bit different. Or they don't want to drink and they don't want to party.

And then that suddenly creates like a cool factor. But I have to say that this leans into that whole thing of, you know, you want to surround yourself with, you know, people that can help you to like level up. Sometimes this kind of, I love this quote, that's why I put it in. I really love it too. Particularly when it comes to the smartest person in the room because then you're always challenging yourself intellectually. Yeah.

That's always good. But I do think that sometimes people can lean into this type of ethos in a way that's like every aspect of your life has to be ambition and, you know, becoming a better person and networking. And that's like, sometimes you get into that Tony Robin shit. And even though there are aspects of things that Tony Robbins. might say or some of these like motivational speakers might say sometimes though i do feel like it preys on discontentment with oneself in a way that i think is unhealthy yes the obsession with

um wellness and constantly making yourself better is exhausting and also like a way to monetize you to keep buying stuff and but i do think that to always remain ambitious with your intellect will never serve you wrong. Yes, to continue to learn, to challenge your viewpoints, to listen to other viewpoints. I do think, too, in terms of smartest person in the room, it doesn't always have to be, like, nerdy. It's also, like, you want to surround yourself with people who are street smart or who are, like, knowledgeable in certain things.

Yeah, and it's the same with, like, comedians. Like, if you're constantly ending up in situations where you feel challenged by the genius of other people, like, you'll earn. only natural going to, like, try to rise to the occasion. Well, that adds another quote. All ships go with the tide. Rising ships. A rising...

Rising tide lifts all boats. Is that what you were trying to say? Rising tide lifts all ships. Yeah, lifts up, yeah. Lipschits. It's about the economy, though, right? It's also, like, with people. Like, it's like the Williams sisters.

Like, like, when Venus won a grand slam. Serena was like, I better win a fucking grand slam. We're like, I don't, hot take. If Venus didn't have Serena and Serena didn't have Venus, how would their careers be different? I don't know, because they really pushed each other and challenged each other to become incredible. Yeah.

Although I think that blonde Sharapova definitely fucking motivated Serena. Yes. Yes. Well, you'll find other factors too, but definitely waking up and seeing your sister working your butt off, definitely made Serena work a butt off. Yeah, well, it also helps to have a fucking, and your hitting partner happens to be the second blessed female tennis player

of the tennis play of all time, you know what I mean? Just so how handy was that? Yes. Also, we talk about relationships a lot, but I always say with relationships, the person you're with directly reflects, like, your self-worth. Like, that's the person you think you deserve. And that's the same thing with friends, like how friends treat you or our friends are. And I think a lot of society always cares about, like, good looks or whatever.

And it's like, let's get people who are going to conversation around you. Let's get people who are rooting for you. Let's get people who are smart. And you can actually ask for advice. Like, that's huge. So I didn't start dating smart guys until... Until you met me. Yeah.

If you're not the smartest person in the bedroom... No, I'm just kidding. You ready? Yeah. F. Scott Fitzgerald. Oh. Next level, bro. Oh, hi, Hannah and Des.

I'm a big fan of both of you. Not sure if this is supposed to be serious or hilarious quotes, but I'm going serious. I love this quote. I feel like every year or a couple years I get reborn and I just like listen to this quote and read this quote and it makes me feel better. It's by F. Scott Fitzgerald. For what it's worth, it's never too late or in my case too early to be whoever you want to be. there's no time limit stop whenever you want you can change or stay the same there are no rules to this thing we can make the best or the worst of it i hope you make the best of it and i hope you see things that

startle you i hope you feel things you've never felt before i hope you meet people with a different point of you hope you live a life you're proud of if you find that you're not i hope you have the courage to start all over again thanks guys bye deep love it did you listen to the whole time yes I did. I love the idea of, like, obviously, we're trying to do our best, but also know that, like, you mess up, things aren't going how you want. Any day you could wake up and be like, we're going to do things differently now. Yes. I love also all the quotes and stories of people who, like, invented something at 47

or, like, started living their dream at 63, and society normalizes so much, like, you better be, like, a young phenom or you have no chance. I think like that's so such a limiting belief. Yes. It's hard to discuss such a long quote. Yeah. It's good to remind people that it can always be different. If you're discontented though, that's the thing.

Or like if you're bored or if you. I've definitely been in those points in life where I feel like I'm in like a movie in one of the montages where your alarm keeps going off. You know, and you just keep living the same day over and over again. and then you're like, okay, I want to get out of this. Yes. My mom actually told me recently, this isn't exactly a quote, but a concept about like how when you're young, the years seem so long. And it's like you're so much more exciting. And it's because when you're young, you're seeing things for the first time and you're experiencing things for the first time.

So they said when you're older, try to experience new things and not be on the same routine all the time because that's how time starts to pass quicker. So it's like do different things to keep yourself excited and feeling new. You know, once you can do them physically. Yes, Des his knee has been troubling him for some time now. I have a question. Did you have to read the Great Gatsby in school? Yeah, I think. That was still like required reading?

I think. Because I feel like the Great Gatsby is kind of wasted on teenagers, actually. Why? And I'll tell you why, because I don't, I haven't read that many books twice, but I read the Great Gatsby twice. And I read the Great Gatsby after experiencing some success and like being in the career that I am in now and understanding status and jealousy and competition and, you know, varying levels of wealth and, you know, understanding like, you know, people's, you know, like different. types of personalities and things that drive people and like I really enjoyed the great Gatsby more in my adulthood despite the fact that I knew exactly what was going to happen yeah and I just I wish I could remember what I got from it as a teenager because I remember liking it then too yeah but like

it didn't move me it is an adult book though right like it's a classic yeah but like I was on the reading list when I was like 15 yeah yeah there's a lot of like Catcher in the Rye which Actually, another book that I've read twice. Actually, I read it in Mandarin too. But it hit me so much when I was a teenager and it hit me just as hard in that all too. Whereas Great Gatsby,

the second time I read it, I was like, fuck me, this book is incredible. The only book I really remember is this book The Giver. You're familiar with it? No. I don't know. I cried at the end. But I don't remember why. this is a book podcast and that's why I wrote the book

How to Giggle Welcome to the Oprah Winfrey podcast Oh my gosh But no there are also those things where like people tell you all the time when you're younger And by younger I even mean like my 20s And then in my 30s I'm like oh That's what that means

Because you just aren't able to process certain things when you're younger. You like don't understand that perspective, you know? Yes. All right, let's keep it moving. We've got so many good ones here. One from Jimmy Hendrix. How about that?

Yeah. Getting a really diverse. For a second, I was like, Jimmy Hendricks left a message. From the medium. That's the type of shit you would believe. Robin Williams. When the power of love overcomes the love of power,

the world will know peace. Hendricks. Very relevant. Very relevant. You know, as we head towards a less stable and peaceful world, I feel like it's very relevant. Can I play that again? Because it's such a great quote. When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace. Jimmy Hendricks. Wow. It was such a fucking, you know, the late 60s, early 70s, such a hopeful time. What a fucking letdown. And I'm not, that generation, like, they didn't live up to the hype, but there was a lot of hope. A lot of psychedelics.

A lot of psychedelic, flower power and all that. But the quote stands up. Oh, 100%. And also, I love how artists can really be so philosophical about things. And sometimes they know the exact words to put together to make you feel something. Yes. And I have to say in my adolescence, I fucking love, I went through like a Jimi Hendrix face. I was obsessed.

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whole doesn't mean he's right for your soul fucking hilarious wait I've never heard that I've never heard that before I never heard it either that's why I put it in I thought it was fucking hilarious just because he's right for your hole

doesn't mean he's right for your soul that's really good yeah it's funny because the iris say like hold more I feel I also think in a deeper way how you could take it is like it doesn't even like the sex is good

but like if you're just like you're very physically attracted to him um yeah Yeah, but I'd also like to say that just because he's not right for your soul doesn't mean he's not right for your whole a couple of times. A couple of times. Sometimes you look after your hole. Sometimes you look after your soul. Yes, yes.

But know that sometimes they are different. I also find, though, that sometimes once you can realize a guy's not good for your soul, you realize that is not good for my hole either. And, yeah. Guys never come to that conclusion. Girls, it is like the ick where, like, you could be so into a guy and then you realize you're not like emotionally into him. And then it's like, I don't want him near me. I don't even touching me. I want him looking at me.

We talked about this before about how, well, you know, you know these situations where sometimes you have this like insane physical connection with somebody, but you know it's a sign that within two months you guys are going to fucking, like, fight every day. Have you ever, like, sometimes it's like, sometimes it's like too immediate and intense for it to be healthy. Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? once a guy told me he likes that he had a slow burn with me and i was like i don't i don't like that yeah that's that's not what i'm talking about don't say that to me that's not what i'm like so it's like

we're struggling like what are you saying like you because i was like i feel good i i like how it took me a long time to know whether i was into you or not i was like what and he's like it's so healthy this is more like like like we're talking like really dysfunctional like immediate i don't know Well, yeah, there's like no logic and it's almost like too good to be true type stuff. Yes, weird. I also, I've definitely like to be attracted to a guy made myself think he has a different soul than he does, like talk to myself into being like he's like this kind of person. Yeah. They do say that page and I talked about this once is we learned this on TikTok, how girls start guys at 100 and guys start girls at zero.

so like we have to kind of like earn stuff where girls assume the guy's gray and he like slowly get let you down well you know another quote from the 1983 comedy classic DC cab which is basically the same quote without any rhyming a homeless guy in the movie says to somebody let me give you a nickel's worth the free advice don't let your dick run your life I think this is good advice. I got that advice when I was eight years old. That's so funny. Did you know at the time what he was talking about?

No. But I just thought it was funny that I was watching a movie that where they said, don't let your dick run your life. You do see that a lot with like professional athletes talking, being like, I was born to wear a condom and not make bad decisions, you know. But then a lot of guys would be like finding the right partner help my career and help my athletics. I don't know, I watch a lot of sports documentaries.

All right, let's keep it going on the vagina front. Hi, Hannah andaz. My favorite quote is not from someone famous, but they maybe should be. I am an OBGYN and people say really crazy things in labor. My personal favorite is a patient who said, it feels like you're knitting a sweater in my Gucci. And my other favorite was a patient who brought an air freshener. And when I asked what smelled so good, she said, that's just my cooter stench.

Those are my personal favorites. Sorry if I sound delirious. I just got off a night shift. Wait, her job is crazy. Yeah. I like to call as my childhood good friend, Ronnie, she's a vaginista. A Vaginista. Ronnie says, call me Vaginista.

That's her thing. Yeah, so she's a Vaginista. I would love for her to write a book about that But isn't it crazy Vaginista would be a great name Of like a comedy series About OBGYNs Yeah Vigenistas

I think we have to write that I think we have to write that Yeah I also think She's experiencing People's like Craziest moment of their life Every day

Yeah What an insane career But I got to think I can understand people bring in air fresheners if people have like severe coochy smell paranoia but still like if if someone's face is in your cooch an air freshener is not going to help yeah but she obviously that's what she had right did she would she put it in her cooch well i i guess it was it must have nearby i guess she it's so funny though like what people care about yeah but you you you

wouldn't have a paranoia about the way your vagina smell you wouldn't check beforehand I mean, if I know that I've been showering and I've been okay, I'm more worried about it's a baby going to live, not if I have a slight nickel smell to my pussy. Yeah, but, you know, but you're going in for like checkups and shit, no? I wipe. If you know if a doctor's going to be down at your,

with JJ, you're not going to, like, check and make sure it smells. I'm cocky, though. Like, I always assume I'm fine. Wow. But I'm that person that's like I've never had toilet paper stuck in my, Cucci and then like obviously I have yeah but like in my head I'm like no I haven't

no I haven't that's called gaslighting it's also like people have such a hormonal like crazy high too during that they probably say like the wildest stuff about life you're watching life get fucking created yeah I wonder

if OBG Ryan's have like a certain different perspective of existence. Yeah. We have a lot of follow-up questions. The only experience I've had that comes somewhat similar is I did lamb a yo once. What's that? I pulled a lamb out of a sheep.

Where? In County Down. In my mother's people's place. Because it was lambing. Is that what it's called? Lamming? Yeah. It was lambing season.

Easter vacation, 1991. And I was up there, and you were just about to be born. I wasn't born. Wait, Des, that was me reincarnated. You birthed me through a lamb. No, I literally, the lamb was struggling to get the fucking lamb out. And you could see the hooves, and I grabbed the hooves, and I pulled the fucking, I pulled them out. You're going to get attacked on Spotify for that.

For hooves? Yeah, hooves. But we say hooves. We say hooves. Yeah, I understand, but I'm saying it the way that I say it, which is not incorrect. I know, and that's what happened with Tupac. I understand, but that's a little different because that's actually his name. And I'm mispronouncing his name.

True. Whereas this is, you're just correcting my Irish pronunciation. How was the landing? Honestly, it was pretty, by the way, I'm not comparing myself to the bringer of human life. You're like, I've done this, your WBGY-in-ship before. I'm not, I'm not doing it. But the reason what reminded me of it was, I did remember thinking, wow, that's pretty fucking cool that's this is like life i remember being aware of like how unique that was it was it cute

yeah because you fucking pull it out and then there's the fucking baby lamb right there and doesn't it like already have legs like it starts walking around yeah but then the crazy one that i saw on the same trip but i wasn't involved in it but i watched it happen with i saw a calf being born motherfucker drops out fucking just drops out back on the ground you mean moo I have a question Okay When I have a baby If I have a baby

Where are you going to stand Where am I going to stand Like are you going to watch it I'm going to stand wherever I'm told to stand I mean I think it's recommended that you don't watch Is that what they say I did but I don't know because I've never been there I really I've done no research on

The dad part of it I've heard like C-section stuff is pretty brutal Well yeah you want to fucking see a live operation Like you see the guts on the table. Yeah, I mean. I kind of want you to pull the baby out of me. I don't think that happens. I don't think it's, I don't think it's like a lamb. They're like, okay, husband, it's time. Mary had a little lamb. Pull the hub. So, yeah, I don't know. If the day comes where this is relevant conversation, we'll discuss it as a couple. Where will you want me? That's the

question you know i won't be one of these fucking guys that can't handle it you know you're gonna cry the whole time whatever dude i'm gonna cry the whole time when you won't fucking wake up to do anything for the baby when i'm up as usual at 5 a.m. anyway you're like you're up anyway you're gonna be happy that at 5 a.m you have something to do now you're gonna be you're gonna be asleep and i'm gonna be putting fucking breast pumps on you and you're like what are you doing I'm fucking milking you like the farmer that I should have been genetically

which is literally what I'm talking about because when my grandfather came from I have I have farmer genetics that's why I wake up with the crack of dawn I'm just going to be milking you you always say that I'm a former okay let's milk all right let's go

lamb me baby oh that got you uncomfortable no it's just a funny quote lamb me Maryle Monroe said it. This is just a good one for life. It's not positive or anything.

My favorite quote is, it's better to be alone than in bad company. Amen. Yeah. Amen. Yeah. Is there anything worse? It also reminds me of like when you're younger,

even in your 20s, and I'm so old now, I can look back at those times, where you don't realize you're with the wrong company. You think, you're the problem. And there are quotes about this.

I'm not saying it right, but it's like you could say the same thing around different people and it's received differently. Oh, yeah. And there were definitely times where I was being myself but I wasn't accepted in a certain group

and I thought I had to change. Right. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. I didn't get half as deeply inspired by that quote as you did. I was just thinking,

doesn't it suck when you're fucking around really boring people? I'd much rather be alone, especially these days, as much as I complain about the iPhone, like being alone is not as lonely as it used to be. But there are two types of people. There's people who need people around them at all times. My old roommate, Becca, was like that.

Like, I would leave to go do something. I'd come back and there'd be someone else in the house chilling with her. And I'm like, what the fuck's going on? And she just was such a social butterfly and she loved people around her. And I'm the kind of person. I love being alone. I will count down the like moments.

till I could be alone or with like my significant author, my partner, um, or best friend. But some people have a real phobia of being alone. There are quotes about like take yourself out to dinner, be there for yourself. Yeah. I also feel, ooh, this is another quote that I'm going to, wait, butchering quotes is my number one thing to do. Yeah. That is literally the quote butcher.

I, something about how like boring, being bored, only boring people get bored. Ooh, that's, I think some people are probably going to feel attacked. That was mean for no reason. Yeah. Did you just attack people? The boring community. It's like if you're barred, it's on yo. I, um, I feel like I, I always entertain myself, but that's because I have mental illness.

No, I love me on my, I mean, I traveled a lot of my own. It was fucking best. Yeah, I used to always say, you know, in these questionnaires you have to do to, like, promote shows and stuff, they'd always say, like, what's your favorite thing to do when you're not working? And I would always say, sitting on my own outside, having a cup of coffee watching the world go by. And there is nothing better than doing that in Europe than these old European cities. The only time it really sucks to be alone is when you're trying to fall asleep and you can't. Oh, God, that's the worst. Then you've, like, you've never been so aware of your own

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see Mint Mobile for details. Let's keep it moving here. Actually, this one was hard to follow in the transcript. he does and Hannah love you both so much this is a saying I think that comes from the stock market and my dad worked in banking for 30 years or whatever but he changed the saying into more of a bathroom statement so the saying is sell when you can not when you have to in regards to the stock market but my dad would always tell us go and you can can not when you have to so go when you can in the sense go when there's a bathroom available

because if you wait till you have to there's not always a bathroom so this is definitely the greatest quote by my father go when you can not when you have to remember that on a long car ride love you guys amen on both fronts I love that he's like a finance guy who's using it for toilet humor but it's great advice it's great advice for investing and it's definitely incredible advice for people that live in New York especially you got to use a bathroom if it's available

It's also a little One in the Hand is better than two in the bush A bird in the hand Yeah That was so close That was so close to being right I felt right too

I said it confidently A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush Great quote Great great saying Yeah and basically when anyone says anyone need to go as a girl for some reason I can always pee

like always at any time I could go pee as I've gotten older the more I've got the more I've gotten older the wiser I've become I will never miss an opportunity to squeeze one out if I know I'm going somewhere literally today I made that mistake we went we got we got brunch and we said why don't we run some errands and you said you know what

I'm going to pee first and I said look at him being so proactive. Being wise. And then the second we finished our first errand, I was like, oh my God, I have to poop.

Yeah. And I only peed. Yep. I looked after the pooping before I left. We've given them way too much information. That was more information

that were necessary. But that's good advice, man. I'm down with that forever. Well, I have a poop. Also, oh, go ahead. Sorry. Don't force it. Well, actually,

for hemorrhoid prevention, they say not to push. That's literally the ending of the Giggly Squad book is about not forcing things, relationships, career stuff, poop. Because of hemorrhoids. Yep. It all causes hemorrhoids.

Metaphorical and physical hemorrhoids. A good quote, it's kind of like this in relation to actually like documentary filmmaking, but even like, I think for a lot of work environments, a lot of creative things I'd rather be looking at it than looking for it

which my director I worked with Pat Comer many times on numerous projects on Ireland over the years and he would be like let's just get it because I'd rather be looking at it than looking for it oh he means like when getting footage yes he doesn't mean like in the shot do directly what you're looking at

no sorry just in other words like let's just do it like if there's ever something on your mind like oh should we do that it's like yeah let's do it it's like it's better to have too much than too little. Exactly. Well, Jesus, Hannah, you're on fire now. Wow. We're on fire here. Look at us. We're cooking with gas. Yep. We're sucking diesel. That's what the Irish would say. Now you're sucking diesel. Which is funny because the Chinese say, Jayao for a command, which means add oil. Oh, wow. So here we go, baby. This is one that you hear all the time, and I think I might have an issue with it.

Hi, Hannah. Hi, hi Des. I'd say my favorite quote, or maybe my most used quote, is everything happens. for a reason, but I do think it can be a little insensitive to use at times, and I also think it's a pretty debatable line or quote to use, because people either fully believe it, or they can be like, no, life is just, you know, a series of choices and it has nothing to do with everything happening for a reason. So I like to use it for that reason to set off debates, but yeah, which is interesting because it immediately triggered my mind of like yeah it's interesting when people say that because it's total nonsense I once had an ex-boyfriend get mad at me he like called me because something bad happened to him and I just like didn't know what to say and he was going on and on and I felt like I had to say something to make him feel better

and I was like like everything happens for a reason I think this is going to work out and he like freaked out And I was like, I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say. Like, I'm trying here. I know. I'm trying. Well, it is one of those things where some people use it for comforting. I think, listen, I think it can comfort some people.

Yeah. And I think it can also offend some people. Yeah. And that's because it's just like one of those things, which, first of all, it's nonsense, right? And so here's what I think is not nonsense about it. It's not correct to say everything happens for a reason. But what it is correct to say is that we have no choice but to deal with what happens to us

and I'm sure that you will find some way to get over this and perhaps in the getting over it it may actually turn out to be a positive in your life but it's not a reason. No, but also things do happen for a reason just not good or bad. Yeah. If you like look at actually literally what the quote is saying.

Everything happens because of a reason. But I do think when people say it, I think, I think they mean like, oh, this is because in the future. Yeah, I remember just trying to be like positive being like this. Yeah, everything happened for a reason. Yeah, I ran a red light. This didn't work for. I do try to tell myself, because I can be pretty like hard on myself with stuff that saying no or things you don't get, you know, closing doors. It wasn't meant to be this type of shit.

Yeah. But I do think there's a lot of just, like, what you put out there does affect things. Like, I don't believe, you can't control anything, but I do believe, like, having a good attitude, like, setting goals. Like, those things do affect how things end. You can't just aimlessly expect things to happen to you in life. Yes. No, 100%. You know, you have to take action.

And your inner world affects your outer world, 100%. But I do think. yeah, once, whenever anything happens to you, you can decide how you want to react to it. Yeah, you know what's interesting? I obviously over the years I've drifted from any belief in God. But I have to say that I stand by the serenity prayer, which they say at the end of AA meetings. What is it? Which is, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference, which if you take the word God out, It's very good advice for life, which is, in other words, it's like some things you just have to accept, some things you have to fucking get the balls, as we would say with our toxic masculinity, but you have to get the courage to, like, tackle it, but also you have to know which is which.

And that's a good prayer. I'm going to butcher this proverb that my dad told me, but it's don't ask for fewer challenges, ask for broader shoulders. Is that a proverb? Is it from the Bible? I think it's like Yiddish. Right. I don't know, but it's something just basically about don't ask for life to be easier, ask to be able to handle more things.

Yes. I like that. Yeah, my dad always tried to instill that in me. Nice. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. That can go into the documentary.

I'm not a burner's life. And also something about a ball. He always talked to me about, Sorry, I mean to trigger you. Did you make a testicle cancer joke there? I make the testicle cancer jokes in this family. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm a survivor. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. As I said it, I was like, don't say that. It's fine. I have a few people in my life that have had the audacity. You just looked at me when I said. Sorry, when I was getting radiation for cancer.

Just at that time, when I was trying to stay alive. When I was annoyed after I lost a tennis match, my dad told me. But he said like when I was puking all the way down to Kilkenny to a hip-hop musical that I'd written because I was so sick from radiation. I remember thinking, sorry, what was that quote again? He basically said you always want to be like a ball that when you drop, you've been. bounce back higher. Oh. But unfortunately, in Hannah's case, she's a crazy ball.

Do you call them crazy balls, too? When it bounces sideways. The balls when your kids and it just like, it just fucking bounces everywhere. Like a football. No, like, you know, crazy balls. It has like bumps on it. What did you call them? No, just a little, like just a small ball that like super bouncy.

What did you call that? I don't know. I was probably another toy that was considered dangerous by the time you were shot out. No, my generation we had Easy Bake Oven, that shit would like burn houses down. We had Ticklemy Elmo. It like ate a kid. We had lawn

darts. We're like... Out of metal. Well, like somebody died because a kid threw it too far. If I can like skewered somebody. Mom always said don't play ball in the house. Oh, you'll shoot your eye out. Do you ever watch a Christmas story?

No. Anyway, all right. Let's, I guess we got to, we got to wrap it up. Got to get on with our lives here. Wrap it up. Yes. I know what's crazy? There's so many quotes. I didn't like go for the quotes, though.

I wanted, you know, I wanted the dialers to bring them. All right. Let me, we, okay, this is two, this is two sports ones. You just said like 20 words in a row that had no correlation to each other. Oh, right. Because I was reading at the same time. You're like, this is a sports one. It's like Kendrick Lauer.

Bam, bam. That was you. Did I pronounce that right? Okay, let's go for this one, sports one. Hi, Hanandez, love you guys. Love the pod and giggly squad too. So one of my favorite quotes of all time, and I am a former collegiate tennis athlete

and currently still involved in other racquet sports. I like this quote a lot. It goes, trust the process, and the results will take care of themselves. It helps me when I'm competing on court and, you know, anything athletic related, but I think it also really plays to life and helps me with anxiety and, you know, worrying and ruminating on what's going to happen in the future. It helps me focus on the process and what I really can control. And another quote that I really like is aimed to,

to express, not to impress. And I think it really resonates with me in terms of, you know, how to be your authentic, true self and be honest. And think about what you want to put in the world that's uniquely you versus just doing like the popular thing or what everyone else is doing. All right. Thanks, guys. Love you by. Wow. Two good quotes there. The second one, especially for us.

Wow. I, first of all, love a tennis player. Yeah. I'm a little biased. I just want to call her out. Yeah. She didn't want to admit that she's playing pickleball. she said other racquet sports that shall not be named she's not playing squash should not be named well maybe she hopefully she's playing pat no judgment over here

but i'm also biased tennis players a quote from tennis as they say the length of the court is six inches from ear to ear oh oh shit tennis is so mental because you can't call a time out you can't pass the ball to anyone you can't get coach. Triggered. No, but a lot of tennis players have to get very in their head. And a lot of matches is you just fighting your own demons the whole time. And it looks like two people playing, but it's really two people playing their own demons and who can overcome it.

It's like fucking poltergeist over here. Yeah, but her saying like trusting the process, I think the word trust is really beautiful. I don't always trust myself, trust things. I think the word trust, it's so calming and nice, and it's something I want to work on. Do you know, it's a quote that never worked for me, and I wish it did when they used to say, it doesn't matter if you win or lose.

It's how you play the game. Yeah, no. I remember thinking, we're playing the game to win. Because if you play the game well, you should win. Yeah, and if you lose, it feels like shit. But what she's saying, and is true, with tennis, I did care a little too much about the result, and when you care too much about winning the point,

it inhibits all the steps that it takes to win the point. And if you're so focused on actually the steps and the experience and the process, the point will come. Yeah. And then she said, aim to express, not to impress. I love. And that's great because that just... I love that. That just brings you right into sort of like being in your creative core.

Yes, especially in entertainment where we're in. we constantly want people to clap for us and be impressed and say you did great and you're so funny da-da-da but again if you're constantly focusing on that result you're actually not going to get to the result because you forgot to do the first thing which was express yourself and be who you are yeah but also it's great quote because it reminds you like oh these people are into what i'm into i can't be trying to figure out what they're into also letting yourself know it's okay to not impress everyone. Oh, yeah, but that's...

You want to just die on stage? Fuck that. I'm saying in general, not performing. Like, if you're going through life, focus on which you can't control, which is that you're being authentic. No, 100%. No, I think that was great, and she was great.

Really great. Really great. Can we finish on a sad one? Okay. Well, because this was beautiful. Okay. So this is to wrap it up. Okay.

So we're speaking softly now. Yeah, we're speaking softly. Actually, before I'm going to play it, we're going to play it. We're going to play, this one's going to play us out. So do you have anything you want to announce before we play it out? You don't really, we have summers, West Hampton. What do you have? We both have West Hampton in August.

Yeah, I have a ton of shows. You guys, Hannaburn.com. Over 30 shows have been announced. Go to my website to see if I'm going to be by you. More to be confirmed. Yes. I have, actually, have very little shows on sale at the moment, but I have San Francisco in September,

West Hampton, as I said, in August. And I have a very few, a couple of Irish shows in the middle of November. And I will be adding a lot of dates, though. But, you know, check out the Bishop Exchange. Yes. If you want to hear me fully unfiltered with my political views, head over to the Bishop Exchange.

I had a good old chat about the world we're living in there this week. and so obviously you know it's going to be slightly emotional but I thought this was quite nice so to take us home here at the end of a wonderful episode of Burnaphone as all conversations with me and Anna and in a British accent here's one from our dialer to take us home hey Anna and Des, big piano the podcast This is like a little bit of a bummer, but it's positive, I promise. Yesterday was the anniversary of my Nana's passing, and so she was just kind of top of mind.

And one thing that she said to me once, she dealt with a very long illness. And there was one day that I was sitting by her bedside when she was sleeping and I was crying because it was just a very emotional day. And she woke up and asked me why I was crying, and I couldn't really explain to her why, because I didn't want to say, because she was sick and whatever. And she kind of just knew, so she just took my hand and said, this too shall pass. And it's not really a quote, but it's like an adage, I guess. And it just brought me a lot of comfort in that moment.

And anytime I'm going through something, like I can just hear her voice in my head saying, this two shall pass. And it just brings me a lot of comfort and optimism. So nice little reminder of Nan. Hi, yes. My name is Maggie. I am from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

and my favorite quote, I think it was by Mother Teresa. I don't know, someone like very holy, but it was fuck bitches, get money. Thank you. Hey, guys, I'm actually re-listening to the Bad Remaids episode. And in this episode, Des asked, what is something that is disgusting in one form, but pretty good in another form? And right before, Des talks about how he finds a glass of milk actually kind of disgusting now. And I'm sitting there thinking, wait, Des, you find a glass of milk disgusting, but you are completely addicted to ice cream. And isn't ice cream just whole fatty milk, aka cream, that has been

frozen and churn? Anyways, love the pod. Thanks, guys. Bye. Hi, Hannah and Des. Love you guys both so much. Hannah, please consider coming to Miami for your comedy tour. I would love to see you. I've been dying to see you for so long. Anyway, my favorite quote is one that I used for my senior yearbook, and I stand by it. I will always stand by it. It's by Oscar Wilde. The quote is, you can never be too educated. You can never be overeducated or overdressed.

And I think it applies to every single situation. Anytime I go to a party and I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm like a little overdressed or whatever. I'm like, no, you can never be too overdressed or like, you can never be too. educated. So yeah, I think it works for everything. We love Killian Murphy in this pod and in this world. And so my favorite quote is from Peeky Blinders. There's a scene where Tommy Shelby, the leader of the Peaky Blinders, is mucking out stalls. And when people are asking him, why are you doing this? He says, to remind myself of what I'd be if I wasn't who I am. Thanks, guys. Bye. Hey, Des and Hannah. Love you both so much. This is a.

a saying, I think, that comes from the stock market. And my dad worked in banking for 30 years or whatever. But he changed the saying into more of a bathroom statement. So the saying is sell when you can, not when you have to, in regards to the stock market. But my dad would always tell us, go when you can, not when you have to. So go when you can in the sense, go when there's a bathroom available because if you wait till you have to, there's not always a bathroom. So this is definitely the greatest quote by my father. Go when you can, not when you have to. Remember that on a long car ride. Love you guys.