Berner Phone - Des Bishop: My Husband & My Trauma

Episode Date: May 25, 2023

Des is back!!! We take questions from the little devils. We start light and then it gets pretty heavy. We are also fostering Abby! If you are interesting in adopting this little angel, check her out here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning in Hell. What's up, guys? We have a very special episode of Burning in Hell with my husband. Sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that. Is that my introna? Desmond Bishop. We are in West Hampton together. he just went to a Giggly Squad show in Huntington.

Was that your first Giggly Squad show? Yeah. How was it? I didn't watch the whole thing, but it was good. I enjoyed it. You were watching the Mets game. No, to be honest, I was more conscious of distracting Paige. Because she was very adamant that I don't watch.

And they were like, oh, no, you can just watch on the VIP seats. But I was like really in her eye line. It's funny. Because I kept turning to see if you were laughing and you were laughing. Yeah, but then, you know, some audience members were coming up. One woman brought me a Guinness. And I was like, I don't drink. And she was like, oh, well, it's for your second family. So it was another second family joke.

And so after a while, I just felt like maybe it was like, because I was on my own in that whole section. So it was like a little, I felt like a little, like it was a distraction. Well, my favorite part is in Q&A. We got a very good question asking us, what is the biggest ick we get from each other's partners? Correct. And when it was her turn, she was making like direct eye contact with you, right? No, the opposite. I wasn't there.

Oh, you weren't there. I ran out, but it was too late. I was, I ran out to try to give her a thumbs down to say, like, don't be such a wuss. Like, come on, step up. She literally was like, she wouldn't, she said there was nothing. She wouldn't give an ick. She goes, he is the most perfect husband in the world.

Yeah. Which, you know what? She does actually love you and feels that way. But she could have definitely come up with an ick. It was, I was disappointed. And I was actually in the, when that was going on, I was in the room watching on the screen with all the staff from the venue. and so I was like a little self-conscious

because I was like, what is she going to say? And I was more self-conscious just because they'd all be looking at me. You know, like, so it was like on me, right? So then she balked. And I was like immediately to them, I was like, oh, my God, come on. You got to say something. So I ran down hoping to just like get her attention to be like, okay, come along. Like I wasn't trying to be part of the show, but I wanted her to know, like, say a nick.

She didn't. I told her afterwards she could have said like he's not circumcised or something. Yeah. No, so that was disappointing, but it was a fun show. By the way, you didn't hesitate. You were like, oh yeah, Craig, he's got a wonky finger. The thing is, we don't hold back on anything in that show. So when she started like pitter-pattering, I was like, oh, my God, it's because Des is in the building.

But she doesn't know if you would have, if she would have came at you, you would have, like, respected her for life. Yeah, it was disappointed, but it was fine. But I do think overall, were you impressed by the show? Yeah, babe, like as if I'm going to say no, on the podcast, like, no, it's terrible. You guys suck. I don't know what these millions of people around America are seeing you guys. Come on. How much you have to do for a compliment around here?

Listen, you married your father. You're coming to the wrong place with praise. Well, speaking of father, you are currently a father to a foster dog. Well, yeah, I'm fostering. We? We. We. Hannah likes to always say

Des is fostering my name. Because whenever you're like... Hannah very much likes to be married in certain situations. And then in certain situations, she loves to not be married. Well, we have our foster dog, Abby. Hannah likes to say things like she's decentering men from her life when she's trying to like get in with the Gen Z girlies. You know?

Babe, it is fully possible to de-center men while you're married. Yeah. But we are. fostering Abby we're fostering Abby pocket pit oh we have no idea how she's not adopted yet we got she's this 35 year old pound it's cuddly beautiful sweet little baby if you're looking for a perfect partner and you you want to decenter men from your life and you want a girl named Abby in your life and you live in Long Island or New York she could be perfect for you yeah now we've fostered a lot of dogs I've fostered a lot of dogs, even before I met you, I had just begun fostering

dogs. I was fostering Flynn when we met, but we, since we've been together, I've fostered a lot of dogs together, but Abby has been the easiest. She's amazing. And it's crazy because she's actually probably the dog that's been in the shelter the longest. Which makes no sense. Makes no sense.

And, you know, she's the, the website is alphabetical for the dog's names. Yeah. So when you go on the site, Abby. Abby's there, number one. I've seen her tons of times and eventually when they told me she was available I was like what's wrong with her because she's been there for so long

you start to just assume that she must be problematic because Abigail who comes right after her we know that she's problematic she's been there like nearly two years maybe some people are confusing her with Abigail no but just we know that Abigail is an issue wait this is reminding me of dating apps you know like after you get out of relationship

but you go back on and there's the people who still are there seeing them, especially on Raya. Like on Raya, it would be like the same people. I was like, oh, Malcolm Gladwell again? Malcolm Gladwell. Not for me. Albert Einstein, really? But anyway.

Benjamin Franklin, you're so popular. You can't find one day. But it's true. I feel like Hinge would even put generic men that would always be on it that like weren't real, but they were like hot, normal looking guys just to be on it. But it is funny. There's some people who'd be like, hey, you're back here again. They're like, yeah, how are you doing?

And I'm like, good. Still not attracted to you. And they're like, yeah, I mean, you. either. Like jail. What had you in this time? Hinge jail. That's so true.

What had you in this time? Well, fuck boy, thought he was a real thing. Fuck boy thought it was a real thing. Turned out he was an asshole. I deleted the apps and everything. Guy wanted me convert to Judaism. I forgot it. Those are the old days.

Well, we don't want to bring Abby back to the shelter. So go to Southampton Animal Shelter.com. Check her out. This might be a sign. so some people submitted questions for us wonderful this is a cute one okay question from the audience favorite meal to eat together and favorite movies to watch together favorite meal to eat together yeah I mean I guess our go-to our go-to is Mexican I think like we've plenty that we go but our go-to is Mexican if we're going together we're probably going Mexican you know so

And then you, I feel like you are, your highest percentage immediate thought when we go to Uber Eats is probably Thai. But that's not mine. It's not. So that's more like when I have a solo night. But I like Thai. Yeah. But I wouldn't put it on you.

It's not my go to. I feel like we have, depending on where we are, we have our naughty orders. Like when we're in West Hampton, we get chicken parmesan. We get tininos, but that's more to do with the fact that their location deliverers. Yes, true. We're very limited in our options here. And when we're hungry, we want it fast. But in New York, we do love Mexican.

It does show how close we are emotionally and physically. We're fans of Peruvian. We love a Peruvian. We love a P-O-P-O. If we're going to order together, we love a P-O-P-O. In the morning, we love an Asa-I bowl. So we will order an Asai Bowl together. If we're going to watch tennis, if we're going to watch round four of the,

check open, if we're going to watch round four of some low-level tournament, you know, Blat-Lava. Yeah, Bratislava masters, you know, when we're watching like the rank 30th player. So Des lets me have the tennis channel on during the whole day, unless there's a Mets game. Unless there's a Mets game's on. So in the morning, we're not afraid to order an assaye bowl. usually with peanut butter Because we both work at night

Like a lot of the time Des will have late night spots Or I might have spots at night We hang out and like to get our main meal A lot of the times for brunch In the Lower East Side So that is like our date night Yeah I like the way that you said that

In a way as if we woke up at similar times Like we both work late So But Des is still up at the crack of dawn Like a farmer So it does get upset because I can naturally get 16 hours of sleep if I wanted, and he can't. No, because that's not how his body is. I have a farmer's body clock, man.

You know, I'm up. I'm feeding the cat. Are you a farmer, farmer, or a hunter? Baby, that's an in-joke. You forgot that they don't have the context. So I get up, I feed the cat. I feed the animals. I'm a farmer.

I feed the animals. Farmer does. So, yeah, so I'm going to say Mexican number one. If you're a farmer, then what am I? the farmer's wife very simple very simple so

yeah and then movie wise we're not you know it's funny we're not we're not great we don't we're not simpatico on the TV stuff we're not that compatible we find we find some shows that we really get into together

but Hannah loves the crime you love the docs I like documentaries but not the type of documentaries that you like What kinds do you like? Well, I mean, it's easier to focus on the ones that you like because you're the big doc person. So you like true crime stuff, which is fine. If I sit down with you, I'll get into it. Does Hates, which I love, random musicians, documentaries of them on the rise and how they became famous.

Because they're all puff pieces and they're all basically the same, but just with a different person, it's like them and the Uber, you know, with the flashes of the paparazzi and them being like, I just want to love myself. And I love that shit. I eat it up all day. Yeah, so I cannot do the Puff Piece music docs. I just love seeing how people's dreams come true because I'm a dreamer and I love to see people find happiness but then realize they're still sad. But like, for example, like I love the defiant ones.

I love the Dr. Dre, Jimmy Ivy, documentary. So we will occasionally be a Venn diagram with certain things. Yeah, no, we didn't watch that one together. But like, so there are some docs that I love. You know I interviewed his daughter on Burning I know. I absolutely know. Jade, Iveen. Don't miss out on that guy's great episode. She's very funny.

So when Hannah wants to go doc, generally I don't watch. I will get sucked in. You know, like we started trying to watch the Menendez brothers thing yesterday. It wasn't great actually. But generally I am, but let's, so let's

do the flip side. You didn't stick with succession. You don't have the same level of patience to get sucked into some of the great series of modern time. I've never watched Breaking Bad. I've never watched. You didn't stick with Breaking Bad. You didn't watch the last episode of Game of Thrones.

But I'm also a little rebel. I feel like part of me gets off on like if once something gets too popular, I say, you know what? Yeah, that's just immaturity. That's just like grow up. No, that's like my like Brooklyn side. It's like, oh, it's Sam and Stream. I'm not going to watch it.

But instead, I'm watching. like every generic documentary that's ever been made. But this is the thing. Succession, I really feel like it's the same scene every time. And I could literally, like, at the writing, so good, I'm like, every character is exactly the same in every scene. Yeah, I know, which is, that's a fine criticism, except that every one of these puff piece music documentaries are the same too.

But, you know, like, you get into the characters. But I am totally fine with you not liking Succession. But that would be an example of something that we tried to watch. together and you just didn't stay with it and there was other ones too what was the other one that you didn't stay I I ended up going ahead of you on another thing that you didn't that you didn't it doesn't matter it doesn't matter we did get on do remember we're watching all those crime Scandinavian crime shows and don't noir scandal noir that was that was an intimate time for us we really connected well we found some good ones the problem is that there wasn't it wasn't

it wasn't an infinite amount we ran out of them also the Korean um horror ones Squid game we watched. Squid game, but then we watched a couple. Well, we tried, but we didn't find another good one, right? No, we haven't found another good one. No, but we did squid game together. We did. Yes.

Yeah, so we, so we have, we have some good stuff. Also a fun fact about Des is he loves a horror movie. Is that a fun fact? It is. I feel like people who love horror movies, they're interesting creatures. I love horror, but it's hard to get a good one these days, man. Yeah, well, I'm kind of like, you know what? It's like, I need the, the, the, the,

fentanyl equivalent of horror like I've gone to like like I can't even get high of heroin anymore I need I need fentanyl and it's just hard to find horror. Did you like smile that was like the most recent one we watched the smile? Smile was good for most of it. It got stupid at the end but I have to say there was there was there was a lot of that was good fun. Yeah. Smile I, you know, I enjoy.

See, I don't like gory. I like creepy and sometimes like if someone sprains an ankle I'm out. Well that's why we couldn't watch that that Lord of Flies. Yeah. Someone broke a leg and I was like, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. So we actually need to work on that in our relationship. We don't. We're good.

Well, the good news is you like watching stuff at 2 a.m. when I'm passed out. And you watch it at 6 a.m. So the few things that we watch together, often I would just get caught up in the morning. Yes. Okay, this is a, this question is a little intense. But hey, can I just throw it down for your listeners? My recommendation, if you're looking for something, is severance. which I had never heard of, and somebody recommended it, and it was so good.

What's it about? It's a, I guess, it's kind of black mirror type. Ooh, I like that. So it's about people that join a program where their brain gets severed, not physically severed, but when they're at work, they have no awareness of the rest of their life. And then when they're in the rest of their life, they have no idea what they do for a living. So just for that eight hours of work, they're completely

Did the government do that to make people That doesn't matter The rest is up to you watching I can't say anything else Also people don't talk about enough The stress of making your partner Watch something with you And being too obsessed with if they're enjoying it

Or not for you to enjoy watching it Yeah that's like when you're like You have to watch this movie And then Look at this YouTube clip And the whole time you're like Oh no it's not giggling Wasn't that isn't there

I think there's like a famous Isn't there a cute video of like Kermit the Frog and some other Muppet and he's like you like it right you like it you know but I can't but I get the ultimate joy is experiencing it with you and you enjoying it but then you not enjoying it will ruin everything for me but I do like to watch something I've watched through the lens of you like is it good anyway that's my own issues what what what have you watched through the lens of me just out of curiosity I mean even last night like I've watched the Menendez thing, and you were like, oh, I'm interested in this.

And it was with the Minuto thing, but it started and it was not a well-made documentary. Well, it was interesting at the beginning, but then it just got too into the long interview. Oh, God, yeah. And I noticed that, but I was hoping that you still enjoyed it. And I was looking over, and then you fell asleep. So that answered my question. What does listening to your own intuition look and feel like to you? Brune Brown.

Is that actually a Brennan Brown question? No. I, you know, I don't actually have an answer to that because I think intuition is overrated. You think intuition's overrated? I do, yeah, because I think, you know, we're not aware of when it's intuition and when it, you know, we have no idea what's really influencing us. So I don't have a ton of faith in the concept of intuition. So you don't listen to your own intuition.

I just I just think that we're not free in terms of our thinking and in terms of what we think is our intuition. I'm not saying that I don't listen to it, but I'm also saying that I don't really have the faith that people have in their intuition because I think that we also have a lot of confirmation bias around our intuition. So when something works out, something works out, you're like, I know. knew it. I knew it. But when it doesn't work out, you know, you're not, you know, or if it doesn't work out, you go, you know what? I thought that I shouldn't do that and I did it and now I feel bad. So I'm, my personal take is, intuition is overrated. I like your hot take on that. I would say that listen, you more know when things are wrong. Like it's not so black and white like this is perfect, this is not. It's more like, you know when you're kind of in a place that isn't for you

versus when things are going better. But the universe doesn't know, like, is this one decision going to make or break your life? It's never like that. It's more like constantly just leaning towards what you think feels right to you. I mean, what I will say, whatever about intuition, is that if we can, and this is aspirational, this is not something that I live by, it's something that I wish I lived by better, is if you took the time in your life every day or every week to try to be better aware of what you're feeling and how it affects you and how it affects you're thinking, you know, if you just had a little bit more sort of like emotional awareness and also maybe just a ton, a touch of freedom from acting on your emotion, that that would

help you to have a more trustworthy intuition. Is this about me, PMSing? I would, no, I would consider my intuition to be sullied. It's funny because I consider, like, you're the person I go to, who I know will always, like, give it to me straight. But that's because I'm giving you an objective point of view on, you know, some situation. But it's, it's not intuition.

It's just like, I'm just like, I'm just. trying to, I'm literally just often because you're in a business that I've been in for a long time, I'm often literally just sharing with you my experience and wisdom, which by the way, is not always the correct advice for your situation, but, you know, like I'm coming to it from that point of you, not from an intuition. I'm not coming to it from, I feel like this is the right thing for you. I'm coming to it like, well, I've, this is the, it's more logical. Yeah. do think that sometimes I am not

very self-aware of myself because I've done a lot of numbing to survive things especially bring up tennis. You haven't brought it up yet, but I did play tennis. And so you don't feel nerves, so you don't feel tired, you just tell yourself, I'm fine, I'm fine. But that's actually not good

as you grow up. You have to be like, are you okay? And I like won't even know if I have a fever. Like sometimes I'm very disconnected. with myself and once a therapist told me to write down every day like my feelings because I was like I think I'm like allergic to cheese and she's like are you and I'm like I don't know sometimes I have ice cream and I shit myself sometimes have I scream and I don't I don't so I don't really know but I've never actually tracked anything so I don't know you mean you never actually

did like therapy worksheets is that what you mean yeah like she gave it to me and I was like I don't there's too much going on I mean I have to say in the earlier parts of my my recovery my my getting sober and staying sober I did a lot of that in more recent times not as much but I did a lot of that was it helpful well it is helpful because

okay everything to you is anxiety you you you kind of only have one word to describe almost all emotion and depression yeah so I would say that there are broader feelings

like fear and sadness and loneliness and you know I think there's just broader spectrum of feelings that perhaps, you know, one could be aware of it. But I don't want to make it, that sounds like it's a criticism of you. But what I mean is there was a time where I was asked a lot to identify what was it that I was feeling. And then whether this is good or bad therapy, then it would be try to find what's behind that feeling. Now, I don't know where it's at in 2023 in terms of what good therapy is. But back then, it was very, very, very, you know,

inner child it was what's the what's the the the memory what's the what's the what's programmed into you that's behind you feeling that way in this situation and I did a lot of that page and I we were actually talking about how her therapist was telling her to normalize like oh you feel frustrated maybe that's because you're human and you're in a situation that's frustrating and let's sit in it and it's okay to be frustrated and not take it as every time me feel an emotion that isn't like excited and happy it's the end of the fucking world and i and that's also the concept of stoicism that i need to work on i bought a book about it a while ago i haven't read it but it's like i love the highs and lows similar to like an addict where like

i like to chase the highs and then the lows happen and then the highs but it's like you get some real fucking control if you are okay sitting in like a contentness and you're not chasing dopamine mean hits and stuff. Yeah, but that's Stoicism? Is that what that book is? You haven't read it. Well, I didn't read it. Yes.

I don't know if that's Stoicism. Stoicism is about being like okay with the mundane and not getting too high and low. I mean, my personal take on Stoic is more just sort of being a bit non-feeling or sort of a bit cold in a situation. But let's not focus on it in a positive way. Yeah, yeah, let's focus more on what you mentioned is definitely good, is to be content with. But you started it by saying it's okay to be frustrated. That I think is the thing that's more, like let's not jump off of that because that is definitely something that we used to do a lot back in the day, which was like sit in it, feel it, be okay with feeling it rather than immediately thinking how can I get out of it. But how do you know sitting and feeling in it isn't you just like spiraling in it and making it worse?

Well, that's funny because that's the, in the early recovery days, the way people talked about feelings was as if they could like destroy you. Yeah. You know, uh, whereas I used to think, I don't really know what I think anymore, but I, I, I, by thinking back in the day, was that, you know, you could sort of learn slash become more comfortable with that feeling and it eventually would have less power over you. Ooh, that's powerful. Maybe that's what the stoicism is. I don't know.

Yeah, I mean, because I had a lot of fear of my own feelings when it came to tennis. I was very scared of getting nervous, which, as a result, I'd be more nervous. I didn't trust my own brain, so I would try to, like, run away from it. But obviously it would almost felt like a dirty little secret that I had that I was nervous. and then it would always come out on the court. So it's kind of like, yeah, when you keep something a secret or you're scared of it, it actually like grows the energy towards it instead of just facing it. Did I ever tell you the story about when we used to do these guided meditations?

No. I mean, so like in the early days of recovery, we were all so obsessed with therapy. And so we were, so, you know, you have to. sponsors in the program right so i had this sponsor who was big into like like guided meditations and like whether he was qualified or not i found them very helpful i just found some guy at the bar no i found them very helpful personally yeah and like it would always be just and and it you've probably done them yourself you know visualization stuff get your body relaxed go through your feet up to your head right so everything's relaxed then you know

What do you see? And then it would basically be sort of like driven by your thoughts, right? And, you know, you're trying to get to a place where maybe you could unlock some trapped emotion, some pain that's behind your frustration or your addiction, you know, basically you're just trying to grow. That was the ultimate goal back in the day. But even though I definitely wasn't qualified, when I started sponsoring some guys, after I had a few years of, you know,

sobriety being clean. And I was sponsoring some guys. I would just do the same thing. Now listen, this wasn't rocket science. This was basically like getting people relaxed and then just being like, what do you see? It was just a journey. It was always like a journey thing.

But you're trying to use that visualization to get to a place. But, you know, you'd be dealing with a lot of guys that went through some tough shit. Yeah. You know, like I had one guy. He's still a friend of mine today. Is this a HIPAA violation?

No, no. but he's still a friend of mine today but you know he had a tough he had a tough life or much tougher life to me so we're doing a visualizer it's going great and he's very eager you know he's very like he wants to like get you know he just wants to like do anything possible

to just make sure he doesn't go back to like addiction and he got to a place in a visualization and it's always like a door or like I've done this with loads of people it was always like a door or some water there was always some some step there was some sense of breaking through and him specifically but i remember other people too

one was a lake and one was a door and they would not go in because they thought that if they went through there that they would not be able to handle what they see on the other side fear yeah but they thought it would consume them they thought that unlocked that would be too much, which is why I think it was maybe, in hindsight, because I was young, a little irresponsible because we were, I certainly wasn't qualified. But this was just like, you know, in the steps, it talks about prayer and meditation. We had this in the meditation category. This was like a meditation, right? So anyway, this is a very long answer to people often come to a place where they think that they will get consumed by.

emotion or the truth or some sense of this is the thing that I'm hiding from yeah you know and I certainly was there I should have used myself as an example also because when I was doing it I remember getting to that place and and being afraid of of like I think for me it was a door I can't remember but it was it was uncanny how everyone came to something to step through which is fucking weird because like we're not, I'm not qualified. And it's like the unknown after that? Well, I, I think it's, I don't, yeah, I have to go back, but I think most people, including myself probably, aren't afraid of the unknown. They're afraid of opening the door to the known, the thing that you've been surprising from. Don't forget, every single person I'm talking about,

including myself, is somebody that was battling with active addiction. So it's like, what the fuck are we hiding from? Yeah. What are we hiding from that we were numbing so hard, you know, to the point where we're destroying ourselves rather than having a look at what's behind the deal. Wow, that is so fucking powerful. But I do want to point out that it may have been irresponsible behavior in terms of like

now when I think about people's mental health, I probably would have been a touch more careful. Yeah. In saying that, everybody had a possible. positive experience. Like, everybody grew. I think everyone could benefit from a basic meditation, but yeah, if you start saying too much stuff into where they should go.

Yeah, everybody grew. And I also have to say that everybody in this sort of core group of people, we all were seeking either were at the time or very soon after we're like seeking like professional, you know, like people that had knowledge. We weren't just like, we weren't out there like the blind leading the blind. We were always like trying to touch base with people who had, you know, qualifications. But I do think for people listening who may not be alcoholics or have abusing drugs, it's such an interesting thing to talk about because everyone has like a vice they go to

when they don't want to feel their feelings, whether it's going on Amazon shopping sprees, whether it's, you know, swiping TikTok. Like, everyone does it in a different way. Some is just more self-harm than others. But anything to the extreme is dangerous. But it's so interesting when you said, it's not the unknown that's scary. It's the known that you don't want that you've been running from.

Often. Do you ever get weird dreams of your past? I mean, I'm not a big dream guy. I have this recurring dream that I had last night. where I always, not to bring up tennis. Babe, you got it. But it is a big, it's a deep trauma of my life. I have this dream that it's the last day of my last match that I'm playing

before I'm retired from college tennis. And it's always like, can I do one more thing to change things? Like, do I, can I do something so I don't regret it? like I still feel like I if I had done something differently things would have been different and it's like I find myself in that place all the time that last match what can I do in this last match I still have a chance and it's just it's a very uncomfortable weird feeling then you wake up and you're like oh that's an old dream I had 10 years ago let's move on let's go about our day yeah well you know I'm not your therapist

I'm not going to be able to sort that out, but, you know, listen, I, you want to know whether people think it was a great movie or not, but I think one of the most powerful scenes in cinema, I don't think it's, I don't think it gets enough credit is the scene. You're going to say inception? No, I was going to say, don't interrupt me. Inception. Like, what? God damn it, man.

Because I was talking about dreams. No. I'm not a big dream guy. No, I was going to say that I think one of the most, in relation to what we're talking about, especially, one of the most Palestinians in cinema is when Robin Williams has Matt Damon and he challenges him to say it's not your fault. It's not my fault. And he doesn't want to fucking say it. And he gets real fucked up about it. I just think it's really good writing.

because Matt Damon is like, fuck you, man, like, fuck you. And he's like, it's not your fault. And he's like, get the fuck away from me. And he's like, he's got him. He knows that's the spot. He's at the spot. He's at the fucking the pus.

Like, he's going to pop this fucking blister. And then it's not your fault. And then eventually Matt, he's at the door. Matt Damon, but that's what I feel. And then Matt Damon fucking breaks down because he's been carrying, whatever the fuck is going on for him, his shitty childhood.

You know what I mean? Like his anger, his intellect. the way he hides behind his intellect, like all these fucking masks and things that he's doing to protect himself from whatever the fuck he's hiding from fucking Robin Williams

has got him like in the corner. It's like it's not your fault. And then eventually fucking Matt Damon breaks down. And I was like, yo, I have been there, bro. I have not wanted to fucking let it go. And then you let it out. And it's like, but it's such a fucking release. What's the new in the movie again?

Goodwill hunting. Goodwill hunting. Yeah, I think that definitely goes down is one of the greatest scenes. That's just a great scene of mental health and just like letting shit go Because a lot of people don't want to let it go I know you're not my therapist But I've obviously talked to my therapist about it

And she gets to the point where she was like What if you didn't do anything wrong And I was like, I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And she's like, what if everything happened I was supposed to be and it wasn't your fault? What happened to you? And I'm like, whoa, wall, wall, wall. But then that's saying that I'm not superwoman

And I can't overcome everything. well listen man it's it's it's it's not logical you have to get there on an emotional level you have to realize like it doesn't it really doesn't matter but you know i'm not your therapist babe that's you got to i just can't wait for all the fucking podcast comments she's still going on about tennis fucking deal with now her even her husband is over it but i think everyone tennis is a but also like dreams here's now i i think that you do have some issues there. But I also want to point out that, like, the fact that you dream about it, babe, so the Irish leaving high school to go to college in Ireland, it's called a leaving

certificate. It's the hardest exam anyone will ever do. I had dreams about the leaving cert for 20 fucking years. I, like, it's, how long have I been, I did it in 93 and 94, I had to fucking repeat it. That's how hard it is, right? So 93 and 94, you know, what are we, so I'm nearly 20 years, right? Yeah, it's a symbol. That's how bad I am at math. But, I dreamt about that for fucking years. It's a symbol of anxiety. I still think that every now and then I will have a dream where I'm about to sit to leaving and I'm like, I have not studied.

Like I know that in recent times I've had dreams where I decided to go back and do to leave and serve, whatever reason. Like get a better leaving. And I'll be like, yo, I fucking haven't. Like it's still. So I also think that a lot of it is just like muscle memory. Yeah. It's not always just.

emotional pain. It's also just like, you spent the majority of your life playing tennis. So it comes up in your dreams. Do you know when I close my eyes at night, some of the times I'm, I just, I'm hitting a ball. Like, that's just how I go to sleep is like a rally. Like I'm just hitting. Anyway, that was really deep and great, babe. To get a little lighter, a listener wants to know, should I date the really nerdy nice guy and take a break from hot fuck boys? I used to have a joke about this. What do you say? But the context is very Irish. So in Gaelic football So it's just a lot to explain

But in Gaelic games If you put it in the goal It's three points But if you put it over the bar Between the posts But you put it over the bar It's one point, right? So there's an expression

In Gaelic games Take the points and the goals will come In other words like Don't always go for the goal Because it's harder to get a goal Whereas like you keep putting it over the bar There'll be a moment where the goal is not that tough You know?

So the general joke always was my dad was terrible with emotions and any awkward conversations, but he loved the GAA. So one day I said to him, I said, Dad, there's this girl, she's okay, but she loves me. And there's this other, there's this other hot girl. And I think I might have a chance with her, but if I go for the other, but I don't know, but if I go for this girl, then I'll never have a chance with the hot girl. And he said, take the points and the goals will come. So my advice is, I didn't know where that was going to be. Oh, really?

No, because I didn't know if it was going to be the other way. Like, go with the nice guys and the hot guy will come or go with the hot guys and maybe you'll get a nice guy. So basically my advice to her is if the nerdy guy is into you and you're curious, take the points. The goals will come. The goals are when the hot guy is actually not an asshole. I totally agree with you because you'll never know what it's like to be with the nice nerdy guy or it'll always just be made up in your head

give yourself a chance if you're in college he will do your homework for you that'll be great especially if you're in your 20s it's about researching what kind of people are right for you I mean it goes back to my joke that I always say like the media tells you what kind of guys are supposed to be like the wanted guys

like Disney princes or like the guys in the high school stupid movies where it's you know the guy who's like bullying people and you're like he's on so figure out what kind of guys right for you also the nerdy nice guys could have huge cocks and they also tend to make more money

long term yeah those nerdy nice guys in their 40s are the ones with the yachts yeah go for the fucking the tim cook you don't want the guy like raising awareness the CTE ones they don't always long term work out someone wrote no question

but you guys are honestly a vibe does do you know what a vibe means? I know what a vibe means, yeah. Sometimes I think you're unsure of what's a Gen Z thing and what has been around for 200 years. A vibe is not a recent phenomenon. Sorry, I'm just like really in with the Gen Z's right now.

Are you guys good at traveling together? We're very good at traveling together. We're pretty perfect at traveling together. Yeah, like we're, that's where we thrive. Well, Des is stressed out and I'm too calm. I mean, I don't get that stressed. I'm just like on it. Yeah, I'm just on it.

I don't get, you know, there are certain things that stress me out. Traveling we're pretty good with. I feel like if I was to type A trying to take the reins with traveling, we could butt heads potentially. Well, try taking the rains. The one thing I'm confident of is that's never going to happen. because like you're just not you're you're you're you know you literally be like we're going to Paris and how to be like can we stop off in Beijing the geography is just like a little off just whenever I is is can we go to Thailand on the way whenever I propose something I just

need to know it's going to work because it's a it's a risk if I'm like let's stop at this restaurant I'm like please be fucking open And also, you know, the other good traveling-wise with us, which is good, is that like we're both not big like a lot of stuff on a day's itinerary type of people, you know? And I mean, the only negative sometimes when we're traveling is you like to sleep late. I mean, I make that my benefit. I go coffee shop and have some time to myself in the morning. But every now and then when it's like if there is something specific, that we want to do if it has to do with waking up early that's like an issue with you which is

never an issue with me yeah so probably every now and then when we're in up like a like a taloon type situation if it's like do you want to go on a boat and go snorkeling you'll be like what time do we have to wake up no I'm good thank you know that's why if we go the west coast sometimes bitches on her shit I'm up at 7 a.m. ready to go yeah I don't know what we're going to do when we go to Paris where suddenly you're six hours ahead and you're going to be like 6 p.m. like, is it time to get up? Kill Mary fuck, Italian food, Asian food, Mexican food. Oh, my God.

It's just, I'm not getting involved in this. Oh, that's too lowbrow for you? No, but just like, I like all those foods. There's just no need. There's no need for that. But I mean, I appreciate that they took the time to ask the question. But there's just no need, you know? I'm going to, I'm going to make.

going to go onto the house floor and I'm going to say, I think we need a law that's passed that says we don't need to decide on which of these three are better because they're all good. How do we stay connected when touring on the road so much? I mean, we're just on the phone.

Someone also asked, do we text and call a lot? It's a lot of calls. A lot of calls. A lot of calls. Texting is very Gen X in that way. Yes. But no, I always, like, if a guy was not on the phone with me, I was like, there's something up i didn't like it i want to talk to people on the phone we'll talk in the phone

for 30 seconds just to be like hey hi hey how you doing miss you by and i think it's powerful as a you know text i don't we don't we don't think there's no strategy no but i i spent most of my life away from my loved ones i'm i'm i'm probably dysfunctionally comfortable with being apart from people but at the same time i i think that we're both comfortable knowing that like if we're apart for a period of time we're going to be together soon and it's not like a big deal i mean we're never apart for that long i mean we did have that sort of five-week stretch right before we got mad yeah but i do think long distance when there's an end goal like there has to be an end goal like we knew like we're getting married after these five weeks like there has to be an end goal it can't just

be like i'll see you when mensuling wangeline and it also has to helps when the reason why you're apart is that you're both one or the other or both are doing the thing that you love. I mean, we both, everyone knows that comedians, creative people are like obsessed with their jobs. And so we both respect the obsession. Whereas like when you're in a relationship where one is somebody like that and the other isn't, then it's just like one person can take it personally or the other person cannot understand why they want more time. Whereas like I, I, I, we both respect the fact that like it's an obsessive job we i get it i don't take it you know what i mean i don't take it personally and and it's great that you don't yeah and we always take the time when we

get back home to recap make sure everything's okay and make sure we're well rested so that we can do what we love to do people keep saying the secret to long distance like we're in a long distance relationship yeah right we're not we're actually not in a long distance relationship we just don't post a lot I've been in them. They're tough, man. I feel like long-distance relationships can only work if there's, like, a period of time. Long-term, like eventually they're not going to work. Oh, yeah.

But short-term, it's fine. Like, short-term, you get over it. Or sometimes they just work when they're long-term. And then once you move in together, you're like long-distance. Then once you're together, you're like, wait, I just liked the idea of this person on the phone. Yeah. That's happened to you before. The thing is that if it's a long-distance relationship,

and neither has decided like who's going to be the one to sacrifice. Oh, yeah. That's tough, man. That's really tough. So, you know, we don't, you know what I think it is? I think a lot of people think that I still spend like a ton of time in Ireland probably. Yeah. Which is not, you know, it's not really the case.

Yeah. And that's, I mean, at the end of the day, we quietly had like, we didn't even discuss it that much, but we sort of like very quietly had a moment of like one of us is not going to be spending as much time where they live. And that was me. but it was easy for me because I've always had a life in both places. Yeah. And we're literally in the house right now that I always had. So it didn't feel like I was changing my life.

Yeah, but I was a bit. But we love Ireland and I would move there in a second. So yeah. So that's what's that. That's what that's about. Would you ever start an only fan? Oh, good question. When and where is your next couple vacation?

So we famously never go on vacation. Famously? I mean, they can't talk about it enough on TMZ. Another month where Hannah and Des haven't gone away. What do you mean we famously never go on vacation? Babe, we've only known each other since July of 2020. It's not even three years since we met. We've been to Tulum.

We've been to Plydele Carmen. We've been to Aruba. We've been to Puerto Rico. We've been to Ireland twice. I liked the idea that I'm working so hard. I've never been on vacation, but you just exposed me. Sorry, we go on vacation.

No, but we never went on a honeymoon. We never went on a honeymoon, famously. We famously were on our honeymoon. Because we honestly were so, if you travel a lot. Oh my God, sorry, babe, page six is on the phone. If you travel a lot for work, then it's, if you travel out for work,

the idea of finishing your wedding and the next day getting on a plane to deal with travel shit was not fun for us and also we live on the beach we live in west hampton it was like may it was we just wanted to lie down but

the one I've never really been to Europe besides Ireland and I went to Italy for two weeks once when I was 16 out of tennis tournament that I ended up losing in the first round that I'm not that I'm still upset about but we are going to go to Paris for the first time

we're going to Paris and then we're going to Saint-Trapay and we're going to the French Open, and we're going to see Leonardo DiCaprio on a yacht in the south of France. But the idea behind the trip was to go to the French Open, which was really like a one-year anniversary present, but we didn't have a present to both of us. It wasn't like I was buying it for you or you, but you know, but I guess it's kind of like a honeymoon. Yeah, so if you guys have ever been to Paris, this is my first time. Send me any wrecks you have. Um, so we're experiencing a year of vacation together in the summer.

Yeah, so we're going Paris for Monday morning, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Thursday afternoon, we're going down, Thursday afternoon, we're flying down to Nice, renting a convertible, driving to San Troupe, probably stop off in Cannes, have the afternoon in Cannes. One of my favorite stories about Des, is obviously he's very good at languages, but he doesn't know French, and then we were in a very difficult situation. I know a little bit of French. I did French in high school. Okay, we got stuck at like, okay,

we actually did go to Switzerland once. Yeah, Hannah's like, I've never been to Europe, except I actually flew into Switzerland and skied in the French house for a five days. But it was like during a time where there was... So this is Hannah's second time going to France in the last two years. For somebody who's never been to France, it's pretty amazing. No, but there was some like COVID thing happening where there was to be,

It was the beginning of Omicron, December 2021. Omicron was going crazy and society was shutting down again. So all the planes brought, the carriers brought on that you had to have a COVID test within 24 hours. Yes. So we went to, we had a reservation at a certain time. We go to this place and there is a full riot happening. People are like holding chairs. It was mayhem.

It was the testing center next to the airport. I'm so scared. And then I look at Des. I'm like, I'm like, what are we going to do? and there was literally like 100 people outside they're not speaking English so they're shouting that like if you had an appointment for 2.30 you're not going to get in until like four and we had a flight that night no that afternoon we're literally like two and a half hours before our flight yeah so and then there's all these people like bishop what do you all bad you but you do you know like they're like pointing at their watches and shit I've blacked out at this point I'm so scared luckily I had enough I had enough French for um to get the idea that I'm I figured out what they were saying about the times. So for my... But then, but hilariously, Hannah's like,

can you go and argue? Try to push me forward. I'd like, argue with them. But we did eventually get in. So what happens is I don't know any French. I took Spanish in high school. They start yelling stuff. Des starts, like, responding.

No, no. Knowing what they're saying. No, the time that you got surprised was when we finally got in, she was like asking us questions. and the question was are you on business or vacation so I can't remember

what the business was but she was like something something something or vacants or something it's like vacation it's not that hard and I went vacants

and Hannah was like what? Literally I was like this man is a genius he just learned French in the last 10 minutes I don't even know if that's right

but whatever it was I responded directly and Hannah was very surprised so anyway I love going on European adventures with you. I am going on one of many vacations that I've been going on and I'm going going to hopefully stop dreaming about tennis. And Des, this was so much fun having you on. This got surprisingly deep and beautiful. It's burning in hell, man. Also, I'm convinced I said some of those

things before I'm burning in hell, but I hopefully are wrong. It's been a long time and the little devils, we don't have great memories. You also did something pretty exciting. I mean, you've filmed a lot of specials in your career, but you've filmed a special at the comedy cellar recently. Correct. How is this special different from all the other specials? That's a Jewish proverb. How is tonight different than any other night?

It's not that different. It's just that this is the first time I recorded something in the States, number one. And honestly, some of the bits I recorded are actually bits that I've recorded before, but, like, you know, they were in Ireland. And, you know, jokes just like there's a couple of, like the seasoning is a little different for an American audience. You should talk about me a lot? Very rarely. In fact, the, if it remains in the episode, the bit where you were complaining to me about shouting, I have a, that's the one bit that's pretty much directly about you is just about how like the, the queen's kind of like the passion of a queen's accent and kind of like the way I was raised, sometimes can be misconception.

as yelling or, you know, but it's just like, it's like when you listen to WFAN, like if anyone, you know, I know your fans wouldn't be big WFAN listeners, but like sometimes like they're like literally roaring at each other, but they're not like angry. They're just like passionately talking about sports. Yes. And sometimes I passionately talking about something and it can be taken as an aggression. But this is like a full like really for your Irish and American audience this special. No, this special is definitely for. an American audience. This special is for people that have never seen me before, actually.

That's what I would suggest is the big difference. If the only people that watch this are people that were fans of mine before and they're like, I've actually seen a lot of these bits, that will be a failure to me. The reason why I record, see, because there's some bits that you do and then what happens is I came to the States. I started gigging around the United States. They just became better for an American audience. I'm not saying they're better routines, but to be honest, I think that they are.

I think the routines that I recorded before that I recorded again are because I made them better, like a lot better from gigging around the States. It's just different, you know? People don't know me here. Like when I walk on stage in Ireland, people know who I am. They don't know me here. So you have to win them over.

And when you're trying to win people over, you actually, your bits get better. That's the truth. So I wanted to put the I'm trying to win you over special out. And that's what this is. I'm so excited for it. to be ready to come out i think all the little devils and the gigglers are going to love it i didn't let hannah come we both did like i didn't really i didn't want to add any nervous energy to the room

you know yeah i don't i don't like having people i know around me it's like if you were a tennis place exactly and if you're about to play the u.s open finals and i feel like i can make you nervous for a second i'm not going because you know what i want you to win but if you don't win that's okay and if you don't win you're still was worthy a loser

yeah but see this this is this is the programming that you need to change this is the programming that you need to change but yeah so that's what I wanted to do

plus you know it's at the seller so the vibe is good yeah and so people listen it's going to be a while before it comes out so we're not

I'm not trying to promo the special no but I'm just I'm letting people know it's in the works yeah you're you're bringing it up um and then in terms of my shows go to hannah burn dot com i'm going to be in terry town westhampton sold out but i have another show in september i'm going to go to oklahoma city louisville

i have Vegas this weekend if you guys are bored come to Vegas on friday the wind theater let's fucking party um and i have a ton more date it's texas chicago like every place i probably have coming this fall hana burn dot com check it out by the way i have buffalo june ath Does his Buffalo June 8th. Bravo by Gaze. Bravo by Gays. He's going to come to the show. I hope so.

I love. No, he'll come. This is a call out. Yeah. Oh, so you're calling his ass out to come to the show. I haven't discussed it. I haven't discussed it. No, he's, he's come to so many great shows. Buffalo.

I also have Toronto in July. That's a good one for people to know. Saratoga Springs. I was just in Toronto. In August. Oh, I'm going to go to Saratoga Springs. Oh, and I just added, actually, I just, I forgot, I haven't even told you this yet. I added Bridgeport and New Brunswick, Bridgeport, Connecticut, and New Brunswick, New Jersey, those two stress factories.

Oh, fun. So I've added those. But yeah, Saratoga Springs, I'm going to go with Paige. Nice. So make a party. Maybe Sierra will come. Anyway, we love you guys so much. Thank you for listening to our silly little relationship.

And thank you. Adopt Abby. And come to our shows. And you guys are the best. I love my little doubles more than anything. Bye. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.