Berner Phone - Berning Questions: My Current Struggles & Favorite Condiments

Episode Date: March 30, 2023

I'm coming to Vegas, Boston, Tarrytown, Newark, Oklahoma, and Louisville! Get tickets HERE Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to burning in hell. Oh my gosh, it's a solo episode, Burning Questions that you guys sent in that I'm going to answer. I'm all alone in a hotel room in Richmond, Virginia, and I figured you guys might be alone, too, if you're listening to this, whether you're traveling or just at home. And we're going to hang. We're going to hang for a bit. You guys sent me a lot of questions that are all over the place, to be frank. And that's perfect, because that's how my brain works. Some quick housekeeping, because I realize I never promote myself on Burning in Hell

because I'm just, you know, in hell the whole time asking the hard-hitting questions. But quick summary, I just added a third show in New York City on April 27th. It's in Times Square. I'm sorry. I'm sorry it's in Times Square. the powers that be decided it was going to be in Times Square and it's so horrible for my brand but we're doing it and it's going to be lit then I am going to Vegas I have a show at the win in Vegas which is like a fancy theater like Sebastian Manascalko's played there it's it's an honor

but it's also in the middle of May who's going to be in Vegas in May if you're having a bachelor's up party let's go throw it throw everyone in we'll take shots strippers whatever you want then i'm going to oklahoma are there any little devils in oklahoma i don't know i didn't think there were any in utah but turns out i'm very big in the morma community um oklahoma city and tulsa i will be in june and then um louisville and then i just announced newark new jersey it's on my website july 20th use the code butter for presale and i'm going to terry town and I'm also announcing West Hampton, August 11th, the day before my birthday. Those are the updates.

But then Burning in Hell, you're like, kind of what's going on. I was thinking of doing more solo episodes for Burning in Hell, and I was really excited to do this episode. And then, I don't know what happened, but my inbox started blowing up of people who want to go on Burning and Hell. If you've been here for a while, we've been on these streets. We've been hustling. We've been asking the important mental health questions and laughing about stupid shit.

and now some bigger people want to be in the pod so I was like okay um some people look up to like Marilyn Monroe which I do some people look up to you know I don't who do people look up to LeBron James I don't know I look up to Barbara Corcoran and Barbara Corcoran slid well her assistant or barb actually I don't know I blacked out you guys know how I am with messaging celebrities I like freak out and I forget how sentences work and then I like call them the wrong name or I'm spell it or I say my love. Anyway, Barbara Corcoran must have thought a TikTok I did was funny, wants to come on burning in hell. So we're doing that next week. I'm so excited. I'm also doing Brian Kelly, who is the points guy and I've been traveling a lot. So I'm actually very intrigued

to talk to him. He's also besties with like Taylor Strecker and girl with no jobs. So message, I might do a little Instagram thing for you guys to message me any specific traveling questions you have because this guy fucking knows. Okay, this third. one is so random and i don't know why but um jeffre star wants to come up right now you guys know i love documentaries so i did watch like a random youtube documentary about geoffrey star um i don't even know where to begin with the questions like how do you even decide so give me any advice if you have any takes on what angles i should go in with those interviews but i'm i'm super excited to have those people on oh also i had to reschedule but i'm having madison beer on like i just feel like these are

so random but cool to have all these different people who have lived live such crazy lives on the pod so burning in hell it's hot up in this bitch i'm sweating i'm very dehydrated i am very dehydrated you ever like know you should drink water but it's just that's my thing water's so boring it gives me nothing it doesn't try like put something on your resume it's water's literally like an employee that said they did excel shows up to the job and you're like you're giving me nothing you can barely find the calculator on your iPhone okay I also promised you guys that I would finally do the seven deadly sins at the end of this pod because I guess I've just been having too much fun doing it to other people and making them uncomfortable I have to do it to myself and I will um

Okay, that was pretty good housekeeping. Okay, Adam and Queen. Oh, also, Giggly Squad is, we're dropping, we just dropped our Western collab that says Gurdier Loins. And we're going to Nashville and all over Texas next month. So get tickets. I feel like the Gigglers and Burning in Hell listeners, there's definitely a crossover, but there's also, like, definitely just Burning in Hell girlies and definitely Gigley Squad

girlies. But I wonder, message me. This is just an update. This is just like me and you. How are we doing? Are we okay? Just a little one on one. Why do I feel like this is like a work meeting where I'm like, let's follow up next week. Okay. Let's get into these friggin questions. Where do we even begin? Something you're struggling with right now. Okay, of course you guys would start off deep like this, but I deserve it. Okay, I did something yesterday. That was like, basically I messed up I mean if I had a nickel I messed up and I thought I was supposed to record a podcast next week and I'd said yes to it because I say yes to a lot because I sometimes have a scarcity mindset that like like I feel like I can do well but I feel like I do well because I work so hard and I don't miss anything and I say yes to everything and I just keep putting myself out there it's a very athlete mindset like just go go go go go go but inevitably you're going to burn out and I feel like and you also do better when you take a break but that just wasn't part of my life growing up so I'm like trying to change the system in my head and the voices that tell you how you should be so first I mess up and I they're basically like where are you and I'm like oh my god I just landed my flight I thought this was next week and in that moment normally I'd be like you dumb bitch

like you are horrible you're a bad person and then I'd spiral and then I feel horrible and I wouldn't let myself be happy for a while. Okay, that sounded so dark, but I feel like you guys get it. But I was like, okay, no, this was an easy mistake. Like, you've been traveling, you're on tour, you messed up a date, it happens. And they were fine with it. But then I knew that, like, I could, like, drive from the airport and try to get there in, like, an hour, even though I was exhausted from doing nine shows in Salt Lake City, traveling five hours.

and I have a flight in the morning to Richmond. And I basically was like, I'm so sorry, let's reschedule another time. Then I did go back and I was like, it's okay, I could try to do it at seven. And they were like, no, it's totally fine. We're going to dinner. We don't care. But I don't know if you guys experienced this. I basically felt like I missed this opportunity.

I fucked it up and now I don't deserve love. Or I need to call someone else and have them tell me, it's okay or like henna you were tired it's fine for me to let myself off the hook but i need to work on self-soothing i need to work on like i was like does is it crazy that like i don't do this thing tonight like isn't it like am i not tired like i wanted him to just give me permission which everything is a symptom of ADHD we've learned and i i do think i ADHD, but I don't know if that's connected ADHD. But if you scroll long enough on TikTok, you will find a way that it's connected ADHD. But I do know sometimes you get obsessed with other

people. It could be OCD. Okay, I'm going to stop trying to diagnose myself. But basically, no matter what goes on, if someone in my life that I respect tells me it's okay, you don't have to be upset, I will be fine, but I like need that from them. And sometimes he won't give it to me because he knows that I'm just trying to get it from him and he, like, wants me to, like, work it out of my own. I don't know. When you're with an older man, they're, like, wise and stuff, and it's so annoying.

So he was like, I can't tell you what to do. And one thing I also realize when you're stressed about something in your day or trauma is that sometimes you just need a new thing to be stressed out about and you will forget that last thing. And it sounds not healthy or toxic, but it's literally like a guy if you're like obsessed with a guy or a girl the way you get over them is to stress out about another one because your brain can only handle so much so i got stressed over something else and then i quickly forgot it um but that's just a day in the life a day in the life

of my brain so that's what i was struggling with but i realized after i said no and then i let myself feel okay with saying no i actually felt kind of badass like this was like a big opportunity that you fucked up but if you're okay with it it gives you this feeling of like oh it's okay there's going to be more opportunities and that's you like almost manifesting like not scarcity that there's an abundance of these big opportunities that are going to happen to you and you don't need to scramble and change your whole day around or and also i was exhausted like it would have been a good podcast probably but i wouldn't have i wouldn't have been able to do this podcast today i would have been tired podcasts are tiring i put my heart and soul into it like i don't i'm not just farting into

a mic i really want everything i say to have expressed something i don't know i want to put words together you know how difficult that is it's hard even though that's what i do for a living sometimes putting words together and make them make sense is um difficult oh god okay uh okay another deep question what would you tell your younger self when she struggled with anxiety pressure my thing is like i would beat a bitch up i would beat that bitch up like it was almost like when i was nervous or something it was just i'd be so intense with myself when it's like that's why i think i've leaned towards comedy so much because it's the one time where i can like let myself be silly and like it's okay and i think looking back i wish i was more silly with myself talk to myself

like it's fine like you're fine i would i would be so hard just to myself when it's like you don't need to why do you think you have to be hard on yourself like who is that helping it's literally not helping anyone and no one even knows how mean you're being to yourself so it's like the secret like bullying club you have in your own head and it doesn't do you any good i also feel like if you're focusing too much on happiness, like finding happiness, it's a real chase where you have to find more like of just acceptance and calmness. Like as someone who is living a life that has a lot of highs and lows, you cannot live your life just waiting for that next high. That is like suffocating and almost like sad. Like oh so you're nothing unless you get like a book deal. A book deal.

or like go viral on TikTok like what is the in between so as i've chased more things that i wanted to do in my life i'm also realizing how this is so corny but like i'm excited to foster dogs this summer i'm excited to spend more time with my grandparents who i realize they're getting older and like i realize how much i love them i'm excited to spend time with my niece and it's crazy that i have to live a life that's so not um some would say like normal or traditional to realize that like it's the traditional things that bring you like real um when i say happiness i mean happiness i mean real like contentment because it's just like the simple stuff other stuff is literally smoke and mirrors and if you care too much about it the next thing you know you're doing podcast at 9 p.m and then have to do it anyway i'm not

getting into it where do i want my life to be in the next five years what kind of a fucked up interview is this you guys know i hate five-year plans i think they're super um they can be limiting however you guys know everyone's like hi you're gonna have a baby you know a baby i feel like i will eventually but it's just so hard when i feel like i mean no one's ever ready for a baby a baby why do i want to say baby no one's ever ready and people like be kind of bitchy to me they'll be like do you think you can have a baby like oh do you think you can handle a baby and i'm like women have been handling babies since the beginning of time what about me makes you think because i'm bad with admin or because i'm you know traveling a lot or because i don't

know because people don't traditionally see me as like a motherly type that i can't handle a child my thing is i think having a child will help me get out of my own brain but then i and like worry about someone else but then you also get scared like the narcissist inside you's like oh no am i going to lose myself am i going to like not be there for myself and is it going to hurt my career but then there's i actually was just on stasi schroeder's podcast i highly recommend you guys listen to that episode it just came out today where we talked in deep about like motherhood we talked in deep about like um career changes about firings about all that shit so So I highly recommend you listen to that after this.

And if you don't have time, you do it another day. You figure it out. You say no. You have boundaries. But it does. Someone asked me a question, yeah. They're 30 and not thriving. Love my life and my little family, but I've lost self-worth a little advice on getting

back to my roots without neglecting the fam to, parent life. Okay, so obviously I have no real. experience to answer this question but i do feel like the concept of like losing something that you had and like finding yourself again i don't think is ever possible or real and i mean this not in the way you think i mean it i mean just that like when you're trying to find your own self your old self you don't realize that like it's that new self that you can create that's like so much better And that old self is never, like, as good as you thought it was. Like, Chris has Stefan always jokes.

Like, there's no good old days. And it's true. This is the good old days right now. And I think for this person who reached out about, like, how she gets herself worth back, you will get it back. It's just going to be different than it was before. And I think you find a new way to show yourself self-love in this new situation that you have that's going to be, like, so much more exciting and cool.

a nuance than it was before like we're always just evolving like I remember after like a bad breakup or a bad thing happened in my career or something bad happened with friends I'd be like oh I miss how it was before and it's like no this is your time to evolve this is your time to become something bigger and stronger and more nuanced than before and even if you've gone through hard time since then it doesn't make you like a weaker person or a less happy person it's really corny but it's those cracks that really make you stronger like after all the shit i've been through the last two or three years i feel so much stronger than i did before as in before i always had that little fear of like what if this happened i don't know if i can handle it what if that happened i don't know if i can

handle it now i know i can handle it and having that understanding just gives you that like calmness and i think that's what your 30s are just this calmness of like i'm going to be able to handle whatever life's life throws at me also i don't have that family life and i think i get scared like oh no are you going to get stuck in this like kind of roommate situation and every day is the same but i think you actively can decide what you want your life to be and you actively can make conscious decisions to change your routine, even if it's like a little tiny thing for yourself or with your family. I love change, but know that it's like a conscious decision that you have to make on your part. And a lot of the time, like your gut wants you to do it anyway. So it'll flow.

Let it go. It sounds like diarrhea. I'm not talking about diarrhea. Oh my gosh. Are we having fun? Is this good? I think I think I'm having fun. Bestie still talks to my ex. It's been five years. years and updates me on him. Why? Okay, I have so many questions. First of all, why is your best he still talk to him? Why does she give you updates? I'm like cold fucking turkey. I don't want to know anything about him. I do not want someone to be friends with someone who's like really hurt me because it's, it just feels weird. But if he didn't hurt you and you broke up with him, like it's fine but i don't really want updates i think this sounds like she kind of likes the drama she likes living vicariously through you maybe it's like how she connects with you

but if you don't want her to talk about it uh boundaries it's hard but i'd be like look it's healthier for me to not know like what's going on with his stuff because i've chosen to like not be involved with it but i'm glad that you're like you're making sure he's okay like i don't know do you want to fuck him what's going on um five yeah but then again deep down do you kind of want to know like i'm that way like i'll be like don't tell me about this then i'll be like but what happened so it's it's innocent it's fine to like keep tabs on someone but sometimes it could really ruin your day like stalking people from your past and you can make all this stuff in your head about what life was like or what life could be like and what they're like now and it's really all made

up so um i say comparison happens whether you're comparing their life or what your life was it happens when you're not like living in the moment and i feel like the happiest people aren't comparing because they're like honestly too focused on their own shit i don't mean in a selfish way like i just care about myself it's more like you're not keeping score because you're not playing games with people like you're just doing your thing and you don't care what other people are scoring because the score doesn't matter to you well when did i turn into my dad just making like basketball references all the time how am i working so much oh you guys i'm to be honest i'm tired i'm tired and i i basically like after i left

reality TV I was like I need to make money and I wanted to do stand-up and I was doing it and I was hustling and it was going well and then now like because of TikTok I've gained this crazy momentum where like people are really like selling out my shows and I'm like okay like we've been trying to get to this point and now that I'm here I'm like let's take advantage of it but I also have to be conscious of like you cannot bring yourself out and like life is if you think like this is my only chance That's, again, scarcity mindset. So I'm going to take, I'm taking the summer off. When I say the summer off, I mean, I'm not going to do a lot of shows.

They'll still be creating content. But I'll be out in West Hampton, I think, just like having fun with Des, which is like so important. And also with comedy, you guys ask me questions. Like, how do you write jokes and stuff? I cannot just sit down and write jokes. I mean, I want to work on that being like, let's see what comes up. But I'm more like, it'll just come to me. Like the joke either comes to me randomly at like while I'm falling asleep or like something happens and I'm like that's good or I say something on a podcast.

My creative juices are fucking random because it's not like, oh, let's just like send some emails. And I feel like I'm not logical with the jokes. Like I'm not like if I like I can't intellectually figure it out, I either think of something funny or I don't. It's pretty raw. But if I don't live enough, it's very hard to think of. jokes because if you're just going on the plane to the club coming home like watching some TV scrolling your phone you don't get inspired that much and if you can't just be inspired by social media and what other people are talking about you have to kind of live your own experiences so

that's the journey with comedy but I also am excited for like as my life evolves and changes the different opinions I'm going to have I mean between me and you guys I am manifesting a special. I would like to have a special, but I'm also not in a rush. Like, I don't just want to do it to do it. I want my first special to be something I'm super proud of. So sometimes I feel pressure. Like, you got to write more, you got to write more.

But I'm also like, but I like what I have right now. So I'm always, sometimes I'll write a bunch of new stuff. And then after a month, I'll be like, I don't like it. Like, I'm over it. I like the original stuff. So I'm evolving, growing. But I don't, the thing with my comedy is I don't put a lot of pressure or ego on it. I'm kind of just proud that I do it and I'm proud that I found something that makes me happy

because you can make something, you can make the most fun thing, not fun. Think of some of the things you enjoyed that then you can not enjoy by like being so critical about it. So with my comedy, I think because it's at the end of the day we're just trying to make people laugh, I've kept it so light in my head. Every now and then I'll be in a pressure situation where like I have to impress someone or like I'm getting judged or, you know, there's an executive watching and then I'll get like scared and nervous and think about the results but i'm working on staying out of that mindset of

like being result oriented and more just try to enjoy the experience um and be thankful that yeah and grateful that i'm doing something that like makes myself and other people happy okay kind of um no segue my ex had an only fans i think this is a girl but she could be talking about a woman or a man we don't know do I have a valid valid reason to be mad I don't think um mad is it can't be mad if that's just like what they were doing and then you met them but you can feel a type of way about it I guess um but like if that's who they are and they told you that they're doing this for money it's like either you support them or you don't so I wouldn't try to change them unless if they're not happy doing it and they want to do something

else, then you could kind of maybe help guide them. But OnlyFans is interesting, guys. Part of it is like a little empowering where like women for so long have been taking advantage of in like the porn industry, taking advantage of in any industry. So the fact that like if you need some side money, so you're going to start like start posting your feet on Onlyfans and you get some momentum, it's almost like empowering for women to have this like side income as long as you don't feel like you're losing yourself in it or you're like you feel bad about it or it's hurting your relationships but i recently met i met this girl in utah who is with a Mormon guy but she has an only fans and he i don't think the parents know but like he helps her with her only fans but i guess he's

super supportive because she's like making money and supporting them through her only fans so it's just so funny how it's all about perspective okay now have i talked to rakel since scandevall you know i have i don't have her number i don't have her number um i've talked to sheena briefly just kind of putting it out there um But I feel happy that their show is getting some momentum, and I hope that everyone's okay out of all the drums, because it's fucking intense when you've got many eyes on you. Which next question is, how do you navigate mutual friends post-breakup? It's very interesting.

I mean, I think I'm not a fighter. as in I'm not fighting for friends if you want to be friends with with my ex like cool like I'm not going to force anyone to be my friend friends is a safe space of people who want to be there like a mutual thing like if you're like trying to like get people to take sides and someone to like no I mean if he's going around making up lies about you I would stand up for yourself and you know have one-on-ones with people and communicate. But it is hard, but no deep down, the way you guys created that friend group together, you can find that again.

I've had friends so afraid to end a breakup because they were like, I'm going to lose my friends or they were his friends and I'm going to lose my sanity. And it's like, no, you're losing your sanity right now because you're with a guy who's not right for you. Like friends, I know that like I'm going to meet so many cool people in my life. I've met some of the coolest, most random people later in life, you know? And I believe friends are like soulmates. The second you meet them, you know if you love this person, you trust that person.

And I'm very like that with friends. You guys sent me a lot of questions about friend groups, especially like if you feel like your friend group is not treating you well or something. I actually, in the past, like even, you know, in school growing up, sometimes I would be friends with people who like actually were not nice to me and i guess there was like a masochistic or like some kind of thing where i wanted to like win them over type thing and friendships are so much better when you don't have anxiety around them or you're not like walking eggshells around them or they're just accepting you for you like that's friendship and i feel like sometimes you just get used to

the kind of friend that like you're kind of scared of or they like you don't know if they really actually like you and I think in your 30s you start being like okay well if you don't like me I don't need you in my life um no thank you check please so find people who actually like you for you and I think in your 30s you know more who you are and your late 20s so it's easier for people to be like oh I fuck with you or I don't and that's fine just like I'm more about quality over quantity I'm such a quality over quantity type girl because large friend groups stress me out and the like social anxiety of it all can be intense that you just need a couple people that understand you and see you for you and that is it's really

important to have if you have 20 friends that really don't get you like you're fucking lonely dating a guy who sucks at communicating when to stop trying to communicate well this is my thing like I was with a 47 year old like those guys definitely are like oh I don't know how to text that kind of thing and he would set an alarm to call me when I would finish filming somewhere else at like 1 a.m because he went to bed at 9 like they will figure out how to communicate with you um also isn't dating just communicating like what is dating without communicating I say like I'm sorry life's too short to chase a guy to like text you back call you back I would just stop and if he tries to reach out and tries to connect with you it's like good now do that a billion more times dating is literally just one long conversation and if he can't communicate with you like communication is the basis of every issue in relationships after the dopamine and all the sexy stuff wears off you're literally just can we communicate over you know travel plans um our our life goals something that upset me so

This is just, I'm done. I mean, I don't know how tall this man is, but leave it alone. Oh, God. What do we have next? My five favorite condiments. I like mayonnaise. I'll say it to you right now. I like mayonnaise.

I think it hydrates a turkey sandwich. Sour cream. I cannot eat Mexican food without sour cream. I also like a Chipotle mayo. I think that tastes good with a turkey sandwich, too. Don't knock it until you try it. Or they call it an aoli. I don't know what an aoli is, but it sounds like a fancy chipotle mayo.

Okay, ketchup. I put ketchup on my eggs. Judge me, judge me, judge me. Tomatoes, tomatoes. Okay, what's my last one? Okay, ranch. Wow, I'm such a basic boring bitch. But yeah, ranch, I'll put it on pizza sometimes.

My Italian immigrants would roll over in their grave. I'll put it on a salad, even though I don't really like to eat rabbit food. food. Do you have anxiety about how you're perceived on TikTok? If so, how do you push past it? Okay, you guys, the one thing that has helped me be successful is that it takes a lot for me to be embarrassed. Like, I never care about being cringe. I never care if someone thinks something stupid because I know what I'm doing. And if I enjoy it, I don't give the fuck what other people think. also people who think things are embarrassing or cringe are like it's their own insecurities so like a lot of comedians will not post clips or stuff because they're nervous about like what a couple of their comedy friends might think and I'm like oh but what about what the rest of the world who wants to buy tickets for you will think I actually started doing TikTok because I felt like Instagram wasn't like a good place for me because there's a lot of like reality TV fans and just like I felt like people on Instagram Instagram. It was not like a happy place. So I just started posting on TikTok. And TikTok

doesn't go to your friends like Instagram does. TikTok, they send your video out to random people and then if those people engaged in it, more people get into it. I think if it's something you like and it inspires you if you want to talk about makeup, do it for the right reasons. Like if you just want to be famous, it could be cringe. If you're just like, I want to be famous. But if you're like, I really am passionate about this. I think I'm really good at it. I think people want to should hear about this then really like why would you not do it you know also like what's the perception that like you're trying to do something cool i hope you're trying to do something um and you have to think of these times when you're like embarrassed like you post a video and no one looks or

you're doing the beginning of something that you're chasing this is the story that you will tell people when you're successful i love telling people i was getting paid 300 dollars a week at betches and getting my work scrutinized and becoming better at what I did um that's like that storyline you know get that good storyline in life life is about your own storyline how do I win my ex back after I cheated him LMAO okay bitch your storylines are wild this is some toxic shit how do I win my ex back after I cheated on him okay um remember why you cheated on him and realize you're going to do it again also i would like i've never cheated i don't understand like the high behind it like is there a high and like knowing you're kind of like being naughty i don't know

i have too much of my own anxiety like that would be way too much for me i get guilty when i like cancel a podcast i can't fuck someone behind someone's back but i feel like if you got to the point where you cheated like it couldn't have been great with this guy so it's not like do it all again um also he's not gonna he might want to cheat on you and hurt you so like let's just let's stop let's slowly back away and leave this man alone because you've you've done enough oh dream podcast guess message me if you guys have like guests that you really really would love because i probably would love them too and i'm just like scared to message them or something i feel like my dream podcast guess is Amy Schumer. I mean, she does, she followed me in Instagram. She unfollowed me. Then she followed me

again. I haven't checked recently, but like, I hope I'm on good terms with her. She's never responded to a message, but we're tight. No, I just think she's so inspiring. Her career path is incredible. And she also is friends with a lot of the same comics that I'm friends with. And, like, she gives them, like, all these really fun, cool opportunities. And I want to be, like, her. her um and affect the comedy community in a positive way and maybe i'll work with her one day i don't know who else besides barbara corkran who's amazing um adele i feel like adele would be so funny um obviously teller swift that would be iconic i feel like i i would love to get her to open up um even though she

selina gomas okay now i'm just naming really famous people but let's let's manifest amy schumer i think that could be really really cool what else do oh career moment you're most proud of oh my god why did like the first thing that came to my brain was like me deciding to quit tennis that's fucked up but it was like me getting the courage to leave something that i had such an

attachment to that I had like such a storyline with but if I hadn't detached from that I wouldn't be where I am now like I'd probably be teaching tennis which is fine but like not what I feel like I would thrive with um I'm also it was cool to get just for laughs it's this thing where they choose like new faces of comedy every year and it's kind of like an industry thing and I've never really like gone the traditional route of being accepted in you know the comedy industry because i like started on reality tv and social media and it's all very like non-traditional so to have like a traditional comedy industry people see my tape and pick me and then perform in montreal was like fucking cool um even though it was only five minutes set and it happened so fast and i blacked out

oh my gosh okay my favorite chain restaurant I'm going to say you guys I have to I'm trying to be healthier I'm trying to be healthier but the problem is the only thing I crave is melted cheese on bread so when that's all you want it's hard in these streets to be healthy but my favorite chain restaurant every like I literally eat everything but like I love Chipotle Taco Bell and I you know we do we are naughty we do have fast food after shows and when you're traveling on tour it's so hard to eat healthy and i like i almost feel like if i were to like meal prep and do that stuff that that would take me to like a whole other level of unhealthiness you know like i'd rather be in between i'd rather be imperfect than like packing my own like chicken and vegetables and rice like i think that that would drive me off the wall um and i'd be starving but what's hard is i it's hard to also get like a workout routine when you're traveling like i'm doing a show today tonight and then i'm traveling tomorrow morning

for another show and then i'm traveling again for another show and i kind of just accept like i'm going to have some weeks where i'm like bloated and dehydrated and a traveling mess and then some weeks we'll be like okay we're doing like a facial we're going to drink we're going to maybe do a Pilates. So I'm kind of, you guys just got to roll with the punches and at the end of the day I think the healthiest thing is being nice to yourself. Holy shit. Who thought that all I had to be was not be a cunt to myself? Sorry for using the C word. Sorry for using the C word. I just, sometimes I like to just wake you guys up a little bit with it. Okay. It's time to play. The Seven Deadly Sins. I haven't thought of my answers because i like to um challenge myself time to play the seven deadly sins

what are you greedy about i'm greedy about people thinking i'm funny oh it's not healthy I'm greedy about getting the laugh. Like, I just want, if there's a chance in a situation where I'm in the mood to make people laugh, I want to get them to laugh. I want it. I want it to keep going. But let's think, that's too simple. I'm greedy about being, like, successful because I feel like whatever my definition of success in my head will,

this is fucked up I'm about to say like we'll make people leave me alone like as in be like don't come for me like you should be doing this and you should be doing that and you want to reach your potential maybe it's because I was coached so long as a child it's like I just want people to leave me

be and just be like she's good like she's fine and I guess like I think that like having career success makes people leave me alone I need to talk to therapist about that but it's like yeah i just don't want people worried about me i don't want people um like making me feel bad about myself i just want to be like in a calm place where i but also it's like just move to

montana and start a cat sanctuary if that's what you really want i think we'll do that eventually who are you envious of oh good question good question hannah thank you i'm literally talking to myself right now what a weirdo um i'm envious of sometimes it looks like people's careers like they just have like everyone wants a piece of them and like i get jealous that like it seems like they just exist and people just want you know them to do interviews and shows and commercials and movies but i have to realize that like it didn't just that's just not they weren't weren't born like that like it was a ton of work that's going on behind the scenes and they're not just existing and that's just honestly social media bullshit of people just being like hey just got a

you know million dollars sponsorship to drink every on water yeah it's like no it's not that simple and everyone is dealing with their own bullshit um I do think there's moments where things happen to me where like if something's happening to me I'm jealous of people that it's not happening to which is definitely just like situational and I have to realize that everything is temporary and I'm not going to be in that place all the time I do think when I was on like reality TV I was jealous of people who like didn't have people

thinking they know what kind of person they're like or didn't have people thinking they were like a type of way and they didn't have to defend themselves of like what kind of person they are that was very emotionally exhausting and like just offending yourself or existing is difficult. What are you gluttonous about? I'm gluttonous about...

I just realized that my chart, not to make this about astrology, but I will. I have so much Virgo in my chart and makes me realize how I've always been like a hard worker. I wasn't necessarily like the smartest or the funniest or whatever, but I always knew that I would could outwork people like even with tennis I was like I'm not the most talented but I will outwork people but that's also like life's too short to just be a like freaking workaholic um because I kind of get gluttonous about like outworking things like being like I could

just if I just put in the time I'll do it but um I'm gluttonous about like petting my cat like i will pet her when she's purring for hours i can't get enough of her i'm also glutness about spending time with my niece she's also like so freaking cute um and those things are way healthier than working um for a some made-up thing in your head that makes you feel more valuable to society when was the last time you experience wrath extreme wrath oh good question i think sometimes people take advantage of me it makes me mad like people will i didn't realize it but people they're they're not really taking advantage of you they're just trying to do their job and push what they can and sometimes i'll have too many people at the same time trying to like

have me help them with something and then if i can't follow through for them then they get mad at me or i feel like they might be mad at me and then i get upset because i'm like i didn't even ask to be put in this position and i was trying to help so i can get mad where i feel like people can put me in a position where honestly i just end up getting disappointed myself that i can't help them but then I get well anyway you want to be wanted by people and then when too many people want you to help them and then you can't help all of them then it's still like very upsetting so you just have to prioritize who you can help and also if you don't prioritize yourself you can't help anyone when was last time you were a sloth you guys I love being a sloth

I realize I can't go from like one big social interaction to like another big social interaction I don't know if anyone else feels this way. Like if I go to a brunch, I can't, like, directly then go to, like, a podcast or, like, a job interview or, like, another brunch. Like, I need a lone time in between, even if it's just, like, 30 minutes just to, like, sit and space out. I'm never bored when I'm alone. I'm never bored. Just being alone, I get off on. I do have a problem where I think, because I was little, I played, like, so much sports, and I never really had, like, relaxation time that I, like,

really look forward to not doing anything like that's my like kink like who i have nothing to do like if i have one thing to do it during the day i'm like fuck now i have this busy day but that's something i have to work on to change a perspective of like not being so obsessed with doing nothing and instead just like enjoying existing whether you've a plan or not wow this is getting really deep when was the last time you let your pride to get in the way of something that my ego um my ego comes in and out sometimes i think i like need more of an ego and then sometimes like i'll overwork myself and then be like no you don't have to do that like you've you've already done that a bazillion times you don't have to keep doing this like have some confidence in yourself

but my pride oh my god I literally sound like someone in my pot being like this is a hard question I'm like it's okay okay I'll give you one I think when people have really hurt me I'm not one to just be like it's okay like

I'll totally have you back in my life again forgive you completely I think that's stupid I'm Sicilian I'm sorry like call it my ego but um if you've done something like really fucked up or like really try to hurt me my career my friends like my reputation i've called my ego but my pride but like you're not coming near my circle again because i'm not dumb because fool me once sorry i just yelled in all your ears i've been whispering this

whole time and then i got heated but yeah i i don't i do believe like you should forgive people as in like understand it wasn't personal and it's their own problems like so release that from you but that doesn't mean that i have to like um pretend things never happened or like be cool with people when was the last time you lusted over someone good question i mean it is crazy like it's funny because i'm married now and i feel like there are moments where like you're like do i have a bigger crush on my husband than he has on me or like he has a bigger crush on me than I have on him like the other day I was looking at him I was like he's so good looking like I'm so shallow he's so I was like you have the prettiest blue eyes and he's like

stop but like I actually still find him like so hot um which is crazy because I realized my longest relationship was three years when I was like right after college and now I'm um approaching that with does so like I haven't even been with him the longest I've been with anyone but like I'm excited to be with him like the longest and have like a long long relationship with this man and it's we were together during COVID so multiply that by sevens um but yeah like I lust over does all the time which is so lame but I also what do I um I lest over funny people all the time like comedians on stage who are just like you just want to listen to everyone. everything they say and everything they say makes you laugh and they're so comfortable on stage like

that's fucking hot to me like that is everything and I will like immediately be like this person is the hottest um oh my gosh what do you do to cope with your hell great question Hannah thank you um to cope with my hell you got to have a little sense of humor because life is a lot of fucked up things happening to you and it's your decision how you want to respond to it you could be mean to yourself. You could say, you silly little bug, you silly little cheeky monkey, do you do this again or did this happening to you? Or is this life throwing you crazy things? You know what? You don't have to be hateful towards yourself or so sad. You can laugh and say, this is going to be okay. And you can consciously decide to make things lighter on you because you don't have to believe

all the heavy voices in your head you can be that light voice to come in and repaint yourself and say this doesn't have to be life and death um or say hey feel like shit and it's okay we're not going to make you feel guilty for that um so it's always editing that voice in your head because you are creating your own storyline you're creating your own narrative and you're creating your own existence and you have so much power through your mind to be whoever you want to be whoever you want to to be and i am the slutty brene brown that's what they call me brine brown if she made a fart jokes oh bernay brown would be interesting to have in the pod but anyway you guys thank you so much for listening to me for this almost whole hour let me know if you like my solo pods if i should do more i had a

little too much fun i had a great time and um get tickets to my shows coming up tell me any places you want me to come to hannah burner.com and leave a review on burning in hell if you like and support the pod it's great for the pod and i'll talk to you guys later bye