Berner Phone - Dylan Farella: Chicken Parm Dates & Disrupting Social Media

Episode Date: January 1, 2020

@dfarella is known as “everyone’s favorite internet bf” but he gets interrogated by Hannah to see if he is actually boyfriend material. He explains the worst date he’s ever been on, not having sex on the first date, everything to do with chicken parmigiana, being a former fat boy, how he finds inspiration for his tweets, what his goals are in his career, why he doesn’t love EDM anymore, why he has a chip on his shoulder, how guys feel bloated too, dealing with peer pressure, the strategy behind why his instagram page is black and white, why he doesn’t want to be a boyfriend right now, and how to get respect. JOIN PATREON FOR JUICY BONUS EPISODES HURRR --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning Hell. What's up, guys? I am with Dylan Farrella. Some people know him as at D. Forella on Instagram or on Twitter because Kanye West follows him. And everyone's been bothering me to have him on. And I'm like, fine, I'll have him on. Just kidding. He's hysterical.

We started his friends online. right we did we were Twitter friends first Twitter first and Instagram at the same time at the same time and then we've just grown to be amazing friends and everyone thinks we should fuck yeah they are they are shipping being burns and DeFerell because I don't have that many pictures of myself and you didn't either and people were just like why aren't you and Dylan dating yeah what why I haven't DeFarrell and being Burns got together yet and they do it all the time and it's super awkward because we've like only been Platonic and Dylan actually was like

hooking up with one of my best friends at the time that they were posting that kind of stuff and I was just we'd just be like ha ha ha and I knew Hannah would never fuck me so I was like right from the bat I'm like this is going to be a friend like how do you know that you're like I only want a man who's six nine I was just telling Dylan I do have a crush on a guy who's six seven right now that I might have accidentally gave a blow job to last night to which you responded ew yeah ew gross what you think blow jobs are gross no I love blow jobs you think oral sex is gross Love it. You don't like going down on girls?

I enjoy it. Then why would you say ill to me? Oh, because it was weird to hear me say I gave a job. I was just joking. No, you think of me as a sister. That's what you just revealed that. I was playing with you. Okay.

Where are you from originally again? Sayasset. Long Island. Long Island, Strong Island, represent. So because you guys were bothering me so much to get Dill and Frella on, I was like, fine, you guys do the work. And I had you guys send me a bunch of questions for him. So I'm going to start, I want to start dark and start with some serious, serious

questions. The first one I have is fuck, merry, kill, wings, chicken parmesan, or cheeseburger. Okay. We're marrying the cheeseburger. Okay. That relationship goes back, way back. We're fucking the chicken parmesan and we're killing the wings. Okay. I agree with you on everything you just said, which is why we get along. Chicken parm is slutty. She's a slut. She has cheese everywhere, hanging off her, barely clothed, sauce on your lips. And you don't know what's really in the chicken, but you don't really care. You're like, it's going to be a fun time regardless if it's dark meat, white meat, super fried, not fried.

And chicken wings, it's fucking chicken. Like, I could get chicken anywhere. A glorified chicken nugget. Glorified chicken nugget. The fact that we should have said chicken nugget, because chicken wings takes effort. You have to, like, eat around the bone. I actually eat a little bone because I'm wild. I eat at the end of the bone.

Do you eat the bone? It's iron. I'll bite the end of the bone. And I look at people when I do it. So I just fight into it and stare at them. Like, I'm going to bite their dick like that. Ooh, okay. We're in a mood today.

We're in a mood. Also, what did you say? You said something really funny. You said that chicken wings are just a vehicle for a ranch? Yes. That's true too. Also, cheeseburgers. Oh, I love to put mayonnaise on it.

I love to put pickles. Manease mustard pickles. How far do you go back with cheeseburgers? I mean, Spondraub Squarepants. Oh, okay. How far do you go back? Like Hard Rock Cafe, age six. Nice.

In college, I would eat so much because we'd, like, work out in the morning, go to class, nap, work out at night. So I would be really hungry, and I would stop by the, like, college cafeteria, and I would just grab a cheeseburger and, like, be walking to my next class, just holding a cheeseburger. I like that look on you. Oh, my God. And Wisconsin, the cheese. we just talk about food the whole time I mean you mentioned cheese so what's your favorite kind of food to eat

steak a ribo You just licks your lips That's embarrassing What's your favorite place to take a girl on a date Like what kind of food Usually when I go on a date Girls are like we're getting chicken palm right Like so it's Italian

So it's your thing They just know like the chicken parm joke So they're like oh let's do palm So Dylan tweets a lot about chicken farm I tweet a lot about chicken parm as well Someone wrote sex or chicky parm. Chicky,

parm, parm. J.K. Sex. Why don't you have merge with like chicken parm shit on it? Why don't you just do a shirt of a photo of chicken parm? I feel like that would just fly off shelves.

100%. It's actually a great idea. 20%. Yeah, 20%. I was about to say that but I didn't want to do it on to show that I'm such a business shark on my podcast.

Sweetest thing a girl has ever done for you. An ex-girlfriend when I was moving to L.A. I wasn't talking to her, didn't tell her I was moving across the country. Because you're a fuck boy. Because I'm a fuck boy. She must have found out. She showed up to my house with a bottle of champagne and was just like, I wanted to say goodbye and see you one last time.

And like she didn't want anything else. How did you find out you were leaving? I have no idea. I mean, that's creepy to me. Creepy. I'm like glad she would. She's probably under this table right now listening. Negative.

Do you think you're a fuck boy? Um, no, I don't. I also don't know what a fuck boy is. Okay, how do you not know what fuck boy is? Do you not follow my Twitter? Fuck boys are like babies on airplanes. At first, they're cute, and then you want to kill them. Okay, this is everything to fuck boy.

I feel like I've been called a fuck boy for different reasons. Yeah, what reason? I'm wearing an outfit and a friend's like, you're a fuck boy. What kind of outfit? Like what I'm wearing right now? Is that a cardigan? Yeah, it's a cardigan. With a chicken parm stain on it?

Yeah, that's, I mean, you know that's marinara sauce it's definitely marinara sauce when I see it there's a misconception that's the word I was looking for is that people think that fuck boys are just guys that just want to have sex that's not true okay because there are girls that just want to have sex too fuck boys are guys that make you think they want more than sex

like in the very beginning they're like oh I want you meet my family or like oh I really like you because they know that I'll make the girl into it and then they have sex and then they don't fall through on any of the things they said so you're a fuck boy So you can accidentally be a fuck boy No, you don't accidentally do that

But you can accidentally give a blowjob Actually you got me there That was really good most people don't That was good but it was a good way of you trying to not answer the question I just think that Because when a girl is hanging out with a guy And a guy's hang out with a girl They're interested in two different things

Especially on a first date First date the guy is trying to figure out if he would have sex with them And I'd say about 85% of the time The guy would probably have sex with the girl That he's on the date with What's that percentage? Like 85% of the girl do you agree go on because you already like have you've seen their photo you're

attracted to them you just want to make sure they're not like having volatile fights with her the first date I think a guy would fuck you oh yeah you're trying to fuck unless like you're running away like you show up and there's a surprise like she is one eye you had no idea and like you're bouncing you would still fuck a girl with one eye I mean I'd fuck a lot of things but not a girl with one eye do you why you know I don't I don't discriminate I have a lot are welcome a lot of listeners with one eye who are going to be really upset about that wow well slide in the dms we'll check it out just wear an eye patch please deems like i say that but then the girl is not looking at the guy the same way the girl's not like would i fuck him the girl is like

would i date him so that's why i think like i feel like i have to break up with so many people after first dates because like they're not deciding if they would date me that's a whole different game they're deciding if they would have sex with me where i'm deciding if i want to date them so then i have to get off the bandwagon and they're like what the fuck but that's where fuck boyishness can happen because they know that girls are like do i see myself liking this guy and if they say those things like oh my mom would like love to meet you because that's so cool and you give that shit the next thing you know you're fucking him and you're like oh i'm gonna fuck him in his mom's house right before thanksgiving yeah yeah so you can just become a fuck boy in

one week you could go on the first date and then be like like next week am i getting laid but then you're suddenly a fuck boy i feel like you should be able you should be able to not have to lied to fuck like you could be like yeah like I'm going to know you I don't know how I feel about you but like I'm very attracted to you and I'd like to have sex with you yeah I don't think people lie to fuck I feel guys are you kidding me that's all they lie about to fuck okay that's fair that's fair I've never consciously been like yeah this is a non-truth I'm telling yeah yeah but like have you said things that you know she wants to hear um I don't say things that I don't actually mean I feel like this is an interrogation

Look at how you're sitting. You're freaked out. Once you called out that chicken parm stain on the cardigan, I've just been on my toes. You've been on your toes. But what if you can solve the whole fuckboy thing by just fucking on the first date? How do you feel about that?

I feel like you're not for it. I love that you say that because why do you think that? I just do. You love not giving answers. Okay, I know it for a fact. I know it for a fact. Why? Have we been on a date and I didn't fuck you? You've advised people not to fuck me on the first date.

My friend who is messing with you? Yeah. I will always tell my friends, whatever you don't go, fuck, like, suck his toe, don't have sex with him on the first date. My thing is because if you're drunk and you're having fun, cool, the first date sex is kind of like it can get you having feels that you don't need to have in the beginning. I don't think that first day sex would ruin a relationship. I just like for people to like get to get to know the guy a little. And I also love teasing. Like I think teasing's hot.

It's definitely important. Like not having sex is so hot to me. Yikes. Yeah. No, but like it's like the best foreplay to me. No, for sure. Like once you have sex, it's a whole different ballgame. You're like, okay, well, what do we do now?

Like, do we do anal? Like, what are we doing? Anal. Anal. But the suspense is definitely. The suspense is so fun. Because I'm not rejecting you. You just, we're having.

having a little fun and I think that's good but don't use it as a tool to like manipulate people such a fuck girl I am a fuck girl that's why I know a lot about fuck boys I do play mind games however lately I'm like I don't have I have a crush on this one dude so shy I love shy men I know that's why I like you I know I because it's just like nice that you guys don't just like say every inappropriate thought in your brain you are the shy guy whisperer I've always loved it Anytime I listen to you talking to a shy guy, I'm so fascinated. And it scares me.

I'm like, can I talk to Hannah without, like, being cracked open and, like, totally vulnerable? I don't know your secret. I think it's also because I love cats. And shy guys are like cats. Because if you come in and you make fast, aggressive movements, they run away. If you come on too hot, they run away.

You got to be gentle and you got to earn their respect. You got to earn their trust. But then once a shy guy trusts you, And he gives you his, like, opinions and feelings. You feel amazing. But if it's just a random dude who tells everyone that his ex-girlfriend sucks and his parents were meeting him growing up, you don't really feel that special. Right.

Like, give me four hours with this shy guy. I got this guy. I got this. And then, like, I don't know. I just love shy men because I have to, I also, they're so mysterious to me. Like, I can't wait to hear about all his deep, dark secrets. What did you find out? tell anyone he only told me he wasn't cool in high school which is not good yet and that's why

I'm still so intrigued by him I'm so intrigued by him wasn't cool in high school yeah I was like still a loser um he mean he's in he's a comedian so like all comedians like can't be too cool if you're in comedy you have to be able to like look from the outside in but if you're too in on the coolness you can't be like self-aware he accidentally got a blow job so he must be really fucking cool um I want to know the worst date you've ever had. Worst date I ever had, not too long ago, just a couple months ago. What happened? This was a chicken parm request date.

How many do you get of these? Too many. Really? And we went to this Italian restaurant. Do you have a token Italian place you take people for the chicken palm? Because I'll be embarrassing if you take a girl to a bad chicken farm place. Well, that was a thing. I didn't have time.

I like do my diligence, like research, find the right restaurant, ambience, picked a random place. ended up being like so loud and I couldn't even hear my date and we're just screaming at each other not hearing each other didn't even finish one dish of chicken parm and I just got all temperamental

at the table like with the waiter and I blew it what did you do? First I went up to the bar and I'm like I can't hear my date can you like resituate us and then all of a sudden like managers are coming over and like blowing up my spot it was loud because of the music the music it was fashion week so like

Oh, that's so annoying. You took her to one of those, like, places that was having a Fashion Week party accidentally? Yeah, exactly. And you didn't even get an accidental blowjob. No. It sucks. I got accidentally kicked to the curb mid-chicken barm.

Oh, my gosh. At least take the chicken parm to go. I got to respect her game. Her exit on this date was so impressive. What did she do? You know, like, when you'll go to the bathroom, call, like, your point of contact friend and be like, this is how the date's going?

What do I do? Yeah. She comes back to the table. and goes, how was it referring to the chicken parm as if it was my chicken parm? And she was done eating it. I was like, whoa. Smooth, but ouch. She said, how was it?

And then, as in like, we're done here? Yep. And what did you say? Oh, it was good. And then what happened? She was like, okay, I'll talk to you later, bye. Then I was like, you want to maybe go on a walk or something? She's like, okay, we could go on a walk, go outside, and it's raining.

So, like, we walked two blocks in the rain. The universe was not in the mood for you two that day. No, I was on two hours. sleep the whole week? Why didn't you sleep last night? Because, okay, I just have to say to prep you guys as we're getting into it, Dylan text me and goes, I read text messages on podcast. That's what I do. I get in trouble. I don't give a shit. He goes, maybe in rare form today. I can't tell yet, but like I am. I said, oh, fuck yes. And he goes, should we drink? So this is Wednesday at 11 a.m. And I just wrote, ha ha ha because I was like I mean that sounds fun but I'm not going to endorse you

that was a no I'm not going to enable you and he wrote ha ha ha ha then I go I'm excited so here we are now why were you why didn't you sleep were you anxious what is happening I'm worried about you um it wasn't so much anxiety I got home at like 10 and then was just like trying to remember to eat you're so annoying by the time it's 10 o'clock it's like not dinner time what are you working work gym Do you go to the gym every day? Every day. In the morning or at night?

Both. Did you always work out all the time? Maybe past couple of years. I was previously just a fat boy. Oh, you were a fat boy like B-O-I? Why were you? No, like just fat. Like pH or F?

Like F. Oh, wow. Why were you fat? I don't know. I just ate a lot. food was like my life. You love food. Was it like a foodie thing or was it a like comfort thing?

Like a your relationship with food's weird. Like binging without the purging or with the purging. Yeah like some closet eating periods like. Yeah. Why do you think you do that? I don't know. I feel like it must go back to like the Hard Rock Cafe age six with the cheeseburger. Like it must.

Like it must be something from my childhood where. Would things trigger it? I'm not sure what triggers it, but people are like you eat as if someone's about to take all your food from you. I do also. Do you eat really fast? So fast. I inhale food. Yeah. Yeah, I do too. And I think it's... Where'd that banana go? I eat it.

And then I get called out. I do hate when, like, as a female, like, if I go to a steakhouse, every damn time I eat my steak and then the waiter has to go, wow, someone was hungry. And I'm like, yeah, I order a steak and I ate it. But because I'm like a girl, they have to make a big fucking deal. And then everyone's looking at my plate. And then I get all awkward. But I'm going to eat that steak. Hell yeah. And I do have to slow down because apparently your brain doesn't process.

Like, you don't know when you're full for like 30 minutes. So I'll just like pig out for 30 minutes and then you feel like your insides want to be on your outsides. Yeah, eating fast a problem. Just had a friend's giving. And it quickly turned into like is Dylan about to pass? Like he's making weird noises. Ideal Piper wants to know what your shoe size is. A nine.

A nine. Solid. Oh my God. Ideal Piper, who is one of our Instagram meme friends, is, asked so many questions, which is hilarious. He knows everything. You know how big your dick is. You don't have to answer that. I want to get a little more, if you're like nine inches.

Hold on. I brought my ruler for this question. What is? your kind of goal in your career right now, because you have like almost 100,000 followers on your Instagram page where you tweet a lot. You are working with like an influencer type agency doing marketing. What's your goal?

What are you trying to do? My goal right now in short term and long is disrupt social marketing. I feel like I've been doing that for my whole career in different industries. And just on that frontier where I'm like making, striking strides as a power user frontier can you you're good at doing all these like buzzwords what the fuck does disrupt mean disrupt because I disrupt people during podcasts I interrupt them a lot right that's interrupting oh sorry disrupting like you're going to make people really uncomfortable by like being the first person to try to make a change um I like being like a catalyst like I like

starting an industry like I'm starting stand up and some people are like very very happy and supportive and excited and then there's always like comedians who were like talking shit like oh really tv girls is a comedian now wow and it's like i have been writing jokes for four years but like whatever makes you feel better um but then you start to realize like oh if people are talking shit it means you're doing something oh yeah i if you hear people talking shit i'll i'll get like a little shit talk and like ouch but okay thank you thank you thank you for talking about me i love the attention not not not not not flattered how do you find your inspiration for your tweets honestly I'll pocket time away like late at night to write tweets like if I'm in the zone yeah

there's definitely a zone you can't force it if the zone isn't there you're going to write some real shitty tweets you're like that's just a sentence stating a fact yeah if I'm feeling like you're so creative right now that you can just type and publish or like put jokes away for later to revisit them I'll just like get into a zone and start writing like oh fuck you're tweeting this is awesome that's actually probably one of my like like yeah it's fun to post tweets and get people following you and commenting and sharing my favorite part of it all though is like those moments alone when you're just making yourself laugh and you're like in that in that short like 20 minutes you're like happy

that's sad no it's awesome me on my couch with my cat and like knowing you just thought of something good is like what life is about i think it's the best i feel like i've done it a couple times in front of people by accident and that's when i'm like look this is like how it happens when I'm alone doing it all the time, like getting all pumped up. I mean, people when I'm out and about, out in a boat, that was my Canadian accent, they, I'll get very inspired by just living. And then sometimes, once you think of one tweet, then it like spirals. You'll know me, like, I don't tweet like consistently every day.

I'll just have like 40 tweets one night and then like take a rest and then do another 40 because I clearly got inspired by something. Also, if you guys want to know, we revealed our secrets to creating the perfect formula for a viral tweet. It's on my Patreon. It's $5 a month. It's a listen to Starbucks. So check out my episode with Dylan Ferella. Patreon.com slash burning in hell. How did

you start your Twitter? Can you explain that? Because Kanye West follows you, and I just need to comprehend how the fuck that's happening and what's going on. Yeah, I started my Twitter. I used to be an EDM music blogger and birthed the whole like news business

on Twitter. So we were just like breaking news on Twitter and then I started just like putting my humor out there. So even if I go out to music networking events, people would be like, oh, saw your tweet, like really funny. Then when I moved away from music, I just kept being funny. I love that it wasn't planned. Like you initially found one passion and then found another one through that passion. That's why I think like, guys, you can't just wait for an answer. Like start with something you're interested in. It's almost like meeting people. Like you don't go out to be like, I need to meet someone. It's like, no, find things you're interested in and you'll meet other people who are interested. That's like how we became

friends um i also wanted to say edm music is interesting to me because i don't do hard drugs so i always think it just sounds like a really bad alarm clock all the time why do you like edm i don't like edm anymore really yeah i mean that would drive me nuts if i had to listen to like dubs yeah you're like an old man now you just want to eat chicken parm and like pass out scrolling twitter like listen to christmas music we need to start listening to christmas music setting a reminder that's amazing um so if you're trying to disrupt the industry like do you what is your plan like what are you what are that give us some dirt so you're going to really start by telling people what they don't want to hear okay and those are going to be the people you're going to work with

and get shit done with oh so you're going to have to ruffles with feathers just being like this is bullshit this is not working you have to stop with this method of marketing right and it doesn't have to be marketing but it could be any industry where someone comes in and has to like shake things up it's kind of getting in there saying i've been doing this for eight nine years this is what i'm doing now i've been doing it i'm not going to stop and like would you say you have a kind of a chip on your shoulder yeah why do you think you have this chip on your shoulder did i text you that before i texted someone today that i had a chip on my shoulder no i just am really um i'm a i'm just really empathic i can sense things but you also

have a chip on your shoulder. Yeah. I carry a chip on my shoulder all day, every day. Why? I don't know. I don't think I've gotten. Like, what, were you, like, bullied as a kid? Do you, do you think people don't believe in you?

Did you're, did you're, did you're, what's the deal? Maybe that. I wasn't bullied as a kid. I was, I've always been like, I don't want to say popular, but popular. Like, who do you think is not rooting for you? Who, why are you so angry? Oh, my God. I'm still sitting on my hands.

Sitting on his hands right now. He's like, maybe if I don't move, she'll forget I'm here. I don't think it's a burden. I just, I think I must have grabbed onto some things and been like, that's going to be my, like, secret motivation. Or do you kind of look up to Kanye and how, and his attitude? No, I don't take the chip on my shoulder thing from Kanye. More like Kobe Bryant, I think is a good example of a successful person with a chip on the shoulder all the time. Yeah, why do you think Kobe has a chip on a shoulder?

I watched that documentary like a hundred times. Why? I mean, what is this chip? Just not being believed in, right, as a kid. And then going into the NBA, being a beast as a kid, and leaving the NBA, like, scoring 50 points. Do you guys realize how easy it is to not believe in someone? All I have to do is be like, I don't believe you.

That's what people do to you all day, every day, because they probably don't believe themselves because it's hard. It literally just takes you believing in yourself. That's called manifestation. I was like, the secret manifestation. No, just like earnestly believe you can do something. And if you don't, then figure out how to get the confidence to believe in it. Yeah.

Do you think you're like on your path? Like you're doing the right thing right now? Oh, totally. I'm like full force moving forward. I call that alignment when you feel like you're surfing and you like catch the wave. And then you're like, oh, this is way easier than all the other shit I was trying to do. It's not that you're like great at it. It's just like the universe is like telling you.

Oh yeah, keep this up. Yeah, you're good. Like nothing's stopping you. Like maybe sometime someone didn't believe you, but you needed that chip on your shoulder. At least I did. So you seem like a, do you think you're a really hard worker? Yeah. I think I'm an overachiever.

I think it's, people will like talk shit about like meme pages. Me and Dylan both post our own content, which is very different than meme pages. Like we are the content that gets posted on these mean pages. And I think, and people will see us like get shared and then we get a lot of followers. But people don't see the work that goes into behind it. Like we're not just going on our phone, screenshotting funny shit and posting. it. It can't be replicated and know that for a fact. But we love Insta single. He's the best. Hala. Hala. My boy. So supportive. And curate the best content. Follow at Insta single,

insta dot single. What's your worst habit in terms of like your work ethic? For some reason, I can't break this habit or figure out why it's going on, but just kind of being this unsung hero type where I'll work my ass off and tell no one what I did. And like maybe no one will ever know like good work I've done. Sorry to bring up tennis. I know it's triggering for some people, but it's the kind of thing my dad would be, like, practice and don't tell anyone, and that's how you get real confidence in yourself. Or, like, when it's raining and no one else is practicing, like, go out and hit serves, even though that makes no sense because it's hard to serve in the rain.

When you practice and don't tell anyone, that's when you have, like, this secret of, like, I know something you don't know, and it's that. I've earned this. Hell, yeah. I like that. Your dad's outlook is way better than unsung hero just, like, doing too much. Oh, yeah, because, dude, that's not at all. It's that you're not doing it for the accolades.

You're doing it for the confidence. And, like, even with stand-up, a lot of people have opinions, and they're very judgy of other people doing stand-up. I mean, people have been so fucking supportive of me as I've started, and I've been doing bigger clubs. But I also, I'm not going around. People will be like, oh, well, she hasn't bombed in enough basements. And it's like, I don't tell people what I'm...

I'm trying to do as many small shows as I can on the low. So, like, that's why don't look at someone's Instagram and think you know what they're doing. And don't assume that someone's, like, lazy. or someone is working crazy hard, like just work on your own shit. Yeah. You see people that you want to aspire to, like don't try to be like them. Just know they're being them.

Like you just be you. 100%. 100%. So what is your biggest insecurity in general? Until recently, it might have been my teeth and then I got retainers. We had a fight about that before because he told me that. And I was like, your teeth are actually like a very good part of your face. Yeah, they are.

Like, I hate most of your face, but your teeth is, like, better than the rest. It could be going back to the weight thing. It could definitely be going back to the weight thing. Yeah. On Mondays, I don't want to see anyone. Like, I just look like chubby boy. Like, my face is bloated. Like, today's Tuesday.

Will you actually not hang out with people on Mondays because you feel bloated? Not that, but I'll, yeah, yeah. I'll avoid everyone I can on a Monday. Dude, people don't talk about the bloat. The bloat is real. Once I had ramen three times in one week, and I actually gained, like, 10 pounds of retained water weight from the MSG just looking out don't do that wow how'd you do this weekend this I like don't do shit on the weekends I just I get bloated before my period

if I really want to get there no when was the last time that you didn't feel like yourself maybe a few months ago when I was making like some big decisions with life changes I was like making adjustments and wow i was just like running myself so thin bless you thank you and i snapped got like super temperamental again and i was like this isn't you you don't want any part of this why are you in a hotel room right now the fuck i was like were you saying hotel rooms i was in a this was like a night i was like a night out but i was like fuck it hotel tonight you're wild i'm not but yeah see that's fucking boyish behavior when you say I'm not and then you're like I know she's not fucking me

just own it he's parting in hotel rooms like chingy you say you have these little anger moments do you think you're an angry person are you Sicilian? Sicilian yeah okay that's why like hothead yeah so fiery yeah so when I do get angry people like you're the angriest person like why you're so why you so angry I'm like no I'm just like this grandpa sitting there like waiting to erupt at any minute. Did you watch the Irishman? No, did you? I did because my dad put it on and I was on Twitter the whole time. But my opinion of it is it had no plot. The acting was great, but I don't need to hear like two Italian guys making metaphors for killing people for four hours. And then I was talking to like an actual dude about it. And I was like, I don't understand. They were like,

it was amazing. It was amazing. Lefer was like, it was a great thing ever. And this other guy, JP, I was talking to. He was like, it was great. And I was like, why? And he goes, I'm like, What's the plot? And he goes, it's just like boys being boys. And I'm like, so I wasn't the demographic. That's why. But it was four hours. I was about to press play and I see three hours, 29 minutes.

I'm like, no shot. Also, like, it's great that, who directed it? Scorsese. Scorskees. I can't say his name. Scorsesongi. Scorscanky does this thing where he lets him ad live, which I think is amazing. But then like two and a half hours in, they're like just bantering about some

bullshit in a car. And I'm like, where is this going? Did you tweet about Joe Pesci recently? I just said Joe Pesci's adorable. Yeah, you did. Because he was so great. And he normally plays like the little angry, spicy guy. But he played, I just made it like a spicy pepperoni.

But he played this like really sweet, like but powerful mobster, but he was really sweet. And also I think my cousin Vinny's the greatest thing ever. I'm actually going to do a character for you. I will be Marissa Tomei and my cousin Vinny. Wait one sec. imagine you're a dear and you're prancing along you spot a brook you put your little lips down to the cool clear water and bam a bullet blows your head off you think you give a fuck what the guy who shot you was wearing thank you i'm so honored to have heard that live in person thank you god thank you that's my i've heard that before i like that i've actually will do it as many times as i can i've done it on multiple dates um it's like the perfect length um okay what gives you bad anxiety Peer pressure

Any pressure from any peer at all I mean that will give me anxiety for sure But literally like hey what are you doing tonight I'm like I don't know holy shit You're like me, we get social anxiety Because I feel like I'm immediately letting them down Always When realistic

It's because like we think we're more fun than we are I think I'm like oh if I don't come It's gonna ruin their night And it's like nope they were just being nice asking you to come Yeah maybe just be like oh can't make it or oh Doing something I also joke but like I'm really bad with peer pressure too.

I feel like you just have to ask me twice with like a firm voice and I'll be like, here's my first child, I don't care. Like if, oh, it's bad. I'm bad with peer pressure. Before I met you, I thought that you would be the peer pressuring type. My thing is I don't people, I look like the fun girl who does Coke. Like people come up to me. It's like, come on do Coke.

I'm like, I don't do Coke. And then they get weirded out because they can't place me. And I also like don't even like drinking. Like I see like the one that's like, let's stay out. No, don't go. No, that's a person I hate. All I want to do is Irish exit and go home. Yeah, when I met you someone, I was like, oh, yeah, Hannah doesn't drink.

I'm like, thank God, I was freaking out. Also, people love telling people that I don't drink. We're like, I totally do drink. I just, I only do it when I get paid at summer house. No, but I'll be at dinner and, like, my parents will get a drink, my brother get a drink, and I'll be like, I don't want to drink. I just don't care for it unless I'm getting fucked up because I'm stressed or like there's a guy, like, in the vicinity.

and then the waiter always looks at me like I'm the one who's like an addict who just got sober because I'm like 28 and I'm like no I'm not sober I just I don't I don't care to I want to enjoy my chicken barmajean sometimes it ruins the food for me because I get full off of chug because I drink fast chugging the red wine next thing you know your teeth are red you don't even have a buzz and you can't even enjoy your chicken parm just got it if you get the right wine compliments what's the right wine I have no idea how to pick wine okay well I thought you were going somewhere with that, and you weren't. Nope.

I just kind of asked the waiter, like, what do people like here? That's not really expensive. I like, I'm such, I like Manashevitz. I like sweet. I just drink grape juice. Just give me grape juice and put some vodka in it. That's like the kind of wine I'll drink. I know everyone's like, when I thought Hannah, like a guy will message me.

I think he's flirting. He's like, hey, I've exposed brick and I have peanut noir with ice if you want. And I'm like, dude, you don't even fucking know me. But yes, I'll come over because you have exposed brick. We're going to play our first game called Instomocity. Because you are all over that Instagram, and I have questions for you. Okay. Do you remember one picture in your Instagram where you looked happy, but you weren't?

Yeah, maybe a picture where I was out to dinner with family, and we, like, took this photo that just, like, looked really cool. And I don't know. What was actually happening? A bunch of Italians sitting around at table. yelling at each other about like why the Yankees blew the 2018 season and literally left the restaurant like pissed at each other. That is so funny.

I've had so many family dinners that like we get along so well. We're so close. But like someone says a joke that's a little off color. And then someone else has had a rough day and they get sensitive about it. And then everyone has to pick sides. And next you know it ends just kind of awkward. But the next time you see everyone, it's fine. No one cares.

Yeah. But we all just have big mouths. 28 years later, I'm catching on to Italian fans. family's getting along is Italian family's fighting right away like well I always joke like if we're not making fun of each other and shitting on each other we're not like getting along like if the time family is talking to each other like you look very good how are you they're boring and they're weird and they probably are being like passive aggressive which they would never do instead it's like Johnny you look like shit how you doing you're gonna eat your meatballs

your head looks like a meatball that's that's a good dinner they're comfortable with you they will force food down your throat oh yeah the Italian but won't sit down before everyone's eaten everyone's eaten um who are you jealous of on instagram jealous of you oh my god stop i'm kidding i don't see people on instagram i'm like i'm jealous do you scroll a lot like do you look at a lot of people shit or you more focus on your own stuff on instagram i spend a good amount of time scrolling yeah not the explore page like that's just a lot do you have like like other meme pages you admire or other like talents you admire their aesthetic or anything because you have an aesthetic yeah i like mine the best what's why do you like black and white

really want to know yeah so why i like black and white is because i want people following me to spend a lot of time on my page and like enjoy all the content do a lot of scrolling like scroll all the way down and read all the tweets and if i'm putting out content with color i'm making you burn more calories. So if you can only see three colors, you're burning less calories, scrolling the feed, my content's the type... You burn more calories when you look at color. Mm-hmm. Well, like, everything requires calories.

Wait, so I could lose weight by looking at colors. I don't know how to, like, measure it, but it's like brain cells. It's more, oh yeah, brain cells. Because I heard that you get lower engagement on, like, less colorful things. but but it's funny you're like sacrificing maybe like a little lower engagement on photos but people will stay on your page longer and maybe get that engagement back by scrolling I don't know I'm I do like black and white a lot but it's all about just getting people to be scrolling and it's like okay what if you can make people burn a little bit less calories

and just get a little bit more value than the next person see I care about my followers and I want them to burn calories so that's why I'm sticking to color I'm just kidding what makes you ever delete a photo sometimes if i post something that i was iffy about i might be quick to be like all right let's like take a look at this after you publish it and give yourself 15 minutes and like it's deletable i feel like i know in eight minutes oh eight i know real quick based on engagement but i mostly don't post stuff i'm iffy about if i'm if i like just ask like Michelle teach and she'll give me like the low down on it because I try to be like if I post it I own it like I need to be like this is funny yeah but some of my like things that I think are not that

funny are the ones that blow up the most do you ever find that like the simpler ones often my last post and I told you I was like I wouldn't post something on Instagram now one of my tweets unless I'd get it tattooed on my face like that's I post once a week now but that my last one I wasn't like... Wait, you tweet once a week on Instagram? Yep. So I'll post like once a week on Instagram just because I don't love all my tweets that much.

I'm like not proud of a billion tweets. You're like, I hate all my tweets. But these are the ones I hate the least. So which one you were saying blew out? It was my last one yesterday. I was really surprised. Don't date December is going great. Nothing has changed yet I'm somehow winning at something now.

I didn't love the writing at the end. I'm like a big writer. That's what I love. And I wasn't in love with the writing, but I was like, post this. Like, people are liking it. So you know what I think nailed it? The caption.

The caption is tis the season between nobody November and just me January. That's what the caption sometimes can make it all. Always. And I hate when people are like, I post great captions. Like, no, some are good, some are not. It's sometimes hard to nail.

No, that's, I totally understand why that one did well. Final question, how do you think your real identity is different from your Instagram identity? I think my Instagram identity is like semi-fictional me, and it's maybe a more wholesome view of me. Not to say I'm not wholesome, but don't get too edgy. Yeah, you don't like post any stories drunk or like with girls or doing meth. No, I posted something. This was actually the last thing I deleted. it was I'm like so in the mood for you to air drop me a blowjob right now and people weren't having it

they were like it was off brand yeah it was I mean people like not my dilly I think like people look at you as like their internet boyfriend because you don't say shit like ideal piper would say that that's what I get like oh you're everyone's favorite internet boyfriend I think it's like hey I could bring this guy home to mom I'm not and I don't have to ever but if I wanted to okay do you think that you're Um, boyfriend material? Yeah. That was very, that was very iffy. No, yeah, I do.

I don't think about that much, but I am. It's timed. Why do you not think about that? I'm not trying to be a boyfriend. Oh, shit. I'm not boyfriend material. I'm a fuck boy. Why don't you want to be a boyfriend?

Right now, I'm still getting comfortable being me. Like, I'm still trying to figure my shit out. Do you know what's funny? I want your opinion on this. So this guy that I, like, he messaged me and he's really cute and he was like, I knew him in the community, and he was like, let's go on. I want to take you out to get a drink. And I said, of course, here's my digits. And I texted him, we had a little back and forth. And he never actually asked me out. Like three weeks later, I finally, like,

saw him and something happened. Then he was like, yeah, let's go on a date. And later on, I was like, why did it take you three weeks? And then I had to force you when you asked me. And he was like oh I just he was like I had to get like my shit together and I was like what like I just think you're hot I just want to get a drink but sometimes I think men are very like maybe he saw me as like girlfriend material and he felt like his shit wasn't like he was like in between jobs and he just didn't feel good about himself yeah it's usually when I'm not feeling comfortable myself so if it's a Monday and I'm bloated I'm like no date tonight but it's so funny because like a girl will just be like he's he's not into me or like whatever when like

realistically you're like I feel bloated I feel bloated like I'm sure we'd get along great and you're awesome and I can be your favorite internet boyfriend but I'm bloated right now would you date someone who slinned to your DMs um it depends like a total stranger I'd have to like see what how many have you gone on dates with total strangers who slin your DMs yeah how many I want to say too were they good they were good um interesting they I mean they're they're a waste of time. Do you get nudes? Yeah, I do.

Not often. Like, I think I get the least of the nudes. Compared to who? Just anyone. I feel like people are like, yo, got mad nudes. I'm like, what? Wait, why were those dates

pointless? I feel like people may slide into the DMs, not thinking I'll answer, but then want to go on a date for like the novelty factor. And I won't go on that date unless they're like so persistent where they're just winning in my

i message like or my dm like at the top of my inbox i'm like okay if you're this interested like i'm gonna meet you because she's right down to have sex probably not i don't think i i didn't sleep with the first one accidentally got a blow job good taste i blowjobs are amazing because you can like still play hard to get and be like whoops blow job but no you're not getting it but he's still fine he had a good time i think that you said something interesting where it's like the novelty that's where I get scared when I'm on these like general apps like hinge and a guy's like hey I know you're on summer house or hey why are you famous hey and then the date book if I go on it which I never will again but I did this once or

twice and the whole time they're asking you questions about reality TV and I just feel like I'm on a podcast a very bad podcast a podcast a podcast where the person has no personality and then like they don't take any time to actually get to know you and then and then you feel like they're going to tell all their friends about it like I once had a guy go my friend said that I should kiss you and I'm like, whoa, blah, blah, blah, so many questions. You told all your friends that you're going to date with me and they know who I am. And like, it just, it makes me feel so fucking awkward. Yeah, it's weird.

You know that person's like thinking, oh, I'm on a date with at being Burns right now. And it's a turn off because it makes me feel like you think I'm better than you. And I don't want to fuck a dude who like puts me on a pedestal. I want us to be partners. Yeah, I would love to meet a stranger. I don't know how that even works anymore. And like, go on a date with someone who is no clue who I am. I it's funny because I'm at that place where like we're not that famous obviously but I totally want to meet someone who doesn't know who I am or just like understands who I am and is not impressed by it but not disrespectful like not like oh really to be stupid but someone who's like oh cool but they're not like so what's it like to meet Carl right they're just like I'm in med school oh you you have an Instagram yeah and there are people out there like that um or just like be crazy but like keep it in

for a bit. Like, don't tell me that you've watched every single YouTube video and podcast that I've ever been on. It's time to play The Seven Deadly Sins. Seven Deadly Sins. What are you greedy about? Greedy. Greedy about respect. Yeah. I like that. I never got that answer.

Yeah. I was, you know, I was actually thinking about this, like, when you have to learn that not everything is like in life is fair and you're like wow the bar is actually lower than fairness like where's the bar and it's just respect holy crap i want to put that on a t-shirt that's great put it on that palm shirt it's funny because even like through life of the various things you get like the best feeling is to get respect right show me the respect they know you like they know what you're about it makes me horny same i respect you so much oh my god let's respect each other Stop respecting me so hard. Boy, you respect me.

Wait, that has to be like a new thing where you're like, girl, can I respect you? I respect the shit out of you. Damn, I want you to respect me so hard. Okay, it just got really weird. Who are you envious of? Not on Instagram, like in general.

Envious. And don't give me that. I'm not envious of anyone's shit. Like, who do you look up to? Who's your mentor? I'm envious of assertive and extroverted people. I can't seem to.

get to a certain level of you're just that assertive guy yeah when you get um like a tooth in your salad accidentally will you send it back so i ordered a salad in this hypothetical there's a tooth in it um will you say something yeah if you just don't like the salad dressing you think it was too heavy just like order real food okay if you order chicken parmesan and it's just like really dry bummed you're not going to say anything. But I feel like if you're going to disrupt the entire industry, don't you have to be a little assertive?

Yeah. So, I mean, I'm pretty abrasive sometimes, but it'll be, like, very unexpected. You're like, I don't do assertive. I do abrasive. Abrasive. Like, erupted. It's funny because you've never been abrasive to me ever. No.

I mean, I'm often quiet and often quiet for a reason. Oh, so that's what shy guys are thinking. Yeah, I mean, it's not like too thought out, but, you know. You're quiet because of. you're like, I don't want to deal with this conversation right now. Like, I'm thoughtful. Like, I don't need to... See, if I, like, if I disagree with something, I'll, like, probably say, like, a passive-aggressive joke.

I'll be like, oh, that's a great idea. Let's keep doing the same thing all the time. And then if people get mad, then I'm like, I'm kidding. Because I'm not that good of a service either. I mean, reality is maybe more assertive. I feel like you're one of the most assertive people. The one thing I'm bad about with assertiveness is I hate letting people down. Like, if I'm just, let's say me and you. you got into some kind of business and you were like making t-shirts for me and like I realize

I don't like the t-shirts like I don't have it in me to be the back cop that's really like hey I can't work with you anymore like I can't do that stuff that's tough just the disappointment I like I hate disappointing people I hate because I'm a people pleaser but if it's I can be assertive when I really know what I want like if I'm editing a video I will tell everyone exactly like I'll be perfectionist but it's because it's helping but if I know that I'm hurting someone for something to better me it's really difficult for me. I've seen you be the most assertive person, but, yeah, disappointment is tough. I hate causing pain.

What are you gluttonous about? Saturday ate a whole one pound bag of pretzels. Wow. What kind of pretzels? Rolls gold, and I woke up, and of course, they were like... You were the thinner ones? They were thin, like minis. Okay, I like those.

I left like five pretzels in the bag just so maybe I didn't eat one full pound in the day. That's a Sicilian thing to leave one bite on the plate. Oh, I didn't finish it. Like, oh, I'm just so dainty. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath? Maybe a few months ago when I was, like, moving, and I was, like, really frustrated. I was just me. Moving brings out the worst in people.

People aren't themselves when they're moving. Oof, I definitely threw a piece of furniture. What furniture? One of those, like, pointless little benches, like that you just, like, put next to that. Did you break the wall? I didn't break anything. Thank God. I'm like too old to break things, but still young enough to throw things.

I don't think you're too old to break things. How old are you? 28. Yeah, you're not my roommate punched hole in the wall. White guys can punch holes in the walls whenever they want, apparently. Sweet. That's your privilege. When was the last time you were a sloth?

This weekend. What'd you do? Just get bloated. Thanksgiving of that four-day weekend was the day I ate the least. Because you were eating, like, leftovers and stuff for the rest of the week? I had leftovers and I'm like oh fuck it like Monday so and then like I probably had like 14 meals that you didn't eat so much would you work out less do you think no I'd work out the same and then you know you get in the gym and you're like shit like if I didn't

eat all that you'd be like does your workout help your mood yeah so you don't snap on everyone all the time a little Italian stallion it gets me to actually jacked up like I might that's when I was like I was leaving the gym I was like I got fangs today like I'm in rare form I was I didn't texting me about drinking at noon in the middle work day you savage um when was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something I feel like I let my pride get in the way of things like every day like I have a problem like taking credit for things like publicly I'm like shy about taking credit and I think it's a pride thing I I because part of you was like I don't want to have to be like hey I did that I'm good yeah I know but that's fucked me over before because

I've been in situations where I didn't realize that someone else was taking credit for work I was doing because that shit happens in the workplace, especially as a female. If you don't speak up, sometimes people just assume the man you're with is doing it, which is brutal. But then you also don't want to be a little cunt bitch and be like, I did that, I did that, I did that. And then your boss is like,

you're fucking annoying. So it's a weird middle ground that I haven't found yet, and that's why I don't have a boss because I don't deal well with bosses. Yeah, I mean, authority's tough, but I'm still figuring that out. I just like already is a trigger word for me um I want to ask one final question we're having fun here when was the last time you lusted over someone over someone okay a few nights ago someone a friend lady friend I don't think it was flirtatious but we were talking about reading and writing erotica ooh and it was like hot oh yeah wait this

This will have a text? Yeah. I don't know how we got there, but. It's like, you know, those texting wormholes where that means like you're getting along with someone when you start, like, how's your weekend? And the next thing you know, I was talking about, like, scented candles and the kind of candle. Like in my room, but not an erotic way, more like in a just deep, passionate, random way.

I love a wormhole conversation. So do you read erotica? I don't read erotica, I don't go out of my way to read erotica, but I have, and I've been like, oh, it's hot. Is that like porn but words? Oh, that's basically what our Twitter is, porn but words. Final question. I ask everyone this, now that I think I need to rebrand myself as a pornographer of words,

change in my Instagram bio right now. What advice do you have for people who are going through? hell. If you're going through hell or even like hell light, just like go back to your core, family, friends, like people closest to you. Just like whether or not they're helpful, they're there. Just like back to your core. Yeah, it's almost like when I feel like I'm not myself or I'm thrown off, I try to remember like what I was like as a kid. Like I'll even look at photos of myself as a kid. And that's like, you were happy. Like, and happiness was a thing. And that was you being happy with like the simple things um before like society corrupted you and made you

have to believe all these random things yeah when did that happen i don't know we got tricked school yeah school is bad for you school's so also school i was like stop teaching me the plathagrium theorem teach me like not to pee after sex maybe so don't get uti's all of college okay i made this about me again dylan where can people follow you you can follow me at de ferella amazing um also i have a live show DC Improv, January 22nd. Follow me on Patreon, get some merch, follow Dill. He's the sickest. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for having me. And this was a lot of fun. I'll talk to you later, Devils. Bye.