Berner Phone - Episode #132: AITA?

Episode Date: March 9, 2026

This week Des and Chris are back answering whether the dialers are in fact the a**hole. Get tickets to see Hannah on tour here. Get tickets to see Des on tour here.

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hello, our little dialers. Welcome back to Burn a phone. It's me and Chris. Hello, how are you, Chris? I'm good, man. I'm good.

I'm dealing with some big productions next week. So I just been busy. Oh, wow. Chris is busy. Everybody's busy. So Chris and I were just discussing the prompt. This week's prompt is, am I the asshole? And I thought of this because Jimmy Carr,

I think it's season two. Jimmy Carr posted that they're doing it again, Am I the asshole? Which, by the way, was inspired by the famous Reddit thread, Am I the asshole? But I just think it's such a great topic to, you know, to just, because here's the thing, Chris. So many times in my life,

I've been unsure if my anger, or pettiness or vengeance was warranted. And I didn't have the outlet of sharing my story anonymously with a podcast of strangers to sort of let me know whether I'm right or not, you know? Right. So it's quite, it's quite a great thing. And actually, I pay homage to the Reddit thread

because in fairness, that's the inspiration. Yes. But Reddit, it can be a toxic, place. It mostly is. It's not a safe space. So you're throwing it out there to a bunch of people who honestly, some of them will have the motives of genuinely trying to help you and others will literally get off on making you feel worse. Which one are we, by the way? Are we helping? Come on, Chris. This is a place where our motives are altruistic. We are here to help. This is true. I'm only kidding. I'm from the school of thought of we can only keep what we have by giving it away.

Yeah. We are here to help others. Only cracking on. Okay, Anthony Robbins now. Next. So, but I will say in relation to that, Chris, that you think you're helping, but, you know, full disclosure, we could give bad advice and opinions. We are not infallible, despite my biblical last name.

We are not infallible. And so everything that comes. here today comes with the caveat of we don't really know what we're talking about this is a podcast for entertainment you know so uh if you disagree in any way uh please know that you're very entitled to your opinion and most importantly you're entitled to rebuttal in the spotify comments my instagram dms or indeed by sending your rebuttal to the talby the link is in uh you know my my list of links on my Instagram page, please share anything you don't like. So, Chris, have you had, I didn't think of one, by the way,

but do you have anything on your mind yourself that over the last period of time you've been struggling with? I have the startings of an idea. I think as we listen to some of these, I'm more than likely going to have plenty of inspiration to pull from. Okay. Well, first of all, thanks to the dialers for messaging in. It's Chris's choice.

Take it away, Chris. There's no order. All right. I like this. There's a little bit of alliteration here. Let's go with Chalamey controversy. Oh. Am I the asshole? I've just went on the internet and said that opera and ballet are dead. And I am a world famous actor who went to performing art school, whose mother and grandmother were ballet dancers themselves. I don't know.

The look on your face when this guy spoke his first utterances was beautiful. Well, I didn't know he was a guy, number one, right? I just read the thing. And he's from the north of Ireland, right? So that took me by surprise, too. So it's funny when I read it, I didn't realize that he was kind of, well, this person was speaking like, as if they were in the first person, Timothy Shalamee. Yeah.

I just sort of quickly perused it and realized it was about the Shalomey thing. Are you familiar with this? I'm not hip. I am not hip to this, no. Okay. So this is a classic, like, internet rage bait moment where Shalame, in fairness, Shalamee trying to be funny, kind of dismissed opera and ballet, you know, as art forms that people aren't interested in anymore. Right.

And he is really being lacerated on the internet. People are not happy. Now, I know he was joking. joking and it's not actually like a big deal and maybe he wanted the rage, but also I don't understand in his sort of situation, his position, his sort of lofty perch upon the world of entertainment, why would you not, why would you bother whipping up this kind of nonsense? He might be asking for it really. He's, first of all, he's due a stumble. Like, this guy's been on top of the world. What are you told that? Yeah, go ahead. Sorry. This guy's been on top of the

world for a minute now. Like, it's, it's hard to be Timmy. So he might, he might, he might, I don't think the kind of guy that would ask for it just to, just to spice things up a little bit. By the way, I don't think anyone deserves a comeuppance, you know, and I know you're not saying that, but like, no. That is kind of a thing of like, well, he had a comment, you know, he's been up there too long. But what I will say is, you can't be like, like, I don't know, you know, what happens is the hubris, you're up there so long that you like, you think you're kind of untouchable or you think even with this amount of controversy that like it's no big deal.

But you know, it's just, you start to elicit, you put vibes out there and then suddenly you're in that firing line of, you know, the things you say being picked apart and very strange. And by the way, that's more so what I mean, not to interrupt you. But like, I just, I didn't mean he's like,

do for it. Like, oh, we got to get him. No, no, I wasn't saying relating to what you were saying. I was just saying it is a funny thing. He's due for one, this guy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, I just meant mathematically.

like he's been on, he's been on like a crazy run. So it was, that's what I mean. It was due. 100%. I agree. 100%. What I will say, though, also is that like, he's at the top of,

I mean, I haven't seen his performance and he's a great actor. I'm not dismissing any of the work that he does. But he's in an art form that's a lot more easily accessible. It's heavily funded, you know, like insanely marketed. And, you know, opera and ballet, these are beautiful art forms that require a lifetime of dedication. And by the way, doesn't get even a pittance of recompense compared to, you know, what he's getting, you know. So I can understand why, you know, ballet, opera people are like really up in arms. Because it's like, motherfucker, you know about the dedication to art.

Yeah. Right. But you've really, like, gotten the treasure that can come from the high. part of success. And the most successful opera singer, the most successful ballet dancer, will never see anything close to what he's getting. No. So it's like, come on, bro, have a bit of respect. Now, I know he's joking. I know it was tongue in cheek, but you just, you can't be stupid. You know, because it's almost like at that level of celebrity, you're like a politician. Yeah. You've got to like words matter. I know that are in our current politics,

there's not the same concern about words mattering, but words matter. You know, they affect people. And again, not a big deal, but also be careful, Timmy. All right, so enough of all that, does. Is he the asshole or no? Oh, he was definitely the asshole. Yeah, sorry, I didn't. Agreed.

I don't think he is an asshole. I forgot, I forgot that we were talking about him in the first person because his representative from the North had messaged in. Sure, sure. Yeah, I agree. Asshole in this situation. I don't think he is an asshole. I like him.

100%. And, yeah, I feel like I will. wasn't even, I feel like he won me over, to be honest. Like, not... Interesting. Not necessarily my kind of guy. What was it that won you over? Just like personality, man.

Like, just, he seems like a pretty solid dude, you know? Yeah, he's funny. Yeah. But, you know, that's what you learn in comedy. You know, comedy, people's reaction to jokes is disproportionate to the seriousness of what you say. But for some reason, you turn it into a joke and then quite a frivolous thing can be turned into like a mega controversy, which I don't understand why that is.

And so he's learned a valuable lesson of comedy. You know, you previously joke about a thing people are passionate about. You will face the ire of the masses. But that's what I like about him, though, is the candidness. I like the candidness. Like, here it didn't land super well, I guess. But, like, I like that he seems like a kind of real person. Okay, well, speaking of jokes that didn't land.

Okay. Why don't you go to the one about the married couple and a joke not landing? Married couple. It may take you a sec to find it. Yeah, hold on a second here. Oh, I see it. Okay. Boyfriend's joke didn't land.

No, sorry. We got it. Hi, Des. Hi, Chris. Our guest, long-time listener, first-time caller here. So before I ask if I'm the asshole in the situation, I have to give the context behind the story. So just the other day, I worked my 10-hour corporate day at my job, went to work out, came home. My boyfriend was having a moment, so he listened to him, vent about his work, took a shower.

cooked us dinner, made brownies per his request because he had a crappy day. I did all of the dishes. I put away all of the food. And then I decided that I was tired. So I went and brushed my teeth and went to bed or was laying in bed. And my boyfriend proceeds to walk into our room and point out the laundry that I did not fold. And then he proceeds to realize that he messed up. And he laughs.

And I turned to him and I said, you're 38. You've never had comedic timing. You will never have comedic timing. You might as well give it up. and if you'd like me to point out all the things you didn't do today, I gladly will. So am I the asshole? Banger.

Banger. Nah, I'm going off rip with this. No, you are not the asshole. He'd asked for it. Yeah, I mean, listen, man, you got to be conscious of like when somebody's doing all the shit. Now, I know he was joking, but you know what that is too, though? That's like bad relationship communication.

Yeah. You know, because it's like he's aware, right? He's like aware that she's doing everything. And he doesn't, you know, he doesn't kind of want to like acknowledge it or like he doesn't want to just turn around and be like, hey, I'm sorry. I know I'm a little moody and you've done everything and thanks for doing it. Right. So instead he makes a joke, which is like what I would consider like bad communication.

Sure. You know? And he paid the price, you know? He died in his hole in the bedroom. The reason that she's not the asshole for me is because he's the asshole first. like he initiated the asshole maneuver here. Like the maneuver here was the bad joke and that can happen to anyone. But like you're asking for it, dude.

Well, you're really taking that actual question part of this very seriously. Listen, we're doing, am I the asshole? I'm trying to re-center it here. Trying to stay on task, okay? Producer mine. No, I absolutely love it. You know, I can't remember when we did this before if Hannah and I were so... There's no way.

We're so... Absolutely no way. I just love the scenarios. I never really... But anyway, I mean... Well, also, can I also admit that I come in with judgment based on the reading? Yeah, of course.

Listen, I think... I think there are times where this type of jokey form of communication can be, one, entertaining and two, actually effective. But in this situation, you know, I think she was right to be pissed off. I mean, would we give him a bit of grace that he had a bad day? You know, like, we're only getting her context, but, like, no. No.

I'm not. I'm not. You had all these, you had all these breaks after that. You should, it should have been a better day by that point. Like get over yourself, dude.

But also, like all these things, I would love a little more background on. Like, does he carry his weight at other times? Yeah. You know?

That's fair. Because then you get into Hannah's favorite subject to his, should I leave him? Oh yeah. And there's only one answer to that question. It went from Hannah. Yeah. All right.

Let's crack on. That was a great one. I love it. Okay, let's see we got here. Okay, I like this. Ode money issue. Hey, Des and Chris. Lovin the new commentary. Longtime listener, Burner Phone.

Keep it up. So am I the asshole? A few years back during a very messy breakup with an ex who turned out owing me a lot of money and decided his way of letting me know I wasn't going to be seeing any of that money was to block me on all social and digital platforms. A few months after the breakup, my girlfriends and I were having a Galentine's staycation and decided to order some sushi when I noticed his card was still attached to my DoorDash account. So I ordered $300 worth of sushi for my girlfriends and I, and I went through.

So I got a little bit of money back. Oh, and I filed a report with the IRS saying that he owed me money that he never paid back. So that's their problem. Wow. But this is clear cut. He owes you money. Yeah. I mean, no, you're not the asshole.

But wow, the IRA, I was not expecting the IRS right at the end there. That's a big turn. Damn. But at the end of the day, you know, so, okay. So at the end of the day, if you're a business and you have a creditor and they're not paying, like you're going to go to, you know, one of the debt collection company, you know, you're going to do something to try to recoup some of your money. So at the end of the day, a lot of people think they can get away with it when they borrow money

from people that they're, you know, close to or have a relationship with. And so, no, you're not the asshole. Cunning. Cunning. And I don't know what happens when you go to the IRS, though. I don't either. I don't think you could go to the IRS with that. I don't think you got to go to Judge Judy. No, I don't think it makes that much sense.

But I don't know. It sounds scary, though. I wouldn't want to be the person being reported to the IRS for this, especially. Like, it seems legit. I mean, more power to you, man. Can you look that up? Actually, can you report debt to the IRS? Because, like, I didn't know that was a thing.

But it does sound like a Judge Judy situation, you know, a people's court. You know, he borrowed money. Then we broke up and then he tried to run away. And I think Judge Judy would be supportive of the $300. judge judy judy judy would be all over this what does it say okay yes you can report unpaid worthless non-business debt to the IRS to claim a deduction or report canceled debt as income oh so it's it's more for her taxes yeah but she said she reported him to the IRS I mean yeah well we'll see interesting well you're not the asshole that's what we say no no that's crazy that's okay you took

the matters into your own I think you knew that yourself the magnitude of the IRS move is is is remarkable. That's the only way I can put it. It's a strong. It's a strong move. But I'm glad you had some good sushi too. Let's go for another one, Chris. Okay. Hi, Des. Hi, Chris. Love the pod. Just saw Des and

Hannah in Toronto recently. Anyway, am I the asshole? We have a cottage and we love to host friends. But most of the time, unfortunately, people's kids hate to say it, but it's true when they've been invited leading up to the time, they start laying

and on thick-ass hints about what they do. While they're at our place. This pisses me off so much. Like, oh, I just know Jen would love to go tubing because she didn't get to do that last time or like, let's go for a boat ride to the restaurant so what's his nuts can have a lunch before his nap, like all this shit.

And we're good hosts and everyone always has fun, but I can't stand when they make these requests. So basically what I do now is, ask them when they ask what to bring. If they do, I tell them to bring so much beer, wine, meals, snacks, extra toilet paper.

Is that her gone? Yeah, that was it. Also, what's her nuts is, or what's his nuts? I'm using that all over the place from now on. So this is an interesting conundrum here. The, when you don't have children hosting people with

children's conundrum. And obviously Chris, before we start, expert. No. Well, you need to be tactful here. Okay. We don't need another situation like the last time you went after people with children. That's true. That's true. I love kids. I love kids. I insert pictures of me with my various nieces and nephews here. Yeah. So anyway, this is, this is one of these things, man, because I'm very conflicted on this, man, because I love hosting my friends with their kids. But I also feel like when people bring, no, I feel like when people bring their friends or when your friends bring their kids, like, they need to really like step it up in terms of like the responsibilities of like looking after them and, you know, being aware that like other people, you know, they're not their kids. And it's a hard one.

But also I will say you just, you can't, unless you're willing to just, you can't, unless you're willing to just, Here's the thing about children. It's all about the kids, right? And that's not a problem, okay? It should be all about the kids. So if you invite your friends, you have to just accept that it's all about the kids. So it's like, don't invite your friends with kids

unless you're willing to make it all about the kids. However, what happens is sometimes you invite people, you want to make it all about the kids, but the people that come, they don't really cover their end. And like, let's face it, when you bring your kids, it's more of a pain in the ass, which isn't a problem. You just have to up your level, like she says, of what you bring. And also just like the amount of help you give around the house and just like the amount of making everything that you're going to do with the kids like easier and fun, you know.

And then everybody's happy and you have a great time. But that's not, you know, it doesn't always work out that way. That's all I can say. sure you know i feel like there's two two parents bringing kids archetypes usually and it's the parents that are i'm getting in trouble again it's the parents that are very like overly like taking care of the kids like washing them every minute or they're like okay this is a time now where people can help me babies yeah well you've really but that's two negative types chris i felt like you were going to do like a balanced thing there.

No, I feel like one of the... Yeah, I guess that's true. They are. Oh, no, because the first one's really boring. You know? Well, I think there's... I think there's also the ones that just like, you know, make sure that you're the least amount

inconvenienced, you know? Honestly, it's like... It's just one of those things. Like, if you want to hang out with your friends and their kids, you can't really complain about it. But if you want to, like, go to somebody's house that doesn't have kids with your kids, you got to make sure that like they're going to want to have you back, you know?

And I've had plenty of those people. And, you know, listen, kids aren't always fun in the sense that like they get in their moods and stuff like that. But like it's tough for the parents that have kids that are like difficult. And it's easier for the parents that have kids that are just like easy, you know? I think the main thing that you got to do in these situations is just not go into it with the expectations that it's going to be like it was before they had kids. like stop trying to make it the same thing that it was before. Like if you're the, if you're the kidless host, I guess in this situation,

like you got to, I think you got to just be down to help out to accommodate and to not, again, think that you're going to just like it's, you're going to be up until like one o'clock in the morning or whatever it happens. Yeah. You know, there's certain stuff like that. But I'm not even feeling that. I'm not feeling that from her.

I'm feeling more that just like people take advantage. Yeah. And that definitely at times can happen, you know? Yeah. But it's also like one of these things where, like, you know, the people that have the kids, you know, it gets harder to hang out with the single friends. Because there's just no way the single friends can understand, right? And the single friends aren't right, by the way. Right.

But the single friends aren't wrong either. They just can't understand, you know? And there's nothing you can do. So it's a tradeoff. You want to hang out with your friends? You got to help them out with the kids. But I think she's 100% right. I don't think she's the asshole, actually.

No, I know. Because it's basically just like bring enough shit that I don't feel like I'm being. taking advantage of. You know what I mean? And I've been in both situations. I've been in situations where people come and I'm like, you can come whenever because it's just like, you bring your kids and it's so much fun

and you look after so much stuff and it's like, we're not put out. And I've been in the situation too and it's like, am I running a fucking hotel here? Because that's what it feels like. So you want like a kid cover charge? No, I have been the resort manager, bro. I have absolutely been the resort manager

and it leads to like a little bit of resentment, which I feel like that's what she is expressing here. So I'd say you're not the asshole. But at the same time, I don't think you're right to get angry. If you keep in a situation where it's making you angry, then you have to go, well, just don't invite your friends with their kids. Or they can't do it overnight. Yeah.

I think it just comes back to, yeah, well, that's hard with the cottage thing because people go up there and, like, stay over or whatever. Yeah, yes, yes. It really just comes back to it. In this scenario, it does become about the kids. Like, there's no, there's no way around it because it's nothing you could do. It has to be about them. And that's fine, but you just got to have, again, it's an expectation thing, I think.

That's what my dad said in the documentary we made about my father. He said, when your children come into the world, it's no longer your life. It's their life. Amen. And if you understand that, you got a shot. And if you don't, they'll never forget. Children and elephants, they'll never forget. So, you know, just realize that that goes for everybody.

I never heard that one before. No, you're not the asshole. I never heard that one before. The children and elephants don't forget that, they never forget. That's good, man. There's a whole industry of therapy that has blown up around that concept.

My parents would love that one. All right. But my dad says everything twice, so he'd be like, it's no longer your life. Oh, yeah. It's their life. Yep. So anyway,

good, good theme, good topic. I'm sure they'll have some people have opinions on that. I wish I had more advice for the people that bring their kids, but like at the end of the day, listen, it really helps if your kid is like fun, you know? Some kids are tough, man. No, like, there's not, here's the thing. Nobody wants to talk about this shit. I literally say it.

I know, because everybody knows. Big clip, big clip from Des recently. No, everybody knows, bro. And by the way, not all annoying kids end up annoying adults, but like some kids are tough, man. Yeah. Some kids are fucking brats. Some kids are just like, you know, they're, they're, they're, difficult. You know, everyone's got different personality. There's nothing wrong with that.

No. I think I was an annoying kid. I think like, I don't think my parents were like having a blast, having to bring ADHD DES around, you know, hyperactive DES. So it's just, it's just part of life. You know, these are the things you have to navigate as you get older. They're kids, man. Like, yeah, it's, so they're going to be annoying sometimes. It's, it's fine. Yeah. Plus, if you haven't had a kid yet, then you have all these opinions. You know, I have a whole backseat parenting bit, you know, about like, I'll tell you what I would do if they were my kids. Yeah.

My joke, my joke is like some fat prick on a couch saying LeBron James is shit. I'm here telling my brother how he should raise his kids. I've never raised a kid in my life. It is very much that way. Backseat parent, you know? So anyway, let's go for another one. All right, this one's got an interesting, interesting title here. Let's go out of this.

Hey, burner phone. Okay, I just have to ask, am I the asshole? I've recorded this like 10,000 times, so let's get going. Basically, I was into running marathons for a while. I'm still a jogger, but I was doing these really long run. So I was getting blisters on my feet. So I invested in some smart wool socks. They were like $25 socks, which felt like an investment at the time.

And the other day, my boyfriend comes home from his basketball game in these socks. And I just like, we don't have a similar size feet. He definitely has a lot bigger feet than I But I was just kind of like, Why the fuck are you wearing my socks? And he was like Kind of like shocked to that I was like a little bit upset about it And I guess like I shouldn't be upset about it

Because they're just socks, but I don't know. I was kind of like, why are you wearing my socks? I mean, I have a very simple answer to this which is a man, especially the fancy socks, a man shouldn't wear the woman's socks. A woman can wear the man's socks because she won't stretch them out. Okay.

Whereas if the man wears the woman's socks, he can stretch them out, and then she doesn't have as much of a snug as the bug special stock. Chris? Now, now, as we call back to a couple episodes ago, we do have, we do have some women with big feet out here. Oh, okay, but like, in fairness.

Right. Yeah. Even a woman with a big, a woman with a big foot has a man-sized foot. She's not going to stretch out the sock. It's just going to be a sock that fits well. You know? So in this situation, he's stretching out her fancy sock, a sock that she likes. No, it's no big deal.

She's just going to wash it. But, you know, a sock is, a sock can be a sacred thing. Yeah, I don't, I don't think you just wash your way back into, into the same state with this. I think those socks are probably forever gone. And it's. Do you think so? Yeah, I don't know if those socks are going to come back. Come, come back and let us know if those socks ever reverted back to to their intended size. Oh, that, sorry. Yeah, that part. I agree with you. The, the, the, the, the $25 also, that's, that is a big investment for a pair of socks. Don't be wearing my $25 socks to your pickup gear. You can wear, you can wear, uh, my Amazon socks. Yeah. But if I had a, if I had a fancy pair of bumbers socks, which is my favorite pair of socks. sponsor of the podcast.

If I had my favorite pair of Bumba Sox and somebody larger, like maybe my brother Aiden, who has a larger foot than me, stretches out my, or goes on like a cross-training run and like suddenly he's like muddied up my fancy socks. I'm like, bro, these are my fancy bumba socks. You know, these are special to me. You can't be like, you can't be muddying up my socks.

Get your own socks, man. Everybody should, like toothbrushes, socks, you should have your own. That's what I say. I will say I do when I'm home sometimes, I will steal, when I'm desperate, I will steal a pair of my father's tube socks, which are like the, whatever you think of the first sock ever invented, this is what we're talking about. This is like the BC sock. Before nylon. But anyway, that was the worst thing my dad ever did, let us know where his sock drawer was. Yeah.

We, we absolutely annihilated his socks. Pillaging the sock drawer. Pillaging. Like the Vikings. Yeah. Nothing left. A Viking raid of our father's sock drawer.

It's on fire. We couldn't bother his underwear though because my dad liked like bikini underwear. You know, he liked like the, you know, because he would like wear his suit. So he had that real skimpy, like almost like a speedo, but like even less like underwear.

Oh my dad had speedos, man. So that was the, That was my dad's underwear. So it was only in a moment of desperation, would you bother my father's underwear? But anyway, so here's the thing, though, right? Let's face it, after washing these socks are probably going to be just the same.

And it's kind of like that thing of like, I'm sorry, but I just don't want your sweaty feet in my sock, even though like it's fine. And so this brings me onto like another conundrum that people have, which is the toothbrush. So you go away in a trip One of you forgets the toothbrush You're married

Right Your lives are intertwined Germ-wise You've got each other's germs Up to Wazoo But sometimes somebody would be like No, you can't use my toothbrush Which I can understand

But also It's just mental Because you're getting all that shit anyway You know? How do you feel? I remember I remember very vividly, a long-term girlfriend of mine. I also needed a toothbrush in a pinch. And she was like, no.

And I was so offended, dude. I was so offended. I was like, you think I'm really that dirty? You're not going to let me use your toothbrush. And over time, I've kind of been like, you know what? I get it. I get it. You get it because in your mind it just feels dirty.

I was offended. But then later on, later on, the spits going back and forth. You know? Come on. It's the same shit. Yeah, it is. It's the same thing. Not to mention the rest.

I'm not going to get graphic, but just like a lot of bodily fluids going back and forth. Like, especially when you're like in a hotel. That was where my mind was at the time. I was like, come on. Well, that's hotels. Who doesn't, you could be in like, you could be in a loveless marriage, but there's just something about a hotel, man. Yeah.

The minute you walk into a hotel room, you're like, ooh, we're paying for this. We're using it. It does. It does it. The one thing I will say about the hotels now that we're on the toothbrush thing is if you do forget your toothbrush, your partner has one. And then they say no, and then you got to do the walk of shame downstairs to get that, like, just completely...

Crappy toothbrush? Which they don't always have, by the way. They, like, cut your gums. It's awful, man. Yeah. Well, that was the great thing about China. Chinese hotels always have toothbrushes in the, like, you know, single-use toothbrushes in the hotel rooms. Shout out.

But anyway. China, man, we need that technology. Back to this. The topic is... So I don't think you're the asshole. However, what I will say is, I do think... you could just wash them and forget about it. You know?

I think unless they're stretched out. If they're stretched out, you go to him with a stern face and you point out the extra roominess in your foot and then you shove your foot in his face and you say, do you think this roominess in my sock is acceptable? This used to be as snug as a bug, $25 sock, and now you've ruined it

and make him go out and buy you a new fancy pair of socks. Yeah, I'm really, like, he shouldn't be using their socks, man. Like, these compression socks, they shouldn't be used. Like, if it's a relationship boundary. Yeah, set a boundary here. This is a good place to set a boundary. Don't use my socks. Get your own socks.

Was it a compression sock? Did she say that? I think so. We can run back the tape if we really want to know, but I do believe. We don't need to, but I do believe. 100%. First of all, it's not safe for a man to use a woman's compression sock. You're going to go off to circulation.

Yeah. It's like, that's too much compression. You don't need that much compression. I know ball is life, but you guys. You gotta chill on that. You gotta chill. We love baked by Melissa here on Burn a phone. It's our favorite go-to place for some nice, sweet, tasty treats. Plus, it's like the best gift.

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Still tune in, even though I'm a giggler at heart. Am I the asshole? My apartment does not have washer and dryer. So my mom does my laundry at 30 years old, and she's super good at it. So I'm not sure what to do. Takes my dirty laundry that day, brings it back that night, and doesn't want me going to. a laundromat due to like safety reasons.

So I allow it to happen. It's been a year and a half. Listen, I don't think this requires much discussion because there's just no way you're the asshole because I really think your mom wants to do that. She wants to do your laundry. And I think that if she didn't want to do your laundry, you'd be doing it in the laundromat.

Yeah. You know, so it's just her way of keep staying connected to you. And if she ever expressed any misgivings of like, and I do your laundry and you're not grateful, then you could just get her to stop doing your laundry. but it just doesn't feel like that's the case. So no, you're not the asshole. It's a sweet way for your mom to connect with you.

And one day you'll get your own washer dryer and you can do your own laundry. And that's when you'll really learn if it was a plus or a minus for her because if she actually comes over and starts doing your laundry in your own washer dryer, then you'll know that she just wants to do your laundry

and that's just that. And not only that, but she's damn good at doing this laundry, man. Like same day delivery. Like you're going to fire somebody from their job when they're good at it? Like what kind of, What kind of sick, twisted world is that?

Let her keep doing the laundry. You're not the asshole. Yeah, but also, by the way, you can actually hire those people that come and pick it up and deliver it back. Which is something a lot of people don't know. You're gonna fire your mom

who's doing it for free and then go pay somebody else to do it? This is what I mean. No, but like if she feels guilty, you know, just so you know. Yeah. You can do that. If you're really guilty about it,

you can go and buy a laundry service or hire someone. But I think she wants it. Depending what city you live in, Obviously. Right. All right. Go ahead.

Let's take another one, Chris. Let's bang through. We got quite a few. Let's bang through a few. Let's see what we got. Oh, this should be good. Hey, Des. And whoever you're recording with basically had these really bad roommates in my gap.

You're obviously really biased. And we would fight over the temperature of the room when we went to bed because they would get very cold in the night. And I get very hot in the night. So one day, the two girls came up to me and said, like, hey, can we make it warmer in the room? and I said, yeah, we can make it a little bit warmer in the room. I just get very sweaty at night. So if we can please just like meet in the middle. And they were like, no, we get like super cold in the middle of the night.

Like we just want to make whatever temperature we want. It's two against one is two against one. So any day, anyways, one of the girls came up to me. When they said that, that conversation, one of the girls said, I don't understand how like when you get married and everything, you're going to have a husband and you're going to need a cold. What if he gets like too cold? What are you going to do? You can't like just make it warmer.

I don't understand what you're going to do. And I turned to the girl and I said, well, it's a good thing. It's none of your business. I was just like, why are you trying to manipulate me? Anyways, am I the asshole? Also, you can't get cold as a dude. So that point's completely irrelevant. I think very, very clear answer here.

You're not the asshole. You can't cool yourself down in this situation without adjusting the temperature of the room. They need to put on additional clothing so that or get a better blanket, duvet, whatever it's called. to warm up. Easy. Interesting, yeah. But what I would say, because, you know, actually, Hannah and I, I'm the one that prefers it warmer. Hannah prefers it cold.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, it's fine in our relationship. But I just crack on an extra duvet if I'm, you know, if I'm not in the mood for the cold. Exactly. But, you know, because this was a big theme in one of an early episode, which you were there, actually, because that was in your studio

when that came up about the air conditioning. And there was a lot of messages about the science. behind actually colder is better for sleeping. But what I will say is, I mean, it's a two against one, you know, all this kind of stuff. But it didn't have to be, I don't know if they were manipulating you.

I think they were just, I don't think you're the asshole, but I also, I don't know if it's as heavy as you're portraying. But listen, at the end of the day, you're right, Chris. You know, there's only, you can't, you can't resolve, it the other way, so you have to just do it that way. You know? Although I have

to say, like, as a not cold guy, I just... Speak your truth, that is. No, I just... I feel like it triggers my asthma. That's the truth. When it's really cold, like, I can actually wake up kind of chesty. I don't... I looked it up before. There's, like, some reason why that actually is a thing.

But I just also spent so long in Ireland, air conditioning is just overrated to me, but that is also just my personal preference, you know? Yes. I just, Americans love fucking air conditioning and I'm aware

that I'm American American accent and all that but I just really got comfortable with a life without AC you know so no you're not the asshole but I hope you get out of that

I hope you get out of that toxic living situation yeah it sounded like it was past tense no? Oh was it past tense? I think it was yes all right great let's take another

all right more roommate drama Am I the asshole if I live in a house with a roommate and we share a garage and she has a brand new car that's new within the year. It has every camera, every sensor in the world. It is a smaller car than mine for sure. If she parks over the line that divides the garage in half, does it make me an asshole if I shimmy up my 2004, Chevy Tahoe right up next to hers because I have to fold in my side view mirror whenever I come into the garage. Like I'm very cognizant of how much space I am taking up in the garage and also

in life as a woman. But does that make me an asshole if I do that intentionally if she does park right up on the line when she is a brand new car that you could see anything you need to see? You aren't going to bump into anything. Like what are we doing? I'm going, you're an asshole, yeah. I think you get to just talk to her. Like, I don't think doing the passive-aggressive thing is the way to do it. Okay, so can you, I was like a little distracted in that situation. So the other person is going too close to the line with their fancy new car.

So she's deliberately parking as close as possible. Yes, she is, her solution to her roommate parking over the line with a much smaller vehicle than her Chevy Tahoe, which can confirm, especially if there's a, city like parking garage or yeah parking garage much much more room to deal with but her response being like hey i'm going to just continue to park directly next to your like brand new car and just inch closer and closer like this could be very very easily solved it's just like hey like much bigger car 100% like just try to stay over the line i don't want to damage your car um especially like brand new.

It's very much a more simple procedure than just, hey, let me see how physically close I can get to this car before I actually hit it inevitably at some point. But you know what that is though, Chris, right? Communication. Do you know the communication is?

What's that? Boring. That's fair. This is so much more entertaining. Fair. Her incredibly petty reaction is so much more entertaining. I also, by the way, one caveat, because I'm really up on my soapbox.

An incorrect. Incorrect she is. But yes. I'm speaking from my soapbox as if I wouldn't do something immensely similar. Like I would totally do something similar. And if there was any communication about it, I would probably be an even more gigantic asshole

about it in that conversation. No, I think you're 100% right that she should talk to them 100%. Yeah. But what I will say is, there's just something for, you know, the way some things get like out of proportion reactions.

Yes. Like they're not, they're not even that big of a wrong, but for some reason, we decide that they're one of the worst things ever. And parking over the line or close to the line is really one of those things that people are like, what a fucking asshole, you know?

When, and like half the time maybe that you're like in a rush or you didn't realize, you know, but you're just like, what a fucking dick, you know? Like I've gotten out of my car, checked my parking spot, And like, you know, I could be a little more sent. I'll get back in the car and center that shit.

I don't want to be that guy. Yeah. You know? So I can understand why she's basically kind of like wants to be like, do you not know? Like, honestly, it's almost like how can you, she's shocked that this person could be that person, you know? She did. Yeah, she did mention that she's very conscious of her space in the world, both with her car and as a woman. So that makes a lot of sense.

sense. She triggered by this. Yes. Understandably. If you want to if you want to both be passive aggressive but also communicate I would suggest leaving a note under the windshield wiper.

That's a that's the happy medium you know? Of pettiness but also perhaps a practical way to get a solution note under the windshield wiper and then then you have the degrees of pettiness from I'm really sorry but sometimes

you park close to the line and I just don't want to scratch your car. So maybe just like try to center it a bit more. That's like the right way to do it or the, yo, if you don't want your car scratched, try to fucking stay away from the line. There's plenty of space over there. I'm just letting you know that if I live with you

and you put a note underneath my little windshield wiper instead of coming up, I'm going to go through a fucking wall. That would drive me nuts. Yeah, well, but now she's doing this other situation where, It's like eventually they're going to be like next, you know, they're going to be in a battle of the prox, a battle of proximity.

Yeah. You know? I think they're already there. I think they're already there. But, yeah, I think the note thing arguably would drive me the most crazy. Because here's the thing. You need to talk because in this world, sometimes you take an action, which you think will, you know, like sort of almost like an aggressive action that you think will lead to a solution.

But unfortunately, it just escalates, which is, you know, the situation we're in and Iran. So, you know, just make sure. you don't end up in a quagmire with the car situation. Deal with it initially. Get back to talks. Yeah. Get back to the table. All right.

So let's take a couple more, Chris. My best friend invited me on her family trip to Hawaii. It'll be her, her husband, her son, their foreign exchange student, and grandma, grandpa for child care. And so I have hung out with their whole family. I know everyone because we're best friends. and I'm at a point in my life where it's hard for me to travel alone because I'm single and well anyways her and her husband are having trouble and on the verge of a divorce but our trip is in

two weeks and so I have the flight booked already but I was going to stay in their hotel so am I the asshole for asking her if the Hawaii trip's still on like I feel really lost and I already have the time off from work so I don't, I feel in a very awkward predicament. But I really need to know what my plans are. Yeah, so they have a trip booked, all of them together. Yes. Right? Yes.

But is a divorce happening? I believe so she's, so she's, she doesn't, she, she, she feels bad about contacting them to find out like if the trip is still happening? Yeah, if that's, if that, it was a little hard to. It's not a problem. But no, that's not, you're not the asshole at all. You've spent money, you've got stuff booked, you got time off from work, you've got to find out. You're also like not going to New Jersey or something.

You're going to Hawaii. Like it requires some big deal. Yeah. But I understand why it's, I understand why it feels sensitive, you know, but you're not the asshole. Find out at the end of the day, you're still, you're still concerned for their predicament, but you have your own life, you know? Like, you still have to find out what's going on. But I guess the one thing I couldn't quite understand from the scenario is, is it like a hotel room that they were all supposed to stay in?

Like a multi-bedroom? I couldn't figure that part out. That's what it sounded like. And at first when she started to describe this, I was like, is she trying to like, I couldn't tell if she was like building to, hey, I'm waiting. I have my flight booked. I don't have a place booked yet. I'm waiting to see if this divorce goes through so that there's an extra spot. I thought that's where she was going with him.

And then a little bit more questionable. But like if you're literally just trying to figure out if the trip is still happening, like no, like the fact that you're even asking this question is that you're not an asshole. Yeah. But I think is part of it because she said like, oh, I don't like traveling on my own.

Is it part of it like, are you still coming? Is that part of it? I'm just like a little unclear. We could run it back. But I think it's, run it back. Because I'm still a little unclear. Let's do it. Okay, now I have it.

Absolutely not. Yeah, no. She was supposed to be joining them on a family trip. She doesn't know if the family trip's happening. Not a problem. Not a problem at all. Just ask. However, now that we've run this back, you may want to get your own hotel room just to have some peace and quiet from what may be a very contentious weekend. Yeah, but well that, yeah, because it depends who's going, you know. So I would assume that they're going to just try to hold it together. Find out immediately. Yeah. And, you know, at the end of the day, you can always, if you have the time off

for Mark, you can always cancel that and decide to do something. I mean, you're traveling on your own, but there are good places to, you know, you can find a good place to go on your own, find a different type of holiday, like join one of these tour bus trips to Europe. You're already on a big flight. You know, you could always, you could go to Ireland, do a paddy wagon tour. It's a great way for people on their own. You join a paddy wagon. You all travel together, and it's a great trip.

So find out. Keep your time off. Do a trip regardless. And hopefully it works out. Even Hawaii. I've never been. Have you been to us? I haven't been, but I just don't know what it's like for traveling on your own.

You know, you need to go to one of these places where, like, it's safe and also a way where you could, like, meet people not in a weird way and still have a good time, you know? Sure. Yeah. Hope it all works out. Let's take, let's take two more, Chris, before we wrap it up today. Okay. Oh, this should be. So, I recently got engaged, and right before we got engaged, I started to vocalize frustrations with my future brother-in-law and asked my now-fiance.

say at the time it was my boyfriend to start to stand up to her in defense of me. And the things were kind of just like she kind of viewed her as like his girl still. And not that like he now had a current other priority. And so like little things of like they would have to go to things together and like she like he would have to do things at certain times that she wanted him to do and he wouldn't stand up for like oh well this is like

the time that we're attending the event and I had to stand up to him he had a hard time with it am I the asshole oh this is such a complicated one it's hard to a classic tale

for sure it's hard for me to answer this because there's no like specific details about like what the conflict was, whatever it happened to be. It's just, I couldn't even tell if she was saying mother-in-law or brother-in-law first, but obviously mother-in-law, yeah. I don't know thoughts on this because it sounds like... It's just complicated tale, bro. A tale is oldest time, by the way. So here's why this, in my opinion, is hard to answer.

Because we don't know if this is a mother who is like deliberately sort of taking up a lot of his time. and, you know, like deliberately kind of getting in the way of his relationship? Or is it that she's being a bit sort of like lacking in understanding for how close he is with the mother and, you know. Now, my assumption would be that there's a little bit of the mother kind of like trying to box her out because that's kind of the more common tale. Like it tends to be.

Okay. and this is not a fact, all right, but it tends to be that the mothers have a bit of a hard time letting go and that they can be a bit, what's the word, what's challenged by like the presence of another woman in their son's life, you know, that kind of tends to be the more common tale. But, you know, but there are also situations where, you know, the, a future wife or a girlfriend, whatever, that she is challenged by a son's relationship with the mother. So it's very hard to know with the information that we have what's going on, you know? It's an adjustment period, right? Like, I think you got to just try to have the most open communication, ideally non-confrontational, ideally not about. the specific, like, I guess it should be about the specifics of the event, but just not emotionally charged.

Like, as least emotionally charged as possible, just, like, rooted in, like, hey, this is our time, this is your time and trying to figure out something that works for everybody. Yeah, see, that's the thing that's hard to figure out. It's like, you know, like the scenarios that are coming up. Like, I assume it's something like the mom wants to be there at a certain time. She's like, no, it doesn't suit us. You need to tell her like it's fucking this time. And like, if that's the case,

then it's kind of like, bro, you got to fucking stand up to your mom. Yeah. But here's the problem, though. You know, that will be there. You know? Also, hey, by the way, I'll just throw this out there.

You know, he's piggy in the middle. Like, it sucks for him too, right? Yeah. Now he's got like these two. It's like, who do I, who do I prioritize? Like, I think in life, you kind of have to say like now I have to

prioritize my relationship like this is the stage of life that I'm at now where like this has to be my priority and mom you should understand that you know because like that's where we're at but that's it

what if your mom's partner is not around anymore what if you're the only child it gets tricky I know this is this is why it says this is the tale as old as time so I'm gonna say that you're probably not the asshole but I would like

a bit more information, but I would also say like, it's tough for the husband. Listen, man, this, this, this dynamic fucks up a lot of relationship. Yeah. You know? And like, I just, there's just so many examples of villains on both sides of this. And also, like, sides of the, you know, the husband not covering his, or the boyfriend not covering his end, the fiancee not covering his end in terms of, like, who he prioritizes.

But it's just so hard to know who's who, you know? And it could literally just be like too fucking, it could be like, two seriously strong women, just like at war, fucking Game of Thrones. You know? Like, there's just so many great stories of like the two matriarchal for the two, like, strong female characters just like clashing with each other. And by the way, I'm not saying that there's not stories of males clashing. I'm just talking about in this particular scenario.

Like, it really is a tale as old as time. So actually, let's get even deeper to our wonderful dialect. here. Okay. Who are you? Ask yourself really. Be deeply honest. Extert, get rid of all the protagonists. And just ask yourself, is this coming from a place of something that you've dealt with all your life where you feel like you need to be in control? Or is this genuinely a sense of you feel like your husband is deprioritizing you, overly prioritizing a doubt? domineering mother and it's going to be a real issue unless it's dealt with because it's a real issue there ask not what your mother-in-law can do for you yeah well no don't it well see that's

I'm only kidding I'm only kidding that's a game I I I've witnessed some heavy shit around this topic okay in in my real life you know so it's very hard it's fucking hard to navigate bro it's you know that's why I always joke with Hannah be like you got off easy. This is a dynamic. This is a dynamic you will never have to deal with, you know? Yeah. So let's take one more.

Hey, Des and Chris, love the pod. Okay, so I date a guy for eight years. I broke up with him on my end. I just felt like the relationship brings course. I was not in love with that man anymore. I was bored. I needed to get out. I do find out later that he was cheating on me with an 18-year-old.

So that's real cute. But anyways, back to the breakup. So as soon as we broke up, he's befriending my sister and her boyfriend. Mind you, the entire time that we dated, he never tried to hang out with him, talked crap about my sister's boyfriend. Like, it didn't make sense to me. I'm like, what are you doing? But I whatever.

Like, okay, it's fine. You're a loser. And fast forward a year later, my sister's boyfriend is a grubesman in this man's wedding. And so I asked my sister, are you going? she was like, yeah, I'm going to go support my boyfriend. I was like, you're joking, right? And she was like, no. I thought that was crazy.

Am I the asshole? Ooh. This was a much better one than I was expecting just off of the title. This is what I'm talking about right here. All right, let's forget about the Epstein part of this, I guess. I mean, like, that part is throwing a spanner in the works, I feel, because it's like if that was going down.

But I don't know how old these people are though either. Yeah. Either way. Like, he just sounds like a total dick. Yeah, he sounds awful. So that makes it more complicated.

What a weird move to befriend the boy, like the sister's boyfriend after the fact. Yeah, that's the thing. After the fact. You're a sinister, you know? And then he married quick. And then he asks the guy to be his groomsman.

Yeah. start there. This guy sucks. He is the asshole for sure. The biggest asshole in the story. Man, it's very strange, you know? It's hard on your sister though, too, right? It's like she's going to drop this like, I mean, she could absolutely not go, but you know, she wants to go. Oh, it's a hard one, man. It's a hard one. I don't think you're an asshole for being annoyed, actually. But what I would say is I'd say just be annoyed. I wouldn't let it affect your relationship or your sister too deeply.

Yeah. You know? Because at the end of the day, he's an ex, treated you kind of badly. But also maybe, honestly, it's a hard one, you know?

But it's a, it's a serious, serious sort of collection of events. I kind of think the only asshole in this story is the guy getting married, the ex that's getting married. A hundred percent.

He's an asshole. I don't think that the same. sister's an asshole. I understand why you would feel negatively about this like situation. I don't think you should have a bunch of resentment towards her. I think she's operating with good intentions. But you can still be upset about it. I agree with Des. Don't let this be more mean more than it is with your sister because it's not indicative of like a character flaw. I think she's just trying to do what she thinks is best. I think if she stayed home, it would be a kind of weird. situation maybe for her boyfriend too. So again, I just, I think this guy is just the worst guy and he's the asshole of the story. You know, it's so interesting because like, is this guy so sinister that like he has deliberately infiltrated like other people in her life in an act of vengeance? And then to the extent where, I mean, it's almost like Iago-esque like Shakespearean to then

ask him to be the groomsman. And then the sister comes. It's, it's, it's kind of like what you would see from like a, like a psychological thriller level of manipulation. I got to be honest with you, man. I think this guy's just like a really insecure guy that needs validation from people. Like, I think there's some of that with the whole, like. I've just, I've just decided I'm going to change my answer.

Okay. Let's hear it. I actually think your sister shouldn't go to the wedding. The more I think about it, the more I say, she says she wants to support her husband but this fucking dick needs to see some

repercussion or result from this seriously odd behavior you know because for her sister to go she has to admit that she doesn't think that there's anything odd but there is I don't think that's true

I don't think that she I think she can think it's odd and still go, but I'm also not mad at your take on this, like that the sister shouldn't go. I think it's pretty borderline, but I just... Because it's like, yo, like, what, how the fuck is this guy? First of all, they weren't friends,

and now suddenly they're friends. And now he's a groomsman? No, not only that. This guy was talking shit about the sister's boyfriend. Like, he's just a all-around. If you need to ask a fucking... It's a red flag. If you need to ask a new friend to be a groomsman.

Yeah. Yeah. there's a darkness here that I think needs to be uncovered. I think, uh, dialer, you need to give us an update because this, this guy is giving me fraudster vibes. What if, what if, what if we, what if we tear it apart from the inside? What if the sister goes? She objects at the wedding. But there's no, that's not a thing.

Inside job. Come on, man. Are we about this or what? Yeah, man, that's some dark shit, man. But then, here, listen, like, I'd love to get the sister on, too, because, like, you know, I don't know if there's, like, more to it. I don't know, it's so weird. Let's Jerry Springer this thing up, man.

What about the cheating on her with an 18-year-old thing? Like, everyone's just going to act like this is normal? Yeah, it's nasty, nasty, nasty, nasty work. So, all right, like, give us an update. Yeah. It doesn't even have to be. It doesn't have to be for the pod. You can send it in the telby.

You can DM me. you damn Chris. Just like, let's get an update. I need more information. And if we can bring it on the pot, I would like to do that. I'm very invested in this story. I want to know, I want to know what level do you think, like, his friendship with this guy is actually like an act of vengeance, you know? I think mostly.

Yeah, I need to know. So anyway, let's call it a day there. So here's the thing. I keep meaning to announce the prompt in advance. So I got a great guest host for next week. She's a comedian called Maggie Hughes de Paolo. I gigged with her in Chicago. She's an awesome comic.

But she's also a mom. You know, she's got the mom skills. She got the life skills. She's been married for years. And I feel like we'll do an advice. Even though this is kind of like advice, Emma the asshole. I want to do just like a general advice episode

because we're going to have Maggie. Just a lot of life experience. Very funny. Super, like just a lovely woman. And so advice episode. And it doesn't have to be about parenting or relationships. or kids.

Or just so you know, we have somebody with that experience on the pod next week. But she's also super funny. So throw out some advice, myself, Chris, Maggie Hughes de Palo.

We will be here next week. It's an advice episode. Obviously, you can start sending in on the Telby. The Telby link is on my Instagram. So we'll know, before I put the prompt up on, like, Friday, that you guys that sent in early

are the dialers, the real dialers. You know, you're, you're hearing it on the pod and then you're dialing in so those ones will definitely get you know a preference in my opinion so uh send it in uh for next week's episode uh thanks for selling out my whole weekend in philly by the way a lot of dialers a lot of dialers showed up so i'm off next weekend but then i have a southwest trip i'm in salt lake city uh what you'll call it um albuquerque new mexico los vegas okay and particularly in Albuquerque, I have a bucket load of tickets to sell. I mean, I'm talking a lot. So if you know anybody in the Albuquerque area, because I'm actually in a casino like 25, 30 minutes

outside of Albuquerque Caseta's casino. So if you know anybody, tell them, Des is coming to Albuquerque. I'm bringing my brother Aiden. It's going to be a great show. Salt Lake City's probably going to sell out. So act fast. Vegas is just such a weird thing.

Who knows? But anyway, that's downtown. And wise guys, I think it's called comedy. Club in Vegas, which I've never done downtown. I've only ever done the Rio where the seller is. So anyway, that's happening. And check out to Bishop Exchange, too, if you're bored.

We had a very emotional episode last week. So if you want to cry, go listen to the Bishop Exchange. Anything to announce, Chris? No, just check out French podcasts for all your podcast recording needs. Wonderful. All right, guys.

Talk to you next week. Bye. Bye.