Berner Phone - Claire Parker: Celebrity Memoirs & Conspiracy Theories

Episode Date: May 5, 2022

The tea in hell is piping hot because Claire Parker has read a bunch of celebrity memoirs so you don't have to. We discuss the controversies and conspiracy theories around Will smith, Tommy Lee, Lynn Spears, Emily Ratakowski, Katie Couric, Olivia Munn, Travis Barker, Jessica Simpson, and Hillsong Church. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What is up, guys? I never do housekeeping. So I'm going to do housekeeping for the first time. And I just mean for the podcast, not for my actual house, because that will always be messy. I am on YouTube. Now, I'm on YouTube. I also have a new logo. She's in a new era. I asked all these people on Instagram which logo they liked the most but you know when you know which one you like and then the one I liked was running last

that's American Idol style but you're just like feel free to vote but we already have the contract signed I'm like via call in but it doesn't matter it was hilarious and anyone who said the one I like I'd be like I know right and then we'd talk about it how other people had bad taste but anyway that happened rate subscribe review

I never tell people do that and I'm just oh yeah go to YouTube to watch them Because I feel like there's a lot of extra tea you get, as in you just see my weird facial expressions and comfortable outfit I decide to wear. Today, we have a hot one. Claire Parker is a hilarious comic who now has a world-renowned podcast, Celebrity Memoir Book Club. Celebrity Memoir Book Club. It's important to sail forward because there are other podcasts with a very different title. So the memoir is crucial.

I actually legit panic so bad and thank you for catching me because I was like, wait. It's funny because people struggle with Celebrity Memoir Book Club. My first podcast was hold on a second. We're talking about Britney Spears. And so to me, I'm like, this is the easiest podcast name I've ever had. I'm like, if you don't like this, you would have hated Who's with Tabs. I am obsessed with it because if people know that I love talking about, I talked about documentaries on Gigli Squad, my other podcast, I'm obsessed with documentaries. But you're smart.

So you actually read about people's stories. Not because I want to, but just because I had to. It was the only niche undiscovered. Can I tell you my belief is that if you watch a documentary with subtitles, that's a memoir. That's a book. Okay, I do that. That's a freaking book. It's like an audio book, but with more visuals.

I'm just like, I'm a visual creative. I can't read. I also just fall asleep whenever I try to read. But how many books have you read in the span of the last year? I mean, we do one a week. So I... That is like Olympic-style reading. I will say I did study English in college.

And whenever people are like, what are you going to do with that degree? I'm like, well, actually, I'm using it exactly. I'm reading every week. Are you a fast reader? I feel like I'm probably faster than most people, just because I practice a lot. I also feel like you're a fast thinker. Well, celebrity memoirs are not exactly like, you know what I mean? They're not Russian literature.

Right now we're doing Fran Dresher. And when I tell you, there's a photo per page. We're obsessed with Fran Drescia. And then you should listen to this. I will say it's not the greatest gossip in the world, but she tells a story about Warren Beatty trying to have a threesome with her and his girlfriend. at the time. He had some French model actress girlfriend who tried to lure her into a threesome. And I was like, lure you. I would have paid to be in that threesome Fran. What are you doing? That is amazing. And we're going to delve in today to some of your favorites and least favorites. Because I want some high level T from these celebrities. Because I feel like we just see the Us Weekly title. You've delved in to some like really hot celebrities that they've written stuff a while ago that I'm like, people do you dig that up. Before we start, I just want to know you're Claire the Skair on Instagram. Instagram. Why did you call yourself that? I was, I really appreciate that question.

You're welcome. In high school, as we all were, I was obsessed with baby names. And I was spending a lot of free time on the internet reading baby names. And I remember I found this website that was like pros and cons for every baby name. And they were like pro of naming your baby Claire. Like it's a name. And they're like con and they're like people could call her Claire the scare. And I was like, if that's my cross to bear, then you know what? I'm going to lean into it. I'm going to reclaim it. And I was like, baby, I'm Claire the scare now. No one's ever called you it, but you're like, I will call myself at first. Never mind.

I will say people come up to me now and they'll be like, clear the scare. And I'm like, yeah, that's me. But earlier, I also called you out because you dyed your hair, the iconic Kendall Jenner Red, that I'm not going to lie. After my wedding, I think. Smart after the wedding. What do you think? Okay. So one thing you need to know about me is I am a sheep.

Yes. I am a coward. I am a basic bitch extreme. In the pandemic, I got obsessed with thrifting Danish, Danish mid-century modern furniture. So now that everyone's downing their hair red, I'm like, I want to. Whatever people are doing, that's what I want to be doing. Yes. I like it.

You nailed it. Thank you. I do think, and here's a big thing is as a comedian, you are first and foremost, like, the woman on the lineup. And if there is a second woman on the lineup, they can't tell you apart. Yep. So I did do it because, so I have a podcast with my friend Ashley, who is also a brunette. I'd say outside of that, outside of being white brunettes, we look nothing alike.

The amount of times people go, oh, my God, I didn't know there was two of you. We don't sound alike. We don't look alike. People do not know there's two of us. So I was like, if it is red, then I feel like people will go, well, there's a brunette and a redhead. But I do have to say, it is the kind of subtle red that a straight man would never, never. And you know what I told my hairdresser?

I said, in a dark room, I want to be a brunette. In the summer sun, I want to be a glistening copper. And your eyes are light, which goes with it. I do have to say when I was stalking you to do my research, as one does, the Stan's website has you a bleached blonde. When was that and why? So I was a bleach blonde my whole life, and I will say to this day, like, in my spirit, I identify as blonde.

Okay. And so a lot of my, like, dressing struggle is I used to be, like, the ultimate fake tan bleached blonde. I had no idea in my mind is blown right now. And don't you feel like that is who I am? Like, I feel like my soul is, it made more sense to me. That's how I see myself. I feel like this is who you are. I think you're a freaky redhead.

Freaky, I like that. Like, when I think of a girl who reads a book, she's freaky. Yeah. Girls who read are freaky. I'm like in the fields, in the shade, under a tree. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I'm like, I feel like I'm a little bit.

I've never seen Dariya. Eating mushrooms. Eating mushrooms. Yep. But also maybe like raw meat. How have you changed as a person from tanning bleach blonde to now like it? Your porcelain skin. Very fair.

Yes. Unfortunately, I found out I'm very fair. People get so mad when I call them pale, but sometimes I'm just like, no, I like that you're embracing like your natural skin tone. I have to because I was freckling at a rate that was. cancerous. Also, how hard is it to keep up the fake tan and the blonde? It's like, how are you going to take on the patriarchy when you just keep having to go to

the tanning salon? How was I going to pay rent when I was keeping blonde up? When I stopped dyeing my hair blonde, I was like, I can't go back to dyeing my hair again because I don't know how to factor it back into my budget. Did you get a different attention from men? No, you know, I feel like I'm so loud that it's like I get attention because I'm obnoxious. The personality will always overshadow. The way that I got crying, screaming toddler is going to get attention.

It was hard. That's why I don't have tattoos or anything, because I'm like, I can't have tattoos and this personality. It's, yeah, it's a lot all the time. Yeah. Like, I feel like it's cool if you're really loud with your fashion and then quiet. Well, so that's what my thing is, I feel like I have such a big personality that I do tone down how I dress.

Yes. Because my thing is, I'm like, listen, you don't even have to get close to me to know what I'm about. Like, I don't feel that need to be like, I want you to know who I am walking on the street. I'm like, if you're in your shot of me, you know my opinions. Like, I have a podcast. I'm a comedian. I'm like not even that good of a friend because I'm always saying my stuff.

Like I don't need any more personality. It's a burden to be this person. I love this so much. Okay. What makes when I wrote a good celeb memoir, but I want what makes a like sellable celebine memoir? Because good is a very like subjective thing. Thank you for saying that because it is.

And it's also like for our podcast like a good memoir for the podcast is different than like a great memoir. Like Molly Shannon just actually had one come out this week and we read it and that's like a top five memoir. I've read so far because it's emotional and it's heartfelt, it's vulnerable. I mean, I think from like a reading perspective when somebody can be honest about what they've been through and look back and take accountability, someone who's been through therapy, and you have to be able to come to terms with the shit that's happened to you so that you can talk about

it honestly. And like with empathy, I think what like Mel B, the Spice Girl Mel B had one of the best memoirs I've read because she talked about her abusive relationship, which I didn't even know that's what I was going to read. But it was done with so much honesty. I mean, she put herself in a very unflattering light, but then also she was able to take her experience. And like, I don't know if you remember when Ginger Spice, like, left the Spice Girls. Melby talks about her and being like, now that I know what I've been through, looking back and understanding how someone could feel there's so much pressure, all you can do is run. She's like, I understand why she did that. And I think that's the best thing you can get from a person as somebody who's like, I went through this thing. I see what I did right, what I did wrong. And now I like have compassion for people. A lot of people don't come out with that. Well, I was about to say, you can use it as like a T. call out book where you're just like talking shit about a lot of people in your life who you still have venom for or you can have be someone who worked on themselves to be like if you've gone

through these similar experiences this is how I actually came out okay and like have love exactly and I think the thing about these celebrity memoirs is when you read a book it's out there forever it's not like a YouTube video where well people will watch the next one next week if you're thinking about what age as well like call out books I mean they're fun for a few years but at some point everyone's going to forget who you're talking about yeah you know I read Janice Dickinson's book and a lot of the proper nouns I didn't know, but like the experiences were so crazy. Emotions never go out of style. Do you know what I mean? Like looking at yourself never goes out of style. But what does go out of style is first of a comedy like Tina Facebook I reread and it feels

extremely dated. Oh. Because like edgy comedy is topical in the sense that if you're like pushing the boundaries, you're pushing the boundaries of 2008. Yes. Those aren't the boundaries anymore. So you read it and either it feels like boring because it's not that impressive to be like, like making these. You've heard that joke of bazillion times. Or it feels like inappropriate and hack. Yes. Something earned like earnestness never goes out of style and that's embarrassed. As a comedian, I fight earnestness with every bone in my being. Same. But being ironic really does not age well. Wow. That is so interesting. What are some books that really you hated? Okay. This is like, no one's going to get butt hurt by this. Judy Greer's was like weirdly very

boring. We just, me and Ashley, my co-host, just almost got to blows over Josh Peck. Most most fans books suck. Why do you think? Okay, I don't know if I'm going to get in trouble for saying this, but I feel like a lot of like rock stars have this thing that I call, like, it's like they took the worst part of AA and that they have this idea that if they just share everything, then they're absolved from guilt.

Yeah. So they're very happy to just sit there and tell you every fucked up thing they ever did in their life, but there doesn't seem to be any like perspective change or like sympathy in it. But they like, well, what? I admitted it. She was 14 years old and I tied her to a bed and I, what are you going to do? it was the 80s and they're like I did it I admit it and you're like okay but do you think that's that bad

it was the 80s yeah so I mean like we read anthony kitas's and like they are so into selling their own narrative I mean Tommy Lee's is the most insane thing I've ever read okay so that was actually on my list I want to start going down because I look at I want to ask you about people's Tommy Lee is obviously big conversation right now because of Pam and Tommy and Pamel is about to come out with her own Netflix documentary which we are so excited about what did you learn about Tommy Lee's that surprised you? I mean, just how, like, insane he is in terms of having no accountability. So he recounts what happened with him and Pam.

You know, he went to jail for domestic abuse. They skipped that in the Hulu Doc. So I watched four episodes of it because we were doing the Tom book, and I was like, I should be up to date on this. And I stopped watching it because I was just like, this is, it wasn't just like some raucous love. First of all, she still contends that he drugged her when they first met. And he even admits that, that, like, his friends were giving her.

ecstasy in Mexico when they got married and she didn't know. And people are like, well, how could you not know you're on ecstasy? They were drinking and she had never really done drugs before that. Also, don't victim blame. You don't know what was going on that night. And I mean, like, listen, and she thought that that was like love. She was like, I just thought we had this incredible connection, but it was ecstasy. So that's like the first thing. Also, you know, he gave her hepatitis and he knew and he lied about it. That's not in the book or that's not in the documentary. It's not in the book or it is? It's not. Yeah. It's not mentioned at all. So what happened was they were in Mexico and at that time you still had to get a blood test to get

married. So they had gotten this blood test and he had been told that he had hepatitis and they're like, you have to tell Pam. And he was like, totally. He got a tattoo. She decided to get a tattoo and the tattoo artist was like, I only have this one needle. And Tommy's like, oh, it doesn't matter. We're married anyway. Like we share, like, I'm clean. He fully knew he wasn't. He gave her hepatitis. Oh my God. Then he did go to jail for a full summer. He was in like solitary confinement because of domestic abuse in his book i swear to god he goes she attacked me and all i did was kicker in the heinie with a slipper that is not what happened i'm also like more upset that he used the word heinie well i think he said tush actually but he really was like she was so upset and

so my emotions got the best of me and all i did and this was wrong but i admit i did kicker in the tush i was wearing a slipper and it was i shouldn't have done it It was out of character, but then she called the police for no reason. Do you think to this day that they're still each other's, like, loves of their life that they kind of... So in the book... I've heard mixed reviews that, like, Pam thinks he'll always be the love of her life or he thinks Pam will always be. It's gone all over the place. I mean, listen, she, I think had come out of an abusive relationship.

Like, I don't think she knows healthy love. Do you know what I mean? There's some people that I'm like, oh, go to therapy and work on it. And then I do think that there's some people, if you get into Hollywood before things have been fixed and settled, like at somebody... You might be beyond the point of fixing. Like, I do think there's a, she won't ever know a healthy relationship. Well, they say when you become famous, that's kind of when you stop growing. Yeah, and I do think it would have taken a lot of work.

I think she, like, came from a bad situation. I'm not 100% sure what her past is, but I have a feeling. But we're excited to watch the doc, which also we have to remember these docs, these memoirs. They're all a specific person's lens. Like they always, it's like even history books because they're written by humans are biased. No, there's no objective truth. And that's why people get so mad at us in the, on the podcast for like questioning things and we're like listen everyone's telling their perspective

when people get mad to you just means your podcast is popular thank you i will be like writing that a hundred times go oh do they get mad it's true like if no one listens to your podcast you have tons of five stars and then once like people realize that people like your podcast then the haters come i have to ask you about will smith so we had done a will smith episode being like he seems kind of crazy and then when the Oscars thing happened, so many people were like coming to us for our opinion. And our feeling is like the discourse around Will Smith got so out of control and so like removed from what actually happened. Like I wish I could look and be like, oh, what a crazy moment. But it feels like the narrative around it got so beyond any, like people would be like, he should go to jail.

Yeah, it got insane. Or then other people would be like, Alopecia is the worst disability anybody could have. I was just like, I removed myself from the narrative. I can't. I mean, part of our whole podcast mission is like not look at any one event and judge a whole person. But my question, is from reading the book, what did you get from that? Like, what did you learn about him that the public didn't know? I have to say, and I think it's something that you learned about any person who's at that level of success is like a crazy person. And it's like since he was a teenager. He is one of the most hardworking, determined, goal-oriented people I've ever read about. And it was interesting to hear him talk about like success and stuff because he was going through therapy.

Like he wrote this book post-therapy and you're reading it and you're like, I still don't know that you're there. But I do, I think his brain really is. like what is the goal how do we achieve the goal in the fastest possible way which makes me so upset because people are now talking about like how to ruin your career in literally three seconds and it's like he was like so unscathed for so long and it when you know that he's so career driven and he had so much I mean how he had like 10 projects in the works that he lost it for a brief moment and that my thing is I wonder if he even lost it and I guess that would be my argument as I feel that he

he is such a controlled person that like in that moment he decided that the goal was to show a unified front of him and his family because I think in the public eye there's been so much like questioning of their marriage and you know I think the red table talk open relationship narrative got like

I don't think they've ever seen like loss of narratives like that before and I think he just got sick of people saying that they don't love each other or whatever so we're like we're a family and then he like I mean he acted on the goal The goal was to show a unified front, and people did not question that he was defending her. I got, like, nobody said he doesn't have her back.

But then also, like, I argue, not that I can't believe we're still fucking talking about this, but I argue that, like, it's so unattractive for a guy to fight someone for me. Like, you know when a guy, like, punches someone at the bar and you're just like, I could, I'm so ick right now. And, like, I'll, like, let me defend myself. Oh, yeah. I mean, well, the thing is, like, in my relationship. I don't, you've never seen my boyfriend.

My boyfriend has never fought a person. he could neutralize a fight with like a hand on the shoulder and like a buddy yeah so the opposite of me and so i'm such a fighter that if anything he's like holding me back a lot like that's why i'm with him because he really like calms me down you couldn't have two hot ones in the same relationship no did wilsmith talk it all about scientology or religion in it not at all i don't think i think he no interesting but yes okay we are you have so much good tea and this is just like high level to get all the like real analysis you have to listen to our podcast um i am I'm her official sponsor. Lynn Spears. Who knew she had a book? I did. And no one's talked about the book. No one has talked about the book.

I do think it's sold maybe sold. I think it sold like 20,000 copies. It was hard to get. There's also a book that her and Brittany wrote together called Like Peace of My Heart or something that I think there's like 12 of them in circulation. That's so funny piece of my heart. It's something like that you read and you're like, okay, yeah, of course. You want to punch yourself in the face.

Lynn Spears is listening. an evil conservators aside. There's something so funny about that woman. You know, right now she's like a Mary Kay representative. Like, she has an Instagram where her and three of her friends have like a pyramid makeup scheme. That's amazing. And I'm just, like, she really is somebody that like, you could not put that family in

Hollywood and make them Hollywood. They are so to their core, Kentwood. Yeah. And it just cannot be stripped of them. And I think that's why Brittany is so lovable. Yeah. That she just had this essence in her that couldn't be changed. But it's funny to see in her mom that I'm just like, Jamie Lynn, what are you doing?

How much does you talk about Brittany in it? Not as much as you wanted in this weird way. She gave a lot of background about, like, her mom's upbringing and stuff. And we're like, no, we don't want that. Lynn, you know nobody's interested in you. It was bizarre. She was like, my great-grandfather was in England. And I was like, okay, we were starting 100 years too early.

There's about four years I want to hear about from you get to it. But, I mean, Brittany is obviously furious about the book. The book came out like 10 years ago. It came out right after the breakdown. I think it came out in 2009. Yeah. So you think Brittany's angry that it... Well, in her recent and,

caption she's been like you guys wrote your books and i'm going to write mine wow are you do you think brittany writing a book is a good move i always say like my dream for brittany is like at the end of goodwill hunting when they like go to find him and he's not there anymore like my dream is to one day wake up her instagram is gone her social media presence is gone and she has just opened like a dance studio in Hawaii or something and she's just teaching kids to dance like I mean I think I've like a I like I like to think it's nuanced take on the Britney thing my I don't love that people are acting like she's 100% because she went under two decades of like trauma yes and for years she was drugged and for years she was like held captive and worked I mean well people were like yeah the con the conservatorship's

over now everything's great and it's like it's so much more complex than that's not like and I do think it has to do with like that perfect victim desire that people have to be like, oh, a bad thing happened to her, but now she's a perfect person. Like, she might be fucked up from this forever and she probably will be, most people would. Well, I think of those documentaries that you watch about, like, those girls who actually get kidnapped and then they like live with their abuser for a really long time. And then they're saved and then they're like, I need help. And people are like, but we saved you.

And it's like, no, this is the beginning of the help. And people want to be like, oh, we did the free Britney movement. She's, we did it. And I have like a real problem with people who are like, And every Instagram post because people love to act like those Instagram posts are like great and healthy and normal. And I'm like they're not and that's fine. But it's insane to act like this she's okay. Like it's okay for her to not be okay and still have her right. Or people are really afraid to say she's not okay because they're afraid that people will attack them. So it's like this very weird. I recently said that one of her posts were confusing and people came at me. Oh yeah. Like they were like stop bashing her. I'm like, I'm not bashing her. I just said this was confusing and it was. And but that just like I'm like what does it say about you? you that you think if something's confusing, that person shouldn't vote now? Like, she shouldn't have access to her own money? I'm like, no, I think it's okay to write silly Instagram captions and, like, still be able to marry who you want. Yeah. Okay. Emily Radikowski. I have to ask you,

because this book has drums behind it. And I need to know your tabline. So, okay, me and Ashley had very different opinions on this. I liked it. I related to a lot of what she said, obviously, like, not but it was a lot about like you're like it's hard being really good looking well I was like a hot girl in high school and I do think when you develop early like I got my period like 11 and I kind of looked the way I looked by the time I was 14 yeah and when you're being treated like an adult I was like sexual early like you know I mean like you're you're still a kid and you're having all these adult experiences and it and your brain is actually not developed enough to process them and it's hard because you're being told the best thing you can be as hot but it's actually that fulfilling and you're trying

to figure out what the problem is because you're like they said be hot I'm trying to be hot it's still making me unhappy. And so like I... And hot's the only thing you can be at 14. You don't know enough or you can never be good at anything else yet. You're fucking 14. I do think like, I mean, we've never had more backlash because I liked it and Ashley didn't. And it was like either take you have people were so angry about. I do think like a valid question is like I liked her book. But people are like, well, what has she done since she's had all these realizations? Because a lot of the book is about being like, I used to think that like being hot was capital. So I'll make as much money as I can. And then I have the power. And now I'm realizing I never had the power because I'm still like in their game. And I do think a fair question to ask Emily Radikovsky is, okay, so now how are you living differently than you were five years ago? And I don't see the difference in that sense. Yeah. So, but I think in terms of the book, she's like, now I just look hot, but I don't work. Yeah, exactly. She's like, I'm just a sexy mom for free. It is interesting. I had an interview. You guys couldn't listen to it again on Burning Hell with Lindsay Pellis, who was like the ultimate, she like dated Dan Bolzerian. She's the ultimate like hot girl who moved from like Tennessee. He's, he,

huge boobs worked on whatever and I basically was like do you feel like you're being like taking advantage of do you feel like demeaned and she was like I was just that girl since I was a kid that would see like the pin up girls and like the girls and the sexy commercials and that's what I wanted to be and like I grew up like seeing Serena Williams being like I want to be like her so I'm like okay maybe it's it's just like we're different people and that is her dream and she feels empowered by that but Emily saying she doesn't feel empowered by anymore is cool but then it's like yeah but just where are we going with this now like do you think it was just a that was a money grab being like I'm actually relatable I don't think it's a money grab but I do think it

is like a complicated thing is very much like okay how do you seek a system that you live in and I guess like in the sense I feel like a lot of her high school stuff I really liked I can't relate to what it's like to be like the most famous hot girl in the world so I was like what do you do but like what is she supposed to do now because the thing is she got so much she tried to write a book and people fucking hated her for it do you know what I mean like the amount of hate she got when she tried to do something that wasn't sexy. So I am like, I do see how she kind of feels caught in that lane. But I also am somebody who in celebrities are like, leave me alone. Stop judging me. I'm like, well, then stopping a celebrity. You do have

the, like, when I either thought about TikTok hate or podcast hate, I'm like, well, I could always stop doing this. Yes. Like nothing has stopped. There are celebrities that, that's what I always say when people are like, there are celebrities who choose to not put their relationship out there. And the paparazzi, like, doesn't always find them. Like, yeah. People don't find you. I don't put, get people don't find me, I don't put my relationship online. But also, like, any of it, like, at the end of the day, I can always go back and be a receptionist. I was a receptionist two years ago, and I was paying around doing it. Like, yeah. I always say, I could always teach tennis. Like, I was, I was a waitress for many a year in New York City. There are the things. If you hate it so much, like, you can't expect praise and then be mad when you get insulted. And, like, I'm not for internet bullying, but I do think it's unfair to say, like, I want people to worship me and how dare you ever be critical? What was Ashley's take on it? Ashley's take was that she felt, like in high school, she was very unseen and invisible. And she was like, for you to complain about the burden of being hot that you were able to capitalize on, it actually is worse than being someone who doesn't, like, is also

in this system of your hotness is your power and then to have no power. And she's like, I'm sorry that you were making hundreds of thousands of dollars on being hot and that made you feel bad. But like, I didn't even have that option. Yeah. It's like nice to have a choice. It is a privileged position. But then also she dealt with a lot of abuse within the industry so then to like have to go back to what what abused you to also get money from it is interesting yeah but um yeah no i mean i do think it's like it's hard on all the ways and i have to say like i personally was fielding people were so angry at her and then to be somebody who was like oh i like be getting hate because of her it was very overwhelming to me

like it really like broke me that couple of weeks because i don't know i don't even care either way at the end of the day how much do you deal with because you not only post on the podcast but you post clips how who is like the worst fans steveau i'm sorry that's so random what was steveau's book like or do you know or do you no comment no comment well like you don't have to get him going i mean how big of your fan base is a stevo fan base like am i safe here you are this is such a safe space for you but i did recently make friends with rachel wolfson who is on jackass that's i mean just as long as this doesn't the thing is we were quoting his book verbatim And people would be like, you don't know if that's true.

What's his side of the story? You're just out to cancel him. They'd be like, why are you digging this up from his past to make him look bad? And I'm like, if you go to his Instagram to this day, he's promoting that book. That books like 15 years old. He still wants you to buy it. And I'd be like, this is his side of the story. I'm sorry that he was, and I quote, a jackass.

But, like, I don't know. Did you think he was respectful? I'm sorry, a lot of the things he did were rude. Was he a comedian? He was a clown, actually. He went to the sort of like a clown school. He has like the highest level of clown. So now he's like a punk rock clown.

He's also like so rich. His dad was a major executive at Pepsi Cola or something. So he's a rich kid who like didn't want to deal with life. Yeah. And he was like unhinged. Wow. I mean he was like one of the, you know, I think every kid knew that other kid who you're like, we have energy. Like we have ADD, but you have something else.

Like they have you on concerta, but it's not working. They don't put him in detention. They put him in like an actual like padded room. Yeah. there was that kid you were like, okay, you are a handful. But I love how he did find a way to monetize that, like, craziness. He made a not for a while. You know for like the first two seasons of a jackass, I think he was making $200 an episode or something. Wow. And like risking his life. Risking his fucking life. I mean, I don't know how he's friends with Johnny Knoxville because Johnny Knoxville was the producer. So he was making all the money. Yeah. And Steve I was making like $200. When people were like, Steveo was kind of the face of it for a bit. I mean, he was the one that every day. I mean, he should be dead. like just in if all's fair and love and more like he should be dad it's funny because I I love a physical comedian moment I will do literally anything for the camera but I was talking to Rachel who's like the girl that they put in jackass and she's like yeah scorpion bit me

like I and I was just like I don't fuck with pain like that it doesn't turn me on it does I will see someone sprained their ankle during a basketball game and I'll be sick for three days like I can't deal with that I'm not gonna I won't get a IUD I I'm like, I've heard it's really painful for like a day and I'm like, whatever. I'll get pregnant. I don't even care. Absolutely. Absolutely not.

And I guess like the slapstick humor I never really got. Like I think a fart's funny, but that's about it. I like, I love a Jim Carrey. I watch it by like, God, you can move your body and you are a freaking dancer made of rubber man. But I'm like, I'm all words. I'm a podcaster through and through. Yes. I like giving pain and getting pain from words.

Yeah. Be mean to me. Okay. I don't need fire. I have a mom. That's how I show affection. exactly okay so this woman dropped her book and apparently the tea was piping hot and she was calling people out left and right do you know who i'm talking about i've read 85 numbers katie kirk yeah the thing

was about that book i didn't care it was i was like she spoke at my college graduation no big deal i mean i respect like god bless it was a good book i think i felt her book was doing too much i almost like it would have been better if she had left out the gossip. The problem with Katie Couric is if you want to talk about all the time she's been around incredible moments, she's literally a journalist whose job is to cover every incredible moment. Yeah. So it was such a long book. I think if she had taken out all of the journalism and like every time she went to the White House and every time she went here, I guess she called out Ruth Bader Ginsburg. That was kind of intense. She called it like Martha Stewart. What would she say about them? So Ruth Bader Ginsburg in their interview said something like rude

about Colin Kaepernick. Like, he should count himself lucky that he's even in this country or something. Okay. And I think she edited it out of the interview and she was like, if it had been a Republican, I would have left it in

because I know how damning of a statement that is. It's interesting, the creative power that the journalist has. Yeah, because, I mean, people would have come out against Ruth. Yeah. Ruth big time. Yeah.

That's cancelable. But she, like, left it out on purpose to, like, protect this woman. So I guess that's a call out. But then she's dead now and she's like, I got to tell people what happened. What about Martha? Um, they just like, oh, you know what it was? Katie Couric had to, like, intro her at some award

Martha was getting, they didn't know each other at all. They weren't friends. And she went up there and like read this poem she had written that was like all in couplets, kind of taking jabs at Martha for being a stay at home mom and like really undermining the value of being able to set a beautiful dinner table and like all that she does. Even though, of course, Martha is a fucking empire. Powerhouse empire entrepreneur. Yeah, she may, she is a businesswoman just like any other person in the room. But of course, the room is filled with business women who aren't then domestic. So I think the whole crowd was then like laughing at belittling

things that are important. I mean, and also ironically, important and good business. Yeah, you are all like paying someone to do those things right now because you're... Yeah. I mean, I just like to belittle anybody at their own award ceremony. There's no need to do that. Just if you can't think of something nice to say, hire somebody to write a

a speed. So Katie owned doing that to Martha? Yeah. I can't remember she owned it or to me it was so clear who was in the room. I think actually, Katie like Martha can't take a joke and I'm like well oh what did Martha do she sent her some like mean gift I think not like dead flowers but she sent her some like that's most Martha should ever like oatmeal raisin cookie yeah I really was like here's how to make a turkey

here's like a heat up stover's meal Martha's tight with Snoop so like let's not attack Martha in any way and let her live her life well I just I mean truly if your values are women who make a lot of money then Martha is your god so the I know Martha went so far as tried to tax evade herself to make that money. That is a true man. Okay.

Olivia Munn. I like to think of myself as the foremost scholar in Olivia Munn. Yeah, because you had a funny like tagline to it where you're like, why is this book written? What was the vibes? So the vibes were, I guess her fan base is like 14 year old virgin

boys, right? So it was actually and it was ghost written. It's crazy to think who the fans are of certain people. And so there's a lot of these celebrity memoirs that I called merch basically. And they're not books because somebody said, oh, I have something to say and I have to get it out. They're just like, okay, do you want to do a makeup line? No. Do you want to do a backpack line? No. They're like, what about a book? They're like, all right. Someone else can write it and I'll slap my name on. I mean, that's as personal as it gets. The Olivia Munn book,

I had never written a book by a woman for boys. And it really was like, and to the extent that it was like sex tips. And it was like tips for boys. And it was very, um, how to make sure your mom doesn't come in while you're jerking it and watching cartoons. Yeah, or like, here's why nerds are sexy. And here's my girls who expect you not to cheat are stupid. I'm skinny and I love pie. And so like there is, on the one hand, I felt bad being like, well, maybe she is a woman caught in the system. Like, she didn't write this. Maybe she was like, I got to put my name on it because I'm just out here trying to make a buck and who am I to hate, like, don't need the player hit the game. Yeah. But also I have heard she is, I mean, she'll do whatever it takes

to get to the top. I heard this from a lot. I heard this same thing. I also have heard that she's like very upfront about it. Like I. Which low key I respect. So I went to coffee with this girl who has been to dinner with Olivia Munn a bunch of times, and she's like, oh, if you're a woman and you're like, how do you get ahead to Olivia Munn? She'll be like, get in this man's office, do this thing. Like, get in front of this, like, cut this bitch out. Like, she's cutthroat, but she knows who she is. It's like when someone has so much plastic surgery, but they're like, here's the best doctors. If it's for you, you do it. I have, and this may be a flaw of mine, but I would take an honest bitch over a passive aggressive sweetheart any day of the, like, well, as a New Yorker, that's just. I'm like, be rude to my fucking, like. slap me in the face. I don't care, but at least be honest about it. Don't put me in the position where I look crazy. I love that so much, but yeah, good for Olivia. I mean, I guess she got that baby. She got the husband. I mean, she does have a kink for recently divorced men that she meets

that church. Oh my God, Aaron Rogers was church, too? I don't know if he was church, but Chris Pratt. Oh, my God, I forgot about Chris Pratt, who even just his Instagram caption, I was like, okay, I need a whole book of this. I heard Hill song is like a cult. And I have heard that, like, the top members of that cult get, like, sex girlfriends. And I have heard, I'm kind of like a blind item freak. Is Chris Pratt associated with Hillsong? He's in the whole song. I heard he was supposed to marry Haley Bieber, but they gave her to Justin instead.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, okay, because cults are my passion. I, do you know nexium? I mean, yeah, I live in America, and I have cable. I don't want to brag, but I am, like, friends, friends with. I am an exam. I am friends, friends with India Oxenberg, and she was on Burning in Hell. But I digress. Haley Bieber is very religious, and her dad is like crazy religious. And Justin Bieber is very religious. You're saying there is like a very religious famous cult where they like put them off to each other. Well, Hill Song is the church they all belong to. Are you kidding me? Okay, there's about to be a documentary that I think is about to come out on Hill Song because they're getting, I mean, one by one, like the sex capades of the top leaders of that church are coming to light. And I think it's about to blow up. I need like at least four days to just like immerse myself in Hill song. Look into the Hillsong blind items. It's coming.

They are very much they're anti-gay, but they pretend they're not. If you look at their messaging, I like listen to a podcast about it and I was talking to somebody who's all into the blind items about it. But it's like, if you look at their messaging, they're very much people who are like, acceptance, belief, hope, optimism. And you're like, okay, but what are your policies? And they're like, love, community. And you're like, okay, could you finish the sentence with a verb maybe though? And they're people who they're really good at getting like these public

facing people. They're like Scientology. Yeah. They're like Scientology. Yes. But nobody's looking out for them. Because Scientology got too much hate. People know. And publicly it's not good. But Hill Song is the next one. And it's like a family based thing. And it is like is it almost like for people

who want to be religious, but they also want to be protected and they like don't think normally because they're so famous. So they Well, what I think they do is they get these famous people and they let them do whatever they want. But then they like they are doing the social media thing of a peloton. Do you know what I mean? Like they understand that the way to get the rando who will dedicate every dollar they ever make at their whatever job

is to get Justin Bieber to be the face of it. But they can't outwardly be like, who wants to join this Justin Bieber religion? It's like all like whispers. Yes, but like you know where Justin Bieber's going to church. And if you're going to go to church and you're in L.A., you're like, I might as well go to the Justin Bieber one. And then the culting begins. Do you know anything else about like wives who were supposed to be put in certain places? No, but I do believe that Chris Pratt has like political aspirations.

which is why Catherine Schwarzenegger is a better match. Wow. Because I do think both those marriages were fast and strange. I mean, you know the Scientology, like Tom Cruise thing, the way that they just like picked women. And we read Leah Remini's book, which is all about Scientology. And so she tells the story of this woman. I can't remember what her name is.

It starts with an end. But she was a Scientologist. She was raised in it. She's an actress. And she was picked to be Tom Cruise's girlfriend at one point pre-Kady Holmes. And they would do things. They'd be like, what's your dream date? And she'd be like, oh, I guess like ice skating at Rockefeller.

Center. They flew her out to New York City. Tom was there. They had the perfect date. And it was very much like they groomed her to be exactly what he would want. And they would like, so just an episode of The Bachelor. They would be like, Tom loves when women don't speak. So try very hard. Like you. But like stuff like that. They really were like, this is what Tom loves. And then the handlers would come and set up the date and everything she liked. They would have, be like, Tom, planned this for you. And then I don't remember exactly what went wrong. But they decided she wasn't right for the part anymore. And she got like excommunicated. She was sent to Tampa, Florida or Clearwater, Florida. worst thing that can happen to you. Well, they have, like, a headquarters there where you just, like, scrub the floor with a toothbrush. With a toothbrush, yeah. And so she was sent there and, like, completely kicked out of the entire community. She was heartbroken because her mom was a Scientology. Like, she was raised in Scientology. So everybody she knew was taken from her.

And they deleted every photo she was in. They, like, literally burnt any piece of evidence that she had every day to Tom. But, like, and then they found Katie. So I know this is horrible, but I kind of want it in reverse where, like, we make a female cult where we just like get guys and we tell them exactly what they need to be and we set it up. What Kim Kardashian has with Pete Davidson. Exactly.

Which by the way, I am mind-blown because I woke up this morning and like she posted the photo. I've yet to see lips on lips. I have to say I'm not sold until I see lips locking. I want to see Levy lips, okay? That was not talking about her past sex date.

But anyway, she full on and is getting called out right now, she full on edited the fuck out of Pete Davidson's face. And I thought he looked handsome. Did she give him a jawline? So people are saying she gave him a jaw line. She fixed his nose. And I don't know if those, it might just be the angle, but I do know for sure she

smoothed out everything about his face. I thought he looked good. He looked like a different person. And people were like, or did she like have him go to one of her people? But it's like, imagine if your significant other edited your face. To be like, this is what I wish you looked like. In case you were wondering what flaws I see when I look at you. Like my friends who you would be if I had my way.

That is the magic. My friends have done that to me. And I was just like, okay, first of all, I look weirder. Second of all, like, people know how to edit their own face, but they try to do it to me. And I'm like, no. The thing is people don't know what their insecurities are. And I was thinking about this when you were talking about which of the promo picks you like. Yeah.

It's because we all had these things that only we see about ourselves. Don't get me started on that. I had a whole mental breakdown because, like, people will be like, this is the best photo of you. And I'm like, that is my least favorite photo. And then I'm like, is that what you think is beautiful? Or have I been wrong about what's beautiful? Or then you think that you're not beautiful anymore because of how you think you look, I can't. If you think I look good here, then what the, I'm so, my favorite game to play is when someone

posts like a bizarre photo themselves to be like, what freaky-dicky little part of their body are they insecure about that they think looks good here? I'm like, is it their elbow? Like, nothing in this photo makes sense. And it is the weirdest, most contrived angle. But I'm like, they clearly, something that they fix it on looks good here. And they're obsessed with it. Oh, my God.

Okay. now that we sound like we're high. Okay, can I say something about Kim Kay? Yes, that I've been thinking about. I do think that Pete is the perfect like fill in boyfriend for her because comedians are always reading the room and trying to like be liked. And that's what her relationship, like when there's such a power dynamic, there's the age difference, there's the power dynamic.

She's not fitting into his schedule. He's fitting into hers. And I'm sure he knows from just hang around, like he came up quick. He knows how to sit in the corner and do his one liner and then just like be quiet again. Yeah. But that's not a real relationship. ship like he doesn't feel free to be himself no and also maybe it's good for him which may he's well saying also comics have intimacy issues so it's like very easy to very early on just be like

married because you're like is this is this love is it I don't know I don't want to feel feelings um okay Travis Barker okay I like what is this man really like because no one has looked into him I have I read his book so um I've looked into everybody I was a bit Digmatized by him So he is somebody who like first and foremost Loves to play drums Is like a dedicated drummer And like something that really came through in his book

That I didn't know because I don't know anything about music I definitely don't know anything about drums Is that he is like a great musician Who is dedicated to his craft I love that for him And so that And drumming is like really fucking hard You don't just do one beat you do like five beats

And he goes really hard Yeah and he like works his little fuck off He like hits it really hard And he's very well he's like really He practiced a lot which I love I love a mammothal work ethic and like he's respected in the music industry

which I did not guess and I mean they had people from Blake 1A2 being like yeah we were just like fucking around having fun when Travis joined we became a band

like he is the musician so that I loved about him also do you know about like his daughters and stepkids that he like adopted all of them he adopted I don't know

if you have formally adopted Atiana the La Jolla but that was Shana Mokler's daughter from her first relationship with Oscar de La Jolla after him and Shana

broke up he like took Atiana in with his, he raised Atiana. Like, Atiana went on a tour bus with Travis. Somehow, in this system of law, people said, there's a mother and a father, and yet this girl's better off with this rock star on his tour bus. But he raised her, like, his daughter even after they broke up. So do you like Trav with Courtney?

I do. I think that, like, she seems genuinely happy for the first time. Yeah. I think she's, like, let go of a lot of the push nonsense. I think that, like, she seems like somebody who's just, like, enjoying her life finally. Like the marriage thing, I'm happy that she waited. Also, you know when all you knew was Scott for so long, she must feel like she sees a whole new perspective of the world. Because you only see yourself through the mirror that is that man that you weren't fully content with.

It's amazing. God, I am like the worst about being so pro breakup. I like, I'm so pro breakup. And I'm always just like, please, if you're anything less than like 98% happy, try a second person. Just try a second. Like, I know so many girls who go on one day and they're like, well, we're not happy. We hate each other. I don't like the way he looks, smells, speaks. He doesn't support me and the sex is bad, but, you know, everything's hard.

That's just life. And I'm like, why don't you just try a second? They're always like, how could I meet somebody that'd be better than him? There's no one else out there who's better. And I'm like, just try one more person. It's a second person. For sure. Second person.

I'm obsessed with that. And they do say you have a lot of different loves in your life. And maybe Scott was right for that time. Jessica Simpson. Yes. So I want to say, I read Jessica Simpson's memoir first, and I was coming at it from somebody who read a lot. And I think I didn't give her the credit she deserved. I do think as far as celebrity memoirs go, she gave a lot of personal detail. She gave a lot of first person experiences emotionally,

and she gave a lot of, like, celebrity name-dropping gossip. She gave the details of Nick. She gave the details of John Mayer. She gave the details of what it was like to be compared with Britney. Tommy Matola is awful. Every woman in show business has been hurt by that. man um and so she i think like if i i want to redo it actually in the pod now that we're a little bit better at what we do and like give it a fair shake because that was a good book and i mean i have to say john mayor i he's loves comedians and so i kind of have this fantasy of one day i'm passed at the cellar he's hanging out because he likes to think he's funny and he hits on me and i go no fuck you what was jessica's story with john mayor he was just exactly what you'd think very

manipulative really played on her not being smart really played on the insecurity but she is smart yeah but he's somebody who's like very quick with the words and like it was a lot of like reading text sending it to her friends being like is this okay and then sending to him and then spending the next six hours like crippled with fear she like stopped doing music and just went on tour with him for a while he was always like you're too drunk very like kicking her out in the middle of the night with her just hysterically crying and then letting her back in having sex with her and then being like you disgust me get out of here very hot and cold belittling her i find you like you're not a real musician like let me help he's like very tight with and he was just hanging out at watch what happens live with my friend sierra who's on summer house and so she like met him and page and i with giggly squad we had a vendetta against john mayor because when we would go live on instagram during quarantine he would go live all the time and we were like he clearly is trying to like hurt you hurt me so we sat her down and we were like why were you with our arch nemesis so john mayors always been our arch nemesis but i didn't know the details and now i know that let me gut is always right and i mean he ruined like he did that to jennifer aniston i mean like the amount of i don't find him cute i don't find him cute at all he looks to me dirty yes and i hate a oh i have a really funny john mayor story that is like tea because i have to

bring something to this after you brought so much celebrity and then i have a really good blind item that I don't know how to wrap it up okay so this is my john mayor tea i might have said this before but it's from a source of someone who dated someone who went on a date with john mayor and she said that they sat there and he looked at the waitress and was like is this pasta spicy and she was like yes and he goes okay well i want it extra spicy i want the spiciest shit you've ever put i want it so fucking spicy it's blue and they were like sure they bring it out and he can't eat it because is too spicy. Good.

And if that doesn't make you smile. Okay, so mine is, and obviously these are blind items, I don't know. I like to do it because it's like fun, fan-fit conspiracy theories. But the theory is both Camilla Cabello and Sean Mendez were like in a relationship with him. And that was like what bonded them together

is they were both like emotionally beaten down by being in love with John Mayer. Is there anything that connects them? To John Mayer or to each other. They dated for years. No, no, it's John Mayer. That's just, like, the rumors. That is?

But I, like, almost believe it. I one time called John Mayer, like, he's doing, like, a human centipede of emotional abuse. You know what I mean? Like, everybody who's had sex with him is just, like, a soul that he owns. So he has his own Hill Song. I think, I mean, what he has done to women that have come out and been like this what it was like, he, like, I was just in this trance of trying to be good enough

for him, and he broke me emotionally. I mean, if he could get Jessica Simpson, Katie Perry, Jennifer Aniston, to feel bad about themselves, you know he could take down Camilla of Cabo. and Sean Manda. Together. And there is so much, you're like, what is the link

between those two people? Because clearly this is like, they obviously love each other, but this isn't a real relationship. And I'm like, oh, of course, they both had the same boyfriend. They were sister wives.

I love that so much. I would love to watch as a reality TV show, the three. They have to do with sister wives where they have like identical houses all in cul-de-sac and John's going from one. And John goes in and then he leaves and he goes,

I'm going to go hang out with Camilla because you need to clean your room. It's disgusting. I'm trying. It's like it's so hard But I know that I have to just put my jealousies aside What a great show Anyway

Oh my god Claire You were iconic You're so informative Where can people watch you do comedy Listen to you follow you Give me the goods Okay well if you follow me on Instagram You can see where we do comedy

We're starting to do live shows All over the country So you could come out and see us So exciting Thank you we're doing Celebrity Memor Book Club Wherever you listen to a podcast And we also just got on YouTube this week

Amazing watching Watch Burning and Hell Then go over What is your acronym CMBC. CMBC. It sounds like a community college and I love it for us. Well, we're learning. I do you think it's a book-based

podcast. So if you're trying to feel smart. Do you recommend people read the book each week? Like, do you warn them for the next week? We read it so that you don't have to. That's like our whole premise. We actually bring you Susie the entire book. We like break the whole thing down. So it's basically an audiobook with opinions. Exactly. I'm obsessed. Every once in a while we'll be like go read this one. Molly Shannon, we're like go read that one.

We love like Gabrielle Union. We love like a Drew Barrymore, Busy Phillips. But for the most part, you don't need to be reading these books. So we'll just tell you the important parts. Amazing. Well, thank you guys so much for coming to hell. Subscribe to YouTube. Subscribe to the podcast.

Look at me trying to be housekeeper. And we'll talk to you later. Bye.