Berner Phone - Blake Horstmann: The Villain Edit & Being A Bachelor

Episode Date: March 25, 2021

We love bringing Bachelor contestants to hell. Blakely explains the anxiety that came with being on the show and how he handled being portrayed as the ultimate f*ckboy on TV. When America hated him more than ever, he shared a text message to expose the edit. He lived to tell the tale and discusses how the whole experience has changed his perspective on dating.--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you think twice before you get your dick wet now? Oh, God, you have no idea. I have full-on panic attacks. Like, I'm like, you still want to have sex with me? I'm having a panic attack. Welcome to Burning Hell. What is up, guys? We are on another episode in the fiery, scary depths of hell.

And I have a sexy man today named Blake Horstman. A lot of people wanted him on, and I did watch his season of The Bachelor in Bachelor in Paradise, so my little fan girl's going off. Blake, welcome to hell. The Little Devils say hello. How are you feeling? Feeling good. Thanks for having me in hell. This will be a lot of fun.

I'm excited. We met on a Valentine's Day podcast that went crazy. It was wild. It did get a little weird. And I didn't know what you'd be like in person, but you were. very easy to talk to very good listener which i love you know because i'm just talking the whole time and um i'm i'm very interested in talking to a guy who was like been in bachelor nation and like how has your idea oh we're getting into it how has your idea of love changed the blake before

bachelor to now let's get into it we're getting deep right off the bat i love it i love it okay um honestly ash it's hard for me so i've always been a romantic like i am like a self-proclaimed like I love playing rom-com. I do love love. I love love hard. I think the biggest thing that I got out of the Bachelorette. So I have this thing where my gut instinct is just like always right. And I hate it. Like it's a blessing, but it's more than anything, I get a curse, you know,

because I feel like I know when something's not going to work out. I know when something's happening. And so on the show, on the Bachelorette, I had that gut feeling come about like the last week. So it was when I met her family. Her family was fantastic. Becca, who friend was my Bachelorette. Her family was fantastic. it was phenomenal but I could tell you know I could like feel something different in the air

it was like a moment where anytime we'd be off camera like she'd come run and jump in my arms and make out you know that whole thing and there was a moment where she came around a corner in the Maldives I came around another corner and she put her head down and walked away and I was like oh oh like rut row you know so I had that feeling yeah rut row um so that was a moment for me that was a huge moment but something that I did then that now I do in every relationship and I wish you know in the passed me. I would have done this before the show is most old Blake would have like thrown in the towel. Old Blake would have been like, it's over. My gut is telling me, blah, blah, it's over. I'm just going to give up. But I didn't. And I kept fighting for it. And then, you know, we had one more

date after that. And it went fantastic. And I had a lot of my gut ended up being right. But I had a lot of confidence going into the proposal. Yeah, because you could trick your gut if you want. You could be like, okay, God, shut the fuck up. Yeah, I did. I did. I tricked it good. It hurt. It hurt real bad. But I think now, I guess I go into relationship. with a little bit, like, I don't give up as easy. Are you a competitive guy inherently? Yeah, yeah, I am. I am.

Were you ever afraid that the competitiveness of, like, just, like, the one girl was ever playing with your mind versus, like, you actually liking her or loving her? Yeah, that was, like, a huge share of mind. And, like, I think most guys, and even women probably, they'd say that that was definitely in the back of their mind. And so for me, I had the first date of the season. So I, you know, I had a connection with her, with Becca, super early. How tall are you?

I'm about 6.3, roughly. Yeah, that's why you got first day. Okay, continue. I'm just kidding. I forgot you and the height thing. I remember now from the Valentine's podcast. You were like, I feel just like used and abused. I was like, I feel like all I have to do is be tall.

And that's why women like me. Like, they don't like me for me. I like that. I like that. Turn that on, maybe like. But, yeah, so I got the first day because I was six, three. I got the first day and I had an early connection. And I remember, like, about.

week three or four, you get to a point in your head where you're like, do I just like this woman because of the environment, because of the bubble, because of these incredible dates. But, you know, there was, there was this moment where it changed for me. And the biggest one was doing the Bahamas, she was like dancing in the sand. We were dancing to the Bahama and in the Bahamas was like this whole thing. And I was like, I was like, watching her dance, you know? And I was like, damn, like, I'd be into this woman even not in this environment, you know? Are you sure, though?

Because it still was the Bahamas and, like, the sand was probably really nice under your feet. no okay okay it wasn't the environment but then how do you go from that shit to normal dating like it must be so annoying to go on dates now after being on the bachelor the amount of questions you get like what's the worst fucking part of the aftermath 100% dating it's 100% dating and it's so hard

like I and I don't want to be like oh poor me because people also think they know you as a guy and how you are like there's like friend hannah and then like how I am when I flirt and like if the world knew my tricks like my one lines I have like two lines minds that I use. Like, I'd be fucked. And everybody has a move, you know?

But now it's like if you use it or you do, you know, then like you're like a player. You're a fuck boy or whatever. I'm like, well, like everybody has a move. Everybody has like ways they act around women. Well, you were definitely branded as the fuck boy. Yeah. 100%. Every girl I think so easily can be like, I hate fuck boys and he's won. So how has the term fuck boy affected your life?

Well, I've always been so confused by that term because is a fuck boy just somebody who who has sex casual sex or is a fuck boy who's somebody who dates multiple women and fucks with hearts because like listen I I do enjoy sex but I'm not going to say I don't I do but I always never I'm always very honest like I'm never like you know trying to like lead a woman owner to tell her you know like there's a future if there's not like I'm usually very up front if I don't see a future I'm like hey if you want to keep having casual sex fine but like yeah so and with Kalin and Christina I did that with both of it in fact everybody's like so did you tell them that like no they made sure I knew that it was just casual sex like it was

It wasn't like I didn't tell them. They made sure I knew. Also you're going on a dating show. Yeah. Dating show. Dating show. I know. That's what cracks me up about, like people getting angry.

It's like, it's literally the point of the show. You actually, you were in like the fucking height of the storm. I remember everything was just like, Blake, like, Blake, like, like, like, like, and some people in their life would dream to have like tons of headlines. And like, even you probably at moments were like,

oh, I wish I was more like relevant or people talking about me like that person. How did it feel to be in the eye of the hurricane actually in your mental heart? Yeah. It was not all the time. hyped up to be. I'm not going to lie. And I think it was because mostly, so you have like the media and how they portray things, especially, you know, how they portray things through ABC and everything. And then you have Instagram too. Like it's almost separate. Like on Instagram, I was actually getting a decent amount of like good like stuff. Like a lot of people were standing up for me like like she, you know, like she lied.

Like his proof, you know, and he had to prove of that, you know, like he was completely silenced. He had nothing like there was no way he could have gotten his story out, blah, blah, blah, but then the media headline, you know how the clickbait headlines were. the clickbait headlines hurt they hurt a lot yeah someone just posts an article that i'm afraid my boyfriend's going to die soon what no because they were like they're like you're you're dating a 45 year old and i go i know i'm afraid he's going to die every day as a joke like that's a joke yeah they will take anything and run with it but also did you ever want to take what made you decide i need to fucking post this like the hate must have gotten pretty intense so the hate was really

the Me Too movement was coming at me I was getting death threats It was like it was beyond Like it was be I'd shit left at my door Like it was beyond Yeah yeah Because like you had evidence on your phone And you were like I need to let

Yeah Yeah it was like I put my phone down for the So you know Paradise runs like Monday Tuesday So I saw those that first two episodes early I got them on like Saturday And I'm like no fuck Like when I saw what they were doing to me And the editing and the splicing

The Frang and biting I was like no fucking way Like they literally, I think sometimes people forget the things that were said. Like I looked like a sexual predator who silence plays ghosts and silences women. Like that was my edit. And I was like, nope, I'm going to burn this motherfucker down. I was like, I am not going to play this. Like I am, you cannot do this to me.

I was like if it was just the fuck boy, fine. Like whatever. People want to think he was a fuck boy, fine. But I'm not this monster who silences has sex with them and then silences them. Because everybody think that I basically they made it seem like I threatened her to not tell anybody, you know? It was just too far. And I didn't even think the show. knows they went too full like i remember talking to people before it was airing and when i started to

hear the things caleb was saying because i didn't she never said any of that to me and i was like would you think they'll air that and everybody was like no way they would air that that'd be so messed up and then not sure enough it was like worse than i could have imagined you know and it's it's a hard position when like it's enough to defend yourself for something that actually happened but you're finding yourself having to defend yourself for something that didn't even fucking happen but people really believe happen because it's on their TV and I get it, bro. Yeah, you do. I guess you would get it more than most.

I'm fucking get it so much, but it comes to a point where you go, am I defensive if I try to run around being like, wait, this is not what happened, this is what happened? Or do you try to just be like, okay, people are going to hate me for this thing that I, that is perceived in a different way and I just have to live off of that. Like, where's your mindset? Yeah, and it was the whole stagecoach thing like that, the, you know, it's like it's a Great promo for stagecoach. Yeah, they got millions in free advertising.

Insane. And the reason I like stagecoach so much is because ABC went to stagecoach and was like, so like, could we have like, you know, could we get money for that? And she was just like, fuck off. And I was like, I love you, stagecoach. I was like, just take that free publicity. You better get free stagecoat tickets with the rest of your life. Yeah, yeah, oh, for sure.

Yeah, I had like artists pass this year, the last two years. Yeah, I was going to be hang on. You now are the CEO of Stagecoach. Yeah, yeah. So they ate it up. They were posting it. They were commenting on every photo I posted stagecoach was. I fucking love that.

Yeah, it was brilliant. But the whole stage I was saying like whatever. Like, yeah, like, was it disrespectful to the two women, sure. But it's not like it was like, again, it wasn't like I was dating one of them or both of them. And it wasn't like it was like a Tuesday and a Wednesday. And then, you know, like it was like a music festival in the middle of the summer. And like, yes, there was alcohol. Like, yes.

There's no excuse really. Listen. Okay. It happens. Do I regret it? Yes. But that is something that, yeah, I can own. Like you said, you can own certain things.

Do you think twice before. you get your dick wet now oh god you have no idea i have full on panic attacks like i'm like you still want to have sex with me i'm having a panic attack but yeah do you do you have PTSD when it comes to like hooking up with random girls now yeah um i got you get to a point to where it's like either i definitely ran the rando thing i don't really don't do yeah that's that's like something i'm terrified of but even sex with like you know people i know people i'm into i still like it still scares me because i'm like especially what's going on right now with like tic talks and people are like outing people for TikTok. They're like getting,

going viral on TikTok. Did you see that thing with like JPJ? Did you see that? Oh no. I like JPM. This girl like did a full on like six minute TikTok or however many TikToks that is. Yeah. About like him DMing her and then her going to his hotel, shaping herself and then like having sex with him. Yeah. And then she goes viral and she JPM was actually on this podcast and he's hilarious and

funny and a sweetheart and smart. I love JPJ. He's the man. I just feel so bad for him and like other people that happens to do. So what's also hard is when you are the like target or when people are trying to like take you down there's no repercussions for them if anything it's the opposite it's opposite so like if yeah like they people can say whatever they want twist anything they want and then if it's disproven or wrong they just go about their life and then you're there go on google and people see that shit yeah yes and i don't again i don't want to be like oh poor me because like i get it like you know like yes i'm a lot of my DMs and stuff but it is it is a lot

harder now to date and then honestly like I was kind of dating somebody recently and they were actually funny because it kind of happened on you on the podcast we did together but like I don't go on podcasts anymore even if I'm like you know loki dating somebody and say like yeah I'm dating somebody because that complicates everything because people start to write articles about it people try to figure out who it is and it puts a lot of unwanted pressure so I in the last few protest I didn't you know I was like no no like I'm single and it like she got angry you know I'm like I'm trying to express explain it just it's just a difficult you're living in public life now so when people get involved with it like they're almost yeah there has to be those

talks of like what you can say what you cannot say i mean i'm in comedy so like i'm always thinking the first funniest thing to say and the next day i know i like a guy's mad at me because i made fun of his apartment and he blocks me for like 10 years but that's this not we digress yeah i'm over it i'm over it it was a fucking gross apartment but it's okay there was a train over it the train would go over it was shaking the volume up on the TV to even watch but anyway I digress I digress do you feel like your like taste in women has changed since like like now that you you're like famous do you like think of love differently or do you treat relationships differently there was like 10 questions I was just I was saying

random words to see what you would get excited I don't know if I necessarily see love differently honestly I'm one of those people who and it hurt like it's not necessarily a good thing but I'm one of those people who like tries to love like he's never had a broken horror and that means that like I still can like learn from past mistakes and past relationships but I know it sounds like a cheesy country song. It is a cheesy question. Did you always talk in Hallmark quotes or was it after The Bachelor? Was it before?

No, but like did the Bachelor change it for you? Kind of honestly. Yeah. Yeah, because like most dudes are not that good with the smooth lines like that. I've been, I've had years of practice, Hannah. I've had years of practice. Like most guys cannot even like understand if they're like hungry or not. like oh that's great oh yeah i do talk in like yeah fucking hallmark quotes

that's why i make good tv okay that's why i make good tv um but yeah i do like i love like i've never had a broken heart like and it hurts just as much every time i get a broken heart but then that one time it does end up working like it's gonna be that much better you know and i'll be like i don't hold back unfortunately i don't hold back in love and that's well also that's where they get you with the editing because if you don't hold back and you give them everything then they have so much to work with and it's just and I'm super trusting like I'm super easy I'm very easy to manipulate it like I want to trust everybody even like I'm not even talking producers like I'm talking people in my regular life and my friends are like you're an idiot like he's fucked over like you know it's just

like that guy's you know like stolen from they give you one compliment and you're like that guy's fucking great like are we best do we just he said I was cool and I lent him a pet on hundred thousand dollars like we're good i'm that guy who gave money to the fucking prince in nicaragua or whatever like i'm that email chain like i'm fucking oh my god wait so how has like what you're growing up affected like your relationship with love like do you have a love story in your head based on like your parents or how's how's that affect the modern day yeah so wow i i feel like i'm on the bachelor act because i feel like a lot of these questions are like what they ask in the ITN. No, so my parents had a, they were divorced when I was 16, 15, 16. And they had, they married

super young, had me super young, like 21, 22, high school sweethearts. But, so that was, you know, obviously romantic. But then I also saw, like, they, they weren't happy together. They were together for the kids for a very, very long time. And I saw them put in the work and try, you know, and do everything they could, but they eventually couldn't. So in a weird way, I don't know if, like, I don't know why I'm really romantic. I don't know why that is. But I almost saw that like love takes work, you know. And like I saw my parents give everything they had.

They try it. Go off. They go on. They go off. They go on. They go on. They give everything they had. I guess I look at work as, or as love is more of like, honestly like, I'm a romantic,

but I also know that like, it does take work. And I've seen the work put in and it's still not work. You know, so you think I'd almost like be scared of love. Yeah. There's a thin line between like, is this too much work? Because people are always like, you got to work and never give up. But then at some point is, like, is the universe telling me to run and I'm just ignoring it and just like a mosquito hitting the light? I don't know.

You knew what I was trying to say. It's, yeah, it's hard because then some people go, it should be easy. But then some people, like these Hallmark quotes, they're all over the fucking place. Like, they have too many people writing it that disagree with each other. Also, what was your career when you first got on, The Bachelor? I was selling beer. I was looking for Coors. So I was a sales rep for beer.

Oh, you were sales rep. I remember seeing you in sales and being like, okay, this guy's clearly, like, very personable and charming and tall, so you have to watch out for him. 100%. And, like, physically, I think, like, you have your, like, cool hairdo, too. And I was like, I don't know that. Like, you can't trust a guy whose hair doesn't move in that position. But I did, I do remember you had, like, a contagious love. So I'm giving you all my, like, judgments initially watching.

I feel like some of these are lucky compliments. So I'll take them. Like, a little backhand compliments. So I'll take them. Take it however you want. We're on a journey together. I told you that. You're in hell.

This is part of hell. What were your career aspirations at the time? What was bringing you joy? Where did you see yourself in the future? In a weird way, that's exactly why I went on the show because I was treading water. Like I felt like I liked my job. I didn't love it. I was getting my MBA.

But I was just like, I don't know. I felt stuck. And I felt just like treading water. There was nowhere for me to go. Like I had, of course, within my company like places I wanted to go. but none of them were like super attractive to me. So I was like, you know what? Like, let's give this whole reality television thing a shot.

Like, let's just go on the Bachelorette, see what happens. And my mom and sister nominated me. And I told them, I was like, go ahead. They've been wanting for years. I was like, do it. And then, yeah, honestly, the next thing I knew, like, yeah, I was on the show in my life. They were obviously never been the same.

Three years ago. Yeah. And do you, how do you feel about like you've seen live by the sword, die by the sword? Like, you've seen the perks of fame, but you've also seen like having everyone in America hate you. and I'm not going to call you the villain because you weren't. I just, I mean, they were trying to make it, but like, I don't think it really stuck.

So, like, how do you feel about fame now after experiencing both sides of it? Yeah, so you're exactly, I've seen like the top of the mountain. I've seen the fucking bottom of that, you know, valley. Like, I've seen, and everything in between, honestly, like, I've seen it all. God, I still say when people ask me, like, would you do it again? Like, I probably would. I would. Like, there's still more pros than cons.

There's a lot of cons out there. And there's a lot of things, you know, that I'm, like, I always say when people ask, like, I'm fucked up. Like, I'm in therapy. Like, we're all fucked up. Like, anybody goes on a reality television show is fucked up, you know? But in a weird way. They don't want people to go on who aren't making mistakes.

Like, that's not fun to watch. People have, like, perfectly healthy relationships. Nobody wants to watch. You're like, how is this going to be a dumpster fire? Let's see what they decided to do. So, like, I don't know. I look at fame now as I feel bad for a lot of people. Like, I guess I, I, like, have a lot of empathy towards people in the spotlight and

in the public eye. But again, like, I've had incredible relationships. I've built incredible relationships, friendships, opportunities I never thought that I'd be able to do. I've met people, man, some of my heroes growing up. So I would do it again. And in a weird way, it's kind of been a blessing this whole paradise thing because a lot of people from these new seasons have reached out

because they're like, help. Like I'm getting the village at it or like, what do I do now? It's like one of those things. So I've been able to be like this wise old man, you know, and match your nation. What help? I need help. What do you do?

I'm like, well, good luck, you know. ABC kind of, they're getting better. we'll give ABC credit. They're getting better. But it really is like a sink or swim thing. They like chew you up to spit you out and it's like sink or swim. You know, they don't really give you much unless you're in the first, you know, two, three, four people, you know, or the final few. They kind of do just like kind of like figure it out as you go, you know, kind of thing. Like you're under contract obviously, but like people out there, you know, people out there trying to take advantage of you, people out there using you. And it's just like,

so I get a lot of those questions. Like I'll hop on a call. You know, they'll jump on a call. And they'll be like, who do I talk to? What do I do I do appearances right now? Do I blah, blah, blah, blah. do I, you know, and like those kinds of things. I'm able to help those people. Like, how do I deal with the hate? Do I have to move to Alaska and just raise a salmon farm? What do you tell them? How do you deal with the hate?

I always say, like, if you believe all the good things, if you believe all the compliments, you believe all the fucking hype and all the, you know, heart emojis on your posts, then you have to believe all the bad stuff. I'm like, just don't believe any of them. Like, it's easier said than done, of course. But like, try not to get too hyped up because if you believe the goody, believe the bat like that's just how it works and you fucking nailed it because someone said that too they were like they're both extremes that like you're not the greatest fucking coolest person in the

world and you're not the most evil bitch that ever walk this planet so let's just like calm at the fuck down but like if you if you ride the highs you got to ride the lows that's a good one that's what i always say that's like a colorado reference so like yeah i i i always say like when i When every season starts now, I would say, like, you fucking psycho trolls out there. And, like, all you crazy fans out there. Like, just remember, like, your king, your queen, the person you love the most is not nearly as good as you think. And then the villain, the person you hate the most is not nearly as bad as you think. Like, everybody is somewhere in between just like you, you know?

Someone like, for example, Nick Vial, where you can, like, hate him so fucking much. And then suddenly they're making you like him and you're like, you guys have been fucking with me all along, you sickos. You sick, sick, sick, sick. But then they also, like, we're entertainment. And, like, I love that you speak openly because you could have literally been like, fuck this. I'm pissed on my mom. My sister for getting me into this. And I have hate towards everyone.

And I'm out of this game. But, like, you've stayed in the limelight. I think that's why I'm asking these questions. Because I think you've handled it really well. Have you been able to, like, release anger towards it? Or do you still have any anger towards, like, feeling wronged in any way? Yeah, that's a, that's good. So for a long time I had, I was angry.

Like, I was really angry at everybody. And it was so. bad there for a little while, right after Paradise, you know, like those first, especially when it first finished airing for probably a good like four months. Like, I was just unhappy. I was angry. I was frustrated. I was lashing out of people I love. Like, I could just feel it. And I knew I was doing it, but I couldn't stop, you know. But I think over time, like, you know, in therapy and just, I guess just kind of, I stepped away for a minute, um, just in the fact of like I wasn't trying to like do, because I went on Caitlin Bristow's live podcast tour. And it was really good for me to get back

out there and like see that hey people not everybody does hate you know it was like that was a cool feeling but also it was still hard for me because i i found myself yeah like lashing out and stuff and i think therapy and then eventually like i did forgive um i still every you know every once for want like i i you know you you're mind wanders and you get a little angry again um i mean i'm sicilian i forgive but i don't forget very you know so you'll be swimming with the fishes next thing you know yeah so like i don't know i i i still get angry every once while but for the most I've forgiven, but I haven't necessarily forgot. Like, obviously, like, I know who to trust and who are not trust.

I keep receipts. That's what I say. I keep receipts. Like, I know who fucking talk shit on me when I was in my voice. Yeah, that was some bravo shit. Like, you had the fucking receipts that, that's like some reunion stuff we joke about. And I kind of appreciate it. I think when you did it, I kind of appreciate it because I was like, we're all just having

so much fun projecting our issues on guys who have heard us on this poor guy Blake. When Blake's like, wait a second. Like, I have a story too. Well, yeah. And a lot of people were. At first, they were like, don't do it. Don't do it. It's never good look.

And then they read them and they were like, whoa, like, you probably did have to release those. It's such a thin line, though, because you don't want to look like you're just being a dick and it could make things worse and you're just deeper in it when you're trying to get out of it. Do you think that, like, it's hard because being a fuck boy is something that women have used to just kind of give guys. It's so generalized now. It's so broad. It's so general.

But I guess at some point it was just like a guy who was like fucking with women to get what they want. Do you have any advice for all the girls? girls listening since we have a lot of girl listeners on kind of like putting herself out there finding love finding a guy and knowing that like it's worth pursuing yeah so i think i wish i had the right answer here because i actually wasn't a real question i just said let them give me the toughest questions i'm like what is life so one thing that was incredibly frustrating for me and i'm sure every woman's heard this like but like if one thing that was incredibly like I sat there at the reunion I sat there on the stage and people were literally mad at me

they were like they were like listen yes Kalin why like she wasn't being honest with you about how she felt about you but you should have known that she was lying like that's what I was getting it was like all women lie and try to act cool and I was literally sitting there on the stage like wait like I'm the bad guy for believing the woman not the fact that she was lying about how she felt about me It was so confusing. It was so confusing. And you started to feel crazy because everyone is like, yeah, hello, mind read, you bitch. And you're just like, I'm the worst.

I'm evil. I forgot to take that mind reading class in college. Fuck. What was I doing? Drinking again? I literally was just confused about how I should like act. Like, if I should I believe, like, are you telling me I shouldn't believe the woman? Then you start feeling like the villain.

Like you start walking around like I'm a day. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And I was like, shit, I guess I should just like, like if a woman says she's not into me, she is into me. Like, is that what you're saying? like no means yes and yes means no like what is happening like then you're in dangerous dangerous waters so i got to the point where they were like you should have known she was just playing the

cool girl i'm like why should i have known that you know so my my honest like stop trying to play the cool girl like just be fucking honest and if the guy walks away because he's scared of your vulnerability and he's scared how honest you are then he's not your guy but just for me i would love if a woman just comes up and it's like after not right away but like after like let's say you know a few dates and everything she's like fuck i'm into you like i want to date you And if I'm like, eh, then I'm not the guy for you. But if I'm like, you know what? I like it too.

Like, let's fucking do it. That was such an amazing answer because I literally set you up to fail with that question because the question wasn't a real question. You guys need to listen to Behind the Rose by Blake and Eric Bradley. It's an amazing podcast, especially if you love The Bachelor stuff. But that was such a great answer because, yeah, the guy I'm with now, he straight up is just like, yeah, I'm really into you. And he was so attractive to the point that, like, I had walls up.

I love to play games. I'm a messy bitch. But to the point that I felt like, okay, I could release some of my armor and I could like actually be myself with him and see. Nothing can go anywhere when you're in the game playing. Like there's no intimacy in game playing. I could game play with a fucking wall and you'd be like, I'm talking to someone. It's a wall.

You went to Home Depot. Like, stop. So do you feel like you've been more honest in dating moving on? Yeah, I scare the shit out of them. I just scare them. I'm like, hey. I fucking like you like let's date and they're like whoa whoa slow down Blake slow down you go up to some girl and you go can I talk to you for a second like I'm the I'm that girl now

like I'm the clingy girl now in relationships 100% it's fucking horrible like I move too fast what is your signs what's your signs that you know like oh I want to pursue this what are the signs that you look for whether it's within your own feelings or like what you see from them it's okay yeah so good question so in my own when my own like if I know if I feel like it's if I'm comfortable being vulnerable with her and I'm not comfortable talking about certain things I necessarily wouldn't and it's not all like this bullshit small talk and everything and I'm to that point in my life where like I'm comfortable talking about that like 20 year old me or 25 year old me maybe not so I'm to a point in my life where like I know the things I want to be

able to talk about my spouse with and be uncomfortable with and like have those uncomfortable conversations vulnerable conversations so when a woman does it to me it's like game over like I'm like oh my god this woman feels comfortable enough to me to be vulnerable and open and I'm like oh oh and then i start opening up and it's just like this fucking you know floodgates open and then then i'm fucked then i'm like oh i'm into this girl she's gonna kill me she's gonna hurt me she's gonna hurt me either one regardless it's just the vulnerability for me is this incredibly attractive yeah and i also think there's something about being vulnerable that you can do in a very confident way like instead of it being weird i'm being like i never do this and i'm just opening up just be like this is me

yeah take it or leave it and it doesn't have to be creepy or like awkward you could just you can open and if it is hard for you like you can say that but you don't have to make it like it's this big thing like I mean the way I flirt is pretty matter of fact I think I'd be like I get that about you I feel like very matter of fact to the point that the guy like doesn't take me seriously like I'll be like yeah I'm obsessed with you you're going to be my husband and like in two years and then I just joke about it and then you joke enough about it that it becomes most jokes are true let's be honest so I but I love how like you seem like the kind of guy that someone could want to play games with you because you're like he probably talks to so many girls and i have to be

hard to get or whatever so and yeah girls definitely say that too i'm just thinking it's the fucking i think this is what happens so they think oh my god i'm gonna get so so like passionate about this they think that i don't need any validation you know they think that i don't need because i'm getting my validation in my dms i'm getting in my comments but it's the opposite i need more authentic validation than probably the normal guy you see because you're so right yeah because like they just think that like you want to be seen yes like you want someone to see you authentically and understand you authentically like these heart eye emojis on my comments section they think it does a lot for me but it really doesn't so they aren't giving me hard eye emojis or they aren't giving me

compliments because they think I'm getting it for somewhere else it's like no I want authentic validation you know this makes me laugh because the first podcast we went on actually only one we went on I asked you what your love language was and you immediately answered I'm like oh my god he's such a bachelor dude that even knows what a love language is it's like what's your rising sun so what what is your love language again so my it's one and two and i feel like they've changed a little bit but right now i still think it's quality of time and physical touch yeah because i'm the kind of person the guy saying i'm hot and he wants to have sex with me does nothing like i feel nothing but a guy just being like i can't get off the phone oh my god that's what i live for just being like i could

literally fart into this phone and he's like yes i'm so into it but but it sounds like if you're being your vulnerable self then you actually can connect to people because like you can like I feel like you can convince any girl to like you with your status and like with your height and so you really have to put yourself out there to even have a chance to meet someone who likes you for you yeah that's exactly right and like you said like I'll go on a date and this woman will be like bring up like a story I made like you know three weeks ago you know on my Instagram and it's like kind of that weird moment where she realized she did it and then I realized she did so it's like these people think you know a lot of times a lot of the women think they know me and who I am and they don't you don't you don't it's not from

a television show you know like you don't and also one more thing about being vulnerable you can be vulnerable and people won't like you and that's actually just great because you're showing your true colors and they're seeing their true colors and you can know immediately if it's real because like if you fake that you're like this cool girl for too long it's just a way it backfires oh it backfires immensely yeah he's just like oh so i only have texas this girl like once a week like Is that how it's work? So it's good for everybody involved, you know, just, yeah. Yeah, and you learn about yourself.

Also, sometimes, like, you'll realize, like, wait, this person is way better as a friend, and I'm so glad I didn't put his dick in me. You don't think that way. I mean, but I do think that, I want to know, you are like, you look at you and it's like, yeah, like I was on The Bachelor. What are you insecure about emotionally and physically? What do you hate about yourself? That's great.

Um, you know, I, that's a good question. So I am, I, I, I have insecurity. Everybody has insecurities, obviously. I'll be honest. Like, I'm a pretty confident guy. Like, obviously, like, I have like weird insecurities. Like, I think I have a small head. Like, I have a fucking small head. Like, that's what I want to know. Yeah. I have a small. Like, that's why, when everybody makes fun of me, because my hat rests on my head. I'm like, no, because I have to, it's like to, it's like to, it's like to. It's like to, it's small. That is like, it's so funny. like the little things you do because of your stupid insecurities that no one else sees and people like why is this dude wearing his hat like that and you're like it makes sense for you don't get it it's like i always wear high wasted pants like i'll wear it all the way up to my fucking boobs because i have little nubby legs but people don't know that but it looks like i have these long crazy legs what about emotionally what do you insecure about like with your personality this definitely came honestly like this is probably an insecurity built from the show or created from the show is i fucking i cry i'm not afraid you know i do i tear oh wait i

do i love that about you and i yeah i do and some but it's also this weird thing where like a lot of people like that but like yeah i fucking like i do i tear i'm a i'm a very sentimental person so like like like weird sentimental things will get me all choked up and like i do yeah it's just something i do what's like a quality about yourself you don't like i love myself i know i guess equality it's okay sometimes i i don't know how to say this because sometimes like i kind of can act like okay i got it i got it especially in relationships i got it because we were just talking about this the other day if a girl isn't giving me enough the validation that i need i push harder now like i go harder and that just makes it harder for me like if i sense a woman pulling away in

it sense i'm like or you know i can feel like oh i go harder and i make like cuter dates and i you know i like try even harder and that mean then that just makes the heartbreak even worse you know so i think that's something i wish i could change where instead you need to like listen to that gut and be like because forcing it just doesn't fucking work and I forced it in the last two relationships I've been on I could feel it but I forced it so hard for like a month and then it hurt that much worse not to psychoanalyze you but that comes from like growing up and seeing like the work you have to put in like that it's like keep trying keep trying keep trying and you do have to keep trying but it comes to a point where your gut is like this isn't the kind of work

that I want to do in a relationship and then also unfortunately I think sometimes that happens you can't necessarily be friends with that X anymore because, like, if you would have just called it when you felt it, it could maybe be friends. But if you push, you push, you push, you try, you try to try. It hurts that much more. And it kind of like, I don't know, you're jaded to that person. There's a classic, like, Dane Cook joke where it's like, I could end this relationship now or I can wait five years and end it violently. It's like, I can't break up with him.

My CDs are in his car. Like, I just can't right now. How's, do you deal with anxiety at all? Yeah. I'll be honest. I don't have like this crate like so I had really been anxiety obviously during paradise and stuff like I had my first panic attack ever to the point where I was like breathing in a paper bag like almost naked on the deck trying to like when you were filming no when I released the night I released the text messages I was

I was at my mom's house I was yelling at her to call an ambulance I was like laying on her deck and a mountain's breathing into a paper bag like it was horrible horrible I don't get those thank God because I know people who have like perpetual like panic attacks and the bravest strongest people in the world like I can And obviously, I went through really bad depression, too, didn't get out of bed for two months. Like, I don't... After, after Paradise? During, during Paradise, yeah, before. When it first finished filming and then when it actually ended up, finish airing was about two and a half, three months.

And yeah, I didn't get out of bed. I couldn't, I couldn't, you know, I was eating horribly. Like, I physically was just a mess, you know, and that's not me because I do like to stay, like, active and physically active and exercise. You're like, I like having an APEC, which is me. Work real hard for that thing. So, no, I wish I had an APEC. No, so it was hard for me because it just wasn't who I am normally. And like I said, like I, luckily I don't have like chronic depression, chronic anxiety.

Thankfully, I do obviously get it. We all kind of get it here and there. But those people that do, all of you listeners out there do, like you're incredibly strong. It's incredible that you can still like have like a functioning life with those, you know, anxiety. And of course, like I do get anxiety. But I think for the most parts, and maybe I do have that anxiety, but I've just seen the worst of the worst. And so like now I'm like, oh, this is bad. You're in a very good place

I'm not wetting myself You know, I'm fine You know I'm not lost out of control I'm fine It's called like I notice I feel like during reality TV

I'll catastrophize a lot Which is like a form of anxiety Where like something will happen I'll be like And I'm the worst And everyone's gonna hate me And I'm never gonna work again And I'm done

Especially in quarantine Where like you don't You can't go out And just see a friend Be like hey Hannah I love you It's more like you're just stuck With your fucking cat

And you're like This is us This is that You're doing amazing I want to wrap up with a final game called the Seven Deadly Sins. Seven Deadly Sins. Blake, what are you greedy about? Ooh, what am I greedy about time?

Like, I want to spend time. Like, if I'm into you, I want time. I want, like, all your time. Do you say no with, like, work stuff? Like, in terms of time with that, are you good at deciding where to put your time? Yes. So I would much rather, like, Yeah, like I would say no to like a work thing to like hang out so many of the other way around.

Because I have trouble saying no to things and I feel like I have, but some people who are good at managing time. Yeah, one of those. Who are you envious of? Ooh. I'm envious of person, so many abastrianation who can do the show, have success and step away and be like, I don't need this. I'm envious of those kind of people. I don't, yeah, need this. Like I don't, I can go back to my nine to five because like I don't really want to do that.

And do you consider it like, like hard to stay in it? Yeah. And like I still, like I said, I become like this weird person where I like this wise old man. Like I feel like I've helped a lot of people. And like I got a DM just the other day that was like I wanted to thank you so much for being open about your struggle that you went through paradise. It's safe, help me. And like so those things I don't take for granted. Like I'm glad I'm still speaking on it.

And I'm glad I'm still in this world. But at the same time, there's obviously like you said like there's nights where I like cry myself asleep in the fetal position. Because like, you know, it's like it's a you got to find that balance. I have never felt more understood. What are you gluttonous about? What do you overindulge in? Damn, I'm going to be real honest, yeah. I think sometimes I can, like, overindulge in the, if I go out and the attention I get.

Like, I think sometimes I was that in the past, you know, now I'm not, you know, I'm old news a little bit. And so, like, it's not the same. But, yeah, when I first went out, it was like so overwhelming, but it was a good feeling. I'm not going to sit here and act like it's not a good feeling to have women fawn over you. I'm not going to sit here and lie about that. You know, it is a good feeling that, you know, people think that, like, you're this, you know, somebody special, you know. So, yeah, that's how I used to overindulge in that big time.

Yeah, and that, but then, like, you start, like, what is it? Like, not drinking your own Gatorade. Kind of, yeah, like drinking your own, yeah, your own, I don't know. You think your shit. You start think your shit doesn't think. And, like, I really think it's important to have those people around you that are just like, you're a fucking idiot. And that's, that's what I think of do.

My family's that for me, thank that, yeah. if I remember right I thought your family was adorable when was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger do you have like an angry streak no I don't punch walls I don't have like an angry streak have you ever punched a wall before oh yeah I've done that a couple of times I was really like every frat dude has punched a wall

I broke my hand so let's let's you just talk about that hey and I'm not a frat dude I was always say were you in a frat no I was not in a frat guy Where'd you go to school? Nebraska. I went Hastings College in Nebraska. Oh, cool.

I played football hot back. No, I used to have, I used to attempt, like, playing sports was when I would get, like, a punch. I would, like, punch lockers and shit after, you know, half time and stuff. Yeah, same. I've broken so many rackets. Oh, okay. In the locker room. I once broke, I, like, went for a bathroom break and broke the bathroom door.

And then, like, some girl was in the locker room I didn't know. And I was like, don't, just don't ask. I'm just, don't tell anyone. You didn't see this? I just, like, tried to slam it and just, like, fell off. And I was like, okay, I didn't know that was that strong. I think the last, the only way now I get angry nowadays is dishonesty. Like if somebody isn't honest with me, if they lie to me, then I get, I get really angry.

And I either, most of the time I just like, cut you out. Same zies. That's it. Same zies. I'm currently dealing with, um, this guy I was like seeing on the reality show for a little. He's, I just got engaged. And, um, we like got into a little on the show. And now he's like starting the smear campaign that like I had a boyfriend.

already going into the show and that like and like it's funny because i've dealt with a lot with it and that was like the final straw when i was like i can't deal with it but i didn't realize it was just it's the dishonesty that makes you feel so so crazy about it um anyway just wanted to spill that tea was this last time you were a sloth so you ever like a lazy piece of shit stay in bed all day yesterday all the time every sunday i don't move i turn off my phone i just like don't move i literally right now i think i have a pizza box in my bed like from yesterday oh yeah i love me a good lazy sunday i'm yeah do you live alone i do i like envisioned just like a bachelor pad of all the bachelor guys just like waiting for stage coach tickets to take them available

do you know many bachelor guys hit me up as like can i get a pass to stage coach this year oh my god yeah i can you guys really have a funny community because bravo like we're kind of the us and vanderpump and southern charm are the only younger shows and the rest are like housewives and older shows but you guys are all the fucking same age just fucking each other it's anyway widely incestual, yeah, insane, yeah. Because it's like, welcome to the cult. When was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something? So I feel like you've probably learned a lot about ego through this time, the ups and downs. Yeah, a lot about ego and pride. And honestly, like, I don't know if there's a good thing or not, like I don't have that much pride. Like, I don't know if that's a good thing or

it's gone. Like, yeah, it's been burnt out. Like, like, like, like I said, if somebody's dishonest me or whatever, like, I just cut about my life. Like, I don't feel a need to like, for like, revenge i don't know i just it takes a lot for me to be like super prideful i don't know but reality tv is hard because you can't like cut them out of your life sometimes you have to deal with them and i have like i've done podcasts with like a bunch of us together and with somebody and i don't like you know i don't get along with or they've talked mad shit about me you know it's super awkward yeah so you like take the high road what's that yeah i do i take the high road i mean i yeah i'm i hate even though on radio television i hate drama so like i'm the least confrontational person

alive. Like, I will, it's, that's probably why I just felt, I looked like, I was so scared of confrontation my first two seasons. Yeah. Oh my God. I like, like, with like, because you know, you're like preparing for it and it finally gets there and you have to confront someone. You're just like, yeah. That's how I am. I'm so bad. And then I ended up like

apologizing to them for some reason. Like, why did I do that? Like, they fucked. Like, and that's why I think in paradise when everything was going down, like, while I was there on the beach. Like, it looked like a beaten puppy because like I didn't know what to say. I couldn't fight back because I was just like, Confrontation. But then when you don't say enough,

they can really make it look however they want. But I also, I don't want to give you PTSD, but I just remember all this shit was happening and they just kept cutting back to you being like, yeah, bro, and you threw the football. It was like all these women.

I remember now. I am having PTSD. The football, like how many times did you? I was like, okay, he throws a lot of football. And all that was filled within like an hour,

you know, all those football throws. Yeah. I'll never forget. They were like cutting to like women talking shit about me and how I'm a monster and me just like running on the beach.

He seems like he loves football more than any woman here. so he's leaving with a football that's what's happening when was the last time you lusted over someone so do you have like a celebrity crush or a bachelorette crush or a crush in general god i lust a lot like i'm one of those people who like i'll meet somebody on the weekend me like this is my wife like i'm really bad i'm romantic like that i'm like did you just see our me queue i made out contact like this is our mecue this is happening you're already thinking how you're going to explain to the kids you're like so i'm like fucking you're you know how I met your mother like I'm fucking that guy like she looked at me then she ignored me

I never saw her again it was like so cute like two years from now when we see each other again yeah so it's like yeah I'm horrible I lust a lot and I think that's some of my problem is like can I tell the difference between lust and love and like I mean the lust I think is so fun in the beginning but it also like you're gonna get you get sick of it eventually where you're like at the end of this high is always bad so like do I even need this high right now and I know it's going to be a low soon but it's so easy like I will love projecting on guys guys too like I meet a guy and I would in my head make him all the things I want him to be and they would take six months for me to realize he's like none of those things and then be like

fuck I wasted my time again so yeah my advice to people is like when dating don't try to make them like you really try to figure out if you like them and that's like hard sometimes especially as like being a people pleaser or like so true so my last question for you and I've been I've been asking you hard ones and you've been doing great is what do you ultimately do to cope with your hell what advice would you give to people listening when they're in their dark place so for me for me personally obviously it's very unique for a lot of different people and everybody experiences things different for me when i was in my hell i've been there it was so for me like physically it was just like honestly the sun the sun like i had this moment where i was at the lowest to the low it's probably

like sixth episode of paradise six episode paradise i was like at that point where i was like do I still want to live? Like I was at that point. And for something ending me, something clicked and I walked to the Walgreens. Like it was like a couple blocks away to get a Gatorade. And the sun saved my life. Like just the fresh air in the sun. Like I don't know why it changed me. And then the next day I walked further. The next day I walked further. And then eventually, you know, I was walking miles and running and things like exercising again. So that. And then for me, it was, I think a lot of people try and like, I don't know, bandaid the problem. You know, like bandaid that I think you need to feel it like I think you need to just like take time feel the pain

feel where it you're at but know that you can you can escape this and then that not only that you can escape it but because you didn't bandaid it like you'll never probably have to get there again like once you've beaten that if you didn't bandaid and you actually like healed from it you'll never get to that hell or that bottom again you know and so I think just feel it like sit there in your room fucking cry I can listen to like whatever it is music you know watch whatever you have to watch, just feel it. And then once you feel it, I think it's, and then once you heal from that, you'll know that you can do it again, you know, instead of band-dating it. Your emotional intelligence is like very impressive. Girls slide into the DMs. You know what to do. Like, where can people

follow you, watch, you, listen to you, give me the goods. Yeah. So I am on Instagram at blocka. Dot-h. Also on Twitter, I don't really tweet, but Twitter, blocka.com. And then, yeah, or listen to my podcast, uh, behind the rows. And it's, uh, on every major show. streaming service and all that's kind of stuff so yeah amazing well blake thank you for coming to hell the devil had a good time and um we'll talk to you guys another time bye