Berner Phone - Episode #133: Advice With Maggie Hughes DePalo

Episode Date: March 16, 2026

This week, Des and Chris are joined by comedian Maggie Hughes DePalo answering all the dialers needs for advice. Get tickets to see Hannah on tour here. Get tickets to see Des on tour here. Get ticket...s to see Maggie on tour here.  

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:03 Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the Burner Phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. All right, hello, our little dialers, and welcome to Burner Phone. We have Chris, as usual, but we have a guest co-host Maggie Hughes DePaulo. Welcome to Burner Phone. Thank you, guys.
Starting point is 00:00:28 I'm so excited to be here. Yeah, so actually, this is a rare occasion where we were very organized last week. We put out the prompt on the episode. And while we were recording, you text me back to say you could do it. So actually, most of the people that messaged in knew that you were going to be here. Nice. Okay. And, you know, listen, we have a mostly female listenership.
Starting point is 00:00:51 So I did put it out there that you're, you know, you're married, you have kids. You have like life experience. Yeah. So I did kind of say to the flavor of like, because like, I'm a man. Chris is a man. and you know we just felt like it's good to have somebody that perhaps has a greater level of understanding what some of these questions might be yes you need a uterus utilize the uterus that's the utilize the uterus let's go i've been meaning to pick one of those up
Starting point is 00:01:21 so anyway first and foremost maggie hues de palo who i first met we're digging together in chicago but we bonded over our shared catholicism but also i really enjoyed you your videos online. You've got really fun videos on your Instagram. So everyone needs to check out. What is your Instagram again? Maggie Hughes-Dapollo. Maggie Hughes-Dapal.
Starting point is 00:01:45 Of course, you're Irish-American, but you married the enemy, as did I. I married the Italian. The classic, as I say in my show, we hated each other, then we married each other. That's how it went down with the Irish and the Italians. The Catholic Italians, the worst kind. A shared trauma of Catholicism.
Starting point is 00:02:03 That's right. Anyway, so that's why I thought you'd be a good co-host. Yeah, I'm excited. Let's just get into it, Chris. All right. A lot of deep questions, by the way, for the dialers, just so you know. Some of these are like serious questions. Okay.
Starting point is 00:02:18 Let's let her up. Hey, guys, I'm leaving message for the Am I an Asshole episode? I know I'm late, but just in case you do a part two, I thought I would record anyway. So I'll try to keep this short and sweet. I went to a work event with my now husband. he was my boyfriend at the time. It was his work event. There were about 10 other colleagues of his on this table that we were all seated at together. When we arrived, we arrived kind of late. So everyone else was already seated and there was like an emcee on the stage, kind of getting
Starting point is 00:02:48 the event started telling everyone to take their seats. So when we arrived, I immediately took my seat and I just waved and said, hi, everybody, like from my seat. And then when we got home that night, my now husband said to me, I just want to let you know, like, I think that was really rude. I think you should have gone and individually greeted everybody, got up from your seat and shook the hand and gave him a kiss on the cheek. And like, I just think that was really rude. I was flawed. Clearly, we have different expectations of politeness, but what do you think? So this is actually, this is actually from last week we did an, Am I the Asshole episode. I just listened to it. It was great.
Starting point is 00:03:27 Oh, okay, cool. Yeah. But, you know, it's very much of a similar vein. What are your thoughts? So I, okay, she's, she was introducing herself to the people at her table? Yeah, I couldn't, I couldn't follow it either. First of all, her accent is so fancy. I love it. I feel like she could be an audiobook narrator.
Starting point is 00:03:53 Yeah, she has the Australian accent. I actually didn't realize I left, I forgot that I'd left that in. But anyway, listen, I mean, I always find we also did a couple of weeks ago an etiquette episode of like etiquette that needs to go. And I just, I've never been a huge fan of like over formality with the situations. Like I feel like when you come late, it's better to just like get involved in the sort of speed that they're at rather than force everyone to sort of say hello again. I agree. I would say in this setting, if they're all seated and you're coming and you're sitting down, like I would feel like a show off or you know, you're making too big of a deal about your presence if you like individually go and make everybody like give you a hug and a kid. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:04:43 And I think somebody was like talking already. Interesting. There's some there's some other stuff going on in the relationship. Yeah. He sounds like a politician. Like what, what's, you know what you mean? like you've got to make this presence known. She's not an asshole for sure. I think, yeah, he sounds a little old-fashioned, but also like, is he running for something? Like, why does she need to work the table? That's what I felt because I was, I've been watching El Chapo recently,
Starting point is 00:05:11 the actual Mexican series. Yeah. I know, you're not expecting El Chapo, Chris. I understand that you're laughing. El Chapo came out of nowhere. But there's a, there's a character in that that's gay, but he's a very aggressive, a very ambitious politician so that he has like a fake marriage, you know?
Starting point is 00:05:31 And he's not a real character, he's not based on anybody. Alchapel thing's quite real, but this character is kind of like for, for, you know, dramatic purposes. But there's a lot of that, you know, things that you should do, people that should be at the party. Yeah, like it's like the Kennedy family. Like you need to, you know, work the room and this person's a donor and that person's a donor.
Starting point is 00:05:53 Like it seems very businessy. Yeah, you're not an asshole, I think. You obviously married the guy, but I'd like to know what he's running for. Yeah. Or from. Asia, too, actually. What'd you say? I said, or from.
Starting point is 00:06:07 Or from. Yeah. In Asia, there's a lot of that stuff with dinner. There's a lot of dinner etiquette with Asia and like losing face and saving face. And it sounds a bit like that too. So I would say you're in Australia. Australia, I feel like there's a lot of Australian culture that is free from this rigid etiquette. So no, you're not the asshole.
Starting point is 00:06:29 I hope it helped you to get it off your chest by sharing it with us. Yeah. And so you're good. Have you, I mean, I always feel that because we always side with the women on this part. You do. I noticed that. But it's like, we're performing at mailing it up. Because men, if you had to ask how many times you were the asshole, you'd be this podcast.
Starting point is 00:06:52 never, you know, women overthink it. But no, I think she's fine. I think, you know, he sounds too formal. Hopefully he's loosened up a bit. We're anti-formal on this pod, to be honest with you. Anti-formal. All right, Chris, let's take another. All right. Hi, Desin' Friends. It says I submitted a recording before I was ready, so I don't know what that was. But my advice I'd like is about how to date in my late 20s without using dating apps. I've had very bad success, which maybe is user error, but I'm just not interested in dating with dating apps anymore.
Starting point is 00:07:31 And I want to meet someone in real life. So any advice would be appreciated for context. I am very busy. I'm a medical student. And I just want to meet someone. I am chronically single and am ready to find my person. So yeah, any advice would be appreciated. I'm appreciated. Love you guys. Bye.
Starting point is 00:07:53 Oh, I mean, you're coming to the right people, I feel. Medical students. Maggie, you're Gen X, right? Are you a millennial? I'm, I call myself like boomer light, to be honest. I'm 43, so I'm like, you're a millennial. But I don't identify as a millennial. I'm definitely more of a Gen Xer.
Starting point is 00:08:15 Dating in your 20s, medical student. Okay, so I guess my question, like, you know, the apps, what's... Did you meet your husband pre-apps? I did. But, yeah, I didn't, I have nothing against the apps. I think it's way more prevalent now, right? Like, everything's on your phone.
Starting point is 00:08:36 I would say to her, like, I find, you know, like the gym, like doing some type of physical activity, like joining, like, volleyball leagues, pickleball leagues, right? Like, where people are active, they're in good moods. there's a lot of dopamine. I'm assuming she goes to restaurants and bars. But I think like social clubs that have or like fitness centers that have like activities. Like I think, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:09:04 No, that's a great way. I mean, it's harder. The thing is that the apps made it easier. Yeah, yeah. You get a higher quality of aware. Like you get so much more information essentially on your live swipe. You're getting a lot more information. that generation the generation wants like immediate gratification like they want to like the apps allow you to like see oh yes he's looking to date you like where we grew up like you'd meet someone in public you wouldn't even know if they were single or not you had it forced you to like have conversation get to know them deal with the idiosyncrasies of like socialization then maybe finding out if they're interested in dating now they can just be like do you want to date do you want to sleep with me yes no right I think so she's she's up against that but I
Starting point is 00:09:49 I think there's still people in their 20s, especially like professionals. I mean, I've got to imagine there's some cute doctors around. There's got to be some cute med students around there. But here's the thing, it's harder, you know? Yeah, they're hours. All my early dating life was having to get the courage, sum up the courage, to go up and talk to somebody. Like, it's harder.
Starting point is 00:10:12 And by the way, you're dealing with a generation of men who don't have that skill. You know? you're dealing with a generation of men who are less inclined to try to hit on you in real life. I mean, I'm sure when you go out, there's still some guys. But even back in the day, the hit rate of guys that you met out
Starting point is 00:10:30 was actually kind of low. Right. Well, I will tell her guys in their 20s in general. I don't know where you live. They suck. Yeah. The law of averages says most of them are not looking to date anybody pretty seriously. So go a little older. I would hang
Starting point is 00:10:46 out at like pickleball courts. I will be talking about it. Go to the orthopedic. Go to the orthopedic. Go to the orthopedic clinic. There you go. There's a lot of planter fasciitis. Yeah, I think the active scene, like joining some type of like, if she can, fitness or like league, you know.
Starting point is 00:11:08 Yeah, 100%. A lot of bars in Chicago have like, not just drinking, but like trivia nights, bingo. like there's a lot of like again I don't know where she lives but but you mean like younger bingo yeah not like old people Bingo if you will no just yeah
Starting point is 00:11:29 that's a tough one because she's up against all the other her whole inventory is likely on the apps right so she's she's up against that but I think I mean I'm married to Hannah I isolate to Hannah's DMs which is not using the apps but we had you know we were in the same business That's, yeah. I mean, she could try that, by the way.
Starting point is 00:11:50 You could sort of meet halfway and, like, slide into a couple of DMs of guys that you like that are somewhat within your orbit. So it doesn't seem weird, you know? She's got to meet enough people. I was assuming the medical field. Like, it's unlike a lot of younger people that, like, work from home. They're missing out on, like, meeting a coworker, going to happy hour, meeting their friend, meeting their roommate, right? Like, so she's got that going. I think, I mean, hang in there.
Starting point is 00:12:17 I can appreciate the old school way of meeting somebody, and you will. Oh, you can try these, like, I've never tried them. I think Ali Colbert brought it up, but, you know, there's some, what is it called? Chris, the, was it like the league? There's some apps that are meant to be for, like, more educated people. Oh, yeah, yeah, the league. Yeah, so maybe. It's like a bunch of Ivy Leaguers.
Starting point is 00:12:43 I mean, I think that's where the name is trying to sort of give that impression, you know? You have to do, like, math to get on. They have, like, a whole questionnaire. Well, you know what really sucks, though, honestly? I'm not just influenced by the fact that I watched the Louis Thoreau documentary last night about the inside the manosphere. But women, like, you're in med school, right? So you're already, like, a high-achieving woman. And you really lose a lot of inventory because men are so insecure that you're always going to come
Starting point is 00:13:13 up against, like, guys that, like, feel like they can't handle a woman who's possibly smarter or more successful than them. So you're not just dealing with the fact that the apps suck, but you're just dealing with the fact that, like, you're in a situation where you're, for some reason, you're intimidating a large proportion of men. And it's good. What's that, Chris? I feel like you weed a lot of people out that way.
Starting point is 00:13:35 Like that's what, yeah. I was just about to say that. I was just about to say that. But at the same time, it can be disheartening, though. You know what I mean? Sure. So she... Maybe like an animal shelter, like a pause.
Starting point is 00:13:47 No, but... Get you a stray. A man shelter. Stray man. So unwanted man. Yeah. He's a rescue. He's a rescue.
Starting point is 00:13:59 He's blind and has one arm, but he's lovable. No, um, I, uh, I do actually think that's a good suggestion because Hannah and I have had so much fun with our association with the Southampton Animal Shelter. Yeah. actually meet a lot of people. So volunteering at an animal shelter is actually a very rewarding, but also quite social thing to do. So now that you also just...
Starting point is 00:14:25 A minute clinic, just go give out COVID shots. You might run into somebody. Yeah. Well, that'll weed out the anti-vaxxers. There you go. That's a win. There you go. How many SDGs does he have?
Starting point is 00:14:37 You'll know. I think also just like try different things, like things that you wouldn't normally do. And ideally, like, things that somebody that you'd be interested in would be interested in, you know? Right, right. Yeah, that's the info we don't have. Stay authentic to yourself. You'll find somebody.
Starting point is 00:14:55 Running clubs are very good for social. You have to be into running. But, like, I never really joined me because I'm always traveling. But my brother, I remember my brother joined a running club. And that became a huge part of his life. And when he got married, like, a lot of them were at his wedding. So, like, I think running clubs are a very good way to meet people. but you have to be...
Starting point is 00:15:13 If you're a runner. You have to be into running, you know? Like, I like the volleyball stuff, but it can be quite hard to, like, you know, find good ones. Because I love volleyball, but I've always found, like, it can be hard to find, like, a good one, you know?
Starting point is 00:15:27 Anyway, all good suggestions. Let's take another one, Chris. Hi, I'm Morgan. First-time caller, long-time listener. A piece of advice I have. I actually saw it on TikTok. And the quote kind of hit, me like a Mac truck and it said, forgive yourself for not knowing only what time could teach.
Starting point is 00:15:49 And yeah, that smacked me in the face because I am my biggest hater and it gave me a different sense of perspective and actually kind of helped me learn to forgive myself. Yeah, so I left this in because even though it was a slight sort of misunderstanding of the prompt, I thought it was such a good, because we did a slogan one a few weeks ago. That is a good one. That's like a deep one. It is. Can you time say it?
Starting point is 00:16:15 For not knowing only what time could teach. Yeah. I mean, I think that's amazing because, well, it's also shameful, right? Because when you think back to just like things that you either believed or, you know, things that you did that you just now know are like either bad or stupid or, you know. So. Yeah. Well, first of all, Morgan, thanks for, I mean, I don't know what my TikTok out. algorithm is, but I don't get like a motivational quote.
Starting point is 00:16:45 What is your TikTok algorithm? But what is your TikTok algorithm? I don't even know. It's like just people being really mean to me and saying that I have no upper lip and someone told me I look like David Spade the other day. I was like, I need to go back to Facebook where everybody's nice. That is not true. Is everyone nice? Yeah. Is everyone nice on Facebook? No, I do it. I murder on Facebook. It's like my aunts and uncles. My aunt's And so funny, we love you. TikTok's like, you're a loser. That's where boomer light comes from.
Starting point is 00:17:16 Boomer late. Yeah, you're getting a boomer love, yo. I, that's an amazing quote. I think forgiveness, like, for both yourself and others, it's like, I find, I was telling my kids this other day when they're, like, arguments with their friends, the best feeling is when you make up with somebody, right? Like, when you can get past any type of friction. Yes.
Starting point is 00:17:40 And I feel that way about forgiving yourself, right? Like being able to just move past, you know, decisions or things that happened or you've done. I think it's, it requires a lot of maturity and a lot of self-awareness. And, you know, if you're doing that at whatever age you are, you're ahead of the game. I think from a mental health standpoint, too, like forgiving and forgetting. I mean, you ever meet people that have these insane grudges? Like, they're hard to be around, right? Yes.
Starting point is 00:18:08 So I love that. Yeah, the problem is that, because that's a very good analogy, like the kids, like when you think about when you're young and just like all the times you fell out with your friends or like in our day out to be honest, like, we can kick the shit out of each other like over a game of baseball and then like three hours later your friends again. But like, you know, you figure out a way you get over it. But for some reason, the forgiving yourself part, like I have definitely forgiven others for a lot worse things than I've let go of myself. or certainly I let go of with a lot more resistance, things of myself that were quite minor compared to things that I let go of with my friends. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:47 And so it is hard. It is funny to the holding on. Like I still sometimes to this day will be like on a train or in a car and I'll just like, Hannah actually catches me sometimes. She'd be like what? And I'd be like, I was just thinking, I'll speak out loud, but then she'd be like what?
Starting point is 00:19:03 And I was just thinking about like something stupid I said like 10 years ago. You know, it'll be so visceral that, like, I'll react, forgetting that, like, I'm in a public space. Yeah. So it can be hard to let things go. Yeah. No, forgive yourself. I love that.
Starting point is 00:19:22 Thanks, Morgan. Chris, do you find it hard to forgive yourself? I got to send me some things on TikTok that make me feel good. Yeah. Follow Maggie and send her inspirational. That was a good one. We had an episode about the quotes, but that's, like, that's a good one. Because, like, honestly, the wisdom of hate.
Starting point is 00:19:38 It's like you never want to tell people like, listen, I know I asked you a question, Chris, but I remember in my early recovery, you know, you get sponsors and I was trying this new sponsor and whatever problem I came to him with, he was just like, listen, that's just because you're young. Like when you're older, like that, like you're going to grow out of that. And I remember I actually asked him, I didn't actually then ask him to be my sponsor because I was like, why would you dismiss me on my age? But when I get older, I thought about that thing. And I was like, of course.
Starting point is 00:20:10 Like, he just knew. And you can't know. Yeah. It's so hard when you're that age. It feels like you're never going to come out of it. Do you find it hard to forgive yourself, Chris? Yeah, for sure. I think you got to just give yourself grace.
Starting point is 00:20:25 Like, it's a learned thing over time. Yeah. I think when you're really young, it's hard to forgive yourself or understand that, like, it's okay. And everybody messes up. But once you have the context, everybody makes mistakes. You're, you just got to kind of grow into it, I think. But yes, easier said than done, just in case there's anybody out there being like, how do they do it?
Starting point is 00:20:45 Easier said than done. Anyway, thank you. Great suggestion there. Chris, let's take another. All right. Hi, burner phone. So here's my situation. My partner and I, we recently decided that one day in the future we want to have kids.
Starting point is 00:21:03 I originally didn't want to have kids just because I have a lot of. of anxiety about being a mom and being pregnant, but I've realized that I want more family, and the best way to have more family is to make more of yourself. So now we both decided that we want to take this step together within the next three years or so. But my question is, how do you maintain your sense of self when you're having a kid? I feel like a lot of people, they just become so wrapped up in being parents that that becomes their whole identity. but I worked very hard to establish myself. I got a PhD.
Starting point is 00:21:41 I have career goals. So I just want to know how do you still be yourself, even though you're a mom. Thank you. Bye. Sorry, Maggie, this one's all on you. Well, first of all, I was like, it was funny her describing the reason to have kids. She wants, like, more family, right? That's an interesting way to, like, put wanting to have kids.
Starting point is 00:22:07 right, that you want to extend your family. I actually like that. It's very technical. I'm like, you could also start with like a pet just to make sure that you... Are good at looking after things. Animals are family. How do you not lose yourself?
Starting point is 00:22:27 Well, assuming, you know, PhD career, she's doing something, you know, that she's good at, that she loves, that she's worked hard towards. For one, having kids, no matter how hard you are going to try to have a plan for that child, for your partner for you, once that kid comes, it all changes. And your priorities and your agenda and your plan are going to change just because. I mean, it's inevitable that this now person that you're responsible for, I mean, it's overwhelming, especially as the mom, like, giving birth and then having this baby, like, you have to take it home and you're like, wait, what? I've got to, like, make sure it continues breathing.
Starting point is 00:23:16 Like, it's an overwhelming, the first year is an overwhelming emotional, you know, amazing, but it's a challenge. What I would do before you, you know, have, if you can, you know, get pregnant or have a baby is like kind of write out a plan for yourself. in the sense of like I had goals. So I owned a company for a long time. So I had a business partner. She took maternity leave and I took maternity leave. So I knew I had like three months off work. So I kind of had a regimented, a regimen of like what was going to happen.
Starting point is 00:23:50 I would get a nanny. I'd go back to work. I would commute. Now, some of those things changed a bit. But I would say, you know, having somewhat of an outline of a plan with you and your partner of like, what's life going to look like? Are we going to get help? Are we both going to work?
Starting point is 00:24:06 What are the hours? starting small, I know that seems tactical, but it'll help you navigate things. And also maybe not have surprises with your partner. Like, oh, I didn't realize this was going to be this much work or that I would be coming home early. You know, again, all of that's going to kind of go out the window when this baby comes because it's going to be this amazing thing and addition to your family that you may change your mind.
Starting point is 00:24:31 You may have a Ph.D. and worked your ass off for 10 years, but you might say, I'm a mom now. I want to stay home. So give yourself, you know, grace and however it turns out, you sound like you're a planner and you're thinking through this. That's really smart. You know, it's okay to have a little bit of anxiety around it, but it's an amazing thing, especially if you know you want kids and you're going to be a good parent. Like, you're already ahead of the game, right?
Starting point is 00:25:01 You're thinking about this three years in advance. So. Do you think she should wait three years? This is like, obviously it's a personal choice. Three years is a funny number because it's far as farther out than like most people that are. That's what I mean. She sounds like somebody like that has a plan. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:18 Although I have to say from my, this is just my experience of like the life I've lived, my friends and stuff. I feel like most of them when they actually decide probably were like the ones that kind of like got lucky. and like it happened straight away, we're happier than the ones where it took time. So sometimes I feel, I feel like just from watching the struggles of like, you don't know, you know, you could you could chuck one down and get lucky or it can take like a while. It's like sometimes it's like if you're thinking like in three years, I think it's almost better to just like start now.
Starting point is 00:25:51 And if it happens early, so what? Because you'll figure that out. That's just my personal thing about the timeline. Yes. And you're probably talking to us about women like my age. So I did IVF. I got married a little late in life. I had a company and I didn't want to wait.
Starting point is 00:26:09 And science is amazing. I had good insurance. And I was like, we tried for a little bit. And I was like, oh, let's just. And I blame the milk. I think the milk that we were drinking. I was drinking skim milk in the 80s and 90s. And I think that's why I could.
Starting point is 00:26:21 I'm just kidding. It's like gray water. But to your point, the biggest thing that can be a separate. back if she's a planner and like is already thinking about this is to your point like it not happening right away that's where the anxiety and the depressed like stuff can really mess with you when you're like wait a minute this is now taking three more years you know so yeah I mean I think if you have if you're ready to go give it a shot but again you could get pregnant in 90 days and you'll be
Starting point is 00:26:53 calling us back to tell us that you're uh go fuck yourself but if you have anxiety I didn't catch her name if she said it in general, like starting earlier than later is probably the better thing because you never, yeah, these days, it can take a minute. Yeah. And also you kind of like, again, not from experience, but just from watching other people, like you really can have absolutely no idea what it's like. So there's no point in worrying about it because it's going to be so different than what you're worrying about anyway. So you might as well just dive in. And you can read all the books and you can read all the blogs. You can have all the apps. Like when that baby comes, it's a, it's a total game changer. You'll be, you'll be fine, you know. You'll be,
Starting point is 00:27:38 you sound like a good person. So we need more of you in the world. Yeah, in the future. Well, Hannah actually has an, like, it's amazing how many of her fans are like high achieving, high performing women. Like just girl bosses abound at Hannah. shows. Yeah. Which is great. That's who, I mean, that's that's who you want at your shows, right? That's the butts in seats that you want as people that women that want to take over the world. But you can
Starting point is 00:28:11 do both and I want her to know that. Like you can ask you to do both. This is not 40 years ago. You can, there's ways to do it all. Oh, by the way, and let's add that you decided at some stage to be a stand-up comedian. Yeah. Like, I have, I started comedy and then got pregnant like three months later. I was doing, I was doing IVF shots in the bathroom at Laugh Factory. That'll be a good passage in the autobiography.
Starting point is 00:28:38 That's in her, yeah, that's in her little baby book. Yeah, you can do it all. I mean, you could do stand-up, you could do whatever you want. You could also be a PhD badass and have kids. I mean, the world is very different. And I think the women coming up now that want to have kids, like, we've paved, we've paved a path for you, hopefully. We must do another, sometime in the future, do an episode of like just people coming in complaining about like some of the modern parenting trends. Oh, dude. I feel like, I feel like you would, I feel like you would enjoy it.
Starting point is 00:29:12 That's my jam. All right, Chris, let's take another. All right. Hi, Des, Chris and Maggie. I'm in a bit of a pickle. I've been in a relationship for over three years. now and my boyfriend and I, we have a lot of fun together. We laugh a lot. We love each other and we talk about a future together. However, he has been really set on wanting to see what it's like
Starting point is 00:29:38 to move out of the country for a long time now. And I'm much closer with my family than he is with his. And it's just always been really hard for me to imagine being that far away from them. And there's a lot of fear that comes with that and um you know just general fear of someone dying someone getting sick some like not being there phomo uh do what do i do i take the leap and and try try moving for a year or do i let go of this great relationship with a great person yeah oh man this one i mean i i know the answer but for me but they the dialers also know what i'm going to say, so I'll let you go first. I know, like, I know you're going to say, too. Oh, that one hit home. So I have, like, I have, like, adult homesickness. Like, when I travel, like, I miss my parents' house.
Starting point is 00:30:39 Like, I get homesick. I tell my daughter, like, she's like, what's this feeling in my stomach when I'm, I'm like, it's homesick? I'm very close to my family. I'm Midwest. Like, I never lived anywhere outside of Chicago. And this would be tough for me. And I want to encourage you to, like, see the world and travel. But I would say if your guts telling you that that's going to be hard for you, your relationship is going to really struggle because you're just going to blame him when you when you miss your family. I think meet in the middle if you really like this guy and travel. I mean, like if you, right, do do a couple months stays in places where you have an end date that you're coming home. But I totally understand the phone calls of like, I mean, I'm Irish Catholic.
Starting point is 00:31:24 Like every phone call starts with, like, what they're eating and who died. So I totally understand the fear of missing something. So I would say trust your gut. I know that's not the adventurous answer, but can you travel? Can you go to somewhere for a while and, like, come back? I don't know. I feel like I want to make some assumptions here, which is, like, it doesn't sound like she's that personally interested in, like, moving somewhere else. She seems like she really loves the guy, which is important, obviously.
Starting point is 00:31:53 but depending on age specifically too. This might just be one of those things where you get to a point you realize that you're not compatible or it might be a thing where you have a more serious conversation with your boyfriend and you realize like, okay, how important is this really that we relocate? Like out of the country is pretty drastic. Like you said, we can travel pretty consistently.
Starting point is 00:32:15 We can do all those things so that I can still see my family who I'm close to. I really care about them without just kind of, and, you know, not imploding your life, but making a really, really substantial change when you might not need to to get what you're both looking for out of it. Now, obviously, I'm going to completely disagree
Starting point is 00:32:35 with both of you guys as somebody who's lived away from their family most of their life. Now, be aware that I have lived away from my family most of my life, so I don't as much identify with the fear of being away from them. But what I will say is that living in other places has been some of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
Starting point is 00:32:56 And the great news about deciding to go abroad is that you can always just bail out of it if you're not comfortable. So I would hate for you to not at least try. This is just me. I would hate for you to not at least try. All your feelings are valid, obviously because it's great, Maggie,
Starting point is 00:33:11 you literally have that fear, which is great because I don't have it, so I don't identify with it. So it's good that you identify with the feel, like really give it like a validity when we're listening, but I would also say that it could be an amazing experience. And I understand that there's like some logistics in terms of what you're leaving behind, not just family-wise, but I don't know how set you are with like different things going on in your life. But if there's a chance to at least try, I would say it's worth trying before deciding to give up the relationship
Starting point is 00:33:41 because you don't want to do it. That's just me though. Yeah. But to your point, Chris, I don't, I didn't hear it all in her voice that like she has this desire to travel and live abroad at all. It seemed like it was, right? Like she wasn't like, we both have traveled before and we have this dream. But now that it's happening, I'm backing out. Like it sounds like a very much him idea. To Dez's point, though, you don't know what you don't know. Like you can try it out.
Starting point is 00:34:09 But I think like she, okay, let's reframe it around this. She said, should I try it for a year? I don't think you should try it for a year. I think you should try it for a smaller span of time. A year is a long time. If he wants to say I'm going for a year, you say, okay, well, I'm going to go for you at the beginning. I'm going to go with you at the beginning and I'll see if I'm comfortable. And like you can always have the other conversation then.
Starting point is 00:34:32 Yeah, if it works logistically to like get rid of your apartment, you know, like you said, yeah, I mean, you could do like a fun. So I post-college, I played basketball in college, so I was never able to study abroad because the season's so long. Yes. So when I graduated, I worked for a year, and then I took a year off and went to Europe and traveled and backpacked, actually with a guy friend. But, you know, look at it more of a, like, study abroad than if you're going to do it, if that helps you, you know, then versus like we're moving to Cambodia or whatever. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:10 I'd love to know where they want to go. Well, they want to go. It sounds to me more like he doesn't want to travel. It sounds like he wants to go live somewhere else. But either way, listen, the one thing I will say is that there are. are times in your life where these things are possible, and that doesn't last forever, you know? So it's kind of like if the opportunity is there, like I'm not saying you definitely should, but I am just saying that like homesick and all these things, homesickness and all these things
Starting point is 00:35:35 are very real, but also like very rewarding experiences to live in other cultures. And you, it's so easy for you to find a ground where you don't just have to say we're breaking up because you want to do this. Like, I really feel that there is, like, a compromise that could be found and potentially a reward for you beyond just keeping your relationship. That's me.
Starting point is 00:36:01 It's also the makings of, like, an incredible rom-com, okay? Like, you say no, he leaves, you drop him off the airport. He's traveling the world. He, like, grows a beard. He's got, like, he's doing all thin and, like... You have a big fight with your family.
Starting point is 00:36:18 You have a big fight with your family. You, no, she stays. This is the rom-com. No, that's what I mean. She stays and she ends up having a fight with her family. She's like, I stayed for these fucking lunatics. Her family, yeah. Your family, like, isn't that cool anymore.
Starting point is 00:36:31 And then she, like, runs into them, like, clean cut, like, on Wall Street. And they end up together. Yeah. I don't know why Wall Street. Like, but he's no longer traveling. That guy's always on Wall Street. You were, that's cast it correctly. They're crossing paths.
Starting point is 00:36:46 She's, like, she's like in corporate marketing. and like he's got a penhouse and he invented something in India and now he's... Yeah, so it all works out. You gave him the freedom to travel, yeah. There you go. Anyway, great, great question, like a great advice question
Starting point is 00:37:02 and a great... Because Hannah and I always agree, we're always like, just go. Like, trust me, just go, you know? Yeah. But we're also like, she, again, athlete, you know, she traveled a lot. She's used to be in a way, you know?
Starting point is 00:37:15 Hey, guys. Of course I love Revolve because sometimes I get to pop on Hannah's burner phone edit and pick out little surprise presents for her Hannah loves Revolve because it has so many amazing options for the insane amount of events that she needs to go to, shows she needs to do.
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Starting point is 00:43:13 Hey, Dezen, Chris and Maggie. I'm just sending in for the general advice episode. I am 26. Wait. No, I'm sorry. I'm about to turn 25. My boyfriend is 25 about to turn 26. And we've been together for about three years.
Starting point is 00:43:33 He's wonderful. We love each other. And we're just kind of, like, waiting to get engaged right now. Definitely know we want to marry each other. And I'm just wondering, like, we want to have kids, be like babies. But, like, how many do we have? Because it's kind of expensive and, I don't know, having babies, like, sounds fun to both of us. But, yeah, it's expensive and, you know, risk and reward.
Starting point is 00:44:03 How many babies do I have? Very simple question. to answer first i would come on i like i'm gonna say two but that's because i'm still living in like what they say you should do mode rather than the experience of having them like whenever anybody i know that has two kids says we want to have another i'm like you're out of your fucking mind that that's what i say yeah yeah you want to be man to man once you go three your zone defense so two is a great number i would say if you're going to have one have more than one so they have they have a sibling. That's no knock on only children. I think I think two's a great number. I'm I'm of
Starting point is 00:44:46 the like I'm a giant I we have four but we're a blended family and we have three boys and my daughter but but I have I mean I have 41st cousins like my my family breeds right like yeah but I think let me answer let me say this children are not expensive until they're much older, so you're not, like, going to be breaking the bank in the first few years, you know, it's much more the financial last, you know, it's not financial, it's more the emotional and physical toll. It'll take on your relationship and your marriage. You guys are young, so my advice would be have fun for a few more years and have kids in your 30s, but two is a great number. I mean, I think, I think any more, you know, three, people get into the
Starting point is 00:45:35 four or five, like financially speaking, as you look at, like, the, cost of like education and like the way the world is going financially like having more you know can you afford them and then setting them up for success like as my kids going to college it's like that's where it gets expensive i think two is a great number um so no i'm not i'm not of the like have as many as you want like i think responsibly speaking to get a mortgage and like insurance like that's where it gets tricky but have have two do the mortgage company have a look if you have three kids and think about that? Is that like one of the things they factor in?
Starting point is 00:46:12 No, they might at some point. I just think like how hard it is to even get a mortgage and have a house or a home that can comfortably sleep. Yes, the amount of kids. Yes, exactly. Just the cost of it. My sister-in-law, her sister, who's my age, I grew up with her, has 10 children.
Starting point is 00:46:31 She's 43 years old. So two basketball teams. Do you think of everything in terms? You think of everything in terms of... I know. I don't know why there's so many sports references. Two basketball teams, they have a sprinter van. Yeah, like he needs like a CDL to take the kids to school.
Starting point is 00:46:52 And so I think... And they're great parents, great kids. I mean, they're like raising each other. But I think... I don't think it needs to be much more than that. Yeah. Anyway, good question. By the way, I didn't just tell people to message in about children.
Starting point is 00:47:06 But we did get... We did get a lot of them. Go ahead, Chris. Let's run a few out now because we got some deep ones still. Okay. Let's see here. Yeah, we can go deep. Let's go deep.
Starting point is 00:47:21 So I'm like very close to breaking up with my boyfriend. I'm like 90% sure I'm going to do it pretty soon. He's a really great guy. I love him dearly. And he has an amazing relationship with my four-year-old son. son, like very sweet. They just love each other so much. And I don't want to take that away from either of them. And I just like don't even know how to explain that to my son that like they might not see each other again or I'm really not sure what's going to happen. But yeah, so any advice
Starting point is 00:48:08 is welcome. Thank you. This is always such a difficult dilemma. I've seen this. I've never experienced it, but I've seen it. It's never easy. I would say that it's emotionally going to be hardest on her, but the kid will be fine.
Starting point is 00:48:25 First of all, four is really young. And in his sweet little mind, this is like your friend. You know, I'm assuming this person has not identified as like the father or he's not calling him dad. He's calling him Justin, whatever his name is. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:45 It's going to be hard for you for a little bit, but your son will be fine, assuming that you want to move on and date somebody else. I probably wouldn't try to have this person in their life, not to be rude to him, but I think, like, when your son's six, seven and eight, like, that's when the age has become, like, they'll start remembering those people. Four is really young, which is a good thing. Yeah, I think if you know 90%, you don't want to be. with this guy. I don't think you need to like within respect of like you don't need to keep him in his life for for either of their sakes. I think that'll be harder on both of them like later on because let's say you're dating a new guy and it's like, where's Justin? Justin's taking me to the park. That's. Yeah. Wow. Where it gets it's like mom's got a lot of Justin's.
Starting point is 00:49:35 He doesn't know that it's, you know what I mean? He doesn't know that it's romantic. I'm assuming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's notary parenting. and assuming like he hasn't taken on the dad role, you know. Right. Yeah. It's such a tough one. I've seen it like and I've seen the, I've seen the hurt.
Starting point is 00:49:52 It tends to be the guy. Like I've seen the hurt guy who is like, dude, I had a real relationship with this kid and, you know, like I feel like I should still be involved in his life. And then, you know, I've seen it being difficult for the woman for exactly what you were just saying. And like that is always difficult.
Starting point is 00:50:08 But it's so interesting that I would never think about how like at that age, like they will kind of move on quicker than you think? They will move on in a heartbeat. Like my nieces and nephews are much older. And when I was in my 20s, 30s, they met a few of my guys I was dating. And like back then I have like pictures of them. Like where's this?
Starting point is 00:50:29 Like they forget. They don't. Now I'm married. My husband is, that's the best part about him being four is like they're like goldfish. You know, they might bring that person up and that might hurt your heart for a little bit. But the best thing would probably be to just.
Starting point is 00:50:44 try to part ways amicably. And the guy will be okay. I mean, to your point, the guy might be like, oh, I'm kind of bummed. The guy down the road is, if he's not with you, doesn't necessarily need to have this person in their life. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:59 Very good advice. See, this is why I put it out that you have more life experience. All right. I would have struggled on that one. I really would have had very little advice. You could always phone me. That way.
Starting point is 00:51:15 Okay. Excellent. Go for it. Hi, Des, Maggie, and Chris. I'm starting my master's in September, and I was wondering what you guys think about me moving out of my house, even though realistically I could commute back and forth like I did for my undergrad. I feel like at 26, I should have some kind of independence away from my emotionally unavailable. I'm very controlling and micromanaging mother.
Starting point is 00:51:44 And if my sister ends up moving away, for school for her master's. I think it would be a really great opportunity for me to just take control and move out, even if it's for like only the eight months of the program. Anyways, thanks for the advice. Bye. Get out of there.
Starting point is 00:52:02 Hell yeah. We're going to be unanimous there. Let's go. I mean, it never hurts. It never hurts. Even regardless of like the way that you kind of read your mother, the riot act there, I love it. Even before that, I would have said,
Starting point is 00:52:17 it because at the end of the day, if it hits you too much financially, you always have the option to go back. And like, there's not that many people that have regretted, like, experiencing independence, you know? It's like, it's kind of essential for growth regardless, you know. It is because I think the longer you sit in comfort financially and at home, the easier it will be to stay there. And I think once you move out, like, I remember coming back from college, you're like, oh, God, I love my parents, but like, I want my own space. And it will just, it'll motivate you to like keep working harder to have your own place, save up money. It's a, it'll be the best decision of your life, I think, to do this. And I also think this is like the
Starting point is 00:52:58 last episode where the girls said the mom was doing the laundry. I'm sure your mom is still going to, you know, you'll still see your mom as much as you want. You'll go home to eat. You'll go home to do laundry. Like, I would definitely move out. All right. Since you brought up the last episode, you seem to be so familiar with it, let's Chris, let's get the sock up. Hell yeah. Chris wanted to start with the sock update guys. Hey, burner phone. I actually sent in last week about the, about the socks. And honestly, wool is a great fabric, so I just washed them, and it's very resilient, so it kind of went back to normal. Like, the socks are normal size again, so I can wear them, and they're completely usable. And I did leave out that I actually
Starting point is 00:53:47 left the socks in his dirty laundry because I was too lazy to walk over and put them in my dirty laundry. So he did his laundry and my socks showed up in his clean laundry. So he wore them to his basketball game because he was just looking for a pair of socks, honestly. So we talked about it. We landed on the solution that it's really none of our faults, but I definitely hit some truth there. I'm more of the asshole than I then I came off to be. What a moment of
Starting point is 00:54:22 reconciliation. Three sides every story. You know? But hey, we so often ask for like the follow-up and we very rarely get them. So, and this one, we spent a lot of time. We were very passionate about. At the other side, I know. Well, we were just passionate
Starting point is 00:54:38 about like men to women. Like, men can't use women socks because you stretched them out. And it's nice to get, it's nice to get that feedback. And I think it also makes us feel like, like the Bernaphone family, like we're all in this together.
Starting point is 00:54:56 Yeah. And also, I just want to point out that this is a, this is a momentous episode because this is the first episode that the prompts have entirely come from the previous week's episode. I did not post.
Starting point is 00:55:10 Hannah didn't post. And we had a lot of, a lot of messages that came through during the week. Did I think of next week's prompt? No, I did not. The funny thing about are you the asshole is like, is a lot of it is like, I assume the stories would be like them calling in like,
Starting point is 00:55:31 am I? But it was always about maybe the other person being the asshole. Yeah, it's like, it's kind of like a reverse psychology of like, am I or is he? And it's like, that's a very female thing. to do is like kind of throw in a gaslit story of like by the end of it you're like actually he is but in fairness to her even the initial story was a little bit tongue and cheek like it was it was one of the lighter more fun ones but it was also like very easy it was like easy to talk about but yes
Starting point is 00:56:02 you know actually with the emma the ass all the actual Reddit and stuff I think that you know there can be a bit more give or take but I think there's a little more anonymity on Reddit. So when you have a bit more anonymity, you can be like, listen, like, I think I might be the asshole here and you'd be honest about like. Whereas here, it's like, it's still somebody's voice. Right. Yeah, there's like a person there.
Starting point is 00:56:25 Yeah, it's like a lack of anonymity. So I feel like if you're messaging in with your own voice, you're not going to be like, listen, you know, I fucking, I shouldn't have done this and I did it on my own asshole, whatever, you know. But it was definitely a fun episode. Yeah. I guess what we could do for next week. dialers is
Starting point is 00:56:44 we could just do like a free-for-all, like just message in about whatever you want. And we've done that once before, like a roulette, because I didn't think of a topic. But the good news is that if that doesn't work out, I can just post a prompt. But like you guys message in about what you want,
Starting point is 00:57:03 follow-ups, things you want to talk about, any previous themes, go through the old episodes, anything at all, just message in. I'll pick through them. But let's do a couple more before we, you're okay for a bit more time, Maggie. Yeah, I'm good.
Starting point is 00:57:20 Okay. How about is Burner phone sleeper, a good one, does? Oh, that's again, that's not a, that's, let's play that for fun. Well, while we're in the lighthearted section. Hi, Des, hi, hi, Chris. So I just wanted to call in because I was listening to your podcast of a couple weeks ago about the girl from,
Starting point is 00:57:41 one of your shows that says that she listens to the podcast to like fall asleep and whatever and I just want to let you know that I do the exact same thing so I have chronic nightmares so every night I have nightmares and the only thing that I found to help is CBD and listening to podcasts to go to sleep and bird phone is just like super calm there's nothing that like makes me feel like overwhelmed or anything and like I think your topics are so interesting so I do the exact same thing. So don't take it the wrong way because it's fantastic. And I also listen to your podcast all day at work.
Starting point is 00:58:17 So you guys are great. Love you so much. Bye. Yeah, Maggie, I don't know if you know this, but every week, Des and I put billions, maybe even trillions of people to sleep with this podcast. So we're really doing a service to the sleep.
Starting point is 00:58:30 Yeah, somebody had come up to me at a show and said that I love falling asleep to your podcast. And, no, I have had a lot of, like, I've had a lot of people message to say, yes. like we fall asleep to your podcast. Yeah. And it is very, as a comedian, it's like, it's hard to accept it as a positive,
Starting point is 00:58:50 even though I know that it is because I fall asleep to podcast that I love also. Yeah. You know? And I'm not thinking it's an insult to that part. I think you're good as long as people aren't falling asleep at the show does.
Starting point is 00:59:01 I think this is just, I mean, I've had that once or twice, but it's severely inebriated people. Sure. I think, Des, I was actually going to mention this, especially when you do your ad, It's so I love like listening to people that I know do an ad Because your voice changes
Starting point is 00:59:15 But you have this like very like romance novel voice Like it's very like it's very and Hannah too you guys both are like very And you're talking about like bombas and like you know bras and oh like Like you made baked by Melissa like sexual somehow Like baked by Melissa who I know her I'm like it was so far funny. Oh, you know the company or you actually know her? I know the company. I know, I know, I follow her. She's awesome. But he's, baked my, baked my Melissa.
Starting point is 00:59:48 I'm like, Des's, Des's ad voice is like very, I can see that voice is actually like a calming app. Like, it's very, it's like a romance novel, but you're talking about cupcakes and socks. Well, I'm actually, I can see it. I'm going to do, like not an episode, like a bonus episode, like an extra episode with no ads where I, I actually like try to talk for like a half hour about like funny shit that's on my mind.
Starting point is 01:00:16 But like in the calm app kind of. And yeah, you're like it's like waterfalls. Yeah, it's like I just don't think the war in Iran was a good idea. The dialers are sleeping good that week. All right, let's let's take a couple more bits of advice before we wrap it up, Chris. Oh, okay. Hi, Des and Maggie. I have a question for your advice episode.
Starting point is 01:00:45 My mom recently told me that she is engaged. And she's only been with this person for about six months. Some context, my dad passed away from cancer about a year and a half ago. So everybody in our family kind of thinks that this is too soon. I've never met him. I do live a couple of thousand miles away from her. However, I don't know whether or not I should just be happy and not share my feelings and be supportive or whether I should let her know how I feel. I would really appreciate Maggie's advice on this.
Starting point is 01:01:27 Since she is a mom, I think it's kind of a weird dynamic that it's creating, considering my sister and I are almost 30, and she's now going to have a stepson who's like 12 or 13. Sorry that she put it on you, Maggie. Wait, I got all of that. Who's going to have a stepson that's 12 or 13? Her mother. Yes. Oh, heesh. Okay.
Starting point is 01:01:50 So many things here. Number one, I'm very sorry about your dad. I lost my dad in 22 and my mom, I would be so happy if my mom were even like date, but she, she won't. In fact, we put the ring doorbell at my mom's house and she like brought like a friend over. My brother and I both were like, is she dating somebody? we're like spying on her mom. It's kind of a role reversal.
Starting point is 01:02:18 If you see like most movies, I've actually been watching the Kennedy, the love story where Carolyn's mom right before the wedding is talking to her in the bedroom about like, I just don't know if this is what you should be doing. Like I love you, I support you, but I'm worried about you. You're kind of in a role reversal where like you,
Starting point is 01:02:35 you want to have that conversation with your own mother. And that is a really tricky and probably a heartbreaking place because I'm assuming you guys are still grieving your dad and this is just probably kind of weird for you. The reality is, same as if she was telling you
Starting point is 01:02:55 not to marry someone or that she was concerned, the likelihood is she's still going to go through with it, right? So go into the, if you wanted to have a conversation with her, and I don't know your mom's volatility and, you know, her personality of like, will she take that and, you know, will that make her sad and feel guilty and not do it or would that make her mad at you?
Starting point is 01:03:20 I don't know all that, but I think the reality is she's likely going to go through with it no matter what. And assuming this guy is not a bad dude or some type of person that you're concerned about like her safety or anything like that or he's like with her for the money, like assuming all those things are aligned, I'm sure this is so hard, because I can't even imagine it. Like, we want my mom to, like, have a fella, like a friend in the church with, but I would be crushed if she, like, got remarried. Okay.
Starting point is 01:03:53 So I'm with you. But all I want my mom to be is, like, happy and have a person and not grieve every day for my dad. So if you can, like, kind of try to think more about those things. But I think it's fair to have a conversation with her. I think it's... Yeah, I think you'll regret not saying to your mom, hey, is this something you sure you, you know, it seems fast?
Starting point is 01:04:19 Because the marriage part is different, right? Because the marriage is unnecessary. I would say that, depending. She's 30. Mom's probably 60s, 70s, right? Maybe younger. Yeah. Well, shit.
Starting point is 01:04:31 The 12 to 13 year old stepson is... Well, that means he's probably... He might be a little younger. It's hard to know because you don't know about the guy. My, my, my personal trainer, you know. Yeah, my quick few cents, because I've actually, unfortunately, like, seen this like one too many times in the last decade. And there's just so, there's two different dynamics, right?
Starting point is 01:04:52 Because the grief for the spouse, just from watching it, is, I think, way harder than the grief for losing your parent. I really believe that losing your spouse is so much harder. And yes. I have definitely found that when they meet somebody, particularly when they meet somebody quick, it really is like a painkiller, like literally like an oxy for the pain.
Starting point is 01:05:18 And I think that that actually can be good, you know, because I think this whole thing of like, you need to grieve can be a little bit overrated because the grief just lasts for ages anyway. So if you can get like a little bit of relief. But on the flip side, I think that you are susceptible for like almost like teenage level infatuation. Yeah, impulsiveness.
Starting point is 01:05:37 And a teenage level. infatuation because I think you can confuse the relief from grief as like a deep love, you know? Yep. And the fear of going back to the pain is almost like a greater instinct than like I'm getting into something that's like good for me, you know? It's almost like it's driven potentially by like things that are like not the healthiest, right? And I have also seen families really struggle with the dynamic of the quick fall in love.
Starting point is 01:06:11 It's really tough on the kids. I don't blame the person who meets somebody and remarries quick, but I know that it's tough on the kids, especially when you feel like the sacred space of grieving is still like rationally, like not, you know, you're not like being irrational to be like, we're still, like, her presence is still everywhere. or his, in this case, his presence is still everywhere. So it's really tough on the other end. So I think it's very fair to have a conversation just around the quickness of marriage.
Starting point is 01:06:48 That's all. Because really, her falling in love with somebody is actually a positive, I think, for her. You know? I actually think that, like, her life is probably, like, way better now. And assuming, like you said, she's not being manipulated, I just think a conversation about the actual, marrying part because it just brings up, listen, man, it brings up your inheritance.
Starting point is 01:07:10 Like it just brings, it complicates a lot of shit. And by the way, I have seen people get screwed out of their inheritance by people that have deliberately gotten into a widow's life. Totally. And that's what I'm thinking through too. Like, are they moving into her house? These girls are going to come home and there's like a kid in like bunk beds? Because the steps on, I'm assuming.
Starting point is 01:07:33 is going to live with them. Yeah, that part too. It's a lot. He's like playing Xbox in their old bedroom. But like here's the other thing though. It's like, this guy could be awesome. You know, your mom can actually like the fact that she's suddenly going to have a step-kid.
Starting point is 01:07:51 And it can just be that they happen to meet quite soon after your dad died, but actually they're like a great couple and it'll all end up being a massive positive. So I don't think you should be afraid. And if that's the case, why should you be afraid to be like, why don't you just wait a little longer to get married? Like, why do you need the paperwork? You know, there's just like a lot of, you know? And if she says, listen, that's how I feel and I want to do it, then there's nothing you can do.
Starting point is 01:08:16 I don't think it'll affect your relationship to at least express, like, have you thought about putting the brakes on it, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Depending on like where the plans are at, I think have a conversation with your mom to help it kind of get off your chest, you know, and make you You feel like whatever happens, you can have this, like, very intimate conversation with your mom to feel a little better about it or hear her out. But, man. Because, man, I've seen the, I've seen the step kid, like, in the house of the recently grieved, you know, kids and the siblings. And suddenly it's like, what? Like, what, why is this fucking kid in our, like, you know, like, we're not over it.
Starting point is 01:09:01 Like, we can't. And it's hard. Yeah, a year and a half is, yeah, it's still pretty fresh. So I feel like I want to follow up on this. We want to follow up. You can DM me and we'll keep chatting because I want to see, not in a nosy way, but I feel for you as a mom and as a grieving daughter. It's tough, like, are you guys going to be, do you have to get bridesmaid dresses?
Starting point is 01:09:27 No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, all that. Is it one of those? So complicated. This is so tough. I've seen this way too many times. It's actually like unnerving. And just it's always really complicated, you know?
Starting point is 01:09:39 Yeah. I never had to deal with that because my dad died, but there wasn't a chance in hell my mother was going to talk to another guy. My mom, too. I mean, there's, yeah. It's the guy, it's the Irish guy. But also, like, it's hard to see her be so sad. Like, I kind of wish you had a church fella,
Starting point is 01:09:55 somebody to, like, eat bakery goods with and watch the news. Watch mass together on a Sunday. There you go. All right, Chris, let's take one more to wrap it up. All right. I don't. Let's go with this. Oh, do the dirty one, Chris.
Starting point is 01:10:14 You don't mind one dirty one, Maggie, right? No. Do the dirty one. It's kind of funny. All right. You see, I had it in parentheses. Hi, all. Love you so much.
Starting point is 01:10:25 Very random thought I had in the shower and could be too obscene for the podcast. But when a girl says, I'm so wet, is that this equivalent to a man saying I'm so hard? because like a man saying I'm so hard is kind of cringe, but the other way around I feel like it's beautiful but maybe that all goes back to the hating men. I don't know, but I feel like they're equivalent now. So thanks, bye.
Starting point is 01:10:50 I mean, I think guys just have like a grosser thing going on in general but yeah, I think it's kind of the equivalent. What was, did she have a question? No, no, she was just being funny. I just thought it was kind of funny. Because I actually, I have a joke about like, I actually think in general the public are less comfortable with like saying like wet and stuff. Like obviously outside of the passion kind of department.
Starting point is 01:11:17 So I just think it's a funny concept of the competition between what's cringe and what isn't. But of course, like what's cringe and what isn't is very like subjective regardless. Yeah. And I think what is moist is like everyone's least favorite work is. I have a bit. I have a bit about it. I have a whole bit about... What's in that category?
Starting point is 01:11:38 Yeah. It has much more than hard. Right? Hard is like... But let's get deep. Is that coming from... So actually, just because it's in my bit, but, you know,
Starting point is 01:11:52 there was an NPR radio documentary where this woman went all over America interviewing people about the word moist, trying to get to the bottom of like, why moist? Like, what is, why is moist? this like universally derided word, right? So her conclusion was it's because it subconsciously makes people think about a vagina.
Starting point is 01:12:16 And then she obviously, that's what she, that's her conclusion. Okay. From, you know, her like unscientific, but quite broad and quite varied sort of social groups questioning about the thing. And she really got into it, like different people trying to blame the way that it sounds or, you know, But her conclusion was that subconsciously it comes down to the like thinking about vagina and obviously like wetness. But then obviously she got deeper into it, which is like is this misogyny, is this sexism? You know, it is a very interesting thing because it is not an issue.
Starting point is 01:12:54 Moistness. But yet the word is just like because when I joke about it, I have a whole bit about this on stage. and I say moist a lot during the bit and people get really uncomfortable. Yeah. And that is an odd thing, really, when you think about it. Yeah. So that's kind of partially why I was triggered when she messes this
Starting point is 01:13:17 because I was like, it's interesting that she thinks that when you say I'm wet is like just so much easier than like I'm hard, right? And of course it's all a bit racy and dirty, but actually I think the opposite. actually think that if you were to ask a lot of people, they'd be more comfortable with, like, a man saying, like, he's so hard than so wet. But I guess maybe in phone sex, she thinks it's a bit cringe. Obviously, I prefer that I'm so wet, but that's just like, that's just.
Starting point is 01:13:47 I think it also stems from, like, women aren't supposed to talk about that. Yes. Amen. You know? Amen. Definitely not, yeah. Like, we're not supposed to use those naughty words. Yes. No, but honestly, I actually, this is my real take.
Starting point is 01:14:05 I think that society is fundamentally less comfortable with the concept of female pleasure versus a man, unless it's in the male space of pornography where then it's titillation for men. But actually, female pleasure for just for the sake of women being pleased is like, for some reason, more uncomfortable for people. Yeah. It's like frowned upon. Yeah. So that was my take from that, but that was just a silly thing to wrap it up. So anyway, thank you very much, Maggie. You guys, thanks for having me. Do you want to repeat your Instagram?
Starting point is 01:14:44 Yeah, so you can follow me, Maggie Hughes-Dapollo on Instagram. You've sold out already a show in Indianapolis and you've added one. We've added show in Indy. I'm going to be headlining in Chicago, May 19 and 20. And I'm going to have been out. at Zany's Chicago, yep. Zany's Old Town, Chicago. And then I'm going to be hopefully announcing some new stuff in a couple weeks. Amazing.
Starting point is 01:15:11 This was so fun. Keep an eye out for Maggie. Maggie actually featured for Nate Bargazzi in a massive arena recently in the Midwest. So pay attention, guys. Maggie Hughes-Depa-Palo has come. Thanks. I want to come on the road with you, too. I got to look at your call.
Starting point is 01:15:25 I know. Well, I screwed you there because I had to cancel because of my name. But we'll talk. No, that's right. We'll talk about that. Chris, it was great to meet you. I hope I didn't box you out. Very great to have you, Maggie.
Starting point is 01:15:35 No, not at all. Not at all. All right. Thanks, everybody.

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