Berner Phone - Des Bishop: My Boyfriend & His Demons

Episode Date: October 14, 2020

Comedian Des Bishop explains how he met Hannah, their recent sexual escapade, tips for sliding into DMs, their farting rules, bad breath paranoia, jealousy, going gray, how he used to be cynical with love, being sober and how Hannah drove him to therapy.For an bonus hour of more intimate stories with Hannah and Des go to Patreon.com/BerningInHell--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning Hell What's up, guys? We are in a very, very hot episode of hell. I am with Desmond Bishop. He is a comedian. He has done a lot of stuff. he was born in Queens at 14 he moved can you stop looking at me like that I'm sorry but I was born in London moved to Queens before I was a month old okay he was born in London you specifically told me to

people don't really care where you're born you grew up I understand but you said born and then you told me to correct you if you got anything wrong okay valid point and then 14 you were like misbehaving being a naughty boy went to Ireland where you continue to misbehave and then you became a comedian. Correct. And then you were voted Ireland's sexiest man in 2005. Yeah, it wasn't a lot of competition. It says it says more about the lack of sexy men in Ireland than it does about my sexiness.

Irish guys are hot, right? I love Irish men. Yeah, but I mean. Blue eyes, good cheekbones, good personality, like to party. It was just a hot year for me. Okay, well, it was hot about it. No, as in like, that was like when I really had become quite well known in Ireland. I was up there in the

group of men that were high profile enough to be included in the sexiest men in Ireland So of the successful men you had the most symmetrical phase? Yeah, it was just my year. Okay. There's about 25 sexy, potentially sexy men. Oh, you don't think this year meeting me is not your year? I'm talking about in reference to

being voted the sexiest man in Ireland. But you are not only a comic. You've also done incredible documentaries. You first came to prominence. I'm reading your bio. with the extraordinary TV series, the Dennis Bishop Work Experience, where you lived on minimum wage

in different jobs in Ireland. Yes. And you mix it with stand-up. I mean, you could just ask me. Like, you really put a lot of effort into this intro. Like, I'm sitting right here. Like, I'll tell you all about it if you want. How did you handle bosses treating you like shit?

The main takeaway really was the way that the customers treat you mostly. That was the biggest feeling of not being appreciated. Do you feel appreciated by me? Of course I feel appreciated by you. Okay. Then, I mean, I'm fascinated that you've done documentaries. I love documentaries, particularly murder documentaries, is what we've been watching a lot.

I am inspired to make a documentary with you one day. I'm just manifesting it, putting into the universe. Next, you've done other docs. but what really I find the sexiest about you is you speak three languages. English is probably your worst language. Then you have Mandarin and Gaelic, which is speaking the Irish language.

Yes. And he also does stand-up in those three languages, which is pretty absurd. Well, stand-up in the other two. Stand-up in my mother tongue is not that impressive. How do you say my girlfriend is so funny in Mandarin? This is my new friend She said, she's so funny

She's so funny Really To say, I just I said, I said She's so funny She's so funny And then I said When she speaks, I just laugh

Oh Just you, my I don't know how to say Burst Open Something by your heart Or your penis My heart Okay

So then you We're on Dancing with the Stars in Ireland. Yeah, that was a lot later. Basically, you're kind of a big deal in Ireland, but now you're most prominently known as my boyfriend. That's my new thing. That's my current role. Now, I was like, I was nervous about this podcast because I was like, do I make this something like I just learned stuff about you that I didn't know and then it goes downhill? Do I make you cry?

Do I find something about you that I really like? Do we get in a fight? Like, I don't know what's going to happen. you know what my advice would always be just be myself be yourself i didn't know what to do so i asked the little devils on my instagram to send me questions for what they want to know about us because i'm kind of in it right now so it's hard for me to like realize what i want to speak to you about and they sent some fucking incredible questions so we're still going to do typical burning in hell i'm going to um dig deep and we're also going to have some fun questions as well so what's your

biggest physical insecurity i don't know my love handles oh yeah possibly my love handles if we pig out over like mexican he's the first to say that he hates himself yeah i mean it's kind of a running gag but we're comfortable with our bodies yeah we're in a little like love weight model yeah we're comfortable with our bodies we're indulging yeah well we had the mirror going this morning when we were going at it and all i could notice was on my pop belly and i just didn't feel as sexy as i wanted to be when i was wait did you really feel insecure during it no but i didn't i did think oh it's just not as you know it doesn't look like a porn Looks very much like an amateur video, you know

What do you talk? I thought, well, I was looking at myself mostly Because yeah, you look at yourself, you look great, I thought. I thought you looked great personally. We're talking about watching us have sex in front of a merit this morning For anyone who once couldn't read between the lines. A lot of women, I mean, that's a whole dad-bod thing. Like, I think eight-packs are vain.

Normally it means you're lacking in other areas of your life and you're trying to control things and you're trying to control your body to make people like you more and it probably means her personality sucks. So I like that you have love handles. Well, if insecurities were rational, then none of us would have them. But unfortunately, for some reason, they manifest themselves in odd ways. Oh, you're so wise.

Well, what happened was we went to his apartment for the first time in the city. We hadn't seen it. I was in West Hampton with him. And his bedroom has like a mirror right in front of it. And I'm like, this fucking douche with his bachelor's bed. I was like, what kind of freaky dude? The apartment was sublet to a friend of mine. And I did not put the bloody mirror in front of the bed.

I was just like, this guy just brings girls home into his freaky pad and he has all these buttons for, like, the music to go on and the lights to go off. The mirror just happened to be at the end of the bed. And luckily, we used it. So it's funny because I asked you that. And then we, like, went to have breakfast, and then we were, like, kind of kissing a little. And the next thing you know, we're fucking in front of the mirror. Yeah, you were upset about it a couple hours before.

Then you're like, well, when in Rome. It's called manifestation, Des. I manifested it. And typical Hannah fashion, she's never seen my apartment before. She spends a couple hours in my apartment and she's like, I think I'm going to sublet my apartment in Long Island City. You guys, I'm still paying for my apartment and haven't been there forever. Does that freak you out, though, when I say stuff like that?

No, shut up. You live with me in West Hampton. But anyway, I think mirror sex... It doesn't freak me out either when we're on fucking street easy. You're looking to buy an apartment together. I think that... that fucking in the front of the mirror is fun when you are in the morning, you're skinny, you're that morning skinny, that like the second you eat something, you blow and your whole different

body type, but you're the morning skinny. Well, that's the difference between me and you. I was, I was, uh, you were fucking with, with no food in you. I was fucking with a bowl of honeynut Cheerios in me. Oh yeah, that made such a difference. Yeah, you know, because that's oatmeal, honeynut Cheerios. It's very bloating, you know? But I think it's fun occasionally, but it's like a little.

little much in terms of like you can get distracted by things like at one point i didn't like the angle in my face and i was like and you can't be thinking about this stuff yeah you can't be worried about your angles you know by the way just for the record if anybody ever says anything like um oh your boyfriend's quite a lot older than you say well he still eats honey nut cherios he's not he hasn't completely grown up yet babe we're going to eat honey nut cherries for the rest of our lives for life i mean who doesn't love honey and chiroos the little devil questions i'm going to get into How long were you watching me on social media before you message me? Well, as you know, we don't know the exact time that I followed you.

But it definitely was a period of time, enough that I was very familiar with you. Even in the early part of the pandemic when you were posting this Summer House stuff, I actually did not know what Summer House was. And I do remember sort of registering, oh, that girl has got some. thing on Bravo, you know? Did you know what Bravo was? Of course, I knew what Bravo was. I grew up with a kid that used to be on the people's couch, actually.

Oh, cool. Scott and Evans. But, yeah, I just was aware of you, but not, I never, I guess I didn't think about message you, message you more just because it would have been quite random to message you. And as you've told your listeners before, the fact that suddenly I realized, oh, you're out in Shelter Island. I was just like, fuck it. I'll message you. But yeah, I mean, it had been quite a while. And you were in the pandemic. You mentioned that, yeah, you'd been with your brother.

You were alone for a bit of it. You were fostering dogs. You weren't jerking off a lot. Did you feel lonely at all? I mean, I don't have too many memories of being lonely per se. Maybe early on, early on I was afraid, like, how the fuck am I going to pass this time? March, April, which I think a lot of people were experiencing but i know that when after we had met and then you disappeared then it felt like oh this sucks that she's not around that was a stronger emotion than any loneliness in the early part of the pandemic well that's the hard part about dating if you're like content being single and then someone comes into your life there's a potential for them to bring a lot

of happiness but also a lot of sadness and it's just a risk that's the hazard of love you know yeah well i mean in in the situation that we had it was like a it was a bit of an upheaval so uh the little devils want to know if you have any tips for sliding into the dms i personally think that you were very sexy with it you were very straightforward you just were like are you out east i said yes you're like do you want some coffee in sag harbour and i was like yes here's my digits and it was just very confident you weren't like trying to like be a type of or try to give me a weird compliment. Yeah, I don't know because the thing is that I slid into your DMs confident that you wouldn't be too freaked because I knew that you were following me and I knew that you knew that we had a lot of mutual friends and I had a fair feeling that you would be like at least aware of me.

Yeah. Do you consider yourself smooth? I don't I don't think about these things. I just try to be present. The men think about anything. I just try to be present in the situation, you know? And in relation to advice on DMs, which was the actual question, for guys, I mean, you know, you just got to put it out there and see if you get any response. I don't think it should be too like Hidiani.

What about for a girl? I think a girl, in my opinion, a girl should just like let it be known that they're looking and then see how the guy responds. You know, if they're in a situation where they feel like perhaps the guy hasn't noticed, essentially it's just like a little nudge, isn't it? It's just like a little like, oh, by the way, I'm here and then see if the guy comes forward. Yeah, yeah. I mean, if he doesn't, you shouldn't push too hard because it's probably. But then sometimes guys are bad at taking hints, but I feel like a DM slide is pretty obvious. A DM slide, especially these days, it's clearly marked as an action, the DM slide.

It's been well represented in areas of pop culture. So I think once the DM slide has happened, if the man hasn't responded, then you can be rest assured he's not that into you to quote the famous book actually in my generation it's a movie right well in my generation is a guy I used to gig with at the aspen comedy festival Greg Barron okay let's cut with the name drops sorry it's a name drop we're a number two name drop he's just not that into you okay what is your favorite part about dating a millennial and what's your least favorite part about dating a millennial oh um I mean I guess the best part about dating a millennial is that fucking sweet ass.

Ew, it does. Now he's distracted. No, I mean, I, like, obviously in terms of dating you, it's fun to just like, you know, like check out a little bit more like social media behavior. You know, you actually learn little tricks about social media and stuff. I mean, for me also, it's fun dating a millennial because you just notice all the differences. the generational differences, like, it is fun to notice. I mean, we don't, I notice a lot of your followers.

I don't notice that much. Well, I mean, of course, you don't notice little things. We don't talk about it all the time. But, like, I notice your followers and, like, all the press that's been written about us very much focuses on our age gap. But the age gap doesn't really present itself that much in real life. But, you know, it's fun for conversation pieces. I constantly notice, like, I'll be talking about something,

and then I'll just be aware that it's not, like, it's just not in your lexicon and it's just funny definitely when we're playing our crossword puzzles there's moments where I'm like there's no they'll be like this 80s movie and I'm like your turn

or if it's like a pop culture thing or like your turn we really compliment each other during crosswords yeah I think the fact that we've managed to really get good at Mondays New York Times Mondays is a sign of how much our relationship is blossoming

I mean I don't want to make you listeners too wet right now i know but it's the fact that we're enjoying mundane things together is i think the secret i think it's so easy to like go on the bachelor and have an amazing date in bali with like candles and shit and like some random ass singer who is trying to get some instagram followers by appearing on the show and then not eating the food but just saying generic hallmark quotes to each other like that can be fun with anyone but if you can sit on the couch hold holding in farts trying to do crosswords together. But we've stopped holding them in.

Why are you trying to lie to your, why are you trying to lie to the burning in hell army? I'm still holding it in. Yeah, but you haven't held them in. Yeah, but you let one go yesterday. It's always accidental when a woman farts for some reason. Okay, I was very paranoid about this. And you thought that I was decorating your apartment with candles.

I just was afraid that I was going to get some hot ones and have a bad night. You've had hot ones around me. Women actually, I think, want to know. how does it make you feel when the girl you're into lets out a hot It doesn't make me feel Like something died inside me I don't want to speak for men

I actually hate when people speak on behalf of their gender But for me personally Like you could fart all day It wouldn't bother me I would just react the same way I do with all my friends Which is like you're a fucking pig And we laugh about it And farting is funny I don't care

You know listen some people like to think they're above farts And that's fine You know, they want to act like they're better than being a human. But we fart, they're funny, especially when they're loud. They're a little annoying when they're smelly. But the annoyance is funny in its own way, you know? And listen, you have a fondness for milk for a person who claims to be lactose intolerant. And cheese.

Yeah, you know, so you're a big fan of the dairy. And with the dairy for you comes the hot ones. And as far as I'm concerned, I love you so much. I want you to be able to enjoy the dairy. without being concerned about the hot ones dropping in our relationship. I mean, you do joke when I eat too much, but anyone would make a comment with the amount of food I eat. I don't in any serious way make you feel bad about the amount that you eat.

No, I know. I mean, I think it's something that you should look at, but, you know, that's not a conversation I'm going to have. I'm just going to, you know, eventually one day, you know, a doctor is going to be like, listen, you know, you've got to think about your heart because this is a lot of food. says the guy who eats ice cream for breakfast. Okay, guys, we talk a lot about physical health and mental health,

but what about sexual health? Whether you hit the gym, take a walk, meditate. You have to take care of your whole self, not just the typical things. And what I mean is you need to prioritize your pleasure along with your body and mind. Orgasms are healthy, and I don't care what society says

to try to make you feel like it's not. That's why I'm obsessed with dips. see it's an audio app full of short sexy stories and wellness sessions which i like to call it that are designed to turn you on and help you get in touch with yourself it also makes you better at regular sex when you understand your own body but the stories are relatable immersive so you feel like you're right there and there's something for everyone whoever and whatever you're into there's new content every week whether it's a spontaneous hookup with a hot stranger or getting closer with that sexy yoga instructor ooh hot yoga nice and sweaty

It helps you unlock new confidence, heighten intimacy with you, yourself, or your partner. They add new stories every week so you won't be bored. For listeners of the show, Dipsy is offering a 30-day free trial when you go to dipsystories.com slash burn. It's free, you guys. There's no reason not to at least listen to one thing. Do it with your partner? Do you by yourself when you're bored?

That's a 30-day free trial when you go to Dipsy, DIPS-E-A-S-C-A-S-C-A-S-Ries.com slash burn. if you need a sign from the universe to start your own podcast this is your sign burning in hell has been around for three years and i started it with anchor and i'm still with anchor it's free and anchor by spotify is the easiest way to make a podcast with everything you need all in one place you can record and edit your pod right from your phone or computer and when you host on anchor it distributes your podcast to listening platforms like spotify apple podcast and more everything you need in one place completely free download the anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started tell me what podcast you start and just remember if you feel like it's your purpose to start a podcast you do it i believe in you anchor dot fm it's funny i i was listening to a podcast you were on with aden your brother who's um shout out to ado and you were talking about you were talking about how you guys have

breath paranoia bad breath paranoia correct and i've never heard that and i really I realized I have bad breath paranoia. I remember when I was like 13, I hadn't had a boyfriend before. I don't think I'd ever kissed a boy before. And I had like an anxiety night where I was like, what if I have terrible breath? And I was like, I didn't know how to ask my mom because I'm like, if you ask someone if you have bad breath,

they're not going to tell you if you actually have bad breath. Or like, that means that they've been hiding it this whole time and they've been lying to you. But I basically kind of hinted to my mom, I was like, does my breath ever smell? and she was like sometimes in the morning everybody's bread smells in the morning yeah but you know with some people

who their breath just doesn't smell like sometimes but I think it's a person to person thing like other people might love their smell of their breath yeah potentially I mean I struggled with garlic breath for many years but I've grown to not it's I'm not as intolerant of garlic breath as I used to be

very much came from my mother was very paranoid about garlic breath but over the years I've grown to love garlic and my food more and I've also learned to when I was an altar boy Monsignia Fogarty ate a lot of garlic and we used to have to hold the book up for him and when he would be like, let us pray, I'd be like, let me fucking die because he had the worst garlic breath and then I would say to my mother, Mom, Monsignia Fogity's bread smells funny and she'd be like,

oh my God, he eats so much garlic. It's disgusting. So my mother didn't instill a garlic paranoia in me, but that has faded over the years. But it was kind of interesting to hear you have your own insecurities about bad breath. And I realize I've always had my own securities about bad breath. like even like a first kiss I can't handle it if I'm not like had been chewing gone yes I'm freak out about it but with you you're like the first guy I've ever been with I mean I've never been with a man before you but the only guy I've been with who I don't care about my breath as in like I want it to be nice but like god forbid you smell my bad breath I well no we live together now so it's like in the morning it's like I just I'm not gonna say every morning like babe listen because I'm up before you so more than not today I didn't actually

But more than not, when I go in, when I hear you stirring or I go to wake you because you said wake you at a certain time, I will freshen my breath. However, I don't care that you have morning breath. It doesn't bother me. I know we had sex this morning and I didn't brush my teeth. I didn't brush my teeth either. I still haven't brushed my teeth. I haven't brushed my teeth either. Taylor Strecker actually gave me incredible advice because I was really worried.

I went on Amazon and I bought gas sex, tums, some other stuff from my stomach because I was like I can't. have him break up with me over this and she was like the person you fall in love with you like their natural sense it's like how you low-key like your own farts i mean the the the fart thing which is never going to be an issue for me the fact that you have paranoia about that is is insane to me because like i would just prefer you to like rip them on the reg i love that for us yeah you know so you don't have to you can throw out all that since you throw out all my shit you can throw out all the uh gas ex and the tums it's just not going to be necessary Okay, back to little devil questions.

Have we ever used Viagra? Oh, I mean, I've taken Viagra for fun. Ew. I don't want to know that. Well, then don't fucking ask me. When did you lose your virginity? You're the first guy that I, like, get sick jealous, like, sick in my heart. Not like, I'm not worried about stuff, but, like, if you tell a story about someone with a little bit of emotion, I'm, like, going to puke.

And when I asked you how you lost your virginity, he told me a story about this girl, Emily. And then I said, why don't you go fuck Emily then? Yeah, you know, I was telling you the story, and then you felt too much emotion, but it was 1990. You weren't even born yet. True.

that jealousy is a little bit like pedophilic, if that's work. 14 is when I had my first kiss. Yeah, well, I was 14. She was 15. She was a little older than me. And we had been together for basically a year. And the reason why we actually finally decided to have sex, because I mean, I guess some people would consider that quite young was because I was going to Ireland.

So I was leaving her. So it was kind of like, well, you're leaving now. So let's, let's do that. Yeah, that's why I didn't like it because it didn't end because, like, you didn't like her and ended because you had to leave yeah well you know it was a very long time ago no no not at all she's married with two children she's very happy and i couldn't be happier when did your hair go white my hair went gray slowly between i guess like i mean my dad was fully gray early and genetically both myself and my brothers have continued that trend when you first started to go gray

were you how'd you feel i mean i can't remember i just remember going gray i didn't love i didn't like the sort of the salt and pepper change period because the thing about when you start going gray is everybody loves pointing out that you're going gray like you hadn't noticed you know I used to do jokes at the time about how like for some reason pointing out going gray is completely acceptable as opposed to like other sort of negative supposedly negative physical attributes so like people will come up and be like oh you're going gray it's like well you've always been fat but I never mention it and fucking project your own dissatisfaction with yourself onto me because I'm very good looking but now I'm going gray so you feel like you got one up on me but you said that you actually got

more female attention once you went gray when I was fully gray so I hated going gray I don't know going gray is just like you're getting old it's like it's almost kind of like a construction site like the scaffolding is up you know and then I actually dyed my hair for a bit after my dad died my mother was like, oh, you should try to die it. Your father hated it, but you should try it. And then I died it. I kind of liked it for a while. And then I, when I was filming the China documentary, I got stuck having to continue to die it for continuity purposes. So actually, I probably in the end was, I probably had, I probably had a died for like close to three years just by the way it sort of panned out. So when I finally shaved that off at the Melbourne Comedy Festival,

2014 I was completely gray when I got rid of it and I quite liked it I liked the full gray head of hair and I've embraced it since I don't know I just I like the way it looked

I love that for you I feel like I really came into my own in my 40s do you think if we met when I was 29 and you were 32 that this would transpire the same way it's really impossible to say that's not the answer I was looking for

I know but unfortunately I have absolutely no idea when I was 32 I mean you know when I was 32 I also at that stage of my life thought I was ready to you know completely settle down that didn't happen that way so like I kind of I feel like yeah I mean like everything about you is the type of woman that I would have always thought I would spend the rest of my life with

because you're hot and sexy and cute but you're also are really funny and we have a lot in common and we're like into sports and we're competitive and smart and you know like essentially confident i would have to think that it probably it probably would have worked out but it would obviously be a very different energy and and i think the bigger question is would you have been into me because i think there's elements of my experience in life and you know perhaps the how are you different when you're 32 well i don't know these are very difficult questions. I have no idea. I was 32, you know. I didn't fucking complain. I didn't complain about my lower back as much. But why do you think I would have referred you now? No, no, I'm just, I'm just, I'm, I'm not

saying. I'm saying the bigger question is perhaps you wouldn't have been into it because I think there's elements of that age gap that you're into in terms of what that gap provides, which is wisdom, life experience. Yeah. I'm a calmer. I'm a calmer guy. I'm more self-assured. You know, I'm not as I'm not as concerned about you know stand-up comedy there's just aspects of my life that probably suit our dynamic better right now but again they're irrelevant

because they're hypotheticals they don't matter it's funny I I do love the life experience and I do feel like you're very wise and I do feel like you're very confident which I feel like rubbed off on me and I always thought I had to be with like kind of a shy calm guy

to calm me down but you're not shy at all but you just have this calmness from I guess just like being comfortable with yourself which is ultimately I think what I the energy that I want to be around but um sometimes I wish you were younger just because I want to spend more time with you well you're projecting the potentially my early death compared to your age yeah that's why I'm trying to move into your yeah I mean this is this is this is one of the things that one must accept when you're dealing with an age gap. Now,

15 years isn't actually that outlandish. It's like, it's, it's not, it's not uncommon. I'm not going to say it's common, but it's not uncommon. But obviously,

statistically, eh? There is much more likely chance that I will be dead before you're dead. And so, that is a trade-off that, you know,

one has to make. But the hope would be that I live a long, fruitful life and that by the time I die, you will, already be at that age where you're just like ah fucking life who gives a fuck what did your friends think when they heard you're dating someone who's 29

did they think that that was like an accurate age for you or did they see you with someone older or someone younger well obviously the jockey response that they all said was that's a bit old for you but the I know sorry what do you want me to do so

but you said you like late 20s now babe all these things are irrelevant because I'm so into you your age is nothing to do with I know I just know that people are listening they're comparing probably to guys they know or what men think well but my friends were all delighted I mean honestly the things that made my friends go oh this is different other than obviously my reaction and my excitement about it was that you know you were a tennis player you're into sport you're funny you're like combative you know like all these things that they they knew would would suit me and you're

confident you know like like they knew that i would never end up with like a shrinking violet i tried like you tried like you i thought it was like you know you i tried the wallflower yeah you know you think somebody just compliment your madness that they'll just be around like supporting you i mean you're bored of your fucking mind yeah it's like no matter how good looking they are if they're not stimulating you emotionally and your clitorist it's very difficult um people want to know when did you know you loved me and I would edit it in no people ask people want to know like how did you know I mean I knew straight away actually I actually knew straight away I mean like as in by the time you left you know I knew that like

I was in love with you you you didn't know yet which is totally fine you had a few more things going on in your life but I knew and then I was tortured by your absence. Are you just going by like a feeling that you felt around me? I mean, I didn't analyze it too much. I just knew. Yeah. I mean, all I could think about was you, you know, when you listen to all the songs

and you read all the poems and you read all the books about love or like even you watch normal people, you know, it's that deep connection that just happens. It doesn't happen that often in life. Yeah. And I think most people that listen to this, if they've been in numerous relationships, they will probably both have had that connection with somebody

and thought that it wouldn't be possible for that to become a lifelong relationship because that passion could be too much torment. And then they've probably also thought, no, this person that I'm with that I'm kind of like could take or leave, I need to cultivate that because that's what a good relationship. A good relationship is actually like you find a buddy. And I, you know, I've done all that stuff. But only, first of all, like,

never had the feelings that I've had for you, and I've said that to you and to others. I'm not just saying that to you. But I have, at other times in my life, I have felt like I was in love, but it's not that common. I mean, I've said I love you to probably more people than I truly was in love with, because you get to a certain amount of time where you feel like that's an obligation. And I didn't lie when I said it, but I was just like, yeah, I guess, you know? I think we've, you've been there like, yeah, I guess. Yeah. But, but, but would you lasted this long so I guess it's love yeah but with you it was quite obvious you know I mean for me personally and of course you question it and you go is it just the pandemic is it the longing

because you disappear you know but now I I felt it was I felt it was deeper and since since you we've been together it's it's been it's been verified oh pain I feel like I told you I had that love story in my head of what my parents have and I've had a very high expectation and my mom was like your 29 or single like what do you think you have to improve with yourself to meet the right person she was just trying to help me and I was just like I know that no one's like got away I just know I haven't met that person yet but like you're right for people who think they need to settle for a buddy who like the sex isn't that good or like someone who they just look up to but they don't really feel seen by but they feel lucky to be in a relationship with

those things are not what made me happy. Yes, and I think it's important to say it's not what made you happy, and it definitely wasn't what made me happy, but I do also think that people do end up with very successful relationships, marriages, in that scenario. Depends on what your love story is.

Yeah, I mean, whatever. I would never yuck somebody's yum, and I really think that I have seen other people who just have very successful, what I would almost term, arrangements, but, you know, different strokes for different folks. I honestly, I'm not going to lie, I really didn't think that I would, like, fall madly in love.

I was quite cynical about love and romance and marriage, and quite accepted that perhaps I would like... Why do you think you're so cynical? I have no idea. The analysis is not important. But I really don't know. You accepted that you were going to be alone? I didn't even think about it as being alone. I just was like, whatever. I just don't think I'm the type of guy that's going to settle down.

I didn't think so. Did people around you constantly bother you about it? No, actually. My male friends, particularly my male friends in Ireland, were basically like, if I had your lifestyle, then I wouldn't be too worried about it either. As in traveling a lot? Traveling and, you know, meeting people and stuff like that.

You know, they felt like I had quite an exciting life, so they were just like not dying for me. But coincidentally enough, all those same guys are very happy for me now. I think they probably were just kind of like trying to make me feel comfortable with my life but I think they prefer this path I feel personally I mean yeah there's pros and cons to being

a handsome single man in his 40s yeah and the other difference when you're older is that all my friends have like 10 year olds and that's not the ultimate like there's different phases that parents go through and when their children are very young they're very much inclined to be like this you have to do this

But when their children are 10, they're very much like, I think you'd be fine if you never fucking did this because this is fucking bullshit. And of course, it comes around again when their children get older and they have relationships. But yeah, long story short, I think some of my friends were basically thinking that I got away with one.

So of course, when I met you, I gave you the question of like, okay, why are you single? And I was like, maybe he's a hidden narcissist and he's love bombing me and I'm going to see the real side of him soon. Or like, maybe he has a secret. family in ireland that i'll find out about later and you kind of made a joke like oh i'm like

what was the sweater thing you said i said it's like when you see this amazing sweater on the sail rack like three weeks into the sale and you think how can that still be in the sale it's such a nice sweater and then you try it on it's like a little itchy so what did you mean by that who the fuck knows what i meant because you know it was just a joke 70% of jokes are real i would assume what i meant was that you'll see that i'm like not ideal but honestly i was i was saying that to you well first of all it was when we just met i think i made that joke to you and then i was saying that to you uh you know based on sort of things that i thought would possibly come up once we got close but they just like what you know stuff around intimacy and stuff

like that and you know just you get to a stage pretty early on where once you feel a sense of closeness slash vulnerability then the inclination is to pull away a bit like i played you an episode of my podcast with my brother where we're both speaking openly about not loving physical affectionate yeah and we are so physically affectionate yeah but i've explained to you so many times like how new it is for me to just not just be comfortable with it but to want it to initiate it to just love it so much like the first time i saw you after we hadn't been together for a while and we were just lying in bed and we were just like we were kissing to the point where I was in just absolute ecstasy, but not like sexual ecstasy,

just like a joy that I didn't know was possible. Certainly I didn't know could be created by, you know, like physical affection. If we break up, this podcast is going to be so sad. Well, it won't, well, it'll be sad because all breakups are sad, but it won't, it won't be said. No, but no, but in the big picture, it won't be sad because these are experiences that people may not ever get to have. And your future girlfriend would be pissed to listen to this episode.

You know, I would never. I try to limit the amount of ex-girlfriend stuff. As you know, you're not as good at limiting the ex-boyfriend chats. But yeah, I think, sorry, but just the last thing I'll say is like, it's a complicated conversation with, because obviously so much of it has to do with you and how great we've connected and how open we are with each other. So that's all to do with you.

in terms of you thinking is there anything specific to me that has opened you up i i think possibly it's it's how connected we are but i do think that some of the fact that we're that connected is because you've met me at the right time it's definitely a combination because sometimes it's something you need to work within yourself but sometimes like i've had anxiety issues around guys and it wasn't that i had anxiety issue was actually like my body telling me you're with the wrong person. Yeah, but it's also, yeah, I couldn't argue that. I mean, you know, you know yourself. Yeah. But I do think that there will be other people listening to this that will have known that fear kept them from, fear kept them to perhaps an intimacy that they could have had. It wasn't,

it wasn't their body saying you're with the wrong guy. The fear held them back. I mean, you know, it's not always as simple as he wasn't the right guy. People, and I would have no doubt to say that there were probably connections I could have had, had I not been so closed off slash afraid. Yeah. The fear, though, is subconscious. It's not like, I'm too afraid to get to know this person. You end up with, like, physical, you end up with, like, physical reactions of wanting to get away. Yeah.

And then, of course, you lie to yourself, right? Then you say, you're not feeling like you're retreating. You're saying that you're busy or, you know, you're just not into them anymore. But, like, often you can retreat. There's nothing to do with the other person, not being a good person. person or right for you in any way you're literally running from something now here's the thing about when a guy says but i've changed yeah it's normally total bullshit however i can back it up by saying that i had like two very momentous moments in my life one is i lost my mother and two i spent months

essentially on my own in a pandemic just like being with myself and becoming quite comfortable with myself when I met you I met you at quite an opportune time to be open to love open to love and as you know we I have not hidden from any vulnerability I don't feel that you have although I do feel you were a little slower to completely let go but I just ran with it I do feel that that was I mean the Chinese would say you and then you know the Chinese would say it's destiny and as I've joked on my own podcast I was very much against all that stuff. However, I do feel that there was an element of, I don't think it's fate.

I really don't. But I do think we have had very ideal timing. Yeah. Because I don't really believe in the one, like in the sense that I do think life is random, but I do think that the stars did align in terms of our meeting when we met. I always felt like deep down when I met the right person. would just be easy because some the last question the little devil's asked us is how to how do you

have the what are we talk and I feel like with me and you we just knew yeah I mean I knew very quick that I wanted it to work I mean it was the first time in a long time that I had the fear of you know being the the pursuer to the point where it was off putting you know and also I had the fear of you just just you know not being into it and sort of peeling away i mean i had pretty genuine reasons to feel that you know there was like a lot of challenges in our way early on so i had all all those fears that i hadn't had in a long time which was kind of like refreshing really like it's nice to it means you care yeah it's nice to care about somebody that much care about somebody enough to worry about losing them yeah i mean i've heard you say on your podcast about this like you can

sort of take it or leave it or you get completely lost in it you haven't had that sort of shared safe feeling sort of romantic symbiosis but uh i i definitely early on had that that caring enough to fear losing you i mean i didn't i didn't love the fear but it was like it was a strong feeling sometimes there's like a healthy enough anxiety to show that like it's something you want it's not something you need but something you want yeah well i mean i certainly didn't hold back expressing it to you. No, you definitely played zero games to the point that like whenever you sense that I might be playing any type of a game, you were like, hey, if we're playing games, I quit.

Yeah, we won't point out any examples. No, but anyway, I mean, in terms of the question that your listener has asked about the conversation of what are we? I mean, we again had a couple of obstacles in relation to how we had that conversation, but I mean in the end we just had a clear conversation actually you were you were very you were very clear about wanting to like the question of will you be my girlfriend you wanted that question yeah asked which we did end up sort of like doing on do you understand why I wanted it well I mean I don't know why other than the fact that you tried to delay it originally for what I would consider to be dubious reasons I love her speaking in code no but I just think when it comes to a point like I wanted you to show your yeah like your love and say like will you be my girlfriend we had that conversation before you were at all comfortable with dropping an album yeah I felt that we very quickly got to

the stage where we felt like we could refer to each other slash feel that we are each other's boyfriend girlfriend that were there for each other you started becoming my rock yeah it's more it was more than just this guy than i'm seeing at first you were someone i knew i could i could have fun with i knew i was very attracted to and then when i started to feel like i was calling you over my mom who was my rock that was the most millennial shit i've ever said but you became a person who i realized like i can show all my ugliness too i can i don't feel like i'm ruining your day by saying that my day is not going well and that you actually enjoyed being there for me and then I started to actually care about how you felt and I know that makes me sound like a sociopath

but like it's you don't just start caring for someone else without having real feelings yeah and we quickly began to plan our future we quickly were at a situation where we were planning the future but I mean like I I mean I knew because of the pandemic I would be postponing my tour probably anyway but I ensured that that happened now I mean I've ended up postponing it again since so it's I'm not just postponing it because I met you but I I ensured that the tour was getting postponed even if a fucking vaccine happened in September I just I just did not want to go back to Ireland I'd be in Ireland now actually I did feel I didn't even want you to ponder the feeling of me going back to Ireland anytime soon I wanted us to be like

months and months together before I left, because I just felt like I wasn't going to fuck this up with distance. Lastly, I did drive... Lastly. Well, this is the last question before we play a fun game. Oh, really? Oh, okay. But I love how much you're enjoying this, that you almost started a fight about it.

So I did drive you to therapy. Why did your face get like that? He was smiling and then he stopped smiling. No, because I was actually, I got confused. because all I drew is drive you places. So when you said I drove you to therapy, I was like, no. He's my boyfriend and chauffeur. I got confused for a second.

But so, yeah, you started seeing a therapist while we started dating. Why did you decide to make that decision? And do you think more people should go to therapy when they're in a new relationship? Why do you ask questions? Suddenly it's like, here is a question for you that you are now to. Do you want to critique my interviewing style? Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm just sure. This is my passion is interviewing, and you're tearing me apart in front of all these people.

I'm fine. I apologize. I was not meaning to undermine you. I wanted to ask it very seriously. And I've received it seriously. So I've been to therapy many times. So this is not the first time I've spoken to a therapist. When I experienced, I guess what I would consider to be borderline and

anxiety attack related to our scenario, I was a bit taken aback actually by the strong emotional reaction, which, you know, when you look up online, you see stuff about falling in love and it brings up all these insecurities and your mind can race and you're worried, you know, we talked about it earlier about, you know, fear of losing somebody that you care about, like all that stuff kicked off of me, but it definitely brought up like what I would say is like a heightened response to you know you're in a dark place when you start Googling why do I feel this way what does it mean yeah well I really was looking up like how do you feel when you fall in love or whatever anyway I mean it doesn't really matter it was pretty intense though like I really was like

at times like finding it hard to function normally now I don't have a lot to do at the moment so this was essentially like finding it hard to like not look at my phone every two minutes while I was playing golf and stuff. But anyway, at times it was just like it was uncomfortable. It wasn't fun. And I also, you know, my mother died a year and a half ago, and it had been on my mind to get a grief counselor. I had actually talked, I had, it began the process of talking to somebody

before Christmas, but we just couldn't work it out like time-wise. So anyway, all these factors together. Plus, honestly, you know, all comedy aside, the early initial massive amounts of emotion that I was feeling after you left definitely triggered off some grief stuff as well

so I was just like there's just so much going on I've been isolated for six months on my own after having an incredibly busy life suddenly you're just with yourself which I think is all great but at the same time

you're vulnerable you're open you're emotionally like it's confusing so I just thought it would be a good time to get somebody. And has it been good for you? Yeah, I mean she was great. I mean, she was particularly great around CBT

cognitive behavioral therapy around anxiety. She had a lot of it has to do with stopping I think the lies really is a good way to point out that your mind tells you about stuff that you're feeling.

So it's kind of like facts versus opinions so it's like you know i'm not going to give anything away about like stuff we did around me and you i don't mean because i don't want to tell you it's just because like all that stuff is confidential but uh if i talked about a thing that i was worried about she would say what's a fact and what's an opinion you know and often it's just basically like but do you ever feel like well my opinion could be completely valid and my opinion could be the fact well well the point of the exercise is to separate what's opinion and what is fact fact is you don't know so say for example like a situation me and you know I'm talking about but we're not going to say uh you know you would say you don't know and there's nothing you can do so everything that you're worried about happening is actually just projection yep it's not it's worrying about the future yeah it's worrying about the future as an anxiety producer yep you know well I just thought it was super second

that you told me that you were going to see a therapist as in like you just cared on improving yourself and growing and I need to go back to therapy just in general and I think seeing you do it has inspired me because I take a break for a bit. Yeah, but I think it's good to take a break too because sometimes you can just get lost and just analyzing everything. Well, I suffer a little bit of OCD like a little like loop thoughts and I have some OCD tendencies and sometimes traditional talk therapy is not good for OCD. CBT, baby.

Yeah. Well, I was actually reading this. I think it was actually like one of those like mental health TikToks that I follow like wellness TikToks and they were like do you of OCD traditional talk therapy is actually not right for you but CBT and something else probably NLP it was like there was an R in it or something it was like I googled it but basically because talk therapy sometimes was like feeding my obsession of something that like it was just not help well yeah I mean I listen I am I am no expert on these things but obviously there's schools of thought that basically say go back

to the thing that is triggering you to stop the pattern, which I think can be effective at times. And talk therapy is really good for that? Like, is there something from your past that you have PTSD from? And if you can find a way to overcome that PTSD, then you will no longer. And I think that works sometimes. But then also I think CBT is particularly good for OCD

because it stops the pattern of thinking that gets you to a place where you're out of control. It changes the pattern of thinking. instead of sometimes where talk therapy can just, like, feed the thoughts. Yeah, and it can retry, you know, it can actually be the thing that drives you to go back to your OCD because the pain is... And we're not against traditional talk therapy. I'm just interesting to hear a lot of both. A lot of options.

Baby's doing amazing. How's hell for you so far? How's hell for me? Yeah, how's it going? Well, you know, I've been in hell for three months now and it's been the best three months of my life. Oh, baby. We're so disgusting. I told him that I wasn't going to be all like cutie on the pod with him, but I can't have it sometimes.

Okay, it's time to play. We need to let these people know that we're funny, though, too. We're having a very serious conversation. We are, but babe, like, they've, I don't know, they, this is hell. Like, you can't always be funny in hell. Sometimes it's scary, and sometimes life is scary, and we can't just laugh at it. Our joke is that, but it's a TikTok joke where when you first meet someone who's funny, you're like, oh my God, you're so funny.

I love hanging out with you. love laughing with you and then three weeks later you're like everything's a fucking joke to you isn't it so now um really our only fights are when like someone says something that's like is it a joke is it true and i'm like really and you're like i'm joking babe or i'll say something i'm like it's a joke yeah i mean i think we've done pretty well we haven't had too many fights yeah you know and you know it's it's good every now and then to have uncomfortable conversations of this is how i feel or this is how you feel people get defensive but actually that's like that's a healthy relationship and we've navigated all of them yeah i feel like with you

you I'm very comfortable saying when I'm uncomfortable with something. I feel like I'm not annoying you. It's like that we're finding each other's boundaries and we're respecting each other with boundaries. It's very important, especially when you move in with somebody after, you know, such a short space of time. I feel like we're navigating it pretty well. But I also do think that, I mean, it's only been three months really, but we have certainly not got to the stage where we're worried about everything being a joke considering that this morning

every time I kissed you I farted which is funny to us it's probably not funny to your listeners but my listeners love fart jokes yeah well I just I'm always taking great pride in my farting and I was really happy today

with the amount of control that I had to just release just enough to basically do that at least 10 times yeah every time I kissed him let out fart and then we'd laugh. We are toddlers. So I love every single tie-dye sweatshirt. Do you ever feel like you have a difficult decision because everything is the same? You're like, which tie-dye is better? That's how I feel sometimes with spike seltzers. However, having something extra makes your choice easy. Vizzy stands out by having something all the other hard seltzers don't. And that's antioxidant vitamin C.

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Yeah. Seven Deadly Sins I was raised Catholic, so like, it's not my favorite game. It's time for your penance. For you, you know, quarter Jew, atheist upbringing, Seven Deadly Sins is like a game, whereas to me, this is fucking... Are you triggered? I'm going to go back to chewing my nails. Also, I wanted to...

Did you just dismiss people being triggered? No, I was saying. Your fucking generation brought that shit up. You make fun of millennials. for being triggered and you're just about pulling it on me right now. I don't make fun of millennials for being triggered. I feel like if I looked into your pods, I could find a quote. Go ahead.

Go for it. I don't have time. I'm busy. I'm busy bringing in money for this family. I care about mental health, all right? Speaking of, you made fun of me because I want to have a couple of mental health days. No, because I said the joke wasn't my day. That was a day off.

Or just the weekend. Yeah. Because I'm having mental health day. Sometimes I want to be depressed, but Des is actually really good. very early on the relationship he called me and i just wanted to let him know sometimes like i don't need to do stuff like i like not i don't need to be doing activities all the time but he actually that was just me being depressed and i realized that when it's with someone you love it is fun to get up off the couch sometimes yeah and play squash i was like even the littlest thing like he'll be like

do you want to walk into town and i'll be like okay and then it ends up making me happy well we had a good day we got a massage and there's always ice cream somehow yeah we always got ice cream we get a massage We were gaining so much weight. We got a Chinese massage. So time to play the Seven Deadly Sins. First question, what are you greedy about? What am I what? I'm sitting right here and I asked you the question.

You can hear me? I didn't hear what you said. What do you greedy about? Oh, greedy about. I guess I'm a little greedy with my time when it comes to like playing volleyball and squash and golf. I thought you were going to say work. No, I'm not great. I can't work at them.

moment but uh i i i guess i can be a little bit like overly focused on getting that leisure time yeah you're very good at leisure uh he means leisure everyone leisure um what else am i greedy about no time is a very valid yeah who are you envious of dave chappelle why well because he's just my favorite comic and he's got all that respect from everybody and he's got enough money to just like do whatever he does with these boot camps that he's doing during the pandemic? What are these boot camps? I don't even know what the hell they're doing out there

to be honest. But you respect him as a comic. Oh yeah, I totally respect him as a comic. Who else am I? What do you want that he has that you don't? Oh, I would say money and respect I would say you know, in higher levels than I have

but really more I guess and you know honestly I'm envious of his intellect and his natural talent actually but but I probably pick him because I feel like it's aspirational slash I'm such a fan you know what are you gluttonous about ice cream I knew that answer I can be gluttonous sometimes too with like when ski season starts sometimes I can just like throw some responsibilities to the side and just like do it more often than I probably should just because I I love it so much and it might not even be gluttonous but coincidentally enough since we're playing the seven deadly sins you know having such a

strong catholic upbringing i can still feel like sometimes i'm doing something wrong when i'm just being that indulgent you feel naughty yeah i do i feel i still to this day feel like i'm i this is overly indulgent that language it's hard to liberate yourself from well you haven't drank since you're 19 so do you feel like where a lot of people indulgent alcohol are partying as they're like time off to get out of their head. I feel like sports and games is how you indulge. And it's much healthier. Yeah, and like nice hotels sometimes

or like buy a hot tub for somebody you hardly know. You know, that type of stuff. Do you think you have an addictive personality? No, I know I have an addictive personality. I don't think it. I spent numerous years of my life trying to ensure that that addictive personality didn't bring me negative outcomes.

I was afraid that I used to joke that I like dating addicts because I like when they got addicted to me. But then I was afraid, like, when we were really intense in the beginning, that, like, you're just addicted to me right now, and you'll, like... Yes. It'll burn out. But the problem is you don't know much about addiction if you think that the fucking addiction just burns out.

Does it going to be addicted to me forever? I'm clearly addicted to you forever. I think I have a little bit of addicted personality, too. Do you think so? 100%. I mean, a lot of people in their industry do because it's so obsessive. Yeah. And it suits the kind of addictive mind.

I mean, I think most people that are successful in sports also have that sort of obsessive mindset. The therapist, coincidentally enough, asked me, did I think that I was addicted to you? What did you say to her? I said probably to a degree, yeah. I mean, the fear of loss was strong from the get-go. Do you still have a strong fear? Well, fear of loss? No, I'm pretty confident.

in our relationship now. But I also don't mind being addicted to you to a certain degree because I have an addictive personality and I've managed to find positives in being sort of obsessive about a lot of positive things. Yeah. First of all, I love it. Like, I like being an obsessive person.

Yeah. And I like, you know, I like my little addictions. I think like... And I don't consider you to be an addiction. Thank you, baby. But I also, I see you as just like very passionate. Because I'm a very passionate person too Like when I care about something

Or when I enjoy something I put like 150% into it Yeah I mean I think she was concerned In those early days that so much of my well-being Was tied up in basically seeing you And like you didn't know me that well Yeah yeah and even when you first got out I you know it was a bit you know

It was a bit like it was it was a little bit of a dance Just figuring out each other And how much we wanted to see each other and stuff And we decided all the time. Yeah, we decided we'll just move in. But, you know, but, like, that part has worked out. But, like, I mean, we haven't discussed, like, all that. It's funny because people always, when I do interviews and stuff,

people will always focus on the comedy stuff, and then they'll ask me about my dad dying. And then they'll ask me about, you know, other stuff that, like, they, oh, that I had cancer, you know, when I was 24. And they'll ask me about all those things, like, how did they change me as an individual? But the number one thing that has molded me into the person I am today was stopping, drinking,

and during drugs when I was 19. That's actually the biggest event, really. You know, it's certainly up to my mother dying. So actually, you ask me, do I have an addictive personality? It's like, yeah, it kind of defines me, but I put a lot of effort into keeping it in check. Yeah, and I've dated a lot of addicts. I don't know why, but I always find them,

and they like me, and I like them. but people say like how do you date a guy who's sober and I just love dating you being sober because I feel like majority of fights are when people drink a lot of booze fights a lot of booze fights a lot of lack of productivity in the mornings a lot of wasted money yes lots of wasted money no I like people having like I'm not I'm not an anti-boozer by any stretch of the imagination I like people having a drink

I like socializing people that are drinking I'm also just a bad drinker people think I'm a good partier it is difficult for me to party. I'm Italian. I like to eat. And I like over, we had lunch yesterday with some friends. I decided to have two margaritas and tacos. And then two hours later, I'm passed out for three hours and does how to wake me up. So like, I'm better without alcohol, but that's just me. So when people are like, how do you date a guy who's sober? I should be sober. Yeah. But, you know, people asking about that was totally fine because people can be sort of like overly reliant on alcohol as like the social elixir but i'm also completely comfortable with people like like being

into that i just i just know myself that it's unimportant to me so when people ask you that they're probably concerned for you but when people ask me like what's it like socializing people who are drinking i'm just like it's irrelevant and it you think it really helped your career and your relationships and everything well i was 19 i was still in college yeah i didn't it was a guy It was a guy in N.A. that got me into comedy. Oh, wow. So you were paranoid. Like, you didn't want to wait to see if it could fuck up your life.

You knew that it would. There were numerous things going on. But from 16 to 19, I had a lot of, like, bad events that basically, you know, they were uncomfortable for me. I did have two sober parents that were putting it into my head from the get-go that it's probably not going to get any better. So, like, you know, I used to black. out like getting bad fights and stuff like that so like i lost friendships you know i i did like i did like low level but definitely bad things to get money to get alcohol and drugs you know did you give blowjobs no i did not give blow jobs but i'm just saying like i you know i was already starting to

you know if you look at like the progression of yeah the illness or progression of of people like bad Do you think it's extremist for you to be like completely sober or that was just what you had to do? Well, at the time that, you know, at the time there wasn't as much questioning of it as there is nowadays, there was no YouTube and there was no like, you know, gazillions of books written on like what's really going on. Plus there's been a real shift from sort of like alcohol and drugs leading to the mental illness to mental illness leading to the alcohol and drugs. So there's just like, there's just a whole new way of looking at it. But personally for me, I just, I've never had a positive outcome from, from drinking.

So I have no desire to even, like, test the waters. I don't, you know, I, it just doesn't enter my brain, you know, I don't care. Plus, I'm so, like, I'm pretty high energy, like, very social guy. It's really unnecessary. And because I just, my only memories of drinking are, should I, I shouldn't, should I, I shouldn't, fuck it, I'll have one. And then three hours later, my fucking shirt is. off in the middle of the street and I'm shouting at people for no reason whatsoever. So like

I don't really have like a memory of having that one drink and being like isn't this great? Now I can really come out of myself. Yeah. Your personality is pretty there. I'm like fucking let's go. It's a perfect transition to when was the last time you experienced extreme wrath? You think it was when I was 19? No. Bad news.

What is the deadly sin? Anger. Anger. Oh, anger. Yeah. But you ask it as extreme wrath. Technically, it's wrath. Technically, it's wrath. Yeah, it's not question my sins. I mean, listen, man, I can experience extreme wrath on a dodgy line pole. I think you, did you call the guy a motherfucker today on the squash court?

No, no, I jokingly, he hit a good shot and, or maybe I hit a bed when I can't remember. And I said, if I was in Ireland, I'd be dropping the sea bomb right now, but I'll stop myself. in the United States. Maybe when was the last time you got really angry. Oh, God, I mean. During volleyball the day before? No, come on, let me have a think. Like, properly angry?

You know, I probably, the last time I got really angry, I was fucking livid at Aden the night he lost Flynn. Like, I was fucking... It's funny, because when you called me in between, I don't know if it's just timing, but, like, you seemed upset, but you didn't seem like, livid no i was livid so for the listeners that aren't in on the story uh one night i was driving

back i can't even remember what i was driving back from but but by the way just to add to the intensity of it it was in the middle of hannah not being here and i was in that anxious state in general yeah and i was fighting really hard to just remain calm and uh i was just driving down here west hampton and aid calls me like yo i fucking flin got away from me but i fucking lost flin bro. I fucking lost Flynn. And like, you know, whatever, it's brotherly stuff,

you know, because of course, in my mind, straightaway, it's like, dude, I fucking constantly fucking try to tell you to fucking train this dog. I've been going to Southampton Animal Shelter to get the fucking training. Then I try to pass it on to you. And you're like, I know, bro. I fucking know.

Dude, I fucking know. And then you fucking lost a dog. And I, like, I was, we're up and down the beach trying to find Flynn. And from my walkway, and it sounds like a fucking charm. life now but from my walkway to the entrance to the public beach kupsug beach if anybody knows this

area they want to have a bit of a sense of place i would be shouting like flin flin and then in between that i'd be like this fucking asshole my whole fucking life fucking deal with this fucking asshole bullshit i was fucking livid how'd you find him again he was waiting for us on the deck he was just like what it what's about he was like guys i had a little adventure who's fun you know what i don't even think he had an adventure i think you fucking came but for some reason When I looked first, when I got home, I drove into the driver. He wasn't here at that time. But anyway, he came home.

That was the last time I was livid was the day that Aiden lost Flynn. Ooh, this isn't interesting. And I would take Flynn back, by the way, except that. We have a cat. Yeah, butter is we don't want Flynn to eat butter. I really want to know the answer to this question, actually. When was the last time you were a sloth? When was the last time you had a full mental health day?

You didn't leave your bed. You didn't leave the couch. Oh, I just, I don't do it. I can't do it. I can't do that. you know I mean in this pandemic I mean I guess the most thoughtful I get is like if I really get into like a series and the last Netflix series that it really like just took over my life was it was dark the German time travel series so I mean I guess I was pretty slothful with that we've started to pick up some good things to watch which is that step of a couple being like what's our show you respect the other one you don't watch ahead um but you have a good balance of like letting me be slothy and then being like okay like let's go for a walk let's remember we have legs yeah but i don't i don't you know i mean i only do that

because i feel like it's easier to enjoy the chilling when you've like gotten your heart rate up a little bit of air you know sometimes like there's nothing worse than like suddenly you just feel like i feel like shit for just having done nothing yeah the day gets away from you real quick sometimes the day does get away from you and i'm not great at letting the day get away from me no that's what i love about you when was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something like your ego this is a tough one there's numerous i mean god i pride gets in the way often with me unfortunately it's always so unimportant whether it's fucking road rage you know like some meaningless road rage incident we were talking about how when someone wants to merge lanes and go in front of you

you're like you gotta be fucking kidding me I'll never let this guy yeah this guy's not getting in like this fucking asshole thinks he could get one over on me like how does this guy think that I'm a guy that's gonna let him in I'm not that guy go deal with some fucking schmuck behind me

what kind of dude thinks he can go in front of everyone and think I'm gonna let him in but then when you're driving yeah what I'm doing I'm like well I'm gonna get in you know because there's always why won't this guy let me in what's his problem there's always some prideless asshole no but uh but it's it's amazing

how these little micro moments feel so important and they're so unimportant and we know they're unimportant but whatever the fuck goes on in the human mind that at those moments they become so important like you know your cortisol levels are jacked up and you don't even know why and it's it's it's so unnecessary and you know and we haven't had any real like moments of like power struggle fights or anything but like even in those moments it feels like I can't let the other person win when an actual fact all you're doing is both losing and even the one that thinks they won

and are satisfied with the winning it's like but the energy the toxic energy that has come from your victory will be returned to you so really it would be great if we were better at sort of swallowing our pride but the problem is that the world

we're both prideful and stubborn but you have to realize like wait we're both trying to accomplish the same thing which is get along so like we're trying to win it now babe yeah but eventually we will be trying to win and that's when the real trouble starts i love one day we're going to listen to this when we were fresh three months in bushy-eyed and whatever tailed what is it bright-eyed bushy-tailed in love yeah but that always comes up that sense of winning but that's why the communicating is so important because it's

like okay let's step away from this sense of who's winning and who's losing and let's really focus on what's important. Yeah. But it can be hard to do sometimes. I mean, how hard is it sometimes when you're so stuck in a fight or a power struggle, whether it be relationship or work or in any area of your life, some community thing? And it just feels so important to fucking win. You know, even though there's no way you're totally right and there's no way they're

totally wrong. And clearly compromise will be the real win win for everybody. Because both person's feelings are always valid. Yeah, it's very difficult. It's difficult to navigate that. I mean, pride is a bitch, you know? It really is. But, you know, that is one thing I do feel that gets a little bit better as you get older

is that you do realize it's not as important. And I definitely struggle with like needing to be right, but I do not, it's not half as bad as it used to be. Like I'm quite, like, I catch myself a lot earlier being like, maybe you actually don't know. You know, and then the great news about that is then you open yourself. up to knowing more. Learning new things. Your thirst for knowledge will be unquenchable. Final deadly sin.

When was the last time you lusted over someone? When was the last time I, well, obviously, the last time I lusted over someone was the first time we were lying on the beach here in West Hampton Dunes. And you were trying not to kiss me because you were quarantining for professional purposes and you tried

and I despite the selfishness of it pushed the seduction far enough that perhaps you might throw caution to the wind despite this being a very important time in your career this has just turned to a weird audio porn throw caution to the wind and put your lips on my lips

risking COVID and risking you know that was a big professional wrist that you took and then knowing that on that beach that I needed to move you from the sand to my bedroom it was great if you want to hear the rest go to call her daddy even though I feel like I feel like that was our second date the actual Yeah, that was their second date. But you told it like it was the one event, right? I don't remember. But we actually have gotten a lot of questions of people asking,

how do you feel about me talking about our sexual explorations on Caller Daddy, a widely listened to podcast? Well, I think initially I told you that, you know, I wasn't, I can't remember what initially I wanted to say. Honestly, the thing I found back then, not now, but that was early on. The thing I found more difficult was listening to you

talk about other sexual stuff that had nothing to do with me and it was just like, I'd rather not hear that, you know? And also just like flippantly talking about things that, you know, like, it can be tough sometimes

to separate the performance from the person, you know? So sometimes you're just like, you know. You call me fake? No, but you know, but I'm just saying that like you're just speaking flippantly about stuff

that wouldn't be flipping between us. And I'm not talking about. talking about you talking about me I'm talking about just like talking about aspects of relationships or love or dating or sex that I just know wouldn't be as flippant if we were discussing them but in the fucking big energy of performance so that that was actually what I find more difficult of like oh you know I prefer to I prefer to learn that about her in a situation where we're just chatting not like in the in the you know the the hyper energy of a podcast particularly one as big as that one so actually when you

started giving this play-by-play of this sexual experience that we had, because you really, in my opinion, were giving me more credit than I deserve for my skill. I was quite delighted because it's kind of, it was like very flattering and it was also like, you know, it was pretty revealing how you were feeling about it. I mean, I was quite confident in the experience that we were having together, like sexual experience. Like, we clearly had like great sexual chemistry from the get-go i mean i remember the first time that we had sex and just our comfortability like during and then after was quite obviously special so i was confident in what we had but it is nice to hear it in a way it's like eavesdropping right like listening to you talk about me on that

podcast is like eavesdropping i'm sure that you weren't saying it thinking i can't wait for him to hear this yeah i was just talking yeah exactly so it's quite revealing but when you're when you're being so honest in a way that's so flattering. Of course, it's fucking. And I was e-dropping on your podcast, or I had people who would tell me the things I had to hear. And you were mentioning how you've never been someone who was the source of content for someone else's podcast.

Like you're used to be the one that has the voice. Yes, but also I speak, I've always spoke in the past, spoken much more coded, much less obvious. and sort of put like way more of a sense of time and place like I would confuse it quite a bit more to try to make it less obvious so why are we being so obvious right now

well no you so you did that on call her daddy but I didn't give a name no I know but well I said to people that like she's talking about me because I got such a kick out of it so I said on my podcast she's talking about me because basically said it was the best sex You said it was the best sex you ever had.

So I was like, hey, everybody. And I hadn't said that to you. No, you had not. You had not. So that's what I mean. It was quite revealing. So then I got a kick out of it. So I turned it into like a little bit of a like a joke on my own pod.

Yeah. Although in fairness, nobody really picked up on like the guy on call or daddy is, is me really. That kind of came quite a bit later. But then later on when you, you did some stuff on like Bravo's chat. room people picked up on like Hannah says it's the best sex she's ever had but that was like a lot more obvious and we were like you're already living with me it's so funny I've always been scared to post about guys in the past just because I was like one day it's gonna end then I have to explain it to all these people because it's like it's like if you let people in to when it's

happy you got to let them in when it's sad and it's like those people on Facebook who just disappear at one point after talking about their relationship all the time it's like no no no We had to listen to all your stupid shit, Nancy. Well, you know, it is a, it's a slippery slope. It's a risk, but I feel. Being public, but we've done it. I've never done it before, and we're doing it now, and we're having fun with it. And at the end of the day, I think some of it comes from a confidence that we both have.

Yeah. And certainly, we certainly have a confidence in the medium term of what's going to happen. And I do think that if neither of us have gotten mad at what anyone said on a pod so far. And I think if one of us was sensitive in that way Or one of us had issues with it It would have, we would have fought already So like, I feel like we've had good I don't know, we really don't have boundaries

But we're good at whatever this weird dynamic is Yeah, but I also got a kick out of listening to you Talking on Taylor Strecker I got a kick out of it You know, I got a kick out of listening to you You know, with different things Thanks, babe You know, plus it's nice

Subscribe review It's nice to feel that I mean I think a little bit of has to do with the pandemic but it's nice to feel that what's going on between us is interesting enough to discuss so often. Yeah, it's funny. But what guy wouldn't like the most popular podcast in the world? I also think there's not a lot of couples that are so open, so it's been kind of fun for me to, like, speak to it in a more vulnerable way to make the little devils.

We may learn the positives and the negatives of it in the future, but we'll be open to that, right? Yes. I would imagine that we'll start to retreat into it and just begin to, you know focus more on just like the funny things of being together but it was fun i mean it was so intense that it was fun to share that intensity i mean i i enjoyed it even on my own podcast i enjoyed just being like a little therapeutic yeah i enjoyed being like fuck me man i did not think that i could be so smitten and so engrossed in the thoughts of somebody else you know that's what i have to ask you a final question oh okay i asked this to everyone at the end of the podcast

and it's why haven't we gotten married yet just kidding what do you do to cope with your hell so what advice would you give to people who are going through hell right now on how to cope well all i can say is anything that has been causing me pain or holding me back has always done well with a sentence that somebody told me once which is basically that these things that are holding us back or these negative things in your life, grow in the darkness and die in the lighter exposure. So you really should not be on your own with your hell. You really need to reach out for help. And it can be difficult because it can be so frightening to admit vulnerabilities to another person. But even sometimes just that action. So you're saying don't keep it secret. Oh, you can absolutely. I mean,

these are like cliches that are totally true. you're only as sick as your secrets like you you need to you need to be open with people you need to plus you know that is a great way to cultivate your relationships you need to be honest with people you need to reach for help you need to reach for help i mean i've not like there have been various times in my life where i have not reached for help you know in fact it's you hate admitting to somebody like i need help is very difficult sometimes yeah and it's so helpful when you do reach out and it's amazing funnily enough we talking about pride earlier it can hold you back so much because i think we want to live with this illusion of ourselves as being

perfect yeah and able to cope with everything and it's just so normally human to need help sometimes but for some reason some people including myself can struggle to reach out but you know you can have five episodes of burning and hell trying to figure out what drives that but yeah I always find it helps and like like even down to like just the more recent experience of just like strong emotional experience of like losing one's parents like because I know I bring that up a lot and sometimes we joke about you talk about your fucking dead mom again but like he's like the massive events like it just so happens that I lost both my parents before a lot of other massive events that people have like having children getting married these things like they can't no I know I'm a little late not getting married but at the same time I was actually quite early losing my parents yeah so I've I've had those experiences but There's quite a profound moment, and it is amazing sometimes just like opening your mouth and saying to somebody, actually, I missed my mother today, or actually yesterday was really tough. I just saw this thing, and it was just really difficult. It's amazing how therapeutic that is, especially when you share it with somebody that knows. And this is not, like, it's not a condescending thing of like, oh, you haven't lost your parent.

you don't know but like when you do share it with somebody that like has lost a parent or perhaps can like empathize with your grief in a way that just like boom tick something off in you it's it's it's quite yeah because i'm super negative where like when things are going bad i'm like i'm in the worst situation of anyone in the whole world and no one's ever felt as terrible as me and then if you just can open up about something everyone's like oh yeah i've gone through that and it's going to be okay and then suddenly things just seem a lot less dark yeah and i mean whether people like all 12 steps stuff and all that i mean i'm not a i don't really go to meetings anymore or anything but like that has always that's the great thing about those groups is that like

whether you like them or dislike them the the the practice of walking in there and being like this is going on for me at the moment and then having other people like come up to you afterwards or even like respond to you like be inspired by you or not like say sometimes you have a problem with fucking know it all like you know exclude all the negative it is but just the the the discipline that comes from walking in and being like yeah this is going on for me and then other people saying like yeah that goes on for me too it's pretty handy you know whatever you think about those groups and and I'm lucky that I got into that practice but you know I can still you know I can still I think it's always hardest with your loved ones you know I think

it's always hardest with the people that are really in your life to be vulnerable because sometimes you're you know that's where you can be most afraid even though it's actually like where you're at your safest. Or you're worried that you're going to cause them pain by like expressing that you're in pain. Yes. And people have all their different. But for me it's for me it's more like that weird pride thing of I don't, you know,

I can deal with this on my own. Well, I'm here for you baby. And you have been. I mean, I was very, I honestly, even straight away early on, we hardly knew each other. I, I opened up to you about the grief stuff. and I've I also opened up with you about how I was finding it difficult with you being in your situation

and I did a lot of those things that I wouldn't normally do. And it helped me open up and be more vulnerable. Des, I think you did amazing in hell and I'm a little bit biased but I think you survived with flying colors.

Where can people follow you? Where can people listen to you? Where can people consume your content? Well, I'm at Desbishop on Instagram. I'm 44, so I still have a lot of people that follow me on facebook.com for it slash desbishop not really on twitter these days but you know i am at des bishop on twitter which is actually my most impressive following which i completely ignore and then if you want to listen to my podcast it's the des bishop podcast yeah which comes out

every the thursday night friday morning and that's it i mean i've des buffer on you too but i don't really put much up there these days also um I think we're going to do a little Patreon episode. Oh, that's right, because we're driving into the city now, and we're going to do a Patreon episode in the car. Talking some crack. Having the crack. Having the crack.

That's what they say in Ireland. So go to my Patreon if you want to get some extra... Yeah, it'll probably be fucking better, and that's, like, annoying. Just like yesterday I was playing volleyball, and in the tournament, I was a bit tight, a bit average. Then afterwards, we were playing, like, friendly games, and I played so much fucking better. So I hope the Patreon is like that, you know? Babe, don't stress herself out See, this is the problem with anxiety

Anyway, thank you so much I mean, I'm not dying to get off You're the one that's... Babe, I can't have this go on for too long, okay? I'll have you back You talk about this episode or our relationship? I'll have you back Thanks for coming to hell

And I'll talk to you guys later Bye