Berner Phone - Episode 128: Worst Financial Decisions

Episode Date: February 9, 2026

Des and Chris are back this week hearing the worst thing they ever spent money on and how much they spent.  Get tickets to see Hannah on tour here. Get tickets to see Des on tour here.  

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For plans starting at just $4.99 a month, go to homeserve.com. That's homeserv.com. Not available everywhere. Most plans range between $499 to $11.99 a month your first year. Terms apply on covered repairs. Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast.

All right, hello, our little Tyler's. Welcome back to Burner Phone. It's me and Chris back to the OG new gang. The new OG gang. We had a guest last week. We're going to have a guest next week, unless things don't. go to plan. So, but it's just me and Chris here today. And actually, this is a big moment in the podcast, Chris. Okay. Tell me, do you know why that is? It's a big moment. Big moment for you.

Oh, really? Yeah. What's happening? This is the first prompt that came from you. This was your suggestion. This is true. This is true. And it was, I thought it was a great suggestion, actually. Thank you. Thank you. Very well subscribed suggestion, which was, what was it? What is it? The worst money decision you ever made. How much did it cost you? Yep. That's the one. And very interesting submissions that we got.

We're probably not ever going to put a video out, but if we ever did, if anyone sees this, I do have some scabs on my face. I finally went for a skin cancer check. You know, like a... Oh. I've never had a skin cancer screening, which is crazy. I'm literally a cancer survivor.

And, you know, like Irish genetics, all the potential pitfalls. So luckily it all went fine. I had a little bit of sun damage in a couple of parts of my face, which these little bumps that you get. And most likely not a problem, but apparently a 10% chance

that they could turn into cancer. So they freeze them off. I'm sure some people know what I'm talking about. I had never had this experience. Anyway, they froze a few parts of my face and my ear. So now, I look like I have acne again for the first time since I'm about 18 years old. So.

Damn. But anyway, this is a long way of saying you should get your skin checked. I really had procrastinated going to the dermatologist. And of course, now I've got that great sense of relief. You know, the relief you get. That is nice when you get cleared for something. Well, you know, we're both thinking about. I know what I'm thinking about, which what I was going to say was in my single days.

Yeah. The feeling you get when you get a clean STD screening, that's the way I felt. I'm now 50, so a clean cancer screening is more the sensation that you get. But anyway, here we are back on Burn a phone. Did you have a purchase in mind? Is that what motivated you? No, that wasn't the motivation. I was just trying to think.

I feel like we haven't done anything too close to that yet. So I was like, let's try to switch it up a little bit. Mine wouldn't be one single purchase. It would just be like ordering food, man. Like I'm so busy all the time when I'm done at the end of the day. I just would hit that door dish. Yes. I'm a big victim of the wastefulness of ordering food.

I have to think that when you have kids, that wastefulness kind of dissipates. Because really, when you actually look at the amount of extra money you're paying for these like Uber eats slash door dash things, it's off the charts. Yeah, it's crazy premium. The amount of money I waste on Uber Eats, it's really not, it's not a good thing, I have to say. It's a slippery slope when you work a lot because you're just like, ah, like this is, I can, I can afford to like slip a little bit here, but then it's, it's a slippery slope straight down. Yeah, but it's just waste. It's also just very wasteful.

It is. I have a few, but there's prompts that will, that will prompt them. So rather than step up a prompt. I was, I was waiting for you to bring, bring some in. You got. Well, I have so many, bro. I have so many. Like I can't even, but they'll come up as we go through.

There's a very sort of eclectic mix. Two of them are actually kind of interconnected, but if we come up with one, I'll tell you to play the other one. Anyway, let's go, Chris. Chris's choice, as always here. Chris's choice. Okay, let's see here. This is, I'm not sure where this is going to go,

so let's go with Stacey Dash only. I think one of the worst financial decisions that I ever made was subscribing to Stacey Dash's only fans page. It was quite boring. Didn't really cost that much. And of course, I unsubscribed immediately. Of course.

I like that the first guy caller, it has to be an only fan also. The problem is that you keep getting attracted to the most outland. I have to say, when I pick them, I always start easy. You always go for like the outlandish pick. What are we here to do, man? We're here to talk, right? We're here to pod. First of all, I did not know that this was a guy.

I actually, for some reason, I thought it was a lesbian woman because I don't listen. I just read. And I just thought it was funny because I've never subscribed to OnlyFa. I just, I thought it was a funny thing, but I actually thought it was a woman. So I'm not going to spend any time on that unless you have an opinion. I don't even know who Stacey Dash is, by the way, Chris. She was in Clueless. Oh, come on.

Yeah. We're going to, you know what's so funny? Here's something we're learning, right? that for some reason every time it's a guy it's like they're trying to be funny in a way that's like and I know that there's

I know there's good men out there that will dial in and I want them to dial in but for some reason we keep getting guys and in this situation it was my fault because I didn't listen I actually thought it was a woman

and I was kind of curious but now that it's a guy I'm actually not let's just go to another one Not that I'm anti-men on the pod, but... That's fair. Oh, here, I think this one should have all. Chris, you can...

I can tell you. The worst money decision I ever made was investing in an ex-boyfriend's podcast. It turned out great for him because he has a very successful podcast now. It's a local. So it's not big, but he broke up with me two days after I gave him $4,000. So, yeah. I mean, honestly, honestly. I kind of feel like that's like fraud.

Yeah, that's basically fraud. I want to know what the investment was supposed to be for. Like, was you buying equipment? Like, I need to know. I think it was like a cash grab off this guy. He knew he was going to break up with her, manipulated her. That's crazy. And it's so funny because the titles that I,

I'm going to have to start changing the titles because you're too easily attracted to, like, those were the two that. We're like, kind of for you, but like, you went for them, like, straight away. You're out of control. I'm sorry that we, yeah, we blew her a load early here. Well, let me tell you, let me tell you something. Ladies, there's plenty of podcasts out there.

So if a man ever asks you to invest in this podcast, do not invest. Okay? It's just like a very saturated market. Let them, let them, if they don't have the money to start it, they are not starting it. She said that this one was pretty successful, though. Afterwards, though, but she didn't get her money back. That's true.

She never got her money back, which is, that's why I feel like this is kind of like theft. Yeah, it's more of the, you know, stuff. Like, I feel like she could take him to small, she should go into people's court. It's a Judge Judy. This is a Judge Judy situation. I would love to see this televised on Small Claims Court. For me, this is a Judge Judy situation. because so like if she had,

if she had evidence of the money getting paid to him, then I feel like, you know, she could basically claim that this was an investment in the business and she has not received any money back, like hasn't been paid back. And I'd be curious to see what happens. Yeah, you should sue them. That's what we're saying.

Yeah, this is a lawsuit. This is absolutely a lawsuit. So we support you. All right, let's hit another one. You've got podcast money. Anyway, all right. Hi. Love y'all.

My worst money decision kind of gradually and slowly happened over the course of probably about six months. I was deeply, deeply addicted to Candy Crush. And you can do in-app purchases on Candy Crush. It's like 99 cents. Unlimited lives for 30 minutes. A $1.99. You get all these freebies. And it's such a low price, you know,

and you just double-tap your phone, Apple pay. You pay for some bits and bobs here and there. Turns out over the course of six months, seven months, you've spent $600 on Candy Crush. Oh, yeah. I've deleted it for a while. I brought it back. I don't spend real money.

I had to like childproof that like you would for a child. So the app purchases on the games, it's really, it's really sneaky. I talked about it once before. I think on Burnaphone, maybe on the Bishop Exchange, because I'm addicted to WGT golf. Oh. But I've spent a lot of money on that thing. And I really feel like there should be some legislation. Because I was thinking about this the other day.

First of all, I get it on the candy. You know, but that it also has evolved over time. Like, you used to be able to just play these games. You know, games used to be like, you buy the game. Yeah. And then the game, you know, like, that was the money that you invested in the game to then, like, progress through the game. Whereas now they charge you very little for the game.

And then they just keep charging you. It's kind of fucked up. But anyway, with WGTGov, I have spent, like, and I mean, I guess I'm happy enough to spend it. But then over time, you're like, well, this is kind of ridiculous. But, you know, like back in the day, Angry Birds, like, I used to play Angry Birds. And I really enjoyed Angry Birds when it came out. Really?

But now, now it's all, like, tricked up with buying stuff. But when I originally played Angry Birds, it didn't have all that, you know? Yeah, they just put them out and people were so crazy about them that somebody came into the room and they're like, oh, we got to figure out. It's the, like, the Tim Robinson thing. It's like, how do we? We got to figure out how to make money on this. Yeah, I just, I don't like all these tricked up, you know, like they, they just tricked them all up.

And I mean, I guess it's working for them. I guess they're making tons of money. All these, you know, these companies. It wasn't Angry Birds. That company really did well, didn't they? Didn't they end up selling for like a gazillions of dollars? I forgot the name of them, but I knew the name at the time. Yeah, Angry Birds did sell for 750 mil.

So there's that. That was it. What's that company called again? The company that bought them was Sega. No, Sega. Orovio Entertainment. Rovio, that was it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Sega. Showing my age there. It wouldn't mean anything to you. I had a Sega around. I had older siblings. Do you know the Sega? Yeah, I used to play Sega.

Oh, okay. Sorry, I didn't think you were old enough to have a Sega. Like where I actually still said, Sega. Yeah. All right, let's have another one, Chris. Okay, hello. First and foremost, existing. is the biggest waste of money because I wake up and it costs me $50.

Anyway, so with that being said, I feel like concerts are probably, they're my favorite thing. They are literally my hobby, so I will continue to spend money on them. But the biggest waste of money is like VIP for concerts because most of the time, VIP doesn't include a meet and greet and why the hell would you want to be VIP without a meet? great. Like, why am I paying $400 and I don't even get to meet you? You know what I mean? Like, God forbid a bitch wants to be in the pit. Like, sorry, my fat ass doesn't sit in between, in the seats well, okay? I want to be standing the whole time. I want to dance. So the biggest waste of money is VIP seats and no concert should be over $150. That's all. I mean, amen. First of all. I

First of all, I love her passion for going to live performances. Same. Yeah, I had, you know, the VIP thing has really evolved over the last number of years. And, uh, I'm like, I'm like not a fan of it. I mean, I know that people are into it. Like, you know, uh, people are into the meet and greets particularly. I've never really been comfortable with the concept of charging for a meet and greet. I feel like.

But I also understand why people do. There's like a demand there, you know? It's kind of an odd. It's an odd thing. I have no problem with tiered seating in terms of like the better seats are more expensive. But you're getting like a kind of a better show, like the closer that you sit or whatever. 100%. I have no problem with that.

But the concept of VIP, like even like at these comedy clubs that I play in States, because it's a new phenomenon, these American comedy clubs, me. Sometimes they have VIP seating. By the way, my ticket's not that expensive. They're usually like $10 more a seat. But VIP seating basically means you're getting, you're in the front, you know? Right. Which I would argue is not always the best seat at a comedy club. People don't like it. I do like to sit like up close to the front, but people like, you can't pay them enough to who sit there in the first place. There's so much damn crowd work these days. I feel like you should pay less for the front row. It's like, I'm going to be part of the, I'm going to,

I'm going to be making this guy's clips. That's very, very, yeah. So I'm very, I think ticket pricing in general is gone out of control. I just want to say, as somebody who sells tickets for a living, that even at my most popular time, and at the time in Ireland where I was literally top three selling comic in Ireland. Yeah. I never raised my price, like, you know, in terms of demand. like certainly nothing more than inflation,

but like obviously over a 15 year period, my ticket price went up, but it went up like a smidge, you know? Like I never, you know, what's the word, like cashed in on my popularity in terms of ticket price. Yes, I cashed in in terms of selling more tickets, you know, which is, which I loved performing to as many people as possible, but I never cashed in on like, oh, I'm absolutely out the door.

with demand, let me jack up the price. Because I don't know, man. Like I just, for me, always there's been like a number where it's just like, how much money do I need to make. But that is the old lefty in me. And I do feel, particularly in the States and particularly with certain organizations, sometimes which I work for, but like sometimes I am promoted by organizations that I feel like have, you know, inflated ticket prices to a point that's problematic.

It is fucked up, you know? Yeah, I don't think it's getting any. better either. Like, I think they're just going to keep breaking it up and up and up, especially as things get more like digital and stuff. It's like going to be a premium to go see something in person. Consumer power as much as there's, there's moments where consumers can really change the game, but they're, they're more specific, you know. It's very hard for consumers to be unified enough to change the game, you know, because that's the issue with demand, you know, if, If everybody said, like, let's not buy

so that we can force these people to not rip us off, there was just be way too many people that would be like, okay, well, no one's buying, I'm going to buy. You know? So it's very difficult. It's very difficult to change that. You know, so I feel for her, but I do like the fact that I love people that love live shows.

I'm not the best live showgoer these days, but I get a kick out of that level of, You know what it is? I love people that really fucking know what they're into. I think that's great. Yeah. I like live shows a lot, but it is getting harder and harder, especially with like big acts and stuff.

That's why, like, I feel better going to, like, local smaller shows and stuff like that. Because, like, it's still a good time, but you're not, like, you know, refinancing your house to go get a show. You got to find a band at the sweet spot where your fandom has gotten to a level where you're dying to see them, but their fame hasn't risen to the point where it's hard to see them. them, you know. And then you can be a hipster when everybody else is going to the show and you're like,

yeah, then you can be like, I like them when they weren't that popular. I think they're, I don't, I don't really like them that much anymore. They're like too popular, seriously. I supported them when they really needed it. Yeah. That sort of thing. All right, let's crack out another one there. Let's see here. The worst money decision that I've ever made in my entire life was this culty fitness studio where it was all strength training. it was only like three days a week and there were like semi-private sessions. I ended up paying almost like five fucking thousand dollars for it. And I ended up just gaining weight from it.

And I was lifting weight that was like insane. And then I started doing Pilates and just at home. And I have saved so much money. And I'm still trying to recover from that horrible mistake that I made of believing, you know, an Instagram DM. So that's mine. Thanks. Love you.

Yeah, that's the worst. She got, she got picked out too, like that person, the DM at the end. That's why I winced. I was like, oh, yeah, they're... I know, because it's funny. When I read it, I immediately was just like, oh, this is great. I can complain about these overpriced kind of boutique fitness things. Yeah.

But it was actually a little more sinister than the way I read it. You know? Right. So, number one, it's kind of fucked up. Like, the way that, the way that people can, like, get in your head about you needing something is terrible. I mean, I get it. That's business and that's sales and everything. But when it comes to your health sometimes, I feel like it's, well, you know what else sucks? I mean, in this situation, look, it seems like she wasn't getting that much out of it, actually.

Or maybe she had, like, a time where she was, like, addicted and felt like she was getting something out of it. And then in the end, realized that it definitely wasn't worth that at all. But either way, often these things are like a rip-off, but they're like effective. But the problem is, the problem is that, you know, before you know it, because you know, you're not paying attention that much. And then before you know it, you've spent like $5,000 in a year, which is just way too much. Too much. Be spending on your fitness, man.

You know? Yeah, it is. It's, I think a lot of the times what helps about these is like an accountability thing. It's like somebody, you paid the money. Like you're going to go do it. But like you could have found a lot of the information. Like she started doing Pilates at home. Also sounds like it was kind of a mismatch for her, particularly like she was doing

strength training stuff when she, you know, Pilates were more of a fit. But yeah, like that predatory, especially people reaching out to you to come to the class. Like that's crazy. And then five grand is a crazy amount. Like not saying don't spend money and invest into it. it, but like, that's a lot. What I really hate is how good

some of these overpriced classes are. Are they? Well, I'm not going to name any names, but I've had a few errors of like obsession with different things. And like, I don't, lately haven't been able to indulge,

but I kind of wish that I could, but the problem is that it gets so expensive, you know? And it's like, I just can't imagine it needs to be that expensive. But in saying that, some of the ones that I've liked haven't survived. So I guess they do need to be that expensive. You know, I guess they're just bad businesses because the cost, you know, to run it is too high.

And the demand is not high enough because I think, honestly, the demand is not high enough only because it's too goddamn prohibitive, the cost, you know? Yeah. But some of them are so fucking good. Like, just the workouts you get from them. but unfortunately I can't do them at the moment I'll tell you what I'm a big fan of reformist Pilates

you know so is Hannah but it's a fucking rip I'm throwing it out there it's a rip it's amazing it's amazing but it's too expensive when you get into it if you're doing those classes

on a regular basis and trust me all the Pilates people out there even the people that have businesses I love you I think you're great and I'm sure there's reason why it's so expensive because those machines are expensive. But it is, it is a, it is a prohibitive cost.

It is a very high cost, you know, and it basically then becomes just like wealthy people fitness, which is fucked up. And here's the thing, I love reform as Pilates, but this woman who messaged in, she goes home, she's doing like Pilates off of YouTube. And I guarantee you she's getting a sick workout. Because I remember Hannah, you know, Hannah, when Hannah has her moments of like, we have to get this thing. So she bought the mirror.

Yeah, I recall. Yeah. The mirror, which we never used, but I used for like six weeks, was actually amazing. Except I was like, why do we need a mirror? It's a fucking iPad. It's just a long iPad, right? But there was Pilates on the mirror.

Floor Pilates, not reformers. And I got incredible workouts off that thing. Like incredible work. out that thing. So I like reformist Pilates and I will go again and I will get overcharged again for reformers Pilates. So to all the reformers people out there, I'm not talking shit, but I am saying it's too damn expensive, you know?

It's definitely too damn expensive to be promoting telling people. You've got to try reformers Pilates because like, you know, that that shit is like, there needs to be like a charity like reformers Pilates for people that can't afford it, you know? Everyone. Just like mostly everyone. Yeah, you know, so, so I really, I love all this boutique fitness stuff. I've done the boxing one. I'm not naming any names, but I've done the boxing one.

I think it's pretty well known. I did the cycling one. It was literally like my big set piece for me and mama. I'm obsessed with that, you know. I've done the, what, the hit ones, you know, I've done them all. And I was overcharged every time, but they were great, you know. So I really, I feel like it's a conundrum, but it's fucked up. So I'm glad that this, I'm glad that this woman messaged in.

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making your bed feel heavy or hot. So discover a softness beyond your wireless dreams with Boland Branch. Get 15% off your first order, plus free shipping at bolandbranch.com slash burn with code burn. That's Bowling Branch, B-O-L-L-L-A-N-D branch.com slash burn code burn to unlock 15% off exclusions apply. Let's hit another one. Hi, Hannah. Hi, hi, Des. Canadian girlie here calling in. I just wanted to share this story. Basically, when I was a really broke nursing student in my early 20s, my friends and I discovered a sugar daddy website. One of my friends was making really good money off of it. And I was like, wow, maybe capitalism can work for me too. So I signed up, started talking to this daddy. He started sending me these checks over email and I started cashing

them in being like, damn, look at me making this extra mula while I'm a broke early. Basically, the next couple days, Scotia Bank had called me and was like, call us back immediately, which should have been a red flag that I chose to ignore. The next day I went to the ATM to take some money out and it straight up compensated my card. I went in and the teller was like, ma'am, you've got fraudulent charges against your account. Turns out I wasn't a sugar baby. I was a money mule. Long story short, I ended up 8K in debt,

had to file a police report and learn that if someone calls you princess and pays you in checks, that's not romance, that's crime. Bye. Wow. Damn. This actually ended up being a lot more of a scam episode than I expected. It sort of makes sense. I put this in because I'm fascinated by this.

Me too. I also don't know what a money mule is. I wish I had more information about what was happening with the money. Do you want to Google money mule just out of curiosity? Yeah, I got you. Because I don't know where they like trying to sort of like launder money through her. I don't I don't get it. Yeah, I believe so. A money mule, this is from the FBI's website. A money mule is someone who transfers or moves illegally acquired money on behalf of someone else. So she was, yeah, criminals recruit money mules to help wander proceeds. Yeah. So, but I don't understand how she and

ended up 8G in debt. That's what I don't understand. Yeah, I'm not sure either. They must have just put the onus on her because they couldn't have found the dude or whatever and then somebody was out money probably. Yeah. And they just tagged it right on her. That sucks. Because he wasn't, like he wasn't getting the money. That's what I don't understand. Like she's, she's getting checks and she's cashing checks that he's sending. Yeah, that's a good point, actually. So, so I'm assuming that they were trying to to charge her AG for money that she brought in that she spent. That wasn't real money.

Right. So that's what I don't get, you know. But also, if you're a sugar baby, you know, if you're not meeting up with the guy, there's a pretty good chance of something not right going on, you know? That's fair, but there's also a lot of, like, that whole world, like, people get off in a lot a weird ways. I don't want to shame or whatever, but like, you know what I mean? Like, they get off in a bunch of different senses. Did I ever tell this story? So I'm not going to say who, but somebody I know was, like, stuck for cash. Sure. And they decided to sign up for

seeking arrangements.com. And, uh, oh, so you know this site. What? I said, oh, so you know the site. Oh, seeking arrangements. Yeah. I know all the site. Oh, seeking arrangements. Yeah. I know all about it because I did the I did the shift with Katie we had a we had a full we had a full episode with somebody who openly was a was a sugar baby got it and she does comedy also but this is the story is not about her but but that was very her conversation was very interesting she spoke very honestly about the sort of the pros and the cons and all that stuff but anyway this was somebody I know I don't want to give away any you know it's an anonymous story but anyway I She was like, oh, I signed up for Seekinrangements.com.

And this guy just paid me a hundred to just go into the jacks of a, to go into the bar of the toilet of a pub and spit on him. I was like, what? She was like, yeah. I just had to go into the bedroom and spit on him. And I was like, yo, I get it. This is hilarious. but this is not safe.

Okay? Like you've had a fun, you got a fun story now for the rest of your life. But like, no, this is not safe. I'm sorry, but like you have to stop this.

Like immediately. So it is. Yeah, that's kind of my thing with the whole idea of the seeking arrangement thing is the safety aspect of it when you're meeting up with people and stuff. Yeah, because it's all fun and games

until like, yeah, something. Well, obviously, you could get scammed in a fraudulent way, but that's the least of your worst. Yeah, it's the least of your worries. Yeah, it's kind of the normalization of it that I have a problem with. But anyway, if you're thinking about making money

on seeking arrangements, pay attention. But, you know, that is the thing, though, too, about, like, so her friends are doing it, and, like, it all seems fine until, like, it isn't, you know? But then again, that's when you're younger, you know, you have a more adventurous spirit, so I guess I understand. I don't know like that kind of never crossed my desk, but I do feel like the internet has changed certain things,

you know, maybe normalize certain things in a way, which sometimes is good and sometimes is bad. That's all I'll say on that. Let's crack on whatever you're doing, try to be careful. Let's crack on with another one here. Okay, so a few years after college, me and my college best friends and roommates planned a girl's trip to Chicago for the weekend.

to like reunite and shoot the ship. Well, in Chicago, we're at brunch, like at a day club where it's like you pay whatever, four hours unlimited mimosas. We get wasted. After we leave, we're walking down Michigan Ave, like shopping, like walking in and out of designer stores, shopping. We all got Gucci belts. We're being served champagne at the Gucci store, trying stuff on.

buy Gucci belts. The one I bought was like $850. It was more than my portion of my month's rent at the time. And I walked out of the store wearing it. We all did. And we woke up the next morning or actually later that evening after a nap and we were like, oh, we made a lot of purchases, didn't we? Oh, so I got a lot of thoughts. But this also reminded me that earlier when we were talking about the game. I feel like there should be more regulation on the way that they charge people, you know?

Yeah. Like I feel like it's a little bit unregulated. The only reason I thought of that is because I think if you if you can't sign a legally binding contract when you're under the influence of alcohol, like alcohol actually like makes certain things like not binding, you know? You can't drive. Well, for safety, but like there's a little bit. the things that you're not allowed to do when you're drunk.

And I feel like... Like a tattoo. That kick you out of the tattoo parlor, I think, right? Like they're supposed to at least. Right? So like, I feel like the Gucci... Gucci, any purchase over $500, especially for something that really should only be $50. Yeah. Fucking belt. I feel like you should have to do a breathalyzer.

Honestly. Oh. I feel like... I feel like shop assistants should be told like a bartender. They're like, hey, this is not, you're over the limit. You know? Because like, $850 for a belt. You should never in your life pay $850 for a belt

because I promise you, you could go to Chinatown and nobody would tell the difference, not for a belt. There's certain things I understand. Yeah. And guys, you can eat me up in the Spotify comments if you want, but a fake belt is going to look as good as a real belt. I don't get what anybody says. they're going to start calling you dupe belt desi.

Listen, man, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll, I, I give you to speak Chinese a price, as they always say to me, man. Oh, I love a haggle, I love a haggle with a, with a, with a street vendor, but all I'm saying is, there are certain things that I think the dupes are pretty obvious. But belts, I feel like you can get away with it, 850. But I also feel like the next day, it should be the law that you, if you were intoxicated, like you should be able to call like a clinic and get a, get like a blood alcohol level test. And then go back and say, I was not in my right mind to spend more than my months rent on this item. I need to know where per portion of rent was under $850. That's what I'm like four.

She could have had like four roommates. Fair enough. Fair enough. Sign me up for that. She could have four roommates and who knows where, you know, you're living in New York. She might not be living in a city as expensive as New York. Very true. I have had some severe buyers remorse in various expensive shops over the years.

Yeah, let's talk. Let's talk. What do you got? No, I mean, I just, I mean, none of them stand out. I bought a pair of pants once. I'm trying to think where. It was in the, it was in the, in Manhasset, in the Americana Mall in Manhasset. And I had started to make a bit of money.

And I wanted to like splash out. But I'm trying to think, I kind of feel like it wasn't the Gucci shop, but it was definitely in an expensive store. And I bought a pair of pants for like $800. thinking that they were really cool. And I think I wore them like twice, you know. And they weren't that cool, actually. I just was like into the idea of splashing out.

Did you get sold on them or did you sell yourself on them? No, I went there. I went there to get, you know, to get like a cool pair of pants. And I really thought that these pants were cool, but they just really weren't. That's the worst. You get so excited when you're in the store and then like a couple days later, the like you see the card statement or whatever. Because they were like gray.

And you're like, damn. They were like gray. And it was just like they didn't even go with that many things. It's a hard to explain. Anyway, absolute joke of a purchase. I'm embarrassed that I can't think. But I do think it was,

I do think it was the Gucci store. Coincidentally enough. The Gucci store, imagine the amount of regret that people have when they walk out of that fucking place. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. You know?

Champaign or. Yeah. I mean, I, I, well, my moment. exorbitant purchase was I got a helicopter for myself to go to an Irish sporting event, which was completely, completely unnecessary. That was at my peak of ostentatious, ostentatious things that I did in the height of my Irish comedy career.

But I've bought some, I like, but you know what, though? On the flip side, I've bought some very expensive things that, like, I, like, I've bought some very expensive things that like I still have to this day and at the time I regretted them. But when the actual quality is there, like when the craftsmanship and the quality is there, that it lasts for like a very long time, then you kind of go like, okay, I get it. Yeah. And you saved money on not buying shittier versions of it over time. But a belt.

No. I'm sorry. No. Honestly, I have expensive belts and I have belts that I got from Target. and I can't tell the fucking difference. And I don't care what anybody says. And I'm aware that some of these belts because you want the stupid Gucci thing.

You know? You want the dumb Gucci label thing. You got to get Des to go haggle you some. No, but I don't, I don't, I just, I mean, honestly, I have to be honest, there was a time where I did care about the labels. I really did. You know, I used to go to the outlets just so I could have like a brand. on my sweatshirt when I was young.

I really was sucked into that. But now I'm embarrassed that that version of me existed. You know? And I feel like the Gucci logo. Listen, I know the women on here are going to hate this, but like the Louis Vuitton. I like a very stylish handbag. I've publicly stated, I don't mind spending money on a handbag. I like a cool handbag.

But I don't like the labeled up ones. actually. I'm more into the craftsmanship rather than like, oh, that's a Louis Vuitton. You know? I actually think that's kind of tacky, but that's just me.

And I'm open to criticism. Hit me up in the Spotify comments. Do you have, do you own any like MERSES? I'm not a, I'm not a bad guy. I'm not into it. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not a, I'm not into bags, actually. I could see, I could see you with like a fanny pack.

Dude, I go to the gym, with a fucking plastic bag is hard to find these days, but I go to the gym with a plastic bag. I don't give a shit. I'm actually not like that. I'm like a very anti-label now, actually. You know? No, I just mean like a $15 fanny pack.

Like, you could see you rock. Bro, I don't know why you even call him. You don't know me, bro. That's all I'm not a fanny pack guy. All right. I haven't. The only time I think I ever had anything close to a fanny pack was I was doing a triathlon. A lot of Fanny Pack guy, bro.

All right, all right, all right. Nobody said Fanny Pag was a bad thing, right? Don't get you. I'm joking. I'm joking. And first of all, in Ireland, they call it a bum bag because Fanny is the front in Ireland, just so you know, one of the great cultural differences.

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This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTC Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Okay, let's crack on with another one. Hi, Hannah and Des. I needed to chime in on this because the worst money decision I've ever made is not canceling subscriptions and I learned this after making a huge mistake of signing up for a free trial to put

my picture in and my boyfriend's picture in to see what our babies are going to look like and not canceling the free trial with horrific pictures. These are not chat cheap TEPT pictures. These are horrific pictures. I'm going to have to try to send them to you somehow. And, not canceling the free trial and getting charged $80 for really horrible, demonic baby pictures. Now my lessons learned, I always, always, always, always cancel free trials. 80, you didn't even get off that bad at 80. I'll say that. Like, it's not one of the cheaper ones, but it could have been worse.

Yeah, I've, uh, well, in terms of. of the app ones or like these types of ones that she's talking about, I'd say I'm 50-50, like 50% of the time I remember and the other 50% of time I don't. Yeah, I think that's on it. Yeah, that's me too. A lot of times it's like shit that I need to do once, you know, like some sort of like important tech thing. Or like I decide that I need to convert a file to a different file and somebody's like, use this, you know, and then I'm.

And you're like mad that you even had to do it in the first place. So once you've done the action that you paid for, you like forget about it. You forget. A month or two later, you're like, fuck, that charge. Yeah. I want to lead a campaign. I think it's fucked up that gyms make it very hard

to cancel your membership. Yeah. So here's a hilarious one. So another gym membership I had in Ireland. I got it. I joined this gym before 9-11, all right? So I was years, I kept saying, I've got to cancel this thing.

And I keep forgetting. And then again, every now and then I would use it. So one day, I realized that they've opened a new, I'm back in Ireland, they've opened a new branch in the city center. So I'm like, oh, that's handy. I'll use that while I'm home. So it's been so long since I used it, right? I go in, I'm like, hey, I don't, I don't have my, you know, like my key tag or anything. Can you bring up my, at this stage, like, honestly, it'd have been five or six years since I even tried.

this woman brings up my picture right for my account I had fucking brown hair she goes is that you she goes is that you I was like yeah that's how fucking long it's been

since I used this fucking gym anyway I then I then I then got another I think I used it again for like another year and then I finally canceled that shit it was like a sad day

I finally canceled it But anyway, let's take a couple more before we call it a day here, Chris. All right. Let's go. Hey, Des and Surprise, fellow badass. My worst money mistake was when I started dating my current boyfriend, and I was trying to impress him. He's, like, older than me and has a way better job than me. and our baseball team made it to the World Series.

And so I bought two of the worst possible tickets I could buy, but it was still like $600, and I had to put it on Kalarna. Oh. And they ended up being down like 11 to 1 in the first inning, and it was absolutely embarrassing and mortifying to even be there. and I spent probably an entire baseball season's worth of money on that. So good times.

Yeah, I mean, if they'd had a better game, I don't know how she would feel about this purchase, you know. It's kind of annoying to me that she hasn't named the team because I'd be curious. I could look up, like, which in recent times, which World Series games started, like 11-1 down. But, I mean, listen, there are moments where I've, spent, I've gone on the stub hubs and spent dumb money, sometimes trying to impress somebody, you know?

Yeah. I don't know if they were going to my biggest regret column, you know? Maybe not. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it does suck to see your team just get completely waxed. Yeah, but again, that's like, and you had to finance it with Klarna. Yes, I understand.

I do, I, listen, I think, I think it was a worthy try to impress your, boyfriend. And I think like sport is one of those funny things where like it could go either way, but like sometimes you're just there at like a magic moment. Yeah. And that was a gamble. I would call that one a gamble more than anything, you know? Sometimes it doesn't go your way. Yeah. Listen, I'm sad that you have the regret. And of course I'm a guy. So I'm going to like, I'm going to have a propensity to feel like this wasn't the worst purchase. But a great, A great contribution to the podcast, no doubt. But it is just one of those things where, you know,

you never know when you're going to be there for like a magic moment. I'm not going to talk about my magic moments because it's not a sports podcast. Let's take one. Let's take another, Chris. All right. I hate wasting money and I spent $200 on the one-time belly fat melting where they scorched my belly with freezing cold gas. and obviously did not remove any belly fat

or get any results at all. That was a waste of money. Yeah, I mean, I feel like this whole world and I don't know, I don't know if this is like cool sculpting. I don't even know because I don't know if cool sculpting works or not, okay, so I'm not going to say that she's talking about cool sculpting. But I feel like there's a lot of stuff in this space that overcharges and overcharges.

and over promises, you know, and under delivers. And it's fucked up, you know? And I'm aware that, you know, some of them, and again, I'm not talking about cool scopting, okay. But some of these things, like, it's such a gray area of like, if you've had an improvement or not, that they can get away with the overpromise. because there's such varying results

and some of them can have nothing to do with what happened it could just be on the individual, you know? Like so and some people, you know, because sometimes it's just like, it's not even a placebo thing, but it's just like people want to believe it works. So they'd be like, oh, you know, it looks better. You know, and again, and maybe it did work.

But that's the thing is it's like, it's very hard to prove. So they get away with these very broad promises. And because it's people, are like really obsessed with like looking better, they're willing to invest. They're willing to sort of like take a chance, you know? Yeah, there's so many different health things like that you just get like targeted ads that are all like targeted on your fears or whatever it happens to be.

It's messed up, man, because like how do you know you have to do all this crazy research just to try and figure it out what it works or not? And you would love like, because obviously you don't want to do liposate. suction, you know, you don't want to do like some of this like more severe stuff. So you find out about this like minimally invasive thing that apparently may, may have some results, you know, so you give it a shot because you're like, well, it's worth a shot. But really it's not worth a shot because it's bullshit a lot of the time. Or it's a minimal, like minimally effective thing, but they're charging you maximally effective prices, you know?

So, like, that is kind of fucked up. But I also know that there's a lot of stuff that's proven out to work. And people will still swear by it. They will swear by somebody's fucking bullshit, bro. It's crazy. They're like, well, I know that they say it doesn't work. But it work for me. It worked for me.

And I'm like, okay, well, it's a fucking miracle. You're the only one that it worked for. But, you know, what can you do? I mean, if they're happy, fine. The problem is that they're pushing it. you know, when people push some of these like things that have proven to be nonsense, they push it on people, you know, then it just keeps it in. It's like they're rationalizing it to themselves.

Yeah. And by the way, I'm looking at you, BPC 157. That's a bit niche. But I know, light me up in Spotify comments. If you swear by BPC 157, one of the peptides, you know. Oh, okay. Oh, they have people, they fucking swear by this shit, man. I don't know what that is.

in the way, yeah, that's a deep cut. Once you get into the rogue, once you get into the Rogans, all right, let's, let's finish on a high. Let's finish on a, actually, give me some options. What do you have left? We have,

the one I was going to go with is Ryanair name change. We got emergency. Go for Ryanair. All right. Hey, Hannah, hey Des. Love the podcast. The worst money decision I've ever made was more of a mistake.

My friends and I were backpacking through Europe and I being the type A person that I am was in charge of booking our flights from England to Ireland. And in the process of booking the flights, I misspelled my best friend's name. And then I felt so bad. I was like, it's okay.

I'll just book you another ticket. And I proceeded to misspell her name again. So I had to buy another flight for her. Unfortunately, it was Ryanair, and it was more expensive for us to change her name on the ticket than it was for us to just book another seat. All is that to say is it was way. too much admin and I will never be volunteering again.

Yeah. I mean, Ryanair has always been a great offender. I don't know if they, a lot of the stuff that used to annoy me about Ryanair has now since changed. So I'm speaking about past experiences when I speak at all about Ryanair. So if people can let me know if certain things have changed with Ryanair, great. But over the years Ryanair have really taken the piss. And a lot of these airlines do. they fucking make it like preposterously

penal when you make a mistake when you book the ticket. Back in the day, Ryanair did this thing where you had to print off your boarding pass, right? This is before, some planes were already switching to the apps and Ryanair had an app,

but you had to print off your boarding pass. If you didn't print off your boarding pass, they were charging you. I can't remember what it was. Anything. It was a tan, 15, 20 euros, maybe even more. They were charging you

to print your boarding pass at the at the Ryanair desk. Which is just like it's a scam. Right. They're charging you if you haven't, if you don't have a printer or you know, because printers suck, right? We all know we're very anti-printer printer here on Burner phone. No printers. Right?

We don't like printers. All right. And if you don't have a printer or you can't get to whatever you need to go to print out this thing. So you get to the airport. You charge 20. can't even remember how much it was, but it was like an annoying amount, right? Yeah. So one time, I'm like in my Twitter days, I'm in Ireland, and I can remember exactly.

And I've told this story before I know, so I apologize to people who've heard it, but I was actually going to the latitude festival or longitude. One of those festivals in the UK, I was doing stand-up in the tent. So I was flying from Dublin to Stansted, London. And I tweeted out the day before, like, where can you fucking print shit off? I don't have a printer, and I'm flying fucking Ryanair. So somebody treats me and goes, oh, you can, you can scan the QR code off your phone now. You don't need to print.

So I'm like, really? So when I get to the airport, I'm like, I don't know if this is 100%. So I get to the security desk. So I get to the security part where you have to scan. This is just security, though, not Ryanair. And by the way, I'm checked in. I'm checked in on my phone. But I haven't printed off the boarding pass, right?

So I get to the security and I say to the security person, who, very Irish moment, I happen to know her. I knew her, right? Yeah. I was like, oh, hey, I was like, can you scan this? She's like, well, let's see. I scanned. Boom, it opens.

Fucking QR code on my phone where I'm in, okay? This is an official Ryanair QR code scan. It opens the security gate of Dublin Airport. I am in, right? I go through security, right? I get to the gate. They start boarding. I get to the boarding.

I'm at the plane, bro. I'm boarding. with my boarding pass, right? I go to scan it. He goes, no, you need to print it. I was like, I said, if I fucking, if I scan that thing, it's going to fucking click, it's going to ping. He was like, no, no, no. You need to print,

you need a printed boarding pass. That's the rule. I was like, bro, let me fucking ping that. It's going to fucking ping. And he was like, no, you need a, you need a boarding pass. So he said, you can go. There's some place, like, I'm at the gate. I'm not like, I'm not like by the Ryan Air. I'm at the fucking gate.

So I run around the corner to some place he says there's a printer. There isn't, right? And by the time I found even where there might be a printer, like the flight was closed. And I had to buy, I had to buy, I was already through.

I had to buy a Ryan Air flight. I didn't go back out. I'm fucking in, I'm in the boarding area. I bought a fucking Aer Lingus flight and just stayed back there. I boarded the Air Lingus flight. I mean, like that's insane. I don't know how you're not anti-

Ryan Air, dude, you're a better man than I? Well, I was bad then. I didn't fly. I've only flying Ryan Air. I've only flown Ryanair once since then. And that was because I was meeting John Bishop in Mayorka. It's just the most practical way Dublin to Mayorka. But the one thing

Ryanair does that I really agree with, and I don't know why more airlines don't do it, is they board from the rear and the front. And I don't know why more airlines don't do that. Because it does make it much faster. That's part of their model. But listen, this has been way too long to finish

talking about Ryanair. Longer, longer episode of Burnafone here on Super Bowl's Super Bowl Sunday. Yep. Which I don't really care about. But I am going to watch. Page has a, page is in a Super Bowl ad. Yep. So this is, yeah, this is exciting.

So anyway, guys, as you know, Burnaphone is without Hannah for the foreseeable future. So please keep supporting and spread the word. Yes. Particularly to your to your boyfriends.

We need to get some positive messages from men in here. Seriously. The men, men are not all bad. I'm aware that the gigglers are very into the sort of misandrous humor of Hannah and Paige

and I am not against it, okay? I jokingly call it misandrous humor, but I am not against it. I think it's fucking hilarious. It is funny. It is funny and feel free

to roast us or give us feedback because you know, you know, Spotify comments. What I don't need is every man that's messaging in here to fucking prove them right. I need some like winning men in here, guys. Okay? Yeah, if girls who are proud of your boyfriends, get them on the phones.

Get them on the phone and show us. Yeah, but also men that are, I know there's some men listening. Men that are listening. Rise up. Step up. Don't be afraid. You don't have to be funny. You know, you just have to be interesting.

Okay. We'll figure out a prompt for next week. We're supposed to have Ali Colbert. Yeah, I'm excited for that. Very hilarious lesbian comic. And, you know, I'm only saying lesbian comic because I'm going to let her pick the prompt. But I'm hoping that, you know, I'm hoping she picks something that's like she's passionate about. So we'll see how that goes.

And we'll see if, you know, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out also. People's schedules can be crazy. So do come back next week. Hit us up in the Spotify comments. And, oh, yeah, obviously, all my shows are on my website or my punch-up live page this week. This week's big week. I'm in San Jose, L.A. and San Diego. L.A. show.

It should sell out, but we need to make sure it sells out because it's in Largo in L.A. Big industry thing. You know, people that matter could be there. So I would like it to sell out. So if you're in the L.A. area and you haven't bought tickets, do buy them. and otherwise we'll see you in San Jose or San Diego. Thanks very much, everybody. Thank you guys.

Yeah, check it out. The link's going to be right in the episode description. So there's no excuse. Get those tickets. Wow, Chris, it's very strong at the end there. I'm trying to help out, man. Thank you, I guess. So I had my girlfriend take me to the hospital.

When I was so anxious, I had convinced myself, I had a blood clot and was dying and had a nearly $10,000 hospital bill that I once again got too anxious about the whole total. And so in between work when I saw the total, I drained my savings to pay the hospital bill all at once so that I wouldn't have to worry about ongoing payments for like 18 months. And I still have not recovered two years later. Hi, Hannah. My name is Sam.

And the worst financial decision I think I've ever made was the, $4,000. I paid for laser hair removal of my female bits and my upper lip engine. And I went and did like six sessions. It paid for 10. And I'm on my sixth session. And there's like a new nurse every time. And she's like, oh, on your chart here, it says you had skin cancer. You can't get laser hair removal. And I was like, excuse me? She was like, yeah, you should have never. gotten being able to get this and I was like well I paid four grand and I've already had five sessions so like what happened and she made me leave and I couldn't come back and then I'm too scared and I never followed up to get my money back. What at Bernard found the worst money decision that I ever made

was buying a pair of very expensive sunglasses. Those beaches were probably like $200. and I had no business doing that. Absolutely no business. Who does? Definitely not me. And then I wore them at the beach and it was the best trip. I saw God with those babies on. The whole world looked different.

All like it was just the colors were prettier. I felt cool. It was wonderful. And then I wore them in the water, in the ocean. And they go. They now belong to Davy Jones. So, lesson learns. Broke bitches, be broke.

It is what it is. Bye.