Berner Phone - Emilia Ortiz: Past Lives & Threesomes

Episode Date: February 27, 2019

She is known on Instagram as the "healer of the hood" and mental health/cannabis advocate. Emilia chats with Hannah about witchcraft,  what it means to be an empath, CBD, reincarnation, knowing her boyfriend is a past life, being bisexual, getting out of depression, and the afterlife. LIVE SHOW (use the code BERN for 50% off): http://www.carolines.com/comedian/berning-in-hell-live-podcast/ Follow Hannah Berner on Instagram & Twitter: @beingbernz Follow Emilia Ortiz on Instagram: @ethereal.1 --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning I'm your host, Hannah And today, we have Amelia Ortiz from Brooklyn. Represent. You know. Now, Amelia Ortiz has 180,000 followers on Instagram. I met her.

She had 50,000. thousand like she's growing like she has heat like she is coming out from the earth and becoming a beautiful flower before our eyes but i want my listeners to understand who you are so i close up your instagram bio and we have brouha can you explain to my followers what a brouha is so basically it's the spanish word for which long story short it's the same thing um just as i feel like you know it's different practices obviously but there's also some you know latinx um people who identify as you know roha but they practice you know wika but for the most part that's that's not what i practice so what what do you practice um i'm bit of an eclectic which at this point in my journey

um i do practice a lot of my stuff is mainly indigenous base but the other pieces that are eclectic um i have incorporated a bunch of like culturally neutral energetic kind of stuff into my shit because you know i'm also trying to be able to give people some shit without you know worrying about somebody saying that I gave somebody permission to culturally appropriate but it sounds like you want to be educated about different cultures and that being a witch has history and it's not always been a positive

thing so it's brouha a brouha how do I say it sounds Italian you gotta push your Italian accent on I was trying but it does it have a positive or negative connotation historically it has a negative connotation but it's also a bit mixed it's powerful yeah but but there is a lot of negative connotations with it too though that you're doing stuff that's like devils work and all this other shit but it's funny because well that's why brought you here because we're gonna talk about saying and how much you look like this is perfect we got the witch in hell and she's can go down this is perfect it's perfect but the church says that's where I'm going anyways so you know well also you're bisexual yes so you've been going I've been going I've been going on how you know identifying as a lesbian in high school I think that

really sent me up. When did you come out in high school? I came out my sophomore year of high school to my parents. Like I kind of like explored a guess and my freshman but then sophomore year like I came out and that was very interesting. Did you part of you want to come out

because I know you're rebellious. Yes. She has a Brooklyn tattoo across her chest and it makes me so happy because this bitch has pride that I wish I could have. Like I was like, I might get a necklace. No, I want to get a necklace. No, I want to get that shit's had it.

I feel like that's probably like the last most Brooklyn thing left in Brooklyn at this point because they should have still gentrified. I just want to go to a bodega and get a bacon, egg, and cheese and not have... An Arizona. Yes, 99 cents. Arizona iced teas are not 99 cents anymore, even though it says 99 cents on the can. No, this is not right. You see, they're gentrifying Arizona's.

They're gentrifying breakfast. That's not okay. Well, Arizona was every... Now it's become brunch. Brunch. know we were trying to get breakfast on flatbush and we couldn't even get into a place Mission impossible

Nobody used to want to even take the fucking trips of Brooklyn Now they don't want to fucking move there Taxi drivers would ignore you That is! They're like oh Brooklyn no You're chilling here You have your boyfriend So you went from coming out in high school

And now you have a boy toy That was a positive thing I think he's a little bit more than a boy toy So you know I think we're pretty serious But I think it's kind of interesting for my family because prior to this only service relationship I had was with a girl and that was kind of interesting for them

where they were like, well, so what are you now? Like they did ask me like, what the fuck do we call you? Like, you're not a lesbian anymore. So what are you? And I'm just like, I just like people. Well, just if somebody asks you about, just say, I like people and it don't matter. I love that.

The human mind wants to categorize everything. They want to identify everything. Because it's simple. It makes things simplified. you know and I got it but at the same time it's also like I didn't need a label so why do you need a label you know like if I didn't need to struggle with putting myself in some box then why do you need to do that for me I think it's because they still do it for themselves yes yeah it's like well I have to do that to you too because then it makes life so much easier so also you wrote on your

Instagram profile you're an empath and I've talked about it I've hit on it briefly with people but you're someone that really comprehends what it means could you explain to people like what it means to be an empaths so one of the things that i like to do to break down like what an empath is um is basically talking about it like a radio so all of us you know are like a radio whether you're an empath or not you know we walk into a room that's you know mad tense or whatever and you know people say like you know the tension was so thick in there you could cut it with a knife you know but then there's Some people where they get, you know, instead of just being tuned into FM, like everybody is, they're tuned into like AM and FM where they're not just reading the room, but they're also reading the person, the individual that's making it so tense because they can literally feel what this person is feeling. But some people who are empaths then have, you know, what I like to call satellite radio, where they then can communicate on a psychic level, whether it's with spirits or, you know,

other kinds of forms of divination and things like that with getting more information as to why this person feels what their feeling and all that stuff because some impasse are like oh I know you sad as fuck but I don't know why and then there's some who are like oh you sad as fuck because you're thinking about that shit from fifth grade so it depends but it's basically you being connected on a deeper level emotionally and energetically

to everybody it's not just who you have a relationship that everyone has the potential to be an empath and some people are like clogged or do you think it's something innate that you're born with i think that some people are you know i don't really think that when it comes to being an empath that everybody you know can access that part of themselves i think all of us are capable of being highly sensitive people and hsp where you know you can be highly intuitive you can be highly perceptive with things you know you can tap into certain energies and work with you know all that stuff i think all of us work with certain energies it's all about figuring out what you work with but it may not be that you have an empath but i do think

everybody has something that they may or may not have tapped into because the thing is so many of us get told when we're growing up that these things are not real or you know it's just your imagination or to stop you know playing in that realm kind of and so that does kind of desensitize you as you go on and kind of turn that off or we feel like it's too much and then put a guard up i think that um there's a lot more empaths than what people realize most people kind of limit other people's ability to tap into their gifts because they're afraid of their own ability to so oh yeah everyone now is like oh shit i was talking to once and someone told me when my friends who's like a psychic was like you were very intuitive so i went i was in a taxi and

And I was just staring at the taxi driver and I was like, what is he thinking? And then I gave up after two seconds. I was like, this is, this is bullshit. But it's more complicated than that. You have heritage. You have family. I'm part Italian and they always have the Nona, who's like the wise older woman who always knows how to heal people or tell the future what's going on.

And I know people say, oh, this is wonky, bullshit. But there's some history behind it. Tell me about your history. A lot of my history comes from my dad's side of the family. And like a big thing was, especially with my father, as a kid, he'd been born with a preexisting heart condition. And, you know, he would tell me all the time, like, he was like, you know, between modern medicine and my, you know, mother's knowledge when it comes to, you know, brouheria and stuff like that. He was like, that's why I'm still alive. Because she knew all kinds of different things to do, you know, that and got guided to do all.

different kinds of things he wasn't supposed to make it pass the first year that he you know was born the doctor's told her like he's born with a preexisting heart condition this kid is not like you know you're on welfare all these other things like ain't no way that you also you know this kid's just not going to survive then as time went on there got a point where they were like listen if he can make it to the point where this experimental open heart surgery that we're you know whatever working on if he can make it that far we'll do it you know as an experiment essentially you know people are always being guinea pigs um and he you know made it to 15 to be able to get that surgery and things like that because of her you know and the things that she did from you know i remember one

thing that he really remarked on was how like you know he's like i remember when i was a kid like i had all these memories of her dipping you know a cigar and all these alcohol or oils and whatever just all this stuff and putting it on his forehead and like lighting the cigar and all this stuff so that then the fever got sucked right out into the cigar and broke his fever like a fever that wouldn't break type thing that's some like american horror story type but it's weird like that's what makes me laugh is i'm like but this is real an american horror story be getting the shit wrong you're like watching it and you're like no they should have used the other oil i think when people forget about magic you know whatever it is is it's base you know purpose is to heal in different

ways whether it's the body the energy around you heal your finances you your love life whatever the goal is to heal you know and obviously there's a lower vibration side to everything but for me like i really grew up understanding that this work was not just something that could you know make you my money or whatever like yeah that could fine but it was also something that could heal you if you were sick something that could help you know when it came to doctors you know all that stuff and i you know i guess for me that's why I wasn't afraid of it the way other people were because I was like, but people use this stuff for good stuff if they want to.

What do you mean? Like, it's all about the practitioner. You know, who the practitioner is is what's going to then decide what they're doing with it, you know? Well, most people do you hear about psychics and they assume, oh, I want to know my future. Oh, my fucking God, it's so many. But when I met you, she was,

Amelia was basically telling me, she's like, I help heal people from within, physical and emotional. And I was so intrigued by understanding that because I was really depressed when I met you and you had gone through some dark shit too and just seeing your different perspective on life that you were like, what did you call our brains?

Like there's like a like normal brain and then there's brains of like people who are like struggle with stuff. Because this was like years ago. Oh my gosh, I smoked so much weed. Because I remember a lot of shit but I cannot remember. But you call it there's like a brain that's that like suffers from mental illness i know my god i can't remember what i thought did you make

that shit up to me that didn't no that's why i'm mad somebody else i said i feel like i suffer for mental illness but i feel very creative but i'm i'm dealing with like anxieties and fear but but i'm like why do i have to deal with this bullshit i feel like other people on the street aren't as fucked up in the head as me and you were like because we don't have normal brains and that's okay and it made me feel i was still fucked up No, it's not going to make you not feel like that away. But I felt a little special. Now, what kind of, I want my followers to know, like, what kind of healing powers you have?

It depends. Like, I can do a lot of different work. We can do cord cutting, where we cut energetic cords between you and somebody else. We can do stuff where I, you know, my guys intuitively help me figure out a game plan that you need to gradually heal something. You know, sometimes it's about, all right. Do you need to figure out some kind of prayer related to forgiveness to say for however many days to help you on a cellular and mental level, forgive yourself and forgive the other person, you know, or do you need to meditate with these crystals or do you need to take this certain banyo, like, and I'll, you know, I give you the recipe. No, this is really great. So a whole bunch of different shit, but it's like, you know, and something I've been working with one of my elders with was, you know, about past life aggression in a way where I didn't have to give nobody anything because that's the only other way that I knew how to do it.

always had just this gift of healing even just by being present by touching things like that and I guess for me that's also why reminding people that your intent and what you are trying to channel matters the most in this work because my father would tell everybody about this time when I was a baby where you know I was the loudest fucking kid ever my mother told everybody for my birthday the other day that I did not shut up she was like she was a colicky ass baby oh my goodness so loud you know and it's true I was loud I was a screamer I probably just realized that I'd done fucked up by agreeing to come back to this place again I'm convinced that's what happened I was just screaming at why did I do this why did I sign up for this shit again like why

this world is horrible it's scary why should do this but do you believe you came back to learn new things I think that I came back to finish some stuff I think I came back to help a lot of people We're finishing, I guess, the healing work that we're supposed to do with each other. But I also feel like I needed to learn how to let go. And that's what this last thing for me is about, especially as somebody who is a nine numerology-wise. What does that mean? My whole life lesson is about learning to let go, basically. And I, that's my number, the finishing number, the number of letting go kind of thing, completion.

How do you know what your number is? So even if it's just, there's a whole bunch of different ways you could do it. some people do the numerology of your name. I've done that and that's different than what my numerology by date is. So like my birth date, I was like, wow, this makes a lot of sense. I reincarnated the last fucking time to learn the lesson of letting go so I can let go of this fucking place and not have to come back. Wait, so where are you going to go if you don't come back? I'm just ascending to a higher level and I'm going to be a spirit guide.

I'm fine with that. I will guide people from above. I don't need to be here doing it again. So I, past lives, like, I've always been an atheist. I've always just been like, I'd say agnostic. I was always like, I saw religion cause wars and people killing each other. And I was like, you know what? I don't believe in heaven or hell.

But then this idea of past lives, I was like, I could see that. Like, you know when you're just scared of something? It's like, what if it's because of some shit that I've been before? And sometimes I meet people and I'm like, maybe I've met. Do you think me and you have met before? I think we probably have, because me and you, the way we connected that day was just very, like, you know, stuff just flowed in ways where usually, like, that would have had to flow like we met years ago kind of thing, you know? But I think also, like, I've been meeting a lot of people in recent years that I've met in past lives. You know, I don't think everybody that you meet in this life is one that you know in the past.

Like, I'm not one of those people, because I know some people think like that. And I'm like, I don't know about a lot. like you're at the grocery store yeah like i don't think everybody's getting recycled like that yeah you know like i'm sure they've got other people they have to go affect other than just me besides the people making your bacon egg and cheese yeah i'm saying but i think like that's a big piece like as you start to get older you really do start to acquire more people who you've known in past lives and things like that and like i know for a fact my boyfriend is one of them i was about to ask you can you explain so aside from when i met him and everything just

like it vibed but then I didn't speak to him and I was like it's fine like I wasn't I had I really was unfazed and I have not felt unsure of things with him and that's something that is very strange for me I don't usually feel that way about most people at least romantically I'm always like well something could happen you know what I mean I'm just like open-minded in that regard do you find a calmness with him yes and I guess the other piece is also you know I went to one of my elders last year for like a yearly check-in kind of reading and you know and i asked him i was like all right let me know what's the whole i want to know all of it and give me all the fucking is that scary though it is and it isn't and the reason why i asked him i waited before i asked too i you know some time had

gone by of me and him being like official or whatever before i did that and i was only slightly afraid because the thing is for me that i know that nothing is set in stone as somebody who does do all of this like and I'm a modern psychic in that regard where I will acknowledge that nothing is set in stone like the fates can change things that's why they're depicted with thread all the time instead of you know a fucking chisel and a fucking you know stone tablet things can be re you know you can retire something so a new thing all that shit can renegotiate karma people can always step up and make changes if they decide to free will come into play like so much shit you know and so that's kind of where i was like you know what let's say i do go

and i sit down with him and everything that i've been getting in my own meditations and my own moments of you know asking my guides or my ancestors for you know affirmation and things like that around him you know let's say i was misreading everything because i just wanted it to you know work and i just wanted them to like him or whatever who's to say that i'm not going to be able to figure out maybe a loophole but this you know we can figure this out and if there's no loophole then you know for me I was kind of like well this is for a reason and it's going to be one of the hardest lessons of my life probably but I ain't die from the last one I'm like I'm probably not going to die from this one you know and I'm serious I almost did die from that one so that's

why I'm like same the last one everybody was telling me including my mother like I this is not what you should be doing your last relationship yeah it just was all around unhealthy you know at a point you start engaging in the unhealthy behavior yourself and you know and you don't recognize yourself anymore exactly and you know that definitely happened when things ended but I guess that's why like going into asking I was just kind of like you know what what the fuck else could be that bad again you know so I asked and he was like you know he's like oh like I don't like this he was like you know you guys have signed divine contracts before y'all got here he was like this is a given like he was like i see it it's clear as they like he gave me

some things to be mindful of of course like just like i would with a session of listen y'all signed divine contracts this is this is beautiful y'all found each other already but keep in mind free will can always come into play you know and just be realistic about it so if he had said ooh this is bad what would you have done i would have had to play my cards definitely because he's told me before about people who you know situations where he was like listen this is not like and you listen to him and I listen

you know last time he told me he was like if you want to have fun have fun he was like but do not take this serious because this is not uh-uh I was like okay you know but deep down do you feel like you kind of knew yes and I needed that affirmation and with this it was one of those things

where I'm like I kind of knew everything was you know what it was supposed to be with him so I really wasn't afraid to ask because I was just like you know what I wanted that affirmation I did I just wanted that yes and I got the yes and I'm so happy for you and it's funny because when we met like obviously deep down I'm like oh my god I wonder what she's thinking of me I wonder I know everybody's I'm judging and I she's like talking I'm like oh she can hear what I'm saying in my head and it's funny because afterwards you were like oh my god's told me that you know I will I can read you and I just got I always had this like

way about me where I'm like I don't want to know about my future I want to take I want to take I have friends who like need to know their future all the time and I'm that way where I'm like I never want to be felt like I'm in a box and I'm afraid that my future if someone tells me it I'm going to feel boxed in

but I've done it with such like I've one friend who's a psychic that I've asked about like a guy or a job to see am I wasting my time but it's always been she goes what do you think? And I go, he's not for me. And she's like, no, shit, he's not for you. You don't have to ask me that.

And I was like, God damn. No, that ass. I've had the same with clients, though. Especially, like, if your friend is intuitive and they don't do all this stuff, but you know that they're intuitive, it's like one of those things where you're just like, no, bitch, I'm just going to be the mirror that you need for the moment. We're not even going to ask the cards. We're not going to ask the spirits.

We're just going to be the mirror that you need. Bitch, if you're asking me, you should know. If you have to ask if you if you should stay with your dude you should leave if you should if you're asking like he's the one right you know he's the one I'm saying like it's kind of you know deep down what made you think that I have some intuitiveness when you met me well because when I met you it was just like it's hard to explain sometimes with some of this stuff but it just was a I guess like a feeling and a you know clear-oagnance moment of like just knowing it was also you know a thing where like my you know my guides had told me that you had some you did have some family history with it yourself you know and they were like well she's not the only one who's intuitive in her family you know that kind of thing and so that's i was like okay and but you also don't want to sit there and tell everybody's business the first time you meet them on some like so i know you've got some intuitive and you know that's why i've been connecting with intuitives i have

that's mad rude to be like oh bitch let me tell you about your whole family when we just sat down for the first time ever. But now you know me and you know that I just care to get into the deep shit. But with all the sensitivity and being an empath, when I met you, you had two necklaces. One says sensitive,

one said anxious. And this girl, if you look at her Instagram, ethereal period one, or either real period one. Whatever you want, it's a genius. But she has an aesthetic that is like purely herself.

It's like she picks from different, almost like generations but then like so urban but then also like there's like a cartoonishness to it of like fantasy and it's like mermaid meets street meets 80s I don't know I can I'm a hood mermaid which used to be one of my like fucking she's a Brooklyn mermaid which used to be one of my like she's a Brooklyn mermaid and people go fucking nuts about you on Instagram they're like she is so beautiful and she's so confident which is so crazy to me because I'm like, but I'm not J-Lo or Beyonce. No, because I still got bitches.

People forget I got people that I look at like that. But you have celebrities that are hitting you up. That's crazy. I see them like your photo and I'm like, oh shit. I'm always like, yo, I watch you on TV. The fuck? Like, why are you watching me? I want you to read Beyonce.

I don't even know that I could read her because I probably would just be like, I don't want to tell you anything you don't want to hear. You're like, Jay's cheating on you. No, oh my God, I could not be that person, honestly, because it's just so dope, though, that they're together because I feel like they're a really good, like, power couple where, like, even their mistakes, like, they learn from each other and they learn from them. And that's what made them so successful, I feel like, not only just as individuals, but as a couple where they're like, listen, we both bounce the fuck up because we're people. But we love each other so much. And we enjoy working with each other in different ways and doing all this. We have this, like, best friendship kind of shit going.

But we also love fucking each other And making babies, obviously And it's like, that's beautiful But I feel like we all kind of struggle To like get that Jay-Z Beyonce Because we want what they have But so many of us are afraid to make mistakes And to have to grow from those mistakes

Because like, I know all of us You know, especially like look at the whole Cardi situation Everybody's like, you better leave him Uh-uh, this is toxic, fuck that shit And I'm like, you know, I see both sides And that's gonna sound horrible You saw him show up at her I was mad at that and I because I was like the problem like I said is society tells men that when they fuck up they have to do this grand gesture right and we see in all the movies like even with sex in the city right everybody was looking at Miranda like you're a fucking bitch for you know not just taking Steve back what the fuck is wrong with you you know even Carrie who was doing the same thing with Big was like even I'm looking at you like what the fuck like he fucked up but Miranda you're you know like and it's that thing where like

But at the same time, I feel her because that is important for you to process and really move through all the feelings, you know, in a space where you're not necessarily going to fuck things up, you know? And I respect, like, she had a kid involved. And she was like, I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. I also, I like to reverse gender roles. Yes. I like to look at it and say, if Steve got cheated on. Oh, everybody would have told her, oh, she'll have. Everyone was said, let that.

Like right now, for example, I'm in a place where I'm, like, dating and I've met a really cool guy. but I don't want to date him yeah that's the thing about dating I feel like you meet so many cool people that you're just like oh we should have been friends and everyone is going nuts because he's tall he's funny oh he checks everything off your list checks everything off my list

but in my heart I'm like I don't want to date him and everyone is coming at me why aren't she dating him why aren't she dating him but if he was a dude with a hot girl and you go why don't you want to date the hot girl he goes I don't want a girlfriend no one questions him he says oh I don't blame you there's a million other but everyone's questioning me right now well because the thing is what girls is like and with women

it's as if you know whatever statistics wise it says that we outnumber men blah blah blah blah so who says that every woman must to be with a man that's you know so that already cut so you cut that shit it's already you know also i'm 27 my biological clock has some more time but i feel like that's the thing with women is we are taught this scarcity mentality of not just scarcity of attractive men that we would want to actually be with because let's be real that's what it's about yeah what the f he's six six and everyone's like jump on that shit i go i know other tall men yeah so like listen tall is one of those things like i i always loved a tall guy i admit it whatever i'm one of those people it's not very it's not very body positive of me i admit it i'm sorry um

but you know what i'm 5 3 and being that i'm from brooklyn i do want to make sure that you know I feel like who I'm with could defend me against somebody that I could not defend myself against. Which is valid and malistic feelings. And since I'm 5'3, you know... You got a big mouth if you don't have a big body. Exactly. And you know,

I got some hops and I can hit pretty high, but like, you know, if this guy is way bigger than me, I'm going to need somebody bigger than me to take them on. Do you know what my thing is, when I was 12 years old, a guy told me I had man arms. Because I was the strong tennis player and he had a crush on me

You try and make me feel bad. See what? This is also a problem. Mothers, please stop telling your sons that being like that is a way of flirting. Please stop telling your daughters that the boy just likes her when he bullies her. That is not an appropriate way to like, and I'm very athletic. So to this day, I want a big man to make me feel dainty. And I've been going for these loud ass party boys.

Oh, of course you are. But I low-key love the quiet confident. And I deep down feel like I'm going to end up with. quite confident, but I keep having these fiery moments with these loud, big party boys that I just end up budding heads with eventually, because we don't have room for each other or space for each other. Cause what's drawing you in is the thing

that's actually causing a problem. If you're gonna be attracted to somebody being this big loud party boy or a big loud party girl, whatever person, you have to understand that that means that's going to trickle over into everything else. Everything else is gonna be big and loud. Not all of us want to be big and loud when we're discussing something or when things are heated, applying that same thing.

You know, some of us do. Some of us want to have somebody to go back and forth. See, me, I love to turn off. I want to be big and loud right now. In two hours, I want to be in my bed with my cat. Exactly. And you need that balance. That's the thing.

Like, I have to say me and my boyfriend have found that nice balance in each other because we both have moments of who's loud. And we both have moments of like, okay, no, I just want to go back. home and like not be around nobody yeah like I just want to be with you and just be quiet like I'm like I'm dating the zoo right now is like a puppy who when I say I want to turn off he just keeps he keeps it going and I'm like I can't I need to go so much it's too much it's too annoying me but then like after a couple days I see him and I'm like oh you're so handsome yeah cute puppy a cute puppy but puppies get fucking annoying sometimes that's why I don't have one you need a cat you're a cat I just got a cat her name's butter she's adorable follow her on

Instagram no I didn't get her in Instagram because I wanted to live a normal cat life i was gonna say you're already pimping your cat no i want her to live a normal cat life but if anyone wants to sponsor her you come through me i come sponsored i'll take your money you're one of those stage moms you're already like oh she's already got an instagram you know everyone's like youtube's next i'm acting like i'm like i'm cool because i don't have an instagram for my cat that's how fucked up our society is i'm like my cat's still like underground oh my god My one question to you, because for some reason right now, after dating a dude in the past who had everything on my list, and I realized it didn't make me happy, I've been very, like, not about a boyfriend right now. I've been very in my own and feeling great.

Do you think in the near future I'm going to meet someone? I definitely feel like you are, but I think the other thing is you've been going through so much these past, like, even since we first met. Like I feel like you've been going through all these different shifts and changes of figuring out who you are and what you actually want. So I feel because like honestly, even when we first set down, like it like the thing I got with you was that this is a big period of figuring out what you actually want because you've spent all these years like kind of thinking certain things for what you wanted or just doing them because it's like this is what, you know, checklist of what I'm supposed to do kind of thing, you know, or this. guy checks everything off on my list but then I'm finding I don't even really like this you know a lot of that stuff and now it's like you're coming out where you're being able to say well I know I don't like that and I know that this is actually what I do like maybe I need to look you know what I mean like you're having these moments now where you can actually look at the person that would be right for you

and take them because let's be real a few years ago if you had somebody come in who was going to be like that you would have been like you're fucking boring get out of my face i don't have time for you you know it i know it i know it probably was right in front of my face and i was like excuse me sir like uh no like you tried to hold the door for you and you just like fuck out my way like some new york bitch shit like the fuck out my way i need to get to work like and now i'm like i want to see that wallflower at the party see who's low key i want to chill with me because now you're in a space where you can actually appreciate what is going to be that balance for you my early 20s i had i didn't know what my voice was i just came off the tennis

so i was like i did my tennis thing and i and what's real life i was so fucking confused so i think i've found my voice and i'm just enjoying like being in my own head recently which is i can't what's the last time i was comfortable in my own head that's so funny that's what i want to start this podcast because i was like i want to talk about other people what's going on in their head now i know obviously you are so fucking knowledgeable and such a a beautiful soul but i know that you i want you to tell people just one thing that you've struggled with whether it's social anxiety or depression and kind of some advice of how you went through it because as a sensitive soul there's a lot you're like hypersensitive to all those like

mental health emotions i've been pretty um public about like my social anxiety and my depression for quite some time but one of i really feel like the biggest issue is like they both contribute to each other but I do feel that like for me my depression definitely you know like increases my social anxiety because for so many years like I've really been up and down when it came to my depression aside from growing up in certain situations that were just you know not good for a kid you know seeing certain things or having certain traumatic experiences happen and then also being sensitive on top of it all like so these things affected me even more than deeply, you know, then they would, like, and not to say they don't affect somebody deeply,

but just, like, even, you know, on an extra level. And my shirt really was up and down, up and down for quite some time, and it's still up and down. But I think one of the best things that I recognize and I accepted about it all was that my depression is always going to be up and down. There's always going to be some sort of flow. There's always going to be some rhythm to it. It's like waves of the ocean.

Yeah, I got to figure out how to ride the wave. And it sounds very Contradictive Because let go Yeah they're like Why would you want to like Give in to feeling depressed sometimes And it's like

Because sometimes you need to feel that It's because if you fight it That's where the anxiety comes Exactly And then it's even worse And it's like You know sometimes you have to just Give yourself like a day

Give yourself three days You know I have a big rule Of like three days Yeah I do a three day thing With my depression though Where if I notice I'm really in a bad You know really bad depression

Or it's really coming on then I give myself three days where I'll spend one day fully just being a fucking baby in bed and I mean like a baby I will really baby myself like I'll only eat like applesauce and shit like that I will be a fucking child and then the next day I try to make myself start doing some stuff you know I'll try to make myself take a nice bath or something or you know to help me like kind of feel like I you know is it triggered by anything or is it just kind of the waves um it's the way but then there definitely are some triggers for me um holidays any fucking holiday is a trigger for me no one talks about that it's hard because like because the family yeah and it's like you know

i got it every time like holiday times come around like i got to remember like my dad's not here anymore he's not going to be here to do those things with me not this year not next year you know it also reminds you of the times that they were there and you know even and i think people are always like well you can look back and know the times that they were sometimes it wasn't good though you know and i think that's the other people forget that piece is like you know i will always love my dad and he was an amazing man but i'm not going to sit here and deny that he was also an alcoholic where you know there was times where the motherfucker forgot to put certain shit in the fucking thing like apparently i remember my mother told me she was like yo she was like when

you y'all didn't even have anything and you're stocking she's like because he didn't put anything in i was so confused and upset sometimes it's good to remember that though because if you look back at rose color glasses you create a false narrative of the past And you glorify and it's like you glorify exactly I think like it's important to not romanticize and glorify in that way also when it comes to your depression and being triggered around certain things like yes look back fondly but also be realistic because sometimes that can make you even more depressed like just focusing on all the good stuff and not acknowledging that you know what there was also some pretty shitty stuff that went on too and that's also part of why I'm feeling this way because sometimes we're like but why do I feel this way if I only think about the good stuff because you don't ever process. the bad stuff that's why it's surprised it's there yeah so day two you're eating applesau yes and i'm trying to work on letting things go and i'll you know try to take a bath or something to help like you know wash shit away um and then by the third day i'm making myself like do at least one like real life thing and you know and that is more than just you know

taking a bath and cleaning myself or something like more than that like i have to make a full meal I got to do big shit like that And I have to let it go after that day And you know Obviously my depression still Sometimes it's still there after the third day But I tell myself like all right I have to be committed to trying to just

Do what I gotta do Because this thing is committed to being here right now And I ain't got time for that shit And I need to just go do this other shit But that's why like that three day thing can help Because it can help you to feel like I at least got Some Me time in you know instead of feeling like oh my god i have no time to myself and especially if you suffer

from social anxiety the hardest thing is to go depressed and force yourself to like go to a holiday party or like go to a podcast or to be being around people when you're sensitive is so hard it's so draining because you feel everyone's emotions around you and then yours and you're like oh my god i don't know what the fuck to say to any of you i don't even want to talk right now i know everybody could see that i you know whatever I'm not good vibes right now all that kind of shit like that's happened to me before where you know people like it was their first time meeting me and it really was not a good day for me my depression decided to be on some like nah bitch like we taking control to zay fuck your whole day and you know thought that I was a bitch or that I wasn't how I was on

Instagram in real life and shit and I don't blame them you met a whole other person that day you met you know the person that is inside of me that has depression you know do you get mad at yourself like shit I wish I wish I didn't act like that to that person yes and then you get depressed about that and then you get depressed about that so before we get into our last game seven deadly sins I think it's only appropriate to talk a little bit about death I think so you're kind of like boys with death like you're not scared at death no me me and death we go way back we've every we've every we've every familiar with each other in, I think, a variety of ways. So as a medium, you're very connected with past lives and angels?

Well, it kind of depends. It's more so, like, I connect with spirits very easily. You know, certain ones don't really want to connect with nobody, you know, and they just don't fuck with nobody. You know, I'm somebody who I connect with them very easily, including my own spirit guides and my own ancestors and also other people's spirit guides, again, you know, if they open to a chat in because sometimes they don't want to sit down to the table and have a conversation you know that's the thing about death i feel like when we become you know

a spirit in that sense like it's kind of the one time that you really can be like no bitch i don't want to talk like and nobody can like make you talk but when you want to talk it's normally like you're trying to send a message to people on earth generally i mean some are mischievous and some have messages that they're just kind of hung up on you know it all depends on what happened to that person in their life and what comic lessons they learned and didn't learn learn from and also how they went out sometimes when you go out in a fucked up way like you come it's not so much that you come back sometimes you do but sometimes like you become a guide to people who are trying to kind of even fight against what kind of let's say took you out you know

like if it was like let's say a war or something are they always related to the person no so i can have a spirit guide that's just someone who understands my life yeah um it depends like a lot of Spirit guides choose to be your guide for a variety of reasons, depending on who you are and kind of why you connected with them to begin with. It may be that y'all led similar lives. It may be that you were connected in a past life. It may be that you were connected in this life. It may be that they were related to you but didn't get to meet you in this life and wanted to.

Like there's just so many different things. They're not getting reincarnated. They're like living in this spiritual world. Basically, you can agree to come back or you can agree to be like a spirit guide, you know, it's a little, it's a little more complicated than that, but it's kind of like, you know, after you do basically what I call life review, where you kind of go over everything that you've done in this life, you know, in the afterlife, and you review all this stuff and you see like what you would have liked to do differently. You're able to be more objective and learn from things. You know, some spirits have a hard time with that. So when you meet people, how often do you get a sense of their spirit guides? So it depends. Some people, they're right at the motherfucking forefront, ready, like on some, what's up?

Hi, we're here. You know, and then there's others that are more reserved and they wait to come forward. It's funny how everyone might have these spirits, but you, because of your intuitiveness, are actually connected to them. Yeah. And, you know, converse with them. And the thing is, like, everybody can communicate with their guards. It's just more so about we're not all going to do it the same way.

Not everybody's going to literally hear. something or see something or see it you know and with their mind's eye it's not always like that some people there's just this sense of knowing certain things and that's you know not always their highest self sometimes it is but sometimes it is your spirit guys communicating certain things or like seeing signs come from them yeah and they can send you like you know everything from numbers to feathers um there's even times where like their song you know certain songs that you'll associate I see 11-11 at least once a day. Bitch, because you're always in alignment.

There's always fucking doors and gateways opening for you. I'm not surprised. Do I have spirit guides around me? You do. And that's something we've definitely talked about. But I'm one of those people. I don't like to be nosy. I just got this warm feeling because, like, obviously, I'm not like you.

Like, I'm not so connected and educated on this. But I'm like to feel like you're not alone in life. Exactly. It feels like you've got this squad that you're like, yo, I always felt y'all around. me but now I know why and now I know who you know what I mean and it's just warm and you had a father pass away yes so how has he kind of been in your life since he's been one of my most important spirit guides and somebody that I have done a lot of healing work on um in the afterlife and I know for a lot of people that's kind of like you know the fuck I'm like are you charging him

does he have done no no see that's exchange is he's my spirit guide you know so is that it's an exchange plus you know also healing ancestral and family you know generational trauma and all of that also then in turn helps me you know in my life not have that continue to show up um but it's something that i wanted to do you know i always wanted to be able to heal my father in this life and being that you know unfortunately um he made it to the afterlife before i was able to do that in the physical i'm able to do that now um with him in the afterlife and he is so active in my stuff and he is so active in my stuff oh my goodness anytime you know somebody works with me they're like oh my god your fellas at the forefront like no games played like he's with you yeah he's with me and i always feel him and there's times where

he sent me signs in like the most randomest of times where i really really fucking needed it and i was just like oh my god like yo also talking like just in the present world healing with your parents is one of the most healing experiences ever like my dad and i have had a tumultuous relationship sometimes with tennis and recently i've started to talk to him not just as my dad but as like a fellow human and I'm like oh you felt pressure from your dad and like once I understand him and why he did what he did as an imperfect person I was like I love you so much and I'm imperfect too and like realizing your parents are not just like assholes black and white or good people your parents are human they're people and plus I have to say when it came to

dating anytime I was involved with somebody I shouldn't be yo his fucking ass came through he was protective Yo, he was like, you know you shouldn't be above this. I would give us to it. Oh, my goodness. And I was like, all right, right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Like, okay. I won't text them back.

Relax. I would be in a fuck boy's crib and he'd be like, excuse me. Why are you here? Why are you here? I would just keep hearing like, why are you here? And I'm like, oh, my God, I need to get out. I can't be here. I feel like a crazy person.

I need to go. I feel like you've probably felt like a crazy person for a lot of your life or people think you're crazy. How do you cope with that? I've kind of come to a place where I'm just like. You know, my reality is my reality, and it's not going to be everybody else's. And that's okay. And everyone's reality is different. Yes.

And as long as I'm not hurting people directly with my reality, then that's okay with me. And I would argue you are healing people. You see, so that's okay with me. You know, if I'm directly hurting people with my reality, then that's another thing. Yeah, don't be putting any spells on me. Only good ones. Only good ones. Listen, I ain't got time to be, you know, setting up my protection if I'm hexing.

That's too much work. I'm out here and do big a thing and sometimes sex isn't necessary but I think it's time to finally play Seven Deadly Sins to get to know you even more

Seven Deadly Sins Oh my goodness The Healer of the Hood What are you greedy about? Food Oh my God If you watch at ethereal dot one This girl's Insta stories

I start drooling on what are your favorite things to make right now oh that's hard i'm like making everything you do that's the problem i feel like in the porto rican culture like food is love yes and you even told me like you were a little skinny and you were like i don't feel healthy yeah when i don't eat like when i'm not eating right because i've been too stressed or something i i do sense of lose weight and i don't like it because i really grew up in this you know thing where it was a bit like culturally it was a big like compliment And if you got told like, oh, you could eat, that was a good thing. You wanted to be told you could eat.

It was also good to have some meat on your bones and have chichols. Like, that was a whole thing that was like, oh, this is beautiful. Like, you know, when you grew an ass in my family, it was the whole thing about like, oh, you got people are intermittent fasting. Yo! Like, the whole goal is to not go to sleep hungry in like third world countries. Yo, and this is what we're doing instead. I'm just like, yo, I don't know how I feel.

It's mixed feelings. And cooking is like therapeutic for you? Yes, I have to say, like, that helps with my anxiety and my depression so much because if I feel like I can't accomplish like anything and then I go and make something good in the kitchen, I'm like, yo, my life might suck right now and I may not be able to go outside and push myself to do that. But I was able to make some bomb-ass fucking food that is nourishing my body and making me feel like comforted from the inside out. Yeah, and that's self-love. They say, like, when you're depressed, start with one thing.

Just step out of bed and go into the kitchen. Just do one thing. You don't have to do it all in one day. I think sometimes when my to-do list is too big, I end up doing nothing because I'm overwhelmed instead of being like, it's like, clean your room, run errands, write this script. Instead, let's just get the fuck out of bed. Yo, facts. Who are you envious of?

My child's self. That's the best answer we've ever gotten. I know that sounds so random. No, that's the best answer we've ever gotten. But like, I feel like my child's self just, I mean, I always always. sensitivity issues and shit like that even came up in fucking report cards that I was too empathic

I have to say my child's self was somebody who like I wasn't jaded you know and obviously I'm working on becoming soft again and I'm already a little soft but you know it's that thing where like my child's self was just so fearless in so many ways and also I didn't like I always kind of

had a weird relationship with death but I did not have anxiety about my awareness around my mortality and I think that that that's what's really complicated for, you know, humans is like, you know, we're just, we know that we're going to die at some point, you know, and we can't help but worry about how it is. And my youngest self was just more concerned with, you know, is somebody going to be mean to me on the playground today or are we all going to get to play together?

Every now and then, I'll get like a smell. Like, I'll be walking down the street and I'll smell like a tree and park slope. And you know, you walk down, you have that moment where you're like, I remember when I was little and I was, all I cared about was that smell. And nothing else was running in my mind. And I'm like, that pure little bit. bitch didn't know how good she had it. It's like, that nostalgia, it's like, you really don't know. Like, when you're a kid, I think, like,

we really do take it for granted, unfortunately. And I think that's just part of the process of growing up. But I think if you could connect to your inner child, that's where happiness lies. Exactly. It's bridging that gap between me so. When I feel like I lost myself, I go, what would Lil Hannah do?

Yo, that ass. WWLHD. What are you glutness about? I feel like you're gluttonous about taking baths. I was going to say either baths are weed probably and I have to admit it. Like as much as I do use weed for medicinal purposes. I am a little bit gluttonous where I overindulge where I'm like, oh, you could put that in my bathsoles?

Put that shit in my baths too, bitch. Like, what do you think about this whole CBD rage? I am for it, but part of me is also kind of like, half of y'all don't really know what you're purchasing from who you're purchasing. Like, just because everybody decided to get in on the CBD market. And I just went to a coffee shop and it goes, CBD for six dollars I'm like what but my thing is where y'all getting it like I don't have an issue with if people they're doing this because the CBD really cannot like there's nothing is going to do you don't get high up no you don't have no I took a CBD gummy once and I convinced myself I was tripping you convinced yourself because I was like the room is spinning no because there's dead ass none of like the um fucking I forget what you call it the psychoactive stuff it's not in there the THC it just chills you out it just helps you function The reality is CBD works with the endocannabinoid system that we already have in our body.

So that's all it is. But people need to also be honest and transparent about where they're sourcing things from and what's actually in it. Don't just say shit's got 500 milligrams because you say, you want to say it's got 500 milligrams in it. Skepticism is important sometimes. When was the last time you were a sloth? Probably during the summer, I have to say, and I know that sounds strange. But in the summer, I just wanted to lay around. The summer stresses me out because there's so many plans and you feel so much anxiety to do to have fun.

Summer's like, have fun, have fun. And I'm like, I'm nervous. I don't want to have fun all the time. I'm like, I just want to lay down. I'm straight up a house cat. That's it. I'm a house cat for sure. Like if I don't know you, I'm running.

And if I know you, I'll be like pet me, but like I'm not like that. Yeah. Like I'll tell you how to pet me. And if you pet me too much, I'm going to get pissed. When was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something? You like this game. I do. Because it makes me do, like, self-review and, like, more self-awareness.

Because you're so in, like, other people's minds all the time. I like to, like, get you in your head a little. I think, to be honest, the last time was probably, it's going to sound, like, really, probably bad coming from me to most people. But it's just honest. I had a hard time when it came to certain stuff with friends and my lifestyle changes as far as all of this, you know, whatever, blowing the fuck up on Instagram. Like social media.

Yeah. like my life has become very different schedule wise and capacity wise with certain things that I can do for certain people and stuff and even for my fucking self and I think at one point I did kind of let my pride get in the way of me being able to assess where I could make certain changes because I was just being so prideful about but I am making these certain efforts and if these aren't good enough then what the fuck like instead of stuff and asking myself, like, okay, these efforts are not what they want, and they're not enough, apparently, you know, or whichever. And there are other options that I seem to be able to do, and I'm just not really wanting to do them, because this seems a lot, you know, more doable for me. But if I put it in just a little more effort, I could do these things.

So I, you know, I think that's probably the last time. Yeah. And check yourself and then move forward based on, like, a non-biased opinion. I think that's key, is having, like, an unbiased party stuff in, like, to kind of mirror that shit with. True. So we have one final question. And I want to spice it up with you because the question is, when's the last time you lusted over someone. But for someone who was bisexual, I would say, do you ever go, shit, I miss women?

So it's kind of interesting. Because you are, like, full dick right now. I am. And before that, it was literally just bitches. And maybe a little before that was some guys. there was a little before that there was guys but through high school it was just girls like and i didn't lose my virginity until i was around 21 to be honest listen it's not about so much like missing to the extent of like oh i want to go have a relationship with a woman you know or answer a polyamorous relationship because i am just not that type of bitch i ain't got it in me almost i would be like i will just be mad i will just be mad on something like but why are you okay with them wanting me what's wrong with you like you shouldn't want them to want like you shouldn't be okay with that this should bother you and of course it's then that that's then that That's that bit of toxic, you know, monogamy, but whatever, I don't care. I'm not perfect.

I'm not perfect. And I have some things to work on next lifetime, except I don't want to come back. So hopefully I can work on that in the afterlife. Yeah, I want you to be my spirit guide later. Yes, I just want to guide people from the other side. I'm good. But I definitely do still see so many women, you know, obviously social media. Like, I'm just like a guy where it's like that you don't see my bitches.

Like, of course, you don't see my bitches that look good. But it's, you know, not something where I want to then go be involved. with them or be with them because I am content with the relationship I'm in and I do feel very fulfilled so like I don't really have like a lacking you know kind of feeling plus I feel like he likes her so I kind of got like you know

the perks of being with a girl yeah I have the perks of being with a girl he's emotional yes but in the guys it's okay and he's got you know he's got braids he got long hair true there's so many things pretty let's be serious he's got nice cheek bones you have good bond structure he does chiseled all right but i feel like it's true you're not like you weren't with women because you're like oh my god i love vagina you were with them as people yeah just because i liked the

individual and so and when you really like someone like your eyes not straying you're fulfilled emotionally and you're fulfilled physically who cares like what's giving you orgasms and like of course these women are beautiful and of course cities a poppet and of course this he's pop it was great you know whatever even my boyfriend has asked me at times like you know do you miss like certain things would you do a threesome no i've told them what the fucking he wants one and And I say he wants one in the regard. You just dangle it in front of him. It's that thing where I'm the girl who's been involved with girls.

Why would you not want that? Like, I get it. But it's also that thing of I'm just kind of like, no, this has disaster written all over it. So I don't really. I don't. If it happens, it ain't going to be until later in this lifetime. That's all I could say. It's like complicated having done that with women only because I did do that with women.

And it's kind of like I've been there. I'm good. You know what happened. I had my experience. Like, I'm good off that. Yo, I'm sorry, but I was an empath. That's too much. That's what I feel.

I'm literally feeling everybody's shit. Like, and I'm there trying to catch my own orgasm. I'm just like, oh my God, okay, can y'all stop thinking these things? Can y'all stop feeling these things? It must be impossible to orgasm if you, like, are hearing other people's voices. If it's, and it's just more so like, because I do tune that out. It's more so about, like, I'll literally feel people's shift. And, like, let's say somebody did something that the other people's,

person didn't like completely like you know but you can kind of mask it and the person goes on to do something you like and you're all right with it no I feel that you didn't like it and now I here I am not liking what they just did but I do like what they did because they did what I like and so it's all you know this whole idea of it would be so beautiful and magical this is like a new porn series psychic threesomes that I feel like it's also that thing where I'm just like there's so much more that goes into it and I'm in a space where I don't want to have sex with somebody just because we're having sex or just to tell a good story yeah or even just for the experience because it's like i did that already and i'm kind of in a space where it's like i want my experiences to mean more

to me as a person obviously every individual feels differently in every experience but for me if i don't have an emotional connection and this is also sometimes why i identify as sapio sexual or whatever the fuck it is or i don't know whatever the one about you're attracted to people's Honestly, labels, I don't fucking know. I forget every fucking name of everything. I'm sorry. Like, there's just only so much that my little fucking 5-3 ass can fit into, you know, my whole database. I'm trying.

I'm really trying and I admit it. It's funny because you look like 5-10 on Instagram. Everybody thinks I'm mad atoll and then they meet me and they're like, oh, you're tiny. My energy speaks louder than my height. So to wrap this up, you're full of a plethora of advice. what advice would you give to people who are going through hell right now take a break if you need to that's okay it's valid to need breaks and to need to rest and recharge it's important to also remember that if you feel like you've hit rock bottom that as much as it feels like shit because it does

and i'm not going to be here and act like oh it's not it's not the worst it's okay no it's the no it's horrible and it sucks but the reality is when you hit rock bottom you have somewhere to place your feet when you're always just falling you have nothing you like it don't matter if you grabbed onto a fucking rock you're still probably going to grab onto the wrong rock because you're in the middle of fucking falling it's like in the cartoon you know and then like they're like oh no i see it's about to break no please don't break and then it breaks and you falling again and it's like when they get to the bottom though they're able to look up and they're like oh if i doda da da da da da i can just get out of here you know and it's not always so simple that's cartoons and the bottom

It's actually okay. It is safe. It's not the horrible thing in... It's more the idea of the bottom. Exactly. I think people need to understand that you can get back up and that you can get out of that. You know, too often we're told the stories about people who couldn't get out and people who didn't get up. And the thing is, that doesn't have to be you.

No. And it doesn't mean that it will be you just because it happened to somebody else. And I think the difference is that so many of us are now becoming... even more open to being empathetic towards each other that even if you have to just remind yourself that more people are being empathic and maybe somebody is going to see that you're feeling and you know actually going through hell that they'll then check in on you or they'll then ask how they can support you how they can help you things like that and if somebody's assistance is not the answer because it's not the answer for everybody you know it's still that idea

of knowing somebody else gives a fuck that you're going through how And just know that somebody does, even if it's just people who are trying to organize, you know, mental health organizations to help other people. There's somebody who cares, even if it's not as direct as you want it to be in the moment, it's there. And or your shit is valid. Yeah, and your shit is valid. I think that's the most important thing because, yo, I hate when people want to do spiritual bypassing and this whole thing of positivity only. No, sometimes you got to be in the low vibration and you have to feel shitty. and it sucks.

And don't be ashamed or hate that you feel that way. It's valid. It's a spectrum. And that's the thing that I've come to do with my own life is live on a spectrum. And that's the one thing that I really, you know, advocate for people to do is understand that there is an entire spectrum of feeling and it's okay to be, you know, in different parts of it throughout your life. Yeah.

You know, and just, it's not black and white. None. It's just, it's valid. I think that's the best advice I could give to people is you're valid and it's valid. Amelia, I could talk to you for hours. It's actually dangerous. But everyone, Amelia posts inspirational videos and insightful videos on her Instagram. And she's also dropped a gorgeous, but that's just a side note.

E, the Real, period one, follow her. She has so much exciting shit going out. And also, I just want to say thank you for coming to hell. Yes, thank you, and hopefully, you know, when you're going through help with Hannah, when you leave, you feel better. It's true. And hit her up if you want to get some, some shit too. Yes, some session, some work. We'll watch it.

Bye, guys. Bye.