Berner Phone - Dylan Palladino: He’s 6’6” & I Flirt With Him

Episode Date: November 6, 2019

The sexual tension is palpable. Dylan calls Hannah out for being late and then drops a bomb on Hannah and tells her that is he seeing someone else. what he thinks love is, why he loves probiotics, going down on girls, how to involve toys during sex, why he’s a psycho, how he knows if he’s gay or not, why his ex ruined porn for him, how fame can ruin you, why he would do horrible in the army, and his celebrity crushes. JOIN MY PATREON! The first episode is meaty. I talk about how I got fired, behind the scenes on Summer House and more. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Would you rather be sick, six, six with a full head of hair, but not funny? No. Funny is like who I am. This is super awkward, because you're not funny. And I'm hard. He loves what I mean to him. It's the only way he can orgasm. What are you gluttonous about?

Yeah, sometimes I text Hannah when I'm jerking off and I'm like, hey, can you something mean about me? And then she sends me like three things and I go, okay, thanks. Or I don't respond. Yeah, which is even meaner and I'm like, oh my God, she's ignoring me. So I just posted my first Patreon episode, and I talk a little too much shit, but that's what a paywall is for, right? Five books a month, I talked about how I got fired from the media company I worked at, what kind of went down, some behind the scenes of Summer House. just answering a lot of your guys questions from Instagram and how I'm starting to do stand-up and how that's going. So check that out, patreon.com slash burning in hell.

And today we got Dylan Paladino, who I love, and he's going to be at my live show in Philly this Wednesday, November 6th, then we're going to Long Island on the 7th, and then Boston on the 8th. Click the link in my bio to get tickets. It's going to be a fun mini tour. Now enjoy the episode. What's up, guys? I'm your host Hannah Burner. And today we have Dylan Palladino in hell. Oh, very happy to be in hell, honestly.

Sorry, just multitasking, trying to tag you because you really need the views, you know. He's posting an interstery of me. Wow. Look like a good butt. It's like a butt. Right? What? She's with her boyfriend.

Leave her alone. What? I respect her. Put your phone down for a second. I'm not hitting on her. I'm just respect. Can you? you not look at her girl's bun since she's a nice butt nice what um you're trying to make me jealous

and we haven't even started he sits down and goes i'm kind of seeing someone right now just tries to make me jealous he thinks that's going to work because the first time we started yeah the first time we started the podcast is literally an hour and a half of us try not to to have sex and then talking about how we would have sex and then talking about our lives the other is great i went on your podcast we're all psychos the first time in january the first time i tore you a new asshole oh it was great I was so mean to you Fuck you left and I just laid on bed And I was like breathing heavily

I was like wow crying Yeah crying But like in a happy way Like happy crying Like heaving Happy crying Driving yeah yeah You were like laughing crying

screaming Well you know that's what happens when you When you see the person That you know you're destined to be with forever And like you know Both in hell and in heaven And just in the universe You're fucking psycho

Yeah That's all you guys should listen to this podcast We're all psychos Yeah the first episode that you had me on we hated each other or I hated you but you liked it

well you hated me specifically because you hated tall white men oh okay I know it was really off brand for me but I just finished dating British Dave who's six six

and you were triggering me and I was like dudes need to stop acting like they're the shit just because they have a couple extra inches like these guys get away so much shit

just because they have a couple extra inches on everyone else but then I calm down then I realized like wait all I want to do is surround myself with large men that I can climb that's right you know my rule the amount of inches you're a guy's above six feet is the amount of months I will stay with him after finding out he's a trash human yep it's no one should do that but I do but that's what you do no no that's understandable and honestly like a good way to live your life so the second time

I went in your podcast we just we realize we want to have sex yes but we realize we shouldn't Because you have the brain of a squirrel. Okay, okay, okay. Because how old are you, 26? Okay, okay, okay. And your brain's not fully formed. Okay, okay. I'm just recapping.

You know, you said men are like squirrels and I was like, chill, chill. Chill. You're not wrong, but also. That's not an argument. Chill is not an argument. Okay, all right. Yes, that I have, no, we decided that we shouldn't because, I mean, just. Did we decide we shouldn't?

No, we are. Oh, no. Especially when we did it. Yeah, you were seeing someone. I was dating someone. And I was not. And you were not. So then you come in here.

I made him come here 20 minutes early because I had a feeling he was going to, I knew he would do it. And I know each other and we know that we're both always late and always late. And so, so I, I want you to know, here's how much that you saying be on time means to me. I am never on time. Yeah, I know. I was here 10 minutes before and I just chilled. And usually, if someone makes me do that, I'm like, furious. My time is, I could have been at home meditating for 6.8 minutes and then also brushing my teeth and also washing my face at the same time.

I meditate, dude. Does it work? Potentially, all right. But instead, I enjoy the beautiful, I almost said the landscape. The view, the vista. We're in the world trade right now. We're in WTC. And I got a ginger tea.

Okay. It's good for digestion. It is good for digestion. And then I edited something on my computer. I felt like an adult. So I showed up almost 20 minutes late because the seven train. Yes. But looking hot in a Harley Davidson crop top, dude, almost side boob.

Sorry, almost bottom boob. There we go on the side. I'm not wearing a bra. Honestly, dude, and I know she did that to get me riled up. Because right now the adrenaline is pumping. All the blood is in your dick It's everywhere My blood is

My veins are constrictor right now Do you like side boobs more than cleave? Ooh, I don't like saying cleave That made it sound gross Cleavage Is nice cleavage You like sideboove or cleavage? Yeah

Side boo's better dude Yeah What about people are like wearing These bikinis Underboob's hot too Underbov makes me uncomfortable Well, okay Underboob I think is the hottest

Because guys know that like All it takes is one little trip and one little step up and the tits are popping up and all i do is trip yeah and all you do after one white claw i'm just yeah you're done the day is one long trip for me oh god white claw here we go i actually i'm currently sponsored by truly i saw that which caused a lot of drama because kyle has his lover boy drink but it's truly the same that truly is a sparkling white soda and kyle has a sparkling tea key lover boy which honestly we've had and it's bomb as hell tastes It's great. I saw it. It's on the bodega around my corner. Do you remember when I invited you to that? So Dylan and I have like done podcasts together and then randomly blacked out together, but nothing in between. Nothing. Yeah. It's a healthy relationship. Very good relationship. We only talk whether it's hey, do you want to come to this party or hey, do you have an hour to come to my podcast? Exactly. Because right now, I specifically know that she's so busy that if I was like, let's get lunch, like I have to also be like, I'll show you some guys you can fuck or something. Like there's just so much going on in her life.

I love it. You're so fucked up. I have to give you something. I have to give you something. To hang out with me, you'd tease me with other guys I can fuck. Yeah. If you want to fuck me, why would you show me other guys? Okay.

It's the long game, okay? You're trying to like, I'll show her a bunch of guys that'll ruin her. Yeah, yeah. And then you look better. Exactly. No, not even, not even that. You're like, no, I never look good. I never looked it.

It's just you get it out. And then also I get to secretly see by you being like, oh, here's what this guy did that I liked. Here's this guy that I don't like. Then when I lay it down. I know exactly what you're like and it's this weird thing where it's so good that we can still be homies and it's not weird I'm reporting you to this already is that it's the creepiest shit I've ever heard wait so you want to have sex and then be friends is that what you want with me that's that's honestly what I'm worried about is it's not being friends oh as having sex and falling in love or hating each other yeah mad people have hit me up after all of our podcast and been like so you and Hannah are fucking right and I mean my mom said that to me dude my mom's straight up with Like, who is Dylan?

I literally am like, okay, are we, are we old dumb? Like, are we blacking out every time and not realizing that we're having sex on the podcast? Like, it's audio porn. It is audio porn. No, I just, I just, like, not to be lame. It would just, it would suck if we actually did and then it ruined it. Do you what I mean? Then we just do fewer podcasts together.

Yeah. We don't even spend time together right now. Or we would just do more podcasts to make up for. Have you ever thought of asking me out to get a drink? No. because I wouldn't want to like get a drink no no I would get a drink with you I would get a fucked up with you are you kidding me honestly I like that that rave party of you had last weekend like I was like I would have gone and been done drugs and Hannah been like this is fucking sick

yeah honey no I don't do drugs I would have yeah but I'm drugs I mean alcohol and then I can do tell tell me about the brunch we went to I threw this like mental health awareness brunch I want to do more of those I don't remember it tell me what happened you blacked out what did i do to you you were like introducing me to everyone like everyone like here's my hot friend dylan and you were also like dude carl i love you but you were like he's the hotter version of carl and i was like this is one uncomfortable never met this guy okay people probably like listening to this and they're like why would hannah ever be into this dude because he's so strange and weird he's six six you guys all right okay hana also like dropping

like i think i've been saying some pretty decent things here all right at least hopefully at least a few girls have been like, you know what? I'm going to check his profile out, all right? A few girls. Maybe one guy. Don't use Burning in hell to get with other women. I'm not using it to get with other women. Yes, you are.

You just said that. I'm using it to connect with girls via Instagram on my pocket. I'm not using it to have sex with girls. Are you literally in comedy just to fuck? I'm using, I have fucked one comedian. That's it. Only one. I'm not in comedy to fuck.

I never got into comedy to fuck. No, but like not fucking other comedians, but like fucking people who think you're funny. I've never even, I've only fucked one person after a show. You've only fucked one person who thinks you're funny. Damn. Do you guys feel that pregnant pause? Because I did. Because I had hurt a lot.

You just see what Hannah's doing to me. That's the sound of your heartbreaking. She's showing me some of her boobs. She's like flirting with us fucking. She's talking about how I'm not funny. See, this is, this is. Girls, if you're listening, this is the kind of mental terrorism. This is how you get a man, dude.

Honestly, I have this. is how you get a man like me because I'm because I'm like listening to this and I'm just so thrown and I'm like I got to keep talking to this girl that he's like yeah the only thing he can do is keep going this is a this is a fucking master class I should have a masterclass with Hannah burner on how to fuck with a guy's head and it would be so successful how to ruin his life how to ruin his life but also make him like welcome to my Ted duck with you yeah because he's like because he can comprehend I can not it just it's just it's just it's just it's because you're quick and so that's the other thing because I just woke up from a nap and I spent

all weekend yelling. Okay here we go. I'm still quicker than you. Humble humble brag right. Also I have something to talk about so I show up 15 minutes late just to prove my dominance. Yeah you're right that is a you know some people think that that's like a showing up late is like a you exerting your power it is showing like my time is more valuable. I don't think it is though I think it's I think it's disrespectful I think it's disrespectful late and I was through I was like texting throughout to like hey I'm running late like 20 months beforehand I was like I'm gonna be late and then I was giving you little incremental play by plays because he loves my attention so just giving him little bits of it don't give too much little like then send him like an accent he'll text to another guy and then like oh my god wrong guy sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I was the wrong person it was the wrong person damn he's like who you're going to go see and i was like what you're like your brother he's like who's anyway um no i was saying i actually don't think it's that disrespectful if

you are just a late person i think if you really want to be somewhere you can but some people are just straight up late like i never think of it as i don't respect you it's just i assume i can in time than i actually can but that's a whole separate conversation yeah that is you should talk to a therapist about that i had therapy today but i dude i'm never late to other people's podcast wait i was late to your podcast yes tell them the nap story that yeah when hannah was like i asked her to do a podcast and i think i said two o'clock and she was like that's like that's how she responded to me and i went all right uh how about 330 and she goes okay cool and then at like 320 she's like hey i'm going to be late just we'll go

from a nap and i was like okay this is the girl and then not only shows up late bring someone else so she didn't tell me she was bringing, which, by the way, was fine. I was totally cool with it, but just threw a lot at me and then proceeded to kind of try and run my show for the first 25 minutes. Now, all of this is the sign of an independent, confident woman, and I was hooked immediately. When I say... I'm going to stop in blushing. Okay. But anyway, so she shows up today, 15 minutes.

No, it was like 305. You were like 20 minutes later. I was like, which was fine. Honestly, I accepted it. I was like, this is cool, you know? In the moment, I'm good. I brought a computer. I figured shit out.

And then I drop the information on her, which she's like, he did this on purpose, that I am kind of seeing someone right now. Now, if you are a listening person that you know I'm talking about, I am not going to talk about this a lot because I have had things in the past where I casually talked about someone that I was starting to see. And it did not go well. But all we will say right now is someone that means a lot to me. It is the first person not cared about in the long.

time and we are how do you know you care down the road you care about her it's crazy right so because the C word is like hits me really hard you're telling me yeah most so most people in my dating relationships or my dating history since my ex that I broke up like three years ago we'd hang out a big this person's cool I would like hanging out with them we'd sleep together a couple times and then I would just kind of like you just fall off like normal dating in New York you see each other then maybe you see them again six like six later what like whatever happened happens and are you a texter do you text a lot no and i and i've become less of a text it makes it easier to fall off because if you start hot and heavy with texting that's what

it yeah and it's very obvious when you start to lose interest and then like drama comes so my biggest um a piece of advice is start off being always be a bad texter never be a good texter yeah do you agree i think i think saying i don't like texting because when people are like i'm a bad text or it's like in fuck off you're not a bad text or like that that's what i think is some disrespectful yeah don't think is when someone goes like i'm a bad text or it's like no no you see it and then you go i'm not going to respond and then you just choose not to respond yeah that's fine if you but if you set the precedent of uh like you know who's like this at least for me is like carl like i'm homeless with carl but sometimes i'll text them and then i won't get a text back until like

24 hours later and at first i was like damn dude because we're so used to being connected immediately that like you get a text and you know you respond exactly but then i was i realized that for the first like second or third time like oh that's just how he is with me or just in general actually i text back fast you do so do i not often so like i'm kind of seeing a guy right now too but i like it's not a game i don't text him he actually likes to talk in the phone i did a long distance relationship once where i straight up was like let's not text during the day we both have no pressure to text each other. There's no mind games. Are you texting now? Are you not? Call me every night. That's what I did. When I was in Wisconsin, he was my boyfriend.

We weren't like seeing each other. So every night at I was in college. He was like working 9 p.m. We'd catch up on the day. We wouldn't know what each other did because Instagram wasn't a thing back then. That's what it used to be. Yeah, you were like, where were you? That's what did he used to be. Yeah. You would just go to work and then you see that you know. Now you're like, I like the photo that you posted and you're like guess what? I missed you and you actually miss them Because you didn't see them or communicate with them at all. And you literally were like, I wonder what they're doing right now. And then you know what you did?

You drank orange juice again because it was done. You like, I wonder, and that was it. And now you're like, I wonder. Why you bring your orange juice into this? I don't know. I just feel like someone at home wondering what they're doing. They have a glass of OJ with pulp. I don't even drink orange juice.

Wait, so how do you, I think love is caring. I used to think love was a selfish thing. That love was like, you make me happy and I make you happy. It was just two people that happen to happen to each other. But then I realized it's a mutual caring for each other. I think, yeah. Because you could be attracted to so many people, but to care about someone. Yeah, I know, you're a fucking more dog.

Yes, I am. I care about almost no one. I feel like you care about me. I care a lot about you. You know this, okay? Yeah, I'll look away. I'm looking at the window right now. Looks off into the distance.

Yeah, just contemplates what he's been doing. How long this has taken. love love to me is caring so much about someone that you will do things that you don't want to do because you you care about them like i was talking today um to my therapist about where i was like you know if you're if you're taught if you're with someone or you're talking to someone and you like very you care about them a lot you will like i'll face time someone even if i even if i don't want to let's say I'm dating like a random girl and then I know she likes to FaceTime a lot me personally I can go a week without talking to her doesn't mean I don't like her it's just that's how

I go I get independent and I just like tune out I do that with friends I do it with family like once every week my dad I'll be like are you alive and I'm like yeah dude what's up and then that's it you know and that's my dad is not fully formed or you know just a little bit of psychopath yeah selfish and I'm chill at a lot of guys are like that my brother taught me because he's engaged to this girl now yes Um, and when they were dating and like he fully loved her, they would have like Christmas break and he just wouldn't message her the whole break. And I'd be like, are you not into her anymore? And he's like, I love her. And I'm like, then why aren't you talking to her? And she messaged him and she was like, dude, I know we're good, but like you can't not talk to me for six days. This is what girls don't understand about a lot of men is that men are okay with isolation and we go into isolation and we just go and do our own thing. Yeah. Like when guys play video games, we don't want a girl's attention. It's not. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You like more physical attention than the emotional attention. So this was also like.

Like if she's not physically in front of you, you're good. That's what it is. I mean, Patrice O'Neill has a joke about this where he's like, we want you. Had, but. Had, yeah, he's dead. Yeah, R. We had you. Yeah, don't get diabetes.

We had you. We want you there. But we don't want you here. Like something that's really nice to me would be me being in my apartment and knowing that my, like, the girl that I'm with is in the apartment. But she's not like. But you never see her. Yeah, but I never see her. no here's it's see girls don't understand this for real it's like I'm watching TV I'm

doing something I know she's there I know I get to be with her but it's not like hey hear me like dude I'm so fine with giving you attention I love doing that but some like a lot of the time I just want to know you're there because it feels good for you being there I think what that's what it's like for parents when they have kids come home yeah like the parents don't want you to they don't want to cannibalize all your time and just have you in front of them and be like oh let's talk about what's going on but they just like knowing that you're like in their house because it feels good to them because their kids are there that's what i feel with the right connection like my love language is quality time but when i say quality time i don't mean us sitting at dinner

talking to each other i mean like you might be adding your podcast and i'm like watching um bachelor in paradise on tv and like your hands on my butt that's my shit right there and we're not we haven't talked that's my that's my shit that's my shit that's my shit that's my shit Because I'm tired. All day, I get paid to fucking talk to people. Yes, dude. So when I get home, I like to just feel your hand on my butt. That's what I'm saying, dude. Yes.

That's my shit right there is that you're there. You're with each other. But you don't feel you're so comfortable around each other that you don't feel a need to just be like reaffirming how you feel. It's the same with friends. You're really good friends will come over and you guys will just chill for like two hours. Yeah. And sometimes not talk for 30 minutes. Or like when you talk, you're either joking about.

like really like small inside jokes or you're like opening up about shit that you had to hold in all day because you weren't close enough people talk about it's almost like my mom like when i call my mom i'm not this like always chipper fun person when i call her i either say like some funny shit i think she'll laugh at or the one thing that i'm so anxious about that i can't talk to like my co-workers with so sometimes with a dude when i have a boyfriend it's like when i come home i'm i don't want to small talk my fucking boyfriend small talking is the worst thing ever I either want to like laugh, have you touched my butt, or be like, like, oh, is there something wrong? Like, are you down about work?

Or like, does someone piss you off? Or, hey, this person pissed me off? Or what do I do about this situation for this? That's what that person's for. That's what's hard about, because this girl's long distance. Yeah. Is that like, you know, when you FaceTime someone, you're going like, I'm giving all my attention here. But a lot of times it's like.

It seems like. But it also can be tedious because like. After my day today, I still think it's a difference between like a guy and a girl thing a lot of times is that guys don't have to like talk about their day as much because at least for me and other dudes I'll talk to. You don't do anything during the day. Yes. And our brains don't remember what we did because we're fucking squirrels. No, it's like we already had it and we we decompressed by just chilling and not talking about it. Yeah.

And sometimes we're like women feel things a lot more like you guys are like you're the better sex. we all know this well whatever like you know you have kids you guys win and um like like just such an whenever people trying to argue you're trained well you have such an oh but you guys is such an oh you're so opi dude you literally are like oh what can guys do like oh we live good shit and you guys are like i'll make a better version of you and i'm like okay you fucking win you just win it's so easy and you guys also have tits and i mean that's like on top of that we also never forget anything you've oh my god it's just which is really fucked me up a lot and you guys can see more shades of color I don't know if you know that, but women can see more shades.

And you, for sure, your emotions are stronger, which, like, I'm simultaneously jealous of and also, like, happy I don't experience it. But I've dated guys who are actually more emotional than me. Like, and I can't do it. No, no, that's too much. I can't do it. However, what you said about caring, what makes caring work and why people have long, beautiful relationships, it's because, you know what people like to be part of a team or like to be part of.

Yeah. Or like you want to be part of a corporate company that's really cool. It's like you want to be a part of something that makes you that's bigger than you. Yes. So when you care about someone where the fuck do you just pull that out of my backpack? I rated the Spotify free shit. He just pulled out a what is that jasmine tea. Jasmine. Jasmine green tea. It's hard to want to fuck you when you're drinking a jasmine green tea. Really dude? I'm cultured. It's also hard to want to fuck you and again. I just made a Christmas made fun of Chris's stuff and who came last. week pulled out he pulled out the cashew nut yogurt which i was like i don't want to judge but it's hard to make me want to fuck you when you're eating cashew nut i'm not going to eat cashewgirt by the way amazing word i'm not about to eat cashewgirt before we fuck okay i'm not going to be like hey let me finish this cashew and then go down to you all right i'm going to eat it actually the probiotics might be nice down there but i'm going to get enough probiotics from you okay i don't need any more from the casugar there's enough coming out of you you in a good way, you know what I mean?

Do I produce probiotics? You got something going down there. Guys are like, I don't know what it is, but it sounds like it's probiotics. All I'm saying is that sometimes I've sit to kombucha and then I've been like, oh, that's just like a girl I ate out two weeks ago. You know what I mean? Yeah, I want to hold that. Hold that.

I want to get into that. I do want to get into that. Fascinating. The caring thing. Which flavor of kombucha? The best is GT's trilogy. Is that a flavor? Yes.

It's called Trilogy. It's like cherry, raspberry, blueberry. You are so passionate about your probiotics. Bro, I love kombucha. I have probiotics, my shit. I got Butch. I got Crout. I got kimchi.

Can you overdose on probiotics? No, dude. The bacteria fucking loves it. Are you sure? They're like, give me more. Give me more. Okay. Yeah.

It's good bacteria. I feel like you're offset with your good bacteria. Yeah. Why do you think I'm so fucking happy today, right? Because you're seeing me. Honestly, it is. Anyway, what I'm not like talking about with like caring for someone. Why I love having my cat, who I'm surprised I don't talk about more in this podcast, my cat butter.

Oh, my God, she's so adorable. After a long day, you normally go home to your house, and then the world closes in on you, and you're stuck with your thoughts, and you're like, regardless of what you did that day, you're like, what am I doing? What am I doing? Yep. When I come home, the first thing I see is this beautiful little angel who's dependent on me for her to survive. and my goal is now to make a better life for her. So I'm not thinking about myself. I'm thinking, okay, I have to clean her litter.

I'm going to give her food. I'm going to give her water. I'm going to pet her. Next thing, you know, an hour's gone by, and all I've done is enjoying my time with her. So, like, when you have someone in your life that you almost careful more than yourself, it's so beautiful.

And I imagine that's like with kids, but if I find a guy who I'm like, I don't care if I'm hungry, is he hungry? And then you feel out of your own head. And I think that's why love can be so beautiful. I think you sometimes feel that for me. Um, that's, that's funny because like, I talk to like the, I was talking to my therapist a lot about relationships today because I've had. Because you knew you're going to see me and it was going to confuse you right. And I was like, what am I going to do with her? Like, uh, you know, how do I make this last? I don't know, fuck it up. No, no. It's like one of the things is that for a relationship to be really successful, you like each person needs to need someone, something from the other person.

Like there's a value you're bringing And when she first said that I was like that doesn't sound good It makes like relationships sound transactional I don't like that And then when I thought about it more Because I was like I don't need anything from anyone I do everything on my own

I'm my own person I don't want to need anything I don't want to be a burden And she's like yeah but Imagine if you were in a relationship with someone And then they didn't need anything from you You would be like

Well why are like Why are they in this? Why am I This person doesn't want anything for me like it feels weird if you actually it sounds counterintuitive at first but then when you really think about it it makes more sense and that goes back to that cat thing yeah is that a relationship feels really good when you know that person needs something from you and you want to do it you're like and the need doesn't have to be transactional as in like i need him to make me dinner

every now i need to have sex with him it's more like a need of like his presence at the end of the day because it's become part of your life and you choose to love that you need companionship Companionship is something that you can. Everyone needs companionship. You do need. You can need and it's good to need. You can also need to physically express love to someone. You can also need like if I was with someone and I went, man, the thing I, one of the things I love the most about the girl I'm with is that she comes home and she makes me dinner.

It's like I need that because it makes me feel good if I have a shitty day. All that's okay. Like it's okay for it to feel transactional to a point where you guys are, I mean, we see a lot of men that. Like, it wasn't for the women in their lives, they'd be fucked. Like, truly fucked. Guys, we, we can do a lot of things good, okay? We, like, not speak, because I obviously can't speak well. We do a lot of things good.

I literally texted someone the other day, like, I need eat. I said that. I just was like, I need eat. And it was just my brain. I am a caveman. You should have seen what I ate this morning, dude. But, like, I'm attracted to cavemen. Like, girls are like, oh, he's big and stupid.

I just want to teach him how to function and then trap him. I want to take the power and I want to control it. You guys are the little video game. You're the controller and with the video game. I know like, okay, honey, you should go do this. And I'm like, okay, you know what? She's going to fucking right about that. I should do that.

And you know what? Like, honestly, if you were, oh, if we were dating and you're like, Dylan, I'm going to make your life better, I would a thousand percent believe you. I'd be like, yeah, if she's like, oh, here's how I'm going to make you. I'm like, you know what, man? She's right about that. No, I do it. So I don't cook or clean.

Mm-hmm. I love cleaning, by the way. I used to hate it. And now all of a sudden... So I literally... She wrote that time. I find all these, like, guys who are OCD at cleaning and who are really good at cooking. So they feel like I need them.

No, no. You do need them. Don't make it like year or four. You do need them to clean. But like most... I feel like girls, you don't have to be the ones that, that, like, cook and clean for them. Guys, I do. trick them into feeling

so needed and so valuable. Babe, can you just do the dishes, please? Yeah, of course. Anything for you. Like, they need, like, I'll leave a little trail of a mess and I'll be like, oh my God, I'm so sorry and they're like, I'll clean it up. Yeah, because this is what's going to happen? I'm going to come and be like, Hannah, what the fuck? Are you like leaving

all this in the ground and then you'll get all like sweet and be like, oh, I'm sorry, I just, whatever. And I'm like, it's fine. I got it. They feel like good about themselves because because I'm like so helpless. It's your, it's your, their ego's like, yeah, you know what? I am good.

I do. Yes, they're feeling good at what they do. I do something in this relationship. That's what it is. When they feed me, I'm like, oh my God, this is the best meal I've ever had. I love when you cook. And then next thing you know, I have a slave. I have a manslave.

This current, my current man slave, I'm talking to you great at cooking. He, um, told me that if asked if he'd rather get a blow job or down, go down at a girl, he says, I'll always rather go down in a girl. What would you say? All right. I'm out of here. Is he fucking with me? Is he fucking with me?

Because I think he's fucking with me. Listen, dude, I love eating pussy. You're right. For real. It's great. It's a lot of fun to do. Why do you love it? Because I love seeing the girl get off.

And then what if she doesn't get off? Then I'm like, tell me how to help you get off. If I'm doing it, I'm going to actively say, what do you need? Do you have any, like, very bad going down on girls stories? Um, Like, where I can't think of specific girls where like I went down and it's like tasted or smelled bad, but I've definitely had that I feel like it's a very intimate thing like first time I'm looking up with the guy I don't like think about it. It's an open sore. No, it is it's an open wound

A vagina is an open wound. So like for a guy I just met to put his face into my vagina the first I don't like I don't even put my face into my own vagina most girls like how often do I look at my vagina? You need to sweat over a more. Okay. That's like when you're like eight you're like this is cool you're right but i don't have time to look at my vagina vaginas i don't think my vagina they're not great to to look at i think they're all beautiful in their own way they're like beautiful and i never question how it feels and what it does a beautiful but you're but you're not like putting up pictures of pussies on wall okay you're also not putting up you will put up a picture of a dick because it's funny yeah because they're just this weird you're graffiti dick it's so easy to graffiti vulva is it's more difficult i'll discreet i'll just

I can graffiti a dick without picking my hand up. Watch. Dun, done. You're fucking, if you want to do a pussy, you're like, okay, outer labia,

inner labia, here's a quit, here's the fucking hood. Okay, I'm impressed, actually. Most guys don't even know the inner outer differences.

Dude, there's a lot, yeah. But my thing is it's just like, it's intimate. I'd like to work towards that. Are there any things that girls actually should be insecure about that, like,

besides my own, like, with a guy going down on you? Well, I feel like you know you'll shower like you'll feel clean yes girls will that look do I feel like if you've been running around all day like go in the bathroom and like all girls have wipes and shit that they bring that they most likely or okay or they will go away I heard wipes aren't good for you okay well then don't do that whatever just put some like water and soap yeah just put some water and soap yeah it's fine do that I mean guys want to smell your pheromones oh yeah yeah to a point like you want it to like have a scent of you I mean you're you want your body to smell I've never like smell the girl's vagina been like that's some guys like this it does have a smell but i've never been like oh yeah but girls have slightly different smells they do yes as well i'm asking what it vagina is i'm like well i mean i've smelled a lot more

pussies than you have yes uh smelled a lot of them yeah um i will say if you're going to wipe it don't use toilet paper because that shit breaks apart and then i've been going down on a girl and found little pieces of toilet paper there okay so that is a great yes big j o'cerson talks about that and I forgot that how many times I've and then I remember at first I thought I don't think I wipe that hard because it's never happened to me maybe I should wipe more discharge and then I was like Jesus put it in your mouth no I I I yeah it found it on my tongue and I was like I mean it's not that gross just paper I was like is it part of her uterine lining coming up what is going on yeah uterine lining you just wanted to use that to show that you knew what a uterine lining

which is impressive what placenta do you care if she's hairy Um, I've gotten more into it, actually, the older I've gotten. I feel like guys are into it. You're like, I've become more distinguished. Yeah, I, uh, I like a little landing strip was fun. Why is it fun? I don't know, because it's just something there. Would you, what is it better prickly or like a little grown out and like chilling? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, grown out and chilling. Yeah, because prickly is not good. I feel like I'd rather be chilling than like four days in and like they're excited. They're like coming out. Yes, they're out there. They're trying to poke. Yeah, they're like, I'm here. Yeah. And then it's like, rip your face you rip your face yeah then again you have a beard i have a beard that's why i i i will

i've told girls hey i didn't shave today because i didn't want to fuck your chin up and they were like that's actually really sweet yeah that is really sweet and i was like don't tell me your lines on other women it doesn't work on me though see for you there there's so many lines i've saved in my phone under a note that says lines for hannah and then i edit them because i'm like that's not good enough and i try them on different women i'm like i should you know that car radki has a whole note in his phone of mean tweets about me that he's waiting If the next season of SummerHouse ever comes out just to shit on me. And everyone then when we're drunk, he'll just pull it out and be like,

Hannah's done this. I'm like, I'm like, anyway, this is how people show affection to me, which I love. Yes. No,

so, um, girls going down. So would you rather get a blowjob and go down and a girl. I obviously would rather get a BJ. It feels amazing. I mean, if,

are we saying that it's good. It's like, it's really good, right? It's not bad. It's good. Okay. Yes,

I would rather have that. That feels great. However, when I finish. Because you're selfish. I'm, yes. I mean, most humans... Actually, the guy I'm seeing right now is very selfish, but he says he likes... I mean, most humans are going to choose to get pleasure. Also, a lot of girls, a lot of girls prefer to get fingered. I'm just going to say it, I prefer fingering. Oh, yeah, and I'm, and that's why I also got good at that before going down, because a lot of girls don't like it. Look, I understand... It's funny. Like,

the mass media is all like, go down on girls. Honestly, like... A lot of times the first date, girls don't like, you don't need to do that. And then I've done that before. And then I'll I've been like, it's okay, it's okay. Yeah. And then I go, no, no, no, I want to. And then I think the girls, here's what I've experienced, though. The girl doesn't want to. And then I'm like, no, no, no, I really want to.

And she's like, okay. And then I do it. Because you're like, don't do it if you're just doing it because I want to do it. And then she's down. Yeah. Because I'm down there and I'm like, no, no, you're going to enjoy this. And then she gets to be like, oh shit, this is great. Yeah.

Because for whatever reason, dudes were trained that like, it's not cool to do it. Even though, like, it is. Whatever, but so- Wait, dudes are trained That's not cool to go down on a girl No, like in middle school, I remember guys were talking about like how it's It's gross because it is different than like there is a I mean putting a penis in your mouth is like insane

No, no putting the dick in your mouth I heard that I had to put a dick in my mouth I was like they pee from that what who said that was okay Like and I know guys are not And then I started looking at all my teachers and I was like That bitch is out of dick in her mouth Oh for sure Bro sometimes I look at couples and I'll be like

I wonder if they look good fucking or not. I moved a couple out of a house yesterday in Connecticut and I was like, they definitely look good fucking. It was this big buff white dude and it's like hot Asian girl. And I was like, they probably look like porn straight up. Like I would click on that porn to watch because they look. Yeah. Not yet.

People have, you realize you went on too long about that. I was like, wait, I'm letting people know that I fantasize about this for way too long. Oh, speaking of you were scared of talking about this new girl you're saying because you want to run the relationship. But now no one's going to hire you. to move their house because of that weird speech you just went on. They don't know what company I work for

luckily for now, but they could find out pretty easily. But I was respectful to these people and I moved, I moved the shit out of their house. I mean, honestly, you're like this chair, you guys fucked in this chair, didn't you? Is that not a good compliment? You guys would look great fucking. Yeah, that's, we know a lot of couples

that you're like, you guys probably look disgusting. That's so mean. Oh, but we definitely, the guys got ski legs and no butt. Sorry, not everyone's six, Dylan. What I was going to say lastly is what I do is when a guy starts seeing me, I don't explain like, oh, I'm probably going to like talk about you and podcast. All you have to do is check my Instagram and I'm probably tweeting about you. So now.

Yeah, see, I did tell the girl that I was talking to right now. I went like, this is how I am very public with everything I do. And you need to understand that sometimes I'm going to say shit that might be provocative or might freak you out on podcast. but all you have to do is ask me and I will tell you what the truth is. But then what if she feels weird that she's like episode two of where all psychos or like she's in some crazy YouTube's down with spiral? Is that my life and what I'm doing, this is not going to change and this is who I am. And so if you can't get on board with that, I completely understand.

But I need you to completely understand that I'm not going to change. And not in a bad way. You have to be a strong independent man. And so you, don't let anyone change what you want to do and what you're going to say. I'm confident. Yeah. Speaking of your confidence. Yes.

What is your biggest physical insecurity? Hmm. I don't have a great butt, but. I was just talking about this to my friend. No girl gives a fuck about butts. I mean, like, I'll notice a cute butt. Why do you squat? I do, but I just, there's so much, there's so much.

I feel like you got stretched out. Yeah. You're like, oh, my. My dick is like, no, I used to want it to be big. It's a good dick like. It's not. Is it good? Like, if you were 5.10, is it big?

I think if I was 5.10 to be big. It just proportionally looks a little smaller. For 6 six, it looks fine. You know what I mean? You probably have a boyfriend day. I have, I think I do. I've had most girls be, I've had a couple girls be like, this is like good. And I'm like, okay.

Someone has dissed your dick? No, but has anyone been like you have a small dick? No, never. that's so mean and i will say i've told guys with small dicks as they're fucking me i'll be like your dick is so huge and big it's so deep like everyone's gonna say that but you're doing that because you know his dick is smaller and he gets off to you lying to his face yeah which is fine that's good you're a good you're a good sexual partner i i will say i've like i don't know if this is a tMI but i've uh i've um hit the back of girls like cervixes vaginas before and that's

definitely made me feel like, I'm pretty, I'm pretty, you're a long. Yeah. Yeah. I, that's what I could, I could take a little more girth if I needed anything. No, no, no, no. Girt is what ruins it. Groth is what makes you feel like, like a girl feel like she's having a fucking baby during sex. The girth is not fun. And also, we all know that if you have, if you don't have, yes. So I've been saying this on like my show a lot. Dude, if you're a guy listening, first of all, what up? Didn't expect you do listening okay what's good bro how you doing let's chill out guys listen hit me up on yeah i know hit me up on dm dude let's bro out you gotta get a bullet dude get a fucking middle mini bullet vibrator and then with you with a girl use that shit do you pull out of your pocket

no you like talk about it and you say hey can you do this freak me out be like why is your dick vibrating yeah no dude using during sex you use it hell yes dude it makes sex so much easier and so much more how did you decide you want to do that like did something to tell you. It was my ex. My ex wanted to bring it in. And at first I felt weird about it. And she was like, and then I kind of got over it. Honestly, I've never done that, but I would want it. Dude, are you kidding me? And if you're a girl and you have trouble getting off or you feel uncomfortable, like, or you, like, because a lot of girls I know can't come from penetration, whatever, like they can't come from penetration. Uh, like, they can't come from penetration. Uh, like, they also can have a different kind of orgas. Uh, like, the word penetration, I don't know why it's done. I don't know, the word penetration, I don't know. Also, a lot of girls who can't come from penetration. Yeah. Then they just have clitoral orgasms. They also can have a different kind of orgasms. They also can have a different kind of orgasms. when there's penetration and a clitoral orgasm happening. Yeah. So what I'm saying is if you're with a man that you're comfortable with, bring it up to him and be like, I would like to use this. And I felt weird about it at first because I was like, it's going to replace me.

Or you feel weird because as the guy you're like, I can't. She's cuddling with it after sex. She's like kissing it. She's like, oh my God. She's like blowing it. Like, what the fuck, dude? Yeah. She like draws on it and shit like old flowers.

And but the thing is. that it's not going to replace you because it's a fucking vibrator okay it's a battery and some silicon all right so not going to replace you and it's also dude it's going to make your life so much fucking easier and your girlfriend happier and honestly like she'll probably blow you more because she's so happy about how she's been coming all the time and guess what then also as a dude most dudes love doggy style okay it's fucking great it's one of the best positions do you let her use it or you use it on her so so the best i think the best is you're like you're fucking her from behind and then either you reach around and use it or honestly it's better to ever use it because

it's her own body and she's going to feel it yeah and she's at that point making herself feel good and having you make her feel good yeah she's going to come really hard and it's going to be tight and then guess what as dudes we all know that no no no pun intended and um But hopefully it is that. The weather she is the better feels. But also, we all know as guys, 99% of sex is you just being like, don't come yet, don't come yet, don't come yet, don't come yet. And guess what? When she starts to come, then you get to come too.

And then you get to come at the exact same time. And it's the fucking tightest thing in the world. Yeah. And then you see God. Okay. That's what you know God is real. That's how you know God is real. The first and then my previous relationship.

Yeah, it's fine. God. My previous relationship, we did that all the time. And it made sex so good. And then whatever, if the relationship. Relationships toxic, whatever, you can lie to yourselves and be like, we come at the same time. So we have to do this for at least another year. Oh, you know how many bad months I got through by being like, yeah, but we come in the same time.

And then guess what? What you also realize is that relationships go through bad months and you either push through them or you break up. And you know what helps you push through them? Coming at the same time. Okay? That's what helps push you through them. So you have a podcast called We're All Psychos. Yes.

Are you a Psycho? Definitely a psycho. What categorizes you as a psycho? I just, I mean, if you listen, if you listen to me for this entire time, you'd be like he talks. I talk about it all. I'm willing. I have a lot of crazy thoughts to go through my head every day, as I think most people do. I'm willing to talk about them and embrace them the more I get.

Can you give me an example of one of these crazy thoughts? Like, dude, I mean, what, like, what crazy? Oh, I mean, this is not a crazy thought, but I saw this old dude on, um, This isn't a crazy thought I saw an old dude And I was like Oh this old dude's so fucking cute I was like I want to get my voice like an old dude

And then he was like talking to his like 35 year old Trinidadian like handler And I was like I wonder what it's like for them At like 9 p.m. when he's about to go to sleep And I was like I wonder What would happen if he was just Said something really inappropriate to her

And like how she would respond I just go down these different pathways Also sometimes Sometimes I'll look at a guy And I'll be like I wonder what his dick looks like Like, I swear to God, I just have that thought and I go, all right, that's fucking weird. Like, I've, I'm like, 27 to 33% gay. I've, like, I've accepted this about myself is that I look at guys, I can, I can know a guy's hot and be like, that guy's hot.

Some guys cannot tell if a guy's hot at all. And I've, I felt insecure for a long time. Yeah. Realizing that a dude was hot. Because here's what happens when you don't want to fuck a guy, but you realize he's hot. Your brain goes, all right, man, what do I do with that information? Because I see a guy And I'm like, that guy's fucking attracted

Do you get jealous about it? Yes, I'm like, I want my body to look like that. And then other times I'm like, that guy's a fucking specimen. Do you ever want to touch his body? Like feel what his abs would feel like? Not really. No. Because I mean, I have that like, yeah, I never like want to

Like, yeah, touch. And if a guy's like gigantic, like if I met the mountain, I would just be one of you like, what the fuck is that? But yeah, but I never look at a dude and I go, oh that guy's body's fucking sick I'd love to lick his abs like no I'd love to touch his abs I thought you're gonna say asshole for a second yeah I have none of those thoughts

I don't want touch his abs but I do want touch his asshole yeah no I don't make you feel better my ex-boyfriend who I think is straight said that when he was younger he was you know when you get like boners all the fucking time apparently like when you're like 11 12 I don't know I get him now only when I drive a truck I swear to God I was driving home two days ago I was hard for like 40 minutes just sitting next to a guy And I'm like, well, is he going to blow me? Like, what's going on?

You're only attracted to truck driver? So fucking weird. Yeah. No, he's a comedian. What's his name? His name is Connor McNutt. He's, we've quickly become... Is he a porn star comedian?

You should start making porn comedy. Comedy? I don't know if it would... I don't think you want to laugh and jerk off. Whenever I'm drinking off the last thing I want... I think funny guys are so attractive. I know, I'm funny as fuck. I want you to be fucking and stop and be like,

what's the deal with blowjohns? I don't think you would actually want that. I don't think you'd actually want that. I don't think you'd be black. me okay fine let's do a fake let's do like like we can fuck we need to like a real porn no I was gonna say let's do a fake porno but then I was like

you already saw my side boob yeah side boob was good um no I don't think the joking my ex he says he's game boners all the time when he was like 12 and he was looking at like an east bay catalog and it's always like kids in their you know sports outfits and he got a boner and he was like

I think I'm gay I think sometimes you can get thrown off by just like looking at a guy I mean like that guy is objectively yeah good looking because our brains are trained to see people that are quote unquote attractive because a lot of times it also communicates like good genes they're healthy they're robust like they can survive why do you think the like celebrities everyone is why do you think movie stars are hot why do you think why do you think the plastic surgery business and makeup aesthetics whatever business gym business is so big because they want to show girls who have um and photoshop who have

unrealistic beauty expectations because girls look at it and go that's hot and i want that they don't go that's hot and i want to fuck it necessarily no but also you could want to fuck it and think it's hot it's also chill to be able look it's chill to be anything right you fuck both people when i was when i was little i didn't understand lesbians because i was like if you like boobs why don't you just look at your own boobs yeah yeah I've never, okay, I've never been to this to anyone, but I've ever been reminded about it before. I remember when I was a kid, I was like, I think eight, nine. And I was like, I liked listening to like the Backstree Boys, but also like I liked Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera.

And I remember I asked my mom, I was like, mom, am I gay? Because he liked my wife, and Christina and like, I like some of their songs and I was like, mom, is this mean I'm gay? Like, I was so freaked out. And now, as a 26-year-old man, I can be like, guess what? All those songs are fucking sick, okay? They are. I've talked about this on my podcast. I think it was with Emma Wilman, a couple episodes back, that I'm like, the only porn I like to watch is solo girl.

Oh, really? Because as she's, like, touching herself, it reminds me of, like, how I feel. So it, like, turns me on to see, like, how she's feeling and then I'm feeling. Like, I don't always want, like, a creepy. dude fucking a girl because I'm kind of I'm an empathetic person where I'll start thinking about like does she even like that like did she like my last girlfriend ruined it for me because she like basically opened my eyes up to that the porn industry no open my eyes up to how like I remember we watched porn together and she was just like that girl's not enjoying that at all I'm like what

are you talking about she's fucking screaming and she's like she's not you're like did you hear that moan yeah she's like it's fake she's a professional I'm fucking squirrel and she and she and she and she goes it's not hitting her quit at all like she explained that to me yeah and after she did that it like i don't watch porn anymore it's fine like it ruined but it ruined it for me and also like not ruined it's fine but now during sex like i've had girls trying to do positions that i know don't feel good for them and i'll like i'll say stop i'm like dude i i am not going to have fun just me getting off and i know now it's no longer pleasure for you it's you just kind of doing She'll get pleasured knowing that she's like make she doesn't have to worry about herself and she's knowing that she's just giving you pleasure for sure but you don't want too often exactly and there's certain positions that she's not even going to be able to see me getting off like reverse cowgirl you're not going to see anything in your clothes not like hitting anything but sometimes it could be hot that you're like he's staring at my butt right now okay and if I know a girl is thinking like that then yeah that's fun but a lot of times I just want guys to like stare at my butt really just stare at your ass and I'm like yeah you must love doggy style.

I just love my butt. Yeah. But I'm, okay, but then you must love doggy styles what I'm saying. Why are you flirting with me right now? Because if anyone listening, we are uncapable. Yeah, because if we were to fuck, I wouldn't want to see your face. Oh, fuck. Now I want to fuck more.

Look what she's doing to me. So you're more. Okay, so I'll let you in. You're like, I have more. I'll let you in. No, no, no. I can be very isolationist. Like, like I'll isolate myself from a lot of people.

I put everything on me and I, New York sometimes does this to you, but I literally will be like, like Tim Dillon talked about it. He's like in New York, the mindset is your friends don't matter. Your family doesn't matter. Get rid of all of them. Work yourself into the ground and then die. And I was like, I feel like that. Yeah. Because I'm so obsessed with trying to make shit work.

I never give myself a break. I'm always trying to be better. Like I was talking to someone on my podcast a couple weeks ago. Like goals, I'm really bad at setting goals and I'm getting better at it. But goals don't always work for me because I never feel a sense of gratification when I achieve a goal. Like even there's certain things that that are outliers. Like doing this, this is like fun. I feel like this works.

I think goals are for guidance, but it's ultimately about the journey. It is. But for me, I always go. My mindset is I could always be doing more. Yeah. Always like that. Especially as an entrepreneur. Exactly.

And so it can sometimes get in the way of things. When you don't have strict hours in your day. Yeah. Literally every minute you could be working. And in New York you could also be like, and I literally see someone across the street from me working in a Starbucks right now. And I could be in a show and I could be doing something. And the hustle is fun and there's a lot of other people working and it's all great. However, it's not healthy at all to live like that.

No. And you have to like use certain people in a good way as, oh, I don't know. oh I know what I'm with this person like I will chill out you know I'm also like prime I believe in working smart versus hard even like I was in a sales job right after college and some people would do like 80 cold calls a day but not but they were just doing it to like say they did it where I would like do like intense research to find like the ones that I think would close the most and then I would like send out emails first and like I knew the strategy that actually I could work less not because I was lazy but because I knew that other shit would burn me out and make me want to quit in two days versus how I wanted to work. And also working smart is finding like when you're going to work your ass off, making sure it's working for the right thing. Never just work to work. No, you can work to work if you're like doing something that you know. That pays hourly and you're.

Exactly. Or like if you're building a house, you can't, you've got to like, you got to put up the drywall. There's no, oh, if I staple three drywalls at the same time, no. But for other things, yes. for how you run a business stuff like that as well. I also know in the beginning of my week the things I need to complete and then I don't care I just have to finish it if I can have all Tuesday off and know I'll edit a video by Friday I will take that Tuesday off yes it's also like being your own best friend because you

criticizing yourself all the time literally just makes the journey harder I see I go very back and forth between being a very good friend of mine yeah being also the shittiest person ever in my head and I think a lot of people and that's like that's something that I used to be with tennis because all I got was criticized my whole life Dude, I wanted to talk to you about tennis. I'm so happy you brought it up. Keep going. I've been holding my tongue.

Why don't you talk about it so bad? I almost peed my fucking pants. For real? No, because people make fun to me for talking about tennis. Yeah, I think happiness is when you wake up and your brain is calm and you're not stressed about anything in the future or regretting anything from the past. Yeah. And I think a lot of people, they focus on this feeling of like happiness that it's hard to, like quantify like what it is and they think happiness is like joy and exuberation or like

exorcism that's a big word exhumilation yes um they think it's it's the feeling of i mean sports whatever it is of that feeling of when you win a game or like it's amazing and and or you watch a really good movie you feel so fucking happy that is a fleeting feeling and if you felt like that all the time like it's a high exactly like it's like when i like i'm a i'm a big fan And then of MDMA. Doing heroin. Yeah, heroin is a little different. I thought I'm a big fan of MDMA.

That's for adults. Yes. MDMA is a great drug. And it gives you that ecstasy, that feeling of love and everything. It's great. However, if you felt like that all the time, you lose your fucking mind. Okay. That's the reason you have, what's good about emotions.

You're so right. It's like fucking all the time. Yes. You don't want to be orgasming all the time. It would ruin it. Even, even, you know, like, you've had one of those things where you can't get over someone and you fuck like five times. after the fifth time you're like we kind of like

I mean even after the second or third time you're like can we fucking just like okay you hate fucking too many times in a row right like I like but I just want to take a break I want it to go like up and down you want to like miss it for a second

I want it yes I like want to get like I don't want to just yes it depends dude you know like if it's our wedding night like yeah we're gonna have like 16 times but you know but it's we folk we like we want to feel emotions all the time you can't eat ice cream all day it'll start to freeze your tongue off also think about it when you eat ice cream the first five bites are

great and then there's diminishing returns after that so the real thing is to enjoy and feel the emotions when you're in them and then get down to a baseline and try and make your baseline higher your baseline of being content being confident in who you are being okay and knowing that some days it's not going to be a good day and going not identifying with the emotion what I like to do is like when I get nervous being like oh I'm nervous when I'm anxious being like oh there's anxiety but you're not like oh I am I feel anxiety I yeah you're like I'm feeling this or when you're happy you're like oh my god this is fun I'm happy right now but it's still coming from a place of of calm centeredness and tennis I actually would have too many highs and too many lows like if I won I was like I'm the

greatest tennis player that ever walk this earth kiss the ground I want some more of that and then like 10 minutes later I'd like lose like tennis you only goes your last math So then I'd lose a match and I'd be like I'm the worst tennis player that ever ever played tennis and I don't even does like my parents wasted all their money on me And I'm a loser. Yeah for sure and like you can't live your life in that like roller coaster No it's because I didn't want to just like I couldn't find that contentment in the middle But it made me a great competitor because I knew that if I lost I'd be depressed for four weeks and then you work to like get better and better exactly Yeah and you got I do think that if I competed now

my mind would have been a lot better because I wouldn't have put as much pressure on myself that losing would put me into a depression, I'd be like, life is so much bigger than this. But when it's all you know when you're younger, life isn't bigger than that. But also you kind of have to, in order to be very good at sports,

you kind of have to have it be everything. And that's the unfortunate thing about it is that people that are usually the most successful, they have those highs and lows because it's the only thing that motivates them to get there, which is something I've been grappling with. Or it's the only highs and lows that they've known. Yes.

And then I grapple with that a lot because I go, if I want to be super successful, that might, if I look at the people that I admire, they probably go, this is all that my life is and I put everything into it. And so when it's good, it's good. And when it's bad, it's really bad. And I both simultaneously want that and don't

because I know how hard it can be on someone, but part of me doesn't believe. if there's any other way. I actually think there is. What you hit the nail on the head about what this podcast is about was for me meeting all these like cool successful people and some of my past jobs like working for betches, doing reality TV and seeing all these successful people who are not happy and how I just want people to understand that success is not equivalent to happiness.

But some I think of the most successful people like are actually understand their minds. And some people are successful because they need it to survive and they need the attention. or they need the laughter. So they need it like a drug. And then some people I do think have the sanity of just being like this is what I love to do. I've kind of when I think about how I want my life to go in terms of success, we all want to like just be famous tomorrow. You know what I mean? Like it's great.

You're like, oh, it's happening. It's awesome. But that's a really hard thing to deal with and grapple with that complete paradigm shift and like life shift. and I've heard people that are successful Conan O'Brien talked about it where he's like I pray for people to gain success later in their life because they can deal with it better and are more comfortable with who they are and as much as I've wanted it to go from zero to a hundred how I think it will happen and how I'm wanting it to happen is for it to go zero to 10 to like to be a nice slow constant slope guys talking about math a nice slope slow constant slope because then at every step I'll have different challenges to deal with but it won't be an insane amount and yeah it won't feel as cool as to be an overnight sensation but when I look back on my life I'll go like oh I had a good life where I didn't go through all these crazy ups and downs and insecurities and all

this stuff because because the thing that a lot of people want to realize is that as soon as you gain something then you go what happens if it goes away like as soon as you gain ultra success you go oh fuck what happens if if this leaves like I know you probably didn't think this but when you got on summer house and then all these things started happening I I bet a small part of you was like what happens if I don't get on it next season and then all these people like don't give a shit about me or there's like a week that none of your content is doing well or like shit isn't going well and you're like oh my god have I lost it and that's the that's almost the worst thing is that you've gotten there and then you start doubting how you got there and if you can

keep it up and that is something that you have that people don't realize like oh once you're there it's fine like what is their stress it's like no man no matter where you are like that's like a part of what I like to talk about with you and I talk about my podcast is that we are all all like the same in many ways our insecurities what we're worried about what we're trying to get to happy like whatever it is and so that's how you can empathize with someone who whether it's a guy at Harvard who just got his first paper published and he's so stoked about it and he's like and he's a prodigy and everyone's like he's going to be the next science genius and then the next day he realizes he has no other theories and is like fuck what if I'm the one paper guy and then

I'm talked about as that guy. Well, it's all perspective. You could think any situation into shit. Our brains are incredibly creative. You can think anything into shit, but also what I, what I love from what I've experienced is that the future can always be better than you could even imagine. Yeah, and you have to tell yourself that. Even how you're like predicting your success right now, you can't, what could happen to you,

you can't even fathom how good it's going to be. And I know that sounds like so like butterflies. rainbows but also here's the thing the people that that fucking talk shit about that you are denying something because you're scared it's fear you are scared of believing that because it opens you up to it not being true at one moment and more hurt everyone that talks shit now look people get into this whole gratitude and self-help and like they get too into it okay we all know the people on instagram that were like stop posting the novel long captions yeah and stop with the memes and all that but also try and look at them and be

like, I'm happy for whatever they're doing. I know they're probably going through something hard. Yeah, they're posting about it. They need it. They're doing it to remind themselves. But all the self-help stuff and all the like second yourself up, affirmations, gratitude, dude, it all works. Life is not easy.

You need to use whatever you can to get through it. There are a bunch of different tools. Try them out. And I hope you realize by you shitting on someone else, you aren't hurting them. Okay. And you're just. Let them post thirst traps with motivational quotes. For it. Do it. Look, you don't have to hang out with them. You don't have to hang out with them. You don't even have to like it. Oh, you know what? Unfollow them. Who gives a shit? But stop worrying about other people because it's not going to change them and it's just going to make you kind of feel like shit. If anything, just go. It's just a signal to you. Oh, I don't want to be like that. Dude, I didn't want to. I used to think posting tweets was like bullshit. I was like that. Why do people do that? And then I thought about it and was like, what fucking self-

grandizing self-righteous person am i that i'm like oh that's not real i said use social media for what it is do whatever you can and then who gives a fuck also who gives a fuck about what anyone else thinks honestly in a good way so oh yeah the oh woo-woo you gotta whoa whoa whoa no you gotta fucking be kind to yourself and use whatever you can don't shit on one of the people are doing if they're not hurting anyone else and if you don't shit on one other people are doing if they're not hurting anyone else and if you don't like it or you don't connect with it that's fine man that's really it's okay and good for you to not like what someone else is doing i don't really fuck with astrology okay but i tell people offensive yeah it's offensive i did that in purpose i'm trying to get to rise out of you

what's your sign and libra yeah we're amazing together yeah i know uh it's gonna happen but guess what if someone like is really really fucked with astrology and i've been realizing recently like a lot more people are talking about it and i don't like yeah understand why it's kind of fucking pissing me off if it makes you happy then do it that's it don't try and control me with it whatever and we all try and tell each other stories with life like life like life is just your brain telling you a story about what's going on to like keep you going so that you fucking like have kids and shit but uh if astrology helps you with that and it makes you feel good if someone goes i had a really bad week and then i read my sign and it made me feel okay because

it told me i was going to go through some distress i would much rather that than the person go I had a really bad week and then I went home and I just ate and cried and felt totally hopeless. I want the first one. Okay. Whatever it is. Don't try and tell people that it's proven and write. Really funny memes that cause laughter with astrology. Yeah, you can. And you can get a lot of those people to pay for your life shows. Okay. And you guys, I believe in astrology. Come watch me live. All right. Okay. And if you're a Libra or a Gemini, yeah. You will really left on the night. I'll tell you the night. You just have to pay the ticket sales and it'll be good. But anyway, what's up? Everything you just said was so beautifully said. You are so eloquent even

though you were so mutually dumb and I don't understand how it goes together. I know. It's so great. I am so fucking dumb and I love it. Honestly, when I get in touch with my dumb self, I feel the most whole and I don't know why, but it's like good. Because ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. I think it's time to play the seven deadly sins. Are you ready? Yes. Seven Deadly Sins This is the hardest part So get nervous What are you greedy about?

Food You're like fit though Yeah Do you have like a freaking metabolism? I do I have to eat like at least 3,000 calories a day How do you What do you like to put in those 3,000 calories?

Like what's like the gross shit you'll eat? What am I? So what am I greedy about? Yeah, I'm, um so I love pretzels there's these pretzels at Trader Joe's they're everything pretzel crisps oh yeah they're incredible they're so fucking good put them cream cheese ever like scatine cream cheese now because it fucks with my face but wait so you realize that that's what made you have acne I'm telling you right now if I ate cheese today I would send you a picture in four days and my forehead

would be exploding that's insane and it would have like 60 but it wouldn't affect your digestion Nope. That addition is fine. Um, so I'm like against toxic masculinity and stuff, but there's something that's like unattractive that like a dude can't handle like a piece of cheese. Like it doesn't make me feel protective. I can fucking handle it. I'll save you with it. Just when you're blowing me three days later, don't look up because my head, forehead's not going to look good.

Do you still model? I'll put a backwards cap on and you won't be able to see it. That's hot. Yeah. Do you still model? Every now and then. Yeah, if someone, like, asked me to. But I never went out for like modeling auditions and stuff.

You were in GQ once. I was, but I'm, but I'm too tall. I'm too tall and like I have, you have to be skinnier in New York. You'd be like, in New York to be a model, you have to look like you're about to die. And then you just keep that up for five years. And then you either die or you move to L.A. And then become a fit model. I'd probably do better in, in L.A.

Yeah, for fitness. But that's what I'm greedy about. I'm greedy about food. I like getting high and then eating a shit ton of, of sugary candy, pretzels. Maybe that's what's making you break out. Like leave cheese alone. No, dude, I'm telling you it's the cheese.

Okay. Sugary candy, all that shit. And I'll just keep eating it. And then, dude, if you saw me eat as much as I could, you would be, like, simultaneously turned on and also, like, disgusted as to how much I can eat. I can never be with a guy who, like, will order salads and, like, not eat a lot. Because another one of my issues is, like, that's why I, like, bigger dudes. Because I can eat.

Can eat. Do you know what I had for breakfast this morning? What? I woke up. I made six eggs. And then I made half a pound of meat and then also rice. Kind of meat. And then chicken turkey.

Why rice? Was it like a chila-killas type thing? I literally just had it in my fridge. I made, I just make a bunch of shit. So you're good at cooking? I'm decent in cooking. And if I try, I can be good. Do you know what I had today?

Hmm. I woke up in this guy's bed and eat order. Wait, what the fuck? How fucking dare you say that to my face right now? He goes, I'm getting, what do you want? And I just said, get me what you're getting. I didn't even know what he was getting. He got an egg sausage sandwich, which nailed it.

Ketchup, put it on you, ketchup was good. He ate that, got hungry in like three hours, had Chipotle. Got hungry in 10 minutes. Had Chipotle. And then came, then had a chai latte and then came here. I'm livid. You just told me you were with a man this morning. I was.

we didn't have sex there before though because he doesn't want to sex me because he he's I don't know I don't get it I don't get his thing about well I'm like you can keep asking questions I don't get this thing about BJ's over going down on girl I think honestly I just he must have a weird thing about getting head and it must feel like this weird thing where he can't get that because he he he probably feels like the girl doesn't like doing it I think he's a I think he like likes to dominate in bed like he's already told me he's into that shit and at first I was scared of it. I was scared he like he likes to like choke and like wips and like handcuffs and I've never had that before so I'm a little scared but he's clearly keeping my interest yes but I was talking

to this other person I was like I don't know if I can make it work with this guy like I've never done that BDSM type stuff and he's like no you have to understand that they like to dominate like your pleasure like they're obsessed with how you feel I'm starting to realize like he's very observant about how I feel like I was in the car I just had my hands like crossed and he's like you want me do you want me to lower the AC and I was like yeah I'm cold and he's driving like so that kind of turns me on yeah but then it could be also fucking psycho yeah so we'll see yeah I don't think yeah yeah we will see yeah I mean but at least he's not the other way where you're giving his head and then he's like oh I can't breathe yeah he's not doing that because a lot of guys

but like I don't I am I'm a control freak so then they say that if you're control freak in real life maybe in the bed you like to give up control but i've been done that before so yeah no i like control always yeah i stay tuned okay stay tuned who are you envious of um yeah i'm definitely see i'm not envious of you because you deserve everything you're getting and i'm like inspired by what you do oh thank you baby and you're also my friend so it's hard to be envious of friends um i'm envious of of christalia because he is very naturally funny in a way that i don't know if i'll ever fully get there like i have it in certain spurts exactly but he but there's like i get in a good mood sometimes sometimes i have a nice decaf tea and i get a little spritz

no he's just very fucking funny and um i'm i'm envious of his like in his how much of an like how industrial he is you know he makes his own um like like like he's an entrepreneur he's like city like he's industrious sorry that's the word he's industrious like he makes his own shirts and then he's also in tv and he's also in movies and he's also really fucking funny and also has a good pocket like i'm envious sounds like he's not playing by any rules yes i'm also i'm also I'm envious of people that have a big following already. That's what I'm envious up. There's not one fucking person.

But maybe The Rock. Probably The Rock. I think I would, I'm envisive of the Rock. I wish I had all that. I wish I looked as good as. You just have to shave your head and like gain 50 pounds. I wish I looked as good as him bald because I don't think I will. Yeah.

I'm also envious of my friend Brian because he has amazing hair and I don't. And I'm envious of all dudes with hair. I actually want to ask you. Uh-huh. Would you rather be 5-10 with a full head of hair or be... Bald. Without a doubt. Without a doubt.

Fuck being 5-10. Are you kidding me? That's like average height. Yeah. Above average. Okay. Well, here's the thing. If I was 5-10 and had a full-ed-haired of hair, I'd probably be getting a lot more TV and film roles because 5-10 is a good height.

Yeah. However, if I was 5-10... There's pros and cons to. at all. Oh, but you still have your hair, dude. Right, it's fine. But if I was 5'10, if I was 5'10, I would be a totally different person. Yeah. So, because of that, I would have to say, um, who am right now.

Would you rather be 6'6 with a full head of hair, but not funny? No. Funny is like who I am. This is super awkward. Yeah, what? Because you're not funny. And I'm hard. What do you?

He loves. loves when I'm mean to him. It's the only way he can orgasm. What are you gluttonous about? Yeah, sometimes I text Hannah when I'm jerking off and I'm like, hey, can you see something mean about me? And then she sends me like three things and I go, okay, thanks. Or I don't respond. Yeah. Which is even meaner and I'm like, oh my God, she's ignoring me. Yeah. What are you gluttonous about? Actually, you know what? I'm gluttonous about food. I think I'm greedy with women. Really? With like, yeah, I love attention from women. Talking to new women. like hinge and all that stuff you're like you're like you're like a sex addict you're like a

yeah i mean i like fucking obviously like how many girls at a time are you typically talking to like three or sometimes it's a lot it just depends i'm like i'm like i don't know if it's because i'm a leo but i'm very loyal i'm like a lion i i have a thing where like i like talking to one guy at a time but like the second i'm not talking to you there's someone else i'm talking to I'll, here's what I'll do, is that if I get matches, I'll pick three that I, like, want to start talking to. And then if any of them fall off, I'll start talking to a third one. And then I'll try and meet up with one or two of you a week and then figure out which one of you I can continuously have sex with. And then, um, the other two, I'll see like every now and then.

Um, but the inner workings. Yeah, I can't believe I actually just let that out. That's like actually really, that was like hit you. Ladies, we just. I just went into a trance, and I don't know why the fuck I said that, honestly, and I'm really pissed off. This is what they're all doing, and now we can confirm. Oh, my God. You chicks are doing this, too, man.

You guys are dicks. I will say, some of my friends on Hinge, some of my friends on Hinge, that are girls, show me. And dudes have such bad game. Oh, it's brutal. It makes me go, Dan. I'll go on Hinge just like not to ever go on a date, but just see how many guys will message me, and I won't respond to any of them. you're fucking evil you're so evil no like

because at the time I'm like oh I want attention and then once they message me I'm like I don't want to talk right now I want validation too that that's what I'm greedy with I'm validation I just want to look and then no but it's I get greedy I go like oh what is this but this current girl has gotten your attention

she has I and she's there's so many girls literally within a four mile radius right now but you've chosen a girl miles and miles away you don't have to be that's specific but you did in Chicago didn't force that of you at all

what's their social yes 689 473218 that's his own social that's my yeah no well that this that's how I knew I liked her because I was like I guess you can't help who you like yeah but you weren't getting into it to find a girlfriend no I was fucking annoyed when it happened I remember when it happened I was looking at her and then I felt something changed and I went

fuck god damn it man I mean, it's not, I mean, look, I'm not going to fucking ask her to marry me tomorrow, but it's the, it's the first time I've felt it since my ex. And it was, um, like, damn. I like a guy right now that I didn't want to like. Like I, he, I wanted to make him my boy toy manslave. And I was like, I would never date him. And then somehow, because he's not having sex with me and just hanging out with me and talking to me, he's tricked me. And now I'm like, wait, this guy respects me.

I was like, fuck, he's not supposed to. He plays hockey. Disgusting. Anyway, when was the last time you experienced extreme wrath? Extreme wrath. I don't get mad. Almost ever. That's actually so hot.

Anger is my biggest turn off with guys and so many guys have anger issues. I don't think I've ever yelled at a girl. I think because you talk out your emotions all the time. For sure, that's part of it. Yeah, I'm definitely a little fucking pussy. And like this small pussy ever. And but. The hottest little pussy ever.

But I mean, I don't get, I can only get mad. at people I really really like my brothers and stuff I'll yell at them but it's the kind of thing where I go so I'm a very reactive person I'll go from zero to 100 but then I let it out so something pisses me off I'll be like what the fuck and then I'm like you know I'm good now yeah it's like zero to

like a sneeze exactly yeah I'm like I'm gonna fucking kill you and then I'm good God bless me wow God what's going on but I remember the last time I can really feel wrath is wrath is like hard i'll get really there was one time this was when i was playing baseball was like 13 years old this kid threw a ball he was he was the pitcher and i was um batting he threw the ball it hit me and i don't know what happened but i was convinced he did it on purpose yeah and i was like what the fuck man because your brain is a squirrel yes this is at a baseball camp by the way and you've never met the kid

before never met the kid but you're like he has personal issues with me and these were tryouts for all-star team and i started walking towards him with the bat and i was like why the fuck did you do that I like went red. I don't remember it. I just remember the feeling after and realizing what I did. Were people mad at you? I did straight up didn't get on the team. I think because of it.

No one was mad at me, but they broke me up and it was like. They thought you were a loose canon. Here's the worst thing about like I get out most of my wrath in the gym. Here's the worst thing about it is that getting angry like feels good. That's why I do it so quickly is because it feels good to get angry and then like let it out and it's gone. Yeah. And like wrath.

I just, that's why saying fuck feels so good. Fuck is, I think, where I, like, little hiccups of anger for me. Yes. I just, if you say fuck enough, by the end of the day, you feel nice. Yeah, just get mad at your partner. Like, you know what I mean? Like, take out all your issues on the people you love. Exactly.

Take it out of them. Because they have to love you. Push them away. Make them call the cops, okay? When was the last time you were a sloth? Like, didn't do anything. Yeah, you're just lazy. Like, I was talking about the beginning.

Like, it's really hard for me to do that. So even though you live alone and you could easily be like, Like, I'm just not going to get out of bed today. Never happens. See, I live in a studio. I'll sleep for 45 more minutes. Like today I slept in for 45 minutes and I felt guilty about it for like an hour after. You know, it's bad.

No, no, it's really bad. You have to change your self-talk because I used to be like that. And then I realized it was all self-hate. Your arm looks good. Yeah, it is. The last time I was really slothy, if I go to like my mom's place in North Carolina, I can get slothy. Can I tell you something? What?

You know, you say like you look up to my career or whatever and you like jerk off. to like photos to me on my Instagram. Yes. So I'll wake up in the morning if I like especially if I like worked all weekend or something

because I was filming or something I guess that is work but I'll be like good. Okay her like casually bragging she's like you know if I worked our weekend and was filming doing what you'd love to do

anyway so I wake up feeling I was like I wake up feeling fully fulfilled you have to you have to like you have to like reward yourself like if you knew like you had a big show on Friday you had a bunch of shows Friday night and you're like I'm just on Monday I'm going to sleep

in. I live in a studio apartment and I love working in bed. Yes. Some days I won't get out of bed till like three and I just love it. And then I have my cat and then I order seamless. I get better. I get better at it. When I go away to other people to like other places, I can. Or if my brothers are in town like our brothers are in town this weekend. And then from like 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. We just played video games and like eight pretzels and just like talk shit. Also your brothers were like in Afghanistan. In Afghanistan. Both of them. Yes, the same time. So do you feel like a little bitch because you didn't go and they did?

Not at all, dude. I'm like so happy they do that because like they've already made the family happy so I can do whatever the fuck I want. Did you never question that you should go? Fuck no, dude. Why would do horrible me? I would do horrible. They would tell me to do something. I'd be like, fuck off, dude.

You'd be like, did you do that to me on purpose? You started storming them. Yeah, exactly. I'd freak out of them. I'd be like, dude, you're a bitch. Are you older than them? Yeah, I'm older. so did they just like

coordinate between each other like I mean they're identical twins conspired oh so they were like let's do this together both their brains sought the same because their DNA is exactly the same and are your parents were they sad or proud that they did that they're they're definitely proud my dad

dad is definitely a big military guy and my mom was like some families like my family no one's ever been in the military like that's my biggest nightmare for my brother to have to like go to war but someone has to do it people that are adverse to the military I would say I'm not anti-military I'm just not familiar with it but I'm saying a lot it's what's weird is that a lot of people they'll go like oh my god are you okay or like yeah how's your family about that yeah wow why are they doing that I go what the fuck is wrong with you that you're like that's a bad thing they're doing it's noble as hell that they're even trying to do that so your only response should be like incredible yeah yeah you're like how does it feel if if I mean it was scary when they were there but I think what's cool about knowing people that are in the military

is realizing that there's not like some different switch about them compared to you, especially on the coast like we think we're different than them. And also what you realize is that a lot of people in the military think the military is dumb. Like they think a lot of the bureaucracy and a lot of the other people in the military are fucking dumb, but they believe in the overall cause. Yeah. So they go, the cause is more than all of the negatives of it, but I can still admit Also, it goes back to the beginning of the podcast. I was talking about being part of something bigger. If you talk about having a purpose in life, it's great.

It's immediate. If you guys are interested in like military or army, that's the same thing. Military is the entire thing. Military, Navy, Army, whatever. I interviewed Kate Mannion from Barstool Sports who was in the military and she, we went into it really intensively. So scroll back to one of those episodes. When was it last time your pride, you let your pride get in the way of something?

Oh, well, I mean, I'll tell you. So I do stand up. I started doing that, doing podcast, I'm still doing standup. For the first two or three years, I wouldn't ask anyone to do their show because I was like, they should just ask me. Yeah. And in standup, especially being a straight white dude where there's a thousand of them. Yeah. You need to ask and also just in anything

Get over yourself and ask for shit And don't be like oh I'm gonna seem neat Whatever the community is about communication No one's reading your mind If anything they might think like this dude Think he's too good to be on my show Or they're gonna forget about you because there's so many There's so much shit in their face unless you're one of their close friends

Yeah There are comics right now Even my close friends won't assume that like I want to go on their show Exactly there are comics right now that you show me their picture and I'd be like Oh yeah I fucking love that guy But I just didn't think about it because most people aren't top of mind because everyone's doing their own life. That got in my way a lot and it set me back a little bit because I didn't do a lot of shows

and would get really frustrated and envious of other people who did do shows. When they're like, even if we talked about like my tweets, my tweets did get picked up and stuff, but the level that my Instagram's grown was because I would tweet something and then I researched every account that would share me in the past or shares tweets and would DM like 15 accounts every time I tweeted for probably like six months yeah and I mean like that's me being a thirsty ass bitch but those are the behind the scenes work that I had to be like I have to ask for things right now that I don't have and here's how I think about it is that you go someone might talk down and like oh you're being a thirsty ass bitch but here's what it is you believe in yourself so

much and know that you should be getting seen by more people so then you're just doing what you think is the right thing to get seen so it's not even being thirsty and it might feel great it might feel weird but you got to do it you gotta do it and it ends up working out yeah that that that fucked me up pride wise a lot um and i've tried to use that the lessons from that to help me with podcasting i'll ask anyone to do it i'll dm anyone i don't give a fuck oh yeah i'll ask you to do it if you don't respond whatever i will continually dm you because a lot of times people don't see it show up at the doorstep exactly i'll find them i will take their family hostage and i will say let me talk to you about your weird dick for 45 minutes okay and then they'll do it okay last question

when was the last time you lusted over someone lusted over someone damn and it's right in front of me it's hard to who's your celebrity crush i mean emrat's hot all those girls are oh she's it's weird it's weird i'm not like i'm not obsessed with celebrities yeah i'll see a girl who i think is really hot and be like oh it's great but i don't like remember her name i used to think kate hudson was really pretty hey hudson and m rat are like very opposite looking at women milakunas was like the one girl that i always the woman i always thought was like so hot um yeah people say i look like her all the time there's i mean it's just so hard when there's these people on instagram that are like i don't know

their names but i just know these girls are like so fucking you know a lot of them are just like literally created on photoshop yeah and when you see them in person they're never as hot Like, whenever I saw a Gigi a Dian person, and I was like, you're fucking not cute. Like, it's fine. There's one person who I've had on the show that I will tell you off air who I still lost over at times. Yes. It's not you, obviously. Yeah, that was a weird way of flirting with me.

I was like, honey. You're in a different category. Okay. Because I, okay. Because it's nonstop. You know what I mean? When we're talking about how feeling emotion, nonstop gets tiring. Yeah.

It's tiring how I'm always thinking about how I want to fuck you, you know what I mean? like nonstop i'm like god it was just for one second i like to end every podcast with the one question uh-huh this was a long one that's great what you guys are enjoying the fuck out of it we always have the longest conversations and you guys are gonna fucking comment and give i thought you're gonna say you're gonna come you guys are gonna fucking also screenshot all your favorite quotes yeah um mostly mine because mine were the best but don't too yeah what do you do to cope with your hell and what advice would you give to people to cope with their hell two all two things um being active whenever i'm have a problem if i go work out do whatever i

always feel better after and i always have a better state of mind about whatever the issue is um and the other thing is going to hang out with friends it when you reach out to people and you have have like we're wired to have interpersonal relationships and a lot of times when you're at home and you're like, I don't really want to go out or I want to see this person. If you're feeling down, and this is the hard part about feeling down is that I know people that I have a friend right now who like we've been continuing continuously trying to see each other and I know she's been kind of down and I need to I need to make it a priority to go see her. When you feel down you feel like you shouldn't be hitting up anyone else because you're like no one cares about it me anyway

and then it's a vicious circle. But I implore you. I ask anyone, like reaching out to someone, just calling them, saying, hey, could you give me a call? When you talk to someone, you just feel better and you feel like you're not alone anymore. And that makes it so much better. So when I do that, when I go hang out with people and I go laugh, people that I know like. Also make sure it's people you like because if it's not, it can make you want to feel more alone. It'll make you a lot worse.

Yeah. That or like, listen. It's because people can be the cause of you feeling worse, but people are also the only way for you to feel better. Find those people who are the ones who know how to give you that good perspective. For sure. And get you out of your own head. A hundred percent. And, you know, and I just said that because I don't like a lot of people.

Me too. So, like, sometimes going to, like, your friends like, come to this event and you'll make you happy. And you go to an event and you're like, oh, this reminded me, like, that I should be more upset. Yes. Oh, for sure. This is making me. more rageful. And then if you're with me, you'll see it in my body as all my muscles tighten up. And I'm like, why the fuck are we here, dude? Let's leave. Yeah. I'm going to a wedding

this weekend. We're like, why is he flexing the whole party? Yeah, the entire time. I'm just like, oh, I just like, ah, just in the corner. No, yeah, do that. Reach out. Do it, man. I'm telling you, it'll make you feel good. And if you don't want to reach out, watch some stand up or, or, follow us on Instagram. Yeah, exactly. Follow us on Instagram. like our podcast and like tell all your friends about the podcast send me a nude you know what I mean just like shit like that I don't know yeah if you really like podcasts like this one and and and mine and like not just ours if you don't watch podcasts if you're the podcast you're listening to has a video feature I would suggest putting it on YouTube because sometimes if it's friends hanging out or shit like that

you almost get to feel like you're there as well and with certain comedians it just made me feel better. Like someone like fighter and the kid or tiger belly and stuff, you go like, okay, I get to kind of feel like I was there as close as I could and just wasn't saying anything. Those are the things I do. Dylan. Anna. Thank you for doing you. I'm so happy you came to hell. I made him work for it. I made him ask me on his podcast twice before he came on mine because I like to show dominance at all times. She's good at she knows what I need. I know what he needs. Stay tuned. Follow this kid at Dylan Paladino on Instagram. Dylan. Dylan J. Paladino. D-Y-L-L-A-N. J P. A. There's another Dylan Pelino. Yeah, it's like some little fucking 16 year old

bitch. All right. I need you find him. He DMs you every random month like cool jay. Yeah, dude. Yeah. And for and for a while he was like well known because this paper wrote about how he was helping kids and like the Himalayers or some shit. And I was like he thinks he's better than you. Yeah. He thinks he's way better than you. He does. But he is he's a bitch. Okay. The only thing he's got on me is he's got better hair. But whatever. Listen to his podcast. We're all. Psychos. Listen to our episodes. They were pretty good. If I don't say so to myself. Honestly, if you guys want to start off, listen to the Hannah's episodes and you'll love them. And don't listen to any other ones. Yeah. We don't really know about them. No, they're great. And we're all psychos and we all burn in hell. And I love you guys. I'll talk to you later. Bye.