Berner Phone - Daryn Carp: Death Threats & Strap Ons

Episode Date: November 28, 2018

Being Andy Cohen's assistant is definitely a dream job, but that doesn't mean that Daryn Carp doesn't have demons. She's turned down half a million dollars, got her life threatened by an ex-girlfriend's mother, and her biggest fear is being stuck in Andy's shadow. LIVE SHOW (use the code BERN for 50% off): http://www.carolines.com/comedian/berning-in-hell-live-podcast/ Follow Hannah Berner on Instagram & Twitter: @beingbernz Follow Daryn Carpe on Instagram & Twitter: @carpedaryn --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning in Hell. What's up? I'm your host, Hannah Burner, and welcome to Burning in Hell. Is there sound effects that are going to go with that? I literally have not introduced you yet. Shut the fuck up. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, so I am with Andy Cohen's assistant, but I hate calling you that because you are so much more than that. like so much more annoying than that yeah thank you i really um i'm annoying in many ways you are and

you're also drunk right now which i actually appreciate yeah i'm a little tipsy you're way more fun thank you you normally like a stick up your ass i know i'm really like i would say that i'm too professional like that's probably my problem you know what when my dad met you met you he turned to me and he goes i think that girl's going to fire me that's amazing and that's true um he should be getting his notice in the mail very shortly but it's a great thing that you could turn on your professionalism, but then you can, like, hang out and be fun. Yes. She's also Andy's best friend and sometimes therapist, according to her.

He hasn't told me that, but she's told me that. Let's go with that. He doesn't need to know that I'm saying all these things. No, he's not going to listen to this fucking podcast. Definitely not. He's way too busy. Yeah, it's too important. Hannah, I'm unfamiliar with your work.

Right. Listen to the show. But you're also the host of Bravo's Web series weekly pregame. That's correct. And the throwback show? Yeah, throwback Bravo, which I told you about. So you memorized half of the title. I just vaguely remembered something about throwing back.

That's, as long as it's not throwing up, Bravo, like you got the title right. Throwback Bravo. I like to throw up P signs. Yeah, and love signs. And when I drink too much Roseanne in the weekends. And lastly, you're the co-host of Martinis and Murder Podcast on Oxygen, which apparently is popular. I haven't heard about it, but apparently is popular. Like, we got written up in, like, the New York Times in February on the front page of the art section.

We have a three million downloads, like. Three million downloads? Yeah, really kind of popular. Why don't you invite me on it? Well, have you murdered anyone recently? I know in your past you've had a colored, sordid affair. Today, I've thought about murdering maybe seven people. That counts.

You can come on. Okay, so this is why I fucks with Darren. Yeah. The second I met this girl, you know, it's hard. Girls are tough. It's a competitive environment. Don't I know it. I got invited to do a show with Taylor Strecker.

Love that bitch. And this girl, Darren, and everyone's like, you're going to love Darren. I'm like, first of all, don't tell me how I'm going to feel about someone. Right, because now I'm going to automatically fucking hate you. That's how I'm like my guards up Or I have pressure If you're not like the coolest, funniest person I'm like this girl sucks

Why do people like her? Exactly We actually met on the radio show We didn't even like Get a text message beforehand Like hey meeting you tomorrow It was just like Up you're in the room

I just went on the mic She was on the mic And immediately we were performing And during it I was like Oh she's funny And then I was trying to like We hit our stride We hit our stride

And then Taylor their host Got kind of annoyed with us Because we were having too much fun And she was like guys This is my fucking show My name's Taylor Yeah we were like She didn't talk for like 10 minutes

Which never happens And then what she did We both turned on her And shad on her We were like Taylor shut up And then so much so when she let us co-host Like a couple weeks ago We were like we made a point

To like take 20 minutes out of it To do like a PSA of how much we love Taylor We were just like We hope she feels better It was like an obituary It was definitely a eulogy At her funeral And we were just like

We have to oversell this Because we felt so bad The funniest part is we had so much fun And then she got all this like hate mail from her fans who are older? Like, who are these young millennials? Yeah. Shitting on Taylor. We don't like them. We hate them.

Separate them. They're too much energy. So, instead of lady to hurt my ego, I said, you know what? I'm going to make my own fucking podcast. And I'm going to curse as much as I want. And talk about whatever I want. And today, I want to talk about some of your demons. Oh, I've got many. I am a lesbian,

so you know. So I'm already going to hell. I've already got demons. Like, there's so many, like, I'm already like the worst human you've ever met just by that. It's funny because if anyone met Darren, she has a perfectly symmetrical face. Oh, thanks. And a haircut that's almost too put together?

You're like, do you ever have ever? Ever? Oh, wow. Keep it coming, Hannah. Keep going. And you have your job that's like we get it. It sounds like the most fun job in the world and you have a lot of shit going on. We get it. And then you're like, this is the kind of person I want to have my show because I'm like, what is her weakness?

What keeps her up at night? What can I capitalize on? What can And I use against her at a later date when we're drunk. Well, women are my weakness. So this is already starting out. Because what I heard about you before coming on was that you're a woman. I know. It's been, neither been confirmed nor denied.

And I can't really say, although right before this, I did touch your boob. And I can say that they're very nice. You didn't touch it. You full cupped it. Yeah. And you know what? I heard no objection from you. And I just went for it.

I'm very comfortable. And you're not wearing a bra. No. So it was like, it was a healthy helping of boob. And I felt great about it. Let's just say. Darren has a girlfriend, by the way Yeah, I do. Oh, I do, I do. So let's just

remember that. Who loves you? Who loves you? I have a good relationship with and I'm not trying to tarnish through this podcast. She quotes you all the time because when you first met her, she was like, you said, Darren, I need to find someone like your girlfriend because she's the gardener and you're the flower. And I feel like I'm the

flower and I need to find a gardener. And that's quote, like verbatim what you had said. When she repeats it, is she making fun of me or is she saying I'm smart? No, I think it's like, I'm the acts like the way I'm saying and is making fun of you because it's like I feel a cue in the like the tune in music but you are absolutely right and that's totally how like I view our relationship like she plants me enough about me what do you think about me yeah I you're sexy I've been having I'm like attracted to all these party boys because I'm not party boys but life of the party boys

okay so like the guy who can take over the room because I see similarities in myself and him like oh he has to be loud because he's insecure or oh like he has to be loud because he's insecure and then but then but so then I'm attracted to him because I see similarities because we're both loud but then as we're together we are just not it doesn't mesh but I like a shy guy but then I'm afraid the shy guys get afraid of me I like a quiet confident man yeah I feel like you need someone who's going to let you be the center of attention much like me I'm not saying that as in a judgment way, but I think you need someone who's not going to compete with that with you.

I love that. Because you are your own personality. You're confident. You're a strong woman. Like, you know who you are. And I think I, you know, like, uh, uh, you have nice clothes. Uh, you live in a good tennis player. I am.

I'm great. I was actually going to bring you a tennis ball today as like, a, as like an early birthday gift. That would be so creepy. Please don't do that. I forgot it. But let's just say like in spirit I did that for you because that would be, that would make me Amazing. Wow, I've never seen a tennis ball before. That's awesome. Yeah, I thought, like, I'll teach you some things. Okay. Let's just like you stay in your, you know, assisting. Oh, oh, my lane. That's what that means. I'll be an assistant. But you know what's funny? My therapist is like, she kind of makes me feel guilty for liking being the center of attention because she's like, why do you like to be it? What are you compensating for? You have to give other people space and conversations. And I'm like, I feel like I do. But is it that bad that you want to find someone who's obsessed with you? No, I get the same thing, too.

where I think, like, you know, anyone who's like the center, anyone who's like a host or the star of something, I think they want attention because it's probably coming from an insecurity. Me too, you know what I mean?

Like, I've always craved that. It's just like, we want to prove something for a reason and everyone has their own reason. I want my opportunity to, like, show off that I can be funny. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's a little bit of a show off thing.

And we play well together. Like, we show off well together. Yeah, but I, like, I've never felt competitive with you in that way. I felt like we've complimented each other in that way. Because we do have a slightly different sense of humor. Like you're dumb, I'm smart.

Right. You know, it's just... I'm good looking, you're okay looking. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I mean, okay looking is decent. At least I'm dumb and pretty. Actually, you're like, I can tell you're freakishly smart

so I constantly try to make sure you're not outsmarting me. Oh, yeah. Well, this is why you come to me for advice sometimes. I do. I do. I like to surround myself with people who are smarter than me. Yeah, because you're smart as well, and that's... That was smart of me to do that.

Correct. Although in front of, like, other people, you want to be around dumb so you appear smart. This is just, like, behind closed doors. Like, when you introduce your parents and someone, you're like, they're like, oh, they're in Mensa. But, like, to meeting someone on the street, you hang out with, like, dumb fucking people. So, like, Hannah's just so smart. I mean, my God, she really knows how to dress herself. Like, this is what people are saying to you.

Anyway. Anyway. Speaking of, this is, I can't segue that. Yeah, go ahead. I want to talk about martinis and murder. Uh-huh. I'm familiar with it. What is the deal with, like, being obsessed with murder and, like, that kind of dark shit?

Well, I sort of feel like it's a new thing. I think serial kind of kicked it off and then, like, Netflix capitalized on it with making a murder. I would say this is a relatively recent phenomenon, especially among women, in the past three and five. Definitely among women. So you think men are not into it? I think that it, the true crime genre is mostly followed by women. That is so interesting and sickly. But here's the thing.

here's the reason I think that is because, and this is sort of, this was, this was actually articulated best in the New York Times article that I was mentioning for martinis in murder. Oh my God, we get it. It's that, which I think I've talked to you about. Like, there's that quote that said, like, on a first date, a guy is worried that the woman is going to embarrass him, but the woman's worried that the guy's going to murder. And I think if you become obsessed with murder, it sort of empowers you and it makes you kind of take back control of it. And that's why I think that women are so interesting. It's their own form of I joke that Netflix is obviously a huge way that people find

these things. That at first you're like oh I'm going to learn about GMOs and Princess Diana and then you like come across a cult documentary and you're like that's kind of fun and the next you know the only thing that like gets me off on Netflix is like pedophilia and like mass

murders and like I was with this dude and we're like let's watch something on Netflix and it shows my recommended and it was so fucked it was like recommending like murdered prostitutes in the last decade. See, that's why those top picks for you is like, it's like social media. Like, you're going to get fucked.

But I like made a joke about it. Like, yeah, I have a sick mind. But that was so embarrassing. Yeah, no, that's pretty embarrassing. Did he comment? He did. Like, I called it out. I went ahead of it.

Okay. You were like, oh. I went ahead of it. And I just joked. I'm like, murder documentaries, am I right? Ha-ha. What's to do with them? As he slowly backs away from you.

But the interesting thing is you've probably heard that women are the most likely to murder people they know while men just murder. They're more likely to murder people they don't know. Women have higher standards than men. Women have motives. Women have... Are strategic. I saw a really funny meme the other day that was like

women like a guy that makes a plan, commits to that plan, and executes on that plan, and that's why women are obsessed with serial killers. And I was like, that's actually hilarious and fucking brilliant and true. That's fucking crazy. That's got to be

like look at him he's committed to his his committed to his craft like that's endearing like this is how lowly that is so funny but true I'm gonna get dark about like one of my biggest demons that I talked to don't talk about enough is like 9-11 yeah that when I was 10 years old I remember sitting

in my classroom smelling like a burnt barbecue and people I even made a joke like someone burned their chicken and then people started get sent home you went outside and there was paper flying everywhere you go home everyone's crying like kids in my class had parents die and then like after that i got really into tennis like i put all my like craziness just like let's focus on this sport but dealing with something that's scary was so traumatizing it's almost like being able to watch fucked up things like will help desensitize you to like the scary shit of the world like

instead of going to sleep at night like what if new york city blows up tomorrow you're just like I could watch the most fucked up shit, and I'm good. It does connect you, though, a little bit. Like, it makes you feel a little bit safer in knowing of how, I guess, like, you know, the best disinfectant is sunlight. And I think when you know more about how these certain killer behaviors or certain this and that, it makes you feel more confident in being able to combat that later on. Do you feel like you could tell if a person's a serial killer or not just by spending time with them?

Um, I've never, as far as I know, I've never spent time with a serial killer. So I guess it would happen. And then like, then again, we've been on this podcast for like 10 minutes. So I'll tell you in about 15. So we'll see about that. I definitely could tell if someone was like leaning towards sociopath. And there, it's fucked up. There's a lot of people.

There's a lot of them. Not that sociopaths are necessary serial killers are the other way, but you clearly have some, if you're going to murder anybody, you have something fucked up about you. I also love calling people sociopaths, like over little things. Like this guy. bit into his string cheese the other day, and I was like, you are a sociopath. Well, that's just fucking, you're a monster. I'm sorry.

It's string cheese. It's not stick of cheese. It's just the most fucked up thing I've ever heard. Yeah, no, that's fucking wrong. That's fucking disgusting. Dump him now. With that said, you have your martinis and murder. Yeah.

But you also have your job, obviously, working at Bravo. And I wanted to talk about segueing into celebrities. Sure. And they're fucked up individuals. many of them. A lot of them. Not my boss, shockingly enough, but a lot of them are. And that's insane to me. I know. Why do you think some celebrities

are fucked up and some aren't? Well, I really can't say for, I really can't use like a hard and fast rule because I don't want to assume that everyone has the same path. But like, with Andy, for example, he got famous and super successful in his 40s. He was already a person. It wasn't like Justin Bieber

that got famous when he was 14 and that's all he knows. And people were feeding him grapes since the age of 15. That seems normal to him. Whereas, like, with Andy, he worked his way up. He was like us. You know what I mean? Like, he did the 9 to 5.

He did overtime for years and years and years without getting any recognition. And I think that humbled him. So when he became famous and became a celebrity, he knows what it's like to be me. And he's not going to treat me poorly because of it. So I think it's an age thing. Tell me what you told me about what his best piece of advice was for you. Because I think this is psychotic. When I went in, I went into his office, maybe six months of being on the,

I've been with him for seven years and I was like what is the best piece of advice you've ever received and he said always take a vacation and I was like oh wait is that the thing that we were talking about yeah and I was just like always take me a weird look what yeah you were like I was like I was like actually spacing out thank you this is that's what I've been doing this entire podcast I hope that I'm speaking English I'm drunk and and I was like that's such an odd piece of advice for a boss to give you like always take a vacation like who the fuck says that like normally boss is like put in 40 hours a day and do this and that like and he's never been like that in fact he told me he's going on we're going on a hiatus soon and he was like take my Hampton's house for a week and just take a vacation why the fuck was I invited to this? Like I didn't happen yet so you might be invited to this we'll see how this

ends up yeah me and my mom like you touch my tip well I do owe you now yeah now I feel like yeah it's like it's like I sucked your dick now you got to buy me dinner oh god I should have thought about this before the boom yeah that's why I liked it so much Like, she doesn't even know what I'm going to make her do. Yes. Yes, I'm capitalizing.

You want to touch the other one? Yeah, no, now, no. It costs me too much. So with that said, you've probably dealt with some shit celebrities. I find a lot of celebrities have weird life-sucking energy. How do you cope with that during your day-to-day? Or do people respect you because you're like with Andy? Well, there is a little bit of that where I do think people, I don't get the real person originally,

because as soon as I say I'm Andy's assistant, they're like, oh, hey, you're cute. Like, what's going on? It's like when people call you cute? I hate being called cute. It makes me feel younger than I am. Not that I want to be older than I am, but, like, cute is something you're calling.

You're like, I don't like that. I don't think people should call you that. Better than ugly, but I don't think of myself as cute. But it's nice. They mean it nicely. I just like, I don't, it's a little demeaning. It's a little demeaning. It's like, oh, you're my little, like, pocket beanie baby.

I'm just going to, I'm like, no. the person. I'm like, you know, it's cute. The fact that your job sucks and you're jealous in my job. Yeah, that is, that is, Hannah, you're cute. You're cute. Wait, did I call you cute before? What did you say on the couch? And I was like, oh, because we were talking about having affairs and you were like, but he's married. And I was like, you're so adorable. See, I don't mind if you call me cute. I don't want a person in a professional setting to call me cute. That's fair. That's fair. And I did say it to you patronizingly. So the fact that you liked it was very, was very important to make. So we've established that everyone like treats you

amazing all the time. You have a good podcast. Definitely not all the time, but there's moments. There's there been a bad moment in particular. There hasn't been a bad moment. I do remember when I first started and I went to, I won't say the person, but I went to the Real Housewives of New York reunion. And I was going there to see Andy. This was like, I won't say who it was. I'll tell you after. And oh my God. Why the fuck would I put you on this podcast? This person is she on the Housewives? She's on the Housewives. Does she have blonde hair? Um, I won't say. Well, the Bravo, Bravo Lebrities, which is an actual term, or a little bit different than I think normal celebrities, but this, I was going up to the stage, which was kind of like on a platform, like three steps, nothing major.

And I was giving, I was handing Andy his cell phone. And as I'm walking up these stairs, you know, like my hands are moving. One of the housewives is coming down and she puts, she extends her hand. Like, you know how the queen like shakes a hand where it's like a downward motion? Like, oh, nice to meet you. like Royal. She fucking sticks her hand out to me, and I go to grab it to like shake her hand, and I have to hold her as

she steps down three steps. And she has no idea who you are. Doesn't know I am, doesn't say hi. It's like, as if I was literally stationed there just to be the handrail for her going down three fucking steps. You trip her ass. Then I'd be fired. Amby would yell at me. Say it's a mistake. Oh, sorry. I'm so cute. I didn't know. Your fault for

wearing eight-inch heels. I don't know what I'm doing. Like, it was demeaning. With this crazy fucking job, Now I want to get a little darker because you're pretty good at, I'm trying to get to you, and you're pretty good because you're drunk right now at making it funny, but I'm trying to make you cry. Okay, okay. But for real, what gives you, like, the most anxiety day-to-day? Like, what's triggering to you that, like, gives you stress? Anything to do with Andy's travel gives me stress and anything to do with my career gives me, like, utter stress.

What kind of stuff with your career? Like, I never know what the next step is. Like, I never thought I was going to be with Andy for more than two years. Then it was three years. Then it was four years, and I was like, I got to get out of here. Like, I can't be an assistant forever. Like, I'm just, I'm so far behind everyone else and everyone's making money and doing this and doing that. And even though I love my job, I questioned it all the time.

And, like, I questioned liking it so much. Like, I shouldn't be having this much fun at 25. Like, what do you mean? Like, happiness makes you a little uncomfortable because it's like, oh, I'm content. I must not be doing enough. Exactly. And I'll go home and I'll just be like, I could be doing more. Why don't I have my own this?

Oh, because I'm a piece of shit. One once told me that really successful people are a combination of, like, driven, hardworking, and a little insecure. Because if you're content at any time, shit doesn't move. They say you should, if you're not uncomfortable, you're not growing. And that's why I think you have so many projects. Because you could just be Andy's assistant and have a pretty good-ass time. And I talk about this my parents all the time. And my parents are like, we know that you're not going to be.

But like, in theory, you could be. and most people would be more like would kill for that position like be a lifetime assistant for this amazing person who treats me really well i could do it for 30 fucking years do your parents care what you do um i mean they definitely care about me being independent you know my mom always taught me to be like financially independent of everyone like make sure you can support yourself i my mom's an engineer my dad was an investment banker we had a uh sports store like a ski shop growing up so then he took that it was like a family business don't fucking call me you And so they're successful

And they're smart in their own right And I was the first person in my family To want to be an entertainment And I want to be a game show host Which is so specific And when I told them that one Did you watch the game show network like GSN? Oh please bitch

I know I know everything about I fucking loved that I'd watch this shit all the time I told didn't I tell you this story About my ex-boyfriend Didn't I tell you that game show story You dated a dude Okay is that like the breaking news

Of this whole thing That I'm not a gold star gay And I dated a boy for four years and was literally the best relationship I've ever had. Four years? Granted, I was in high school. Are you coming out of a straight right now? I'm coming out as like... Was he just your best friend? No, I was genuinely attracted to him.

Like, I enjoyed having intercourse with him. Inside you? Does anyone enjoy a penis? Like, full-blown penis? Like, I don't know. Inside you or just there? Well, I mean, now that I've had sex with a strap on, there's really no difference. So it's like, was I really enjoying the penis or just like the potential to orgasm? Which I think is more accurate. So if someone's your friend, any orgas, he helps you orgasm, does that mean you're straight?

Yeah, like, does the genitalium, ew, no, no, no, no, no. I'm so fucking confused right now. I'm confused. I think it's an emotional thing. Like, I loved him. He was an amazing guy. Were you excited to see him? Yeah, and when I see him now, like, I get excited.

Was he hot? He was attractive. Was he tall? He was tall. He was 6'3. Blue eyes, preppy. You would have loved him. He played basketball and golf.

You would have loved it. Is he single? Actually, the only, no, he just got married in March. Ew. But the story I was going to tell was that freshman year, I was, like, looking up, like, how to be a game show host? Like, Google, how do you become a game show host? And there were these tryouts to come out, to be a contestant on this game show that had just come out. Do you watch Jeopardy?

Every day. I knew that. I continued every day. That's not a game show. That's a quiz show. We'll get to that. And it was, like, try out to become a contestant. And I was, you know, 18, 19, at the time.

time. And for those of you don't know, if you're going to try it for a show, I'm sure you can attest to this, Hannah, like, it's like nine hours of, just like being anywhere, like sitting in the audience of prices, right? It's like nine fucking hours. Like, everything. It just takes all day. Like, who wants to be a millionaire? You could sit there all day, knock it on. Like, all day. When Andy does love connection, like, those audience members are sitting there just like, you go to that show? All the time. Because I want to be a game show, so you can't not take me. And, uh, this, you know, it came out. And I was like, listen, I have no experience in the game show. It's like, let me go be this contestant. Like, and I'll find out, like,

game shows were made but it was in the city at the time I grew up in a suburb of Manhattan and I was 19 and I was like I convinced his name was Jamie and I was like Jamie you have to go with me and he was like I don't want to go this like and I was like listen I was like this could be a scam is that your straight voice yeah I was like listen this could be a scam and I could be raped and you're not gonna feel good if I get raped I literally said that verbatim total total fucking monsters why I'm gay now I just put all of my bitchy efforts onto women and he was like fine like what is you going to say like if there's a potential for me to be raped he's not

going to not come so he went with me you could potentially be raped at any moment any time that's why i'm doing this podcast that's why i'm here i kind of was like a little raping in the beginning he did get it and i made him come with me and as we're like as we're like you know waiting to be trying and i'm like can you just please try out like it'll increase our chances like you're very charming like doing he was like i don't want it was like please this is my dream he did it of course two months later he gets a call back to become the contestant on this show. He was the first contestant ever on this game show, and he won a million dollars at 19, and he's the youngest person ever to win a million dollars on the game show. And he's in the Guinness

Book of World Records. Shut the fuck up. And oddly enough, the company that produced that game show is the same company that produces Watchwood Happens Live, which is where I work now. And I told the head of MS. Did he win the million dollars and dump you? I dumped him. I dumped him, and he offered me half so he was like a really good guy and I didn't take it no I would have been like give me a quarter I'm a fucking idiot and he had like a tougher child that he had to pay for his that would have been he got a hundred grand pre-tax every year until we were 29 we just turned 30 this year so he literally just got what does he do for living of course he's a fucking lawyer so he's like already wealthy but he was like I'm going to get you whatever you want what do you want and I

Hannah to this day I cannot tell you why I fucking said this but I was like I always wanted to go hot air balloon riding? I don't know why. Like, take me to fucking Japan. No. I said, fucking hot air balloon riding in Vermont. Oh, have you ever been? So dangerous. No, I'm not a psycho. Oh my God. You're a sociopath. I mean, it was super fun. But like, oh my. I literally, it was like crash landing. And that's what I fucking got for making him win a million.

So when you were dating him, did you ever like see a girl in the corner of eye and being like, I wonder what her vagina tastes like. Oh my God, all the fucking time. I kissed a girl in kindergarten. I should have known that. But I had crushes on women. You know, you don't really. You know, you don't really know, at least for me, I didn't really know, you know what I mean? Like, I just thought, oh, she's attractive. Like, maybe I could be by, maybe I could be this. Like, I wasn't to, because I

still love Jamie, and I was attracted to Jamie, and I still find men attractive. But I do remember freshman you're sitting in my psych of gender class, and my professor was like, you know, roughly one out of every 10 people is gay, like 10% of people. And I went to a small college and there was like 25 kids in the class, and I was like, holy

shit, that there's two people who are probably gay in this classroom, and one of them is definitely me. Like, I remember having that moment. That's crazy. Yeah, and I was like, I am totally fucking lesbian. Did that scare you? Definitely. I didn't hide it.

Like, the hardest thing for me was coming out to myself as opposed to other people. But I think it's always hard finding out that you're different in a way or, like, not in the majority. It just sucks because of the social construction that comes with it. If there wasn't all that stereotyping around it, it probably would have been easier if we just lived in a world where it's like some people, women some people like men my dad personally he's hilarious because he says that he loves lesbians like he says that he gets don't we all sweetie he's like I totally understand lesbians he's like men are disgusting yeah my dad's like hairy sweaty smelly just disgusting he's like how do you ever like women's bodies are so beautiful when I came out to my dad he said and this kind of

goes back when you ask like do your parents care what you do like my parents just always wanted me to be happy and they never wanted me to have a harder life and I think when you're gay it automatically makes it a little bit harder right like just and I'm not complaining about my life being hard in any sort of way but it is a little bit harder and so I think that was their concern but when I came out to my dad I was like dad uh I like women and he was like I totally get that men and women like women because women are totally sexy so that makes sense and that was it and like we never talked about again and we would just talk about women my brother was the exact same She was like, great, I can bitch to you about all my female troubles now.

And I was like, great. And it was just so easy. And, you know, my mom took a little, I think moms especially maybe with your parents, like, she was living vicariously through me because I was her daughter and I only have a brother. And like- My mom will literally get more worked up about guys I'm dating than I am. She cried more over my breakup. Yes.

And like your reflection of her, like you're a product of her. She, like, texts like boyfriend sometimes. It's a problem. Wow, that's not, we need to get into that. That's burning in hell part, too. But I also think that lesbians are so critical to our society. I'm not just sucking your dick right now. I wish you were.

That would make this so much better. Your strap on. I just think that... It's purple. Back in the day, straight women were so focused on finding a husband. Yeah. We're lesbians. They just had, like, a dude, but they were more driven in ways.

Like, I think a lot of first ladies who were really great were gay. I think a lot of really powerful women in history were gay. I 100% agree with that. And I'll never know. And you'll think twice about it and you'll be like there or some incredible male artist. Michelangelo is fucking gay. Oh, he's the biggest homosexual. No straight dude would ever be like, oh, let's detail that fucking ceiling.

And the detail on the penises are very precise. Oh, yeah, a little too precise. Yeah, I would just do like a blurred box like, oh, black box, this is appropriate. A lesbians are critical to society, me in particular. So going off of. Yeah. that I need to work in my transitions really a lot anyway but I like I like that you're like each transition's like a little sexual I'm like so getting off I mean going off of them

like like that's what you just did and that was very appropriate I'm into that we'll work on your segways later rolling into the next one yes what's your biggest insecurity whether it's in dating like physically emotionally in your job oh man that's a really good question because like I guess having no talent is my biggest. Well, yeah. But that's just a fact. Yeah, well, I mean, that's right. Right.

I think because I know it's a fact is my biggest insecurity. What the fuck do you mean having no talent? I just worry. I think because I'm, I work for a man that's wildly successful. And I've been around him since I was 20 fucking two. And I was, you know, everyone in my family super smart. All my friends are smart. Like, I look at you and you're just doing like so many amazing things for your age.

And it's like, I'm like, am I. am I not getting those opportunities because I'm not talented enough. Like, do I, I think that I am, but am, like, my biggest worry is, like, I, my perception of myself is wildly different than everyone else's perception of me. And am I just going through life thinking that I'm like, a funny, cool, like, you want to listen to me because I have great advice type of person, or am I just, like, one of those, like, annoying fucking people? Would you guys consider anything less than a championship to be a failure from this year?

I wouldn't say anything as a failure, as far as. especially because we all grow every day. Obviously, the goal is a championship. There's no doubt in that, and that's the goal. We want to win a championship. I'm Christina Williams, host of the podcast, in case you missed it with Christina Williams. The WMBA playoffs are here, and I've got the inside scoop on everything from key matchups and standout players to the behind-the-scenes moments you won't find anywhere else.

It's really, really hard to be the champions, but we have to remember how it feels and embrace the new challenge that we have. the biggest stories in women's basketball plus exclusive interviews with the game's brightest stars. So to be here, I think it's one that we definitely don't take for granted. But we also know, you know, that's just one stop along the way. And we're hoping to, you know, make it run. So listen to, in case you missed it with Christina Williams and Iheart women sports production in partnership with deep blue sports and entertainment on IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast,

or wherever you get your podcast. Would you guys consider anything less than a championship to be a failure from this year? I wouldn't say anything as a failure, especially because we all grow every day. Obviously, the goal is a championship. There's no doubt in that, and that's the goal. We want to win a championship. I'm Christina Williams, host of the podcast, in case you missed it with Christina Williams. The WMBA playoffs are here, and I've got the inside scoop on everything from key matchups and standout players

to the behind-the-scenes moments you won't find anywhere else. It's really, really hard to be the champions, but we have to remember how it feels. embrace the new challenge that we have. For all the biggest stories in women's basketball plus exclusive interviews with the game's brightest stars. So to be here, I think it's one that we definitely don't take for granted. But we also know, you know, that's just one stop along the way and we're hoping to, you know, make it run.

So listen to, in case you missed it with Christina Williams and Iheart women sports production in partnership with deep blue sports and entertainment on IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. If it makes you feel any better, I, I did date a very successful comedian Like Netflix whatever Yeah

Literally every other day When he would Because you bomb all the time as a comedian Of course He would just question why if he's funny Or if he why he's even fucking doing this And he's like getting paid Pons of money

To travel the world at comedy strips And this is constant with all comedians I saw Colin Quinn Perform who's like my dad's friend growing up And afterwards he came over and he goes that sucked that really sucked I sucked out there I'm not funny so like

I'll go into podcast sometimes and I'll like think myself into like oh my god what if I forgot how it'd be funny today yeah like because it's not like a physical thing it's your brain I'm like what if I just like forget how to form senses today yeah or like I place a joke and like no one laughs and like it that's kind of how I think my biggest fear is that like no one's laughing with me I hate people who don't laugh

who don't laugh easily yeah that's like I mean like I like working for a joke I don't want like it easy I don't want it to be easy where it's just like you're laughing at me because you're my parents as in like you get we're joking here

well right I don't like people that are so offended by everything because then like comedy is just going to be dead and it's not going to be funny anymore and like

Can I say something real right now? Yeah, rule. Some real shit I do think that you've been very focused on Andy and you've even with that have this crazy successful podcast you're doing all these other projects

and you have your show and stuff at what point do you think you're going to say thank you Andy and put yourself first God I think about that all the time I mean that's an insecurity too like what the fuck is my next step I think that's going to be I think I'd like to tell myself

I'd know when I know and if I get a job opportunity or it'll never be the right time and it might not be I mean and there's always that possibility as in like it's never right or wrong it's just a feeling I think it's just going to be a feeling I mean listen as we said before I could stay with Andy forever and it wouldn't be a

And it wouldn't be a bad life. Like, that being a plan B is a great plan B. And I don't have, I shouldn't be worried about that. And other people, like, have no idea or no focus or don't get to work for an amazing man. It's funny because I was the bartender and watched what happens live recently. I saw that. You look hot. I know, I loved your, you go, excuse me.

With your comment on it. And I was like, I love this. I think that's what I said in my head around. I was like, excuse me. You was like, excuse me. I was like, oh, hey. And I was like, hand in, dance. And he said, like, you've been working for me for seven years now.

And, and MJ, who's from Shaz of Sunset on Bravo, was like, yeah, when are you going to let her go? She's hilarious. She's so funny. I love her. I love being swaddled in her boobs. Sorry, it's a lot of boobot for me today. But, like, she's got enormous boobs, like, jive-fuck. It's like me and you on her fucking chest.

Like, it's insane. And, you know, she was like, well, when are you going to let Darren go? And he's like, I'm giving her as much freedom as possible because I don't want her to leave me. And I want her to do her own thing. I just don't want to leave me because I really need her and he lets you do your own thing to an extent

but I think but he comes first like yeah and that's how I wanted it like if he's texting me I'm gonna fucking respond back like no matter what he's the text

the call that I'm picking up I think when an opportunity comes across for a game show or some type of hosting thing that I think would be successful that matches me I will leave him for that do you think he would hook you up

or he's gonna keep you the thing about Andy is that And a lot of people are like, why doesn't he just give you your own show? I'm like, that's not really how it works and that's not what I would want. I want to earn that. Oh, yeah. You know, Andy's not pushing those doors open for me. I'm pushing those doors open.

Talk about insecurity. If he just gave you a show the whole time, you'll be like, do I deserve this? Exactly. And everyone in the audience would read into that too. He's not pushing those doors open for me. I'm pushing them, but he's allowing them to stay open and he's greeting me at the other end of it. If that makes sense. Like, I create those opportunities for myself and he allows me to go.

go off and he promotes them and he's like yeah show you know go take a vacation i think he's a great month there too because he's not like a comedian he was just a hardworking guy he's exactly himself on tv which is what you and i wanted and that's that's exactly how you are it's this is the hard thing is like it's about an x factor yeah and you can't it's not like sports where it's like well you know her pitch is 70 miles per hour and her serve is this and it's there's no stats it's a feeling that you give people and and also us loving what we do it's an energy so that's it's easy to get insecure about yourself because I'll get off podcast and they're like you killed it and I'm like I don't ever remember what I talked about and I hope it was good yeah I was like I thought

I was so boring or said nothing interesting oh and when you listen to yourself you're like I'll start a sentence I'll be like Jesus Hannah that was boring and like I didn't even let myself talk yeah no but like do you watch your betches video is back I mean you must watch like a couple cuts when I edit it by the end I'm like this is the least funny thing I've ever heard that's that's an edit because you've watched it 400 times I look at myself like I'll appreciate it but I won't laugh at it like I'll laugh at someone else's video because it ain't like laughter comes from like when you feel like someone tricked you

like oh I didn't see that coming and with me I'm just like look at that forehead Jesus Christ that's what I've been saying this entire fucking time I've been holding up signs being like dear God I can't see anything the reflection off that thing is whining me but it's true

It is also 115 degrees in New York City right now that's why I'm not wearing a bra Don't I fuck I wish I was not wearing a bra right now I don't need to wear bras, do I? Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Wait, say that. It's like if you have smaller boobs, does that make you more or less likely to wear a bra?

Less. So you shouldn't be able to. You should not wear a bra if you have small boobs. Even though like my nipples will be hard in the cold and you can just see them through my shirt. That's how mine are right now. No, no, your nipples aren't showing through. Other stuff right now. Because it's fucking hot in here.

Because it's getting hot. The nipples are relaxed. It's getting hot in here. It's like hell. I have a question. Yes. When was the last time you were depressed? I defined depression.

Like at a place where you felt kind of helpless or kind of dark or just not motivated and didn't feel happy with yourself? That's a really good question. I went through a really traumatic breakup with an ex-girlfriend years ago that really, it didn't make me question myself, but I was really in a bad way about it because, like, her mother had, hate-crime to me essentially is like a better way to put in, like, threaten my life. I had been dating this girl for like a few months. I should have probably known this because she was from Alabama and she was, she was

Baptist. And I'm not, and like, I'm not, um, I'm not saying that all people from Alabama are or Baptist are like this, but like, I'm from a very progressive, like, my parents are hippies, like, I'm, Montclair, New Jersey. Oh, yeah. So I, like, grew up very progressive and she was super religious. I've never dated anyone, like, wildly religious. but I'm not and she liked me and dated me

so I thought like there's a little wiggle room here She probably looked up to you a little in terms of your freedom of choice and... And she moved to New York like if you're an uber religious person like you're not trying to move to New York and be a bartender. Was she still religious after being out? So she wasn't out

and that was kind of the problem and she went home... Is that kind of hot to date a girl who everyone thinks is true? No, it's not. It's fucking annoying. Maybe when I was like 20 it was hot because I was like, oh, we're so secretive. Now I'm like, just, it's so much. Well, now it's kind of like, what kind of work have you done on yourself that you don't know who you are at 30? Well, and like.

I mean, I don't want to judge other people's paths, but a lot of them, it's very blatant. At 25, you should have your shit together. She was turning 25. At 30 now, I'm like, I'm not going to be somebody's, like, hidden person. Like, I don't need that. Like, express who the fuck you are. I don't care who you are. Just, like, own it.

And she went home to Alabama during the holidays to go. go come out like to say that like I'm in love with you she said like I'm in love with you I want to be with you and that day her mom called me when I thought it was her so I picked up the phone I was like hey baby I'm like oh my god like now thinking back about that and her mother was like is this Darren and I and I thought because I'm such a positive person that she was calling to like get to know me like she was like I just want to meet the girl that my daughter's in love with because that's how my parents would be that's how it fucking should have been yeah that's literally it was 2015 at the 2014 at the time like I wasn't I was like this can't be a real thing like people don't hate gay people right like what do you mean like that's so crazy oh my god so I was like she just also you're making your daughter happy well funny you say that so she calls me and she's like is this Darren I was like yeah and she was like you fuck can I just say like derogatory terms on here doesn't matter I mean I want it to be real she was like you fucking

I have a shotgun. I don't know if my daughter told you. I'm going to come to New York. I'm going to put that shotgun down your fucking throat. And I'm going to blow your goddamn head off if you talk to my daughter anymore. And I hear my girlfriend at the time just like crying in the background, crying in the background. I'm at work. I'm at work getting this phone call, okay?

So I'm standing there just like shop. And I just keep saying, yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am. But the first thing I said, because I really, now afterwards I wanted to say the ma'am thing to just like really sell at home that you're like, I said it like snarkly. But I said to her when she first called me like a faggot and like tried to ruin my life. I said, I think you're underestimating the happiness that I bring to your daughter's life, which is the exact wrong thing to say. But in my defense, it was so true. It was pure.

And I was like, take a step back. You're a mother who's literally telling your daughter's love of her life that she is not human because she's in love with your own child. Like, it was so eye-opening to me. And I, you know. That people exist out there like that. That especially parents exist like that. that out there because your child has to come first and your child's happiness has to come first and you know this girl was a good person it wasn't like she moved to new york became gay and like

all of a sudden started shooting up bars like she was perfectly great and but um you know she kept calling me like she made the girl come on the phone she was like tell that faggot that you choose me over her and the girl had to come on the phone and say she was like i choose my mom over you and was like bawling her eyes out now granted when that happened i was super devastating lost of a relationship, didn't know how to react, cried to Andy in his office, the only time I've ever cried at work, he was such a papa bared to me. He got me a massage. He, like, wanted to write her a letter. He wrote about it in his book. Like, it was, he took care of me. But with that being said, I got to hang up that phone, go back to Bravo, which is literally everyone is gay there, to work for an amazingly gay person to go to my super accepting gay family in a super accepting gay city. Like, I got to, I, I, I got to end that conversation, feeling super confident about who I was. I felt so horrible for that girl that I dated because she had nothing and no one. Also, it's kind of like coming out, I feel like that's your biggest fear.

Yeah. Someone looks you in the face and is like, you fucking faggot. Like you are not. I literally said, I remember saying to her, yes, ma'am answering to her. And she was like, oh, you said, ma'am. Like, she's like, she's like, clearly there must be something human about you, you fucking, like robot asshole. and I was like, oh, okay. And I just wanted to be like, I feel so bad for you.

Like, what type of life, like, what type of life do you have to, what happened to you that you feel this way? They're taking hate from other things and putting it towards you through ignorance because they think that's okay. This is a side note about mental health. I've been watching Netflix about documentaries about pedophilia. And this recent one was talking about instead of hate. hating pedophiles and being angry at them realize that it's like a mental health problem. It is. It's a disease.

So it's like is it a fetish and these guys are just sick or is it a mental disease that you should get treatment from? This one guy put his face on it and was like, I'm a pedophile and I've never touched a kid. Yeah. I need to go through treatment. But I have the recognition. But I have the recognition.

This isn't normal. Right. But it's like being gay is not a disease at all. No, no. I'm just saying that a lot of people instead of hating things, inform yourself about it so maybe you can like fix things and honestly like even in today's political climate no matter what side you end up being on I just think that both sides first off it shouldn't just be two sides but I think both sides could use a little helping of like trying

to understand the other side no matter what it is because I think if you have a general knowledge of the other position and you're able to put yourselves at least in their shoes and be like okay I don't agree with this standpoint but I see why you might because I see why you would care about that based on your background or your upbringing or your point of view, I think that would really help make the conversation more vital and more important as opposed to being like, you

Saginator, you, broken Aide Immigrantz She was not calling you to have a conversation. This woman was not, and that's why after I said, like, I think you're underestimating the happiness I bring to your daughter, I realize now that like that was probably, that, it doesn't matter what I was going to say. It went in one year or at the other. Totally. All she wanted to do was threaten my life.

And I had to call a lawyer and I, you know, I wanted to go on record that I got my life threatened and, you know, she had to come back to New York to move out and she knew where I lived. So I was like, oh, my God. Like, I don't want to die. You know, it's very, very, very traumatic.

But I never questioned who I was. But it was such a depressing state for me because I... So have you ever, like, wished you were straight? Sometimes. Not because I hate being gay, but sometimes I'm like, oh, it's so much easier dealing with men than women. Like, I feel like it's just so...

But men are not a... emotional and I'm so not like but they're so dumb like I can work with dumb I can't work with emotion like I can I can mold dumb I can't mold emotion like my girlfriend's like you're a straight boy I'm like I am a straight boy can I tell you a recent fight I witnessed between a friend and her boyfriend yeah like they're using air quotes around friend yeah I was just using my fingers yeah basically they'd been fighting because of like he cheated on or once or whatever so they've underlying shit going on yeah they're in a car he's changing the channel you're in the back seat or like how are you witnessing this okay thank god i was like he's oh no i just like to creep on

people you're like i have a secret recorder i was in the closet i was in the closet i just like to know how my friend's relationships are going okay yeah i care you too there is there is a good netflix documentary about being about voyeurism but anyway that's the size of point it was good it was kind of slow in the beginning hotel yeah yeah very slow actually i don't think i got through it but anyway but he's good he's changing the channel for the music and she's trying to kiss him and he's like babe I need change the channel and she tries to kiss him and he's like babe

I'm change your channel and then she freaks out and starts crying. Okay like that's but that's literally two people being on two different waves lanes she wants affection because she's insecure that he cheated on her before right he is so fucking change the dial in the moment just wants to change it and can't

take a second from his logical brain to realize all he has to do is turn and kiss his girlfriend and he'll avoid all this shit that's such a dude thing to This is the difference between being straight and being gay. You're like, like, I see a vein popping out of your forehead, like getting so mad at this guy just wanting to change the music journal. And for me, I'm just kind of like, yeah,

he just wanted to, just didn't want to, like, fucking crash the car and just wanted to change a goddamn channel. Like, wait a minute. Like, that's how I would be. And I would never flip out on someone who was like, boob, I'll be like, okay, fine, then kiss me in two minutes. Like, I just, I work so much better with men. Present Company included, of course.

And it's funny, I do work well with men because I grew up playing. tennis and training with a lot of them. So I knew immediately I was either had a show that I was in with them and I was cool or it was going to fucking suck training with them every day. Yeah. So I like... You feed off of men's eye. I love men. And when I say that like I...

It's not like I never felt bad about being gay. Certainly when I found out and I discovered that, I was nervous about what other people were going to say or going to do and like, you know, it changes your perspective. Having kids is a lot harder. It definitely changes your life. But I never, I never felt bad about it. But like I do think

personality-wise, I think I grew up in New York City. I grew up in Brooklyn so I have a whole different. It's like the lesbian capital of the world. Now in a real, I don't know how it was when you were like growing up. It still was. My fourth grade year- I'm going to Brooklyn after this. Yeah, it's going to be the great. You need to move

to Brooklyn Heights or Dumbo. She lives in Williamsburg, which is already like a boo. But it's going to be hard with the L train. But yeah, my fourth grade teacher was a lesbian. And like, I knew she was a lesbian in fourth grade. I don't know how, but it's like known. And you called her Colleen. There was no miss or missus. I mean, her name's Colleen. I mean, come on. That's like every Colleen out there.

But this is my barbs. This is my fucking problem. How people have a problem with gay people when it's literally like, oh, you've a problem with what they do in bed, like who they're attracted to. You probably do so many more fucked up things in bed, but you're mad that you're giving Kondolingis to a girl. It's probably way better than the dude would ever do it. Well, I mean, And this is sort of like when Roy Moore was going after it in Alabama. And we were like, literally you care that men or, you know, men are sucking each other's dicks and women are going down on each other, but you're fucking 16-year-old girls. Like, there is a circuit in your brain that just that's not right.

I just don't care about people's relationships. Like, I don't give a fuck who you like. Well, this is kind of why politically and morally, like I, my philosophy is that you can do whatever you want as long as you don't violate anybody else's rights. The government should get out of my wallet and get the fuck out of my bedroom. preach and like stop I kind of like when the government watches me on my webcam because I love attention oh that's yeah like my ex was super crazy he would like put a band-aid over it and he'd be like on your computer and he's like why don't you put a band-aid over it I'm like um because sometimes I get lonely and I like to give him a little show like peep through that band-aid a little bit I got a really bad spam email the other day that had um my name and then like an old password I used to something like years ago and it it was like, I see what you're doing

on those porn sites. I've hacked into your camera and I'm going to send them. It was like, I'm going to send it to 11 11 of your contacts and ruin your life unless you send me $8,000. And I called my dad, I was like, dad. I was like, is this true?

And he was like, um, he was like, uh, like, he's like, depends what porn sites do you mean? And he was, and it was like, I'm going to send this porn video around here. He was like, my dad's like, uh, I'll let you know when I get that porn video, but I'm pretty confident this is a fucking scam and i was like it happened to my dad once and he told me i'm like ew dad you're like i want to see that tape but i don't because i'm fucking sick now with that

said yeah good segue why you're great on house i want to end with a quick game okay okay i love games seven deadly sins what are you greedy about money money. Do you save like crazy? Yeah, I'm frugal, but like I want to, I'm very focused on money. And like, I'm not cheap. Like, there's a difference between being frugal and being cheap. Like, I'll pay for a drink, I'll pay

for this, but like, I'm really not taking taxi cabs everywhere. I'll walk everywhere. I try and take the subway. I try not to be, the only thing I tend to be extravagant about is clothes. Because I always need... Where's your number one place of shop? Oh, my God. I love Raggonbone.

I love Vince. I love I love the cupels. I love Helmut Lang. Oh, my God. You are so bougie. I'm booge, dude. I'm fucking booge. And everything I wear looks the exact same because it's black.

Do you like Jack Threads? Yeah. Is that the, okay. Yeah. I like Jack Threat. Okay. What do you envious of? Successful rich people.

And Andy, I guess. I guess I'm envious of. Like I want to be, not in a negative way, but I want to be successful on my own rights. So because you're coming out with him so much, does it not desensitize you to be like, oh, he's not necessarily. happier than anyone else just because he's successful or do you really yeah i think i think i think

like after you get a certain like if i want a million dollars today it would be fucking great but in like a year it's so many helmetling i'd get i'd wear i'd be i'd look like fucking alien and i'd be avant-garde and like heroin chic every fucking day and i love heroin sheik now that's like that's like that's my ideal look heroin chic that's what i want i want to look like i'm on heroin but like sheik is fuck because that's cool super offensive yeah it's like it's cool okay anyway. So it all levels out. I think it did like desensitize me a little bit because I was like, okay, like he has problems just like us. You know what I mean? Like he likes a free shit every now and then. Like he's going to argue a $20 amex bill. He's going to argue with it about it. Like if it's a double charge. And I'm like, really? I just love meeting like rich successful people and seeing like, yeah, they have this normal stresses throughout the day. It's not like they walk on a cloud now because money's just flowing for them and people know their name. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, right. Exactly. I think I'm... Because we're, me and you were always going to be chasing success.

And I hope so. You're going to have a game show and we're going to be sitting here and you're going to be like, I'm going to start like this. And that's how we live our life. It's about the journey. It's never about reaching one place because if you're constantly trying to hit a goal, you're never going to be happy. You have to enjoy it. Why did I turn Brooklyn on that? Can you put some sappy music on that shit right there? It's like, the more you know. Like a Hannah PSA is what that is. It's just fucking true. Like you can spend your whole life chasing a guy. goal or find a journey that you enjoy. Yeah. And I think my dad always said that I was the type of kid who like ran towards their fear, not away from it. So their fear, my fear was always motivating me. You know, like I would,

I was one of those kids that studied literally 18 hours for like a spelling exam and I take it. And I'd be like, I failed and then I get 100. Like I was always that person who just doubted themselves, but that made me work so much harder. It's so funny. Yeah. I have so many issues. Like my anxiety would cause me sometimes to in matches, like just lose my forehand. Like, I overthought it so much that I'm like, I can't hit my forehand today. But, and I have anxiety in a lot of different ways, but I'm, like, stupidly fearless. Right. Like, I'll play in front of a crowd of 200 people knowing that I, like, can't hit my forehand, but still go out there and do it for, like, 11 years.

So, like, as long as you keep, just be fucking fearless about it, even if you're insecure the whole time. What do you call it in tennis if you're, like, consistently having bad serves or bad whatever? Is it shanks? It's called the yips. The yips So shanks are if you like Hit the yips are like Tiger Woods like couldn't hit a chip

And he's the Because it's all mental Right I'm thinking like oh shanked again or something It's like a mind block So you get it's called oh I have the yips And it's also like Baseball player There's been guys who like

You can't even throw out a first base From short stuff Or like you're pitching You can't get anyone out And like I've struggled with that in my career Yeah At like a very high level Which is weird because

You're like Oh I've been doing this since I was four Why can't I hit a forehand right now But that's why, like, I was so fixated with, like, mental health in the mind. And I never quit, but I, and I probably should have quit earlier for my mental health. But it's like, it shows... Because now you are the way you are. Is that what we're going to be about that?

But it's, I love that quote of, like, just keep going towards your fear because it's either going to teach you something in some form or you're going to fucking just, like, conquer that fear. Yeah, never let it paralyze you. And that's, I think, what you and I are kind of living testaments of. Like, you might be so scared that you're forehand. I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about is bad, but, like, that doesn't mean, that's just an opportunity for you to prove yourself wrong. Exactly.

Because I realized that voice in my head that is anxiety isn't me. Right. No, it's all of your fears. I thought that everything from my mind was, like, what I should listen to. Like, oh, this, and it's like, no, that's some bullshit. Sweetie, don't do that. That is some bullshit. Yeah.

But I didn't learn that till later. Oh, God. And now I'm telling the world. Jesus Lord. We're almost done. Oh, thank God. What was the last time you experienced extreme wrath? So once that time you got really fucking angry

Oh, I got... Are you pretty cool cat? I'm a pretty cool cat I get road rage for sure Like honk that horn Like if it's a green light What do you call people when they like come in front of you? What's your name?

Oh I'll just be like motherfucker or I'll say horseshit Which I really like saying Horshit is such a white thing to say Horshit But it's also therapeutic when you yell horseshit Horshit Like you feel better Hors shit! Yeah like yes

and motherfucker is amazing. Yeah, motherfucker. Definitely, I use all that. Probably at my girlfriend, like when she was, like, we got into a fight and I'm normally cool calm and collected, but like if you, if you catch me in a bad mood

or you're fucking aggravating me, like, I will, I just can't stop and, like, I'll unleash. But I'm, like, fairly calm. I don't throw around names or anything like that. It's funny because I'm, like, seeing this British guy right now, and he says cunt so often.

It's, like, completely desensitized, but he'll be like, I was at the office and this cunt took the last de-caf coffee. Oh, yeah, you told me this. And I'm like, what the fuck? Like, chill out, bro. But now, yesterday I was like, my boss is being such a cunt.

Take that out. Yesterday, I was like, oh, my coworkers mean such a cunt. Take that one out. Yesterday I was like, who can I say as a cunt, not getting trouble? Yesterday I was like, oh, my friend's being such a cunt. And he was like, Bernie.

He calls me Bernie. He's like, Bernie. I was like, oh, so when I go too far? Right, right. But also when Americans say it, It's like gross, it's like, cunt. Yeah, we don't say anything well. He's like, cunt.

Yeah, it's like nicer if it's in an accent. Of course, when I walked in here, all three guys called me a cunt. I was like, I go, that's Mrs. Cunt to you. Yeah, I was like, excuse me. That's cunt esquire to you. When was the last time you were lazy? You don't come off as a, you seem like a person that guilt trips yourself to never be lazy. What was the last time you were lazy?

Um, yesterday I was, I had, well, I wasn't feeling great. Oh, when you were late today, you just like said you had an errand, but you were just sitting on the couch. Yeah, I was just like fucking around masturbating. I smoke a lot of pot And that encourages laziness, I guess It encourages my lethargy with things So you're like, I can be lazy Because I'm high right now

I'm just be like, you know what? Do I want to go do this Or do I want to eat a bag of fucking smart food popcorn? What's your munchy of choice? Oh, cheez-its are so good. Cheese-its. Yeah, I eat a lot of like cheese its, beef jerky, animal crackers

Like anything from treat, I'm like fucking disgusting Like I'm not eating fast food I'm eating like almonds. Like what the fuck is wrong with me? I don't know why. Are you one of those almonds people? I'm like one of those new age stoners.

It's so funny. You're like, is the soy free? Yeah. What was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something? This is kind of a tough one. I'm a really bad sore loser and I think that's actually why I want to become a game show host

so I don't have to participate in the game. So you can see other people be like, you fucking suck loser. And I have no stake in the game. So I'd be like, oh, too bad. You got it wrong. If it was me, I'd be like, oh, I'm so worthless. Oh, I still remember matches.

I lost when I'm 11, and I'm still upset about it. I, like, wake up in the whole night about it. I am a terrible loser. I'm a terrible. I actually quit tennis because I felt like I was more, I hated losing more than I loved winning. I think that's... And it just wasn't fun anymore. Like, I'd win, and I'd be like, thank God.

And then if I lost, I'd be like, I'm a freaking out. Yeah, yeah. I got a 60 once on a spelling bee in third grade, and I came home. and I came home and I cried to my mom and she was like, did you study? And I was like, no. And it was like, a light bulb went off

and then I still have the award because after that for 29 weeks I got a straight hundred in a row. Still have the award. Third grade. You don't have to preach. Bragg about it. This shows my fucking neuroticism.

No, but it's true. You're crazy. I think that's like we connect. It's funny because we met each other being like pretty sane, but our crazies connected underneath. Oh my God. They were like holding hands in the middle.

When I took you to to the place that has the mechanical book, and like that was really when we got to like fall in love and even the waitress that could tell something was up like she was a character in our conversation like everyone was coming up to us we were just like we had good vibes we had great vibes great vibes

so I'm setting up for this last one to complete okay the show when was the last time you lusted over someone oh my god not girlfriend well I guess I didn't really lust outside of present company excluded of course because I'm constantly lusting after

a burner oh i i in college i like was in love with a girl the first girl who ever really kissed me for legitimately 10 years like i fell out of love with her probably three or four years ago and that was like a 10 year running because she was your first it could have been i mean it's hard to tell like what but then again like i've been in love and obsessed with girls before who've kissed me and just this girl like she just do you still check her instagram She lives 30 blocks from me. We're still friends. Like, we've talked about this many times before.

Does Carson know? She does know. I mean, she knows now. She knows, like, of the past. Yeah, she knows now. She's not listening to this, please. She's got way better things to do, Hannah. She's way too big and powerful to be listening to my podcast with you.

And that's why I can talk shit. I hate you, Carson. No, I mean, she knew that, like, this girl was the first person I ever. But, like, I don't lust after her now. But I definitely, like, wrote letters to her, like, definitely lost it. And when did she have to file a... Restraining your order? You know what?

Like, it's funny because, like, every time I text her, she'd be like, new phone, who this? I'm like, but I've told you 45 times who this is. Like, how do you keep having a new phone? So I want to thank you for joining me in hell. I feel like we've talked through some shit. I definitely know you a little bit better. I feel... If it's possible, I feel closer to you.

I hope you do. I did touch your boom. And I liked it. Okay, so, like, I already got to second base. We haven't even kissed, and I got to second base. I like skipping bases. Me too. It's more fun.

Yeah, and I'm a cheater, because I like to win. You just go straight for a whole. What's the cheating quote? What do you mean the cheating quote? Did I give you a cheating quote? It was someone else, but it's like, if you're not cheating, you're not trying. Yes, if you're not cheating, you're not trying. That is the moral of the podcast.

Carson, that's not true. Everyone should follow at Carpe-D-R-D-R-E-E-D-E-R-E-E, D-E-E-E, B-A-R-Y-N. It's like Carpe Diem, but not. And it's just my name- She thinks it's so fucking clever. It's so annoying. It's my name backwards.

It's her name backwards. She's very excited about it. I'm just saying, it's brilliant. If you want to see how good-looking she is in person, definitely do that. Are you sweating because I'm so good-looking or because it's 100 degrees outside? I'm just very oily in general. Me too. I'm Italian.

Me too. Although you did like me in that blazer and watch what happens live. I'm just saying. You thought I was attractive. Like, for a split second. When I said, excuse me, I just meant like, why are you on my feet? Oh, excuse me, I'm following. That's fair, that's fair.

And you can leave hell now. Okay, good, thank God. Is that the way you're ending this podcast? I don't know how to end it. No, no, you need to have some sort of like catchphrase. Like, something to do with hell. Stay classy devil. Okay, that's a working.

I don't think the room's feeling that here. And I don't think the audience is either. Like, let's just workshop some things. We'll talk offline. We'll really discuss. But I don't think you should be like, okay. Exit hell now. My first one I did, I just said, bye.

I actually think that's way funnier. If you're just like mid-sentence, okay, bye. Like, you should ghost on all of your guests that come here. And after they finish, you don't even do a sign-off, just like end the recording. Or, like, insult them and then leave because that's also my final insult to you. Yeah, here we go. Oh, God, I set myself up for this. You're too pretty.

I think you should try a center part because you always do a side part. It's my part. Do people try different parts? You can go think on that for a while. You can go planted a seed in your head. I feel like I would look like a little Catholic girl if I parted my hair in the center. You don't think so? We'll test this. I know what I'll do. Thank you for burning in hell.

That's better. Whatever team Fia is on has a chance to win a championship. I'm Christina Williams, host of the podcast, in case you missed it with Christina Williams. The WMBA playoffs are here and I've got the inside scoop on everything from key matchups and standout players to the behind-the-scenes moments you won't find anywhere else. It's really, really hard to be the champions, but we have to remember how it feels and embrace the new challenge that we have. So listen to In Case You missed it with Christina Williams and IHeart Women's Sports Production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment on IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast.

or wherever you get your podcasts.