Berner Phone - Erica Spera: Having Herpes & Gaining Confidence

Episode Date: September 9, 2020

Erica explains how the hell she got herpes, how it affected her dating life, the rules of hooking up with a std, and why crying is healthy.--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning Hell. Holy moly! We have a very special episode of Burning Hell today with one of my favorite comics and very good friend, The Incredible, Erica Sparrow! Hey, everybody. Thanks for having me. Did you like that intro? Excited to be on, excited to be on and get into all the horrible things I've done in my life. Welcome to hell. You've actually been from day one, a comic in the New York State community that has been so nice, so cool with me, so open, so funny all the time. And overall kind.

Oh, thank you. We talk a lot of shit about boys together. We love boy talk. But also a lot of positives, because we give credit when credit is due. You know what I mean? we do we don't bash all men you know we might have some tweets that are we don't bash all men just the just the ones who deserve it um but if you guys love hysterical informative and unfiltered podcast you have to go to shooters got to shoot um how's that pod going by the way because i know

i was on it in the very beginning it's honestly it's going pretty great uh we got a lot going on we're getting into a lot of drama uh so my half of the podcast is dating with herpes so the beginning of the pod was like i just started dating someone that was cool about it was like my first real relationship and then right in the middle of the pod we break up and then it's right back to like putting yourself out there you know so it's a lot of ups and downs it's like reality tv but with herpes which essentially a little just background on you she's incredible comic in new york city um performs all over and she was recently named 2017's tbs comics to watch as part of new york comedy festival she's been seen on tlc gotham comedy live and that was like an old bio she's

She's all over the place now. That was from your website. You did that to yourself. Yeah. I was supposed to have a more recent credit and then the world shut down as it does. So, you know, what can you do? Now my credit is I'm on Burning and Hell. How about that?

How about that? I've wanted you on for a while because I think the people who are great on Burning and Hell are people who are not afraid to be very open about things that other people may be scared of or people who are just open about their demons. And, you know, when someone meets you, you are like so. down to earth, so cool, very laid back. Guys, girl, girl's girl, everyone's girl. And you are very open about the fact that you have herpes. Yeah, I mean, I wasn't open about it for a very long time. And it kind of ate at me, especially just the world we live in is entertainment. So it's

like, listen, if I was to suddenly blow up, it's like, that's going to come out. So I kind of fought that a little bit. And I finally was like, I'd rather get ahead of that and just kind of own it. And also because I just knew so many other people that quietly struggled with it. So I was like, I'm just going to rip the Band-Aid off and be like, hey family, hey friends from high school, hey, comedy community. Like, I got herpes. It is what it is, you know. Okay, before you got herpes, what was your idea of herpes? What did you think about it? Did you ever think you could get it? Well, I mean, I never thought I would get it because I was the type two. One, always use condoms. Two, always ask all of my partners before we had sex, like, hey,

once the last time you got tested, have you ever had an STD? And partly that was the type of because I knew how common herpes was. Like, I had a friend in college get it. So you came with a clipboard. I mean, you know, in general I have the rule that's like, listen, unless this is like an exclusive, just me and you thing, like condoms for sure. Like that's boyfriend privilege only type of logic, you know?

Yes. I already naturally had all those things. And like, you know, I already was somebody that I wasn't super promiscuous. Like I just, I mean, listen, if my DMs were flooded, I would be. Don't get me wrong. You know? Like, I'm not shutting on people there. arm like look if it was coming at me you know every which way I'd be having you know the time of my

life probably but I just have never been that tight so for when I got it I just was like how the fuck did I get this like if I got this so many people must have it and sadly that's how most people feel or they feel like only super mischievous people get it which is not true yeah you're like Sarah should have gotten it 10 times by now this is fucked up I mean also just hearing so many people I know that constantly don't use protection with partners and don't ask questions either and I'm like you're you've been out here for years not using condoms and you never never even got chlamydia once or something you know and then I was like I get hit with the incurable STD first time like I don't even have HPV yet oh my god so who is the guy what's his full name what's his

Instagram no I mean I never I never even really give clues to who it is because it's very like if the point I'm trying to make is that it's not a big deal it's like I'm not trying to go out publicly and bash this person even though like yeah of course i was angry can you give me a play by play in terms of like how you found out if you told him how that went down so i uh was seeing somebody for a little bit finally have sex and then exactly a week later i have like two bumps on like a friday night and i was like what's this and it was during the summer my anniversary's actually coming up hot four years of the herb and uh so i like first was like okay is this one an ingrown hair because I just shaved, right?

Like, that's what I just assumed it was. And also, too, it's so hot out. It's like, you're chafing, you're walking around, sweating all the time. So I was like, oh, this is probably some sweating, some irritation. But I'm still a little freaked out because I'm like, I had sex a week ago. And I hadn't had sex in a very long time. So then my friend was like, yeah, just see what it looks like in the morning. You know, maybe go to City MD something.

Next morning I wake up, it's now four bumps and they're like white. So they look different. it was like a red bump and then it was like suddenly kind of like a white looking almost like a little cratery not to be too gross for the fans but i was like okay this has multiplied and looks different and of course i was freaked out and i'm the type that i'm like something's wrong go to the doctor get it checked right so i'm like first customer at city md i'm in the waiting room and city md has they train so many people so like constantly like different people will come in and do to check in with you because they're training medical students, which is a beautiful thing.

But it was like, how many people do I have to tell that I think I have herpes until someone looks at my vagina? You know? Like, I remember, like, just panicking being like, someone needs to just glance at this and tell me what's up, you know? Finally, someone looks at it, looks at it for like two seconds. They're like, yep, most likely herpes, blah, blah, blah, but just starts this spiel. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm like, can you look again? Can you check that again? That was very quick for you to just assume. and she just was like looked again she's like yeah and that's most likely what it is it's not a big deal yada yada yada we'll write you a prescription we'll take a blood test et cetera et cetera so by the end of like that day and i had a gig so i had to drive like in one day like six hours total like three hours down three hours back with two other comics in the car and i was just like a mess i just wasn't talking thank god they were chatty and monday that monday i got my blood results and it was negative

full outbreak at that point that I was like clearly this is something is it is itchy or painful yeah so the first outbreak is painful it's the worst one so that's why it's so hard when you first get it to kind of go back out there in the dating world because it's so fresh in your memory and all you can think is like the last thing I ever want to do is give this to another person and it kind of it takes time from like one having time since that outbreak that you're like oh okay this isn't a frequent outbreak thing like you feel like I'm going to be like this like every time or every time I have sex or like you don't know every person's body is different like a lot of women will get a little outbreak like maybe around their period because your home runs change or your stress is higher

so it's different for so many different people and like it really does take like having a couple partners to like even for yourself get comfortable with it but a lot of times you just you just have a pure fear in you because it's there's just a lot of shame with it. it. When you're not having a flare-up, is it contagious? No. So it's really barely contagious if you're not having a flare-up, but people like me and other people I know that have gotten it and the other person had no signs, no symptoms. It's like, yeah, it's not impossible. So if you- Was this a one-night stand or a guy you were hooking up with? It was a guy I went on a couple dates with and I did really like. So, I mean, I looked at it at the time being like, oh, we're like dating. But fast forward, it turns out he had a girlfriend the whole time. So it's like, oh, we weren't dating. And there were a lot of other sketchy things. So I guess the other thing, too, a lot of people are like, how do you tell someone you have herpes? And basically I got my, it was a good thing I got the blood results

because it came back negative that they were like, yeah, you clearly just got it. They're like, whoever your most recent partner is, it's most likely them. And I'm like, I'm only slept with one other person this year anyway. So I contacted both of them. The guy I was seeing, I told in person. And he immediately was like, are you sure this is from me?

And also he was like, at least you're not pregnant. And I'm like, why isn't that every male reaction to bad news. They're like, ah, pregnancy would be worse. I'm like, I think we both have an STD. So you're kind of involved also in that. So when you say it was negative, it means that you got. Yeah, I didn't have like antibodies yet in my system to fight it. So that's what all the blood test does. And then you actually are supposed to go to a dermatologist for it, which a lot of people think you should go to a gynecologist because you're like, well, it's on my vagina, but it's really just a skin condition. So that's

another way it's like it's very different from every other STD like it's not transmitted the way chlamydia or even like AIDS is transmitted which is the exchange of fluids it's literally transmitted like skin to skin contact so you're more likely to get it as a woman because you have literally more surface area on your genitals wow yeah so once you tell him and he's like oh at least you're not pregnant like where did that conversation go you know it was one of those things that obviously I was like crying and just like felt terrible that he was just trying to like calm me down and like I think it was like let's go get ice cream like it was very like you're like well my vagina is burning so put it on my vagina right now exactly like I didn't show him what it looked like

but I almost wish I did to be like yeah dude this is how bad it is because you know he claims he didn't know he had it and that's something that's like look he might have lied to me about a lot of things I'm never going to know if he lied about that or if he didn't because a lot of people have it and have never had an outbreak and truly don't know or I have type one which is technically what cold sores are so you could have had cold sores as a child and not even known and you technically have exactly what I have so you know you want to give the benefit of what's type two type two is I mean the only difference really is is type two is more painful and typically in the genital region it's because type one is so common that they've like rebranded it as cold

sores but like people don't realize that it's the exact same thing the medication's the exact same and also in both cases like it doesn't damage your health whatsoever I'm taking it sorry I'm like I know it's a lot of info no do not apologize it's great because I am not a big one-night stand person I like but I do enjoy having fun like if I like a guy whatever and I had a moment where I went on a random date with this very handsome lacrosse player on the date he was kind of annoying and then i we got really drunk i was like dancing at the bar alone with him like that kind of drunk getting a cab fall asleep in his lap that kind of drunk get back to my place i think we had sex and it was just like kind of a freeing thing lasted maybe one minute woke in the morning barely remembered it went

to brunch with him and he was like talking to me and i was just like oh I'm so not into this like uh and then he left and then I was seeing on and off seeing like two other people as well no but it was a very like when you're single you know you're talking a couple people one it was like kind of ending with one it was starting with and I had this random hookup and one of the guys called me and said my pee's burning really and I was like who are you fucking because it's not me I'm an angel baby I'm a and he was like you're the only person I've hooked up with and I was like what so I went to the doctor and they were like you have chlamydia tell anyone you've been with recently um here's a pill um

and I'll be gone and at first I was like oh my god why are people so scared of STDs this is like literally easier than getting a cold like I was just like on this pro like normalized chlamydia like I got chlamydia and like it's fine and then I had to call all the two guys and it probably didn't boat over well but one of them actually kind of liked me more because I think he could tell that it was like well she's not waiting around for me so we didn't end dating after that so chlamydia was honestly a positive experience in my life also it like scared me to be like wear a condom but that's why it's like I feel like I have a lot of empathy for you being like we literally had the same exact situation but like it just was a chance thing how did your confidence

change from like before having herpes to having herpes when it comes to dating um damn i mean look when you first get it it's like one there's so much shame around it but like sadly when i was in the doctor's office she's like yeah it's herpes it's like the very first thought that came in my head was just like you didn't you couldn't get a boyfriend before herpes how are you going to get one now like i felt like it just ruined any chance i had at any of that because it was like no one accepted you when you technically like didn't have this flaw or like this baggage or you know it's just like there's so many negative connotations around it and it just sucks like it just sucks so much and also like most people that get it it's like because it's not curable

it's like you're gonna have rejections for it and you know it's coming and I'm someone that like you know our podcast is literally about like I'll DM first I don't care I've made moves since I was in like middle school. Like, I'm not the type to wait around. So it's like, I've handled rejection, but it's like to have rejection for something that you kind of don't have control over and also like every doctor is like, oh, that's not a big deal at all. Or like, you wouldn't want to date someone anyway that like wouldn't accept you for this. And then you ask the doctor, you're like, oh, do you have herpes? And they're like, no, I'm a doctor. Like kind of thing. And it's just, it really is hard. And out the gate, like, when I got it, I was like in the best shape of my life.

But immediately I, like, drop 10 pounds because I had this thought in my head that was like, okay, well, for someone to be with you now, you need to be, like, really hot. Like, you need to bring it. You need to be in heels. You need to be wearing tight clothes. Like, you need to be so sexy. Like, you need to be, like, Scarletch-Ohandson sexy for a guy to be cool with herpes. So, like, for a very long time, my confidence was in the trash.

I was very depressed. I fortunately didn't hit the point that I like needed medication and I credit that to like honestly comedy is just something that you can do more of it you know you could just like make more videos tweet more write more perform more hang out at shows like thank God I had something to keep me busy to just keep me out of like some sort of depression and would really help me get not even necessarily confidence back but more like just really help me accept it and be able to. with it was just hearing other people have it and be open about it and like I found this um like a little support group I went to that was all women that just had herpes and it was so nice to just be like oh I can talk to people that it's like they get it and they'll also sit there and be like yeah it sucks because anything I found online or like publicly forum wise and stuff anyone publicly saying they have herpes was never single it was always people that were married especially with women.

It was always married women that it's like, look, I have herpes and, you know, I had kids and I got married and I'm fine. And it's like, yeah, but nobody in the trenches talks about it because it sucks. It sucks. And it's like, even right now, I'm like, I just got choked up telling the story. And it's like, I've had it for four years. I've had people accept it. I'm cool with it. But it still will always have a little bit of that like, fuck.

Like, I ruined my life sometimes, you know? And it's so crazy because, like, what? you did is something that so many people have done and then you think like okay what did i do in a past life to fucking deserve this shit and it's like but also like it's so hard for women in general to just be confident in themselves like without having a stigmatized disease that is so sexualized and like it's basically like the number one thing that like even comics would joke about like we joke about herpes oh yeah as just like there's no positivity so or understanding ever and like I appreciate you so much for opening up about it and I want to hear

more about like what positive experiences have you had in terms of dating and herpes like has it helped you like actually just be vulnerable with people in the beginning and them like and seeing their character for what kind of relationship they want like what has your experience been with that yeah it's very like the good thing about it for me personally is I was never the type to like be even a little bit vulnerable and I don't know if you feel this way from like playing sports but I'm like that comes from sports where it's like you can't emotionally react or you make a second mistake right so my whole life I've been trained of like keep your keep level headed keep it cool like which is great with so many parts of life with work it's excellent I never lose

my temper I never get too emotional like I can handle criticism so many parts of life it really really helps me, right? But the one part that I feel like it hurts you is in love, in dating. Because at some point, you have to open up to people a little bit more. So for me, almost like having to tell someone that I have herpes makes me put myself in a more open and vulnerable position that before I would completely avoid. Like I would never, ever, what, in first three months, ever get even slightly emotional or, you know, vulnerable. And it's partly because it's like, yeah, who wants to be with like some girl that cries all the time or whines all the time or you know isn't a good time basically right you're like I love crying to be honest this is this is actually huge I've only

cried on mine like twice that I'm like you got me Hannah I cracked I literally love you so much and I just want to hold you and protect you from everything in the world right now but I feel like it's not something that you can just say I have and like people like completely understand it like you else like I literally was like I don't even know how you can like spread it I don't know when it's contagious so you've probably had to have so many conversations that are so weird yeah it's very like the problem about it I think is many people don't know about it so people I've had be super cool about it like right out the gate whether it was just like friends or you know potential like partners they often have someone in their life that has it so they know a little bit about it or you know

like took medical classes or something because anyone that knows about it if I tell them their first question is like how long ago did you get it and then when was your last outbreak and for me I'm like that's the same answer it was now four years ago and the only real outbreak I had was four years ago and I've been good since and I don't even is that normal for a lot of people yeah because there's many people that have herpes and they're like no no no I only had one outbreak I don't have it I'm like you still have it like it's still in your system you know but it is it is common for some people they'll have like an outbreak once a year they'll never have one they'll like I said maybe get one a month like it really varies and some people

it's very stress related other people not at all so like I don't even take there's like daily meds you could take and I only take those if I'm like about to like sleep with somebody but I don't take it otherwise and I'm fine so at what point is the best time to tell someone oh man This, I mean, it really varies. I got the advice from a lot of men that they were like, just tell them, like, right before you're going to have sex. They're like, a dude with a bummer is not going to say now. Yeah, that's what a lot of people have told me to do, right?

Like, you don't want them to be dick dumb and making decisions. Right. Like, I'm like, or they have sex with you, and then they, like, the next morning are like, what did I just do? I can't believe, you know? Yeah. But here's the thing. Either way, I have never found that to work.

It only worked for me one time. One time, and that was it. And then also that person, like, never hooked up with me ever again. So I don't recommend dropping it like, we're both naked in a bed, about to do it. By the way, I have to tell you this thing. I have, from my group, we, from like the group kind of research of like everyone's experience is telling people, we kind of created this saying that is below them before you tell them. And here's the thing about it.

It more is being like, if there's someone that you haven't even made. out with you have not tested any sexual chemistry whatsoever right yeah and often it's like announcing you have herpes before even just like a really hot makeout is really putting like a wall up in physicalness between the two of you yeah whereas like say you've made out you won't see that authentic physical chemistry yeah like if you've made out a couple times it's like they you know they I mean essentially nobody has any idea when anybody has herpes right like you can't tell looking at a person if they have it so it's also like if you have this physical connection it kind of is in their brain of like oh this they're just as sexual as like anyone else i've

ever been with and i like you know what i mean because that's that also takes time now just getting like comfortable even when someone is cool about herpes getting comfortable having sex with that person and also vice versa them getting fully comfortable with you so like it has made me more patient which is a good quality but you know there's that theory that basically is like have some type of physicalness between you to like get comfortable see that there's chemistry right um yeah see if you even want to talk to like get into it with them sexually exactly right because i mean a bad makeup that's especially a couple bad makeouts yeah you know you're like i don't i don't even want to because if you can't kiss your lips up here don't let them kiss

your lips down there like i know so many people that go into a first date so nervous about like having the herpes conversation and i kind of tell people like date is if you don't have it in the sense of like you don't even know if you're going to like this person like you you have no idea a first date is and let them also get to know you for you and not your herpes exactly because it's like everyone has their own kind of baggage right um you know like Molly my co-coast on the podcast has like a lot of family drama and she's like I don't bring that up on a first date so it's like well why do when I bring up herpes on first date it's like that doesn't define me you know um a hundred percent right right

So it's like, there's been so many first dates I go on that I'm like, I just don't want a second date. And I'm like, this had nothing to do with herpes. This was not related to herpes whatsoever. It was just seeing if I have chemistry with a person, like, emotionally, you know. So some people do, like, be physical a little bit first or just, I mean, ultimately it's going to be like, whenever you feel like the right time is. I've had friends, they're on a second date and someone makes a herpes joke. And they're like, yeah, actually, I have it. and it's kind of like oh and then you know kind of like the cat's out of the bag because they just sat

there like I couldn't not say anything and that worked for them they're like yeah I just you know you got to own it whenever you tell somebody which is hard and the only way to get good at it is to tell people so the first couple people I told I was a mess and it didn't work out and it was partly because if I'm freaking out whenever I tell you you're going to freak out yeah if you act like it's a big deal it's a big deal to the other person you know like it's like if someone's like we need to talk I have something you know I've been meaning to say and they say something that you're like that's fucking nothing just say it like what was that build up for you know because some people tell people like over the phone because they don't want them to feel pressured to like how they react

facially to you which I think I co-signed that like that's how I've kind of been telling people after my ex is like meet them see if I like them see if there's some kind of connection and it's like less putting them on the spot like we're just having a phone call and I'm like oh yeah I'm like I've been meaning to tell you you know it's not a big deal but I figured you should know like I do have herpes et cetera et cetera and I always go you know if you want to talk to me about it that's cool but like probably just ask your doctor you'd probably trust them more you know because every doctor's always like yeah this is not a big deal at all like so many people have so even though you are not having a flare up you still feel like you should tell them yeah listen I'm not perfect I've been with people and not

them and it's something that I'm like look I don't judge people and if anything it made me understand the guy that gave it to me if he did know and didn't tell me because I'm like you're human you know and also it's like you take so many rejections and it's like you're just human but at the same time it's also like look the hookup game is very like you don't give a shit about me you're not asking me any questions like sexual health is on both partners because I really I don't I don't shit on anybody that's like yeah I just hooked up with this dude I didn't tell him like I took the meds we used a condom like I took all the precautions whatever um I'm not saying like that's for sure what you should do but I'm not going to shit on it because I've done it

and I'm not being like I'm proud that I did but I'm just like yeah I get it like do you have any like trauma with sex that like this traumatizing thing happened to you when like giving your body to someone I don't and it's crazy that I'm like I didn't know that I was so lucky you know like the most I've ever had that I would say is like trauma or whatever um would be like you're hooking up with a guy and you get the nudge to go down you ever gotten like a little bit of like a push and you're like whoa whoa even if I wanted to do that like even if I was sitting there like yeah I was fully planning on blowing you but the fact that you just nudged me like get the fuck out of here I'm gonna leave I hate I hate that move because

it's like I will suck your dick when I want to do yeah don't fucking touch my head yeah it's a very i will bite it now i feel like it's a very like college young age thing like where you know you're gonna have a little bit of a grace for the you know men in general that's who we sleep with some men or is that like a porn thing like guys watching in porn they think that's what you do no i think it's just like it comes with age and confidence that it's like you could just ask you know like i'm less offended if you ask than if you fucking nudge me but it's partly something that's like you know from my from my vibe It's very like, look, I would never push someone to go down on me.

It's like, look, if you want to do that, do that. But I'm not going to make anybody do anything they don't want to do, you know? Have you been giving a lot more blowjobs and not sex when you hook up with someone so you don't have to deal with the sex herpes conversation? I mean, recently now, but. Because in college, I used to love getting blow jobs. Yeah. I mean, it's something like, I hate to say it, ladies, but I'm like, if you go down first,

usually that is not getting reciprocated, specifically first time you're with somebody. But, yeah, I've had people that, like, I either told I had herpes or I didn't tell yet that I was like, you know, we'll do everything but sex kind of situation. Like, have I actively done the blow them before you tell them thing? I think only like once, once, maybe twice. Can someone get it from fingering you during an outbreak? Technically, yeah, because it's a skin condition. So you technically could get it like in other areas of your skin, but it's very, very rare to do so. um like it typically needs to be an area that like there is moisture so like kind of like if there was

like a cut on your arm or your back and somehow you know that got touched by like an infected area um which is why like you get it typically on your mouth and your vagina and also i've randomly known someone that got it on their eye wow yeah so it's like you never you never know the orifices you truly never know um can i throw a fun fact in i think a lot of people don't know i'd love i'd love a fun So one question I get from a lot of people is, like, can you get both kinds of herpes? And the only way you can get both kinds is if they're in different areas. So, like, if you have type 1 on your mouth, you can get type 2 on your vagina, but not on your mouth. And vice versa.

So I have type 1 on my vagina, but that means that now I basically can't get type 2. You can get type 2 on your mouth, but it is so rare. It's like 1 in 10 million. There's very rare cases of getting 2 on your mouth and 1 on your vagina type thing. So I guess I'm immune to number 2. so when did you tell your parents um i did not tell my parents for like over three years uh and i mainly only told them because i was going to have the podcast come out and i was being public about it and you know they're on social media they follow me all my cousins follow me all that stuff and we're

from a very very big italian family that tends to be more conservative about like sexual things in general yeah like i did a joke once in front of my parents that i referenced a blow job I didn't even like saying the joke I'm blowing somebody, but I referenced a blow job sexually, and they were very upset and very angry of me. And I was sitting there like, man, I got a podcast coming out in two months that I'm going to be like, I have herpes, so get on board. That actually was probably the hardest part for me was telling them, because it's like, look, I'm close to my family and I love them and I respect them. And it's like, you want your parents to be proud of you, like even if you have a horrible relationship. So that part really, I just felt like I let them down. And when I first got it, I really felt like I let myself down.

Like, I felt very like, how could you let this happen? And even for them, like, I basically was like, the fear was like, you know, your parents have pillow talk between them. The same way, it's like, I have talks with my siblings that, you know, are about my parents and not in front of them. And it's very like, I don't know what that pillow talk is, but I already anticipated them being like, what the fuck is wrong with her, you know? Yeah.

And especially growing up, you were a basketball player, right? Yeah, man, I did a lot of sports. I was always in a sport because it was like keep them busy. They don't get pregnant, you know, they won't waste time. But also, like, you're used to probably being, like, my parents love when I win and they love when I do well and, like, kind of performance-oriented. Oh, yeah. And because I'm similar in that, even, like, with love, it's like, if I'm, like, if I try my hardest

and work my hardest and do all the right things, everything should happen right. But that's not love. That's not life. Like, yeah, you can win a basketball game doing that or a tennis match, but I really. realize like life is about just like getting vulnerable and opening up and like dealing with all these fucking weird punches and ups and downs we're going to get that really are not logical yeah well it's like as you get older you realize your parents are just people that are doing the best they can you know and it's like they'll still be like some type of superhero in your eyes for different

reasons you know like I don't I've yet to meet someone that's like as caring as my mom or like as smart as my dad right like there's still this like high level I hold of them but it's like yeah they're also just people like you know they've screwed up too here and there it's like everybody's doing the best they can so you know i mean i guess it was good that it kind of was later in life where it's like yeah you guys fully see me as an adult like i pay my bills like i'm taking care of myself you know and a big part was also like you kind of hate to put a burden on them because they worry about you enough you know that i just knew i was like man like my mom was already worried about me finding someone before and i'm like oh also i have herpes

you know like I'm like she's still going to try to hook me up you know do you ever get in that place where you try to make sense of it in your head being like I think this happened for this reason now that it's like four years later it's weird because it's like that kind of feels like martyry to say but it's almost like yeah this was truly the first like real real big challenge I had in life um both personally and like I guess within my family you know because it's it's true it's like i was raised like you work your ass off and you get the results you work for so like this is something that was like kind of doesn't matter how hard you worked or whatever rules you followed and you know i always felt like i just tried to do the right thing and

be a good kid and it's like shit i did like quote everything right you know and i still ended up like getting an scd and it's like damn but at the same time it kind of makes it like you know like in my hometown it's small and it's like words out like erika spiro's got an TD, you know, and there's going to be people that are shit talking at like, ah, I didn't know she was a whore, which is not true. Um, but then there's going to be other people that have messaged me that they're like, hey, my daughter got it too and like, thanks, you know, like, thanks for saying that and like, I would like to think I'm an example of a kid that was a good kid and like, yeah, shit happens, you know, like, I know a girl that was valedictorian and went to med school and she like

got pregnant at a wedding at a one night stand. And I remember hearing that and I had herpes, but it wasn't public and I just remember being like how I felt was just like yeah you know what stuff happens and she's smart and she'll be okay and she's got a good job you know I'm like she could raise a baby like I have a you know faith in her but I I felt bad for her because I was like yeah that feeling of judgment from other people is so hard to fully get out of your head like it's always going to be there a little bit but that's the thing that like makes us try to be better people you know and it's almost like you took the narrative into your own hands by being like instead of people just finding out and talking about it and making up their

own stories of how things went down you were like not only am i going to tell my story but hopefully it actually helps people yeah how do you think that you've changed as a person from like before you right before you got herpes to like the erika sitting here now um i mean i definitely was someone that was would be very judgmental about it i'm not going to lie even though like i knew a little more about it than other people just because comedians are very open and there's other comics to have it, and I knew a girl in college that got it. But it's like, yeah, for sure I was someone that, if I was about to hook up with somebody, whether I was dating them or like one-night stand-ish sort of thing, and they just were like, hey, by the way, I have herpes,

like, not a big deal. We'll use the condom. I would for sure be like, well, hold up. Like, I'm not going to do this tonight. I need to like think about this or do some research. But most likely, like, look, if it was someone I was just going to hook up with, I would keep it moving. I'd be like, I'm not going to put myself at risk for an STD for one night of fun. right so it's like now i know it's not a big deal but it's also like i don't judge people for feeling that way because i'm like yeah i used to be one of those people like and it makes sense that i'm like listen as much as it's like i've never given it to someone i've had a handful of partners since i've not used condoms with steady partners and stuff like that and they never got it but it's like

look there's still a chance and you know some people are still going to reject me for it so it's like I don't know if I've super changed as a person it's more like I think I'm more open to other problems and stuff that people have like maybe mistakes in their past like if someone got a DUI or something like I'm definitely way less judgmental now than I used to be because it was like I didn't have any of those I didn't have like something on my record per se and now it's like yeah everybody fucks up you know how has it affected you your comedy career I mean comedy is very much on pause right now minus the last couple months yeah right uh besides that we all got fired um i mean i think in general it's made me a more open person and it's made me more like

approachable and i guess less of like that wall up that i always had like people were like you're always like head down focused working hard but you know i think i would like to think it's made me more open to people like i had someone i don't really know well hit me up two days ago being like I just got herpes. I heard you talk about it. And I'm like, yeah, call me. And we talked for like two hours, just like, you know, yeah, I know it sucks and the questions she had and stuff like that.

But it's, I would like to think it's made me just more open and like, I don't know, I guess less judgmental and maybe more approachable. Like that part I can't really know. I would like to think it did, you know. Where is your confidence right now? Pretty much back to what it was. I mean, it's more like kind of lockdown situation. we're all in is just like sucks for dating in general like people that are single right now

I know it's like you're like I have to make sure they don't get COVID and herpes right well if anything I'm like maybe COVID's going to really help the herpes community where it's like look we won't kill you yeah like you're not going to be bedridden and on a ventilator from herpes like herpes is nothing compared to other STDs already and now a national disease like you know like or maybe herpes makes us it's I don't know immune to COVID who knows We're going to come out with more studies. Yeah, maybe two negatives make a positive. Yeah.

But I do think also like before the diseases are like so scary and maybe people are now like normalizing the idea of like, yeah, there's a fucking pandemic. Right. And like having herpes maybe won't be seen as like so stigmatized. But you're so fucking open. I love you so much. I want to end with a final game that goes a little bit deeper. It's time to play the seven deadly sins.

Seven Deadly Sins What are you greedy about? I hate to say it, but probably money. I will often put work ahead of a lot of things, and I would hope that's just because I'm still in such a hustle part of my career, that it's like I've got to take any cash I can get, any opportunity I can get. I mean, that being said, I'm not going to, you know, take some money for something like I think it's terrible. don't believe in, you know? Or somebody, I guess, that I'm like, oh, this person treats everyone

horribly. I'm not going to go get treated horribly just for a check, you know? So, but if you are greedy about money, going into comedy isn't like the traditional thing people do. No, it's not. So maybe you're more into like being really successful at something, because you could be in fucking finance. You could have, you're competitive. You could have done sales. Yeah, well, exactly. Like, I hate to say this, but I'm like, money is the thing that makes me like competitive even, you know? Like, like comedy I truly love because it's like there is. not a lot of money in comedy and it's very hard to ever make money in comedy. So I'm like, but I'm greedy with like my time and money in the sense that I'm like, look, if I like like like

like like like you and I'm down with you, I am the most generous person in the world with both time, money, whatever, right? But it's like with people that I like don't value or don't treat me right. I'm like, no, you're not getting any of my time. And I'm certainly not letting you like cut out of like five dollars from me or whatever. Good for you. It's called fucking boundaries. And I'm working on that. That's why like when when I get sad like I had a breakup I the next month like had triple the income I had the month before just because I was like well I'm just going to work then. Like that's how like I get over like being sad.

I'm like I'm just going to keep busy. I'm going to double down on work because I don't have to worry about seeing somebody and having dinner with them and I can just. And show all the haters like I'm going to make money off comedy. So sit back and watch. Yeah. But like I've learned like you know a lot of times it doesn't it doesn't make you happier. You know like I'm just sadder.

in better clothes or something you know no i mean you're right i feel like there's a point of an amount of money that you like can eat what you want have an apartment that is like good enough for you and be able to spend time with your friends and not be stressed about it but then like any the all the extra money dude more money more problems is a wise ass quote especially with dating like i find as you're getting older like when a guy is wealthy then he has all like the money issues with this family and they're always you know there's all this extra stuff that yeah the problems just changed there's still problems or it's like with even success right like we do comedy but like say someone that does work whatever regular job there's always something to like

once you get success like once you have like just say enough money to take a nice vacation when it comes to like love then you're sitting there being like i wish i had someone to share this with so that even comes from little yeah it's like the taylor swift documentary yeah exactly like she literally took time off to be in love yeah she was holding all the grammies and she was like but i'd no one to share this moment with right and it's fucking true yeah that's like um i had that breakup and while i was dating that guy i was in the process of submitting to like do a late night set and we broke up and then i got the news like a month later that i was approved and i was going to be on james cordon right and i was so happy and so excited and then i was so sad

because the person I wanted to call wasn't in my life anymore. And even then it's like, I would be like come to L.A. with me. Like, let's go for a couple days. Let's like have a fun trip. And it's like something big like that, like I'm going to be on TV, but even just like a gig in a cool town that I get a hotel that I'm like, oh, this would be such a fun, bring someone with me. So it's like, no matter how much money you have,

it doesn't truly allude to happiness because like what is life if you don't share it with people you love you know i guess maybe that's what extroverts say no but it's also just human nature like that's why the pandemic has been so hard even for people like me who i think i like likes a long time you need to share your emotions and experiences with other people to feel human yeah and alive um speaking of other humans who are you envious of oh man a lot of people i mean i think in general a lot of times we're envious of people that seem like they have it all you know honestly this is so weird to say but like just because we just talked about love I'm probably right now in this moment the most envious of like my parents because I'm like they've been together

a long time they truly are in love their best friends and it's like I look at their marriage sometimes and I'm like damn I have never had anything even close to this so I think a lot of times I get envious of really anyone I know that's like truly in love and like having a great time as much as like you're happy for them like I feel so lucky that my parents are even together let alone like actually in love because many people stay together and they're like yeah it's more of a friendship now right so it's like it's hard because I think I also partly get envious because a lot of times they don't understand my situation because I'm like you guys met in college and then got married at 23 neither of you have ever been alone in hard parts of life so like I get envious because it's like

yeah when I go through stuff like not even herb is just anything in life I'm like it's just me like this is all on me to deal with and handle and sometimes it's like yeah it's nice to have a fucking partner to help me out like even if it is something like drive me to the damn airport you know and i also think that like your love story that you grew up with was two people who authentically loved each other so then you and your own head are looking for like that kind of healthy like amazing love yeah i mean there's nothing more exciting than actually liking someone let alone get into the part where they like you back you know but it's like a lot of times with dating my frustration is often more

I'm like I just don't like anybody you know what I mean and I hate when people are like you're being too picky and I'm like I don't think I'm that picky it's just like you know it just sucks when you're like there's not even little crush I have just like oh that guy's cute or something you know what kind of guy do you think is your ideal partner personality wise or we go in like appearance wise both I for sure have a type appearance wise that I have a type appearance wise that I tried to avoid and I recently discovered that also most of them are Libra's which someone pointed out to me and I was like I never even thought to look that up I'm not huge into astrology what are you I'm a tourist so apparently that's a bad match and as you can see it has not worked out so um it's funny

because I would be attracted to a lot of bad matches as a Leo I would date tons of Virgo's and cancers and they say whatever's next to you in the horoscope list yeah like that's what you don't fuck with those only ones I fucked with but now I'm seeing a Scorpio so we'll see um hello um okay so physically I got it down definitely dark hair um good teeth nice smile uh long like lean lean body like typically on the skinny side actually um so I go and uh deep voice because I have a deep voice so deeper than mine is ideal um but that's like a yeah if you put if you put everyone I've been with in a room. And the thing is, I'm tall. I'm 511, but honestly, height just makes you more attracted to a person, but it's not a deal breaker for me. I don't care. I love that for you. I've actually

found dudes that are around my size, like six feet, uh, are better in bed than dudes that are like six five. Why do you think? Dudes that are super tall, you kind of just always had women. Like, if you are really tall and you play to sport in college, you're usually trash in bed. Because I'm like, yeah, you just had... Oh my God, that's why I've had so much bad. You've had so much sex in the whole life. Yeah, like college for me was a lot of athletes. Literally my type to a T. Because yet, like, society teaches you. You go for the guy that, like, all the other girls like because of status or height or whatever bullshit. Then you're like, oh, no girl ever told you that you're bad at this. Well, also, because often it's like, look, if you had all these

women, you've constantly had groupies or whatever, it's like, you never had to learn. You get one and then you go to the next one. So it's like, I'm very weary of any man that has never been in a relationship because I think that's when most people learn and improve, like having a study partner or at least realize the joy of like pleasing your partner and like experiencing a woman having an orgasm. Once a dude experiences that, they're addicted to it. They're like, oh, I want this to happen every time. And it's like, yeah. But it's getting them to experience that first time that is like, yeah, a lot of times you need to be consistent with somebody. There's nothing hotter than a guy like being so focused on you and like your pleasure.

and because obviously like we are all trained to want a guy to be happy to so then you have two people trying to please each other it's called fucking more way more fun yeah personality uh you know what's funny is i know what i probably need but i don't know if that's necessarily what i'm always attracted to which is i guess the epitome of everybody explain um i tend to be more like structured and a little uptight and like i'm almost too work focused like i mentioned before that a lot of times I'm like yeah I need someone that is probably more sweet and more like stop and smell the roses to make me kind of stop and smell the roses but what I've found is when I like someone like the relationship I was in I was happy to like skip a work thing or a networking thing to

just hang out with them so I mean ultimately I think I need someone that is very confident because it's very intimidating to date someone that not only is very open about their life in like a podcast form but like on stage talking about life um and kind of cool with like them being the center of attention a little bit in that way because a lot of times every guy you know thinks they're funny and most people have a little funniness to them but there's something to like guys that are like too obsessed with comedy and like I've always wanted to do it I'm like oh okay then go do it but I'm not going to date you like I'm not holding your hand through this because no one held mine you know what I mean yeah I'm not your like

comedy, you know, to her. I want a boyfriend. Exactly. So I definitely want someone that's like loyal and basically just like respects women and if anything loves when a woman like makes her own money and does her own thing because I'm like, I want to have kids, but I'm not going to be just a stay-at-home mom. I just, I won't. I'll work at CVS if I have to. I don't care. I like having a job. That makes me feel good and validated and you've got to be cool with that, you know. Yeah. And I do think that you can, people can call you picky or whatever.

but I think at the end of the day like you're going to meet someone who like looks at you reads you knows what you're about and all those little things are just what he inherently likes and the same thing's going to happen to you when you meet someone and it's not going to be like a like picky picky picky thing it's just going to be too energies yeah or that's what I'm manifesting for both of us and I also I thought that I need like a little like wallflower to like let me shine or whatever but like I get bored with it and also like I want to root for your successes too too. I don't like being way more passionate about my life. Yeah. And then I thought, well, maybe it has to be very different. But like, I keep finding myself talking to comics again,

but there is something, it's, it's the kind of person. And I do think actually two people who are like, there's something hot about like a power couple of two people like working hard in their own ways and not being jealous and actually lifting each other up and not comparing and just like learning from each other. And it's hard to. fine but I do think like you need to be with someone who's fucking driven too because you won't respect if they're just kind of like um that's why I'm almost like maybe like a coder that's like very introverted but driven or like a writer like writers tend to be a little more introverted but they work their ass off and also I feel like it is it is hard for guys to date for female

comics if they're possess about like the comedy world but in general I think when we're not on stage like humor is a chemistry between two people yeah guys who were like trying to like do one-liners and like that's not that's awkward right feeling awkward I want to go home mom can you come pick me out neither person should feel like they're entertaining the other person it's like a relationship is improv it's not stand-up it's you know it's like feeding off of each other and having a good time together I love that quote you know what I mean a relationship is improv yeah and improv is chemistry like we're a team and I want us to yeah be laughing together because I don't like feeling like I'm first of all just carrying the conversation

conversation or two I'm the one always like making you laugh it's like yeah they say intimacy is two people laughing at the same exactly right which really like hit me because it's like yeah it's not just everyone's like I want to find a guy who makes me laugh yeah that's not intimacy or like I want a guy to laugh at all my jokes I joke about that but it's like no I want to shit on him and he shits on me and then we're like making each other laugh you can take two of the funniest comedians in the world put them together and they're not going to have good chemistry that makes people laugh but anyway. Yeah, it's an X factor. Yeah, but most people mean big through works. The comedian thing makes sense for all of us. It's like that's what we're around. Yeah, it's like we're dating

coworkers. Like I got on a dating app specifically to try to just get out of any comedy related people and I'm like, I just hate this app. Like I'm like I just don't enjoy it. So I feel like it's like it's a weird crossroads or especially right now it's like it's very hard to meet people in real life. So like what else are you going to do? It is a word standstill and that's why I think it's great we're doing podcasts and just like over-analizing our lives. together because that seems productive right what are you gluttonous about so like what do you overindulgent oh um i'm a big binger on if i get into a tv show i will be very unproductive and that's often why there's many tv shows i've never started the seasons because i'm like

no i will i'll be like i'll just watch it before bed and i will be throwing an episode on in the middle of the day i'm really bad about that and then also i feel like it's the obvious one but like food i'm I love food. I'm always down to eat. And that's that's a challenge to like not finish my plate. Yeah. Sweet or savory? I'm more of a sweet tooth. I'm looking for like a snack. So that's also a tough habit to break. When was the last time you experienced extreme anger or wrath? Last week when my roommate had her boyfriend just just start fucking with the toilet. And it was like 10 p.m. on a Thursday. And then said,

suddenly it's 11.30 on a Thursday. And I wasn't home and nothing was said to me about it until I got a phone call that was like, um, everything's fine. But, um, anyway, we're having a plumber come over. And I was like, it's 11.30 on a Thursday. Who are you? Like, it's almost midnight. Who's coming over? But I was just furious because I'm like, uh, first of all, this person's not on the lease. I'm on the lease. So I was like, whatever happens to the toilet is my responsibility. And second of all, I'm like, why is your boyfriend touching anything in the apartment? It wasn't broken. You know? And even if it was, I'd be like, yeah. we need to tell the landlord like this is not on us to do you know what the toilet issues bring out like a different like a deeper anger than any kind just something about like don't fuck with my bathroom time well also right now it's like I can't just like run to the gym and use that toilet or even like into a restaurant a lot of places like don't just it's not open you know literally going to the bathroom you take it so for granted but the second it's like like going to the bathroom at restaurants or social gatherings is like my literal favorite time of peace and like just like aloneness and like I can just like fart as loud as I want and I am in a safe

space. That fucking piss me off now I'm mad for you especially when it's like go use your own fucking toilet in your own fucking apartment. Well it's also a trust thing of I wasn't home and I was like so if something didn't go wrong and our other roommate didn't tell you to call me I would have just been left in the dark like i would have just come home to shit fucked up or fucked with and then suddenly i'm like why is the toilet not working and it's like this sneakiness that i'm like no i don't i'm like that's not cool with me i don't it's like a trust thing i'm like oh don't do that and that's how amber heard pooped in johnny deb's bed um when was the last time you were a sloth so like super lazy oh god i mean definitely early quarantine when it was still

cold and it was like we're not going anywhere because we all thought this will be this will be like really quick you know this would be a couple weeks like if anything i was like you know what erika this is good let's make you take some time off rest like i went through my closet i got like a big box to donate i'm like perfect uh yeah and then suddenly it was like nope this is for a long time we need to be productive how have you changed your schedule throughout quarantine to like be maybe more productive or like feel less bad about yourself um well at the beginning i was like let me catch up on sleep and then very quickly it was like I am staying up till 3 a.m for no reason watching TikTok or like I was finishing sopranos. My sleep is still fucked up. I'm like, Supranos is not a show I can watch before bed.

I still go to bed at 3 a.m. Every day and I have nothing to do. So like it helps that like it's brighter earlier in the day that I like sleep with my curtain open. So I'm like get up, get up early. Do some productive stuff. Especially because like everything closes early now. So I'm like it's not the New York it used to be. So even if I want to go get groceries, it's like, okay, well, it closes at nine. So you gotta get that shit in before i feel like every like 10 days i have a day that i just do nothing like i just mentally even in quarantine i'll just be like nope yeah that's important when was the last time you let your pride or your ego get in the way of something oh that's a good question okay uh right after the breakup or even during during like it wasn't a planned conversation

it was like we were having a fun day and suddenly i was like i think we are about to break up because like things get set out loud that you're like oh we can't go back from that like we were just talking about us and then it basically was like oh there's no future here all right let's get the check after like a pretty fun day yeah it was like it was actually Martin Luther King day it was like we both had off from work it was like let's go have a fun day right um but it's something like now going through a breakup and the whole uh you know the whole I had so many people be like you need to block them immediately like mute them and everything like get get them out of life and I didn't fully do all that because I was like no no no I I'm strong and I'm

stubborn that I won't reach out to this person right and you know I didn't really but it was like still that kind of you lightly keep in touch thing like respond to stories and all that and even like there were a couple times I was like hey we should not talk for a while like just like let this have a break because you know you know it didn't end badly so that's when it's hard but I mostly didn't do that because I was like if I get fucking James Gordon and I have success in comedy. I want you to see it. That was like pure ego. I'm like, I want you to go to my Instagram and see me doing so well and looking so good and doing all these things that like you regret it. Like it's an ego thing. I'm like, no, I want you to see me succeed. That's why like I don't block

X's or whatever. But like fast forward to like, yeah, like round three of like, hey, I can't really talk to you. It's quarantine. I'm losing my mind. Especially with herpes. It's very hard to not want to go back to any X. Like even someone that just was cool about it and slept with you because you're like yeah you accept it and I don't have to deal with rejection um but it was like basically I was like nah you got a I'm a firm believer now and like when something ends and even say it say it out loud tell your person like listen this really doesn't have anything to do with you but like you know we broke up I want to get over it I don't like seeing because what drive me crazy is seeing his name liking other people's pictures drove me nuts that was the thing that I was like the algorithm like

you're still that first name Instagram knows yeah Instagram's trying to still find with you yeah and I'm like there needs to be an option like because I muted him so his posts wouldn't pop up or anything but I'm like there needs to be an option that's like when I mute somebody I don't want to see I don't want to know what girls photos he's liking because he barely liked my pictures when we dated so that's like a irk of like oh you'll sneak you're liking all these other girls not me yeah you know but it was pure ego it was purely because I was like I want you to see this I love going cold turkey I also love using X's as fuel to just give me more motivation I mean we all do

You know That's why it's called like Revenge Body and stuff Use it for positives But I do believe like If it was meant to end It's meant to end And whenever you're missing someone

Remember the darkest time you had with them Because it's so easy to look back With rose color glasses It is so easy Yeah And speaking of boys When was the last time You lusted over someone

Oh definitely that guy The guy I dated For sure which is sad that's like god now feels like a year ago like we broke up in january like shit um yeah that was the first person in a long time that really like caught my eye and also i just really liked like really just was yeah it's almost like it is the rose color glasses it's like kind of can do no wrong those first couple months like honeymoon phase who's your celebrity crush oh oh for sure um it'd be like benjamin brat or adrian grenier kind of look slash john stamos they're all a little similar

like dark hair curly great teeth you have such a type i do i know i know i got a type i'm owning it not not too jacked oh michael ely fine yeah and not too jacked yeah that's also true so erika we have delved so fucking deep i love this episode so much but i want to wrap it up with the final question which i ask all my guests and you've gone through hell yeah we all have i want to know what advice would you give to other people on how to cope with your hell when you're going through it. A big thing for me is I'm very bad at like crying and sometimes you need to just go have a good cry. Wherever you're comfortable crying, whether you want to like go to a

therapist and cry and talk to somebody, you want to cry in the shower, in your room, you want to cry to a friend. I for a very long time would fight any emotion really, very hard, but specifically crying. I still don't like to do like in front of people. But sometimes you kind of keep fighting it and it's like especially New York City man there are bad days and when I first moved here I would see someone like on the train crying and I'd be like fucking get it together you know go home don't do that here and then suddenly like three years later you're like now I'm crying on the train like you didn't make it home there's nothing better than a way public New York City cry where you're just like and everyone's like excuse me

I'm walking here move over and I'm like ah and they're like we don't give a fuck yeah I actually had a big cry during quarantine because I don't cry a lot yeah and I was holding it in I was trying to be really strong because I was like dealing with a lot of hate on Twitter for something with like rally TV and finally again the shower and I realized like I do want to cry but I won't let myself and then I start crying because I never let myself cry like exactly then you start you start crying over like why was I so hard on myself for so long and it was fucking orgasmic And I do think, like, if you hold it in, like, a secret, things get bigger and bigger, but if you just let that shit out, whether it's, like, calling your friend, looking yourself

in the mirror and doing the word, I think that it's actually, like, super healthy for you. Yeah. I was going to say, like, I'm very, even, like, when I had herpes or whatever or a breakup, I'll be very, like, I'll pick an amount of time where I'm like, you get this amount of time, maybe it's, like, for the weekend, like, if I don't have a lot of work to do or whatever, one day, I'll be like, look, you got one day. two days you're just going to be sad you're going to double down on sadness you're going to watch sad movies you're going to cry you're going to eat whatever the fuck you want you're just you're just

going to do whatever you got to do and then you pick a time where you're like sad times over and then you make a plan for that day and you keep yourself busy doing something so that's kind of how i try to get out of it's like i'm all for like you got to be sad but it's like you got to kind of put a limit on it and like if you need another sad day in the future for sure you If you need one a week, do one a week, whatever you've got to do. But to not fall in, like, really pitfalls of sadness and depression, I'm like, you've got to have a plan of like, what are you going to do to get out of it? What are you going to try?

Just calling a friend, like you said, anything. Just you got to like keep yourself busy somehow. They say like when you're a parent, if your kid, like, falls and gets hurt, acknowledge their feelings. Don't be like, you're fine, you're fine. It's okay. Be like, yeah, that hurt. And like, you have to talk to yourself like that, too.

Instead of being like, no, it's what, like, stop. Don't be upset. whatever be like yeah it hurts and i'm human and it's okay to be down on myself or disappointed or whatever because if you don't feel that it just gets suppressed and the next thing you know you're fighting with your boyfriend for no reason because you haven't dealt with your inner issues best tip that i ever got from somebody for people that are very hard on themselves which are a lot of athletes and very like self-glamy is basically like would you work for someone that is talking that would talk to you the way you talk to yourself or like would you be friends with someone that

talks to you the way you talk to yourself and it's much easier said than done but a lot of times when I get those negative thoughts I'm basically like I wouldn't talk like this to my friend like I shouldn't be thinking that about myself so that's my last tidbit I'll share you're so fucking right about that Erica where can people find you where can they listen to you where can they watch you give me the deeds all my social media is at sparica which is s p-e-r-I-c-c-a-a and my podcast is Shooter's got a shoot podcast and I have a new one coming out called what's up because It's with Lisa Villastro from the Cake Boss show, and that one's more family-friendly. So if you want kind of more family-friendly questions and things like that, and if you want

dating, relationship stuff, come to Shooters Got to Shoot Pod. We have a good time. That's awesome. And everyone listened to my episode, Hannah Burner on Shooters Got to Shoot. Erica, you're the fucking best. Everyone, thank you for coming to hell. It was a hot one today, and I'll talk to you later. Thanks for having me.

Bye. Thank you.