Berner Phone - Des Bishop: Moisturizing & Meaningful Advice

Episode Date: August 27, 2022

My husband is in hell this week! We answer a bunch of advise questions submitted by the little devils and I ask him some of my own questions as well. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You guys, my husband, my husband, it sounds so weird to say, but my husband is in hell this week. Before we get started, I rarely tell you guys when my stand-up shows are and I want my little devils to be there. So, actually, Paige and I have a Giggly Squad show in New York, September 10th at Town Hall. We just added another show. So if you're, if you want to get lit and drunk and not remember what happened that night and giggle with us the entire time, get tickets. hannah burner.com i'm also going to be in providence rhode island september 25th for stand-up levittown long island september 30th and october 1st either or then we're going to the midwest milwaukee madison gold badgers and then rosemont illinois have like four shows and minneapolis um rosemont is like

near chicago so if you're in chicago come through to that and yeah all at hannah burner dot com Let's get this show on the road. What's up, guys? We have a very special episode of Burning in Hell. I'm doing hot takes with Hannah and Des. I used to do this alone with my mom because I like to be with a wise person when giving advice. And today we have no one other than. the handsome the smart the wise the charming the funny the tall des bishop hi did you just fall asleep

no i was listening um i'm so excited to have you here and i basically wanted us to answer questions and people submitted a lot of amazing questions some about their own lives some about our lives but I realized I just started a whole man on the street segment on TikTok that's been getting a lot of you stopped yourself saying blowing up right you literally stopped yourself

just people are really into it so I was like if I'm going to ask questions to Des today we got to open up with some of my man on the street questions to you oh really yeah I'm in charge okay okay Des what's your skincare routine

Well, you know, I moisturize, but I'm not, I'm not very selective with my moisturized. I feel, didn't we talk about this before? I don't know, a lot of people ask me about your skincare routine. You are, you do care about it being unscented, though, the moisturizer. Oh, yeah, don't like a, don't like a scented moisturizer. But you don't care about texture or weight. Oh, no, I do care about texture or weight, but I, I, I don't care about, like, you know, the price or if it's fancy. Like, in other words, I can, I can, I can, I can.

use like a vaseline aloe or vaseline cocoa butter cheap thing i can put use a ucerin thing you know and actually coincidentally enough the vaseline ones are scented but they're not like fragrant yeah it's not like vanilla bean yeah well they're not fragrant they're like the natural scent i get i feel like of the of the cucumber the aloe and cucumber yeah it's not like birthday cake on new year but i don't uh i don't use a separate facial moisturizer. I just put the

moisturizer that I use on my body, I put it on my face. Well, I do have to say, I feel like most of the

makeup and skincare industry is a rip. As Bethany Frankel says on her TikTok, she's always like, you see

this $2 CVS eye shadow? It's perfect. I have to work at my bedroom. Just don't buy it in New York because the city's

going to hell. But the when I was doing Dance With the stars in Ireland, I asked the makeup artist. I said, you know, I just put like the same moisturizer put my body in my face. Is that bad? And she was like, if you, if your skin doesn't have a negative reaction, then it's totally fine. True, true. But I'm a big fan of the, uh,

eucer and oat. Oatmeal, use or an oatmeal, I feel is what they say. I find a very positive and I like, um, simple moisturizer. Love that. Um, but, uh, I have to moisturize though. I did not think you'd have a whole thesis on moisturizing, especially in the winter. I get terrible dry skin in the winter. When the heating is on, whoosh, forget it. If I don't moisturize it. And yo, when I went to Las Vegas, the numerous times I've gone to Las Vegas, I have to moisturize like five times a day.

I can't believe you're still talking about moisturizer. Baby, you know that I'm passionate about moisture. I know you are. I shouldn't have opened with this. God, are you kidding me? When I was in Vegas, I literally like I couldn't moisturize enough. Actually, when I went to Vegas once, it was so very. bright. I couldn't open my eyes.

But it's the dryness of the air. I mean, my lips were chapped. I mean, I felt like, I felt like Hannah Berner. My lips were so chapped. I felt like people were going to comment. People notoriously comment that I have, my lips look chapped. But babe, you, you've kissed me before. Are my lips always chapped? No, they just look chapped. It's weird. I think it's because they're just so, they're so fluffy. They have creases in them. Yeah, you have, you have creased lips. You need, you need, you need to, you need, you You need to oral Botox.

No, if you get lip injections, you lose all the creases in your lips, but then you just look like... No, yeah. We don't want to shame anybody. You've got lip injections. No, I know. It looks good on certain people. But neither is to say. I do moisturize.

But you know what? I'm not like, I don't like use like a facial scrub or anything like that. I'm not even a big face washer. Like I wash, I wash, but I don't like, I don't like exfoliate. I don't do any of that. What, but you're, and you're good with sunscreen. These days, that's not, that was not all my life, I have to say. But you know, you say I'm good with sunscreen because that's, that's only because I spend

a lot of time in the sun. I mean, I have what would only be considered a 1970s tan right now. True. You know, before we knew about skin cancer, I have too much sun on my face. Yeah. So I wear a sunblock, but in actual fact, I have too much sun exposure. I do. I should be wearing a large hat.

I should be walking around with an umbrella. I really want you to have a big, like, farmer's hat. Something about it is hot to me. I need, yeah, I should, honestly, living in China. The two places that made me sun paranoid, whereas living in China and also in Australia, the Australians are very paranoid about the sun. They have the highest skin cancer rates in the world. Oh, wow.

Yeah, well, you know, they're Europeans living in a place that wasn't really made for European skin. And, uh... I know you're complaining about your tan right now, but it is really hard for me to be with a man whose tan is nicer than me. And that's my own battle that I'm working on. Did you know that in Australia, in most of the schools, like primary schools, your children are not allowed outside

into the play area unless they have a hat. And you growing up, your head was too big to wear hats, so that would have been hard for you. Babe, me growing up, we put baby oil on. I'm from the baby oil. Baby oil? Doesn't that make you, like, burn? Yes, that's what we wanted.

We wanted to get dark. Did your mom, like, take those, like, mirror things. My mother wanted us to get a tan, and she put sun in in my hair. My mother was as vain as they come. Yeah, because they were child models. Paige Distorable, watch out. Okay, can I ask you another question?

I told you that my mother used to wash my face after I fell asleep, right? You know, because we were still modeling, and I started getting zits. And if she, she would come in at, like, midnight, because you know, me, I would have been asleep since 9 o'clock. Yeah. She'd come into, like, I'd fall asleep in the couch, then she'd tell me to go to bed. I'd sleepwalk up to bed And then she'd come in

She'd be like Did you wash your face? And then I'd be like no The next thing I'd wake up again And there'd be a washcloth on my face And my mother would be washing my face Did you go on Accutain at all?

Twice Wow Yeah In Ireland they call it Roacutane With pictures of deformed babies on the box Yeah there was a lot of conspiracy theories Around Accutane No no no they weren't conspiracy theories

Like babies with like three arms Well no basically If you were pregnant You could absolutely not take acutane and they gave you clear warnings on the box. But then afterwards, there was also allegedly instances of suicide rates rising in people that took acotane, that it caused depression. Wow.

And in the 70s, they didn't even know what depression was. Well, babe, I didn't have pimples in the 70s. I was only alive for half of them, okay? Did people know what depression was in the 80s? Yeah, Prozac was already around. in the 80s. Were your parents open to talk about mental health? No, we didn't talk about depression.

Depression was for people that lived in Manhattan. We were in Queens. We were too busy making the city turn. We kept the city turning for the people on Prozac in the city. Babe, that first question took eight minutes. Well, babe, you shouldn't have asked me about moisturizing. You should have known that I could have done a whole episode about it. Okay, what do you think about when you don't want to come fast?

Next question. We're not talking about it. That's between me and you. That's different. It's a joke when you ask the guys in the street. I'm not telling you what I'm thinking about. Okay. This is the only interview where I'll let the interviewee veto my questions, you guys.

I think about the nuns from St. Kevin's. Okay, I was going to ask you to believe in horoscopes, but I really don't want you to go on a whole rant about how you hate horoscopes. Do you know what a vulva is? Of course I know what Evolva is. What is it? It's the outer part of the vagina. The lips.

Wow. You got it right. I'm so proud of you. Come on. We used to joke and call them the Vlova Lips. Who's we? Me and my boys in Ireland. Vlova lips.

Yeah. I love it. I listen. Who doesn't? Listen, the vulva's what, the reality is that guys say like she has a nice vagina. The reality is what they really mean is she has a nice vulva. The vulva is like. The flower.

Yeah. The vulva is the the bit that we're looking at. The vulva is the breast of the groin area. I think you're like, I won't talk about what I think about not to come, but then you go in depth of the scrabbing a vagina. Yeah, I'm thinking about you have a vulva, great vulva that you have. Do you have a preference for vulva? I don't have a vulva preference. What do you think about women?

Access to it is my preference. What do you think about women going under the knife and cutting their vulvas off? Well, I don't know if that's exactly what happens, but they get labiaplasties are a very popular surgery. Yeah. And some, obviously, that consider. of themselves to have too prominent a labia, isn't it? Isn't the labia inside the vulva?

There's the outer majura and the inner majura. So they're in a majura sometimes they think is too long. But also a lot of women get it after they're finished having children. Okay, yeah. Listen, I think if you're, particularly in a situation where it's been altered because of having kids, because it's quite traumatic. Yeah.

I have no issue with a woman wanting to get a fixed. I mean, the way you describe it is quite a serious surgery, but you know that a lot of it's just late, there's actually like a, only because I play golf with a plastic surgeon. I could do it in the bathroom right now. You just, you know that. I play golf for a plastic surgeon. It's like piercing your ears. You just snip, snip.

Yeah, but also they have a laser. They put a thing up here that use a laser to tighten it up. Oh, but like the actual labia lips, it's probably pretty easy to cut. But it affects sensitivity. I personally love my uneven labia. I didn't even know you had an uneven labia. I just like to call it that.

But yeah, no, I think, I think if it becomes a thing for you, I think it's unfortunate if it has become like an obsession for you. Because I don't actually think any of them are unsightly, I think. Yeah. A lot of it is like, I guess, porn, which has its trends. And it's funny because you won't be insecure about your vagina. But then you don't know what other girls' vaginas look like. So then you can convince yourself that your vagina is like some crazy different vagina.

but I'm telling you, girls, men don't care. Men don't even know what's going on. Honestly, well, I don't care. I don't care. But I completely understand, particularly in the post-children scenario, if you want to tidy that up for your own comfort, that's totally fine. We had a recent big controversy on Giggly Squad about anal bleaching, and I thought it was bleaching your butthole hairs.

It's not people bleach the skin, and we wanted to know from, a man's perspective have you ever been have you ever thought this girl needs to bleach the skin on her butt no if i'm looking at the butt i'm happy in other words like if i've if i've been put in a situation where i have close enough access to the butt where i even notice the color of the butt i couldn't be happier all the blood is in their dick they can't think or have opinions what's your favorite makeup look on a woman oh i don't have a favorite makeup look well you know my favorite makeup look is he likes no makeup yeah i just i have i ever done anything to my face that you've been like hmm that's pretty you were born good answer but it's funny you realize we put

we spend hours on tic-tuck looking at different you know makeup trends and vibes and like none of it processes i i understand that and of course you've you've you've had times where you've made your face up and I thought that looks good. But I don't have a preference. Do you know the definition of gaslighting, sir? I mean, the exact definition is kind of hard to say because it's based on a movie or a play originally. But I mean, I would suggest it's a situation where

most often a man tries to make a woman seem crazy for a situation where in actual fact, they are right. So they really make them doubt, question reality. And that's the whole couple months with your therapist right there. Wow. You are just passing with flying colors. I'm so proud of you, babe. Gaslining is a very overused term.

For sure. In the sense that a lot of times what people are saying is that they're lying. Like what happened to lying? Lying is really going out of fashion. Let's get into the burning questions and have some hot takes. Okay, this one's kind of cute and I'm just asking it because I want to know the answer, but someone asked it. What were your first impressions of each other?

Sorry, what's that? What was your first impression of me? I feel like we've answered that many times, no? I want to hear it again. You want to hear it again? Yeah. Well, now I know I was wrong. It's hard.

It's hard to mesh it. with the reality of knowing who you are. I'm joking. I didn't have a great first impression with you. Babe, it was a great first impression. I was sweaty. No, that's all you. That's your perception of the impression you were putting out,

which was not the impression I was getting. So let's take your own negative appraisal of yourself out of the equation. And let me tell you my impression of you. Babe your gas lady. Which was, this is the anti-gaslight. I'm trying to make you not feel crazy. Oh, wow. Look at that.

Okay, you're too smart. I'm not gaslighting you. I'm fluffing you. Yeah. Oh, come on. You know my first impression of you. I thought you were great fun, very, you know, beautiful. We hit it off straight away.

Come on. The first impression was we hit it off straight away. You know that. I remember you. You know that. Why are you asking, come on? Can I say mine of yours? Sure, go ahead.

You pick me up in your BMW and I was like, this guy has a shit together, but that's just because I can't drive. So I think any guy who drives has a shit together. Yeah, I had a second-hand BMW convertible. It was sweet. It was not as impressive as it looks. It was sweet. Okay.

Ooh, advice for jealousy around partners, close friends, work friends, female friends. Well, jealousy is a great topic. So, but the question is not clear. She said, I have insecurities from past toxic partners. And it sounds like with her current partner, she's questioning, like, all of his close female friends, coworkers, and just assume. So the jealousy's coming from her side? Yeah. You think so?

Yep. Well. Yeah, because she said female, close female friends. Right. I mean, you know, first of all, there shouldn't be any real issues with female friends, especially existing ones. Because it's like you could have dated them. Well, you know, I mean, no, I just think you just have to be open about it.

You have a lot of lesbian friends, so that's been good for me. Let's face it, you have a lot more male friends than I have female friends. Men love me. What can I say? Well, yeah, you're in a male-dominated industry. But, no, I've, we talked about this a lot on the shift when I used to do the shift. His old podcast. I mean, jealousy is a useless emotion, really. But I do think it's best avoided.

But I don't think that people need to, I don't think they need to alter their friendships based on the sexes of their friends. So I think it's in this situation, particularly with female friends, in a situation where a girlfriend is feeling jealous because her boyfriend has female friends, I think that's something that needs to be openly shared in a non-accusatory sense. I think... You mean not be going, well, why don't you just fuck her then? Well, or, well, yeah, but basically it's not like, like, why the fuck are you hanging out

with Samantha? It needs to be like, hey, I just need to let you know that I've had a lot of fucked up relationships in the past and like yeah i don't know why but i do get jealous of you know the your friendships with girls what you're basically saying is over communicate your feeling so it doesn't come out of nowhere through anger and it seems more logical when you're like this is how i got here well especially in that situation especially with existing friendships because i feel like you can't like you can't expect people to just completely change their lives because suddenly you're in a relationship for sure and also but you shouldn't feel crazy

Yes, as a woman, you know when another girl wants to fuck your man. So sometimes you could be kind of right, but it doesn't necessarily mean that he's interested in her. And also further fucking more. Jealousy is not always a bad thing where if I'm not feeling a tiny bit of jealous, I actually get worried. I'm like, oh, shit, I'm like not into this person anymore. Yeah, although I don't think jealousy is engaged. Honestly, I just think jealousy is like something that has to be navigated. I don't think it's positive or negative.

But I don't think you should consider jealousy to be a, like, a sign of a healthiness of your... Well, I think it's nice to be, like, that you care a little, but it becomes toxic when you're assuming that he's, like, going to fuck you over, that he's doing something bad. I once had a therapist tell me something wise about cheating, and she was just like, if a guy's going to cheat on you, that's on him. You've no control. It's not about you. It's not about you. It's not about you. So once you can relieve yourself of that, you don't have to monitor him and you don't have to, you know, overanalyze all his relationships.

But I still am a proponent of and not everybody agrees with me. But I think, you know, sometimes you don't have to like, you don't have to like say all the time like all your interactions with members of the opposite sex. Very true. Because like jealousy just happens, you know, and I know people say, oh, it should be honest. about everything and it's like yeah well you're not being dishonest but it's just like if you happen to just end up like spending a lot of time with somebody where it might be an issue it's like I'm not saying you should lie but you don't always have to like talk about that person for example you should be mindful I think you should be mindful of like overdoing it with it in situations

that may trigger jealousy well that that's that I don't mean that I don't mean that I don't mean lie but I do mean like you're saying don't try don't put your partner in situations where it could cause them to be jealous if you don't have to you know it's like if suddenly you're talking about one person a lot then it's like well it's only natural then that they'd be like well yeah it's like if one of his friends he talks about one of his friends and he's like yeah like she's so funny and she's so empathetic and she's so easy to talk to you then it's like okay buddy um but it is interesting I am in a male dominated industry and I try to put myself in your shoes where like let's say you are a male model and you're just constantly run female models all the time it's it's just a

situation. Well, the bad news for you is you're surrounded by male comedians, but male comedians are surrounded by female fans. Sorry, sucker. I mean, honestly, you should never get jealous of a male comedian, um, which we'll get into later in this pod. Okay, my husband tunes me out every time I say something remotely negative. I'm not allowed to say anything unless I'm ecstatic. Help before I leave him, Exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark. I'm sorry, I need that repeated. She basically said my husband tunes me out every time I say something negative.

Like any time she complains or is worried, he wants her to be overly positive. And she goes, I'm not allowed to say anything unless I'm ecstatic. Help before I leave him. Well, that's clearly a problem with communication there. You know, I mean, he has to be open to conversations about something. something she's finding difficult. Also, what's great about a relationship is that when you marry someone, you're marrying all of them.

Their highs, their lows, they're in-betweens, their boringness, their excitement, their sadness. And that just, no one lives a perfect life. And you're on that journey with them. Well, no, but I mean, it's part of communicating if you want to express your dissatisfaction with something. I mean, of course, it's always difficult in these situations because you have no idea the dynamics that are going on. But taking at face value, it would seem that he's trying to, you know,

shut down certain types of communication. Or like for whatever, maybe something about his past, like he's trying to avoid any anxiousness or any external negativity. Well, I mean, oh, yeah. Sorry, go ahead. Yeah, I say go to couples therapy. Yeah, because a lot of times people just don't want to get into it. Yeah.

You know, which is not good. I mean, you know, obviously we, like, it's always tough with these scenarios where you just get something thrown out. You have no idea the real background, but it's pretty common. And I would think even, I would say it's more common with the man than the woman. The man just doesn't want to get into it a lot of the time. Like their emotional spectrum. Yeah, like they're happier to just shut it down. Yeah, and I think deciding what's.

stuff you want to express to, let's say, your mom or your best friend or your own therapist, versus you want to put on the plate of you and your partner together. But, you know, without knowing the rest, it's completely acceptable to want to express your dissatisfaction at times. Oh, yeah, for sure. I mean, it doesn't mean that the other person won't have a rebuttal or that the other person might, you know, just not think it's valid. but you have a right to express it.

I'm laughing because as New Yorkers, we bond over negativity. Give me something to complain about and that's how, you know, that'll be a whole day of fun conversation, you know? No, I know, but come on. She's talking about negative stuff about their relationship, no?

Just anything remotely negative. She literally said anything. Sorry, that's why I didn't. The only reason I pause there is because I didn't know what you're talking about because I was making the assumption that she was talking about anything negative in relation to them

or him. I think you guys knew to learn how to bond over negativity or I even thought of dating apps where it's like stop with all this like, oh, we both like the same music. No, what music do you both hate? That'll keep you together.

Hate is stronger than love. Okay, new boyfriend is not as smart. Always ask what words mean like spasm or auspicious. why do I think it's cute that he asks I think it's cute that he like doesn't pretend he knows and he just owns being dumb yeah I mean he has never broad vocabulary

some people have so she's concerned about his lack of vocab is this what's going on that was her example maybe he's not book smart but he's street smart listen you don't learn about spasms till you're in your 30 right so you should be I'm assuming that this guy is under 25 he doesn't know what spasm is yet

he will know and then trust me there will be a time If you stay with this guy, there will be a time in your relationship, but you'll be like, will he ever shut the fuck up about his back spasms? Because I've had enough of his fucking spasms by now. Look, by reading this, it sounds like he's hot, he's cute, and you're probably in your early 20s, date him until you get bored. Ooh, okay, we have an Irish question. How should a 29-year-old Irish girl find the right guy?

How should a 29-year-old Irish girl find the right guy? Put yourself in the shoes of a 29-year-old Irish gal. Like, there's no answers to that. Just do what everybody, like, literally do what anybody does at any age to find somebody. Go in the apps, you know, be open to, you know, be open to broaden your particulars, I would say. What's a particular? You know, like some people like, oh, I know, like tall guys or only like, you know, like maybe try not to be so rigid. on your tastes.

Yeah, it's like saying you don't like certain food that you never tried. You've got plenty of time. Yeah, you've plenty of time. Okay, this is for you because you're really good at this. Irish guy, listen, you want to find an Irish guy? Go to Capface Jacks seven nights a week. I give you a month. You'll be married.

Okay. That's Irish. He knows. That's too Irish. He knows. Very specific reference. How do you make friends as an adult? Des is incredible.

Anywhere we go, he has a flock of friends that he made like the day before and they act like they've been brothers for life. How do you make friends as an adult? Well, you've got to join a society or a sporting event. Like a club. That's the handiest way. Yeah, I just bond you to have a big club here like seven years ago. And I mean, I have like a whole other life that I never had before.

Obviously, we made friends through volleyball, tennis club. I was literally playing trivia last night. We're meeting people that I played tennis with. There is a way of... Activity is the key. You're bonded through a common theme, like join a cult. you guys will figure it out but it's got it you got

when you're an adult like you're not gonna it's rare to just become friends by I mean I know you're telling the story about Haley you met in an elevator you guys became friends but the more common thing as you get older is that it'll have to be

getting involved in some sort of recurring event where in the early part of the friendship you have a reason to be together because you know you're not just going to suddenly be like hey you want to hang out again I mean, it might happen. It's done wrong with that. But that's like a best friend thing to like go out of your way to set up a lunch.

So instead having these weekly, just general activities with people is how you, you get that like peripheral friend group that's nice to have. Yeah. And so then you have a natural common interest. And, you know, listen, it doesn't have to be a sporting event. You know, it can be any, really it depends on what you're into, you know. So I can, we can go through the lists of activities that one could do. but I would suggest doing an activity and if you're not into sports then maybe I don't know some sort of card game pottery what pottery yeah or a book club fun you don't have a book club

does is really good at the leisure stuff but you have to be open to you know you have to be open to making new friends and sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone you know you have to you have to get together in a situation where you might feel a nervous you know but it It works out. Oh, and I was going to say, obviously, when you have kids, a lot of, sometimes having children just opens you up to a whole new friend group. We have so many good questions. Oh, what is Des' favorite thing that Hannah does when she gets tipsy? Oh, I mean, it wouldn't be the area I would go to for anything favorite.

But it's pretty rare, though. You're not a big drinker. No. Yeah. You want to tell them about the wedding? when I ate all the No I mean you know Hannah You were more than tipsy really at the wedding

Even though you're not a big drinker At Haley's wedding When I get excited for an event I'll like drink for it Yeah no so you know listen I don't drink and I'm great socially But you know there's a certain time

When you're a non-drinker where you're kind of done And there's not a ton of bonus For hanging around I don't want to be the party pooper, but I felt like we had been there long enough. And I was like, hey, maybe we could go and you were adamant that we weren't going. And we only stayed another 30 to 45 minutes. And within that 30 to 45 minutes, you ate numerous slices of pizza and a lot of tater tots. You really went on a, so much so that I was joking with somebody when I was watching you from a distance stuffing your face.

I mentioned to somebody, I was like, I got to get her out of here. She's out of control. so then suddenly you came up to me like out of the blue like where I had actually gone and I got like a second wind I was like suddenly chatting to a whole new bunch of people and you were like let's go I was like what like right now like you want to say goodbye to no let's go and I was like I said like a half hour ago let's go and you're like no we have to stay now we have to go I could have saved you a thousand calories I know but I do think it absorbed the alcohol and it helped me hang over the next day I just with my heels there's a moment where I'm like I can't be upright anymore and I need to do to be horizontal in a bed. Also, I don't say no detainters. You were already asleep by the time I finished brushing my teeth. So, okay. But yeah, no, tipsy, there's nothing, there's nothing you do tipsy that's better than when

you're not, you know? I feel like I might like jokingly be a little flirty and then I immediately fall asleep. I fall asleep before you. Booze is not, booze is not an aphrodisiac for us. No. Boyfriend is afraid. of the love word. Dump him or be patient.

I mean, I've never really understood the whole fear of the love word. We put too much on that anyway. Yeah, I also don't know. We don't know how long they've been together and stuff. Not enough information. If it's been 15 years. Yeah, it depends how long they've been together.

But, you know, it's a silly thing to be like, oh, I just don't know if I want to say that yet. Yeah, but whatever. I'd like more information on this one. So I feel, I feel bad. not giving them the yeah look i'll be honest he's going to say it accidentally eventually we just get him drunk a lot just yeah just like ask him before he comes that would be my advice you know he's like just like get get that sort of five minute window before he's about to blow his load

and ask him then see what he says oh this is an interesting one how to date a woman who is more emotionally high maintenance than you what's that how to date someone who's more emotionally high maintenance than you. This sounds like a woman who's with a more emotionally high-maintenance man. That's what it sounds like. Or it's a woman who's dating a woman or a guy, it's a girl who's more high-maintenance wanting to know advice for her guy. I mean, that's a very difficult question to answer.

I mean, like, so the, like. She basically is saying she has more emotional needs. You think that? He's not matching. Well, high-maintenance. It's loaded, isn't it? I got to be, I'm going to throw out what this is going to be a judgmental take, but I'm going to take a risk.

Okay. When somebody says they're high maintenance on anything, that's a red flag for me, actually. Because I go, like, what is unique about you? Now, at the same time, I'm not dismissing anybody's traumas, but at the same time, you know, like, why? Why high maintenance? Why?

Like why do they need more than the average person? I love tough love with Des Bishop. Yeah, but no, but I'm just saying like if you say, oh, I'm high maintenance, it's like, well, you know, you know you don't have to be. Yeah. You know what I mean? No, I completely understand. I also think it stems from you when you kind of want more emotionally from your partner sometimes and we're not trying to gaslight you. I think it's a two-way street because sometimes he might not be giving enough.

but then also I know there's certain times of the month or certain things I'm going through well I'll find myself more emotionally needy from you where it's like... PMSing, but... PMSing or like something is happening where I'm feeling insecure and I want the person next to me to fix it

like with immediate things when it's like actually not it's not that easy. Well, you know, there's give and take in all relationships but somebody needing something at a particular time is not high maintenance. This person is saying that they're high maintenance, which is essentially, if you're saying you're high maintenance, you're saying

that it takes more to maintain you than the average person. Yeah, you've pissed him off with this word. No, it's no, it's not. I'm just, I'm just asking the question. But I'm also just throwing it out there. Yeah. You know, like, you have to be able to look after yourself also you know why would you want to put an extra burden on somebody unless of course it's out of your control which i completely understand but you do need to be honest with yourself what is out of my control and what isn't oh that's beautiful i fart in my sleep my boyfriend laughs at it but do you think it secretly really grosses him out no farting does not gross men out let's this is a fact even when it's really smelling.

No, it's, the smell grosses me, out, but there's no long-lasting effect of like, I can't be with this person. Even it's like a tuba-sounding fart. Like, it's not like, meo. No, but you have, you have a very bad run, a very smelly fart periods in our relationship. And it was disgusting.

I'm going to be, honestly, COVID saves our relationship. No, I was about to say I'm going to be honest. I still have some hot, farts that you don't smell and no COVID I never got my smell fully back after we got delta a year ago I I have had a long-term response nasally and uh but anyway I I men aren't grossed out by farts I mean there are obviously certain situations where it's disgusting but that's just because like you shouldn't do a smelly one when you're eating or like you should try to avoid that if you're like before you're going to be intimate you know yeah um what you realize

majority of when you're first dating a guy is just navigating the holding in farts the pooping and farting what about pooping like if if one if one month in i go in and i just ruin your bathroom and i'm like no no babe i'm so sorry this is the whole issue is we are obsessed with this sense of oh i can't stink out his bathroom like we all people poop. We all fart. This is part of life. Your grandmother hate, your grandma's going to listen this. She's going to be all upset. This is like, hurt the topic she hates the most. But I think you're right. You guys, if it's meant to be, you can't

fuck it up with with diarrhea. It's true. Like, if he's into, he's into you. If he wasn't into you and that's going to turn him off. I wouldn't be worried about it, honestly. Like, I'd say it'd be a small percentage of men that really care. You know? Also, they're probably projecting

their own shit on you. Yeah, trust me. Like, most women's, the level of farting that a woman would be concerned about, would be a very low level of farting to a man. But I'm really, I'm next level with my farting. It's fine. It's not an issue. I wouldn't be, it's a funny, it's a funny question, but it's not a real issue.

It definitely does bond you. It's funny because in front of some of my friends. We have more depth. We have more depth than answering this question. Oh, you want me to go deeper? No, I'm just saying that, you know, we've talked a lot about farning. I like talking about it. I also think that with some of my friends, I'll be weird to be like, oh, I have to poop.

I think they'll think I'm gross. but for some reason with you, I love being like, I made a pooping. Okay, moving on. My husband thinks I'm his maid. Need advice, help. Your husband thinks he's what? That she's his maid. Like, he basically assumes that she has to cook and clean everything.

Well, if I was him, I'd be a very disappointed boyfriend slash husband. No, because, you know, girl, I hate to say this to you. He doesn't just think it. you've shown him that you are capable of being as made, and that was your first mistake. Very early on, you have to show that you're incapable of anything, and he will not ask you of anything. No, I don't think that, actually. But your joke, that's a joke response. But the serious response is you just can't, you have to be honest and say, I'm not, like, I can't do that for you all the time.

You have to step up. In 2022, you have to step up. Now, neither of us are great with the cleaning and stuff, but that's separate. Okay, that's our issue, is that both of us can live the messy life. But whether I step up to the plate or not always, I'm always conscious of either you doing too much or me doing too much, and we're pretty good like that, except for laundry, which you seem to have some sort of aversion to.

Even today, I came in and you were like, all hot about you organized the clothes. And I was like, did you go in the laundry room? And you were like, oh, no, like where all the clean clothes are. You did fold all my dirty clothes for some reason. So now I have folded dirty clothes and unfolded cling clothes. But anyway, all joking aside on that, it's unacceptable for him to think that that's your responsibility. And some people naturally aren't one to immediately be like, oh, let me help. Oh, let me help.

So sometimes simplify it for him. Maybe there's something he doesn't like, like, for example, my parents, my dad always does the dishes. my mom loves doing most things she doesn't like the dishes and he knows that she cooks she does everything after she cooks after they eat he does the dishes and it's simple for him it's easy and he's the vacuumer he loves a vacuum moment and you kind of get into a little give him to look if he wants to act like he's one of the kids give him a chore yeah i mean he absolutely needs to be given a chore it's not cool for that to happen there's this recent thing on ticot of a lot of moms bonding coming out over how like some men really have this like single parent mentality where like once they

have kids they just think the wife does everything while that's because all of all of history has been that i know but i guess now like women are expressing like serious depression suicidal thoughts of just being like this is too much for me to handle my husband is worthless yeah i mean useless Does she mean? Both. I mean, but women always had those feelings. They just didn't have a fucking social media to vent them. Yeah, now there's like a whole wave of women on TikTok who were opening up about feeling

very, very lonely in the parenting experience. Yes. But hopefully men are involved in the mistake they made. They had children. They had children. A lot of people have been asking us about babies, but I've been. I've been avoiding the questions. Whatever.

We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Yeah, we'll cross it when I forget to take my birth control at the wrong day. How to stay motivated while working from home and stop taking midday baths? What? Babe, come on. You answer that. Look. I'm not a good working from home advice guy.

Yeah. Neither are you. neither my you have to find I mean you're very motivated you're good at working from home in terms of like it's not the same though

because you're like self-employed but you know and you kind of love what you do but I do I do remember though when I was like applying for jobs or working from home with some other stuff

I knew I need to go to a coffee shop I don't know where you live but I love the coffee shop vibe you almost feel like your little workplace and get some fun coffee and try to make it as fun as you can

And also, sometimes you are burnt out and say, okay, I'm going to give myself an hour to space out or be in a bath, a scroll TikTok, and then I'll get back into it. Because sometimes you'll do way more work if you give yourself three hours than have 10 hours of a day where you're just all in the place. Well, I mean, you have to stick to a schedule, though. I mean, let's assume in this situation that coffee shop is not an option because maybe they work from home because they also mine children, just say hypothetically, you have to stick to the schedule. I think there's no problem having a midday bath. you need to stick to the schedule. You need to get the productivity done because you know what happens?

You're having a midday bath, but you can't relax because in the back of your mind, you're like, I know I shouldn't be doing this. Whereas if you stick to the schedule, then when you have your midday bath, you're like, well, it's midday bath time. Yes. Yes.

I deserve this. Yes. Ooh. Men projecting their small dick energy in the workplace and how to deal with it. These terms are unacceptable terms. Like if we're going to live in a world of equality you can't be banging out big dick energy small dick energy as if these are acceptable

terms for describing male behavior men projecting their insecurities in the workplace and dealing with and how to deal with it not my area of expertise you've dealt with men who are insecure in your workplace i i don't have a traditional workplace true i think the first step is knowing that what you're dealing with and once you can understand that it's not you and you're it's not your work that's actually the issue and it's him putting his shit on to you it really does help and you have to just yeah kind of be aware of the situation understand who you're dealing with and know that it's it's his shit not yours yeah i just haven't had to deal with a lot of power dynamics so i that's why i don't feel like i don't feel that uh qualified to talk about that

because i don't i've i've dealt with the kind of workplace stuff where like you literally say an idea and the guy just repeats it and everyone's like great idea jim it's a good idea jim it's so I became an entrepreneur Would you Would you guys ever swing with other couples? It's never come up This is what people don't talk about Swinging, threesomes

There's so much awkwardness Involved in just normal sex I don't know how I'd maneuver that We can barely watch porn together Yeah I mean I wouldn't be into swinging but you know

why I'm just not like I'm not inclined to like to deal with that many people I would try first before swinging yeah I definitely try a threesome though I'm a little too antisocial for swinging

I'm like let's just have dinner there was a but listen three sums are fine though you talk to you express threesome there like as if like and by the way you you also kind of suggested that our sex life was awkward that that's not no i'm just saying sex in general in my past not with you like we had the one funny story about watching porn and and you i mean but i do babe i do think that people envision like a threesome looking like in a movie and i just know that my first

threesome experience would never be like like like i I'd be, like, thinking of how I'm going to make fun of it later. And I definitely won't be able to come. Yeah, I mean, whatever. I'm not going to talk about my threesome experiences. What do you want to say? It's just, we're coming out of it from two different angles. I don't know what to say.

No pun intended. Okay. Ooh, this one's a little in depth. Are you ready? Boyfriend of four years just told me he doesn't know if he ever wants to get married. and to top it off doesn't know if he's emotionally attracted to me anymore. Whoa. It's over.

Yeah, so it's done. Then told me it could help if I wore more makeup and didn't wear lazy clothes around the house. No, no, no, that's no good. And to top it all off, I just got laid off for my job, so essentially I want to crawl into a hole. Anywho, we own three dogs together. I'm trying to make things work, but feel like he's not trying. He's not trying. No, he is not trying.

You're 100% correct. He is not trying. It's an crazy thing to express The second a guy says He's not emotionally attracted to you anymore And he's basically saying he's not physically attracted to you anymore Because he wants you to throw makeup on your face Yeah, it's crazy

You gotta tonight Wait for him to go to sleep Grab the dog And go Yeah and I want to point out that if I felt this way I would have been out the door a long time ago Because this motherfucker doesn't make an effort Do you say I don't make an effort?

No, I'm just kidding That's our life here in a big t-shirt and I'm pretty sure your brother's underwear they picked up from the floor you're wearing Aiden's and you're not even wearing like boxers you're wearing like Aden's wife fronts you're wearing like male whitey tighties yeah white my brother's whitey tighties look it's all about how you wear it not what you wear and I'm confident yeah I mean like let's face it right now Hannah is dressed like a lesbian porn star right now my aesthetic your aesthetic is lesbian

poor star like all the lesbians would be like oh my god I love those those white tiniies oh my god it's like boxers I do think yeah that is so fucked up but anyway for the record that's one of the things I love about you is that

you know we're not overly concerned about that is that I mean I am when I'm working like when it's time to look good we look good but like in everyday life like literally spend 80 percent of our lives in pajamas i'm good yes i also do like that when i do dress up i feel kind of fun and special and if you put pressure on yourself every day to like look a type of way

also it's like no that's shaming language yeah that's horrible like as if it's you fuck that that's fucked up but i also think babe if i only wore makeup and then one day didn't wear makeup i would look a little mole ratty to you at first but if you're never wear makeup like the person person just that's that's you so you you set your own standards of beauty yeah listen man lesbian porn is an aesthetic i think we need to we need to push that as a look that is my vibe i i mean i like to play with the androgyny and i like to mix and match stuff yeah but come on let's face it a lot of it is just laziness laziness in a good way i mean but like i i my aesthetic was like 90's teenage boy during the day like baggy jeans baggy shirt do you like that

or me dressing like a Y2K teeny bopper baby none of these options are great right now advice for having a successful long-distance relationship well you know you kind of phone sex it up I do also think that there has to be kind of an end in sight like you have to be like okay we or or something you're looking forward to like oh we're meeting and two months or we have this trip or you're moving back at this time yeah i mean long distance long term is very difficult long distance short term is fine but you know eventually if there's what i what in my lifetime i've had numerous long distance relationships that with who i'm just speaking vaguely and um the ones that you weren't able to resolve the the distance issue long term didn't work out

You know, if you can resolve the distance. There has to be a sense of at some stage we can resolve this issue. Therefore, it's worth the sacrifice. But if it's, if the resolution is too far away, it's not worth it. And to be honest, I just think you naturally drift. Yeah. I also think you have to prioritize all my successful long distance relationships is there's a phone conversation at least once a day where you take that like 20 minutes

to an hour where you're fully just catching up with each. other focus on each other having that little like coffee date and texting i could i could do without but it's like having that phone or that face time and i i i don't care if it's you him constantly texting you like he he acknowledges your existence i want a fucking phone call and i think we're really good at that yeah but we don't have a long distance relationship babe we're just apart sometimes this is i wouldn't i wouldn't uh i would categorize long distance more as like an extended period of time where you don't get to see each other much at all you know we're going to go a little deeper because you said you want to go a little deeper um is there anything you consciously

try to do every day for your partner or your marriage to be successful um i mean i i don't try to consciously do anything specific do you um i do think we consciously tried to have like quality we're a quality time couple i think so it's like either it's like a phone conversation or like us having one activity we do together yeah but nothing specific you know i i i other than just making sure that we connect we connect every day on you know something other than the the the the the mundanity of life or the some you know with that that we connect with more than just life's natural organization

you know that we connect on something deeper than the schedule and sometimes it is just the mundanity of life but that's that's marriage yeah yeah but what I mean is that I'd like to think that up to now which is only we're only recently married but together living together actually for coming on nearly

two years now we're living together nearly two years yeah and we've only known each other for just over two years but yeah we were living together before we knew each other I was like who is this woman in my house why is my house a smell of farts but I think we're pretty good at not getting lost in the scheduling

but in saying that we don't have kids it gets harder when you know it gets harder when life gets a little busier we got a lot of questions that were similar so I'm going to put it together and this I think you'd be better at answering than me is I feel like I compare my life to other people

and my schedule is behind like I haven't found my person and I don't have children and the people around me are getting married and I just feel behind in life. Is there something wrong with me? This is somebody expressing this? Yeah. There was like at least 10 questions like that. Oh really?

Mm-hmm. Because they well and I'm assuming that a lot of your listeners are more like your age right? Like late 20s or 30s Well, to compare is to compete, which is not healthy, because everybody's life is, you know, like, there's no linear, there's no correct journey. So it can be hard not to do that, but you should not compare. You should not think that there are places that you should be. I mean, if you look at my life as an example, there was a time where I would have followed almost a traditional path of, you know, I would have been married by whatever it was,

one or 32 at no younger 28 uh no 30 32 uh so uh and that yeah 32 so uh and that yeah that was in college and no i was in high school and and that would have that was seemed to be fine and then that didn't happen and life went all the ways parents die and different things happen and did you feel behind when you saw your friends having kids no no the only thing that my friends having kids made me feel was I'd love to have a kid you know and the only thing that all those kids that are now eight nine 10 and 11 has made me think is thank god I didn't have a kid but uh but no I'm joking well no I'm not but actually I've seen too much you know um but as they say at the end of Wall Street you see Wall Street with Charlie Sheen and he's about to go to jail

and the guy says to him when a man looks in the abyss it's what he sees in the abyss it's what he sees in the abyss that keeps him out of it. And that's what I saw when I saw those kids. So, anyway, again, I'm joking. But no, but listen, honest, because it's a serious question. Yes. I think that you should not feel like that is essential. Because it also makes the assumption that those things are the right things for you,

which is not 100% sure, you know. And you also, to be honest, you've no idea what the other people you're comparing yourself to are really feeling, you know. And this is not wishing ill will on them, but you just, all the outcomes are going to be different. Yeah. So your assumption that the outcome you want is going to be the right outcome for you is incorrect. So what you should try to do is, I think, an attitude of gratitude is the better place to be in this where you should try to be grateful for what is in your life. Yes.

Today. Yes. you know because first of all you don't even like more likely it's actually if you look at statistics and probability more likely within three years from this point of dissatisfaction a lot of the things that you were unhappy weren't in your life will probably be in your life anyway so it's not a case of being grateful because you have to accept your lot but you should be grateful because this is the place that you are now you need to embrace it because it will you will not be in this place in a few years you'll be in a different place and so it's good to embrace everything that's

for you now so you've truly experienced it because life's going to change and listen people don't always get what they want and then look back and think oh this is so much better than it was sometimes people look back and lament the freedom that they had or the you know just where they were at that time or you know

you just have no idea so and all this stuff is hypothetical so I'm not saying you're going to be less happy in three years when you get all the things you want but what I am saying is the one thing you would be sorry for is not truly experienced what's ever happening for you now

because you will look back and think oh I spent the whole time discontented where I was at and I should have just been great I could have appreciated it more yes yes so just try to experience try to be present in the experience that you're having now I watch a lot of documentaries

and I love the like come up of stars and how they got to where they are and there's this weird consistent story of like these megastars being like you know it's the most fun we were in that tour bus playing bars we could barely afford food and we just like laughed and loved each other's company and at that moment they would have given anything probably to be where they were but it's finding the beauty in each moment it's funny someone also said i don't want to end up alone but i hate dating in my 30s i would say then don't and just wait for them to get divorced and date in your 40s yeah We love a divorcee. They've been through shit.

They know things. Yeah, and you can get better at dating, too. You know, you can be more discerning. Yes. But it's, listen, I, I, I, honestly, I, I, I always enjoyed dating, though. Like, I, the one thing, and I think possibly, again, this is like the difference between a men and women's situation, but, you know, I mean, I had some bad dates, but I never, I never once got frustrated with either scenario. I would. emotionally get exhausted with like kind of the oh i need to hurt someone or oh i'm

i was i didn't like hurting people and i felt like after one date if i wasn't giving them what they wanted i was like hurting people yeah i mean i wasn't great at that sometimes but i mean i should have had an attitude of like this is my life and i don't care if i'm not into you so that's not my problem um but yeah dating can get exhausting i feel like if you keep having these like two to three month relationships but it's also like you learn everyone's a mirror for you you learn from all these people it's like training wheels and it's like it's like a buffet you're tasting different food yeah just lots of dicks um how do you cure loneliness that doesn't involve getting a boyfriend or another cat i love this question you should get another cat but i do think

i've never been a person that gets bored when i'm alone like i like being alone um i do think it's finding like that inner child that has find things that really bring you joy in yourself and that's when you actually start to create the right people around you yeah it's tough because it's different you know different people's lives we both we we have careers where there's a natural social element to just going to work and obviously many not all but many workplaces are social environments but they're not always fun yeah they're not always as much fun as our job um so i i have an appreciation for it can be difficult for some people if they're maybe in a slightly more isolated situation but it is interesting how things that i joke about

decentering men from your life but things that i love to do individually has connected me to you like the fact that i love comedy i love playing golf i love tennis i love you know going on beaches i love new york like that's just stuff that i've had to learn about myself over the years. And because I have those tendencies and hobbies, that's what connects me to other people. Yeah, but you have to make those connections. And this person, like, the one thing I would say is that you cannot be complacent. You have to force yourself to be social at times. You know, because there's nothing wrong with spending time on your own, but isolation. Yes. can be a choice or it can be a hole that you fall into that the more you're in it.

As humans, we're not meant to be. What? As humans, we're not meant to be. Yeah, no, it's important to be social. So in a situation where she's saying rather than, I think it's a she, rather than cat or finding a boyfriend, you know, I think you should try to step out of your comfort zone, spend more time with your friends. Or if the situation is necessary, meet new friends, which brings us back to what we were talking about earlier. How do you do that? Listen to the beginning of the podcast

and remind you to what we said at the beginning of the podcast. And this is an assumption that something like this might be going on. But if it's not a cat and it's not a boyfriend or a partner, then I do think that you shouldn't 100% isolate all the time. You should try to spend more times with your friends

or make new friends. Loneliness and boredom to an extent is a mindset like you were saying with gratitude and really working emotionally on becoming your own best friend, not being afraid to be alone with your own thoughts, being excited to be like, oh my god i get to go home tonight and i get to you know be with myself and watch what i want to

watch and and and do self-care stuff for myself and getting that kind of relationship where you're not afraid to be alone with who you are and that energy actually does attract more people towards you which is weird because it's all like internal but sitting in your own skin and being okay with that is really powerful yes 100 but you can't you can't isolate you have to be social at times oh my god babe this has been so much fun tough love with des there's been no tough love here it's just the tone of your voice even though you're saying

very helpful nice things you're saying I'm too tough no you just have a like gym coach approach how it sounds oh really yeah that's just the New Yorker thing yeah that's a queen's thing it's the way I was raised exactly um Des where can me

well yeah I think I think people can misunderstand that sometimes though which probably got me in trouble over the years yeah probably people think that i'm like yelling at them was like no i'm not i'm trying to help you you're like trying to fucking help you yeah well we love our little devils so much and does i'm so happy that you came on to give your insight and your years and years and years of experience i mean not really it wasn't very personal i feel i feel like there was a certain detachment to this no but it's based on your own experiences that you're able to help other people and For that, for that, we'll keep you around.

Where can people follow you, watch you, what's going on? What, I'm promoting you. Swipe up. Oh, you know, I'm at Des Bishop on Instagram. Des Bishop 5 on TikTok. And, well, we're going to be in Long Beach. Is it when you're putting this out? Oh, but this is out like today or tomorrow.

Oh, yeah, we'll be in Long Beach, New York. Long Beach, New York, not California. In a bar called the Beach House. in Long Beach And then if there's any Irish listeners, I'm back, my final seven Irish Miamama shows will be on

in Dreda, Ennis, Coquenny, Cork and two other towns. Thorless. I had so much fun. Little Devils, let me know if you want us to do this more often. Armagh in the north.

Are you still going? That was the last one. Okay, thank you. Yeah, those shows are going to be amazing. me on a show is so good you'll cry your laugh your pants come who knows oh there's one final question

does my sneeze match my personality your sneeze yeah somehow despite your extremely extraded personality your sneeze is obnoxious no I'm not sure how a sneeze could be more obnoxious than you

but your sneeze is out of control no my sneeze is not that obnoxious I just do it at the times. I always sneeze right when he's falling asleep. Yeah, very, very, very, I would say your sneeze is very disrespectful. You have a disrespectful sneeze. I just feel like all the molecules are happy and then once I sneeze, they just freak out. Yeah, your sneeze has no awareness of personal space. No. I actually don't even, like, your sneeze is. But listen, you're lucky, you know, you can, you're like, you're somebody who can wake up. Like, like, you're I was like if you're going out early in the morning make sure to say goodbye whereas like for me it's like if you're going out in the morning like do everything in your power not to disturb me whereas you literally want to be disturbed because you know you're going right back to sleep whereas I know I won't go back to sleep I don't remember any of your kisses in the morning I I kissed you this morning I I kissed you this morning I kissed you this morning I'm unconscious that's weird oh my God

here we go okay guys we love you so much let us know if you want us to do more of these and we'll talk to you later bye guys