Berner Phone - Berner Phone #99: Things That Make You Feel Old

Episode Date: July 14, 2025

Being called ma'am for the first time can really stick with you - just ask Hannah. This prompted her to ask the dialers to share the moments that have made them feel old. get tickets to Hannah's tour get tickets to see Des live

Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hello, my little dialers. It's your mother and your padre. Wow, Hannah. So multilingual.

I did take Spanish in high school. You guys could probably tell by the perfect accent. It is Saturday night over here. and we're doing a nighttime pod. Nighttime. Benner. Burner phone. What was that? What was that?

Benner. What do they call it in Spain when you eat late at night? Dinner. Is this siesta? No, siesta's like when you have a nap in the middle of the day. There's definitely like

they eat late night, though, in Spain. They do. I don't know what the word is. But we don't have Chris, but long so short. And if you hear any noises in the background, that's our kittens. That's three kittens. One of them is... One's about to take a poop.

Yeah, about to take one or cleaning up a previous poop. Which you don't know about cats is they don't just poop. They have a whole shebang, a whole routine. Yeah, the problem is these kittens are getting bigger in front of our very eyes. Yeah, they are. I think we need another litter in the house. This guy doesn't even fit in the litter anymore. Anyway, this is not entertaining for our listeners, Hannah.

They like to get kitten updates. I'm excited for the prompt today. Prompt came from, I think it came from an Instagram DM. Things that make you feel old. Things that, you know, things that made you feel old, you know? Like a moment where you're just suddenly like, oh shit, I'm that person. And I thought I was kindred, kindred, kindred, kindred, kindred, spirits? Or is it kindred?

Kindred spirits. Is it kindred? Kindred. I would say kindred. Or kinded. Well, what are you trying to say? I was kindred spirits with the person who sent this in because I did a TikTok a couple days ago.

Correct. Saying, you know you're starting to get old. I'm in this weird age where I don't feel old, but people are starting to call me ma'am. Yeah, ma'am. Ma'am came in a lot. Which, um, I understand in the South and I appreciate other cultures, it is like culturally very polite and nice to do. but in New York it is a slur

and if someone calls you ma'am it's not even like oh I look old it's like that means that I'm like a responsible adult and like I'm not an adult yet I'm no one's ma'am you're in denial about who you are or what do you think or someone said that

people were calling her lady and lady could be upsetting as well well yeah but ladies like a real New York thing it's like hey lady you know can I help you lady I don't know it's like It's the best thing Do you prefer a lady or Hey

Hey pretty young thing Well yeah I don't like sir Sir is the the ma'am equivalent I don't think so It is You think Well first of all

No I'm just telling you That when somebody calls you sir It feels the same as when somebody calls you ma'am But I feel like you're of the age Where people can call you sir I was also once your age Just remember I remember when I got called sir for the first time

But I'm saying do you get mad if they call you sir now I mean I don't like being called sir in general I feel like when they call you chief It's from a time past Do you like when they call you chief? Yeah, anybody could be chief That's not even gets kind of annoying I don't like when like they call me Mr. Bishop

In a situation where like you know Like a valet or something they know me He's like oh Mr. Bishop I'm like come on man They're just being formal I understand but I don't want that I don't want that type of formality Because the opposite of sir is miss right uh i i is it i i would have thought it was madam oh i don't think dear sir

madam i don't think anyone's ever been called madam but it's like dear sir madam is the okay you know when you don't know who you're sending it to so also you know i have to pick if i'm an ms mrs no you're a missus i know but i have to pick mrs yeah which is kind of feels like intrusive. You're, it's just, it's just lets people know you're married. Okay, offered. No, I'm just, it's not saying that you're... But you stay as a mister.

I stay as a mister, but on the document, I have to say married or single. Yes. You know? Maybe you should be an MSR. The messers. Well, they used to be messrs. The MSSRS. What's that?

It was like a... Is that a Navy ship? It was an old school thing, yeah. I mean, it doesn't matter. so anyway we've we also had people message in um sometimes people just DM me back instead of like saying something voice noting it and sometimes they're still really funny so i like to repeat it someone said i asked a girl if she knew who hannah montana was and she said i've no idea wow which is weird for me because i was of the age where Hannah montana was so popular like

for the younger people younger than me just a little bit so whenever I say my name they'd be like oh like Hannah Montana like I got a lot of that yeah but now you're free of that now I am free of that but there's a sadness to it yeah but I used to get Bishop Desmond Tutu

like I said now that never comes up yep you know you get you get freed of your name associations names are trendy Aiden Aiden has the opposite Aiden has a joke about it Oh yeah because when he was a kid there was no Aden's and then after sex in the city

suddenly he would be like Like, my name's Aiden, they'd be like, oh, like sex in the city. And he was like, no, it's just now you know that my name exists. I mean, there's so many of, like for me, are you kidding me? Like all the things from childhood that people don't know. Romp a room. Does that mean anything to you? Romper room.

That sounds like a weird thing like frat guys did when they were hazing each other. Yeah, patchwork family. Like cabbage patch kids? No. Did you, were you, did Mr. Rogers still exist when you were a child? Yes, but he was kind of like an. icon. It wasn't like. You weren't getting new episodes. I don't. Could you sing it? Could you sing it now on demand? Mr. Rogers. Oh, you don't know the song? Neighborhood. No. Mr. Rogers. It's a beautiful

day in the neighborhood. The neighborhood. The neighborhood. And Mr. Rogers' house. You just make it up a song. You just freestyle rapping on Mr. Rogers. Yo, it's Mr. Rogers' house. There are sometimes our mouse. I don't like to be here because sometimes you have to make it clear. Oh my God. There is a party. It's a dardy. Sorry, I've got a groove and you just like, you got a groove, you're just making up words. You just blocked me.

I was making up words. I was rhyming. What's a dardy? A day party. Oh, you thought I made that up? Nope. Yes, dardy's a day party. Is it really?

Yes. Someone's been sober for 30 years. Doesn't know what a dardy is. 30 years, what's today's date? Today's the 12th. So it will be 30 years on Wednesday. 30 years sober on Wednesday. Should we party?

Yeah, we should. Have a dardy? We should have a dardy with tea. A d'artee party. Wow. A d'artee tea party. So that'll be fun. No, it's a, it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

A beautiful day for a neighbor. Would you be mine? would you be mine? I always wanted to have a neighbor just like you I always wanted to live in the neighborhood with you so let's make the most of the... Anyway, it keeps going.

One thing I want to say about something that makes myself feel old that I do to myself is you know when you're little and you see like your aunts and uncles they come up to you and they go you're so big and you're like that is the most annoying thing to say

like yeah I've obviously grown I haven't seen you in like a couple months or a year or something. They just go, you're so big, you're so big. And it's so annoying. It's like a human nature where the next, when you see your little cousins or nephews, and you go, you have to say, you're so big. Like you have to. Yeah, but it's also because it's like, it's overwhelming the change.

I know. But when you are the kid that they're being talked to, you're like, I'm just me. Like, please stop saying. I remember being annoyed by it a lot. But again, that is one of those one day you'll understand situations because then you get older and you're like, oh my God, these kids grow so fast. Yes. So anyway, we got so many of them.

Oh, there's another kitten in the litter. We got so many of them. So let's try to get through. This came up a lot, so I'm just going to play it. Okay, so I am 26, about to be 27, and at work we had a couple of interns. and they asked me how old I was and the first thing they told me was oh my God do you remember 9-11

because they were all born in like 2004 6 and I'm like no I was too when that happened I have no recollection of 9-11 whatsoever and that made

me feel very old yeah so that came up a lot of people messaged about people saying like people asking about 9-11 and it made me obviously it's sad you know what's sad it was horrible but it made me realize that for for a generation of people who are now in their early 20s like 9-11 is that defining historical event that happened like just before they existed which was vietnam to me so well i because i i'm i'm i'm fascinated by people that can only perceive 9-11 as a

historical event. Yeah, I almost feel good in a way that like, oh, there's a generation that was directly, like, fucked up from it. I don't quite get what you're saying yet. That's why I, as in I lived through it. Yes. And I've had to do a lot of therapy because of it. So it's great to know that there are people who are living right now that weren't directly affected by it. Yes. Yes. But yet it's, uh, obviously still affects. No, but it's, it's like, it's, it's history. them that's what i find fascinating but as someone who like was physically in brooklyn right by downtown when it was happening you forget that everyone else didn't experience that too yes so you feel sad for everyone and then you're like oh wait that was my specific experience and other people are going to be

okay and not have to deal with it yeah well yeah i mean it's just you it's kind of it's hard for me to Obviously, my parents, they went through various historical events. They experienced like JFK getting assassinated, right? And that will always be. I just, it's hard for me to fathom that young people like read about 9-11 in history books. No, it's crazy. Even, I mean, as someone who loves documentaries, we were watching the PDD documentary and they were talking about when Biggie Smalls and Tupac were murdered. And I realized like, oh, you.

were alive during that. Oh, right. You weren't. Was I? No. I think I was. No, you were. I was. But I was like two. I was like four or something. Yeah, and you lived around the corner from Biggie's funeral. Which is crazy. Yes. But I was like literally around the corner. I wasn't aware of it at all. And was it a Flatbush? No, it was in Bed Stey. Oh my God.

Bed Stey, do it die. So it's crazy because I think about how things happen nowadays like when something happens in pop culture that I was like that's the most fucked up pop culture news that two of the biggest stars in hip hop were murdered in the same month like how did that even have Was it the same month? It was or it was within a couple months

It was within the year. Within the year. Like that's crazy. It was insane. That's like Sabrina Carpenter and Olivia Rajigo dying in this year for the Gen Z's listening. I'm only laughing because it just so

not fathomable also they're less popular than Tupac and yeah but there was there's less violence in their music yeah but I do have to say the way you said unfathomable it's like that's how I feel then when I was watching it you realize like oh it's not just a story like you guys saw the news break I watched a really good documentary about John Leden's murder too and it's like people talking about the moment they found out where in my life I'm just like yeah John Lennon's been dead where these people experience his life

and then his loss. I actually remember that. That's how old I am. Yeah. I was four going on five. What I mean with like the 9-11 thing is like it's part of my trauma and like the younger generation,

they'll have new traumas, but it's just interesting how we all have different experiences. Yeah. That came up a lot. Can I also say another one that's probably going to come up but I'd like to say it?

What? As a woman, there's a moment. that happens that I don't like it all. Because I'm not of the age, but I guess I am of the age where younger women and men will start saying you look really good for your age. Oh, yeah.

So like... Honestly, go ahead, sorry. When you're 24, no one says you look good for your age. Yes. When you're 26, no one says you look good for your age. I'd say around like 2930, people start going, oh, you look good for your age. And they're like, oh, I'm old.

I'm older. I'm older. But like, you don't say that to a 25-year-old because they're just their age. Yeah. But the thing is that in your 30s, when people say that, it kind of annoys you. Yeah. But then in your 40s, you really get into hearing that. No, I totally understand that.

But in your 30s, you're like, I'm a young 25-year-old. Why are you telling me I look good for my age? Yeah. But when I, you know, when you think. about like your aunts and uncles when they were in their thirties they seemed so old to you when you were a child i know well also 30s and also traditionally 30s were older traditionally by 33 my mom already had a 6 year old and a 4 year old wow yeah like fully we were starting school so they've been through more things also in the media like a 33 year old they'd have like gray hair i mean i have

gray hair but they'd be a ma'am. Yes. Where I'm, look, I'm identify with the kids. I'm down with the kids I'm down with the kids as they say. Yeah, I mean, you know, that's a phase you go through too and then eventually you have to accept. But I'm telling you, TikTok has changed culture in that for the first time ever, millennials and Gen Z's two different generations and some German Alpha are consuming the same

content. Because remember, like, Facebook was just the millennials, even my space, like it wasn't cross-generational, or once the older generation came in, we'd leave. But like, I'm talking to my 19-year-old cousin about the same stuff. We consume the same music. I mean, obviously they like some different things than I do, but we have very similar media. Yeah, I mean, I think that's always been the case. You're just at the age where you're looking down at the younger generations, hoping that you're down with them. You know, people consuming similar media didn't just exist with the social media.

But I do think there was a time where it was very divided where, like, the older people were on Facebook. We were on Instagram. Kids were on Snapchat. Yeah. And TikTok has changed things a bit. Interesting. Or anyone could have the same algorithm at any age.

Possibly. There's also a small possibility. That you're in denial. Okay. A smidge. I'll reflect on that. I did also, someone message me yesterday. This girl recognized me in West Hampton, and she was so cool, and she said hi, and I was

like, hi. And it was so, so nice. And she messaged me. And then she wrote something like, you're an inspiration to young women everywhere. And I didn't know if she meant, like, I'm the big older sister or, like, us young women, I'm inspiring all of us. You didn't know where you fit in. Yeah, I was like, how young am I?

But this is my favorite thing to talk about. I talk about on Giggly Squad a lot because I fight page about it. I'm not afraid of aging. Right. As a woman who dealt, as most women, all women deal with, when you're in your 20s, there's such a, especially in the workplace, like a lack of respect for you that you have to deal with. and come a little bit of age, it's interesting how people actually listen to you more.

Now, what I would say is, yes, you're not afraid of getting old. But you're definitely afraid of young people not thinking you're cool. A hundred percent. Yeah. And that's always like, that's a moment that suddenly you're like, oh, shit. But I feel like you know those older people that you're like, oh, shit. But I feel like you know those older people that you're like, they have good energy. That's what I aspire to be.

Yeah. Oh, she's fun. Like, because I think when you have a good sense of humor, humor can connect generations. And that's why 17-year-olds to 87-year-olds listen to this podcast. I was going to say that a moment for me that shows up is if there's like a younger person in the front row at my show, and I say, like, how old are you? And they say, 21. And they say, what, you were you born? And they say, 2004.

it hurts my soul it hurts my soul that 2004 is 21 even though I can do the math it's pretty basic math I just don't I just until I heard that come out of a 21 year old's mouth I didn't fathom how deep into the 2000s we are

and they're 21 not to call you out but as someone who's born in the 70s when you first heard people who were born like in the 80s was that crazy to you no I was a child Yeah. Or like the 90s. Do you think the 90s are kind of crazy? Honestly, I remember there was a time where I was like, oh, wow, people in the 90s.

But the 2000s thing really got me. The 2000 hits different. And as someone born in 91, obviously born 2000s is not like that far back, but I remember seeing like tennis players that were really good and me being like, oh, when's their birthday? And it's in the 2000s. And I was like, they were born yesterday. Yeah. There's something about the 2000s that is, because it's a whole different century that's, like, very hard to comprehend. Well, there's a moment with sports.

If you watch sports, there's a moment where you realize that you're older than everybody. Do you want to know something? There's nobody left in the sport. That's your age. Do you know something? That happened. Ryan Giggs was the last one. What?

So I actually, I still have friends. Shout out Christina McHale. I still have friends that are playing Jesse Pagula. Shout out. A lot of them have recently retired. shout out Coco Van dewey. But I'm still at the age that I like, if I could still play pro.

But it's weaning. But I went so long in my 20s with like this thing in the back of my head like, well, I could if I like trained. And now I'm like, oh my God. You know, it's crazy? I think it's already happening or definitely next year.

I could play on the golf senior tour. Oh, let's do it. I mean, sorry. Let's train. Age wise. Let's train. Not ability wise, age wise. I do have to say not Venus Williams, who is, you know, Hall of Famer.

She was playing until. It's still playing. She just got a wild card into the D.C. open at 45 years old. Yeah, but I'm older than her. I know. I mean, the Williams is holding it down for me, but I'm still older than that. I know you messaged, you commented on Serena Williams' Instagram to tell her to play doubles the U.S. Open. That's right.

Trying to get her back. I'm not going to tell you my other Williams story. Not for public consumption. Right, Hannah? So let's go on to another one. We've only done one.

Oh, this is funny, actually. What's up, mom and dad? Responding to the prompt of something that made you feel old is going back to your high school and saying hi to Mr. So-and-so

and then being like, please, I'm not your teacher anymore. You can call me Pat. Like, no, I'm still 17 years old and in your class. So I'm going to refer to you as Mr. Thank you very much. I was always a funny one to me when you're like, get to know your teachers in adulthood.

That's never happened to me. Never. Well, it has, but I'm like, well, because my mom became the. principal of the school I went to so I'd go back and see the teachers but she would still call them the teacher names because she was the principal so I'd call them the teacher name so we never had that like like we're hanging out I did get in trouble once because I was like oh my god this is my favorite gym teacher and they were like physical educator and I was like okay okay we're having

fun here um I always thought it was weird when you met your teachers outside of school I also did go to one of those like really progressive Was it Middles? Yeah Or elementary school Like my fourth grade elementary school teacher

We called her Colleen Like the teachers could You could Would tell you what they wanted to be called And some of them wanted to be called by their first names We had to call our teacher sir In boarding school in Ireland It's so weird

Like chef Yeah Sir 86 So So it is nice when teachers care I'm not going to name the teacher

great teacher teacher teacher of mine in Ireland and I was doing a show once and when I arrived there was a handwritten letter saying how proud he was of me and how you know when he sees me doing stuff on TV that he just thinks it's great that he was part of my education and you know that he always knew that I was

you know had the type of personality for that that's incredible because I feel like the reason teachers teach for and don't get a lot of kudos but the reason they do it is because they're changing lives so when there's actually those stories and it is crazy because I had my favorite class ever was drama

with John McInney at MS-51's shout out The one that made you play an Irish whore? Yes, he didn't make me I got the role he would write his own plays every year this guy was a freaking genius Hannah was a prostitute in a play about the Irish famine

And I was pregnant On the boat And Sorry about that accent I didn't mean to do that No that's fine actually wasn't terrible No it just came It really came out wrong

But you had a bad accent earlier So now we're even But he taught me to juggle He got me to do a Under a script writing competition He got me to Like it was just I loved it

And then I was named drop that I like to do all the time. My Jeremy Allen White wasn't my drama class. My Jeremy. That's what you said. Wasn't my drama class? I taught I saw it. But in eighth grade, I left the school to go compete on a different school's tennis team. and Mr. Macanay was like

heartbroken because he was like she's an actress like what are you guys doing? He knew. And I was like look I have to win a grand slam I have to do 20 years of torture and he was like she's a performer like he was really upset

and we've since connected and he follows my career. Oh wonderful. So it's lovely. He was almost right in that you still haven't gotten a call back. I don't know, are the listeners up to date on the auditions?

Look, I've been auditioning, and people have not picked their cast yet. Who knew it takes them months to pick a cast? Or they have come out with some deadline articles without my name on it, and I've been very confused. Yeah, and there has been a couple of movies that have come and gone. They've actually been made. Still waiting for the callback. But you know what? I haven't told them yet.

I'm not sure you're going to get that role in Bear season one. I was going to talk about on Giggles Club, I just said say, Nana got an audition. Oh, right. And she did it. So we'll see if Nana, if someone in the family could book something. Somebody. By the way, not that I've booked anything either, by the way. I got an availability check.

few weeks ago for something in, or a few, like a month ago for something in Ireland and then never heard anything again. Okay, let's not call out everyone. You're like, actually, no, because that wasn't even an audition. That was like availability check for doing this thing. Yeah. Which, you know, I would have gone back to Ireland to do it. Anyway, listen. Let's do one for Hannah, since this is kind of relevant. Hannah, I'm not sure if you'll get this just yet because of the driving situation. But when you have to turn the music down to be able to. to park or back into a spot because you can't see with the music being loud.

That's so true. I don't think that's an age thing, no. I think that's just like, there's just a certain type of concentration where you're like, I can't have that. Yeah, that's just being overstimulated. We joke that when you wear sunglasses, for some reason, you like can't see or hear. Right. I have to take off my sunglasses to like hear something.

what did you say that's a very that's a funny physical joke no because you know you get like overwhelmed by all of everything no but that that's for sure like especially parallel parking sometimes i was telling des that when i first started driving with my dad he was teaching me and the first thing i thought you do is like if you if you're the driver you get to control the music that i thought that was the whole thing so i jumped in the car and turned on the music and he was like what are you doing and i was like i'm learning how to drive and and I get control of the music, and he was like, no. One of the, when you're driving and somebody can't figure out, like, the radio or the air conditioning,

and they're fucking fiddling with it from the passenger seat. Just say my name. You're trying to drive. No, Hannah, you're not the only person that's been in the passenger seat in my life. Well, because every car has a different way and button for, like, air conditioning, and I, like, can't ever figure it out. Yeah. It's, like, turning on a TV.

Or, like, when somebody's in the passenger seat and you're, like, driving, and then they're, like, look look at this you're like excuse me that's really bad that's bad i don't do that you don't but people have done it my favorite passenger story of us was when you were feeling tired once and you're like can you help keep me awake and i was sure so i started like padding you like softly on the shoulder rhythmically rhythmically and you're like this is literally what they do to babies to put them to sleep. The other, you know what's so, I really cannot handle this is if I'm on the phone and somebody in my adjacent to me is like trying to talk to me and two people are talking at the

same time. And that's like one of the, you know, there should be like a list of things that are like acceptable for you to be a bit short and, you know, like loud without seeming like you're angry. And that is one of them, where you're talking on the phone, but somebody's trying to talk to you, and there's two things going on the one time. I think you're allowed to be like,

I'm on the phone. I think that's one of those times. You can also just be like, wait a second, I'm on the phone. I know, but it's, there's, like, oh, because there's too much. Yeah, there's like a lot. You get very oversimilar very easily. One person chews across the room and you, like, lose your mind. But I also think, I thought you were referring to, like,

when you're talking to someone and then you start hearing another conversation that's, like, better than your conversation. But you don't want to be rude and, and be like, can we, I please listen to this conversation. So instead, you ask them a generic question that it's going to take them a long time and you don't care what the answer is. And you zone out and get that. And then you get caught when they're like, so what do you think?

And you go, I mean, you said it all. You said it all, my friend. You know what I think. You know what I think. You know. Actually, you know, you started with ma'am and somebody has listed the rules of ma'am. Oh, give it to me. Hey, so I've worked in the restaurant industry out in Danbury, Connecticut for about 11 years.

Now, when I was 19 busing tables at some place, I received a piece of advice from a couple on a date after calling the lady ma'am. Her husband told me that whether a lady is three or 300 to always call her miss. And that guy was a fucking baller. Wow. Wow. I mean, first of all, the shock from both of us to hear a male voice. To hear a male voice. I had no idea.

Now you know how women feel. What are you talking about? Whenever you hear a male voice, it shocks you. You're like, ah! No, but this is, I love how he was like. Step away from the podcast, sir. I love that he, like, loved that the guy was like, I mean, called him out. and like told him off kind of, but he was like, that guy was a baller.

But it's true, a miss? Honestly, sexy. Really? Miss, and you miss? Miss is just like, I'm cute. I'm a little miss. So whether a woman is three or 300? Calling a three-year-old miss is so cute also.

Hi, miss. Anyway, I did not know. That was a guy. That's not why I picked him. I just, I had read it. And because you had mentioned the ma'am joke and, you know. You don't have to explain yourself. Yeah.

No, but I just, that's a good point. We support you. I wish I played it when we were talking about ma'am up front. Have you tried the Hewell Black Edition shake? Because I'm a huge fan. I mean, I'm drinking a lot of these shakes. Okay, have been for a while. Like changing it up.

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Make sure to use our URL so they know that we sent you. JoinBilt.com slash burn to sign up for Bilt today. Oh, yeah, this is funny. Hi, Hannah and Des. What makes me feel old is when I'm out with you. people and they get carted, but I don't. When they look at me and say, no, you're good. We don't need your ID.

Like, thanks. Thanks for reminding me how far away I look from 21. And that came up a lot in various forms. Because I don't go out. This hasn't really happened to me. But I was thinking about it. It is fucking painful when that starts to not happen because you're basically like, oh, I look different.

Yeah. Because I feel like I know I look older, but there's the, like, insane side of me that, like, you don't see yourself changing because it's so subtle. So you're like, I look the same. Like, I think I look the same. Yes. But, like, I don't, I guess, but it's, like, such subtle, like... Yeah, but you don't look 21. No, I don't look 20.

You know what I mean? So, like, it's okay that you don't get carded. I mean, yeah, I have, like, grays coming out of my head. Nobody sees the grays, hand. You don't have enough grays to be, like, you know what? like people being like, oh, there's some grays there. But like in my insane head, I'm like, no makeup, I could be 18. I mean, I think you look younger than your age.

Thank you. And I think you dress like a fucking teenager. Well, that's what I was going to say. When I'm dressed like a teenage boy, people assume I'm young for sure. Yeah, and you like to really dress like a teenager, like when you're getting on flights and stuff like that. well my stanley you think i'm like a little kid somebody somebody um also with that was like when they sort of like hardly look at your ID also makes you feel old but then there's like

this weird bullshit where some bars are just like you have to have ID regardless yeah so one time we were in boston and a couple of the Irish lads were over nicky and the lads and uh they had come up with me to Boston I had a show and then we went to go out afterwards and this bar was like do you have idea and across the Irish guys didn't bring out their passport with them you know yeah and they were like oh you know we didn't bring our passport we didn't want to lose them and they're like sorry you can't get in and like we're in our mid 40s yeah that's crazy that is freaking crazy like ridiculous yeah sometimes the the ID thing I guess there's some legal thing did they want you to pay them off or something no I didn't

it didn't matter it wasn't like and by the way this wasn't like a hot spot this was just like that's so weird because also it's like yeah they're told they need IDs you know it wasn't like Burke and whatever the hell that club is in Berlin just in case there's 21-year-olds, but if you guys are so clearly not 21, there's no reason why they shouldn't be able to do. No, it's ridiculous. I'm not exactly sure what this is. The fact that people weren't shocked when I announced I was pregnant, man, this is a teenage pregnancy. I don't care that I'm in my 30s. Getting pregnant in your 30s like, it's a crisis pregnancy.

Well, Amy Schumer had a very classic joke in the beginning of her career where she's like, I'm at this weird age where my friends are starting to get pregnant on purpose. So they'll be like, Amy, I'm pregnant. And she's like, okay, like when should we get rid of it? Like, where do you want to go? And they're like, no, I'm keeping it. She's like, why? She's like, because I'm married in 31.

Because there's a time where your friend's pregnancy, all you talk about is like, hoping you're not pregnant, who needs a plan B, who's going to get an abortion. Yes. And then suddenly, girls like, I'm pregnant. And you're like, is this on purpose? I know. There's always a trailblazer. There's always a pioneer.

Do you think in the friend group? I remember I had the early friends that had kids, then like the normal age to have kids. And then eventually I remember thinking like, oh, shit, I'm serious. I'm late. And that was 10 years ago. Anyway Oh, this one is interesting Hi, Mom and Dad

Mine's not like that wow Of a like whatever answer The other day was at Trader Joe's And this girl I used to work with Comes up to me And she knows my family Because we weren't kind of friends Anyways, whatever

So she comes up to me I haven't seen in like six years And she says, wow You're starting to look like your mom. I was like, I don't, okay. So you mean I'm fucking old. That's what you mean. Okay, love you guys.

Bye. I mean. That's bad. Yeah, I never minded when people say you're starting to look like your dad. But this is the thing. People all the time say, oh, you look like your mom or oh, you look like your dad. You're starting to look like your mom. That's where the problem lies.

Okay. Saying you're starting to? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. All the time when you're young, everyone's like, you look like your mom, you look like your dad, you're starting to actually embody your 62-year-old mom. My thing is, when I'm out with my mom, because my mom actually looks like she's 27 and has the body of a 27-year-old, people always go, you guys look like sisters, but now I'm

at the point where I'm starting to be like, before it was a compliment to her, and now I'm feeling like it's kind of mean to me. Mean to you. Yeah, because it's like, I don't know. It's like less of a compliment to her. Yeah, but also don't forget that when somebody says you're starting to look like your mom, they're remembering your mom from younger and seeing her in you. You know what I mean?

Because that woman knew her mother years ago. Yeah, but it still hurts your feelings. Yes. But also, I have a very freaky genetic family. Like if someone says you look like your nana, I'm like makes my day yeah I mean I was looking at my brother today and it's just like it more and more I feel like I'm looking at my fuck I'm looking at my dad yeah like it's almost you did say that you're like that's how my dad looked yeah but it was like it was like to the point it was like it was like

freaking me out almost but yeah it's also like little manner it's and some stuff probably there's those commercials that are like are you turning into your parents oh yeah they're funny somebody somebody somebody some genius came up with that campaign All right, let's keep it moving here on our nighttime special. This is a question. I don't know what I meant. Hi, Hannah and Des. So something that makes me feel old is when you are scrolling on Instagram Reels

and you come across a stupid bloody video. And it's an interviewer asking uni students, what year does someone have to be born to be considered old? and they say years such as 2000, 2001, 2002. And they think that that's old. And I'm a 2001 baby, and I just don't, I really don't see it as old at all. But, you know, I guess it is to the uni and college students out there. Well, she's 23.

Not old. She's 23. Well, yeah, 24, I guess. 24, 24. Yeah, I mean. Not old. Hey, you called into the right show. You're not old at all. But you know, it's a little annoying. And it feels a little bit like in college, you know, when you're freshmen, they're like, you don't have to pick your major. And then when you're

a sophomore, they're like, you're like, don't worry, you don't have to pick it. Then you're a junior. And they're like, what is it? What is it? What? You have to pick it. That's how I feel about when I'm like, 26. I'm like, I'm getting old. They're like, you're not old. And then I'm like 27. And they're like, you're not an old. And then they're like, one day, you're like, you're a field. Have you thought about a pension? Have you opened an IRA? I remember.

I remember thinking like, I'm not fucking going to start fucking retirement. And now I'm thinking, when can I start using that? What am I allowed to crack into that bad point? But also, what's funny is like when we're talking to a 24 year old, we're like, you're a literal baby. But then I talk to a 50 year old and they're like, you're a literal baby. Like, I'm like, oh, I feel like I should. probably have kids soon and I have like my mom's friends who had kids at like 42 and they're like

you're so young don't worry about it but then 25 year olds are like you don't have a baby yet I was talking to a young person younger person that we both know in the whatever 25 year old category and I remember feeling old because I was actually having the conversation with them about have they started retirement savings yet because when you're in the in mid-20s, you don't think about retirement savings. Like, unless, you know, you're self-employed, then there's, like, tax benefit to just, like, putting a certain amount.

But, like, I remember having the conversation with that. And I just felt so old being that guy, but I was grateful for the people that had it with me. Because you need to have that. Not to be a conspiracy theorist, but I feel like you have to talk to the right people or see the right things to understand that if you start investing your money early,

it, like, exponentially grows. I feel like they almost don't want you to know that. Who's they? I don't know who, I don't know who, but I'm saying, like, how does it benefit them? Benefit who? The government. Because, like, you're paying fewer taxes and you're accumulating wealth. No, because you won't be a burden on the state in your retirement.

True. And, by the way, it's deferred tax. So you pay tax on it when you take it out. But obviously, you're taking it out at a time where you're making less money. So all those things are, you're not actually, it's not tax free. And also you're probably, it's deferred. Are you getting taxed on the money it makes or the original? No, well, that's the whole thing is you don't get, you don't get taxed on unrealized capital gains.

And that's one of the great sort of, that was actually one of the things that happened with Biden had suggested that we should tax unrealized capital gains. And of course, there was like an upro. How can you, how can you tax something that may actually be worth less in the future? but then at the same time, obviously the argument is that all these billionaires are living off borrowed money because they're keeping their actual capital gains unrealized, so they never have to pay tax on it, right? So it's just one of these great conundrums. But listen, Hannah already glazed over halfway through that paragraph. No, I actually listened.

I was actually listening. I was actually listening. And someone said one year that Warren Buffett paid less taxes than his secretary. Yes, but in fairness to Warren Buffett in his defense, and I don't often defend the mega wealthy, but he has been an advocate that people like him should be paying more tax for quite a long time. And he believes that actually one of the great threats to our economic strength is the lack of money in society because there's so much being held by the upper echelon. so much being held out of use.

Yes. He believes in the velocity of money. The hoarding. Yeah, there just has to be more money in the economy. Yes, moving. Yeah, and of course, you know, when they were printing money, you know, when they were doing quantitative easing, right? Even that money wasn't going back into the economy.

It was going right into the market and just getting sucked back into not being used. Yep. But this is not that kind of podcast. But this is not that kind of podcast. After 30 minutes in, but this is not that kind of podcast. When you're talking about quantitative, quantitative easing. You're talking about unrealized gains. When you're talking about unrealized capital gains.

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I thought the old version was from the 1960s, and the new one was from the 2000s. Little did I know that there was a 2018 Grinch movie, and that was the new, and the old was from the 2000s. We had a full-on conversation about two completely different movies for a good 10 minutes. And I think about this every Christmas. I still refuse to watch the new Grinch from 2018 for this very reason. I didn't know there was another Grinch. Maybe, yeah, I actually didn't know that either. Jim Carrey is the 2000s one, right?

Yeah, I think. I'm, like, not that good with the Christmas movies, honestly. Really? But what's interesting is Disney, their classics, I feel like, have crossed generations. Yes. But you know what I'm kind of jealous of? Even though I love it still, I didn't have Frozen when I was the little kid. Yes.

These kids lose their fucking mind for Frozen. Every girl, all she wants to talk about is Elsa. Yeah, why frozen? Why frozen? I don't know, but these girls are, it's cool. And like, Elsa is raising our women of the 2010s or whatever. Yeah, I'm trying to think of, I don't even know what the cartoon that really grabbed me was when I was a kid. But the big, the cartoon movies weren't as much of a thing.

Yeah, cartoon movies were, like, I was in the golden age, kind of. You really were. even though I enjoyed all those cartoons in my adulthood I was also in the golden age of like early Disney like I was pre-Jonis brothers but I was like Lizzie McGuire even Stevens oh my God it was so good it was so good yeah we was saved by the bell but I was already I was the same age as saved by the bell

I watched Saved by the Bell every single morning on rerun on rerun when I was I know but you're watching Saved by the Bell on rerun but I was watching like bewitched on reruns. Like I, we watched I Dream of Jeannie on Reruns. I've watched that on reruns. Yeah?

Yeah. What else did we watch on reruns? I Dream of Jeannie was like kind of sexual. Yeah. It was fun though. Yeah. It was funny. Oh, but Sabrina the teenage witch was of, of the time.

See, I was, I watched that. Yeah. Yeah, because that was like, that was like. It was funny though. People are loving nostalgia. I remember when my little cousin got obsessed with friends. And she also... Oh, love those...

All the gen Zsies like friends. Assessed with friends. Well, now the Gen Zs are obsessed with girls, which I watch... Really? Obsessed with girls. Because, I mean, it's, like, great, great, great, great, great, great television. If you don't watch girls, you should watch it. She also watched Full House.

Like, she got obsessed with Full House. Full House? Yeah, like obsessed. Wow. That's old for you. I know. That's an 80s. Yeah, but good TV's good TV. Yeah. John Stamos, my man's.

The simplicity. God, just Simple times. Just knowing that like on a particular night you were going to watch a show, there's something there's something to be said about those moments that we had.

But it's, we still have that like when they do the weekly drops. Yes. But. Not the same though. Yeah. I also, I was of the age of Mary, Kate and Ashley

when they were actors. Yes Do you remember when Dakota Fanning was like In War the Worlds and like All those movies No that passed me by that She's acting again

But she was like a young phenom And was like this eight year old is going to be like The greatest actress of all time Let's Let's keep ticking along here A moment that made me feel old Is that a little over a month ago I went hiking in Colorado

during the hike, fantastic, felt great, nothing crazy happened, no injuries of that sorts. The day we return, my knees feel like absolute shit. And they have continued to feel that way every day for the past month and some change. I'm talking, getting out of bed in the morning, hurts. Sitting down on the couch hurts. Sitting down in the toilet hurts. I literally feel like I'm 70 years old. Meanwhile, I am 27 years old. So what is going on? It's the point where I am slightly concerned. Are my knees actually okay? Because they should not feel this way after just some hiking in my opinion. Like what is what is going on? So this is a moment where I'm actually not going to make you feel old, but I'm going to make you, Tyler, realize that you're at an age where you could

have something wrong with your knees and you need to get them checked out you're quite young but there is any number of things that you're just because i am on you're gonna freak her out no i'm gonna fucking help her out i'm on knee pain ticot man my ticot is 30% knee issues the rest is hip mobility yeah but here's the thing you need to get checked because you could have actually you could have like a tiny tear in your meniscus you could have like conjure Malaysia you could have like

you know something wrong with your kneecap it could just have just weakness and things that you need to work on in PT but like you really could have some sort of small tear

the people in their 20s who don't know what PT stands for it's physical therapy you're old when you're calling everything acronyms these girls these people in their 20s

aren't just like casually going to PT every week No, but I'm just, listen, I think more people know what PT is than you think. I know, but if you've never injured yourself, you wouldn't know, I feel like. But yeah, you just need to just check out. You know, you need to go for a basic x-ray. And if the x-ray shows up that you might need more of it, then your insurance will cover an MRI.

But you need to get that checked out because, you know, it could just be weakness. And then you can just follow the knees over toes guy. I highly recommend Ben Patrick, knees over toes, the ATG, knee. strengthening method. This for anybody out there, by the way, who's feeling any sort of knee instability, I highly recommend knees over toes. But this isn't that kind of podcast. But the thing is that starting to get like aches and pains is the beginning.

But here's the thing. When I was in my late 20s, I had a few times where I was like, oh, I'm getting old. I'm starting to feel it. And I remember thinking that that was like pain. Yeah. But trust me. Now, if I could go back to my late 20s pain, I would never. complain of pain again. I also have to say if you were hiking at a pretty severe angle,

that can definitely get you sore because you don't often do that. I think she's sore like quite a bit like it hasn't gone away. Sometimes I've had a tough workout and the next day it's not that bad and then the following day you get like a delayed effect. I mean I'm not going to go back and listen again, but wasn't she saying it's been a while? I think it's been like a couple days Oh, right. I thought it was longer, actually. Was it not longer? Regardless, get your knees checked. Yeah.

Because, you know, at the end of the day, you're probably ramping up the exercise hiking. And, you know, you may have just overdone it because you don't have the quad strength and the hamstring strength and the supporting muscular strength for your knee. But definitely worth getting a checked out. That's all I would say. Because honestly, a lot of times people do, people live with, like, injuries to their knees that they didn't realize they had for like a long time yeah you know people have gone like six months later and like they're like you know you tore your aces six months ago like that happens a lot yeah because

you could walk with it you know you there's just so many different things that could that could be wrong so anyway get your knees checked out but the reason why I'm saying is part this episode is about things that made you feel old and it's like you're probably at an age where you think that there's no fucking way you need to go to the doctor for your knees but you have to go just you know that's the age you're at. Thank you for the public service announcement. All right. I saw one that I want to finish out on.

Hi, Hannah, and Des. I love you both. So something that made me feel old recently. It was actually like this week. One day I woke up and I just had like the worst headache, like a pounding, pounding headache. And I was like, what the fuck did I do? Like thinking back to the day before like to cause this headache.

And I thought about it. And the day before I had stress eaten like an entire box. of chocolate covered Oreos and I'm pretty sure I had the headache from like eating too much sugar in one sitting so aka I'm now too old to just like eat whatever I want and not feel sick so that's really sad um anyways thanks guys bye I mean there's so many versions of this realization mm-hmm because I you know do remember Halloween when you're a kid and then you could just sit in front of that fucking bag and just like eat all this shit like non-stop yeah yeah Now I can't even, like, finish a Snickers bar.

Yeah. I also would, like, eat a salad one day, and the next day, like, lose five pounds because I ate a salad. Yeah. I mean, I remember when I first stopped drinking, you know, like, they say you crave sugar, you know, because a lot of sugar, a lot of sugar and alcohol. But I used to, as a, like, as my normal snack, there was nothing going on. I was bored.

I would get a king-sized Snickers and a regular Pepsi. not even diet. King size Snickers and a Pepsi which is just like 800 cows just for like a snack. You know what I mean? And I feel fine.

No substance to it. Feel fine. Yeah. Totally fine. Yeah. I mean, I can't. I'll tell you one thing. I can't remember the last time

I had a chocolate bar with a Diet Coke and didn't feel guilt. Whatever about feeling like shit. I mean, actual, like, oh my God, why did I do that? You know? Yeah. And obviously, the other phase is when you realize that, like, you can't consume,

you can't consume a pint of Hagandah's. Because I remember my dad had that. My dad never put on weight. And then he was, like, in his 50s. And he used to, he used to, my dad used to have a pint of Hagandahs all the time, like in one sitting, you know? And one day, he realized he'd gone up a size. the old fucking pants.

And he was like, I guess I can't eat fucking Hagan. You got to switch to yogurt. I also feel like a sign is picking up things. When you're younger, you just pick things up where now you have to like check out the lay of the land. See your positioning how heavy it is. Can you pick it up?

Can you bring it there? Like picking something up is it's like, oh, can you move that chair? And I'm like, I don't know, can I? Let's see. Do I want to risk my whole week? Do I want to risk the next two weeks of my life? I mean, that's our household is what things can we pick up without having a back spasm.

Yeah. But your back gets tight. No, yeah. Well, I've always had the body of like someone 10 years older, I feel like just because it's so run down. But it's also really strong. So it's this weird combination. Well, you know, your hip mobility isn't great, actually. I feel like you've told them this before.

But the one thing I will say is, I think. keep telling you you need to work on your hip mobility and I just feel like I wish somebody had told me that when I was in my 30s. And that's what you're here for it, to tell me the things that you wish you did in your 30s. To work on your hip mobility, stay out of the comments and teach you out of drive. This is my mission in life. Okay, you've, we've only done one of them. The hipmobility, I mean, you're doing Pilates, which is great. Oh yeah. The funny thing too with Pilates is the one thing that they don't talk about enough is the picking up of the box. You know how there's a box in the back that they'll be like, okay, now take the box

and put it on. The box is heavy. Yeah. And they never say like, make sure you bend with your knees. And like, because sometimes I'll pick up the box and I'm like, ooh, that was, I think I just fucked up my whole workout. Honestly, I just, any, I honestly, I'm picking up like, picking up a piece of paper for me now. I'm like, just please don't let this be the time.

Well, we're at the point where something drops and we both don't immediately go to get it. Oh, no, I can't do it. But here's the thing. They always say, bend your knees. I can't fucking, I can't bend my knees. Okay. Now it's just getting sad. Sorry.

You're like, I can't eat ice cream. I can't bend my knees. No, because, you know, one thing leads to another. And I had a lot of fucked up issues with my back this summer because I've been doing everything on my right side for a year and a half. half. Can you end with something positive? Oh, look, like, you, you bring the positivity. As you get older, you get wiser. Oh, yeah. Listen, you're, you're trading a pain-free life for wisdom. Lynn Koppelowitz, the comedian. Lynn Koppelitz? Yes. She has such an amazing bit about, it's, I can't get into it. Check out her Instagram. It's called Women of a Certain Age. It's like a

comedian group and she talks about getting older but how like your yeah and how like your 30s it's like you whatever but that your 50s you don't give a fuck anymore and it's actually like the best time but how the 30s and 20s 30s 30s and 40s are hard and she's like 50s you're like this is me now this is who you are I don't care yeah I mean I'm I'm getting there I guess like that's why old people just fart and then don't even say anything well That happens to some people in my vicinity in their 30s. Some people get there early with their bad hip mobility and their back pain. Okay, now this is an attack.

Wrap it up. Wrap it up, yo. All right. Well, listen, I'm in West Hampton Beach, August 14th. And I'm in San Francisco in September, which I think they just went on sale. And I'm in, I'm in Seattle and Portland. December, but they are not on sale yet. The Comedy Cell of Vegas in September.

And, oh, I have, I think I have a show in like Nashville, but all these, I'm not on my website yet, but keep an eye out. Yeah, it's in October, though. Also, I have a very exciting announcement. This upcoming week, I may or may not be dropping my New York City show, because I know you guys have been wondering. Oh, nice. Oh, and by the way,

we haven't been mentioning that we're hosting the unconditional love gallery for Southampton Animal Show. Yes. As we sit amongst three foster kittens. Three adorable foster kittens. We're hosting the gala. Tickets are still available. We have no idea what that entails, by the way. But we know that it's an amazing event. Come through party with us in beautiful Southampton. Yeah. Do you know where it is?

It might be in Watermill. Yeah, either way. In the Hamptons. The town of Southampton. In the Hamptons. Christy Brinkley is going to be there. Oh, wow. It's going to be crazy. Uptown girl. Just like that.

Yeah. I remember that video? No, I don't. You know you're old when you had a crush on Christy Brinkley. Awkward. No, why? Because you're going to meet her and I'm going to be there. Sorry.

Anyway, listen, we're going to leave it there, folks. Hey, Burner Phone. Something I realized that made me feel old is I naturally have started referring to my friends that are girls as my girlfriends. So I'd be like, oh, me and my girlfriends were getting dinner. Or I'm going over to my girlfriend's place for watching Love Island. My 12-year-old self would be so pissed at me because when my mom would do that, is like, are you going to your girlfriend's place? I'm like, mom, they're not my girlfriends, they're friends that are girls.

It was weird, it was old. It was like what old ladies did, and now I'm doing it. So I embrace it, but it is a sign of my age. Thanks. Hi, Mom and Dad. The moment I felt the oldest and most decrepit I've ever had was I was doing Coke in a bathroom at a party in Europe. with a friend of mine, and right as she snored it,

she looked at me and said, I'm ready to be a mom. And I was like, wow, we are 30. What the fuck are we doing? I went home right away and cried. Hi, good morning. First time caller, long time lover. So I was talking to a Gen Z, and I was, I was asking, like, oh, does this, like, establishment have gift certificates?

And this little Gen Z looks at me dead in the eye and goes, do you mean gift cards? And laughed. And I'm like, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, gift cards. Anywho, felt real old. Love you both. Bye. Whatever team Fia's on has a chance to win the championship. I'm Christina Williams, host of the podcast.

podcast in case you missed it with Christina Williams. The WMBA playoffs are here and I've got the inside scoop on everything from key matchups and standout players to the behind the scenes moments you won't find anywhere else. It's really, really hard to be the champions, but we have to remember how it feels and embrace the new challenge that we have. So listen to in case you missed it with Christina Williams and IHeart Women's Sports Production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment on IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

Thank you.