Berner Phone - Episode #131: Traditions That Should End

Episode Date: March 2, 2026

This week, Des and Chris are weighing in on all of the dialer's least favorite transitions that have got to go.

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Hello, our little dialers, and welcome to another episode of Burn a Phone. It's Des and Chris. Chris has had a rough day, a very busy day. Yeah, we're expanding. We're growing these are good things over at the studio, but they were not supposed to be working today, and I had like full day of pod, so they started working as soon as we left,

so we're getting right into it. I have had a day of really just waiting. you know, because I'm on the road. I'm in Portland, Maine, and I wake up at the crack of dawn. I've been up since 6 a.m. after going to bed at midnight. And so I have two shows tonight,

and this is my day on the road. I wait all day. But what I will say to the dialers is I am nearly finished to Wuthering Heights because I read it as a young man and I have to say, I can't,

I don't remember it, being so brutal. And I'm very aware that most of the people listening have not read Wuthering Heights. And it's not going to become like a book podcast. I don't want to lose the already questioning dialers on what the future of the pod will be, that this is some sort of PBS review of Wuthering Heights. But I have to say, I have been deeply enjoying it, an absolutely brutal book from the imagination. of a woman who I think definitely had some mental health stuff going on without, of course, the modern

vernacular of mental health. But anyway, I wanted to read the book before seeing the movie, you know, even though I hear mixed reviews about the film. And oddly enough, it didn't inspire the prompt, which is sort of etiquette and traditions that we think need to disappear. I actually, how I picked the prompt was I went back to our earliest prompts and I figured, you know, we've been, Burnaphone as an entity has been going over two and a half years, actually, which I didn't realize.

So two and a half years of Burnifone, I went back to the early, this is from within the first two months of Burnifone, this prompt. And even though my faint recollection is that some of these issues came up when we put the prompt out, I would hasten to say that I don't think it's an issue I feel like these are fun things to discuss regardless I find it hard not to speak in Victorian dialect now that I've been reading Wuthering Heights for days

I've been so lost in Wuthering Heights that I kind of I try to speak in like over descriptive language I wonder how much people actually pick up on that because I fall victim to that too when I'm watching a certain series that's like set in a different time period or something like that

and then I start talking like the show or at least I'm thinking that I'm talking like that in my head. I wonder how much people actually pick up on you talking different with like a different cadence or like verbiage. Well I think Hannah has mentioned numerous times on the pod that I am a victim of that and then of course

I don't give her the same grace when she does a southern accident when she's obsessed with Nashville but this this is so all-consuming the kind of overly descriptive language of the 1800s that even when I was trying to have a nap today and I was sort of like nattering to myself.

Yeah. I kind of find myself speaking to myself as if I'm a Victorian gentleman from Northern England. But without that, you know, I feel like in, listen, I don't want to give any spoilers, okay? but I really do feel like people don't understand how much of a

brute Heathcliff is and I think maybe that's because the film, the original film, I feel it softens him. Anyway, need this to say, it's worth a read. It is borderline. People think it's a romance. I think it's a horror.

But I'll say no more because I fear already that I'm giving away too much. But anyway, It's inspired. It's inspired me. I've really enjoyed it. This is the L'Lordie movie, right? A Lourty Margarabi. Jacob Alorti Margarabi. I think people were watching a lot for that.

I think that's what I've been hearing on the podcast streets. That's the film. I think you should read the book first. Okay. But anyway, this has inspired me to maybe rekindle my idea of extra episodes where we do book reviews. So maybe even by next week we'll have picked a book and then once a month we'll do separate separate episode. Chris, you can join or not join me. Burnerfog has homework now.

I won't force you. I won't force you to have to take part in this exercise. But I got a good reception when I said it originally that maybe we would do a book review. But I will not consider it the main episode of the week. It will be an adjunct

to burn a phone. Because it is, honestly, I need a motivation to read. I'm reading Wuthering Heights because the film is out. And I find it quite tedious to read these days. And I'm happy to have found myself lost in this book the same as I'm lost in El Chapo on Netflix, which I'm watching at the moment to help me learn my Spanish. So if I'm not lost in Victorian language, I'm cursing like a Mexican drug lord.

Quite the range. This fucking podcast. We might have to get the rebrand going first because, because Burrins. in a book club. I don't know how that's going to land exactly. Chris, a pun. A pun. A well,

a well-performed pun. Yes. Absolute classic. Classic. That's hilarious. You do need a New York accent to do that, but we have that a plenty on this podcast. We are not wanting for New York accents

here on the podcast. I think, yeah. Burn a book club. I actually think it's kind of a funny name. Burn a book club. we could run with it well anyway no matter what the thing is it's picking a book so the question is all right and listen guys

if you're already bored by the pod we'll make it a longer episode for you okay yeah even though chris is dying he's been recording all day but this is a little different Chris because you're more of an active participant yes yes this is true I don't have to sit in silence any longer

more intellectually stimulating yes of course to be to be part of it so anyway the question I have for the dialers, hit us up in the Spotify comments, or in my Instagram DMs, is the Burn a Book Club. We're running with it now.

Is it more, let's revisit the classics? You know, let's read Jane Eyre, Frankenstein. You know, I can't think of, I was actually trying to think of Victorian writers from that were women actually George Elliott Silas Marner you know pretended to write as a man so that people would actually take her

seriously so what do we do we revisit the classics or do we do we go for you know sort of bestsellers we got to settle over we always settle they're right in the Spotify comments they got to let us know yeah Spotify or the DMs but let's try to do that we'll do that for April

we'll pick a I'll pick a day and people can I'll send out the prompt up for that. And then it'll be a burn-a-phone format, but it'll be burn a book. And you can have your takes and we'll discuss the book via your takes. I really, I think it'd be great. I think that's good. Yeah, when you, when you add the dialers into it, I like that a lot. Yeah, that's the idea. I'm not just going to sit there and pontificate myself for an hour. I'm sure there's plenty of dialers I would want to hear you pontificate about a old Victorian book for an hour. I know, but the thing is that I don't, I have my, like, books are

subjective, you know. Yeah. It's not like, so it's, it's, it's, I always find it fascinated to hear other people's takes. And honestly, it helps me to, it helps me to enjoy it more afterwards because I go, oh yeah, and I, I sort of revisit it in my mind. And, you know, it makes it like a more enjoyable experience. And we rarely do that in, in adulthood. You do that in school, sort of, you know, almost under protest, like, you have to do it. It's mandatory. It's not the same enjoyment, you know. So anyway, that's, uh, that's, that's what's been going on in, in, in my world. Uh, but it was not actually the inspiration for the pod, even though the rigid, stifling Victorian etiquette that is a huge part of Wuthering Heights actually is quite relevant

to this, you know? And, uh, there's so much about the book that is inspiring me in terms of some of the decorum that I think we're burdened by. But let it come up throughout the episode. Let me not spend the whole time talking. But one thing I will say is, I forgot to say this, but weeks ago when I was in Austin, Texas, a dialer came up to me after the show.

A lovely couple, actually, both of them. And she said that she loved the podcast because it helps her fall asleep. She falls asleep Listening to my voice And I wasn't sure If this was a compliment Or an insult

But it was a compliment Because I also fall asleep To pods that I love Right? So I didn't take it as an insult But it is hard to not feel like Oh, that's great That I'm lulling you to sleep

If that's the only time That she listens to it Maybe not the best But I understand having your comfort pause That you just You don't want to think And you want You want someone's comforting voice

somebody you're familiar with. Yeah, I actually find it, I do listen to pods to help me fall asleep, but I find it easier to fall asleep with pods that I'm very familiar with. Yes. Then, say, putting on something that I think might be boring, or certainly something new that would lull me to sleep. Yes. Which I'm sure there's some psychological thing that people will say is yes,

in actual fact, the feeling of having somebody you're comfortable with next to you actually helps you to relax and fall sleep. But I don't actually know the answer to that. It's just the bedtime stories, like bedtime, 2026 bad time stories. It's basically what it is. So I'm more than, I'm more than happy to be that for any dialer out there who actually listens to our voice. Yes.

As we fall asleep, I will say that I do need, I think I might need to see a sleep specialist, like my sleeping, particularly with the touring, it's just an issue. Yeah, I can imagine. I'm starting to spend way too much time thinking about like how I can like get the right amount of sleep. And it's by the way, it's not because I'm up late all the time. It's just because I just wake up so early. That was what I was going to say. You're one of the more rare stand-up comedians getting up early.

Usually like all my friends in stand-up are getting up a lot of the time at like noon. And it's a curse. Yeah. Yeah. As I've said before, but I'll repeat, for those that haven't heard it, I have the body clock of a farmer and the working hours of a stripper. So it's the great contradiction of my life. But it's particularly burdensome when I'm on the road. And even though Portland is a beautiful town, you just kind of end up, it's like a very long day and you're just desperate to get like another touch of sleep. And it doesn't come. But anyway, I will. Great Comedy Club, Empire Comedy Club. I will give a great performance tonight, but I will be insanely tired. So let's go, Chris. Etiquette and traditions that we would love to get rid of.

Don't start with the guy that sounds like he's in the mafia. Let's save that for later in the pod. I don't know which one that is. So if I'd start with that one, it's right it correctly. It is by accident. No, I wrote that's the title. Let's just start alphabetical this week. Oh, okay.

The tradition, I think, is dumb is your boyfriend having to ask your parents for permission to marry you or whatever it is, you know, propose. Like, I just think that is so fucking stupid and just so wrong. Like, my dad doesn't own me. I get, like, an old times, maybe. When I moved in with one of my ex-boyfriends, my dad was so mad that my mom. boyfriend didn't ask for permission to move in with me from my dad. And just thought that was so fucking stupid. And I told him, I was like, that's ridiculous.

Why would he have to ask you? Very good. I mean, this has come up before. And it is always one of those, like, I 100% agree with her. But I also being somebody that did actually do that, I did it more out of like the tradition. because it's kind of like a fun tradition. Okay.

But I totally accept that, particularly for women, this concept, it's like, I mean, it's clearly outdated. We know that for a fact. But secondly, like, it is a throwback to a time where, you know, women had less rights. And so I completely understand why people hate it. And I think it's really only to be enjoyed in a kind of, a way where everybody's okay with it. Like I don't,

I certainly don't think it should ever be the case that it's essential, you know? Yeah, I guess it should be mandatory. I just think of it as like kind of a considerate thing, but I could understand being a woman in that like being a weird or unflattering or just even wrong thing, you know?

Well, number one, I think it should just be the parents anyway these days. Exactly. I don't think it should be the dad I think it should be the parents You know, I Listen, I just, I totally agree I think, but I also just think in certain situations

It's a very sort of lighthearted thing But I also think I think it's more about like If a dad really thinks that's a serious thing Like I always thought so I did Here's a funny one years ago, long time ago Old relationship in Ireland The

the parents knew that like we like were you know being in each other's apartments all the time but whenever we were in their house we couldn't like sleep in the same bedroom yeah yeah i hate that and it's kind of this like not under my roof thing you know which is i guess it's fine but it's like why why a denial and by the way in that same relationship we would go on vacation like all of And by the way, we all got on great. Yeah. Absolutely. This is not coming from any place of resentment.

But we would go on vacation and there would be absolutely no problem with us having our own hotel room. But in the house, no, which is just such an odd thing. I've thought about this, man. I think it's one of those out of sight, out of mind things. And it's like a dad or even just like a parent boundary sort of. Like I think they just don't like they can't allow it. No, I think it's just that they don't want it. Like they don't want to like think about it in proximity and be like sleeping in their bed and have to be like, oh, what are they doing in there?

Like yeah, I think it's that more so because they're not stupid. Like people know. And you can be unreal. I was in the same situation. Had a really great relationship with an ex's family. And yeah, it was it was like that for a while. And then they kind of faded out. But yeah, it's one of those weird, quirky things.

not under my roof but you know again I think a lot of that's fading that was very Irish that was like quite traditional sort of situation there but yeah there's a lot of that stuff I did ask I asked

I asked Hannah's dad but it was like a fun you know it was kind of like a fun thing I'm gonna ask but I was aware at the time I was like I should be asking both of them but actually I had to kind of like sneak all I had to like find a moment that's the other part of it that's tricky too

yeah you got there's logistics involved with this yeah there was there was some logistics. I'm totally fine with getting rid of it. I get, you know, I get it. It goes back to these crazy times with dowries and, you know, that there was just a lot more like financial stuff, you know? But there's no concern on like who's getting the farm.

You know, it was a lot of this. It was a lot of this business that isn't an issue anymore. Also, by the way, a huge theme in Wuthering Heights. So after leaving that world, the world of the Yorkshire Moors, I understand the time that it came from, but let's get rid of it. Let's absolutely get rid of it. By the way, the fact that her dad got mad that he didn't have permission to live in, like that stuff is just crazy.

But anyway, you know, but hey, I also understand, like, we've completely changed this as a society, and it's totally normal to live together before you get married, and we just need to let go of a lot of these things, you know, these ideas of purity and, you know, waiting, and it's all just total nonsense. You know, it'll keep coming up as a theme, but just even the concept of like clean comedy, right? This is my new bug bear.

And this is no disrespect to clean comics. You know, one of Nate Bargatsy, the largest comedian in the country, Clean Comic. Like, I love it. But I also don't think clean is inherently better, you know? In fact, I would say that people who require clean actually need to ask themselves what is inherently unclean about the way that most of us speak throughout a day.

Like, why do we have to pretend? What is the great pretense of, hey, let's have comedy in a way, in a way that actually isn't the way it is for most of the day? Let's pretend that we live a purer life than we do. It's fucking nonsense. It had to like originate from like the venues and stuff that like comedy was sometimes performed and like I feel like more so back in the day, no? No, no. I know I absolutely understand the concept of clean comedy. I challenge it.

In fact, I challenge the whole concept of what is clean language and what is dirty. You know, because I don't think... What does actually qualify? Is it, is it like profanity? Bad language, sex. Those are really the two main things. Bad language and sex, you know?

Probably politics too, you know, like not overtly political. Those would be considered like, like if you were doing a dry bar show, dry bar being a clean comedy YouTube channel run by Mormons in Utah they have no politics as one of their criteria again by the way I have no problem with these dry bar specials

but again you know it's a good religious stuff you know this concept of what's clean and what isn't so I challenge the whole concept you know what what is unclean about profanity you know it's all just nonsense it's all just accepting what's good and what isn't. Are you proper? Are you not proper? And that's why we hold on to it. That's why I bring it into current day too, because it's like you're going to walk outside and hear so much worse stuff, like coming out of someone's car or whatever it happens to be

at this point in time. By the way, I even challenge this whole concept of anything sexual being unclean, being dirty. All that goes back to religious shame. But that's not what the pot is about. It's about etiquette and tradition. So let's continue on, Chris. Okay, let's... I don't know what we're on for you. Let's see.

Hi, Des and Chris and possibly guest, whoever is there. Ridiculous tradition is the woman having to take the man's name after you get married. I just can't deal with the admin of it. There are so many parts of my life, both professional and personal, that my surname is in. If I had to go and find all those things and change it, it would just be just too much work. That being said, if me and my partner were to have kids, they would be getting his surname because we're both Irish and we both have O apostrophe surnames and giving them a double-barreled two apostrophe O surnames. That would be ridiculous. But yeah, why should I have to change my name just because I married you?

Can we not just stay being the same people as we were before? but yeah I appreciate you guys kept your names that was great love you bye working overtime to fight the Irish patriarchy Irish dialer there now this comes up a lot in the pod but I always think it's a fun discussion because I would never at all expect anyone to take my name obviously Hannah and I have children I mean we're pretty we're pretty good on the kids taking my name now you could now here's the thing you absolutely Hannah could absolutely put the foot down and say, no, let's let them take my name. And that would be a discussion, but it would also be a talking point then for the rest of our lives. And if one wanted to

make that, you know, sort of like bold statement, I would 100% understand the sentiment. And then we would just have to decide if it's worth sort of dealing with that for the rest of our lives. But But as far as the name for my name, I could care less. I think it's silly that women have to take the name. I think, and this came up a lot, the double-barreled name is not worth the hassle. Changing your name, not worth the hassle. Like even when I was doing some admin, which required debt certificates and birth certificates from my grandparents and my parents.

and uh you know you have to you have to get an extra document you know you have to get the stupid marriage certificate for your grandmother because you have to prove the name change you know so it's it's like it's torture so i would say never never change the name and uh well i guess the kids thing that'll come up that'll be that'll be the next frontier in the battle of uh a quality around names. I say give the kids. I guess they give the kids Hannah's last name. The podcast already has Hannah's last name.

I think we just keep it going right straight through the whole lineage. Yeah, I mean, that's actually not going to happen. You know, but that is just one of those things that you can discuss. And again, it's all about like etiquette and traditions. And it is all on society to decide which etiquette and which traditions they want to keep. You know, it's quite frivolous. list the name thing so it really wouldn't bother me either way but

it would just be one of those things where you would have to discuss that for the rest of your life but since Hannah wants to have the kid and I'll probably end up being around more to raise them I think they'll be getting my name fair enough let's hit another one

all right okay this one's a hot take but thank you cards they are great for like a wedding or a baby shower or something, but like don't send me a thank, you know, for giving your kid a book for their birthday. You don't need to spend the time.

I look at it for maybe a second and then it goes on the recycle. It's a waste of everybody's time and resources and trees. So do it for special occasions only, maybe. Okay, love you. Bye. I'm against it all. same this has also come up numerous times I'm I'm against thank you cards in general

Christmas cards I'm against all that I don't think I've ever voluntarily sent a thank you card like I've probably I've probably been told by my parents when I was like younger to send a thank you card I don't think I've ever voluntarily been like you know what I need to send a thank you card to this person have you ever hosted an occasion though like I there's certain ones where it's expected

yeah wedding actually don't I don't know what we did on the thank you for us. I actually wasn't involved in that, but we also didn't do wedding invites. We just did Evite. I'm just not, I don't go in for all that. I just think it's really like a waste, you know?

I understand it again. It came from a different time. I also don't understand people that think it's important. I don't understand at all. But I am quite resistant to a lot of the, you know, a lot of these etiquette things that people expect. Some people it's like essential, you know. How about we just do our thank you card, like our permanent thank you guard. Like, hey, if you did something very nice for me, thank you.

This clip is for you. Don. I mean, I understand also that, you know, wedding gifts and stuff is like big, you know, these are big investments by people. And sometimes you want to just make sure that like you want to let people know and make sure that you got it and that you appreciate it. and that you appreciate it and I understand. But I really feel like a text is fine.

And I know that I'm probably going to get pushback on that. By the way, I don't think you should not thank somebody. Yeah. But I think the people that you see on the regular, they don't need a card. Just be like, oh, my God, your gift was incredible, you know? And then people that you don't see a lot, just an email or a text being like, oh, my God,

your gift was amazing, thank you so much. What's the difference? The card is going in the bin anyway, you know? So, by the way, I'm not resistant. to saying thank you. I'm just resistant to the admin of sending cards. Unless you're a big fan of getting out the quill and like you have really good handwriting and you enjoy the art, essentially the sort of, you know, the, what's the word for, you know, oh, like the, oh, God, why am I, I, I'm blanking on my name, on, on the word here, uh, the craft, sorry, you know, if you're into the

craft of like drafting a beautiful thank you. Then I totally understand. Like if that's your hobby, I get it. Sure. But if it's not, I don't think you should feel that you have to labor over this thing because it's expected, you know? So I'm always in support of this going against this tradition.

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Seamint Mobile for details. Another one, Christian. Let's do that. Hey, Des. I'm going to hand this to my husband because he's a man with some actual valuable feedback

who's not trying too hard to be funny, so you have to include it. All right, I listen to my wife tried this three times. and overdo it. So here it is. You're at a restaurant, with a group of people,

everyone's food comes out except for one person, and we all have to sit there, staring at each other in this awkward dance. Bye! Yes, it felt like I got cut off, but I really 100% agree with this.

I'm constantly telling people to just start. Yeah. I always wait. I hate it, dude. I could be starving to death. I always wait. You wait, I know, because that's what we've been told that's expected.

I hate it. But here's the thing. I get it. It's uncomfortable the person that hasn't had their food. But should we all now have, and by the way, I've been that guy. I'm not, I'm not saying it like as if like I'm the bully here. I've been on both sides of this situation. Should we all have to like let our food get colder?

You know, it's going to be fine. The food most like, unless the worst situation is when there's been like a fuck up. Yeah. And so it's like, oh, sorry, this was the wrong dish. Then it's going to be a while. It's like, everybody just eat, you know? And I recommend the person that's waiting to just take a fry off somebody's, you know, like, he just taste a couple of things. So I don't subscribe to this at all.

Like really just think it's a silly thing. Food comes eat. I hate being on both sides of it. I hate being the person that is waiting because I will not eat until people have their food. But I also hate being on the others. telling you you can eat. Yeah, no, then I'll probably eat. But I also hate being the person that's watching the other person like, wait. Just eat your food. No. Just eat. A hundred percent. But I just tell people, I'm adamant. Please, just start. You know, like, I don't,

I don't believe in the waiting. You know, there's a, there's a lot of like, like, that's the great thing about the Chinese culture anyway. When you go out to eat, it's family style. Everyone's eating like, we're ordering tons of dishes and we're all eating off those dishes, particularly when they have the lazy sous and spinning around the table. I personally think that's the better way to eat, actually, you know? I think when everyone's ordering their own dish like we do in most Western-style restaurants, you know, you can have food envy, you know? You can, you can have realized you ordered the wrong dish, or you can watch somebody else. order the wrong dish and then make you feel guilty.

You know, because they want, they want to have some of yours. And you're like, no, you, you fucked up. This is not my responsibility to rectify your mistake. You were talking through the whole first part of this. You got to, you got to take your accountability, eat your trash. Yeah. So, so, you know, I just, I just really, in China, I really appreciated the fact that you're just going to try a load of different types of food.

I'm also aware that like steak dinner, a lot of Western. and dishes are, you know, they're not really geared towards sharing and I get it. And trust me, I enjoy a good meal that comes on my plate. But, you know, there's just a lot of restaurant etiquette that I think is unnecessary. That's why actually Hannah and I've really got into the tasting menus. I'm aware it's not the most budget-friendly way to eat, but we really enjoy the, you know, like multiple dish tasting menus, small, keep it coming, a lot of variety. That is a very fun way to eat, some sort of happy medium between the Chinese lazy Susan and being stuck with whatever you ordered.

I like that because then you get to like really get a full sense for a restaurant, like all, all at once. You know what the best things and worst things on the menu are and you don't have to waste your time in the future trips. Or tapas, big fan, big fan, you know. Plus, dinners are always more fun when everybody's sharing. Agreed. Now, I'm aware that some more.

hygiene-conscious people get a little funny about the fork going in and out. In China, they don't care. They're just chop-sticking. They're just chop-sticking off the dishes. And such is life, you know. But I feel like we've built up enough immunity now to not have an issue. But, you know, these are things that, cultural things, some you accept, some you don't. But I 100% agree with this under duress male dialer that has,

sent this message that, uh, could, could you pick out that accent? No, because it cut off right when I was starting to notice that he had one. Oh, okay. Actually. Oh, yeah, I forget that this is your first time actually hearing them that you're usually Yes. Yeah, so right there when I didn't realize it cut off kind of abruptly, I was just about to go like, what the hell is this accent?

And then, and then it left. But, uh, I think one of these days, obviously we do get some men, but I'd say half the time we get men, it starts with the woman saying, I'm, forcing my husband to leave this message. I've gone against his head right now. There's a lot of men under duress on our pod. Yes. But anyway, let's take another, Chris.

All right. Let's, I like this. Clapping is afraid. You know, I'm a musician. I'm performing, too, like you comedians. I love clapping. Don't get me wrong. However.

You know, when to clap, you know, as a classical musician, you know, you wait in between movements, but, you know, if you're listening to jazz or if you're at a, you know, pop concert, you're fucking screaming all the whole time. Like, I think people should just enjoy themselves and be able to express their reaction to the art and however they'd like, not just clapping. You should be able to fucking go crazy, not just clap. Scream. Courage art is on stage. So anyway, that's all I got.

Really great timing there. Just want to say that that was coincidental that it sounds like this guy has his fingers in a bolt cutter right now, like completely under duress. What the hell? All I have to say is, a huge round of applause for this coming in here. I mean, honestly, I really enjoyed it.

I think it was more just the way he was recording made it sound like a little bit more serial killery than it needed to be. Because actually it was quite a rational take. Yeah, it was. In that, there is actually a lot of etiquette around showing appreciation. Yeah. And at times, I would argue,

maybe there shouldn't be as much rigidity. But at the same time, I'm trying to think of a situation. Because like in comedy, a round of applause, is actually considered an escalation. It's actually considered greater than a laugh. You know, a comedian will say, I got three applause breaks. It's very American.

Irish comedians don't say that as much. I've noticed over here, I noticed a lot of people talk about applause breaks. So a comedian will never complain about a round of applause. But in fairness, that is more like what he's talking about in the sense of he's talking about, like, it should be more spontaneous and natural.

And it is very interesting how there's been an evolution of you get to a certain point of a joke where it just goes beyond laughter. And, you know, it's not like the end of a movement we decide we're going to applaud or the end of an act for play. It's like something that that was like that evolved, you know, when is a joke greater than just laughs, you know? It's a very interesting thing. So I don't, I think it's fascinating, his thinking about it.

This definitely never came up before. But I don't have any strong takes on, like, when is a, you know, when is like a time where I felt like, oh, I wish I had more freedom to react. But I know that that is the case. So I'm going to have to think about that more. No clapping when the plane lands, though. Yeah, but that's kind of gone now. I feel like that used to be more of a thing.

It still happens sometimes. You're not running into anybody clapping when the plane lands? Very rare, but you're flying spirit airlines. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of spirit. There's too much spirit on those spirit airlines. Forgive me. I sound like a gentleman from Thrust Cross Grange with my snobbery,

which really is it. I'm a traitor to my own class, which is such snobbery. That's a bold move. starting to make fun airlines, dude. There's been a lot of cancellations, all these snow, snow delays and such, man, as a man that's my view. Every flight, every flight going to the Middle East can cancel. I have a, I have a gripe against JetBlue at the moment. Oh, yeah, let's go on with JetBlue. Well, no, I, you know, I booked my flight to Portland, but it was like JetBlue, but it was a United flight that you booked through Jet Blue. You know, I didn't realize

I was screwing myself because I wanted to change my flight. And, JetBlue says, oh, you can't do it on the app. You got to contact Yale, and I contact JetBlue. JetBlue says, I got to contact United. United says, I got to contact JetBlue. And then I looked it up online, and it's a common complaint that this partnership has not been, like, administrated properly, and loads of people end up in this limbo.

So I'm actually eating, I'm having to eat some cash on this, but I'll take it as a less, an expensive lesson, to never do that, because it's really, it's quite a frustrating. Because I have to tell you, I've found, the JetBlue app to be quite good, and I found the United app to be quite good, but in this particular situation, it's the first time it feels like 10 years ago.

You know, like flying has actually gotten a lot more convenient in terms of the way the apps work, but this was very much like it used to be. Suddenly you're in co-share limbo where, like, nobody's taking responsibility, and it really pissed me off. But now I've learned, thank God, to never do that. But a word, you know, just a word of caution

to the dialer. But as far as clapping goes Honestly I feel like part of it is that Flying is just not as unique a situation anymore You know people don't really appreciate it in the same way It's just more of an expected thing that you do So I feel like one there's not as much excitement There's not the same wonder

And I think for some reason crapping Clapping when you land Has become kind of cringe So I don't hear a lot of clapping these days unless it's a particularly rough landing. That's fair. Then I do... I was on an aborted landing once.

Have you ever been on an aborted landing? I've not. Yeah, during one of the windiest days really ever in the history of aviation in Ireland, I was flying back from New York to Dublin. And Delta pilot aborted twice. Aborted, came around, aborted again. And we went to Amsterdam.

Wow. Yeah. I spent the day in Amsterdam airport and got back to Dublin much later in the day. But I got a huge amount of views on TikTok for... I actually filmed myself during the second aborted landing. And loads of other planes landed that day. And it's hard.

You know, I don't want to... I don't want to... What would one say? Champion toxic masculinity anyway? But this guy was a fucking pussy. Because everybody else... Everybody else landed that day. He just, you know, all the Irish guys were like,

come on, it's only a fucking bit of wind. All the Ryan Air pilots were fucking landing. They don't want to get fired. Ryan Air was fucking hammering through that wind. But anyway, a Delta guy and his humongous Airbus A330. Oh, no, he couldn't handle it. So, but shout out to Delta. Concerned about our safety.

I shouldn't, you know, he may have just been unlucky that he was landing right at that peak moment where the wind was just too much. so I can't complain. And it was but a small price to pay to spend a few hours in Amsterdam airport. So let's keep going. I'm over talking today. All right.

Let's see here. Something that is so dumb that I don't understand is throwing the bouquet at a wedding. Why have I spent $5,000 plus dollars on florals just to throw it at somebody's face for someone to catch, ruin the flowers. It's not even real. And when I could just take that beautiful bouquet home and put it in a vase and enjoy looking at my wedding flowers. I don't understand it. Also, the boutonier thing at a wedding with like the teeth under a dress is like

sexual and dumb. Let's let's stop doing that. No one wants to see it. it's stupid love you all bye yes that is that the word for that the boot near I really always thought that one was very odd I mean the throwing the bouquet is silly but it's kind of fun you know

and all the single ladies wait to catch it yeah let them have that one the boot and ear thing is weird I was like a full grown adult like I saw that for the I had never heard of it before I just saw it at a wedding and it was full grown adult I was like, is that supposed to be happening? Like, is somebody going to stop them? I was so confused.

I was like, their parents are right there. This is pretty, we're after hours now. That one I find a bit strange. Yeah. I'd like to say, and I could be wrong, Irish stylers can correct me on this, but I'm pretty sure that doesn't, I think that's an American thing. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure I've only seen that at American weddings, but I could be wrong. I feel like that's illegal in Ireland, probably.

Yeah, well, I mean, Ireland's actually, I can tell you one thing right now, Ireland is a fucking more liberal country than the United States of America these days. But tradition, you know, since a lot of the traditions come from the olden times, I would definitely say that that is a bit risque for an Irish wedding. Fair, but I feel like every time I hear an Irish person talk about sex, it's like they start whispering and they're like, I don't talk during it or anything. That's a Catholic thing. Yeah. We could do a whole episode on that, Chris. What about the sexual repression? That came with being raised in a strict Catholic upbringing.

Right. Can you do me a favor, Chris? What's up? Can you Google, what is that thing? The garter, whichever she said, I actually don't know that word. Like, what is that tradition? Because, like, it's a very...

Do they throw that, too, to the men? I can't remember. Buteneer is a small decorative flower. Oral accessory, typically a single flower bud or cluster of flowers worn on the left lapel of a suited tuxedo. Oh, yeah, no, I think it's a garter, isn't it? Isn't it a garter? I think you're right.

What is a guard? I don't know. This one. I was going to make fun of your spelling of not booting here, the bouquet. You watch that badly. Garder is a band of elastic or fabric worn around the leg to hold up stockings. Okay. Well, so we're somewhere close.

No, but what's the tradition of the wedding is what I, sorry. That's what I wanted to know. I wanted to know about the, like, where does this wedding tradition come from? Let's look. Garder tradition. Of course, you're holding a mic also, so. Normally, you're not holding a mic. Yeah, I'm trying to.

Okay. All right, so let's see. The wedding garter tradition involves the groom removing garter from the pride's leg. It originated in the Middle Ages to replace the chaotic practice of guests tearing off pieces of the bride's dress. Okay. Well, I guess progress. I don't know.

Progress. Really glad we're moving on since the middle ages. Okay. Yeah. So anyway, and a lot of these things come from from odd traditions. Right. And like, even like weddings have a lot of like patriarchal traditions.

Like the mother of the bride generally doesn't make a speech. The father of the bride makes a speech. Like generally the mother of the bride makes a speech. Like generally the mother of the bride makes a speech. Like generally the mothers don't make speeches, which is silly. Yeah, if all the grooms dumb, drunk friends can make speeches, I think the mother of the bride should be like that out there. The maid of honor,

I think the maid of honor does make a speech at a lot of weddings. Yeah. But, you know, anyway, there's a lot of nonsense with that. Listen, the best man's speech is one of the dumbest traditions of weddings because only a 50% success rate. You know? Yeah. Like, what, like, I'd like to know, like, where did the tradition happen

that has to be like a roast, you know? I think that's just dudes. It's like when people calling a burner phone and they're trying to be funny. Like, it's the same concept. I know, but like I wonder where the tradition came from, this roasting thing. Like, honestly, I really think that,

I think that works best at like the night before, like at the like rehearsal dinner or like the smaller kind of like, or the day after. Like, we should move that tradition to like the day after the day before. Because it's way more fun. you're in that sort of smaller, less formal, sort of more closer friend group. Because I remember, I'm not going to say which wedding,

but I was at a wedding weekend. And this sort of like a friend that spoke at the rehearsal dinner, like was like a much better roasting than the actual best man speech. But I feel like that's an unfair criticism of the best man because the wedding is just a more difficult setting for that to happen. Because now you've got to make like the fucking gross. great aunt Sally laugh as well as like all the like closer friends you know what I mean so like it's a harder thing and if the pressure is bigger and you know it's like really intense public speaking so

I think we should get rid of the best man speech at the actual wedding I think it's like a dumb tradition and I think with chaty pt I bet you if you did like if somebody said okay we're gonna record the best man speeches in 2026 at over thousand weddings I guarantee you that the similarities have increased exponentially because of AI because people are literally putting, you know, the wedding speeches into AI, you know, so I'd say we need to evolve that. Yeah, fun fact on Bernafone, best man speeches are better at the rehearsal dinner or whatever they call the day after. I'm with you.

What are they calling the day after? I'm with you. There's a much larger margin for error. Like, it just the whole thought, like it gets already anxious enough. of a day. Just like what your dumb friends are going to go up there and say now on top of it, I'm going to worry about that too. Yeah, plus the best man is fucking worried all day. He can't enjoy the wedding. Yeah. You know? All right, let's take a couple more, Chris. Yeah, let's do a couple more here. An etiquette or tradition, I think, is dumb. And honestly, I think you guys are

going to get this a bunch is having to invite certain people to a wedding and or civil. I know less and less people are doing so. But in this economy, parents need to help pay for the event. And so naturally, they think that they get a say in 80% of the guest list. So that's stupid. Yeah. Obviously, I didn't realize we were going to spend so much time talking about weddings, but there is a lot of tradition there.

Sure. Well, you know, the whole wedding invite thing is insane, but it's also insane how many people actually do get bent out of shape about being invited or not. you know, and I think the more that you allow the kind of like who should be invited, like who, who's, you know, the more you allow that to get in the way, the more you fuck up your wedding, because then you just have like a lot of unfun people there, you know, and then a lot of people actually get invited because the parents think they should invite them.

And then those people have to go out of obligation, you know, so they don't even want to be there. They're not bringing anything to the party and it's killing the vibe. Yeah, I feel like if you're meant to be invited to a wedding, you usually, you, you should be invited without like coercion of your parents basically. I think no wedding should be over 200 people. I agree with that. 200 people is what I would consider to be the largest size of wedding.

Because you're just, once you're over 200, you're really into some sort of like political event. Yeah. And 200's a big number. It's like CPAC or something. Yeah. Yeah, you know, you're just suddenly into this thing of like, well, we should invite them because they're important and these people.

No. Ugh. It's silly. you know keep it under 200 I think it should be a law how many people were at your wedding it was like 160 okay and that was like quite a few more than we had originally intended but uh yeah but our wedding was great I mean I really I got lucky it's a good you know I don't I don't think particularly like I don't know why it it really came off well and I'm not just saying it because it was our wedding but like it really is kind of a unanimous thing it gets

brought up a lot amongst our friends. For whatever reason, our wedding just hit, you know? And it's just like, that's just luck. That's just like the venue. It's the same with like stand-up comedy. It's like, you know, you sell out a show in some city, but the fucking venue sucks. And it's like, there's nothing you can do. You're

fighting against whatever weird acoustics are going on. You know, the venue just killed. The crowd was good. The mix of, everyone got along. We just had a DJ too. Music was great. But it was just a DJ. You know, we didn't go crazy. Simple. And it just worked.

We were very lucky, you know, and then we had like a very sort of like loosely organized after party of the wedding day, not the next day. The next day was also awesome, but the after party of the wedding was just like, we told this bar we were going to show up. We didn't like book the room. We just like, just so you know, like a ton of people from this wedding are coming to your bar. And that was as fun as the wedding. So we just got lucky, you know.

Shout out to John Scott's Dune Road, West Hampton that took us in. And by the way, Ocean Blue, West Hampton Beach and Tennis, that actually we had the wedding and got married on the beach there, but also John Scots took us in afterwards. Shout out to Tara Byrne in case she's listening. Her sister definitely, Linda is listening. Tara hosted the food truck on the day after the wedding. I feel like I would love that being one of those people,

like just like an unsuspecting person at that bar and then a wedding party rolls in. Like that's kind of, that would be fun. Yeah. It was great. It's like door-dashing wedding crashes. You know that story, right? I've told that story before, right?

So Hannah So the DJ was like Any songs you don't want to play And Hannah was like shout I don't want shout You know that story right Yeah I was like what

No shout Like Like I just To me like shout is such a cheesy winner You know Sure Anyway later on that night And John Scots

For those that haven't heard this story Because I know I've told it on this pod Yeah John Scots played shout not anyone's request. They just played shout. And Hannah was on the bar, standing on the bar, recently married, dancing and singing to shout. And by the way, the bar was going insane. Of course. And I literally was shouting at her, you were adamant that we don't play this at the wedding.

So we got our shout moment. And John Scott's always plays Moriah Carey's Christmas song in the middle of the, it was May. and Hannah Haley, her friend and my cousin Bella, were on the bar singing Mariah Carey's Christmas song. It was great, great occasion. Hannah very rarely gets drunk, and she was pretty drunk that night. It was a fun, it was a fun night. So anyway, fun fact, Raquel from Vanderpump, pre-pre her big scandal with Sandoval, pre-Scandival, was at our wedding.

Wow. She came as a Nima's date A tale of the ages I don't know who any of these people are Yeah well I didn't really know either But they were at my wedding Fair enough

They got the invite At a great wedding Yeah And Mercedes Mercedes another Bravo Liberty was at our wedding Absolute character man They all brought it by the way You know

I'm not a You know we don't speak much of a The Bravo connections But anyone who was at our wedding, they really brought it, you know? Absolutely. So shout out to all those people

that came to our wedding. Great times. Shout out. Let's, uh, shout. Jump up and shout now. Now, wait a minute. All right, I think we get it. It's so good to me.

So, uh, let's, can you just play? Do you see the one I said this guy sounds like he's in the mafia? Yeah, I did. Just play it because it's just very entertaining. All right, let's hear You know what's the time Being on time for holiday get-togethers Fuck that bullshit

Dude There's a table We'll eat People will show up whenever the fuck They get there Who gives a fuck? This guy It's like, I don't know

This guy It's fucking crazy The judgment The judgment Fuck that Sounds like Somebody was late to a party Recently

Yeah I mean, I don't know if I really agree with this actually because I like people showing up on time. I just appreciated his accent. Now, I don't know if he's exaggerating his accent or not. I grew up with guys that do sound like that, but at times it did sound like partially maybe it was a performance, but I don't know. I think even when it's real, it's a performance. That's my thought. But I do think that beer is more real.

That's an astute New York observation. Even when it's real, it's a performance. A very astute New York accent observation. He killed me when he hit it, when he hit this guy in the middle of it, but he didn't follow it through. Yeah, because he's thinking about somebody complaining to him. Oh, man.

What I do, what I do, you know, it's hard to know because, like, you know, parties that are like all day parties fine, you know. And like, but I, I'm, I'm always. always worried, like, what's the peak hour? Like, what's the right time to get there on one of these, like, just come whenever, you know, you want to be there, like, at the right time, you know? So for, like, family get-togethers, I'm actually the opposite of him. I enjoy people sticking to the time. And I always hated when, like, some family, especially, wait, I think a lot of families have this, especially bigger families, but, like, some parts of the family just bring, they bring it more than others.

Sure. Right? Did you have that in your family? Sure. Everybody expects me to be late because they're all in Connecticut and I'm coming up from New York. Like, they expect me to be late. But then they judge me also. Like, there's a no win situation. But did you have a thing in your family get together where, like, you would be looking, even when you were younger, like, as a kid, like, you would be looking more forward to some than others. Right. Like, we had members of our family that when they came, the party really started. Oh, yeah.

So if they were late, you would notice. And you wouldn't be angry, but you'd be like, when the fuck are they going to? to be here. Yeah, because you would just talk about it. You would talk about them arriving until they arrive. That's what the party is until they arrive. Yeah, and it's more fun when they get there. So I do actually feel like if we said two or we said three, you know, and it's meant to be more of like a banquet together, then you should, you know, stick to the time to a degree. I think within an hour. I think for a family party, you have like an hour. Yeah. You know, it's like if you say two, it means you can arrive between two and three.

After three, you're late, really late. You know? Because I think that most people, you say two, you're probably not going to eat until 3.30. Yes. For like a, you know, where you're not like eating like later. So I think if you say two, it means between two and three.

But once you're getting into, once you're getting into delaying people eating, I think that's a problem. You're going to be dealing with hangary people. You don't want to do that. And I do enjoy the pre-chaise check. Like I always feel like there's certain members of your family that always come first, you know? We always had Maureen and Ira, my mother's first cousin and her husband would always come first.

But I appreciated that because I was a very, Ira was a very interesting guy. He was like a high-fi salesman. And he was just very interesting talking about the latest technology and he loved film. And I always enjoyed my pre-chaos chats with Ira, you know. But then there would come a time where you'd be like, you know, Ira would be, You know, you can't just talk. I was a 10-year-old boy. There's only so much I could talk to.

Eventually then, you want the chaos to arrive. Yeah. So I did it. You know, you enjoy the different segments. But if one segment is delayed, I do have a problem with that. So I appreciate the call and dialer. More male dialers, in fairness. But in fairness, these are just coming from my Instagram.

You know, I was actually doing an experiment the last couple of weeks, which I didn't really say to people on the pod, which is I haven't been asking Hannah to post the prompt just to see, you know, how many dialers are coming in. And, you know, it's been good. But hence, a couple of more men. And actually not as many, which in a way is just kind of less admin. But for the dialers, if you look for the prompt, I post it on my Instagram. But as you know, the tell beat, which is in my link on my Instagram, the tellby is always open.

don't be afraid to respond to last week's prompts. Also, don't be afraid, Spotify comments. Hit us up on Instagram. Follow Chris. Chris, what's your Instagram again? Chris Mueller, 203. Chris Mueller, 203. I'm at Desbishop.

And we will be back next week. I'm going to try to, I haven't told you yet, but I'm going to try to get Joanne McNally. Awesome. Because she's coming to New York soon. Great. So I'm going to try to get her in advance of her trip Because actually she's staying in our apartment

So I'm going to, I'm going to guilt tripper She's filled in before Actually, if ever there was going to be a Hannah replacement, It would be Joanne, but I don't, you know, She's got my therapist goes to me Which is actually the most popular podcast in Ireland My therapist goes to me With Vogue Williams.

Oh God, you know, we never discussed Chris? What's that? Did you watch the traders? I did not. I didn't watch the traders either, but I'm very aware of what happened at the end with Moray Higgins. I've no idea. You haven't watched it, so we can't discuss it, but it was a fascinating moment. Okay.

Speaking of angry, I won't describe it to you, it's fine. Everyone's seen it. Moria Higgins, Irish legend, but she was duped. Spoiler alert, sorry, I hope. Spoiler. I think at this stage, most people know. but she was duped in a way that was quite entertaining and I can't believe it.

I can't believe it. So anyway, we won't discuss it because you haven't seen it, so there's no point. But Hannah was fascinated by the whole thing. Anyway, thank you so much, dialers. We'll be back next week. Keep supporting us.

Keep spreading the word. And we'll see you guys next week. Thank you so much. See you next week. Bye. Bye.