Berner Phone - Berner Phone #98: It Shouldn't Be Awkward Pt. 2

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

A prompt so nice, we had to use it twice. The dialers are sharing the random moments that make them feel awkward in public. get tickets to Hannah's tour get tickets to see Des live

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hello Islanders. What? Is that a Love Island thing? I'm not even watching Love Island. I feel so left out.

Do they say Islanders? Hello Islanders in UK. But that was like a hello, Govna. Hannah, you haven't watched Love Island. since um COVID yeah since mora higgins

yes and my buddy Curtis my friend Curtis I was doing it I was saying that a bishop exchange recently about how like you know

and famous people have to say like my friend somebody why don't you just say their name yes my friend Curtis

my besty my friend Haley Bieber so anyway no I always say I know her I don't say my best friend, but we all know

she's my best friend. I started doing that accent because I wanted to say, the energy on Bonifone is buzzing. Like, it's buzzing. It's Factor 50 right now because all my friends are about to come for July 4th weekend and it's like the calm before the storm.

But the funny thing is the whole like Factor 50 thing. Like that was like five years ago. Do they not say that anymore? I don't know, but I'm just saying it was five years ago. I have to ask page. No, it's... And by the way... Time is made up.

By the way, You were watching that a year after the fact, right? Yeah. Because I remember watching, when Curtis and Morrow were on, I was in Ireland. Paige basically was like, we were discovering Love Island and Paige was like, this season is really good. Everyone talked about this season. So it was actually six years ago.

Six years ago, yeah. So we were filming a reality show while watching a reality show whenever we could. And it was very meta. But I, listen, I'm not a Love Island guy. But I think it's not controversial to say that that was the best season because that was Molly May and Tommy and there was like that crazy fight where the guy decided he wanted to like the black guy wanted to like go out with somebody else and she fucking lost it with you watch the season that season yeah because I my friend Curtis was in it Curtis is my favorite

because he was a dancing with the stars pro in Ireland and he's like honestly you know they did him dirty with the whole like yeah because he stuck up that was part of it was he stuck up for that dude that decided he wanted to but then that woman I can't remember my name She, like, like, physically threatened. It was, like, amazing. Oh, wow. Yeah, I don't want to get in the weeds. What's your problem?

It's too cold, huh? So I just got hot. Oh, I cranked it down. Crank it up. Okay, we're cranking up the air conditioning. It doesn't shift back and forth, though, because you were complaining that it goes directly on you. This is marriage, you guys.

Marriage is just fighting about the air conditioning. No, because I, I said it so that it wasn't, you know, it's one of these ductless, for those that are listening, it's a duckless air conditioner. A.C. Union. Anyone who can hear you is listening in our sunroom. And the, you know, it has the thing that goes back and forth, the veins. Yeah. But Hannah was complaining that goes directly on her and it's too cold. So I said it for away from her. But now she's, now she's too hot. I also just like don't know how to use any remote of any kind. So I just like click every button and hope it works. So before we get into it, first of all, happy 4th of July. We're recording early. Happy 4th of July. We're recording early. It's Thursday. And everybody's going away for the weekend. So we're getting it done. I thought we should start the part early. It's funny because apparently Chris did a rewind on that.

Was I correct? I think so. And I think it's an amalgamation of... You think or did you thought? Taught. I thought. I think it's an amalgamation of my New York accent and my Irish accent. Because sometimes, you know, the Irish don't say TH.

They say T. And they say H, which I just did. Yeah. Um, so they say like tick for thick and stuff. I tick. And then I, I think, and then I say, oh, like a New Yorker. So I think I say thought like I say, I guess I say taught. How does the Irish guy say thought?

I taught. I taught. I taught. I taught. I taught. I taught. I taught him yesterday. Oh yeah.

That does make sense because I was like I've never heard a New Yorker like seriously say I taught I saw him. I think it might be. But then Aiden, your brother said it yesterday. But he lived in Ireland too. I know. We both have, Aiden, so one of the things about Aden that you'll notice is that he, I still say bloody, but he really has held on to bloody. Yeah.

So he'd be like, I left the bloody keys in the car. It's a really, it's a really fun. I can't fucking find the bloody thing. My favorite thing is how you'll say, like, lovely, we're like no straight man in America says lovely. Yeah, I say lovely all the time. Brilliant. But I say brilliant with a soft tea, though. I don't say brilliant like a New York.

I say brilliant. like it's a soft tea at the end hard t h soft tea got it got it what the irish say what what soft tea what wished wished that's from my dad though i've been saying wish since childhood my father always said wished do you know what i say now all the time which i don't think is like that cool i say quite all the time i'm always like well it was it was quite did you get that for me yes really i say quite all the time none of my friends every don't don't even know how to spell quite what quite is it good what is it an accentuates i know it's

just not is it an adverb or is it an adjective yeah i think yeah yeah quite good or no it's an adverb quite oh my god we got to check that out grammarly oh oh that's that's a cat i couldn't find where'd you come from we did lose one of the three kittens this morning for about 20 minutes but oh yes quite as an adverb it's an adverb it's used to modify adjectives yes wow you're such a nerd I'm not a nerd I wasn't sure actually I was the one who got it right after I got it wrong and that's what life's about just because you fail doesn't mean you're going to fail again keep failing upward so anyway without getting too distracted but it's a loose episode it's a holiday weekend here in the United States of America we're celebrating we're celebrating we're celebrating

America's final decade. Do you know what's kind of embarrassing is I've been trying to, I have a big tour coming up in the fall, shout out none of my business, can't wait to see you guys. So I'm under strict doctor's orders to not travel for a bit and relax. Yes. But it's taken me about four weeks to like finally get into relaxation mode. Sort of. Sort of.

But the summer has begun. Yeah. So we have, before we get into it, guys, we have people coming. So it's been a big... Do you want to tell them who's coming? Oh, that's up to you. Yeah, Burnham... My friend Taylor Strecker is coming.

Taylor Strucker and Taylor Donoghue are coming, who are coming off a huge gender reveal. Yes. They're having a baby girl. They're changing their pronouns. Gender reveal. Taylor is they now. No, they're having a kid.

Well, they also posted a conversation where they were like, what do they make the last name of the baby? because it's two women. And then the comments were like, the last name should just be Taylor. Two tailors. Yeah, so the baby's name would be like, Jessica Taylor.

Oh, right. That makes sense. Right? Almost. But then I think Taylor Donahue was saying she wanted to be Strecker. Really? I got an Irish bias.

I think it should be Donahue. Because you like the name, Donahue. Donahue, it's a good name. And it's a name with American entertainment legacy. It's a power name. What is it? Well, Donahue was the original Oprah.

Really? Yeah, Donahue was a gray-haired man. I thought it was a bar in Midtown. It is, a bar in Midtown and a bar that's coming to West Hampton. Donahue, O'Donahue, O'Donohue, is the Irish would say. If you throw an Irish name. What does the O in front of the last names mean? Great question, Hannah.

This one won't need a Google. Do you have 45 minutes? This one will not need a Google. So the O in Irish means from. Got it. So it's like, who are you from? And the Mac. Like Alfred.

Yeah, like Afred. Oh, it's literally like from Donahue. But the O, sorry, the mech and the Mac, that's son of. You know, so in Irish names properly, it's like, this Omerchoo is a man, but the woman is Nymourou. So like, because the woman gets the knee. The woman doesn't get the Mac or the Omerchoo. Just so you, anyway, there's just one of those things like Gronya Nishuega is an Irish

presenter, Gronia Shoyga. Wait, you've literally just been speaking gibberish for the last two minutes. How do not, how long have we been together? You do not ask me the origin of an Irish language thing. Also, I don't want to put you on the spot. Like, this is not for you to answer, but it just did get me thinking a lot about like, you know, the woman pushes the baby out of her, the Gigi. and then she takes care of the family

and she is the matriarch, whatever, and she doesn't even get the last name. I know, but we had that discussion and I had no interest in you taking my name, but when the baby doesn't take the last name, if the baby takes the mother's last name, that's a bold statement. It's a statement.

And that's like something that you then have to like... Well, you know what it is? I haven't fought for that yet because I don't... No, but I'm just saying, I don't think it doesn't feel right for either of them. Like, it doesn't feel right that just the man takes it and it doesn't feel right that just the woman takes it.

Like, it's our baby. I did have one of my mom's friends merge the two last names. Yeah, but it's a hassle. No, no. But, like, so it was like, Fisher. Like, she literally merged two names to make a new last name. Listen, I think it's a very understandable thing. to be like, what the fuck?

Yeah. And I think I 100% am open to people, people being like, let's challenge that. But the child not taking the dad's last name, that's a bold one that you then have to answer for the rest of your life. Well, yeah, it's even confusion

when we check in at a hotel and my name is burner and yours is bishop. Yeah, it's not really, everyone. I know, but it's just, it's a little bit. But the reason why it's hard to do hyphenated with the kids, it's not hard. But then if the kid with a hyphenated, affidated last name, marries another kid with a hyphenated last name, then their kid has four

last names, and then you're in Spain. Yeah, then you're into that. My name is Anigo, Anigo Montoya. Anna Montoya, Alvarez, Sabrado. It just keeps going. You killed my father. Prepared to die. What is that from? It's just from the Princess Bride. It's just amazing that that doesn't... Oh, no, that's not a generational thing. I should have seen Princess Bride. You should have seen the Princess Bride. Yeah, I just... It's inconceivable that you haven't seen it. I saw like one scene with like a big, a big man being like an ogre. And I was like, okay, I don't get it.

Zorro's hot, though. Is this Zorro in it? No, he's not Zorro. He just forgot his name. He dressed up as Zorro? He just has a mask. So he's Zorro. Zorro wasn't the first masked man.

I actually forgot that character's name. He's the main guy. Yeah. Prince. Because Enigo Montoyo is a. more memorable character, really. And he's Saul from Homeland. Most people know that now.

Anyway, Hannah, we're getting very distracted here. You know, we're getting very distracted here. The guy in Princess Bride is Saul from Homeland? Yeah, I watched all of Homeland before I realized that. Oh, my God. I know. It's hard to believe. And isn't it crazy?

There's also a Saul in... Mandy Patinkin is his name. There's also a Saul in Breaking Bad? Who knew? That's a character name. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm saying, how come I've never met a Saul in real life? You've never met a Saul?

It's a biblical name. Is it Jewish or... I think it's Jewish. Yeah. Biblical. Maybe I've met an old man named Saul. Yeah. I mean, I didn't have any Saul friends, but it's a biblical name.

Should we name our future on born child, Saul? Okay. Well, actually, funnly, you should mention names. Even waiting for a transition. Because you know what's weird? This is the second time today I had discussion about the last name. Because when I was, so I was with our friends, Sophie. doing something to do with the beach pass earlier today,

but an admin. So we're there and I was like, it's Bishop. I said it might be under burner though. And then I jokingly said, because non-traditional heathen marriage, we have separate last names jokingly. So then Sophie actually asked me about the name thing and like, would you hyphenate?

So this is just, it's funny that you brought up because I've had this discussion already today. But then Sophie is getting the past. which I'm doing for her, and I see her ID, and her name is Sophia. And suddenly I went, Sophia is a very nice name. It's the first time in a while I heard a woman's name, and I was like, that's a good name. You don't like Sophia? What do you like about Sophia?

I don't know. It just, when I heard it, I was like, oh, that's nice. Kind of Italian for your G side. And it's, it's like, you want to tell them what you mean by G-Side? No, no. Hannah. It was literally an inside joke. You can't use inside jokes on the pod. Yes, we can.

We absolutely can. I don't want to sound like I'm running for president in 2008, but yes, we can. Yes, we can. Wait, like Sophia. Lorraine. LaRam. Sophia Coppola. The question is, do you spell it S-O-F-I-A or S-O-P-H?

But I think you could do F too. F is probably the more Italian way. But you don't like Sophie? It's not that I don't like Sophie, but when I heard Sophia, I was like, that's nice. It's got a flow to it that I like. Sophia and Saul. Sophia and Saul. That's both sides of your identity covered.

Your crowd could get the first name. The bishop is such a like a, like it could be English, could be Irish. Anyway, listen, we got to concentrate, Anna. You told that last story. No, I know, I'm joking. So listen, so what we decided was, because, you know, Chris is actually going away. So we're getting it all done. The way you said that, I mean, it sounds like he's going to jail.

He's going away for a bit. No, so it's just, it's better for Chris, it's better for Chris that we get this done today. Chris has been doing some inconspicuous activities. No, so it's, and Chris is doing a spectacular job. And so we said, oh, we'll do it early. And honestly, there was so many good ones. ones from last week that and it's just such a good topic because like even without us discussing them so anyway I said let's just go back to a vault well this is the thing also when we have

really good ones it feels messed up to just move to the next topic so quickly I'm like let's sink our teeth into this one so once or twice though we've done this and I did feel like the topic ran out of steam but I really did not feel that with this one so these are things I was still laughing going back today I was still laughing these are things that feel awkward, even though they shouldn't feel awkward. Yeah, but also, I literally found like a killer one right when I sat, like literally right before I press record that I'm going to press now because it's very relevant to us preparing for our big 4th of July weekend

of having people over as the UPS guy arrives with tablespoons. That delivery that just got dropped at our door is actual tablespoons because we've so few tablespoons and we've so many teaspoons because you didn't know the difference between tablespoons and teaspoons. And finally, after months of procrastination, I have rectified the situation and I ordered tablespoons because our guests are arriving today. Can you define tablespoon? Tabelspoon is the larger of the serving spoons, of the eating spoons.

But it's also a measuring. Yeah, but anyway, we established that you didn't realize that it wasn't, it wasn't that scientific that there's a difference in a tablespoon. But our drawer has a lot of fucking teaspoons. That's all I could say. I've never been in a house with as many teaspoons as this house. See, I still think you're speaking about the measuring. No, but you're wrong, and it was established and it's fine.

We all, like, I've, you know, I, so many times, you know, we've called each other out and we've been wrong and that's fine. We own it. The smile we don't normally revisit them. The smile we get on each other's faces when we know the other person messed up. What was one I had recently? There was one that, you know, because people message in and then, well, refried beans, by the way, is very Mexican, so we discovered that.

Spotify comments was lit up with Mexican people saying refried beans are authentic. Black beans not Mexican. So I don't know where they're, I think they might be a South American thing. But either way, refied beans. And the way it is, is you boil the pinto beans, then you put them in the frying pan, you fry them. That's what a refried bean is. All I know is you were sitting in that chair when you got something wrong. What was it?

I forget, but I should have written it down, put it in, and reread it whenever I'm in a bad mood. And I was wrong about the, um, something, some health thing. Oh, swallowing cherry pits. That was bad. You can't, you can't swallow it. There is actually a reason. We told people you should. I said it's not a big deal, but it turns out that it could be.

There's like a poison. There's a poison in them. I'm responsible for four deaths. Okay. Tylenol murder. Yeah. Here's a dog. The podcast murder.

The cherry pit murder. The cherry pit murder. Um, so. This guy on his podcast tells me. people, it's good to take Ivermectin. Sorry. I was literally avoiding that. Ivermectin is fine in some situations.

But it's not as, it's not as much of a miracle cure as Mel Gibson was saying on the Joe Rogan podcast. However, when I did research about what the fuck Mel Gibson was saying on the Joe Rogan podcast. You know what's funny? Oh, what? It turns out that there is some promising studies that ivermectin may may help accentuate other treatments of certain cancers but mel gibson was saying

that people he knew were you know stage four incurable cancer and then they took ivermectin and now they're cured which is that will not stand up to scrutiny but anyway what were you saying if this is the first time someone's listening to burner phone they're like what the fuck is this podcast about They're like, this is lunacy. Well, we're pumped up. We just chugged coffee. We have the weekend ahead of us. We got guests coming.

I've really, I've spent, I've spent days preparing for this weekend. Sorry, weeks preparing for this weekend. Yeah, this has been particularly stressed out as host. I'm a little more chiller of a host. We don't talk about our home, but we had a major renovation done on our backyard, like a main, a landscaping renovation, which ended up being like, way bigger of a project than I thought and it's it's it made me laugh so hard because we're like turning into adults but like and I've been an adult this is like my fifth house renovation in my life well we didn't know anything about bushes and now we've never been more hyper aware of bushes

it's my first proper backyard I've a small backyard in Dublin but this is the first time I had to think about foliage page and I were joking about like when in your life do you start knowing the names of flowers like we feel like every mom just like knows flowers that's a bit though have you have you explored that i did it on the pod with her but i haven't really explored it like when are you like oh that's a schenectady no because i said to the landscaping guy i was like i need some hydrangees because my wife has been non-stop talking about hydrangees because it's the only plant name she knows it's the only flower i said we need some color can we get some hydrangees in here they're like we're in Mexico we don't have hydraanges in Mexico

I know dandelions That's a weed That's the thing you put on the Did you do that's the The buttercup They write the Oh no a buttercup is the thing If it shows on your chin

If it shows yellow on your chin Did you do that? What's the one where she loves What's the one she loves me? She loves me now Oh that's a daisy That's a daisy A dandelions a weed I think yeah

Yeah and then a sunflower And then a schmickalikotin A what That's what every flower sounds like to me a skittalupniggins a tealotid have you heard the tale of the krekshuppin I feel like you were saying the krekshruppin

um that's a severance reference he's also starring in like multiple he has a lot of things coming up I'm very excited for him what's his name um who Ben Stiller no Adam Scott no who he oh oh oh Tillman um

Oh, God. Tremel Tillman. Yeah. Yes. Anyway, this guy, he's killing it, that guy. He's very stylish, actually. Very handsome. The two most, I think the two men that inspire my style, not inspire me, but when I see them, I go,

that guy just has naturally good style is Donald Glover and Tremel Tillman. Yes. They're just like, okay, I wish I could pull, you know what I wish I could pull off? What? A double-breasted suit with no shirt on and not look weird. Both of them have done that, and it looks fucking awesome. What color?

Well, that's the thing is because their dark complexion, they can wear like light color. And it pops. And it opens. Where you have kind of a ruddish. Yeah. So like if I'm wearing like a dark, if I'm wearing like a dark suit, you know, double breasted with no shirt, it just, I don't know. It just looks like you should have a shirt with that.

Whereas if you're wearing like beige open, you go, oh yeah. But mine, it just washes me out. Yeah, you look like the nightmare before Christmas. What? I don't even get the reference. The guy is like a skeleton who wears a tuxedo over it. Wait, now I'm just playing this game to see how long I could take you before. Before I play a fucking prompt?

Yeah, because normally you're like very diligent about it. No, but funnily enough today, I was in the mood to like maybe not use this. I thought like today is, today is, today is, this is Giggly Squad, what we're doing. I think you guys disagree less on Giggly Squad. No, we disagree. Do you disagree? That's why people like listening, because we have the different opinion on every single thing we bring up. Paige is like, Hannah, stop.

No. No. Stop. Seriously, no. Honestly, I know you guys discussed this on Ginkley Squad, but me and Paige are much more aligned. You're the same person. Opinions. You're the same person.

Like, there'll be things that'll, you know, like, you'll, that will annoy you or, like, that will annoy page. and I'm always like, I'm on page's side on that one. Not that I'm on her side. I'm just like, yeah, that's... You mean the clips? Just like there, there'll be things, you know? Well, you're both Scorpio Kings. Yeah.

So anyway, let's not get bogged down before we say something we regret. This is relevant to this week. Okay. DJ does. Hi, Hannah and does. So something that shouldn't be awkward, but it always is, is when you have someone, doing maintenance on your house and they come in and you feel like a stranger in your own home like I don't know what to do with my body do I sit on the couch do I act busy like I feel like I can't go

to the bathroom because what if they need something and they're looking for me and I'm in the bathroom like I'd never know what to do with myself so I end up sitting on the couch like a sim waiting for directions that is so true like cancel your entire day plans if someone's coming over well des is famously known for if there's cleaning people coming over he can't be in the house like he has serious cleaning lady anxiety no i literally did a full back in the day when i used to do the des bishop podcast solo i did a full podcast in my car parked on the side of the road in dublin and I was doing it because it was like something to do while I avoided the cleaning person being in the house.

But she's so right that when someone comes to your house, you suddenly are like, what would human do in-house at this moment? Yeah. And what's funny is the maintenance people or the cleaning lady or whatever, cleaning person, they're so used to people being out.

They don't give a fuck. They're just doing their thing. They're not even paying attention to you. A lot of them these days, especially they're wearing AirPods. Uh, but in my mind, I'm just like, I feel like, do they think I'm sitting weird on the couch right now? It's my working class roots though. Like, I feel like I, I, I, I, I'm uncomfortable with people doing things for me in that regard. Yeah. But I'm also incredibly bad at doing the things that I've hired them to do. Yeah. I also feel just judged for like, oh, what does Hannah do at like, you know, 2pm on a Wednesday? And it's like, oh, she's been watching the tennis channel for four hours. Well, that's the other problem is that both of us have jobs where we're around. during the day. Yeah.

And I'm like, I'm like, I swear I've been working all weekend and Tuesday's my only day off. Yeah. Please. Please let me relax. Well, and coincidentally enough with these guys doing the landscaping, you're actually, you're more comfortable using the outside facilities while the landscaping guys were working. I am like, I...

Because I think I'm entertaining. I can't do leisure around the people that are toiling. over making my leisure pretty here. I think it's also, let's be honest, it's because you're a man. Really? Because I should be doing it. Yeah.

I get it. 100%. You're like, I'm a man and I should be using my hands and building things, but you are where I'm like, who, look at me in the pool. I'm just a girl. Look, I can do a handstand. I mean, these guys,

I don't have time. I'm not going to make a political statement, but these guys working hard. And the whole time, I was just like, these fucking Republicans having a fucking clue what they're doing. But anyway, sorry, did I say I wasn't going to do that? I'm on the record. Okay?

I'm on the record. So, anyway, yeah, so I want, this is a great, this was a great contribution because I think everybody can identify with that. It's so true. I also, honestly, like, and I think we've talked about this before, like how dumb I feel

when I go into a hardware shop, or building supplies, or like the plumber comes over, or the electrician, like, the electrician, not too much because I know the electrician, like, they know that you can't know because it's, like, not safe. Yeah. But, like, a lot of the handymen that come over, and it's just like, dude, I'm sorry, I haven't, oh, fuck.

Now, I've gotten better over the years. Like, I can do basic tasks that really impress you. Well, you've gotten better where, like, when we ask a question, like, you know even how to have a follow-up question where, like, they'll say something to me, and I'm like, I don't even know what that meant. Like, I can't even think of a question. I don't know eight of the words you just said to me.

So I start, I'm spaced out like a toddler while you guys are, and then you'll look at me and you're like, do you want the Schmachlgen or the Schlichten? And I'm like, I don't know, baby, whatever you want. Actually, you know what's funny? This word has come up so much in the last few weeks. And it's a word I totally know. No, it's a word I know. And all my life, I would say, yes, I know what this is.

But actually, I'm going to admit right now, I don't actually know what's the fucking difference between mulch and soil. Because they're always like, oh, we have to mulch. And I'm like, oh, okay. Is it mulch poop? I don't know what mulch is. Or it mulch. I know what mulch is in that, like, I see the mulch and I go, oh, that's mulch.

But actually, I don't know what's the difference between mulch and soil. Manuers poop. Moulch is when they have, like, wooden pellets in it, right? Well, we're about to find out because this is actually something I need to know. this is an educational podcast. Okay, mulch and soil serve different purposes. Porpoises.

March and soil serve different purposes in gardening. Soil is the foundation for plant grows providing nutrients and structural supports, while mulch is a layer applied on top of the soil to enhance its benefits and protect plants. Okay.

So, I mean, but what's the composition? What's the difference? Oh, composition. Anyway, it doesn't. Well, so short, I mean, they don't need to teach it in school. but these are the kind of things that are helpful. I would love to learn about gardening in school.

I feel like back then they did. They had like home economics and stuff. I did home-ack. I did home-ack in Black Rock College. But we didn't talk about mulch. Yeah, it didn't help you with anything. Composition. Moulch can be organic, like wood chips, you were correct,

leaves, straw, or compost. Or inorganic, like gravel, rocks, or plastic sheeding. Oh, I didn't realize that gravel is considered mulch. It seems like it's a protective layer over the soul. oil. Yes. Interesting. Wow.

So that was worth a Google. Worth a Google. This is always awkward. Hey, doesn't Hannah. Something that is always awkward is telling someone that they have a booger in their nose. It shouldn't be awkward. We all get boogers. But how do you tell someone?

Do you do like the fake rub the nose and just like see if they can pick up what you're putting down? So you tell them that they have a bat in the cave. how do you tell someone that they have a bugger without it being awkward it's and something on your teeth I hate when people say you have a bat in the cave I feel like it makes it more awkward but then again I have I don't like puns and stuff yeah

for somebody that says you don't like puns it's been a lot of puns in your life lately no I read the L interview was a fucking pun in that you punned you punned in that and I said you said it was a good match you said it was a good interviews you said it was a good match yeah and I said sorry for the Sorry for the pun, but you're like, you're apologised. Yeah, you're apologised, but you've been putting up a fucking storm lately. I'm embarrassed by it and also please respect my privacy and do not read my personal interviews.

Sorry, the ones that are publicly available in the internet. Yeah, but they're not for my husband. That you post on your Instagram page with a link. They're for the girls. With a link. They're for the girls. But I appreciate the engagement of my story. Oh my gosh.

So this is the problem. you have a millisecond to make this decision because if you wait too long into the conversation then they're going to be like were they looking at the booger the whole time you can't be like oh i just noticed you have a huge burger coming out of nose once like we've been talking the whole time so you got to get it out early and i find just quick easiest like oh you got bugger ha ha done um i actually had this like important interview in high school for something

like I was applying to something and I went with my dad and we sit down and I was so nervous and the guy sits down and he has a bugger like a big bugger like smeared across

like between the lip and the nose like that? No the guy who was interviewing us and my dad doesn't say anything I'm a kid and I'm nervous I'm not saying anything

we do the whole interview and we leave and my dad and I are like did you see the booker But then I feel bad that afterwards That guy at some point looked in the mirror And was like Now here's the question

Do you think that had you said it straight away Showed the initiative of saying it That that would have been better than not saying it Or was like in the sense that afterwards He would have seen the bugger knew you didn't say it and said Oh they're not assertive Yeah like I would feel pissed if people didn't tell me

But it is definitely awkward in the moment For less awkwardness long term I also had an experience that was traumatizing which is why I'm in comedy now because I had braces and I got invited to a cool party on Shelter Island where like it was like a different friend group

because I was a city kid but like there was like a cool party on Shelter Island and someone invited me and it was a Toga party too so I was feeling double insecure because you know I don't like dressing up in weird outfits or themes so I dress in my Toga meeting people for the first time in a Toga is fucking awkward

I'm also like not a big toga party thing not a big drinker either so I'm like sober in my toga with new people and my braces but like I sober in my toga I thought I was in a toga sober in my toga body feel good after yoga that's like who raps like that's like that was like there's like there was like a female rapper that had that cadence I can't remember who it is anyway it doesn't matter so I remember like I actually really tried to look pretty and I was at that stage where it's like I was at that stage where I was like I was at that stage where I was. like I was like 15, 16, where I was trying to look pretty for the first time. And then the Facebook albums came out and I literally had like a huge piece of basil in my tooth. Like it looked like I was missing a tooth. Oh my God. In every fucking photo. Oh my God.

And I literally didn't hang out with that friend group ever again. Like I think from that moment I was like, first of all, fuck y'all. you're all fake as fuck number two i can't show my face in front of y'all because i'm the problem too because i showed up looking a mess but also it's so awkward to tell somebody oh you got something in your tooth or you got a booger but then also why do we consider the something on our tooth to be like the worst thing isn't it crazy yeah how it's just like oh my god i can't believe that there's accidental remnant of something that we all do i literally have braces everything got stuck in the braces I could breathe and there'd be like a leaf in my braces.

Oh my God. Did you have braces? No. I only did Envisaline on my bottoms when they went out of whack. But you had glasses. I don't know what's worse. Glasses are fine. I never, honestly, I never had an issue with glasses.

I thought glasses were cool because you could take them off. Yeah, and you could be stylish with them. Yeah. Did you ever have the ones that went dark? Like they turned into shades? No. No, I don't think they even existed in my... I think, like, everyone wears them now who has, like, they need them for whatever it's called, for seeing.

I don't know what you're saying. You know, when you buy glasses and it's, you have, it's for certain lens. Like, it can't just be generic glasses. Prescription. Sorry, I didn't know what you were searching for. Anyway, I feel like a lot of people with, but back then there was always like one kid. who got the transitional lenses, like, early on, and they could not be trusted, that kid.

That kid that would, like, walk into class with, which is basically still shades, and he'd be like, sorry, it's transitional, and it would take, like, 20 minutes to get back to life. I've never encountered the transitional glasses. Basically, like, they weren't cool in the beginning, and now I think it's, like, more normal. And honestly, I got the surgery in 2009. But, honestly, I didn't get it because I hated wearing glasses.

I got it because I hated, you know, playing sports. sports and stuff like I hated contacts yeah and obviously wasn't going to wear goggles I was going to say do you ever wear sports goggles no I would but they they were they weren't that easy to get sports goggles there's always one girl playing tennis tournaments with them and I was fucking scared of them like I was like I mean I wouldn't mind it to playing into a robot I wouldn't mind it to prescription sports goggles because I played a lot of squash back in those days oh yeah squash people love the goggles yeah because they're safety goggles because the fucking ball's tiny and you could people have actually anyway so um

We're not getting into that. We're not getting into it. We'll get into everything else, but not that. Yeah. Squash, a game of yesterday. Great game, though. Will I ever be able to play again? So let's keep it moving.

Do you remember when we bought a squash membership? Another one that's relevant to staying in people's house over the... Oh, yeah. The most expensive game of squash of all time. Southampton Youth Services, Jim, you couldn't just pay for one thing, so you had to be a member. So we had to buy a three-month membership. And both of us were like, well, this is great because we could get into squash.

And we never went again. We should double check that that's not an automatic. Renewal. It's not an automatic renewal, but that was the most expensive game of Squash of all time. The incredibly expensive game of squash. The only, well, not the only, but definitely the only racket sport that I'm better than you at is Squash. I literally had one day. Yeah, but like, you had a ways to go. Let's just say that. I did have a ways to go, however, I will beat you at Squash. You could 100% beat me at Squash now. Oh, yeah. I mean, you can be me at walking. You can beat me in anything now. By the way, last week it played out

afterwards because we didn't get to it was a it's awkward when you're walking on the street with somebody like at the same pace and you want to pass them. Yes. You don't want to be a dick but also it's like well because as a New Yorker I'm never the one that goes I'm going to slow down for this person. Yeah. I always speed up and occasionally they're just like you and they're like well I'm speeding up too and you're like now we're in a debacle. Now we're in a race here. The summer is in full swing. And a lot of my summer clothes from last season, honestly, our mariner sauce died. There's shrunken. Honestly, a lot of the stuff I bought last year was just not good quality. And I'm like, I need to refresh my closet. And that's why I'm buying quints. The clothes are timeless, luxurious, looks so elevated. And the quality is way beyond what you expect for the price. Like they have 100% linen tops starting at 30. wash silk dresses, skirts, versatile warm pieces. I'm obsessed with their blazers. They have so much

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This is relevant to staying in people's houses at the weekend. And so true. Hey, does it, Hannah. you guys so much. I listen every week and I am definitely a giggler. Something that is always awkward is when you are sleeping on the couch during a vacation and there's some, you know, hard ass that's up at 5.30 to make coffee and breakfast and they wake you up and you have to lay there and pretend like you're still sleeping and like they didn't just ruin your entire morning. That is always so awkward and you just lay there and try to go back to sleep, but obviously you can't because

they're making so much goddamn noise in the common area always awkward always annoying hope you guys have a great holiday weekend I mean I don't know how much you can identify with that because so much of my life I stayed in other people's houses and the awkward pretending you're asleep was such a huge part of my life but also you're one of those people that once you're awake

you can't fall back to sleep well 100% I'm not falling back asleep but it's also just like weird like I'd stay in my friend's house You know, like, I would stay in my friend's house for the weekend, you know, when I was in boarding school. And then the mother would be up, like, getting ready for breakfast. And it's like, do I just get up and be like, hey, Mrs. O'Connor, like, let's chat while you make me. So you're just lying there, like, please fucking disappear. It's so awkward. I did get some sharehouse PTSD because it is true.

Like, you don't realize how everyone goes about their day so differently. But then when you put everyone in the same house, like, some people's habits step on other people's habits. and there's also they look down upon the people who like god forbid you sleep in a little later um and there's a lot of judgments like oh you're doing this you're doing that you're doing that you're doing that who decided to grace us with their presence oh my god i hate that and you know it's always about me yeah well it's funny because then our nephew you know was here and he's like a teenager that sleeps in and it was like Hannah and my nephew kindred spirits oh my god i would do that i'd wake up and people would be like already have worked out you know did

everything and it's like that's cool but then it's like even if they don't say anything you still feel judged as opposed to now your life has changed so much you woke up this morning and i was like um i've printed numerous letters that we can now bring to the notary public doing admin which reminds me a follow up to last week from somebody i just need to say that you guys did not pop off hard enough about printers. I literally hate printers so much. It's like how do we have driving cars and iPhones and we still can't get a fucking printer to work?

Yeah, how do we have fucking self-driving taxis but a printer is still a fucking disaster? Printers are the tampons of the office world. And no one cares to improve them. Replacement ink costs fucking like $50 a fucking cartridge or whatever. I wonder if there's like a reason. is it because like there's no we were never meant to print we were never meant to print and

and things have gone off printing so they're just not trying to make it better but the truth is it's like i've never they're first of all expensive and two we're not even asking for crazy technology we just want it to work i know i almost feel like we'd be better off just going back to like the the fucking one line at a time typewriters well typewriters yeah sure they do you so let me ask you a question Just a little moment of generational gap. Did you ever use Whiteout? Yes. In your life?

Yes. I was a white out generational kid. Oh, you were? Yeah, we loved Whiteout. Tipx, they call it in Ireland. Wait, Whiteout, when you think about now, is so weird. Did you ever use a, did you ever use a typewriter? I don't think I used a typewriter.

I've probably, like, I've definitely seen it. Because my mother was like a trained secretary, you know. Yeah. But like, did you ever? How many words per minute could she do? Oh, she was great. And she knew that sentence like, well, Wait, what happened if you messed up in a typewriter?

So, I was just, I was just, but say, so one of the things was you could use white out, but typists normally used, there was these white sheets. You placed it over the mistake, and then you clicked the letter that you wanted to replace it, or you clicked it with the same letter first, and then replaced it with the new letter. But when the typewriter thing hammered against the thing,

it would put like a perfect blotch of whiteout on it, but it was like on a little plastic sheet. sheet. Wow. Because if you think about... I can't remember what they were cold. If you think about how we type now, like I mess up every single word. Yeah, I know. But it's like she had to be perfect. Yeah, because you would go back, you know, you would go back. You know, you had the roller and you would roll back. That's crazy. You know, and you'd proofread it. You'd like, oh, there's a mistake. And then she'd roll it back and hit it with the thing. So whiteout was all the girls would paint their nails with the whiteout. Real? I think we all did that.

Yeah. Yeah. Or like right on yourself. Yeah. That's why they joke that like Tom was wearing the white nail polish and I reminded everyone of when they painted their tipx white out tipx for the Irish and the English I think oh my god white out but it also it had a strong smell like I feel like yeah you could I think you could sniff white out get a little high I'm pretty sure did you ever do a solvent did you ever sniff something to get high babe I've never gotten high excuse me well I have gotten high a couple times and I had a panic attack and it wasn't from white out white out was you never did it you never did a whip it? You never did a whip it? No. You never held a whipped cream

upside down and breathed it in? No. Really? What in the white trash? Whiteout was millennial fentanyl. That's funny. That's a bit. I think you could write a bit about white out. Because if millennials identify with white out, I think you should do a bit. I haven't, actually, I think we both need to do a bit about white out. Yeah. Because that's like that's, I Because, you know, I love the nostalgia bits. And I don't give a fuck if people think it's hack, I like, hack, I love. Like, even like the hacky, even like the hacky, like you were born in the 70s, like accounts that come up. You know, you grew up in the 80s and it's really hacky, but I don't care how many times I've seen, like, some kid on a fucking unsafe fucking scooter going down a hill.

I just love that shit. Yeah, 100%. Whiteout. That's a bit coming up. You know, it's so annoying. You can't, you couldn't call a special whiteout because it sounds like a political. statement. No, I know. I could call a special tipx though, but not in America. Only, only in Ireland. Too niche. Okay, here we go. Hi, Hannah and Des. One thing that is awkward

that shouldn't be is like hugging or touching some friends, like really close friends. I have some friends who it's not weird at all to hug or touch, but some friends who I have known for years all like accidentally touch while reaching for the same thing and we're both like oh my god was so sorry like like we've never we don't hug and would we have to it's bizarre I don't know some relationships friendships are just like that and some art and it's very funny to me yeah I find like so we had a situation the other day where it was like an event you were doing and I went and you know the the PR ladies were like all saying hi and they're very huggy and then I'm like oh god like am I is this going to be a hug for me too because I'm very happy

for a handshake in this situation but she went in for the hug so that was fine but like sometimes you just never know because I always feel like is it insulting when like everyone's hugging and then you put the hand out yeah well it's it's also a gender thing too like occasionally like you'll be meet some guys and you guys are all like hugging each other and then I I don't know this guy. I'm like, I don't want him to hug me. So I put out my hand. And it's also like weird because this isn't like a business meeting.

Yes. And but I'm like, I also have always been that girl. Even I remember in middle school when the girls started hugging all the guys and doing the like kiss on the cheek or the air kiss. I literally was, I was like, don't hug me. Like I was like did not like the guy's touching me. Well, because we were in a huggy kissy family, as you know. And so like the Italians were big on kissing below. Yes.

right and on the lips i but i was like you know grew up in a really italian american italian and irish neighborhood so when the italian when we came like to the age where we started hanging out with girls and then suddenly they're all like kissing hello and like i found it so fucking hard at first i was just like uh you know because p j you're going to first base j who listens uh he was so comfortable kissing hello and like when i when we started coming to the time we're like we're hanging out with girls like p j would always be kissing everybody and then i would be like I didn't know what, you know, I would feel so awkward. But then finally I got comfortable with it, but I felt fucking weird.

But what she's talking about, too, is so funny because it's literally me and Paige. Like, well, Paige is not a hugger. But then we're in certain situations where I'm like, we need a hug. Like, we just sold out Radio City. We're on the stage like that's hug. And I force her to hug. And like, I'm not, I'm not, I wouldn't say I'm like a huge hugger or huge not. I don't, I'm down to clown, whatever people are.

into, but for some reason when Paige and I touch, it's so awkward. Me and Paige, so alike. Yeah, it's the same. She like shrivels, like, she's like, ah. I think I told this story in the pod before, but you know I had a joke about Irish people's uncomfortability with hugging, right? So in, my dad was nearly James Bond. It was the early days of UFC, actually, when I did that show 2010.

So I had a joke about, so you know, in the UFC, when you tap out, I said, when Irish families hug, it's like the UFC, like somebody always taps out of the hug. Because it's, it's always like, you hug and like, within three seconds, one of the people are just like tap, tap, tap, like, fucking, I'm out, I'm out, surrender, tap, tap. I recently had a crazy long hug with someone who, like, I knew just online, never met in person. I hugged, they hugged. I felt them, like, really hug.

And then I'm like, I'm committing too. and we had like the longest, craziest hug. Like, and everybody was into it? Everybody was fine with it. Everyone was like kind of laughing, but I was like, I'm just matching the energy that's being brought in this room right now. See, what I love is dapping up,

which is what guys do. All the guys and then in. All the guys will dab up each other. Or like, or you don't bring it in, you just do a little, and then I love the like the pull, the snap. It's so fun. And all the guys do.

it and then it comes to me and they want to come and give me like an air kiss on the cheek or a hug and I'm like I want to dab and then they look at me and they're like I'm not dabbing you and I'm like what I have a hand yeah no guys don't want to dab girls get out babe no one wants to tap me oh I'm sorry love that's the and then they think I'm like being weird because I like put you put your hand up like this you put a hand up not down you're ready to debt but that's like after a tennis match the guys dab and the girls do like a wet fish shake where you barely touch their hand. But let's face it, in tennis, the guys are better at being cordial at the end than the women. Yes. There's a lot more emotion. Like, sorry, I don't want to give any such of women or crazy. I don't want to give any. No, it's just a different mental game. It's different with the women for 100% for sure. What I will say, I mean, I'm a big fan of that, the inn and the hug thing. Oh yeah, no, I was going to say there was this comedian Tom Rose. I don't really think you know him, but great comic veteran of the scene but he always shook your hand changed it into the like so like a

you know traditional handshake into the what do you call the handshake where it becomes like angled yeah into the up into the up and then he always snapped his fingers in the up position his own fingers on your hand that was his oh that's cool but it's it's a little like it's hard to do though but it's funny that he's like forcing you into it you're like i didn't consent to this always snapped No, but I always liked it. It was always, but I can't do it. I think he must have long fingers. I missed the days in middle school when, like, you had handshakes.

Yeah, you all had handshakes, different handshakes. That was cool. Cool times. We should bring it back in corporate America. Bring it back in corporate America. You're nine to five. Nancy! I'm obsessed with Ocea.

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Hi, Des and Hannah. I always find it awkward when I get to the cash register in the supermarket after spending a small fortune on groceries. And they ask me if I want to donate a dollar to children in need. And I'm like, no, not today. I've already overspend. And I promise you, I donate to so many different charities. And you want to say all these things. But you just have to kind of smile and they look at the total that you have shopped for. And yeah, that's always awkward. If I was working at the grocery store, I wouldn't be able to, like, seriously look people in the eye and be like, and will you donate a dollar? Yeah, well, it's become really common now with this, like, do you want to donate stuff? And, like, trust me, I'm charitable guy, but I don't trust a lot of these random charities.

Well, yeah, you don't know. But also, I'm more apt to do it if it's just on my screen. Like, do you want to round up? I'll be like, sure. Well, I'm definitely more apt to say no when it's just on the screen, too. That's funny, though. I'm more apt to say no when the person says it because I feel like I'm getting like conned. But if it's on the screen, I'm kind of like, no, sure, this is cute.

Like, I don't feel like I'm forced to do anything. Plus, I've seen numerous exposés on sort of the efficiency of certain charities. And I feel like these sort of random faceless ones, I just don't trust it. 100%. 100%. It could be kind of strange. But this goes to the obvious that everyone's talking about. I'm now all over the place with the tipping at the coffee shop.

like I'm feeling a lot of pressure recently. And it's going to get more complicated now because they get to tax-free on 25%, which I'm for, you know, I'm four. I just think, I don't understand why certain workers are getting certain lower-wage workers. I would prefer everybody that earns under $60,000 to $65,000 a year

to get a $25,000 tax break. So you're saying you shouldn't have to tip because they're not paying taxes? No, but I'm saying that I think, no, I think some people are going to lower their tipping because they've been looking. So apparently, here's the stats, tipping has gone down because there's been a bit of a push against tipping. So in the last number of years, the numbers have dropped of the amount that people are tipping because people feel like they're being forced into a lot of tipping situations. and I think that this is now going to give some people an excuse to make themselves feel better about not tipping.

I'm not going to change my tipping based on this. What I am saying is that I wasn't sure why, like I am a big fan of the hospitality industry getting a tax break, but I really am a fan of all people. I would prefer more tax breaks for people on the lower end of the income scale and get that money from the top end of the income scale.

I don't understand this like strange what I think was basically Trump trying to win Nevada sort of like no taxes on tips promise and now he's come through which essentially is a bit of a fudge right which is like you know a $25,000 tax break for tip workers right and then on the flip side they're taking away a load of benefits that a lot of these tip workers were probably using anyway so they're not really fucking they're getting jack shit is actually what's happening but anyway listen it's not a political podcast as you know but anyway I feel like my tipping hasn't changed with in terms of like when you're at a restaurant and they serve you. But whenever I'm at, which is most of my, my coffee shop, coffee shop, lunch, all of it.

Like, because they're like watching you too. Like they're literally watching you. So like when I go to a bagel shop, like should I be tipping? I know. You know, when we were kids, it wasn't a thing. No, it never was. Well, you know, when the pandemic hit, I started always tipping 20% at any of these types of establishments.

One, because a lot of these shops stayed open at a time, right? But two, a lot of them weren't, and when people went back to work, I was trying to be supportive of people getting a bit of money in. So for those two different reasons. And I kind of never got out of that habit. Yeah. But you know where they get you? Sometimes, like, I'll click just like whatever the middle one is.

And the middle one is, they start high. It starts so high. And I click it and it's another $20. I'm like, I could have gotten two more lattes. So like then I'm like, okay, now you're being greedy. Well, that's like because it's like, so in a non, like when it's just at the register and then someone's handing you a coffee. Yeah.

But you also get lunch. So like say we go to a place around here and we get lunch. It adds up. Right. Yeah. But there's no real service, you know. No. So like then suddenly when you hit a big number, you're like,

the fucking tip is humong. Humongous But then also I think it's relative Also if you want to Same with Uber Eats Yes I've clicked it before And it's like a huge number

And then it's kind of complicated To get out of it to give them a custom Like I just want to give you five bucks And it like doesn't Yes Then it's a whole thing And then you're like fuck whatever And I guess that's how they get you

But I just It's it stresses me out Oh it is I mean it is stressful for sure It is stressful The Uber Eats one like Uber Eats driver Because Uber Eats driver

there's nothing, there's not that much of a difference. The only difference is the weight of the bag. But if we have four people over and we decide to Uber Eats and they order for four, 20% of that is fucking humongous. 20% of one I just order for myself is not that much. But what they have to do is kind of the same.

So what I do is on the small orders, I really go up. But on the big orders, I don't give 20%. I was going to say on the small orders, I feel terrible. I feel guilty. drive for $3 or $4. I'll order more food. Even though I just want a green tea.

That's the obesity crisis. Uber eats, orderers feeling guilty. Okay, let's get a few more in before we go here. Got a great flow. This is interesting. You'll probably get a lot of these, but one thing that's always awkward

when it shouldn't be is telling people you're pregnant. It is so weird. It's like, oh yeah, we've been screwing. And guess what? Like, it is so weird. I hated telling my parents. It was so awkward for me. And I feel like 16 and pregnant, even though I was 26. Like, it's just so weird to announce it and like tell everybody and you just know that everybody knows how that got there. And it's just super awkward in my head and I can't let it go. And other people probably don't think about it. about it on the receiving end, but when you're the one telling it, it's super awkward. Like, my husband felt the same way. And I know that, like, I'm sure a lot of other people feel this way. Oh, my God. I didn't even think about this, but I'm definitely going to feel

how she feels. Because I felt awkward on my wedding day. I always say that it felt like me being like, look at the person who I want to fuck for the rest of my life. I chose them. I want to fuck them. But also because it's expected that you're going to fuck that night. But like back in the day, it used to be worse. And you should be like, okay, now they're going off to fuck. no but it's literally just like it's just so personal um but i think also i think because i'm in my 30s it's different like i know she's said she felt like a teenage bride but like 26 is also still young where like people some people are still having their first boyfriends at 26 um but i have a joke in my first special shout out we write at dawn where i joke about how awkward it is when people say we're

trying oh yes Which is really a thing that people say We're trying, we're trying And it's so cute And I joke that like Me and you were doing the same thing Except you're trying to have baby And I'm not trying to have baby

We're both fucking Like it's not Stop trying to romanticize it I was talking to my cousin about this a couple years ago And they were trying And they were joking about How they were talking to my aunt And you know

They've been trying for like a few months And the aunt was like and like how many times are you doing it and I was like oh God that's so awkward you have to talk to your mom about fucking but also the whole concept of saying

we're trying is interesting because at what point do you stop telling people you're trying because it's taking too long and you don't want it to be like well how long you try? Oh you should never tell people you're trying I feel like that's yeah now that I'm like of the age I'm like I wouldn't tell people I'm trying

by the way there has been numerous Do we talk to with us? It's been chats on the internet making pregnancy assumptions about you. So just because there's been twice that pregnancy has come up, Hannah is not pregnant, just to put that out there.

Oh yeah, I'm not pregnant. Just in case they thought, oh, Des is picking something about pregnancy because it's... So I'm not in the comments at all. No, I know.

Except my own stuff. And I saw someone say, I think that something happened and people were like, this is Hannah about to announce it. I think because my mom, mom as a joke. Yes.

On Amy Poller's podcast. I don't know. I think also they had a long conversation and they cut it down. And she was like, is there anything you want to ask your daughters? Oh, so it was like a callback probably. And my mom goes, are you pregnant?

It was probably a callback to something they talked about. And then I joked about something with, well, Paige and I joke about pregnant. Well, you know what's funny? In this chat about is Hannah pregnant, which I shouldn't have read, but I did. somebody was like, I don't think so. I've seen Desa's shows.

He talks very negatively about having kids. Well, it's funny because my joke before was that literally no one, there was not one pregnancy rumor, even though I'd been married for like over two years and I'm bloated in every photo. There wasn't one pregnancy rumor. And it was like interesting to think about like, what am I putting out into the world that some girls, everyone's like, oh, they're going to be pregnant. Where with me, like, it wasn't a topic of

discussion. But I also think, because I don't talk about my public life at all. So, like, when people see my stuff, they're not thinking about, like, my personal life. This one, you know, I could just play it out at the end, because I know you're not going to relate to it, but it's so personal to me. Let's wrap

it up with this one. There's so many good ones. We're going to play out a lot, guys. Because we are indulged. We over-indulged. But I just want to do two more, okay? I want to do this one for me, okay? Okay, riding those bikes that are like set up for the public, like city bikes or whatever, I think it's different by city. But like unlocking it, trying to scan the QR code, there's people watching.

And then like, I understand that you're not supposed to forget how to ride a bike. But like at times when it's been a year or two, it's definitely shaky. You're in a busy city. cars going by honking at you, you're fighting for your life, and you're like, these are available for the public. Like, this is what they're for. Like, I went for a long walk. I'm now too far from home. I have to bike home. And I'm fighting for my life. My wallet's going flying, my tote bags ripping, my phone falls. Like, I don't understand. I'm like, everyone's looking at me, but it's like, I'm just a girl riding the public transit bikes. Like, I don't understand. But

it feels so awkward beginning to end even racking up the bike too much i love it well you're a city biker i'm a proponent of the use of city bike i think any girl that rides city bike one be safe two you're cool as fuck like riding a public city bike i'm too scared i would never but also i find it awkward me just riding my bike in west hampton because every now and then you have like an awkward, like, slow maneuver that you have to do that I just, like, start falling over. Like, I've multiple times almost fell on my bike. Really? Yeah, it's because it's like you're not focused.

I don't know. It's just awkward. Yeah. Because, like, there are times where, like, the bike won't go back into the, into the, whatever, the dock. And sometimes you have to really fucking slam it. And then you think somebody's looking at you being like, who's this guy having a mental health breakdown or whatever?

But, like, it just won't go in. And then sometimes, like, somebody tries to help you or you try to help somebody. Yeah. Sometimes I see a girl, like, struggling to flip the fucking bike in. And I'm like, I want to help, but I don't want to be perceived as being the fucking asshole. It's like, sorry, ma'am, you need some help.

Yeah. You're a damsel in distress. Yeah. You know. But sometimes with physical stuff, like, lifting something, I feel like girls are always like, sure, do it. Yes. It's so useful.

But I also, I don't city bike, but I feel like there is, there must be a little city bike culture of, like, look at us. We're just city biking. I love city bike. Yeah. And there was a whole New York Times article about people were actually making money from city biking because there was this thing where you could become a city bike ambassador and like put bikes from busy docks into docks that don't have bikes.

And you got like a small credit, but they figured out this timing thing where like certain areas you could do it so quickly within an hour that you could make like $30, $40 an hour shifting bikes. Anyway, whatever. You're not part of city bike culture. That's what I was saying. It was really for me. So let's let's wrap it up with something not as niche. Okay, something that's always awkward, but she really shouldn't be, is pooping in a public restroom.

Okay, so you're pooping. You let out a little fart. Oh, well, everybody does it. But then you know that it's coming again. So you have to cough or wait until somebody flushes to let it out. And it's super awkward. And you always think that when soon as you walk out of the stall, people are going to know that it was you when there's like 10 other people in the bathroom that it could have been. All right. Love you guys.

Bye. 100%. What? No. Oh, the second you walk out of the bathroom, everyone's going to be pointing and laughing at you. Yes. Ali Wong in her first special had a really funny. Oh, I've seen that special. What was it? A really funny bit about like when you work in an office and you go to the bathroom and like, it's like I can't take this woman seriously in a meeting. She just farted in the bathroom. I always feel that in serious, except I've forgotten the bathroom in series xm it's like where all the so you go you go to like series xm to do like usually you end up doing

three or four interviews and there's like so many shows within the series xm studios and then like you're like walking into the stall at the same time it's like Howard Stern well not Howard Stern because he's a germaphobe so he has like his own bathroom but you know just like somebody else yeah and then you're like I can't fucking

fart in front of even if it's like even if it's like a you know like I don't need them hearing also let's be honest when you're like doing all those podcasts and you're probably drinking coffee and your adrenaline's up. Like, you're running. I have to poop.

You're, there's stuff coming out. I'm a pre-podcast pooper. On a guest, guesting on a podcast? Every time I show up to a pod, I actually should get there earlier because the second I get there,

the first thing I say is where's the bathroom? No, I factor in. I'm literally visualizing the series something at bathroom right now because it's the first thing I do. Yeah. The publicity person that I'm with sits down on that couch

and I head aim left to the fucking serious XXM bathroom. Pre-peer pooping is so important. Before tennis, I would always have a huge stomach ache. But it was funny, me and this other girl, shout out Jojo, both had stomach problems. So before the matches, I'd be like, you ready? And we would just, like, have diarrhea together. And then we'd like, high five.

And then if I lost the first set, I'd be back in the bathroom because I'm, you know, crying or something. Or like, when you're in the airport and, like, everyone's getting off the plane bloated. Yeah. And then you're in the bathroom. And, like, people are, like, ripping farts. Are you just hearing them? And I have to be honest, like, when I hear a stranger farting, I am like, ugh. But I feel like men's bathrooms must be crazy.

Like, because are men nervous? Are men nervous about that? No. I don't love it. But like, I'm not, like, comfortable when I'm very airy. Yeah. When I'm very gassy. Yeah.

And it's like loud and it's amplified in the bowl. I'm not comfortable. Like men in high school, like you guys love just like farting and laughing about it's not farting and laughing, but not in the bathroom. Not in the bathroom. Okay, are you guys insecure about pooping? Like, I have to take a shit, no, right? Well, in grammar school, nobody shat in the bathroom

because it was like, we all put it in each other's head that it was disgusting. But, like, what about now, like, if you're at the... You don't want to get cooties? What if you were at the comedy seller? Did you have to take a shit? I'm the opposite now. I'll shit anywhere.

Oh, yeah, yeah, okay. Now, from being a comedian? Yeah. I've had to do shows in the most insane. insanely impractical pooping situations and I always have to poop for a show I have shot because I was just trying to think of like guys and bathroom

girls in the bathroom if it is like a different culture like honestly I tell you right now I'm one of the only comics that'll poop in the comedy seller original comedy cellar venue McDougal Street that bathroom I'll poop in that one most guys go to the village underground because it's like more private but I'll poop anywhere

I don't give a fuck I feel like girl comics were pretty open about it too but maybe that's just like of the age. Also, I think the second you open up to the sun... But girls' bathrooms, the toilets are always more presentable. Usually, when I got to poop in a men's bathroom, I got to do a little maintenance before I even sit down. Also, with boys' bathrooms, it's like, if you go in the stall, it means you're pooping. Generally, or it means that it's a very crowded bathroom and you're probably going to get stage fright. So you pee in the toilet where you can shut the door.

Because sometimes, you know... Stage fright. Yeah. Wait, I just realized something. message in Spotify comments if this happens to you. I have a lot of nightmares about having to go to the bathroom and being in a public bathroom and not finding a toilet that's like works. That's an anxiety for you? It's an anxiety. Well I don't think it actually is but it's an anxiety dream of like being like you go in it's like I can't use that one you can't use that one

and you're like I have to go. Oh my God. Have you ever taken a pee in a New York City public Park bathroom? Yeah. Are there... Every time I play tennis? Are there doors on the female stalls? Yeah. Because there's no doors on a lot of the...

Maybe nowadays there is? The female stalls always have doors. Well, the one in Seward Park near our apartment... I had an emergency not that long ago and still no door and it's fucking disgusting and I had to use it. But when I was a kid, I couldn't use the ones with no doors. And I remember like, you'd see these like homeless guys, different people. they would just be like pooping with no door and I was like how do they do that but after living in China

I don't give a fuck I'll poop I'll poop next to a friend now I'll have a conversation next to a friend squatting over a hole I don't give a fuck life is about perspective listen man honestly that's the one thing about Chinese culture well there's many things but one of them was their comfortability with pooping in an open space air it out I think it's better air it out my Chinese buddies told me when they were kids it was like a social thing it was like hey we're all going to poop and they'll be sitting there like pooping over a hole. Cute. Yeah.

Like cats in a litter. Yeah, literally like cats and a litter. They're like, it's poop time. Poopie. Okay. All right. That was a crazy episode. We're out of here.

Guys, I'm in West Hampton, August 14th. I've added some Irish shows, too, in November, which I have to put on my website. Added a lot of American shows, too. I also, I can forget and say, I'm in Vegas in September at the Comedy Seller Vegas. Hannah is all over the place also check out her website and well we'll talk to you guys soon hit us up in the Spotify comments

you know we're looking or DM us and the line is always open the Telby link is in the podcast description on Spotify's if you're looking for the link so if you want to give any feedback on the episode you can message at any time And I will be checking those messages when we get into next week's prompts.

So we'll talk to you next week. Thank you for listening to Burnifone. Something that is always awkward and shouldn't be, is something that is always awkward and shouldn't be, is getting your carry-on down from the overhead storage. And this happens every single time I fly, if I don't check my bag, is I am waiting, watching everyone else in front of me deplane, and I'm sitting there calculating how I am possibly going to get my carry-on down safely by myself without beheading anyone or myself and not looking like a five-year-old trying to do so.

And it is especially hard because I am barely over five feet tall, and my carry-on is usually 100 pounds. So help a girl out if you see your struggling. Hey, guys. So one of the most awkward things for me that really shouldn't be awkward is calling in sick to work. Like we have sick days for a reason. We should be able to just call in and that's it. Not a problem. But I literally have to mentally prepare myself to call in to work. I've rehearsed what I'm going to say over and over and over again until I work up the courage to call. even when I truly, truly am sick, I feel like I have to exaggerate so much on the phone just so that they believe me when, like I said, really I'm sick. All right, love you guys. Bye.

Okay, something awkward that really shouldn't be awkward is waiting for your food in the drive-thru window, like the last one where they're going to hand you your food because usually there's a person stationed right in that window waiting for your food too so that they can just give it to you so you could leave. and you're just like kind of existing in the same bubble for a minute and like looking at each other making awkward eye contact like hello you know and then it's like too long there and then you keep making eye contact today adios basically anytime you have to wait for something so whether or not you ordered food or a drink or maybe you're at doctor's office but then when you turn around and there are a lot of other people also waiting for the same thing that you're waiting for and they basically feel as if they're judging exactly where you're choosing to stand or sit while you wait as well. That is the most anxiety situation ever.

It's just like turning around from a doctor's desk and thinking everybody's watching me and they're going to judge where I choose to sit and wait while we all wait for the same doctor or we all wait for our Starbucks order. It's so stupid, but so stressful. Hey Hannah and does bring bring that's me leaving a voicemail anyways so something that shouldn't be awkward but always is is kind of my motto in life but also when you run into someone at the work bathroom and you're like uh uh like do we talk do we just listen to each other parallel stream like this is just so unfortunate in every way um I almost quit because of it yeah Um, one thing that is super awkward and I hate doing in New York is like getting on the subway or the bus. And it like should just be completely normal. You know, you're stepping in. You're stepping on. Um, but then you like have to look for a seat and you're kind of looking around and you just, you feel like you've never existed before on the planet.

You forget how to walk. You don't know how to say, excuse me. You, you, you feel like you've never existed before on the planet. You, you forget how to walk. You, you don't know how to say, excuse me. You, you, you feel. fumble over your words. Yeah, it's just like the worst possible thing. And especially like if you're on a bus and it starts going and you're just standing there and then you fling into someone, like it's just, it's the most embarrassing thing ever. Going to the pharmacy to pick up my birth control. I feel like when I walk up to the counter and I tell them that I'm there to pick up my birth control prescription, the pharmacist just looks at me like you little, slut. And it's just, I don't know, I find it super uncomfortable, but maybe I'm the only one. Hey, doesn't Hannah. I love you guys so much. I listen every week and I am definitely a giggler.

Something that is always awkward is when you are sleeping on the couch during a vacation. And there's some, you know, hard ass that's up at 5.30 to make coffee and breakfast and they wake you up. and you have to lay there and pretend like you're still sleeping and like they didn't just ruin your entire morning. That is always so awkward. You just lay there and try to go back to sleep, but obviously you can't because they're making so much goddamn noise in the common area. Always awkward, always annoying.

Hope you guys have a great holiday weekend. Hi, Anna and Des. I think that going to the post office and returning a package is so awkward. And I'm constantly looking over my shoulder at everyone there. But yeah, that's it. Or like going to the DMB and sitting in line. It's so awkward. Like if I ran into somebody I knew, I'd be mortified.

Even though that's like the law. Okay, I love you guys. Bye. Whatever team Fia's on has a chance to win the championship. I'm Christina Williams, host of the podcast, in case you missed it with Christina Williams. The WMBA playoffs are here and I've got the inside scoop on everything from key matchups and standout players to the behind-the-scenes moments you won't find anywhere else. It's really, really hard to be the champions, but we have to remember how it feels and

embrace the new challenge that we have. So listen to, in case you missed it with Christina Williams and IHart Women's Sports Production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment on IHartRadio app, Apple Podcast. or wherever you get your podcasts.