Berner Phone - Chinae Alexander: Loving Your Labia & Losing 70 Pounds

Episode Date: November 13, 2019

Chinae is a wellness expert and social entrepreneur who spoke to Hannah about making more money than your man, being an empath, having a quarter life crisis, losing friends, how she became an adidas ambassador, late night eating, people’s patterns, if boyfriend’s make you happy, why she never posted on social media about her relationships, recovering from eating disorders, why she doesn’t use filters on Instagram, and the last fight she had with her boyfriend. SUBSCRIBE TO PATREON FOR JUICY MEATY BONUS EPISODES Get 20% off NIGHT pillows at discovernight.com with the code BERN --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Or no, sell your socks, sweaty socks. On Patreon? Yeah. Make it almost like a... I have so many sweaty socks. I know. My socks are sweaty now. My sweats are socking now.

No, I'm serious, though. You sign up for the premium membership and you get socks mailed to you monthly. You guys heard it from Cheney Alexander. You guys, I'm on Patreon. And if you want my smelly socks or just bonus episodes that are pretty funny... Either or.

Either or. Check it out. Patreon.com. such burning in hell I did like legitimate research on this woman I've actually I've creeped on her before she met me she's one of those like I call you one of the OG

Instagram blogger chicks who I'm I see I think I'm new it means I'm a literal like I'm a baby I'm a what's it what's it when you're a fetus fetus that was where I was looking for we this is a long day of podcast okay we did one podcast we each did one and we're like oh my god life is so hard but I like looked at your resume and you really blow me away so you might have heard of her in woman's health glamour refinery 29 she's an entrepreneur a lifestyle personality writer speaker and wellness expert based in Brooklyn, New York, Brooklyn, her message is to empower people to be better through positive

thinking, active change, self-love with a lot of laughing and curse words along the fucking way. That's why she's my bitch. That's why she's on this fucking podcast. Chenet Alexander. Hello. I'm so glad to be here. I just want, is it Chenet or Chenet? Yeah, that's what I thought. It's prettier. I was hoping it wasn't Chenet. Every Uber driver when I get in, they go China-E. I'm like, who would name me? their child that. Yeah. It's bad. My name's hard. Then you should try to pronounce their name back at them and make them feel bad. It would not go well, would be super racist, not going to do it. So I pulled this from your website. Yes. But I just think it's fascinating. You are so many things. And

when someone asks, what do you do? What do you say? Well, now I'm, I tell people I'm a social entrepreneur. So creating different streams of businesses online. So online. So online, line shit. Multiple sources of revenue. We have to. We have to diversify, bitch. Especially women. Like, that's how you make wealth. Yep, yep. And we're growing our own wealth. And that's pretty amazing. It's amazing. My favorite thing is that most of the people I've dated up until this point in the last couple years, like, I make more money than them. And I love it. I was recently listening, A Girls Got to Eat Podcast. They had Andrew Schultz on, who's a great comedian and he was like it's tough for guys nowadays because you know women have their own jobs they

have their own apartments like we they don't need us for anything we just got to bring that good dick exactly and that's hard for a lot of people that's hard for a lot of dudes people don't talk about the amount of bad dick out there actually they do all the time yeah we do all the time i also i was fascinated by you because i've creepily been watching your career and i've seen you change with the world around you so like you had a blog right like you full on writing because that's what people remember everyone was like obsessed with like the full outfits out today it was like why read cosmopolitan when I could look at this girl who's more like me and more relatable and more honest um can you kind of explain how you've changed your

strategies and making money as an entrepreneur because times the change times the change in um so I actually had a blog when no one had blogs really it was called the be better blog it was forever ago it was before I ever thought I would do social media. I am very accidentally a social media person. Which I love. I love an accidental success. Yeah. You know, and here's a thing. I think that's why. I think that's why I've been like moderately successful

at doing it because I never planned on it and I didn't give a shit about becoming famous. And I'm not famous. Let's use that real likely. Well, everyone's a little famous nowadays. Everyone has influence. I always say that. Whether it's 30 people or 3 million. I love that. But I had this blog and I was just writing it basically at my

desk of my day job. I was a marketing director and I was like gotta have a creative outlet so I was writing this advice blog called The Be Better a blog and I was talking about you know

five ways to like attract a guy at a bar you know how to revamp your wardrobe why do you think you had the like why do you think you could give advice like what did you experience in your life

that you felt you can help people I'm like severely an empath and like lean toward that so I like I feel like I bump up against people and I like collect their energy, collect their thoughts. And I'm like, tell me more about that. Tell me, and that's why I do what I do now.

But I'm like trying to pick up any sort of experience off a person when I meet them. And so for me, it wasn't my own advice. It was the advice of everyone I've met talking to them like, well, what do you think you could have done differently? You are a very natural leader. What's your sign? I'm a Virgo. I love you.

You weren't happy about that. No, no. I'm a Virgo. Because nobody fucking likes Virgoes. Everyone thinks Virgo's are the worst. I don't like Virgo men. I don't like Virgo men. I never dated a Virgo man.

Don't. They're terrible. I mean, but I'm also Leo, so I bump heads with them. But I like Virgo women. Okay, interesting. Because I think you guys are strong.

Yeah, we're like strong, really organized perfectionist, but can be kind of like butt-holy in Taipei. Yeah. Which is the bad rap that we always get. But I kind of like girls who are butt-holy. Here's the thing.

We will never, you will never worry about trust. us. Yeah. We're loyal. And Leo's are very loyal, too. I want to go, I want to do the whole thing where they like do your whole your whole chart and stuff.

You should do that on your podcast. I should have someone to do my chart. Maybe I'll put that on a Patreon episode, you guys. Why haven't you signed up yet? Should we go do it? Should we do it together and put it on a Patreon? Yes. We should do that.

Because, yeah, that would be so funny or no. I think they're great, but I'm, I feel like I have 10 things to like electronic things. I know. I know. Okay. Virgo Sagittarius Rising Capricorn Moon

Don't know what that means Okay I actually don't know what it means either So this is productive You know what? Hey, tune into the Patreon if you want to know more You want to know what we really think

Because we're just pretending We don't know what it means right now We'll go more in depth But yeah so it's crazy Because I was writing that blog And I had no intention of anyone finding it I was writing it completely anonymously

I love that you're also Director of Marketing So you're like, okay guys Go do your work And you're like How to be a better Yeah, I'm like, here's five tips to attract guys at a bar. And it was more...

Sarah, go into your email, bitch. I honestly was so terrified of someone from my work finding it. Not because I'd get in trouble. Were you anonymous? Yeah. I mean, it wasn't totally anonymous, but it was just like harder to find people. Yeah. Now you just Google and there's like, oh, there's your wiki feet.

Oh, my God, I just found my wiki feet the other done. I'm like, I think someone rated me like a three and a half. Also, my birthday's wrong. So my sign is wrong. on it. Well, you have athlete feet, so. Yeah, I have a wide set feet. Oh, you have a wide flat foot. I don't have a flat foot. Oh, you got a good arch? I have a good arch, which means I'm fast, but it's still wide. I think I have planters fasciitis. I don't know. I have a foot pain. We're getting old. Yeah, that's what happens at 30. Your body just starts to break. You get

planter fasciitis. You're like, wow, I got a foot thing from walking. That's great. I, I hurt my foot walking the other day i literally slipped off a two inch curb and i got the worst cramp in my calf and i was like i was like oh my god i think i might have like sprained my muscle and i'm like what the fuck i'm 28 and i kind of like sneezed too hard the other day and almost throughout my back so that's fun we're in a good time i'm wild in the bedroom i swear no and there's like a certain sleep like a certain sex position that i do that every time the next day my back is killing me. What is it? It's like, okay, it's actually a great sex move. So you, you're like on your side. Okay. And you're asleep. Then you're asleep. And then you wake up in the morning, you're like,

why is my back hurt? And I'm just kidding. You're on your side. And then he's like behind you, like, doggy, not cuddling. He's like right behind you. And then you like kind of cross over your leg. So he can kind of see your face. You're in this like twist while he's in you. It's actually a yoga move. It's an amazing. Yes. Yes. It's the yoga. good move it's amazing my lower back can't handle it plus when you put your thighs together you have like double vagina power do you know that yes it's like

you have seven labias I love a seven labia bitch yes ooh you bring the labia then I'm kind of against the like the whole like antilabia movement like labia or vaginal rejuvenation what they take like a laser up your vagina and they like scoop it out

it's so fucked up it's like let's make women insecure about something that literally always makes men feel good. Yeah. And no man has ever been like, it was great, but like her labia ruined it for me. And I don't think guys think about it as much as we think.

Do you remember like in junior high in high school when you started to think about that stuff and you're like, does mine look normal? Why is mine a little brown? Why is mine a little, well, this? Oh, hers doesn't look like that. We already are like undercover and secure about it. And then this industry just like.

Because we don't, like how many vaginas have you seen in your life? Besides, Besides porn, how many of normal girls' vaginas have you seen in your life? Not that many, but my first one was at Fantasy Skatland when I was in third grade. And I also had my first kiss that day. It was a huge day, but there was bathrooms and they were skate in, skate out. And the stalls faced each other. They didn't have doors because I think they were afraid of kids like freaking hitting other kids in the face.

So I just sat down in the toilet and then this lady sat across to me. and she had the most hairy big vagina because I mean I had a third day of vagina mine was little yeah I was like also it might have been in back in that day you know what and I think it's always like for moms if you're a mom like it's fucking weird if you're a mom and getting your butthole wax like what are you doing but I was just to your kids hang out with your children why don't you I'm kidding do whatever you want with your body hair but anyway I looked across and I saw it and I was like is that what mine's going to look like and then I went home and I talked from the mom about it. And she said, she was like, she was like, yeah. Also, if you ever feel like weird

about your vagina, everything we get is genetic. So there had to be someone before you that had a vagina like yours. I thought you were going to go say, go find your mom and ask her to see her vagina. I also, I liked when vaginas are compared to flowers. Yeah. And that just like they're totally different ways that, and we just don't talk about it. And then society loves to be like, oh, let's make them insecure about it so they feel like they have to change themselves and also that society is not straight men like the people who decide what you should be comfortable about a lot of time is like I don't it's like fashion like it's not straight men who are deciding these things it's women who are like oh we're insecure about this let's make money off of fixing it sometimes

and I think that a lot of straight men are turned on by like girls with more labia or like girls with a did like it's like there's no guy has ever been has never been like this is how I feel about labia's yeah the last fucking thing dudes have on their mind I don't even think they know where the labia is I don't really know where the clitoris is often so I would also hesitate that they would know where the labia is in general I always say like you have a boyfriend yes who is so adorable by the way I live vicarcy through you when you take a photo of him I'm like through your eyes what would we like to have a boyfriend but boyfriends seem like a lot of effort like you have to respond to them all the time, you have to walk them, you have to make sure they

get enough sleep, you have to teach them where the clitoris is. It's exhausting. It truly is. Where do you find the time? It's well worth it for the right one, but it takes a while to get there. So speaking of getting there, so you're doing your blog and you're a marketing director. How old are you at the time? I was probably at this time about 24. Okay. Yeah. And so I was in this like transitional point in my life where I was like what am I doing and yeah 24 is when a lot of people like your friends on Facebook would be when Facebook was a thing or like in when Facebook was a thing I think it's still a thing just not for people that live here I think it is I don't know that I did have a tweet though it's like imagine media or soulmate and they post insta if they post stories on Facebook stories

stop it no no people really do do that yeah I think it's an accident I think it's like linked or something because if you deliberately do that it's it's disturbing to me that's but yeah People would, at 25 was when all my friends were like, taking a year off to go to Singapore. Like, I'm in Thailand or like, I'm in Africa doing whatever work. Everyone became a yoga instructor. Everyone was like, wait, I don't want to do corporate America. Totally. But then they didn't know what to do.

And then they're now working at some startup that has like a group kitchen. I don't know. And they're a creative director. Yeah. They're a creative analyst. Whatever that means. no so I kind of got that's like the first brush I had with like giving advice and then I had a couple posts on like medium that I was writing on too that kind of blew up and I was like this is interesting

I was giving like relationship advice after like a breakup and a couple of things kind of blew up and got traction and I was like people were relating to you yeah and I was I just kind of put it in the back of my head because then the only reason I have an Instagram account that's of any worth is that I was actually going for a job interview at a fitness social media position um at class pass i don't if you guys ever heard class pass but i was interviewing for a position um just as kind of like a i was like i haven't been on an interview in eight years i should do it so i interviewed and i started my instagram account a fitness instagram account for the interview and they were like you have 300 followers we don't care about you you don't have any experience i'm like yeah i hear you did you work out

Yeah. Yeah. So I'd been on a little fitness journey. So I was like 225 pounds. No, no, no. I was like 225 pounds and I lost 70 pounds. So I actually had my own. In what time frame? Two and a half years. But I was doing that like offline. Like I wasn't sharing my fitness journey. So when I started that Instagram account, I was like in a pretty great place with my health and and what have you. But I just basically did it to show them. I had an interest in social media and fitness. And that was not enough for them. I love how someone else's loss, like your failure to them was a success for you. What's funny is that I actually did a call with them, like maybe a year or two ago, and they were like, we'd love to work with you. And she was like, she's a pretty familiar with us. And I said, I actually interviewed for your job.

And, well, like your position, not her job in particular. and she, like, I just felt on the phone, like, you know, when you can feel the blood draining out of someone's body? She was like, okay. And so I'm very, very happy for failures in my life. And so, that's another failure. I didn't get that job interview. I didn't get the job.

I didn't even get an in-person interview. But then that Instagram account started naturally kind of growing. So you continued it. You weren't like, ugh, this didn't work. Because I was finding community. I was actually finding, like, I was in a weird transitional stage with, like, friendships, and I think we've all been there in our mid-20s. Oh, yeah.

The stage of, like, who are my real friends? Who are the people that I actually connect with? Rather than, okay, I relate to the 2007 version of this person, and they relate to the 2007 version of me. Or after college, all these people that were, like, so part of your life. If you move back to your hometown, you move to a different city, you're like, oh, how strong was that? Because I haven't talked to any of them. three years. It's like your friendships that are based out of situational means kind of melt away and you really have to start going, who do I like actually get energy from? Who do I want to send

my time with? And so I was going through that, but I was finding community online in those 300 people. I was like, wow, I'm talking to 300 people every day and they're talking back to me. It wasn't about becoming famous or getting followers so they didn't give shit about it. Isn't it crazy how like that number 300 sticks in your brain and how important that was? now like you probably like lose 300 or gain 300 all the time right and you don't think twice about it right but the the amazing thing to me was you know at the time now I think 300 doesn't sound like that much but at the time you're like 300 people I talk to every day that would barely they couldn't fit in this office it's a lot of people it's a lot of people and the thing is

I always remember whenever I start to think like you know anytime that my brain and I really try not to go there with my brain about followers or numbers or anything like I think back to that moment and I go I was so happy with 300 people in my community yeah and like going back to that thought of like the numbers have nothing to do with finding community yeah you can find community with five people you can do it 300 or you can do it with a million if I don't have a million followers on Instagram nor what I want it it's way too much pressure for me but do you really think it would be too much pressure yeah oh my god especially because I'm so casual I I, like, told how I, like, farted for the first time in front of my boyfriend and things like that.

And, like, I don't need a million people. I also do think there is something to be said about, like, when you have a million, it means, like, whatever you're doing is so massively accepted that it almost, like, yeah, it can't be as niche. Yeah, and you can't be as, like, I don't think, I don't care how chill or how, like, I don't give a fuck you are. Yeah. You're going to start curating how you behave more. It's like Miley Cyrus. like she's like I don't give a shit but I'm like she's curated the consistent I don't give a shit in a very manufactured perfect way oh yeah I'm like well that's you not giving a shit like what are you when you like tighten up so basically like through that process of doing Instagram stuff then I found myself posting out fitness mostly and then it moved to more of like a lifestyle account where I was actually starting to give like a lot of personal storytelling and advice on I remember I liked your I'm trying to remember when I saw your, I liked your page because you've a very unique look to you.

I think that like there's a lot of bloggers that look similar. Did you see that photo of all the girls and like the hats as a fall scene? I was like, oh. It was like the last thing of pumpkin spice latte seats before it dies. And it's like all these girls in the same outfit. I remember you having a very, like I liked how you did your makeup. Like your hair was like edgy. And like you always, you had, you were like fitness, but you weren't annoying about it.

You weren't like, oh, I just did 400 miles. No, I'm like, um, I'm fucking. exhausted and I don't feel like working out but like you had an aspirational part of you but also a relatable part of you which was cool I was never an athlete like you know I never I never had that part I was in show choir you know I was like not doing like fitness or athletics and so for me that was like the first time that I ever actually saw myself as like oh I'm I'm like an athlete in a different way and and then I'm like how many people are out there that are like me who I'm We're not like you and played, you know, sports.

It's so interesting. Like, for example, right now I'm dealing with people like, are you a comedian or you a comedian? And I'm like, well, it's almost like maybe I'm a comedic entrepreneur. Like I do comedy in many different forms. It's not like traditional. And the same with like, if someone said, are you an athlete? I'm like, well, I was. Like, I don't know what you have to do to say you're an athlete.

But I think people who wake up every morning and go work out or people who just love, like, going out and playing tennis at a public court, like you're using your body. Yeah. You're an athlete, it just depends on how you define it. And if that makes you feel good to be like, I'm a fucking athlete today, you are an athlete. Sometimes you have to have that mindset. It's like, you know, I think it's all what you tell yourself.

And so for me, I was like, well, if I show up looking, I'm a size like 8, 10, I'm a medium, I'm very average. And if I show up and say, I have the termination, I have motivation, I'm an athlete too. I can be, you know, I can eat a slice of pizza and drink a bird, urban on the rocks and they can also like work out and and what really helped me get through that hump too of believing that was adidas actually made me a brand ambassador for them um there's only like i think there's now like 15 in the world so that's huge i just want to magnify i've also

i've seen you on like hair campaigns before yeah hair like you've but adidas is like they picked like a handful of women in the whole world and adidas i always looked up to you because it's It's like one of the top tennis brands. Right. And I remember they picked you and I was like, damn, this girl is crushing it. How did that happen? So we went out to an event in L.A. They had invited us out and I called my mom the second that got the email inviting me to L.A.

And I was like, Mom, it was the first time in my like social media career that anyone had ever invited me to go to anything that they would like fly me. How many followers did you have at that point? I don't, I think it was maybe 20. And I was like, mom, someone wants to fly me. somewhere to go to an event like I'm going to an event and someone's like paying for my ticket and like putting me in a hotel and I remember just being so excited and I never want to get jaded about that you know and so I went out and what I didn't know that the event was kind of like a try out in a weird way like they were just trying to get to know us and see who would be a good fit

how many girls were there probably 25 and they're from all over the world and um they whittles it down to I think six of us you know that after they offer contracts to. What kind of stuff did you do? So we did all these workouts and then we did some like photo shoots, but we had like a cocktail party. We like got to know each other. We had all these like little activities. But I remember going home back to my home, hotels, which dark. I remember going back to the hotel that first night and I had, we had worked out all day and they decked us out with gear and and I remember going back to my hotel and I was just like crying and I was so I was so insecure and I had always been kind of like confident in my body

yeah but I was like I remember being my hotel room just being like all these girls have six packs they're all so beautiful they all are like some of them are like literally professional athletes some of them are models some of them are most of them are fitness instructors most of them are like super fit and I was like I'm the like average person and I felt so bad about myself in that moment and I'm like why the hell am I here why did they want me maybe it was a mistake like they didn't really want me to be here and they never made me feel that way but it was my own insecurity talking and what was crazy is that a couple weeks later when I found out that they offered me a contract I was like I was meant to be there

I was meant to be there. I was chosen. I was handpicked to be there. And I think it taught me a huge lesson about sometimes other people or a brand or, but mostly people, people can really choose you when you can't choose yourself. You know, and in that moment, I couldn't choose myself. I couldn't say that I was like worthy of being there. But you still put yourself out there.

Totally. Like as long as you keep, because if you were just like, I don't deserve this, I don't want to do this and you called your mom and said, I want to go home, people couldn't have chose you. So you still put yourself out. there. What do you think they were looking for of the girls they sent out? I think they were looking for people that really had a point of view and people that were more than just a body. You know, it wasn't it wasn't a modeling competition. It was about who's talking about things that matter and they have been such a support of me over the years. I've now just started

my fourth year on contract with them and you know not yeah of course it's fun to be in campaigns where your face is on a billboard. and doing all that stuff. But I think more importantly to me, every year when we have our discussion of moving forward or whatever, they're like, we want you to have a point of view. We want you to say what you think is important.

We trust you. We trust you with our brand. We trust you moving forward. So I never worry that I'll be off message for them because they are said you are on message for me. How has your message evolved over the four years? We are evolving humans. What we care about changes, our opinions mature.

I think I've been in the last four years, just been through heartaches, career changes, like had more money, had less money, all these things. And so I think it's not that my opinions or anything has really changed. It's that they've, like, grown deeper. You know, I've gone deeper into things, and I've pushed myself to talk about things on my platform that I wouldn't talk about before.

like instead of just talking about working out it's about talking about where motivation comes from what happens when you feel shit about your body what happens when you know you aren't good a day and you suck and what does that look like in the grand scheme of your life and so for me it was really a deepening of the message rather than changing of it that's a really great answer and i'm going to give you another kind of general question. Why do you think you originally gained the weight? You know what? I wish I had, this is the funny thing. I wish I had this like sob story about like being depressed or I mean I don't I don't wish depression on anybody but honestly I was having a lot of fun. I had an extremely wild growing up. I grew up on the Mexican border. I was 16 I grew up in like

the low fat family like 90s low fat family like snack wells and shit. yeah so my mom like our house was like i never got those you know what oh my god those i still get like a little boner from like seeing these you know the little mini chip bags that came in the box yes there was like 15 of them in there all different kinds got fritos you got cheetos you got ruffles yep yep the the like fritos but most of it's air but like it's there yeah there's four chips they're actually like a diet food i think they just didn't tell you that so always the fritos would be left and i loved fritos so i'd always be like yes I'd go to my friend's houses and be like,

can I get some of those chips? Because my mom never had them. But I grew up in this mentality of like, fattening food or drunk food is really bad. And so when I turned 16, I was like, fuck, I have a car now. I can do whatever I want. And so I was partying a lot.

I was drinking. And I mean parting by drinking. I was drinking a lot. I was smoking sick. I was doing a lot of things. It's crazy on the Mexican border. I also just discovered like fourth meal. fourth meal was a huge thing for me,

which was that meal that happens at 2, 3 a.m. Oh, and, like, people love, like, talking about it. Like, it's the greatest thing ever, like, late night eating, late night pizza. Oh, yeah. When it's really, like, you're not, you're kind of hungry, but, like, you're a normal hungry

if you woke up in the middle of the night. Yeah. You know what I mean? And, like, you usually would just go back to bed. Just go back. Like, it's not, you're also, like, full of liquid. Yeah.

From the whole night. Like, you don't need it, but it's, like, a camaraderie type thing. It's also, like, you don't want to stop hanging out. Like in New York, I didn't grow up in New York, so New York, 4 a.m. Oh, it's dangerous. $1.4.m. is, like, insane. Dollar pizza is lit at 4 a.m.

Also, I'm so old because I'm like, who could stay up until 4 a.m? I used to be that person, but, like, I can't even, I've blocked it out of my memory because, like, I'm, like, nothing good happens. It probably never stayed in your memory the first time. No, it, like, I remember being disappointed when bars would close up for. How? How did I survive my, like, youth? I don't know. but when I was younger and I was parting in high school in college and when I was gaining weight

I love that 2 a.m. meal with my friends I would it was like I want to prolong the fun yeah I want to keep hanging out it sounds like you like the little highs totally and like this this I love being with people I'm an extrovert and so also I think if you're restricted your whole life with eating you tend to binge out when you my mom who's nutritionist and did like our research on that stuff she um had she always had chocolates out like we always when you walk in out it was like italian thing but there's a little bowl chocolates and because they were there i just was numb to them like candy never did anything to me but my friends would come over and be like oh my god is that chocolate and i'm like yeah so they would eat all the chocolate like lose their damn mind she's

they're like my mom never likes to have chocolate so like my mom would just kind of when i wanted fast food she'd be like okay but she never put anything on a pedestal and that did help me with my eating I think totally like not demonizing food as good or bad yeah and not and also not forcing like oh you have to finish that or why didn't you finish that and kind of letting people be able to read their own habits yeah because I think to this day now that you're older like my best advice to people is like be in tune with your body stop when you're full and that's really hard sometimes especially like I emotionally eat and like but if you're really one of the best joys in life my only joy in life but yeah so you're having a good time yeah I was having a good time when you

crave something you're eating it yeah and also here's a thing um i never felt any social pressure because i grew up on the mexican border like i grew up like primarily in a mexican culture and so are you mexican no i'm not but i was like i'm half korean half um english so 23 in me it tells me but um you know i grew up around people that didn't have a lot of stigma around weight like that culture just doesn't have a stigma around weight or they're they even like love women with curves like yeah it was just never a thing i mean like south america is all about curves totally and so i never got shamed for that i never found i mean like selina wasn't she like i mean my queen queen she she was dropped dead gorgeous and had a big booty had a huge beautiful

booty i mean it was jennifer lopez and she's still yep still showing that booty on hustlers but it's if you oh my god her body's insane but if you grow up thinking that like this beauty is um socially constructed. Yeah, totally. So I grew up in a space that I never felt like I always dated. And this is even through college, which is interesting because my college was like, I always have boys wraps around my finger. Well, the thing is, it's like, you know where they say, like, if you are confident

and you like yourself, people will be attracted to you no matter what. And I don't know that I knew that that was like what was happening. But I always had friends. I was always like included. I didn't have trouble dating or any of that. and so weight I never associated my weight or my body as a negative thing

and so I actually had really great body image at 225 pounds I was like shit I love myself the only reason I started losing weight was because my friend and I made like a little bit at this party and we were like we should try to like eat healthy and like get healthier and we both were like okay let's do it but it was for me about challenging myself to do something

it wasn't about because I hated my body and that's why I think I was successful. It was a growth thing like you were like challenging yourself to be a better person. And I just wanted to learn. And it sounds like it wasn't that like much about aesthetics. No, it was not at all about aesthetics. I was like I don't know if I'm going to like

I don't want to try to lose weight. I'm just trying to try something new. And the thing that was the most shitty but like I needed to learn it was when I got down to my smallest, which was like probably 15 pounds. lighter than I am now. I was the most unhappy with my body than I've ever been in my entire life. That's crazy because I've heard that before. Yeah and it's it's it's I think you

start I started wrapping my my self-worth around other people other people's opinions of me rather than the opinion of myself and what was crazy is I would go to parties or go to social shit and I would walk into a room and if nobody said wow you look amazing or oh my God you look so great or you've lost weight. It's almost like you felt like they owed it to you because you'd work so hard. And I was getting these like the only, that was starting to base all of my self-worth on those comments on showing up and other people telling me that I was good, rather than knowing I was good. Wow.

And so I became so progress focused. I became obsessed with like, okay, well, I need to look more fit. I need to look smaller. I need to be. And that's the antithesis to happiness, which is like, living in the moment and being content and always thinking about the future is what anxiety is totally and i was i was the most anxious about my body i was so in my own head about it and i was like this has got to stop so i let myself live i let myself live i remember going to a dinner party

and i saw a girl bring a tupperware of meal prepped food and i was like i never want to be that way i never want to let these sorts of things and like having overly disciplined thoughts about my body like make me not enjoy my life and let's be honest it's never really about your body no it's about trying to control anything yeah and because you feel lost or out of control and it's you're never gonna get control it's when you just accept i'm getting so like philosophical but you accept we're leaves it's very fall oriented we're dressed like fall basic we're literally leaves just in the wind and when you stop fighting it you actually might go somewhere yeah and to be and i will tell you that like gaining back like 15 pounds that was like sanity weight it was not about how

many pounds it was I don't weigh myself anyway but it was that that kind of gap between control and having a life that is like managed but not overly managed I just it was such a game changer for me and so the funny thing is a lot of people ask me like how do we lose weight what what made you lose weight what was your motivation all these things and I'm like like look here's the thing you've got to realize in life whether it be getting the boyfriend that you want getting to the you know number on the scale that you want getting the job you want at the end of the day you have to be okay with you might get to your goal and be fucking unhappy and the thing is if you will if you do not enjoy the process of getting there if it doesn't come out of a place of joy

then it's not worth doing i also would argue that sometimes when you get to that place you've been the hardest on yourself because I've realized that my happiness is when I'm setting goals and I'm making lists and I'm chasing my dreams but I'm being really nice to myself. So it's like I'll go and do a stand-up stand. It doesn't go that well and I'm like, I'm proud of you for doing it. Good for you. And then it's the moment's over. I don't like torture myself for three weeks like, why didn't you practice harder? It's really just how you deal with yourself. And sometimes when you're your skinniest or when you're, you're prettiest and everything's all perfect. It's because you're driving yourself insane with being perfect.

And we're both type A, so we can go there. Oh, yeah. I could go there in a second and be a psychopath. What do you think is the hardest thing for you to let go of? Like, what's the thing that, like, you beat yourself of about the most? So I recently talked to someone who was really empathic, and she was like, what's your pattern? And I was, like, I just met this woman, and I'm like, I don't know what you mean. Like, is this a sex thing?

I know. That's where our brains go. But I was like, I thought about it. And I think my pattern is that I think to be loved, I have to have accomplishments. So like growing up winning tennis tournaments was where I would receive my best, my most love from people around me, which like is kind of normal. But like, I just didn't feel it unconditionally. And I think to this day, I'm so hungry because I love being like. well I did this I'm doing this I'm making this and someone will love me yeah so I have to get to that point of letting go of trying to impress people with but like I'm a very driven person I don't

want to ever change that but get to the point where it's like this person's going to love me regardless of anything that I have on my resume right yeah it's really hard and the thing is like the act of doing things and making progress isn't bad yeah but it's kind of like you where if you keep getting positive reactions when you get skinnier, you're like, you keep doing it, but then you realize like, no, no, no, this isn't, this isn't like a real thing that's happening. And I would like win stuff and people would treat me differently

and then I'm like, oh, no, this is some societal bullshit. It's not love. It's not me loving myself. Tennis, I was miserable the whole time because I was always on this chase for the next win and I never felt good enough. But what do you? I read this really interesting article the other day.

I'm a bad person because I don't know where it was and I don't know who wrote it. It's okay. You skimmed it, it's fine. I was reading it on behalf of, like, my friends who have kids. And this is along the line of, like, the action doesn't have to change, but the way we see it has to change. And so it was talking about women going to work when they have kids.

I'm feeling guilty. Yeah. And so it was, but it was how you tell your kids that you're going to work. And, you know, most moms probably say, mommy has to go to work now but I'll be back like I can't wait to see you blah blah blah blah and it was talking about just changing the word mommy gets to go to work now and it got me thinking of like it's not the going to work that that's the that's the thing that will harm your child it's it's the positioning of what that means and so you're reinforced it's like the difference

of reinforcing your kid like oh I have to do this thing it's it's like a societal construct that I'm having to comply with and I'd rather be here here with you rather than saying, I want to thrive and have my own life and I love you too. And having both things do to live together. And so it got me thinking, not having the kid feel guilty like they're stuck in between. And also it makes them say, oh, when I grow up, like, I get to do these things. You know, it's not that, it's that pre-association of like work being a bad thing or having a path other than motherhood is a bad thing. And so it really got me thinking about how I position things to myself even of like changing the

wordings rather than I have to do these things. The rhetoric of something can change everything. And I want to start changing how I verbalize things of not like, oh, I have to go record this podcast, but I get to go record this podcast. I get to go do this shoot. And like I think having an opportunity. There's also a gratefulness to that. Exactly.

Gratitude. And gratitude is just the ultimate. We were funny because we both had recorded a podcast before this. And I'm not going to like, after the last. when I was like, oh my God, I have to do that all over again. That's a lot. But then, like, I saw your shining bright energy face. And I was like, we're going to be fine.

We're going to be fine. But then we also were like, this is our job. Like, this is so. Amazing thing. It's an amazing opportunity. And really changing perspective on things. But it's also like, you can't lie to yourself. Really mean it when you're like, you know what?

You couldn't get up for the gym today. Because you worked your ass off last week and your body needs a rest. Yeah. And not, I used to guilt myself so badly for things like that. Guilt and shame are the two. worst, the two worst emotions. And they're, they're everywhere. They're everywhere about everything.

It's like, I didn't get my work done because I felt guilty because I had to go to the gym. Or I didn't go to the gym and I didn't go to the gym. I didn't work out and I worked and said, or I spent time with my significant other. I went on a date or I played with my dog. It's like everything. You could, yeah, you could put guilt and shame onto anything. Anything.

And so it's like, stop feeling terrible. Stop making yourself feel terrible about being a fucking human. Yeah. And embrace that like, You woke up this morning and you're living your life. And I know that's so simple, but I just, I try to like, it's like meditation. People meditate to just feel yourself breathing in and out and being like, wow, look at this human that I am who's like functioning and existing. Yeah, I was working out this morning and I was biking and I was like listening to the instructor.

I was on a Peloton bike, so she was like talking. and she was like, isn't an amazing thing that you have a body that works and that you get to do this? And I was just like, that is amazing and so many people don't have that and not to get all like preachy and like, you know, in my own head about it,

but I was just like, yeah, that is like a perspective shift. Like, have you ever been sick and not been able to like work out or do something? You could even just like, ugh. When you have the sniffles, you're like, I am grateful for any moment that I didn't have this fucking annoying sniffle. I would love to breathe.

but then when you are breathing you just take it for granted again but it's it's true there it's all perspective of stuff i i said it on the podcast before but my career started to get momentum once i i got out of a depression from a bad breakup and literally what i do is whenever i get you know in my own head about well this didn't work out and why didn't i do that and i feel bad about that i go i'm so happy that i feel like myself and i'm not depressed yeah because that is all I want. I'm going to admit I'm a little scared of ever like falling back into that depression. It was a scary place. Does that make you afraid of love? Maybe. I think since that bad relationship, I haven't found someone yet. I think I put a bunch of walls up that I haven't

worked out because sometimes putting someone that close to you who isn't healthy for you is like putting in like a new roommate you found on Craigslist and you're like, I hope they're good and then they're in your head and they're affecting how your your head functions yeah and I think the the beautiful thing is and I haven't really found this until my current relationship is that sometimes that voice like can be really negative and ruin your fucking life and then sometimes it comes in and it's just like net even it's just like okay this person doesn't really affect me and then when it's kind of the right person they come in and they so change the way your brain works and they change the definitions of love and trust and vulnerability and all those

things and you go wow that was so worth the risk that was so worth it this has made me i'm in a net positive you know rather than just you know existing with a person or having a person suck your fucking energy yeah it just takes a minute to i think i've been all my jokes recently about like how i don't know if i actually like a guy i'm like is he just tall is he wearing a backwards hat like Do I actually like this guy? Does it just smell like fresh laundry? Like, do I actually like him? And it's because I'm, I think with the right guy I'll know,

but I've been dealing with a lot of guys that I'm like, I could project stuff onto you and really like you. Yeah. So I'm just kind of focusing on myself right now, but it's been, like, I think that's where true happiness lies is when I, because I've been in a back-to-back relationship since I've been 20. Wow. Like I'm one of those constant monogamous people because I love connecting with people.

See, I never was that person. I never was with anyone because I was so focused on tennis than 20 years old I was like I'm gonna a boyfriend and then it was back to back to back to back until now you were serious about those boyfriends I thought that they would make me happy and they didn't give us give us the truth okay no okay I mean I think they can add to your happiness depending on who they are

but a lot of times they can distract me from my own shit that ultimately will just like whatever this is a bad metaphor but there's a better one that I'm not thinking of seaweed in a ocean, it will come to the top. What is the, what am I talking about? Come to the surface. You know what, here's a thing. Here's the thing.

I find that relationships and the right kind of people, like, relationships bring all of our shit to the surface. Yeah, they're mirrors. No matter what it brings shit to the surface, but the difference between a good and a bad relationship, I feel like a bad relationship is like a magnifying mirror. Yes. It like amplifies the bad. about the dude it was like my relationship with my parents and like how i speak to myself or it can be

the dude but it's like how your shit interacts it's just like not good it's a magnifying yes but then your triggers a great relationship yes they still it still brings all those things to the top but then you have someone that you that's worthy of dealing with your shit and that actually it makes you yeah your shit doesn't go away but you're you're working on it in a functioning way and also you have someone that is also working on their shit. I would argue everyone out there, get in a toxic relationship just once, because I had to deal with so much

of my shit I would have never faced. Okay, don't get into it, but if you are in one, change your perspective and be like, holy shit, this is happening for a reason, because I'm, I talk about patterns, like I go for guys who are unavailable that I want to win over through, to show myself that I'm

worthy through my accomplishments and shit. So I'm currently still dealing with that same kind of guy, but now at least I'm self-aware. Like, now I'm like, oh, I found another emotionally and available guy. Where before I was just like, he has nice eyes. So I'm at like the self-aware point,

and I think the next step is me actually finding someone who isn't. Do you think you're emotionally unavailable? Yeah. You're good. So you like yourself, at least. I think I'm emotionally and available. I'm very focused on my career, and I'm very focused on myself.

Yeah. I think that's also. though I do think like attracts like yeah and I do think we put out the energy that we receive yeah so it's not surprising to me that you're attracted or attracting emotionally unavailable people if you feel emotionally unavailable and when that changes I'm not saying it should change but when it does I think that will change too yeah I'm in this funny place where I'm like talking to this guy who's emotionally physically spiritual and available but we like can't stop hanging out with each other like we're obsessed with each other and people like why are you doing this to yourself

it's wasting your time and I'm like no because I don't want to date him either yeah but we're like having so much fun in this limbo with no pressure like he's so not over his ex-girlfriend but he still loves me for whatever I'm bringing the table right now but I know that he's like still fucked up from her which I don't want to get involved in but I also don't want to be hitting off with a guy and a guy be like so what are we right I want a fucking reality TV show it's a lot to have to be like, oh, you want to get involved in my life? Are you ready to film if the show gets renewed in a couple months? Do you believe that someone wouldn't want to do that for you?

Yeah, I do believe that could happen because, like, it could affect their life in a negative way. I just, there's so many moving pieces to me right now that I'm like, but I do think the right guy it'll be seamless. Here's the thing. I kept my relationships pretty much off of Instagram for the last. I started my Instagram account in 2015. So for the last four years, I largely kept my relationships offline because I was so afraid that they would fail and I would be embarrassed. If we broke up, I kept it offline because I was too. Because you know, inevitably, they're not going to work out.

But also even people that I was like, hmm, this could be something. Like I realized, though, it wasn't because I didn't think, I didn't want to fail in front of everybody. It was that I wasn't confident enough to put my heart out there and allow people the ability to judge me if it didn't work out. Or I didn't want to set myself up for the rejection of telling a guy, I want to put you on blast on Instagram and have him say, no, I don't want to be, like, quote unquote, seen with you in that way. So what's been interesting, this is like really the first relationship that I was like from the beginning, I'm going to show. share this person. I mean, I shared our third date on Instagram. I put a picture of him up on our third date. And it wasn't because I had any assurance or have any assurance that this will be the one, this will work out, because we don't have that. You don't actually know.

Nobody knows that. You could be married for 70 years and not be quite sure if this will be the person you end up with forever. True. I mean, good possibility, or one of he dies first, one of the two. But I'm just saying like I didn't know but I think the thing I that switched in me was the thing of fuck it if I fail in front of people if this breaks down at least there will be connection to others and people will have been along for the journey I won't be hiding part of my life I won't be sectioning off part of my life so even if it's not something you share online or share on the podcast or whatever you know someone is going to want to be along for the ride and is going to be okay with the fallout if it happens or being on TV if it happens or if they're

private you'll figure it out but to me that was a what I realized it was more of a hurdle for me than the person and whenever I kind of was talking to Craig about my boyfriend now I was like is that how do you feel about like public you know you're going to be in public like how do you feel about that I was like I don't and I was like you don't you know and that was such a shock to me And I realized I was just worried about someone not wanting to go along with me on the ride that I'm on. And that was a huge security for me. And that was your own insecurity.

Yeah, it had nothing to do with the other person. It had nothing to do with any of the people that I dated. It's that I didn't trust that someone will want to ride with me. And so getting over that and just asking someone, will you ride with me? Even though that's the scariest fucking shit. Ride a die. Where's your rot to die out there?

This is like a Nelly song. Ride with me. Can we get the copyright to that? I would, I literally almost just, started rapping and I'm really glad I didn't I'm so thankful that I have the internal I wish you did because it would have been my ringtone going for it even though I don't have a ringtone make this my the the podcast opening for now us kind of weirdly singing ride with me by now I just I'm in love with Nellie and I'm so happy you referenced him oh my god that band-aid so currently what is your

biggest physical insecurity um huh my roots no I'm just kidding You know, I think with aging, I talk a lot about, like, self-love and acceptance. And you're also amazing at skin care. Oh, I love skin. Yeah. Love makeup, love skin care. Love beauty. I've been, like, obsessed with beauty since I was like five years old.

How much of skin care do you think is bullshit? I think you do not need to spend a lot of, I don't think you have to spend a lot of money on skincare for it to work. I think if you have the money, those products are not, they're not bad, they're good, but the fallacy is that you have to spend a lot of money for it to be good. And I don't think, I think there's great stuff at all price points. But one thing I really struggle with talking about, and I've just talked about it recently on my channel, it's like Botox. Like, where's the balance between doing things to yourself and loving yourself? Yep.

And we had actually someone writing on my podcast about wanting to get a breast reduction. And it was, yes, it was for aesthetics. It's also for, like, some health stuff. But where is the line between change and love? Yep. And so I think about that all the time. And so, like, I get Botox in my forehead. I've been doing it.

I didn't do it until I was in my 30s. But it's hard. That's, like, one thing that's hard for me to manage. Like, I do love myself without Botox, aging, all of that. But I'm in a young industry. I also like how I look better with Botox. And so I go back and forth of just keeping myself in check of, like, am I still in love with myself?

Am I still appreciative of how I look without anything? Like, can I be okay with that? If you weren't in the industry you're in, like if you were director of marketing at that job right now, do you think you'd be getting Botox? I think I would just because I feel in my heart and soul, I feel 25 and I'm 34. You don't look 34 at all.

Thank you. You actually do look 24. I would love to look 24. That's my vein, self-talking. But, you know, I think we all have, like, little things and we get over them. I don't really have any, like, major body stuff right now, but, yeah, like, aging is just hard. You're like, today I don't have any body stuff. But, like, maybe tomorrow, let's check in.

I mean, here's the thing, though. I always tell people, because people are like, oh, you're part of the body positive movement. I'm like, no, I'm part of the body confidence and body neutrality movement, which is more about, because I think it's, I think it's bullshit. to tell people to love their bodies all the time. To be positive about your body all the time is impossible, and then it sets a sub for this bullshit shame cycle of feeling bad. You have shame on shame then.

I feel shameful that I don't love my body. You feel shame on shame, yeah. It's like double shame. It's shit. Shame squared. So I think with body confidence or body neutrality, you wake up at the morning and you say, I may feel bad about my body, I may feel good about my body.

Either way, I'm trying to think less. about my body it's it's taking the focus away from thinking about it more and i think you can do that if you're if you're listening and you are like i really struggle with like body positivity or i really struggle about my body or whatever do things in your life that elevate other parts of your life because and not not because it makes up for your body not being perfect what it does is it your brain only has the capacity to think about so many things yep You only have so much energy in your day. You only have so much brain space.

So if you fill yourself up with shit that makes you feel good, that makes you feel confident, that makes you feel whole, whether that's something you're doing at work, a hobby, if you're doing fucking pottery at night, whatever it is, that sounds fun. Pottery is amazing. But it will inevitably take up some of that brain space of obsessing over how you look. And the thing is, it's really an OCD anxious thing. Totally. And when you wake up and you look in the mirror and you don't like your body that day

or there's something you're picking apart, be like, all right, I feel this way today. Moving on. What you're saying is so on point because when I was a teenager, I had like an eating disorder for two years because pretty much every girl I think has. I was like kind of a combination of anorexic and working out too much because I was like trying to become a professional tennis player and felt really out control. But I went to, I changed my environment and I went home. I did some therapy, the way I knew that I was done that I'd recovered from my eating disorder

fully was that I just wasn't thinking about food anymore. Yeah. It's not like, oh, now I'm thinking positively about food or like, oh, now I'm making healthy. No, it literally wasn't. It's like after a breakup, to get over a guy, you know, you're over him, not when you're like, oh, I'm not mad at him or oh, I'm not jealous. No, it's because you wake up and you don't think about him anymore. It doesn't cross your mind.

It doesn't cross your mind. And so the day you wake up and, like, you look in the mirror and you're not like, oh, I wish I look like this. And instead you're like, oh, I look good for my meeting. Yeah. Or like, oh, I don't like that color on me. Yeah. Or you're like, what am I going to do today? And obviously, if you're thinking, don't think about something, you're going to think about it.

But, like, that's just how you know that you solve something is when it's not an issue anymore. Yeah. And the thing is, is if you do think about it, let it pass. Yep. It's, it's. Yeah, don't, then don't be mad that you thought about it. Yeah, it's fine. And that's why I think about, like, the confidence aspect rather than, like,

love or positivity or or you know whatever because it's like we're a human being you're gonna have a negative thought cross your mind it's just a normal part of living and breathing and so why would you beat yourself up for that I also think like think about like how you think about food so if you have a healthy association with food let's say I have a size of pizza right there are some people that would be like if they ate a piece of pizza they'd be like fuck I ate the pizza I'm beating my self up for eating this is bad for me like I need to go work out tomorrow like I'm disappointed myself yeah I'm punishing myself with this and there's certain other people that are like idolize it they're

idolizing food they're they're they're obsessed with food it they're like when is my next pizza I need more pizza that wasn't enough it becomes a drug and so like the the the place I think that I'm always striving to get to and I hope I'm you know getting to that place is eat the pizza and you don't think about it again. You don't think about needing more. You don't think about how shitty it was that you ate it. It literally just leaves your brain. But then it's like, okay, I'm not thinking

about food. Then what else is my brain thinking about? Because I have obsessive thoughts. I get into like loops and stuff. So it's like, okay, I'm not thinking about food. Now I'm obsessing about some guy because I want to think about this guy. So I don't have to think. But it's like, you got to get to the root of what you're distracting yourself from. And it's scary.

But like, you got to get there. So isn't therapy? so fun. This has turned into a pure therapy session. I have, it's already been an hour, which is insane because it felt like 15 minutes, but it's insane. We both love talking. I want to ask you one question before I get to our final game, but it's just, as someone

who I think kills it on Instagram, how do you think Shanae Alexander is different than the Shanae on Instagram? I actually think it's not that different, which I've actually. been very purposeful about because I want people, because I meet so many people in real life. That's one thing that I have always found important. And the only reason I ever wanted to continue this and do this as a job, because I didn't have to do this as a job.

No. I owned a vet planning company between being a marketing director now. So I was doing that and successful. The only reason that I wanted to continue to do this was because I never saw myself on the internet. I never saw who I needed to see. I never saw the kind of like quirky girl that was like outspoken, but also like shared her shit moments. I never saw someone my age doing social media.

Or if they were, they were hiding it. Yeah. I never saw someone that was interested in a lot of different things, not just like what kind of shoes that you were wearing. I needed to show up for myself. And I think, you know, part of that was, okay, if I'm going to do this, and you need to make a fucking agreement with yourself that Instagram Chenet is the same as personal life, Sheenay. And you share the good stuff, and you share it shitty stuff.

That's why, like, I don't use filters on my Instagram stories. Not that it's bad if you do. I just don't because I'm like, I, if it is, like, this morning, I filmed myself, I looked like a blowfish in the face because I'd just woken up. And I was like, but this is what I look like. And the thing is, as most people look like that. When they wake up, it's fine. I don't need to have makeup on all the time.

I don't need to perceive this image. And it's also your perspective. Like, you couldn't obsess over, did I look good enough in the Instagram for the rest of the day? Are people think I look ugly? Or you just, you shoot that and you go, that was me and then worry about your other shit. Yeah.

And I also am like, I don't do a lot of takes. I take three or four photos and then I'm like, well, it's got to be one of these. What's your rule with, like, editing and FaceTune? No. I mean, like, make it. lighter and things like that. Not make my skin lighter. This is not a weird like skin lightning Michael Jackson moment.

No, but like I'll brighten it. Yeah, I'll brighten the photo or out of filter. Because a lot of girls at your Instagram level are professional photoshoppers. Right. Oh, yeah. I mean, well, it's sometimes very obvious. It is. My thing is I want when I meet people in real life and I have a ton of meetups and do

events and meet people a lot, I want there to be no wall. physical personality-wise I want it to be like I'm stepping off the screen and they know exactly who I am they know exactly what to expect and the best compliment I ever get is people that I've never met me before go you're exactly what I thought you'd be like I would argue that you're better offline which I actually don't say much about influencers I don't have a lot of influencers on this podcast I would argue that I don't think a lot of them could handle like I just asked you do you edit your photos and that wouldn't I've gone well with a lot of influencers. Well, I think most of them would have said no. Maybe they'd say no, or they'd say yes, and then I'd go into why, and, like, they would give me answers that I'd just, like, I'd be like, you'd have to do some more work on yourself, I think.

I just feel like I don't edit my photos because I don't want to hate myself in real life. Totally. And it does start fucking with your head. It does fuck with your head. I've seen my friend has been like, oh, my God, do you have to face-tune that? And she's face-tuned it, and I look like a cartoon version of myself, and then to have people, like, liking it or comparing themselves. to that it really disturbs me um it's the most fucked up thing in our society right now and it's been

happening for you know since the beginning of time with like photoshopping in magazines and stuff like that yeah and now people can do it to them it's really fucked up and sick well it really will it as much as you're fooling people you know out in the world you're not fooling yourself no and you have to you know you have to live with that i remember i was on an influencer trip which you know they're always a mixed bag i've had mostly great experiences actually I think you meet some cool people sometimes. Yeah, and I really have met so many cool people through Instagram and some of my best friends.

But I remember I was in an influencer trip, and I was just doing like a pan around the room on my Instagram story. I was like, literally, like, it would have been, if I was passing you by, I would have been, you would have been on camera for maybe two seconds. And a girl ran out to me. She's like, wait, wait, wait, don't post that. And I was like, what?

And she's like, are you going to, like, do anything to it? Or I'm like, it's a video. I don't know. Like, what do you mean? It's just like, I just really don't feel like, I don't feel comfortable because I really edit my photos and I don't like to be like, and I was just like, what the fuck? It was two seconds and there were 30 people in the room. Like, no one's going to care that it's you.

I'm not tagging you in this. Like, it was so, it was just the crux of, wow, this is where we're at. Same person was like photoshopping their like underarms. But it's a lot of people like, maybe because they don't want to deal with their own shit, they're so, in that Instagram world that like I'll meet some influencers in real life and like there's no like positivity or or energy or like what they try to give off on Instagram and they just seem like they're not present with you and it's like that's why I think you're one of those people that when I met you in person I was like oh she's so much more multifaceted than just this girl on Instagram

which I think isn't that the goal is to I would much rather be better in person yeah you can never be better on a thing of just photos and captions it's insane that some people are actually better on that than who they are i think that's more common yeah you know and because it's so curated but i don't want we were talking about this earlier like i don't want curated people in my life i want people who are raw i want people who are messy i want people who make mistakes yeah because it makes it makes you feel like you belong in the room with them yeah and like i that's what instagram friends for me it's a place It's a small community. I don't focus on growing my community.

If it grows naturally, that's fine. I don't do anything. Like, I don't do those, like, loop giveaway things, or I've never bought followers. I've never done anything to increase my social value other than, like, you know, doing things I want to do, like coming on people's podcasts and things like that. But I want this space on the Internet for people to be able to come in and, like, you know, that feeling of unbuttoning your pants after a big meal? I want people to come to my platform.

and go, I feel like I can unbutton my pants. I love that. Like, I just, I just want to unbutton my pants. I love that so much. And just, like, let myself be. And that's, that is the visual representation of what I hope I'm creating and can create a future. Especially with high-wasted jeans that are in, taking off, oh, it feels so good. Oh, let that gut hang out.

Woo! I'm like, jeezing. It's, oh, it's the best feeling. I want to end with a final. game. You're doing amazing. I'm feeling all, this is, I should feel like I should Venmo you for a therapy session after this. It's been very inspirational.

Seven Deadly Sins. What are you greedy about? Candles. I'm a basic bitch and I love candles from home goods. I have at least 30 on backstock in my house at all times. Oh my God, I just did a tweet. You would love it. I referenced my tweets a lot.

It was like, I want someone. many candles in my apartment it looks like I'm like sacrificing a body or it's a yoga studio yeah let's fucking go I need some candles up in here let's go to home goods is that like your I go to parameds New Jersey home goods shout out all the way New Jersey oh I just for the candle game no you make it a day you might go to Target if you have time I go to usually two home goods how did you figure out there was a place in New Jersey you should go in the first place because I love home goods and the ones in Manhattan. Have you ever been to like a Marshall's or T.J. Max in Manhattan? People are like Clonkville's eyes out. You don't want to go there. They don't have good stuff. The suburbs

are where it at. People are fucking civilized. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Oof. What's your favorite like flavor? You know what? I usually do like, I do, I do seasonal, which makes me like ultra basic. But like in all of life, I would never put like an apple spice shit in my life except like fall. Then I do pine for winter. I do pine, balsam fur moment. And the rest of the year, it's like Sontal. It's very sophisticated. But fall and winter, I go hard in the paint of like basic wisdom.

Would you ever come up with a custom candle, like for your followers? I think I want to do a candle for burning in hell. What is it going to smell like? Like my first merch. I don't know. I want to make a custom. I mean, you have to make burning and hell lighters. Yeah.

Yeah, I do. I like don't have merch yet. You guys, if you think I should make a candle, DM me. I'm like, how do people got to me? You just have a bunch of DMs to make a candle. you're like wow this was less productive I love it except my mom would never let me have candles because she was convinced that I would burn the house down

which was a valid fear who were you envious of I'm envious there's only one person I have an Instagram girl crush on that I'm a little envious of because she always is like so like cute do you know who Taylor Lechay is no she's this like girl she's actually from Texas everyone thinks she's French she lives in Paris

but she's like just like has really cute hair and you know she's one of those people that just can be like and look cute and her last name l chaise just sounds like how's how's it spelled la capital s h taylor lachet yeah look her up oh wow yeah i like her hat i know she looks you can wear a bowler hat and not look like a fucking humpty dumpty and she has lifeel tower in the background so people think she's like she's like she's not like inspirational or anything like in her captions but like She's like a person and I'm like, I'm like, you just look cool. And I met her and she's really super nice. Oh, that's awesome.

Very cool you got to meet her. Yeah. Usually don't meet your heroes, but in a situation it was fine. What are you gluttonous about besides candles? I'm from Texas, so, um, Koso, I take really seriously. I was, I just went, one of my best friends is from Arkansas, you know, Texas, Canada. Yep. The white Koso dip is something that you do not find in.

New York City, which is incredible because New York City has every damn thing, but it doesn't have the white queso dip, which is that non-Mexican restaurants have casso dip down in the south. I can mainline queso. It's fine. It's like, but I'm really picky about it. A lot of people in New York try to make it fancy. I'm like, I don't need pro bonoan in this. What is that?

Do you ever do the, what is it, row? Okay, it's rotel, a can of rotel and a whole block of velvita. Yes, obviously. And then do you ever put beef in it? you can you're you're fucking with the original recipe but I would go chorizo I was so in love with it that my friend's mom and before I went to the airport gave me a frozen thing of queso and that's good because it's a solid well I get to the place this is like one of my most traumatic experiences and they say sorry you can't take this caseo it's liquid I guess they knew it was queso which is the most southern thing ever and I was like it's frozen it's a solid they go no it's liquid and we got in a huge altercation You know they ate it. I lost it. They ate it.

They totally ate it. I mean, honestly, the TSA probably has, like, the best skin care collection. I know. They have the best skin care. They have all the perfumes. They have, like, they don't ever need to shop. And hydrated for days. Water for days.

And you know the ones in LAX just steal all that weed. Oh, for sure. They're like, I smell wheat and it's like, it's you, sir. You smell like weed. The TSA agent's like. Um, when was the last time you experienced extreme rap? wrath are you an angry person um yes um actually it was the other night it was at my boyfriend poor baby um i'm an only child i murdered him i killed it i don't have a boyfriend anymore

no um i am an only child so i am very like careful about my things and i just bought a car he was driving we had just done a six hour drive it was a long day and he's about to drive between like a parked car and this like truck that's like loading shit and I'm like it's too too close and then the guy gets out of the car and was like just come through and he wrist it even though I said I didn't want him to I was I blew up I was like you didn't respect me you didn't respect my opinion this is just like you it's two men telling a woman that her opinions are valid and he was like well we made it through I was like no it's about respect and then he didn't talk to him for six days And then I was like, I don't want to talk to you anymore tonight.

And then later we made up and it was fine. But I was like really angry about it. And it was like, yeah, you didn't feel like he respected your feelings. In my opinion. I was like, I feel nervous about this and you didn't respect that. And it became a whole bigger conversation. And that's, he does respect my feelings most of the time. So this was like a very one-off thing.

But it was, I got real heated. I'd be like, bitch, you break it. You pay for it. Could have also been because I was a little hungry, a little tired. A little dehydrated. Maybe some hormones in there. Honestly, hunger is the root of a lot of my fights. Totally.

When? Do you just need a snickers? When was the last time you were a sloth? Because you're all over the fuck of place. It was almost impossible to get you for one hour today. You know what? We just got a Nintendo Switch. Oh.

And the day that I got it, I was alone at home and I had a bunch of work to do. I was like, let me just open this up, see how it works. I played Mario Kart Nobody knows this, not even my boyfriend I played Mario Kart for three hours straight Oh my God And I was like what the fuck is wrong with me I am a 15 year old boy right now

And it was so fun We all have a 15 year old boy And people were like texting me And I was just like oh I'll like get back to you in a minute You start lying, you're a full on addict Yeah I'm like what is I was like You're like sorry I'm getting in the elevator Yeah I gotta go

No I had to put it away and I was like You've got to step away from this TV because it's too much. It's too much. I was like, can I bring this Nintendo Switch on the train? And I was like, I cannot be one of those people that plays video games on the train. You know it's bad when you feel guilty doing it in public. Yeah.

That's when you know you have a problem. This is a tough one. When was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something? I've actually said no to a bunch of jobs recently. And it was because, like, I didn't like how they were going about. it. So I lost it on money, but I don't think necessarily letting your pride get in the way. Was it like good, good money? It was good, good money. But my like, I want to be authentic. I want to be on the right side of this, got in the way. But I don't think that's a bad thing.

I think pride can be not a bad thing. But kind of like the pride I take in my work, you know, it surpassed like my want and desire to make money. I've started dealing with that too where a lot of these brands, like they don't actually understand you and they don't realize that like you know your audience. Yeah. And like I'm, my page is all about like trying to make my friends laugh. So when a brand I'll like send a creative idea to them, because I'm like you, I come from a marketing background as well. And they're like, yeah, can you just do a photo holding it? And I'm like, the engagement will be shit. It's not something I would ever do. Or I'll do it with like a really funny caption and they'll be like the caption's like kind of inappropriate. Or like we need to

tone it down. We need to. Yeah. And it's like and at some point I'd rather not do it. Yeah. That's where I'm at too. Having the pride in what you do, I don't think, even though if you miss up on opportunities, like I never feel like it's missed. Yeah. I'm like, that just wasn't my opportunity. Yeah. And I also say, like, I don't work with anyone I don't believe in. Totally. But then if sometimes

I've believed in stuff, but they're just so like not on brand with my voice and who I am. And I know there's brands out there that will be totally in line with me and like, want me to be funny, want me to be outgoing, want me to be a certain way. So, fuck them. And I think it's more money in the long run. Totally.

And also a trusted audience. Yes. When was the last time you lusted over someone? Over someone? This is going to be the worst, cheesiest answer. It really is. Mario and Mario Kart? Luigi got me going.

No, I think, I mean, I would say, like, my boyfriend and I were texting today, and I was just like, I can't wait to see you. And I was like, I know, I have butterflies to see you. How long have you been dating? Nine months. Disgusting. And so, like, I know it's, like, cheesy. And I would have, if, like, nine months ago, I would have been rolling my eyes at myself so hard.

Yeah. But it is, like, when you find someone that, like, stirs you, like, sexually, romantically, intellectually, you know, I, I do lust after him. It's awesome. And it makes, it makes me happy because, like, I have guys who, like, I stop lusting after after three months. And I think it's because I understand them emotionally. And then I, it's just physical.

And I, and because I'm not attracted to them emotionally. And then you, the next you know, you're not attracting them physically. And next you know, you're like... I think for women, especially like that doesn't work. I hear so much, like on the subway group and like, oh, I got bored with him. Is the guy necessarily boring? No. But is he probably not stimulating you on, like, I have guys who I've hit it off so much emotionally.

But then you, like, I don't like how he kisses. Yeah. And I just can't do it. And I think it's important that we don't settle. No. And I think, I mean, I was like, my whole life, I kind of beat myself up because I'm like, I feel like I'm waiting for something. I feel like I'm waiting for something.

I don't want to settle. Like this. doesn't make me happy and I would kind of move through people pretty quickly and at one point I was like is it just am I just fucked up? Like do I have too high of standards or expectations for something? Like am I choosing to be alone? Yeah. Because I like can't get you know I can't get my head around you know dating someone I'm not fully attracted to whether that be like mentally or emotionally or physically like am I just being a butthole? And what I realized is like when it happens,

and it's checking the boxes and not saying that we don't have issues and we don't have our own shicks we definitely do I mean hello let's rewind to the car parking story but when someone when you've waited so long you didn't think it existed and then you find someone that hits those points

like that is like worthy of your lust to know what I would love I do feel like people who post certain posts about their relationships are very obviously overcompensating like one that's constantly just like cute cute cute cute cute cute cute um like we're so happy we're so happy i would love an instagram of a couple just showing the bad parts of a relationship of a happy relationship of being like you in the car taking a

selfie with him and being like i just yelled at him for not listening to me yeah or like being a morning photo being like he came me up all night because he has a cold and he was snoring and i want to kill him right now like show those sides that literally no one talks about and that would be fascinating to me yeah i've tried to talk about like a few of our issues and things that we've struggled with on Instagram of course there's some happy stuff too but but I like your happy stuff because it is intertwined with other stuff that isn't always in your face like this person is my person and then that's just it right like yours is multifaceted it's to me it's really important to do that not just like showing up with your real body online or or with something real to say

but also showing like the realer side of relationships because I wrote a post the other day about how I always got told like in the right relationship you guys won't fight like it'll be easy and that is just fucking not true yeah like real relationships good relationships should not be easy they're like work it's like anything else I mean it's like anything else it's just if it's worthy of the work that's that's the definition it's not it's not people deciding that this is worthy of my work yeah and you know I heard I heard someone I asked for relationship advice on an Instagram post and someone wrote something and I wish I remembered who wrote it but it was just a really she didn't

say anything else she just said this one thing and it's helped me and it's helped my boyfriend so much because we quote this line all the time so I'll I'll leave you with this she just wrote you just can't quit on the same day wow and what I loved so much about it was that it wasn't saying you're not going to fight or that things are going to be good or that you won't want to quit. It was all of those things are assumed. You will want to quit. You will fight. Things will be hard, but you just can't do it on the same day. And I think about that all the time. You know, when we're in a, when we're in an argument or I'm going through a tough time. It's just like that's

compromise. It's like being like one of us needs to get their shit together right now. Sometimes you're the strong one and sometimes I'm the strong one. Sometimes you're the reasonable one and the one who bends and sometimes I'm that person. Well, relationships are not stagnant. Just like my parents who are still together after 35 years, they were like relationships are like a plant. If you don't water it, it dies. Right.

To wrap this up, the final question I have for you is what advice would you leave people with about how you cope with your hell? Except that it will happen. Except that life can be difficult. accept that we all come with a set of circumstances, a history, a future, bad shit, negativity in your mind. Because I think that acceptance of it,

that's the first step in dealing with our own personal health, but also share it with people. I think that's why this podcast is so important. You're giving space for people to share the things about, them that aren't so perfect and that are messy. And what that does is it makes you feel not alone. And not feeling alone is heaven. Yep.

Yep. Thank you so, so much. You killed it. You are such a positive energy, and I'm so happy to have you in my life. Where can people follow you? First of all, you can follow me on Insta, or I'm not good at Twitter like you. I like will have like a tweet once a month Twitter's just for like messed up comedians and politicians

Yeah Twitter is like my period It comes once a month and I do one tweet a month basically So don't follow me there You can follow me on Instagram at Sh-I-N-A-E-A-E-A-E-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-Xander I also have a defunct YouTube channel So if you want to check that out do that And then I have a podcast where Hannah has been on my podcast It's called Press Send

And it's an advice-based podcast where people write in with their dating questions, their work questions, their personal relationship questions, and I answer it with a really cool guest. I had so much fun that episode. Go to press send, subscribe, rate review, find the one with me. It was great. It's called orgasm sorcerer, so, you know, hell up. You know what we're dealing with.

And as you can tell, Shanae is amazing. I give you advice. So a lot more with that came from. Thanks for coming to hell with me, guys, and I'll talk to you later. Thank you. Bye. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.