Berner Phone - David Yarus: Disrespectful Daters & Ghosting Etiquette

Episode Date: July 10, 2019

David is the founder of JSwipe and Mllnl. He matched with Hannah on Raya and ended up in hell with her. This episode he discusses how JSwipe became a success, how believing in abundance helped him deal with competition, how he combines being zen while hustling, the different kinds of love in your life, cornerstone vs capstone relationships, how to find the right person when you’re older, the era of single empowerment, the epidemic of dating disrespect, why he is anti-ghosting, choosing fear and scarcity vs. possibility of abundance, identity theft, being too busy to break up, finding your zone of genius, fire vs ice anger, and at 30 minutes they come up with the perfect text to send instead of ghosting. Follow Hannah Berner on Instagram & Twitter: @beingbernz Follow David Yarus on Instagram & Twitter: @DavidYarus --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In a past life, I was a Rastafarian, a bok choy, a tree, and a fire. So far, those are my past lives. I'm obsessed. Just so you know. If you guys can't tell already, this is going to be a dank episode. Welcome to the burning. of hell. It's going to be a hot one. I'm your host, Hannah Burner, and I am with David Yaris. Blessing, blessing, blessing, shava, shiva, shiva. Stop. This motherfucker. This motherfucker. I met on Raya.

Do you remember? Of course. Yeah. So if you guys don't know what Raya is, it's this app based on like some form of clout that or community that you have to be recommended, whatever, but it's supposed to be like the most, it's like the Soho House of Apps. What's your opinion of Raya? I think in general, a great app. I love lots of what they do differently. I think their use of like the video profile with music background is a really cool montage, like a creative, intentional, thoughtful way to like tell your story. I usually have dated like dumb athletes in the past. So it's exposed me to like smart artsy creative types. But I've actually never met up with anyone from Raya until this very moment. Blessing, blessings, blessings. Because day, what's up? Deflow. It's a DFLO. It's a DFLO.

D-Flo? Okay, good. So me and D-Flo matched, and I was like, founder of J-Swipe, what's up? And then in my head, I was like, I want to pick his brain about so many more things, and I want people to hear it. Because I had a feeling about you. I had an intuition that you were an interesting person. Well, it's an honor and a pleasure to be here. Do you think you're an interesting person? Well, I definitely feel, you know, particularly me in many ways. That's good. That's good. You feel one with the flow. The world. And therefore, theoretically, defloat as part of the world. But universal oneness, you know, collective consciousness.

We are all one. I am this tree. This tree is this desk. You are we? And then we are all energy. We're all flowing together. True. So you're the founder of J-Swipe and Millennial.

let's rewind to j swipe very cool very popular app that my friend group i've heard about it so j date was the first kind of jewish app yeah jate's been around for about 20 years oh shit so og and in fact they were the second ever dating site to exist um and they were like you know pushing the pushing the limits for a long time um but then as sort of we came up as millennials um they were catering to a different audience, more of our parents, you know, generation. And things like Tinder came out and just blew open the space and disrupted the way that people connect. Yep. But if finding someone of, you know, shared faith, shared, you know, belief system is important to you, then it wasn't the most efficient, effective, you know, natural way to do it. And so I thought there was

an opportunity to bring that, you know, I just thought that level of future to the millennial Jewish experience. It's one of those ideas that seem like such a natural, organic, aggression from J-State to go to J-Swipe? Were you afraid that other people were going to bring it to market first? Or did you have competitors in that space? Yeah, the truth is we weren't first. We thought we would be. And then three months before we launched, which was Passover 2014,

and another Jewish swipe app came out called J-Crush. And everybody was like, oh, shit. Oh, my God. But thank God in this day and age, everything is about, you know, clean modern minimal sticky beautiful ux UI like interface just everything needs to be beautiful we have a expectation for like creative excellence um and bless best best less than that like there was an opportunity because like it was a little clunky it was a little buggy it was a little er and you know I love the I guess intention or idea but we were able to quickly grow past them and then in this

in any type of social network there's this network effect where the more people on it on a particular app or tool or website the more value there is to the user and as soon within the first like month or two that we you know far exceeded the user base then then it wasn't really and you could instantly see if you're on both apps what kind of engagement you're getting so you had the kind of vibe where the second you saw a competitor get ahead of you it was there's fight or flight and you did you ever feel like fuck I miss the boat I want I mean let's explore that because I don't know about fight or flight. I mean, in my mind, Sheffa, so S-H-E-F-F-A, Shepha is the Hebrew word for abundance. So I almost think there's

fight, flight, or abundance. And the idea is like, I could fight, but like, that's not my vibe. And I guess I could flight, but like, this shit's real. Got to figure this out. And then there's just abundance, possibility and abundance, which is like, it's all good. The world's good. You know, and if I show up fully for myself and for others in the world, like the world will show up for me and meet me there. And so the truth is when it came out, like, I don't even think it was a thought. It was like, oh, hmm, huh, keep going, yala and abundance.

Okay, so you're giving me, like, everything right now. You're giving me buda vibes. You're giving me inspiration. You're giving me creativity. Were you always like this, or have you been fucked up to get to this point? Because I feel like someone like you were shit dark for you to figure out how to be so yourself. Hmm. Like, have you always?

been full of wisdom like this. Well, first of all, it's an ongoing, you know, life journey of seeking, you know, wisdom and thoughts. Once you, like, accept this is the journey, that it is a journey. Or have the level awareness that it is, or it is an option to you or anyone, you know, to be a journey. Like, what were you like at 12? Uh, I think pretty similar. I mean, probably maybe not. I am a real inter, like, hybrid of my mom and my dad. Okay. My mom is like, zend out, bliss out, yoga teacher, meditation teacher, like, real, I get all of them. my like zen vibes for my mom okay and my dad is like like hustle hustle hustle hustle hustle hustle hustle

and so I get all my like startup like entrepreneurship but you know you know thought and excitement for my dad it's funny because my mom is very like get you done hustle logic and my dad is like like funny a little lazy very socially smart so I tried they all have their negatives too but I like that combination except sometimes I feel like I'm like like a lazy hustler. Well, frankly, I'd think I'd rather be a lazy hustler than a, you know, a hustle and

you know, you know, lazy person. No, it's true. But your parents, now it makes sense, like you didn't just come out of the womb from two accounts. Like, you, there's reason of why you're here and how you're here. I grew up as an only child that had, you know, interesting, I feel like, you know,

upbringing where instead of, you know, going to the traditional summer camp site would go down these, like, outdoor, you throw you in the woods and like camp and live for three weeks or sail around this or that for you know the you know experiences which were I think formative and sort of just independence and you know love of the world yeah only children are interesting yeah only children had to like have fun at a party just with their parents and their friends and figure it out you didn't have that sidekick that you could just like do stupid kid stuff with for sure and it made you grow a little or be a little weird

I feel that for me when people say like what do you think I was like well it was the only experience I know. And so far, thank God bless, bless, bless. But I think it definitely made me independent. It definitely made me be able to either just be comfortable on my own and or have to like actualize fun out of thin air. Yeah. Like if you're bored, you just make sure. I always say like I don't never get bored. I think it's a mentality that you can choose to do. Like when I have space, you can either be like, this is boring or be like, oh, let's embrace this moment. I mean, I think that's the most important level of awareness of the idea of being able to choose choice, you know, how you provide.

But also, our generation hates being bored. Like, we're never bored because if I ever have one of those moments, I have so much accessibility to, do I want to swipe on some dating apps? Do I want to watch my own Insta stories 400 times? I have options. So what were you doing before you started the app? Before I started the app, I was living in the Upper Side. I was working at a dream job, dream company that I really had just so much love and respect for the people, the leadership, like the experience, the vibe called Mr. Youth, then later MRI, which is like a social, digital agency, real fun.

In fact, we're in the Spotify offices now, and one of my favorite clients for years was Spotify. And we were doing these, like, brand ambassador programs on college campuses around the country where we would have one or two thousand students who, like, loved music, and we're into the, you know, the technology would be, you know, identified, activated, trained, empowered, supported, and, like, set out to, like, spread digital music connection, you know, and accessibility on their campuses. So that was what I was up to before. Yeah. And then for fun, as kind of like my, like, what is it, fancy? see football. On Sundays, I would help different Jewish organizations with social media.

Cool. Because it was like a thing that was just core and like very intuitive for me. But for oftentimes, you know, our parents, grandparents generation or organizations that don't have like sort of the the breadth of young life and freshness, you know, coursing through them. Yeah. It was really, really, really impactful. Very cool. And I had sort of like no agenda, no outcome, no, just just flow, you know, just be present and flow. And through that led to another, let's another, let's another, let's another, and like incredible things happened that were formative for, you know, what's happening in my friend. It's funny because you might not see the immediate gratification of like what your effort is putting in, but like energy is happening. People are

connecting and if you're in the right place and you feel like your heart is good there, good things come back around. It's like the whole attachment theory of like you put out good and good comes back. Truth. It's interesting because there's a lot of entrepreneurial stories like Steve Jobs or Bill Gates, who like might have not even completed college, and they're just like, I have an idea. Like Elizabeth Holmes. I have an idea, and they just do it. But I like that you were in the workforce and tell me if I'm right or wrong, you were doing fun stuff and you were good at your job, and then you realized, like, I could do this for myself. For sure, there is a, first of all, for our generation, people don't have one.

most don't have like one job for the rest of your lives. We'll be flipping, flopping and going to seeking out whatever calls to us, whatever fills us, you know, with joy, interest, passion, excitement, you know, etc. Yeah, I'm fascinated by the founders of dating apps. What is, what's the deal? What's your story of your love life going into before you started the app? First of all, I would say, I'm hopeless romantic. Okay.

I believe in like happily ever after a dreamy status of my friends called Big Love. And that's what I, you know, that's what I, what is big love. Well, it's what is big love to you is the question. But what big love is that real, real, you know, that big, big love. Do your parents have it? My parents actually separated three years ago. Wow. Yeah. New in life, new experience.

It's funny. I have a lot of friends who were like 30 and their parents are separating. Yeah. Interesting. Like, it's like they have empty nest and then maybe, I mean, they've gone through so much. They've dated together. They've been together. They've had children together. They'd watched the children grow.

They succeeded. and these healthy children and then they're alone and then it's like maybe they're different people at that point. They've gone through so much shit. Are you familiar with Esther Perel? No.

Esther Perel is this fascinating author, thinker, I guess relationship psychologist that has a podcast and has a couple books and she said something. I saw it in this conference in L.A., right after my parents just started or told me that they were splitting up and it was like I was just processing at that.

time and she was giving this talk and she's like pretty pretty profound on this subject at least like deeply learned and thoughtful and she said you know back in the day our grandparents generation people would you know you know get married or like grow up get married like have kids and like die um and so life expectancy was shorter life you know it was it was a lot sort of tighter nowadays you know people are living like two or three times longer just significantly longer And so basically people, the average person will have three adult relationships in their life. And they may or may not all be with the same person. And I was like, ooh, truth, right?

Like, if I think about who, first of all, who I am now versus back then versus back then, like, I'm obviously a different person. I'm 27. Me at 24, it was so different. And so for sure, like, my parents were together for 32 years and like who they were, I'm sure, in their, you know, when they were our age versus who they were in their 30s, 40s. or 50s, 60s, it's like, you're different people, you evolve. And sometimes, you know, you grow and deepen together, which I think is beautiful and what I believe in and, you know, seek. Yeah. And sometimes life takes you on your own path.

Yeah, my parents and my grandparents met really young. And my mom was like, it's the kind of love that you meet early and you kind of grow and become adults together, which is interesting. But then, like, I'm 27 and I'm not married. So I've already lived so many different lives with myself that maybe I'll definitely choose a different significant other than I would have chose if I had to get married at 22 to 24. Can I share some fascinating language with you around that specific concept? 100%. So ironically, also Esther Perel has this theory or this, you know, her, I learned from her

this idea of cornerstone versus capstone relationships. And the thought process is our parents and grandparents' generations got married much younger. And so when you're 21, first of all, I think scientifically, like, your brain is still developing, right? But like, other than that, obviously there's like a lot of you to still, you know, learn and grow and live into. And so, like, you're still figuring it out. And so when people get married at that stage of sort of, you know, amorphous, still self, you know, growing into themselves. And then they basically, it's called the cornerstone relationship because both at that state create like a foundation of like, like, they build on top of themselves of who they are now together. And now most of our generation is getting married much

later and we like exactly what you just said like we've done our things you know who we are and what we like and what we don't want and what we don't like and what we don't like and then we're trying to find someone who fits that whom we fit their list of all those things and that's the idea of like a capstone relationship well they're saying millennials are getting divorced less but that can also be based on a lot of different factors like we're getting married later so less of us are married which means fewer millennials are getting divorced because we're not even married but there's also the idea of lists of you saying like I've let's say I've I have been in like five or six serious relationships in my life I'm 27 six may five

but I've learned like okay this kind of personality is bad for me staying away from Scorpio's just kidding that's a joke um but he's Co-Star use Co-Star if I'm gonna use Co-Star what's your sign uh Gemini oh we get along I'm a Leo or I mean we'll go into rising and moon later but I've learned certain personalities I've chosen for a certain reason and it's like not a good pattern for me. I've learned what are good patterns. What is your theory on finding the right person when you're older? And you've learned about yourself.

Are you single? I have a lot of thoughts on this one. Let me answer your question. Yeah. You're like, let me get into this. My theory is basically that right now with the advancement of, you know, modern dating technology and absent, you know, we're at today, we're living in a, especially, for example, in New York City,

but universally, but specifically in like dense metropolitan areas, we're living in a complex, confusing, crazy time for someone who's dating and interested in finding someone for a variety of reasons. First, societal, like, you know, social narratives and stories and conditioning of like, if you're into someone, you're not supposed to show up, is that into them? In fact, you should, like, tone it down just in case,

like don't take back or takes back right away or double the time whatever the fuck but all of these narratives that tell you if someone's really into you if someone if some dude shows up and or lady shows up and is super into you that um like like what's wrong with them that they're so available and interested and excited you know to about me and or like that if you're excited about them that you should like tone that shit down just to like you know play cool da da all of these mechanisms to either like game the like mechanics to like get the whatever your intended outcome is or to protect yourself. I think more of it is actually about like protection. And so people are showing up to these dates that by the way they're going on average like

one or two or three times a week with different people. So first of all you're having like these similar conversations like the experience for many people. It's funny we just commissioned this big study at J-Sweb. It's called the Jewish Love Study or something like that. And we basically asked like a we I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm really fascinated about this topic, obviously. And so I created three different categories of questions to sort of inquire into. The state of love, the state of dating,

the state of Jewish, and then the state of Jewish dating, and asking about all sorts of different areas. I'm loving that you're about straight facts. That people might not talk about otherwise. First of all, we live in an age where whatever you're seeking is cool. Whatever it is, if it's casual, cool. If it's not cool, whatever it is, YOLO, just be fully expressed. because oftentimes people are showing up

up either presenting who they think that the person across the table wants them to be or would like First dates are all presenting Like first dates I could never accurately tell if I like a person or not Because the red flags are in their pocket True

And I'm presenting so like I'm not authentically giving my full authentic energy for them to authentically connect to First dates are just like would I fuck this person And can I tolerate them? That's like in my head I've made so many bad decisions but I want to hear about these studies. But we studied a lot of different areas,

and the main theories are, or the data showing that people are confused, people are unsatisfied with their current dating experience. Mind you, also, we are in a newer era of, let's call it, single empowerment. Whereas back in the day, it was like, oh, shit, like, who are you dating? Oh, you're not dating? Oh, like, you want to date? Like this expectation of that, but now it's like, people are good. People are living.

You know, this is an era where it's normalized and acceptable to be doing and loving you, you know? And that's a beautiful, beautiful thing. And I think millennials, too, because a lot of us suffer from anxiety or depression. Like, this is my first year that I think I truly fell in love with myself. And I've never, thank you. And I actually feel like the least motivation to meet someone. I mean, so I'm fucking dancing that, you know? And I've been dancing in it, but then you'll have like people there like,

why aren't you dating anyone? And I'm like, don't worry about me. Don't worry about me. And people say, of course, that like you always find that person and like you're least looking for them, you know? Yeah, people say that. And I have my friend, her name's Paige. She's on Summer House with me. Is that Paige?

Is that Paige? So she has this like really intricate list of like, I need a guy who sleeps with the window a little bit open and like he likes pancakes but he always orders it with bacon. Like she has this whole list. I think it's so funny. Does she publish that shit? Because like we should share that and we should find Paige her homie. Yeah. She's actually doing well.

She's kind of seeing someone right now. But I have like, I have no list. I'm all about because I've done the list and I found a guy who nailed every. everything on my list and he fucks me up real bad. So I'm now a fully like energy type person. Energy runs the world. And I ultimately, this is what I always say and people have heard me say it before. I believe that I used to be a perfectionist and a performative person.

Like if I do the right thing, I'll get the right guy like it's a game. But recently I'm just like if you, if you're meant to be with that person, you can't fuck it up. Like if I text you right after the date and it's meant to be, I'm not going to fuck it up. But it's so funny, the whole texting back thing. recently this one guy I thought he was handsome I was like texting him with some motivation to meet up with him and it just like wasn't happening and like months later he meet someone who knows me and we like were working in some work capacity together and we meet up and he texts me afterwards

and he was like hey do we vibe or was that just me and I was like yeah we did kind of and he's like I'm really upset I didn't like talk to you more in the beginning and in my head I'm like so like am I hotter than I was three months ago? Like, what's going on? But then he opened up to me and he's like, I was actually talking to someone at that time. But what's funny is now I'm talking to someone. So he's trying to hit me up and he's like, why are you so bad at texting?

Why aren't you texting me back? And I'm like, because I don't care to text you right now. It's just funny. But let's talk about that for a second. This is actually over the last month or two, I'm planning on doing some writing and coming out some thoughts on this because I thought, well, I've thought specifically about communication etiquette right now. Because I think that there's a, I think, first of all, I think

there's an epidemic of disreaching. Let's talk about it. Of disrespect. And it's just sad. It makes me sad. I've experienced it. When I experienced it, I am sad, hearing about it of others and knowing that it's just literally happening, like, I think, epidemic level status everywhere.

And here's the thoughts. Yeah. The first of that knowledge and data is so much more powerful, like applicable, actionable, and I just think respectful than zero communication. You guys just heard that that was a ghost. Then nothing. Right? So like, let's say you went on a date with someone.

and let's say you weren't feeling it and then they text you and say because it is common etiquette or one should if they like if they were feeling it too obviously lean in and like in the response is either like a loosely hopeful because you kind of want to soften the letdown or like it's like vague like you're letting that person live you are holding a tiny bit or more than that of space and their mind hearts and like lives yeah and it's so much more like powerful to free them by just sharing your truth, whatever that is. So you are anti-ghosting. For sure, anti-ghosting.

It's funny because when I was younger, I'm a monogamous dateers, and I just go from like relationship to relationship to relationship. That's my own issues. But there was a time where, like, I went on this date with this guy, and he was cute. He was a firefighter. He, we, I had no sexual attraction to him.

And I love to talk. Talking is my joy. I love good conversations. If I'm going to be on a date with a guy, And I'm not into him. I'm not going to sit there. I want to at least learn about his life and how his mind works. It's still fascinating to me, but I don't want to fuck you.

And he texted me afterwards and I didn't respond. So I had this theory in my head that was like, if it's just been one date and I don't respond to you, that's me telling you to know. But if it's been like, if I've taken two, three, four, like time out of your life, then I owe you something. But then he responded to me with like, you know, he texting me. again and I didn't respond text me again I didn't respond and then he texted me this whole paragraph and he was just like how he's basically like fuck you how would you feel if I did this to you but part of me was kind of like so hear what do you what do you think hear my thoughts on the first so I'm a I identify first Morris as a human then as a universalist yeah then you know we'll get that

later but so as the universe it's like I believe that your truth is fully true to you and And you're right. And I believe that his truth is fully true to him. And he has hurt as fucking sad and fucking mad. But it's like, is he mad that I didn't respond? And so here, this is what I'm actually most excited about and just in the moment is that what I believe is causing a lot of hurt. Yep.

Is the fact that there are no established norms around these topics? It's like, is it okay or is it not okay to ghost? Because the truth is, sure it is. One day you weren't feeling like, dude, you get the fucking hint, right? Yeah, yeah. On the flip side, like, he's maybe not excited about most people. And then finally he's excited about someone. And then he's really excited.

And then he thinks he had a good time because he's excited. Yeah. But communication's interesting. And so just being communicated and expressed, like, now, I don't have a right or wrong, but I think that what's important is that there becomes norms. Yes. Because I've had some really, like, saddening, like, ugh, like gut-wrenching, fucking see no response experiences where it's like, wait, we literally had plans.

Like, we literally had, like, confirmed, like, verbal integrity like see you here and like invited my friends to this shabbat dinner and then didn't show up and then never heard from again and then multiple times see no response and then I heard something on NPR which was like millennial employees ghosting their employers and I was like well I'm really like over this obviously but like I feel like booze needs to know so shared that is with her and so it's like but seen no response and it's just like I get it because my friend and we're also all addicted to our phones like we saw it. There's no, it's not like you put something in the mail and it disappeared. And so, I don't

know, my friend once said something when I was talking about ghosting with them and like, is it okay? Is it not okay? When is it okay? Ghosting is the like output of an awkward or uncomfortable conversation that someone wants to avoid. Yep. And then as a result, just avoids by not having it. Yep. It's so much easier to put good energy into the world. I want to play the seven deadly sins with you. Let's go. Seven Deadly Sins The first question is, what are you greedy about? So I'm going to try to practice what we've been talking about, right? This whole conversation, like truth, integrity, free flow, free form.

I want you to feel a little vulnerable. The first thing that came up for me, if I'm being honest, is gratification. Right? like this idea like I you know um this last weekend in Morocco after the wedding and you know Marrakesh at night at three in the morning we were all out at this like mountain range like cliff within it was cold as fuck and um my buddy went and grabbed a couple like we had like a bunch of mattresses blankets and there was like maybe 10 or 15 minutes from out there and like he got like a bunch of towels because the pool was close by and like threw them to each of us for towels

and like I'm cold as fuck in the moment right which I presume that means that everyone's cold was fucking a moment. And then it's like, I'm on that towel because I'm fucking cold. Yeah. And so I feel like that that is definitely at least like an edge right now of a dance between like I'm cold, but like share the warmth because that universalism. And as a founder of a company, I think your want for gratification is what like makes you want to succeed and conquer goals. But sometimes it's having that piece within you to understand that it doesn't have to be immediate and it doesn't have to be like a selfish thing. And we're living, you called it out earlier, but in the world of instant gratification. So the immediate versus sort of long term.

I can swipe and meet my soulmate. Who are you envious of? I love asking you these questions. Those who are fully, fully free of, you know, self-judgment, expectation, and, you know, the nomads, sort of the, not even the digital nomads, although I, you know, sick in my dream in life right now is van life. Yeah. But like, the people who are just fully, fully free. Yeah. But do you feel like that might not be an alignment for you where you like get too much of a high of creating things instead of being fully out? So my current dream is not just van life. That's the short term actualization of it, but it's basically creating a life around freedom and flexibility where I am able to explore the world and be exactly where and ever and how I want to be and be creating and be actualizing my dream is because my biggest pet peeve is potential versus actualized potential. like just the idea of like oh an idea versus like action taking action so i i personally don't think i you know see myself just fully free flowing and frolicing through forests like without

thinking about act like some type of thing that i want to bring forth and actualize but i believe my current dream is the experience of the you know the intersection between both that's great i personally don't have a lot of like materialistic goals like some people are like i want to hit a million dollars before 30 or whatever i realized once i learned more about myself i was like I want to be able to afford a space for me and my cat where I can decorate it and make it feel peaceful to me and like a safe space for me to be like nap and go home to and like that was my ultimate goal and I recently this last month

moved to Queens with my cat in a studio but it's like it's thinking of these like like don't think materialistically think of like what is healthy for you universally what fills you up Yeah, exactly, or before you think like, it's a job or whatever. But, and for me, I wanted freedom with my job. I wanted flexibility. So instead of being like, I want to be on a TV show thing, I want flexibility to create whatever I want when I want.

It's beautiful. And I think if you have those kinds of goals, then stuff naturally finds you instead of being like, I want to be on NBC. I want to be on e-news. That stuff, that's not how like, that's not how like the universe can hear you. Truth. I'm getting deep today. What do you gluttonous about? Do you do a lot of yoga?

No, but I like the idea of it. I tried SLT for the first time two weeks ago. My friend said he had an interesting theory, which was like, if you're going to work out, he Googled like Most Intense Workout in New York City and two came up, Tonehouse and SLT and he was like, if I'm going to work out for an hour, I might as well make it the most intense one hour.

I was like, honestly, true. That's you putting a thousand into everything. boy but like I died I did not know I had muscles and like strange random places I'm like like my upper side like what the fuck are you gluttonous at all with food what how do you eat um healthily but just naturally like I like yeah things that I like I also consistent me I only think the only thing I make is sushi I roll I mean you know sushi roll typically veggie but you know I've been broadening my horizon some raw I'm trying to spliffs I don't know. Glenn is about slips. I like the, you know, I would say I explore. But no, I mean, like, I like, I like, I like chilling. I like sort of framing thought process through like different prisms or lenses. And I find that like by either tapping into that to like chill the vulgar out after some intense like nonstop action or to like reframe a question or a challenge or prompt and now think newly and differently. I found it to be like very soothing. What's what's tough about being an entrepreneur like right now I'm in a similar boat. I feel like the second I wake up to the second I close my.

I'm working to an extent, especially when you're in social media and stuff. How do you find those moments to like give your brain bliss and like... I think it's a real, it's maybe, you know, you know, blessing and luck of the, you know, outliers and DNA of, you know, the upbringing that I had. But for whatever reason, I'm very, very, you know, able to easily without thinking about it, just turn it off. Like not worry about it. It's not even a thought to think, I think, I think I think of you. I don't think, no, no, no. I mean, they're both, it's all different states. Like I remember I lived a few years ago with two of my best friends that I met on this shoestrum and reality Israel trip,

which by the way, it was amazing you should go on at some point. There's a content creator's one, it's dope. We have to talk. Yeah, and I was with like two friends and like one of them was this spoken word poet Max, who's amazing and one of them was Nina who started this dope athlete's company and like she was like the entrepreneur that I was like,

she was like goals. Yeah. Morning she has already like 7 a.m. Like I come down at 8.30 after a shower and she's already like run a mile over the bridge back. Like made her breakfast and like banging out emails. And then like I get back at night after like having some drinks. You're hanging with friends. and she's like next to this like little fireplace she's like banging out emails i was like

wow we're a motherfucking spec that's like serious commitment but is it healthy for her if she's it's it's alignment like the idea of work life balance sort of dissipates if it if you're fully aligned then work is an expression of self and there's no need for like i can all there's always something to do like you know when you're working for someone they'll give you to do list and you knock it out when you're an entrepreneur it's like okay well that project's done we're doing There's never a moment where your checklist is over, and I have to accept that and know how to prioritize it. Be comfortable with what is, the moment that is, loving what is. I realized recently, I was like, Hannah, your checklist is never going to be checked because I'm just keep trying and then things he batting on.

And I'm like, no, no, no, this is the journey. I have this really powerful, you know, again, about two or three years ago, life shift, you know, an experience for me, which was one of my business partners who was always like, like, what's the next client? What's the next new business? Like, what are we pitching? and so my one part of my role at that time was pitching new business and go out there exploring but like I always felt this sort of need to get the next thing energy and it was pulling me out of the presence and into the future and it's like versus I one day I just realized like I had this like frantic energy that wasn't even mine it was like I was I guess holding onto it from like him in our meetings and then

when I was like wait a second you know I love the right now I love my friends I love my experience I love my home. I love my people. I love like my life right now. And so like why am I letting external energy, other people's expectations, energy, you know, whatever, impact my sphere of like vibe. You know you're going to get in traffic during that meeting and you can decide if you want to latch on to his energy or keep your own. Truth.

When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath? It's interesting because like anger is not something that I feel regularly. and in men's group and some, you know, conversations around that, like, is the question is like, is that healthy? Because one should be able to have a capacity to feel like the full spectrum, right? And so is it just me, my life coach, for example, calls it, she calls me a silver lining a hollic, right? Because like, I'll just find that I use, and I used to call it possibly in abundance, which was like, oh shit, that just happened. Like, I lost my laptop, like, or someone stole it or I dropped a coffee on it. Like, like either, again, trigger point.

That's why I, like either bummed or Shepha, abundance. Like, bummer, but thank God for the cloud, like on to the next one. Now we get the new new, whatever, you know what I mean? Like blessing, blessing, blessing, bless and bless. That new new, no. So, but like, so in these other moments where like I feel other, oftentimes people are triggered into anger, I haven't, I've learned to not process it like that. And growing up when I was younger, I disagreed with my dad about mostly everything.

And so we would get into all these arguments. And I learned language for, you know, something that I experienced there, which was what I call fire anger or ice anger, which is my dad in these arguments when I would do my own thing or not want to, you know, do this or that. Like my dad would like, he was fire anger. Like you would feel it. He would be angry. And on the flip side, you know, I felt like what I, the way that I experienced more like ice. Like if like I'm angry, like, am I even going to bother expressing it? That's energetic output that like I don't even need because I'm fucking over it. You know what I mean? Whatever it is. And so I know I feel like the question anger, the prize is interesting to process for me. When it was last time

I experienced rat. I know I got mugged by Chinese gangsters in Shanghai, but I found it to be a fascinating cultural moment. It's probably a great story at parties. I wasn't experiencing anger than that. I haven't really gotten a fight. I'm going to have to get back to you on that. That's okay.

Blessings, blessing, blessing, bless. We're getting through with our blessings. When was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something? Probably regularly. Oh, so you let your ego get a little? I think about it is maybe perfectionism. and over thoughtfulism where like I want everything that is connected to me or an expression of self to be like perfect for me and for the world and for like my like filling my purpose and

all these things so like I know if it would be like pride or ego but like I think anything any output is a is a you know is an expression of who you are who you want to share you are with the world and so I think it's all interconnected when was the last time you lusted over someone oh regularly you do for sure I fall in love every day every day I love that about you. I love love, I love, you know, beauty. I love the world. You're making me smile.

Both with trees, by the way, and with, you know, people, it's like everything, with universalism. What was? And bok choy. Well, I was bok choy, so that might be some weird, although true. I mean, I could see myself loving on the bok choy. Pretty lovable, right? When you look at them, they're these beautiful things, yeah. They're like, and they have nice curves.

So to wrap this up, I ask a final question, what advice do you have for people to cope with their hell? without fully, you know, thinking it through. The first would be just to know that you are not your feelings. You are not your emotions. You are the living consciousness embodied in your body that is feeling them. So if you're frustrated about this or that, does not mean that that is your, you know, definitive truth.

It means that that is a thought going through your head based on this wild and crazy machine that's either cosmic or science or both dust, you know, on stars that has you feeling those things. but you are consciousness and it's a blessing to be alive. The ability to feel those feelings is a blessing. So first, realizing the blessing of consciousness in life, for step one.

And then I fully believe in everyone's fundamental ability to create and manifest their dreams. Truly. We only must first realize and understand and know that ability in ourselves have an idea or some form of clarity or glimpse on what it is we want to create or actualize

and then take action. Yeah. It's a simple formula and I believe fully true. And to be, you know, courageous, vulnerable, and, you know, lean into it. Trust, fall with the universe. So beautiful and so true. I hope you guys were writing that shit down.

Blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing. Blessing, blessing. Shafa, shiva, shava, shiva. David Yaris. At David Yaris on Instagram. happy to, that's my preferred method of communication as they say in French. So at David R.S. Yars YAR U.S. If anyone has a thought, if anyone wants to try J-Soy-P premium, I'm happy to hook it up, like whatever it is. Like, let's find you that love. Yeah. If you want to talk about the modern

dating experience, I'm fascinated by that. So I would love any theories or concepts or words or phrases. I don't know the new, new phrases, you know. I forgot. I just learned a new new phrase that's like apparently out right now. And I'm like, what is it? Forgot it. Yeah, he needs a new hashtag. Like, so anyways, it was a blessing being here. It's so nice meeting. It was just so much fun. meeting you. Thank you, Raya. And I'll see you soon. Yeah, I'll see you soon. And for my listeners, if you're enjoying Burning in Hell, subscribe, rate, review. I have a new Facebook group, Burning in Hell, Little Devils. So if you're my little devil, please sign on and tell me your seven deadly sins. And I'll talk to you guys later. Bye.

Thank you.