Berner Phone - Ella Halikas: Body Trends & Believing In Yourself

Episode Date: March 22, 2023

Ella explains how she manifested being a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model. She faces tons of rejected but never let it stop her from chasing her dream. She gives her secrets to confidence, taking great photos, and feeling comfortable in her own skin. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning Hell. What is up, everyone? We are in the dark depths of modeling hell today. We are with, I'm going to forget your full name, Gabriella Athena Halikas. Oh, I kind of nailed it. You kind of killed it. Atina. Athena.

Uh-huh. Okay, that you cannot not be hot with a name like Gabriela Athena. Are you kidding me? Stop, stop. Your pussy's just like the wettest pussy in the world. Thank you so much. Mom and Dad. She's dripping.

She's dripping, baby. I've seen you kind of all over the place. You're pretty much blowing up right now, but like for cool reasons because I mean, obviously you're hot, but you have a great personality. You stand up for what you believe in. And I found out you're Greek, so like, that's fun. It's like great. You also say self-made model.

I feel like you're coming for Kylie, and I kind of love it. I'm coming for Kylie specifically. Like, Kylie, watch out. Like, can you explain what self-made means to you? Yeah. I think what self-made means to me is like, you have a vision for what you want, and you're not going to take a no for an answer, and you're just going to keep going no matter what. So it's like, I saw like so many rejection and no agencies wanted me.

And then it was like, you know, you deal with so much rejection in this industry. But I feel like when you keep persevering and being resilient, it's like, it's like, like a self-made thing. Like I wasn't just given this career from like a manager, a mom, an agent, like a rich boyfriend, a rich family member. Like it was just me. Like I didn't have any of that in my bloodline. And what's crazy about that too is when you get rejected, it's not like your friend is like, you can't do it. You have industry people who say, I know the industry and I see you and I don't think this is a fit. Like that could take you out for four years. Totally. How do you get yourself up in the morning and continue living that dream when people

are like you don't and you also aren't seeing a lot of people that are like succeeding right around you right so how do you keep going honestly it's like that deep like knowing and understanding of like your self-worth and like what you know you will like achieve and for me it was a matter you know it's not a matter of like if it's a matter of when and I always believed that and I'm like it just might take me longer to get there but I know I can do it and I think once you have that like burning inside like fire of knowing you can do something like you really just won't take no and you'll just keep showing up you know i fucking love that yeah i love that because it kind of reminds me you talk about confidence so much yeah watch you talk about it we've a lot of mutual friends i've watched you talk

about it with publicity with elisa and and you also were talking with victoria garrick talking about your like model face and it made me realize like so much of you is like what's inside because people can smell shit you know what that means like people can smell when you the bullshit the fear the bullshit if you don't believe in yourself yeah but like it's If you come in with an energy of, like, I believe in myself, because a lot of time people just see photos of you. But if you can come in and actually audition and be like, no, no, no, this is the whole package that you're getting.

I love that. Yeah. It's 100% what's within. And that's what people are like, where'd your confidence come from or whatever? And it's like, it has such little to do with my body and my size, like such little. Yeah. Like, like I always say I'm more confident now as a size 14 than I ever was is like a size 6 or 8. Like way more confident now.

Wow. So it's like not linked together. Yeah. I mean, I know a lot of my friends who, as women, are weight fluctuates. Right. And a lot of the time when you're at your skinniest, it's normally because you're going through some dark, dark, dark. Literally. Like, real some dark shit.

And people don't always associate that with like, that's actually unhealthy. Right, right. Oh, I have so much shit to talk to you about. Okay. Heroin chic. Let's unpack. Heroin chic. This is, everyone, they're throwing that word around.

What the fuck is going on in the modeling industry? I'm starting to see heroin chic being thrown around like it's the 90s again. Right. How far have we not come? It's so sad because you think you've come so far as an industry as a whole society. And I don't see shit like that and headlines like that. And you're like, oh, sick. We are so much farther to go.

Awesome. Like sick, six, six, sick. Heroin should not be in any word for like women coming up for young girls. And it's crazy because I've never even really like publicly talked about it actually in a very long time. But like my brother has had drug addiction. And so it's like seeing that also stung more too because it's like I don't. I dealt with the reality of drug addiction to my family. Like, I've seen the way it crumbles you mentally, physically, relationships, everything.

Sort of like glamorize a body off of drug use. Like, why is that cue? It's so kind of like what Chris Rock was talking about. Yeah. About selective outrage. I'm like, no one cares about throwing the word heroin around because it hasn't affected them. Right. Or they think it's like putting chic and heroin together should never be a thing.

No, exactly. But I guess like the fashion industry is fine with that until someone calls them out. Until someone. Exactly. And I'm like, wait, that's actually not okay. So just adding that in there to get deep right off the bat. But like seriously, it's like, why is that glimmerized? Why is that a body that we should strive to become when like people are dying every day? You know? Yes. And then people are dying from anorexia every day. Totally. Just putting. And then throwing. Don't fucking put chic near any of that. It's not chic. You would never say anorexia chic. But that's like what it is. That's literally what they're saying. Anorexia chic. Disease. Disease. Like beauty. Anorexia. And it makes me magical. Because you know the fashion industry more than me, but, like, I feel like the fashion industry has a lot of control of what they choose to be in and trendy. Right. So, like, why don't we consciously, whoever, whatever dude is in a corner office. Right. Say, let's chat.

Let's not do that. Let's just chat this one off. Let's veto the heroin cheek part. No, yeah, Vito, we're not. We are finito. And you also, okay, I love a bitch who stands up for herself. You recently went out, name and names, calling people out when you went out to the. this bar with your friend, can you tell us the story of what happened and then kind of the

aftermath of it all? Yeah. So I was at, I'm just going to name drop because it's already all over the fucking news, highlight room, um, in Hollywood. And it was so crazy because I had just came back from some influencer party. I think it was like a boohoo man event. Sway Lee was performing. It was like this whole thing. Did the whole red carpet. So fun feeling myself, right? I had the glam, the makeup, the styling. Everything was done. So we were on a high. And then after that, we went straight to highlight room because that's where everyone was going on like i think it was a wednesday night and i get there and i actually ran into my friend alexa j who is a plus size curvy model as well and i saw her out front of the line i'm like oh my god like how are you like didda da da da we like hugged and

bray she was with a group of like 13 other girls so there was a group of 14 of them and then it was me and like two other girls i was with and we kind of intermingle and she goes come in line with us it's like perfect so we get in line her and she was in the back of the line her whole group of 14 girls that she was with which mind you to clarify she wasn't close friends with them it was she was only friends with a birthday girl and it was the birthday girl's party and so all of them come through and the bouncer put on the rope right in front of her and he was like yeah not tonight and she was like wait I'm so sorry like that's my group that you just let in like I'm so sorry like whatever and he's like no no yeah not tonight and I was like wait what's going on and I was

like hold the fuck up I was pissed I had way more drinks than me too I'm like bitch let's go you're not about try this like I'm literally winding it up so I like switch spots with her and I was like hi I'm so sorry if you're confused it's actually just us three girls now like meet my girls and whatever yeah and he was he looked to me up and down was like not tonight and it's like you literally feel so worthless because they scan you from head to toe and tell you if you're worth going into their club or not and i just was like meanwhile like i said hair glam makeup we looked on fucking point that was not an issue it was clearly because of our size like every other girl that got in was skinny and white and like literally it's like me and my beautiful plus size

and she's a black woman too it's like she was just feeling all sorts of like discrimination and I was like fuck I have to do something yeah and so I felt like she wasn't like I feel like she got quiet and then I became like no I'm going to be the voice right now and like so I like was excuse me like let me care in this for you yeah are you and there was a bigger guy that was a security guard that was standing next to me watching this all go down and he was a big boy yeah and I looked at him and you're like I need a big boy right no literally and I'm like are you not going to say anything are you really just going to let this happen you're not going to speak up for what's right like you see exactly what's happening and he had nothing to say like literally was like shitting his pants and I was like okay well you'll you'll be hearing from us tomorrow

immediately on the news the next day CNN called ABC Fox News CBS everyone like within within literally 24 hours so do you think it's going to raise awareness in some capacity totally I think it's also like you guys are like drafted gorgeous so it's so funny so fucked up and also it goes back to that like is this girl stylist or is she just thin literally I just saw your video about that too about fashion week. Yeah. Because I consider myself a little bit of an outsider, but like I'm, I love knowing what's going on. I love knowing the tea.

She loved the key. You know, I'm like standing behind the tree, just like, mm-mm. She's peeping. She's peeping. I know. And I like to keep tabs on people how they're doing. Right. And I know, like, in fashion, I don't, I like got invited to like one or two events like

two years ago when I was traveling this fashion week. I'm like, low-key, I'm scared of it. No, it's. You're putting yourself out there. And I never, I saw, you know, outside. side people are getting their photos taken but I'm like you like I'm not going to ask anyone to take it right and like I probably was not wearing anything that anyone wanted to take a photo of so I was like you know I'm just gonna go in but it's this culture of like certain people are going to get attention and you wonder why people are getting attention right and you're like you said your stylist decked you the fuck out yeah and people start taking photos of your stylist who happens to be thin yeah and your stylist is like whoa yeah what the fuck but yeah How much, you have two ways to go about this. You could get angry, sad, go rot in your bed at night and cry for three months.

Yep. Or you can choose to keep showing up every day. Totally. Or you can just start a different career. Right. Why have you chosen the second one? Option two. What mental illness have you?

It's a mental illness, I say. No, I know. I feel, thank you. I feel like, I feel like, I feel like, I feel. like if no one's going to say it like shit I might as well say it like I almost feel like all right are we all going to act like this is normal we're all going to act like this is cool like I got to say something and I feel I feel like it's just so wrong that still in today's society we overlook the curve girl because you genuinely think if they're not skinny they're not a model

and you have to go above and beyond and overcompensate all the time as a curvyer woman to be like seen and known in this industry yeah and so it's like oh you could be pretty like I'm not taking your photo because like you're not a mom it's like wait but i am like why'd you just assume i wasn't yeah even like i'm like a size eight and i feel like people don't so many girls are between i think like eight and 14 like majority of the world yeah and i want to see my body shown i want to see how the clothes fit on my kind of body yeah i also have a booty and like i know the stores that i'm not even going to walk into because it's not going to go over my ass right and because the jeans just have no stretch to them.

Totally. Same here. And I do feel like you raising awareness to it is so important, but like most models do not have to also be fighting for their rights while doing their job. Right. You're like a like an activist, a literal activist. Did you want to be an activist? Have you always had the side to you that wants to like fight for justice?

Totally. Or have you just kind of fell into it. I've always felt like speaking up for what's right even if you're standing alone. Like I always believed in that. And I feel like it was ingrained in my head as like a small. kid from my parents too and I always feel like I have this like burning voice inside of me like I love speaking too I love like I would love to go to like high schools and colleges and speak to students about confidence like I live for that so to me it's like modeling is a job to me and

I love it and I feel like I have the abilities and scale to like turn on for a camera like I love that yes but the other side of me is like the voice the message and I feel like I can just be this package well your modeling is allowing you to have a platform to have a voice right so it's beautiful like I feel similar with like comedy how I need to be heard or I'll fucking like implode right right so it allows me to express myself and sneak in like the things I love that I want to talk about make people question things I love that people you know just question the norm that they've been brought up on yeah which is which is like fun because I like to fuck shit up right where did you grow up Bay area northern California oh okay cool

She's a bad girl. She's a bad girl. How did you get involved with Sports Illustrated? Could you give me a little, like, journey? Yeah, let me give you the journey. Yeah. So basically, I went to school in Hawaii, and that was just like a dream. University of Hawaii.

Okay, that's not fair. I went to University of Wisconsin. My tits were freezing. The liquid on my eyeballs were frozen. Literally. And you're out just bikini, shaking your booty. Literally. Taking ass on the yacht.

Literally, food's cruise every day. Shut the fuck up. Okay, so you go to Hawaii. Yeah. So I go to Hawaii. What'd you study? I actually went to Pullman, Washington my first year and I transferred because I was having the cold tits and I'm out.

It's freezing. It's snowing. You got to keep your tits warm. So I transferred. Yeah. Huge key. Transfer to Hawaii. Loved it.

Started taking a bunch of photos and bikinis. Finally found that confidence. Long story short, I wasn't confident growing up. Found that confidence. Unlocked my sophomore year of college pretty much. Wait, I love how you said unlocked. Like one day, a Power Ranger just came out of you. Like, that's exactly.

What happened? You were like, oh shit. I'm a bad bitch. I'm that girl. It came out of me. It literally unlocked. And I was like, great. I'm rolling with it. And I started taking photos and my friends were like, why don't you model? I was like, I can never my size. And then I saw Ashley Graham and other plus size models kill it. And that whole industry kind of imploded. And I was like, hmm, maybe I can do it. Yeah. So then I was working at a restaurant got fired because I was late too many times. And I literally said that day, I will come back into this restaurant of Sports Illustrated model. And everyone's like, no, you won't. And I was like, no, you won't. And I was like, yes, I will. And so I tried out my first year then when I had no modeling experience or anything. It's hilarious. It was filmed on like an old camera, shaky, horrible. Didn't get it. And I was like, no, I'm going to keep going. Yeah. Tried out again.

Hired a videographer this time. Had more modeling experience like six months about. Didn't get it, but it was like a beautiful video. They reposted my video. I like ran out of the restaurant that I was at crying because I was so excited. They posted me. I like thought I got it. Kind of false hope.

They didn't choose me. But they noticed me. Then they had an open call. So a week before we find out they have an open call in Miami. I had like $1,000 to my name. I sent it to fucking Miami. Waited in line all day in the pouring rain, 4.30 in the morning.

Got inside, talked to the judges. You only talked for like one minute to sell yourself. I froze up, got so nervous. Don't think I had a good message yet. And I kind of flopped it. Like I just was like, fuck, I did what I could. I like didn't get it. I was devastated.

Spent all this money to go. Didn't get it. And I was like, fuck. And meanwhile, this is public. You're investing in yourself. I'm investing in myself, right? And I'm learning and I'm growing. But it's public, too.

Like, I'm posting this on my Instagram. So not everyone can see I didn't get it and trying it again. And everyone can see I didn't get it the second year. So I'm like, fuck it. I know I'm going to get it. So then the third year, COVID hits. Casting calls closed because COVID shuts down. They say you can still submit a video.

At this point, I had a year and a half of experience modeling. So like now I'm in the industry. I was growing more on social media. I had like 100K followers on TikTok at this point. Like it was pandemic times. And I tried out again, hired a better videographer, like did the whole thing and progress, progress, progress. And fucking like four or five months later after the call, I got a call back and then I got another call back. And then I got it. And so this is 20, 20, 2021 now. I do have to say the shoot of you in that pink bikini. My jaw literally dropped. Like I was just like hot damn. Like you looked amazing. And you also looked like you felt so comfortable and wanted to be there. Like you were just like, this is me. This is time. I meant to be here. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That story. It gives me the chills. I love that shit. Because I know that there's models with

like way more experience who have talked themselves out of even trying for it. Right. And I always was one of those people. I think experience is so overrated. Like I read this book. I mean, I did not read a book. I read the first, I did not read the first chapter. I read two pages of this book. Perfect. Perfect. But they talked about like how some doctors with less experience actually perform better than doctors who have been doing it for like 30 years. Because they like they care more. they're fresher on the material they're trying harder and i'm like so let's stop i mean you see people at jobs who are burnt the fuck out 20 years in right right and especially in this industry of things changing all the time like you want fresh fucking like narratives and fresh perspectives

so i i don't care how long you've been doing something if it feels right like i'm considered greener in the comedy space and i've had a lot of people especially because it's so male dominated right be like don't put yourself out there like that yet like be careful yeah don't do this don't do that you you don't deserve this because you haven't done this but that's all based on like old school gatekeeping of like stand up of like men choosing other men you know totally so i i feel connected to you and that i just had a weird thing i'm like well this is the only thing that makes me happy so i have no other choice no i'm gonna do it exactly and it works yeah and like other people aren't going to choose for you no if anything they'll sway you the opposite yes with they're

projecting their own shit on you so many people will look me down in the face and be like you can't do that or you can't be this or you can't cut those motherfucking bitches out literally put some of sharp ass scissors I they out it's crazy to see once you start chasing your dreams and you find alignment I call it kind of the people around you who you see can't handle that energy

because they don't want to face their own shit I've learned I don't take it personal anymore 100% I don't take a personal I'm like oh they're dealing with their own because I'm a bitch who will shake a girl in the bathroom be like what do you want to do with your life literally literally like what is your purpose what do you feel because i'm like you don't hate me or hate yourself you just haven't found that yeah on tictock i did not read a book just in case anyone was wondering Oprah was talking about it was a clip queen saying this i forget who's interviewing her but they were like what is one common thing between all the successful people did you see that yeah and i was

i was i was in like what's it going to be and she was like they know exactly what they want And that blew my brain Because I was like... Literally. Because you think like if I just work hard Good things are going to happen to me It's like no, you have to tell the universe what you want. A hundred percent like a clear vision.

Like you had you literally said I'm going to get Sports Illustrated. Like dead ass like my eye was on that prize like So this is my question Once you get it Everyone thinks something happens your dreams come true Is everything flowers and rainbows How's your mental health? You get what you thought you wanted

what was the kind of mental reaction to it or was it like okay now let's get guns blazing right I mean it was quite a journey like that specifically too you go through highs highs and low lows like a lot goes on behind the scenes as well it's pretty mentally draining oh yeah it's not glamorous it's not glamorous at all and so it's like once I had it you almost feel like what's next and for so and it's always like people say okay now now what's like you're so good at like tackling your goals so now what Or it's like, well, you got this, so you should be getting this and that and that and that girl got that. So you should get this and stuff like. Yeah. It's the same shit of like, oh, if you're in a relationship, it's like, oh, well, when are you going to get married? Oh, well, then when are you going to have kids? Like, I always feel like they're trying to do that next, putting that pressure on the next thing. So for this, it was like, I got a sigh. Well, then what's next for you? I'm like, shit. Let me just fucking soak in this happiness and success. And let me figure out what's next and just keep doing my thing. Yeah. So you experience this a lot, you know? And you go through like high highs. And then right after you're like, oh shit, I just had the best shoot of my life yesterday. Yeah.

Now I'm back to normal, like, life. It's, like, so weird. It's so weird. I also feel like these moments is not, like, happiness. I call them temporary highs. Like, because it's, it can elevate your happiness. But, like, it's the day to day of you just sitting alone with yourself. Right.

At the actual shoot, were you nervous? Like, what actually went on in your head during it? How long was the shoot? So, what's actually a crazy story? The actual shoot period of me probably shooting was, 45 minutes to an hour the whole day though with all the girls i mean it was a lot it was a full day yes i stayed up all night watching asha graham's like youtube videos of her modeling for s i because she's like a huge role model mine yes which she follows me on tic talk now and we're like

mutuals which is insane and i'll never forget i messaged her the night before and i go i just want to let you know like i'm staying up like watching your videos like you give me so much hope and inspiration like i've loved all your shoots like you're the reason excuse me like you are the reason why i'm doing this and literally the next morning i'm I woke up and I got to set to shoot, she set me a voice message back on Instagram. And I literally was like shaking. I was like, Ashigram just message me and it's a voice message. Oh my God.

And I literally opened it with the editor of SIMJ. And I played it out loud. And she was like, hi, Gabriella. I'm so proud of you. Like you've come so far. You should be so proud of yourself. Like go out there and kill it. Like you're meant to be there.

I'm literally going to get emotional. Like you're meant to be there. And I was just like, my literal role model just gave me the fucking like, most. confidence ever to like go out and kill it and I just like that's all I needed to hear and I was like this is where I meant to be like you know because you can get imposter syndrome for sure like well it's funny because you've always seen her and put her on a pedestal and that same person that you saw as like the greatest saw you for you and it was like join the party totally and like that's that's so fucking cool of her and it makes I know that in your future girls are going to be reaching out to you

and I know because the way she made you feel you're going to do that to them and that's how fucking like women support other women and it becomes we get really powerful and then we take over the world like literally to be exact and then we become the women king sorry just watched it last week and then we get everyone together and we battle all the boys oh my god I love it so mental health wise are we in therapy how are we doing are we deal with depression do we deal with anxiety is it a cocktail too many cocktails and anxiety I'm still hung over for a mommy's birthday party. It's fine. It's fine.

No, I definitely have anxiety. I feel like I've always felt like I needed to be in control, which I've also struggled with like hyper independence only and always relying on me. Like that puts pressure on me, which turns into anxiety and stress. But it also makes you a good entrepreneur until you're going to get big enough where you have to get like a full team to help you. And then you have to somehow be like, how do I, even though it's your name. you have to get people to help you.

Right. I'm speaking because I'm similar to you. Yeah. Right? You feel like you always need to be in control a little bit? Well, just because we only trusted ourselves up until this point. We got us here. Totally.

So then why would I suddenly trust someone else when it's my name also? Right. It's not like a company where someone get mad at a company. Right. It's my brand that is also like my baby. So that is also me. Right. What is your kind of routine for your mental health?

honestly i love working out i feel like it's the one thing that keeps me sane like people say oh you work out just to lose weight no that's not the case so you don't like punch a wall yeah so i don't punch a wall or like literally yeah i want to die um what are your favorite workouts i work i do like hit workouts and stuff with a trainer which is great um so like a lot of different like yeah honestly like hit workouts um strength training lifting weights um love to go on hot girl walks with my friends like get coffee in the morning like farmers market sundays like we literally just go for walks yeah i mean i played like sports my whole life played soccer for like 15 years oh cool yeah it was like an athlete swim basketball dance like did all of that growing up so that mentality love like discipline

and goal orientedness is like you can put it in anything totally which is really cool totally do you do you i like did fit modeling for a second okay when i was like broke at the college i did like do you know the like because I was a size six and I had like so they used you like a mannequin so not fitness modeling like fit right so like I guess like my like shoulders to waist the hip was like a standard size

for them to design clothes you weren't allowed to gain weight or lose weight and it was the weirdest situation where like I've never done that I never was so conscious of my weight you're normally just like oh like it's not overeat yeah that can fuck do you ever feel like you have to be a certain size in this industry

right now like are you afraid to lose weight or your body to change? Honestly, yes. Subconsciously, yes. I think every day I live about my life knowing that I'm a size 14 curve model. I have to say a size 14. Because of your size 12, do you get fewer gigs? Yeah. And vice versa. Like I mean, what's interesting though, I'll always share the story is when I first got into like modeling, you know, that first year, I went to go do a job. They booked me for it. And then I think it was like two weeks prior. And then I ended up getting sick. I think it was like pre-COVID, maybe COVID kind of vibe. And I got really sick. And I got really sick. I couldn't really eat and I lost probably like seven, eight pounds, like wasn't healthy.

I was sick. And they literally released me from the job because they said she got too thin, come back when you gain the weight. Yeah. And I was like, cool, like literally dropped from a job. That's a whole different like mentality than I've had like other models on. I had Emily D. Donato on. I listened to that this morning.

Oh my gosh. She's amazing. Amazing. And I didn't know her whole story too. That was like fascinating. She told me this fucked up story where like she had to lose like four pounds for some gig and then she watched it and they ended up photoshopping her anyway to look skinnier and she's like why'd I starve myself for a week if you were just going to photoshop my waist anyway literally and then

with you you're like that shit can fuck with you too totally but then they're like oh you're 14 okay perfect perfect perfect but then I'm like wait fuck but like I might be a 16 I might be like yeah I might be a 12 like my body fluctuates like what if I'm like a 10 like you just you always also what if you like lose weight in your butt and not your boobs and then And I just, I've heard in the plus size industry, sometimes they still can be pretty particular of like the ratios that they want. Yeah. Or some brands know like the kind of, they still want you to be like a certain. Aesthetic.

Yeah. One of my friends, her name is Maddie Weiner. She's a comic and she was like, I want to see some models who are like, who are like not the perfect proportion plus size. But like I want to see like you just have a huge ass. No, literally. Like some of us out here. Yeah. And because it's like almost sometimes the plus size industry, I feel like is so true, is still, people are still being left out.

Yeah, 100%. And it's like you can't hit everyone, but it's, no, you can't. And it's like, you either choose one and then you're like, well, don't choose the girl with the flat stomach. You know, choose a different body shape. But then you choose that body shape. And they're like, well, then they're unhealthy. And it's like, you literally can't win. No, you actually can't win.

So I always tell people like, don't let your body be a trend because you'll never win. That is so powerful. You'll never win. ever what's an example of losing to a trend oh the example of losing to a trend is constantly trying to keep up with a trend that's ever changing and you can never you can never keep up with it bbb l's wearing a few years ago now they're not ozempig's in everyone wants to lose weight heroin chic is back guess what in a year it's going to be the girl with like the bushy eyebrows with the da da da da da or it's going to be the gap tooth is it and then it's going to be really

tall girls are in with the shorter it's like you'll never fucking win But you can win at like being you because no one else is you and being comfortable in your body. Because I've seen some of the most beautiful women that are uncomfortable in their body and you can sense it. And you wonder like, damn, how did we get to this point? Right. And that will never be out of style. You're so right. Confidence is never out of style.

Baby. That is the caption. That is the title. Title of your fucking book. So literally, let's write it the fuck. I wanted to ask you. Yes. What do we think about, I don't know how pronounce it,

Bucal fat removal trend? Right here, right there. She's like, I don't really know what removal. Something's getting removed. Something in the face. I just, I, it's not for me and it's okay if it's for you. I'm always a candidate into like,

I will never bash you to get work done. Yeah. But it almost makes me sad that we feel like that's what's going to make you feel worthy because the second you do it, I promise you won't feel worthy. And it is a trend. let's be honest like it's a trend

it's a trend where like what then you want to have like you know full beautiful rosy cheeks right in two years and the rosy sucks your fat out and the next you know we're just moving fat from different parts of our body to keep up with the trend that's always like you'll literally never win also let's be honest I feel like if you're

if you're into straight dudes these straight dudes do not know what different trends are this is the fashion industry telling you this is other girlies and gay is telling you guys don't even know if you cut your hair Like, what are you talking about? They want to know. Shake your head. They might notice they might not.

All the cool girls is to be like, you're so cool. My husband would be like, are you well? Yeah, like, are you okay in the head? Is this a cry for help? What's going on? I'm like, yes. I want attention on social media. Yeah, you didn't see?

Like, no, they didn't fucking see the trend. They don't care. No. So it's almost like who you're trying to fit in with? And it's like, no one's, if you want people to like you, no one's going to like you until you like yourself. Exactly. If it's, if it's fun for you, obviously, like, I think it's cool.

You bleach an eyebrow. Right, they tie your hair. Have fun with it. Yeah, yeah. But you're in L.A. You're in that scene where there is a lot of, like, the best doctors in terms of, like, plastic surgery and stuff. Yeah. Have you dabbled?

How do you talk yourself in or out of that life, considering your, your, like, body and your face is kind of what you're selling? It's interesting. I feel like I've never really wanted it. And I think I might one day. I think that's why I'm not, like, against it because maybe one day if the lines get really brutal, like I'm getting Botox, like, whatever. but I'm not like I don't I feel like if I wanted to change something about myself I would look within first and that's harder to do than just going to a doctor yes I think I've done so much of the inner work that I that I know who I am and I know my worth lies beyond what I look like and my size so I don't feel the need to alter it but if if I felt like something was missing and I felt like I needed to fix something within myself I would look for the first thing to do would be exterior yeah so I feel like once you kind of unlock that inner worth and inner worth and

self-reflection and you're okay and you're at peace with who you are yes you don't want to pick apart your underarm fat and that of course there's things like like could like duh like everyone could where do you stop but then where do you stop a are you ever satisfied two and three who are you really doing it for and then when you start losing the weight like you think you'll be happier you'll end up feeling more depleted like maybe you might have more confidence if you do it the healthy way and you're happy and you're physically you know whatever and you feel fit and toned, whatever, that's what you want. But when you're just losing weight and you're depriving yourself of food and nutrients to like be a certain size or be accepted or be loved or be sought

after by guys, you loan, like when you're home alone and your own thoughts at night, like are you even feeling like your cup is full? Are you feeling happy? Probably not. I remember when I everyone has had, you know, eating issues. When I was a teenager, I had a time where I was a tennis player. I was putting a lot pressure myself to like work out, eat healthy. Like I was eating a decent amount, but I was like trying to control I wanted to control that I could be the best tense player I could be. So I see you know I was like obsessing about food. Right. And I remember I was like stick thin at that point. And the other day I was like

eating something and I was like wow. I'm so grateful that I'm eating this with no emotional attachment to it. Because I used to like it used to matter so much to me. Totally. Therapy. I feel a lot of people in their teens it goes it happens but I'm like I'd rather be mentally at peace. Because then everything else is chill. Dude. The the the effects it has on our mind like when you think about everything you're putting in your mouth like

it's actually exhausting oh my other people are putting in their mouths and all that stuff like everyone's probably experienced it a little bit so it's like 100% I would give me 20 more pounds of weight on my body for peace and mental peace and also I happen to be with a man who like loves my ass love that like literally I was getting married and there's all this shedding for the wedding shit just I I had someone tell me I had to lose three pounds for a dress and I was like no one's ever speak to me like especially as an athlete I was like no one's ever told me there's weight like this is my muscles this is my right this is my like engine right and I remember my husband being like don't fucking lose all that weight okay right I don't think that looks good I don't like they get all

skinny and I remember thinking like that's so cute yeah I love that because he gave me like a little sanity because I was listening to the trends totally well she's losing weight for her wedding and they seem like you have to fit in the dress and then whatever yeah it gets your head but it's nice to have those people around you that are like no we love you for fucking you yeah don't think you need to lose weight i love you the way you are you're like oh okay yeah and also like your weight fluctuates especially when you like start losing your metabolism slows down you're different stress times in your life yeah and empathy has been my key of being like damn girl you went through all that and you survived i love that and you're still here like empathy is so much better than the like

that sick voice in your head that's like how dare you you're unlovable or whatever exactly you said you've done some serious inner work is there anything that happened to you that made you like forced to look at yourself in the mirror and do some deep deep shit yeah i i always say like this when people like how do you get confidence and i just say it as simple as i was tired of being tired i was tired of feeling tired in the way of like i was just so exhausted and drained by not feeling enough like you just become so tired of being tired like i just was like every day I was battling my mind. What am I eating next? I'd walk past the mirror. I would look at my stomach every day. Is it flat? Is it not? Like I would be weighing the macros. I tried this diet. I tried the tiny teas. I tried this. I literally tried everything. And that's what they want you to do. Exactly. Are you kidding? Shit yourself for four days. Get bloated again. Keep buying more stuff. Keep keeping up with the fucking trends and buying all their products. And I just was so tired of not feeling happy. And I felt like my life was on pause until I lost that weight, mentally and physically. right like before you wear that outfit before you go on that trip lose the weight before you go to

that school lose the weight before you date the guy lose the weight so you can't fucking live unless you feel like you look a certain way and that's you're just chasing you're chasing something when like you're actually right there and then guess what what happens when you lose a 20 pounds and now you lose more it's like you're literally constantly chasing something that doesn't even exist you're chasing perfection and that doesn't exist and it's like when I was tired of living that way of that cycle that was so horrible for myself I just finally felt free in a way of like, okay, instead of looking at it from hate and disgust and wanting to change, why don't I look at it of like happiness fulfilled? I'm strong. I've been

athlete. I'm like my body can do so much for me. Look at what it's done for me. And like gratitude for it. You then are like, oh, I feel kind of good today. Like, and then you kind of like start talking to yourself in the mirror and like give yourself the compliments. And then you almost like fake it till you believe it in a way where every day when you say you love yourself so much and start appreciating your body, you really start to believe it. I do have to say, I notice the person in the room who's the most confident, not the thinnest or the prettiest or the most stylish. Totally. But this is also like me as a person. Like I was joking. Like some people always wanted to be like Marilyn Monroe. Like I wanted to be Barbara Corcoran. Like that's the like bitch I

want to me. That's who I gravitate toward. And I'm like, that bitch is fearless. I love that. I love that. And in my head, she's the most beautiful. Wow. Like because that's a woman to me. Yeah. And I. So everyone, beauty is in the eye. And I. So everyone, beauty is in the eye. of the beholder which is the biggest thing so like I have that too where I will like turn it off you know like when you're like at home you're looking gross whatever right and then you go oh let's get hot Hannah back and then you fucking put it on I love that you know like how you it's like you put on that um because sometimes I don't want to be sexualized like I just want to be like you know like I just want to exist I just want to exist I'm sporty Hannah I'm funny Hannah I'm

whatever I love that but then like sexy Hannah you could put that shit on do you have any advice for this is actually You did the hilarious video with Victoria Garrick taking the photo of how to, like, a model face on. Do you mean advice for the girlies on how to like look hot in a photo and look sexy? Because like I have to say, you're really good. Thanks. Yes. Okay.

So you basically have to make love with the camera. Okay. So I'm talking like literally I fuck the camera. That's what they mean by don't have dead eyes. Yes. And you want to have like those sultry eyes. Yes. And like whatever.

I'm like doing it to you now. I'm like, hey, no. So I would say like posture too. Like it would be like arms back. Always make shapes with your body. So know what is like, know what looks good flattering, whatever word you want to use for your body. So like mine is like to accentuate my curves and my like the smaller waist to hip ratio. Like mine would be like I can't really do it sitting. But like it would be like kind of like pushing one side in. And then like pushing my hips to the other side. Like you literally want to contour your body and a shape. So the more shapes you give the more like it's just like I don't know. It's. It's like. It's. like no i get it works you yeah you can just stand there be like hey right even like putting an arm up like you're making a triangle with your arm so it's like making like shapes and then um shoulders back and then just sultry soltry eyes with the smize oh it's my favorite go-tale i also notice do you smile or you just kind of open your mouth a little i like can't do it um wait can you slice right now because i feel like you can do it yes there it is okay okay wait let me chime. Okay. I like, there you go. Yeah. So now open your lips a little bit. Uh-huh. Like that. Yeah. Oh, good. See how you caught. Wait, good. Look at that.

Yeah. Okay. And she killed it. She killed it. Okay. No, I'm fucking upset. That was like really good. Well, this is the problem. I like, I did reality TV where like, I went in and I was like in comedy and all these girlies were so good taking photos. Like my best friend Paige was a child model. Oh my love. So she would crack like crack up. when I would, they'd all do these things and I would look so, I'd be so uncomfortable. But she, they like literally had to teach me shit. Like, I like that though. Like, even we did like this reunion. I'm sitting like this and she's like, no, no, no, baby. You got to sit like this. But I felt so uncomfortable.

Right. Like she, exactly. But you have to learn what works for you. Because you also, they can smell if you're uncomfortable. Totally. Totally. Like even when I'm on stage with stand up, I have a, sometimes I have a stylist and she'll get it like good look for me and I'm like, no, no, like on stage. I don't want to feel like I'm sucking in.

I want to feel like I can move. Like flowy free, like not consistent. Exactly. And I want to feel like this look makes me look hot, but I'm also not like paranoid that everyone's like staring at my crotch. Right. So there's all these things that like I make decisions based on comfort and confidence. Yeah, I like that. Rather than the trends, which

I'm obsessed with this theme we're on. Totally. Like fuck the trends. You know it's, you know what's interesting though? And I don't even know if we're going to dive into this topic. But I do have to say that. Take over bitch. You're like, I have something to tell you. No, but it's interesting because I don't want people to see this and be like oh my god so she's so confident like does she have any insecurities right or like oh my god like she must like is she just confident in everything and so i like i like i've always been so

confident in myself my body who i am my career but not with dating and i struggle a lot with dating and i think it's a subconscious thing about my body with dating that i've always been in a box of like a hookup box or a side chick box because of like my body or like over sexualized and having boobs and a butt and hips but you had posted a video of a guy being like you're so pretty for a bigger girl and you're like what the fuck does that mean yeah no literally all the time we yeah curved girls hear that all the time and it's like or you'd be like so hot if you lost weight I'm like oh cool or like at least you have a pretty face I'm like but also that's a good way to just know like don't waste six months with this dude like no we're done with him yeah I feel

as someone who's I like am weirdly confident with dating I love it's very weird I don't know I love that. Give me that energy. Well, I grew up with, like, my dad was, like, definitely, like, funny fuck boy. My brother was a fuck boy. Like, I've just been around, like, handsome men my whole life. So I have, like, no, I'm not intimidated by them at all. And I'm very shallow, so I like to, I like to, I like, I like to have this energy of, like, I just want hot men around me. And, like, I feel, like, I don't, I want them to be hotter than me.

Like, I want to feel like, I, I saw men and how they treated women and I wanted to treat men. Literally, like, I'm now the man in the relationship and I'm treating you like such. But that was because. I did have some intimacy issues, but it was like, I didn't, they could sense that, like, I didn't want to marry them or anything, but I do like a best friend kind of thing. I like that. And I do think my confidence was never based on my looks. My confidence was, like, I know that, like, I'm funny.

I know that I'm smart. I know that I'm, like, a good banter. And I know, and I'm athletic and our children will probably be division one athlete. It's like, I know what I bring to the table, which is, like, I bring so much in a conversation. like if I'm of who I am with the right guy because it's also like date the rich guys date the the really funny guys date the famous guys if they're not for you they'll ruin your fucking life literally find that person that's right for you yeah and you can't find that person that's right for you unless you show who you are and your X factor like don't try to fit into

anything but I page my model friends literally joke that like I think everyone wants to fuck me oh same and you walk into that room with that energy like I know everyone wants to fuck me everyone calm down. Meanwhile, it might not be true, but I really, 100% can agree more. Like, Paige will get nervous and I'll be like, I'll talk to them. And she's like, are you crazy? And I'm like, no, they want to fuck me. No, like they literally are all. They're lined up for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I do think like, like, so funny. A lot of the time, too, with these, these hot, dude, don't go too hot because they're not okay. But like, with the most attractive guy in the bar, he, like, a lot of girls are

nervous to talk to him. Uh-huh. And I do feel like it's naturally like you having the balls to I was very like I will talk to people I like that I have I mean if we're talking like strategy I was very into this like long game where like if there's a hot dude you talk to his friends you get in with the friends because you're not nervous talking to the friends like you you you fuck around like oh fuck the Yankees or like oh like your shoes like easy right right he sees you talking to all his friends and his friends like you so he's like who's this girlie and it He thinks you're cute, he will talk to you. If he doesn't, fine.

We didn't lose anything. We didn't get rejected. But, like, you're just a personable bitch that everyone wants to talk to. And you just have that energy where you make everyone in the room feel like you want to be there with them. And then, like, I don't know. That's always kind of work for me. Because it's not like, get the balls to go up to him and be like. I think you're cute.

No. No, no, absolutely. Also, never tell a guy you think they're cute. No, it's like, we're, no. but it's a lot of like don't take dating so seriously yeah and that's what i do i think i put this whole thing it makes it such a serious thing it's not serious it's not because like let's be honest we're just like fucking feathers in the wind like floating the fuck around and it's like i'm very like if if and if they do like one little thing though i'd be moving on right i don't have time no like we'll cut it off we'll make up a whole thing

of who you are in my head but the second you show me you're not it i will love that crush i will love that imagination ship bro push me it's their fucking potential we fall in love for are you kidding me exactly and never them then i get worried like some dudes might like fetishize your body which like we don't want either but it's also like i feel like you're just gonna the like i got married which is off brand for me but i am married love that for you i fell in love with this dude's mind oh deep and like you need to find someone who like you fall in love with how their mind works a hundred and that's what we're manifesting and does he happen to be beautiful and six three yes but that's it's not my fault his mind was it that's literally not my fault but like your relationships are you having one

conversation with someone the rest of your life so it's like damn i say with you the way you were with sports illustrated we can't delve into it like detailed but like fix what you're manifesting for men as in like you know what you want and you know what you deserve and you're gonna get it. Wow. Because if you're just like, oh, I want a guy to like me, not that you're like that, but people, that's like being like, I want to be successful. Okay, how? And how? You want to walk in the bar and be like, I want someone who makes me laugh. I want a guy who has a shit together who works hard. Right. Who like, we have a funny banter together. Boom. Right. Let's go. I love that. I want him to be, I want him to be a feminist and to like make me feel like he cares about my

shit. Supportive. Like, that's the shit we're putting out there. That's like the Sierra Prayer or whatever for Russell Wilson. Do you see she like literally wrote out exactly what she wanted when she like got with Russell Wilson to a tea, like prayed for him, like specifics of what she wanted. Because then you'll talk to guys and you'll be like, this is not it. And like that energy too is hot. Yeah. True. Like you're Virgo, ew. Yeah, ew. We can't stand Burgos. We can't. Wait, I love that. I'm gonna start doing that. That's a good. I'm, it's funny. This is a great journey. I realized that I am, yeah, I was always like, I always wanted to go for like the hottest dudes. Yeah. Like, it was almost a game for me. I was like, no one thinks I could. It's a game.

It's a guy to date me or whatever. But it is a game. until one day you're like you get tired and then you settle down yeah you're young right 25 she's a baby she's a baby she's a baby so this is also your time to like this is when you have those bad relationship exactly oh I'll never date a guy who does this or oh I even things it doesn't have to be that horrible red flags but just like I don't like a guy who's that passive right

that's not a good fit for me totally I thought I need to be with a shy guy because I'm so in your face but I ended up with a guy who's just like me because when I know you a lot I actually become quieter when I'm comfortable with you and I like that he can take charge. I like that's like less pressure on you to always be this like yeah it's a lot of energy you know yeah and before I would find these people that I would get bored with because I'd be like entertaining the star of the fucking show and then six months in I was like I have nothing left I'm sick of my voice yeah please add something please I love this though and also 25 like you don't know what you want yet and you're figuring it out but my only advice is to keep putting yourself out there they say like

A person will find you, but like, once I put yourself out there, it doesn't mean going out every night. It means, like, doing things that are authentic to you. Like, I met my man. It ended up being through comedy. Right. And, like, he DM'd me. So it's like, I wasn't going out at night, like, talking to guys at bars.

No. I found my shit that I love to do. Right. And he kind of came through. So the man will come. Okay. You're, like, on your own shit right now. I love this.

Yeah. Just do what you do and then come. What is your type? well so far it's been athletes that are the worst thing for me right that's that's i mean writing i did it too we've all we all had to go through writing's on the wall i just football um any any i just did soccer rowing any bicyclists out there no for rock climbing no let's go fucking climb some rocks um yeah so that type um i just i like someone that's like funny i like someone that's very confident like can let me shine

but also can hold their own in a conversation like the classics like you know i feel like someone's gonna see you doing your thing and just be like oh my god like appreciate it rather than be like like someone's gonna come for you like you're gonna be so on your own shit someone's gonna see you and be like okay i need to run into her i can't when i see her i'm gonna say something yeah that's when it's like really right. Like I think my husband saw me on someone's Insta story and was like she's pretty and I like her energy. Wow. Which is like so not romantic a DM slide but still I mean hey I wasn't out here yeah I mean meeting in person fucking creepy yeah literally creepy where do you meet them

the fuck coffee shop? Ew no I'm drinking my coffee you don't bother me literally um okay we're gonna end with a final game I could talk to you for literally forever um it's gonna get a little darker but you're ready you can handle I'm ready I can handle it's called the Seven Deadly Sins. Seven Deadly Sins. What are you greedy about? Ooh, shit. I was not prepared for these.

What are you greedy about? Ooh. And it could be physical or mental. I'm greedy about my career. in a way of like I don't allow certain people to help me or guide me because I've gotten myself this far but like it also comes like with problems where like I can't like trust let's say an agent as much or I can't like give over my trust to someone like a manager because it's like I got myself here and I'm almost greedy with it where now I'm trying to unlearn that to be like

yes you've gotten yourself here but to go to the next level let people help you it's okay to get help and I think for so long I've been so in my own like well I got myself this and I got sports ill shirdered on my own no one gave me that yes and that becomes a greedy mentality yeah what is it called chop off your nose to spite your face kind of thing yeah because I'm similar to you where I got stuff but I I tried to be like I'm gonna find all the people that are better at doing things than me in the things that I'm not good at like I don't like admin famously I don't like admin right so I'm like yeah get me manager who's gonna like do all the tedious shit that I don't do. I don't have time for outreach. Right. Outreach. I'm out here making dick jokes.

I have time for outreach. We don't have time for that shit. No. So I think with you, it's like accepting that like yeah, you could do it all on your own, but how much better will the vehicle be if you have like specialists helping out with the things that will actually drain you? So like you're sitting here and you will be so tired if you have to go home and you're dealing with all these bullshit emails and you're negotiating. No, bitch. You're supposed to be in a bathing suit. exactly the fuck you're shooting right now we're not negotiating i will i'm the worst negotiator i'm like oh you you have children i'll pay you for this deal right yeah i'm the worst and i just know that about myself so i'll be like wait that's so much yeah yeah yeah yeah people be like oh i're giving percentage

of money to people and i'm like yeah because i see big picture yeah exactly in the long run too and that goes into bigger manifesting where it's like yeah because i can't manage all these you know tv deals i'm gonna be getting right exactly you're like you know it's that delusional confidence you gotta be on that shit you gotta be delusional you gotta be got to be delusional. I swear to God. You have to be cring and delusional. You have to be. You literally have to. Cring and delusional together equals success.

Equals superpower. Literally. Literally. What are you going to do? You're so delusional like you were going to do that. You were going to have a movie deal. You can't change my mind and I'm not getting embarrassed. So I'm pretty sure I'm unstoppable.

Right. I'm literally unstoppable. Okay. I'm obsessed with us. Okay. Who are you envious of? who am I envious of okay I think I would be envious of a few I'd be envious of a few people I'd be envious of the girl that never really had a lot of hardships and it's like I come from like

divorced parents I had drug addiction my family like I feel like I've gone through so much shit yeah yes it's made me stronger yes it's part of my story and I'm so grateful for it but like a bitch is tired like true do you know I'm saying I understand that however I feel like that the girl who hasn't gone through stuff is so scared of something bad happening or if something bad happened to you tomorrow you'd be like okay call on whatever we need we're going to do it again like I have the tools now to like yeah like I remember if you've never had something bad happened to you I feel like you're so scared of something happening and you're never going to get over and your life is going to be over yeah but like if something bad happens to you tomorrow you know what to do and you're that's true and it made you funny totally yeah oh my god the humor after divorced parents through the roof I was the classic fucking clown what would age nine oh brutal oh i know when i was a family girl i was like trying to keep them together thank god they're not they're so fucking different yeah but it builds character that also does affect your dating obviously like basic psychology totally i had this my parents not gonna wood are still together they've but they have a very simple relationship they just like to talk to each

other it's they was never in your face or fancy it's just after work they just want to have dinner together and talk and they love being around each other. And I always, and they met and they got engaged in four months. Wow. So I had that love story in my head where I was like when I meet the right person, it's going to be game over. Right. So I'd be with a guy for like a year and a half and I'd be like, he's definitely not it. Yeah. My fiance, we got engaged in six months. Whoa. But like your love story, you have a story you're telling yourself and it could be subconscious of like, I'm going to be the wrong person and like love isn't real or like I don't like. Right. Like I've never had that like strong foundation in my family that I've seen like that love and you can change your love story and it's

that shit is so I'm like Hannah is not my therapist we will talk soon the love story is powerful because it's like you you make the story happen yeah because you think that is what love is dude that's so fucking true and there's also so many people you will fall you could fall in love with every day yeah so it's like let's play who doesn't want to be literally it's not like there's one change needle in a haystack change the love story yeah you think love is in your head because that shit is all made up anyway what what do you gluttonous about what do you overindulgent what do I overindulge in a lot my phone um fucking way too much um TikTok are you kidding um it's hard though because it's our job I'm like I'm researching I know I'm like it's research purposes like fuck I'm learning so many good

trends like you don't just know those trends you have to scroll it's from fucking scrolling all night every day. I'm not sleeping. What do I? Oh, um, thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts. I hyperfixate on certain thoughts. Same. Like, yeah, like anxious thoughts too. Overindulge, like in control. Like, need to always control. Sometimes food. I think for like emotional support. Like, I've definitely struggled in the past with like depriving and then binging. I'm like reworking through that though. You're passionate bitch. Yeah. You're passionate as well.

You do something. You do it intensely. I'm all in or nothing. You're not half as a date to date. I don't have fast a thought. No, I don't have a lot. I'm going to think about it for three hours.

Bitch, all fucking day it's spiraling. I do not to like. Jesus. But with dating. Dude, with dating, I realize this too because I like to be in control also. And I'd go from dating like guys who were like narcissists and they controlled everything. And I'd have no control to then dating someone I had too much control over and I would get

bored. you have to find that happy medium but one thing I did with my husband which was the first time is like I gave him vulnerability at first I was like kind of playing games and he goes hey if you want to play games

that's cool I just don't want to be involved my tail went in between my legs so fast and I was like because he showed vulnerability and I guess the people I was talking to before hadn't fully either but he was like at a mature enough place in his life where he was like I like you you're what I want if that's not the case with you back let's not do this and I felt this like

it's scary but you have to be soft and vulnerable back which is like not our personality it's like we're tough we're in control vulnerability is like letting go control and being like you can have my heart and let's hope it goes well that's some scary shit that's some scary shit have you gone through a big breakup though at all before that like a really big heartbreak I have like I've been in I've been in relationships where like I wanted to make it work so bad but deep and everyone like love the person or but deep down I was like this man doesn't make me happy and I had to be the one that ended it like that was like hard right in the capacity of like I was like on myself sabotaging but like I didn't realize that he was like making me feel less than okay I think that that's where my walls come up too is with that heartbreak of not letting my walls go down and be vulnerable with the guy because of heartbreak and how fucking horrible that was yes so I'm subconsciously walls up, but then I'm also like all in or nothing kind of girl. Yes. So if you do one wrong thing or I feel like you're wasting my time or you give me an ick,

like I don't even entertain it. Like I can't even do it. Well, I think that's good. I love breakups. I love being like, no, you're not the one because I think there's too many guys out there to be like settling for some dude who's constantly like not it. We can't settle. Absolutely not.

But I do think, but you have to give him a chance in the beginning. So it's almost going with like, I'll go in fully. But I will turn. I mean, it's kind of Leo mentality on Leo. Love that. It's like, I'll be so loyal and trustworthy of you, but once, and I'm also Sicilian. So once I lose that, I'm like, you're dead to me. You're dead to me.

You're dead to me. What's your, what's your son? Oh, she's a fire. She's a fire. Speaking of, great segue. When was the last time you experience extreme wrath or anger? Ooh. All these emotions.

Wrath or anger. Wrath or anger I honestly don't feel like I get that angry And that's weird to say I'm really trying to think If anything I've been like sad I'm more of a family shit I'm more sad

Like I have a loud bark but like I'm gonna cry I'm more sensitive than I'm angry I've never been the type to fight or get mad I mean honestly at the highlight room Like I was angry that night Like that made me angry Well that was injustice that you were like I need to put my tough face on and speak for, like, more than just me.

Yeah, that was anger. I would honestly say that. The highlight room. So are you going to go back ever? Fuck no. Love that. Absolutely not. We love holding a grudge.

Their comments are still off and they've still not apologized or said anything. So that's the tea. Wow. That's so lame. Mm-hmm. When was the last time you were a sloth, so a lazy piece of shit? Yesterday. Nice.

First time in a very long time. I, like, allowed myself to be lazy in bed all day. Like, first time. for you especially because you're traveling and like you can feel pressure like you're new york you should be doing yeah like what am i doing a little hungover right and i just was like stop trying to fight that like i don't need to be anywhere i don't have something it's a sunday fucking day if you did you would have come in here and you wouldn't have been feeling literally yeah i just took the day i'm big proponent in having days do you have that good balance you'd say i'm slowly now getting to the

point where i'm saying no to things and it took me forever yeah yeah because i really thought that if i said no to things that karma would come back and like make things bad for me like i had these like ideas because as an athlete you don't know when to stop because our job is to just go so hard and that's what made me good athlete my parents would have to tell coaches like tell her when to stop or like her fetal bleed like which is crazy but it's like i numbed that part of me that knew my boundaries right and then as you're older like and especially doing stand up like I can't be performing every night and working full time during the day no I need and also we have to be on it's not sustainable yeah like it's not like I'm sending emails all

day I'm fucking right right and I I'm like you I only put 150 like if I'm at the party I'm fucking dancing on the table but then I'm my cat for three days and talk to me yeah yeah exactly that's good balance see there you go I'm I'm working on it but I some people are like oh I just can I'm such a busy body I'm not busy body I love veging on the couch I need more of that but that's I should work out more that's okay I like for my mental health like I'll get depressed easily totally mental health for sure because we grew up working out I'm like I don't want to do that yeah like it's not like fun for me yeah but I'm working on that I love that yeah that's good when was the last time you let your pride or your ego get in the way of something this is a tough

one I feel like recently I was talking to this guy it's actually kind of funny and I don't regret it but I guess it was part of ego and like a little pettiness of me I just don't regret I was like, I actually don't regret it, but like, was it petty? Yes. But I was talking to this guy, the professional soccer player, lives in London. Yes. And he has a hot twin brother, side part. Okay, great. This guy literally, and I end because I was like, this isn't going, like, this isn't going, like, this isn't going anywhere further. Like, we just need to end it, whatever. He's, like, texting me a bunch. Probably text me like three times in a row at this point. And I hadn't respond to, like, how, hey, how are you checking and how's it going? Like, miss you kind of vibes. I don't respond because I told you you cross me and, like, we're good. Like, I'm good. Like, I actually don't need to talk to you anymore. So I kind of cut it off. Anyways, I think he was trying to get under my skin and get to me. And the best way he did it was start liking one of my best friends' photos on Instagram who, like, he knew very well we were friends. Go practice you're kicking. Why are you on Instagram trying to play games?

Yeah, go sign to a fucking team because you're not right now. Anyway, T, T, T, T, T, T, T, T. And he started liking all her photos. And she calls me and she goes, wait, the guy that you were talking to is this his name? And I was like, yeah, why? She's like, he just went like, liked all my photos on Instagram. And I was like, oh, two can play that game. And I think my egotist got to, got to me.

And I went and started liking all of his twin brother's photos all over Instagram. I'm obsessed with you. And he literally went back and followed me and started liking all of my photos. And I was like, there's, yeah. I was like, there's no loyalty in this fucking brotherhood at all. So that was T. And I guess my ego just got the best. And I was like, oh, really?

You want to fucking go for my friend? I'll go for your brother. I love that because the brother would hurt way more. I was way more. And you could still have sex with him. exactly i'm like you're not off limits like it's fine and like he's clearly down like is he on a team uh the brothers too yeah yeah they and he's like good looking like you got to do you got to also don't play games if you have a brother who looks exactly like you and is clearly

trying to fuck yeah like don't cross me thank you bye bye speaking of what was the last time you you lusted over someone like do you have a celebrity crush or like what's going on what's going on what's going on um lusted over i'm like the other night at a bar like i don't fucking know do you like new york guys or la guys neither um honestly though new york i feel like it's more of this fun energy where like i have this like hot girl energy when i'm here like i can go into a bar and like banter and fuck it up yeah and you're like i'm never going to see these people again no i know until i like actually left my number for this bartender and like we talk all the time and like he's so cute and like he's like my italian boyfriend when he's here i can't

I just said that oh my god but it's fine but no I'm um so single and the LA scene is just not for me the dating scene is not for me but honestly it's like I like you like I'll be like he wants to make love to me right now yeah like I can walk into a bar and be like I also make it a game of like one guy that's the finest one there like I will talk to him and get his number and like I make it a game and like I have to get this guy's number um it's kind of a problem but my my confidence is there for that but my confidence isn't there for that he wants to date me but I know he'll want to fuck me that's the difference Like, no, no, I know I'm wifey, but I don't think he wants to wife me because of how, like, it's just a whole thing.

Well, it's funny because, because I feel like I never went, like, looks first. I never thought of myself as, like, I'm going to be, like, that hot hookup for the night. I'm like, she is a wife material. Right, right. She is the full fucking package. Also, like, I feel like, when you have too many of the one I stands with bad sex experiences, I'm like, I'm too old for this shit. No. My clit is not on my kneecap.

Literally like you're looking everywhere but there. So let's stop glamorizing some of these hiccups when I'm like, you could have done without that. I felt nothing. Let's not lie to our friends. Like he. It wasn't that good. It wasn't good. No.

Final question. Yes. You're doing amazing in hell. Thank you. Greek Italian hell. What advice would you give to people who are going through it, who are at their dark point, deep in hell? How do you cope with those moments? I would say it sounds cliche, but this is temporary.

Like what you're going through is so temporary. And I've been in like such dark periods, like cry, not thinking this would ever end. There's always, always hope on the other side. Like 100%. It's so, so, so cliche. But it's like when there's darkness, there's light. You know, when there's rain, there'll be sun. It's like it's just the truth.

Like when you are going through shit, it's like this too. shall pass like you you don't know when but just know that every day working towards being the best you and being the best version of yourself soon that will come like that light will come i think it might take some people months maybe a year maybe a few years that you go through some really dark shit but just knowing that like it doesn't end here and it doesn't have to end here yeah you know and that like there will be better days ahead yes like molecules are not static they're always moving our brains are valuable like tomorrow is going to be a different day totally and oh my God. Okay, Ella, you're amazing. Tell me where people can follow you, watch you, like all the

tea. You also need to start a podcast if you don't have one. No, I don't have one. I know I'm kind of interested. You're so good at talking. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah, you need to do that. Okay, great. So Hannah's my therapist and Hyperman. An agent. I'm reading. And my dating coach. Thank you so much. We will talk later about how to find me a husband. Thank you so much. But no, you can find me at TikTok and Instagram at Ella Helicus. And I'm really looking to start, be confidence coaching soon and helping some girlies more with confidence a lot of goals I have with like having my own brand so lots of stuff to come oh I'm obsessed so this is really just the beginning for you yes I can't wait to see all the things you're going to do and all the people

you're going to inspire and thank you all the bikinis you're going to wear absolutely thank you guys so much for coming to hell today and we'll talk to you later bye Thank you.