Berner Phone - Emma Willmann: Stand Up Struggles & Porn Preferences

Episode Date: January 2, 2019

Sleep eating, art therapists, gay porn, botox, and period cunnilingus are all topics that Hannah discusses when determining the root of Emma's demons. LIVE SHOW (use the code BERN for 50% off): http://www.carolines.com/comedian/berning-in-hell-live-podcast/ Follow Hannah Berner on Instagram & Twitter: @beingbernz Follow Emma Willmann on Instagram & Twitter: @emmawillmann --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I have a very exciting announcement. I booked my first live show at Carolines on Broadway, New York City on April 16th. I'm so excited I peed my pants. And I have a special code for listeners of the podcast. Use the code B-E-R-N-Burn to get tickets for 50% off. I'll have the link of the live show in the description of the episode, and you can go to hannah burner.com. I'm so excited, April 16th.

I'll see you there. Today I have the hysterical Emma Wilman. She's the host of two podcasts, Secret Keepers Club with Carly Aquilino, inside the closet with Mateo Lane. And she has a netbook special out, which is kind of a big deal. And she was also named Top 10 Funniest Women in New York City by Time Out New York. And I wholeheartedly agree. Thank you. That was pretty good, right?

I appreciate it. I nailed it. Thank you. Very smooth. I told you, I want to give credit where credit is due. Thank you. I also want to explain how we met because I believe the universe wanted us to meet. Totally.

Yeah, it was a lot of, like, singular. synchronized things because I had heard about you a while before but what was your nickname on taylor show we both co-host the i was the millennial monster for a while i didn't know that you were the millennial monster so i heard you were hosting on taylor strecker firstly i went to see my ex-boyfriend at a comedy club and you were up and i was like this girl's hysterical thank you appreciate that you killed it at the comedy seller that night awesome thank you because it's so when you do a bunch of shows like there can be some shows are awesome some shows are okay some shows you're like working out material so when someone's like i saw you at a show based on how you did that night really sets

the tone for how they see you yes and it's an interesting like social like that fucking it's interesting because it's like here's five minutes i'm gonna pour my life to you and you can decide if you like me for the rest of your life right for like a long because there was someone that i saw the first time i saw him he killed and i started talking people about him they'd be like oh really and it took me seeing him they're like he's very polarized And I saw him, like, walk a bunch of people before, which is hard to do in New York. But because he killed the first time I saw him, I was like, it was like a glitch in the matrix. Are you good at first impressions?

I am if I'm meeting someone's family or friends and stuff like that. I think I'm, I think I'd hope so. Yeah. We just met some people as I think you did pretty well. You didn't come off like creepy or anything. Oh, thank. Yeah. If I was, I think first impressions are, I mean, it's, I think it's, I put a high premium on being polite.

I mean, can people feel included? I think that's very, very important. Also, let's be honest. You have a little fame. You could be fu-fing. you could be I'd be she she didn't have to come on this podcast oh what's foo who even mean I actually don't know after I said it I was like I don't know if that's a word but you know what I meant because you're because you're like the millennial

expert you can like do that and think and it's cool yeah people are gonna yeah people are gonna think it's a thing I'm gonna leave here saying I'm gonna be like oh twigle duggle I'm like you know what that means it's about getting snacks and I'm like who have you been spending time with a big scotlvie you don't know me so when I watched you. I actually was like, I'd love to be friends with a person like that. Thank you. So I just, that's called manifestation, people.

Listen to it. Manifestation, you say, I would like that. Not in a sexual way. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. Oh, I didn't. I wouldn't have even thought that. I just go there because I'm inappropriate. That's why I'm a monster. Number two, you're on the Taylor Strecker Show. Number three, Jesse Jalas, who was on this episode three, no episode two. She said, we need Emma in a Betches video.

Hell yeah. And I was like, I'm a woman. I saw her at the comedy seller and she's on Taylor Strikeer Show. So the universe. Totally. If that's not a sign, I don't know what a sign is. I completely agree. I think that's a sign.

And Jesse and I know each other from way back because we met doing a video and then we recorded some underwear videos together. I love comedian stories of how they know each other. They're like, hey, remember that shit hole we did where there was like a magician and then we had to do two minutes and we bombed. I love that. Friends for Life. Yeah, we did a, there was an underwear company, a period.

proof underwear and I had done a video with them and then they wanted help creating another video and then I brought Jesse in and we made some period videos I love period content do you I think we need more period jokes out there I think periods are actually really they really I feel like an outsider talking about them sometimes because it's but like they bring people together because no matter like what your background is if you know a lot of times you can have a period you know what I mean I felt like I didn't want to say because I got in trouble one time because I said a lot of women some people are women but some women don't get periods. Yes. It's true. You know what I mean? It's true. Yeah. It's funny how

that's right. Well, I, someone had to tell me that and I was like, oh yeah, yeah, of course, of course. Once they said it, right? Because I was like, we're good. We're good. We're down. We're in hell right now. Totally. We get away with some stuff. And sometimes someone will have to, with the stuff like that stuff where it's like if someone says something that's not right and you correct them and then they're like down to listen to the critique and then they change it, then great. Isn't that the most beautiful moment of life? I totally agree because there was a festival all supposed to do. The guy said something ignorant and then all

these people pulled out of the festival and he got fired but the guy also apologized he said something that was transphobic but he made a joke there was a person in address and he said dude like try harder called the woman a dude he went to like a meeting for like trans support he like did all

this stuff he like educated himself he wrote this really beautiful apology and people wouldn't forgive him that frustrates me because me too I was like we learn what we learn through education so you have to educate. That's why it's good to speak up when someone says something or does something that makes you feel uncomfortable, even though it's difficult because I hate confrontation. Totally. I completely agree. Back to periods. Yes. I have one question I've always wanted to ask

like a lesbian. Anything. What do you call it when you synchronize with your partner? A shitty weekend. I'll tell you that. It sucks because not a good day. I couldn't have to imagine a better answer because the thing is is like but do you feel like spiritually connected no okay i'm trying to make it romanticized and you're like no no man it because i get i always have like an existential crisis around my period usually like a week before i get like really hungry i get really depressed i'm an emotional pmser in terms of yeah philosophical i'll like line my bed and i'll be like i have i don't get mad at people i just go i have no purpose i'm lost my friends they say they love me but what is love?

I do that and I get irritated at myself. So you don't get irritated at people? I do. I try to come off like I don't. I do get irritated people, but when I'm alone, I'm sad. Me too.

I get so sad. And it's gotten better. Like as I've gotten like now I'm more aware of it. So I'm like, okay, you're about to be in your period. Don't trust your thoughts. Don't trust your thoughts.

Don't trust your thoughts. Don't trust them. And people don't talk about that side. They're always just like, oh, women are angry psychos. No. It's like, no, I'm alone crying,

questioning why I'm living. Everything. My body hurts. not like when your boobs hurt when you walk it's like I can't walk sucks plus like you're afraid you're gonna get like blood everywhere like I'm not an organized person I blood places that it feels weird literally 75% my underwear has a period stated so much blood I said it and oh is that it's a period goes like a dick I have trouble dating men you've never had sisters because they're so much different oh they get more gross out about periods well men you have sisters it's like they get it right I throw tampons

at my brother just to make him like and so he just train him you have to train him right Desensitize them. Oh, God. But guys who know if sisters are like, this is what they talk about in those movies. Right. Is it going to be a murder scene? It's like, bro, I create life and this is a side. Absolutely.

Just a little side effect. Do you, are you open? Like, I'm very comfortable with having sex with someone while they're on their period. But I notice a lot of times women will be like, no, I, like, feel gross and they don't want to do it. That's weird. I get horny around my period. I get really turned on right before my period. Okay.

And I always like... So you're like crying but turned on. It's the worst combination of everything. I'm just like so emotional. Sad and horny. That's a cry after sex moment. But you don't go down on girls when they have their period. I absolutely would.

No problem. My pleasure. Oh my God. Why am I turned on right now? And also the big thing for me is if a girl's down for me doing that, like I make a big deal about how much I like it to make them feel more comfortable with their period. Yeah, you have to, you can't, especially with the whole going down thing. I'm going to be honest. I actually am weird

with guys going down on me because a lot of people are totally guys will like will be hooking up and immediately like I'm going to go down on you and I'm like whoa whoa whoa that's like that's intimate it's so personal it's so intimate I actually really I feel that way too

about with someone going down to me like I feel very like and also first date I don't like I don't want it good for you because I'm thinking like I'm just thinking what he could be thinking and I don't I don't know I get I need emotional before I get that kind of physical and I also think to you're used to being someone that's like kind of like a giving person and you're thinking about how

someone else is doing. Then when someone's going down and you're like, oh, like it's like almost you feel more comfortable doing something for them. Because I'm a people please. Totally. I completely relate to that. And sex is so much less intimate. I know my vagina feels good. Right. Like it's like it's, like it's, we're fine. We're good. I need an, I like an emotional, I like to, I need to at least be able to trick my brain into feeling like there's a future with the person for me to want to have sex with them. Or, or. That sounds like fucked up. It's, is it? You can trick your brain to imagine.

Well, I know what you mean. In the moment, you're like, this guy is my prince charming. Right. We're going to run off together. Then afterwards, you're like, his breath kind of smelled. I'm not into it. Totally. Blinks too much.

Because it, but I've been with people where it's like we've dated and then we stopped. I realized being like, oh, there's no future with this person, but then I'll still be able to like have sex with them. Yeah. But something feels missing. I love that I like sex when there's like hope of opportunity for more there. Everything in life is better with hope. Everything in life is better with hope.

Sex with no. hope like that especially now that like I'm 32 like I'd rather go to sleep sucks sex with no hope your job with no hope sucks wake you up in the morning actually that's so true hope is the one thing you don't have when you're depressed yeah and it and you know what also hope is it's like not that's really key with it's not where you're from it's where you're at you can be in a shitty situation like say you're like working like you're literally cleaning up you're like a garbage garbage disposal but you're like I have hope about my script I'm writing you are probably happier than someone that's got like a huge paying job but has no hope

Because then you've had despair. And I'm kind of scared because I haven't gone there in my career yet. But like when you start getting what your goals are and then they don't make you happy, then you have this kind of like moment where you're like, wait, I've been doing this wrong all along. Totally. Totally. Do you have an experience with that? I feel like once I get something, then I right away I'm like, well, it's so weird.

Well, you're driven. It's part of being driven is you get something and you want more. Right. But you have to let yourself all. The key is just like in the journey. The key is like not my podcast. podcast charting, me sitting here with you right now and enjoying it. Because once you chart, that's literally 0.5 seconds of enjoyment and then you're like,

who am I booking next? Totally. So it's like you can't like live off of that point five seconds. Yes. And you can only control what you can control, which is a motherfucker to remember. But it's so true. You can only be like I can just control trying to make a good product, trying to do the best thing.

I can control what I like eat kind of, although I say I can control what I eat, but I've been sleep eating. and then I feel like I can't control what I eat What the fuck is sleep eating? It's been like a big problem It's like I'm half awake And then I go eat something Wait you're half awake

And your first instinct is to go in the kitchen And like Yeah Isn't that crazy? How many calories are you consuming? I don't know And I'm so upset about it Because I've been doing this

This diet for my skin Only to the kitchen It's only to the kitchen. I love your sleep alter ego Who's like I just need to eat my feelings And I'll be good And I'm a monster too Because the other night

I went into the bad And there was, I had eaten cashews, which I don't even know where I got them from. Highly caloric. Highly caloric. But good protein. Good protein. But I don't even know where they were in my apartment. And they were the ones with, they had some kind of seasoning all over them.

I ate the seasoning. And I took the empty seasoning. And I dumped it in the sink, like a fucking animal. Do you live with anyone? No, thank God. But I used, when I had a roommate, she would be like. Oh, my roommates would get so mad when I eat their food. But I would like it because I'd be like, sorry, I sleep eat.

Oh, would you start using that. If I say I sleep eat, they won't get as mad at me. There, people usually get more concerned because I, but my roommate would start being like, you got to get it under control because I would like leave things out. But I bring food into my bed. And I usually don't do it if I'm alone. But like the other night I brought on potatoes into the bed. And I am in a relationship.

My girlfriend was like, why is there some potatoes near the bed? And I was like, this is. I've lived 27 years on this earth. You have anyone that does it? I've never heard of sleep eating. Oh, God. Oh, wait, did I make you know that? No, not at all.

I thought it was more common, but I don't think it is. I don't think it's common. Damn it. I think you... Yeah, I don't know. You should talk to someone about that, but... And it is true you can control what you can control, but, yeah, that was the example of eating is tough when I... Does that give you anxiety that you feel like you can't control what happens at night? Yes, because also I'm like...

Because control over eating is like, obviously, one of the biggest pain points for women. Seriously, and also, one, I'm half asleep. I'm not enjoying it. You look great, by the way. You're very fit. Very fit. I also have been doing this thing for my skin, so then I hadn't been eating like certain, like, seasonings and spices. I felt like a dump truck the next day. Plus, I ate four tofutti-tutis, and I got ice cream all over the place.

Is that the tofu ice cream? Yeah. You are sick. I know. You're the monster here. Think about the combo of that. That with curry cashews. You know what?

I'm not going to lie. It could be nice. The spicy sweet could be good. I don't, yeah. I'm not going to judge you. This is what you have to do. You have to go to one of those S&M sites and get those chains. I was thinking about that trying to time myself to the bed.

It would be hot. and it'll be functional. Someone actually suggested that they said take a scarf and tie it around your foot. And so then you'll, and I was like, no, no, but now I have to do something. I think that would work.

Yeah, because I'm all about like listen to what your body needs. And it sounds like that's like an emotional thing that's happening. And I was like, does it happen when I'm more stressed out? I did notice like the other night I went to bed and I was pretty hungry. And I was like, I'll just like make sure I like I can't wait to eat breakfast in the morning.

I love that. So that's a trigger going to bed hungry. Yeah, you can't go to bed hungry. You can't go to bed hungry. So that's a part of it. That's part of a lot of diets. They're like, stop at 6 p.m.

Right. And then you wake up and you know that skinny wake up? I'm fucking starving. Oh, skinny wake up. Oh, and you wake up in your stomach's like super flat. Yeah, that is nice. That is nice. And then you have like one bite of something and you're bloated like a pregnant lady.

Waking up bloated, though, sucks. Waking up bloated ruins your whole day. It ruins the whole day. The last two days were ruined. And then it's like a, it's like, yeah, Tofutti Tootis isn't that bad, but it's bad when you're asleep. I love you say for Tootie Tootie cutie cuties. We spoke your dislootie cuties. We spoke, you're dyslexic.

I'm dyslexic, yeah. So sometimes you fuck up words. Yeah. How does that affect you having a job that involves you talking all the time? Here's where it affects. Here's where it affects that. Great question. It affects it mostly in me feeling self-conscious about memorizing lines for a script.

But I am 100% positive that the actual effect is me just being worried about it. So I don't, like when I was in. It just gives you a little more anxiety. Exactly. I think it makes you study a little bit more and it makes you more prepared. And also, sometimes I just have to get out of my head and be like, like, that's not even like a dyslexic thing. Like having a trouble with memory isn't even a dyslexic thing. I'm just like, oh God.

I love that you're like, I'm a bitch. It's because I'm dyslexic. I don't know. I don't know. But it, it, I, like, I never even tried to learn a language in high school because I was like, I'm dyslexic. I can't. So with memorizing lines, I was like, I'm dyslexic. I don't think I can do it.

And then, but then I can. It's not even a part of being dyslexic. you are so good on crazy ex-girlfriend by the way thanks I love it and they also didn't make you change anything about yourself no they didn't I I noticed that because you have like a pretty unique look yeah that you think they'd be like oh this isn't within this character they were so sensitive to that they'd be like do you feel comfortable in this and yeah I'd always they were like very like nice to me but the character is more laid back than I am the character is supposed to be like super laid back and then the person I date is supposed to be high strong I feel like I'm laid back but also

very karate. Who are you compared to the girl you play during standup? Who am I compared to? Like, what is your real personality versus stand-up, Emma? Oh, man. Wow. I think that the stand-up one is, well, first of all, I feel like the stand-up one

is actually more organized. Because it's like I put a lot of thought to what I'm saying. So that is like compounded. And then I want to say the stand-up one is more like exaggerated and reactionary, but I actually don't think it is. I think I'm just as exaggerated and reactionary in real life.

I think you are, but yeah, you're more organized with your reactions. Totally. You're not like, you're just like, absolutely. And that made me feel like this. Exactly. Like, it's like you've, it's pre-scripted. That's when people are like, oh, that was good. Not to throw stand up under the bus sometimes, but it's like, yeah, I would hope the

fuck. If everyone practiced saying the same 15 minutes for two years, for 15 minutes, you can come across good. You know what I mean? We were actually talking about something interesting before that I want to talk about. Please. this girl just walked up to you recognizing you from the seller and she was like I got called out for not

like laughing or smiling enough and she was in the front seat and you had an interesting response to her and I actually I didn't notice her but I remember people talking about her but the sellers girl was just it's funny because comedians after dating a comedian they talk so much about the audience and as a former audience member and current audience member I had no idea they gave a shit about us that's so interesting like as an audience member I'm like we got paid their performance we paid

they're performing and uh let's have a good show if i'm right sometimes i'm in a giggly mood sometimes i'm not right i didn't realize how much of a intimate like back and forth relationship it is yeah the audience i think the audience is like everything but i admire there are different comedians of different levels it seems to me where like some comedians and it is actually the best in the long run where they'll be like they just go to work on their material and then the audience is there but they're not putting the audience first and that's like actually better for the comedian because then they're more likely to do new stuff. But that's so difficult to be in that mindset. Oh my god, I can't do it. I'm just going to do whatever I want

and don't care what these people think. Are you kidding me? I've never once, I've done that where I'm like, oh, I'll go to this like stupid like shitty school like in the middle of the day, like a college show and I'll just use it to work on material. The second I get there, I'm like chucking and jibing. Because you're looking at these kids' faces and you're like, I want them to love me. Right. I want them to think I'm iconic. Totally. You also said something interesting. You said the relationship. Well, the girl sitting in the front, you don't realize like she plays a huge role like that's big responsibility sitting in the front

which I feel for her because that's so much goddamn pressure but it's exhausting must be emotionally exhausting to have to give give to these comedians do you think she was thinking that like do you think because I wonder she clearly wasn't because she was just sitting there and she was a little bit like mousy quiet right

and she wasn't giving them what they want they were freaking out and comedians are obsessive people and they're obsessing over this one girl in a room of hundreds yeah like 250 whatever it is yeah and it's packed in there So you see everybody's face, which is that they really is crazy. You think the relationship is sexual.

Which blew my eye. I never heard that. Okay. So I totally, I really, really, really, this is how I compare it to. You never want the audience to feel self-conscious or uncomfortable in any way. And a lot of comedians will just turn and be like, hey, this guy, not smiling, looks like a serial killer. What's up? And everyone laughs.

And it's kind of like, that goes against what you're saying. It goes against it. You can maybe do that once, but then you don't want someone thinking, oh, it's going to turn on me. because you need the people. That's why it's best when comedy's in like a dimly lit room because you don't want people like looking around like, oh, if I laugh and they don't laugh, what does this mean? You want them and you want the audience to feel comfortable no matter. Like if someone, if people don't laugh, you want them to just feel comfortable.

Also, laughing out loud means you're comfortable. Totally. You're not comfortable. You're not going to give that good, beautiful, hearty laugh, which gets comedians, you know, erect. It's true. It's really true. And Steve Martin one time said he was like, you have to let the person kind of decide where to laugh because then if you, if people don't laugh

and you start being like, oh, you guys didn't like that one, also the audience isn't normally thinking of it that you're telling jokes. They're thinking you're just coming up and sharing. And make them feel like they're in control. It's like dating a man. Make him think it's his decision. Right. Absolutely.

They want to feel like they're in control, but also a lot with like women. It's like they want to feel like they're in control, but also that they're not in control. Like in some ways. That's why it's like sex. It's so funny because I would think about it because I'm pretty like aggressive,

dominating person. But in the bedroom they'd be like, oh, that means you want to be submissive. And I'm like, I don't know. I like them both. I like sometimes I like to be in control and sometimes I don't. But I'm not like big on one or the other. It's more like I want to feel free.

Totally. And it depends on the dynamic with the person. But you're right. There's like that disrespect that I could see myself calling someone out, calling him a serial killer, and then rounding right back and be like this guy, we're friends. I like you. Totally. And then you've made nice and it's comfortable.

Or if it's saying to someone, oh, you're not laughing, then you're on thin ice because when I equated it when we're outside, it's like if someone, is fixating on like someone not being able to come then the person's never going to come like you just have to make them feel so comfortable that that's a genius metaphor because and then you have to be like I'm good like I'm having fun like I love like if it's someone that has a hard time getting off then they start thinking about it more and more and it's like no no you shouldn't be thinking right now I'm like so in my head right now because after I after dating a comedian I've seen so many shows and how many shows do you think you've seen hundreds a shit ton yeah I actually I loved seeing his

shows and he wouldn't let me. Right. He never loved me. Because you care what your girlfriend thinks. I know and I was like, I love everything you do. I love all your jokes. But he was very particular with where he invited me. But the ones I saw like it made it worth it because he didn't give it to me all the time. Right. It was like

you're ready to see me and I just love seeing him when reacted. I joked that I defined like all the different laughers. There's the one who's like just watching TV. The one who's talking back at you. The one who's silent laughing. The one who like is just like talking with her friend the whole fucking time. but because I would

get nervous because he would perform and afterwards I literally would have no idea what he's going to say because the kid kills he's hysterical he's amazing he kills yeah so every time I just be like it's a toss up and he'd walk out and he'd either

be like yeah that was good or he'd punch a wall I really want my girlfriend to watch this because that's so true like even and I saw that she got it after Colbert when this time when I tainted most recently afterwards i came back in and and she was like i thought that went great but i have no idea how you're going to feel and i was like i felt this and i felt that like also when you like someone you listen to them with rose colored glasses right or you watch them with rose colored glasses and so everything you did i was like oh my god's so funny totally because if an audience is

really good but then i'm not performing well i'm like that sucked yeah but then if i'm performing but audiences could be good for like a high energy comedian and then not you um but then i started again in my head because after I realized this pattern, I would sit there and I would just, as an audience member, now I'm in my head about what I'm doing as an audience member because I'm so aware of what the comedian is thinking. I just was in it too much that I

would be bored and stuck in my own thoughts. So now I'm like, oh God, they're not loving you. Then it's like stressful. I'm on guys. I had to take it like a year break from stand up after we broke up. I could totally see that. I got invited. Betches did a comedy show and I was like it was two months after the breakup and I was like

I'm so triggered right now. And the more jokes they do, I was like, I don't want to be here. And I love comedy. It's like when someone listens to like a breakup song or something like that. And then you're like, oh, my dad jokes because I dated a jazz comedian. And then, like, I was like, I can't listen to jazz. And then I dated a guy who I dated the comedian. I'm like, I can't listen to stand up.

And he's like, what are you going to do? Right. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Like, the trigger afterward is real. And when you first break up, everything reminds me of them. Yeah, especially you're living in New York and then working in media and entertainment. then you see that stuff around all the time.

Even your phone reminds you of them. Like where the fuck are you supposed to look? Right. What are you going to do? Are you dating anybody now? I am actually as of last week 100% single. Oh, as of last week. I was like seeing a guy on and off forever and I felt like I was on a hamster wheel.

Yeah. And I was like, I don't think you're the one. So I need to make space if I want to meet someone new. Amen. Totally. And it's really hard because he's like. And it can be comforting. He came to my podcast launch party.

and he like talked to my parents and I didn't think he was gonna come and he did a bee line for them and it's like food if you put in front of me I'm gonna eat it and he's like 6, 6 and I was like a little drunk and he went to the bathroom and I like went down to the bathroom

and we started making out and he made a be a be line for your parents that means he likes you. Oh the kid he does like me but it took him too long to realize how much you liked me to the point that he lost me. Did it make you also then question his judgment because you're like if it's like

what's taken so long for you to realize you like me we're together I'm being a great girlfriend what's your fucking problem? still kind of dealing with the shit right now, but he messaged me and he was like, you know that one date we went on? That's when I realized I was falling for you and I was like, that was eight months in, motherfucker. I liked

you like first month. Yeah. And then it turned me off and I realized you're still a little boy, you need to learn. And if I feel like I keep having to be the girl that teaches these guys to grow up. I hear people say that a lot. So she or Zamada had a joke like that. She's like, sometimes I feel like I'm training my boyfriend for the next girlfriend or something like that. So many guys are like, you

taught me so much about myself. And I'm like, thanks. Shit. Like, you owe me thousands of dollars in therapy. Totally. Like, I want a commission on that for you and your next person. Maybe you could do a class or something. Yeah, maybe.

It just sucks because I recently heard that my ex is like seeing someone new. But you don't know what's going to happen. When you think that your ex is seeing someone new, you picture them like doing all the things they didn't do with you. You're so right. You immediately are like, you envision the most incredible relationship and you're like, they have what we didn't have and I've fucked it up. But in reality, it could be the girl just like by her. like what the fuck is up with this guy or I feel so alone I love talking about relationship stuff stuff with you what's your current I know what's your current

relationship status because I'm in a relationship you were dating the art therapist yeah now we're in a relationship oh I'm happy for you she's really nice uh I've never dated a therapist before she's really nice so she's got like good boundaries she met my mom she's nice to my mom do you that's always a plus he when they're mean to your mom that doesn't always go well I like my mom's very New Englandie so she's not like super warm up front. Yeah. But I had girlfriends be like,

oh, your mom makes me uncomfortable, but they wouldn't, like, put in any effort with her. My mom just wants someone that asks her a question. That goes eight million miles. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I like when moms aren't immediately, like, in love with you. I want to earn that love. And my mom's met a lot of fucking people at this point. Okay, you know what I mean? You have to brag. You know what she's not necessarily in a good way. She's met a lot.

They're not all angels, you know, I'm a cat person, though. I like to earn shit. I don't want a dog just coming up to me, looking at me like a little slut. I want that cat to hate me

Totally And then I break it down Do you lose interest then once you get Once you break in? No, because I worked so hard That it was worth it I don't know if this is equivalent to guys That's a whole other issue

I wonder But I feel like even with friendships Like you know those people that I love when you click immediately But like they didn't just think Oh my God I love you so much And you're like you don't know me You don't even know me 100%

Same with guys when guys are like Oh you're so hot I want to get to know you Right And you're like I don't trust I don't trust you. I don't like that because I know you do that to a lot of people.

Totally. And you're about to break my heart and then I have to go therapy again. Right. I can't want to wait more therapy. They also, when they do that, if someone likes you right away, then they might not like you right away. That's why if I meet someone after, I don't like meeting people after shows because say it's a really good show, then I'm like, okay, if you like me because of that show,

at least sometime this month, it's not going to be a good show. And I don't want to. What if someone comes up to you after a bad show and likes you? That's the way to approach a comedian. If you go up to a comedian after a bad show, here's what. Here's what not to say. Don't say this, though. You put their scared little head on your chest and you just say, it's going to be okay.

Say, you can say, saying it's going to be okay is the thing to say, don't say, do not say, I thought you were good. No, yeah, don't say that. Because if you say that, then they're going to be like, and everyone else didn't fuck you. Post comedians after their set, that shoot. The therapist pointed out, she was like, so let me get this straight. If it's a good show, the audience is, if it's a good show, the comedian's like, oh, it's a really good audience. Or if it's a bad show, you guys are like, I sucked. And I was like, yeah.

And she's like, so you're setting it up so you guys are never happy with it because you don't get any credit ever. And I was like. I love that you're dating a therapist. I was like, mind blown. No. You're like, let me be angry. And she's always, she always be like, are you looking forward to your show tonight? I'm like, no.

It's not how it is that you don't look forward. Do you feel analyzed by her? Not any more or less than any normal. Like I feel like women are. So maybe you're analyzed, but with a little logic behind it. Totally. Because I feel like people, women are always kind of like. like analyzing a little bit.

So now there's more checks and balances. It's so funny. I have to deal with guys who like, this guy was seeing admitted to me. I asked him, I said, do guys think about sex every eight seconds? And he goes, no. Sometimes I go a full hour

with nothing going on in my brain. And I thought that was so funny. That makes complete sense. That makes complete sense. And women are the exact opposite. Totally. We are fucking planning that shit like a chess game. Before I even text you that first text,

I know how I'm going to lay this shit out totally the fuck out of you totally and you've got like all their potential like responses like downpacks and then they're like oh and you're like oh yeah men are so easy like post on the cue in instagram you're like three two one sub babe got them really god men are very visual creatures oh that's so interesting men are the symbol i'm sorry i'm not like in a good mood with men right now right and i love to stereotype is he can uh try to keep reaching out the guy so he sent me a poem which I told him I wouldn't read so I'm not going to read he's probably going to listen to this and get mad at me god damn it but I mean writing it's really good it's a good poem it was a great poem oh that's incredible but he's very emotional in the morning he was like I didn't think you liked my poem enough and I'm like this come on but if he wrote you a poem he really likes you I think he's obsessed with getting me back right I know then that's a thing and then yeah yeah it's like men also love games totally I get that he loves that he had me and lost he hates a holoca me yeah he's acting like we're gonna get back together and i was like relax i got a little drunk

and i was happy right and he's so tall is that good or bad i love it oh really oh oh but then you got to think my girlfriend's way taller than me but i don't care about that stuff at all you're cute you're petite i'm little realize how petite you are i'm only five three and like two inches you're adorable thanks put you in my pocket i wish i was a little bit taller though that'd be nice yeah you know i feel i'm five seven that's a great height it's a great height it's a great because I can fuck guys who are like 6-5 and it's not weird. See, you fucking a person who's 6-5, I don't even know how it would happen. I don't know how it would happen either.

I like to think about that sometimes. Like my friend's five feet. I'm like, how would you fuck a 6-6, dude? Oh, if it's like, but then the guy, that'd be easy because the guy could pick her up or she could just like bend her up like a little. True, but I think it's like, it has to be a little fetishy because like you're so little. And then getting fetishized can be tricky too because some people are like, they're

fetishizing me in a way that I'm not into so then it doesn't work. Oh, it's so mental. Sex is so fucked up. That's how I started to really understand, like, trans stuff, actually. A speaker came to our school as a woman, and she was like, she was like, you know, I would be with men that were attracted to me when I still had my penis. And I was repulsed by my penis. So then I wouldn't be attracted to them being attracted to me for that. So I had to get a vagina.

And I was like, whoa. That makes so much sense. But it goes back to the overall idea of if you don't live yourself, you can't accept love. Yeah, because then you're like, yeah, you're like, why are you into this? this and like you feel like weird about the person i love talking about that because people don't talk about the emotion people are just like so are they gay or who are they having sex now and it's so complicated but it needs to be talked about because people are figuring it out people are figuring out i've been i had been watching gay guy porn recently was that what you were into no i don't know

what happened like i used to watch it sometimes but then i started watching why did you watch it at all i don't know it seems like i don't know the worst of all the world it's crazy you're just like i need to see dicks right it was interesting i think it's because because like they were like both like so into it like in the porn gay men gets so aggressive and they do have like a femininity too some of them do like the little ones I like watching the little ones it's so weird though because I I am a narcissist no I don't think I'm a narcissist but I I'm oh wait you're not a narcissist I'm not a narcissist no I'm definitely not I'm a sensitive yeah I'm sensitive but I date narcissists I know about narcissists now

because of the therapist I like to joke call myself a narcissist because it's something that hurt me in the past and I'm actually where someone thought you were one no it's It's, you know, like, when something is painful, now I just use that word in jokes. Totally. So I'm not narcissists. I'm actually very sensitive. And narcissists connect to sensitive people because they know that they can manipulate you. Yes.

I dated someone who I felt was a narcissist. And I kept having this conversation where I would be like, you, she would, she would lie a lot. And she just wouldn't. When I finally figured out that that's what it was, I would try to talk about it. And there's no point in talking about it because they're not going to get it. No, and they don't see you. And they don't see you. Yeah.

They don't see you and then you start to feel broken. Are they happier because they don't have the same self-awareness? That is a great question because, yeah, they don't see the world how we see it. They just see it through their eyes. And I'm always worried like, oh, did I say this? It hurt that person, this. And then they don't have that. Or the person that I was involved with, the nurses do not.

Well, they're not complete sociopaths. Maybe yours was, which is always fun. Right. Always fun. Never know what's going to happen. That's how true crime starts. Totally. Oh, yeah, I was saying that back to porn.

I think I'm just like I was going to joke that I'm a narcissist because I like watching girls masturbate. Oh my God. So many straight women do. Why? Why? I feel like it's me. I'm watching me. So it's so funny. I don't watch girl on girl. I like

watching one girl. I know other I talk to other women that say that too. Okay, that makes me feel as weird because I was like but that's just what I like to watch. Oh, it's almost like, do you know how you watch your Instagram ever or Facebook through like your crushes eyes? only if the crush

it's only been the case where if the person's like doesn't seem interested and then I'm like trying to like get them I've had like a crush will like follow me and then I look through my Instagram again like how he would look at it right totally

so it's kind of like I'm watching it like how like a guy might watch me get off and it turns me on I don't know I haven't thought about it in depth but just what I do and I haven't thought about it but I can't believe I just said that on air it's so interesting message me if any other straight girls do this

yeah please do because I know So it actually, it does make sense, but it's so, when the other person told me that, I thought it was like, I didn't know if that was like a fluke, but I've heard a ton of straight women say they watch two women women women on women porn. Yeah, a lot of girls do. That I heard. A lot of, it makes sense that it would do a- I think sex in general can, you watching it is so different than the actual experience.

Totally. And I wonder if there's so many people out there who like watch girl on girl and they're like, does this mean I'm gay? Right. Totally. But then like if a girl hit on you, you wouldn't feel emotional. Right. Or is then I'm watching gay guy porn.

Like, I liked it. The fact you watched gay guys. Isn't that weird? It blows my mind almost as much as your sleep eating. Yeah. Well, the sleeping... You're just full of surprises. I got to get the sleep eating under control because it's like, it's fucking up my...

It's fucking me up. So, speaking of fucking you up, I want to know what gives you anxiety day to day. You have a TV show. You got Netflix out. You're a really successful comedian in New York who's accomplished what she wanted to accomplish. What irks at you? I would actually say, I probably only accomplished like 4% of what I would hopefully

accomplish. What else is there? Because I think that it's not what you get. It's like what you turn it into. Love it. So I used to always feel, thank you. I used to always feel like, you know, it's all about mobilizing people and creating a community and becoming a draw and then like leveraging that to like create other things that are reflected back on. So you want to get your community like a little more cultish and big. I want to get, um, I want to be able to. And I never think of it like when someone says like if someone's like, oh, that person's a fan. I'm like actually, I don't think of it like that. I think of it more like my employer. So those aren't people that are like those, like that that group consciousness is actually what employs me.

So that's the shift. Well, now they start this podcast and people are messaging me, I'm like, of course I want to respond to them back. Absolutely. Because they're my friends who are paying me. Right. And you, if you take the time to listen and be receptive to what I'm saying, chances are I would feel like some connection with you as well. And I've gotten so much great feedback that. The reason I'm doing this is so people can listen to me.

So when someone's like, hey, I listened and liked it, I'm like, holy fuck, you made my day. People are like, you must get these messages. I'm like, no, you made my day. Yep, totally. And then it's like when you value people's attention, you're like, thank you. There's like a lot of shit. Like there's so many good TV shows out there. You know what I mean?

Like I'm like, you could have been watching the sinners and then you were watching. Sinners is good. Sinners is good. But it's different, different mood. Different mood. But back, what's, what is your anxiety day to day? You know, I think in the past year and a half I've become a much healthier person. I like try to like be like less extreme and take things like be just why now because it was

I was always I was too stressed out I was never enjoying anything and it was like my skin was a mess like I was always just feeling like my skin's really cleared up since I've been trying to be healthier and then and like I stopped drinking I used to drink a lot because it would just be like just it was just everything would just like roll into each other I didn't have any like work life balance so it's funny your skin I've talked about this food is part of your health and drink is part your health but a lot of it is like the ultimate anxiety like your body doesn't like the anxiety it's the anxiety from food and that it's not like the actual ingredient i think a lot of it's like emotional totally and it's like manifests in your gut oh the gut oh when i have like when we're

bloated a lot of it's because you're holding shit in and you're like not coping with stuff totally 100 so what are your what are your triggers that give you that anxiety so the well oh man i guess i'm like scared to say I always get I'll get really scared of failure not doing the right thing also with like entertainment stuff it's like putting so much into something and then wanting to see you know what actually I get anxiety about I'll fixate if I I should have more anxiety about the creative process I get anxiety about that but day to day anxiety something that I could control a lot is like I'm pretty disorganized so I that gives me a lot of anxiety so many comedians are disorganized I'm disorganized I'm disorganized

Like some comedians don't even know how to use their fucking email. It's crazy. I'm like, how do you get booked for anything? That I've got down pretty. Like, if it's work stuff, even I have a disorganized, organized way of like dealing with it. Or this was, this was something giving me a huge amount of anxiety. I was working with somebody that I didn't see the added value in what they were doing. And I had to pay them.

And I wasn't just, I wasn't having that conversation. I wasn't advocating for myself and I wasn't letting them go. And that gave me so much anxiety. And then like two days ago, I said for the second time, I was like, this. isn't working out and I want to go our separate directions. And then once we did, I felt so much better. Oh, a monkey off your back. A monkey off my back.

It's funny. The anxiety is going to strengthen the more you ignore it. And the more it's like in the back of your brain because you know it's there. So you sometimes the best way to deal with anxiety is like when something's harboring. You're like, why is this harboring? Let's try to cope with it. Or sometimes it's fake. Right.

And that's the other thing. It's just your head. Trusting yourself too, being like I'm anxious about this. And then should I trust myself? But then sometimes if I'm around my getting around my period, I don't trust. I shouldn't trust myself. Oh, don't trust yourself. Because then if I trust myself, but then I'd have left show business and gotten like a food truck in Ohio.

Because I'll be doing a show in Ohio like, oh, I should just like cop out and just like live here. Speaking of, you're very smart. Like you have an MBA or some shit. A master's degree. Master's degree. What would you be doing instead of comedy? You know what I've been thinking I thought about? Yeah.

I wanted to do this. I feel like it's going to be something weird. Alfalfa Sprout farmer. No, I'm just kidding. Just because you said it was going to be weird. What I wanted to do for a while, I wanted to be a manager. And I tried getting an internship at a talent agency, and no talent agency would hire me. I went to grad school.

And I was applying to agencies. I couldn't get a job in the frickin' mail room. And then, like, years later, the agency I tried to work at, I ended up representing me. We parted ways. Isn't that crazy? I love that story so much. Because as someone who, I was a tennis player, so I was kind of in the limelight. And I wanted to be in video, but I was like, oh, it's selfish of me to be like, I want to be a star.

So I put myself behind the camera, as in I've been editing, producing writing. And you can be a star like, too. You can, too. So I got all the skills and I really enjoy it. But I'm like, why am I fucking with myself? I want to be in front of it. Right. So it's like, just put yourself what you actually want.

Don't worry about other people judging you or thinking you're selfish. As women were taught not to be selfish. Yes, absolutely. Be fucking selfish. Be selfish. I have this. I've got a friend who, who I hope she would use that word because she is so like advocating for herself in a way where it's my friend Amanda Seals, she always was like, if something's

not working or someone's not pulling their weight, it doesn't, you know, matter what the relationship. Respect yourself. Like she's all she, oh, it was about self-worth. She was like, I knew my worth before other people recognized my worth. So it was about closing that discrepancy. And I was always like, okay, okay. And then in the past two years She got Castle on Insecure

And then last Sunday I was at her HBO Stand Up special taping She taped an hour for HBO It was one of the best hours of comedy I've ever seen in my life She'd been doing standup like six or seven years Like that's insane

And you know what? You being selfish is not you being a bitch Right And if she had been down on herself I'm like I'm being mean Right It's like no Now you're changing people's lives

Because your voice is out there And she and it made That's what made me end up Leaving the person I was with That I didn't want to Because she was like If someone's not pulling their weight for you like, where's your self-respect in that situation?

And we're trained as a young age to be like, you should be fine with that. Like, I'm disassociated for my emotions through tennis. Because the coaches are like, are you ready? And even if you're nervous or tired or sore, you have to just be like, yep, I'm ready to fucking go. I'm good. I'm good.

Sports is, oh. I mean, talk about a time to perform. You know what I mean? Because it's like, and then everyone knows how you're doing. That's why people are like, do you get nervous for podcasts? I'm like, I get nervous when it's six on the third set. And it's second served And if I double fault, I'm going to lose

That's what gets me Fuck it I have nightmares about tennis still I have tennis nightmares What made you stop doing it? I realized I fell out of love with it And I didn't actually like the competition Totally

I loved practicing I love the game But the competition It got to the point where The wins weren't getting me high anymore And the losses were getting me really low So I'd win I'd be like thank God I won

I'm like this sucks That's not fun It's not fun It was not being fun, and it took me a while to realize I have to be selfish and be like, just because you've done this your whole life and everyone thinks you're a tennis player. You can change your identity and just move on because I think you're good to other stuff too. Your identity is more than whatever you're doing. It's like the core nucleus of, and that's part of like I had it as part of my ego. So I put so much pressure on myself if I lost.

Detach your ego from the things you do. Ooh, good one. Right? Yeah, because also that makes you be gentler when you like, okay, here's a good example of some. seeing someone do that with standup, Chris Rock, when he goes out and works on new jokes, he'll quote unquote bomb for an hour because he can take his ego out of it, not look good for that hour to then ultimately create a great product. And it's not like coincidence that one of the best comedians who ever lived has the capability

mentally to do that because that is so, that you're taking your ego out of it. They say the best professional athletes get over failure in like they somehow did math on this in like 0.5 seconds and like the average high school athlete. Wow. It takes them like minutes. I wonder how they did that math. It's probably some bullshit that I just made up, but it makes sense. Yeah.

It makes sense. And taking your ego out of it, like being like, hey, you know what, tonight I'm going to go out and not, I'm going to bomb, whatever happens is fine and I'm just going to bomb a bunch and be okay with it. Like that, you have to really take your ego out there. And honestly, a person who could do that is. Chris Rocks. And it's scary to me, like, wow. Wow.

You're not scared of bombing. Totally. Now I'm intimidated. Totally. I'm not intimidated by the person who never bombs. I'm intimidated by the one that bombs and is like, whatever. Me too. That's called mental peace.

Yeah. that is peace of mind it was i remember he really sleeps well at night probably i mean i don't want to judge him he probably has his own issues yeah he seemed a little angsty about his divorce but other than that everything else looks great amazing um i just got botox aren't you an actress can't like a comedian don't you want to use your your eyebrows or you don't need them no oh because you're very monotown is that your thing no i'll tell you what i thought a lot about this preventative give me something preventative so i noticed that i had some marks in my forehand head and so i didn't see you as a vain person well i was i was is botox just like vitamins at this point

i don't know what the fuck it is but i went i did a bunch of research and i was like yeah i want to try to do it my friend in l.a did it and she looked so refreshed yeah and i was noticing it and then i was like maybe i'm just unhappy with my skin in general this is when i was having a bunch of acne breakouts i think you have some skin insecurities i was had a cystic really bad cystic act oh that sucks it was so bad and i had tried everything so i was like maybe i'll get at least botox is something that is something I can do. Yeah. So right before I went and got the Botox, my skin's super cleared up.

But I was like, I made the appointment. Well, it doesn't look crazy. You look great. It was tough moving the forehead for about two weeks. Can I say one thing? I've heard this preventative stuff. But then I talked to this person who may or not be right. They're a doctor, though.

Right. And they were like, you don't get wrinkles from constantly moving. You get wrinkles from aging and the elasticity of your skin. Right. So, like, you freezing it doesn't prevent you from aging. It doesn't. Oh, that's where people get it twisted. That's where you can't be afraid of aging, too.

Oh, my mom is so elegant. My grandma. Beautiful. At Nana still got it. You guys love her. I'm going to get her on. She's so funny. She's never had plastic surgery.

She looks incredible. And I would love to be one of those bitches that brags and they're like, oh, you think I look good? I've never had plastic. But I feel like Botox in this day and age is just. Botox is walking the line because my mom was very upset when I said I want to do it. Because she was like, why would you do that? Like, Holly was having a bad influence on you.

Where does it end? Where does it end? You're so L.A. now. That's what she, and I was like, she was like, where does it end? You are aging. Where does it end? It's a gateway to getting a boob job. That's what she said.

Exactly. Could you imagine if I got a boob job? Everything has gone horrifically wrong. That would be so crazy. Sorry, I just envisioned you on stage. With huge boobs. That'd be crazy. I would feel awful.

I would really, I mean, I totally. good for you if that, but like I wouldn't, I'd feel very uncomfortable with that. I just feel like it's not in line with your brand. Nothing against boobes. I totally agree. I just don't see it for your aesthetic. I would feel if I had big breasts, I'd probably get them D like removed a little bit. Deboobbed. Yeah. That's the doctor term. Deboobbed. Um, so let's play this game. Let's do it. Seven Deadly Sins. What are you greedy about? I'm pretty like, I'm pretty, I'm not greedy with money like I'm pretty try to be generous there I'm not greedy with food

I can be Except when you're sleeping Except when I'm sleep eating I can be greedy about I'm not greedy with airline seats if I get two seats I'll give the person I got the ticket for the better one Wow I can I'm greedy

I can be greedy with my schedule Like I was like very inconsiderate when I first started doing stand-up like I wouldn't like make time for family stuff I'd be greedy about that But sometimes we argued greedy could be good sometimes like greedy can be good In that part of your career, maybe you really needed to get some more time on stage and stuff. I kind of agree with that.

I've been greedy about not confronting things in relationships and then just like ending them where the person didn't even have a chance to defend themselves. Oh, my God. That's what I do. Yeah, it's not good. Oh, my God. This is more back in the day because now I don't, like, I used to cheat. So that's the ultimate greed. That's really.

And I used to cheat because you couldn't end it. Because I was a coward and I couldn't end it. Coward, but also were people pleasers. Right. I hate to know that I was the one that caused someone so much pain. so I'll literally stay in a relationship and then one day this one guy we were eating sushi and we're eating sushi and I was he was annoying me because for a lot of reasons and he's like very shy and at first I liked it and then started pissing me off and I was like can you get the check

and he like couldn't get any waiter's attention to get the check he couldn't just like fucking like grow up and check and I was during the day and I'm like I'm breaking up with him tonight Yeah, good. Did you? But I dated the guy for three years. That was the moment. I, like, there was so much suppression. Right.

And we were walking home, I didn't say anything. And we got home on the couch and I was like, I can't do this anymore. Good for you. Yeah, well, but I think it's a problem because I did that with my other ex. And probably if you had said something about it a while back, that could have been something he could have worked on. And I probably heard him more because it was so, well, I think he kind of knew. Right. He knew.

But that's very symbolic about, like, I remember there was someone I dated where it was like, I was like, I was, always doing everything. I feel like I, like, I worked for her. Like, I was doing everything for her. I remember being like, you know, you've never even made me a sandwich. And, like, I don't really give a fuck about the sandwich, but it's like the idea of... Did you feel enslaved? Kind of.

I mean, she was, like, very not a dominating person at all, but I felt like I was like, just, I would just do everything for her. She was, like, very victimy. She's a narcissist? I would say she's narcissistic traits. Yeah. But that's not the narcissist. That's not the narcissist.

Yeah. That's not the one. Who are you envious of? When I get envious, it's nothing to do. do with the person and has everything about my insecurity to them. So there had been a while. They're in mirror. People are a mirror. And I was looking around being like, how'd they get this? How'd they get that? And there'd be

like two people that would like really trigger me. But they're my peers so I can't say their names. Because then I'd see them around and they'd be like, Emma, what the fuck. It's kind of a compliment though. Yeah. Where I'd always be fixated on them. Yeah. For some reason, some people, I don't know if it's because they're like a little similar to you or they came up at the same time as you.

Oh, that's what it is. Yep. And so you, you're like, that could have been me. That could be me. One of them I was ahead of, and then they surpassed me. And then, that motherfucker, I was eating chicken wings, they took one of my wings. Oh, well, that's just fucked. I know. And they're kind of rude.

Now I'm upset. And I'm, like, always, like, nice. But when I was ahead of them, I was very nice. So first, they made you feel bad because you got jealous, which was you. Me, yeah. It was 100% you. Totally me. But then when they took the chicken, that's the breaking point.

Yeah. Like, everyone has a breaking point. They would do stuff to kind of, like, taught me in conversation. And then I was, like, eating wings. And they didn't come up and say, could I have a wing? Of course, I would have given a wing, halfway. They said, I'm taking a wing. And I was like, okay, and then they took them.

They might not have any animosity towards you, or they maybe used to be jealous, but now they're not. They're feeling all free. Oh, yeah, they're cocky. And you are triggered by it. So you two had completely different experiences. What are you gluttonous about? Not when you're sleep eating. Oh, man, that's what I was going to say.

Because I can be, I like to consume, like, if I'm feeling, like, overwhelmed or something. I've really been trying to, like, learn to, like, be in my feelings. But I'll want to, like, smoke, cigarettes or drink. Do you have an oral fixation? I might. How don't I get over that? I can't chew gum right now. It's part of my skin thing.

They said the fake sugar and gum is bad. How much fake sugar is there in a little piece of gum? I don't know, man. You're like personally attacked by the skin thing. Yeah, but it's this thing called like CBO, which is like a gut health thing. So you're supposed to like do this all, eliminate all this stuff. Do you grind your teeth at night? Yes.

So do I. Badly. Bad. And everyone's like, just stop grinding. I'm like, I'm fucking asleep. Yeah. Yeah. Do you wear a.

night guard? No, I'm not a loser. Exactly what I told my dentist. How am I supposed to get dick with my mouth guard on all the time? Exactly. They got to make some kind of special dick-friendly mouthguard. I actually was hooking up with a guy who had a mouth guard and I thought it was adorable. You got to protect your teeth, but it's like I would have it and then I would lose it.

Like it was just the whole. Well, I would wake up with a headache sometime because I was clenching. The clenching. And that's because stress. I would say, but I get gluttonous about like wanting to just have immediate release from something instead of being like, I want to feel in the moment. So, like, wanting to soothe myself, I'll be like,

I'm just going to, like, eat whatever I want right now or smoke whatever I want, like smoke cigarettes or whatever it is. And I'm not doing that now. And that is hard. It's hard, but I think if you can get past the initial hump, your life will be better. And learn new coping skills.

Sometimes with shopping, I can be gluttonous too, which is definitely, like, imposter. Where do you like to shop? I like going online. Amazon is a dangerous place for me because I'm just clicking around on stuff. Oh, like too much shit. You're like two days for four bucks. a new sweater. Fuck yeah. That sweater's going to be

the worst, but it's worth it for high. And the other day I bought an oatmeal maker, which is like a pot, but this is like sold. Oh my God. It's sold as an oatmeal maker. You're one of those people who orders that crazy shit on TV. I love that. So that's what I'm gluttonous about, that kind of stuff. Because it's like you just press a button, the only button on it is oatmeal.

So you press it, but really it's a little crock pot. You're bougie. Yeah. You're that, um, East Coast Elite they talk about. I feel like I am trying to be more of that. I'd love to get a sailboat. You know. wouldn't that be so fun and i want a sailboat a yacht um i'll be okay if i don't get those things but i would love to have like a sailboat you know it would be cute and great instagrams yeah

great instagram sorry my mind went there true millennial true millennial when's the last time you experienced extreme wrath anger oh my god yesterday what happened yeah this uh very flamboyant gay guy got very mad at me and there's nothing like that oh wow oh because they're like emotional like women but with the strength of a man yeah and there's some loophole in society where gay men can yell at you in a way that like no one else you feel it in your bones yeah and like if it was like a straight guy yelling at me like that or a straight woman or gay woman I would have been like whoa whoa but a gay guy it's like before you realize that you're like oh I'm getting yelled at he was pissed I had done I hadn't done anything wrong but I had not like done the correct process on something

and it happened very quick and he was very worked up in the moment and he was he called us today apologize but he was like very bothered by it so I experienced like the wrath of that of him just being like what were you thinking like that and then a couple days before that my acting coach is a very flamboyant gay guy and he was he was not feeling this audition he was like no no wrong bad the worst oh my god horrible horrible horrible oh I love it oh I love it no no and I was like because it's such an emotional roller coaster and when you're a sensitive person like me and you and someone gets angry at you you feel that feel and like that's the worst thing i've ever seen if you're like thinking about how good you look during it right you're like why does that guy not get me but i'm

like he's right but also it's just the way some people are very like if you're super flamboyant sometimes you you know you're flamboyant and your descriptions you're yes and you're flamboyant with your anger flamboyant anger that's a new let's coin that it's please because it's scary it's scary and it's what did he said he was like this oh that could be the worst thing i've ever seen no no and then after we worked on it I was like, you know, the casting person actually liked it. And he was like, I liked it too. And I was like, what?

And he was like, I liked it too. I was just giving you feedback. And I was like, oh, my God. You have a breakdown. It sounds like he was going through his own shit. Yeah. And at the end of the day, he's both of those guys are fantastic. It's just, I did experience that wrath.

It was passion. That's what the guy said when he apologized this morning. He's like, I'm very passionate. And I was like, I know you are. I joke like that because I'm Italian. I love Italian. You know when you feel like you're going too far with something. Yeah.

And then you apologize. You're like, sorry, I'm just really passionate. I'm Italian. Totally. Oh, I love Italian. Right. I love Italians. Just negates it immediately.

Why do you guys get away with that? Because we, Italians are the best. I love Italians. Because we have good food. Because like you associate it with meatballs. Right. And you're like, good feeling when I was eating it. Good feeling with her here.

Even though she's yelling at me, I still like it. I'm Italian. Yeah. Because then if I said, yeah. Italians are warm people. We love talking. We like food. We like family.

Sharing. Totally. We like joking. Yeah. I love loud as fuck. I love Italians, too. I love them. It's like, yeah.

I like people who even are little Italian. Ooh. I'm like, oh, we're blood sisters. Just a little bit. Yeah. Are you 100% Italian? I'm 50%. But I used to, apparently when I was little, I'd go around and tell people I was 100% of Italian.

Just let them know. In your heart. In my heart. What's the other 50%? It's like European mutt. That's what I am. German, Russian, Austrian, Polish. I'm German and then European mutt.

When was the last time you were a sloth? A sloth. sloth meeting again? Like a sloth is that animal that's adorable and doesn't move. Like, when was that time you were lazy as fuck? Yesterday. Yesterday was an eventful day for you. This was an eventful day. But this is what happened with yesterday. I

not to a huge extreme. I'd say the last time I was like sloth, huge extreme. I was in Vegas and I had this whole day free and I was like, I'm going to do this and do that and this. And then I just like ended up staying in bed. But this sloth, that was very I also was like feeling very, very sick. And I actually fainted that morning. So I'm being a little harder.

I'm calling myself a stop. You're being a little hard to Yeah, I, like, medically needed to stay in bed. I was taking antibiotics and then, but, okay, so that was a bad example. You're like, I was deathly ill and I didn't move. I broke my leg and I had to go to the hospital. But yesterday, I was like, just felt really tired and then I canceled something and just, like, took a nap. But I had gotten plenty of sleep the night before. There was no need for the nap.

Sometimes when you sleep a lot, you get even sleepier. That's what it was. And because of the sleep eating, I was all like, ooh. I was like fucked up. Your sleep eating is stressing me out at this point. I'm worried about you tonight. And it's never been, last night I was fine. I didn't sleep eat anything.

I think you should experiment with the tie on your, on your foot. It seems a little restrictive, but kind of hot. It also seems like I'm like, I feel like I'm like just a dog. A freaking weirdo. Yeah. I mean, luckily I'm in a relationship, so I don't have to, wouldn't have to explain it. Yeah. You know what I mean?

I think now is when you let your freak flag fly when you're with someone. Yeah. And test her, test her and see if she can handle that shit. And she had said that, I mean, the sleep eating, because she was. Like, you know, there's a couple times where I've heard you, like, getting up and I've tried to stop you. And apparently I get, um, mean about it. I was like, what do you mean? I was like, what do I say?

And she's like, well, you said, this is my favorite thing. She goes, you said, what, I'm starving. You're so dramatic. Can you just see that feeling like, what I'm starving? And then just like stomping around and I don't remember any of it. And then it's like, well, you did have a huge. meal like three hours ago but that's okay that's okay whatever you feel I'm starving that's funny that is funny so you're a nightmare I'm a nightmare when this is the hardest one people have trouble with this one

when was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something man that's such a good one instead of being like grateful for what I will get with something if I think I should be getting like getting booked at like certain comedy clubs or something then if I think I should be getting more of something and then I'll see that like someone else is getting something then I'll be like angry at that social media makes it so easy to see what other people are getting so easy we know too much it's so hard to not keep score right totally it's so hard especially when like people's lives are judged by the score of their followers and shit right totally it's weird how people are treating me differently because recently i got a bunch of followers that's great it's great but we

treat differently and my friends are laughing they're like oh it's so great that we knew how much we thought you were entertaining and now other people can enjoy you but part of me is like and they should feel validated by that yes they should be like validated but then sometimes you get resentful because you're like well i was doing this shit all along where were you guys at then but they just sit in now i bet you know um lastly when was the last time you lusted over someone besides the gay guys having sex oh uh and also besides my girlfriend i guess oh boy this is i feel like this is a question that would get you in trouble or you can say like a moment with your girlfriend that you recently were like damn uh i feel like i like get

pretty easily lustful. Oh, I got a lustful. I know something lustful. Oh, my God. It's because I'm not getting to eat like certain foods. The other day, at Thanksgiving afterwards, she had like a brownie,

like fudgy thing. Oh, yeah. I know. And I remember seeing her put the cream on it and stuff. I really lusted over that. I would have done anything to eat that. Or I get lusty like if I'm like just like looking at like Swedish fish or or I had a gummies, like vitamin gummies.

I wanted to eat all. I lusted for them. Actually, at my launch party for Burning in Hell, I had this idea to do a red candy room. Ooh. And I dropped $200 on, like, Swedish fish and hot tamales. I love hot tamales. Reds do have red. They have good.

They have good. And then even chocolates with red outside. Anyway, we had to party. Everyone just black out. No one even knows there's a room full of candy. At the end, I'm like, everyone ate my candy. And now I just learned, like, those details are so dumb at parties. They did eat or they didn't eat.

They ended up eating it in the end. Like, people were, like, taking it with them. Were they enjoying that it was all red? They were enjoying it. Okay, good. They was enjoying it. But it wasn't what I envisioned. I wanted people to be like, oh, my God, can't a room.

And people were like, Liz, I'm hungry. Right. And you're like, well, it's a special. Totally. But you know what? I tried. You tried. It's a good idea.

I'm so happy you came on this pie. Yeah, thank you so much. Anything. What advice would you give people to cope with their hell? Oh, my God. Like, what's something that really helps you push through when you're in the dark place. Okay, I got a good one

that I've been like learning and it's really hard to conceptualize when you're in it because one of the things that happen is when you are, like I take antidepressants and anti-anxiety. I take a low dose of both of them. I've been on the same amount for a long time. But what happens when you are like feeling like really

depressed is it affects your thinking so then it's like such a circular thing where then it makes you not, you think it's going to last forever. It clouds everything. It makes you like more extreme. You lose hope exactly but one thing this is a real tricky one though is that sometimes you're a lot often your feelings aren't facts so you'll be like feeling something and you'll think that's how it is when really you've got like no idea so you're like I feel like it's the end of the world and

everybody's against me and everyone's out to get me and it's like is that the fact does everyone even give a fuck about you and then don't let yourself get depressed about that but it's like what's the fact here like the fact is you're tired or the fact is you haven't like been around or the fact is something, you can only control what you can control. So knowing that your feelings aren't facts and that something won't last forever is good. It's like don't trust your mind all the time.

Right. And realize that nothing is forever. Nothing is forever. And especially don't trust your mind if it's erring on the side of something where it's like the effect of, if you're like, okay, what will happen? Like I got really mad the other day.

I had let someone stay in my apartment when I was away and they took the key and I was going to kill them. Yeah. It's pretty essential to having home. Pretty essential. I was so, they were,

I was so pissed. So I was like, I'm going to get in the apartment. I'm going to take their bag and I'll put it in the street. And I was. I love angry Emma. Set on doing this. And I was like proud of the idea.

It wasn't even someone, it was like a favor. I was like letting someone's like friends stay. And so I said that I was going to do that. I said when I get in my apartment, because now I've had to come in when I wasn't going to do. I'm going to take their bag on. I'm going to put it on the street.

And my girlfriend was like, don't do that like you really shouldn't do that and I was like dead set in it being a good idea and then I had to stop and be like okay logically is it more likely that taking someone's clothes and putting them on the street is a bad idea or a good idea even though in my mind I'm a good idea good idea I was like in theory it's better to just not and thank God I didn't that would have been off how embarrassing would have been impulsive and like a little out of character for you I'm not going to lie so like you wouldn't have felt better after I would have felt maybe it's like punching a wall it's punching a wall it's punching a wall it's punching a wall

You leave in your hand hurts for way longer than you were angry. Your brain is really malleable. I don't care if you're 13 or 80. Like your brain will grow and change over time. And like even though in that moment it feels a certain way, it doesn't last. It doesn't last. And that and like some and like anger like that is just like it's like, it's like almost like you're getting drunk on anger and it's like, oh yeah.

Don't do something. Don't get drunk on your own emotions. Don't get drunk on your own emotions and don't do something where then you're going to have to be like explaining it for a long time. Like that would have been. Because like what if they had then told. people that we know like emma's a psych i would have been oh my god mortified and the comedy community is very small and also don't drink your own kool-aid yeah i'm just adding on to you because

i bullshit myself a lot and it's like sometimes just stop and be like i was wrong let's grow from this and so you're like this was that yeah and if you're going to apologize actually apologize oh also with your hell try to think about people who like drain you and people who like lift you up and don't let people drain you too much because if someone's huge it's huge and i think it's like You know, I call them friends, partners, whatever. Yeah, energy murderers. Be really, and like, listen to yourself about that. Because sometimes it can be hard because it could be someone you've been friends with or something.

It's just a feeling. And it could be someone who you're very, very close with. And you wonder, why have my mood just been different the last couple months? And there's only so much that you can do. And then be selfish. Right. Oh, God. I think we're just figured out life.

Yes, yes, yes. Emma Wilman, you crushed it. Thank you for having me. I wanted you from the very beginning on this pod. I appreciate it. If you guys are listening and you love it, subscribe, rate review, check out Emma's pods. Subscribe rate review.

It makes a big difference. It really does. This is a trick I had that if you can't think of anything to write in the thing, just write, just write high and then five stars. Like don't put pressure on yourself to leave some whole review. Or say Hannah's beautiful or high. Whatever you want to do, just if you're like listening to it and then subscribe and rate, it helps her go up in the chart.

It really does. You too can make a difference. Oh, I love that. Emma, I love you. Thank you. I love you too. Thank you guys for having me. Thank you for coming to hell with me.